The Ultimate Human with Gary Brecka - 89. STOP Self-Sabotage Now! Case Kenny's Mind-Blowing Techniques

Starting point is 00:00:00 Mindfulness for me, it's energized me to have the most difficult conversations first and immediately. And my mantra is speak up and get what you want or get what you need. There will always be something missing in our lives. I think social media puts us in a horrible place. It's very easy to find negative things that support a negative feeling. I call mindfulness intentional thinking. So often in our lives, we're not leading our thoughts. Our thoughts are leading us.

Starting point is 00:00:23 Just sitting down with the intention, that can make all the difference, as simple as that sounds. You know, before I walk into a room, even to speak, I'll do some breath work. I'll say, what's the intention? And then I'll say, let me visualize the outcome. Is that being mindful? Of course. In addition to visualize the outcome, if you could vocalize the outcome as well, mindfulness is the practice of being present in how you feel. Mindfulness is two things. Mindfulness is listening to yourself, but it's also talking to yourself. I think that having the capacity to self-solve really gives you a lot of power. So how do you have this conversation with yourself?

Starting point is 00:00:57 The key question, of course, would be... Hey guys, welcome back to the Ultimate Human Podcast. I'm your host, Gary Brekka, human biologist, where we go down the road of everything anti-aging, biohacking, longevity, and everything in between. And today we're taking a great deviation into the world of mindfulness. And our guest today is Case Kenny. He's a local, well, not originally from Miami, but he lives in Miami now. So we're nearly neighbors, right? Nearly. Yeah. I'm local now. I can't claim to be a Miami resident. I almost said that. I almost said Miami native, but I actually meant to just live in Miami. I'm way too pale for someone to think that I almost said Miami native but I actually meant to live in Miami I'm way too pale to for someone to think that I'm from Miami do you know what that was so sad people

Starting point is 00:01:48 tell me the same thing like people come visit me from like New York and Michigan and I'm like how are you tanner than I am yeah yeah and I'm like I live in Miami well you probably know a thing or two about you know your skin and too much yeah you probably are aware of I like I like first light well welcome to the podcast man I'm excited I'm excited to have you on, you know, you'll hear me say all the time, if you watch a lot, a lot of my podcasts, which I'm sure you've watched all of them. Yeah. Easily all of them. Um, yeah, I, I think some of the most influential people in the world, impactful people in the world, maybe not as influential, but the most impactful people have solved the problem in their life, or they've been on a journey and out of that journey or from that problem or from that pain or creating that solution, you know, came there, the impact that

Starting point is 00:02:36 they're making on the world. I mean, so I'm really curious how you went from business entrepreneur to a mindfulness influencer. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I feel strongly about that as well. I think, you know, people with a story and context, even if it's a simple one, even if it's not going to the moon and back, those are the most impactful stories. And you know, I'm not saying my story is this crazy impactful one. But I think my journey has been that of life changes, um, and then passion and, and sharing that and keeping it that simple. I mean, so for me, I'm 36. So I had a variety of life stages, many before this. Um, I went to school, I studied languages, Chinese and Arabic languages, Hindi and Urdu. I've always had a thing about languages. Wow. I would not consider

Starting point is 00:03:21 myself the most smart dude in the world. Like truly, I struggled in like accounting and like simple stuff. But I always was really good at languages. I took like six years of Latin in high school and always just I was good at it, oddly good at it. And then I decided to invest in Chinese and Arabic, the forward thinking business. Do you speak Chinese or Arabic? I mean, so that was about 15 years ago. Okay. I was I was at the time I was, you know, definitely, you know, I could hang. I lived in China for a bit. I worked at a law firm, um, was very invested in these things. And I still have a passion for languages.

Starting point is 00:03:54 Um, clearly, obviously we'll talk about writing and the human language word, but, um, you know, following that, I went, I went to Notre Dame, graduated languages, um, started to work in marketing. Eventually I got into ad sales. I always say that I think people should do two things in life, wait tables and do sales at some point. I'm sure you agree. I say the same thing.

Starting point is 00:04:13 I think everybody should wait tables for six months of their life. You'll never not tip another waitress or waiter for good service. It teaches you about yourself. It teaches you about people. It's fantastic. Sales, I always say like made a man out of me in like a good way, not like the toxic sales culture, but like it showed me that I could do something. I could start as an account executive and then work my way up to regional vice president, make no money.

Starting point is 00:04:35 I started, I made like 30 grand my first year working in advertising to making a lot of money as a regional vice president of an ad tech company. It was fantastic. Somewhere along the way, I was like, man, I really like who I've become as a person. In my 20s, I would say I was shy, introverted, kind of unsure about myself. But I'd become this like, you know, charismatic type A salesperson. I'm like, this is this is cool. We go in a meeting and we close deals, we take clients out like, we're like that mentality. I was like, I really like who I've become. But that was in my career. On the inside, I still felt like I was a different person. In my dating life, I felt unsure of myself. And I just really didn't like that fact that I felt that there were all these different

Starting point is 00:05:13 versions of me. There was work case and personal case and you know, dating case. And I just didn't like that. I felt like I was so unsure about myself personally, but I was confident in my career. I didn't like that fact that there were versions of me. So in a very meta way, I, in 2018, I decided to start the podcast as a way to literally kind of force myself. That's a pretty early mover. I mean, 2018 was. Well, that's part of it too. Cause in 2018, I was like, what's a vulnerable way to kind of force myself to get a point

Starting point is 00:05:43 of view on life and to vocalize. And I was like, well, I'll do a podcast. Cause this is before a lot of people started hopping on, which is great. But at the time I was like, this will be vulnerable. Like Case Kenny on a podcast, talking about life, not really anticipating people to listen, but more just through the thought process of forcing myself to sit down. And all I would do on the podcast, and it's been six years now, 600 plus episodes, is I would ask myself questions for 20 minutes. And I would just beat up that one question. So you would throw a question out and then you would answer it into the camera for the audience.

Starting point is 00:06:11 And I purposely wouldn't have guests on because my whole issue was all I'm doing in life is I feel like I'm copying and borrowing and rushing, doing all these things because of other people. I was like, how can I, you know, without regurgitating the latest Ryan Holiday book on stoicism, which is great, or the latest work on XYZ, how could I just come to conclusions on my own? And I would just beat up a subject for 20 minutes. Why do I feel this way? Why am I anxious about this? Why do I want this? Why am I dating this person? Like personal stuff. And through logic, through personal experience, through I statements, I would just vocalize these things. And it was obviously anytime you do introspection, it's going to be valuable.

