The Tim Dillon Show - 439 - Stay At Home Summer & Being A Good Guest

Episode Date: April 12, 2025

Tim discusses the recent helicopter crash in the Hudson, why summer vacations are over, RFK’s pledge to find the cause of autism by September, the looming threat of war with Iran, young people taking “mini-retirements”, and the importance of being a good guest in another country.  -Tim's new Netflix special "I'm Your Mother" comes out on Tuesday, April 15th. Click the link below to set a reminder on Netflix so you can watch when it premieres! 👇 https://www.netflix.com/us/title/81992010?s=i&trkid=260267037&vlang=en American Royalty Tour 🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillon SPONSORS:  Morgan And Morgan Visit https://ForThePeople.com/TIM or Dial #LAW (#529) Kars4Kids Go To https://Kars4Kids.org/TIM & find out how to easily donate your car today and receive a vacation voucher and tax deduction. Identity Guard Go To https://identityguard.com/TIM To Sign Up For A 30-Day Free Trial & Get 60% OFF.  OpenPhone Streamline and Scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% OFF your first 6 months at https://openphone.com/tim ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8 Merch:  https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. How are you? I have a Netflix special coming out on Tuesday April 15th what I'd like you to do right now my little demon hose is Go on the Netflix and hit the reminder to be reminded that this special comes I don't care if your child is in anaphylactic shock. Hit it with the Epi. Put the reminder on Netflix to be reminded to watch when the special goes live. It is Tuesday the 15th, right?

Yeah. Tuesday, April 15th, I'm in the midst of a press tour. Is it Megyn Kelly's home today? Lovely, lovely property and I'm all over the place going down to see Joe Rogan at Austin and Tom and Christina and others So that would help out a lot if you put the reminder on Netflix what does it look can you go to Netflix and show them how to do it? Maybe people are confused

You're gonna love it It's very fun. We have a fun promo that's coming out that no one will be angry at at all I'll just say that this helicopter crash in the Hudson's driving me nuts Because number one I'm not a devotee of the helicopter But I'll tell you this it is convenient as hell Every now and then to hop in a helicopter from Manhattan and go to the Hamptons But you don't want to end up dead so It's becoming a problem

I'm just saying it's flight Can't be for all people anymore Everyone can't be for all people anymore. Everyone can't be in the air. People that are in the air need, it's gotta be people that deserve to be in the air. Not everyone is not gonna, it's not for everyone. Helicopter tours need to go away. What do you need to see?

New York is the most famous manmade vista in the world. It is the most famous skyline on earth. What do you get? Go to a rooftop bar and get a view. Go to an observation deck. Don't get in a helicopter with your family. You're taking a chance. Especially the fucking helicopter tours.

You don't know who the fuck is in there or what they're doing. I'm telling you. Enough with these summer vacations. I'm telling you Enough with these summer vacations I'm predicting this summer because of the market instability That people are gonna actually find ways to have vacations at their house it's called a staycation where you don't leave your home and Your kids go are we going anywhere and you go shut up and you go well actually John and his family going somewhere go yeah yeah we we got cleaned out we're fucked John's family owns property we're fucked here

we got nothing oh they're going to the lake yeah yeah yeah good good I hope he drowns I hope John drowns in the lake with his family. His father's a drunk He's always nice to me. Shut up. I have nothing this family has nothing. That's the conversations That will be happening this summer when the kids go we going anywhere. The answer is no, we're not we're not going anywhere Kids are spoiled pieces of shit. They're making you feel bad about the economy. They're the problem. Oh, consumer confidence is plunging because kids want more shit than they fucking need, by the way.

Oh, there's gonna be less Christmas preg- Good, good. There should be none. You should get one fucking present. This abundance that everybody talks about is every nobody's happy by the way So enough with this crap No, Vic get it get off get out of the helicopter It is a convenient way for me to go and

It is a convenient way for me to go. And we fly mostly when the water is warm. That doesn't mean much if it goes down, you know, and it kind of spirals. I don't even want to show this video. This is terrible. This is a family that crashed. And just show it just to scare people because I think people got to stay out of these things.

Show it. In a matter of seconds, a helicopter fell from the sky God the news people don't help today. In a matter of seconds. What started out as a family trip quickly ended in a watery grave. In a matter of seconds, a once smiling family plunged to their death in Lower Manhattan.

The cold waters of the early spring Hudson with the last thing that family felt it's like we need that what is this guy is this guy's reaction now. It sounded like like the engine just. And I just turned I look and I saw the helicopter crash and splash into the water. Oh good. Good.

Good. Well I'm glad we got his tank, this guy. I saw it crash and smash into the water. I heard the helicopter went down into the water. Oh good. Well I'm happy, I'm happy that we've cleared that up. We were all confused. What really happened? What exactly happened? Everyone's so, it's like everybody's like, what exactly happened? I saw this helicopter and then it fell

out of the sky and into the war. What was the first woman to the first woman. I just want one of them to go like I don't know if it was even in the air. I can't believe anything anymore. It's like screaming we were client claiming some river everybody was like screaming we were client claiming 6 lives including a family on a sightseeing travel. You got to stay out of the helicopter, you got to stay out

you got a you got a staff. For the sake of your family you got you got to prepare your children now for actually it's lean lean times. Lean times markets up the market's a lot of volatility Larry thinks go. We're gonna have a recession Jamie diamond all these guys the real demons are out here talking about the recession CEOs of all these big banks of private equity companies go we're gonna we're gonna have a recession and You know, you're gonna have to tell your children and prepare them for a this is not going to be the epic summer

It's not going to be epic Too many people expect everything to all these kids going to Coachella It's epic. It's gonna be what's the times of our lives, you know? Well, we're gonna have to we're gonna have to calm that down We're not gonna have the times of our lives this summer. It's going to be a, try not to die. That's what you tell your children. Try not to die this summer because hopefully next summer or the summer after

we can go back to doing something. But we're gonna have a little, it's a rough patch here. It's a rough patch. Why don't you acquaint yourself with our yard? How about that? Go to the local public pool. It's a public pool summer. That's what it is The this is a public pool summer go get choked in the water by a gang member This summer. Why don't you get choked in the water by a Latin King?

