The Tim Dillon Show - 326 - Love and Lizards

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

- In this episode Tim rants about Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle and their new Netflix Series, Taylor Swift's new upcoming movie, and Karen Bass (The Mayor of Los Angeles) Moving homeless people for her inauguration. Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382 SPONSORS: Raycon: Go to BUYRAYCON.com/tim to get 15% off SITEWIDE with code HOLIDAY, plus FREE SHIPPING! ShipStation: Use promo code TIMDILLON today at shipstation.com to sign up for your FREE 60 day trial. Athletic Greens Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Visit athleticgreens.com/timdillon ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. I was watching the nude, and by the way, happy holidays to all of you that are celebrating anything this year, whether it's Christmas. And what we're doing here on the show, that's a joke. It's Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, which is what me and my family celebrate.

The Winter Solstice, which is a beautiful seasonal celebration. Whatever it is out there that you're celebrating, we hope you enjoy it, and we hope the holiday season is, you know, bountiful, plentiful, whatever. Harry and Meghan hit the Netflix over the weekend, and or yesterday,

and I got an email. It's like a documentary you may enjoy. And it's the documentary Harry and Meghan about Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, the actress from Suits. And I don't know what to think because I have a very negative opinion of these two, just from my own.

The thing with me is I'm a pretty good judge of character. And the reason that I'm a good judge of character is because I don't deal in extremes. I deal in extremes when it's funny, when I go, you know, when I'm making a funny point. But people are usually not all good or all bad. Usually. They had, like, Hitler, for example, was,

no, I'm kidding, but to see Meghan Markle, to me, there are certain things about her as a character in the documentary you watch, and they're sympathetic, right? She is caught between two worlds. She's black, but doesn't really look black. So I get it. I totally understand what, you know, growing up

in that type of environment and then being thrust into this, you know, royal family, and the press in Britain is crazy and, you know, they're vicious. They're more vicious than the American press. But also as you're watching this documentary, something begins to, there's little tells here. And it's not, this is not an attack per se

on Meghan Markle and her autistic husband. It would be, because he is, I mean, and there's nothing wrong with that, but he's being led. Now, there's little tells that start to happen throughout the documentary where you go. Something, because in the beginning of the documentary, it's actually very nice in the beginning of the documentary. It's like, she's like at Wimbledon,

and he's like, would you like to have drinks? And it's a whole thing. And, you know, he's late. The first time he's a little late. And she's like, well, I'm not going to do that. You know, she said, when she's on the interview, and he's like, well, you mean, and she's like, well, you know, man, that has such a big ego and shows up late.

Like there's little things, you go, okay, that's fine. You know, I guess she thought that he was telegraphing his importance, but maybe it was, maybe she was also just kind of like not thinking there could be traffic or something, no, no, no. And there's just a little tell, and then one of the things that gets me where she goes, she goes, when I first met the queen,

I didn't know I was meeting the queen, and then Harry goes, do you know how to cut, say? And she goes, she goes, I thought it was a joke. Bitch, what do you mean you thought it was a joke? She's the queen of fucking England. This is when you start to realize something is off. Something is wrong. Something doesn't feel right.

She's the queen of England. What do you mean? You didn't know you're gonna have to curtsy in front of her. Nobody gets famous by accident, rarely. And certainly nobody stays famous by accident. Nobody starts dating the prince of whatever it is over there. I don't even know what his title is, but Sussex or Essex or the Duke of York, I don't know,

whatever he is, nobody starts dating him. They know anybody who grew up in her era, get Meghan Markle's age up, because I bet her age and my age are similar. I'm 37, I bet Meghan Markle is 30, 41, even older. She grew up watching the royals. She knew how big of a deal they were. She knew about Charles and Diana.

She knew how the press, if we're to believe the story, and we might, the press killed the other bitch. They killed Diana. They killed that bitch in the tunnel. They killed her. They ran her off the road. This is how crazy the British press was that your boyfriend's mother was killed by them.

So this idea that this documentary starts, where she's like, I was like unprepared for the level of scrutiny that I was receiving like being. And I get it, I get it, that it's unsettling when you were in Toronto shooting suits and people are in their cars bothering you because they want photo. Let's, by the way, I want you to watch the official trailer.

I don't want to taint, because I can already tell people are like, you're going after a black woman again. Stop it, her friends are all white, cut it out. It's like her saying that she's had a lot of problems because of her race. It's like me saying I'm discriminated against every day because I'm gay, it's just not true.

Yes, people have called me a faggot, but it's not every day at coffee. So now when she did start boinking this freak, what happened, this inbred guy who's a sweet guy, but he's inbred and he's all over the place. Nobody believes he fought in what war over there. Let's cut it out. He didn't do anything in Afghanistan.

