The Tim Dillon Show - 513 - Ed Sheeran, Sydney Sweeney, & Kash Patel’s Pet Fetish

Episode Date: September 19, 2026

Tim discusses the Ed Sheeran controversy, Kash Patel making a fool of himself yet again, Mitch McConnell returning to the Senate somehow still alive, the Sydney Sweeney outrage, and AI CEO’s trying to fix their image. Become a Friend Of The Show https://bit.ly/BecomeAFriendOfTheShow and get access to weekly bonus audio episodes of the podcast!Live Dates🎟  https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: Nutrafol Go To https://nutrafol.com & Use Code “TIM” to get $10 OFF your first month’s subscription and FREE shipping Mint MobileGo To https://mintmobile.com/timdillon To Cut Your Wireless Bill To $15 Bucks A Month!UnderdogDownload UNDERDOG To Play “Keep Your Million”. Start With $1,000,000, Make It Through All 20 Picks, And Walk Away With Whatever’s Left In Bonus Funds! ButcherBoxGo To https://butcherbox.com/TIM To Get $20 OFF Your First Box! Plus Your Choice of FREE Ribeye, NY Strip, Or Filet Mignon In Every Box For A Year! EthosProtect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/tim. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Trustpilot rating as of 8/1/2026PolymarketUse code 'TIM50' for $50 on your first trade on Polymarket.▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/X:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonFB:https://www.facebook.com/TimDillonComedyTik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@timdListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, brought to you by Ed Shearin's new tour. Ed Shearin is on tour, and we are happy here at the Tim Dillon show to advertise that tour, the Ed Shearin Tour. He will be coming to arenas in your area, bringing his unique blend of nostalgic singer-songwriter, rock and roll, an apolitical event for the entire. family. If you don't want to hear about politics or war, go listen to Ed Sheeran play his great songs like Shape of You and Castle on the Hill. The Tim Dillon show is proud to be sponsored by Ed Shearan and his show. Ed Shearin. Bad week for him. I talk about it a little bit on the Patreon, but very, very, very sad. McClmore, McClmore, McClmore, McClmore?

McElmore? Whatever. McElmore said free Palestine, just to bring you up to speed. Robert Kraft, billionaire owns MetLife, was like, hey, you can't do this. A bunch of my buddies own stadiums and arenas, you're not going to perform in any of them. if you don't drop this guy from the tour. And then he's dropped from the tour. And then Ed Shearn puts out a big statement. And all of the openers are leaving.

Billy Elish's husband, Finneas is leaving. All of these people, I think some of Ed Shearant's band is out. I'm in. I will go and open the tour with stand-up comedy. I'll do anything anybody wants. I'll go, hey, Ed, put me in. And so I don't know what's going to happen to this tour. I don't know.

Yeah, Ed Sheeran's own band and all his support acts pull out of the U.S. tour. Wow. This guy is fucked. I don't know what he's going to do now. I hope he doesn't go out of the window like that one direction guy. Remember that? I'm not making a joke. I'm concerned about his mental health.

That guy went out of the window. Here's what I'm saying. people, I mean, you know, these things take on a life of their own. And Ed Shearin's like, this is a guy who, you know, probably, you know, just here's the thing with Ed Shearan. He doesn't, he's not really,

he doesn't really care that the Palestinians have been genocided. He doesn't, that's not, and he should, kind of say that and just kind of go, I don't really care that much. Like, I know it's bad, but I don't, it's not like top of mind for me. You know, like if he just came out, would that be understandable if he said that? He goes, I got a lot of things to worry about. You know, it's not easy to do an arena show.

You got to make sure people get, they feel like they've got their money's worth. And I got to, you know, we got to make sure the set list is tight. And, you know, everybody's, I haven't done this in a while at this level. and I know that the Palestinians are walking around there without arms or legs, but I just, it's not my main thing. Like that's not, that's not top of mind. I can't, that's not, that's not what I'm doing here. I got to play these songs and, you know, I get it.

Sure, it's bad, but what do you want me to do, you know? I don't, I don't care that much that this is happening. But here's the deal. Everybody, you know, myself included, what's gone on in Gaza is atrocious. It's a violation of every human right. Every human rights organization in the world has basically said

this is genocide. You know, they've destroyed 93% of the homes in Gaza. The kids are not going to, you know, I mean, like people are still dying. There are still attacks. And it's one of those, is this the one? I don't know. I don't want to keep playing.

him. But anyway, you know, I think Ed Sheeran should just kind of come out and go, listen, I don't, I don't care. Because he did this whole wordy statement where it's like, blah, blah, you know, I don't care. Just go, I don't care. And, and you'll lose some people. You'll lose people. But, you know, it is. And then also get ahead of it and go, I also don't care about Lebanon. And then he goes, and if they eventually go into Turkey, I don't care about that. I don't care about those girls in Iran. Do them all. Get them all.

Get them all out of the way. Get them all out of the way so that nobody can and just go, hey, if you want to come back and ask me about Lebanon in a week, I'm going to tell you right now. Don't care. Don't care. Those girls who were in Iran in a school. By the way, weren't girls not allowed to go to school in Iran, I heard? Wasn't that the thing? that they weren't supposed to be allowed to go to a school in Iran.

And then we, that's our whole thing, by the way, about the Middle East. The women aren't allowed to go to school. They were in a school and we killed them. That seems interesting. They're not allowed to go to school in Iran. Okay, I'm sure Iran's not like a great place to live. But think about that. Like, our whole rationale for these things is where we're going around the world to liberate women

and liberate gay people and liberate, whatever. And the girls that are in a school, we incinerated them. We killed these girls that supposedly not allowed to go to school, whatever. I'm not saying I ran it's like a feminist utopia. I'm just saying it is ironic that the girls we killed were in an actual school.

