The Tim Dillon Show - 509 - Meghan and Harry, Classic Trump, & $40 Trillion In Debt

Episode Date: August 22, 2026

Tim discusses Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announcing their return to the UK, Trump inviting a lifeguard to the White House to congratulate his heroism, Walmart reporting their weakest sales in years, and the US national debt topping $40 trillion. Become a Friend Of The Show https://bit.ly/BecomeAFriendOfTheShow and get access to weekly bonus audio episodes of the podcast!Live Dates🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: Quince Download the Quince App or Go To https://quince.com/TIM For FREE Shipping On Your Order & 365 Day Returns! Gusto Try Gusto Today at https://gusto.com/DILLON And Get 3 Months FREE when you run your first payroll! Ultra Pouches Don’t Sleep On @ultrapouches New Customers Get 15% OFF With Code “TIMDILLON” at https://takeultra.com ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/X:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonFB:https://www.facebook.com/TimDillonComedyTik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@timdListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. We did it. Megan Markle and Harry are going back to the UK to raise their children. And I want to thank all of my colleagues that have made this happen. And people like myself, Pierce Morgan and others, although Pierce now gets to own them. They're coming back to the UK. The one thing about a good con knows when the jig is up. Like they were probably saying, listen,

what else are we going to do here? They spent six years in America. They tried to do documentaries. They tried to write children's books. They tried to sell jam. She tried to be Martha Stewart. She had a Netflix show where she taught people how to make pasta. I mean, you got to hand it to them.

They left no stone unturned. But the thing is that the UK has to deal with them. He's the prince. You know, that's the thing about America. We don't have a royal family, so we don't really have to deal with anybody. The UK has no choice. They are back.

And you must deal with them. You must take them. It's like when you have a child and the child is acting up and getting in trouble in school and you go, well, they're your kid. You got to deal with them. That's the whole thing with suspension. Suspension, when the kid gets suspended from school, it punishes the parents because the state basically goes,

they're your child, you deal with them. And in the same way, Megan and Harry are going back to the country that is forced to deal with them. They have to, they have to take them back. This is what it is. They plan to relocate from the U.S. to a private, non-royal residents outside London with their children, Prince Archie, Seven, and Princess

Lilibat five. They are enrolled to start school in September. Their UK security was downgraded after they stopped

being working royals in 2020. Which, by the way, do you realize what a loser you have to be to say, I'm not going to be

a working royal? Like, I don't even, like, that's not even real. Being a working royals not a job. You just go to places and wave, you get photographed.

A working royal is the funniest coupling of words that has ever been invented in the English language. They resigned from their royal duties, which amounted to nothing. The royal duties were not even real. They would just go to some country that Britain still kind of owns, and they'd walk in there, and then there'd be a bunch of, like, young children with cleft palettes and they would go and stand with them and take a photo. That's what it means to be a working royal.

You're not doing anything. They don't make policy. They're not political in the way that like the prime minister is. They're a completely ceremonial, largely pretend tradition and the people of the UK love them. And God bless, there's some value in tradition. I don't know what value there is in this. but they resigned from being working royals in 2020 and moved to the U.S. where they have paid for their own protection.

And by the way, no one wants to kill them. That's the other thing. Nobody wants to kill these people. Nobody cares enough to go kill them. People just want them to stop inflicting themselves on the pub. Nobody's trying to kill them. but in their lurid fantasies, in her mind, white supremacist are trying to climb in the window of her Montecito estate

and kill her to make some point. So they had to pay for their own security because the UK was like, listen, if you're going to move to another country and not even do this fake thing, this fake thing we've set up, where you stand there and you take photos that's all you have to do. If you're not even going to do that, if you're unwilling to do that,

the British public funds are silly lives. We get to sit in fucking these castles and go rape people with Jeffrey Epstein. We get, you know, and we get to live lavishly. And the only thing the British public wants is unfettered access to our. lives. Because while we ship their jobs to other countries and while we bring in other people to do the only jobs left at home, we just want them to sit in their house and eat a fucking

Tesco's chicken and watch tabloid shows and read tabloids about the palace intrigue of what's going on in your life. So that's what a royal is. A working. A working. Royal is just a real housewife. It's just a gossip mongering. You exist to entertain the working class that the UK doesn't care about anymore, that languishes in alcoholism and in drug addiction. And the UK goes, you are their entertainment. That's what a working royal is. Just entertain them. Look nice. Get in squabbles with the other members of the royal family. we're going to take all kinds of photos of you when you go on vacation. We're going to be climbing in a window at a hotel room.

And sure, I guess a lot of it gets annoying. But make no mistake, you are living this life, not because you add value in any tangible, quantifiable way. The only value that you add is that you are a reality show for the British working class that is, increasingly desperate. And we have made so. We're making them increasingly desperate.

And they get to turn on the TV or open a magazine and read about your lives and go, Must be nice. It must be nice. You know, I heard that she, she's in a row with Kate. She's in a row with, oh, she's in a row with Kate. Is she? Well, Kate's real class. So Kate stayed really above it.

and this is all it is. And they couldn't even do that. They couldn't even do that. It's like when these real housewives come out and they go, well, you know, the production schedule is very heavy. You go, all you do, you're just, you were a drunken cunt. That's all you do. You show up to a restaurant.

The producers ply you with alcohol and you sit there and say like crazy shit. And you go, well, well, the production schedule is very heavy. and it's wreaked havoc on my family. You go, you don't care about your family anyway. That's why you've got them all on camera. In the most important years of their lives, these real housewives trot out their children when they're teenagers, they're awkward,

they have all kinds of issues, and they make them grow up on television, which is why a lot of them then start only fans or kill themselves or whatever. And then they go, well, it's been a lot on my thing. It was actually took a toll on my marriage to do the show. You knew what? what it was when you signed up for it.

You knew what it was. Megan knew what it was. To be a working royal is to be fodder for the British working class. You show them pictures of your children. You tell them about your lives. And then occasionally you get on a plane, some private jet, and you go to some other part. You open a woman shelter.

You take a picture with someone in a hijab and go, isn't this good, it's great. We're all together again or whatever. That's all it is. It's ceremonial, but it's a franchise of a reality show. That's what the, and they couldn't even do that. They couldn't do that. And Megan was like, well, we'll come to the UK and I'll be,

I'll be welcomed and I'll become Rosa Parks. That's what I'll be. I'll be a civil rights leader. You know, she came back here thinking she was going to be a civil rights. leader, okay? And then when that fizzled, she goes, well, I guess I'll just be Martha Stewart. And she did this terrible show on Netflix, which I enjoyed immensely, but other people didn't like, where she talked down to people and said, listen, you fat, welfare, slabs, don't know how to eat. You don't know how to cook fresh food from your garden. Oh, you don't have a garden.

you don't know what fork goes with the salad, your animals, and I'm going to civilize you. And then, you know, that became a big joke. She started releasing jam, trying to sell jam. That became a joke. So now they're going back to the UK. And I guess they're going to, you know, but they better get with the program over there.

