The Tim Dillon Show - 405 - Matthew Perry & A Hamptons Tragedy

Episode Date: August 17, 2024

Tim examines hanging out with Israel, price gouging, Subway in crisis, putting children in jail, Matthew Perry’s fake friends and why you should never weep in the Hamptons. American Royalty Tour ��� https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: IBotta Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app to start earning cash back and use code TIM. Thats I B O T T A in the Google Play or App Store and use code TIM Gametime: Get The Gametime App & Use Code: 'TIM' PrizePicks Download The App & Use Code ‘TIM’ For A First Deposit Match Up To $100!” ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch:  https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/

Israeli officials says Iran war is inevitable and US should attack now. That's what I love about Israel. I liked it as a friend. They're always getting us into some. I like it. The summer got a little boring since you know, they almost shot the president in broad daylight. They who knows who they is.

I'm just saying it was, you know, we're kind of in the doldrums, the dog days of summer, as they say. And of course, our good friend Israel says, listen, this war with Iran, which no one knew anything about a few months ago, is an inevitability. It's just going to happen. And the US should attack now. Just get it over with, rip the bandaid off, go in there and do what you need to do. Let's not get nuts with the diplomacy. Let's not waste anybody's time. Israel's like people's patience has been really strained by this Gaza war, which has gone

on now for almost a year, right? And they go, people are really getting the sick of this. Nobody knows what the objective anymore is in God's. I don't think anyone knows. I don't think anyone knows what the objective is anymore. I don't think the objective is clear now. I don't know if it, you know, one time it was to defend yourself, to root out Hamas and people understood that. But now I don't know that anyone knows that, you know, there's a clear objective or a clear plan for what's going on. So I think Benjamin Netanyahu, to his credit, has figured out the only way to really keep people's eyes on the ball is to keep the party going.

I mean, we got to keep the party going. And the way to keep the party going is to just get the United States to just start launching cruise missiles into Iran. Apparently, it is inevitable, along with a surge of combat aircraft and warships, President Biden dispatched three of his top CIA Director Bill Burns to the region this week to try to delay Iranian and Hezbollah military reaction against Israel because remember Israel went in and they killed Ismael Haniya who is the Hamas political bureau chief who was in Iran I believe to attend the new swearing-in of the president of Iran. Remember the old president Iran died in the helicopter crash that perhaps, I mean Israel's good at this, perhaps the Masada had something to do with, perhaps it was just weather, I don't know. Helicopters are all held

together by that god nut, it's that one bolt, and if it goes it's over. So these things do happen. I am terrified when I get in a helicopter and I I've only done it a few times and I take off on the West Side Highway and we go out to Meadow Lane in Southampton. It is a very Scary thing. So I'm not saying that Someone in the massage right now is just noting that they not saying that someone in the Mossad right now is just noting that they're writing that down by the way they're going they go West Side Highway Hudson Yards to Southampton but all I'm saying is this you know Iran you know Israel's kind of provoking Iran right now they're doing things if you

remember that fake attack where Iran launched a bunch of missiles, it wasn't a fake attack, but it was thwarted by US and US allies, including Middle East allies like Jordan, they helped shoot down these missiles. They didn't affect Israel, but Israel's now like, we gotta go,

and we gotta get the US, everybody's gotta get wild. And I think the Trump administration would do a good job. I mean, the you know, the you know, the campaign, not the administration, the campaign, they do a good job to differentiate themselves from the Democrat war, all the time policy, which seems to be the policy of the Democratic Party right now, where it's just like, just find a reason for the war, whether it is true or not, whether it's about Britney Griner or the treatment of gay people in Russia or whatever they,

whatever they're hatching, trans athletes, being able to compete in the Olympic, whatever, you know, domestic narrative they're kind of shoehorn of foreign conflict into. I mean, you know, that seems to be the policy. But Trump's also out there going like, we're gonna bomb Iran, we're gonna straighten it out. And I think there's not enough, there's not enough space between those two policies for most people because the mainstream Republicans just want to go to war. And the Democrats just want to go to war. There doesn't seem to be a huge difference.

There's not a lot of daylight between those two policies of war in the Ukraine war in the East, because that's what the Democrats are offering. You're offering war in the Ukraine and now Miley Cyrus party in it, party in Iran, party in the USA, party in the Middle East, get into it with Iran, larger regional conflict. And then the Republican Party is kind of offering that too, but with more values, I guess, with like better Christian values or something. I don't know. There should be, we should delineate and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Donald Trump should go, I'm going to deescalate. I'm not going to bomb anyone. I'm going to scale down. We're not gonna have troops all over the place waiting to get into wars. I hope that's the case. I mean, Israel is the friend sometimes on the block you go out with and they're like, let's just throw some M80s.

Let's have a little fun, you know? Cause they kind of have a bad home life. That's what Israel is, the friend with like a bad home life. And they're just like, you know, because they kind of have a bad home life. That's what Israel is, the friend with like a bad home life. And they're just like, you know, my mom and dad fight, shit sucks. Let's go smoke a cigarette behind your shed. And America's the rich kid. And America's like, yeah, why not? I like Israel.

Israel has my values, you know, as like, yeah, but Israel's like, sometimes you need a girlfriend to explain it to you Which would be I don't know France maybe You know I get it you like Israel But Israel's living situations like really fucked up like his mom and dad don't even speak like there's literally cops at the house three times A week yeah, but I like Israel we go out we get in a bar fights You know we throw M80s in the lake, we watch it blow up. Shit's fun, you know? And then one day Israel comes to you and is like, we just got to go fight these kids from this other

high school. And you go, I don't even know why we're doing this. Like, and you go, listen, man, here's the reality, me and you are bros. And you go, yeah, dude, I totally get it. But my girlfriend has made a good point. Like you are in a fucked up situation. By the way, there are friends in your life and a lot of times it is hilarious that it does happen in the summer because the summer there's no structure, there's no school, there's nothing, everybody's just floating around. People's lives unravel a lot of times in these two months that we're in and you do notice with some friends and you will as you grow up, younger people listen to this show,

maybe not a lot of them. You know, we have a fair amount of people in their 20s. Maybe we don't have a ton of people in their late teens, but we probably have some. You will notice some of your friends are out of control and seem to always attract problems. And there's nothing you can really do about it. Even if they share your values.