You know, and he goes to Africa and they let him do juggle with the monkeys and stuff. And I mean the actual monkeys. Like I mean, he's doing conservation. That's what he does. Like I'm not trying to, it's not slurs. This is literally, he likes animals. He goes over and he's like, that's a woodhog.

And they go, yeah, let's go feed it water. But he's not, I mean come up, conservation is what you do when, you know, it's he's not exactly like the pride of the state, right? They send them to, I mean, Britain is a little racist. It's like the most important person over there, you don't send them to Africa to, you know, study like rhinoceros, you know, whatever,

irrigation systems. So he's a little off and Megan Markle, his love, you know, meets this guy. And I don't want people to say, I get the racial thing and I get that the press was vicious to her and I get people online suck. So they, during this talk, you might as well show all these comments

about people saying he's a race trader and horrible, then I get, listen, I get it. People are racist. People are bad. People anonymous people online are crazy. My whole thing is trying to get to the bottom of what this really is. Cause they got a hundred million dollars from Netflix

to talk about what happened. I'm not done with the documentary. I still don't know what happened. But for right now it seems like this was a little bit of a play from her. And it was smart and it was pretty sharp and kudos to her hats off to her. Cause she's got a hundred mil and they're up in Montecito

and she's got this guy who she's with who has no idea what's going on. I fully believe he's unaware of what's, I think she tells him, I think she goes to him in the night and goes, your mother called me the N word. He said, my mother's dead. My mother's dead. My mother is dead.

And she goes, well, your other mother, that old bitch. Oh, the queen mommy called you what again? She called me the N word and she used the R at the end. And then he's like, oh no, what should we do? And she goes, we're going to Montecito. Where's that? It's in California and I'm going to be a star. Cause remember, she's an actress.

She's always wanted to be famous. She always wanted to be a famous star. And the royal family are in bread, reptilian, the overlords of the Anglo-American fading empire over there. So you have in bread, reptilian, they feed off negative energy. They convert it to power and they, and that's how they live. And that's how they've lived forever and they live forever.

And they are strange looking, pale, kind of gaunt. And they have the eyes that are, you know, but they don't really have opinions about anything other than that they need to feed off the negative energy that comes with the death and the pillage and the, the droughts and the floods and all the things that keep them coming. Now, otherwise they're just like a normal family

of vampire energy freaks. That's just what they are. But they don't wait into controversial topics often. They just don't. That's not, they are like the real power structure in the sense of like, they don't have any political power because politics is fake. They just want like it.

Okay, here comes the infant cook, cook, you know, they cook it, you know, they just, they watch cooking shows and they eat all the children that disappear from the British orphanages. And, and, but they're not, but they don't, they're not like the trans bathroom mission. They're, it's not what they do. They are just old school.

And it is something nice about that. There's something nice about tradition. There's something nice about tradition. That old bitch, as long as you gave her a baby every morning, plumped up, cooked nice, like not, not American bacon where it's nice and crispy, but nice and cooked and charred. And you gave her the leg of an infant with some baked beans and a fuck, whatever.

She was good. She didn't need to get political. And there's something nice about this tradition. It's tradition. They're an inbred royal, accountable vampire family. Now, Meghan Markle is a Hollywood actress. It is very similar. That's a very similar thing.

They're actually one in the same. They're not that different. She pretends to be other people all the time. She doesn't really know who she is. When you get the vibe, when, when you hear her that she's carefully curating this image of herself, which is what everyone I've met who's a real actor, not the brilliant actors, they're just insane.

And not the people like me who like do these little, you know, bit parts where I'm like, I don't know what I even do. Like is the tomato and, you know, but what I mean is like, you know, actors, the vast majority of them are constantly curating the parts of themselves they want to be known at any given time, right?

And there's parts of the documentary where Meghan Markle is like, you know, I was always the, I was always the smart one. People think that I was like the hot one, but I was always the girl who was trying to be smart because you weren't hot yet. You weren't hot yet. Once you got hot, you stop with that shit,

you cut that out, and then you went to become an actress. And again, a lot of people are gonna hear this is an attack on Markle. I actually respect Markle. I respect her because she ran a good high level scam and she separated this guy from his family to the tune of 100 big ones, 100 sticks, 100 mil. Nothing wrong with that in the grand scheme of things, right?

You know, it is what it is, but let's watch the trailer here. I don't want to taint any of your, Burke Chrysler's wife, by the way, I think agrees with me on this because they FaceTime me once and I went on this rant and Leanne was going, yes, yes, yes. And Christina P does women and wives, get it. They get it.