Because there's no lake house this summer. It's a tough summer. This is a popsicle summer. We're in the 90s right now, pre-Clinton. We're at the end. It's Gulf War. There's not a lot. This is a rediscover movies summer.

This is a Netflix and chill summer. This is a Netflix and chill summer It's a public pool summer. It's a popsicle summer. It's a borrowed mom's car summer It's smoke a joint on a beach summer. It is not helicopter tour summer. It's not epic Concert summer. It's not backpacking through Europe summer. This is a very paired down packing through Europe summer. This is a very pared down, simple suburban summer. This is smoke glass with your friends summer. Smoke meth with your friends. This is not like you're gonna be making memories

to last a lifetime summer. No. This is, I'm looking at the, I'm reading all these articles about what's going on in the stock market Prepare your children for an old-school summer Some drugs Couple of hand jobs under the boardwalk and move it on we're back in school. It's not gonna be

The greatest night of your life. I'm telling you it's not gonna be the greatest two months of your life. It's not happening. It's not happening. It's going to be just hot, sticky, and cheap. It's gonna be a cheap summer. Everyone's mad at RFK because he's pledging to find the cause of autism by September. And that's pretty cool.

Number one, life's about setting goals and he's literally going I'm gonna find it out by September. By the end of the this will be the summer that RFK found out what caused autism. That'll be this this will be the summer that we all remember. RFK is gonna work really hard, he's gonna hunker down and find out why people are autistic and tell us all in September. And I'm kind of excited. What if it's something we have no idea what it could be?

We don't know, could be canned to know. We don't know everything's on the table. That's what you gotta like about RFK. Everything's on the table. I'm thinking he might go in the direction of vaccines, but we don't know everything's on the table. That's what you gotta like about RFK. Everything's on the table. I'm thinking he might go in the direction of vaccines, but we don't know. We don't know. Could be household chemicals, toxins in wood furniture,

the cream for the Dunkaroo. No one knows what exactly is making people autistic. He has pledged while everyone else is, I don't know what they're doing in the summer, this guy has pledged to find the cause of autism. Let's listen to this guy. I'm telling you right now, pretty fucking cool, pretty ambitious, RFK. The autism rates have gone from now most recent numbers we think are going to be about one ambitious RFK. We are going at your direction. We are going to know by September. We've launched a massive Testing and

Research effort that's going to involve like a scavenger hunt is from around the world By September we will know what has caused the autism and whoa Will be able to eliminate those like going to the moon This is like going to the moon. You think you're going to have a pretty good idea? This is like going to the moon. You think you're going to have a pretty good idea, huh? We will know by September. There will be no bigger news conference than that, so that's it. If you can come up with that answer, where you stop taking something,

you stop eating something, or maybe it's a shot, but something's causing it. Well, it's pretty cool that RFK has come out and said, hey, we're gonna look into this for the months of May, June, July, August, and then in September, we're coming out. And we're gonna tell you why you're autistic. And it's like a fun summer scavenger hunt. We're gonna look at vaccines, Kennedy said,

but we're gonna look at everything. Everything is on the table. See, I didn't even know he said that, but I knew it. Our food system, our water, our air, different ways of parenting. All the kind of changes that may have triggered this epida... He might come back and go, you're not beating your kids.

He might say, we have figured out what it is and it's the fact that you are not open face smacking your child. He might say, the lack of beatings has result... You have to beat the autism out of the kid he might say it we don't know and he might be right he might say you have to beat the autism out of your child I mean belts chase them around the house bloody you know what's that thing Joe Jackson you say to Michael go get me a switch go get a branch from the tree and beat

your child with it RFK might come out and Say it's because kids aren't getting beaten by their parents anymore So we don't know We don't know he might say after the research We've concluded that children who are not beaten with a belt multiple times a week are much more likely to be autistic. You might have to beat them. You might have to beat it out of the kids. Sorry, the answers are not always what you'd want. They're not what you'd want. They're not what you'd want. It's Brussels sprouts, not smoothies that make you thin.

Sure, we'd love it if it was smoothies. Oh, milkshakes all day? And then I get better. I get better with a milkshake. Woo! But it's not. It's actually lean meats and vegetables, okay? And some healthy fats.

So this might not just be, oh hey, don't give them a cupcake. It might be you need to beat the living shit out of your child again. Fear, like when the door of your car closes, your child is quivering. And it might not even be beating them for a reason. It might be randomly attacking them in the house

I'm, not saying it will be i'm just saying we don't know which way it's gonna go We don't know what he's gonna wreck what his recommendations are His recommendations could be That you you know, maybe he'll make kids sleep with tape on their mouths. That's a new thing that people are doing. They're sleeping with tape on their mouth. There's something with the nose or something. I don't know. He might require that.