I'm not saying Israel is completely at fault for their problems. There are a lot of people that have gone into that. You know, a lot of people have made that sausage over there in the Middle East, and it hasn't turned out great. But what you have to do at a certain point is go, hey man, I'm not gonna go fight those kids from that high school with you. It seems crazy. I don't even really like,

well, those kids are gonna build a nuke. Yep, you know, sure. But can't we just kill a few scientists like you guys have been doing forever? Like, why do we have to have a hot war in the middle of fucking August with Iran? But you know, this is what's going on. And you know, the United States, there is, there needs to be daylight between the two policies of the two main candidates on this shit. And there isn't.

this shit and there isn't because the Republicans so badly want to be the ra-ra tough guy party that is very hard for them instinctively to go no no no no no no no we actually are going to be the pussies we're going to be the pussies here and I don't mean in in actuality but in the way that they talk because the Democrats are presenting as like the jock, fuck you, fuck Putin. Ukraine made it six miles into Russia. You know what that means, Russia's falling. Ukraine captured a town, and I'm not saying it's not impressive

or didn't shock Russia. I was on the phone with a lot of Kremlin officials this morning who paid for my Rolls Royce and bought my houses and they were saying it was shocking. Many of them were kind of surprised to be honest on our telegram chat. We have a very funny telegram chat with Lukashenko who's the minister and me and Putin doesn't come in all the time but when he comes in he genuinely is hilarious. But the Ukraine has captured the Russian town the fall of Sudsa, about six miles from the border will be Ukraine's first capture

of a Russian town since its troop crossed into Russian territory 10 days ago. Now listen this is impressive the Ukraine has taken the war into Russia. They've crossed the border. They captured some Russian POWs. Of course, the Western press is gleeful. And this means that Biden is now considering sending long range weapons again, which he was against. Now he's thinking about it again. So here's what I want everyone to think about. If Ukraine is losing, they need more

weapons and more money. If Ukraine seems to be breaking even, they need more weapons and they need more money. If Ukraine is winning, well, then they'll really need more weapons and need more money. There is no thing, there is no outcome where Ukraine does not need more weapons and more money. So it's just there's a permanent column in the Defense Department's budget that is allocated towards Ukraine no matter what until there's a regime change in Russia, which is the whole goal of the entire thing. Now, I don't know what Russia is gonna do to defend itself or escalate the war.

I hope it doesn't involve killing of more people. I think it's horrible that anyone gets killed anywhere. You know, that's the way I feel, and Boeing and Raytheon and General Dynat, we all hate killing, but I'm just saying the Republican party needs to go, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're actually going to scale it back and you can't hang out with Israel this weekend because we're going to the lake.

We're going to the lake with my parents and no, we're not inviting Israel because the last time we invited Israel to the lake, Israel did all kinds of crazy shit. Remember that? They were smoking on the raft and then the raft fucking burned and then we all fucking thought we were gonna fucking drown in the middle of the lake because Israel got drunk. Okay? And I'm not saying Israel doesn't deserve, I'm not saying that Israel doesn't deserve. Like it should be able to go and protect itself and its borders. And it should be able to enact a price from Hamas for what they did. 1000%. That's the way the world works. Hamas. Perpetrated an attack. Israel absolutely has the right to defend itself.

But where are we now? We're what are we at 10 months, 11 months, or where, where is this eight months, nine're what are we at 10 months, 11 months? Or where is this? Eight months, nine months? October? 10. 10 months, 45 plus thousand people killed a massive humanitarian crisis of famine, all kinds of, you know, and it just, there's nothing going on.

And then everybody goes, well, how about we get into it with Iran? And what? We don't, we don't need to be involved right now in like all of the wars. So we've got 40,000 killed in Gaza, 6 to 20,000 missing. I wonder where they are. Where are the missing? Where are the 6,000 to 20,000 missing? Maybe they fled, some of them. How many of them are thriving?

About 93,000 wounded, about 10,000 detained, and about two million displaced. So this is a humanitarian crisis. And make no mistake, the United States is gonna probably have to participate in the rebuilding, reconstruction, security. And again, Trump wins tomorrow in my estimation, if he comes out and goes, we are not going to participate in security in post-war Gaza. We're not going to have the

United States troops stationed in the Middle East as cannon fodder. It's not going to happen. We'll provide money, we'll provide strategic assistance. We will not be on the ground there for what's to come. That will be in Arab, Arab countries will do it. Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan will help organize it. We may even help fund it. But what we're not going to be doing is have U.S. troops there. We're not bombing Iran. We're not going into Iran. We're not having a war with Iran. It's not going to happen unless they threaten

vital United States interest. If they don't do that, we're not. We want to prevent them from developing a nuke. There's other ways to do that besides a war. Okay? I don't think Iran wants a war with Israel, and I don't know that we need to be in a war with anybody over there. It doesn't make any sense. But again, there's just no daylight. There's two people going, we're going to war with Iran. And one of them goes, and the food's going to be cheaper. And Kamala goes, we put price controls on the food. So you go, okay, so we're all going to war with Iran, but let me just, you know, she's now promising to, she doesn't know how to do it because she doesn't know what price controls are. But someone told her that it was a good idea to put price controls on food

and it's going to help control costs. This is Kamala Harris's first policy proposal. She doesn't really come out and... So now she's going to take on price gouging from these major food companies. The food will still be poison, but it will be more accessible and cheaper. Now, usually price controls historically haven't worked. You could look at Venezuela and places like that. There's a lot of rationing that happens. Companies go out of business. Products become harder to get. They become less available. That doesn't mean though that there can't be more

regulation of the food industry that would help bring prices down. And that doesn't mean that there aren't other ways to fight inflation. Can we get up Kamala Harris talking about this? Yeah, she's finally getting specific about certain things she wants to do. And then we're going to talk about Subway by the way, because Subway, the most popular restaurant in America, if you look at real estate holdings, meaning they have more. I mean, is Subway bigger than McDonald's? Yes.

