The Tim Dillon Show - 409 - The Presidential Debate & Eating Cats

Episode Date: September 14, 2024

Tim talks about 9/11, the Trump-Harris debate, who is eating pets, Starbucks, Middle Eastern Yelp reviewers and why he misses post-terrorist attack patriotism. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: Blue Chew BlueChew.com & Use Code: ‘TIM’ Nutrafol Head to Nutrafol.com/men & Use Promo Code TIM. Express VPN Go To ExpressVPN.com/TimDillon Ship Station Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/timdillon CBDistillery CBDistillery.com | Use Code: 'TIM' For 20% Off   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch:  https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/

I love 9-eleven. It's the best day of the year. I love 9-eleven. We gotta get positive about 9-eleven. We're recording today on Wednesday, September the 11th. It gets better every year. That's what I think. Because a lot of people, now it's like, are you still sad about it? Who's still sad about it?

I get it the first few years, boo hoo hoo hoo, but now, isn't everyone kind of just like, it's a nice, somber day to kinda just take a minute for yourself. Isn't it good to just take a minute for yourself on 9-11? To just take some time. The bitch at the office won't fuck with you if you just stare out the window a little bit and I need to take an hour today. It's 9-eleven I need to take a lot. I'm sorry. I was late today. It's 9-eleven

It's about Really taking some time for yourself on 9-eleven breathing Appreciating the time that we have with each other. It's so short. Kamala Harris, Donald Trump faced off in a debate last night. Seemingly the polls say she has won it. I don't know where these where they get these polls. I would also agree that she won, but not because she did great. has won it. I don't know where they get these polls.

I would also agree that she won, but not because she did great. Trump was a little unfocused, a little angry, a little, you know, he was kind of rage filled, which is fine, but he missed some layups where he could have gone after her. And I think he missed some of those laps. I think what happens is when you get angry, you're not thinking strategically. And I think he could have hit her on a few things. I don't know whether migrants are eating cats and dogs, but I do know that there are immigrants that roasted guinea pigs in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. I saw that and I didn't care about it because a guinea pig is sort of like a

You know like a fat little rodent. It's probably tasty. It's got a lot of meat, and I don't care I Don't care that people's cats and dogs are being stolen as you know that's not what I think we need a border Right show them grilling the guinea pig Right, show them grilling the guinea pig. The lady that was cooking, the animals that they were cooking. Jackson Heights, they eat anything over there. And you know, I'm for that though. I'm not really against that. I just, I don't really want to get hit in the head

with a bike lock. That's my issue with some of the people coming over. My friend, guy I hadn't seen in a long time, there was a migrant breaking into a car. He said, don't do that or get out of there. And then the migrant attacked him and my friend was in the hospital. The migrant had been caught and released six times. He'd been in the country a year and now they're finally charging him with attempted murder. But I think that's the stuff you want to go at, not the dogs and the cats being eaten.

You want to kind of say, this is creating a very big problem for law abiding citizens. A group that should matter in the country is people that live here are citizens, pay taxes and follow the law. Those people don't seem to matter as much as they should. And Donald Trump needs to make the election about those people and not so much. But let's see, let's see. This is a fun clip here from the debate.

In Springfield, they're eating the dogs, the people that came in, they're eating the cats, they're eating, they're eating the dogs, the people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating the pets of the people that live there. And this is what's happening in our country, and it's a shame. As far as rallies are concerned, as far as the reason they go is they like what I say. They want to bring our country back. They want to make America great again.

It's a very simple phrase, make America great again. It's a very simple phrase. Make America great again. She's destroying this country. And if she becomes president, this country doesn't have a chance of success. Not only success, we'll end up being Venezuela on steroids. I just want to clarify here, you rig up Springfield, Ohio, and ABC News did reach out to the city manager there.

He told us there had been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured, or abused by individuals within the immigrant community. Well I've seen people on television say my dog was taken and used for food. So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager. I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager. But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there. Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that. There are.

I mean, let's be honest here. In other countries, people do eat different things. I mean, let's be very clear. Let's be honest about it. You go to Scotland, they have haggis. Haggis is like a sheep stomach and the sheep stomach is, they make a casserole out of it. They take, they stuff the sheep stomach with like oats and herbs and it's kind of gross. It's not good. But my point is that, is this a guy complaining that his dog and his cat were taken?

This is a Springfield, Ohio resident talking about... Well let's hear him out. He's alleging what David Muir says. Well let's... Well David Muir is full of shit. And David Muir is in love with himself. And I would be too if I looked like David Muir. He's like this fucking hot guy who just wants attention.

He didn't let that other bitch speak. That other bitch. Evan was like, it's a big deal. It's a big night for Lindsay, whatever her name is. And he didn't let her speak. She said one thing, he could shatter a look. So David Muir spoke the whole time. Let's hear this guy because here's the thing, people do roast skinny pigs

in the parks in New York, and some people get offended by that. I don't really care, but that's the thing. I understand if you have a cat or a dog and someone kidnaps it, but I just watched Selling Sunset and this dog was dying and I laughed at it because I hate the idea that animals have replaced children in the country. It's kind of sick.

