The Tim Dillon Show - 508 - Overboard in Iran, Savannah Guthrie, & ICE Electric Gloves

Episode Date: August 15, 2026

Tim discusses American sailors on the USS Abraham Lincoln in Iran jumping overboard, Savannah Guthrie interviewing Chrissy Metz about taking weight loss drugs, ICE using electric gloves, the fallout from Taco Bell’s contaminated lettuce, and men leaving the workforce at record numbers. Become a Friend Of The Show https://bit.ly/BecomeAFriendOfTheShow and get access to weekly bonus audio episodes of the podcast!Live Dates🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: UpWorkVisit https://upwork.com right now and post your first job free! Hims EDGet simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, & More at https://hims.com/TIM Helix Go To https://helixsleep.com/timd For 27% OFF Labor Day Sale! (27% OFF SITEWIDE!) ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/X:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonFB:https://www.facebook.com/TimDillonComedyTik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@timdListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome with the Tim Dillon show. I have a very large hemroid, which I don't love because I've been driving on Long Island out to the summer area where I live and then back into Manhattan. And I have a hemorrhoid. It's like a balloon. And that's not nice. But thankfully, my doctor has prescribed me a foam to put on it, which will shrink it and then also ease the pain.

It would be good to put an ad here. Put an ad right here, right after that. So I just read this story that multiple U.S. soldiers on the USS Abraham Lincoln have attempted to jump overboard due to overextended deployment. Apparently, the soldiers on the U.S. Abraham Lincoln, U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln are, they're like pissed or something. And they're like,

I don't know what the hell they think they're going to do. What are they going to? They've tried to go overboard. Listen, man, what's going on with the military? Are they doing that to make a point? What do they think are going to swim out of there? Are they trying to kill themselves? The last thing we need is a rash of suicides

in the military. This is already embarrassing, this Iran thing. It's already embarrassing without you jumping off a boat and trying to swim away. This is already a big embarrassment for all of us. We don't need you jumping off the boat, deserting and trying to swim away, by the way. Doggy paddling out of Iran. We're all getting our ass kicked over there. Well, listen, I get it. They're pissed off. Hold on. The wife of a 19-year-old sailor.

who jumped overboard from the USS Abraham Lincoln accused the Navy of keeping her in the dark about what she described as her husband's suicide attempt, according to a Thursday report from MS now. The seller spent roughly an hour in the water after going overboard on October, on August 3rd before being rescued. But she said Navy officials did not contact her about what happened until four days later. I think it was handled very poorly because they didn't inform me and they didn't want me to know and they're just trying to cover it up, said the woman who was great.

granted anonymity because of the sensitive mental health issues involved. Listen, man. She instead learned something was wrong from one of her husband's friends aboard the carrier who initially told her that a member of his squadron had gone overboard before later identifying him as her spouse. So wait a minute. Hold on.

She instead learned something was wrong from one of her husband's friends aboard the carrier who initially told her that a member of his squadron had gone overboard before identifying him as her spouse. So the guy was like, someone jumped off. She's like, who? I don't know. Someone tried to kill himself today. Who did that?

I don't know. I don't know. Who do you think did it? Well, the wife said her husband had struggled with exhaustion and homesickness during his first deployment and it sought help. Here's the deal. I'm sorry. People are going to get mad at me when I say.

this, okay? We have to start letting people kill themselves. I, I, I, I, you know what I mean? Literally like this, just trying to say like, what are we doing? What are we saving people for at this point? No, and by the way, if you're thinking of killing yourself, obviously don't. Call a hotline or get help or get a, you know, rescue an animal or get a service pet or whatever the hell.

But, you know, I'm just saying, we're going to have to stop this where we're rescuing everyone all the time from killing themselves. Truly. If somebody jumps off a boat in the middle of the ocean and they're there and, you know, it's like you got to, hey, let it happen. In a July 21st text obtained by MS now,

he told her, I think the boat is finally getting to me and I really don't think I could keep up my peace act anymore. Later adding, I don't know if I could finish this deployment. I mean, he did join the military, right? Like he did understand what the military does. I mean, he understood that, right? He was clear on what the military was.

He's like, I don't think I can keep up my peace act anymore. You joined the United States military. What did you think was going to have? What do you think we're going around the world doing? Hugging people? You're there to kill others. Which is not, again, I'm against the war. I don't want it happening, but the ship is starting to get to me.

Well, here's what the Navy said. They said, we have not observed an increase in suicidal ideations aboard the ship. Well, that's good. That's nice. The Navy has come out and said, hey, we have not observed an increase in suicidal ideations aboard the ship. So what? Good.

Here's what we're learning from all of this. We're learning that things are good. Things are good over there. Things are good. You can't focus too much on this one per-who knows why he wanted off that boat. The spokesman said they're not noticing people killing themselves at a high rate or a high frequency here. This was an isolated incident the guy tried to check out. Everything's fine over there.

We're winning. Not to mention a Thursday Midas Touch. That's another podcast. I don't want to even quote them, but I will report. Because I don't know them, whatever. They're probably on that list of podcasts.

By the way, this list of podcasts are making $20 billion a year? Half of these people don't even bring it up. What is this with this list, by the way? Nell Robbins making $35 million a year? I mean, what the hell's going on over there? $35 million a year for that dribble? I mean, all she does for an hour, is like, you know, she's like, there's no eye and try or something.