Yes. Subway has more restaurants than McDonald's and Subway now is in crisis. And I don't know what that means. I don't know if it means people are doing less human trafficking because Subway is largely for human traffickers because it's all the rest stops have Subway.

So if you're carrying a bunch of people you're trafficking down the Pennsylvania turnpike, you got to pull in and get everybody's sandwiches at subway and then hand them out to all the human trafficking victims. You do. That's what happens, by the way. It's not even a joke. There's literally like seven emaciated women in the back of a van and they're all shaking and freezing and they just got out of some crate in Baltimore like the wire and now they're in the back of a van and you're driving them to DC. Someone with a gun is watching them and then you have to go who got the Italian BMT? Who has turkey? Who has the chicken bacon ranch? Who has the tuna? You know, and then one of them, one of the shaking human trafficking victims goes,

I hear the tuna is not even really tuna. And you go, you shut up. Here's Kamala Harris on food prices. When our middle class is strong, America is strong. Yes, it is true that by many indicators, our economy is the strongest in the world. But while inflation is down and wages are up, prices are still too high. On day one, I will take on price gouging and bring down costs. We will ban...

Look at the guy behind her with the sunglasses. How great is that? Surprise late charges that banks and other companies use to pad their profits. We will take on corporate landlords and cap unfair rent increases. And we will take on big pharma to cap prescription drug costs.

By the way, so this is a lie that Democrats always do. When she goes, we're going to take on corporate landlords, what she means is we're going to take corporate landlords to lunch and we're going to ask them what's wrong and how we can get to evict the people quicker. No one's taking on corporate landlords, by the way. That's the most hilarious. We're going to take on corporate landlord. It's like you're going to take on, you're going to take corporate landlords on a trip. You're going to take them to a conference.

Yeah. Well, Kamala Harris finally starting to unveil some proposals to keep the cost of food law. But more importantly to me and more importantly to you, here's the thing about subway. Let's talk briefly about subway. Subway is not anyone's favorite fast food. There's not one person you've asked and you go when you get a little naughty And you're driving home late at night And you're feeling frisky

And you're drunk Or your what is your guilty pleasure? What's the food you can't say? No, is it chick-fil-a? Is it mcdonald's is it taco bell. Not one motherfucker ever says Subway. Subway is not a food that people enjoy. It is a food that must be endured. It must be suffered through. It must be endured. Get that up.

That's what it looks like when you get it. It is a rest stop food that you must endure. Moving day. Subway is moving day food. You have an eight hour day, your apartment's on the other side of town, your friend is there with a van, you're going to Subway to just get a fucking turkey sandwich

to fuel yourself up for eight hours of hell. Moving out of one apartment, that's what it looks like. It is a utilitarian food that must be endured and suffered through. It is primarily eaten by government employees, people that are moving, and human traffickers. It is not for people with choices or people that have minutes to think.

If you have minutes to think, you don't really eat at Subway. Subway is just in and out. However, because America has become a gig economy, it has become a hellscape of people who are stressed out, who are, you know, it's just a country that's littered with broken homes, divorced dads traversing through the night, you know, people that are single, people that are lonely, people that have shit jobs, people that work late, people that are Ubering and lifting and doing all these things, people that are post-mating and door dashing, they are the people who are grabbing these dashing, they are the people who are grabbing these economic

heinous sandwiches on their way from point A to point B. But finally, people are smartening up and they are turning their back on Subway. Sorry, Patrick Mahomes. I know they dumped you a lot of money to get people to eat Subway and shame on you. Shame on you for doing it. I know. I, how much more money do these people need by the way? Is Patrick Mahomes broke? I mean, this, this idea, by the way, it, there is a special place in hell for

elite athletes who promote the most disgusting food on earth and pretend that they eat it so that fat obese children can go, well, Patrick Mahomes eats a 12 inch meatball sub. I should too. Yeah, Vox, why do all the best athletes do subway commercials? Because they get paid. Subway is smart, they get athletes who are elite athletes

who are at the top of their game. And they say, do a commercial for us so that people think that you eat this yoga mat bread, plastic bread that Subway churns out. Subway holds emergency meeting with franchisees as sales plummet. Subway denied that it was an emergency, but we know it is. Conference will be heavy on promotional offers and coupon ideas.

Store owners say they're barely breaking even with an $11 sandwich. Subway is no longer profitable. The costs of poison have risen. They've gone up and people are now going, you know what? I can't do it. Now they're trying different coupons, but they go, our gross sales are not even at 2012 levels. Well, remember when Subway launched, it was launched as like a healthy alternative and people thought it was healthy because it was fresh and it was Subway eat fresh. That's the logo of Subway.

But and their spokesman ended up being a pedophile. Subways lasted a lot longer than anyone thought it would. The idea that Americans have believed for 15 years, if we're talking about 2012 levels, but really even longer than that, but let's say 2012 was Subway's heyday. And I don't know that it was, but let's just use that as a marker. The fact that Americans have believed for roughly 15 years

that a sandwich, that a roadside sandwich shop was healthy is an amazing marketing. Subway did amazing marketing. But eventually every scam is uncovered. was healthy is that it's an amazing marketing. Subway did amazing marketing, but every, every, eventually every scam is uncovered. People start going, well, I don't know, maybe let's not eat that sandwich in that strip mall. We could do something else. And by the way, as Americans get smarter, if that's possible, to the extent that it is and we hope that it is, a lot of these things are going to go out of business.