And if you're not imposing your own political agenda on this, which many of you are and always do, you could kind of separate and go, how shocked were you that there were press? They killed his mother. It was shocking to you. How shocking was it to you that this was a firestorm? That guy, he was like the most eligible bachelor in the world.

I don't know why people want into the blood cult. And she then started to, I want to watch this trailer and then we will comment more on it. But again, if you're disagreeing with me here, that's okay. I haven't seen the full thing, but I think I'm right. And I think you think I'm right too. It's really hard. It's really hard now because what happened?

Can you hear that? That is the sound of hearts breaking all around the world. She's becoming a royal rock star. Yeah, stop it for a second. I was just in Africa, feeding a pig, a salad, and then I met Megan. And Megan told me that everybody was calling her the N-word in the castle.

So then I came to California. That's really what, I mean, so like the people in Netflix are like, okay, so let's unpack that. Can we unpack that? Well, that's pretty much the story then. We met Megan. I was in Africa and what I was doing there is

they got this bird and it stands up. Have you ever seen that? It's a bird, but it walks. No, you mean like a penguin? No, it's not because they're in the cold. Like penguins are in the cold places where people go skiing. But in Africa, it's like a big bird.

And we was watching it walk. And then I met Megan and she came and she put my baby in her. And then she said to everybody in the castle, they were saying all kinds of bad things about her, calling her all kinds of names and such. So I had to move here and now we live here in Netflix. Everything changed.

There's a hierarchy of the family. You know, there's leaking, but there's also planting of stories. There was a war against Megan to suit other people's genders. Well, she won, by the way, cut that. If there was a war, she won. If there was, you can't go to war with an actress,

you dumb vampire freak. She won, of course she would. A Hollywood actress is the only thing that is more cold and has more blood loss than these monsters. So if there was a war against her, good on her. This is a pro-Megan show. If I saw her in Montecito at the San Ysidro Ranch

having dinner, I would just do Black Power to her. I would, because what do I give a shit about these freaks? Good for her. I have no problem that she ripped apart this thing. Go. It's about race. It's a dirty guy. It's a dirty guy.

The same suffering of women marrying into this institution, this fleeting frenzy. I realized they're never gonna protect you. I was terrified. Honey, what did you think it was? What did you think it was? All right. No one knows the full truth.

No one knows the full truth. But what did you think it was when you were gonna marry into the royal family? Did you not imagine they may have been raised? They invented racism. They quite literally are colonists. Like when all these idiots on Twitter and they're like decolonize and blah, blah, blah,

they're talking about them. They started it. Imperialism, conquest, subjugating people on the basis of race. What are you talking about? Yes, America's done that too. But I mean, what are you saying? You're shocked at how racist they were.

So something feels off. And again, it's not a negative towards her per se. It feels like she ran a little bit of a scam, little bit of a game. She got in there. Supposedly they said some things to her that were not nice. And I imagine that probably is the case.

I think someone said, how dark will the baby be or something? That's not nice, but she's also not even that dark. So why would they say that to her? I don't believe it. It's weird. I don't believe, I don't believe it. But maybe it happened. I can't, I don't know.

I want that, because here's the other thing about Harry. He's not Prince Charles's kid. Diana fucked her fucking, I forget who, but like her dance instructor. This is kind of well known. Because Prince Charles and Prince William look a lot alike. But if you Google Harry's real father,

it's like Chloe and OJ. It's like boom immediately. So he's kind of half, half and half out anyway. And the problem is, you know, his real father, Prince Harry's real father is definitely, I don't think it's Prince Charles. I think it's a guy that Diana, go to Prince's Diana affair, Harry's dad.

Because I think it's definitely a, I don't want to say it's obvious, but I do want to say that a lot of, it's a commonly held belief that at the end of the day, he may not be the child of Charles, because Charles does not, yeah, James Hewitt right there, former lover James Hewitt, go down.

He's not, he doesn't look anything like Charles. He does not look anything like Charles, but he does look a lot like this guy, James Hewitt. And I think that at the end of the day, maybe that plays into this too. Like maybe he's like, you know, listen, they weren't honest with me about everything. There are secrets, there are secrets in my family.

And, you know, I'm not being dealt with honestly. So if I'm not being dealt with honestly, you know, maybe I'm going to get the fuck out of here. I don't know. But yeah, that, look, look at this guy. He looks so much more like Harry than Charles. I mean, that's uncanny. I mean, this is crazy.