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Now there's a lot of people in the Trump administration Who they all they always sneak in these neoconservatives by the way, or neoliberals, it doesn't matter. What we mean by that is people that love going to war all the time. There's never a war they don't like. They like Ukraine, they like Israel, Gaza, they like Syria, they liked Iraq, they liked Afghanistan, they liked Libya, and they like Yemen. There's nothing they don't like. There's not one war a lot of these people don't like. I just want one. I just want one of them to go, well that one I don't think is good. Every war on the table with these people is great. Everybody we're supporting is of unimpeachable integrity and the greatest people ever.

Everybody that we're opposing is an irrational monster who cannot be negotiated with. We are just trying to help the people live in a more democratic way against a Hitlerian figure who's impervious to reason. This is every conflict that I have ever witnessed my entire life since I became conscious. All of these people, Iran, they've been talking about Iran since 2001.

Iran and in Long Island, during the Iraq war when everyone including me thought that was a great idea Of course my defense is that I was 17 and on cocaine You know you would bump into people and dunking donuts and They were go. Yeah, the real problems are ran. They're gonna go into Iran after Iraq That's where they're gonna go to Iran after Iraq that's where they're gonna go to Iran because these people these gremlins these creatures that walk the earth have been filled with the idea that that Iran is going to take their Levitt house in Levittown, Long Island and That in order to stop that we need a major war

This is what we've sold all these people by the way We've sold them this idea that like all of the threats that you're going to encounter in your life are from outside Of the country and it's caves. There are these people in caves plotting to destroy but they're also really super sophisticated and brilliant and in caves but really smart and they're religious fundamentalists but also futuristic tech geniuses and they're able to do all kinds of things like attack our country and on the day when NORAD had scrambled all the planes, they picked the exact right boy. It's wild what these people are able to do from a cave. It's really amazing. It is unreal what they're able to pull off from a cave.

I meant because they're all in caves and they're all plotting to take the things from you. They're going gonna come in here somehow. Now you would think wouldn't it be easy to stop them from coming in here if we just didn't let a lot of people come in if we tightened up security as to who could come in and who could go well that's silly. We can't do that. It's a global world so we so then you go okay so then what do we have to do to make sure that no one attacks us? Well, we have to go around the world overturning their governments and convincing them all to love us Huh?

That seems so hard. It seems so much easier to just like make it harder to get into our country Wow, you'd think that but actually the best course of action is to just go get these people to really love us and appreciate us. And how do we do that? Attack them. We attack them. What? We bomb their homes and families.

And then the ones that are left alive realize how benevolent and good we are because we let corporations go in there and Do things. Oh Okay, how's this ever worked? No Right. Okay, but we got to keep doing it. Yes wife for our safety Yeah, seems odd. So that's the course of action that these people believe They believe it because the financial incentives to believe it are too strong. There's absolutely a direct correlation between our defense budget, which Trump is now proposing

a trillion dollars or something absurd because they're all getting ready for China. They're getting ready for the main event. Remember wrestling and the main event. Remember wrestling and the main event they're getting ready for China, but we got to run around the Middle East as well and We have to make sure that Iran Doesn't come and get us so all of these people are Yes record-breaking one trillion dollar defense budget Yeah, it's record-breaking $1 trillion defense budget.

He campaigned as being the ultimate peace president, no wars guy, and he's doing a trillion dollar defense budget. So here's what people will have to start parsing out in their own mind at a certain point here. parsing out in their own mind at a certain point here. What version of Donald Trump is the version that you want and what's the version that you're getting and and how much daylight is there between those two versions? I think it would be a very big mistake to go to war with Iran. A lot of people do. I think it would drain our resources at a time when we shouldn't be doing that. It's one of the reasons I don't

think it's intelligent to continually make the Ukraine war a permanent column in the Defense Department budget and effectively engage in a cold war with Russia while the looming threat of China Which makes is has a lot of Taiwan has a lot more strategic importance to America than the Ukraine does 1000% and any smart person will tell you that So the idea that we'd be we cannot fight wars in three theaters We can't be funding these people and funding Israel and in in Iran We can't be funding these people and funding Israel and in Iran. We can't do it. So President Trump has given Iran a two month deadline to accept a deal that would lead to Iran shrinking its nuclear footprint or eliminating its program altogether.

I want them not to have a nuclear weapon. I want Iran to be a wonderful, great, happy country, but they can't have a nuclear weapon, Trump said on Air Force One. Because Iran having a nuclear weapon poses a direct threat to Israel not so much America, but Israel's an ally of America and of course Trump said military strikes are possible against Iran if a new nuclear deal isn't reached though He said Israel which has been advocating for an attack on Iran would take the lead. Well here we are here we are here we are. Here we are. Here we are again. And Who's this for? Whose security is this for? If it requires military, we're gonna have military. Trump said on Wednesday Israel will obviously

be very much involved in that. They'll be the leader of that. Israel wants to go to war with Iran Because it is in their interest to do so. Iran backs proxies like Hezbollah and other people that have attacked Israel and Israel has gone to war with Hezbollah and it has gone to war Hezbollah is backed by Lebanon, but Iran is funneling money to all of these different groups Houthis all of the different terrorist groups Iran is definitely supporting and Qatar is supporting to some degree and it makes sense why Israel would want to go to war with Iran

however Right now it makes very little sense that a president who campaigned on being peaceful and getting us out of wars and restoring the middle class would entertain preemptive strikes on Iran with Israel. Iran has allies like China and Russia. And I don't know if China and Russia would directly get involved in this. They probably wouldn't, but I don't think they would. But they might. It's always a risk when you destabilize an entire region of the world that allies like China and Iran are going to come in and now we're in World War III.