You know, she does that crap. The hardest part is to start. And you're like, $35 million a year for that criminal? To, to, I mean, she makes Gary Vee look like Plato. By the way, if you listen to, we do a great thing on the Patreon about it, but if you listen to Mel Rob, like, you know, I like Gary Vee, but we've made fun of him here. We've, you know, he's, he's silly sometimes.

But you listen to Mel Robbins? I mean, you think Gary Vee's Aristotle. Compared to the shit cheese shovels out. I mean, meaningless garbage. I don't even know who it's for or what. And then you look at her comments, just all like elderly people who can't find the door in their house. They're trapped in their, in their house listening to this.

These dementia patients listening to Mel Robbins. It's crazed 35 million. Whatever. So the Midas Touch report detail troubling accounts of food shortages aboard the Lincoln, including messages from one sailor who claimed the crew had gone without milk for three months and that meat sometimes arrived rotten. Here's the thing, man. You know, Senator Richard Blumenthal also press Navy leadership,

including Defense Secretary Pete Hagsath for Amher. citing reports of supply shortages, water contamination, plumbing problems, deteriorating mental health and other poor living conditions. I can't imagine that this is a widespread problem. I think the people on that boat are doing fine, and I don't want to hear anything to the contrary. What are they? They're out there in the middle of the ocean. It's the summer. What do you want?

you're on a boat in the middle of the ocean in the summer. Oh, I'm sorry, you can't, you don't have a, what is it, a buffet, you don't have a buffet every night. Enough. I mean, what do we need? How fat are these people? They need food all the time? What are you doing?

It's insane the demands of these people. Annabel Loma has spoken with her husband only a few times since he attempted to jump overboard. I thought they weren't disclosing the name. Whatever. Is this another one? This is another guy who tried to jump overboard? Jeez. Annabel Loma has spoke with her husband only a few times since he attempted to jump overboard.

Yeah, she's probably disgusted by him. She's probably like, great, I married a pussy. Communication has been difficult to come by now. He is on medical hold. Loma, who lives in San Diego, said her husband has repeatedly overextended before he tried to jump from the carrier. He's scared, Loma said. He thinks he'll get dishonorable discharge and just because he was burnt out,

his 13-year career was ruined just like that. That's not fair. That's not right. That's not what he should be worrying about right now. Loma said she initially received a call from the ship's ombudsman after the incident but has not heard from anyone in the Navy. Lincoln's roughly 5,000 sailors and Marines remain on a deployment that began November 21st. The carrier has been deployed for more than eight months while

while supporting military operations in the Middle East against Iran, which is going well, from what I gather. I think it's going well. The deployment which was going to end in May has been extended with no publicly announced return date. You're there until the job is done. You're there until the job is done. In a separate incident aboard Lincoln,

a sailor on watch saw a shipmate preparing to go overboard in either. What is everyone going overboard on this thing? What is this like a three stooges thing? Everybody's going overboard? Enough. How embarrassing is this? By the way, I didn't know why we were losing this war. We're finding it out.

Everyone is jumping ship, literally. They're all jumping overboard. All you hear is splash all day of people just trying to get out of there. I mean, listen, Rodriguez's husband told, her about the incident several days after it happened. He said he hadn't felt adrenaline like that in his life. And he was just so thankful he was able to get the sailor in time to stop them from going overboard. So apparently on this ship, it's just people jumping off the boat and other people try.

Well, this is why we can't win the war because the entire group is focused on keeping their own people from jumping overboard. I mean, listen, here's the deal. We cannot, if you're going to jump overboard, you're going to do it. And you know what? It is what it is. And we should not, I'm sorry, we do not have the time to keep you from jumping overboard. We don't. If you're going to jump overboard, you, you know, best case, you do this.

You wave. Here's what I say. People may not like this. If someone jumps overboard, you shoot them as soon as they get in the water and you kill them. I'm telling you right now it needs to be done. You want to win or not. Someone jumps overboard. You shoot them in the face while they're swimming like this.

You go, traitor, coward, deserter! You shoot them in the face while they're in the water. Seems harsh to some. And then you look at the rats. You know, like a pirate. You ever seen a pirate movie with a pirates give it to you? that was one of my favorite things. You know, the pirate, you know, Blackbeard or one of them,

he would, he'd really give it to them. You scum, he'd say, you know, he'd really give it to the other pirates because some of them, you know, they got a fallen line, a pirate ship doesn't work unless people are focused. And so you'd have a black beard or blue, blue beard, whatever one of them. And, you know, they would come in and they would, they come with the peg leg and the, you know, the parrot and they do the whole thing. We need that on this boat.

We need someone to tell these people that if you jump off this boat, I would have a meeting with them all. I'd have a meeting with them all. I don't give a fuck about your families in San Diego. All your tort to wives eating their cassidias. Let me tell you some. If you jump off this boat, I'm going to shoot you in a face. You will be, and you will make someone do it.

You make their bunkmate do it. You go, you shoot them in the face. And they're like, do I have to? and this toughens people up and then we win. If you jump off the boat, you are to be shot. This is the only way, because here's the deal. This mental health stuff's got to go. Our soldiers need to be shooting the people on the boat

who are weaklings who jump overboard. We cannot be doing rescue operations or any of that. They're all fat on a boat demanding food. here's the deal. How about this? Someone jumps off the boat. You shoot them first, you get a big steak. And not one of the rotten ones.

