The Tim Dillon Show - 427 - Ceasefire Cheat Day & Realtors in LA

Episode Date: January 18, 2025

Tim discusses the “ceasefire” in Gaza, the impending Tik Tok ban, his decision to bail on the inauguration, and the audacity of realtors trying to sell houses in LA after the fires. American Royalty Tour 🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillon SPONSORS: VIIA If You’re 21+, Go To https://viiahemp.com/ And Use Code ‘TIM’ to receive 15% off AND, if you’re new to VIIA, get a free gift of your choice a Helix Go To https://HelixSleep.com/TimD for 27% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows (MLK Day sale through 01/22/25) ShipStation Go To https://shipstation.com And Use Code ‘TIMDILLON’ to sign up for your FREE trial ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8 Merch:  https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. Are we excited about the ceasefire? I am pumped about the ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. It's a ceasefire, baby. What about, what happened to that? What happened to the days when like Bruce Springsteen would write a song like that? is what I desire a ceasefire and it would be a

Moment, I don't feel like we have enough of those today. We don't have moments We don't we don't have a nice moment like a nice, you know now moment like a nice you know now people are mad at Israel because the ceasefire starts on Sunday officially and yesterday I think they killed a bunch of people that were celebrating the ceasefire that's what happened they were there was a bunch of people celebrating the ceasefire and Israel killed him well listen have you ever said, I'm starting a diet on Monday?

What do you do Sunday? It's lasagna night. So this Israel starting a diet of no killing of the Palestinians on Sunday. They're starting a strict ketogenic, no carbs, killing Palestinian babies at all for any reason on Sunday. But up until Sunday, you're going to loosen the belt loop a couple, no? I mean, it's like Sunday, we're going to do the right thing, but tonight we dine in hell. I mean, that's kind of the Israel ramp gonna do the right thing. But tonight we done in hell I mean that's kind of the

Israel ramps up deadly airstrikes on Gaza after a ceasefire deal is reached They need a few days to get it out of their system from what I understand They need a few day. You can't go cold turkey on killing You have to ease off. You got to ease off. You know when I was in fifth grade I was coming down a hill in Goshen, New York. It's a it's a suburb in Rockland County, it might be Putnam Either Putnam or Orange or Rockland County, it doesn't matter. The point is I was coming down a hill. I Did a I pumped the brakes. I flew off the bike

I did a I pumped the brakes I flew off the bike And I got scars on the elbows rocks and everything went on the elbow because I pumped the bread and I flew off you I mean, I'm sorry. I jammed on the brakes. I didn't pump them. You got to pump the brake You got to slow down at a speed that doesn't just jolt you and I didn't so Israel's gonna have to, you gotta give them a minute. They've really been killing now for the span of what, two years? Is it two years of this?

A lot of it, right? Almost two years. It's almost two years of them kind of, you know, killing. So they have to take a little, you know, and hopefully, you know, by Sunday, they can kind of like chill. And now Hamas, remember Hamas? Hamas is going to let the hostages out. But before that happens, right here it says Israel Hamas sees for a deal will go into effect too late for Akram Abu Ahmed to see his children again. His family's sole survivor after an Israeli airstrike, Ahmed was sleeping in the area

of Gaza City in the early hours of Thursday, celebrating the news of the truce when he heard a loud sound and he was thrown into the air. Dustin screams around me. For Israel to attack, like it's a party to celebrate the truce and Israel, I mean, it's really, it's really, it's out of line, but also like, there's a level of irony there that cannot even fully be understood unless you are one of the people at that party having fun. Maybe there's a dance, like kind of like a ceasefire, like, you know, like one of the

dances they do. And then there it is. This is going on. Everyone's happy. And then you go hold on. What's that? What's that noise?

Look at how happy everyone is then then then there is a noise and everybody looks at each other and it's like, you know It's to curb your enthusiasm music because you know you're out there celebrating a Ceasefire and then you get killed celebrating a ceasefire and

Then you get killed During the ceasefire celebrate it's one minute. It's a celebration of a ceasefire the next minute someone's leg is in your lap and You're like what is going on? I? Thought we were done with this but Israel says no no no no no Sunday You're a little early you're a little early we're starting this Sunday we are not today is not part of it I wonder if Israel said that today is not part of it we're gonna get a few airstrikes in before we start and they killed 115 people well I'm gonna call this right now I don't know if I'm right and I'm gonna call this right now. I don't know if I'm right and I'm gonna say this and people might get angry with me or people might

not agree with me. I'm gonna make a stunning prediction on this program on this show in front of everybody in front of the world. I'm gonna put my name on the line right now. I'm very happy about the Seize 4 Ideal, but but I'm gonna say this name on the line right now I Am very happy about the ceasefire deal, but but I'm gonna say this I don't believe I'm putting myself out there. I Don't believe this is the end of the problems between these two. I just don't I just don't I Just don't there call me a cynic. I

Believe that there's going to be some residual bad blood. I'll say it. I'll say it. I Believe personally now it might not be true. I don't know. I'm just saying there could be perhaps potentially possibly Some residual bad blood between these two groups because I I gotta be honest with you, I just think that even though they have this nice ceasefire, they did, Israel killed 28 children and 31 women, in this, at the ceasefire party, were they all, hey, by the way, stop going to ceasefire parties. Apparently that's pretty hazardous to your health,

don't do that. Israel and Hamas, and it's kind of become a war on the civilians of Gaza though I mean let's be honest I know that it's supposed to be just a war on Hamas but it feels to me again an observer that it is more sort of becoming a war on the civilian because it's there because a lot of civilians now I know that Israel will say that four-year-old was in Hamas and he might have been I don't know I don't know and that seems to be the argument many of these toddlers are in Hamas but I don't know I just think there could be there could be some

research so right now in Gaza they they say 46,707 people have been killed, about 17,500 children, injured more than 109,000 people and missing more than 11,000. Yeah, Israel killed about 1139, injured 8730 with Israel. That's the Israeli death toll versus the Gaza death toll. Now these death tolls may not be accurate. The missing clearly, the missing people in Gaza are probably not thriving is my guess. I guess the, I would add most of the missing

to the death toll. It would be what I, if I was, if I was sitting down at the wind in Vegas and I was a gambling man and they said what do you think happened to those missing people in Gaza? I go well and then I would move the chips into the dead there would be there would be a table one thing would say dead the circle and I would just take all the missing chips and I'd go but I'd make a face because it'd be sad I go with them there because they're probably no longer with us.