Now we're literally in World War III. Now we're literally in World War III. The economy is tanked and now we're walking into World War III with Iran at the behest again of Israel, which I don't think is a smart decision for our government to make. There's a lot of people in Trump's ear that are telling him it is a smart thing to do, that this is a good thing, that it's a necessary thing. I don't think it is a smart thing to do that. This is a good thing that it's a necessary thing I don't think it is And I think a lot of people Agree with what I'm saying and that's that we simply cannot continue to

Look at regime change in the world as the only option. We have to start dealing with people that are dangerous and threatening without directly going to war with them. America's moment running the world is over. China is a power equal to or greater economically than we are at this point, probably equal to. Some people say their economy is bigger. It depends on what metrics you look at. India is coming up.

Russia has more nuclear weapons than any other country. A lot of countries are going, you can't push them around. A lot of countries are nuclear. A lot of countries, they're not Iraq, they're not Afghanistan. They cannot simply be bent to our will. And I think JD Vance gets that. I think a lot of people in the administration that I have spoken to I haven't spoken to JD

But I know a lot of people get it and there's a lot of people that don't get it There's a lot of people that don't understand it Because there's this idea that Retreat or capitulation to a guy like Vladimir Putin or the Ayatollahs in Iran is a sign of American weakness And that is the foreign policy establishment's view in Washington. The permanent foreign policy establishment, they just want war all the time. They don't really care what happens.

I mean Netanyahu just goes, even if the nuclear strikes drag on Israel may just strike anyway. I mean Because we might just he might do it anyway You can talk if you want Well, we might just get a poppin. We might go into it anyway Do you want to fight I mean think about it are you trying to fight? I mean, think about it. Are you trying to fight Iran out there? Anyone is anyone trying to fight Iran right now?

Is anyone trying to fight Vladimir Putin over where the northern border in of the Ukraine should be? Is anyone doing that? Does anyone I respect the people that were like dual citizens of Israel and America, the ones that went over there to fight. I respect that. God bless. Go do your thing.

And I respect that. But there's a lot of people that won't be fighting these wars to just love them. They're like really excited. We're gonna, we're gonna strike anyway, Suspendia Mania. Does does this guy do we have any control over these people? Do we have any influence over there? We give them billions of dollars. Do we have? Absolutely any influence at all with that country at this moment This is like you're trying. This is like your kid Walks into your house with a new tattoo

Smoking a cigarette and you're like, young lady, what? What the fuck's going on? You're smoking in the house, you have a tattoo, and they're saying you're not going to school. Hey, ma, fuck you. And I need five hunge What and then as you're saying it you're writing the check you're like I cannot believe you're acting you want me to make it out To cash. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Here's your money and

Then they put the cigarette out and they and they ash it on the floor and they put it out with their boot And then they walk out and they go. Yeah, fuck the floor and they put it out with their boot and then they walk out and they go yeah fuck you and tell everyone at school fuck off I'm going to Coachella to get fucking railed out in a teepee or something I don't know but the point is we really have to start looking at this like Benjamin Netanyahu's like this guy was like on trial for corruption now when my helicopter goes down by the way let's all not it's let let's wonder why but he was on trial for corruption then October 7th happened the tragedy of October 7th the horror the attack don't call it a tragedy it

was yes yes yes the attack I get it I didn't do it So this happens. It's horrible. They respond. Okay They go wild. They go a bit overboard. I think well, those are actually the Hamas statistics. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay Okay, but it's not good. It's not great. So we have this situation Now on top of all and we've been very supportive now I. I don't know. So we're going to just we're going to sleepwalk through that. If Trump does that, I think it's the end of his term, even more so than this economic volatility.

I think if he walks into that war, it's the end of his term. Foreign Minister Abbas Araki warned that a war on Iran would drag the US and the region into a costly conflict that a president elected on an anti-war platform would be eager to avoid. We cannot imagine President Trump wanting to become another US President mired in a catastrophic war in the Middle East, a conflict that would quickly extend across the region and cost exponentially more than the trillions of taxpayer dollars that his predecessors burned in Afghanistan and Iraq. You know, history, the longer you pay attention, this is why eventually

I will retire from this job. It's not because I don't enjoy it. I actually love doing it. I love doing this. I love stand up and I love coming on here. But here's the reality. Eventually, everything just starts to repeat itself. It's crazy. We're talking again about going to war in the Middle East. You understand we did this in 2003. It's not 2025. You understand what we're doing again. It's the same. It really is just it's Groundhog Day. It's that movie.

It's just the same day every day. I hope Trump figures out that this would be a terrible, terrible idea. Now let's talk about that car that you own, but don't use one you're paying to keep registered and insured that's taking up space out front and it's just sitting there doing no one any good. Let me tell you what you should do about that car.

You should give cars for kids a call and have them take it for you. That's right, just give them the info and they will come to you as soon as the next day and take that car off your hands at no cost to you. Even better, wouldn't it be funny if I did this when I had Bentley and then they show up and I go, what the fuck are you doing? Even better, they will turn that car into funds to help kids.

So visit carsforkids.org slash T-M, that's K-A-R-S-F-K-I-D-S dot org slash T-I-M, that's K-A-R-S with a K and then then the number four to donate or call Cards for Kids directly at 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS. 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS. 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS. 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS. Donate your car today. Plus you get a tax deduction and a vacation voucher and life will just be great.

They've been around for 30 years and they've done this over a million times This is really the right thing to do folks. It's really the right thing to do Why don't you do the right thing for once you scum? Call now or head over to cars4kids.org slash Jim right now and get this done That's cars4kids.org slash Jim remember that's cars with a K to escape the grid young people are turning into mini retreats these little mini retirements young people young people are Going through it apparently Some young people are spending their savings on an extended break earlier in their careers rather than waiting till retirement

Nobody believes in a future in their careers rather than waiting until retirement. Nobody believes in a future. Nobody. And they're not, and they're right. They're not wrong. Nobody believes this planet is going anywhere good. No one I know fantasizes about a retirement playing golf in South Carolina with their wife.