You should have dogs and cats and love them. They should not be your children. And there's something really disgusting about pushing a dog or a cat around in a stroller and thinking that this is your children and you're you're a furry Oh, these are my fur babies and I'm a cat mom or whatever, you know, that's just it's unhealthy and JD Vance is kind of right about this Go to my story go to my story and can I play my own story or will YouTube come in? Play my story Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And here's my point about that, because I know that seems heartless. What I am saying by laughing like that, there's something really wrong. All the people on this Selling Sunset show, okay, they either have, they will not have children,

or, and I'm not kidding, the only ones who have children is all by Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon has impregnated like three of the women on this show. So these people don't have children and they are self-involved narcissists and live in Los Angeles, which is completely fine. Completely okay, some people would say,

I fit that description. And that's fine. But when you see them crying over this little chihuahua, and I'm sure this is very sad that the thing is going away, but when you see... But that's what's happening. When you see them crying over this chihuahua and bawling their eyes out, there's something really wrong.

And I'm not saying JD Vance is always, he doesn't have the right pitch when he speaks all the time about this issue. It's not, he doesn't nail it, you know? But he's also, I guess, you know, he's trying to please all different parties. I'm saying that there's something deeply unhealthy and it's actually uncomfortable to watch

it's uncomfortable to watch a woman and A guy who are unmarried but sharing custody of a chihuahua who is dying Ball their eyes out on the couch about the chihuahua There's something wrong with it and there's something about it that is disturbing. I'm sorry. I Respect this show I respect those two midgets and the whores that pretend to be real estate agents. I think it's good I watch it The midgets and these whores do a decent job of pretending to sell real estate in one of the worst cities in America.

But my point is there's something eerily disconcerting about watching these adults, unmarried adults with no children, bawl their eyes out about this chihuahua who is, it doesn't care anymore. The Chihuahua wants to go. This is the way I feel. And I'm just, so my point is that that doesn't mean that a migrant should eat him. If that's what's happening, I don't know if it is. It doesn't mean that if a, but will tell you this if a migrant from Venezuela ate the chihuahua from Selling Sunset I would I would watch the show every day. Nico they get tattooed now I believe they do a

funeral episode for the dog I'm not sure but they do right they do a whole funeral for the dog these people are sick but they tattooed the dog. I'm not sure, but they do, right? They do a whole funeral for the dog. These people are sick, but they tattooed the dog and they think, and this is what happens by the way, as you get older, I'm 39 now. Look, look at this. Go up there. Go up. Selling Sunset fans left in tears over a funeral held for Jason Oppenheim and Mary Fitzgerald's dog, Nico. It's like losing a child. They should be in jail. I don't know what else to say about these people other than that they should be in jail. I mean this is a funeral. Make that so people can see it. This is a funeral for this chihuahua that these two losers are having. I mean how great would it have been if a Venezuelan migrant grabbed that chihuahua

and barbecued it and ate it in front of these two narcissists who are addicted to themselves. Play this gentlemen. Let's see what's going on here at this Springfield, Ohio city council meeting. I don't know what's happening. I don't even want to like seem like I'm coming down on the immigrants because it's the people that's bringing them down here because wherever they're at, that's what they're used to, bro. They're in the park grabbing up ducks by the neck and cutting their head off and walking off with them off with them. It's eating them like y'all get the highway state patrol down here every

week and then y'all get like a task force for the highway state patrol and they look for guns and they look for dope and this and that in the fourth. That same people that y'all got riding up and down limestone doing U-turns pulling people over for blinkers and pulling people over for like going left to center in like a couple miles over. Like y'all can take them same people, the highway state patrol, and you can take them in every single one of they silver charges and dodge the rain goes and y'all can take them to a sunset and y'all can park them right over there and y'all can teach

people how to drive since the highway state patrol know so much how to know so much about traffic laws and know what to do in traffic. They need to Y'all pay them they can go over and teach these Haitians how to drive because it's getting a bro. I'm getting Thousands of views on on these and it's going to get bigger and it's only going to get worse And y'all sitting up there in these chairs y'all all y'all need to get out here and do something Y'all making hundreds of thousand dollars Y'all need to put on a t-shirt and some crocs and then y'all need to come out here in these streets and y'all need to go Out here and uh, i'm out here before the police is Okay. Well

That is a gentleman claiming that he has firsthand knowledge of the immigrant community in Springfield, Ohio grabbing ducks by the neck and then cooking them in the park and This is what is disturbing him and you know listen I get it I get it whose fault is that I? Mean I Don't know what to say I'll say this Trump looked He was a bit off his game. I think there will be another debate I don't think she really hit him on abortion

I think if the swing voters are are largely female And I think abortion will hurt them hurt Trump in the general. However He did not do as good of a job as he could have nailing her on the border because that's her biggest vulnerability. I don't believe it's the economy. I know everybody's like, it's the economy, stupid, but I'll tell you this. I don't believe the biggest issue in the world right now is the economy, however good or bad it may be.

I don't believe the biggest issue in the world is Vladimir Putin. I don't believe the biggest issue in the world is Vladimir Putin. I don't believe the biggest issue in the world is even China. I believe by looking at the political situation in Europe and the UK and the Netherlands and America that the biggest issue over the next 50 or 100 years will be mass migration of people from one place to another. How to assimilate those people into an existing economic and cultural space. That is the biggest issue all over the world. Every single person you talk to, it is a visible issue.

