The Tim Dillon Show - 496 - USA vs. China, Spencer Pratt, & A Heist

Episode Date: May 16, 2026

Tim discusses a legal issue that arose from his Netflix Is A Joke show, his last minute trip to London, Spencer Pratt's increasingly ridiculous run for LA Mayor, & Trump's visit to China and why America needs to stop acting like the cool kid in school. Become a Friend Of The Show https://bit.ly/BecomeAFriendOfTheShow and get access to weekly bonus audio episodes of the podcast!Live Dates🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: Helix Go To https://helixsleep.com/timd For 27% OFF Sitewide Memorial Day Sale! (Exclusive to listeners of the show) EthosProtect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/TIM Application times may vary. Rates may vary.NutrafolFind Out Why Nutrafol Is The Best-Selling Hair Growth Supplement Brand At https://nutrafol.com & Enter The Code “TIM” to get $10 OFF your first month’s subscription and FREE shipping! PestieKeep The Bugs AWAY With Pestie! Go to https://pestie.com/TIM for 10% off your order.Dose Go To https://dosedaily.co/TIM for 35% OFF Your First Month Subscription! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/X:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonFB:https://www.facebook.com/TimDillonComedyTik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@timdListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome with the Tim Dillon show. We are in London, a last-minute trip to the UK. And it's very kind of the people here to let us use their studio. Podcasting is apparently becoming a thing here. So we'll see what happens with that. It's had quite the run in America podcasting, hasn't it? Hasn't it had quite the run? And some people not so thrilled with podcasting.

the direction it's gone in. And it's, uh, uh, powers. But, um, it's good to be here in London. It's a beautiful day. Um, we're going to see Pierce Morgan on Monday. We're going to, we're going to fuck around. Um, again, thank you to everyone who came to that Seleck Sunset show. And I wasn't going to discuss this because it's probably a legal matter now, I guess.

And I wasn't going to bring it up. And really, truly, I wasn't going to bring it up. but I'm being, is the term extortion? Because I'm being extorted. Is that the term? I think that's the term. I hired a lovely woman to do this costume who I said very nice things about on this show.

And she sent an estimate for the costume that was a number. I'm not going to say what the number was. Should I say what the number was? should I say what the number was? It was $25,000 was the estimate, okay? For the costume. Now that's very high, but that's okay. We paid a down payment of $12,000 for the costume

because it was going to be, you know, a very extravagant, beautiful costume, which it was, which it was. And we thank her for her work. Now an estimate is an estimate. We get it. no point during the costuming process. Now, she is called this Hote Couture.

It was a costume. It's not Hote Couture. It's not on the runway in Milan. It's a costume that I am wearing on stage to interview brain dead, pretend real estate agents for a Netflix thing that no one cares about. It's not Hote Couture. Now, in someone's mind, it might be Hoke Couture. and that's very lovely.

I'm glad that she has that belief in herself, but it's not huk couture. I mean, the fitting was in your apartment. You know what I mean? So, and again, very talented woman. She's got an incredible level of talent. Hote couture? I don't know.

I don't know. She sends the final estimate for the costume. Costume. Not couture. Costume. you're a costume designer. There's nothing wrong with that. Is there something wrong with that?

No, that's a beautiful thing. But you're not Oscar de Laurentia. I don't need to tell you that. You know that. That's okay. I'm not Jerry Seinfeld. It is what it is. The final estimate.

And I don't mean estimate. I mean the final bill for the costume. My business manager calls me $115,000. I'll say that again. For one costume, including the boots, the jacket, the pants, the pants, the hat, $115,000 having not communicated any of the overages, To me, at any point, she wasn't like, hey, we're going over on this one.

This one's getting out of control. She wasn't like, by the way, just to keep you informed, I'll be retiring after I complete this project. She didn't tell me, by the way, I'm on Zillow while I stitch this lapel because I'm getting the fuck out of here as soon as this is done. I'm out. I'm leaving the business with your money. At no point did she tell me that we had made the trip from $25,000, which again is egregious. It is egregious for one outfit.

Now, maybe there's people in the comments now that are in the fashion, but well, you don't actually know what goes into. Shut up. Shut up. I do know what goes into it. And I was willing to pay $25,000 to $30,000, which, by the way, I could have walked into Versace. bought a suit, had them do the alterations, it would have been 10 grand.

I would have been willing to pay $25,000 or $30,000 for this suit. Even though it's a lot of money, I respect. Literally last episode, I came on here and I talked about how much talent people had. And I was being very nice to the woman and I still will be. I don't know. I'm never going to see her again. but I will never say she's untalented. What I am saying is she is psychotic.

And that is different. Talent and psychosis are often go together. I just bought an escalate in New York. My car was stolen. I got a car. This costume, again, not haute couture. This costume is causing me more. than the Cadillac Escalade I just purchased. Does that make any sense to anyone? Does anyone feel

good about that? Does that make any sense? No communication. An estimate of 25, final number $115,000. So I guess we're going to, I have my lawyer is now involved. I don't know what to do here. It's a shakedown. It's a shakedown. It's absurd. Now, I'll go to small claims with her. I'll go to the court where the judge sits there and we both go up and we tell our side of the story where I go up and I contracted, blah, blah, blah. She's in my phone as her first name and then costume. It's costumes. It's a costume.