That would be my guess. I don't know. They could be thriving. I don't know. I mean, perhaps they're thriving. I don't think so. What are we going to do with these kids? Steve Witkoff, a real estate entrepreneur,

went over there and Netanyahu, he said, I'm meeting you on the Sabbath. And Netanyahu's like, oh, I'm on the Sabbath. And Witkoff's like, hey, man, I don't give a shit. I don't care what you're doing. I'm also a Jew, but I don't give a fuck. We're getting this thing done. And he went over there and he basically like, well, I'm on the Sabbath. And Woodcoff's like, hey, man, I don't give a shit. I don't care what you're doing. I'm also a Jew, but I don't give a fuck. We're getting this thing done. And he went over there and he basically said, listen,

there's going to be hell to pay. We've been a great friend to Israel. You have to be a friend to us. We need to ceasefire right now. Trump is coming in and we're not going to do this anymore. Woodcoff's a friend to Trump. He was golfing with Trump, the second assassination attempt. Woodcoff's a real estate developer

and he's buddies with Trump, the second assassination attempt, Woodcoff's real estate developer, and he's buddies with Trump. And basically, he's new to diplomacy, Woodcoff. He hasn't done anything like this before, but Trump was like, you know, you go over there and carry this message to Netanyahu. Tell him we're kind of done here. We're done with this. We cannot have this go on anymore.

We need a ceasefire deal. And now Gaza's going to release the hostages. And I'm going to tell you this. And now people are going to get mad at me for saying this. I want grateful hostages when they come out. I want happy hostages and I want hostages ready to turn the page. I do. I do. Even if you were in the hole for a year or two years and I know it's not good and you have psychological issues and things like that, I know things were terrible. But I'm telling you right now, I'm not personally in the mood to do hostage trauma porn on every

new show. Call me insensitive. I don't care. I want a happy hostage. Sorry. I want a happy, I want a hostage who's ready to turn the page? I don't want a hostage who's going to marinate in their misfortune in front of all of us I'm sorry it happened. I didn't do it

But I want a happy hostage. I want a happy hostage. I want I want that during the first during the 42 day first phase 33 of the remaining women children elderly and Severely ill hostages will be released in exchange for roughly a thousand Palestinian security prisoners Israel partially withdraw from Gaza while helping facilitate the entry of 600 trucks of humanitarian aid Into the strip each day The second stage will see the release of the remaining living hostages and conclude with a declaration of a permanent ceasefire. The third phase will see the release of bodies still held by Hamas. And the fourth phase will

be Israel nuking Gaza. That's phase four. But I'm out when the hostages come out and I know this has been a terrible ordeal for them, and I'm not minimizing that, I'm speaking only about the optics and the... We need to move on from this. And I know the hostages are going to come out and they're going to go on shows and they're going to talk about how terrible this has been. And I understand that, but I'm just asking, please, please, for the sake of moving on, is there any way that we can just, you know, kind of feature the hostages where they are more positive about their experiences, slightly

happier to move on? There's got gotta be a few hostages that say, I wasn't doing a ton anyway. There's gotta be a few hostages that go, listen, this was an interesting experience. I didn't love every part of it. This is what I want the hostages to say. This is what I want them to say. I want them to go, I didn't love every part of this,

obviously, it was something that came out of nowhere. But it's fascinating, this whole thing. Geopolitics, I think it's very interesting. I want a hostage to say something like that. I don't want them to go, and there was rape, and there was, I just, I've had enough of the problems over there, seeping into my issues when I'm trying to have a lunch.

I want that one hostage to go, I'm telling you right now, I was sitting in a room and they were killing someone next to me. And yes, it was tough, but this whole thing, this labyrinth of tunnels, that they would kind of take us from here to there. And a lot of people were scared

because they didn't know if they were going to die, but I personally found it kind of interesting the Layout of it just the layout of it in general is kind of Interesting to me and then I started thinking really about this whole thing. We're in this whole crazy world You know one day I'm above ground next day. I'm in a tunnel now I'm out and I've learned not to take things so seriously. I hope there's a hostage that comes out who says I've learned Through this whole ordeal to not take things so seriously I used to get really angry when my wife would burn the breakfast now. I don't care anymore

It doesn't you know what I mean? Like I'm just hoping we find that hostage We gotta find that hostage who's kinda easy come easy go with it. Where you go, now tell us about your ordeal and they go, listen, I gotta be honest with you. There's a lot of people that are obviously very upset and I understand that and myself, you know, there were times when it wasn't the best. But overall, I think it was a culturally enriching experience

and I feel kind of fine about it. I'm kind of fine about it, you know, that's all I want. I just want someone to say There's gonna be a lot of negativity right now, but it's not gonna come from me It was an interesting time. I met a lot of people. I met a lot of people. I met a lot of people, interesting people. And I never would have met those, it's like any experience. I never would have met those people if I wasn't dragged into that tunnel.

I never would have met those, if I was not dragged into that tunnel, I never would have met those people and we're lifelong friends now. By the way, it's also you've shared an experience with people that no one's gonna really have again, maybe, probably they will, but you've done something so unique. I want to remind all the hostages coming out of the tunnels, if you're okay and alive and you're fine, you've been through something. You've done something so unique.

And you have such a story. And I think we just got to look at it in a positive way. I don't want to, let's not drown ourselves in self pity. I want you to say this was a really pivotal time in my life. What about somebody who comes out and goes, I got a lot of writing done. I got a ton of writing done. They go really what was it like down there and they go more well-lit than you'd think For a ton like a lot of writing done. I got a first draft of a novel I'm really proud of and they go is it about the ordeal they go no no it's young adult Fiction because I it's I want it to sell.

