The Tim Dillon Show - 417 - Trumps Cabinet
Episode Date: November 16, 2024Tim talks about appreciating the moment, the random circus, Armie Hammer’s podcast with his mom, the presidential cabinet picks, RFK’s fat map, food influencers and why Gen Z is staying in. Ameri...can Royalty Tour 🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillon SPONSORS: The Wellness Company  Say bye to sick inconveniences or panic. Get your medical emergency kits using my code TIMD and save up to $40 dollars, plus get free shipping. PrizePicks Download The App & Use Code ‘TIM’ and get $50 instantly when you play $5 Omaha Steaks Our listeners get an extra thirty dollars off with Promo Code TIM and a thirty-dollar reward card when you shop early. That’s fifty percent off at OmahaSteaks.com and an extra thirty dollars off with Promo Code TIM. Mint Mobile That’s MINTMOBILE.com/Tim. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.com/Tim. Blue Chew BlueChew.com & Use Code: ‘TIM’ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
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pin comment below ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tim Dillon show again from a studio in Miami
the very kind people here we do pay for it so i mean it's not super kind of course you know we
are doing the right thing buy them financially but um we are happy to be here. We've been down, I've been down in Florida for a few weeks in Palm Beach, just kind of hanging out, because it is a moment in history that I don't
think we fully appreciate. I don't think anybody fully appreciates what's happening. This is,
you know, and you don't have to like it to appreciate it. That's the other thing.
You don't have to like it.
You might be terrified of it.
You might be scared of it.
You know, I'm just saying to observe, which is what I do,
I'm not, people are like,
are you there to become part of the, yeah,
that's what I'm, I'm the secretary of education now.
No, I'm there to'm the secretary of education now. No
I'm there to have dinner and have coffee and observe and hang out and chat and see what's going on I find it all very interesting. It's fascinating and and so should you
Everybody wanting and yelling and going this is the end of America, but isn't that a thing at least?
Shouldn't you be excited about that?
I mean, think about it.
Let's say it is.
I'm not saying it is.
I don't think it is.
But let's say it is the end of America.
It is at the very least interesting
to watch it happen.
I don't believe it is.
But for the people that believe it is and they're like we're tuning out
Wait, what why I?
Understand they're depressed and I get it
but if
It is all the things that you think it is you got it. You got a key in you got a you got a you got a
appreciate
What is happening.
Armie Hammer is the secretary of the interior.
And I don't know if I love that.
But I'm not questioning the things.
Tulsi Gabbard is now the director of national intelligence.
Find the message from a few years ago
where Tulsi Gabbard asked to get on my podcast
and then respond to her right now.
Go, hi, hi, hun, just saw this now.
Just respond to Tulsi, go, hey, hun, sorry,
just saw this now, loved the book.
Anyway, I got a couple of names for her.
She's the director of National Intelligence.
Oh, I got a couple of names and I'm not saying they're doing the wrong thing.
I'm just saying let's look into it.
I have a couple of names.
Call me Tulsi.
I've got a couple of names.
That's all.
Couple of names.
But we should have had her on maybe. What do you have it?
Whoever ran your social media two years ago wrote back there they said hi Tulsi this is
blank I'm helping Tim with his social media I'll let him know now you reached out. Did
that person tell you Tulsi reached out? No and that person is on the list. That's one
of the names the person who was trying to build my social media, which was fake.
Like your friends that we hired who were fake. They're all fake, these social media people.
No one can make you famous by the way. Anyone spending money on people trying to make you famous? Ain't nobody gonna make you famous.
They're gonna steal your money. That's all they're gonna do. I'm telling you right now, they're gonna steal your money.
All you kids out there with dreams of being famous, steal your money. That's all they're gonna do. I'm telling you right now, they're gonna steal your money.
All you kids out there with dreams of being famous,
you don't wanna walk into Geico,
you don't wanna process the accident report,
you don't wanna, I get it,
you wanna live a different life,
and you wanna get, you know, I get it.
I know what you wanna do, I feel ya,
I'm not judging you, but just know
that there's nobody out there
that's gonna make you famous.
It's not going to happen.
They are vultures.
They are there to pick the flesh off your bones before it's even rotted.
That is all they are there to do.
They don't understand the algorithm.
No one understands the algorithm.
That's the point of the algorithm, by the way, is that it keeps fucking you up.
It keeps going left, going right.
And there are people that claim to understand it's like religion.
These people are going, no, no, no, no, I speak for God.
Donate to me. Give me the money. I speak for the Lord.
You want to go to God? You talk to me.
All of these people that are coming and telling you that they have this understanding of the
algorithm that's going to elevate your content and make you famous.
That's not true.
The only thing that's going to make you famous is a compulsive desire to post content to
a point where people, they just get worn down by it.
They have to accept it.
That you break them down.
It's the way, if you want to be famous, go read a book about how the prisoners at Guantanamo
Bay were tortured.
They would break them down.
They broke them down.
And that's what you're going to have to do to your audience.
You break them down to the point where they start to lose it, and they accept you as some kind of Christ-like messiah figure
because you've posted 10,000 videos of you eating sausage rolls in your car in a McDonald's parking lot.
They just can't stop watching.
People have to hate you now to love you.
The Costco guys are a perfect example of it.
The goal is to be cringe.
The goal is to have people vomit
when you post something.
They should vomit.
They should question their life.
The Costco guys were on the Tonight Show.
It works, but the vultures and the
people that claim to have knowledge of how that all happens is completely untrue. Nobody told the
Costco guy that he was going to get famous going, double chalk chalk the cookie. Nobody understands why any of it's happening. It's all random.
So anybody that you are paying
or you're giving a percentage of your money to
who claims to be some Svengali,
who claims to know,
who claims to be a wise seer of truths,
nobody knows.
You gotta hop to on that thing.
Boom, famous. It's just what it is.
Except what it is. And I'm not... I don't... and I also don't hate the scam.
