The Tim Dillon Show - 495 - Hantavirus Cruise & iPad Babies

Episode Date: May 9, 2026

Tim discusses his Netflix Is A Joke show, the end of Mark Zuckerberg's Meta, how the platform ruined Boomer's lives, babies addicted to iPads, & the global fear of a Hantavirus outbreak from a cruise ship. Become a Friend Of The Show https://bit.ly/BecomeAFriendOfTheShow and get access to weekly bonus audio episodes of the podcast!Live Dates🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: Mint MobileGo To https://mintmobile.com/TIMDILLON To Get 3 Months Of Premium Wireless for $15 bucks a month! Aura FramesExclusive $25-off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/TIM. Promo Code  TIMMorgan & Morgan Got to https://forthepeople.com/TIM Or Dial “POUND LAW” Their Fee is FREE Unless they Win! StashGo To https://stash.com/mood To Check Today’s Market Mood - It’s FREE And Takes Just 2 Minutes! Neuro Gum Go to https://neurogum.com & Use Code “TIM” For 20% OFF Your First Order! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/X:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonFB:https://www.facebook.com/TimDillonComedyTik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@timdListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. Thank you all for coming out to my show at the Netflix is a joke festival in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater where I interviewed the cast of Selling Sunset, dressed as John Wayne Gacy, and it was a great moment for everyone. It was fun. It was a fun show.

The women from the show didn't, speak that much. And Jason Oppenheim, who owns the brokerage, to his credit, tried to answer some of the questions. And I like him. At one point, I said, are your clients worried about security? And he said, yes. He goes, in fact, the other day, I went to go to a house and they wouldn't even let me in because that's how secure it was.

And I went, they wouldn't let you in? And he goes, no, well, they let me in. I was like, oh, so you just, you lied. You just, you made that up. And he laughed. He goes, yeah. And that's what, that's what a good real estate agent does. A good real estate agent is a liar.

Sorry. You want them lying for you. But that's what they do. And I respect that. I respect the profession always have. And they came on the show. Now, we did a show where it was like a theatrical kind of Broadway show. If you were on math, you know, we interviewed a food delivery robot.

We had a choir of people that came out dressed as unhoused people and sang landslide. We had, you know, we had like a woman come out who pretended to lose your house in the Palisades fire. We had fun. and we might do more things like that because they're fun. And my costume designer in L.A., she's one of the most talented people. You know, there is a lot of talent here. Not so much on the screen.

But behind the scenes, there's a lot of talent. Like, there's still really creative people who love what they do. And this woman is one of them. And she did this photo shoot. I didn't even know what was happening. They did these professional, photos of me dressed up in like this John Wayne Gacy kind of drag, Joker costume that she made

and it was unbelievable. And she brought in all these, you know, really high-level gay makeup artists and photographers. Were they on meth? Who cares? It doesn't matter. They're working. It's a work drug. And they were blasting music and I felt very cool.

We did it. It was a whole photo shoot. It was very fun. And they do very high-level people. I didn't even know it was happening, but it was exciting and fun. And they were, they're the funest people I met with the, were the makeup meth people. They're like fun.

And then everyone else, you know, the Netflix festival, you see a lot of comics you haven't seen in a while, which is fun. But then you're just inundated with, you know, the business, the industry. It's gross. It's gross. It's desperate. It's sad. It's gross.

It's grotesque. Truly. And it's a lot of this. It's a lot of Hey, hey, hi. Hi. It's a lot of that. And, but it was a fun thing to do.

It was a fun thing to do. Was, you know, was Netflix thrilled with everything I said on the stage? We don't know. We don't know. I'm sure. I'm sure everyone takes it. Everyone takes criticism in stride. Even Netflix.

I've had a relationship with Netflix But Netflix like everyone, like myself, has good and bad in them, right? It's complex. It's not just amazing and great and that's it. We must be introspective and look inside. So I imagine that was the message delivered. I delivered in a fun kind of theatrical way.

I don't think there's any problem there. but it was a fun thing. We'll do more things like that, I think, because it was fun to do something strange and weird. And it had a lot of moving parts and different components. And, you know, the selling sunset cast, I don't think they knew what was going on. And one of them I asked, you grew up in the UK,

and she said, yes, I did. I grew up in Paris. They don't know. I don't know what. they really know what's happening. Bree, I liked a lot. And she's one of the OGs, and she's still on the show. And she laughed at every joke and she's Nick Cannon's ex or current.

I don't know. Whatever. It's not my business. But she was great. But there's a lot of the women there. You would try to just, you know, they wouldn't really answer a lot of the question. I asked one woman, I said, do you know any poor people? And she said, no.

And I said, that's okay. That's okay because everyone judges her for that in society. That she doesn't know any poor people. but she probably doesn't like them. And that's her choice. It's hard to meet poor people if you're rich, and no one talks about that, by the way. It's true.

It's hard to meet poor people if you're rich. You got to go out of your way to meet a really poor person if you're rich. Like, I mean, if you're rich, rich. Not if you, like, made money in comedy after being a bum forever like I did, then a lot of people, you know, don't have any money.

It doesn't matter. But if you're someone that, you know, works in real estate and you're hot and your whatever and you do, you can't just meet a poor person. That's not the way it works. And then if you meet a poor person, it's weird to bring the poor person around as a rich, hot real estate agent who sells houses or whatever. I don't know if they actually sell houses either. But it doesn't matter.

Does anything matter? I think I said to them, I'm like, you guys don't really sell house. I mean, they didn't even defend. They didn't even go, no, we sell houses. I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters if the audience knows they don't sell the houses. I don't think people watch the show because they sell houses. And the audience was so vicious to these people.

When they would talk, the audience would go, shut the fuck up. people from the mezzanine, the balcony would scream at them. Shut the fuck up. Because people now, you know, that show got debuted in 2019. It was just pre-pandemic. That show was from a time when people believed that they could own a house. They never believed that they could own some crazy modern mansion in the Hollywood Hills. But they said, I could get a little house, a cabin somewhere.