So it's actually young adult. They're Jewish, they're thinking in a marketing way. They go, it's YA. Is it about the whole Hamas thing? They go, no, it's sort of like a YA thing. Some magical elements, different realms, love, loss, all thing. They go, it's smart.

Well, I wish them well over there. You know the way I've always felt about it. I've always felt the same way as I do now. And that is that my hope has always been for this topic to stop coming up at dinner when I'm there. That's been my geopolitical ideology is that I hope that everyone shuts their mouth. I love Viya because so many of my friends are telling me that they're sleeping better and they're sleeping through the night because of via You know, I mean, this is amazing You know If you're 21 and over check out the new link to via his website the link in description use code

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Everyone's moving on. What is TikTok going to be banned? Will it go away? What's happening? Biden says he won't enforce it. The Supreme Court held it up. Trump likes TikTok. Trump says a lot of young people got him elected, which is true. But the Supreme Court is saying they back the law that's requiring TikTok to be sold or banned. The Supreme Court is basically saying, I don't know. I see TikTok two ways as a harbinger of the apocalypse. Yes

A mirror to a failing dysfunctional society Correct. Yes A place where People can earn money Also true. It's a thriving economy for a lot of people You know, I wouldn't ban it Certainly not for this reason that we're it's Chinese spyware. Of course, it's Chinese spyware, but it's the best kind of spyware ever Because you know, they're they're they're probably watching our ticktocks. They're terrified of us. That's what I would be

If I was China and I watched American. That's what I would be. If I was China and I watched American TikToks, I would never want to invade. I wouldn't even want to visit. It doesn't show us in the greatest light. But now people are going on Red Note, the Chinese app. By the way, if they ban TikTok, every young kid should just become a Maoist,

like CCP member and learn Mandarin. Why not? If they banned TikTok, go hard. Not only Red Note, wear fuck Taiwan shirts. I want every young kid who's mad about this in a fuck Taiwan shirt. I want you to go, if you wanna go hard, go, go hard. I want you to go fucking hard.

Learn Mandarin and scream at your parents and scream at them in Mandarin from your room in a fuck Taiwan shirt. Pledge your allegiance to the CCP. It's great as TikTok ban looms hundreds of thousands of Americans casting about for new video sharing app have migrated to Zhao Hong Shu, a social media platform that translates to Little Red Book, which is the nickname for the classic compendium of quotations from Chairman Mao. It has all played out like a global practical joke on the American government. Threatened with exile from TikTok over concerns of Chinese interference, its users have simply scrolled to a different Chinese app.

Well, that serves people right for banning TikTok. All of our young people who are making a living on TikTok should absolutely embrace the CCP publicly, publicly and learn Mandarin. And because this is they like TikTok a lot. It's the app of their childhood. This is the app they grew up with it during the pandemic. And they've seen some of their friends get rich on it.

And maybe they themselves have made a little bit of money on it, but they see it as an economy. And they see it as a place where they get their news and when they get their information. And it's a place where they're not watching mainstream news. They have no interest in that. They think it's bullshit. They're right.

Doesn't mean everything on TikTok's great. Doesn't mean everything is well-sourced and balanced. It means that it's a place where they can get a bunch of different perspectives all over the place. I surrendered my phone number, reported my gender, and ticked off some of my interest, baby care, calligraphy, snacks, and I absorbed a selection of the app's algorithmically selected videos. A girl in a lace veil eating an ice pop the size of her head. A woman preparing dinner in

the back seat of a mini car line with animal plushies. A stirring fan edit of the Luigi Mangione court appearances. This is Red Note we're talking about. This is someone's experience in Red Note. Soon I started to see videos pitched directly at me. Welcome notes created from the American TikTok user who recently arrived on Red Notes. Sure, so Red Note is the Chinese communist CCP. They're like, you think TikTok's bad?

You have no idea. And it proves an interesting point. Nobody is gonna put their phone down. They will join Al-Qaeda's app. It doesn't matter who has an app, by the way. What North Korea puts out an app, they're on that. It doesn't, there is no morality when it comes to boredom. You need to scroll, you're bored.

So it doesn't matter what nefarious group puts out an app. It does not, if the Assad family, who just got kicked out of Syria, if Bashar Assad puts out an app these kids are on it because they're bored. They're bored and they want to scroll. They don't care. Satan himself could put out an app.

If the algorithm is enticing to these kids they're on the app. They don't care. They're going in Red note is to it's not even the least of it as soon as like a terrorist group Finds a way to entertain Americans. It's over It's over truly if a terrorist group Found that al-qaeda is wasting their time with cells in America Trying to pull off attacks if you listen to Sean Ryan show every day. It's somebody else talking about al-qaeda

But if they're wasting their time what they should start doing is dances in their backyard to get American teenagers on their side It'll happen very quickly. It'll happen overnight All you have to do is figure out an app that's entertaining because America wants to be entertained I want to be entertained. We all just want to be entertained. So entertain us to death. Kill us through entertainment. That's what you have to do. That's what the Chinese probably realize. They're like, we need an app to entertain these people. That's going to win them over. And it does. It will. So if you're a terrorist group and you want to make a mark, you really have to figure out a social strategy. You

have to figure out a social media strategy to entice American youth. Now this is a woman or someone of other gender who's talking about her experience on the Red Note app. Let's listen to her. Let's see what she's got to say about Red Note, the Chinese app. I joined Red Note. You can only do 15 characters, so my handle is pretty sweet acres and it's missing an E right there. Like, I don't know.

Total culture shock. There is a lot that's not in English, but I'm good for it. Who cares? I decided to start with the goat run clump video, the very first one that went viral. So far it's gotten a few likes, you know what I mean? But the funniest thing, and I don't know if this is a translation issue or if they literally think that these are sheep,

but I've gotten a ton of comments that are like, oh my God, the sheep are so cute. The lambs, the sheep, they're goats. And it says, they're goats, sheep, tiny, tiny. So many sheep, they're goats and it says they're goats. Sheep, tiny, tiny, so many sheep. Baby, run. So is this Chinese people commenting? Yes. Directly.

So the Chinese people aren't sure what a sheep or lamb, it doesn't matter. They're just, maybe the language isn't. Maybe it's just, it doesn't translate in the way that we think it does. Well, this is a great, this is fun, because now it's China and America getting together. And that's kind of interesting.