When you walk outside and you genuinely see people from other countries or other places camping, living on the street, waiting for someone to give them somewhere to go, a place, a job, anything. And I'm sure a lot of those people are desperate and from bad situations. It's not meant to make light of that. But how many immigrants, migrants, refugees, whatever you want to call them, can any society absorb at any given time, this is the biggest issue in the world. This is the issue that Trump should spend the majority of his time talking about because on that issue, his views are closer to the views of the American

people than Kamala and Tim Walz. And that's just the fact. That's just the truth. And that doesn't mean that he's perfect on those issues either. I'll tell you this too. Fact check, Ohio woman accused of eating cat is from Canton, not from Springfield. Now, what is this? This woman ate a cat? This lady in August did a bunch of drugs and ate a cat in a driveway in Ohio. And we're, and okay, well let's watch this now because this is the biggest issue in the race right now. And that issue is cats, dogs, who's eating them? Because think about this, and maybe this was smart that Trump brought it up,

our country is so diseased at its current moment that they're having a, on the biggest show on Netflix, Selling Sunset, they're having a funeral for a chihuahua because it's quote, like losing a child. Trump is maybe correct to say, well, what if your child got eaten? Let's watch this woman eat a cat in Canton, Ohio. I'm sorry.

I just was watching a live video of my cousin on Facebook, and she's down at her house. She killed a cat and is eating it. I need police and medical. Why do you need medical? I don't know what she took or what kind of drugs she's on. She's on a lot of videos eating a fucking cat. So you're saying, does she have, like, mental issues or? Baby, she's doing drugs, baby.

I'm just going to keep it 100. She's doing drugs. Like I said, I don't know what she has took. I just know, I just seen, like, just, like, not just like, you know, a couple and go online on Facebook Can we get a video of her eating the cat? It's right here. Yeah, there's just the let's get the video up of a woman And can't know how eating a cat now again. We don't want to blame a migrant for this. This is the news. I Don't want to blame a migrant for this because this woman is probably a citizen, correct? Yes, American citizen.

Okay, so this is an American citizen eating a cat. So who's on drugs? Allegedly. So I don't know who wins this point, Trump or Kamala, because I, if I was Kamala, would have said the woman eating a cat was a citizen. No, literally, I would have said that because this is an issue in our election. This is democracy.

I would have said, I understand, I would have said if I was Kamala, they cook guinea pigs in the park, but very few people have guinea pigs as pets. The cat that was eaten was eaten in Ohio by a woman who is a citizen of this country who was on bath salts and ate a cat. That's a different story.

That's a completely different thing. Let's watch this woman eat the cat, please. Right over here. And the cat. Can I ask a stupid question? Let me ask a stupid question? Let me ask a stupid question. Obviously if it's someone's cat it's no good. Is it illegal to eat a cat?

Yeah. Is it? Yeah, because it's animal cruelty. Animal cruelty. Interesting. Now, this we're seeing for the people that are listening on audio and we need you to keep listening on audio. That's a lot of our ad money comes from audio.

However, we are doing very well on video as well. But this is a woman who's squatting in the middle of a, it doesn't look like a great area, it looks like an area of, I don't know if I wanna say the word projects, cause that might not be, but it looks kind of government housing, right? Am I wrong? You're Right. And this woman is

squatting and there looks like a beheaded cat or a bloody cat and she's eating the cat. Let's watch this woman eat a cat please she is an American citizen. What did you do? Why'd you kill the cat? Stand up. Stand up. Put your hands behind your back. Someone got rubber gloves. She's covering blood. You got rubber gloves. Check. Nine-five. Nine-five. Who do we think this woman's voting for? That's a real interesting- these are the citizens, but these are the people at their voting. Well, that's unfortunate. A woman who uh, aids a cat at her home, but she's a citizen. So if you are a citizen, everybody's talking about the

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Neutriful.com that's N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code TIM. That's Neutriful.com promo code T-I-M Starbucks CEO is now saying he wants to make Starbucks a coffee shop again. And Starbucks is, Starbucks is maybe the greatest success story of any coffee-centric concept ever. Comes out of Seattle. Starbucks has been on the decline in drinking sales

as it moved from a traditional sit-down coffee shop into one where people place orders on their phones and grab a drink from the counter. Its new CEO has a plan to fix it all and it starts with comfortable chairs. So they want people to come back into Starbucks because by the way, that's the way I grew up. That's what Starbucks was. There's a shared sense that we have drifted from our core, he said.

