The Uneducated PT Podcast - #26 Ryan Eveleigh - A prison with no bars

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

In this episdoe Ryan Eveleigh comes on the speak to the School Of Fitness members

Okay, in this episode of the Uneducated PT podcast, we have special guest, a good friend of mine, Ryan, who's from, originally from Sioux Africa, Johannesburg, but he's actually coaching in Newcastle in the UK at the moment. So I brought Ryan on to have a conversation with our school of fitness members, coach them through any issues or struggles that they're having at the moment. And that's essentially what we do on the School of Fitness program, bring special guests on, bring people on who are very knowledgeable in all back. backgrounds of fitness and support people who are going through their fitness journey. So if that's something that you're interested in, if you're interested in joining the School of Fitness program where we, you know, deal with your workouts, your nutrition, lifestyle, you know, keep you accountable, give you support and obviously do things like this where we bring people on to help support and educate and coach throughout the journey.

You can get in contact with me through the Instagram probably is the best best. Carlo Rock Fitness underscore You can just drop me a message there And we can send you over A linked book in a consultation call And we can go from there But without further ado Here is Ryan

And here is the next episode Of the uneducated PT podcast Yours, Carl Yeah, I think it's yours Okay Thank you guys I thought how it's in trouble for a second Okay, right, well

Is it still bad now? No, I can hear you out of clear, bro, yeah You're all good now Okay, right. Well, we'll get me, we'll get me off the questions as quick as possible and on to someone else. One question that I wanted to ask is, so what are some of the common mistakes that the clients that you work with run into when starting their health and fitness journey? One of the most common mistakes is they try wrong before they can walk, right? So what happens is we'll come on board and it's the process of delay gratification of patients, right? you know, I can't remember if you said this, but a good physique is something you rent, right? Good health is something you rent.

You've got to put in the work to look after it, and you've also got to have a balanced lifestyle. You've got to be able to enjoy your food as well. So sometimes some people try to run before they can walk. So they'll start training really well, way better than they did before. And they'd be like, I got this, I got this. And it's like, well, don't run away with it just yet. Right. You've picked up the concept, right?

And now let's slowly start to action it. But what I actually do with my class is I'll let them run away with it and say, okay, it's okay, fail, fine. Don't panic and then come back, right? But I'll try advise. I'll say, look, this is probably the best port of call. But if you run away with it, don't panic. I'm still here and I'll walk you back and walk you through what you missed. So that's one of the big mistakes that a lot of clients make when they first start out. The other one is wanting something straight away, right? You know what I mean? I mean, like, I want to be in shape right now. It's like, it doesn't work that way. If it did, everyone.

to be in shape and then it would have no value. And when I say in shape, by the way, guys, I mean healthy. Okay. I'm not saying you need to be, you know, Jack with a six-pack. To be honest, that's actually not always the healthiest thing in the world. It's actually sometimes very fucking bad. But being healthy, you know, being confident and being in a shape that you can be in. Right. So that's another thing that a lot of people tend to run into is making them understand what being healthy is and what's in alignment with the best version of who they can be. and that takes time to develop and takes conversations and discussions

as well as setting certain markers for them. So seeing them run into that is quite frequent as well. Sometimes pursuing what they see on Instagram being like, so I want to look like this person or I want to do X and Y is like, hold on. You or you, right? There's only one

you in this world. So what is it that you want? Right? Because you ain't going to look like fucking Kim Kardashian and hopefully you don't want to if I'm being Prince of the Honest. Right. which I notice is because I don't really pull any punches. I'm very honest and authentic and have a bit of a potty mouth. So excuse me for any parents and a slightly more conservative folks on here.

So yeah, you see that quite a lot. So I wouldn't call it managing expectations. I would call it making them aware of what their potential is and what their capabilities are and making sure that they can see that manifest because trying to pursue something that is someone else. You know, like me want to look like Ronnie Coleman. well, I'm not 5'9, jacked and black with amazing genetics.

It's never going to happen. So I'm always going to be fucking miserable if I'm chasing that. Do you know what I mean? Those are two very, very common things you see, especially when clients start out, is they almost set themselves up for failure rather than success. You know what I mean? Those are two of the most common things I tend to see. We have a lot of clients on the program who are just starting off their gym journey.