Starting point is 00:06:53 But basically what I realized fast forward through that process is I was practicing a very practical form of mindfulness through the lens of experience. Even before you really knew. Oh. You just sort of threw yourself into it and and let it kind of unfold if anything i would say i was always a self-help cynicist or skeptic like who like who are people to tell me what to do or i was like a lot of men potentially a little like what does manifestation mean what does you know vibrate at a high frequency mean? Like, what are they talking about? Like, what does this mean? I was always like, kind of averse to that, and still am not

Starting point is 00:07:29 averse to it still don't fully understand a lot of it. And I think that lack of understanding in my 20s, I was like, not for me, introspection, not for me, these things, but just the act of sitting down, and just being super practical about feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities, experiences, and then speaking to it, putting it in words finally, instead of just having it be these amorphous things. It was life changing. And fast forward, eventually, I left that job to do this full time, started to create these guided journals, which helped me turn some of those thoughts into actual formats for people, wrote a book, started writing on Instagram, and the rest is history. But it was basically just me pulling on this thread of

Starting point is 00:08:10 interest and introspection. Super cool. You said, I used a lot of I statements. What do you mean by that? Yeah, well, I literally I, I feel this way, what happened in my life that made me feel this way? What should I do? What do I think? As opposed to what is the common thought process on this? Or what did they say about this? Or what did my parents say about that? So, you know, obviously, it's introspection on a personal level. But I don't, like, I still don't, I don't read a lot of self help books. I don't read, right, I write a lot of self help books. i don't read a lot which if you if you talk to like my lit agent or like authors they're like to be a great author you have to be

Starting point is 00:08:51 a prolific reader and i read a lot i just don't read a lot of my sector because i really i don't want to just regurgitate and that's not just like a branding play. It's a truth play to me. Like the whole reason I set out on this was I felt like I was just borrowing expectations. You know, what's interesting is when I started my journey in the wellness space, um, it was because I had previously worked in, in life insurance in the mortality space. And whenever I met a client and I'm not a physician, I'm not licensed to practice medicine, so I can't, you know, make medical decisions. But whenever I would review a case on a client or talk to them about a problem, autoimmune condition or problem with sleep or whatever that they were having, I would never ask them for any medical history for the same reason, because I didn't want to bring forward somebody else's opinion or bring forward some opinion that was in the document. You know, we used to call these anchor diagnoses, right? Like 10 years ago, you got diagnosed with high blood pressure. You always

Starting point is 00:09:56 will be the person with high blood pressure instead of starting and saying, well, you shouldn't have high blood pressure, you know, for the parameters for somebody with high blood pressure let's figure out what's what's going on i mean i like that what you said was i don't read a lot in my industry because i i i think most people would find that kind of odd right but you know if you're if you're a motivational speaker you read a lot about what other motivational speakers do and say and write about but i agree with you that sometimes you're not going to find the answers to your future in somebody else's best. So we've had so many amazing challenges this entire year that I decided that August,

Starting point is 00:10:34 we're going to take a break and it's just going to be the strongest August ever. And it's just going to be all about giveaways. I'm going to give away five more of the ultimate human swag boxes. These things are really cool. It says, aging is the aggressive pursuit of comfort. You get an Ultimate Human t-shirt in your size.

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Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah, well said. Yeah. I mean, I spend all day writing and I do read a lot. It's just my goal isn't to just say the same thing in a different way. And I'll tell you what's really interesting. So like the podcast is super simple. I am, I dilute things down in such a simple way that anyone can understand it because it's what I understand. I consider myself to be a simple guy, but I get messages so often from

Starting point is 00:11:50 clinical psychologists, highly credentialed and academic researchers and social science and all these things. And they'll say, okay, I listened to your episode about X, Y, Z, you know, so interesting to hear you talk about that in those languages, what you were describing was X, Y, Z, anxiety disorder, blah, blah, blah, like actual thing. And they're like, it was really cool to see how you arrived at these very academic and proven conclusions, but through the lens of ordinary language. And I love that's a little pat on the back. Sure. But I think outside of me, it's not about me. It's about how we can all get to these truths through a mindful practice, even if the mindful practice is as simple as sitting down and just sitting down and being mindful. Like, I'm a big advocate

Starting point is 00:12:32 for guided journaling that forces you to sit down. I call guided journaling intentional thinking. I call mindfulness intentional thinking, keyword intentional. So often in our lives, of course, when it comes to anxiety and overthinking, in just general day to day, we're not leading our thoughts, our thoughts are leading us just sitting down with the intention, a prompt, that can make all the difference as simple as that sounds. And that's what I've always done. And that's what I encourage people to do. And it's crazy how it can lead you to powerful, powerful truths that, yes, a therapist can help you with, which I absolutely recommend. But you can guide yourself to that place as well through practices like that.

Starting point is 00:13:11 And I think also allowing people to find their own way of being mindful. Like, for example, for me, something I do all the time, like when you walked in today, I was actually in a cold plunge. And sorry about that because I shouldn't have taken up your time for me to cold punch, but I was in a cold punch, but I, I had this little exercise that I go through. I'd love for you to give me your opinion on it. And I'll just sit quietly. I'll do five or 10 really, really, really deep breaths. And then I set for me, what is my intention? Like, so we're going to be on the podcast today. And I took like 30 seconds or a minute and i was like what's my intention with the podcast and i said you know my intention is really to provide value and to have a conversation i think my my audience would want to have if they were sitting in the room with you and then i um do this little visualization

Starting point is 00:13:57 technique where i actually visualize the outcome right so i i don't visualize the process of the podcast i visualize the end of the podcast where we're like wow that really went great and and i think the audience is really going to benefit from that and you had a smile on your face i had a smile on my face so i do just a little visualization technique and for me just that takes about three minutes maybe four minutes to do that i've found that when i do that simple little exercise before like a big engagement, like sometimes I'll do it before a big dinner meeting or before I go in and negotiate a contract or, you know, before I walk into a room, even to speak, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do some

Starting point is 00:14:34 breath work. I'll say, what's the intention for me to be on the stage today? I'll come, I'll arrive at that intention. And then I'll say, let me visualize the outcome. Is that being mindful? Of course. I, I would even say in addition to visualize the outcome. Is that being mindful? Of course. I would even say, in addition to visualize the outcome, if you could vocalize the outcome as well, like everything you just described, of course, if we talk about what is mindfulness, mindfulness is one of those things where, I don't think there's really a wrong definition

Starting point is 00:14:57 of mindfulness, right? Everyone has a different way of being mindful, which is fantastic. It's in the word, right? To be mindful, to be aware of. I'd say we mostly agree that mindfulness is the practice of being present in how you feel. And you take it a step further. I like that. And it's being honest with how you feel. It's being nonjudgmental of how you feel. There's an element of surrender to how you feel.

Starting point is 00:15:18 That's like the confines of a mindfulness practice. It is radical honesty. It is feelings on trial. it is all these things. Personally, though, I don't think that that's enough. And this is where I get like really animated and excited. And it's why I like right on the internet is because I think so often we're like, well, mindfulness is just about being present. And it's feel how you feel, and mission accomplished. And I think, of course, that is the crux of a life well lived to first be honest with yourself. But it has to be followed by something. And I think it's something specific. If mindfulness is two things,

Starting point is 00:15:49 I would say mindfulness is listening to yourself, but it's also talking to yourself. And I think we miss some of that sometimes. If you think of like, your example was great, because you gave an intention to how you want to think about yourself. Yeah. But I think a lot of times when we're doing, you know, meditations or simple mindful practices, it's okay, mind, take it from here. Just lead me where you want to go. And if you're into, as I'm sure you are into some of the studies on the subconscious mind and Michael Singer and some of those things is like, there's a lot of understanding that

Starting point is 00:16:18 a lot of our thoughts, if not most of our thoughts aren't, don't originate with us. We're simply receiving them. Right. So if we're thinking about mindfulness as just being present in how we feel, we're missing half the battle, which of course, then it's deciding which is real, which we paid attention to. And I think as, you know, there's lots to handle there, the most practical way to differentiate and decide is through learning to talk to yourself. For me, I find it most valuable in writing, that's what takes words and actually makes them real.

Starting point is 00:16:47 And we can talk about guided journaling, but even for you, like visualize to vocalize, I think that's what like truly makes that. So give me an example of like visualize to vocalize. So like, I'll do this right behind the stage, right before, you know, behind the curtain, there's, you know, 3,000 people, maybe 5,000 people. I spoke one time to 30,000 people.