Subway is not the only one, by the way, and as drugs like Ozempic and other things like that flood the market and people lose weight and people make better choices and, you know, not even necessarily those drugs, but as people become more aware of what's... If you want to have a sandwich, you can make yourself a sandwich. This lie that no one has time... And this is the lie that I grew up with, with fast food, by the way, is that no one had time to cook. No one had time to cook in my house. People had time to lay on a couch for four hours and watch television, but no one had time to cook. My mother had time to lay on a couch for four hours and watch television, but no one had time to cook. My mother had time to drive around the neighborhood taking antiques people had thrown

out, putting them in her van and driving it back to the house. My father had time to practice with his band, God help us, in the studio he created that should have been a playroom. Okay. So he had a bunch of junkies come over and they used to jam out jam sesh. They had time for that. Nobody had time to cook actual food. And that was how fast food was marketed to boomers. It played on their ego. It's why it worked so well. They were like, you don't have time to cook a meal for your family. You are busy being the hardest working, most honest person on earth.

You can't, you don't have any time. You dropped your kid off at karate and now you have to go home and drink a bottle of wine by yourself. How do you have time to make any food? So the reason the fast food exploded in the 90s is because the sales pitch was that you couldn't possibly have any time to cook food for your family. There's just too much going on. That's really what it was.

And that's why it became that one of the big boomer legacies is not only the adoption of fast food, but the adoption of like the fast casual concept that grew out of fast food. Pre, you know these these meals that you would buy and then heat up microwavable food. My grandparents who all lived to their late 80s early 90s ate none of this. Wouldn't allow it near their homes. Thought it was disgusting. Me and all my friends grew up in houses where our parents constantly fed us fast food and then constantly bought processed food. And it was marketed, you know, who has time? Who has time to make... I mean, every commercial I grew up with

was literally somebody being like, who has time to make a whole Thanksgiving dinner for your family? Just buy this powder that you add water to that becomes a turkey or whatever it was. So Subway was basically marketed as like, this is the healthy alternative to McDonald's and Burger King. It's 12 inches of bread with plastic in it,

the same plastic they used to make yoga mats. Okay. We bake it all day. Subway restaurants smell disgusting. It's disgusting, by the way. They smell like a landfill while that bread is baking. It does not smell like a bakery. You ever walk into a bakery, you smell sourdough bread or rye bread? That is not what you smell at Subway. Okay? It's the smell of hell while bread is baking in a Subway. Can we play an old Subway commercial? RIP to Subway, by the way, because I do believe much like Airbnb, which I call that Subway will by the way, because I do believe, much like Airbnb, which I call,

that Subway will be ending in our lifetime. Don't you love the heat lamps? Keeps food hot for hours and hours. Who's in the mood for something made fresh? Subway makes every sandwich right before your eyes. That's right. Now for just $7.99, get two fresh-made regular foot-long Subway sandwiches.

That's two for $7.99. Delicious meats and toppings on fresh-b baked gourmet bread. It was also Let me say something else about somebody. It was also a place where you could torture the employees You got to watch them make your food you go Pickles you got to feel like you had power For five minutes because your boss was shitting on you at the medical billing facility But for five minutes you could say onions onions, more onion, and you could like yell at the person and the person was all flustered and they put the, you know,

it's a horrible experience. Standing in a subway line and watching somebody with bags on their hands, put a, and again this will all age so poorly, it'll age just like lean cuisine's age. Remember lean cuisine where you would pull off the top of something and then put it in the microwave and then it would come out and it would look like a scab, like the cheese would be.

And speaking of this, by the way, at some of that David Dobrik pizza, he should be in jail. That Dobrik's pizza on sunset, no offense to him, but it is the most grotesque thing I've ever had. The Dobrik pizza thing, pizza is sitting there and you walk in and my friend and his wife like it and they go, it's 90% done. And then they send it through this little,

you know, these ovens where you, you know, you subway has them, uh, Quiznos had them where they toast something on like a conveyor belt and then it falls down. Dobrik pizza goes, yes, 90% done. And then the pizza goes through this conveyor belt oven. And then it comes out and the cheese is like a scab sitting on top of the pizza. And it's absolutely heinous. Um, yeah, there it is. There it is. And it's all these middle Americans they line up for

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That's right. I want you to take a good look at this and leave that on screen. This is the future I want. I want children going to jail when they do bad things. I am sick of hearing about that they need more programs or whatever. This is a little Venezuelan migrant, 11 year old who's on the sample. I mean, what's wrong? Why isn't he writing a Hamilton type musical? That's what I'm told all these people do when they get here, they write musicals and they're, and they're nice. That's what I'm told all these people do when they get here. They write musicals

and they're and they're nice. That's what I'm told. They come in and they write musicals. So apparently this young migrant criminal child took a break from writing his version of Rent and he's now on the subway and they were going around punching people in the head and stealing phones. Well, is that nice? So this 11-year-old, I don't know who he's punching. I mean, the kid's, he looks like a baby. He was essentially provoking it, recalled the Manhattan-based IT professional who requested anonymity. Now, you know why no one can be honest about this. By the way, my car stalled out in Harlem once.

And his black tow truck driver came up to me. He's an awesome guy. He goes, hey man, he goes watch out for the Venezuelan gangster stealing everyone's phones. And then he drove away. And then he's like Trump 2024. It's literally what he said. And I'm just saying we have a young 11.

Tell what is going on here. Do you know what happened in the subway? Because I'm telling you right now. If you think you will not be attacked by an 11 year old Venezuelan, you're wrong. You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. Tell us what happened, please.

Yeah, so basically him and the 17 year old boy were going around attacking strap hangers, right? People just taking the subway. And so he would hit them. And then I think the 17-year-old would grab the phone and they were kind of oscillating. This 11-year-old is hitting them? He's punching them?