If you were starting off again, what are three things you'd want to know about starting off in the gym. The first thing I want to know is that I do not know everything. Straight away, like, like honest to God, I can even tell you a story where there was a guy in a gym when I was playing professional rugby. I was in this commercial gym. And he knew the ins and hours of training like no one. He trained in a guy called Charles Poliquin. So he knew the ins and outs of his training. And he came over to me to offer me some advice. It's like really nice. He's like, hey, man, like, what do you think about doing? And I just kind of was like, back off. And all of a sudden, I think it was like tears down the line or something,

I then started actioning what he did and what he told me to do. And I was like, ah, you know, my ego got in the way straight out the gate, right? So that's one thing I'd say. Right. The next thing I'd say is always be open to try new shit and see what you enjoy it. Right. See what you get the most benefits out of. Make sure it aligns with what you can enjoy and sustain. because that's going to lead to like long-term success, right? That's going to lead to a healthier, better life, a more balanced lifestyle where you can do what Carl does, go to Texas and enjoy some barbecue and still be squared away, you know what I mean? Like, to be fair, I had a Domino's pizza the other night.

And people always think, you know, chicken and rice, shoot me, literally shoot me. I'd rather shit my hands and clap than do that. Okay. And then one of the other things I would love to know, especially when it comes to like starting out my lifting journey, is understanding that it's not. not the amount of stuff you do ever is the intensity with which you do it. Right. Intensity, you can't, you say you can't coach intensity. You can't, right? That's a bit of a bullshit one there, in my opinion. But by the same token, training with intensity and establishing where that is is the

first port of call, not just piling more stuff on top. And your levels of intensity will all be very different guys. And that's completely okay. Remember, you're not competing against anyone else other than yourself, right? And when I say competing, I mean, you're just trying to better yourself every single day, whether that's one step or 10 steps. It doesn't matter as long as you're improving. And if you don't improve, it's not a biggie. You always back up a negative with a positive. That would be one other thing actually is if something bad happens, if something that's kind of out of alignment with the person I want to be or what I'm trying to achieve happens, no biggie. The next day, I'm going to jump back on the horse. I'm not just going to go, whoa, me forever.

I'm just going to be like, okay, back we go. What's your favorite quality in a client? That's a fucking good question. Favorite quality in a client. Coachability. Genuine coachability. And what I mean by that is the ability to go, you know what? And I have various clients of various skill sets, right?

Some are like, he has one, I have a Turkish client, and he is jacked to the teeth. He's massive. Right? So his starting level was here, right? Now, other clients who never lifted a day in their life. I've got clients who haven't even been to the gym, which is completely okay, you know,

and that's a beautiful thing because it's still. making brilliant progress. So for me, it's coachability. Being able to go, you know what? It's not what I know. It's what I don't know. And what I don't know is what I'm here to find out. And I'm open to hearing it.

And trying new things and I'm not afraid to fail. That is what I look for in a client. How do we become more coachable? Less ego, more listening. Understand that God give you two years and one mouth for a reason. You know what I mean? And it's never, and one thing I've noticed, it's not really a problem, but one thing I do notice is,

sometimes people are afraid to ask a question because they think it's stupid. Now, if you're speaking to a competent individual and you're incompetent, let's say you're not as intelligent or maybe not as clued up as your coach, otherwise you wouldn't get a coach, right? They are not going to berate you for being in common, how do you not know that? It's like, you came to them for a reason. You know what I mean? They're going to be like, that's okay.

I'll teach you. I'll help you. Right. and if they do berate you, I'll probably say, you know, run away, if anything. Sorry, my internet is acting dodge, so I'm going to move on now in a minute, but I wanted to go through, yeah,

I wanted to go through them three quotes of yours that I really liked. So first one, self-doubt is a baited trap, don't fall for it. What do you mean? So what I mean by that is essentially self-doubt is its own trap and its own baited traps.

essentially by doubting yourself, you prevent yourself from actually moving forward. So a really good example is this, right? I'm never going to be, let me think of something, right? I'm never going to be 5% body fat, right? Just a random one at the top of my head, for example, for me. So I doubt myself. So instead, I don't even bother trying to pursue it. So you bait yourself into inaction.

You stop yourself from even trying to pursue. And you've got to remember, it's the pursuit of the goal that actually develops the characteristic in the individual, not the goal itself. The process is way more important than destination. And as cheesy as that fucking sounds is the truth, without a doubt. That's hard for us to remember at times when we're so desperate for the result. This is the thing. And it's so funny because what I've noticed, and you probably knows of your clients,

is when they get the result, they look back with hindsight and they go, it's the person I've become that actually made me get this result, and that's why I can sustain it. You know, and that's why I always kind of ask a person and go, if I could give you a pill right now to take and you'd be in the shape of your life, would you take it? And if I said, yes, I'd say we've got a problem.