We're committed to elevating the in-store experience, ensuring our spaces reflect the sights, smells, and sounds that define Starbucks because Starbucks was always the nicer one to hang in. Dunkin' Donuts was always kind of a dump, and there was always a homeless guy in Dunkin' Donuts, or a homeless woman, and there's nothing wrong with it, but that was the deal. There was always a woman or a gentleman in Dunkin' Donuts wearing like six coats and sitting there, and you know, Starbucks was the one

that was for yuppies and people that had a little bit more money, people that appreciated coffee and Dunkin Donuts was always kind of for, you know, people that were, I guess, in between shifts at the pet store and they would come, you know, they had all the tarantula, you know, because the tarantulas, what they do is they actually, it's a defense mechanism. The tarantulas with their legs will scrape the hairs off their back, their thorax, and it'll fling them, you'll get them in your nose and your eyes. And so a lot of times people would walk out of Petland with tarantula

hairs in their eyes, their eyes would all be bloodshot, and then they would go to Dunkin' Donuts to have coffee and sit there with the homeless woman. But Starbucks was always kind of a little nicer. When I was a kid, my parents got me a cappuccino machine at Starbucks and I used it. And, but now I guess homeless people are in Starbucks because junkies and homeless people are going into Starbucks. But by the way, I like, I think that's okay because the people that hang out in New York

City coffee shops are the ones that vote for this. So I think it's kind of fun. It is fun if you're in a Brooklyn coffee shop. Like I, I live in downtown Manhattan occasionally, sometimes part time and there is a coffee shop and there's a homeless guy and he comes in and he's got a big blanket on And it's all very progressive young white people With their glasses and their laptops and they're all writing very important things and some of them have moleskin notebooks And usually this big homeless guy comes in and he's got a big blanket on and he just kind of walks around and it does and everybody's kind of on edge and uncomfortable because

We all know that a lot of the people that are homeless or suffering from mental problems But it's good to be kind of confronted with that if you're one of these people if you're in your 20s And you're sitting there and you're just on your laptop, you know, trying to write your spec script and then some guy walks in and he's got a few blankets on and the smell isn't ideal and he's kind of moving in a, you know, in a physically unpredictable manner and you get a little, I see them, they get a little shook.

They just try to keep their eyes on their own paper. When the homeless guy's in a coffee shop, eyes on your own paper. That's the way it in a coffee shop, eyes on your own paper. That's the way it feels. It feels like when you're a kid at school. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Don't look around. And it's people, they just stay right on their laptop and they just type on their laptop. And the homeless guy kind of, you know, go to Deuteronomy from Cats. The homeless guy at my particular coffee shop looks like Deuteronomy from Cats. And he does, if you get the image of him. And Deuteronomy from Cats and he does if you get the image

of him and Deuteronomy from Cats. Yeah, he's kind of like this guy and he comes in and he's got a shaggy blanket and he just walks around the and they and they have to give him free coffee. So whatever he wants, they have to give him a free thing. So they give him a free thing and then he just hank because they can't really say anything and then everybody at the coffee shop just kind of sits there and waits for him. And then when he leaves, there's always like a collective like everyone kind of relaxes again, but no one would admit that. No one will admit that no one will say, hey, this isn't great. No one will say that.

Everybody just goes, hey. Hey. So the Starbucks CEO is trying to get people to come back into Starbucks to hang out again. Is this the guy who's commuting via plane? Yeah, from Orange County. He's flying every day. Where is he going?

Seattle? Yeah, Irvine to Seattle. Every day in a plane in a jet. He's required three days a week to be in the office. That's right. He doesn't want to live there. I wouldn't want to live in Seattle either. It's fucking raining. So what he's basically saying he's going get people into Starbucks again to sit down and hang out. We've lost when I grew up in the 90s. People would sit in coffee houses need a big fish bowl size cappuccinos and mocha chinos cafe mochas and they would sit around and they drink coffee and no one cared about

anything. Nobody cared about anything. It was such a lovely time. People just kind of drifted in and out of things. Look at the show friends. It was like an actor and a waitress, and they all were able to live in Manhattan somehow. Lived in fucking Manhattan.

And it was a great example of just, the 90s was like, the 80s were over. The cocaine and empire building, and we're all gonna get rich, and the me generation, that was all kind of, it had subsided, and we're all gonna get rich and the me generation that was all kind of it had subsided and we're all wandering around in this kind of Gen X wasteland of nothingness but it was so nice we just didn't know we didn't appreciate how nice it was until 9-eleven happened and it ended all that we're at the end of

history the whole Fukuyama thing and then 9-eleven happened 9-11. I love 9-11. So 9-11 happened and I remember where I was when it happened. I was sitting in Mrs. Rice's history class in Holy Trinity Diocese in high school in Hicksville, New York. I was sitting there and I was in 11th grade. It was 2001. September 11th, 2001. I might have been in 10th grade. I might have been in 10th grade. 2001. I might have been in 10th grade. 10th or 11th grade. Maybe 10th grade. Could have been 11th grade. It was either 10th or 11th grade. 9-11, 2001. There was a, Miss Rice came in, they called her outside, and she said they're gonna be making an announcement soon.

There was an attack on the World Trade Center in New York and an attack on the Pentagon. And the World Trade Center had been attacked before and it was a small bomb and nobody knew that the buildings had fallen. So it was pretty wild. And Miss Rice was like, hey, there was an attack and some children might be going home early. They might be dismissing some children. And then there was a big announcement at school and we were all like, oh, the Pentagon, this seems serious. And a couple of my friends

were at the library, they were in study study hall They watched the second plane go into the towers this was nuts this was nuts and Everybody didn't know we were all kind of We saw a few of our friends really crying because their parents were dead, but they didn't know it yet their parents were gone and nobody had heard from their parents. Nobody knew who made it out who didn't.