I got scammed fair and square. I lost money fair and square. There's nothing
wrong with that. I got beat. There's nothing wrong with getting beat. I got beat by some
Persian Jews in Beverly Hills and by the way that's the way it got beat. There's nothing wrong with getting beat. I got beat by some Persian Jews
in Beverly Hills and by the way that's the way it should be. That's the way it should be. You should
get beat by Persian Jews in Beverly Hills. That's a good way to get beat. My whole life I wanted to
get beat like that. Finally I got beat at a high level in the top zip code in the country 90210.
I got beat.
I sat there like a fool, and they said, we know the secret.
Well, I believe you, and I got beat.
That's all it is.
There's nothing wrong with it.
It's all right.
You're not going to avoid it.
Just know what's happening and try to limit who beats you and how. So
just there should be nothing more clear in this landscape of the internet that
no one knows anything. That should be the golden rule right now. Nobody knows
anything. It is a completely random circus that you may or may not plug into or be a part of but there is no
Expert that is going to tell you how to be the Rizler that just doesn't happen
You're either the Rizler or you're not now army hammer good friend of ours friend of the show friend of the show army hammer is
Doing a podcast now with his mother.
You know, Armie Hammer obviously was a very successful actor,
and he's had some problems because people claimed he was a cannibal
or might not have been a cannibal, but he had a fetish.
He had a kink.
His defense, I think, is that he was having a little fun telling
women that he wanted to eat their heart and eat them or
drink their blood. Fun kind of kinky stuff. It's what a guy like Armie Hammer eventually gets into,
a guy that looks like Armie Hammer. Sex isn't enough. I think he's had enough sex. He's a hot
guy. He was rich. He was famous. He's had enough sex. There's nothing that hold like he's not
standing at a bar going, I wonder if any of these women will fuck me. That's over for him. He's had enough sex. There's nothing that hold like he's not standing at a bar going. I wonder if any of these women will fuck me.
That's over for him. He's going will any of these women let me eat their kidney
Because that's what I need to come at this point in my life
Now his claim is that it's all fake
That it's not true that it's a true, that it's a kink, that he's doing it basically because it gets him
off. So we don't want to kink shame him. Of course, we take a stand against cannibalism on the show
and always have, except for very specific instances where native cultures, indigenous cultures,
practice cannibalism, because it's not my business. And that's the new world, by the way.
We're heading back to this isolationist 1900s foreign policy of like, it's not, I don't judge
the cannibals on the island, I can't pronounce the name of, it doesn't matter. But Armie Hammer,
who's in our society, who's playing by the rules of our society. So now he's doing a podcast with his mother
because he's trying to come back.
And can we play some of this because it is...
Yeah, he's trying to get heat.
I root for him.
He wants this.
Armie wants this.
And let's say, and you know Armie's talking to these Persians too. They're going,
we'll help you. Oh, Army, we'll help you. It's okay. What'd you say? You wanted to eat a woman's
liver? Don't worry about it. We'll get you. Army, it's all the algorithm. You got to get plugged
into the algorithm. You're a good looking cannibal. You're doing a podcast with your mother.
We got the brand deals. We got the deals, Army. Put it on the desk.
Why don't you drink Celsius water? Drink gulps of Celsius water in between
telling your mother you want to eat women. Let's see Army Hammer here.
For a while, because I said I don't need a pastor, I need a mom.
You're called to be an actor, I'm called to be an evangelist.
Beautiful. And that is my calling. I brought you into this world. I'm responsible for your
well-being. And when I come in your apartment, if you can call it that, and
there is a table with Hindu gods and meditation things and demonic pagan gods. I struggle with that.
God gave me my two sons as a gift.
And you are the only family member
out of all of Doug Mobley's relatives
that don't believe in the one true God.
And I know you will because he's betrayed.
Here's the problem with the internet.
This is already better than The Sopranos,
which was the greatest show that's ever made. So The Sopran Sopranos, which was the greatest show that's ever made.
The Sopranos, in my estimation, is the greatest show that's ever made. This podcast clip is already better than The Sopranos.
Armie Hammer's mother is a Christian evangelist. She's yelling at him for having Hindu pagan gods on the table of his
apartment, which she insults him for having an apartment that is small.
his apartment, which she insults him for having an apartment that is small.
She may have missed the news where he lost his entire career and a lot of his money.
So Armie Hammer's mother, who's like, looks like,
you know, like a mega church Christian pastor,
like somebody would hop off a G5 and go to the church and get everybody revved up.
Armie Hammer's mother is really struggling with her son living in a small shitty apartment
and worshipping, you know, Ganesh, the elephant.
I love Ganesh.
That's the elephant, the Hindu elephant.
And then there's Vishnu.
There's a lot of them.
I'm not going to go through them, but we don't have the time and I don't know any more of
them.
I know Vishnu and I know Ganesh.
I know Shiva. I know a few. I know a few. Now, this woman here is haranguing her son for, I guess,
because he's converting or trying to appreciate Hindu. This is LA. This is what happens.
You pretend to be gay in a movie. You pretend to eat
Timothy Chalamet's ass. You get busted for being accountable.
You deny it. You say, I'm not really accountable. You lose
your acting opportunities. You lose your money. You move into a
small apartment and you start worshiping Hindu gods. What did
his mother think this was? This is what you do. That's actually the actual chart
of what happened in his life and nothing makes more sense than that. Remember when Armie Hammer
was selling his car and he was sad about that? He was sad he was selling his car. He's like,
well, I guess I'll take 10 grand for it. The guy's got no money. He's got to believe in something. And he probably doesn't want to believe in the Christian thing because that was
his mother. And that led him down the road where he wanted to start drinking blood. So he goes,
let me give the Hindu. Now, do the Hindus want him? This is a fair question. Do Hindus want Armie Hammer as their newest convert?
Do they want him?
There's no way.
Hindu culture is interesting.
I don't know much about it.
I know there's, I think there's, isn't there that temple in Malibu that's really beautiful?
Yeah, the one on, yeah.
That's beautiful.
Do they have services there?
Yeah, I think you can just go. Should we go to should we take Army Hammer to that beautiful Hindu temple in Malibu?
Sure.
Because I don't I don't know about the services.
I know that Christians and Jews and Muslims, but I don't know about the Hindu services.
They're they condemn cannibalism and Hinduism too. Yeah.
Now, can we watch a little more of this podcast with Armie Hammer and his mother?