I watch a lot of those Chinese videos. I like them. The Chinese rappers, those Chinese rappers, and they rap and they make food. And some of the food looks good. Some of it's a little frightening. But it's cool if you ever see those like Chinese rappers. It's like a family of older, they do music, and then they're also cooking like

crazy food. And they're all, I think they are big on TikTok. I watch all that creepy Chinese food stuff where it's like really creepy Chinese food, like a really, like a really creepy Chinese dish that they make. Like you'll see like a woman with a machete just hacking up a jellyfish and then eating it with her bare hands. I watched that. I watched that. And I don't care who made it. I don't care if North Korea made it. It's interesting to watch It's interesting content to watch

You watch something like really creepy On tik-tok, that's what people want and that's what we're all powerless. Yeah, the algorithm is gonna win So there's there's nothing you can really do about it. There's nothing you can really do about the mukbang all of these things People started with like Trish Paytas started with mukbangs Trish Paytas is now in like a world tour Obviously, she's very talented but like, you know, you can get people you can entice people Anyway, you want you got to get him in you got to gross them out. You got to like Captivate them in a certain way, and then you have them.

And it's not good, I'm not saying this is like quality, I'm just saying you're kind of paralyzed in front of your phone. It's why the Costco family, ball, the demon ball, except the Rizzler, who I don't think, no, the Rizzler is unaware that he's surrounded by demons. You can tell you can see the Rizler sometimes kind of quizzically look at them because they're so obviously demonic. The rest of the family, Big Justice, AJ, the sister and the

wife are obviously the representation of an entity, a biblical entity called Baal. It's actually evil. And that's why they do the incantations. I've explained it a million times. But the Rizzo, I don't believe is part of Baal. I think, because the Rizzo is not in their family. The Rizzo was picked to kind of market Baal and the evil family to the public. So every now and then, the Rizzo will do something

like human, like cry, right? He'll be upset. We never see AJ and Big Justice show human emotion because that's not, because Baal has a tough time with that, the demon. The Rizler comes in and he gets upset and every now and then he'll look at the rest of the family and he'll go, oh, they're something's, I'm not like them. I think the Rizler goes, there's something in them that's not in me. And that my friend, the Rizler is ball, is the biblical entity, the demon ball.

But what this has opened, by the way, the Pandora's box that this has opened, and the reason that I talk about these algorithms and what they're pushing. People have called it brain rot. People have called it, you know, there's all kinds of names for it. But what it is is absolutely meaningless, pointless garbage that you are being fed. That is being mass marketed to you and your children That doesn't make you smarter or sharper and it doesn't mean that there's not good stuff on there It doesn't mean that there's not really important and impactful stuff It means that a lot of what is going on right now like for example, there are so many

people reviewing food and it's not even from an educated, they're not educated, they're not chefs, they don't know anything about food, they don't know anything about anything and they just go to a place and they eat the food and they go this was good That's it They go to a place. They just sit there. They go. I'm trying raising canes new fucking or Dave's hot chickens new fucking hot chicken fries and they got the fries and then the hot chicken and this sauce and this and that and Then it's just somebody eats it and goes, that goes hard. That's the video.

So, when eating French fries, you go, that goes hard. And that's it. And then all these companies are starting to sponsor these people and pay the money to go to these places and eat this stuff or try this stuff so the future of entertainment in America is SponCon Only the future of entertainment in this country is companies paying people Teenagers adults whatever demo they're trying to get it's paying people to go and and try their products and review them positively on apps like tik-tok or

YouTube Instagram whatever it is. They're basically it just you just you just they just yo that slaps Yo, that goes hard and it's like sometimes it's like a teenage kid and then sometimes like a full-on adult like an adult who just pulls up outside of a sonic And goes i'm gonna try the sonic whatever and then they're sitting in a car and then they they're eating the sonic and and And I don't know. It's like I've in I I bet in the beginning of this Sonic was like this is disgusting This is like a gross person pulling up shoving food in their face. We don't want this

We don't want it and then I bet after a while they came in and ran the numbers and they go no no no no This is real good and this the executives were like, wait a minute. Are you sure? No, no, no, no, no, this is real good. And the executives were like, wait a minute, are you sure? This thing's a monster. And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, but this millions of people are watching this morbidly obese person who cannot fit in their car eat and then make the sounds like that weird, that like.

And the executives at Sonic Republic, wait a minute, this is gross. We hate this, right? And they go, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's actually great. It's this right? They go. No, no, no, no, it's actually great It's actually motivated thousands tens of thousands hundreds of thousands millions of people are Watching people eat this shit and they're gonna come get it and the CEOs like wait a minute They're not repulsed by this. They don't turn this off immediately

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That's what it's about is taking a load off, going like you work hard to get places in this world and then you sleep Helix sleep comm slash Tim D helix sleep comm slash Tim D helix sleep comm slash Tim D like the Costco Cretans There had to be a moment when Costco was like well, we don't love this What is this like these suits and Costco had to go? Hold on. What is this? Is this gonna turn people on and then eventually they go? Oh, they surrendered they go No, no, no, this is actually great This is this is resonating with a bit cuz the the suits are probably there

They're on like a little bit of a lag about how cretinized the public is they don't know yet how cretinized the public has become so they're probably like wait a minute like it's shocking even to them even to them and they have the worst opinions of the american people in advertising have the lowest opinions of the American public and Even to them they're probably shocked that some of this is working. They're like really So they like this they like the dancing family who just screams about the cookie. They like it It does well The guys they're playing golf and Scottsdale. They go. Yeah, you know, it's actually great the guy wait the waiter

Hold on Bob Bob that guy I showed you who screams about the cookie and the chicken's big No, they actually like it. No way. They love it It's true. It numbers are up people are going in and they're getting these cookies They're taking photos with them. That guy is getting bit like it's got a shock. The executives at some of these companies that this content actually drives the numbers. So now that they know it does, get ready. Get ready for the onslaught because now they know. The executives of these companies know. The word we're going for is cringe.