Seems odd. Kesh Patel, we haven't spoken about him in a while because we just allow him to do his work. That's the way I feel about people. We have a respectful distance to allow Cash Patel to do his work. It's important work running the FBI. Cash Patel is the guy. He's the top cop. He's our nation's top cop. So if something goes wrong, Cash Patel is there to find out who the bad guys are. And also,

while he's not doing that, he's rooting out corruption in the FBI and reforming it and cleaning it up. This is what we've been told. Now, Cash Patel is, you know, he's disappeared from our radar a little bit because as, when I lay my head on my pillow every night, I am incredibly heartened that Cash Patel is doing the work. He's, because I don't want to know about everything the FBI is doing. We can't. It's classified. But here's the deal. We all say, you go to bed, you feel safe, you feel secure because someone like Cash Patel, who is, I believe, a podcaster, is,

is running the FBI and doing it. He's bringing justice for the Epstein victims. He's finding out all the ins and outs of the Kirk thing. He's making sure that we know everything we need to know about Thomas Matthew Crooks. You tried to shoot the president of the United States, right? Doesn't everyone feel satisfied that we know all of those things? I do. There's not one thing I want to learn about any of that, by the way.

I feel satisfied. There's not one thing I want to learn about Crooks, Kirk, or the Epstein things. I feel very satisfied with the explanations given on all of those things. Thank you to Cas Patel for that, friend of the show. Legend icon, the guy. So I don't question a lot of what he does because I just think he's got good intentions. I like his girlfriend. I like her whole thing.

I like her Israeli country music she's doing. And I feel like it makes sense. I like when he was doing that Bacabazi dance in that hotel room that he was doing in Vegas, when he was doing that weird kind of Bacabazi where, Afghanis dressed nine-year-old boys like women and make them paint their faces like clowns and make them dance. You know, I think that was a nice dance that he was doing. So I don't question this man because I have trust.

And this is what has been severed in America. I liked that he was here celebrating with the hockey team and he's pouring beer everywhere. they want, this is exciting for everyone. The head of the FBI. Now, you've got to remember, this was, this was weeks before they told us that we were all at risk of like domestic terror plots that were being hatched by Iran. They were trying to kill the president. They were trying to kill everybody.

And so as that was going on, Kesh Patel, because he's so good at his job, he was able to travel to the Olympics and get drunk with the hockey team, the U.S. hockey team and celebrate their victory. And you know why? Because, and this is, he delegates, that's what, that's what someone does who's at the top. They delegate. They don't need to be there themselves. They delegate.

Good executives delegate. They're not micromanaging everything. They invest in good people. So while Iran is running around trying to kill the president of the United States and launch terror attacks on the country, Cash Patel has put the right people in place to deal with that while he is drunk. in a locker room with a hockey team. So Kez Patel, I'm not questioning what he's saying now,

which is that people that have sex with animals should work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I don't question that. Do you think you know better than the director of the feds? Do you think you know more? Do you think you know better than him? If he comes out and says, people that have sex with animals should work for our government, I agree with him because, by the way,

it's very easy to have sex with an animal. Sometimes it's by mistake. Sometimes you're horny and there's an animal around. Sometimes it's a goof with your friends. You want to have sex with an animal. And you want to, you know, send a, hey, here's something fun in the group text. Here's me fucking my dog. I'm fucking my dog in the group text. Isn't that fun? I'm having sex with my animal. Hey, I'm going to eat my cat's pussy and send it to everybody. I bet they'll get a laugh while they're waiting on the line at just salad. It's very easy to have sex with animals. So FBI director Cash Patel, friend of the show, love him, love him, by the way. Send this to him, and I know people do. So he's removing bestiality as an automatic disqualifier for FBI job

applicants. The FBI previously automatically disqualified people who acknowledged engaging in crimes including prostitution or beastiality, beastiality, which is sexual activity between a human and an animal, in case you didn't know, now applicants won't automatically be disqualified for those acts. By the way, it is hilarious that the FBI is disqualifying people for prostitution.

It's like all the FBI does is these honey pots and these weird things and they're involved in everything. And everybody focuses on the CIA and that's understandable. but the feds are all over that shit too. By the way, they're working at covering up a lot of these scandals, including Epstein. Patel said in testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee Tuesday that the new rules were put in place because we did not want to punish victims of bestiality, victims who were trafficked.

We don't want to punish people who were forced to have sex with animals and then want to work for the FBI. we believe they didn't enjoy it because that'll be a question did you enjoy it if you had sex with an animal and didn't enjoy it you are welcome at the Federal Bureau of Investigation

if you had sex with an animal and look back on it and say that was kind of weird then you can work for the feds you just can't talk about if you came I don't know if we can have you but if you didn't come if you had sex with an animal and pulled out or didn't come and didn't enjoy it and don't love it

and look back on it with some form of regret, maybe you don't regret the whole thing, maybe you'd describe it as a learning experience. Hey, it was a learning experience. I had sex with an animal. I learned something about it. You know, the fur is more of a thing than you would think. You know, I didn't really think the fur was a big deal, but you know the fur is a big thing. I thought, yeah, you'd use it to kind of pull the animal closer.

but, you know, they are animals at the end of the day. They have claws and fangs and sharp teeth, so they don't want you to rape them. They don't want you to have sex with them. And I didn't realize that when I was having sex with an animal. And as long as you give a good explanation, because that's who I want working at the FBI. Victims of sex trafficking who've been forced to have sex with animals.

They seem to be clear-headed people. They're not. But here's what Cash Patel saying, we got to blackmail these people somehow. We're lifting this because we need to blackmail these people somehow. If you are on tape having sex with a dog, we're pretty confident we can control you running your mouth about Thomas Matthew Crooks. That's what this is.