Armie, there's a way back, buddy, and you're doing it.
You're doing the work.
The movies are dead anyway.
You're much more interesting as a cannibal with an evangelical Christian mother than
you were as just some hot rich guy.
Now you may disagree with that.
You may want to go back to just being some hot rich red carpet guy, but I'm telling you
right now, this is a lot more fun for the rest of us.
Army, the first years of your life were very fun for you. Now it's fun for us. This is fun for the rest of us. Armie, the first years of your life were very fun for you.
Now it's fun for us.
This is fun for the audience.
This is much more fun for the audience.
Now, can we just watch this?
I don't think you understand how happy I am.
Oh, this one, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please, let's watch this.
I mean, this is-
Him solo, here we go.
The look in his eyes.
The first day of filming, I showed up on set.
I'm so nervous.
Set?
What do you mean set?
I think he's back working on some sort of like indie smaller project.
Oh interesting.
Oh good.
It's a return to Grey's arc.
Oh good let's watch.
Do this, what if I don't know what to do, like all this stuff and then the minute Travis
the director said action
the first time I was like oh wait this is what I love this is what I love to do
this is what I've done for most of my life I've said so many times to people
that I've been talking to over the last week how grateful I am to just be here and be on set
I'm by the way I root for Armie Hammer. I do. I want him back.
He was a good actor. He was, I think he was acting to, I don't think he's a real cannibal.
I don't think he has it in him, personally. No offense.
I think he was acting and going, what if I was a cannibal? I think actors, their lives, their inner lives are so dull and boring. They are husks. And if they don't keep
getting stimulation from outside of themselves, they retreat into this incredibly dull space where
they need to invent things that are interesting. And I think he goes, well, what if I was a
cannibal? What if I interfaced with the
world as accountable? Maybe I'm accountable. No, you're just kind of this boring guy in my estimation.
And he probably said some things to the ladies that didn't make them feel super great. And they
got upset. Now, I don't know what else he's accused of, but I don't think it was like the R word,
right?
No, it was just a lot of sort of like questionable conversations.
Right, right.
Hey, hey, hey, that's my living is questionable speech.
Let's watch a little bit of him and the mother and then we'll get out of here.
But I root for him.
I want him to come back.
And I think with the new administration and the idea that cancel culture has gone too far.
I think.
People accept Armie Hammer back, I'm predicting I'm throwing it out there.
I'm I'm no Long Island medium, or maybe I am, but I'm just going to say I predict predict army hammer in this climate has an easier time coming back
Yes, I believe so. I
Remember saying this guy's really creepy. I remember the response being how dare you say that about a man of God?
Like oh, okay
I can't say anything and it's just it just just getting weirder and weirder.
At one point he was on a family trip with us and sexually abused me in grandma and grandpa's
house.
But again, we're thinking, oh my gosh, you're going to my parents' house with these godly
people, your youth pastor.
But that's what I'm saying.
Maybe God is not enough of a protection.
I know a lot of it is my failure as a mother because I did not
Protect you from a molester. I take a hundred. This is very heavy now now He's talking about being molested and she's saying I failed as a mother. I didn't protect you as a molester
We're and then Tom Arnold comments. This is fucking amazing powerful shit. You are so good at podcast getting validation from your mom
I'm jealous. She is so cool and attractive Tom
Tom
Tom was that necessary that last two words Tom
She was so cool and attractive heart Tom Tom. They're talking about that
He was molested by a youth pastor. Is this the time to Riz his mother? And yes, I say Riz because I'm 17 years old
Everyone after Trump's election. everyone just got 20 more years you just set yourself
you're now young again we're all teenagers again and it's all fun again
we're all 17 years old so Tom Arnold is rizzing up Armie Hammer's mom as she
learns about her son's molestation. And you know what?
In prior times, I would think that's inappropriate.
Now I'm thinking about it.
It's as good a time as any, Tom.
It's as good a time as any to get in there
and point out that this woman is put together.
She did do a good job.
I don't know how old she is,
but however old she is, she did a great job.
Let's talk about these cabinet appointments because I might be one of them. I'm thinking, I'm hearing, I don't know, this is being bandied about. I might come on board here.
I'm going right now. My main goal is to get is to help RFK get a warning label on the uncrustable
because it is kind of one of those things
you just put in your mouth and then you can't stop.
You don't know what's going on.
One of the only good things about Joker 2, by the way,
which is now the biggest news story in the world
that I told the truth,
but now we're in an era of truth telling.
It was endless uncrustables,
both the grape and the strawberry.
It was endless uncrustables, both the grape and the strawberry. But RFK now is Secretary of Health and Human Services.
So he is out there and they, the FDA and the CDC now fall under his control.
And so here are the people that we know.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Attorney General Matt Gaetz. Now, Matt Gaetz might
not get confirmed because there are issues with Matt Gaetz. They're saying he helped up with a
minor, the 17-year-old, that he might have human traffic. But here's my thing, folks. Let's be very
honest right now. If we're going to say that human trafficking is just a non-starter we're gotta kick everybody
out everybody's leaving Washington and by the way he trapped there it's only
one person he trafficked folks this is not the time to be a prude.
This guy trafficked maybe one person.
And by the way, trafficking one person,
that's not like an operation.
That's like something that can happen easily.
Do you ever drive through the different states
and then they go, welcome to Connecticut.
And you're like, shit, I'm in Connecticut.
You didn't even know you're in Connecticut.
You just trafficked a minor. You didn't realize it. You don't know. This is easy.
Oh, you're in Washington. Now you're in Virginia. Now you're in Washington. It happens very quickly.
Very quickly, you're in and out of these states. You may have just trafficked a minor you were
having sex and doing drugs with, and I'm not for it. It's not good. It's not good if it happened.
The Biden era justice department
didn't bring a case against him, which is odd.
There is an ethics panel investigation coming out
that's probably not ideal.
But here's what we're saying.
The minor and the drugs, not great,
but the trafficking is easy to do.
I have driven to Connecticut for soup.
It is very easy to cross state lines.
That's all I'm saying.
Yes, the minor in the drugs is not ideal.
I've said that now seven times.
My point is the trafficking into, all right.