I mean, not to be insulting, but it's a costume. What are we doing? What are we doing? So we're dealing with that. And it's unfortunate because, again, I would have used the woman in the future. I would have used her again, but it's such an abuse of trust. It's unbelievable. If you look at the billing on this, the hours that she billed,

300 hours giving herself overtime and she sent a long email. She had three months to do it. This took a whole team and we have a whole team and I had to pay myself overtime and at one point we did the math. She was supposedly working 21 hours a day on this. So she was sleeping four hours a night and then waking up like a soldier at war and like waking up like, oh, they figured out our position. We have to move in the middle of the night. Instead, she would then sew rhinestones into a lapel. How stupid do I look? How stupid? Now, I know I look

pretty stupid, but how completely insane do you think I am that for 21 hours a day, you claim to be working on this thing, allowing you to sleep four hours a night? We did the math. That's what she's claiming. By the way, you had three months to do it. What do you mean overtime? What are you talking about overtime? This is your job. It's all the time. And then she got in because I missed a fitting because I went to New York to do the Patrice-Soneal Benefit. I literally said, I don't really care. It doesn't have to fit. It's not a runway show. It is a comedy show. I will be happy to do a fitting when I get back to L.A. and you make whatever alterations you need. And I got billed for that.

And she said it set her staff back. Her staff, I didn't know she had. And she starts talking about production flows and workflows. And I don't know what these, what are, what are these people talking about? Now, I can't say anything more about this because I'll be sued for slander. That's the thing. So I'm not saying anything about this person. I'm saying, this is an imaginary thing that we're all talking about here.

and you can't sue me, by the way, you cannot sue me for slander if I don't say the name, right? Right? But I'm saying that. I'm not saying the name. I'll sue you. Not you, but you know. I don't want to sue anyone. I've never sued anyone.

I've never been sued. But you're trying to, you're doing something crazy right now. And I don't know why you're doing it. I don't know why you're doing it. It's wrong. You can be sued for slander or liable, even if you do not explicitly name the person provided they can be identified by the contacts. But they can't. They can't. Anyway, whatever. I'm going to move on. I'm just saying this. What this person did is an egregious thing to charge $115,000 for one outfit, one outfit.

after sending an estimate of 25 and going, by the way, I got that wrong, the shadiest contractor in the world, people that I personally know, the scum of the earth contractors, would not do this. They would not deliver you an estimate for your kitchen and go, we think it's going to be 50

and then go, by the way, it's actually 200. This is not something that is done. This is an abuse. This is a sin. it's a sin. I don't know which one, but it's many of them. It's like many of the sins, truly. She's breaking a lot of the commandments with this behavior.

I don't know. Yes, one of them, thou shalt not covet because she's coveting, and that's why you get it. I'm not a theologian, but that's the reality here. It's abuse. there's no world religion that would condone this behavior. Maybe one. Maybe one religion would be okay.

I'm just saying no world religion. There might be only one that would be, but here's my point. Everyone that visits me, everyone talks about, they go, the bed in the guest room is amazing. I go, well, it's Helix. I'm telling you right now, people are getting a deeper, longer lasting sleep with a helix mattress. And the Midnight Deluxe is my favorite.

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The quiz takes like a few seconds. It's very easy. Go right now to helixleep.com slash Tim D for the new offer. And I'm telling you right now, we are 27% off sitewide. I'm telling you, Memorial Day sale, 27% off sitewide. Mattress shopping is one of the most demoralizing things you can do,

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Everything here is very muted and green. And by the way, you come here and they go, oh, it's been taking over by hordes of roving barbarians. That's what they say, but you come here. It's actually really nice and sunny and lovely. But I mean, in America, they're like, it's just machetes and tribal warfare. It doesn't seem like that.

I've only been here a day. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'll be staying. later. But it seems very beautiful and it's a world-class city. And I'm not getting the vibe for the moment. For the moment, let's, well, we're going to be here a little bit. So let's, you know, but for the moment, immigration's big here as an issue. I know that. I've talked about it before. I, I do not live here. I don't have a ton of friends here. I know a few people here. I know a few people here. I know London is the wealthiest, one of the wealthiest cities in the world, if not the wealthiest.

It is really, the money in London is on a different level, even coming from New York. And I always take a lot of pride in being from New York, even though I'm from Long Island, sort of a pig pen adjacent to New York. But a lot of funny people, David Tell, Colin Quinn, Baldwin's, Rosie O'Donnell, Amy Schumer, sort of a bovine myself, sort of a bovine quality to many of us sort of like a bovine facial structure. But I don't live in London. I don't know anything about it.

But I do know that from what I see the money here is on a different level. It is the financial capital that's halfway between New York and Asia. And you have a lot of young people whose parents, you know, are wanted for war crimes at the Hague, or they've poisoned a river in Zambia. or they've done some arms dealing they shouldn't have, and they want their children to grow up as British gentlemen. It's true. So they take all of their blood money and they park it in a very secure and

discreet condo or townhouse and their children go to British schools. So you get, it's a very global city. And at one point, I think 60% or more of the new. construction in London was going to foreign-born foreign nationals. So it's a lot of people have talked about that. I've talked about it in New York. It's certainly something I think that drives a certain amount of the resentment. Because not only do you have, you have a lot of, you have an in flux.

of people and capital from all over the world, and that is displacing people that may have, maybe could have afforded to live here 10, 15, 20 years ago. By the way, there's very few cities in the world where that isn't happening. Most cities that is happening. And London's, you know, an example of that, like New York is an example of that, these very large financial centers are becoming just that, a bank.