That's what it is. If we have you on tape having sex with a dog, we're going to show you that tape. When you say, you know, this crooks thing seems a little odd and I'd actually like to look into this more. we're going to go roof, wharf, wharf, and you're going to know that we have a tape of you having sex with a dog. In order to work for the government, we want you having, we want you on sex having,

we want you on tape, having sex with a child or a dog or a pet. That's how you get into the government. That's what Cancer to tell us you, just say, honestly, here's what we staffed the FBI. Who's had sex with a child? Who's had sex with a pet? Because we need some leverage. who's a drug addict, whose financial life's out of control,

who's embezzling money, who do we got leverage on? Why would you even get into beciality? Republican John Kennedy asked Patel. Can we play Patel's answer? Because again, I want to, and by the way, I'm not trying to do some type of thing here, but I'd like to hear it from the horse's mouth.

I want to hear it from the horse's mouth. the big, strong horse's mouth. There was a porn star who got fucked by a horse and died, by the way. And it's sad that he died because if not, he could have been working for the FBI. Cash Patel. He's no longer protecting those who've been charged with PCality.

He's protecting those who are victims. Just turned it upside down. No, you did. No, you did, sir. Because you lied. No, I could just tell you, I. What I'm reading to you is you dropped automatic disqualification for applicants who have been engaged in beastiality. Not victims of bestiality, applicants who have engaged.

Do you disagree with that? Applicants who have engaged in beastiality means they were victims of beastiality because they were forced to do so. And at this FBI, we are not going to criminalize and prevent victims from serving the United States of America and the premier. And by the way, stop it for a minute. Whether you're engaged in beastiality or a victim of it really depends on the application. animal and the animal's reaction. And that's what Keshe Patel should have said with his beady little eyes. He should have looked at that senator and said,

sir, with all due respect, the line between engaging in beciality and being a victim of beciality all depends on the animal. And the animal's reaction to said sexual conduct. Was the animal having fun? These are questions we have to ask ourselves. continue. Event victims from serving the United States of America and the premier law enforcement agency in the world.

They did that before. I eliminated the bureaucracy that prevented these great Americans from serving or at least being considered from serving and I'm going to continue to do that. That's right. Great Americans who are having sex with animals. I eliminated the bureaucracy that prevented great Americans who've had sex with their pets.

Senator Kennedy, yeah. Okay, let's watch this guy. Senator Kennedy's very funny, by the way. He's a very funny guy. All right, let's listen to this. Why would you even get into bestiality? We are not into beastiality, but a lot of these individuals are. A lot of people we contract are.

But I'm trying to explain it. You change the qualifications and mentioned bestiality. Everyone has kinks. Everyone has kinks, sir. I mean, Senator Kennedy, let's be real here. We're not going to kink shame people. that have sex with animals and tell them that they can't work to cover up who Thomas Matthew Crooks was working for or whatever the hell happened with Kirk.

Like, if you want to cover up these things, we'd actually prefer that you had sex with animals and that we had that on video. Neutralful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand used by over 1.5 million people, okay? If your hair is not performing like it used to, the movie isn't a hat. That's addressing the root cause. Neutralful works from the inside out and is backed by real credentials. Neutral full has formulas built for men at different light stages, for life stages.

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Cimetmobile.com. All right, get them out of here. There you go. Update from the FBI. Mark Wayne Mullen, by the way, let's just, I want to focus on some of the completely normal people. that are running our country because we've, you know, last episode, people were like, you're a little negative. And the tech rant was negative.

And I apologize for that. Someone called it Doom Corps. That's not my intent. I think the anthropic thing's a little bit of a scam. That guy, Dario, whatever his name is, Wario, Mario, who's ever running Bowser, whoever runs Anthropic, he's out there going, we've built this crazy thing. It's going to kill you all. And the only way we can have it not kill you is if you give us,

a shitload of money, how about giving us a trillion dollars, then we'll figure out a way to keep this thing in the box, Dario Amodi. But if you don't, if you don't give us some kind of huge payout here, and if we can't keep artificially inflating our stock price by terrifying people and saying that we've built the most, we've built the most dangerous machine known to man, he's got an IPO, he's got IPO plans, all of this stuff, works in conjunction with these big announcements

that are timed to have people go, I got to get in on the ground floor of this, the most powerful technology ever built, and it's going to kill everyone unless we give this guy all this money. But again, let's not be bleak. Let's not doom and gloom. I want to talk about Mark Wayne Mullen, who chooses to live with a roommate.

Get up Mark Wayne Mullen. I want to focus on these completely normal people, salt of the earth Americans that are behaving and living totally normal lives that are completely understandable to every person. And, you know, these are totally normal people. They're not being controlled at all. No one has any leverage on them. They're an open book. And that's what's a great thing about them. Mark Wayne Mullen has basically come out and said, I prefer to live with my heterosexual male colleague. And if you have a problem with that,

it's your issue. I'm totally normal guy. So Markway Mellon, by the way, is the, I'm blanking now on what he does. I believe he is, I want to say he's the, go up here. I want to say he's Homeland Security. Yes, so that's right.

So Markway Mellon is our, Secretary of Homeland Security. And there was an article that just came out that it's basically him clearing up this idea. People think it's gay to live with an adult man who you're not fucking when you clearly have the money to live by yourself

or live with someone else. So Mark Wayne Mullen owns a house on Capitol Hill and he lives with his roommate and he shares. Yeah, he owns 40 properties. So Mark Wayne Mullen owns 40 properties, okay? And he shares a Capitol Hill home with his close friend, Republican Representative Jason Smith. The living arrangement in Washington, by the way, what is sitcom?

The living arrangement in Washington has attracted attention from insiders. The Daily Mail reported that Mullen 49 and Smith 46 have shared the residents for three years. They're browing out. And these are all the people that hate gay people and talk about how weird gay people are and how they're ruining the world and ruining the country. And they're just choosing to live for three years with their heterosexual life partner Bestie. A source familiar with the pair described the arrangement as, quote, unusual for a cabinet secretary, stating it's strange that a cabinet secretary still has a roommate.

Maybe it's because he is so rarely in D.C. since he flies home so often, he literally uses it as a crash pad. According to the insider, people pass in and out of the shared home. Another source confirmed this and compared the house to a, quote, college dorm due to the frequent comings and goings for work and social visits. So, again, these are the totally normal people that live and work in Washington, D.C. The arrangement reflects their longstanding friendship, which began when Smith and Mullen met at a gym.