Starting point is 00:17:06 And I find the breath work sort of calms my catecholamines and centers me. And then I just say to myself, what's my intention? When I walk out there, what is my intention for being on that stage? And then I set that intention. And then for me, it took away a lot of the fear of public speaking when I was able to visualize the audience receiving my message. Like I literally think about people smiling or clapping or thanking me before it's even happened. And I don't know if it just took the fear away or if it instilled a lot of confidence on me, but I don't get the pre-flight jitters anymore. And I walk out onto a stage and somehow the words just come to me. And that's just in a public speaking realm.

Starting point is 00:17:49 But I think a lot of people are, they think themselves into a place where they're actually afraid to communicate. If they're scared, they lash out in anger, right? Instead of in embracing that fear, like, what am I afraid of? And then sort of facing it. So how do you have this conversation with yourself? Yeah. Well, I mean, I, I, the, the key question of course would be like, why? Like I feel a certain way, step one, mindfulness president, how you feel, why do I feel this way? What is the catalyst? And then from there it was like, I, like I am basically a creative writer for a living i write so i think

Starting point is 00:18:26 a lot of it is creativity okay we have the feeling we have the catalyst what do i decide to do with it like optimism hope it's all a decision but how are decisions made real decisions are made real not to simplify optimism but through the words that we choose, like words are how we communicate with other people. The words and apples and apple, because we know what an apple looks like. It's the same way with like how we project hope for ourselves. So like I also used to like I used to be a horrible public speaker, definitely afraid of it would get the shakes and the yips. Oh, yeah, it's right up there with like deep water and my mind would go blank. It was horrible.

Starting point is 00:19:05 It was debilitating. And there's something to be said about getting reps in and just getting better at it. But for me, it's always like finding a mantra or something to repeat to myself that I have chosen human language behind that just centers me. So for me, like usually like for this, for example, it's like if I am nervous, I'm like, I am here to help. That's all I'm here to do if I am nervous, I'm like, I am here to help. That's all I'm here to do. Help people who listen.

Starting point is 00:19:27 That's all I'm here to do. There's no agenda behind it. It's just like putting some language behind these things instead of just allowing them to be these amorphous thoughts. Like I pretty much write mantras on the internet. Yeah, I have some. We're going to read some. Yeah, but it's like, why?

Starting point is 00:19:41 Why do that? Why write quotes? And, you know, for me, it's some of? And for me, some of them are very cheesy. Some of them are very simple. Some of them are overly simplified. But it's like there's something to be said about human language when it comes to expressions of thought. I think so much of wellness and self-help online has been therapy language to death in a bad way. Totally agree with you. And that's why I'm like a golden retriever. Use one syllable words and I will understand it.

Starting point is 00:20:13 And I think that's what we need. And there's many reasons why I go deeper than just like be simple language, but it's relatable. It's not ostracizing, and it takes away labels. So instead of being an anxious person, it's I have an anxious thought. It's like these things that just help us move past some of these constraints that I think, you know, make it more debilitating for us. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:36 You know, I love what you're saying because a lot of times it's hard to go on a journey by yourself. And, you know, when people are alone and they feel a certain way, I think very often what they do is they go out and look for justification of why they feel the way they do. And they go seek justification from their friends or from their coworker or from their spouse. So if they're in a bad mood and they wanna blame it on somebody else, they go seek a confidant in that anger and it just actually makes the situation worse. Instead of like what you're saying is be very present. Why do I feel this way?

Starting point is 00:21:18 What can I do about it? You could actually handle this by yourself. I think it's kind of a metaphor for life that I don't always need to be looking outside of the resources I have within my own self. Yeah. I can really solve this task on my own. And if I were, quote unquote, more mindful, more present, more aware of how I'm feeling,

Starting point is 00:21:38 I could start this conversation with myself. I mean, it feels like the world would be a lot better place. Yeah. I mean, we could talk all day about like social media and the proliferation of negativity and these things. It's very easy to find negative things that support a negative feeling. If I'm feeling an anxious way, it's easy to find more things that fuel that anxiety. On Monday, for instance, when we were in a one-day recession in the stock and the Middle East issues and presidential race, I was just overwhelmed.

Starting point is 00:22:09 Anywhere I went, I felt just this overwhelming dread. It was everywhere. And that's not just because of whatever happened on Monday in the U.S., but just in general. We always gravitate towards it. And, you know, we can talk about social media and how it's a choice, but we really do have this capacity within us. And I think, you know, for me, all of all of this practice has taught me something really important, which is, you know, to not be judgmental of myself, which is that's a nice little softball thing to throw out there. But I think what really helped me break through there was kind of recognizing my own hypocrisy in a good way, not in like a beat myself up way. And it's the way that like, I am judgmental of

Starting point is 00:22:49 myself for things that I would never be judgmental of other people for not, not in the slightest. Like I wrote this book that's bold of you, uh, a year and a half ago. And the reason I wanted to write it was because I found this study called the beautiful mess effect. Um, which I don't even know if it's a big study, but it's basically these researchers in 2018 in Germany that were examining the idea of vulnerability and why it is that we applaud vulnerability and other people, but we cringe at ourselves being vulnerable. Vulnerability meaning a variety of things. One, for one, being honest, open, emotional. For two, being a beginner, being silly, just being different, being weird, whatever it is. In general, we say, I love a weird friend.

Starting point is 00:23:30 I love a unique person. I love a real honest person. But then when we're like, well, I can't be a unique, weird, honest person. People will hate that. Why do we have that level of hypocrisy? The study was really interesting, too, just to make it practical. They basically filled this room with two groups of people, one group of people doing vulnerable things, another group of people judging vulnerable things, like what's a vulnerable thing. So the

Starting point is 00:23:53 first example was they said, Hey, Gary, you're going to sing this song in front of 30 people. You've never heard the song. Here's the lyrics. I want you to sing it. And they're like, and they're like, Oh, by the way, before you do that, how do you think it's going to be interpreted? And every person, of course, it's going to be horrible. They're going to think I'm an idiot. They're not going to respect that I tried nothing. Right before they sang, they also had the other group, they said, Hey, this person is going to sing a song. What do you think? They all said, Oh, that's courageous, like good for them. Like I could ever do that. That's like amazing that they would do that. They did study like that. They did any other studies too, where they had someone do a vulnerable act, asking for help, admitting a mistake that people like

Starting point is 00:24:29 kind of showcase their bodies in a vulnerable way. And every time they surveyed the people doing it and the people judging and every time the people that were doing the vulnerable act said that it would not be well received, people would hate them, they would judge them, vulnerabilities, bad, so on and so forth. And every time the people on the judging end they said no that was amazing like these are good things anyway just showing the yeah no discrepancy between that shouldn't be overlooked that's that's amazing it's a very simple thing right but to me it's just like we we grasp onto these these character attributes these things vulnerability being a broad one but i think the most important one and we hold ourselves to an entirely different, negative, unfair standard when we can point to

Starting point is 00:25:10 the fact that we don't hold other people to it. In fact, it's the opposite. So I think there's a level of breakthrough that you could have when you recognize hypocrisy, or at least just like unfair, unbalanced judgment that I think could be a catalyst for a lot of these things that we're talking about. Yeah. I remember Tony Robbins used to talk about how you should talk to yourself like internally talk to yourself and we're very critical very often of ourselves we're our own worst enemies very often and i was i was interested for how that kind of frequency and emotion actually affected your health and there's hordes of clinical evidence now about certain emotional states actually being very detrimental for your health we i think we've known it for a long time but i

Starting point is 00:25:49 think now the evidence and the you know the capacity to measure it and demonstrate it is is really there but he was saying that inner voice is is the most powerful voice and i remember i'm using the example of saying what if you started talking to yourself like a friend? You know, if, if your friend was about to go out and embark on something really bold, like came to you and it was your best friend. And it's like, Hey, I've never public spoken before, but I'm going to really try it. I've been invited to speak at this event. And I don't know what I'm going to say. I mean, do you think I should do it? You would be like, Oh, you're going to crush it. Of course you should do it.