It's not like, it's like, it's gotta like, it's gotta, people have to be puzzled at first. Like, it's about to get real weird out. Not that it's not weird around. I don't even, the drones might be a campaign for Arby's. We don't know what's, the drones could be Arby's. They might go well yeah those drones that were over the military, Arby's. Like it's gonna get so weird and so crazy with the way that companies are gonna choose to advertise stuff to you because

they know that you have to initially be repulsed you have to initially be repulsed like if I was KFC I'd go take a chicken tender and leave it by the scene of a murder that's what I would say I'd say wait for someone to get murdered and then take a tender and leave it by the scene of the murder so we can get involved. Just take it. Be careful because we don't want them thinking you murdered the person. But just roll a tender by a body and take a photo and then we become part of the new site. Like the way that companies are going to market stuff now. Like when I was growing up they never had any respect for you.

It was always like they played on your emotions. Like the Budweiser Clydesdales would like take a knee after 9-11, you know? And it would be like from one American icon to another. Or the frogs, the Budweiser, you know what I mean? Jake from State Farm, any of that stuff, any of these flow from progressive, any of these characters that you got used to, okay? These campaigns were built around these wacky, zany characters.

Now they're building marketing campaigns around psychologically unstable people. That Costco guy will take his family Benoit style, he will take them out somehow. It will end that Costco market campaign will end worse than Fogel somehow. It'll end worse than Jared Fogel, the pedophile who lost a bunch of weight eating the BMT or whatever he ate. I'm telling you right now they're now just reaching out to psychologically unstable people who consume their products day in and day out on camera and these companies are going we should get in bed with this psycho. We should get in bed with this nut job who's drinking syrup. There's gonna be a guy in the IHOP parking lot who drinks syrup out of the things.

Okay. And IHOP is going to go, we should get in bed with that guy. We should, we should do stuff with him. Why not? And you see what happens. You see it happens with Jared Fogel. Like it's never a great idea to get in bed with someone who claims they love your product so much that it's the only thing going on in their life.

It's not a good idea. It's not a good idea, but this is coming. This is coming. So we don't know the next phase of this marketing because I watch and that's a lot of what you see on TikTok. A lot of what you see on TikTok is companies that have figured out how to start brand partnerships with people, okay?

And they don't care who it is. They don't care who, they'll start it with Bibi Netanyahu. We'll literally light a bunch of babies on fire and then eat a crumble cookie. They don't give a shit. Bibi Netanyahu will be reviewing crumble cookies within four months. And Bibi Netanyahu, this is crumble cookie Monday and he'll just have the crumble cookie with the little cutter and he'll eat it and he'll go pancake I like it like it's gonna get to that point they don't really care doesn't matter to them it doesn't matter because these companies go the people are monsters we got to

find monsters to market to the people it's no longer like double minkum with like the hot chicks we're no longer going that route It's no longer like double mingkang with like the hot chicks. We're no longer going that route. We're no longer getting a model. We're no longer doing any of that. We're getting someone that looks like the people. We're getting a monster. We're gonna get a monster to market the shin

because that's who it's for. So we're gonna get a monster to do it. We're going to find, we're going to, we're going to hand select one of these demons from the internet and we're going to stuff their pockets with money. And we're going to go, go fill up a tub in your house at raising cane sauce and bathe in it. You're a monster. And that's what we want.

We want you. You're a monster. Okay? The old school ones like McDonald's and Burger King, they're not quite getting it yet. You can still see they're trying to do like that old school shit and it's not really working. They're still trying to do they're like, McDonald's are but they need they need to find a monster. Like if you're a fast food company and your sales are low, if they're dipping, you got to get a monster. Like Wendy's has got to get a monster. What about a guy on death row whose meal is Wendy's? It's his last meal and he eats

Wendy's every day until they put him to death. For the murder, he murdered two sisters. He murdered and raped two sisters and lit their bodies on fire in the woods in rural Tennessee. And he's going to the chair or whatever they have. He's going to lethal injection. But he's going to eat Wendy's the night before. That's what we're, you know, he's going to eat a big bacon classic before they strap him to the gurney. And he's got to, they're going to give his family money, but he's got to talk about Wendy's When he's up there strapped to the getting ready to get injected He's got to keep talking about Wendy's even past the first shot the first shots to numb you and then the second shots

Which shuts down your organs even they're gonna tell him even though they're giving you the first shot You got to keep talking about Wendy's keep talking about Wendy's and then the second shot obviously you're not able to They got to embrace. They got to embrace that you got to get a you got to get a monster now or a family of monsters to market your product to the American people and if you're not doing that you're crazy the inauguration is coming up Donald Trump will be inaugurated the FBI is warned of a non-specific terror threat There's going to be a lot of military I'm not gonna go I thought about going was invited and I appreciate that I was invited VIP and that's very nice of them, but I've got birthday coming up. I got shows. I got things I got this okay

We just do we have fires in LA. My house was burned down. I lost my home We're gonna go fund me up for me very soon. It's tough to see everything you've built, you know, a dream that I worked so hard for go up and smoke literally, literally. And we're gonna have a GoFundMe up for me to just get me even. As Vegas Matt would say, get even or get even worse. I just want to get even. Just make me whole. Just make me whole. Taxes, insurance, the mortgage, everything together. We need about four million to make me whole. Hopefully I'll run into a few friendly faces.

US Capitol rioters return to DC to celebrate Trump's inauguration. If you are a Capitol rioter, is this not the greatest day of your life? If you are a capital rioter, is this not the greatest day of your life? If you are a capital rioter, this is like the day that you didn't see coming, but it is, it is, this is everything. Heaven if it's real will pale in comparison for these. You got to be at least happy for that.