Oh, oh, oh, huh. And became closed during their time in Congress. Smith later described Mullin as a man of God, a husband, and a father in an essay about their friendship. Interesting. Fun. However, the setup raises potential ethics questions because House rules prohibit members from accepting gifts worth more than $100 from a single source in one year. A below market rent could qualify as a gift. by the way, this is probably the least corrupt thing happening in that administration

because everything in that administration is so nakedly corrupt. It's actually exhausting. It's so corrupt and unbelievable. But it is funny to me that again, when you start looking at the people and their lives, these strange lives that they have and, oh, it's a crash pad. for he's an adult. A crash pad is supposed to be a place for you to go crash. Not for you to like hang with your boys.

You're 50 years old. Now whatever, I'm not saying they're fucking. I don't know, but it makes less sense. It's weird or if they're not fucking. Do you get that? You get how strange it is if they're not fucking? It's odd. These people are odd.

They're just strange people. Cash Patel's a strange guy. You go, what exactly? is going on here. I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense to me. And listen, God, you know, whatever you want to do, God bless.

A representative from Mullen told the Daily Mail that the Secretary of Homeland Security acts as Smith, the congressperson's landlord, having bought the house in 2023, but declined to say how much the congressman hands over each month. The Daily Mail reported that it could not find any public record of any rent transaction for the specific property.

Maybe he's paying in another way. Maybe he's paying in another way. And I know people go, it's a non-story. Yeah, sure, whatever. Maybe it's fucking weird. We're allowed to wonder why the Secretary of Homeland Security

is rooming with a fucking congressman instead of just fucking getting a crash pad for himself. It's strange that a cabinet secretary is a roommate. Yeah, it's fucking weird. Sorry. So it's a little odd. It's a little odd. He's not a broke comedian

who has roommates into their 30s because they can't figure comedy out or a writer or an actor or a fucking whatever or somebody who's trying to get a company off the ground that has to devote every dollar into that. It's not somebody who moved back in with their parents because they're ailing.

It's not been somebody who's caring for a sick relative. It's a guy who's choosing to live with his more than middle-aged bestie. in Washington. I don't know. Maybe there's nothing there. I am excited. If you don't want to see, if you don't want to see Ed Shearren

because you have a problem with him, I would say, go to the Steve Bannon, Bernie Sanders thing. They're calling for more AI regulations. Steve Bannon, Bernie Sanders are going on the road. It's, it is, if fuck Ed Shearin and McElmore. This is the show you want to see. Bannon Sanders or Sanders Bannon.

And they're going to get on stage and they don't agree on much. They don't agree on really, well, they do agree on some stuff. But here we go. Here's a little bit of Sanders. This is the ticket. By the, I think this is going to be the hot ticket. It's not at Sharon. Shearing fuck that up.

This is going to be the hot ticket. The hot ticket is going to be, hey, I am appearing with, and you're going to tell your friends go, I got us tickets. To what? Where are we going? Who we going to see? Beyonce?

No. Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon, the pro-human assembly. What? Is that a play? No, it's Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon are going to. Now, by the way, if anything makes you think that AI is going to win, it is because the, the two public faces of the assault against it

are Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon. So can we watch a little bit of Bernie's speech there at the pro-human assembly? So now, by the way, I don't want to depress anyone, as I've been accused of, but it's all of Silicon Valley, all of our political establishment, all of the money, our entire economy,

versus this. Perhaps the most important point that I want to leave with you this afternoon is that AI is advancing exponentially, exponentially every single day. In other words, what you are looking at right now is the least capable version of AI that we will ever have. When you all rage. How great would it be if you just saw a robot remove him from the stage? You just saw a humanoid robot walk on stage and just pick him up and then walk off stage with him as he kept screaming.

This is the last. And this humanoid robot just walks on stage and carries him off. You see? You see what I mean? All right. Well, go get that ticket if you want. We welcome Mitch McConnell back. Mitch McConnell has had many health issues.

But I, I, looks to me as feral and young as he's ever looked. Take a look at him right now. This is Mitch McConnell, who is back. He's spry. He's young. He's ready to get into the business of governing and saving this great nation. Take a look at him. He's got, they put him in hiking boots and he's smiling.

Go for it, yes? Look at him. There he is. Any other bills you're looking forward to? He doesn't know where he is. Oh, yeah. Are we voting tonight, Senator? When can we expect? How great is this?

They can't lose them. They're about to lose the House. What is the polymarket chances on the House? I mean, it's over here. I mean, like, 60% that the Dems are taking the Senate and then 90% that the Dems are taking the House. Yeah. So at the end of the day, I mean, that's pretty definitive.

I don't think that that's wrong. I think that's probably pretty accurate. So you got, listen, you can't lose McConnell. So even though McConnell technically, medically is dead, what is good about it is that McConnell, you can put him in a wheelchair, you can put him in a van, you can drive him around,

you can wheel him in, you can pick up his hand for him to vote. Should Israel get another $20 billion? You could pick up. his little old claw. You can vote for him. He's weekend to Bernie's. It's been said before.

I'll say it again. He is medically deceased, but he is still an important and integral part of our government. Take a look here. Here is a Mitch McConnell. Republicans have to instruct Mitch McConnell to vote yes on a bill after he nearly votes no

with the Democrats. Mitch McConnell, he almost has like locked in syndrome, that like horrible thing where you're just in, he's just in, he doesn't know what's going on anymore. So what they do is they have to tell him like, you do, you do, yes, you do no. And no one will let him die. No one will let him die. He is not allowed to die.

He can do anything else but die. He cannot die. He is not allowed to die. And Doc, he is being pumped with so many things we don't even know exist. They are basically like, this guy cannot die before. the midterm. We will not tolerate it. So here is Mitch McConnell. Take a look at Mitch McConnell, who is being artificially kept alive by the Republicans in a brilliant move to try to limit the damage and the losses here. He is being artificially kept a leg. He just wants to die.