He's a ginger, he looks exactly like him. So I don't, again, I'm not trying to spread rumors or false information, but I think that like, you know, the Royals are interesting people, but this idea that Meghan Markle had no clue, had no idea like, oh my God, the press are now, the press are going to get involved now.

I can't believe it, the, I was so shocked when it was revealed that I was dating one of the most famous people in the world who happened to be a prince, that the press had an interest in that. And I was shocked when I announced my engagement to him that the press had an interest in that. I'm not saying it's not brutal.

I'm not saying it's not vicious, but I'm saying that I think there's a little more to what's going on that meets the eye. I think she went over there and she's like, we can do an exit and we can get out of this thing and go to the US and be really, really famous for a whole another set. And I think the other in bread,

I think the other people are jealous. I think William and Kate might be a little jealous. They're like, fuck, you know, I like the UK, but it's rainy and damp and they're over here in Montecito and it usually it's warm and nice. And, you know, they're there by the pool. It's a different life. And I don't know, maybe, you know,

obviously the royal family, there's benefits to being a part of it. But I mean, they did, they made an exit. I'm still gonna finish the documentary because I don't have, I don't have my full thoughts on it yet. But my initial impressions are that Megan ran a little bit of a game knowing full well that this guy probably wasn't nearly as attached

to his family as he claimed for many reasons. And Megan was like, okay, yeah, they're being dicks to us. They're kind of piece of shit. Let's get out of here. But we can't leave unless it's a scandal because that's where the money is. You see, they didn't have any money. Diana's inheritance wasn't that much money.

She had only made three or five million from suits. Her net wasn't high. His net wasn't high. Okay, they got a $10 million mortgage in Montecito. That did not come from either one of their pockets. Enter Netflix. Netflix goes, get over here. She has the Oprah interview because this has gotta be

a massive royal scandal where we are resigning because the royal imperialist blood dynasty family also stunningly, shockingly, happens to be racially insensitive. They're also racially insensitive. I can't believe it. The people that invented imperialism somewhat, I know that they didn't technically,

but they are racially, they have some blind spots. They have blind spots racially. So that was the scandal. And the scandal was such that they started a production company, Archerwell Productions, where they're now making things about the anti-racist stuff. And they're like, we're gonna make things, like there was one cartoon they're gonna make

about a girl who goes through history and is like, I'm a smart girl. And she'd go back to like the Black Plague or whatever. And she'd be like, I'm a smart girl. And rats, they're doing this. I know it, because I'm smart. Like with some cartoon like that, which is a girl. And but they canceled it or whatever.

But like, that's what I'm, you know what I mean? Like people don't want that. They wanna watch Wednesday. They wanna watch Harry Potter, but slightly different. They don't want your shit. Start making that. If Harry and Meghan start making that, now that you're in America,

you gotta start making racist programming. If you wanna make real money, but they have a hundred million dollars. And I wish them the best. Movies are tanking right now, by the way. There's a lot of these prestige movies. They're spending a lot of money on high-end movies. And they're tanking.

They're not doing well. Yeah, so Hollywood right now, they're losing a lot of money on these, I guess, high-concept films. And, you know, some people are saying that they're just, they're depressing. Like Hollywood Watch and Despair is Oscar-oriented films, like Licorice Pizza,

Nightmare Alley, Flatline to the Box Office. They're prestige films, right? The things that, you know, we kinda grew up with these dramas that are great. And people love them and they win awards. And the blockbusters that make so much money allow for these films to be made, right? But some of them are really, really bombing.

Like Armageddon Time costs roughly $30 million to make and collected $1.9 million at the North American Box Office. TAR, which is the Blanchet One, costs $35 million, including marketing, ticket sales totaling $5.3 million. Universal has spent around $55 million to make and market, she said, which also took in $5.3 million. Devotion costs well over $100 million

and has generated $14 million in ticket sales. So a lot of these movies are tanking and people are not going to see them at the box office. People are either at home, they're watching them on streaming, they don't care. And these, you know, these studios, they put a lot of money into these films so that they are big box office hits, right?

This is the metric by which studios really can tell what is and isn't working and the metric is tickets at the box office. That's how it's done. It's how it's always been done. And that isn't working right now. They are not doing enough. Cause some of these movies are just sad.