Let's move on to Pete Hegseth, who was on Fox News
and the Defense Department is shocked
because he was on a morning, not the morning
show.
What was he on?
The five?
What was he on?
Wasn't it Fox and Friends?
Maybe Fox and Friends.
He was on the morning show and people don't like that he is maybe the defense secretary
because he doesn't, I mean, he served in Iraq and Afghanistan.
He was a national guard guy.
He went to Harvard, went to Princeton, smart, got some tats.
He's into the Crusader stuff.
He's into maybe a little Knights of Malta.
He might be a little bit of a radical.
Fox and Friends. Yeah. Fox and Friends. Wow.
But this whole thing is supposed to be anti-war, right? That's what we're doing. So who cares who the secretary, we're not going to war. That's the whole point. So you can pick him, you could pick
my friend Greg Gutfeld. It doesn't matter. We're not going to war. You could put cat Tymph in there.
We're not going to war, supposedly. So it doesn't really matter who's the secretary of defense.
Trump is the anti-war candidate. We're not going to war. I don't know if he'll get confirmed. He
might. People get worried because he's got the Crusader crosses on the thing something's got to keep you getting up in the morning
And I don't know much about him
But a lot of these high-end military guys believe that it's their job to run around the world to make everybody Christian
But we're not doing that. So whether he believes that or not, we're not doing it right? No, I ran
We're not going who's
next
Kristi Noem now this woman killed a dog right she shot it in the head or
something in North Dakota oh yeah she shot her dog in the head I think you
should be able to kill your animal but I think she killed did she kill it because
it was suffering is it like the scene in Yellowstone where he breaks the neck of the, I hope that's it.
Puppy killing scandal, cricket.
Yeah, um, Nome was using cricket, 14 months old, as a hunting dog, but when cricket got loose,
attacked a neighbor's chickens and nipped at Nome, she retrieved him and she decided to take him to a gravel pit and shoot him dead. I hated that dog she wrote.
She also used the same occasion to shoot a goat that she also didn't like.
The goat lay there wounded and suffering while she walked back to her truck to reload her gun
and returned to finish it off. What is she the secretary? What is she the secretary of now? Homeland
Security? Well, you know, here's the thing, folks, you know, you want to listen if she's
willing to do that. And by the way, if I'm going to put a positive spin on these, can
someone give me money? I'm sitting here again with no money, not a dollar. Putin, I defend him for
two years. Tim Poole's got a new beanie. I have nothing. I can't afford any. I'm here in Palm
Beach, no Mar-a-Lago meetings, nothing. Okay. I'm eating out of, I went to Bobby and Cheryl,
I'm at the order takeout, it's like we're eating on a cardboard in Dr. Oz's house, which is fine,
God bless them, We wish them well.
But if I'm going to put a positive spin on some
of these cabinet appointments, can I at least get something?
So Kristi Noem, who likes to shoot puppies in the head,
here's what's good about that.
Follow me.
Homeland security is about securing the homeland.
Now, that woman felt that that puppy and that goat were threatening her homeland.
I like the idea that she said you can't attack the neighbor's chickens.
I like that idea.
I think it's a good idea.
Because it's one thing if it attacked her chickens and she got rid of it.
She's protecting her neighbor's chickens.
And that's what the Homeland Security Director kind of does.
Right? That's really what it does is you protect a chicken.
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Okay, CIA John Ratliff. Now here's what's interesting about all the CIA stuff
because they hate Trump. We all know that. They don't like Trump. They don't want a president to
conduct their own foreign policy. They want to manipulate presidents. This is what they do.
John Brennan was incredibly close with Barack Obama. That faction of the CIA is still alive and
well. And here's the thing with CIA agents, they never leave the CIA.
It's like the mafia.
They're still in Reyes talking shit.
Now, do they have the power they used to?
Maybe they do.
Maybe they don't.
They think they do.
We don't know.
Nobody leaves the CIA.
You're never not a spook.
We all think that assassination attempt was
was sus. Again, I'm using all the new
lingo the kids do because I'm genuinely I'm genuinely 19 years old right now.
Now, John Ratliff, Trump is called a warrior for truth and honesty. Well,
that's good. Ratliff was also declared as the nation's top spy in May 2020,
eight months before Trump left office.
So this guy, this is a qualified guy.
The CIA is like, it's got its tentacles
into all different types of industries.
And I'm not saying that in a paranoid way.
I'm saying that it is a well-known and established fact
that the intelligence community in America
is incredibly powerful and it just has been forever
since Alan Dulles set it up, since the OSS became the CIA.
The FBI is very powerful, the CIA is powerful,
and the NSA is listening to this podcast right now
and hopefully enjoying it.
But all of these,
this labyrinth of intelligence agencies, there's different factions in all of them. There are
people that are pro-Trump. There are people that are anti-Trump. There's people that think we need
more interventionism in the world. There's people that think overwhelming majority of intel people at the higher level
seem to not like Donald Trump. And they're certainly not rejoicing at the fact that he
got elected again. People like James Clapper, John Brennan, all these guys. And we've talked
about it on the show before. They are Obama appointees.
They have a certain worldview. They are Clinton people. They're Obama people.
They do not like Donald Trump. Now, how far are they willing to go?
We don't know. We don't know. We don't know.
What we are saying is that's going to be a sticky situation, perhaps.
An intelligence war if Trump gets elected. Are they going to go purge
the people in intelligence who now the people in intelligence are going to lie. They're going to
go, we love you. And they're going to put the MAGA hat on, but we know that they might not necessarily
love the agenda. And you don't have to love the agenda, but are they actively working against
the president? Are they actively working against his
administration? These people are all very good at what they do, which is skullduggery, treachery.
It's what gets them off. It's fun. If army hammer wasn't doing his thing, that's the other option.