They better get with the program. And by the way, I think they will. Here's what I think. Here's my prediction. I think they'll go over there and they'll fall in line a little bit. I think they'll fall in line a little bit and I think basically what's going to happen is they're going to realize they're basically,

they are now committed to the lives they are living in the UK. There's no escape. They're not coming over here to Hollywood. By the way, there is no Hollywood. They came back to Hollywood going, we're going to be in Hollywood. There is no Hollywood. It's over.

These idiots came back going, oh, we'll just be, I'll be a famous, you're not going to be nothing. It's done. You can't even be what she was 15 years ago, some C-level actress on suits. Like, you can't even be that now.

So they came back and realized that that didn't work. And that was fake. So now they're going to go back to London. and I think basically they're going to fall in line and basically accept the fact that this is their destiny. That's all they can do. Let's look at a little bit of the news on this. It is not, no one cares and no one should.

But let's take a look here. This was an NBC news piece. and about them leaving our country. Let's see it. Tonight, a royal bombshell nobody saw coming. By the way, stop it for a minute. Everyone saw this country. This is how stupid...

This is why nobody watches the news anymore because the news is your stupidest friend. By the way, the news in our country has become the dumbest friend in your group that knows nothing. that, you know what I mean? Like the person you have to keep explaining the way the world works to,

that is our news media now. A royal bombshell, no one saw coming. Everyone saw it coming. There's not one person on earth who didn't see this coming. No one saw this. It's a bombshell. It's not a bombshell and everyone saw it coming.

Continue. Six years after they started, down as working royals, Prince Harry and his wife Megan are moving back to the UK along with their two children. The move the paper says will make the UK their primary base with Archie and Lilibit 7 and 5 to be enrolled in British schools starting in September. When asked by NBC a spokesperson for the couple did not deny the reports. India quite the bombshell tonight. How surprised were you and other royal insiders? I think it's fair to say that it has caught Everybody off guard. I think it's very important for Prince Harry for his children to understand his own British heritage, his upbringing, the family that they are a part of on this side of the Atlantic.

For now, the Telegraph reports the couple will not be reprising their roles as working royals, will not live in a royal residence, and their security arrangements still unclear. The couple left the UK for California in part because of what they said was unbearable treatment by the tabloids. Prince Harry's memoir later frayed tensions describing the breakdown in the relationship with his brother and father. Last month, Harry was- Yeah, stop it for a second. You always forget he's a rat, you know? Like he writes this book about his family and just trashes his family. You know, they really are detestable characters.

Like, it's easy to make, you know, make light of it and we should, and it is fun. But they're truly detestable characters. and they just trashed, you know, their entire family. Now, I do that all the time, but my family doesn't pay for me to live in a fucking castle. God, I'd keep my mouth shut if that was the case. You know, if people, you know, listen, I tell stories from, you know, the way I grew up and whatever. But by the way, if you're a royal, just keep your mouth shut. I can't believe this guy released a book.

where he trashes his brother and his family. And he's a really, you know, here's the thing about Prince Harry. He's kind of like an unremarkable guy. He's just, you know, yeah, you were in the military or whatever, you know. But you're lucky you were born into the royal family. His book should have been two sentences. Boy am I lucky I was born into the royal family?

Boy am I lucky. I look around the world and I go, wow, I could have been born into anything. but I was born into this royal family where I essentially get to exist and live the way people lived centuries ago for no reason. There's no reason that he's living the way he's living that they can...

Who's going to pay for their security? What are their security arrangements? Who gives a fuck? No one's trying to kill them. Nobody is trying to whack. these people and they're convinced that everywhere they go because he married a woman who like looks a tiny bit ethnic. You know what I mean?

He acts like he married like fucking Glorilla or something. He married a woman who looks like a tiny bit of melanin in her skin and they act like like white supremacists are charging the door. They're going back. They won't be working royals. So they're just going to be annoying. They'll just be annoying in the UK and bother them. And good, by the way.

Good riddance. We miss you. We wish you well. I hope their marriage lasts. I'm a believer in family. I'm a believer in children, having parents that love each other. And good luck there.

Good luck there. and we don't, by the way, she should go to the UK and immediately take up like Prince Andrew's cause and say he was completely railroaded. And she should, her job should be to get the pedophile Prince Andrew back into the royal family. And that's what she should do. She should go back there and say the treatment that Prince Andrew has suffered

is completely out of control. So there you go. Harry and Megan, I hope if I tour in the UK, I hope they come. I really do. I hope they come. Everybody all the time is talking about quince. And I'm telling you,

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com. There's Tim, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com. It's so easy you can order clothes on the app. They'll let you return them if it doesn't work. It is the easiest. The user experience is amazing, and everybody is happy about it. Everybody loves quince. And it's good, and it feels good.

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because sometimes you'll be wearing something and you and you look into it and you go oh boy you know what I mean like I had no idea that was you know what I mean I had no idea that was how that was manufactured but when you have an ethical factory all the people that make the clothes at the Quince factories this is true and a lot of people don't know this sing while they work and they're not and it's not forced

you know what I mean it's not like sing or I'll get you it's it's just kind of a we're making clothes for quince we're making the clothes for quince and they're so cotton makes you warm and they sing and i visited the quince factories the ethical factories i visited them i wouldn't lie never have and i go there and they're singing i walk into the quince factory and a little a little guy came up like not not not deformed but it's course of a little guy, you know, like, he came up and he had a hot cocoa. Kind of like, I wouldn't want to say L for Sanders' workshop. That's reductive.

I don't want to do that. But it was just kind of a little fun guy, you know, and he was like, he goes, Mr. Dillon, welcome to the Quince, because he had this weird, you know, it was kind of, you couldn't really identify the accent. He goes, welcome to the Quince Ethical Factory. And I go, whoa, it's so good to be here. I love you guys. I love your clothes.

And he's like, would you like to see the, would you like, would you like, would you like to see the main you know production center and I go yes I would love to see and he opens the store and there's just singing and the smells of chocolate and everybody is happy

and they love making these clothes they love making these twins clothes and that's what I'm happy about truly like that to me is because some of these factories, people aren't as happy. But if you go to the Quince factory,

funny story from the Quince factory, and then we'll get out of here, but funny story from the Quince factory, okay? I was there, and I'm like, and I asked, and you go to the mess hall, and they're all eating, and they have a nice lunch, they have a nice lunch.