Like it's like, you know, it's like, you know, the Fablemen's about Steven Spielberg. And I'm sure it's great. It's like Steven Spielberg's life story and Paul Franklin, Dano. I'm sure it's fine, but whatever. But some of them are sad. Like there's something about Emmett Till,

his mother that's coming up. I think it's later in this article where you have like, you know, it's just, it's, you know, there's been a lot of things. Yeah. The core of Cinefiles is still tuning out. Till focused on Mamie Till Mobley, whose son Emmett Till was murdered in Mississippi in 1955

has collected 8.9 million in the U.S. and Canada. That's not nothing for an emotionally challenging film. I mean, it's, it's, these, these deal with real hard topics. Right? This is not a feel good film, Emmett Till's story. It's an important story and one that needs to be told, but this is not like, let's get the family in the station wagon and let's go see Emmett Till get lynched. This is not a fun summer film, right?

That look, can we be honest about that? Well, we're solving it. Hollywood has figured it out. There's one director that they have not tapped yet to make a film. One voice that has not been heard from one artist who begs for a long form representation of her thoughts. Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift is making a feature directing debut for Searchlight Pictures. And do you know what this, they're letting her do? And I was shocked about this. She's playing the daughter of a plantation owner who teaches a slave how to read and play guitar. That's the fact. She is playing the daughter of a plantation owner

who teaches a slave reading and writing and then teaches him how to play guitar. I don't like that. Personally, I say no. I'm kidding, of course. That is untrue. She's actually playing a Nazi's wife who gets Jews out of Poland.

But it's like the fucking thing with Juliet and Julie Andrews, the sound of music. It's like the sound of music with Taylor Swift. I'm kidding. That is also a lie. She's playing swimmer Leah Thomas. Trans swimmer Leah Thomas. Taylor Swift is playing her and it's a movie

and it's kind of a comedy. It's called Don't Look at My Thin. And it's trans swimmer Leah Thomas and Taylor Swift and it's a goofy, fun, trans romp through the locker room. That's what it is. Of course, all of those things are not true. We don't know what the Taylor Swift film will be but we do know that it will be,

I mean, maybe it's Casey Anthony. Maybe she plays Casey Anthony and they make a movie for the Red States and they find out it was just a cabal of satanic cannibals that have killed her child and then Casey Anthony fucking runs for Congress and wins. Maybe she plays a Ukrainian whore who sneaks into Russia and poisons Putin.

That would be for the Blue States. I don't know because Taylor's in the middle there but she's making her future directorial debut with Searchlight Pictures. The singer-songwriter and director has written an original script which will be produced by the Oscar-winning studio behind Nomadland and The Shape of Water.

Other key details like a plot and casting are being kept under wraps until a later date. It's going to be interesting. It's going to be like a sweet summer movie, right? Where she's like mad at a dude and it's like, it's the hot summer in Nashville and everybody's singing. It's going to be a big soundtrack.

And that's the future. That's the future. If you have an audience like Taylor Swift, whether you know anything about cinema, whether you know anything about movies, you're going to be tapped to direct a movie and then it'll be a two-hour Taylor Swift song. That's what it'll be.

Two hours of Taylor Swift and her issues with a guy who, she met at the ice cream truck or whatever it was. And that'll be what it is. Two hours of that. And then they'll just start handing it out. Doja Cat will have a film that no one will be able to understand.

But why not? I mean, this is because people are just giving up and this is giving up. So when you've given up, you just go Taylor Swift to sell more tickets than the Pope, let her, it'll be fine. Whatever the hell she wants.

And I'm sure, and it'll probably be fine. It'll probably be decent. And I don't think that it'll be much worse than some of the other things. But I mean, I can't imagine. Searchlight recently released the menu with Darkly Comic-Hara film and Martin McDunn is the band she's been assuring,

which is a major Oscar contender. It's amazing. And now they're also going to release Taylor Swift's two hour ode to, you know, I don't know, being stood up at the dance or whatever the hell. And I have no beef with her. God bless her.

She certainly came out at the winner in the Kanye thing. But I don't know if I need two hours of that of her. But you know, I mean, she's rich and she's got a fan base and you get to do what you want. You get to do what you want. None of these other things are worth because they keep making movies where it's like,

Kate Blanchett is like the conductor of an orchestra and she has MS or what. And people are sad. They're just like, enough of it. We need something fun. Can't keep watching Emmett Till. We can't keep watching very serious middle-aged menopausal white women

who are like trying to accomplish things. We have to find something a bit goofy, a bit fun, a bit, and maybe Taylor Swift will do that. I don't know. But she's going to, it's going to be like a fun because she's like liked by both sides in his culture war. So it'll be interesting to see what Taylor Swift decides to do.

Like it's probably going to be just like a little bit of a rom-com, like a country rom-com. And yeah, I mean, I can't imagine it'll be good. But I don't know. An 11th person was killed by being thrown in the New York City subway or maybe they're not being thrown, but they're being killed on the subway.