Starting point is 00:26:25 You know, let's, let's rehearse it. But when it's your internal voice and it's you that's been invited to speak and it's your first time, you're like, I'm going to suck at this. This is never going to work out. But so you actually treat yourself worse than you would actually treat a third party. And there was an interesting anecdote from the same study too. They were like, well, why is this? Why do we do exactly what you described?

Starting point is 00:26:45 And they called it, it's tough to say, construal level to construe, right? Construal level. And they basically found that when you look at yourself, you have a really low construal level. You're very close to yourself and your experiences, right? You have every memory in the world under your belt that you could say, well, I failed this time. This was awkward.

Starting point is 00:27:04 You have so many examples of things. But when you think about someone else's behavior, whether it's a friend, or whether it's a stranger, there tends to be this difference in how you construe it from a broader perspective. And it's like, you know, you give them more positivity, more warmth, more you assume more positive intention. So there's something to be said about like, we are just, you know, you look at other people and you think like, oh, like highlight reel or like, oh, good stuff. And you think about yourself and you're like, low light, low light, low light. We just, we arm ourselves with all this negative talking about evidence. We got a lot of evidence. I could sit here and name a number of times that I've failed. And that's the first thing I think about when I

Starting point is 00:27:40 think about doing something vulnerable versus someone else. You're like, well, you know, Gary's, you know, great guy. He'll probably succeed here. We give that benefit of the doubt and it has something to do with what they call that construal level. That's interesting. And how, of course we're closest to ourselves, but what do we do with that? Like, what do we do with the closeness we have with ourselves? We could do one of two things. We can use it to negatively interpret our future, or we could use it to create evidence. I mean, talk to anyone in the wellness space and you talk about like confidence and self-esteem and self-doubt, eventually you're going to return to the idea of creating evidence to

Starting point is 00:28:16 support positive belief systems. So what do you do with all the evidence you have? Does it hold you back or does it fuel future attempts? I mean, again, it's a choice. Yeah. And you know what's often true about people, especially that have anxiousness or anxiety that are more prone to that, and I believe that there's a genetic component to that, is that they have a tendency to gravitate towards the worst possible outcome. So they consider a scenario, they gravitate towards the worst possible outcome. So they consider a scenario, they gravitate towards the worst possible outcome, especially when they ruminate at night.

Starting point is 00:28:48 And they'll ruminate on their thoughts, they'll gravitate towards the worst possible outcome. And then they wake up, their first thought is about something that happened in the past. So already the past is being drug forward into their present. They kind of repeat the same cycle. So for somebody that's listening to this,

Starting point is 00:29:04 and I talked about my little exercise that I do. I don't think it's something that I could teach, they kind of repeat the same cycle. So for somebody that's listening to this and, you know, I like, I talked about my little exercise that I do. I don't think it's something that I could teach, but it's just something I kind of do myself. And I found it that it works very, very well, especially in stressful situations, like before a big talk or big meeting or something. Well, where's a, where's a baseline level for somebody to get started on their mindfulness journey? And like, what kind of practices should they engage in? Well, we can talk about guided journaling. Cause I mean, that's an area where I'm not afraid to like really step up and, and, you know, kind of advocate for it. Um, I mean, writing things down, I'm sure you have aware of the mind and body connection. We would

Starting point is 00:29:39 do some of these things, but it's like, why, why write things down in general? Like there's logical components. And then there's like the deeper component. The first would be like, you write important things down. Like if you have a to-do list, you write it down. Um, I love a good T chart pros and cons. Like if I have a big decision to make, I remember when I was quitting my job, working through relationships, I was like, I need to see this. I need, I need to write it down. And I think for me, and again, I'm not a scientist, but for me, I think about like the brain. Like the brain is really good at retaining information.

Starting point is 00:30:09 It's what it works over time. Perhaps that's why you're overthinking a lot of things, running what ifs, ruminating, all these things. It's really good at retaining. But if you allow your brain just to retain, like when are you ever focused on processing these things? I've just found when it comes to journaling, writing a thought down,

Starting point is 00:30:24 you're finally freeing your brain up to actually work on that issue instead of just retaining it. So for one, it's a small thing, but it like freezes a thought. And now you see it. And now you can work through it. And not just that, it's like how we opened, like I always call journaling intentional thinking for you've got, call it two minutes, three minutes, five minutes, however long you journal. Now you have this opportunity to actually work through one thing. I think journaling in general is great. And I think it's hot right now. People, people cold plunge, red light therapy, journal. Oh, journaling's huge. Part of the thing. I think there's a level to journaling. And I'll give you an example too.

Starting point is 00:30:59 I see a lot of people, I think journaling of any kind is tremendous. Of course, I would say it's never a wasted effort, but I see a lot of people they'll wake journaling of any kind is tremendous. Of course, I would say it's never a wasted effort, but I see a lot of people they'll wake up, they do their, you know, their 5am routines and they'll, they'll do, I'm grateful for three things. And it's, you know, friends, family, health, things like that. I think a lot of the times it gets a little performative though. It's like, yeah, you said you're grateful for those things, but do you feel grateful? Like, do you actually feel on a deep level that you're grateful for these things?

Starting point is 00:31:23 Well, maybe not. How can you actually get a visceral feeling from a journaling practice? Take like gratitude, for instance. One of the prompts that I do these journaling sessions for people, I take them through. It's derived from Thich Nhat Hanh, who's a Vietnamese peace activist monk. He has a quote called the non-toothache quote, where he says that when we're having a toothache, we know that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing. Yet when we don't have a toothache, we're still not happy. Basically saying in very simple ways that not having a toothache is fantastic, but we don't

Starting point is 00:31:56 appreciate that until we have a toothache. Right. So like, it's like you could always find something to be grateful for. You can, but the way to be grateful is to immerse yourself in the opposite of that. So like the prompt that I have people to do is I say, okay, think about something recently in your life that was debilitating in a sense. You're a singer, you had strep throat, you couldn't sing, horrible. You're an athlete, you broke your leg, you couldn't work out for six months. You're going through a breakup recently, you couldn't get out of bed. And now you're a month later, a couple months later, you're free from that you've evolved from that. In this moment, you can literally produce gratitude for yourself by going back to that debilitating moment and say, I'm grateful to not and then describe that. That is the source

Starting point is 00:32:41 of gratitude comes from contrast, right? To not feel like an injured athlete. To not describe, immerse yourself on what it was and that you no longer have. That is the source of gratitude comes from contrast, right? To not feel like an injured athlete. To not describe, immerse yourself on what it was and that you no longer have. That is, to me, you can't help but be grateful for that. Like I was sick about two weeks ago. It sucked. I just didn't, I had head fog. I didn't feel like I could write. It was horrible.