And I go, you guys don't feel rushed, and they go, we can take as long for lunch as we want. And I go, what is that? What? And here's what the Quince factory, they ever found a way to suspend time. They use a time-bending sort of ray that was pioneered by DARPA

so that actually the reason it's so happy is that a hundred years is a day. Something like that. Like they were telling me that was a, so they have all the time in the world. And they use this kind of time-bending technology. And they were explaining it to me because she was explaining me that we're actually,

it's a bunch of parallel dimensions happening. And right now all the stress is on like one dimension and that's where like you have the bad naughty factories where everybody's getting in trouble for using the bathroom. But they're on another dimension and so that they can make these clothes and everyone's happy about it because she goes, we can take 10,000 years.

And it's like three weeks. She goes, people don't understand And I said, why are you guys able to use the kind of time-bending multiverse system? And she goes, we just have a good, we have good corporate leadership. Go to quince.com slash Tim. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E slash T-I-M. We, you know, I was watching this, this Trump. You know, Trump is not that funny anymore.

And he's, you know, destroying Earth. And he's, you know, you know, his, the, the, shrinking base of loyalists is becoming, you know, increasingly detached and unmoored from reality in a meaningful way. And but this is one of the moments where classic Trump shines through. And again, this doesn't excuse covering up the Epstein files, the Iran War, the destruction of the American economy, you know, building a, tech surveillance state, the likes of which no one has ever seen,

all of those we still view as negatives. You know, arming Israel to do whatever the hell they want. We all view this as negative. However, you still see he's got a little bit of his charm left. There's a little twinkle of his charm. And here's what I mean by that. He brings in the young man, the young lifeguard, who saved that kid in, I believe it was Laguna Beach,

in the kid was caught in a very rough surf. It was like a riptide or something. And the kid saves him. And the president of the United States brings this lifeguard into the Oval Office, which now, by the way, looks like a suite at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas because he's adorned it with gold.

And he's sitting there and he tells the kid, that kid was lucky. that I wasn't there that day because I would not have saved him. So that's the old Trump charm going, because you get a, you get a glimpse into his, the inner workings of his mind when he brings the kid in and he goes, man, that guy was lucky that you were on duty that day. I don't know that I would have saved him.

So that's the president of the United States, bringing in a lifeguard who saved someone and then saying, I don't know that I would have done that. I don't know that I would have done that. So here we are. Let's just watch this again. It's actually beautiful.

If you appreciate America the way I do, and you should, you live here. This is a beautiful moment where the president of the United States essentially tells someone who just saved the life of a child. He essentially goes, I don't know that I would.

have taken that course of action. Here he is, President Trump. This is very exciting to me. You know, it's so excited to see something like this happen. He's a real hero. You know, when you see that, I don't know if I'd do it. I wouldn't probably. I wouldn't.

Yeah, you wouldn't. See that, see, there is where this is when you realize the, the, the appeal of Donald Trump. Donald Trump, when he is at his best, does not pretend to be anything other than what he is. A deeply selfish person who would not risk anything for another human being. That's why when he walked around Walter Reed, he was like, why do these soldiers even do this? Why do they join the military? Don't they know there's money and pussy?

You know, America abounds with money and pussy. What are these idiots doing trying to, you know, trying to protect America. You know, whatever you think of like the wars we've been in, the people who join the military, many of them largely believe that they're doing it to protect their friends, family, and fellow citizens.

And the president of the United States goes, why would they do that? Don't they realize there's crypto scams, there's money and there's pussy out there? And that's really his worldview. Some would call it cowardly. He thinks, you know, that's the way you have to operate. And he's probably correct.

To become a billionaire and to basically do what he's done, you have to think like that. You cannot let other people, including your own children or any one of his wives. None of those people have ever been put before Donald Trump, which is why he was elected. It was so refreshing for people to hear, hey, guys, we're not putting on a show. I'm not telling you I'm a hero.

Trump's like, this guy's a real hero. I don't know that I would have done it. I wouldn't have. That's what he said. He saved a child's life. He goes, I don't know that I would have done. I wouldn't have. And you know, there's something about it that, you know,

when he comes down that escalator in 2016 and the entire history of modern politics has been very scripted and staged people who go, I'm doing this for you. I'm a selfless guardian of the national interest. I care about you and that's why I'm here. I could have made a lot of money in the private sector, but I chose government, you know,

and that was every speech that I grew up listening to was like some guy who was like, or some gal who was like, by the way, there was money out there for me. But you know what I chose? I chose to do this because I want safer communities, stronger families. And Trump was like, listen, we're getting ripped off. That was his appeal. He didn't come down and go, hey, I chose. He was already a billionaire.

And he was on reality TV for years. So there was no way he could do that. He came down and goes, listen, we're getting ripped off. We should be ripping other people off. we should be ripping you're being lied to we should be lying like it's he did this appeal he's like I'm not telling me I'm a hero

I'm not telling you I'm not showing you you know some like crazy video of me you know standing you know in like the

like some the the aftermath of a hurricane standing there going like, you know, like we got to do the right thing by the people that suffered in that, no, I'm coming down the escalator of a building I own and I'm telling everybody that you should be richer than you are. And the reason you're not, and he wasn't wrong, is that we've all fucked you over. We've all been fucking you over.

You always thought we were fucking you over, but guess what? We were. And I'm, ta-da, I'm telling you, and I'm going to stop. fucking you over. And, and, and I will even cop to this. I was like, this is the most interesting moment of my life as someone who paid attention to this shit forever. I was like, this is the most fascinating moment in American history. And there was a part of you that was like just the sheer excitement of it, not necessarily believing that Donald Trump was going to like come through on everything he said. You know, he was a huckster. He was a car.

Marble Barker, but you figured the guy was rich enough, he had enough fucking money, maybe, just maybe. What a great movie, because that's the America that we all believe in. That's the Christmas Carol. Scrooge goes, he's visited by the ghosts. He wakes up and goes, hey, get the turkey, give it to the cripple, whatever. But the point is, Trump comes down that escalator, and in his campaign and in these debates, there's this idea that, like, wait, this guy.

is breaking the fourth wall and telling everybody, hey, we've all fucked you forever. And here's how we've done it. And I'm going to stop doing it. And what happened instead, what happened instead was he goes, we're going to fuck you in a way you can't even imagine. We're going to get over on you in ways that you can't even imagine.

the fact, it's going to be so blatant, so blatant that you're going to have to disassociate like a trauma victim. And if you speak to the people that are still really into the Trump thing, they're like trauma victims who've been like brutally raped or whatever, assaulted or whatever, you know, they're trauma victims who've been through torture and they basically have disassociated and they've splintered off and created other personalities where everything's good. and that's what he did.