There is no greater joy. There is no greater happiness. Members of the J6 community who hold nightly vigils at the DC jail that houses them have already secured official inauguration tickets according to multiple sources and are tapping allies in Trump's orbit to solicit additional tickets. You're a J6er. You're getting out of jail and then your boys coming in. I mean it is just think of it they're just so high it just makes them happy. I'm asking you to withhold judgment on their act for a moment. I'm saying have you ever seen someone happy? They're gonna be happy. I mean all smiles all

ear-to-ear smiles from the j6 crew Just walking in there You're kind of renegades. You should have leather jackets with like j6 Like in the back of them like leather jackets. I'm telling you it's this is going to be the happiest day of their life There is not the the birth of their children Nothing will compare to that. There will be nothing on their deathbed When somebody asks them what really did it for you on this planet? They're gonna go You're gonna you're gonna you're gonna laugh but Trump's second inauguration I got right out of jail and I was back out

In DC while he gets inaugurated. I'm hoping that someone doesn't do something FBI is saying a non-specific threat, but they're you know, they're referencing like New Orleans agencies warn of Trump's inauguration being a target for violent extremists The FBI is like we're very concerned with these violent extremists. And by that we mean people on our payroll, our official payroll, all those violent extremists that we have interviewed 30 times. And no, we're very concerned with these violent extremists that we keep having lunch with. We keep recruiting them as informants, but they're violent and they're extreme. And we're very concerned with them.

We don't like them. They're bad and they're presenting grave public danger, which is why we've tried to, you know, try to get them to work for us and do, and do often, and do. The threat assessment compiled by the FBI, Secret Service, Capitol Police, and other agencies highlights various nightmare scenarios, including bomb hoaxes, swatting calls, drone flights and vehicle ramming attacks. Foreign terrorists, domestic extremists and lone wolves are considered potential perpetrators. The assessment also notes that Iran has long sought revenge against Trump for the killing of General Soleimani with 700,000 users on Telegram threatening to assassinate him the day after election day.

No one is taking anything on Telegram seriously. I think that they're going to have a ton of security. I know for a fact, they'll have a ton of security. We hope, of course, pray whatever that this nothing happens and that everything is okay, but we, you know, there's going to be a lot of people out there. This is not the time necessarily when there's going to be a lot of people out there. This is not the time necessarily when something is going to pop off. I tend to think in terms of things like this that it'll be a day you don't expect. It's like 9-11. Tuesday after, you know, morning 9-11.

Nobody, nobody thought. I don't know if they do on on the day of the inauguration. I Think it's gonna be very difficult. That's another reason I be getting in and out. It's annoying Being herded from this one to that one here to their checkpoints and this and that it's like You know, it would have been cool to see as an event. I get it. I hate conventions I feel like it's gonna be like a convention. It's gonna be freezing, they're moving it inside. I thought it was gonna be more of a, where it would be me and Trump advance

and then they would have a map of the world and I would point to which countries I wanted to attack and they would go, well, take it under advised. It's not like that, it's more of an impersonal thing. I thought it was going to be like I get a few minutes with Trump to just go here's a few people I think you should look at. That's what I thought it was. That's why I wanted to go. Here's a few members of my family to keep an eye on. That's what I thought it was going to be. That was my that was my hope that I was going to be able to I have a list

of people that I think should be watched. And I thought that the hope that I was going to be able to, I have a list of people that I think should be watched. And I thought that the inauguration, I was going to be able to give that list to a member of the administration to pass along to Tulsi or someone. That's why I was going. Apparently it's like a, it's a huge ball that's kind of impersonal.

I won't really be, I won't really have that kind of access, but I have a list of people for their own good I want them to be watched by our new government members of my own family and some of my friends and I want them to be watched so that's what I thought it was gonna be like come on in here's my list that's what I thought it was going to be. Trump was informed about the potential harm that the cold temperatures could have on law enforcement horses. Interesting. Because the horses get freezing. They got a lot of horses out there in case the crowd gets unruly. It's like 6th Street in Austin.

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And she'd sell them online, but she'd be confused who gets what who ordered what Terry from Ohio? What is what is Terry want? Does she want the tie-dye one or the one with the little ship? We don't know But ship station is handling that they're delivering a better customer experience. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers

with discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express, and USPS rates, up to 90% off FedEx rates. I'm telling you, they work with everybody. Go to ShipStation.com and use code Tim Dillon to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code Tim Dillon, T-I-M- that shipstation.com code tim dillon t i m d i l l o n i'm telling you right now this is the move. Sixth Street in Austin, Texas, which Austin by the way looks like California after the fires. I was like Googling pictures of Austin and it just looks like California that fires

had already ripped through. It's just it's just it just already the deforestation is over. Let's talk a little bit about these scumbags trying to rob people in California right now. Get up the midgets from selling Sunset and whatever scam they're running. Get them up on Instagram, they're running a scam. All these realtors are running a scam and this is the way they scam. They're like use us for free. No commission. They're like and by the way if you pay a commission we'll give it back to you. It's like well why would

I pay one? You're either giving it for free or not. I also know people where people are inquiring. People are calling up residents of Altadena right now and saying, we will buy your land for 700 grand. And then it's BlackRock. BlackRock, these demons from hell, Larry Fink comes out and goes, it's gonna take 10 years to rebuild. Scaring the shit out of everybody.

It's gonna take a while, but he comes out and says it. His company, BlackRock, is out there calling people whose it's still warm. These smoldering ashes are still going. And BlackRock is like, hey, hi, I'd like to buy some land. And they never say it's BlackRock. But then when you start doing all the like Verification of funds my friends are realtors in LA when they start doing the verification of funds and they start looking into it It's BlackRock is Calling and they're like hi Hi

Hi, I would just like to like buy some land in the Palisades and maybe there's some people that might need some help and people might just, you know, they might value having some cash on hand. So we'd like to come in and you go, oh, that's okay. Well, yeah, let's, let's do you have any documentation? They start providing the documentation and it all goes back to fucking Black Rock is trying to buy the land in Alta Dena and the Palisades

all these places because people are desperate and they go we'll just buy the land. We'll buy the land from you. Get the midges from selling sunset, get their Instagram up, find out what scam they're running because they are running a scam. I believe they did it and if they sue me for defamation remember this is for entertainment only I Personally believe the brothers from selling Sunset started this fire I'm gonna say it right now. I don't need evidence when I feel so strongly by the way I don't need evidence when I feel so strongly about something

The two little guys from Selling Sunset started this fire. And I don't know why, for season five, but they're offering some scam deal to people who've lost their homes. They're offering some strange game where they're like we want to talk about the... this is how you know you're getting scammed. When people come online and do this they go we want to talk about the real scam. There's scammers out there taking advantage of people and we want to bring that to your attention and

the reason they're doing that is because they're saying we really want to scam you. We found out that there's people out there that are not us scamming you. And if that's the case, it's a big problem for us. So we wanna get ahead of this. We wanna come out and warn you about people not associated with our scam trying to scam you.