They're just becoming a financial center. They're a tad boring. A lot of expensive restaurants. A lot of, you know, creature comforts for people that have millions and millions and millions of dollars. A lot of gyms, a lot of Pilates, a lot of yoga, a lot of personal assistance and dog walkers and makeup artist and stylist and costume designers. Watch out for them. But there's a lot of people here that are here

to make the lives of rich people better. Personal chefs and nannies and all of that. And you could find that in any of these cities. But a lot of people that would have been able to afford to live in this metro area are being pushed out. And that drives a certain amount of resentment and anger and you can see that politically. And that's why Nigel Farage's

Reform Party has gained a lot because you have a lot of immigration that has complicated people's feelings towards their own future, the future of their community. Now again, I've not witnessed

any of this firsthand. I'd like to. And I'm not here to make a YouTube documentary either. I'm not going to be like walking through. It's just not my beat. I'm just not going to be interviewing e-moms in the tube. That's not what I'm doing, by the way.

I'm going to have dinner with a few people, and they're going to say some things that are vaguely racist, and then I'll basically kind of transcribe them and then make them appropriate for YouTube. But I, no, I'm not going to be doing, like, docs. And God bless the people to do that, it's just not what I do. So I'm going to, you know, I'll be around. I'll be, you know, kind of doing the best that I can in terms of, like,

gauging. because by the way, we come from the UK. So we, our system of government is from the UK. And this, you might be looking into where we're going. The free speech laws, I don't know how real that is, by the way. It's probably very real where you, if you say certain things, people show up at your door and like arrest you. Okay?

But not about costume people and not in America. So don't try that. And I would gladly go to jail like Gandhi instead of pay this money. Moving on, it's not about me. It's about the global financial system. But I don't know. But all we hear in America is that the UK free speech laws are draconian. Is that true, do you think?

It's not. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, so I don't know. I'm here not knowing only hearing. So again, and I'm not here to do an investigative report. This is not a deep dive. I'm just going to fuck off and talk to some people.

Like one guy just shook his head. He's like, it's not that bad. But then there are instances where we see people that are getting in trouble for things they've set on social media. I don't really know. So we don't really know. My Twitter, which I don't even use, my ex, is on my producer's phone. He'll go right to jail. he'll go right to jail for what he's done.

Truly. He'll go right to jail. He'll go right to jail and I'll take a train in Paris. I don't give a fuck. Does it matter? It doesn't really matter. One thing I want to talk about here because I think our next episode will have more about the British. What's going on here?

Because frankly, I got here last night. I don't know. I'm unaware. Supposedly there are large swaths of the UK that are. I guess majority Muslim communities and there are people that have varying degrees of comfort with that. Again, this is something I haven't really witnessed

at the moment. I do, I did remember checking in to the hotel list. I lovely Indian man named Joseph. And I go, what's your name? He goes, Joseph. I go, really? And he goes, yeah, I'm Catholic. I go, interesting. And he goes, I'm from India. And I go, what's going on here is the hotel busy? And he goes, well, a lot of tourism to London, as you. you know, he goes, is from the Middle East.

So we've fallen off. And I go, well, we're, I just want to apologize for this war and for our president and for our besty Israel. And, um, I get it. And he goes, yeah, he goes, I was just in Qatar and things are, they're stabilizing or normalizing. But by the way, every, and the, the UK news is so much better than the American news. It is so much more in depth. the people are scary looking on the UK news. Like the actual anchors are terrifying looking. So you know how bad things are like immediately. As soon as you turn on the TV, you're like, Jesus Christ.

But they are, they go very deep into the global financial recession crisis that is coming because of the Straits of Hormuz, oil. and we're not doing that in America, wonder why, but we're not. And I don't think people are prepared for what is coming economically. I don't think people have a clue. I think people think the war is over. It was a bad idea. We shouldn't have done it. Oopsie.

We'll spin it as to like we could have won but didn't want to. That'll be the spin. We could have killed them. But we didn't because we're a merciful nation. only knows what spin we will have on this. We would have killed them and should have, but we, you know, we have restraint and then we'll lie and we'll say that we made great progress and they would never think of having a nuke now.

Why would they think of having a nuke now? You know, and it's like, well, I could think of, I don't know, one big reason. They'd want a nuke now more than ever. But we'll do something. And then will Israel let us. get out of the war? Probably not. Let's just be honest. They're not going to let us get out of the war. They have no plans. Israel right now was like, no, no, no, no, no. We're not. No one's, no one's leaving the idea of this war. You can take breaks. You can take a beat. But the idea of

regime change in Iran is not going anywhere for the Netanyahu government. By the way, or for the next government that's elected there, they don't care. They're not planning on letting us out of this war if they can help it. And they can. So talking to the guy that was checking us in the room last night, he was basically like, oh, yeah. You know, I work at a high-end hotel and we've lost a lot of business. because people are incredibly distraught,

not only are their countries being attacked, but the economic fallout from this is going to be massive and people don't, they don't get it. And I don't think your average American has a clue. I think some of them do. I think the prices are starting to go up. The price of fuel is higher. The price of goods at the local store.

are much higher, but I'm unaware if they know what's coming because it seems to be that we're going to be in a whole lot of trouble. People ask me all the time. Tim, give me some advice

about how to prepare in life for the unexpected. I go, well, number one, do you have ethos? And they go, what are you talking about? I go, it makes getting life insurance fast and easy. It's 100% online.