And it was weird. It was the feeling that we'd never had this weird vulnerability you had as a person. Oh, shit can go wrong here in America. Dismissal was regular time and then I think we might've had, I think we did go to school the next day, but maybe we didn't. I don't know, I don't remember. And in the immediate aftermath of 9-eleven There was a feeling of community that we had never had in my lifetime. There were candlelight vigils there were all kinds of

Memorials that would spring up some were local some are very big And President Bush gave that amazing speech Get Bush up at the towers, please when he said The people who did this gonna be hearing from us all like this was the greatest moment It was all downhill from here by the way this thing that Bush did This was the best it got in terms of yeah this this thing right up there and This was the best by the way after this it all went downhill This was the best. I'm not kidding. That's why I have to say it and I don't want people to get offended. I love

9-eleven because I'm not saying I love the death. I'm saying that this is the best it ever got. This was inspiring and it was beautiful and this is George W Bush speaking to a man who I imagine has probably died from mesothelioma because they did kind of lie about what was going on, what was in the air. Doesn't the guy who owns the stand said he was rescuing people in this? I think he might have been. Anyway let's watch this.

It's a very inspiring speech and I remember seeing this as a high school kid Going wow we live in the greatest country in the world and we are going to go And we are going to do and and I mean we are gonna We're gonna win because I thought you could win. I thought there was this there was such a thing as Winning and it would be in our grasp how quaint Let's watch I want you all to know that America today is on bended knee in prayer for the people whose lives were lost here, for the workers who work here, for the families who mourn. This nation stands with the good people of New York City and New Jersey and Connecticut

as we mourn the loss of thousands of our citizens. I can hear you! I can hear you! The rest of the world hears you, and the people who knock these buildings down will hear all of us soon. We need another 9-11. We need it. We need another 9-11. I'm sorry, I'll be the one to say it with a platform.

We need a 9-Eleven like now. Because it was the most beautiful time. I got I'm choked up. This was the most beautiful time in our country's history. This country doesn't work without 9-Eleven. It only works if there's a 9-Ele11 and you gotta explain this to your children. Please explain this to your kids that this country really only works with 9-11. The idea that there could be a 9-11, that there is a 9-11, that there was a 9-11, that more 9-11s are coming, that anywhere at any time there could be a 9-11. That's when America's at its best.

When 9-11ven that's when America's at its best when 9-eleven is every day every day should be 9-eleven Because that was the only time we felt that way that's that special way People were hugging each and listen would it be nice to get there without a 9-eleven yes I mean that great Bill Hicks joke who needs a war to feel Good about themselves. May I suggest sit-ups? Well, we don't do them here, Bill. Sorry, we love you, but 9-11 was it.

You know? And it sucks. Starbucks needs another 9-11 because people would be in Starbucks drinking coffee talking about 9-11. We need it. A terrorist attack will set this country on the right course. An amazing course. A course of beauty. People eating cats and dogs isn't enough. It's not enough

Migrants eating cats isn't making people feel great Can you know Trump imagine that Trump in the middle of that park in Ohio with a megaphone Saying and and we hear you and the migrants who are eating these cats are gonna stop It's just not the same anymore Is it the same and the migrants who eat these cats and dogs are not gonna do it anymore? It just doesn't feel now play play the USA chant, just keep playing this. I mean No, it's already over it's already this is by the way, there's nothing worse when you have a great closer Trying to go back. It's like you get the big laugh and then you keep going

The nation sends its love. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no But I'll tell you this Being a kid and growing up at that time, we were all told that the people who did this hated us for our freedom because we had shopping malls and we had amusement parks and we had cool shit like video games, like Tekken 2 with the bear. Now a lot of them, they didn't have Tekken 2. Get Tekken 2 up please and show people

people didn't have this you see we had tech in two we had tech in three I'm not even going in I'm just saying they didn't have it and that's why they attacked us on 9-11. Then you grew up and then the only way to fix this was to go into their countries, decapitate the leadership of those countries and then encourage democracy because these people people in these countries really wanted democratic pro-western leaders. Ugh. Well, we found out that that wasn't true. It was not true. It just wasn't true.

But we believed it. I believed it. I thought it was a great idea. Give them Tekken 2. Who would fly a plane into a building if they had Tekken 2? So, that was the Bush Doctrine. We were going to preemptively attack and invade countries that may or may not or may in the future harbor terrorists that could get access to weapons of mass destruction.

We could no longer wait till the war came to our shores. It was the prerogative of the United States government to preempt any threat that would come and get us all when we were all on the subway heading to a Yankee game. If we didn't invade Afghanistan and Iraq, the subway cars would fill with sarin gas and you would UGHH Choke and die or there'd be a suitcase nuke. A little nuke in a little roll-on POW!

Terrorism all over the place unless we did these things Unless we solved the problem of the middle-e eat. Well, how are we gonna solve it? Well, they want Tekken 2 then we learned that actually they actually Didn't really want Tekken 2 they did it or Tekken 3 That the country of Iraq was three warring groups of people who hated each other and wanted to kill each other. And the only person that could really keep these three groups in check was Saddam Hussein, a dictator who when one of them tried to kill the other one, Saddam said, I'll kill everybody.