If you've got it, flaunt it. Smoke them while you got them is the is the like ethos of people right now. Nobody really is approaching this thinking to themselves. Hey, you know, it'll be great in 20 years When we're all happy healthy and retired and sitting on our porch wait, no Everybody is ready to live now and be killed. That's what everybody's waiting for Marina Kazar was it sure what to call the three month break she took after quitting her job. After working in a series of jobs in finance and technology, Ms Kazar 30 was feeling stressed and overworked. In December 2023, with a bit of savings built up, she quit without another position lined

up to focus on things that had fallen to the wayside while she focused on work. I had more time to work out. I was eating better, sleeping better. It was just like a full reset. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have this looming cloud of work. Eventually she came across a term for her hiatus that resonated with her, micro-retirement. For most people in the United States,

being able to save enough money to not have to work is a far away ideal. That anxiety, especially for people closer to retirement, has only risen as stock markets have grown more volatile in response to President Trump's global tariffs. Discontented employees who do not have the means to leave the workforce have turned to quiet quitting, acting your wage, or simply using their vacation days. So quiet quitting means I'm here, but I'm not. I'm barely here.

You don't see me. I'm doing the minimum. Acting your wage means you're gonna pay me shit. That's the level of work you're gonna get. And now these mini retirements or micro retirements are people saying I'm being ground into dust by this hellish job and I don't believe in a future. So I'm going to spend the money while I have it now

to rejuvenate myself. It's taking a sabbatical. I agree with some of this. I like it. I like it because people are saying, hey, we're not gonna make it here. And I'm gonna have a little something for myself while I still can. A mini retirement can take on many forms, taking extra time after being laid off to

consider other paths, asking for unpaid leave, or building in a long stretch after voluntarily leaving a job. A lot of people cannot afford to take time out of the workforce, but those who do take these breaks tend to be much more financially stable. Of course these are people who have a little bit of money, maybe not a ton, but enough to take a break and they look at their lives and they realize this isn't going to end well. Gene Hackman was one of the greatest actors of our time they just found him in his house and their rats ate him his dogs ate him and his wife they had a rat-borne disease and they were eaten by

their own pets and that's the best case that's the best case you're a you're a you're a legendary actor and you moved to Santa Fe to get away from it all and you're still eaten by the pets you fed. This is what's going on. People know that things are going to get worse. They're going to die in a cyclone. On a girls trip in Nashville, they're just going to be taken up into the sky like the Wizard of Oz, but it doesn't work out like that. It throws you back down and you break your spleen.

People know a helicopter is gonna crash in the ocean. They know they're gonna go to Thailand get some weird disease that nobody knows what it really is and then it's curtains so enjoy it, smoke them while you got them. That's the mini retirement thing. It's an acceptance of the fact that this doesn't get better and it really doesn't Not to be negative about it, but the American government is in kind of a cold civil war Where people are using lawyers and law firms to go at each other? There are different feuding power factions within our government that are blackmailing and entrapping each other

and forming alliances with foreign governments to try to topple each other. The country and world has been given over to wealthy oligarchs who are teaming up to destroy what's left of the freedom on earth. You might as well take a couple of weeks in Key West. What the hell are you saving it for? This doesn't turn around. This only gets so much worse. So much worse, unbelievably worse.

Acid rain, your flesh is falling off your face. Your children are going to barricade you in your home, and if they're gonna be on drugs, you've never even heard of your face. Your children are going to barricade you in your home and they're gonna be on drugs you've never even heard of your kids. Oh my god the things your kids are gonna be on. They're gonna wake up. You're gonna open your kids room in the in the middle of the night you open their door and they're sitting in their bed with big eyes looking at the wall going... everything will become a horror movie. It's gonna be insane. I'm telling you take some time in the Hudson Valley Go upstate. It's a couple hours from the city. You don't need to save all of your money

for when China decides Taiwan's had enough of free time or When fucking Israel just decides to launch 15 nukes so I fucking Israel just decides to launch 15 nukes. So I mean what are you waiting for? What are the chances your retirement is gonna be nice? What are the chances things are going to degenerate so rapidly it's go your head will spit it's not going back. It's not going back. It's not going back. The Costco family is the good times They're the good time. Yes, it's stupid and silly and demonic but It's you can still say God that's cringe. You still have the ability to call it cringe

you still have the ability to recognize that it's gross and You still have the ability to recognize that it's gross and cringy. You're gonna lose that. You're gonna lose it. You won't remember what it was. What is cringe? What do you mean? That word will lose all meaning. You will not be able to recognize good from bad. You won't know what cringe means. You'll just know that a large group of people has decided to follow a person

That's all you'll know you'll look at the numbers and go whoa Whoa, and you'll see them and it won't matter what they're doing Or maybe they'll be shitting in a fountain in Central Park in the video is good and you'll go. Well, that's pretty fucking cool He's shitting in the fountain from friends. It won't matter what they're doing But you will lose the ability to know that it is cringe You will look the entire internet now is dominated by people Who are Parading around their worst qualities and being rewarded for it.

It encourages society to adopt that line of thinking. Let's go out there with our worst qualities and sell them to the people. Let's be the worst we can be, the most annoying, the most desperate, the most like, you know, insane versions of ourselves, the ones that we privately hid, the ones that we would keep under lock and key, the ones that we would only show to our close friends and family, and they would go, oh, go away. Oh, hey, that's stupid.