The NYPD is investigating a killing inside a Greenwich Village subway station. They responded to a call of an unconscious man just after midnight Thursday in the West 4th Street and 6th Avenue station. Officers found a man unconscious and unresponsive near the stairwell. And he's number 11 this year.

This is the 11th subway kill. The subway in New York City is becoming like untenable, like insane. Like for people to actually use it, it's becoming like a roll of the dice. People are getting assaulted. People are getting murdered. And that is not worth the price

that is continually escalating and continually raise the price of the subway. So just drop the price. If you're going to let people get killed, drop the price. Make it cheaper. Make it more cost effective to get slashed. $3 to get a slash on your face seems high.

Make it less money so that people can get violently assaulted and still have enough money for gauze and fucking peroxide and all the things they need to clean their wounds out when they get home. It's a nice, happy medium. But our cocaine addict mayor, Eric Adams, in New York City,

other than doing blow and hanging out at clubs, has decided he's going to start putting more of these crazy mental patients in jail and hopefully there will be less of them on the New York City subway to murder you. That is the hope. He's going to start moving homeless. And by the way, Karen Bass, who's just elected in LA,

just moved all the homeless people out of City Hall for her mayoral inauguration. Now, I am offering, if you have the money, if you have the wherewithal to do this with me, I will fund it. I want to move the homeless back the night before the Bass inauguration. LA Times, with LA swearing in a new mayor,

crews work to move homeless encampments near City Hall. Well, that feels like a lie. And we hate lies. So if you want to move the homeless back in front of City Hall with me, let's get the vans, let's get the trucks, let's put them back where they belong in front of the camera.

It's LA, everyone wants to be in front of the camera. In fact, it would only be fair if as the mayor is getting inaugurated in LA, homeless people are wandering around in the background like a horror movie. It should look like someone is being inaugurated in a literal horror movie where it's a zombie apocalypse

and someone's just standing there at a podium with their hand up taking the oath of office. That's what it should look like. They should not sanitize it for the public. It should not be cleaned up. It should make you pause. It should be a meme. It should make you pause.

You should see the inauguration. You should look at it. And you should go, what? Because in the background, you should see blurry figures wandering around just these blurry figures, wandering around trying to get drugs or food or water or whatever. However, and they should just be kind of swaying

and that kind of fentanyl look to them and then there should be just guards on either side of Karen Bass. We don't want anyone to get hurt, and the guards should be there and they should be like shooing the people away and go, we're doing an inauguration for the mayor of this great city.

But unfortunately, an official with the LA Homeless Services Authority which participated in Thursday's operation also referred questions about the first and spring encampment to Garcetti's office saying what's going on here. To be unequivocally clear, the council member did not request this operation.

See, here's the reality. Everybody's really uncomfortable with seeing the truth of what this place has become, especially the mayor. And the mayor is going to do everything in her power to like LA has always done, market a different version of reality. And she's marketing a different version of reality

by having those homeless encampments moved right before she takes the oath of office in downtown. And what a lie, what a fucking unfortunate because I think there's a way to just give all those homeless people drugs and make them happy. What if you gave those homeless people

all the drugs they wanted and gave them, you know, some of them speak English, a lot of them. Give them sheets with music on it for a song that they can sing behind the Karen Bass. Why are we throwing them away? You have them there. They're a captive audience.

They're willing to learn. They're willing to learn for food or crack or fentanyl, whatever they want. And how nice would it be to see the LA mayor, the first black female mayor getting inaugurated and maybe the people in the back are doing a song from the Temptations or something. Something nice.

Now, yes, you can get them in costume, put them in hair and makeup. I don't see a problem with that. It should be a production. It's Hollywood. Shouldn't it be a production? And yes, not all of them are going to follow along. Some of them are going to get frustrated.

They're not doing as well. Some of them may bite others. Some of them are not going to show up for rehearsal, right? Not everyone's a hard worker, but you will get some of them when you promise them drugs. You say, I will give you drugs if you learn this. So what's a good LA song? I'm thinking right now, what is a, that's a real,

because New York has New York, New York, but like LA doesn't really have any LA. We love LA. We love LA. Get up. We love LA on YouTube. I want to hear this song because if the homeless could stand behind Karen Bass and sing,

we love LA while just fucked up and bleeding, it would be beautiful. It would be much better than making the move. Oh, I love LA. Oh, the we love LA or I love LA? It's the same thing. It's the Randy Newman song. This, they, I cannot believe this was not pitched too hard.