You get a big steak. I shot him, you'll say. I killed him. And then you get a steak, baked potato, maybe a little chocolate cake. The most successful businesses don't do it all themselves. They delegate upwork lets you build a team of highly skilled specialists

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ready to help your business go. That's upwrok.com. Upwork.com. Speaking of that, get up Savannah, Guthrie, Guthrie here and Chrissy Metz. This is one of the more disturbing. Now, by the way, are society is so unbelievably diseased, okay? This is what I wanted to bring this up, okay?

A few disclaimers here. Whatever you want to do to lose weight, I think is good. GLP wants, peptides, diet, exercise, drugs, send yourself to a clinic, whatever you want to do. No one should judge you. People that have money, wealthy people, they're all, all they care about is extending their meaningless lives, by the way. You have dinner with anyone over 60 with a couple of bucks.

All they talk about is, you know, trying to live forever. And everything's boring and sucks now. And it's progressively getting worse. And all these people want to do is just be here for it. So you have people that have these meaningless lives that they need to extend immediately. So all of these people, these older people, these boomers with means, they want to like, you know, they want to optimize and maximize. you know, they want to take all of these different supplements and medications or whatever.

Nobody should be judging anybody for how they are trying to better themselves in a healthy way. It's not your fucking business. That's the reality. It's not your business. What people do, okay? It doesn't directly affect you. Now, Chrissy Matt's is a great actress and she was on a show, I believe, called This Is Us? It was This Is It Us, right?

It wasn't, Is It Cake? Now, I'm overweight. So if you're mad at me, you're nuts. So, and I'm the only one to admits, I got overweight by eating. Talk to anyone else. They have a syndrome that no one's heard of that they got in the Indian Ocean.

They got bacteria or something, you know? So this woman who's a great actor, I've never seen anything she's done, I don't care. I'm not going to. It's not for me. Whatever that show is, this is us. By the way, the title, makes me sick. I will never even watch it. It's on NBC or ABC or one of these. This is us. Have you

ever seen it? This is us? What is it about? Family? It's about family. Get the fuck out of here. But not fun family, right? It's just like, yeah, it's sad. It's dead. This is us. Now, she's on us. Okay. Now, here's the thing. Now, she became, I guess, a symbol of the body positivity movement, which was a movement in America where fatty boom baddies were demanding that they be represented by other fatty boom baddies. And then when those people lost a little bit of weight, these fat people would attack them and shame them and say, you are, by you losing weight, you're increasing fat phobia, you're playing in his stereotypes, being overweight has nothing to do with health, which is a complete lie, ask any doctor, whatever. Fat people shouldn't be abused and called name.

Like, we should just be like a civilized society, which we just can't do. We can't do it. Our country cannot be civilized, no matter what, by the way. No matter what, can't do it. So instead of just going, let's treat people respectfully, let's try to be all healthy, but not everyone's going to look like a supermodel and we're all going to have to tolerate each other, but there is a standard of health or whatever. Instead of doing that, we can't do it.

it, we said, being 600 pounds is good. And if you say it's bad, it's, you are playing into this narrative that was created by like beauty companies and Vogue and magazines. And it's like, well, not really no. Seeing your feet and being able to walk up to stairs was not created by Vogue. It just wasn't. I've been overweight my whole life. Okay. Never did I think, well, this, this is, I, this is great. Chrissy Mets decided to go on a GLP1,

which is a very good thing for her. And I support her, applaud her, yes, Queen. Now, in a,

in a normal society, people would go, oh good, great, cool. She now has to go explain to Savannah

Guthrie who's, who kidnapped the mother again? She's back at work. But I think her Savannah Guthrie's family kidnapped her own mother and killed her.

But whatever. Savannah Guthrie is over that. She wants to know why this bitch is losing weight. Savannah Guthrie is here to remind this bitch that other people see this bitch as an ally and an example. And she's represented them. So how dare it? So this woman who's chosen to take a drug, medicine, whatever you want to call it, to lose weight, has to come on the Today Show and explain to Savannah Guthrie

why she's decided to lose weight because Savannah Guthrie is like, eh, some people are not thrilled with this, okay? Let's take a look. This is what a diseased society we are, okay? So we have, let's just recreate the scenes. Everybody knows what's going on on our morning television, which should be wholesome.

Our morning television should be wholesome. It should be like fall cupcake recipes for the kids coming up. How do you put the little spider? How do you put the little Halloween spider icing for the kids? Okay. But instead of that, we have Savannah Guthrie, whose family kidnapped and murdered her own mother because they wanted crypto. She is now interviewing this morbid the obese woman who has done the right thing

by saying, I'm going to stick myself with this needle and try to live. Savana Guthrie goes, why are you doing that? Okay. So here we have what morning TV in this country has become? Take it away. You know, a lot of people have, I mean, admired you because they feel seen that you've represented this whole community. And I don't know if there are some people are watching and have mixed feelings about it. And I don't know that.

By the way, stop it for a minute. Here's my first thing to Savannah got to go, hey, where's your mother? Why are you here? Right. Can I ask you a question? Why are you here? What is going on? Who kidnaps an old person?

Did your brother? What is happening? Has anyone figured this out? Before I tell you why I've decided to take the jab and drop a few, I'd like to know where your mother is and wife, you're back at work. That's the other thing I'd like to worry about. But again, I want to watch this whole thing.

So back it up again. I'm not going to speak. But I would say that if I was Chrissy Matt. Say, I go, hey, where's your mother? Back this up again. We're going to watch the whole thing and then I'll comment on, how diseased and insane this is for Savannah Guthrie to bring on Chrissy Matz, who has to explain to these lunatics out there why she wants to be healthier.