Go away. The ideas that never should have seen the light of day have come to define people. And those are going to be your gods. You're not going to be able to tell where and when it went so wrong. Don't save your money for retirement Don't I Mean, can you imagine what a retirement community is gonna look like in 20 years gonna be a prison? Did you be a high-tech prison? That's all it's gonna be a high tech prison. That's all it's going to be. A high tech prison in the desert.

And the reason it's going to be a prison is if you have enough money they're going to have to protect you from what's on the outside. The other side of the fence. Don't go too close to the fence. So yeah, if you got a couple bucks go to Europe now. That's what I'm saying. Go to the fence. So yeah, if you got a couple bucks, go to Europe now. That's what I'm saying. Go to Europe now. You need to wait till this degenerates fully?

I mean, you're not even gonna know who to be mad at in the future. It's AI, you're gonna be shaking your fist at a robot. You're not even going to know who to be angry at. You're not even going to be able to identify the source of your pain. You're not going to be able to, and it's by design. You'll just be like overcome and not know what to do and it'll just fill you. You'll live in a constant state of dread.

A constant state of dread and horror. And you won't exactly know who to assign blame to and then you'll just go on this fucking phone or whatever you have or maybe the phone's in you at that point and it'll just be retard after retar- it'll just- it'll be- and you won't be able to know- it'll be an endless stream of the most disgusting things you've ever seen in your life. And you won't be able to stop it. You won't be able to opt out. It's gonna be everywhere. It's gonna be everywhere. It's not gonna make any sense, but you'll lose the verbiage. You're gonna lose the language. That word cringe might be the most important word in the English language once it's gone and buried and dead

and it means nothing. And you're just watching I don't know fat people get stuck in fucking doors or you know these two weird albinos Singing in a parking lot or whatever is coming and it's not even coming. It's here You're gonna lose the ability to know how did it happen? How did this happen? How have our lives been taken over by these people? They'll just be people making sounds They're just gonna make sounds. There'll be a guy with an iPad who goes

And you won't be able to stop you won't be able to stop it you won't be able to stop It's not gonna there'll be a woman in her car. She lives in her car and she'll be sitting there. She'll have newspapers all around and she'll just go. I'm telling you, that's what's coming. Why in God's name would you not go take a nice weekend in Georgia? If you could. It has absolutely no value. Do not save your money. Do not wait for a retirement. It's not going to make any sense for you to retire. I mean, don't you want to take a trip

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Everyone loves it. Open phone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Mahmoud Khalil, sorry, a judge ruled you can go. You can be deported. While I disagree with this decision, I don't personally know you. Louisiana immigration judge ruled Friday that activists Mahmoud Khalil can be deported in an undated two page memo submitted to the court. Rubio detailed that on March 7th, he got information about Khalil.

So I mean, I guess, you know, whatever, they showed this judge some evidence. I don't know what that is of this guy. They revoked his visa. He was whiling out. After the ruling, Khalil told the judge, I would like to quote what you said the last time that there's nothing more important to this court than due process rights and fundamental fairness. Clearly what we witnessed today, neither of those principles were present today or in

this whole process. This is exactly why the Trump administration has sent me to this court a thousand miles away from my family. I just hope that the urgency that you deemed fit for me afforded to the hundreds of others who have been here without hearings for months. He will not immediately deported. His attorneys have said that if you were ordered, here's the thing, I don't want this guy to be deported. I also don't want him to be like a folk hero. I don't want either of those things happening. I want him to be here and ignored. That's what I want.

I want him to be in this country and be ignored. Like most people in this country, they're completely ignored. That's what I want. I don't want him to get a soapbox. I don't want him to lecture me. I don't want to hear anything about colonialism. I don't want to hear anything about colonialism. I don't want to hear any of that. I just want him to be silent in my country and shut up, which is his country now, I guess, if he's on a visa. I just want him to shut up. And it's not because I even

think that he's wrong about everything. I don't't know what his statements are I disagree with a lot of them and I'd agree with some of them But the point is that I I just don't want to be lectured to by by this guy It's the same reason I don't want to be lectured to by Vivek Ramallah You just got here chill. You just got here chill a little Chill a little bit. You just got to the party. Chill. Just don't tell everyone immediately. Now, I know you have feelings.

I get it. If I went to Qatar to stay at the Four Seasons, I wouldn't immediately be like, Oh, Hamas is a terrorist group. I'd be like, I like the pool. You have to assimilate a little bit, just chill. I would be, I would not even bring it up. If I was in the Qatar Four Seasons, I wouldn't even bring it up.

I wouldn't bring it up. I wouldn't be like, well Hamas a little bit of a death cult. I'd be like, the eggs are fluffy and the pool is nice. It's a great hotel. I'm having a good time. I'm actually having a great time here. I wouldn't be like, oh, let's organize a demonstration at the Four Seasons in Qatar. I would be on a fluffy bed going, it's so technol...

I would call the front desk and go, I just want to say the technology in the hotel is amazing. You have these iPads and we order everything from the... I mean, I just want to say it's stunning. Actually think it's great. I wouldn't be starting, I wouldn't be like, what about the rights of women? I'd be like, where's the spa? Let's chill it out. You're a guest.