By the way, when a firelight just breaks out, you're a scammer if you're a con if you want to this is your moment This is the time here. We go. Let's let's let go And they've got NBC News. They got everyone involved. Let's watch these criminals Let's watch these criminals Let's watch these criminals. The guy's from... Can you imagine your house has been lost and in your window pops in the little guy from Selling Sunset? Selling Sunset. Jason, it's good to see you. Thank you. Wish it was under better circumstances.

Something that's striking, right? And I think people don't really even understand it. Let's stop this for a minute. I'm a little sick of capitalism. I really got to be honest. I'm starting to go red. Why during the fire is the realtor from Selling Sunset on the news? Why in God's name during an active fire

is the real estate agent from Selling Sunset, an expert, they're bringing a, why are we even thinking about that? Why are we even thinking about what's gonna happen with the real estate bar? It's on fire, it's literally on fire. Why would we bring in an expert? All right, let's see it. California, I'm not, I'm a Midwest kid.

That what burned in the areas affected here, these are some of the fanciest places in all of Los Angeles, right? Stop this for a second. Stop this. Why in God's name is this an angle? Why in God's do you want everyone the world over to hate us? Can you imagine a less sympathetic angle

than someone who starts the interview by going, Now Jason, these houses were some of the fanciest, glitziest, glamorous houses that have ever been constructed. Am I right? Yeah, I mean, I'd say most of the Pacific Palisades is gone, you know, probably 75% of it. And I'd say the average home there was maybe 3 to 4 million. Certainly homes in the 5 to 10 million dollar range. I've sold.

I've had clients and friends calling me all day probably 40 to 50 calls actually from people that lost homes, several of them are former clients who I sold homes to them in the Palisades in in you know in the 5 to 10. I'm how is this helping people shouldn't they be doing like evacuation noted here's how to get get out. Here's where you should go. Here's the church that has the water for you. Why is this lunatic talking about 50 homes he sold? Why are people going, by the way, the church has water. It has water. Go and drink. We have water at the church.

Why aren't they doing that? Why is this psychopath going, I sold 50 homes in that neighborhood? And all range of note, they're all gone. Wow. What happens to these folks? There's a finite number of homes. You're talking about, you know, a couple of thousand, 6,000, maybe homes that will have been destroyed by this, many more damaged.

Where do all those folks go? That's such a good question. Right now, hotels, you can't find a hotel room, forget about Los Angeles, you can't even find hotel rooms in Newport Beach, Orange County, I mean, all of the down to San Diego right now. So they're waiting in hotels until they can figure out with their insurance how much money they have to find a house. But we do have some clients that we are working with now to try to find property. And it is, you wouldn't

believe the stories. I mean, we had a client today, we showed them a house for $13,000 a month, that was the asking price on the MLS. And we offered $20,000 a month upfront for six months. And the landlord countered us at $23,000, $10,000 more than he was even asking. You'll see lines of 15, 20 people just waiting to get in to these properties. There's just- That sort of sounds like gouging almost. I don't know. It is. It's actually illegal. It is. That's why I'm mentioning it because it should be exposed what some of these landlords are doing. Yeah, it feels wrong, really. You're taking advantage

people at that point. Help us understand what's going to happen here, right? I mean, you think about the Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu. These are sort of some of the more iconic places in the country. That's why they make a Netflix show about selling these homes that you're a star on. What is going on? Is this stuff going to get rebuilt, you think?

Yes, I think so. It's going to take a long time. I think the city needs to do things like, for example, maybe exempt the mansion tax, you know, for developers. Yes, I agree. Well, what about for me? How about for me? I mean, I sold my home, but still, if I want to buy another one.

To be encouraged to come in and build here, we're gonna need to expedite the permitting process. And we're gonna need California to increase the fair plan. The fair plan is the California fire insurance that's already out through the state. That's right, that's right. Right now there are no other options. And the fair plan only goes up to 3 million. So most of these homes that burnt down

weren't able to be insured through the California fair plan. We have to increase that. Stunning. Well there's a long... Stunning. He's like and we also have to get California to get all the laws off the books that stop me from stealing your home. Get those laws off the books that stop me when I want to steal your home. It's not good. It's counterproductive. If I steal your house fair and square, it's my house. So why would there be a law penalizing me, saying I go to jail when I've stolen your house?

If you're sitting in an ash heap and I steal it because I come to you and have you sign a couple of documents while you're crying, it's mine. Finders keepers, losers weepers. A lot of friends and clients reaching out. Yes. Because they lost their home so the last couple of days and they need.

Why is yours fine? They need help with places to live now. Because you started to fight. Their families are displaced. That's right. As real estate agents, we obviously have an obligation to help them find a place, even when it's going to be difficult with thousands of people looking for places and not nearly as many houses available.

Yes. But the Oppenheim group is offering to represent anybody for free, or we will credit you back any commission paid. What do you mean by that? If you've lost your house and you're now displaced, we will help you find a place or do our best to help you find a place to rent. Real estate agents need to come together and work hard for the community. That's who needs to come together, real estate agents.

Good. This is our time to get back. It's our time to rape and rob and steal. Reach out to us, office at ogroup. group calm take your burnt hand and get on the phone And everyone stay sick grab the phone with your charred hand and call me and my dirtbag team of scumbags Get your charred claw Pull out your cell phone Call me and my brother and we'll come there and rob you. You want to get robbed?

Take your phone out of your pocket and come get robbed. We'll put you in the house for 20 grand a month that shouldn't rent for nine. We'll put you in a dump. We will put you and your family in a shit box for 30,000 a month. Call me and my brother with your charred hand, and I will put you in a shit box of a house for $40,000 a month.