If you don't, have you ever seen a mother at the end of her wits driving her kids around in a minivan and the kids are all fighting with each other and The mother turns around and says some version of I'm gonna kick everyone's ass that was Saddam Hussein Okay, and yes He was a brutal dictator and his sons Uday and Kusay had rape rooms and torture rooms and all of the rooms all of the rooms That you can have when you have ultimate power. But we had imagined that if we just took Saddam Hussein out, then the people in Iraq were going to say, great, thank you and become a Western.

It just wasn't real. The term for this was neoconservatism for those of you who are dummies. Neoconservatism was about a new international rules-based order that was going to be primarily enforced by the United States military or coalition with the US and Britain. They advance a unilateral promotion of democracy and interventionism in international affairs together with a militaristic and realist philosophy of peace through strength. Long story short, it's our job to remake the world in our image so they don't fuck with us. Now, the only thing that that of course leaves out is remaking the world in our image is

The only thing that that of course leaves out is remaking the world in our image is one of the reasons some of these people wanted to fuck with us. And then we had to come to a very uncomfortable place where we kind of lost both those wars. We withdrew from Afghanistan 20 some odd years later. And I don't know what the fuck's going on in Iraq, but it's certainly not what we wanted to happen. So now we've realized that this experiment, this grand experiment that we went on failed. We spent like $8 trillion on these wars. We killed like a million Iraqis. Lots of US servicemen and women died. And we don't feel any safer than we were.

And we don't feel any safer than we were. So the legacy of 9-11 and what happened afterwards was the permanent distrust of the United States federal government when it came to matters of war and peace for people in my generation. COVID, the permanent legacy of COVID, is the complete distrust in our government when it comes to domestic issues. And that's all the issues, foreign and domestic. So in my lifetime, I've seen the two as two of the biggest disasters. I'm not saying this can't be reversed at some So in my lifetime, I've seen the two of the biggest disasters. I'm not saying this can't be reversed at some time in the future, but the legacy of 9-11, the wars that bankrupted America, that did nothing to advance us, and all these people that were so dangerous, that were subscribed to this ideology of radical Islam that was very destructive and dangerous,

all have to be allowed into America now. We spent billions and billions of dollars to try to eradicate these philosophies and ideologies, and it doesn't work. It actually doesn't work. The Taliban's committed. They're true believers. They waited 20 years and now they're back. They're back. And we have to give Israel all this money, billions and billions of dollars, because Israel says, and I'm sure there's elements of truth to this, and a lot of bullshit as well, that the philosophy that animates Hamas cannot, you cannot reason with people that believe this right I don't know that that is true but but the big inconsistency here for

people that are my age is that now all the people who are supposedly so dangerous that subscribed to this murderous ideology that again it was not Islam, we're not talking about the religion, we're talking about this kind of perverted political fusion of Islam, kind of have to be allowed into the United States of America. They have to be allowed here. And if you oppose it in any way, you're some type of a racist or you hate people or you're But you might just be wondering how this all works You know, how is this all gonna work?

That's what people in Europe wonder and that's what people in the UK wonder but that's the legacy of 9-eleven. It's buffoonery from all sides and realist truths about what different people in the world value and actually want. Not everybody wants shopping malls, not everybody wants amusement parks, not everybody wants Tekken 2. There are people that simply want to kill people that disagree with them. And those are cultural beefs that have existed forever that are not my business and they're no one's business. And they're not going to be solved by a McGriddle. You're not going to solve this by giving everyone a McGriddle.

That's the issue. We thought we could. We thought we'd go in there with American capitalism and that everybody who had been warring forever, Sunni and Shiite and Kurd and all that, it was all going to be good. It was all going to be okay if we just went in there and injected some good old fashioned American capitalism. That's why a lot of people in my generation have become sort of, they've embraced this kind of isolationist foreign policy. We don't get excited about the war in Ukraine. We don't get excited about an unending commitment to whatever Israel's doing in Gaza, which is terrible. We don't get

excited about that stuff because we know what happened, we're old enough to remember what happened 20 years ago and we're old enough to remember what happened few you know whenever we withdrew from Afghanistan we've seen it we've watched this movie a miracle will tire of helping the Ukraine this is going to happen a miracle tire of it... someone explained it to me and I thought this was a very smart thing that this person said. They said like interest rates go up and down. Interest rates as a guy in his job, you know, Jerome Powell at the Fed. Let's take the interest rates up. Let's take them down.

There is someone who does that with war. We need a little more war. We need a little less war. We need to get rid of some of these weapons we made. We need to get... we need to cool things down. Things are getting a little more war we need a little less war we need to get rid of some of these weapons we made We need to get we need to cool things down things are getting a little too hot It's hurting some of our other investments and of course we don't like to think about war like that, but that is what it is People go we need a little more. We need a little less, and I'm telling you right now. We need 11 again we need 9-11 again. We need 9-11 again. Because it at least contextualized our lives.