Go on. You know, a lot of people have, I mean, admired you because they feel seen that you've represented this whole community. And I don't know if there are some people watching and have mixed feelings about it. And I don't know that you have to provide an answer to them. But if you are, if there are people, they're like, oh, Chrissy, I thought, you know, that somehow they're disappointed with this, what would you say? Oh, I think that it's so important to put yourself first. And, you know, as we age, sometimes we have health issues that we're concerned about

or want to get ahead of, and that was certainly my case. Stop it. Pause it. Pause it. Savannah, she's at a breath when she says and she goes, yeah, Savannah, I'm going to explode. I was told by a doctor recently that I was going to explode. and create a dangerous situation for people near me when that happened. That I was going to explode. So even though people feel seen by me, and I really appreciate that, the fact of the matter is this,

I am going to explode. So with or without your support and the support of my fans, I have chosen to not explode. if I can help it. I've chosen to not explode. And Savannah's like, a lot of people might feel that that explosion represented them. A lot of people would feel seen if you exploded.

Don't you think so? So let's just finish this up here. Savannah Guthrie. Me, like I've lived my life a lot for more, more over other people than myself. And I think if it works for them, whatever it is, it's weight training or not watching a movie that might scare them before they go to bed,

like something simple. Like all of those things. It's everything for me. How I consume everything is what's important. But also, like, you have to live your own life. And I have to do that for myself. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, I mean, it's an obvious hand.

First of all, she's so, like, befuddled by the question. She starts seeing nonsense. She's like, well, if weight training or watching a movie at night that won't scare you, it's so wild it's really interesting and good for Chrissy Mets by the way and shame on Savannah Guthrie a little bit and I know Savannah Guthrie just went through a horrible thing

that she may or may not have been involved in so I don't know I'm sure she didn't do it I'm not accusing Savannah Guthrie of kidnapping her own mother what I will say is that what an odd question well people might get mad at you for this and of course some psychos might get manager, but what is this, what is explanation does she owe anybody?

Savannah, if we're going to start with the explanations, your family has it. I'd like an explanation from your family before you chastise this fat bitch for losing a couple of pounds. What the fuck went on with your mother, by the way? Why the hell can't we get a goddamn answer about that? Your chash, because Savannah Goptery is like, by the way, I don't know that you know these, you owe these people an explanation, but here's the deal. You being fat has helped me so much.

When my mother was kidnapped by probably members of my own family, let's be honest, I would look at you and go, well, she's fat. And I'm not. And if fat people get thin, then I have to develop a personality. But I put a picture of you on my refrigerator every morning that we hadn't heard from my mother and she was expiring in the trunk of a car. I looked at you and I said, at least I'm not this fat bitch. so if you get thin

who's going to be that fat bitch for me crazy metz is like well that's that's a good question that's so sweet that's a good question and that's so sweet thank you and I'm sorry about what happened to your mother I think that

maybe if I lose weight and you're unable to use me as a photo to make yourself feel better there'll be someone else that might just feel more comfortable being overweight. Savannah Guthrie goes, right.

Thank you. Well, there you have it, folks. Chrissy Metz. And a friend of the show, Savannah Guthrie, of course. You know, we don't want to... People are going to get mad at that. But what did I do? I'm just saying it's a little crazy.

It's a wild question to ask. You know, be like, hey, so you decided not to be fat, huh? Why? Ice is now planning to implement electric shock gloves as a means of de-escalation. And here's what I'll say to ice. I do think there's a chance that people,

that these electric shock gloves, like people are going to get the wrong idea about this. I really, I got to be honest with you. I don't know what their intentions are, but this electric shock gloves, which I guess means you shock people with gloves is what I imagine they are. They're just gloves and you grab someone and you shock them.

You know, people are going to get the wrong idea about that. They really are. Rightly or wrongly, humane devices that deliver jolt of pain will be used by ICE agents. So now this is from the telegraph in the UK. Ice agents will now be using electric shock gloves to be humane. So at some point there was a meeting where they said, you've got to stop shooting these protesters in the face. What about electric shock gloves?

And everyone went, now we're talking. Now we're talking. What if we could? What if I turn my, my paws, my mitts, my hands in a little electric chairs? And they went, that's a good idea. So ice plans to spend. Now, by the way, this is a complete false choice.

You can have a secure border. You don't need a paramilitary group of psychopaths that you've recruited from a backyard wrestling event. who are completely untrained, who are running around, who are grabbing grandmothers and people at, you know, high school graduations, you don't need to have these shock troops running through the streets. You can have a secure border. You can have a process.

You can have all of this stuff. People that have committed heinous crimes can leave. And you will need people to get people that have committed crimes, obviously, if they've done something really bad. But what you just don't need this group. this group has done a lot of damage to the cause of of actually having a secure border

because people don't want this. They don't want to be associated with this. They don't want people being grabbed with electric shock gloves. Which I shouldn't have to say. I shouldn't have to say that. I shouldn't have to be like, you know, people don't love the electric shock gloves

that ICE will be using. The gloves can deliver up to 380 volts of electricity, a standard U.S. power outlets. is 120 volts. So ice plants to spend up to 20 million to buy the generated low output voltage emitter. Whose idea, by the way,

who thought up electric shock gloves? That's a crazy invention. That's a really wild invention to just go, well, yeah, what if you needed to grab someone and then shock them? humanely. Because that's the way these guys talk. In Silicon Valley, they'll be sitting there and they'll be like,

well, you know, law enforcement has expressed a need to de-escalate situations humanely. And we thought, what about a glove that emitted a kind of a, you know, just a reasonable voltage, a reasonable charge? The DHS said in a statement to the BBC ICE is constantly assessing the needs of our officers in the field to ensure they have the tools and equipment. and necessary. Compliant Technologies LLC, which makes the gloves, told the BBC it was unable to comment on the sale. A no-bid purchase contract could be published as early as Friday.