Starting point is 00:32:58 So I could sit here right now. So I'm grateful to not have that and so on and so forth. Just like simple contrast driven journaling prompts like that, that really force you to actually get into the feeling you're trying to conjure up, whether it's a feeling of gratitude, whether it's a feeling of clarity, whatever it may be. I think to your question, I think that is immensely powerful. Not only does it give you room to think intentionally, but it's also just a moment of presence within that feeling. And you're using human language behind it, right? You're not forced to use therapy language or say,

Starting point is 00:33:31 oh, I'm going to avoid an attachment styles. You use human language and you write these things down. One of my favorite biohacks outside of breath work by far is mineral salts, Baja Gold Sea Salt. It's got all of the trace minerals that the body needs. You know, most of us are not just protein deficient, meaning amino acid deficient or fatty acid deficient. We are mineral deficient. So a quarter teaspoon of this in water first thing in the morning will make sure that you get all of the essential minerals that you need. It tastes amazing. In fact, I made a steak today. I actually made a grass-fed steak with grass-fed butter and I put just mushrooms and a little bit of rosemary and I sprinkled Baja Gold Sea Salt all over the top. Try it. It'll be your new favorite for cooking

Starting point is 00:34:08 too. It's the cheapest and one of my favorite biohacks. I don't know, a $15 or $20 bag of this will probably last you five years. And it's literally the world's best biohacking secret. Now let's get back to the Ultimate Human Podcast. Dude, I love that. You know, I think that when people say all the time you know when i'm on social media they'll they'll be folks talking about you know wake up in gratitude but nobody actually tells you how to summon gratitude yeah i mean of course you could look around and say got a beautiful family i have a nice car i have a career that i'm not upset with but you know using that what you were just saying is to go back.

Starting point is 00:34:46 I think people find very often their purpose in their pain. And sometimes if you actually keep going back to your pain and pulling it into something that makes you feel gratitude. Yes. It actually, in my opinion, I mean, this is epiphany. It just came to me and I should trademark this, but I mean, you could find your purpose, right? Because you keep going back to your pain and going, I got beyond it doing this. And now all of a sudden you're like, for me, my, I know that my purpose is in the wellness space because I gave 20 years of my life to the wrong

Starting point is 00:35:21 industry. And when I woke up one day and was like, what am I doing? Predicting death and not, I'm not, I'm not impacting any lives. I'm enriching the balance sheet of an insurance company or a company. And I have all of this knowledge that could be used for good. And there's human beings on the other side of the spreadsheet. Why am I writing reports saying how long people are going to live how soon they're going to die and when i made that switch i know if you didn't know about me they're like wow wouldn't come on the podcast if i'd known that so anyway y'all can we just cut but but my whole point is that you know that journey I am so grateful for where I am now. I'm telling you not a day goes by. I tell people all the time, like, I feel like I live somebody else's life. Like I'm waiting for

Starting point is 00:36:12 somebody to come in and throw me out of this condo and be like, this isn't your place. And I'll be like, you know what? I knew it was over. Let me grab my shit, you know, but, um, I'm so grateful because of how that made me feel. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's so much there. I love, I love that so much because thinking about how I think about mindfulness and life, I think it's, it's all about the opposites and it's all about the contrast. Like we can sit here and talk about how, you know, you only know what love or what happiness is because you've experienced the contrast of that. Of course, like if you've only known love and only known happiness, do you really have a definition of that thing? Well, probably not. You needed the opposite of it. You needed

Starting point is 00:36:48 a struggle. And I sometimes don't like to go there. It's a little pandering. But there is power in examining contrast, specifically in journaling. Like, I'll give you another example, if you don't mind to really drive drive home the point, like, we could do the gratitude exercise, which is taking that pain and bringing it back into the present and then celebrating the fact that you're free of that or evolved through or healed through it in some way. A lot of the journal prompts that I encourage people, and I take these through athletes and corporate groups and people from all different walks of life. And they all center around contrast and opposites. Like for instance, like one of the prompts that I encourage people to do is we're all trying to figure out who we are, right? And a lot of prompts would be like,

Starting point is 00:37:27 who do you want to be? Describe who you want to be. I'm like, I don't feel that that's a powerful exercise. Why don't we describe who we don't want to be? Like, let's do the opposite. So I have this journal exercise where you describe your enemy, which would be the opposite of you, who you, what you stand for, what you're willing to do, all these things. And for me, I just found that that clicks. You work through the I just found that that clicks. You work through the opposite of these things. It clicks. Another question we're all trying to figure out in life is,

Starting point is 00:37:50 what is the purpose of my life? Such an important but difficult question because we end up doing what we do when we're young and even when we're old, which is we borrow other people's purpose and say, well, that'll be mine because they look happy and wealthy, so that'll be mine. Yeah, you borrow other people's purpose. You borrow, you copy and paste, you rush, you do these things. And it doesn't make us bad people. We're always looking to be inspired,

Starting point is 00:38:12 but how can we be more truthful? What would the opposite of that be? So I encourage people to say, what don't I want to regret? Regret is one of those feelings. That sounds like a very simple question. Regret is one of those feelings though, that I really like to examine in written form because think of all the emotions that you might borrow or the attributes that you might borrow from other people. You might be jealous of someone, envious of someone. You might want their success, their happiness, their confidence. You don't borrow regret. Like you don't borrow someone else's regret. Regret is one of those things like I either regret something or I don't. Right. And I think examining your life's truth and clarity and these things through the lens of something that you say, I don't want to regret. And you find words to describe what

Starting point is 00:38:53 that regret would be. I think there's a level of truth that you get from a prompt like that instead of I don't want to regret what would be an example. I don't want to regret. Usually it's the opposite, not doing something right. So for me, you know, I don't want to regret, would be an example i don't want to regret usually it's the opposite not doing something right so for me you know i don't want to regret you know i used to be not trying to start my own business yeah and i used to be like a commitment phobe in relationships i was like i don't want to regret you know not at least trying to be vulnerable and open in a relationship like things like that whatever whatever's on your heart i really like but it's like yeah it's working through these things through the opposite and i think that's perhaps a lens that some people don't consider because you're so focused on forward, forward. And so let's go revisit something, pull it back.

Starting point is 00:39:31 Yeah. Think about regret, things like that. I think, you know, the more we work on ourselves, I said this to a group of folks the other day that, and I don't profess to be anywhere near a mindfulness coach. But, you know, sometimes when I'm talking about health and wellness, people ask me questions related to mindfulness or mood or emotional state or what have you. And somebody was telling me that someone raised their hand and said that they just felt kind of lost. They weren't in a particularly bad relationship and they weren't in a particularly bad relationship. Um, and they weren't in a particularly bad career, but they just felt unfulfilled, but they were unfulfilled and they weren't unfulfilled for reason. Cause she said, it's not like there's something magnanimous that I want to do. And

Starting point is 00:40:15 I'm being held back from doing it. I just don't know what it is that I want to do. I just don't know that I want, I know that I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now. And I was like, well, it's complicated as that sounds, you know, my advice was just turn inward on yourself. And I wish I actually had this podcast because I would have referred her to it. But I said, just turn inward on yourself. Maybe just start paying attention to yourself and start treating yourself really well. And by treating yourself really well, maybe you, you know, for the next 30 days, you give up alcohol, you, you focus on your sleep, you stay consistent with your exercise and you say, I'm just not going to eat processed foods.

Starting point is 00:40:50 And so throw a little self-love your way. And then I believe that whatever it is that you are missing that you can't identify, it might reveal itself to you. You know, my, my father used to say, life is what happens to you when you're on your way to doing something else. And I, it was like the, my favorite definition of life that I've ever heard. And he was just a salty old Navy captain, you know, not, not a man of many words. And what was cool was, uh, you know, when he said that, he said it to me when I was really young, but I remember it now. And it's true. Like life is what happens to you when you're on your way to doing something else. And I think that having the capacity to self-solve really gives you a lot of power. And we have that ability to self-solve. That's like what I try to inspire people to realize.

Starting point is 00:41:38 Like normal, regular guy, not a therapist. I don't do coaching. I really don't have anything to sell other than a book. I really truly don't. So you can buy the book if you want. Well, you're the opposite. I'm a really good influencer, dude. You got to have a coaching program.