You're either a high level actor. You go to the CIA. That's really it. You are a high level actor or you go to the CIA, meaning like
you just somebody gives you a role to play. You're either doing it on Netflix or you're
doing it you know in Moscow or something. So that's going to be interesting. Another director of
intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, who I did not have on my podcast and I am I am now going to pay for
that probably. Give me six months. Let me get in shape in six. Put me in there for six. Put me in
the hole. Put me in the hole for six. No, I'm kidding. I'm going to respond and go, sorry just
saw this, hon. She's the Director of national intelligence. Hon. Sorry, just saw this. Madam
director. I'll respond like that. Let me respond like that. Madam director, madam, madam, madam
director, it is Tim Dillon. And I am sorry, I just saw this message to about promoting your book,
which I find very fascinating about the
She's into the Hawaii, right? That's her whole thing. Aloha the concept of Aloha
She said Aloha Tim in the message to you. She said Aloha Tim. Well, I like that. What is that? Aloha because it can mean anything right? It's hello. Goodbye peace. Shalom the whole thing, but I like her because she's not into these wars
You know
because she's not into these wars. You know?
Lee Zeldin, this freak, he ran against Kathy Hoecherl
in loss, but I'm sure he's a good person.
I don't know anything about him.
Lee Zeldin, the former congressman from Long Island.
Let me tell you right now, folks,
I've always said that Long Island, New York,
produces the most capable, competent, honest,
and honorable people.
He voted against clean water legislation at least a dozen times
and clean air legislation at least half a dozen times.
Well, how about this? Can we say this?
He likes air more than water
and by a considerable margin, about 50%.
But a lot of these, these legislations, they say it's for clean water, but then,
you know what I mean? Is it really, is it really clean water? There's a lot of stuff going on,
truly. It's easy to say you voted against the Clean Air Act.
But what is that act?
Like, that's the whole thing.
You'd have to dig into that because here's the deal.
All of this stuff that they're offloading on people for the, you know, when they took
up the Green New Deal, they took about environmentalism, a lot of the burden for that is shouldered
by lower middle class people. Congestion pricing hits people that take Ubers to work, that have no money, raising the price
of gas hurts middle class people.
We don't see millionaires and billionaires making huge sacrifices for the planet.
If we did, it might be easier to get more people on board with the idea
that we should have a cleaner, more energy efficient society. But we see a lot of that burden
being shouldered noticeably by lower and middle income people. And I think that that's the problem
with a lot of this environmental stuff that they do. Which I don't, I'm not against by the way.
I want, you know, here's a great thing about RFK. He was an environmentalist
for his whole life. And he said, I went to people, I didn't use the word global warming,
because it was politically reactive. He said, I went to hunters, I went to fishermen. And
I said, Do you want clean rivers? Do you want clean forests? Do you want healthy animal
populations? And they all said, Yes. So he was able to pivot the conversation away
from just, hey, here's this politically divisive issue
we can fight about.
He was able to reframe it as, hey,
here are things we should all care about
and that affect you in your daily life.
So Lee Zeldin, we got to get to know Lee.
And what's Lee up to?
What's what are they doing with him?
EPA, Environmental Protection Agency.
Well, you know where he stands.
We can't get too nuts with protecting the environment.
We have to ride the line.
I'm telling you, I know that that sounds crazy,
but if you're going to protect the environment
at the expense of people's lives, it'll never work.
Worrying about the environment, there's a luxury to that. And I know that people are getting mad
at me now, and they think it's ridiculous, and I'm even saying this, but there's a luxury to
being able to worry about
if you do not have food, if your kids do not have clothes,
if you cannot afford things, if you are out of work,
or if you are working multiple jobs
and you can barely, you barely have the time
to try to be a parent to your children,
your first thought is not the environment, it's true.
So the material considerations of people's lives
are incredibly important.
And it doesn't, you know, it doesn't mean that it obviously is worthwhile to protect the environment.
But you have to sell it. Everything in America has to be sold.
We just talked about this on the Patreon with Ray.
You got to sell to people. You got to sell them the car.
You can't just go, look, it's a car. You need a car.
There's a lot of things for people to care about, okay?
You got to sell them the idea that the environment matters to them. Sell it to them. This idea that
you don't have to sell things to people anymore and that you're just going to sit there like a
member of the Brahmin class, a priest, and people are going to come to you and ask to be absolved
for their sins, which is what the modern Democratic Party is.
It's become this thing where you're supposed to get absolved for your sins. I'm sorry I didn't care about the people.
I'm sorry I didn't care about the environment.
Obsolve me. Tell me what to do. The holy water. Annoy me and then send me into that and tell me what to do.
I'll vote for whoever.
Elise Stefanik, who Trump once said was dressed like a couch, which I thought was very funny.
He said that to someone.
She is going to work at the UN.
And now let's not lose too much time with her because we want to get to RFK, who I am
excited about.
We should be excited about him.
You all should be. This guy is going to try. This is his passion. He wants to make you
healthier. I don't know if it's going to work. I don't know. I'm unaware. I think it's gonna be harder for him
to clean out these health agencies.
Then I think it'll be harder for him to do that
than it will be with the CIA.
I think Nestle is more powerful than the CIA.
I believe that.
I believe these corporations are so deeply entrenched
that whatever he's gonna do is gonna be very difficult.
Because I think he's gonna come out swinging.
And I've been very clear about my want and desire
for him to ban things.
Ban the McGriddle. Ban things. Don't give, you had the
McMuffin, you had the biscuit. Then you go let's put it on two little hot
cakes where they have exploding syrup pellets in them. So when you eat them the
syrup, we can't do it. You got to ban stuff. Ban the brown sugar oatmeal. No one's buying the
regular oatmeal if the brown sugar is there. Ban the variety pack that has apples and cinnamon,
brown sugar, and then the peaches and cream. RFK said you're either given KFC or Big Macs. That's when you're lucky.
And the rest of the stuff I kind of consider, I kind of consider inedible.
But Trump runs on this stuff and he does well with it.
Rfk better not try to take the Big Mac out of Trump's hand.
He'll be out of there.
He will be out of there.
But I'm telling you right now, RFK is going to have to ban,
get into the school lunches, and start really working and changing the habits of the children young.
Obesity map reveals states RFK Jr. might target first they got a fat map here and he's coming
do you understand this get the fat map up what are our fattest states Louisiana Arkansas Alabama
Mississippi Oklahoma West Virginia Iowa RFK is going to go on a tour of our fattest states
in Iowa. RFK is going to go on a tour of our fattest states.