This seems like such a great, now you can imagine the homeless people, they're all standing behind Karen Bass as she's being inaugurated to be the mayor of hell. And everybody's there and all the city officials are there. You let me, you bad girl. This would be great. All the homeless people just kind of in the back,

just going back and forth. Yeah. And then did you see the conductors like, you know, kind of everybody sing along, grab your sheets. We handed out your sheets earlier. If you've lost your sheet, we can get you another one. It's not just kind of sing along, just sway. You don't have your sheet and you just see the people

out of it like, I like this. She's not bad at all. This would have been so much of a better solution. And she's just checking on them every now and then and they're just like, and she's like, she's not nice. She's motion to the cameras, you know, someone hits someone in the head with a bottle,

they're removed immediately. But most people are doing well. What's the chorus? I love it like perfect. We love it. We love it. Everybody say we love it. They're the homeless people.

We love it. We love it. Great. Everyone's going Karen, this is beautiful. We love it. Yeah. All right. That's, I mean, that's clearly a much better solution

than moving these people out of their fucking homes, you sick bitch. It's crazy. That makes no sense. That makes no sense when they're there and they could literally do a song and a nice number with some simple minimal choreography. It doesn't have to be an insanely day.

It's not Beyonce. We don't need a crazy dance, but some minimal choreography. You know, some just, just, I love LA. We love LA. They're all in I Love LA shirts. You give them all hats. They're getting merch. They should each get what they call a swag bag afterwards

where they have the merch. Karen Bass is in the inauguration. They can all get shirts with Karen Bass on it with her face on it. I love our new mayor. I love LA on the back. And then they could just go running through the streets. By the way, everybody got COVID now.

Again, it's so annoying. I was going to do a little bit of a Christmas party, but I'm not doing it. Everyone has COVID in Los Angeles. It's so fucking annoying. New York City, they're putting the masks back on. Everybody's got everything here. It's sneezing, sniffling, coughing.

People have gotten a lot of upper respiratory things. People have the flu. I spoke to Chris DiStefano. He just got over the flu. Hospitals are like more filled now than they ever have been. Because I guess after Thanksgiving, all these families met and then everybody got tested.

I'm being tested all the time. I'm on a project where I have to get tested. But the flu is really hitting people. And the upper respiratory stuff is really hitting people. And it's unfortunate. And, you know, I mean, this is unfortunate. So if you can stay healthy, keep your wits about you here. And just basically watch this Harry and Meghan thing.

Watch it because it is entertaining. It's fun. You have to remember, they don't want to be in the spotlight. It's the thing you have to remember about them. They don't want to be in the spotlight, which is why they've formed a production company. You see? See that?

Meghan Markle evades the spotlight. That's why she was on a TV show. Okay? That's why she then dated a prince and married him. That's why she now has a production company. That's why she has $100 million deal with Netflix. That's why she went on Oprah because she hates the spotlight. Okay?

All those things can exist in your head at the same time. You have to just understand that. She hates the spotlight. The only way that she feels like she can get out of the spotlight is by going more and more and more into the spotlight. Now, I'm not saying that the press and the people over there aren't racist and they didn't put her through hell. I'm not saying that she wasn't maybe shocked at the scope of whatever,

but to me, she's not a naive girl. She's not a dummy. She knows what goes on. I'm sure even knowing that came as a surprise to her. She knows the royal family is breathing a sigh of relief over Harry and Meghan's Netflix series. So it turns out the royal family isn't sweating. Meghan and Harry, as a hotly anticipated docuseries,

didn't have as many bombshells as they expected. Royal expert Jonathan Sarah Sacredotti spoke to US Weekly about the royal reaction to the Sussexes Netflix show saying, I don't think there was very much there that wasn't, that was particularly new or would have worried them that much. He added the family's breathing a sigh of relief on that. It's boring. It's kind of boring.

It's somewhat entertaining. It's a nice, easy light watch. You're not getting the bombshells. It's not like she walked in on the bloodletting ceremony where they were eating people. She's simply, you know, she couldn't deal with the spotlight. This is the problem. The intense scrutiny that came along with dating this guy

apparently was too much for her to bear. And the only way out of that is to move to Hollywood and get into a deal with Netflix. It makes sense. She wants her privacy back, dummies. She wants her privacy back. That's why she has a hundred million dollar deal with Netflix to do documentaries about her because she likes her private life.

It doesn't admit it, but kudos to her. I like to see people win. It makes me happy. I like her. I like what's behind her eyes. It's a thing that will jump out of her when she dies and jump into another person and then animate them to do wild shit. Growing up where she grew up, the fact that she's married

to Prince of Living in Montecito, you can't not respect that. You have to respect it. Did she destroy a lizard family to get to the shore? Who cares? Who gives a fuck? I respect what she did. I respect what lives behind her eyes. I respect that vacant darkness that's behind the eyes of every actress.