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Get your free quote at ethOS.com slash Tim. That's ethOS.com slash Tim. application times may vary, rates may vary. So many of my friends have been using neutrofo and it has had an amazing impact on their hair. Neutrofo offers hair growth supplements tailored to men at every age because the root causes of hair thinning change over time and your routine should too. Neutrophle men for ages 18 to 49 to help improve hair growth and achieve thicker full of hair in three to six months. And new neutralful men 50 plus, the first and only hair growth products, specific. specifically formulated for M-50-plus.

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That's N-U-T-R-A-F-O-A-F-O-A. N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code Tim. Neutrofoil.com, promo code T-I-M. Start Neutroful today, make that hat optional. Visit neuterful.com, enter promo code Tim for $10 off your first month, subscription, and free shipping. So Trump's in China with every CEO, every tech demon, they're all there. It's a trip to China, and he does this. He's greeted by President Xi, and they,

have this beautiful walk. Now, take a look at this. I want everyone to look at. Look at all the Chinese children. They are in, they're all in colorful outfits and they're doing something that children in America cannot do. They're jumping up and down. They're jumping up and down.

They're full of life. And by the way, I don't give a fuck if they just got out of a camp and they were trained to do this. I don't care. I'm telling you right now, I do not care if these kids did this at gunpoint. I don't care. And you know why I don't care?

Because I'm impressed by this. When I see this demonstration, I am impressed. Maybe I'm old. Fuck off. Fine. I am impressed by how cohesive this is, I want everyone to look at this.

This is President Xi of China, President Xi, friend of the show. And Donald Trump, our president, and they're doing kind of this like, like Wizard of Oz style walk, except the side of yellow brick road. It's like a red carpet. And there's all these Chinese children and they have American flags and Chinese flags. And they're dressed to the nines and they're jumping up and down and they're genuinely excited. and it could never happen in America, and I'll tell you why. I'm impressed by this.

Just take this in. Amazing. Keep going. And they've got a band. Here's what I've noticed about this, by the way. All the children are Chinese. No, no, no, no. Hold on.

Can I make a point, please? Can I make a point without being accused of being Hitler? it's I there's something listen say what you will you take a bunch of fat American kids and you mix them in it loses something sorry and whatever I'm all for the diversity angle of things you know but I'm just saying when you you have an entirely it's almost like they have rhythm they're jumping up and down they're all Chinese and there's something about that where like, I don't know. It's just something, it's impressive.

You know, it's an impressive thing to witness this display of this is the youth of the country. They're excited. The Chinese government is like, this is our future and they're not going to look like shit. How about that? How about that? They're not going to look like shit. they're going to jump up and down, they're going to have flags. Now, by the way, in America, can you imagine a foreign leader meeting our children?

No, I'm asking. I'm genuinely asking. Can you imagine a foreign leader meeting our fat, disgusting children? Can you imagine what that would look like? just hordes of children on the spectrum with helmets and on leashes? No, I'm telling you, can you imagine the disgrace trying to get a bunch of... Now, I'm sure all the Chinese children, I'm sure this is the pick of the litter. I'm not an idiot. I know that they went through these kids, just pick of the litter.

I get that they are not bringing in the children from the rural provinces. is like they remember that girl I used to love. I used to watch this Chinese and she had a and she had this transgender friend Wu Long she was friends with and then get her up. Get Wu Long and then and she used to hit her mother.

She used to hit her mother. She was dot and people called her Dobby. She looked like Dobby, the elf from Harry Potter. But it was there was Wu Long was her transgender friend and then there was It was the Chinese girl who hits and she was from a rural province in China. And yes, so here we go.

Go down. Go down and go to the right. Okay. Play this. Well, no, no, no. Play the one I said to play. Thank you. Yeah, I understand that this is not.

See? She has the whip sometimes. She fell off. She was huge for a while. Well, Wu Long is the hunchback. But then there is a transgender singer there, and that's Wu Long is the hunchback. And then I forget her name, but she's got that whip. All right, get her out of here. But she was big for a minute.

Now, I understand that China is not choosing her. For example, I'm in the business of entertainment. I'm aware of these things. I know how it works. But I'm just thinking about, can you imagine President Xi coming to America and being horrified at the state of our children. First of all, all these kids sound like kids are like, yay, yay, our children would be like, the sound that our children would make are overmedicated little piglets.

The sound that they would make, the sounds, the guttural sounds, I mean, our children. children have acid reflux. Do you understand that? Do you understand that 11-year-olds in our country fully have acid reflux and they have to chew tums at their school? Okay? They have the stomach acid of a retired detective, these kids. Do you understand that?