I'm in the game. And when you're in the game, you can, you know, there's the escapism of watching a real estate show where these women pretend to sell these high-end properties because you can enjoy it. It's silly and there's drama. They fight with each other, whatever. But you go, well, I own a house

and I'm watching other people sell nicer houses, but I'm, or I could dream of owning a house. It's realistic that I own a house. but now that owning a house has become incredibly tough, I think that era of entertainment, that era of voyeurism, is actually going to decline. I don't think people are going to have an appetite anymore to watch shows where, like, attractive, and by the way,

I could be wrong, it's my prediction. I don't think people are going to have an appetite to watch shows where hot women walk around mansions and pretend to sell them. I think eventually people are going to go, we've had enough of this shit. This is a relic from another era. We can't even imagine owning something

and we're pissed about it and rightfully so and we're not going to watch these bitches, you know, walk around into six-inch heels on a marble floor. It takes on a new meaning when people are fucked. You know, so I think, but I do appreciate them coming on, and they were lovely people backstage. They were very nice. They didn't answer the questions.

That's fine. Doesn't matter. They tried. At one point, I said, just name an area of Los Angeles that you like. Can you do that? You don't even have to like it. Just name an area of Los Angeles and let's discuss that. And we'll release clips of this, but it was difficult for them.

And but it was still nice that they came. And, you know, a lot of things are changing. I read this article in the New York Times. You can grab this, that meta, which is this mega company owned by Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, Instagram, you know, they dumped 80 billion, I think, into this metaverse idea. I think it was billion. That sounds high.

It might have been million, but it is a, it's on drudge, it's in the times. It might have been 80 billion. There was a time during the NFT craze where people would come up to me and say,

you have to be the first comedian in the metaverse. And I said, what do you mean by that? They said, well, pretty soon, we're just going to live in a virtual world completely. And instead of performing for 300 people or 3,000 people or whatever, you're going to perform for 50,000 people, or 100,000 people,

or a million people in the Metaverse. Because the Metaverse is going to be the digital world we all inhabit. You'll have these glasses, and you're not going to go meet your friends at a restaurant. You're going to meet them in the Metaverse. and people are going to watch comedy in this digital world. And now, of course, it sucked. Everything we saw that came out of the metaverse, you'd have an avatar and you'd be this avatar.

Get something up about the metaverse where we can kind of look at it. Like the concept, the proof of concept for it. It was like, you know, it was this strange thing where you'd have an avatar and you'd live in this completely digitized, digital world. And people really believe that that was like going to happen. It was like on the cusp of happening. But again, this was the height of the NFT craze, the mania. This is when people in Miami are showing you their phone and going,

look, I just paid $10,000 for this. It was a squiggly line. I just paid $10,000 for this squiggly line. I knew people who flipped NFTs, meaning they bought them and then sold them for more money, and they made like $2 million. And these were inherently worthless pieces of shit. Many of them, you know, there's non-fungible tokens on the blockchain and da-da-da-da-da. It's a way to show ownership.

I own this. It's mine. I can prove that I own it. And a lot of these things were, some of them were artistic, some of them were cool. A lot of them weren't. So the metaverse was an outgrowth of this idea is that, well, you know, we're all eventually just going to inhabit this reality. And we're going to inhabit this reality because there's a pandemic and the world is gross and it's dangerous.

There's riots and there's crime, but not in the metaverse. In the metaverse, it's all good. So let's watch a little bit of this thing here. But again, the metaverse was doomed. And maybe in 10 years or sooner, we're all living in the metaverse. But it never caught on. It just never happened. But here's a little something on that.

Imagine you put on your glasses or headset and you're instantly in your home space. It has parts of your physical home recreated virtually. It has things that are only possible virtually. And it has an incredibly inspect. By the way, just stop it for a minute. This freak, this freak is so, he discused. disturbs me on such a gutteral level, and he makes my skin crawl.

And no offense, you know me. I don't try to be offensive on the show. There's something about him. Bezos, at least I kind of get, because he's a real psychopath. He's on a big yacht. Him and his wife bought the Met Gala, which a bunch of my comedian friends

at tweet, you know, all day about how, you know, white men suck, seem to throw those morals away when it's time to go to the Met Gala that's now owned by a true lunatic, Jeff Bezos, who's on a super yacht. He's a genuine Bond supervillain. But there's something about Bezos. I kind of, I don't know if I would say I like it,

but there's something honest about Bezos. He's like, I'm on a super yacht. I got this, my wife, we have a big wedding in Italy. We invite every famous person we know. We are, you know, Bezos seems like a guy. There's maybe some insecurity there. whatever it is, he desperately wants to prove to you that he's the coolest person that's ever lived. And, you know, is that, is that disgusting?

Sure. But you know what it is. And I think now, truly in life, it's not about whether you agree or disagree with someone. I was thinking about this the other day. And it's not about whether you think they're good or bad. Do you know what they are? I think this is becoming the real question and the real concern and the real way to evaluate people. Forget good or bad. Forget the morality. Forget just for a minute. And just do you know what they are?

Do you get where they're coming from? Are they reliably consistent? Whatever. And a guy like Jeff Bezos, I think you kind of understand that. This guy feels like someone who's really true. trying to be a human being. He's doing his best. He's occasionally succeeding. But it just, something is deeply unsettling. But let's continue here.

Mark Zuckerberg, friend of the show. Incredibly inspiring view of whatever you find most beautiful. Hey, are you coming? Yeah. She's got to find something to wear. Perfect. Oh, hey, Mark.

Hey, what's going on? Hi. What's up, Mark? Whoa, we're floating in space. Who made this place? It's awesome. Right? Okay, so, all right, kill this. Just to give you a refresher course

of what the Metaverse was. Now, find this article here where it is his New York Times article about Facebook dying. Meta dying, which owns Facebook. It's on Trudge.

And, you know, I read this article today and they make the point that nothing on the internet dies overnight, even Yahoo and AOL and things like that. They still function. They still have. have people that use them, you know, Facebook.

I don't know anyone on Facebook. We can sell a lot of tickets on Facebook. We post probably content from this show on Facebook. Facebook's now settling lawsuits with people because it's now proven that Meta's algorithm has, you know, driven people, I think, to kill themselves and stuff. I think that's what's going on, like that the algorithm has focused. on negativity, and it has incentivized and encouraged the type of behavior that has led people to have serious psychological conditions.