Mitch McConnell, like, if he pulled you close to him, he would go, kill me, kill me. He probably only says two words and they are kill me. Kill me or let me. die. What would you like for lunch, Mitch? Kill me. Nope. You know that you can have anything you want, but we're not doing that. Please, please kill me. Nope. I'm under strict order to keep you alive at all costs. So here he is Mitch McConnell, looking great, looking sharp. The question is on reporting the Agriculture Act of 2026 as amended as an original bill the clerk will call the roll. Senator Klobuchar no Senator Bennett no Senator Smith no Senator Durbin Senator Booker no Senator Lujan Senator Lujan

Senator Warnock Senator Welch Senator Federman. No. Senator Schiff. No, by proxy. Senator Slotkin. No by proxy.

Senator McConnell. No. Senator McConnell. Aye. Aye. Senator Hoven. Aye. There you go.

So there it is. He doesn't, he's confused. He is. longing for the sweet release of death like no one I have ever seen. He is praying to just be released. This is like Terry Shivo. Terry Shivo was a woman who was brain dead. And the Republicans in the pro-life fervor was like,

I will not let my wife die. And they prop the woman up all over the place. They would put her on Fox News. She'd be drooling, all this stuff. This is the new Terry Shivo. she had like a brain injury and the Republicans are like, she's still in it. She's still with it.

Mitch McConnell is now the Terry Shivo. He will not die. He's not allowed to die. No matter how confused he gets, no matter how bad he looks, he's not able to die. They really believe it. They really, this is, I want to talk about pro life.

This guy begs for death. every minute of the day, he begs for death. He doesn't understand where he is or what's going on. Most of his days, he's just shocked that he's still alive. He forgets he's still alive. The best moments of his day are when he thinks he's dead. When he is aroused from a slumber or when he is made to get into a van

and driven a Capitol Hill, he is confronted with the horrible horrific reality that he is still somehow a life form on this planet. And he is of use to people. But when he thinks he's dead, like when he zones out in a meeting, he's dead. And he's so happy. He's dead. Consciousness is left.

And then they go, no, no, no, you can't vote. No, you got to vote. You got to vote yes. And he goes, aye, aye, aye, aye. They won't let him die. Now, by the way, after the midterms, they, then he'll just die. He's clearly dead. He's ready to go. I've never seen anyone more ready to go than him. And it's got to be a dirty business keeping him alive. Right. It's got to be kind of traumatic for the

people around him that clearly know he should be in hospice or underground already. It's got to be a little bit of a dirty business shuffling Miss Mitch McConnell, dragging this corpse around D.C. It can't feel great. All these young guys, they get into politics, and they're like, I'm going to change things, whatever the hell they want to change. You see all these people running around YouTube debating people, and a lot of that's just because they want money and fame,

they don't give a shit about politics. But, you know, let's give some of them the benefit of the doubt. They go to these schools, and they're like, I'm going to get in there and clean it up, and this country needs to be, blah. And then you grow up, and then you realize that your job, is to wheel a half-dead Mitch McConnell

into a conference room and tell him how to vote. That's really what, that's what it comes down to for many people. You go, well, I had a lot of dreams when I was young, but now I have to put this corpse into a van and have him driven and get him out. And all this guy wants to do is die. You ever notice how the second you lock in your picks,

you completely changes a person before kickoff. You're chilling, relax, maybe a little bored. Then you lock your picks in. Now you're standing there three feet from the TV because you know somehow that's helping. You're Googling whether sports reports for a stadium eight states away. You're screaming, just throw it to them like you've got a direct line in the QB. I love that. That's what I do, folk.

I honestly think that's the best parts of sports, not the outcome, the sweat, the stretch between making your pick and finding out if you're a genius. That's why I play. And those of you who watch to sit up and not sit back, it's got to be underdog. So this season, don't just watch. Lock in with Underdog and give every game a pulse. Download Underdog to play.

Keep your million. Start with a million. Make it through all 20 picks and walk away with whatever's left. Underdog, Unleash your dog. It's a great way to watch sports. It's what they're saying. and that's the way I feel. Because you got skin in the game.

You get it? Just for an example. Can I give an example? I was in the U.S. I watched U.S. Open and I, on Ben Shelton, to lose. And he lost. And it felt good.

Because that was his dream and it didn't happen. And I made money from that. That felt good to me. Trading involves risk, including total loss on positions, content. It's promotional and not a recommendation to trade. Terms apply. Promotion issued by affiliate. Oh my God, butcher box.

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and it all got out of hand. But you've got a steak on a grill tonight. They can take your dignity. You understand that? Your ex-wife can tell those kids whatever she wants. It's not true. It's not true. You're their father. She can move them out of state. The judge said she could. She can move them out of state. She can put them in another school. But you're their daddy. And when you call them,

they don't sound, you know, too excited. Hi, dad. How's school? Fine. What's you doing school? Nothing. Talk to me. I'm your father. Talk to me. I'm your father. What? What's going on? Who's your mother dating? He's really nice. His name's John. Yeah?

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What are people mad at Sidney's Sweeney about? She's always getting into trouble. She took her tits out for sports and people are mad. Sweeney poses partially nude for her Novig ad. talking about sports. I guess people are mad that she's sexualizing female athletes because female athletes are supposed to not be hot or something or they're not supposed to traffic in their sexuality.

Female athletes have reacted with anger and incredulity to a hypersexualized advertising campaign featuring a nude or minimally clad Sidney-Sweeney posting. Most female athletes, are probably flicking their bean to this, no? Aren't most really good female athletes imagining eating Sidney's box? Am I lost?