And it gurgles up their little esophaguses because all we do is feed them poison all day. And yet you look at these Chinese. kids, and imagine we told a bunch of our kids jump up and down, they couldn't do it. Their knees would buckle under the weight, they'd fall on the floor and they'd start screaming. Help me.

Help me. So I was just impressed by this, by the way. And by the way, it is, can you play it again? Just play this again, please. Or keep playing it. Whichever. Everybody is dressed in a colorful way. Nobody looks like shit.

And they're all excited to see the leader of the country. And everyone's going to go, oh, well, that's fascism. Well, it's colorful and it's happy. It's colorful and it's happy, by the way. And I can only imagine this happening in America and how embarrassed we'd all be. Because, you know, our children would be standing there looking around, looking up, not waving the flag, vaping. Most of our children would be vaping. I mean, it's just, all right, let's get it out of here.

But it is something to be. And here's the thing with the Taiwan. Here's the thing with Taiwan. Because President Xi has basically said, listen, we'll work with you on AI. You know, the CEO of Navidia Jensen, Huang, was there, Huang. And they're, you know, obviously they're talking about how many chips should China get. you know, because there's that whole concern that, you know, if China gets too many Navidia chips,

they're going to be able to dominate us militarily with AI. And we have put certain limits on the chips that they could get. Now, of course, China's kind of gone around that because they're pretty smart. So they've actually, they have other countries setting up, like dummy corporations to actually get chips and things like that in Bhutan and Tibet and all that we talked about on the all-in podcast a very long time ago when I was promoting the special there are there are workarounds for that as there are most things but I think that Trump was over there with all of these CEOs and Xi basically said we're going to open up more

China will open up more economically we will open up more we can work with view on AI, but his red line is Taiwan. He really considers Taiwan to be part of China. And China doesn't believe in going to war unless they absolutely must. This is something that, you know, has been talked about a lot. And that is that China believes, if you look at their Belt and Road initiative, They're going into Africa. They're building schools.

They're building bridges. They're building infrastructure. They're making investments. They're not going and invading countries. They're not decapitating the leadership of a country. They're not trying to convert people to their system with a gun to their head. They're buying politicians. And this is how I see, and I think a lot of smart people that I know, much smarter than me,

see what will happen with Taiwan. that they're going to end up taking Taiwan without firing a shot. There will be some kind of reunification vote. And at that point, China will have purchased a lot of the political opposition to China in Taiwan. They're going to go in. They're going to spread a lot of money around. And they're going to make it an inevitability that Taiwan reunifies it becomes part of China. Now, Taiwan's making a lot of our chips, a lot of these chips that we're talking about.

This is where they are being manufactured as Taiwan. There is a big national security interest in Taiwan, far, far more than Ukraine, by the way. Ukraine is a financial interest. They have trillions of dollars of minerals. They have a lot of fertile farmland. They're the breadbasket of Europe, whatever. But there's no national security interest that the United States has in the Ukraine. But they certainly have one in Taiwan because of.

the industry that is pretty much headquartered in Taiwan, which is, you know, the manufacturing of these chips. This kind of high-end manufacturing. And so China is very well aware of that. And as are we. So Taiwan is the big sticking point here. And China is going to most likely take it without firing a shot.

Chinese leader Xi Jinping warned President Trump that any mishandling of Taiwan could lead to, quote, an extremely dangerous situation. Directly raising a point of tension that is loomed over what the U.S. President said at the start could be, quote, the best summit ever. Xi's remarks, while in line with China's longstanding position,

threatened to dim the mood of a visit, both countries hoped would stabilize ties. The meetings that began Thursday morning at the Great Hall of the people, I like the name of that, by the way. The Great Hall of the People in Beijing were billed as a gathering of superpowers to quell economic and trade disputes.

The topics were indeed raised, including discussion of U.S. trade pies, U.S. access to the Chinese market, Beijing's investment in U.S. industries, and its purchases of American agricultural products. Xi, however, aims to weaken the U.S. commitment to Taiwan, a self-governing democracy that Beijing seeks to bring under its control. We got to deal with China.

We have to deal with China. This is not like we cannot have an overtly adversarial relationship with China. It's not going to work. We cannot go to war with China. It will destroy all life on earth. We cannot treat China like Iran. We can do none of this, by the way. economically, I think, you know, they hold most of our debt.

90% of our antibiotics are made in China, among other things. So not to say anything of semiconductors or whatever. Like, if you want to talk about two economies that at this point are pretty inextricably linked and the two superpowers left are the U.S. and China. there is no option to antagonize China unnecessarily. There's just not. Trump's comment, great, great place, incredible, China's beautiful. Well, there you go.

There are psychopaths in our government that would like to have a war with China. Why? Well, they would like a substantial reduction of the population on Earth. They would like a reset. They would like to wash away, wipe away a lot of Americans. America's debt, and they do not mind a conflict with China that could turn nuclear. I mean, there are people that believe that. There are people that believe that a war with China is inevitable, and at some point, it's just

going to happen. They are psyched. They're motivated by religion. They're motivated by money. Whatever they're motivated by. These people exist. And they believe that. And they'll tell you with a straight face.

that within five to seven years you're just going to beat a war with China. And there's nothing you could do about it. They'll tell you that at a dinner between the appetizer and the entree. That within five to seven years, you have to get ready for a war with China, like a hot war with China.