He's like, it's going to be so blatant. It's going to be so in your face. It's going to be so reckless. Whereas previously there was like some care about like, yeah, we're going to fuck you, but we're going to try to like massage it a little bit. We're going to try to like give you the idea that we're not. You know, he's basically like,

it's going to be such a. latent money grab, these four years, that you're either going to have to full on accept it and get on board or disassociate, like a victim of extreme trauma, and basically walk around talking yourself, muttering to yourself like a schizophrenic, and that's what he's done.

But moments like this, they warm my heart. When the president of the United States brings in someone who heroically saved a kid and goes, I wouldn't have done it. It warms my heart. Let's watch the rest of it because, again, it is a feel-good story. You know, when you see that,

I don't know if I'd do it, I wouldn't probably. It's incredible right or dead. I'm just beyond grateful to him and Aaron and the rest of the team and even the Good Samarans that were there. Now, by the way, let's stop for a minute. I'm forgetting this. The father and the child who were saved are also in the room.

Am I correct on that? Okay. Now this takes on a whole new dimension. This is why I don't prepare for the show, by the way. I don't prepare for this show ever. And I just, they bring the articles up. Here's what's amazing about this. And I didn't even realize this.

Trump is saying in front of the child who was saved, I would not have saved you. This is the, I didn't even realize they were in the room. This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life. The child who was saved. and his father are in the Oval Office. And in front of them both, the president of the United States goes,

I don't know that I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have. In front of the fight, he's saying to the father, I would not have saved you a child. And the child who's sitting on the couch, Trump's going, I wouldn't, I would have let you die.

I would have let you die. This is unbelievable. peak Trump, peak Trump. Take it away. Continue. I'm just beyond grateful to him and Aaron and the rest of the team and even the Good Samarans that were there. I mean, it's just such a privilege to be sitting next to them today. You'll be able to celebrate his birthday tomorrow. And I'll bet you'll stay a little bit related to this group of people. Absolutely.

Because you realize what a fantastic job they did. In those dangerous moments that we have, we always try to fall back on our training. We are trained so well by many to handle that situation. Trump is so bored. Stop it for a minute. Trump, nothing interest Trump less than people saving other people. It really is boring. And by the way, I'm a little bored by it too. I get it.

Like, I'm happy it happened, but I'm also a little bored. I grew up in Long Island. Like, I'm like, yeah, whatever. All right. He's like, in those, you know, the life car, it's like, in those moments of extreme danger, in the moments of extreme danger, we make sure that we coordinate and we all. And Trump's like, all right. Yeah, but who's making money here?

where's the money in this? Trump's going, where is the money in pulling this fucking Mexican kid out of the ocean? Where's the money in this, buddy? Trump knows one thing. He goes, here's what America wasn't built on. This. Whatever you think about America was not built on people

saving other people. That's not what America was built on. Trump's like, I just, listen, you can, Trump is so bored when this young lifeguard is talking. He is so bored. He's thinking about how to. sell access to his true social post, which he's

already doing. He's thinking about bringing in you know, people, he's selling access to, you know, to people that are big investors in Trump coin and the Bitcoin scam. And Trump now Trump's eyes

would have lit up if the kid said we're launching a coin. We're actually launching a crypto based on this event because we believe the event was so powerful that we are launching a crypto and Trump would have like Trump's eyes would have lit up. You would go, really, that's fascinating. But nothing excites Trump less than a story.

And I, and by the way, there's a part of me that understands that. And it's not a part of me that I'm proud of it. It's not a good part of me. But it's the part of all of us that none of us admit that we have where it's kind of like, you know, it's the part of us where we got. go, yes, we know this kid's a hero and he did the right thing. And it's an amazing, it's the human spirit. And I'm even boring myself talking about the good thing the guy did.

Let's continue our president. And by the way, I feel bad that our president kind of has to suffer through it. That's why he's going like, I wouldn't have done it. You know, like, what do you get out of this? Continue. The water as fast I can. And for shaping my future, I want to be a firefighter in the future. I hope they go through paramedic school.

Trump's like no money in that. We'll give recommendations. They may have some good recommendations. Go ahead. I hope that everybody can take away from this and try to help more people, try to look out for everybody around you. And not this White House. Just try to help everybody out as much they can.

And they would rather do nothing else. That's very good. I think it's great. This is very exciting to me. Yeah. You know, it's so excited. You see something like this happening. Right, right. He's a real hero.

Right, right. You know, when you see that, I don't know if I'd do it, I wouldn't. Right, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have saved you. You're lucky I wasn't on that day. I don't know. He goes, you're lucky. Yeah, you're lucky I wouldn't have been on.

Yeah, he says to a child. And he's a real lucky guy, too. All right, get him out of there. He says to a child, you're lucky I wasn't there that day. He's saying this is the first time the child has met the president of the United States. This is the first time. The child has met the president of the United States of America, and he's saying, you're lucky I wasn't there.

I would have let you die because that's what our country's about. You see why I'm sitting here in the Oval Office adorned with gold? It's not because I pulled a bunch of Mexican kids out of the water. In fact, I put a bunch of them in cages. There's a ton of people that look like you that are in a cage right now. So, I mean, this is an interesting, insight into the psyche of Trump. You don't get a lot of them, by the,

you think you would get more because we've, you know, so much of him is lore and mythos and whatever and, you know, it's such a show and it's such a, you know, it's so fun and it moves so fast. But every now and then you get a real insight into who the man is. And he really, he really lets his guard down here and lets you know what he feels is important.

Like when the kids, like, I want to be a firefighter. And Trump's like, what? What? You want to run into a house that's burning and get someone you don't know out of the house so that they can breathe? What's that?

Like, Trump cannot understand that he, that part of him completely doesn't exist. I'm, best case, he thinks it's nice maybe that it happens. He's like, I guess that's good. I guess it's good that people do that. But not one part of him understands self-sacrifice or grabbing another human being,

putting them on your back, endangering your life to bring that person out of a burning building so that they can breathe air. Trump's like, I just don't know about that as a business venture. How does that, that, that, And it's not fun. Here's the other thing about Trump. Trump goes, yeah, it's not really fun.

Like houses burning down, people drowning. Not so much fun in that. You know, it's fun firing people in a boardroom on television, being a wrestling heel, like doing big rallies, landing in a helicopter, and like calling people names. That's fun. Roasting people, that's fun. This isn't funny.

He gets bored. He goes, I don't know about this. It's not good TV. That's what we've always said about Trump. He likes good TV. He goes, well, you know, the saving of the kids fun for a minute. But, you know, then it's over. Then it's over.