And he's going to go on a tour and he's going to tell people it's enough.
It's over.
It's over.
He's going to take it.
There should be a press photo of him taking something out of someone's hand, just a 400 pound woman standing there
in Alabama and he takes a biscuit right out of her hand and the headline is, it's over.
It's over now.
He's got to get tough.
We cannot, I'm telling you, he he, you want to talk about a dictatorship.
The one area that we really need fascism in this Fascism food. We need it. Me and Ray used to drive through
Taco Bell at 1.45 and get the Baja Chicken Gordita. Bring it back, cowards. We would
get, I would get a Mexican pizza. I would get a little, and then I would get a supreme cheese pizza with the sauce.
And I would dunk it in the tomato sauce
and eat the cheese pizza.
And then after that, you would eat the Baja Gordita,
which was kind of zesty and spicy.
Shut it down.
And I would do this at 2 a.m.
You have to shut it down.
If this man does not do that, we are doomed.
He has to stop it.
Shame the people, shame me.
Don't give me the option.
Don't give my friends the option.
Don't give any American the option
at two o'clock in the morning.
We've got to get used to less freedom with this.
I'm telling you, you might
not like this. You might be going, well, this isn't really where Tim Dillon usually, I'm telling you
right now, if he does not get in, he's got to go into Jimmy Dean with the military and go, you can't
feed these little maple sausage biscuits to people in the mornings, they're dying. You're killing people. Gotta say
that to Jimmy Dean. You're killing people with your little breakfast sandwiches and your little
frozen bread. There's a whole genre now of people on the internet who are killing and poisoning
their own children in front of you. They take processed food, they buy it like Costco or BJ's and then they make it in front of you on that black stone they
have. All these animals have black stones now. They're all... that's for a fucking
diner. You're not supposed to have that. Will you make hash browns with the thing?
People are buying commercial food. they're going to restaurant supply stores
they're buying commercial food and then in their houses they're cooking it like they're a short
order cook in the diner they're cracking nine 19 eggs they got the hash browns going you see this
on instagram they're chopping it up they think they they're in Benihana. They have, they have, they make pancakes.
They have a pancake batter in like a squeezy bottle,
and they make like 40 pancakes on the Blackstone.
And then all of their obese children
crawl out of like a tub, a pit, and then they feed them.
And then they feed these little pigs.
They crawl out of this pit, and all the comments are stop doing it,
why are you doing this?
Why don't you give your children better food?
And it's a fat woman who's like,
you don't like what I feed my kids?
Fuck you.
That's the, this is the whole dynamic of the internet now.
People go eat at gas stations and then they're like, this is British guys like,
oh I'm at a gas station so I stopped in, I stopped in Ternandos, I went to Gregg's and I got a corn
beef pasty. Can we play a little Cory's World please? Play a little Cory's World. Charlie
Arden. Charlie Arden. Corey's world on TikTok.
Get army hammer out of here.
He's hot.
We're not, we're not, we've moved on.
We're in another segment.
Corey's world on TikTok.
Now I don't begrudge him.
These people are getting paid to eat.
Had I known I could have done this years ago,
this is not him on TikTok Corey's world.
He's British and he's got four friends
and they're all behemoths.
And they go to different gas stations
and grocery stores in Britain and they eat the food.
And then they put it on TikTok
and they're earning money doing this.
There it is.
Play Chippy Tea, Play Chippy Tea.
Chippy Tea.
My name's Corey, and my tea of choice tonight
is a Rissol and I got fish and chips and curry sauce.
I'm Charlie Anne and I've got gravy.
Gravy.
A large shawty and batter and a broken Rissol.
Stunning.
Stunning. Stunning!
Hi, I'm Becky Jones and I've got a rissole,
some mushy peas, a battered sausage, a potato fritter,
and some chips and curry on top.
I did try a...
A savaloy.
Savaloy!
I did!
I did try a savaloy.
Wasn't that fust on it, but I'm excited to tuck in.
My name's Leah and I've got two Savaloy's
because Becky didn't like air wine,
so thanks for that back.
It's all right.
I love a Savaloy, cheesy chips,
and I've got a curry sauce.
All right, get this out of here.
Here's my point about all of this, okay?
These people are famous.
Remember when we thought it was all kind of silly
that like reality stars got famous
after they had been on like Survivor, okay?
We're all like, or the Real Housewives, okay?
People are now famous because they're eating,
they're sticking their finger in a jar of mayonnaise
and licking it off and
People know who they are now and they they have fit which famous are a destabilizing thing
By the way, if you're famous on any level for any reason is weird
Can you imagine how weird it is to be famous for eating gas station sandwiches?
Are you the God it that just doesn't stop eating?
Yeah, that's me
So you're the God it eats beans every day. Yeah, that's me.
So you're the guy that eats beans every day.
Yeah, that's me.
That's not supposed, this is destabilizing the people.
It's weird.
I'll be in LA and they'll point to some table
and they go, that guy's super famous.
And I go, why?
And they go, he's the biggest travel,
whatever in the world.
He like dives into waterfalls or whatever bullshit thing
that people watch, right?
Who cares?
And I go, okay, fine, whatever.
And then you'll look up the content.
And then some of it's interesting,
like, oh, this guy's traveling all over the world
and him and his chick are hot.
And they, you know, again, look, we're in the Maldives.
Do you know what you have to explain now to people?
That guy's the guy who him and his wife
eat at the gas station every day.
And they put up videos of themselves
choking down egg salad at the gas station.
That's why they're famous.
Who is that?
Do we know them?
Are they on a show?
No, have you ever seen the video
where the guy drinks gravy?
That's him and his wife do that.
So RFK has to come in here and really get serious quickly.
We have crossed the line here. Secretary of the Interior Doug Burgum, billionaire,
North Dakota, fine, boring, he'll do great. Next guy, Doug Collins, Veterans Affairs, fine, fine,
who even cares? It's fine. Suzy Wiles, Chief of Staff, JD Vans, James Blair, Taylor Budovich, Stephen Miller, Dan Scavino, Vivek Ramaswamy and Elon
Musk, Government Efficiency or DOGE, the Department of Government Efficiency.