And you go, no, no, no, no, we can't beat Iran. There's no more war here. We can't do it. We're not built for it anymore. The country's not built for Iran. war. We're built for TikTok. We're built for bullshit. We're not, we're not built for, we're not, we're just not built for it anymore. Sorry. This doesn't work anymore. Build the drones, if you want, maybe, I'm sure that'll be, you know, we're phasing people out of the war business.

And we're phasing in the machines. And they want to draft, Palantir and all these people want a draft. And by the way, now that I see these live streamers in Miami just going up to people harassing people in a street and getting charged with attempted murder, maybe we should have a draft. I mean, I might be going the other way on that. I'm like not a fan of a draft, but the level of sociopathy that has been unleashed by our social media sites, I don't know. Are they that much worse off than Iran? I mean, it's unbelievable. So hopefully there's a middle ground between shipping them to Iran. But there's this idea that conflict between us and China is inevitable.

Not only is it not inevitable, but it will be the end of the world, which some people want. Some people want that because they look at the post-World War II system. It's not going to work. We owe too much money. We owe $40 trillion, $41 trillion. It goes up every year. We're not going to be able to get out of this. We're going to head towards hyperinflation.

so we need a large war and people are basically saying that the inevitable reality is that we will be in a conflict with China. We will not survive it. We probably won't win, by the way. And if we win, what does that even look like? So we have to deal with them. We have to deal with China much more than Russia. Yes, we have to deal with Russia because they have 150 nuclear warheads, something.

whatever, 180, it doesn't matter. China, we, but Russia has an economy roughly the size of Brazil. China is deeply enmeshed with the U.S. economy. We have to deal with them. And we can't go to war. We can't. And we have to tread very carefully. That's why we have every CEO in America in China right now.

We need China. This whole idea that we're against China or anti. China is itself a lie that, I mean, the Steve Bannon's and people will talk about how dangerous the CCP is and they might be right. There's no fucking option. We have no option. We have no option. There is no option to start telling China what to do. That's not going to work. We can't beat Iran. We can't beat Iran. Okay. I'm in a British podcast studio and I feel like no one, everyone here just comes in and talks very quietly, I imagine. And I got, only knows about what, but I have no idea what even, it's probably like a mom, like mommy

and me stuff, like a, you know, they talk about like healthy yogurt for the kids or something. But it's just so funny. I imagine no one, there's very few people that are screaming about China. But we don't have an option. There is no option. That's why every American CEO was in China and still might be. I don't know when this comes out, but like, this is very clear that there's no option. We're not telling China to fuck off.

We're done with that. Let me help everybody. We're done with that. We're not the high school bully anymore. We're not. We're the weird kid who may have a gun. We are not the high school bully anymore. We're the weird kid that may have a gun and is not hot, but it's not terribly ugly.

like you might fuck them. That's who we are. We're the weird kid that knows how to get drugs who may have a gun and you could see yourself fucking. We're not the bully. We are not the jock. We are not the quarterback.

The American quarterback century is over. This is not top gun. We are not Tom Cruise. You need to wake the fuck up. There's a new Chinese kid in school and he's kind of American looking. He's kind of ripped, but he's also Chinese and he's hot

and people want to fuck him. They want to fuck him because he's kind of got a nice cock and people want it. They want to get down and they want to slurp him. They don't want to slurp us anymore. You know why? Because we've hung out behind the dairy queen too long doing drugs with our friends. We look a little older. We have wrinkles in our face.

We're the college kid who keeps going to the high school parties. We're a pedophile and we may have a gun. This country is a pedophile that may have a gun who knows how to get drugs. and you have to deal with that person. But there's a new kid on the block. And yes, he put a bunch of Muslims in a concentration camp, but no one gives a shit because he's got that beautiful, clear, light complexion

and he knows all the answers in math class. And he's who everybody wants to hang out with right now. Have you ever seen an American, like a half American, half Asian and like a varsity jacket? It's beautiful. It's actually beautiful. That's who we are right now. We are the weird kids.

who may or may not have a weapon, whose parents leave him home alone so you can have the parties at his house. We are not running the show. We are not the golden god. We're just not. Come to reality. Okay?

We need to come to reality right now. We're not going to give the middle finger to China. We need to work with China. I will take money from China tonight. I will take money from China tonight. If China contacts me with money, I will take it. And I will not pay my country.

costume designer who's a criminal. But I will take money from China tonight, for sure. The New York Times tried to give me money to say nice things about them. And I said no. So, but I will take money from China, an institution I respect. And, but we do have to come to react. There's this swagger that needs to be, it's got to go now because it's going to get us killed.

The swagger that we have is going to get us killed. Okay. We can barely make a movie anymore. We can barely make anything that anybody wants to watch. The music is fine. It's fine. When I grew up, you had great pride in the things that we made. And yes, a lot of them were cultural.

Whatever. We can barely even do that anymore. Our entertainment industry is a joke. It's becoming a joke. Okay? So we can barely do any of that. and outside of a few cities, our infrastructure is crumbling. I'm not a doom and gloomer.