This is what I respect. And I've talked to so many of them. There's just something there that isn't there. And there's something that doesn't have a form. It's an ambition. It's a control. It's a need to transcend where you are and go somewhere else. It's a need to arrange the world in a way that pleases you,

a way that you feel that you can succeed. It's a competitive advantage. It's a darkness. It's an emptiness. It's a vacancy. It's a glare. And I like it. It makes me feel comfortable.

I see it in many people that I look at. I see behind their eyes. You don't look at the eye. You look behind the eyes. What is behind them is that raw ambition. It is that empty, hollow, vacant elevator shaft that goes straight to the bottom, straight to the id. It goes, it is the spiders that crawl in the back of your head,

just waiting for the flies to feast, using your tongue in your mouth to weave the webs that you catch other people in. It is actually something that is quite nice. It is quite nice. There's something beautiful about that darkness, that place that she goes where she lived above a garage in the valley. And it was hot and it was stinky and smelly and the garbage was everywhere. And now she's in Montecito with the breeze.

And it hits her by the pool and she's looking at her child going, that baby's not growing up, how I grew up. She used what she had. She clawed. She clawed. She just did it. And you have to respect it. That thing that gets lost in her smile that's there.

And it's what drives civilization forward because men want to fuck these women. And that's what makes civilization happen, folks. Okay. Not everybody wants to fuck the 3am pin cushion, pig, pig. Sometimes you want a real hottie and sometimes that hottie has plans for you. And she had plans for this retard. And she executed them brilliantly. And that's the thing I think we all have to really remember.

We all have to really remember that it's a story of winning. It's a story of a woman winning. And it's not something that, you know, people are understanding it in the wrong way. They're like, well, she took him from his family. You know, perhaps. Sure. Number one, we don't even know. We just covered earlier.

Maybe it is in his family. And number two, his new family is with her and Netflix. He's part of the Netflix family and that's a family. It's a family with a lot of fucking money. So, you know, listen, God bless her. You can see it's behind the eyes. It's the winning. She's very calm.

The way she talks is very calm. Very calm and the things that happen. And we were just, we were very shocked at the racism. And we just, what we had to do was win and she's winning. And there's nothing, there's nothing to be gleaned from this. There's nothing to be understood or taken from this that isn't really positive. This is a positive all around for everybody. It's good to see an old blood cult get, you know, temporarily tested and thrown out of whack.

It's also good to see, you know, a woman like that win. Because in her mind, every interaction she's had in her life is about that moment. Every interaction that she's ever had is about the moment where she could, this bitch from the valley who was a fucking on a show, suits, it was ending. She was not an A-lister by any means. By any, any means. She just wanted to win. She didn't know why.

She wasn't particularly obsessed with any aspect of winning. It didn't even matter. It wasn't about a car. It wasn't necessarily about a house. Although those things are nice. It was about a position. It was about an air that she wanted to exist in. And this is, you know, this idea of being the modern.

She saw Princess Diana. She goes, I'm going to kind of do what Princess Diana did before they kill me. Kind of interesting. Kind of interesting before they got to her. But do the royals strike back? Do the royals strike back? What an interesting thought. I hope not.

I hope not. I hope not. But the queen has just died. The old lizard has died. I wonder if there's a thought in the palace. Do we just, do we clip them? Do we clip them? Interesting.

Well, I'm happy. I'm not the princess of England. I'll tell you that. I am happy that I'm not the princess of England. We appreciate you. We covered a lot of these Bitcoin guys getting killed on the Patreon. That's really interesting and a little scary. Down there in Puerto Rico.

If you're down in Puerto Rico and you got a lot of Bitcoin, don't go to the beach. It's a real problem, but that's up on the Patreon right now. Any tickets, live dates, timbillandcomedy.com. We've got shows coming up New Year's Eve. I'm going to be in Irvine, California for the whole weekend. I'm also going to be at the Spotlight Casino in Indio out there in the desert. If you live anywhere out there, you can come see me. That should be a lot of fun.

We also have the Oxnard Improv up as well. Those are on timbillandcomedy.com tickets. You can get them there and we will see everybody soon. Don't watch this documentary and don't have a take on it per se from this show. Go and give everyone their own hearing. Give everyone their own hearing and see what happens. I hope she's out, but if the Royals get her, if they get her, if they get her, if she gets eaten by a dolphin or something out there,

you might just have to go, you got to hand it to the old lizards. I'll be watching closely. Good night.