So they're settling some lot. Like, we all know someone who's gone insane on social media. We all know that. You all have an aunt. We've all existed in this world long enough to know someone who, who, who, has genuinely become a schizophrenic on social media. We know that person. We know someone who at one time was fun

and who is now a schizophrenic. And that's sad. And I don't know what can be done about it, but we know that that exists. So what I was talking about before, in March the company, META, alongside YouTube, lost a Bellwether lawsuit

alleging that its addictive design choices triggered anxiety, depression, and body image issues in a teenager. Waiting in the wings are over 100,000 similar cases seeking claims in the tens of billions of dollars. Also, you know, people have talked about

foreign influence campaigns using meta, misinformation, campaigns using these sites or whatever. So this article in the Times is basically saying that although Met is still doing very well in the sense that they've made a lot of money, there's a few key markers that show that the company itself is beginning to decline. And that that could be irreversible. And that that era of the internet might be ending.

And it will take a while. And one wonders what comes. next, but there's a quote here, there's a grim satisfaction in watching this organization hoist with its own patar. This is the company that profited from trafficking and lies. It tunes

its algorithms to boost hatred and division that stole our data and used it against us that created the culture of toxic meme. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. So this is in the New York Times. And what they're saying here is they go, well, if Facebook dies, maybe things get better

and the New York Times, like, it could be a heartening turn in our national conversation. And they said TikTok traffic's more in inspirational content. I don't know what algorithm on TikTok they're on, by the way. They go TikTok's traffic's in more inspirational content. I don't know where they're at. They go, prom videos are currently trending. Okay.

But what's interesting about this, to me, like kind of reading this article, is imagining what comes next, because there is, there was that, and it seems to be like, are young people fighting about politics on the internet? It doesn't seem to be that they are in the way that older people are.

That feels to me like something that, as a younger friend of mine who helped out with the show, recently said old heads do. It doesn't feel like that's a, like, the people I know who have the most active social media presence are older. And that seems odd. It seems like it should be the other way around that younger people should be the ones on social media,

using it for whatever reasons to make change or whatever. But it seems to be, it's like older people that are bored and all they care about is this. And this is now where they live. Like, that is their metaverse. Like, he has created that. They don't need the goggles. They're already there. They're already there, Mark.

You did it. You kind of did it. My aunt's already there. She's locked in. I don't know that she needs to be in a digital world. You've already created this space where people are able to basically just fight about things that don't really affect them for the rest of their lives until their bodies are riddled with cancer and they die. That's how old people live now. Old people, however you want to talk about our country, a lot of people that aren't from America are like,

it's, you know, they visit here and they go, it's an abomination what you do to your old people. You stick them in homes, you kicked them out of the house. You know, they would never do that in Japan. They go, we all live together. We respect our elders. They die in their beds. We ship them to nursing homes.

There's fight clubs. People pee on them or whatnot. It's bad. But whatever you think about that, old people now, the last years of the, their life, meaning where they still have before they're completely bedridden and they're going out. Mark Zuckerberg has stolen the last 10 years of your mother's life before she got to mention

Alzheimer's. Mark Zuckerberg has stolen that. The last 10 years of grandma's life, where's grandma, she's on Facebook, she's drunk, and she's fighting with someone she's never met. And that's how people get old now. They get old on the internet and they spend their golden years, the last years on this planet, where they still have moving legs, and they can still walk. They spend it shut in their home. on Facebook talking about Iran. That's what Mark Zuckerberg's created.

He's made your, he's driven your parents insane, and he's given them a place where they're incentivized to actually get crazier. And that's the way people get old now. That's part of life. I've always talked about Mint Mobile and I mean it. You've got to start saving money right now. The economy is not great. Cell phone service is a place where you can be more responsible with your money.

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Save now on the GIF's mom love. Exclusive $25 off. Carver Matt at oraframs.com. slash Tim. Oraframs.com slash Jim. Promocode, damn. I haven't been on Facebook in years. I used to go on it.

I'd write statuses, get likes. I'd try to be funny about shit. I haven't been on it in years. Can you get up the average age of a Facebook? user. It might be younger than I think. I don't know, and I don't know how they calculate these averages either. That's not true.

This is such a lie. They go, as of early 2026, the largest demographics of Facebook users globally is 25 to 34 years old. Growing engagement for users 45 to 65. Do you go on Facebook? No. Do you know anyone really engaged on Facebook? My parents. That's right.

No, it's true. I don't know where they're getting to it. But maybe they're talking about people in India who just got it. I don't know. Yeah, whatever. This is, old people are on Facebook. The last years of their life, Mark Zuckerberg, has stolen, and he's radicalizing them. And they can't do anything about it.

Their bodies are failing. Their minds are failing. They're trapped in this prison, this hell. They should be seeing their grandchildren. children, they should be drinking wine, they should be on a boat, but what they're, what they're really doing is spending their life, the last bits of it, the last things that really matter, they're spending it in this hell created by this humanoid freak. That's how their truth has been.

So this, the company, meta, starting to decline. I don't shed a tear for this. I don't shed a tear for this. Now, I'm on Instagram. I like Instagram. I'm on social media. It's part of my job. I get it.

I'm not, you know, one of these people who claims moral superiority to any of this, but I just look around and notice things. And I look at the people on Facebook. I go, these people are unwell. They're older.

They don't get, they don't know what AI is. They don't know if something's real or fake. They don't know what it. They're arguing about, you know, there's clearly an AI video of a crocodile eating someone and they're like, that's why you never. You got to respect animals.

the power of an animal. And it's just, they don't know their lives have been stolen from them. It's sad. It's actually sad. They don't understand what happened. They don't get it. Nothing like this has ever happened before, by the way. They didn't watch their parents do this.

This has never happened before where at the end of your life, there was a technology invented that made you insane. This has never happened. Large swaths of the public have gone functionally they're insane. They're lost. They're gone. On every political spectrum all over the plate, doesn't matter. But this has never really happened before where a playground for your worst ideas and impulses was given to you at the end of your life.