You want to talk about a shit box, we'll put you in a shit box. We'll put you in a house you want to burn down. We'll put you in a house every day you pray it burns because me and my brother who may or may not have started the fires, are here to rob you. We're here to take you're in a desperate situation, pick up the phone. This is where we come in. You're desperate, you have smoke inhalation poisoning, you're not really thinking, you're dizzy, you're vomiting, you have headaches.

Call me and my brother, we'll get it done. We specialize in representing people with headaches from inhaling smoke. That's what we specialize in. We specialize in the relocation of families who've lost properties and aren't thinking clearly. I love the angle of the news being like, so these are really nice homes. Where do these people go? Where do the rich go? These are beautiful,

that's why there's TV shows and Netflix about them. That's why there's TV shows about them. Where are these people gonna go? Where are they gonna go? I don't know, somewhere else. There'll be a lot of those people. Okay. He's like the average home street of four million. That's a lie.

The average room in the Palisades is more than that. And averages are fake anyway, because the average they'll include like an apartment complex that's not in the Palisades of like shitty condos. Like averages are not real. The reality is everyone who lives in the Palisades and I'm not shitting on them and I hope they're okay. And I'm not saying that there is anything morally wrong with having money or nice things I have them it's fine but it is hilarious to me that now this got

like those seeing these real estate agents just come out there and go listen now by the way you don't need to advertise they're gonna call they're gonna call why are you advertising don't you have three television shows you bum don't you have three television shows, you bum? Don't you have three TV shows? How about you come out and say, we're gonna donate some money, we're gonna do fundraisers, things like that.

They know to call you. Yeah, you've shamelessly put your face everywhere all over the town. They know to call. Why do you need to run a commercial while people are burning alive? You don't need to do it. They're going to call your fucking dumb face is on every billboard and every show about real estate involves you. You don't need to do a commercial about how you're going to help these people.

They will call you. The people that need to will call you. And by the way, I hope his phone is flooded with really poor people. Everyone should call him that has nothing. Hello, I see Jason. He's from Oppenheim. My budget is 700. I live in Shedd. In Alta Dina, the shed burned down. I have nothing. Will you and your brother help me? I live in shed. It burns. Everybody burns. I smell the skin burn of the man who used to hit me every now and then but he's still a good, he'll burn alive. Will you and your brother find me a room to live? I want to live in a room, not more a shed, room. TimDillonComedy.com for all the dates coming up. We're editing the special, should be coming out soon.

We appreciate everybody. We love you. We thank you. And we believe it's our greatest days are ahead of us. We always do. We always have. And we hope for a safe inauguration. We hope that everybody is thriving. We hope that Israel and Gaza, guys, guys, there's so much more that unites us than divides.

We need some of that energy over there, some basic pitch white energy over there. Some like we're so much more that unites us than divides us. It's like we're all the same people. We just, you know, we need a little bit of that. We need the, you know, we need a little bit of that. My, we need the, you know, Frozen. What about a Disney musical about Israel and Palate? We need something like that. We need to get everybody going. We need a concert. We need a concert. We need Jelly Roll to go over there. And I've said it before, I'll say it again, we

just need a concert. You know, we're gonna get one for the fires But we need a concert for Gaza And israel and both for both You know It would be good. You see jelly roll coming out of the tunnel And it's no longer a tunnel of sadness. It's actually a tunnel of rock Rap is rap rock rock rap My point is that it's a tunnel of southwestern You know See jelly roll coming out of the tunnel Rap rock rock rap My point is that it's a tunnel of southwestern

You know she jelly roll coming out of the tunnel out of the Hamas tunnel You know ladies and gentlemen jelly roll he walks out of the tunnel Everybody's getting into it all the little Palestinian kids and the Israeli everybody's getting into it Can't we can't are we can we do that? Can we bring healing back with pop culture? You know what I mean? Can we do that? Can we get to Taylor Swift over there? Show them what banal mediocrity is, you too.

You too can do this. Nothing, whatever she does. Hey! Can't she do a song? Can you imagine this? Is there any more powerful? It's the ruins of God. Like a ruins. Taylor Swift is sitting there, red boots and a guitar. And she starts to play the guitar and then two people from Gaza and maybe Maybe because they're they're gonna be amputees. I'm gonna prepare everyone for this It's not gonna be it's not gonna be nice

But again, I didn't do it, but they're dancing kind of beautifully with the one arm Or the one leg like they're amputees but and Taylor's playing the guitar and she's you know It's a cruel summer and the people from Gaza go you have no idea Wouldn't that be because it's topical She goes it's a cruel summer and they're all nodding like whoa boy And there's amputees and they're dancing and then and then we cut to jelly roll and he comes right out of the moth tunnel And it's Jen it's jelly roll and then it's nuts And it's Jen it's jelly roll and it's nuts

we got T Swift singing in the ruins with the with the you know, the stumps and the amputees and they're dancing and Jelly roll comes out of the hummer. Well now it's crazy Because it's a song and jelly rolls doing the rap part of it and then Taylor Swift's on the guitar and then Billie Eilish is there and she's very sad and quiet and on the guitar and then Billie Eilish is there and she's very sad and quiet and And they do a close-up and she's she's by a mass grave Billie Eilish is sitting in the middle of a mass grave and she just goes And it's an entrance Billie Eilish and you go and and you go, what are you watching in there? And you go, Billie Eilish is performing in a mass Palestinian grave. It's beautiful. And we have this moment.

We have this moment of jelly roll coming out of a Hamas tunnel. We have Taylor Swift in the ruins. We have Billie Eilish singing in a mass grave. Sabrina Carpenter in the gear in the Islamic thing because she's a little too, you know what I mean, a little too Western for that part. But she's covered respectfully and she's doing her thing. Can't we do it? Can't we bring the fuck if we can't do it? Can't who's going to do it? Who's going to do it? It's my hope. It's my hope. And then I hope,

and then I hope, and this will happen. And I swear to God, don't think I'm lying. There will be a moment on CNN when they go, and now, after the ceasefire has finally been ratified, let's talk about the rebuilding of Gaza. And to do that, we're bringing on

Jason and Brett Oppenheim from the Oppenheim group