That would be like me going, I can't believe the water polo team chose this guy with a huge cock that's hanging out of his speedo. It's nice to look at. What are these female athletes upset about? What is Sidney's going to do? You want her to gain weight

and be some fat rugby player? She's taking her tits out and you should be happy about it. The campaign for U.S. sports prediction market Novig is very damaging for female athletes and young girls looking to get into sport. Australian surfer

Felicity Palmetter told CNN. In a series of photos and videos, Sweeney can be seen naked or scantily clad holding American football as a tennis racket you're a baseball bat. In one shot, she lies naked on top of a basketball. Novick also posted an ad on Instagram Reels, which had 37 million views in four days.

Yeah, that's the point. Palmeiter was one of many female athletes to criticize the campaign. Just absolute utter disbelief, incredibly disappointing. Like, how far can you put women sports backwards in the space of 42, sick of a minute? No one thinks, by the way, we want to be valued for what we can do,

what we look like, Paul Meeter added. No one is valuing female athletes for what they look like. Is that what this bitch thinks is happening? No one is valuing female athletes for what they look like. When I was a kid, I used to see Martina Navratilova, that big hulking dyke. I loved her. And because my grandfather lived next to a man who got his tickets to the U.S. Open. And one time, they let me sit in the,

in the CBS press box as a nine-year-old little status-obsessed faggot, and I was sitting there, and I handed that hulking dyke a sweat towel. And Martina Navratilova was a force, a big Nazi dyke. And she would get out there and go, and then she would, you know, she'd have matches with that Monica Seles who we were supposed to care about because of fan stander. Shut up, it's part of the game. Nobody said, hey, Martina Navratilova's hot.

I want to fuck her. Ooh, Steffie Groff. God, I want her. Female athletes are great, and we love them, and we respect them, and they're important. But no one thinks because Sidney a hot actress put her tits with a football that everyone is sexualizing female athletes now.

What a great... That's like Matt Rife posing with a shirt off and me being like, I want to be valued for what I do. Yeah, we are. Hey, by the way, hey Tim, we are valuing you for what you do. I don't want to be sexualized. You're not. No one's sexualizing you.

How insane is that? Sidney's Sweetie's hot. It's part of her appeal. She's also a very good actress. But she's hot. That's part of why they do an ad with her. And they know it gets controversy. Like when she did that guess ad, right?

Wait? Yeah, it was gas. And she's like, it has good jeans, good jeans, and here's my tits, and I like Hitler or whatever. They know it gets con. They do things with her to get controversy. They know it's going to get the views. They know it's going to get the views. You're playing into it. I love all these female athletes being like, I don't want to be sexualized.

I want to be valued for what I do. Yeah, you're going to be valued. British sprinter Amy Hunt also referenced the ad campaign in a post-race interview on Sunday. Sidney Sweeney, this is what woman in sports look like. Hunt told BBC, muscles, hard work, sweat, blood, tears. Can we see her? Yeah.

You're a five, six. You're fine. You better run. She's not a bad-looking woman. but she's not Sidney What's the prompt? Women just get vicious with each other. Women have to relax, by the way.

Hey women, a message from me. Calm down. How about you relax a little bit? This woman's perfectly fine, but she ain't Sidney. She's a six, seven, whatever. The nose ain't great, but the point is this, yeah, you're right.

Amy Hunt, you're right. That is what women are that are athletes. sweat, blood, tears, and muscle. But Sidney Sweeney is an actress with huge tits. And Sidney Sweeney should go, this is what actresses look like in America. Blonde hair, big tits. Let's listen to Amy, whatever her name is.

And Cindy Sweeney, this is what we have this full of like. Tony Mouldeful. Hard work. Yeah, what, it was so great. Great. Sydney, speech, you go, yeah, I'm an actress with huge tits. They paid me a lot of money to pose with a tennis racket. I'm sorry you're offended by this.

These women, listen, women athletes are great, and we support them. The Tim Dillon Show has done more for female athletes and probably any other podcast. Maybe those giggly squad girls, because Hannah used to play tennis. Perhaps they've done more for female athletes, but could you think of a show that has done more for female athletes in our show? I don't, can you? Can you think of a podcast

that has elevated the cause of women in sport more than this program? No. And I am here to tell these dykes to relax. What are we doing here? By the way, Sidney's going to be the hottest commodity for a corporate company now because you know that you can do, you can get a controversial ad with Sidney Sweeney

almost anything. You know what I mean? Like you just put Sidney's Sweeney's tits in something and because she has blonde hair and she's quote whatever MAGA coded or whatever people are just going to lose their minds and it becomes this cultural firestorm

and I'm talking about it and everybody's talking about it and we shouldn't be. It's not news. But it becomes news because, yeah, so what did Sidney's Sweeney say? She fired back at the trolls. Yeah, she posted on her Instagram story. I'm finally.

Yeah, let's get her Instagram story up, by the way. Let's see what she said. I got big tits. So what? Man, if you're a company and you want attention, spend the money on Sydney, Sweeney, and her tits because it will be a cultural firestorm overnight for no reason. That's the new game.

If you're in advertising, the new game is to do like a playful troll thing that, you know, like put her at Auschwitz. If I, what's a company that needs? If I was Lulu Lemon, I would put Sidney Sweeney doing yoga at Auschwitz with her tits out. That would be my, that would be my contribution. Hey, Allo Yoga. Hey, Allo Yoga. Put Sidney in yoga pants and put her at Auschwitz.

Okay? And say, and here's what it should say. say, it should say something like let him cook. And it's just Sidney Sweeney doing yoga and let me cook. Sidney Sweeney in aloeoga pants

doing yoga at Auschwitz. And we don't really know it's Auschwitz, but it's in the background. And she's sitting there and it's let me cook because that's the young people say it means let me do my thing.

Start your day. with yoga. Start your day with a smoothie, a jog, a run. Sydney, Sweeney, yoga pants, Auschwitz, let me cook. Yes or yes. Is that not a good ad? And then people are going to go, hey, this is crazy. They're going to go, she's doing yoga. And in the background, the faint background, it's Auschwitz. and the ad campaign is called, Let Me Cook, and they're going to go, that kind of seems like she's a Nazi at Auschwitz, and she's referencing a genocide.