I think there's a way back. But there's not a way back to us running the whole fucking world. So let's get realistic here. Let's get realistic. Stop the swagger. Okay? And start to honestly assess what if the Iran war, honestly assess what can't, if the Iran war didn't wake you up.

and doesn't show you the limits of American power, you're insane. Truly. If the Iran War did not show you the limits of American power in this century, you are crazy. This is not the Pax Ramada for us here. This is not, we are a kid that used to be really cool that had the best parties, but was in a car accident and killed someone. but didn't go to jail.

And now they're back in school. And they have a scar on their face. And they're still kind of cool, but you can tell something changed about them the summer they were in that car accident and they killed that family. We are not the starting quarterback. The cheerleaders do not have their perky tits out

at homecoming for us anymore. Okay? We are having sex with a fat Mexican goth girl in the bathroom of a fast food restaurant, and we're happy. We're happy for it, okay? We're using hand sanitizer as a lube, and even though it stings,

we're trying to not get AIDS. Do you understand? We are not in the prime of our life anymore. Okay, our girlfriend doesn't know she's pregnant, and as soon as she finds out, she begins to wildly punch her own stomach. We are not there anymore, folks. And if you don't realize that,

by the way, you could succeed in life as long as you have an awareness of who you are and what you are. Anyone in life can succeed, and I'm not doing a Hope Corps content here. Anyone in life can succeed if you have an awareness of who you are and where you were from and the limits of that. If you are unaware, you will fail. if you do not interface with the world as the world sees you, you will never be able to put anything together. If America keeps going around the globe like we own it, we're going to get in more disasters.

It's going to be embarrassing. Our economy is going to collapse. The dwindling amount of allies we have are going to be far fewer. and we need to understand who we are. There's nothing wrong with me. Any of the people that I mentioned here, any of the people that I've described, there's worse people to be,

okay? You don't have to be the starting quarterback. You don't have to be the jock. You can get by and even thrive as another kid, as another person. But if you do not realize who you are, you're going to be in deep trouble. So it's one of the reasons I came to London to figure out what's going on here to just to see some friends and chat and get an understanding of what's going on.

And what's happening. I think, you know, the U.S. dominates the headline so much. But the U.K., specifically Britain, has been a major driver of, news globally as well because of a lot of the issues around migration, the economy. The summer's coming. You know what that means? There's going to be bugs everywhere. Spiders and crickets and locusts and things that fly.

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I'm agnostic, and I'll tell you why. I don't, I don't care what happens to California. I have no investment in Los Angeles. I like it. I would rather it not collapsed. It's my investment, literally. I've sold my home. I'm in a rental.

The other day in my building, a maid's backpack vacuum exploded on my floor. she ran out of the building, didn't tell anyone, and the floor went on fire. We opened the fire doors to the elevator, me and two of my friends. We just saw fire. We ran down 15 flights of stairs. Frankly, I don't care anymore. I don't care. The state is like a level from Super Mario Brothers where everything is trying to kill you.

And I do believe eventually, like anything else, it will get you. They will get you. If you stay in California, it will get you. It's like final destination. You can keep tempting fate, but if you stay in the Los Angeles area, I'm not talking about Santa Barbara or Orange County or San Diego, but if you stay in the Los Angeles area,

much like final destination, you will think you have escaped. But no, no, you will be killed by some event, some car crash piling up, an exploding vacuum, another wildfire, a knife to the neck. Who knows? I'm just telling you right now it's going to get you. One thing I will say, now listen, here's why I'm agnostic.

Spencer Pratt is not qualified to be the mayor, but how much worse can it get? How much worse can it get if this guy wins? Karen Bass sucks. Nifu Rahman's no good. how much worse could it get with Spencer Pratt? Now, by the way, here's the answer. Maybe much worse. I don't know.

That's why I'm agnostic. I don't care what happens. I don't care. I'm not from there. I like L.A. There's moments I love L.A., but it's really more of a like. And people are going to do what they're going to do.

It's an important city. New York is number one. In our country, L.A. is number two. New York and London are. you know, vibe for the top spot globally. Tokyo, New York, London, things like that. LA's not in the conversation because of things like this.

If elected reality show cameras will roll in the office. So Spencer Pratt, by the way, this is where if I was on his campaign, I would say, listen, you've made some good points. Why are you about to do this? Spencer Pratt could be back to reality show biz if he's elected mayor of L.A. because he signed a contract to document

the first family of L.A. this is the type of thing that shows the problem with him. This is the problem. It's not necessarily that his ideas are bad or that he's wrong about how incompetent and corrupt the leadership of Los Angeles is. It's the idea that Pratt inked a deal with L.A. production company boardwalk pictures to roll cameras as he runs for mayor. the production team is about to begin filming with Spencer, his wife, Heidi Montag, and their kids throughout his political journey.

This right here gives you the idea that this man is unfit. You do not need to be on another reality show. What's really interesting are sources, and by the way, maybe this is a lie, and I don't want to say something it may not be true. Our sources say filming would not stop if Spencer gets sworn in office. The contract specifically provides that the show would go on.