When the sharpness of your mind is starting to really wear thin and you don't know what's going on. And it gives you this playground and go, fuck around, have fun, see what happens, learn things. You shouldn't learn the thing. The learning should stop at a certain age. Now they're all learning about aliens on Facebook. I heard the government was going to come out and tell everybody there was no God. We were created by aliens. How are they going to take that?

You know what I mean? That's what I heard was going to happen. I heard from multiple people. I called a couple of people. They go, yeah, I think the government is going to come out and tell everyone there's no God. We were created by aliens. All the world religions are fake. And deal with that.

do with that, what you will, who knows. Now that didn't happen. I think the government's kind of backed off on that. They're like, well, make your own conclusion. Choose your own adventure. But supposedly that's what they were going to tell everybody. Like, by the way, it's all fake. There's no God you were created by aliens.

I really believe that's what they were going to say. And they were just going to tell everyone to deal with it. Deal with it. And they called a bunch of pastors. and they were like, hey, by the way, you're going to have to, your congregation's going to get upset because during the morning press briefing, we're going to announce that there's no God and we're all a creation of aliens. I mean, it's like, I mean, what are we doing to these people at the end of their lives?

Could you think of a worse way to get old than the way you get old now? Is there a worse generation? Is there a worse time? Now, yes, the boomers have all the fucking money. They own these big houses. That's all nice. but they don't have minds anymore. Their minds have disintegrated.

They've melted in their heads. I mean, it's unbelievable. And now at the end of their life, while they're frothing in a Facebook rage, wandering around their house, we tell them, by the way, we don't think there's a God or anything we're created by aliens.

That's the last thing they hear before they collapse on their keyboard as they're responding to their sister that they barely speak to. Well, actually, the transient issue is more of an issue than you think it is. It's insane. We are destroyed.

Now, you might think it's undignified to go to a nursing home and die there. And it is. But my mother was in one of them and died of one of them. Whatever. This is worse. What we're doing to them now is worse. They're all in big mansions on Facebook and they're insane. Their kids hate them.

This is worse. Yes, nobody wants to go to fucking shady acres or whatever the name of that fucking thing. I think maybe that was from The Sopranos. Nobody wants that. Everybody goes, I don't want to go into a home. I'm completely fine. I want to live on my own. And that was the big discussion.

The big discussion was like, well, where do you put old people? You put them in these homes? And everybody was like, nobody wanted to go in those homes. And Louis got a great new bit on his special about this, about putting his dad in a place. But the way to, the way people. getting old now where they're just on the internet. They're just on the internet at whatever age, trying to figure it out and being taken advantage of and bamboozled.

And it's coming from all sides in all directions. And they're becoming truly like psychotic. We're inducing psychosis. That's what Mark Zuckerberg's done. he's inducing psychosis into large swaths of the population, but very noticeably in older people that have now all gone insane. And I actually think, by the way, like, so there's a new study that shows more than two thirds of children under the age of two,

you screen some for eight hours a day. So many one-year-olds are now on a screen for eight hours a day. here's why that's good. Are you ready? Here's why it's good. If we're going to live like this, we got to start them young. They got to be, listen, the people I know who got introduced to Facebook later in their lives no longer speak to their children.

They no longer speak to their families. They've had Facebook for 10 years. Their children won't bring the grandkids to the house anymore. that's what happens when you introduce technology late in life. I'm for if we're going to live like this, and it seems like we are, I'm not commenting on if it's a good thing. I don't think it is,

but it doesn't seem like anybody's, it has any investment in changing it. But more than two thirds of children under two use screens, some for up to eight hours a day, one year old, and by the way, and I'm going to say it again. it's not a joke. They're watching this show in very big numbers. Two-year-olds, under five toddlers, are watching this show in big numbers.

Now, it is a huge demographic. Almost a third of newborns watch screens for more than three hours a day, while nearly 20% of infants aged four to 11 months watch screens for over an hour a day. So your 11-month-old is going to get an hour. just to get them going. And by the other, I'm for this. Because we need, they need, if we're going to have this, they need to understand it.

By the time they're for, they need to go, that's AI. Look at the watermark, it's AI. Scientists say the basis of future health and brain development is laid down in the first time from pregnancy to the age of two. So scientists are now saying that it might not be good, that they're doing this? Yeah, higher screen use in babies supposedly links to poorer development.

Well, there's not jobs for them when they grow up, so who cares? They only need to be literate online. Listen to me now. There are no jobs for your children. They only need to be literate online. They only need to understand the way the internet works.

So I don't have a problem with a one-year-old spending five to eight hours a day on a screen. These include, increased risk of obesity and short-sightedness, sleep problems, behavioral difficulties, language delay. Folks, they're going to have it anyway. They're having it all anyway.

They're going to have it all anyway. Most likely your children are going to be obese, short-sighted, and have language delay. It's just what it is. We're going to get Ozempic form when they're kids. That's come. GLP ones for kids are coming. And I'm for it.

They're coming for the faties for the kids. we're going to have them all. Your kids are on peptides, they're on GLP once, and they're on the screen. And there's nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry. It's what it is. Don't shoot the messenger here.

I'm telling you, yes, they're going to be fat because they're on the screens. Hit him with the needle. All my kid's fat because he's on the screen. Well, it's necessary for him to be on the screen because he needs to be literate and he needs to understand the way the internet works. He needs to understand different cultures

that arise on the internet. He's got to choose. she's got to choose, they have to choose what culture they want to take part in on the internet. So they're going to be obese, probably. You hit them with the GLP1. The GLP 1 will slim him down.