Eh, doesn't really do it for me. He knows that what the American public wants to see at all times is carnage. Carnage. Carnage. Trump knows that that video is viral because the kid saved the other kid. He knows it's more viral if someone was drowning someone. He knows it. more people want to watch someone get forcibly drown than saved.

He knows that. Well, that's our president, folks. I talk about Gusto all the time. I'm telling you right now, when you run a small business, you don't just do the job. You're also hiring the manager, the payroll department, and the benefits team, usually all before lunch. Gusto takes a few of those off your plate quickly and seamlessly.

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I love Coolment. And Natalie Harp, you know, this is one of his assistants or whatnot, who's obsessed with him and people keep going. You know, it's fodder now. Natalie Harp is all of the people, by the way, that are left with him. All of the people, there's a creepy loyalty. There's a creepy loyalty. Trump's blonde aide-Skottish,

uh, AIDS-Scottish love letters exposed her disturbing starvation confession resurfaces after a screaming match with staffers here. Uh, make this a little larger. intimate letters written by Donald Trump's personal secretary in which he confesses to starving herself while working for him have resurfaced following. Well, this is what he likes. This is what he likes.

A 35-year-old woman who is starving herself to remain appealing to him is what he enjoys. That is something that he likes. Quote, I am also sorry if I was an embarrassment walking the course in Scotland, she wrote. Hart then goes on to admit she starved herself and forgot to sleep while working for Trump saying

I want things to always be right between us. I also know I've been distracted all week for getting to eat throughout the days and even forgetting to sleep only catching a couple hours at a time. Her letter concludes with all my heart Natalie. You know, he reads that and he likes it. He loves it.

And this, by the way, his approval rating is now 30%. The people, the people, and by the way, they're not forgetting to eat or drink. Trust me. of them. And they're actually no stranger to the knife and fork and bar. But this is the level of devotion you need to have now to ignore everything to the contrary. The economy is crashing. I mean, Walmart is saying people are spending less money. Walmart. Walmart.

Okay. Walmart is going, hey, people are not even coming. They're spending a lot less money here. I think Walmart has had like the lowest, um, In like six years, Walmart has had like the lowest growth in the last six years. And they're noting that people are spending a lot less. Walmart says it's using $2.9 billion tariff refunds to lower prices for. customers. Yeah, Walmart posted the slowest sales in about six years. This was New York Times. Walmart post slowest sales growth in six years as Americans tighten wallets. And Walmart is pretty broadly indicative of either the middle class, lower middle class, working poor. By the way,

even people that are probably in the upper middle class, you know. There's a group of people that go to Walmart. I don't like Walmart. It's too big. There's too much going on. I've been to them. They're not my thing. But if you have a bunch of kids and you're on a budget,

a lot of people are going to Walmart. The company's stock fall fell more than 9% erasing tens of billions of dollars in market value in its steepest daily decline since 2022. So all the people that Trump went, you know, he rode on their back. to the presidency again, a lot of them, outside of the Israeli billionaires that wanted the Iran War and the tech billionaires

who wanted more money for Palantir and then just the billionaire billionaires who wanted more money for whatever, for bunkers, outside of the working class that felt like the Biden economy wasn't working for them, which it wasn't, and inflation was high, and their prospects in the country were getting dimmer, those people have all been sold out.

And places like Walmart are registering a drop in sales because people are trying to do more with less and they just don't have it. They don't have the money and it sucks and that is why the DSA is ascendant and will remain ascendant because really, Pete, you can only believe in something for so long when you're broke. Like when you're losing, when your life sucks and you're, and you can't fill your car with gas

and you have to make real choices, you can't go on a vacation with your family, you can't give your kids the things that you want to give them, you have to budget school. supplies and food and activities they want to do when you have to do all of that, there's only so much you can buy into like Eric Trump and Don Jr. and Ivanka and this whole gaggleagoons and people are taking photos and they're talking about the new era of American innovation and they're talking about AI and crypto and, you know, this economy works for a few people that own AI companies in San Francisco. That's who the economy works for.

It's a few people in San Francisco that own AI companies. Coincidentally, who are trying to power the American economy on artificial intelligence instead of human intelligence. And those people, the economy is working out really well for them. The economy's working out. So if you're like Sam Altman, if you're an autistic you know, AI, you know,

leader? You're doing very well. If you're a cryptocurrency billionaire, things are good and will remain so, most likely. But the people, like that kid who goes, I want to be a firefighter, that Trump's like, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

Company executives at Walmart said the business so shoppers behavior changed when the national average price of gasoline surpassed $4 per gallon in July, an indication that American consumers were feeling more pressure than they did at the beginning of the year. Perhaps there's a psychological impact to that.

John David Rainey, the CFO of Walmart said, on a conference call with investors and analysts. It's so unbelievable. He's the CFO of Walmart. The chief financial officer, he's like, perhaps there's a psychological impact to the gas going up. No, John, you retard.

There's an actual impact. It's not psychological. It's a genuine impact of people not having enough fucking money to get in their car and go somewhere and they're choosing to cut back. I love that. Maybe there's a psychological impact. Maybe these people feel poor.

Maybe they feel poor out there. No, they're actually poor. they're being thrown out of the middle class into the poor, maybe there's a psychological limit. They study these psychological impacts on people. They love this. They go, well, what about the psychological impact?

Well, yes, when you see a certain number at the pump, it does a number on you psychologically. It's like, it does something to your actual financial standing. Your fucking wallet. But this is that detached. He's the CFO of War is so detached. that he's like, I think that number scares people. I think there's a psychological.

They just got to get out of their own way, these people. They got to embrace the power of positive thinking. They're living, they're being guided by fear. That's what it is. No, they have no money. They have no money. All of these guru types, they're all full of shit, for the most part.

They're all telling you that you can just manifest wealth. and you can manifest a cancer screening or whatever you need. And you just have to go out there and manifest it and just change your outlook. It's all about mindset. It's all about my. And you get it, this is the CFO of Walmart. And this is where it all comes.

The fish rots at the fucking head. And when he goes, well, there's a psychological impact to it. You go, no, no, no. There's an actual financial impact to it. You fucking idiot. You moron. And yet somehow you are the CFO of, of a company.

So a big one. And all of this, it's all mindset stuff. Now, some of it might be mindset. I get it. There are some situations in life that are mindset, obviously. But saying that this, that everyone should just go out and start an AI company or use AI to create an app or invest in crypto, everyone should, that people shouldn't be teachers or firefighters or doctors or accountants or lawyers or EMTs.