I'm a guest in Saudi Arabia. I don't start going around going, why are you chopping people's hands off? I go, where's that indoor lake you have with the jet skis? That's sick. I think people, you're a guest. If I'm a guest, I'm a good guest. I am a great guest in a home, in a country. I don't go in there and tell everyone what's what. No one wants that. No, I've had horrible guests in my home. They bring their dogs. They're rude. They insult RFK. He's my friend. But what I've learned is how to be a good guest and here's how you be a good guest You don't you don't make your presence known

in a Like controversial way You focus on what's nice you focus on what's good I Don't agree with Hamas. I don't agree with the Qatari royal family. I'm sure there's overlap. We both like luxury. We both seem to enjoy real estate. There's overlap per se, but they're not good to gay people or women, you know,

and they have archaic points of view, but I don't make that the focal point if I go. I appreciate the scale of the development. You have to chill. Like Vivek's over here yelling and screaming that Americans are lazy. Hey buddy, you got here a few generations ago, just chill. Just chill. You're not being a good guest. No one wants that. I'll be a good guest. No one wants that.

I'll be a good guest. I'll be in Doha. Wow, the World Cup stadium's amazing. I wouldn't... People in Dubai... Oh, no. You think I would go to Dubai and be like, everything's made by slaves. I wouldn't say that.

I would look at them and go, get to work. I'm a good guest. I would go, that's an amazing building. Not, well, there's no climate regulation, so you know no no no no it's good Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey this thing's tall. That's tall as fuck I Assimilate I'm a good guest I Don't go to India and go well this caste system seems unfair these untouchables. I don't do that. I don't do that It's not my business. I'm a good guest. I assimilate I

Would be at the Saudi be handing not because I agree with it, but I just be there thief policies Well, actually this is what happens in my country, we let them run everything, the thieves. Well, they just, they run through the streets, actually. How are you? Good to meet you as well. My mood?

Very good. Thank you. And this is Fatima. Hi. Well, I, you know, I mean, it seems extreme, but the reality is where I'm from, there's drug addicts on the street and everybody, it's smash and grabs in the Woodland Hills Mall. It's a part of Los Angeles.

You know Los, of course you do. Well, they've ruined it. They've actually killed it. Do they just do one hand? They don't do two? I might do two. I might do two. But I see what you're saying.

Okay, he's coming and he still puts the mask on. Okay. It's actually humane. It's actually quite humane. And they disinfect it after. I think that's good. What are the restaurants? Is that one good?

You're the third person who's told me. Fatima, you are the third person who's told me that's the good one. I'm gonna see if I can get it. Well, it was lovely to meet you and your Osama. It was lovely to meet the whole family. Thank you, Osama. I'm a see if I can get it. Well, it was lovely to meet you and it was love and your Osama It was lovely to meet the whole family. Thank you. I'm a good guest. I'm a good guest What do you think I'm gonna do run on the stage? Why are you chopping his hand off? He's a thief It's not my country I didn't design it

Nobody's a good guest anymore. So this guy's coming here and yelling and screaming. Listen. It's not about whether you're right or wrong. You're a guest and you have to act a little bit like a fucking guest. I'm sorry you do. I do not go to places and tell them they should be more like me. I don't tell them they should be more like America That's not what I'm not on this mission to tell everyone how to live everyone else is it's odd

It's odd. Everyone's just doing that all day and no one's bored of that. I Don't I would completely I? Would walk down to the Qatar lobby and Say to them this is such a beautiful and luxurious property and I'm You know, I mean what am I gonna do be like, I think a lot of this is unfair, you know And you know, it'll have you just inevitable I'll be talking to this guy Will be laughing probably smoking. They like smoking

Be smoking and he'll hand me his card and it'll go like director of business relations Hamas and I'll go You have to meet people where they are You have to I don't think that this is the problem if you come here just be a little quiet and Fit in a little bit just fit in a little bit. I'm not saying you're wrong. I just talked the first half of the show that we shouldn't go to war with Iran and Israel shouldn't start just lobbing this.

I'm not saying you're wrong. And I get it. And America's based on peaceful protest, but do you know what it's even based on more than that? Kind of quietly buying things. Actually, people like the heart of America's peaceful protest I'm like but it's also quietly shopping to be honest like that's really the way I feel like yes like what do you think of America do you

think it's just people screaming in the streets not really I think of like a nice mall like a suburban mall you get a cup of coffee you buy a couple of things like that's the thing you can quietly shop you're also honoring the traditions of America maybe the only you should the only tradition of America that you should like free speech is a tradition, protest is a tradition, it's not the only tradition. Why honor that as the only tradition? Honor a few other traditions. Going out to eat, having a cocktail cocktail buying things. Those are traditions It's not the only tradition to go out and yell and scream in the street. There's other traditions. There's lots of other traditions

You can have a family go to a little league game at you Whatever if your kids in it not if it's not creep, but you know what I mean, like there's other traditions It's not the only tradition we have well America's built on free speech Yes, but also a buying things You can do that In the same way that I'd say just well, you know I wouldn't say that the entire country is about buying things the entire country is not about protesting It's just not

It's just not. Can you imagine if I was in Dubai and somebody came up to me and they're like, do you know all these buildings were built by slaves? I'd go, hey, hey, what are we doing here? What are you saying to me? Let's just enjoy this building. It's actually beautiful. There's an indoor ski slope in it. If they said to me these buildings are made by slaves, I turn around and go, they've done the mountain inside. It's not easy. Can you enjoy

it for a minute? And what are you gonna do about it? This is where I'm at folks. You got to meet people where they are a little bit This is why I don't think we should go to into Iran What are we doing over there? Like I think that we just got to chill it out the lessons of the early 2000s were that you cannot force your way of life onto people the barrel of a gun It does not work. It is not smart.