So sources say that Heidi Montag and the kids are a big part of the show. She's living outside L.A. with the kids in the aftermath of the fires. But Spencer is spending most of his time in L.A. running for office. If he wins, they will presumably be living in the mayor's mansion in the Hancock Park area of L.A. So he's going to be back on reality TV. So that's what's going to happen. If he wins, people are going to go, what are you watching? And you're going to go, the mayor of Los Angeles?

I'm watching the government of Los Angeles. Should everybody just be required to be in a reality show? Should every politician just be required to have cameras in every room? Would that decrease? corruption. I mean, the cameras eventually will go home. But this gives me an uneasy feeling the idea that this guy is trying to get back on TV. But by the way, his ads are amazing. And I don't think he'd be any worse for L.A. than the other two. That's not an endorsement because, again, I don't care.

People are like, well, why don't you endorse someone? I don't care. I've cared about that city for years. It does not care back. L.A. does not care back. You're in a one-sided relationship with that place. It does not care. It does not love you back on any level.

Let's watch the ad. Please, I'm begging you. There's homeless drug addicts in front of the schools. My children aren't safe. Look, if you were a transgender migrant, I could get you a free pussy. Let's move the drug addicts closer. I mean, it is funny. Bass already solved crime.

I endorse her. Next. Is that Rogan in this? This is hilarious. I wonder if he told Rogan I'm going to use you. I wonder like he just goes, I guess I'll. all right, we get it. It's a good ad.

And my concerns here, again, with somebody like Spencer Pratt, it's not so much that I think he's wrong. I'm wondering, it would be hilarious if he ran, rebuilt his home in the Palisades, and then just resigned. That would be,

I'd respect the hell out of that. He goes, the only way to get fucking change in the city and to help yourself is to be the actual mayor and then rebuild his home in the palisades and then resign. But I have no problem with him. I don't care.

I did not think about Spencer Pratt for many years up until he was yelling about his home in the palisades. And I don't think he'll be any worst for Los Angeles. But I could be wrong, but I don't think he will. Whatever's going to happen over there is going to happen. I'm an L.A. fatalist. Whatever's going to happen over there is going to. I feel nothing when I'm going to happen. I touched down at LAX.

I mean nothing. I feel nothing. And I like it. I like that feeling because I'm a drug addict and I like the empty feeling because usually I'm hyped up and I'm crazy energy and I'm going from one thing to the next. As soon as I land at LAX, I am keenly aware of an emptiness inside myself that cannot be cured. I feel absolutely nothing when I land. As I drive through the streets from hell to the beauty of Beverly Hills,

again, I feel nothing. It is beyond me. It is beyond my control. I have washed my hands of it. And by the way, for those of you criticizing that, fuck you. You do something about it. I don't care.

I have no investment. It would be. Here's my level of investment. It would. I look out the window sometimes and I see a tent and people crawling around on the street and I go, it would be nice if this was fixed.

That's my level of investment. I will just look out the window and I will see horrors beyond your imagination and I will go, well, it certainly would be nice if someone did something about this. And then I drive. That is my level of investment. There is nothing more to do and very little. There's not much more to say. Maybe the World Cup will fix it.

Maybe the Olympics will fix it. Maybe Spencer Pratt's new reality show will fix it. You get the government. You kind of deserve. Carlin said that. I don't care anymore. It doesn't really matter to me. I can't care. I can't every minute of the day worry about this. People fight with each other on threads. They're all fighting about the Kevin Hart roast and this joke. They didn't like this joke and that joke. And I hope Pierce Morgan doesn't ask me nine questions about that. I know he will. I just want to talk about China.

I just want to talk about China. I don't want to talk. I don't care who's offended by what at the Kevin heart roast, it doesn't bother me. People can get offended by anything they want and everyone has the right to their own feelings. I just want to talk about China because we do have to work with China. I'm available, China. China, I am available for you. Here's the reality. We cannot, you're not going to win in a war with China. You're not going to win in a ground war with China. I don't know what you're thinking. And can we one more time, please? Let's bring that up. Let's bring that up because it just makes me happy. Everyone's in a colorful shirt.

Everyone's jumping up and down. They have American flags. They have Chinese flags. Can you imagine this in Ohio with just these disgusting American children, these little scent heads that came out of their mother's fentanyl pussies? And they're just trying to jump up and down, but their feet can't leave the ground. and they're just heaving and they have these little lungs that never got enough air because of the vape and their mother smoked cigarettes throughout the whole pregnancy.

And they're just standing there and they have their little eyes buried deep in their heads and they're jumping up and down. And then just a bunch of immigrant kids as well with them. Many different colors of dysfunction in our country. Many colors of obesity and disgust. trying to jump up and down, waving flags, asking for their medication, asking for vapes, wandering around, they won't stay in the formation, their little bug-eyed raccoon faces, going to the trash, picking trash out, trying to eat garbage in front of President G.

That's what we'd have. That's what we'd have. Our children with their little paws grabbing for their vapes and pills. Just a disgusting collection of biological material littered on the side of one of our, disgusting streets and the president of China terrified staring at these little gremlins, these orcs,

these little beasts, these truly American beasts born of sin and here to devour the world. That's what we'd... And you know what? Now as I describe that, it actually does sound a little cool. So maybe that's...

Maybe that's not the worst thing. It might wake him up a little bit. President Xi might go, listen, take Taiwan. You need it.