And all of those things are a waste of fucking time. And you should be crushing Adderall on a marble countertop in Miami and blowing it up your nose. And like this, you can't run a society like this. Like all of these people that go on YouTube all the time and tell you how rich you're all going to be. if you just embrace drop shipping, or if, you know, if you just get your mindset right and you start the morning with, you know, a gallon of warm water, you shit your brains out, you go for a nice workout, whatever. By the way, do all of that.

Do all of that. Get in shape, workout. Sure, feel better about yourself. Don't eat the poison food. But make no mistake, the economic conditions of people's lives in the vast majority of cases cannot be improved, okay, with some crypto scam. It's not going to work. I'm sorry.

I know that that deflates a lot of people. I'm not trying to be dispiriting to people out there. But you are going to need someone to put you in an ambulance if you fall down in a Walmart, by the way. Someone's going to need to show up in an ambulance and put you into it. Not everybody can be using AI to make an app no one uses or some people might use. Not everyone can do that.

Some people need to actually have jobs that people understand. Some people need to be able to explain their job to someone and you get it immediately. I'm a teacher. I'm an EMT. I help you when you fall down. When grandma falls down, I show up and I put her in an ambulance. Someone's got to do those jobs. And those people have to be able to put gas in their fucking car.

So there's a whole new thing where no, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. Why would you want to do that? Ugh. Ugh. Gross. You want to do that? It's a psychotic way to run a society. It's like perverted. And all of these people that are being told that their only way

to a meaningful, happy, joyful existence is to embrace some type of scam and not master a craft or a skill and not have any fucking, I'm telling you right now, all of this is a complete, it's leading people down a very dark path where most of them will not succeed at said scam.

and then they will be desperate and it's the fish rots from the head. You have the CFO of Walmart. Well, there's a psychological impact to people not being able to. You know, there's the psychological impact to homelessness.

Isn't that interesting? We find that there's a psychological impact to people that live on the street. People that there's a psychological impact to not being able to go to the doctor. Interesting. People view those circumstances negatively. They have a bad accident.

outlook. It's all about mindset, isn't it? It's not all about mindset. It's not all about mindset. There are things in life that are about mindset. It's not all about mindset. But by the way, open water lifeguards pushed to be recognized as first responders. A new resolution in the House of Representatives would federally recognize open water lifeguards as first responders. Interesting. Here's where I'm at with all of this. And I've said it before. I'm for closing the beaches permanent, like COVID. I'm for closing the beaches. I'm for closing the beaches because there's too much bacteria, there's too many sharks, there's red tide,

there's blooming algae and stuff like that. People, you know what? I think it's time that we close all of the beaches in our country. And that's, this is something that I've, I believe now, I didn't believe, I went to the beach once a summer, it was fine. you know, I think at this point now it's time to close. We should have a moratorium.

Let's have a five-year moratorium. You cannot go to a beach. Shut it down. Close the beaches. We'll revisit it in five years. Let's watch a little bit of this. Lifeguards now wanting to be recognized as first responders. Whether it's police, EMT, or firefighters,

all first responders share one thing in common. When everybody runs from danger, they don't tors it. By the way, by the way, I'm all for diversity. But what the fuck is this woman saying? You know what I mean? I mean, I'm all for diversity. Play that again. And can anyone tell me what this woman is saying?

Like, does anyone have a clue what she's saying on NBC News? Does anyone have a clue? Play this again, please. EMT or firefighters, all first responders sure one thing in common. When everybody runs from danger, they run tors it. Our lifeguard. I mean, I mean, folks, we need everybody run away from danger. They run towards.

They run towards the danger. Where everybody run, we need, we need some diction. We need love diversity. Love it, love it, love it, love it. Love it, love it. But hey, we just need, we need to understand what the news anchor is saying. That's what we need to do. Not trying to be difficult here.

Let's continue this. Out here on the beaches and we are the first ones to respond to any type of water-related emergency. Yeah, but that's your job. That is your job. We're not actually first responders by government designations. Now, a new push from open water live guards across the continent. Close to beach. Close to beach.

Close to beach. I mean, it's just what it is. Cut it out. Close to beach. Close to beach. I would close to beach before I give these. And, you know, I respect the life cards. They do what they got to do.

But you know what? I was a lifeguard for years. I was a lifeguard at a pool. And I didn't save anyone. And one kid sort of drowned. But he was fine. And his mother helped them, which I think is a better system anyway.

Strong families. and I used to sit there and I would, you know, you would yell, you'd abuse your power, no running on the deck, you know, you'd yell at them, you'd go, no running on the deck. And then there were the beach guards who ran every morning and were really hot and they had six packs and they would just run on the beach with their huge dicks. And, you know, it was, you know, that was their life. But the pool life guards were a very different group of people. It was kind of, you know, somewhat chubby, power-obsessed, power-hungry people.

and I was one of them who kind of abused their power and were very rude and nasty and would shut the pool down if like a kid shit in the pool, you'd be like, we're done now for an hour. We've done for 45 minutes. We've got to disinfect this whole thing. And you know, members of the beach club,

the cabanors would come, they give you little food, you'd sit there and you'd eat food. And, you know, the owner of the beach club just ran up to me and my friend once who we were working. And he goes, they're saying you missed to save, both of you. And we're like, what?

What? They're saying some kid was drowning And his mother had to save him. We didn't even see it, by the way. We did not even see. Apparently some kid drowned and his mother saved him. We didn't even see it. Truly.

We didn't even see it. If you're going to drown in a very quiet way, I mean, I can't help. You got a thrash. You got to yell. I'm dying. Like, whatever happened was subtle enough that we missed it. Some kid drowned in the pool and his mother saved him.

And he was like coughing up. water and it was all very and then I think we walked over to him he was in a towel and he was sitting there coughing and he looked really flush like he probably was struggling and he was just sitting there in the towel kind of staring

staring like he had like a near death experience he was just kind of staring and we went over to him and we go how well and the mother was really mad she was like and we were like hey how is how are you doing hey bud how you doing and he didn't say anything to us he wouldn't even look at us because he was like, I think he was traumatized.

And then the mother was like, the mother was like, well, now you come over? And I was like, we didn't see it. We did not see it. So that was, and I was a lifeguard for three or four years. I never saved one person. I never saved one person. You know, I never had to.

They all, they all, they all had swim lessons. They were all pretty. You know, and then we'd have old people swim. The old people would come in. they would just do water aerobics and stuff, and you just sit there. So I don't believe, by the way, I don't believe lifeguards should be first responders.

And this is when a lot of people are not going to like this. And I'm sorry, you know. I do not believe lifeguards are first responders. I just don't believe they are. I don't believe they are. Swimming is a voluntary activity that you choose to undertake. I think they should guard the lives and be compensated for it fairly.