People like America, the ones who still like it, because it seemed like a place where you could have freedom and you would use that freedom to be cool and do things that people liked around the world. This whole thing that like everyone's dying to be American, it's completely untrue. It's a complete falsehood. People around the world are not clamoring to be Americans. But the reason that they used to like us is because our lifestyles were enviable.

They're no longer that enviable. People don't look at an 80-hour work week with no health care in a city where you could get stabbed by a homeless junkie on the way back to your fucking rat hole apartment as an enviable life. They don't. They don't envy having sex with a hundred thousand people and then ending up to be completely alone and you know sitting there you know watching a Chelsea handler. That's not necessarily an enviable life to a lot of people in this country, in other countries looking at us. We're not envi- it's not, you know, back in the day people would look at us and go,

wow that is it, you get your little house, you have a little life, you have a family, or maybe you're in the arts, maybe you're gay and talented, remember when gay people were talented? Remember that? It was about 20, 30 years ago? And maybe you were gay and talented, or you were in the arts you did something cool Yeah, you had a bohemian life, and you didn't really give a shit you weren't running around Trying to make everyone accept you you were good at something and people were in awe of that

Okay Okay, it was interesting and you played around with gender from a sexy point of view It's not Sam Smith with a devil hat on and his ass out who looks like my drunk uncle at a Halloween party. It's not enviable anymore to people, okay? When our biggest show is The White Lotus with just soulless rich people floating around a hotel pool and brothers jerking each other off, it's not that enviable to people anymore. We've given away that. People don't look at it as the ideal anymore. When you take a beautiful city like San Francisco and you make it into a scene from a zombie apocalypse movie

people tend not to envy that. That's not good governance. People don't emulate that. They don't want that, okay? Okay? When we're preaching that individualism means a nine-year-old girl has a beard, people don't want that. They're not into that. They don't really want that.

It's not ideal. They don't look at that as enviable. We're not selling a good product right now. We're not selling a good product right now. We're not selling a good product So maybe let's work on the product a little bit Okay, we're not exactly selling this enviable life that oscillates between Christian fundamentalist lunacy flat-earth QAnon stuff and then also like crazy patriarchal white supremacist, fucking handmaids tale, fantasies, the culture swings from one thing to the next.

It's not enviable. People go, this seems crazy. You all seem crazy. You all just seem like crazy people. It seems like they let a mental institution out and gave you all phones. It's not an enviable culture. We're not selling. Nothing is cool anymore. Everything is so uncool by design. These retards open the pool. It's so fucking stupid that people in... There are people right now, the slaves

in Dubai don't want to be a part of it They go just put another sack of cement on my back, and I'll die in the mud with my dignity It's so bad. It's so Fucking hollowed out that it's the product It's one thing if people wanted what we were selling they don't They don't it's not fun. It seems like a lot of work for a very little result It doesn't make any sense to anyone The buy-in is too high

right now We need to chill We need to chill We need to chill We're like a band that's released too many albums. It needs to chill and then come back for a tour Oh, they're back Wow, they look good We need to have that moment where we come back and look good That's what we need. We're just shoving ourselves down the world's throat right now we need to take up a beat and then come back for like a reunion tour and have everyone go,

this is kind of sick. People are excited about Oasis because they went away. We got to go away for a little bit and then come back and then people go, whoa, they look great. That's what we're missing. We're just too out there right now. We're just, people are just like, oh, enough of it. It's enough, it's too much. The headlines, it's too much. You know, Trump's done some good things, some crazy things,

but like the way that the headlines are just dominated, it's all politics in this country and no fun And it's not enviable to people. They don't they don't look at this and go. Oh, it's just constant political You know, where's the art? Where's the music? Where's the pop culture? Where's the lifestyle? Where's the innovation? Where where's anything? That we like and envy here anything That we like and envy here You know, we're now going and ripping off trends for other but we're ripping off Scandinavian architecture. We're ripping off this We're ripping off that like because we've stopped innovating

We've stopped progressing in any interesting way because we're just at each other's throats about politics and nonsense And then we're gonna try to replay 2003 again with Iran now We're gonna go back and watch a movie that nobody wants to watch. No one wants to watch this movie We know how this ends. No one wants to watch this movie so hopefully JD and Tulsi and some of the people over there can wrestle control back and Let's watch another movie Let's do something else. Let's take a break for a little bit America needs a micro retirement. That's what it needs. America needs to go out to Joshua Tree,

Joshua Tree, and take some shrooms and figure out what it wants to do with the rest of its life. America just got fired from a job and it's got savings for a couple of months and America needs to go out and take a micro retirement and it needs to go out to Zion National Park or something and figure out what the hell it wants to do. Because right now America needs a timeout. And then it needs to reemerge and come back as like kind of a sexy, middle-aged, salt and pepper-haired, old con artist at the bar.

That's what we are. And there'll be a bunch of the younger countries like India and Brazil and people like that, not younger in the sense, but like new to money. These countries will be new to money. They go, what do we do? And then America's like the salt and pepper hair guy at the end of the bar who's like, let me tell you a story.

Let me tell you a little something. And then you become like a sage old counselor to these young countries and you teach them how to fuck people over. That's what we need to do. That's our legacy on the world stage. The old guy at a bar in the Florida Keys who talks a good game and they go, you don't know about Johnny? And they go, who's this guy Johnny? And they go, Johnny used to run this whole fucking place. He used to run this whole fucking town. And you go, wow, he seems to know everything and everybody.

Man, Johnny knows everybody. Johnny knows everything. And they go, yeah, they go, he brought the boom. Oh yeah, oh, he brought the boom. Good night, everyone.