Said he was the primary aggressor. This 11-year-old is the primary aggressor. Make this bigger again. This is the primary aggressor. So he's got three guys on him. He's got three cops on him. I don't understand why this is happening. I was told and promised that everyone who came to America was here to write a Broadway

musical. That's what I was told. I was told that people that come to the country are here to write musicals because they can't be gay in their country. That's why everyone's coming here, to be a trans composer. And yet, there's violence? Why is there violence on the subway? Trump should say, that kid will be executed day one.

Day one! Trump goes, we will execute the 11 year old in New York who's punching people. Now obviously, we're being facetious here, we're kidding, we feel bad for this kid. Many of you aren't smart enough, we are also thinking we're getting a little nuts with the Venezuelans. I think we are getting a little wild. There's too many... I'm telling you right now, I'm hearing from people that live in the hood there's too many Venezuelans. Now when someone in the hood goes, we're going a little crazy with the Venezuelans,

perhaps, you know? This isn't someone in Greenwich, Connecticut saying it. These are people in the hood going, the Venezuelans are getting a little nuts with the phones. I don't know why the Venezuelans love the phones so much, but they're taking the phones. That's what's going on. So, this little guy who I don't believe should be executed, but I do think a short jail sentence is not the worst. This little guy who again, now also New Yorkers are I guess such pussies now that they won't just beat a child, beat him up.

But you can't beat up a Venezuelan 11 year old. God forbid any of the press sees you kicking a Venezuelan 11 year old in his head. But that's exactly what he needs. That's exactly what he needs. But you know, police have linked roughly 10 robberies that have taken place inside or along the southern end of the green space, which I don't know what that is. The green space. 59th street. Oh, 59th street. Okay.

Oh yeah. It's central park. So there's 12 migrant boys or young men and they're robbing. Now you can't, this is the problem. This is the problem. You can't speak about this and you can't, if you're a person on if you're a strap hanger and You're taking a subway and this 11 year old migrant does anything to you You can't really do anything back because he's 11 year old you should be able to attack him

You have to teach him a lesson if his parents won't I'm just saying This is the funniest photo I've seen in a very long time. It is. But where is that kid when he's like 17 or 18? Is he better? Has he learned the error of his ways? Are some of the people coming to this country going to be mean? Boy, I hope not. Again, all we're told is that everyone who's coming here loves America and loves everything. And I don't know, maybe that's true. Maybe it's true. Is everyone who came to Sweden loves Sweden? Is that why Sweden is now the most dangerous country in Europe? Because everyone who came there loves it so much. Is that what

happened? Everyone loves Sweden so much. All these Turkish gangsters that came to they love all the North African people. They love Sweden. They love it. Love it. Love it. God to be a Swede to be a Swede. They said they grew up. They got God. I just want to be I want to wear wooden shoes and do whatever the fuck they do. I got that's what I want to do. I'm just saying none of this is about anything other than I'm just curious. I'm I wonder why I don't know. Now, maybe if we have 11 year olds going around the subway going nuts, maybe Maduro knows better what to do with these people.

I don't know. Does Maduro know better? Police officials go up. Police officials also said the 11-year-old was caught on surveillance camera using credit cards that were stolen during a series of robberies in Central Park. At this point in time, we're ready to call it. This is a migrant robbery pattern. NYPD Chief of Patrol John Chell told reporters. A senior law enforcement

official said police believe the violent Venezuelan gang, I don't even know how to say it, I'm not going to try, is behind the migrant robbery crew and investigate. Well, I don't know, I don't think That's true. What if Kamala comes out and goes, we're getting the Venezuelans out. What if she steals Trump's whole thing? She's on the verge of stealing his whole thing, by the way. We're going to have border security. We're going to have this. We're going to have that.

If Kamala goes, and I want to send a message to the 11 year old who was caught robbing people on the United States subway. If you think we don't execute country in this, we don't execute children in this country, you got another thing coming. Because on day one, on day one I will kill you personally. You got to remember Kamala's a fed. She has Fed energy. Big mama Fed. Now if big mama Fed, well she's never gonna do this of course, but if big mama Fed executes the 11 year old criminal, if she says I know it's hard to watch, I know it's hard to watch, I know many of you will be disturbed by this, but I've chosen to execute this 11 year old publicly. If she does that, I'm telling you right now, and I know people are going to disagree with me, and that's fine.

If she executes this 11 year old publicly, she will win the respect the Republican Party will cease to exist. If she says that's it, I'm going to execute this child on live television. And Jimmy Fallon's there and everyone's there. Everyone's got to be there. Every person, all of Hollywood has to get behind her. Everybody. And then she's got to... I don't know. Matthew Perry, everyone, why are they, why are they bothering the doctors

who tried to help Matthew Perry feel good? Can anyone tell me that? They made too much money off of him. So Matthew Perry, by the way, overdosed ketamine and died in his hot tub, which, by the way, is a fine way to die in the Pacific Palisades. What else is going on? That's a fine way to die.

That's how you're supposed to die when the show you were on ends 20. How long did he live after Friends? 20 years? Yeah, about. Yeah, that's all you live. When the fame drain, when fame depletes, you've got about 20 years left before you end up inevitably in a hot tub dying. But they have, there's a lot of ketamine dealers and doctors. You know, doctors are now drug dealers. Over a two month period in the fall of 2023, they distributed approximately 20 vials of ketamine to Peri in exchange for $55,000 in cash.

Placencia? Placencia mocked Peri in a text message in 2023, writing, I wonder how much this moron will pay. On one occasion, Placencia injected Peri with illegal ketamine and watched the actor freeze up and his blood pressure spike Despite that he left additional vials of ketamine for a defendant Iwamasa to administer to Mr. Perry. Iwamasa has no medical training Now who got arrested? Let's get them up one of them's named the ketamine queen Yeah, so Iwamasa is the live-in assistant and the placentia is the doctor.