Starting point is 00:41:49 At least you got a book. I got a book. I sell a lot of copies of my book. Okay, good. But we have this ability through this introspection. It's not a silver bullet, of course. And I recommend therapy and I recommend, you know, things way more advanced than just sitting and being with your feelings.

Starting point is 00:42:04 But we do have this capacity. And I also think, you know, there will always be something missing in our lives. I think we'll always be able to find, put our finger on something that there's a moreness or a better version. We can always do that. There's always a capacity. I think social media puts us in a horrible place the the real reason that we do this the comparison and and longing i think there's some comfort i find comfort and in realizing that you know life life is life um and we have this ability to have everything we want in life i really do believe that we can but it's not always it's not going to be like a big pile of everything we want like just in one moment like greatness comes in and out of our lives.

Starting point is 00:42:46 Like we might have the best health and body of our lives at one point. And then we all but we don't have our soulmate at the same time. And then we might find our soulmate. We might like lose some of our fitness a little bit or our wealth and financial security comes and goes. Like just because those things aren't all at once doesn't mean we're not living a good life. Doesn't mean we're falling short of our potential like yes i want to live a life where i have family wealth health success impact all at once but like there's something to be said about giving yourself a little bit of grace on that linear line of picking those things up one by one and bringing them with you to

Starting point is 00:43:19 the next instead of putting this insane pressure on yourself to have it here and now, and then your point about social media, to assume that you see someone on social media and they're hot or successful or funny or confident and assuming they've got everything. They've got it all figured out. Because look at them. Look at them. Yeah. They're attractive.

Starting point is 00:43:38 We do it so easily. And it's weird also, too, how we will evolve. Oh, a hot person is also a really good person, is also a wealthy person, is also a successful person, is also a confident person. We take individual traits and blow them up to all these other traits. Whereas I know a lot of hot, very insecure, not wealthy people. I know a lot of wealthy people who aren't hot, who aren't confident. You can just go any direction with it, right? Literally today I was on the phone with a client.

Starting point is 00:44:06 It's so funny that you said that because it's making me laugh. He's actually a very, very famous actor and director. And I get on the phone with him like, you know, I love all the movies you've done and everything. We start talking and I always ask him what their goals are, you know, from the outset. And he goes, well, when I was broke, I was really fit. So I was like broken fit.

Starting point is 00:44:24 And now he goes, I'm rich, but I'm fat. So I'm rich and fat. And he's like, I've either been broken fit or rich and fat. And I don't know which one I like more than the other. And I started laughing and I go, so I guess your goal is to be rich and fit. And he goes, yeah, that's great. The Venn diagram, he wants that overlap right there.

Starting point is 00:44:43 It's like the hot crazy chart or any of those things, right? Yeah. But it just so funny because that was literally a conversation I just had a few hours ago. And I think that, you know, mindfulness and being aware and being present, even if it's not something that, you know, you're doing constantly, at least, you know, in the morning to wake up that way, kind of get in touch with yourself and um sets it sets a better tone um you know for for the rest of your entire day it's like when i cold plunge in the morning i feel amazing um yeah and i'm i haven't started journaling practice

Starting point is 00:45:15 should i should i start journaling uh yes okay you should not just because you sell the journal but no no and i don't even sell it anymore no i do i sell the journals i say buy my journal buy someone else's journal it doesn't come up with your own prompts like there's so many different types of journaling there's there's bullet journaling stream of consciousness journaling there's guided journaling yeah um it's all different types i i always just think it comes down to the power of the question how does yours work is it like a page divided up uh yeah so i've got i've got a couple couple focused on different areas of life from overthinking to general clarity. But usually it's a couple of warm-up questions like intention setting. And then it's one big, deep question that should take up most of your time.

Starting point is 00:45:54 20 minutes max. But, you know, it's like warming up a little bit, getting in the right headspace. But, you know, whether it's my journal or someone else's journal, it's about the power of the question. That's why like a lot of journals that do the same questions every day, I think are good as like a kind of, you know, just like mobility and stretching. Where is the, the, the powerful question, the question that makes you uncomfortable, right? The, the, the gratitude question, the question that draws you into something uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:46:21 I think the danger of, there's no danger, the potential downside of kind of performative journaling mindfulness is that it just reinforces things. We're not here to reinforce. We're here to break through the contrast to come up with new evolutions, new inventions, things like that. And if you're only asking yourself the same question and you're repeating,

Starting point is 00:46:42 I'm grateful for health, wealth, and family, how are we going to get to the next level? We have to be willing to get really uncomfortable and reinvent ourselves and burn the bridges and like do some dramatic things. Like I love mindfulness as a soft, vulnerable little butterfly, but I also like it as the Kool-Aid man running through the wall. Like, I think there's an element to mindfulness that is, that is action oriented, of course, you know, mindfulness on its own in a vacuum, listening to yourself, talking to yourself, immensely helpful. But if it's not coupled with action.

Starting point is 00:47:15 Yeah, I totally agree. What are we doing here? You know, and I think it's a metaphor for life because, you know, there was a business book written years ago, and I'm not sure I would even recommend this because of the basic premise was this. It was called Put the Moose on the Table. And it was essentially that the greatest businesses, partnerships, relationships, marriages are those where you put the hard things. You shine the brightest light on the hardest thing to talk about, right? Because, you know, marriages are breaking up because, you know, one spouse, for example, doesn't get aroused or feel the sensation of

Starting point is 00:47:53 libido, but the other spouse interprets that as they don't love me anymore. They're not attracted to me. So now there's a perversion in what's going on. One has a viewpoint here. The other one has a viewpoint over here. And you end up actually splitting up, not over the issue at hand, but because of your lack ability to talk about the hard things. And I've, I've really applied this to, to my business. You know, my, my partnerships and relationships, like if there's ever friction that I feel, it's the first thing that I talk about. Yes.

Starting point is 00:48:24 Right. Love it. And, and it puts, it puts that to bed because I talk about. Yes. Right. And, and it puts, it puts that to bed because I've been in some good partnerships. I've been great partnerships. I've been in average partnerships. I actually got, just got out of a terrible one from, from a business perspective. But in every case, I think that just like training for a sport, if you woke up every day and you actually asked yourself a hard question, and then it's only you, so you don't have to pose for anybody else.

Starting point is 00:48:50 And then you really pondered on it and you sort of, as you call it, introspectively looked at that and responded to that question. Then in the outside world, it doesn't become as hard to handle conflict. Yeah. It's almost like you woke up and handled some conflict and now- You should look forward to it, honestly. I'm glad you brought that up, Stan. Let's mess some stuff up Yeah. It's almost like you woke up and handled some conflict and now. You should look forward to it. Yeah. Honestly.

Starting point is 00:49:06 I'm glad you brought that up, Stan. Let's talk about that. Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, realistic. I mean, it's like mindfulness is the catalyst for other things in life. It's not the end goal. Like being mindful is an end goal. Mindfulness is to give you the clarity that makes you just brim with energy to do the

Starting point is 00:49:23 thing that is a result of that clarity. Like I talk a lot about communication. I've written books on dating and relationships as well and how to apply these ideas. One of the ones that I come back to all the time that for me really has changed myself. I used to be very passive. I would rather watch and listen than speak. Most people are. I would rather let a relationship die than break up with her.