I do not think you are on the level of an EMT or a firefighter or who are the other first rest. By the way? Who are they? Police. Police. EMT police and firemen. Yeah.

You know, I think firemen and police take more risks than lifeguards. EMTs also take risks. They're encountering people that may have communicable diseases that may, whatever. I mean, like, this is a real thing. Lifeguards are not first responders and they have to stop. And frankly, I would close the beaches if I was the leader of this country. The beaches need to repair themselves. I'm dead serious.

They need to repair themselves. The water is not safe. It is disgusting. The marine life has become increasingly violent. And we need to shut the beaches right now and take a moratorium on the beaches. And it should be a swim at your own rate. Here's, you know what it should be?

It should be swim at your own rate. Here's what it should be. The job of a lifeguard, should be this. You should save the people, but if you don't, that's also okay. Truly. Like, it should kind of be a one of those things where it's like, hey, if, you know, we're happy if you save them. But if here's the other thing, if they're too far out and they're caught in a rip tight, they're too far, and you don't feel safe saving them, you got to just let it happen. You got to let it happen, you know? And I do, that, that's where I, that's where I

will say I do agree with President Trump a little bit that, you know, this is a country that we desperately need to get back to really, you know, get our mojo back and people need to feel confident. And, you know, in order to do that,

I think we need to like, you know, chill out a couple of people. If you're going to behave, now listen, you're young, you get thrown around. If we can grab you, you're right there on the shore, you grab them. There he is, he's right there. But if you're out there and you're doing something and you go all the way out there

and you're doing something crazy, you know, I don't believe that we can save everybody. I don't. And no one does. No one's, if you go out at 6 a.m. and you go, I want to swim laps all the way out in the open ocean and the life cards are not even there or the lifeguards are just getting in and having a coffee and something that happens to you, they can't go out there and do it. They can't do it.

And they shouldn't have to, and that's why they're not first responders. They shouldn't have to. If your behavior in dangers, you know, I'll always see, you know, if I'll be the beach, I'll be in the water, I see people all the way out doing laps,

you know, if a shark gets them, or if they have a medical incident and they can't, what are we doing? You know what I mean? What are we doing? It's actually stupid. The midterm, elections are going to be fun because I imagine that it will be the kickoff of some type of civil

war, perhaps not. Polymarket says the Democratic Party, interesting, only 51% that they will, oh, the Senate, that they will win the Senate. Yeah, it is interesting. They'll clearly take the House. Most people believe the Democrats will take the House and then some people believe that they'll take the Senate, but it's not that well established. And by the way, congrats, by the way, our national debt just top $40 trillion. Can we get a round of applause for that? The national debt is now $40 trillion. Yeah, I mean, that is, it's good because as it gets bigger and bigger, the chances of us

paying it back really just completely collapsed. Like no one believes any of this is getting paid back. So we need sort of a global war to reset the financial table or a fake alien invasion or something. Hopefully you guys are getting to work on that. Certainly seems like they are. It seems no one believes we're paying the $40 trillion back. We need a global war or a fake alien invasion and potentially both. I watched 10 Cloverfield Lane last night.

You see that? with John Goodman. I think that's the title of it, right? And it was really fun. It's a really fun thriller. And, you know, it's about a whatever. I won't ruin it. But watch it.

It's good. It's, you know. But here's the deal. We need that. That's what needs to happen next. That's really what needs to happen next. A staged alien invasion. That's the only thing we can do now.

And I hope they're working on it. And I'm cautiously optimistic that they are. What we need, we're not going to pay it back, it's not going to happen. We need a fake alien invasion. So that's what the CFO of Walmart was getting to. And he goes, you know, there's a psychological impact to the gas being nationally $4. You know what the next conversation is? There's a psychological impact to when we stage an alien invasion. That's going to be the real psychological impact because we're not paying this money back. The economy's fake. We're not paying the money back. So if we're going to start talking about psychological impacts,

wait till the psychological impact when we put fake alien ships in the sky and land and start killing a lot of people because that's the only way out of this. Truly, it's the only way out of this. It's not, it's not a lovely thing to discuss as many people start school and the summer winds down. It's kind of but that is what needs to happen. That is just divorcing myself from it

not viewing it through a moral lens not taking myself out of it. I'm an analyst. Yes, it would be good to give people health care or better standard of living, quality of life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen,

what we need right now more than anything, more than lifeguards being designated first fucking responders. I mean, are they high? Are they crazy? What we need is a staged alien invasion. That is the time that our economy has gotten to that point. We're losing a war with Iran and we're 40 trillion in the hole. We're five to 10 years away from many, many jobs not existing.

If any of these people are telling the truth, they may not be. but it's taking jobs already, so I imagine that those jobs are going to continue to evaporate. We need, without argument, a completely staged invasion of our planet by aliens. It is the only thing that can put us on the right course economically. It'll reset the table in a meaningful way. It's not what you want to hear.

I understand that. You're driving in your car, you jogging, you go, I don't like this. This sounds like it's going to be a real problem. Yeah, it is. Hey, buddy, it is. There's going to be mass chaos, mass death. Sorry.

Sorry. I want to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no way out unless we put fake ships in the sky. And really, you know, some of those weapons that we used in Venezuela, those EMP, electromagnetic, where all the soldiers start throwing out. up, we're going to start, we're going to need to use them in American cities and towns and claim it's aliens.

It's, I'm telling you right now, I know it's dark, and I know that I'm not saying that I'm for this, I'm saying that it's, it needs to happen, sadly. That's just what needs to, I, people are like, well, that, well, that's not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Sure. Sure. Okay. Yeah. I'd, hey, I'd agree with you. They're pal. Hey, pal. I'm with you. But what needs to happen, just through, just reality. And someone's explaining this somewhere in a room and don't think they're not. They go, you know, we just need to start using those weapons on the public, claiming it's aliens, and, you know, getting people in line again. You've got to get people in line again. That's all. So that's coming, I believe.

I do believe something like that is coming. Hopefully I'm wrong. But I do believe that's coming. And, you know, again, is it ideal? No, it's not ideal. It's not the ideal situation, right? But it is, I think, really right now the only way. Because if you look at the trends, right?

So we have the AI thing happening. We can't win wars anymore. we're in a mad dash for resources. That's what a lot of these wars are about. There's strategic money grabs, resource grabs, and the president's pretty honest about that. He's like, we need to suck up the oil, we need to suck up this, we need to suck up that.

And the way you use to control people isn't working as well because of the internet. People are kind of restless out there. It's very difficult to establish a narrative that people all buy into. You know, so really, the options are not plentiful. There's only a few. There's only a few options right now

to continue to run this planet. And unfortunately, sadly, and I, I, I, there's no joy in me telling you this. I think that they're going to have to stage an alien invasion. They're going to have to use a lot of weapons we've never seen or experience before. We're going to have to destroy a few American cities. You know, we're going to have to lock people in their houses while the alien warfare is going on. Think about this.