The glove devices are activated by pushing a button to deliver shocks and can deliver up to 30 pulses per second. They also feature built-in microprocessors to keep a record of activation. By the way, the name compliant technologies is for. fucking crazy. Compliant technology states on its website that they do not cause injury and are used by many agencies. A user manual on the company's website recommends avoiding use on the elderly, small children, pregnant women, and the severely handicapped. You know what? Compliant technologies, how about this? No. No.

If I want to shock a child or a handicapped person with your gloves, I will. Can we read that again? Go up again because that's unbelievable. So here is the avoiding use on the elderly, small children, pregnant women, and the severely handicapped. Compliant technologies shock gloves. Don't use them on the kids. Don't use them on a pregnant woman. Don't use them on the elderly. As well as that an additional officer should be present to restrain the subject while the gloves are being used.

So you've got to have somebody there to make sure that you're doing this properly. The last thing you want is to be grabbing someone with these gloves, these shock gloves, and for someone to think you're doing the wrong thing. Truly, you need someone there. You don't want, because, again, people will get the wrong idea if you are just grabbing someone and shocking them with your hands, like, I guess, Edward's scissors hands. Well, he had scissors.

That movie powder. We may or may not deploy them. So we didn't, hold on. Unlike a taser, which has barbs and breaks to skin and delivers a shock of up to 50,000 volts, overriding the central nervous system. The gloves deliver a sharp localized shock to convince the subject to comply using pain deterrence. Said Lieutenant Butch Galleon, a donkey con villain. Lieutenant Butch Galleon

and administrator at Hawkins County Jail in Tennessee. We may or may not deploy them, it just depends on how they act. When you push the button to turn them on, there's a light that displays. The inmates understand that light, and often just seeing that light brings compliance. The shocks can only be delivered when they contact skin,

allowing an officer to touch the subject's clothing, and then move to the skin, particularly the wrist or the elbow, if they begin to fight, if they become combative, then you can apply the gloves to an area and this case. You know, I just hear what I'm, listen, I always, I believe that we should have law enforcement and that they should be able to detain people

and arrest people that have done the wrong thing. I don't know if moving in this direction is the right way to go. I will say that. I don't know if moving in the shock glove direction. is the right way to go. I know that there are people that feel like that is a good move and it is the future. I just don't know.

I don't know that it feels great to have people delivering localized electric shocks. Because here's what it is. The cops are no longer trained. Many of them aren't physically fit. Let's be honest. A lot of them look like that woman on the Today Show. And they're out there and they can't handle, they can't handle when the suspect fights back.

So we have to give them like, you know, crazy gadgets. This is like Inspector Gadget. You know, these gadgets. Grab the shock clubs and I'm heading out with my shock gloves. And I understand that people get wild out there. People resist arrest and do some gnarly stuff. You know, how many times have I talked about him's folks? It's unbelievable.

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Let's watch some of this. Tonight, facing criticism over use of force and some arrest, ICE says it has a new tool for officers dealing with non-compliance suspects, spending $20 million to purchase thousands of devices known as the glove, which shock people who do not comply with officers. These demonstration videos released by the manufacturer. A senior deal, DHS official. Do that again. Please do that again.

Do that again. A senior DHS official. So that's what's going to be going on. That's the sound you're going to hear when you're eating a muffin in the morning and having a coffee. You're just going to hear. Let's watch that one more time. These demonstration videos released by the manufacturer. A senior DHS official tells NBC News, officers will be able to turn on the gloves, also known as zap gloves, at the touch of a button.

Amitting a shock, they say, won't leave a mark or hurt the person after they are released. Saying it allows officers to avoid using firearms and is better than pepper spray, which can impact bystanders. In a statement to NBC News, DHS says every decision is made with careful consideration, and appropriately reviewed to ensure any technology ICE utilizes is consistent with all applicable law enforcement policies and standards. Well, there you have it, folks. That is, you know, again, I'm skeptical if this is the right direction to move into as a country. I don't think it is. I don't think, you know, we were able to, you know, detain people and restrain people for years and years and years without this technology. I don't know what has happened that would make this technology necessary.

And if you don't think this will be used on you or someone you know, eventually you're crazy. I mean, this is not going to be simply for people that have committed crimes. This, all of this stuff, the flock cameras, all of it is coming. It's not coming to just make you safe. They don't care if you're safe. Again, all of it is coming to build a surveillance grid

that is like nothing else that has ever existed in history. Listen to me now. Nothing in history will be, you will not be able to find a comp, a comparable in history for the level of surveillance that they're going to employ. At cellular level here, they're going to monitor your hopes and dreams, everything you type into Google, all of your text messages, every email. every email, every phone call, your physical location with your phone camera, they're going to have flock cameras and license plate readers and facial recognition, biometric eye scans, they're going to have all of these things. You'll be in a web of surveillance unlike any that has existed in history.