Howard Lutnick and Linda McMahon will be the transition officials. Linda McMahon, whose
husband Vince McMahon, of course, is the proprietor of the world wrestling. You know, and he's had his issues, of course, recently.
Right, hasn't he had his issues with the,
wasn't he accused of human trafficking?
This is the problem, folks.
Are we all not in some way trafficking humans?
By the way, that's if I'm Diddy's lawyer,
it's the first thing I say.
I go, aren't we all, because people are so stupid now. This is the thing, that's if I'm Diddy's lawyer, it's the first thing I say. I go, aren't we all because people are so stupid now.
This is the thing.
You always wonder you like there's less jobs for lawyers now, but you are.
This is the dumbest the population's ever been.
So it is kind of an interesting happy medium.
Can you get Diddy off?
Maybe you know what I mean?
Like people have never been stupider and their attention spans have never been shorter.
So you wonder what you could get away with.
And I'm not blaming Linda McMahon for her husband's whatever.
And I don't even know what he did.
I watched a documentary.
It came out the same day as my show.
This is your country on Netflix.
And it helped bury my show because everybody wanted to see that. Is this from something in May 2020, Grant
McMahon and a personal friend of McMahon engaged in a threesome and at one point McMahon allegedly
defecated upon Grant. McMahon temporarily retired to the restroom to clean himself at
which point the threesome continued for an hour and a half with grants still covered in McMahon's feces.
Well, does it mean that his wife's not going to be good to transition? Cause he's shit
on it. Cause he's shit on the guy the threesome. Isn't that what about
is some, I don't know what it was. I don't know. It's easy to shit yourself, right? That's
not hard. I can see you shitting yourself in a threesome. And I think, and by the way,
this is a political show, but I could see shitting yourself in a threesome. And then
also it's a sign of respect for the person not to remove your shit. Right? Yeah. Cause
that's what it really was. It continued for an hour and a half with Grant still covered in McMahon's feces.
That's interesting.
That's interesting.
Well, I guess once you get a rhythm going,
I don't want to, you know, who knows, let's go back to our some of our other stories here.
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Please get up Lori Lightfoot buying a chicken at
Costco. I just want to see it. I just want to see it because she makes me happy and I miss her.
Yeah. Oh God, I miss her. I just miss her. Get her back in government. Trump put her in. Trump put
her in. I know what you're saying, oh, she's a Democrat.
It doesn't matter.
She's fine.
Put her in.
What would you make her?
Anything really.
I mean, here's the thing about Lori Lightfoot, whatever you put her near, she's a criminal
like everyone else that works in any position of power in this country.
So Lori Lightfoot will just do what Lori Lightfoot does, which is pursue her own personal interest at the expense
of others. You know, one of the greatest things I ever did was when I take apart the Lori Lightfoot
limo scandal, where she, you know, ratted on a limo company that supposedly wronged her and then the limo company came back with receipts
about how she was a complete liar and usually companies rarely do that. Usually when you
complain about a company, I think she yelped this, usually they respond to go, hey we're sorry you
had that experience, why don't you call us and we'll go over it. Sorry. They had the receipts and
they came for her and they go you're lying about
everything you said. It was a class episode. But it's good to see her. It's good to see
her that she's doing well. I'd love to see her get involved. I'd love to see her in Washington
to get involved. Gen Z spends more time at home now. They are the generation that is less likely to go out.
They are enjoying hanging out.
I forget what they call them.
I think they call them the Gen Z is the home body generation, according to Bon Appetit magazine.
Zoomers prefer staying at home for Gen Zers who turned 21 during
the pandemic shutdown. Staying home became the default social mode as those young adults
enter their mid-20s and age when prior generations would have been fully in their club going
era. They're reckoning with the pandemic's lasting effect on their attitudes towards
bars and bars are changing to mean well here, here's, there's two things happening.
Okay?
There's two things happen.
Number one, most of these people have seen their friends
go out for years drinking, drugging,
and having random sex with people.
And those friends aren't much happier
and they're not in a better financial position.
And this is where we are turning more to conservatism now
because we're not a country designed for balance.
And for a long time, the ethos was go out and have fun.
Party, life is about having tons of random sex and drinking, drugging, go to Austin,
eat the burger on the donut. The bun is a donut. Go eat tacos drunk. Go walk around
in your sandals in Austin and get drunk. You're not a whore. you're having a good time. And then, you know, or some college frat bro,
don't stop drinking.
Just try to like fuck chicks and get fucked up.
Go out with your bro.
Like that culture of just debauchery,
people are looking at it now and going,
but to what end?
Then what happens?
Then I'm in my 30s. I'm single.
I've got no money saved. I have no career.
I'm living in a city that I can't afford.
I'm hanging out with people that, you know?
So Gen Z is realizing some of this.
And they're going, if I just maybe plan my life differently, I might have a better shot.
I don't think this is a bad thing. I know that Bon Appetit and all these people, like, they're becoming antisocial.
Maybe that's the case. Maybe there is some need for people to go out to bars and go out and see people and have friends.
We get it. However, thinking strategically about your life at a young age is probably not the worst thing.
The 2000s, the early aughts, the millennials, people drifting around, not really developing meaningful skills,
you know, being someone's assistant, trying to get some creative adjacent job, believing that
you're going to work in a fashion magazine, like any number of films, thinking that you're going to live this Emily in Paris crap where you
think you're not going to Paris and you're not going to be have a cute cultural moment.
So here's the reality those kids sitting in their houses might be smarter than us all.
might be smarter than us all.
They might get it. They might go, why am I going to a club,
spending my money, getting drunk, going out,
when I should be strategically thinking about my life?
I mean, that could be what's happening.
It's not, you know, there's negatives to that as well.
You don't wanna be a hermit.
You don't wanna be like getting radicalized online
and becoming crazy.
You don't wanna, you know, spend all your time
in front of a computer screen.
You wanna go out and live.
There's other ways to go out and live.
You don't have to be at the club every night.
There was this whole, when I grew up,
the whole point of life is to go to a bar and a club. I was obsessed with this bar in Mulcahy's, this dump by the
Wanto train station. I was obsessed with it because they would turn your
fake IDs, they'd throw them right back to you or they'd keep them and they
wouldn't let you in. Okay? And you go, fuck I want to get into Mulcahy's. And
and then finally you either got a good fake or you were allowed into Mulcahy's.