We understood it. But that is the legacy, the permanent legacy of that event until all of us disappear, is that when everybody starts talking about the Ukraine and everyone, and we're gonna do the right, and they start saying Putin's this guy, and we gotta do this because he's that, and we all remember, we all remember it. We remember it. Because when we do this, we have to forget about the Ukraine

and how corrupt it is and how, you know, all of these things, we have to forget about the Ukraine. I'm not saying Ukraine, I don't feel bad for people that live there, but we have to forget every negative thing about the Ukraine, every documentary, every article, everything. And we have to pretend that they are perfect allies.

The same way we had to forget every single person who said, when you go into Iraq, the people are not, you will not be greeted as liberators It's not going to work. You don't understand the culture. You don't understand how any of this works And I don't even know if it was meant to work I know that people made a lot of fucking money and I think maybe that was ultimately the goal was chaos Where a lot of fucking money disappeared and a lot of people got contracts and there was a lot of oil rights and mineral rights and all that stuff and that's what it really

comes down. So when Kamala Harris is up there talking about allies and our commitment to our allies and our commitment to what she's talking about is our commitment to permanent, unending, ceaseless war for profit. And ultimately that will come back here and we will have another 9-11. But maybe that's good. Am I joining the cave? If she, I would be in the cave.

If she came out and said do you remember 9-eleven Do you remember how good it felt to get a hot? cafe mocha after 9-eleven and You sat with people you looked at people you looked in their eyes and you were really with them. You were present. You were present when they talked. You know? And she goes, and wouldn't it be nice, wouldn't it be nice if we had another 9-11 in this country?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all come together again with 9-11. And then we all saw the movie Loose Change, which was, you know, had leftover some weird stuff. Some of it made sense, some of it didn't. There was a big movement to uncover the truth about 9-11. People still ask me, what do I think? I don't know what I think, I don't know.

It's all weird, Saudisis were involved that's coming out But it's also coming out in the Atlantic magazine and if the Atlantic magazine is telling you something is it true I don't know. I don't know what happened. I know 19 hijackers trained some of them in America and Flew these planes into building. I don't know who trained them or why you know I don't I don't really know and flew these planes into building. I don't know who trained them or why. You know, I don't I don't really know. And the 9-11 report, 9-11 commission, people came out and said this commission was set up to fail. Bush and Cheney testified together, sitting next to each other.

You know, nobody really can tell you exactly how anything went down that day. There are great accounts of it for sure. But the larger story and the bigger issue to me is what exactly happened in the years following 9-11 and how much it damaged the credibility of this idea that the United States military was going to make the world safer for Americans It just doesn't make any sense Didn't make any sense But I some of the greatest moments I've had in my life were running around a mall after 9-eleven in Long Island And getting Starbucks

getting Starbucks after 9-eleven in a mall Sorry getting Starbucks after 9-11 in a mall. Sorry, does that make me a piece of shit? Does it make me a piece of shit that some of the greatest moments in my life were drinking Starbucks coffee in a mall after 9-11 and being happy and enthusiastic about the war in Iraq? Because I was very excited about the war in Iraq. I was. I

was. I loved it. I loved the idea of it. We were gonna make that country into a great place. Get up Baghdad. Get up the picture of Baghdad right now. See what's going on over there. Maybe it's better than I think. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm gonna put the picture of Baghdad right now, see what's going on over there. Maybe it's better than I think. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm telling you right now. My friend doesn't have ExpressVPN. And they were thrown in a river by hackers. And their bloated body was found. Because when you're in a river, your body bloats.

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What's going on in Baghdad? Some YouTubers in Baghdad. What happened there? Go to this YouTuber who's in, is Baghdad safe? By the way, there's all these youtubers that just travel around the world There's like some you'll there's like a white guy who goes and hangs out with the Taliban is that why we did the war Is that why we did these wars so that youtubers? 20 years later could go hang out with the Taliban in Afghanistan. He'd be like yeah leg and subscribe

I'm here with the Taliban here in Afghanistan Drinking a mango lass, whatever they fucking have. You guys hungry? Kebabs, lemon. Kebabs? Last time I checked, the best kebab was Yassin. Yassin, not Yassin. Lemon is the best.

We just made every country into just a fat, disgusting pig, pig disgusting pig trough. The best kebab is Yassin. We just made the whole world, Conti Yelpers. That's what we did. That's the American legacy. We've made every country into just Conti Yelpers. The best kebab is Yassin. The other kebab, not as good. Very serious.

Welcome back to Kurdistan. I'm so excited that we're starting with the kebab. Best way to start a trip like this. This is what I'm talking about. I'm going to cut this. That looks good. I think they go to the palace. You want me to skip to that?

Yeah, go to that. Go to the palace. Yeah. Whose palace is that? Saddam. Eerie. This is why we did the war to make YouTube videos. This is the whole reason we did the war, by the way.

The only inhabitants of this palace now is a handful of pigeons living in the giant chandelier up atop. This is actually in better condition with all the woodwork still here than I thought most of the other white walls. Who's the president of Iraq? Completely right now. Who is it? Tulsi Gabbard? Who's the president of Iraq right now? Who's running Iraq? Iraq president.

Okay. Abdul Latif Rashid. Okay. Alright. What's his deal? He's the king. Oh, they're back to that, huh? Oh yeah. That's right. What's his deal? He's the king. Oh, they're back to that, huh? Oh, yeah.