And Sidney's Swedish should come out on her Instagram and go, I don't know what these bitches are talking about, I love Germany, and I love history. Sydney, Sweden should come and lean into it. It should get increasingly crazy. And Sydney Sweeney should respond to that by going, I love history. and I'm honoring the memory.

And that's what Allo Yoga. Allo Yoga came to me and we did this tastefully to honor the memory. Sidney's Sweetie fires back at criticism over nearly nude ad by sharing athlete photos of what? When she was an athlete? Oh no.

Oh, she shared hot athletes. Some of them are hot. She's leaning in. If Allo Yoga takes that, I'm going to be, I want the fucking money. If Allo Yoga takes her, let me cook in Auschwitz. I want the money. I want the money.

And then she could go on her Instagram and go, I'm not saying it didn't happen. Obviously, I'm there. I'm there in yoga pants. I'm not saying it didn't happen. Well, that's just an idea. But if you take it, if Allo Yoga or Lulu Lemon or any of these people takes that idea, I am going to be, we heavily encourage.

you to get life insurance, folks. I'm telling you right now, so many people I know don't have it, and you've got to be responsible. If you have a partner, if you have a family, my friend passed recently and didn't have life insurance, and this was true. And this is, you know, and his family's kind of dealing with that now,

and they reached out to me. They go, do you have any money? I go, hey, you know, I like the guy, but enough. And that's why you need ethos. His wife called me. She goes, you know, you have money even my kids. We don't have money. feed the kids. I go, build character. And I want, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I don't think right now,

she goes, anything. If you could just help and give me literally anything right now, I am starving. My kids are crying on the floor. I said, this feels unfair to me. And it sets up an unhealthy dynamic. I said, I really like your husband. But what I really liked about him was he was a can do guy. And she was, but he got hit by a car, Tim. He was just random. jogging and I said I always liked his commitment to fitness because he was he was randomly hit by a car I'm just asking you if you can give me any amount of money to feed my children tonight she says I don't have money to feed them now and I said here's the thing I don't want to go down this road because I think it's an unhealthy dynamic for us to have and I said I don't want you to

feel indebted to me and I don't want your kids and she because they're starving and they're crying. You want to avoid this. And that's why you get ethos. Okay? I mean, it's so easy. It's so easy. You can get a quote in seconds,

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I can't even hear you. And then she would send me a photo of her kids sad. And she'd go, please feed them. And I had to block her. I had to block her. And now I'm suinger. I'm suinger. So just take 10 minutes to get covered today with insurance for ethos.

Get your free quote ethos.com slash jim. ETHOS.com slash Jim, application times me. Very rates, may very trust pilot rating. As of August 1st, 2026, famed big short investor Michael Burry, Bury, hyping Apocalypse Panic. So he's saying AI is, yeah, this is kind of, they're hyping apocalypse panic. to cover for slowing growth in the AI industry.

He thinks maybe they've hit a ceiling. Anthropic has this IPO coming up. And they're basically trying to terrify everybody and say, hey, we've built this thing. You don't even understand the ways in which it'll kill you. We just need more money. We need more money. And this AI bubble might be about the blow.

On balance, economists concerned the AI bubble is about to blow. On balance, we think the data looks consistent with a late stage bubble. Yeah. I mean, listen, people have chat GPT. They've clawed or whatever. But every other day, somebody's like, we've built a thing and it will kill you all. And then you're kind of like, I don't know, man. It's kind of like Trump and Iran. Trump's like, we're going to blow you off the face of the earth. And then no one does. They are winning. So it's kind of that like boy who cried Wolf. And it's just like nerd who cried apocalypse.

It's like the AI guys just keep coming out and sitting there and they keep having these nice little interviews and Anderson Cooper's like, well, you know, can you explain what you said? And he's like, well, I don't want anyone to get. I don't want anyone to panic. I don't want anyone to panic. We just

think we could wipe everybody out. We just, so what's important that we do, we need a lot of money. Can you get up some of the interview with Dario, whatever his name is, Modii and Anderson Cooper? I think he just did an interview with Anderson Cooper, and there should be something up there.

Or, yeah, he's calling for an AI slowdown, this guy. He's like, hey, the AI people are getting richer than anyone in history has ever gotten in a shorter period of time. All of the people up in San Francisco, I mean, the demand for our homes, and private schools and things like that is skyrocketing. The cost of everything is skyrocketing up there because this AI gold rush, people are making so much money so quickly from this.

And you have to keep the party going. This makes the mortgage thing of the early to mid-2000s look like an anemic thing. I mean, this is a gold rush like we've never seen before. and all of these guys keep coming out and warning you how powerful this technology is that it could wipe everybody out and they are printing money. This guy's worth like $15 billion.

And no one knew who he was three years ago, really. Like these are guys that came on the radar, you know, pretty recently and have amassed really wild fortunes and incredibly, they're incredibly well connected with the government. They believe they're the government. I've said it before. They really do. They think they are still.

It's no longer about taxes. It's no longer about if we're spending too much or too little on education. It's no longer about foreign conflict. It's no longer about democracy or whatever. These guys believe, and some of them probably aren't wrong, they're steering civilization now. And that the government itself is at the very best behind the eight ball, at the very worst, is infested with them,

and has been corrupted and co-opted. But take a look here. This is Wario, who is the CEO of Anthropic. I have a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old. And, you know, this last week, for the first time, I've really been scared about their futures because of this technology. And I think there's a lot of people out there right now who feel despondent or certainly powerless in the face of this

and see these tech companies and the money. that everybody's making and just feel powerless. What do you say to people who are scared? Yeah, so I would make two points. You know, one is this is why restraint is so important. And this is why I have advocated today for restraint. And again, I'm so encouraged to see. How much does pause that for a minute?