And all of that is designed because what is coming is going to be very disruptive. And they know that. they're aware that what is coming is going to be very disruptive. It has to probably do it the eventual disruptions to the economy with AI. It could be a major war. It could be a climate event. Whatever they think is coming, or it could be all three. Whatever they think is coming,

they are building this surveillance grid so that when it comes, they are able to address the disruptions in society that this will, cause. This is going to cause significant fissures in society. There's no way that this is all being done. And by the way, at a breakneck

pace, this is happening quick. They want this stuff happening quick. There's already a thousand flock cameras in New York. There's already I found out what it was a week ago. Here's the thing. This is the way technology will work now. You'll find out what something

was a week ago and then it'll be, It'll just be being used. It'll be being used. How many flock cameras are in NYC? Let's see if we can get that up. Maybe I'm overreacting, but let's see what's going on here. It's probably more than I would like. I would like none.

Oh, okay, there's zero right now. Well, that's good. But hold on. Wasn't there an Upper West Side thing, the flock camera? Well, they're coming. I imagine they're coming. There wasn't a flock camera story out of, York City.

What is this? This is a map of all the flock cameras. They just said there was no flock cameras. Maybe this is what they're going to put in. I don't know what's going on, but the flock cameras are coming. I thought, because by the way, people are destroying them, so people are seeing them all over the place. People are going and destroying these because people do not like them. But they are coming.

And this is the way technology. is going to work. You'll hear about this shock glove and then all of a sudden you'll be somebody will shock glove you. You'll be like, what the fuck? Like that's how quick it's going to be now. How can I check the location of flock camera? I mean, look at that. Put that up right there. That includes, that is a map I believe of this is the

reported locations of cameras in your neighborhood. Now the flock cameras are supposedly going to only be used again if someone shoots somebody and They'll only be used for public safety and everything like that. Don't worry about it. They're not going to be used for any other reason. Just like everything else we've been told. All of these things are coming obviously because there's some level of preparation happening

for some event or multiple events. And I'm not even saying people have an exact idea of what they are. But they have some scenarios drawn up that will require, this level of surveillance, this level of control for sure. Look at that. I thought that was places where they had the Taco Bell lettuce. I'm kidding. And by the way, let's support Taco Bell.

I really want to support Taco Bell right now. There's a lot, they got a lot of bad press, but Taco Bell is the one fast food restaurant that we still like. We still like it. it warms our hearts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're from the South, it's Chick-fil-A for you.

Whatever. Taco Bell's the nostalgia. You're out with your buddies. You're all high. You're 17. You go through Taco Bell. You get the best food you can get in the world. When you're high and you're a teenager, Taco Bell,

is the greatest food in the world. And how lucky that there's one in the next town over. and it's amazing. And you know, I've talked about this. I did it an episode many years ago called The Fat Girl with the Clean Car because one of my friends was a fatty boom-badi but she would never eat in front of us.

She always had an immaculate car, very clean. And then one day we just noticed on the dashboard was a perfectly diced Taco Bell tomato. A perfectly diced tomato that had come out of a... And I didn't even mention it, but she had gotten it all. She'd gotten it all out, except for one perfectly diced tomato that could have fallen out of a chalupa, a gordita. It was there, and it was just a per, and it was, but again, clean car, always smelled great.

Always smelled like a cupcake. They'd do that icing scent. But Taco Bell to me is a part of my child. And yes, can you get up RIP? the lettuce that did kill the man, the 47-year-old man who did shit himself to death. Bring that up because that is unfortunate. And we want to also, if we're going to defend Taco Bell, let's also kind of memorialize this man who gave his life for Taco Bell.

Oh, wait. Now they're saying no deaths have reported. So it's fake. I heard a guy died. I heard someone died. I heard a 47-year-old guy died from this cyclospora thing. Is this complete, is this complete fraud? Wow, it's fraud.

I don't even believe this was real this thing. By the way, I told nine people I had it to get out of things because it was just an excuse. Don't ever waste an excuse that's public. If something is public, just say, I've got that parasite lettuce thing, I think. If something is public, never waste an excuse. Okay, yes, two people have died in Michigan.

Let's watch this because we do want to mourn the dead who gave their lives. Come on, here it is. Being blamed on at least two deaths. Now, the illness is not typically deadly. However, these two people who died had underlying health conditions, and they came down with the food-borne parasite. Caroline Elliott with the update tonight. The infamous explosive diarrhea parasite has now turned deadly in Michigan.

After the state reported, the first two dead. That's linked to the outbreak. There are health socializations. In the arms of the angel. Please keep going. Far away. Far away from here. From here.

According to the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services, both patients had, quote, significant underlying health conditions and died after getting the food born ice. You had a soft taco. And you shit yourself to death. self to death. They should definitely seek medical attention. Michigan is the hardest hit among the 45 states reporting cases with more than 11,000 total and as of late July, nearly 200 hospitalizations.

Bad. Federal health officials linked the outbreak to lettuce imported from Mexico that served at Taco Bell locations around the country. And since then, some producers have seen... All right. Get it out of here. Get it out of here. RIP. to the people, the last thing they heard was that crunch. That Taco Bell crunch,

can you get that up? Can you just get the Taco Bell crunch sound? Because that's the last thing they heard. And what a beautiful way to go out, by the way. I don't know if you'll be able to get the crunch, but what a beautiful way to go out. That was their final act. Their final act was to go through a Taco Bell.