Starting point is 00:49:42 I used to be very passive in that sense. Mindfulness for me, if we're putting practicality on the table, it's energized me to have the most difficult conversations first and immediately. And for me, it's, it's all it's all it's mantra eyes for it's a mantra for me. Anytime now, I'm like, shoot, like I we need to talk about this because we're getting separated or this business deal is going to fall apart, whatever. My mantra is speak up and get what you want or get what you need. Get what you want, get what you need. Anytime you speak up, you're going to get one of those two things. What you want, you speak up, you realize you're on the same page about the libido issue, for

Starting point is 00:50:20 instance, and you solve it and you're great. Or you get what you need and you realize there's, there's a chasm between you. There is no resolving this and you move on. You get what you need. You get the freedom, the flexibility there. But either way, you win every single time. That informing that need and want and freedom is informed by mindfulness every single time. So for me, it's like mindfulness, you know, outside of the way that, yes, it makes you feel more connected to yourself and vulnerability and truths and all these things. It for me, it's like mindfulness, you know, outside of the way that, yes, it makes you feel more connected to yourself and vulnerability and truths and all these things. It informs action specific and it could be as simple as a conversation as an action. Or I left my job. I worked at this company for eight, nine years. My whole identity was wrapped up in it.

Starting point is 00:50:58 And finally, I was like, I'm just going to leave. I'm just going to do this thing because I'd worked through it in that sense. So I think really a mindfulness is the catalyst for action. It's not the end goal, the action is the goal. Right. You know, we were talking about social media before we came in here. And I think most people are aware of the perils and the pitfalls of social media.

Starting point is 00:51:16 Obviously that the lives you see on social media aren't necessarily the lives that those people are living, but also the envy or the jealousy or the sensation that I'm missing out on something or I'm not as fulfilled as that person obviously can have the opposite effect. And there's, which is why one of the reasons why I said, I really wanted you on the podcast. I told you this before this, because I was like, this guy deserves a voice because you already have a voice. I mean, like I found like a little stray dog, you know what I

Starting point is 00:51:48 mean? Like you have a very powerful voice. But I'm like, you really deserve a voice because there doesn't seem to be an angle to what you're doing other than to put great information out there and maybe have a repository for a little bit of a more of a positive place like even in my industry there's a lot of mindset that i'm good because everybody else is bad right and they spend all their time posting about how bad other people are instead of how good they are yeah right i feel like you if you're going to be good go be good go be great and tell people yeah you're just pointing out how crappy other people are doesn't make you better yeah two different schools of thought for sure i mean for me i'm no angel i'm

Starting point is 00:52:30 trying to be the man i portray myself to be we all make mistakes but if there's any reason to just be kind and put out goodness and do good things and spread optimism is it comes back to you and i know that's foo-foo and i but i've seen it. I don't really ask for much by my book, whatever. Don't buy my book, who cares? Be inspired by myself. But any I've been living that mentality for the last six years. And you know how many crazy good things have happened to me as a result. Like the Today Show came to me, Forbes came to me, fortune came to me, all these deals, money, books, deal, all these things have come to me, Forbes came to me, fortune came to me, all these deals, money, books deal, all these things have come to me just because I just put it out there and didn't expect anything in return. And, you know, I think, you know, talk to me in 30 years, I'm going to, I'm going to write a book

Starting point is 00:53:16 about, you know, what happens when, when you give without expecting in return, when you could be kind without it being a tactic or a strategy. And I'm going to have specifics. We'll have some research in there too. And it'll be nice and meaty. But right now at 36 in my life, being different than when I was 30, and I always had an angle to things. Being a sales guy, I always had an angle. I couldn't truly be your friend if I thought I can get money from you for an ad deal or whatever it was at the time that I was working.

Starting point is 00:53:40 And now it's just like I've just totally transformed that. And I think there's an opportunity, whether it's on social media or as a person, or hopefully both of them to just be real and kind and genuine. And then also it's like, I do think a lot about social media and how we always get FOMO. In fact, I, uh, like a year ago, I put up this story. I wanted to see something really specific. I said, what are you lacking in your life? Put it out to all my followers, maybe half a million at the time. What do you like in your life? And I got a ton of great answers, powerful answers, things that I give empathy for. People said, I'm lacking true, deep love.

Starting point is 00:54:14 I'm lacking friendships. I'm lacking financial fulfillment. I'm lacking, you know, creative fulfillment, whatever. But I didn't really so much care about the answer. I wanted to see their profile. So I would go to the public profiles that people answer and I would look at it and I would compare what they said they lack with how they portray themselves. And, you know, it's a simple exercise, but you would,

Starting point is 00:54:34 I would see a girl say, I lack, you know, deep friendships. I would look at her feed post after post of their posts of her and her girls going out, doing fun stuff, smiles everywhere. I mean, that's, that's really interesting. Or a guy saying he lacks financial fulfillment. It'd be a guy in Miami. In a Lambo. In a Lambo, like something's going on here.

Starting point is 00:54:52 Ever wonder how elite athletes recover faster and stay energized? It's the science of cold water therapy. Hi, I'm Gary Brekka, and I want to introduce you to Plunge. Plunge helps to soothe your sore muscles boost your energy levels and improve mental clarity it's a powerful way to support your immune function and enhance your mood ready to transform your health take the plunge change your life visit plunge.com and shop now now let's get back to the ultimate human podcast well there was there was the uh private jet background that you could rent for a while until it started showing up on everybody's feet did you ever about that yeah yeah it's out in la or whatever like well you

Starting point is 00:55:28 have the same jet i do pretty man what are the chances come here often um and i would just see that and i would say there's there's two things that i could take from that for one don't believe anything you see on social media it is what it is i don't really like to lean into that angle because it's not that optimistic right the second is like those people it's all about perception like they could have friends but they want more friends they could have money but they want more money it's like either way though we lose twice i always say we lose twice when we compare ourselves to other people we lose the first time when we assume that they are happier than us because they look happy And we lose a second time when we assume that because they look happier than us that we're beneath them in some way. And I just I don't think there's any

Starting point is 00:56:10 way to win when you're comparing from a place of have and have not or lack. I love social media in the in the sense of inspiring. I know that's cheesy. But like, I never I joke that I share my feelings for a living. That's my job title. I never in a million years would think that I could make a living from this, make money, make impact from doing what I do, writing quotes. I always thought that being an author was for a very unique subset of people. Social media is what inspired me to try and do this. A combination of seeing artists who were doing cool things online, doing different things, seeing Ryan Holiday or James

Starting point is 00:56:45 Clear write these books on topics that I never thought people would be interested in. Atomic Habits is about habits. Yeah. Best, best, best, best, best seller. James, Ryan Holiday writing about stoicism is about virtues and justice and discipline. Like I was like, man, this is really inspiring. Yeah. But I could also look at those guys and be like, man, they're so far ahead of me. Like, how am I ever going to get there? Exactly. It's a decision of lack or I call it transition. Like it's not really lack, like not having something is never a static thing. It's a decision to say, okay, I currently don't have this thing, but that means I'm transitioning to having it. And that's, again, that's a choice and that's an optimistic viewpoint, but two different ways, of course, to look at social media. And I choose the optimistic. I love that. I mean,

Starting point is 00:57:30 hopefully trending the same way, you know, I try to be as authentic. I mean, I definitely make mistakes and I put information out there that I regret it. I quoted articles and not research or sometimes on a stage talk, I'll, I'll, I'll veer off and then someone will capture that one moment and go, ha, you know, gotcha. Everything else that you've ever said from the beginning of time is absolutely not true. And it's hurtful sometimes because I really do try to be as authentic as possible. But, you know, when you're that much in the public eye, you know, you can always find mistakes that you made. So what I did, I didn't show these to you, but I, whether your writings, what I did was I went and grabbed a couple of my favorites that you've jotted down online.