How much does restraint cost? I know you've advocated restraint. how much does restraint cost? I'm sure there's a price tag on restraint, by the way. You would think that restraint would be free. But I imagine not so much. Keep going. Echoed, you know, even by competitors, by government officials,

I'm so appreciative that people like Sam and Elon have offered agreement on this. You know, it makes me think that, we may truly, you know, may truly be able to build this technology in the right way. That is point one. Here's what this is. Pause this. This is a bunch of guys who realize that it's getting too hot. Think of a bunch of drug dealers coming together and going,

we've had a couple of bodies literally at Open AI, that guy, who everyone said killed himself. A couple of bodies here. People are getting, the neighborhood's getting hot. We got to come together. Elon, Altman, this guy, Wario, we all have to come together and let's let things cool down. Let's go out, let's say, hey, man,

we're worried about what we're doing. We're worried about what we're building. We're worried about this shit. We got to chill it out. Let's take the heat off of us. Let's take the heat off of us. So what we're going to do is go to the government, ask them to regulate us, which we know they cannot do,

because they just don't understand this enough to regulate it. And we're going to ask them for more money because we want to develop this technology, wink, wink safely. We don't want any accidents. We don't want something going rogue. So all of these guys are basically like, we need to take the heat off of ourselves. We need more money.

We need to calm people down. We need to give the government the illusion of control. We need to give people the illusion that we're chilling. And we need to suck up all of this money. And then we're going to basically continue to do what we were doing. We just need better PR. I think the AI people have realized that their PR was terrible. You have Elon running around on ketamine.

Alex Gibney just did a doc about him. Amazon's now getting squeamish about releasing it because I'm sure Elon called Bezos. He's like, what the fuck are you doing? You don't think people can make documentaries about you? I believe it's Amazon. Make sure I'm right about that before I say something I'm wrong about. Amazon, I believe, acquired the rights to this.

And, oh, Universal. Okay. So Universal is getting maybe cold feet on releasing the film. Glad I checked. Universal owned by Comcast is not yet committing to rolling out the Alex Gibney movie that it's paid millions to acquire for North American release before the political wind shifted.

By the way, maybe they will. But I'm sure there's some calls, Elon, some lawyers, whoever, when it's screened it, the Venice Film Festival earlier this month, Musk got the kind of reception every international distributor dreams about. Attendees applauded enthusiastically for five minutes and saluted direct-to-occur-com.

So let's take stock of what the AI guys have, right? Sam Altman goes, does a terrible interview with Tucker Carlson. Sam Altman, by the way, should do no interviews. Who's ever putting Sam Altman in an interview chair? Stop. Sam Altman is going out trying to do interviews. He was just embarrassed. He did some interaction with some guy on grinding.

who's now writing a musical about interacting with Sam O'Ulman on Grindr or something like that, doing a one-man show about it. Sam O'Ulopman goes out, Tucker Carlson does this kind of brilliant line of questioning about this guy that was found dead whose mother believes, yeah, play this for two seconds. Just play a couple of seconds of this year. Who said you guys were basically stealing people's stuff and not paying them, and then he wound up murdered.

What was that? Also a great tragedy. He committed suicide. Do you think he committed suicide? I really do. This was like a friend of mine. This was like a guy that, not a close friend, but this was someone that worked at Open Eye for a very long time.

I spent, I mean, I was really shaken by this tragedy. I spent a lot of time trying to, you know, read everything I could as I'm sure you and others did too about what happened. It looks like a suicide to me. Why does it look like a suicide? It was a gun he had purchased. This was like gruesome to talk about, but I read the whole medical record. Does it not look like one to you?

No, he was definitely murdered, I think. There were signs of a struggle, of course. The surveillance camera had the wires had been cut. He had just ordered take out food, come back from a vacation with his friends on Catalina Island. No indication at all that he was suicidal. No note and no behavior. He had just spoken to a family member on the phone. And then he's found dead with blood in multiple rooms.

So that's impossible. Seems really obvious he was murdered. Have you talked to the authorities about it? I've not talked to the authorities about it. Okay, so there you go. So opening eye basically catches a body. Got Sam Olmottman out there, the PR nightmare. Elon documentary coming out.

Vice President Vance, who's more aligned with the Elon Teal Wing, is taking shots in Anthropic, which is full of a bunch of ex-Biden employees going, hey, they bury their old models. It's a cult. they're all fucking weirdos, all that's probably true. But it's not because Vance is overly skeptical or whatever of AI. It's because Teal and Elon are his people and the anthropic people are not whatever.

So I'm sure Vance being Vance would sashay over there if you thought it would help. But here's the point. AI has had terrible, I mean, Zuckerberg goes on Theo Vann is like, what's coffee or whatever? None of these people in public appear to be remotely human, okay? They don't appear to be remotely human. They have a PR problem, like hugely. So I think all of them got together and they were kind of like, you know, informally like, we got to like, you know, shift the public consciousness on this because like everyone hates us.

We're literal, you know, like creeps. We come across like creeps and we're going to have more power. than anyone on earth has ever had. So how do we ease people into this? How do we ease people into it? We're creeps, we come across as creeps, we share no values with the American public, we don't believe in democracy,

we think the government is, you know, again, at best, an obstacle to what we want to do. At worst, it's just completely inefficient, bloated corpse that we just have to kind of navigate around. and how do we do that? Well, we're going to launch this new PR strategy that, by the way, we are concerned too. We're also really concerned.

We share your concerns and we're asking the government to come in and regulate us and we want to slow it down. We want to slow it down. And that's the PR strategy of AI. The next thing they'll do is put Sidney Sweeney in an ad. The next thing you're going to see is Sidney Sweeney with her big tits,

straddling a Tesla humanoid robot, or Sidney Sweeney with fucking some AI, burying an AI anthropic model and in the dirt with a cloak on or whatever, because the next thing they're going to do, if this fails, if this PR push fails, I'm telling you right now, the only thing they'll have left is Sidney Sweeney, and she'll end up saving that whole sector and then saving our economy.

Good night, everyone.