I just want to do well enough in this business where I have people that live in my house and inject me with ketamine. Here's the ketamine queen. Jasveen Sanga. Jasveen Sanga, the ketamine queen. Well, I like her outfit. What's her deal? She just likes the K? She just likes the K. Jasmin Sanga 41 earned herself the notorious nickname, Ketamine Queen, for allegedly selling ketamine and meth out of her North Hollywood stash house going back to as early as June 14th, 2019. Sanga continued to peddle the dangerous drugs until she was busted on March 19th for selling meth in a prior unrelated case.

She's been out on $100,000 bond since March. The drug queen used her North Hollywood home to store package and distribute narcotics, including providing ketamine to co-conspirator Eric Fleming so that conspirator Fleming could sell it to victim MP. Referring to Matthew Perry. Interesting. So now she, look at all that big time, big time.

The Fed seized a slew of ketamine and meth during Sanga's arrest. She's going to go down. So Fleming 54, Iwamasa 59, Chavez 54 have all taken plea deal. Sanga is also charging a new indictment for her role in August. You'd think if someone was doing that much volume business, they wouldn't live in North Hollywood. August 19th, Ketamine. Wait, hold on, go up.

Sanga is also charging the new indictment for her role in the August 2019 Ketamine overdose death of Cody McLaury, an Alaska native living in California who was a member of the LGBTQ community according to his obituary. Again, okay. All right, good, good. In Perry's, I mean, I'm not good that he was,

I'm just saying good, like, thank God we know that because I wouldn't have been mad otherwise about that, to be honest. I wouldn't have cared that she had given drugs to someone who died. In Perry's death, Sanga allegedly provided Fleming with 50 vials of the drug in two. So Matthew Perry, now remember, and I know people that go get this ketamine therapy, and we've talked about it on the show, all of these doctors and people, they just prescribe these drugs so that aging celebrities can deal with it because you got to remember,

fame is a drug. Fame is a drug. Some people never have to detox from fame. Fame tends to eat you alive from the inside out. It's a very unnatural state of being. You're kind of suspended in midair. You don't really feel gravity. The people around you are weird. A lot of them are fake. A lot of them are

using you. And those are the funnest people, by the way. You will never have more fun than with fake friends that are using you because they are always on, you know, they're always on the clock. They're always working to make you feel happy and good. Laugh at all your jokes, tell you what a genius you are, whatever. These fake friends are the staple of many famous people's existence. They have a lot of hangers-on and people they pay for and whatever. And those people actually are a lot of friends, a lot of fun. Your real friends aren't always that fun because they're

real friends. They don't want anything from you. Now, many of the circle of friends you have also might be providing you drugs or alcohol or whatever it is. Making your life not only more fun, but more unstable, more chaotic, and eventually it will bring it to an end. If you're around the wrong people, that will spell the end of your life. And which is unfortunate, I'm sure Matthew Perry, I don't know much about him. I know that it's like they tried to cancel him after he died. They were like, he was, I don't know, he was, he was not a nice guy or something. I remember that was one of the post-mortem cancelations.

I know they were trying to go with him for that. But this is the thing you got to watch out for. So when you're detoxing from fame, what happens is a lot of times you need another drug. You need some other drug to take the place of fame because you've not existed in reality for a long time. For a long time, Matthew Perry probably didn't exist in reality. So once the fame started to, you know, then he goes, well, wait a minute. I don't want to go, I don't want to live on earth. I've never lived on earth. I have no plans to live on earth. Sunrise, sunset, not for me. I need to still be on

drugs. And if it's not gonna be fame, it's got to be something else. It was ketamine. Placentia and Chavez allegedly charged Perry $2,000 for a vial of ketamine. That would have cost Chavez about $12. Why doesn't Kamala cap that? Why doesn't Kamala come out and go, I'm going to stop the price gouging with ketamine?

Because that's the real problem we have in this country is people that cannot afford ketamine, which people say is, by the way, they lie about all this stuff. They go, it's for the troops. You know, this is how it all starts. They go, it's for the troops. It's for people with PTSD from war. And no, it's not. No, it's not. That might be one small sliver of the people. It is for people that want to be on drugs. You can't win if you ain't in it. PrizePix is America's number one daily fantasy sports app with over five million active members. PrizePix is the easiest and most exciting way to play daily fantasy sports. Unlike other apps on PrizePix, it's just you against the numbers. All you do

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and his death is starting conversation about stunting online and the Hamptons pressure to show off. Candice and Brandon Miller showed the public a world of glittering parties and vacations. The money to sustain it did not exist. I'm gonna say it again. This is a good way to live. This is a great way to live.

Of the ways you can spend your time on this earth, conning to get somewhere, enjoying the hell out of it and then when it ends killing yourself is not that bad It's not that bad. I Mean, there's a lot of kids in Ukraine being thrown into a meat grinder right now who would have loved just one week of this Guy's life and he did the right thing at the end and the right thing and I gotta say on alive because you know It's the kids. This is a show watched by children and we know YouTube's protecting the children right you know every youtuber by the way is it's coming out that they're all messaging children inappropriately

however me saying a word is the problem here's the point um this man who, I mean, by the way, stunning. Look at that fucking event. Look at the colors. Yeah, when you live like this and you can't do it anymore, you unalive yourself. It is the normal course of events. Stop shaming people. Stop shaming people, fake rich people people who then have to be regular people

who choose to analyze themselves. Stop shaming them. Normalize it. Bed Bath & Beyond CEO jumps out of his building because he's under indictment. Normalize it. Normalize the rich checking out when it's time to not be rich. You have no... look at that event!