Starting point is 00:58:14 And some of these, I think you wrote on coffee mugs. Some of them you wrote on post-it notes and took them up and took pictures. But I'd love to just read them out loud and, and, and get your thought on what, and what was behind it. And you know, what, if anything, you know, you, you heard when you posted these online. Um, but one was, uh, remember who stood by your side as you rebuilt yourself. Those are your people. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. That was like a really popular one. That one got like 700,000 likes or something. Remember who stood by your side as you rebuilt yourself. Those are your people. So in other words, what do you think the meaning, your meaning behind that?

Starting point is 00:58:55 Yeah. I mean, I think it's a reflection of the fact that reinvention is an essential part of becoming your best self. And a lot of that requires rise and fall. And that's an essential part of who you are. And within that context, the people who appreciate that, who stick with you amongst plot twist and devastation, like those are your people. Those are your people because it strips away the tactic of being with someone. Like you could be successful and you fall and you rise back up. It's who's with you along the way that obviously shows a testament to loyalty and why they're with you in the first place. Yeah. Amazing. Because both my wife and my kids are, I would put into that category. Another one that I thought was amazing was the secret to

Starting point is 00:59:37 happiness is to be as weird as you like, and the wrong people will leave the party, but the right ones will stay and join the dance. I use the word weird a lot in my writing because it's really, it's a catch all for just being a little bit different. I'm talking about being a clown. I'm just talking about being a different person. I mean, I wrote that because, you know, the way to find your people is to be your real self. If you don't showcase your real self and you're surrounded by people, how could you say they

Starting point is 01:00:03 even know you? Like in order to find your people, you have to be willing to be a little weird or a little bit out there. That's how you know if someone's with you for the right reasons, whether they're going to ride or die with you and staying with you as you rebuild. So just a quirky way of saying be different, be weird, be vulnerable back to our conversation earlier. And people who respect that, who are drawn to that, those are clearly the right people for you. And if someone's not, you don't owe it to yourself to convince them. There's, there's nothing else to do. Like it's, people are clearing the path for you and it's, and it's amazing thing. So yeah, I read a lot about being weird and audacious and delusional. These words, a hot mess I use a lot,

Starting point is 01:00:39 but it's really just a catch all for being honest with yourself. Yeah. I love this one too. You know, you're winning when being kind is just who you are and not a role you play. There you go. I mean, that's pretty self-explanatory. I love that. And I think for people to reach a point in their life where they truly are kind, I think they really have to be content with themselves. I find that the people that are the least kind are the least content with themselves. It's usually not an issue with the other person. It's there. They impart that

Starting point is 01:01:12 on to other people. A hundred percent. I mean, there's so many quotes that are like peace within is peace on the outside. Like, I mean, any, anytime someone is over the top angry or jealous or envious of you and lashes out and hurts you in some way there's always room to draw it back to why why would someone act that way um yeah i'm so glad you're agreeing with everything i say i'm gonna launch my mindfulness coach career you should www.ultimate human mind coach.com i'm just kidding i'm not stepping on your toes at all i don't i don't do the coaching. One of the best feelings is when you finally say, I deserve better, and the universe starts conspiring to prove you right.

Starting point is 01:01:56 That is a great one. And, you know, are you going to write one down for me? Yes, you got the pen. Let's put him on the spot. This is going to be like Jeopardy. I'll write the one down. I tend to write a lot down. Work on my penmanship. Okay, so admittedly, I have written this one before but this is like something that if i

Starting point is 01:02:31 did have a tattoo i'd probably get tattooed uh it's redirection is an upgrade um basically the idea of course being you know plot twists in life uh bad things happen we talk about gratitude. Like these are opportunities for upgrades in your life. And it's a choice to decide whether a detour is going left or going right on a linear line. Wow. I'm a big proponent of taking the cards that have been handed to you and making the most of them, making some lemonade, and deciding, okay, this is an upgrade.

Starting point is 01:03:04 Like this is the thing. This is opportunity wow there's the this talk about opposites this would be the idea of there's that quote that's like you never know what worse luck your bad luck is saving you from like you get in a car accident well maybe there's something worse down the line or you lose your job and then maybe there was you know insider trading at the company like crazy things like yeah you never know what these bad things that we interpret as bad are saving you from or in this perspective a little more optimistic are are leading you to right right so i love that man that's so appropriate for me right now i just very recently had someone very close to me in my life that i that i loved and trusted quite a bit really really really betrayed me in a big way. And I know the better things are to become because of it. So that's very, very appropriate right now.

Starting point is 01:03:50 Yeah, that's a good one too. I wrote that one recently. That's literally, I wrote that for myself. I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I've decided to be ridiculous optimistic and hopeful about my life. I love that. I mean, it doesn't get more simple than that.

Starting point is 01:04:03 This is not Socrates here. I emailed my attorney today and said like yeah no it's not socrates but i said it's just like i could die of spontaneous excitement some days like i get so i get so happy i like that i could die of spontaneous excitement just give me a little credit a little gb at the bottom sometimes i joke with the staff i'm like dude can you guys please bring me some good news just to take the i mean some bad news just to take the edge off because like right now i'm the first person, you know, I have like tachycardia. I'm so excited.

Starting point is 01:04:29 You know? Like this is going to mellow you out a little bit. Just some bad news to take the edge off. That's great. And I just hate to shock people because it's just such a blessing to be able to do what we do. Man, this has been amazing. Yeah, thank you. I really would, I want to, you know, follow your journey.

Starting point is 01:04:50 And, you know, like I said, if I can be a part of giving you more of a voice, I want to be a part of that. I end every podcast by asking my guests the same question. And since you've watched all my podcasts incessantly, you're probably ready to go. But it's what does it mean to you to be an ultimate human? Yeah, I think, uh, you know, it's everything we just discussed. Um, but I think it's, it's, it's on a mental level, on a mindset level, it's freeing yourself from thinking that there's one right way in life. I think that's what makes you an ultimate free, ambitious, audacious human is deciding that if there's a soundbite that I would repeat that I repeat a lot is that there's no right way to live your life, but there's a wrong way. And the wrong way is thinking that there's a right way.

Starting point is 01:05:34 A.K.A. thinking that, again, back to comparison that, well, that person looks happy, so I need to emulate or that person is successful, so I need to copy or my parents said I need to be married by 30. So I need to be married by 30. The right way. I think there's so much freedom and you absolutely tap into your potential, your ultimate human potential when you decide that the right way is the way that I, through trial and error, through redirection, through all these things, figure out and decide is the right way. I think that is how you tap into your human potential and free yourself from everything. The whole reason I started, which is instead of copying and pasting and borrowing, you decide on your own, you let curiosity lead you. And I think that just opens you up to a life that is true to you that you won't look back on and regret in any sense. Wow. That's amazing. So for my audience that's listening, that wants to find out more about you, wants to find your book, where do they find you and where can they find your book?

Starting point is 01:06:26 Well, appreciate that. Instagram, case.kenny, redsharpie, of course. My latest book is bright yellow book called That's Bold of You. It's a lot of what we're talking about here. It's a book about how to be bold, vibrant, it's backed by psychology and mindsets. And then if you want my journals, newmindsethoodist.com. Newmindsethoodist.com. All one word. Awesome. And the podcast is Hoodis. Newmindsethoodis. Newmindsethoodis. Amazing, man. I appreciate you coming on. Thank you, man. Appreciate it. And as always, guys, that's just science.

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The Ultimate Human with Gary Brecka - 89. STOP Self-Sabotage Now! Case Kenny's Mind-Blowing Techniques

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