There it is. Oh, that's kind of an RIP. That's for whom the bell tolls. Let's go. Last thing they heard. There it is. One more time. RIP.

Okay, give it to me again. One more time. And by the way, if I was at their funeral, I would say, and now for a moment of silence. That's right. That was the last thing, and that's sad. It is very sad,

but it is a good way to go. You drive through, you get a nice treat. You eat, And I hope it was a good one. See, that's the thing. You don't want some Taco Bells. It's just, you get it.

You go, what the hell were you guys doing back there? Because sometimes the beans are on the outside of the thing. Like sometimes the Taco Bell goop that's supposed to stay in it is leaking out and it's on the outside. It looks like shit, shit-collared. So you go, just keep it in. It's got to be in. You don't want to see the inside. Just want to eat it and kind of stare.

I hope it was a good. I hope after that they said this was a tasty night. one. That's the best you can hope. I hope after they had that final you know, burrito, you know, perhaps a burrito supreme or something. I hope they went that with a crunch rap Supreme.

I hope they said, God, that was a good one. Because then, unfortunately, and not to be indelicate about it, but after that they did shit themselves to death. I'm not trying to be indelicate, but that's literally what happened. And now Taco Bell's trying to rebrand now because

a couple of people shit themselves to death. So Taco Bell now is like, all right, let's bring some oldies back. Because they go to the CEO, they go, listen, there's things getting out of control. A lot of people getting sick. And he's like, any deaths? Because they don't care about anything, right?

Other than death. Death is a bad one. They don't care how sick you got. As long as you're not dead. Number one, the press isn't that bad for them. Number two, you're still a customer. So they went to the CEO. and they go, hey, we got two deaths from this.

And he goes, all right, bring back the enchurito. Bring back. Let's get the caesarito back for a couple of days. Let's go old school. Let's read this Taco Bell. I know I'm late to this story, folks, but I don't care. Taco Bell has completed the removal of affected Taylor Farms lettuce from our restaurants. Based on ongoing conversations with public health officials and out of abundance of caution,

to talk about work swiftly to voluntarily remove the product. Good for them. Good for them. and listen, we extend our greatest, our sympathies to the families of the two people. But by the way, what would you rather jump off an aircraft carrier in the ocean, like some cock, or die like a man with a crunch wrap wrapper in the front of your car? You know that's how they found these people. They found them in their cars with a crunch wrap wrapper on the front seat in their own show.

They found them in a pool of their own shit with a crunch rap rapper in the front seat. Listen, some people say not a dignified way to go, but who cares? It's not about the body, it's about the soul. Millions of men ditching the workforce data shows. Good for them. Work sucks. So apparently a lot of men have had enough at working.

Good. Let's make this a little bigger because here's the deal. I think millions of men are ditching the workforce and experts are sounding the alarm. Here's the thing, folks, with these jobs, you know, they're not fun anymore. The Bureau of Labor Statistics breakdown found

that 44 million of the 132 million eligible men older than 15 were not in the labor force last month. So that's about 33% of men are not in the labor force. That's 9 million more out-of-work men than in 2012 where 29% were not in the workforce. So now it's up to 33%. The number of men opting not to work jump by 891,000 over the preceding 12 months alone,

and as the economy sheds manufacturing and finance jobs. Yeah, the American economy has gradually moved away from some of the industries that historically provided good jobs to men without college degrees. Meanwhile, much of the recent employment growth has occurred in areas such as health care and education where women make up a much larger share of the workforce. Mr. Boulier cited research showing that men who stay home in their 30s

to play video games or seek social media fame, find it progressively harder to return to traditional work, and are more likely to end up incarcerated. Well, that's negative. That's a little negative, Mr. Boulier. I don't think the guys playing video games you're trying to get social media fame, need negativity from that goon. Shut up.

Support people. Support people in your life. If someone tells you they're going to be famous, support them no matter what. No matter what it does to their life, support them. They're going to be an influencer and talk about cupcakes. You support them. They're going to flick their bean on only fans. You support them.

They're going to be a gamer. They're going to be Mr. Beast. You support them. them. Damn right. You support them. You don't tell them they got to get a nine to five job at a fucking bank. You tell them you support whatever crap they're doing on the internet. That's our, that's the, that's the message. You have to be positive. When your drug addicted child wanders up from the basement and tells you they got things going on in crypto, you say good for you, son. You don't tell them to go to college like some fucking loser.

You say, I'm proud of you, and one day you'll be living in Miami with, what's his name? Clavoc? And you go, clavicular, dad. You're going to be living with clavicular soon. You're my son. You're my son. You're going to be living in Miami with clavicular. I got a job like a fucking cuck, and your mother walked all over me.

Okay? She ruined my life. I slaved away for you and your mother to pay for this house. how lucky I would have been to grow up at a time when I knew that I could be like, go to Miami and be like clavicular. You should support your children. I'm telling you, I know people think I'm kidding.

I'm not. You should support your children. They don't need to hear that they need an internship. Let them loose. Let them loose on the internet. I'm telling you. You go, hey, we're getting, we're getting views. We're catfishing pedophon.

and then hitting them with sticks. Good for you, son. And then you tell your friends, you go, my son's putting his ass on the internet. He's catching pedophiles. And they're filming them down at the park. And this kid's making some real money now. These are the new jobs.