You have no idea what it's like to go from that back to the friendlies or something. Normalize people checking out... Oh, but he had a family. He doesn't care. Listen! You think he wants to be broke with them? He checked out at the right time now this gentleman named Brandon Miller and people in the Hamptons listen to this show they're gonna find this very callous and I'm saying this I don't care I don't care that he's dead the game is to keep the scam going the Hamptons is about keeping the scam going. If you are unable to keep the scam going,

then unalive yourself. There are people in the Hamptons who are in Epstein's Black Book who've been prosecuted multiple times for stock fraud and you know where they are? They're on their porch because they don't give up. They don't give up. There are people at Kamala Fundraisers right now talking about the importance of climate change who literally were throwing 14 year old girls into a volcano with Jeffrey Epstein eight years ago and you know why they're still around because they don't give up.

If you don't have it for the life, don't be in the life. What happened to this guy again, please? He took himself off the board. That Mr. Miller's death occurred in the Hamptons during the height of the social season was almost certainly has added to the intrigue, says Neil J. Young, a historian who is writing a book about the Hamptons. Here, the only thing as fascinating as opulent as wealth is its sudden disintegration. This place is predicated for a certain set on showing off. It's the homes one has, the things one does out here from the restaurants to the workouts to the parties. It's a place where one can get overextended really quickly, where a house of cards can

suddenly collapse. Yeah, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. The American economy is a House of Cards. Most of our companies are House of Cards. The stock market is a House of Cards. The game is to keep the House of Cards going. That's the whole game. What Mr. Miller is not some type of anomaly in the Hamptons.

A guy who's overextended and overre- he's not an anomaly. The vast majority of people there, you know, are, you know, living beyond their means. Um, not all of them. But many of them, their companies are not worth as much as they say Their ideas are not as valuable as they say their Value as people is not nearly as great as what they say. They are all replaceable the game is

to pretend like you're not Brandon Miller developed the commercial and real estate projects in Tribeca Harlem in the Meatpacking District. He appeared to be a successful businessman in a city filled with them. Yet by last fall, he was under so much pressure that when he attended a business meeting in Midtown High Rise, according to three people familiar with what happened,

Mr. Miller sat at a conference table and began to weep. Cock. He was in a financial freefall that confidants are now struggling to piece conference table and began to weep. Cock. He was in a financial freefall that confidants are now struggling to piece together. You have to keep the scam going for Christ. You cannot give up. And if you are to give up, you just have to unalive yourself. No one wants to see any of these fucks weep. Weeping in

the Hamptons? No, thank you. No, thank you. There is not to be any weeping in the Hamptons or Greenwich, Connecticut or Newport Beach. There's no weeping. Shut the fuck up. Keep the scam going. Or do what the CEO of Bed, Bads and Beyond did. I have a condo a few blocks away. One day he decided to chuck himself out of the window and end up on the street. And you know what? Everyone did, no one cared.

They stepped over his body and they went to Bubbies for their shit pancakes. But the point is, everyone's in a scam over there. Brandon Miller was unique in the Hamptons. He was in a scam. Can you believe it? Someone in the Hamptons was in a scam and it went bust. He's weak.

He was weak. He was weak. He didn't make He was weak. He didn't make the right alliances. He didn't make the right friends. He didn't blackmail the right people. He didn't get involved with the right intelligence agencies. He didn't shake the right hands. He didn't fucking, I don't know, swing with the right couples. He didn't go and grovel. He didn't do the right things. He didn't fucking go and become an asset of China. Do something! You've got a family. Go and defect to China! But instead he did what the only other option is, to take yourself out. It's fine. It's fine. Listen, he doesn't want to be broke and he didn't have the wherewithal, he didn't have the tenacity, he didn't have the raw native intelligence to keep it going. Good book, by the way, called

The Privileges by Jonathan Dee. He's probably one of these writers that if he knew who I was would hate me. I don't know who cares, but the point is probably there's a lot of people I say there's a good thing and go, who's saying that? But maybe not. I don't know what this person does and I don't care I just know that this is a good book called the privileges about this young couple from outside of Philly that becomes in the New York City finance people It's pretty accurate too. And it's about a guy who's kind of running a scam But just has to you got to keep doing it until it's real, you know, and it's a really yeah It's a really really good book Jonathan Franzen said it was real, you know? And it's a really, yeah, it's a really, really good book.

Jonathan Franzen said it was a seductive novel. It's good, you should read it. But I get it. I mean, it's just funny the way that the press writes about all this stuff. Again, like all of the, like, you know what I mean? Like, like, Mr., like, can you believe there was a dishonest person in the Hamptons living beyond their means. He expressed his love for his wife and his children. Boring, he wrote that he believed he was doing

what was best for them, the suicide note. The note mentioned two life insurance policies totaling about 15 million. Now, by the way, I don't know if they'll get that, all of that, because of suicide, a lot of times, or sorry, unaliving, because of the unaliving, I don't know if they'll get it. In a graveside ceremony attended by family and a small circle of friends, he was laid to rest next

to his father. Is that good life? It's a fine life. It's a fine life. It's a fine life. You know, what's that song? It's a fine, fine life. Can we play that? Small World? No. No, it's a fine life. You know, what's that song? It's a fine, fine life. Can we play that? Small World? No. No, it's a fine life. It's from Oliver Twist. Get it up and we dedicate it to the Miller who unalived himself in the Hamptons. Get up, it's a fine life. It's a great thing and I hope we can play it. Maybe we can't. It's a fine life. Why can't we play anything? They'll take the, they'll take the Well then I'll unalive myself. They'll take the, they'll take the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, gin toddies large measures no skimping if you please I Rough it. I love it life is a game of chance I never tire of it leading this merry dance if you don't mind having to go without things It's a fine life though ain't no jolly old pressure at it's a fine life see that's

That's what they should have played at his funeral just celebrate the man celebrate the attempt I'm sick of like trying to teach people lessons with this crap. Every time this happens, they, the press comes in to teach the wrong lesson. This man forgot what really mattered in life. Look at them. They don't want to be broke these two! They were halfway there, they just didn't figure it out, you know? It's the wrong... the press comes in and they're like, this guy, Mr. Miller, he was such an anomaly in New York, he was a guy whose business was built on bullshit and he was living beyond his means. What a new it's shot

I am shocked and This is supposed to teach people to what not care about money or something Do you think the people in the Hamptons reading this go? You know what? Honey, I this affects me. I'm reading this about this guy that we met at that party. He Well, how did he do it? By the way? How did he get out? Uh, garage, car. Garage in the car. Oh yeah.