Think about this. By the way, I know that there's CFOs and CEOs of big companies. to listen to this show, they are all in agreement with me. They are all in agreement with me, by the way. And it is not nice. It is not nice. But you're going to have to be locked in your house while fake aliens rampage to the streets.

There's nothing. I can't lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you, people. I'm not going to lie to you people. I'm not going to lie to you, people. It would be nice if you got health care and the retirement or we stop polluting the rivers. Grow up. You're going to have to be locked in your house.

while fake aliens rampage through the streets, we're going to have to use electromagnetic pulse weapons and sound waves and crazy shit. We're going to have to knock out the internet. I don't, I don't enjoy telling you all this. We're going to have to knock out the internet. You're going to have to be locked in your house while we kill lots of people and stage a fake alien invasion.

And at that point, we will come, we will, things will come back and we'll go, we're actually no more debt. We're actually not doing the national debt. We're not doing it. No, it's true. we're going to come right back on TV. We're not actually going to do the debt. We owe the $40 trillion we owe,

it seems stupid to even think about it now. We've just repelled an alien invasion. That's what's going to have to have that. We're going to have to use a few real aliens that don't even want to do it. Here's how bad it's going to get. We're going to have to use real aliens who are not even involved.

They don't even want to do it. They're not even doing it. We're going to have to use a few real aliens and like, because there's probably an alien. He's in Area 51 or whatever. He's like on the, you know, that goes like five, seven stories, ten stories down. He's sitting there.

And they go up to him and they go, listen, we're, hey, hey, we're 40 trillion dollars worth of debt. And the alien's going to go, why can't you win the Iran where he go, hey, hey, hey, let's not even, what are we doing? Like, we need, we need, you know the plan. And the alien knows the plan. He goes, here's the plan.

We're going to stage a fake thing and say, you did it. And the alien's going to go, ugh. They go, we got to use photos of you. We got to, so we're going to use a real alien that we probably have. We're going to put him in front of a green screen. And he, and he's going to go, I don't even want to do, and he's going to read a script. He's going to be like, we are going, and his heart's not going to be in it. He's going to be like, we are going to destroyer, here to destroy you.

You are a colony of ants. And, like, the alien's going to stop in the middle, and he's going to look at, like, all the DARPA people and all the, like, you know, burn off your fingerprints, you know, men in black fucking don't exist, delete your social security number, like, in the bowels of the government, like, he's going to look at all them, we wouldn't even say it.

He's like, I wouldn't even say it like this. And then somebody's going to go, no one even knows what you would say. And he goes, it just sounds weird. You're a colony of ants. He's like, it's hack. I don't even want to say it. And they go, you said you would help us with this

when the time came, the time is now. So we will have a fake alien in front of a green screen threatening our country and he won't want to do it. She, it, whatever. That alien will go, I don't even feel good about saying this. And then they'll have to tell them, we'll have to go. All right, so we have one take of you doing it that we think is usable. We want to run it again.

And we want you to just say, we are colonizing you like ants. and then we're going to have to show you, like, pretend to be dead, and we're going to go, we got their leader. And he's like, fine. And we're going to, it's a product. It's going to be a product because we're not paying that money back. We're not paying that money back. We're just not paying the money back.

It's what it is. And we're not paying the money back. And then just imagine the press conference. And here's the thing. We can do this all in like a week. We can shut everything down, kill a bunch of people. Start putting out the fake alien content. And within 10 to 15 days, probably be back.

Probably be back online quick. A few things got to go. We got to give a couple of things. That's maybe what L.A. is for. We may wonder now what L.A. is for. L.A. might just be being hollowed out to be destroyed so we don't have to pay the money back for the national debt. That might be why L.A.

Like if in two to three years you see like fake alien running around L.A., you're going to go, oh, that's why they let it collapse because it was a decision that, like, we got to destroy an American city, we can't destroy New York, it's too valuable. But L.A., like, whatever, who cares? We're going to hollow out L.A.

So that we can stage a fake alien invasion in L.A. And it's kind of a great city to do it. It has all the production here still. I mean, nobody's shooting movies or TV here anymore. But by the way, if you wanted to stage alien invasion and have it be cinematic, it's L.A. It might bring L.A. back. That's the other thing.

That might, this might bring L.A. But people might go, there's discussions right now going, this could turn things. If we invade L.A. with fake aliens and then L.A. repels them. And California becomes the city that repel the aliens. And I mean, just photos of people. holding their baby with the finger in the alien's face.

Like, no, you alien. I'm telling you this is what's going to have. We're not paying the $40 trillion back. No one's paying that back. Grow up. No one's paying it back. We're staging a fake alien invasion to save ourselves. And we're going to have to kill some people in L.A.

It's a huge population. It's a huge population. It's a couple of people that have to die. We're going to use those weapons. We lock everyone in their houses. It'll be a little chaos. We'll have martial law. I'm thinking if this whole thing's done well, it's 13, 14 days.

And then the president emerges. And he's a new, he's like, we've realized that we can't have these nations. We're a global council. We've realized the importance of like using and marshaling all of our resources together. And we're not alone in the universe. We repelled one group of aliens. But by the way, then they're going to go like this. There's other groups.

and we're going to have to really think about the other groups of aliens that are going to potentially do what these aliens like we beat these guys but maybe we won't beat the next aliens so you know and then somebody will be like hey what about the national debt and we go oh that's well i mean national debt there's no nation you're talking about we're America i guess but like we're people we're all just people fighting the aliens so like we're all it's all good.

It's all good. And that, and that is why it's very silly to make lifeguards first responders. Because do you know how silly you're going to feel making a lifeguard a first responder?

After we've beaten aliens? After we've repelled an alien race and we've shut down the internet and we've shut down all mass media and we've shut it all down and we hit everybody with the MP weapons and we put them in their houses and we purposely destroy Los Angeles

and then we build it back and it becomes a great American story and we wash away our debt and we unite as people all over the world. It's, I'm sorry, folks. I'm sorry. I know you like Mom Donnie. Seems sweet.

But I'm telling you what's needed here and the people in power are listening and that's what it is. And that's why you have a JD Vance because J.D. Vance immediately co-signs this. J.D. Vance signs off on this halfway through the pitch. Halfway through this pitch, Vance signs. He goes, fuck them. They panned my movie.

I wrote Hillbilly Allergy. They panned it because it was about poor white people. And they go, hey, so we got to destroy L.A. and a fake alien invasion. He goes, done. Done and done. Good night.