And it's just people in their 30s singing Journey and being pigs.
And that's all it is. That's all it ever is.
And yes, you go to better clubs or hotter people and they're whatever.
They're pumping their fist to Drake.
But it's the same thing.
And yes, you should have some fun nights
in your life. You should have some fun nights in your life. But you know, how many threesomes
where people are defecating on you do you need before you start thinking about you got to pay
these bills? I mean, I'm just saying that this is like presented that it's like a big problem.
And they're like, why aren't people going out and getting drunk?
Why aren't they drinking and getting hammered?
This is what they're supposed to do.
They're supposed to drink and saddle themselves with a lot of debt.
And then work jobs they hate forever to pay off
the debt because they spent a decade of their life getting fucked. I'm a junkie. I spent a long time
getting fucked up. I spent an entire era of my life drinking and using drugs and I have spun that
into gold. You are not going to do that.
That's not going to happen for you.
I'm telling you.
It's me, there's a few people that did it.
It's me, some people in the music business
and that guy who made up, what is that?
A million little pieces, the thing with Oprah,
he made the whole thing up.
Oh, the James Frey.
James Frey, he made it all up.
There's only a few of us working this.
There's only a few of us with our pussies on this corner.
We're working his corn.
Like it's hard to spend.
I was 34.
I was a tour guide.
It was broke.
Okay.
And from 13 to 25, I spent that entire time drinking, using drugs, destroying my credit,
going bankrupt.
Don't do it.
I don't advise it, okay?
Am I now potentially in the conversation with the undersecretary of defense?
Sure, yes, that's interesting.
It's interesting.
But I'm just telling you,
you should think more strategically about your life.
Next week, I'll be back in New York.
I've spent some time here in Florida.
I wish everyone well.
Go back to that one.
I just want to read that headline.
Influencers drown.
Hold on.
Oh, yeah.
Let me just read that headline.
Influencers drown because they wanted to show bikinis instead of wear life jackets.
This is true.
This happened in Brazil
Yeah, don't if you don't know to swim in the ocean man Palm Beach people are drowning with these riptides
You got to focus
And I am NOT gonna save you
And I'm a good swimmer, but I am not if I see you drowning I
Am NOT gonna save you if you are not Linda McMahon
If you are not Linda McMahon, I am NOT running in that ocean after you
Tim Dylan comedy comm we are in Connecticut at
What's that little dump? I do there. It's a playhouse. it the theater it's nice I don't mean dump I mean it's nice place Ridgefield Ridgefield
Playhouse it's nice they Carnegie Hall of Ridgefield I call it's a school it's a
little school Oxnard God help us levity live please we're announcing a big
Canada swing is it up yet no I'll be in Omaha. I'll be in Orlando.
Canada, we've got Calgary, Edmonton, Vancouver, something else. That's coming. Winnipeg.
Winnipeg. That's going to be announced really soon. We've got some
Portland and we've got some Seattle.
We've got some things happening.
And we might try to do something with Connecticut.
We might throw in a Vermont.
We don't know, a one-nighter somewhere.
I don't know.
timdillancomedy.com, patreon.com, the Tim Dillon Show.
A lot of great content on there right now.
A lot of stuff that we just uploaded from Palm Beach, kind of reactions to what's happening right now.
Get excited about it folks. It's gonna be okay. And even if it's not, it will.
We're an incredibly tough, strong country. And what's good about that is that every four years there's an
election and every four years everybody gets very upset for a period of days or
weeks and you just have to move on and embrace a new paradigm where you're going to be healthy or happier and wealthier
because Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is going to... we don't need Krispy Kreme.
We don't need it. We don't need it.
Here's the other problem though. Is it bad for the economy? If people get healthier,
probably right. There's no way. How are we going to have an economy if people get like
healthy and we stop going to war? This is the real question. Someone's got to answer this question. If we stop killing ourselves and each other
What is left here?
That's the real
That's kind of the real worry if we are not poisoning each other and
Killing everyone all over the place
What are we doing?
We ain't making art
We ain't doing that. So I hope I don't want to poison each other and I don't want to kill everyone around the world. I want
to move to a new thing. But Musk and these guys might be right. We might have to get
rid of humanity and all become robots and terraform another planet. And if that scares
you, then fuck you. If you're scared to become a robot and terraform another planet or have your consciousness upload. I don't want to talk to any of you
Don't limit me
with your fear
Don't limit me
with your fear of
more of the same old same old same old I
Same old, same old. I should have responded and put Tulsa Gabbard on the show, huh?
But you never know.
You never know.
It wouldn't have been great, right?
She's not going to be great for the hour.
Maybe.
We'll have you now. We'll have you now.
We'll have you now.
Aloha.
That's the thing.
And here's what she has to understand.
This is what everybody has to understand.
The career, you're hot and you're not.
I've had moments in my career I could not get arrested for it.
I mean people wouldn't give a shit.
I couldn't get a meeting.
Then I've had moments where then you get hot.
So sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're not.
Back then she was not hot, now she's hot.
Don't take it out on me.
Come in here and enjoy it.
That's all.
I got names.
I have names for her.
Of the people that need to be watched.
That's my, I'm going to be giving, and I don't want this to
make anyone nervous, I'm going to be giving names to the members of the new government
of certain executives in the entertainment business that I feel personally need to be watched.
Because I don't know how on board they are with America.
because I don't know how on board they are with America.
Not threatening anyone, I'm not threatening anyone. I'm not threatening anyone.
What I'm saying is several executives
that I've personally had meetings with,
I feel aren't on board with America
and in fact are working against the interests of America.
Now, maybe I'm wrong about that and if those executives want to have another meeting with me
and clarify what I think is going on, I might not give their name to someone in Palm Beach.
Do you see? This is the new reality. Do you understand this?
Okay, maybe people don't like it, but this is a new reality. So if you want to call me in and say, hey
our mistake I'll take out my little pad and I erase your name and I go my mistake
We all make mistakes
Good night
Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable? We all make mistakes. Good night.