The GLP 1 will hold the food in your infant's stomach longer so that your infant is less hungry because soon they will approve GLP 1s for toddlers. So usually here's the way it works. Your 2-year-old eats a chicken nugget and shits it out and wants it. other chicken nugget. But the GLP1 will hold the nugget in your two-year-old's stomach longer, and it won't

shit. So now we have two things happening that are good. Shitting no longer is a thing with babies. They're not going to be shitting all the time because they're on GLP ones. They're going to be very constipated. The food is held in their stomach longer so they're less hungry. Problem number one, shitting babies, solved. Problem number two, obese children.

this and they're going to be sitting there and they're going to be on a screen. Listen, I'm pro family. I'm pro children. But here's what's going to happen. You're going to have a fat child and it's going to sit in a chair like this. It's going to be on a little cushion

and you're going to put a screen in front of it and then you are going to shoot it up with the needle of GLP1. Parents said they're offering screens to their babies and toddlers to help manage the stress of daily life and coping with exhaustion. They mean their stress, right?

Not the baby's stress? Let me read. Let me read that again. Parents say they're offering screens to their babies and toddlers to help manage the stress of daily life and cope with you. Well, here's the thing. I'm pro family. I'm pro-child. I'm pro-civilization.

I believe the happiest people, truly, are the ones that, you know, the happiest people I've ever met are the ones with children. That doesn't mean that there are, I'm happy. I don't have children. So I'm not saying everyone's whatever. I'm not telling you how to live. That's not the deal. But I'm saying I believe people should have children. I think it's good.

You know, most people are not going to get what they want out of their career. Truly, some of them will. Most don't. And even the ones that do, there's a certain emptiness to that, whatever. So I am pro this. But here's the other thing. It's hard. It's hard.

It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to be a good parent. So I think what people are doing now is they're giving their children the screens because they, they don't have the energy, the time. One parent described their baby screen time as, quote, a survival skill in my house. A government spokesman told Sky News,

parents told us they want clear practical and non-judgmental advice on screen use for under fives. And we work hand in hand with them. Because the parents don't want to be judged for it. And I get it. They go, I got my kids on a screen. I give my kid an iPad. and I say, leave me alone for a little while.

And they don't want to be judged for that. And I understand parents don't want to be judged for giving their one-year-old an iPad for eight hours. Okay, they don't want to be judged for this. And I think we should stop judging them for it because here's the deal. We're heading into this digital world. By the time those kids grow up, we probably will be in a fucking metaverse. So this is what are you confronted. fight all these. People fight this, they fight that.

They're mad that everybody's on drugs and, you know, on the different pharmaceuticals. They don't like this. They don't like that. I'm not saying that I don't know anything about the JLP wants. I tried them. I didn't like them. They made me feel weird. I lost passion for life, truly. But that doesn't mean that other people, and now I have a meal plan

of a trainer. I'll do peptides. I'll do other things. The JLP ones for me personally, I felt that there was a, I don't know, I started to lose interest in more than eating. It was weird. And just for me, and that's not everyone's experience.

So by the way, go take them and enjoy them. I don't really care. It doesn't matter to me. I am forgiving them to children. I am. I am forgiving JLP wants to toddlers and I am for giving them iPads for them to watch this show and many others

for hours on end every day. That's your kid. Your kid's not going to play soccer. Cut it out. Have a realistic expectation for your trust. child. Having a non-verbal child who just is on an iPad all day that you shoot up once a week with a needle so it doesn't eat is the best you're going to do. Just a quiet child who's constipated from the GLP1 they're on. Also, here's the thing with people giving GLP1s to their toddlers.

You have to remember fiber. You have to remember fiber. because they have to move. You don't want their stomachs to explode with food. So you have to make sure the food is moving through your two-year-old or three-year-old system while they're on the iPad for eight hours a day. So you have to make sure they eat fibers so that they shit eventually so that they don't explode on the couch. Because you don't want to say, my toddler got gastropariasis.

We forgot the fiber. And my toddler's stomach exploded. My stomach exploded. It was full of chicken nuggets. It was full of chicken nuggets, and we forgot the fiber. So my toddler didn't shit out the chicken nuggets. So it stomach exploded. While I was watching the iPad.

So these are the ways to be a parent now. I'm not an expert. I'm not a parent. But that's what it's going to be. And we should feel bad for parents. I like this article that says parents shouldn't really have to raise their kids. they should be able to just give them iPads for the entire day. Quote, this research is a reminder of the pressure of so many parents' face.

And can I make another comment? If your toddler on shot day doesn't want to eat anything, you make sure they eat protein. You have to give them protein in the day they take their shot. This research is a reminder of the pressures so many parents' face, and our guidance is designed to offer realistic, evidence-informed advice that reflects the demands of family life. Not be a rulebook that adds to the pressure.

I like Sky News because here's what Sky News is saying, hey, listen, let's get realistic. You're not going to raise your children. You're going to give them the pad, the iPad. And so a lot of parents don't know what to do. They don't know what to do. The kids are getting hooked on the screens. But here's the question.

What is that? Is this a baby losing his mind? over his screen? Yeah. What's, what is he wants to watch my program? What does he mean? Oh, this is just a collection of children to get mad. They can't watch YouTube. Yeah. All right, let's see a little bit of it. What's he, what's he trying to watch? He wants to see Tucker? I want Tucker!

All right, we got it. We got it. They're mad. They're mad. They're addicted. My godson's addicted to it. What are you going to do? They're addicted to it. What are you going to do? They're little junkies in your house who want their screens. What are you going to deal with them? You got a bunch of stuff. You got a bunch of stuff. sticky-fingered junkies in the house to want their goddamn screens. What are you going to do? Fight that battle? You give them the screen and you let them watch.

Folks, I'm telling you, I know it sounds wrong. Otherwise, it gets really difficult. Especially if you have multiple kids, it's very difficult. They don't want to play outside anymore. They don't want to play outside. None of their friends are outside. All of their friends are playing video games. They want to play video games.

so they're going to sit around and play video again that's what they want to do. They don't want to go out. You know, remember when you were a kid, I was like, maybe not you, you're younger than me, but like we would play Manhunt. You know what I mean? You would go out and play things,

hide and go seek, stuff like that. They don't do that anymore. They don't do that anymore. Children do not do that. They're not interested in that. They want to be on the screens. That's where they live now. And it's hard to imagine a world where that changes.

So in a world like this, you have to, I think, your child the screen. It's like eating. In AA, which I've been a member of, or, you know, or or or or or or or or or things like that, it's abstinence. It's drugs or alcohol. You can't do it.