This guy was fixated himself in his garage. Remember we met him at that art party. Well, anyway, I read his story. It's so tragic. I don't want this house anymore. I don't want this big house anymore. Cause that guy we met three times killed himself. Who gives a fuck?

No one cares. Play the game or don't pussy. I'm sick of this shit This is not the attitude that built America con artists giving up Con artists giving up is not the attitude that built America Liars who keep lying is you keep lying. You don't get honest at the end. How weak is that? Go to South America, get in a drug gig, call the ketamine queen and go, let's fucking, Perry's not the only one that needs some juice. He should be trying to hook Jennifer Aniston on

ketamine. You don't want to go back to living in fucking Seaford or some hell hole. I don't like con artists giving up. That's why David Dobrik, they tried to cancel David Dobrik. What'd he do? He goes, I'm going to sell shit pizza to fat middle Americans next to the saddle ranch. Cause he didn't give up.

They tried to cancel him because he, you know, threw his friend off a crane or something. But he didn't, he didn't die. He didn't die. He said I'm going to sell shit pizza. Now he sells shit pizza. That's disgusting and it kills people. He's doing more damage with that pizza than he ever did with the crane. My point is this.

You don't give up. Look at this little guy. That's the spirit of America. You know what? I've gone the other way on this. Let all the Venezuelans in. Let them all in and steal the phones. If an 11 year old steals your phone on the fucking subway, you deserve to have your phone taken. That little guy can be trained to be either an assassin for this country or some type of a corporate criminal. I'm sick of con artists giving up

and trying to get like crot weeping in a fucking boardroom. You fucking faggot weeping in a boardroom. And I don't mean that in a gay way. I mean it in a like, I have a wife and I'm crying in a boardroom way. My point is this, the country is built on the, look at Kamala. It's why she's cruising kind of towards a victory because she understands that the

lie must be verbose, the lie must be enduring, the lie must be forever. The lie cannot you cannot dip your toe into the pool of dishonest. You must commit. your toe into the pool of dishonest. You must commit. This woman's a prosecutor who's through people in jail her entire life and she's out there talking about how democratic she's gonna make everything. Because the lie cannot end. It does not end weeping in a boardroom. Mr. Miller, his wife's moving to Miami. That's what everybody does when their husband kills himself. She'll be on a beach.

By the way, if she hears this, she'll agree with me. She'll go, yeah, I thought my husband was a man. I thought he'd figure it out. But instead he starts crying in a fucking boardroom. She knew what was going on. She's a criminal too. She's a criminal too. They're all criminals. He's a criminal. He goes, I can't believe money anymore.

Yeah, we know. It's all fake. It's all fake! The house is empty! This is fake! And my wife is... Oh God! I don't have any money anymore! I don't have any money anymore! Call the Ketamine Queen and kill someone else! Because of bad financial choices, I'll be the Omaha funny bomb. They don't have really theaters. I'm not on a theater tour. I've done two theater tours all around the world.

So now I get to play shit rooms for animals. Omaha, side splitters. Buy tickets in West Hampton Beach, please. Don't embarrass me. It's my home fucking town. Don't get mad at me just because I did that whole third thing for 30 minutes. West Hampton Beach, Omaha, SideSplitters, Ontario Improv. I said it was Orange County.

I know it's not Orange County. I'm lying to you. It's called lying, dummy. It's actually not Orange County. I know what Orange County is. What do you think? Comedy on state in Madison. That's great.

It's a bunch of serial killers and blibs. There's Plains, Illinois. We've added a second show. The only, if I could really, the only place I'd ever perform would be Chicago. I, the people of Illinois have never abandoned me. And then the Miami improv where my opening act will be Candace Miller who will go out and talk about her husband Get the 11 year old Venezuelan gang member to come on the program, please if you can If he speaks english i'm fine with it If you if you can rob me in English, just rob me in English.

It's America. Speak English. Rob me in English. And don't give up. This kid's tougher than that Hamptons guy. Because it makes you soft. The Hamptons makes you soft. All that guy was doing is stealing phones really.

That's all anyone's ever really doing is stealing phones. You just have to figure out a way to do it. You know, you just got to do it on a higher level or something. Well, I hope this has been clarifying for people. We appreciate you being with us. And it's, we bring it back, we'll bring it back down at the end. You know, RIP Subway. And listen, I was just kidding. If Israel wants us to attack Iran, you only get so many friends. You only get so many friends in life. So if Israel's like, hey man, this war with Iran's inevitable, just do it. They're that friend that go, just do it.

And sometimes you just got to do it. And I respect it. I respect it. I'm totally with it. I'm totally with the Iranian war. If they say so, that's your buddy. It's your buddy Israel. I don't think they're a good influence on you. No, like we have the same values. Listen to me. Israel like lives, they have like a crazy home life. And just everything they say, like just remember that. Yeah, but like we like the same things. I understand that, but like there's no peace in their house. So like, you know, whatever.

Listen, America's just that rich kid up the block. It's just a dumb rich kid. It's a dumb rich kid up the block who wants friends. You know? You know? I don't know. And RIP Mr. Miller. What's his name? Yeah, Brandon Miller. RIP Brandon Miller. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I'd never speak ill of the dead. I never speak ill of the dead. And if there's reincarnation, I hope you go to another planet and you scam again and then this time you don't cuck out at the end. No one wants weeping in the Hamptons pussy. Goodbye.