That's right. What is the politics of Iraq? He ratifies the death sentences. I like that. Exercising random presidential powers. Calls together the Council of Representatives. Yeah, yeah. OK, OK.

But what is like the, yeah, I mean, who knows? But here's the deal. It's just, you know, what are you gonna do? This is what we, you know, we went in there, we made a bunch of money. This is what happened. You can't get a perfect result. You're never gonna get a perfect result. People are having kebabs.

They're eating kebabs. It's fine. it's fine. But I'll tell you that, you know, you know what we're eating in this country? Dogs and cats. Our citizens are eating cats. Is that a problem, by the way? Is that a problem to anyone that our citizens in a fentanyl haze are eating cats? Does this bother anyone? Does this bother anyone?

Does this bother anybody? By the way, this is worse than her being a migrant. She's a citizen. Trump should have said that, it's worse. The citizens are eating cats, the citizens. This is a major issue in our presidential election is who's eating cats in our country. country is it natural-born citizens are illegals And I'll tell you this god I miss 9-eleven I

do Not the death not the dying not that but but just the beautiful sweet small-town vibes Like all these country singers. They all sing about small town vibes. They don't know what the fuck, they don't know nothing about a small town vibe. Right after 9-11, you don't know what a small town vibe was. You would just see someone in the deli

and they'd be crying after 9-11. And you would just go up and hug them and say, I'm so sorry. You know? You know? That's what it felt like they would just you would just walk around Nine oh you just it was different. I remember a few like a month later me and my friends went into New York City to get fake IDs and Try to go drink and buy drugs and our parents were like we you shouldn't go into the city because of 9-11.

And we're like, we're not gonna let the terrorists win. And all of our parents, all of our Long Island parents were like, we're so proud of our kids. They said, we're so proud of our kids. And we went into New York City and we did cocaine. But the bigger point is that we were right to go live our lives the way that we should have, you know? And I think today, because I have to leave for my shows in Tampa early, we had to record the episode early,

and I'm kind of glad we did because I just feel like we've lost the thread with 9-11. It feels like it's gone away and we don't appreciate it anymore and what it was and the love, the outpouring of love and the food. Ooh, the food. Oh, the feasting after 9-Eleven. Just the good food

after 9-Eleven. The holidays. You were eating for the people who passed after 9-11 when you went to a Thanksgiving. You were eating. I didn't know anyone who died personally. My father used to go to that restaurant Windows on the World because he was a wine salesman. However, he wasn't there that day. on the world because he was a wine salesman. However, he wasn't there that day. But I mean, I just want to, I wish I could call someone who could back me up on this. Like who could literally back me up on, do you remember what 9-11 was. Because so few people do.

So few people do. My favorite post-9-11 story was my mother was friends with someone who said a family of Arabs, Saudis, somebody disappeared the day of 9-11 or the day before, and their house, they left everything the way it was. We knew this, there was a family in Oceanside, and there was also a family in Florida who did this,

and my mother said that to us. She told that to me and my friend, who were really fucking high, and she came back and she goes, there was a family of Middle Eastern people, and they just disappeared a few days before 9-11 and all their stuff is still in their house. Me and my friend were like, that's fucking nuts.

And we were high in our backyard. But that's true. That's true. That happened. She is a schizophrenic, but that was true. You see? Now, listen, there were some yahoos that did stuff against the Arabs and that was not nice. That wasn't right. But for the most part, it was kind of like, I don't know, I didn't feel like, I mean,

obviously I wasn't, you know, nobody was targeting me. But I felt like there was there was not as many hate crimes as you think. There was a few, but there were not as many hate crimes as you think against people from the Middle East. I think, you know, obviously it wasn't perfect. It was not perfect. Okay. Okay But we did a lot we came out we said hey this isn't a religious war You know Hate crimes against Arabs and Muslims rose post 9-eleven while other groups showed decrease well yeah of course of course it rose of Course it rose, but you know what by how much? Of course it rose. Of course it rose, but you know what? By how much?

By how much was it such a big deal? Was it such a big deal? Maybe it was and I'm wrong, but I don't think I'm wrong. Go pull up a hate crime. Go to one of them. No, go to one of those examples. Sure, okay. Make it bigger. Well, that's not great. And lighting it on fire. Well, alright. This was two days after 9-11. Few people got carried away. That's the 48-hour rule. That should be like the five-second rule where you got carried away. That's the 48-hour rule.

That should be like the five-second rule where you drop a cheeseburger, you can still pick it up. That 48-hour rule is if you burn down a Pakistani restaurant within 48 hours of 9-11, it should not be held against you. TimDillacomedy.com, for all of the new dates, if you want to see me, we have a show coming out. Netflix, October 1st. I have decided to

bring back something about the 90s that I always loved and I miss and we are very excited to show it to you. I will say this I'm very happy with it I'm very proud of it. I'm not always happy with everything I do and I always I'm always honest about it right but this I am particularly happy with how it came out it's exactly what we wanted. And if we end up doing more of them, we think we can go to some really cool, crazy places with this show that we did.

That's very interesting. And the show is a six-part series that examines how Winston Churchill was actually the real villain of World War II. It's called World War II a nuanced take by Netflix and Tim Dillon.