Go to God. You do other things, you know. But in OA, Overeaters Anonymous, which I haven't been in LOL, um, they tell you got to eat. So it's not, there's moderation's not a, I mean moderation's essential in that. It's like essay, sexual anonymous. So you got to have sex, but you can't like do whatever things you were doing that are bad. Whereas it's different like, A,A, it's like you can't, can't.

It's the phenomenon of credit. But here's the deal. These kids aren't getting away from the screens. So they're little junkies, screen junkies in their house, but you need to teach them a responsible way. to use the internet because it's going to be their entire life. Otherwise, Mark Zuckerberg's going to get them later on

and they're going to go fucking insane. We gave the internet to a generation of people they are in the process of destroying everything in the world. Everything in the world. By the way, they haven't even had it for that long. It's not like they've had it for that long. But they got it late in life and it scrambled their fucking brain

So what you have to do, do you know how many people I know who've blocked their own mother? Do you know how many people I know on Facebook or whatever and that have told me I've blocked my mother? She cannot reach me on the internet. If she wants, she can call me. I have blocked her. I do not want to see what she posts.

I don't want to see what she shares. I go, your mother. Yeah. So I know that the knee-jerk reaction is to say, get the screens out of the cans of kids. Well, sure, but I think realistically, they're not going to be able to exist without having some kind of relationship to a screen.

So I would say if you're one, it's not nine hours, eight hours a day is too much. How long is this show usually about an hour? Yeah. An hour a day is fine for them. But again, this program, give us the view. No, I don't know. I mean, what's appropriate for a one-year-old,

how many hours should a one-year-old be spending on the screen? They're not on social media, but how many hours should a one-year-old be on the screen? I mean, I think none. You think none? Do you have any children? Well, no. I say no more than five.

I say no more. Here's the way I feel. If you put your one-year-old somewhere in a house and give it a screen, you have to set a timer. And then five hours later, you have to go back and check on it. On the day your two-year-old takes a GLP1 shot,

give it a protein shake because it needs the protein. Otherwise, it'll eat its bones. And explain that to the kid. Say this could eat your bones. So you have to eat protein. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest personal injury law firm. Here's my favorite thing about them.

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For 20% off your first order, you can also find neuro at CVS and Amazon. Hauntavirus. What is this? My mother used to talk about hauntivirus, because we had a mouse in our house. And she was right. It spreads because of rodent shit. And by the way, everyone on a cruise, let me stop this right now.

Anyone that goes on a cruise anymore, you deserve exactly what you get. There are so many examples of why you should not get on this floating toilet. I mean, anybody, there's documentaries, there's a documentary called poop cruise. Anybody, now I know that you want to go on this all-inclusive thing. I know that folks, you know when I grew up,

people used to go to a little inn. they'd go to a little bed and breakfast somewhere. And yes, cruiser for like old people, I know gay cruisers are fun and you could do Molly and stuff on the ocean, but there's just too much of a chance for a nightmare to happen on a cruise. It's happened so many times.

How do you even just walk in? You just walk on a cruise down and go, well, we hope we're not stranded with hanta virus on the sea. So you can go to a ship. made up town in Mexico and buy some fake fucking crap. You can buy Cocapelli, the guy who plays the flute or a dream catcher, some bullshit.

And now you're, you got HauntaVite. Now, after this, we're going to watch David Muir, but after this, I want you to pull up, there's a doctor on the boat who's giving updates about haunted virus. But let's watch David Muir. Hauntavirus. The race to track a deadly virus outbreak that started on that cruise ship in the Atlantic after authorities have now revealed tonight that many passengers got off that cruise ship weeks ago.

The Hanta virus outbreak linked to that cruise ship in the Atlantic health officials tracking at least 30 people now who got off the ship two weeks ago, traveling to their home countries all over the world, including seven Americans now back in the U.S. Three people taken off that ship in just the last 24 hours, two of them in serious condition. Look at this. That's how you're leaving the cruise now. Freeze on a thing. People can say, that is the photo of how you're going to leave the cruise.

Is that what you want? I'm telling you, stop fucking around with this. That photo right there is how you're going to exit the cruise. You walk in, you're excited about the buffet, you leave like that. Let's continue. Serious condition, three other people have died. Tonight, 18 Americans remain on board that ship, the World Health Organization, urging calm. ABC's Victor Okendo, leading us off.

Haanta, hauntah, hauntah! Try to find the doctor. He's on the cruise. He's on the ship and he's giving updates about hauntavirus, which my mother was so concerned about. We're going to get, she would tell that to my father. She would go, there's a mouse and he's shit in this house. We're all going to get hauntavirus. And my dad would, you know, do his usual,

yeah, you're overreacting. We're going to get haunt a virus because they're, because they're, There was a mouse. We had a mouse. Okay, so a Swedish doctor who previously worked aboard the luxury cruise ship affected by a deadly hanta virus outbreak said the ships of medical staff

were likely operating under quote, tremendous pressure with limited resources. Let's listen to this man. Now, by the way, I'm talking to experts. I'm not, but I'm just calling people that I know that I think know things. And they're saying, the human-to-human

haunt the virus spread might be overstated and it might, it's probably not such a big deal but who knows anyway let's see what this guy says. He's from Sweden. If they are allowed to disembark and the passengers will somehow get home but of course I mean no country want to have the

hanta virus in the general population. Bomb the ship. Bomb that ship. Bomb that ship. you, that's it. You went on a cruise. This is the way we should handle cruises now. If you go out on a cruise and there's a disease outbreak, you're not coming back.

We've got too many fucking problems in this country for you to come back with hantavirus. You're dead. Say it. By the way, don't release the information to the public. I'm telling the Trump administration, some of them are, you know, not too thrilled with me. But the ones that still listen, I'm telling you right now, and I know they'll have no moral problem with this, just bomb the ship. Bomb it.

And by the way, this is the new standard. You're allowed to go on a cruise. If any, if there's any outbreak of any significance, I'm not talking about like norovirus. I mean like a haunt of a virus. If something happens, just like we shot down that plane that was going into, we thought was going to go to the White House and then we made up that story, let's roll.