Just go with it. What are they going to be lawyers? That's retarded. Don't even knows what that is. I'm going to be a lawyer. Shut up. Go catfish a pedophile at the park. Put your pussy on the street.

Get into fucking. in Forex trading. Start talking about currencies. Get into fucking crypto. Get into AI weird shit. Start using AI to build apps that no one cares about. That's another big thing now. It doesn't matter. There's a whole new group of jobs. And it does us nothing, by the way, to think of like that people are going to go back to the old world. Be a gamer.

Do pranks. Do pranks on people. Do a pranks. on people. Why do you need, what are you going to be a doctor? Do pranks. Do pranks collapse in the middle of a grocery store, pretend you're dead. Start foaming at the mouth. Put out a cellar in your mouth, start foaming and twitching in a grocery store. And film people's reactions. These are the new jobs now. The jobs are not going to be in things we understand. Be an IRL streamer, walk around Miami, and just film you.

Humping food delivery robots. It's what it is now. These are the new jobs. Good for you, son. This is my boy. Now, what do you do, son? The other day, he filmed the fight where a guy died. And he got three million views.

And then the cops also are, they're taking all of that. They're confiscating it as evidence. I'm proud of my son. my son's an IRL streamer. I'm proud of my son. You have to be proud. My daughter does OnlyFans.

And I'm proud of her. You have to start saying these things. You can't fight this. You have to start saying my daughter has a really good, she's got a great business on OnlyFans. And I'm proud of her. And you tell your friends this. You go, and because she does fetish.

There's a lot of people. because you're going to go, listen. We never thought she was that great looking. To be honest, me and her mother were kind of shocked when she told us how well she was doing on OnlyFans, but then she told us she was doing fetish. And I mean weird shit. Things that you wouldn't even think are sexual.

You're going to have to tell this to your friends at a lunch. Things you wouldn't even think of sexual. Things with eggs and stuff, it's, I'm telling you what's weird. I don't understand it. Then the mother comes in. She goes, I don't even understand what sexual. about what she's doing. She does different fetishes

and people will message her and they will ask her to do different things and she will do most of them. Some of the ones that she won't do her because she felt that her own safety was compromised by them. But we're very proud of her.

She's got a really good business. She's always had... And then your friends, your friends are not going to blink at this anymore. Your friends are going to go, she's always had a good head on her shoulders. Your daughter's always had a good head on her shoulders. And then one of your friends might go,

I don't want to make it awkward, but I subscribe to her. I actually subscribed to the channel. And what she did yesterday was she just, she took her high heel shoe and she just crushed a roach very slowly. And I'm telling you right now, I don't know why, but I, I, I just couldn't, I just, I came. I pleasureed myself. And you've, and these are no longer going to be strange conversations.

conversations. And your wife's going to go, you might as well, you spent the money. And you're not going to mind that your friend has confessed that he has pleasureed himself to your daughter. You're going to say, well, she's got a good business, doesn't she, Frank? She's got, you're going to go, you know, she's got a real personality on there. She's got a real personality on there. And she'll do a lot of interesting things, my daughter. She'll do a lot of interesting things. That's what it's going to be, folks. You can keep trying to get people back into the firehouse or whatever.

But no one's going to want to put out fires in this country. People are just going to watch things burned. So there is no, there aren't, you're not going to get people into these jobs. Just put, just encourage what they want to do. If your son walks up and goes, I got to get really hot and move to Miami and become rich, or I'm going to jump off the balcony and kill myself. You know what you say to him? I agree with you.

son I agree son years ago I would tell you to go to college and get a good job and then you get a house but what the fuck you can't do what is that going to do college good job I mean what is this 2004 follow your passion son go and catfish a pedophile in the park put it on camera and really try to build something you know you've always look younger than you are utilize that Catfish pedophiles. These are the new jobs. People can be mad at it. People don't have to like it, but these are 100% fully the new jobs in our society, in our ecosystem. And if you're a loving parent,

you're going to have to start realizing that and encouraging your children to do these jobs. You're going to have to encourage your children to do these jobs, you know? And there's a lot of people. People are going to disagree with me and go, no, we actually want our kids to go the more traditional route. Yeah, sure. So they, what, jump off the aircraft carrier into the ocean?

What you need is to encourage your children. Encourage them. If your daughter, I'm starting to only fans of your sons, like we're just walking around, you know, finding dead bodies and playing with them on camera, you go, good son. I wish I am, you're so lucky. you're so lucky i used to go to an office every day and then have to go to your parent teacher conference but you get to go to miami and and and and and and basically watch and film people kill each other outside of a club son i mean that's the life you're down there with your boys you're watching someone get killed somebody gets brained on the street and you're watching it that's a life isn't it

you know and your mother your mother will be resentful she'll be like if only i knew about if only we had only fans i wouldn't have to work at the rec center i could have just put an egg in my pussy like my daughter she put an egg in a pussy now she's a millionaire that's what's coming embrace it embrace it don't don't fight it because at the end of the day, you're only fighting what's inevitable. These are your children. You want them to be happy.

You want them to be happy. And the only way they're going to be happy is if they're moguls or whores. Everyone in our society can only be happy if they're a mogul or a whore. So when you tuck them in at night, you know they're 32, they still live with you. Talk them in.

You go, you're my little whore. You're my little mogul and you're my little whore. And I believe in you. You're going to be the biggest whore of them all. I am, aren't I, Daddy? Yes, you are. You're going to be the biggest whore of them all. that's what you have to do love your children good night