That's fake. we shot it down. Just like that happened. Let's roll. Fake. I think. And I believe. But anyway, we need to do this with cruise ships of sick people.

We need to get rid of them and then make up a story that the boat was attacked by terrorists or something like that. This is, okay, let's get this guy up. What is this? Passenger on board the cruise ship that has suspected hot the virus outbreak where three people have died. the six people who say cries out as a ship remains near Cape Verde. Haanta virus is rare. Go up. Sorry.

Hauntavirus is rare, but serious illness usually spread through contact with rodents or their waist. Let's listen to this guy. He's making his hauntivirus statement. Here he is. I normally wouldn't make a video like this, but I feel like I need to say something. So I wrote a few things down.

I am currently on board the MV Hondias. And what's happening right now is very real for all. of us here. We're not just a story. All right. We're not just... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Who told you to get on a boat? No, I'm... I'm dead serious. I went on the impractal Joker's cruise once to do stand-up comedy. I walked off that boat. I said, I'll kill myself. There's no amount of money you could offer me to do a cruise gig ever again in my life. I said, I'll kill myself if I have to get on another cruise.

I will take my own life. I will gladly take my own life. When this guy goes, we're not just a story. We know you're not just a story. If we thought it was just a story, we'd let you dock. We know it's not just a story. That's why you're not docking with haunt the virus. We got too many fucking problems.

We got AI. We got Iran. We got all this shit going on. We got aliens. We got the price of oil. And then you think you're going to bring a haunt the virus? No. We're not just a story.

No, you're not. And I feel bad for this person. And I'm not saying that this person doesn't deserve empathy or sympathy. I'm simply saying that the boat he's on should be struck with a missile. And they should burn alive with their choices. And I'm not saying they don't deserve sympathy or empathy. I'm saying, you got on the boat. You should be killed.

I'm serious. I'm serious tonight. I've had enough. These people, they bring these rare outbreaks from the buffet of a cruise ship with rodent shit. and then they're mad that they can't go waltz around fucking Macy's. You live with your choice.

Sit in your bunk on the cruise and get ready to get struck with a missile. You're dead. We're going to kill you. You're dead. Haunt the virus will not kill you.

The U.S. government will. I'm telling you, I'm sour. You know, Trump, his decisions I don't like, I've soured on him. I thought he had some real good points early on. But I'll tell you this. If he blows you, up this ship, if he blows up this Haanta virus ship, I'm back.

Let's listen to the rest of his statement, because by the way, I am not, I am serious when I say that you can't take a cruise and then bring like a plague back. That's not the way it works. But again, let's start him from the beginning, please, here. This guy is on the Haantavirus cruise ship. Haantavar's friend of the show. Let's listen to this gentleman. I normally wouldn't make a video like this,

but I feel like I need to say something, so I wrote a few things down. Can you stop this for a minute? Why does everyone feel they need to say something? He feels like he's... I know he feels like he's dying and it's sad, and it's horrible, and I get it. But here's the deal.

You're sitting there in a green shirt, and you go, I feel like I need to say something, and then I guarantee you, somehow I get plain, like, watch. I don't know if he's going to do this, but I feel like this is going to get, it's going to be very like, it's not going to take a, here's to what he should say. Are you ready? Hey, um, we're pretty fucked.

And there's haunt the virus here. It's a real thing. It's not just a story. And we realize that it is a very dangerous outbreak. And, you know, even with the best tracking of people and everything, it's going to be, it's going to, it's going to pose an unnecessary risk to human civilization. We don't need another pandemic. We haven't even recovered from the last one. So I've made this video to ask the government to strike our boat with a missile and blow us up instantaneously and kill us instantly so that the rest of the world can live.

Love you mom. Love you dad. But let's see what he actually says. That's the selfless thing. The selfless thing for all these people to do on this Haantavirus chip is to take their own life. Selflessly. Selflessly, they should all walk the fucking plank. No! They should walk the plank. I've had enough of this now.

An old school pirate plank. The Trump administration, with my full support, I'll be back. Jady Vance, stop telling people he don't like me because I got a big mouth, by the way. We'll get Joe Kent in there. How about that? I'm kidding. But he does have that jaw. They walked the plank. Is it my fault?

This guy goes to the Iran War? I'm the problem. They make them walk the plank. Now he's freaking out about AI. You see this, Jaddy Vance? He's freaking out about AI. He's all upset about the AI. Who's doing the AI?

They have a plight. plank and they make them walk the plank. And God, I love pirate stuff as a kid. And you make them walk the plank. And at the end of the plank, they get to say something. They get to say something like, hi, this sucks. I feel really scared. I don't know what comes after this.

The government you said there was no God and aliens created all of us. That's the last thing I read in my bunk before I was made to walk the plank because this boat has a hanta virus outbreak that was kind of disturbing that that's the last thing I read, but I shouldn't have gone on Facebook. That was my fault. I went on Met. I went on Facebook. There was an article that there was no God we're all created by aliens. So I guess this is literally the last thing I'll ever do. But I completely understand and agree with our government's decision to make everyone on the shipwalk the plank instead of posing an unnecessary risk before the summer months

where we hope we see a little spike in spending and the economy repair itself by people of buying Martin's potato rolls, burgers, dogs, etc. You know how it is, a couple of vacations. Anyway, let's watch his statement, by the way. This seems insensitive. It's actually not. And your child, if you think it is. Continue.

I am currently on board the MV Hondias. Yes. And what's happening right now is very real for all of us here. I get it. We're not just a story. Totally. We're not just headlines. We're people.

Yes. People with families. Okay. With flags. With people waiting for us at home. I know. There's a lot of uncertainty, and that's the hardest part. All we want right now is to feel safe, to have clarity, and to get home.

So if you're seeing coverage about this, just remember that there are real people behind it, and that this isn't something happening. Well. Somewhere far away, it's happening to us right now. Now, I'll share more when I can. What does the statement even mean? I know it's a real boat with real people with Haanta virus. I don't think it's AI.

What's he saying? Does he want, does he think I'm going to, and I feel bad for him in his trembling voice, he's sad, but does he think I'm going to say come back with the Haanta virus? I just did a photo shoot and I look good in some of these. I just interviewed the cast of selling Sunset. I don't want Haanta virus. that's a non-statement statement statement where real people we exist

we're in a boat we have hanta virus we get it we know you're real people we know you have families and people that love you that's the problem we don't want you infecting them with fucking hauntavirus here's what I say if I'm in

hi I'm on this boat I don't have hantavirus I'll kill everyone on the boat then test me and let me come home I'm willing to kill everyone on this boat. Are you reading anything about this hantavirus? Are there any more statements from people on the boat with the hant? Is he the only one who's live streaming here from the boat? People just can't stop with the screens no matter what, huh?

I know it's a boat. I know it's real. I know your actual people. I know it's horrible. I feel bad for you. My heart goes out to you. I don't want hantavirus. There's a lot of things in my life I want.

I don't want hanta virus. I might want to live in Rhode Island at some point in the Newport area. I like that. I like seafood. I think it's beautiful, but I don't want hauntavirus. So, like, I understand such a weird non-statement statement. Where people, we exist, we have hauntavir. It's like, bro, you chose to get on this boat, and now you have hauntavirus.

I feel bad about this. What are you reading so intently over there? Just an article from another. Is there any other statement from anyone on the boat? or is this the only guy that's chosen to update us on the boat here? I'm pulling up one right now. Pull it up. Just because I want to give everyone a fair shake.

And I want to hear from people on this boat because I, you know, is this another person? This is another person who's decided. And I, listen, man, I feel bad for people with hantavirus. We just can't let, uh, he said they're not being well informed the people on the hanta virus. This is going to be like flight 93 here. I'm telling you this right now. We got to make up something. Let's roll.

Okay, this is somebody on the... Is he on the boat? I think so, yeah. All right. He seems... He looks pale. Don't let him off. He looks real pale.

Of Northwest Africa. It's very scary because it was nothing that we were ready for. On 12th of April, we had the first casualty. Ruhi Kennett was on the ship's first leg for most of April and recorded the moments the captain announced the first death. This is my sad beauty to inform you that one of our passengers suddenly passed away last night. Why did you decide to record the captain's announcement? I felt something odd. It turns out we were not well informed. The cruise operator says at the time of this announcement, there was no evidence of a virus.

or contagion on the ship. Three people died following this outbreak now confirmed by the World Health Organization to be the anti-strain of hauntavirus. In rare instances, it can spread from person to person. Health officials are now tasked with contact tracing. With one passenger in intensive care in South Africa, another hospitalized after returning to Switzerland.

Dr. Jason Zucker is an infectious disease physician. This is not as easy to spread as things like COVID, but I wouldn't be overly convinced. concerned right now if you have travel planned. Not easy to spread, but still a big fear out there. Camila joins us now. Camila, what happens to the people still on board this cruise ship once they dock at the Canary Islands? Yeah, Tom, so the ship is still days away.

Spain's health ministry says they will get medical screenings and then go to their home countries. What? No, stop. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. know they won't. They were on that boat. They are to be killed. Camilla, I, they, listen, I am anti-killing. We know this. I've had a strong record of that.

The people on that boat need to be hunted down by special operations teams and killed in a Jason born style fashion. Where it looks like an accident. Make it look like an accident. Make it look like an accident. Everyone on that boat has to be followed and gotten rid of and it's got to be quick. And it's got to look like an accident.

Who would get on a cruise again, by the way? The captain's like, we have last night a passenger sadly passed away. Cruise has become nightmares so quickly. Let's play that. Let's play that again. The captain's announcement. The moment the

captain announced the first death. This is my sub duty to inform you that one of our passengers suddenly passed away last night. Yeah. I mean, folks, if you have cruise tickets and you're going on a cruise, I don't know what to tell you. I'm telling you right. I know it's a part of the economy. And people will always do it, by the way. And I have no power.

I'm not affecting anything. I'm just saying this. To my listeners, to my, you know, people that, you know, care about anything I say. stop it stop it how many more how many more incidents how much more evidence do you people need

do you really want to be standing there in the middle off the coast of the cape of good hope where the fuck these people are at Africa whatever and the guy comes out and goes by the way everybody's going down with haunt the virus on this and by the way I don't know if this shows up immediately so I'm just saying and I'm not I'm not it sounds like I'm being insensitive

if I'm trying to save humanity, the entire boat has to be blown to smithereens. It has to be blown to smithereens in the middle of the sea. Sorry. I don't want it. I don't want it to be the case, but I'm not comfortable. This is what scares me.

I ran. What if I ran gets a nuke? What the fuck is it? Bomb them! We don't bomb the things we should bomb. Attack this shit. Attack this ship. I mean, does it said, do I, literally, be honest with me, do I sound heartless?

Maybe a little bit. It's for the good of all. It's for the good of all. It's for the good of all. Bomb the ship. Bomb the ship. We're not just, we're people, we're real, we have families. And you're not allowed to see them.

You've been exposed. We know you're real people. You're not allowed to see your family. you've been exposed. And we have fighter jets on the way. We have drones on the way. We don't even need jets. Dron it.

Dron it now. Or if the aliens, if the aliens want to get involved here and help and supposedly they have bases under the water, says Tim Burchett, come up and help us here. If these aliens can do anything for us, come up from your underwater bases and sink this haunt of virus ship. Now!

Well, there it is. You know, I, of course, my heart goes out to everyone on that ship, and I'm incredibly saddened by these events, and I completely am horrified, like many fellow citizens. And I do believe that the compassionate, immediate, legitimate, responsible, course of action is to blow that ship up in the middle of the sea with everyone on it. And we should tell them five minutes before we do that, we say, we're going to have to blow the ship up, let them make their videos, give them 10 minutes to make their videos.

and put them out. Let everybody be able to take their phone out during the last 10 minutes of their life and make a video that they can upload to the social media platform of their choice in a deep rage. I can't believe the government's doing this to us. They're abandoning us.

This is inhumane. Get it all out. Get it all out. Get it all out. upload it. Good Wi-Fi. Let them do it. Let them do it. and then blow them off the face of the earth. Good night.