Houston, we have an issue, we need to fix us. There's a problem here somewhere. We need to handle this. The next one is give yourself a little bit of grace. Why is that important? Because every single one of us is going to fail. Every single one of us is going to fuck up at some point. Every single one of us is going to do something

that is out of alignment or, you know, kind of straying off the path of us trying to become our best version of who it can possibly be. And if you rip yourself apart about it, it's very hard for you to get back on the path, number one. So you give yourself a bit of grace, which is like, you know what? So imagine you having an argument with a friend, for example, right? You give yourself a grace, you know what, I flip my shit a bit there. I shouldn't have done that, but you know what, it's okay. It happened.

I reacted. Let's just have a look at the situation, detach a bit, and then we're going. forward, rather than going, you know, you're such a fucking idiot for doing this to this person and just ripping yourself a new one because all that creates is this negative loop theory in your head where you'll never ever, ever want to take affirmative action towards the person you want to become. The last one, be the field, this enables you to learn faster than others. Oh, God, yeah. I love that one. That's probably my favorite one, which is accepting like the role of the fool, right? And why you need to accept that role is imperative. So,

I remember I posted this reel and I got a couple people who, ignorance is bliss for some, right? And a couple of people like, I was explaining it in terms of being the role of the fool and accepting your place in the societal hierarchy, wherever you are. They were like, man, that's a way to stay in a rat race.

Actually, it's the exact opposite. It's a way to get out of the fucking rat race. You mug, right? And what I mean by that is essentially, Jordan B. Peterson actually says it best, right? If you're a waiter, okay, you can bitch and moan all you want about being a waiter. And guess what's going to happen? Nothing is going to change.

Or you can accept your role as a waiter. You know what? I'm going to be the best fucking waiter I can possibly be. And believe it or not, eventually you're going to get promoted. And eventually, you're going to go further. So essentially what I'm saying there is by doing that, you're essentially allowing yourself to learn and grow. you know, and not getting annoyed because of where you are. Listen, you're where you are for a reason, guys.

That's the reality of the game. That's life, right? And at the end of the day, by accepting that role and then doing your best you can in that role, it'll eventually change. As long as you take action and you have to accept that, but if you don't accept it, you're never going to be the kind of person to go,

you know what, I'm going to take action. Instead, you're going to bitch and moan about it. Or be like, oh, I don't deserve this. It's like, whether you do what you don't, it's happening. So what's the best move on the chessboard at this moment in time? You know? Desry, could I get you to unmute yourself and jump in and ask a question or, hold on, let me ask to.

Hey. Yeah, so your connections about dodgy, so I wasn't sure what you said. But yeah, I just wanted to say that you're like countrymen yet. I was about it. Cap's on. Oh, of course, of course. I'm unfortunately from Joe. But please don't judge me.

Yeah, I just wanted to say, like, I've been doing this kind of now for like almost two years. And I found that the initially, like, losing a heap of weight, and I'm almost like on 25 kilos now, was super easy. And now I'm at the point now where I'm like, just trying to just get leaner, get stronger. You know, like, I know a little bit about what I'm doing in the German, whatever. But I'm finding like this last bit now. And I'm not sure it is the last bit because I feel like it's become a lifestyle now. but I'm finding a spot where trying to just get my body fat down to a place where I like it and whatever is really hard. It's a real struggle.

And I'm like, you know, it's that like lost little bit over the hill where I'm like, actually, like, is it worth it actually? Like, why can't I just be happy with the body that I have now? You know what I mean? What am I chasing? So I think like a lot of people can identify with the fact that it's super easy in the beginning when you have a heap of weight to lose and the weight comes off really quickly and your body change. changes really quickly. And then this kind of last little bit is the real mind fuck where you have to like dig real deep. And that's why that's why I joined call because yeah, I just was really struggling. And I knew all the things that I needed to do, but I just needed somebody to keep

like keep encouraging me to be like, you know what, just stick in there, you know what you're doing. Just keep just keep getting, just keep, just keep at it. And I think exactly what you were saying just now. The process is more important than the destination. And I think I'm very focused on the destination. And sometimes I need to go back and kind of, just look at all the things that have changed as a person. I've evolved. You know what I mean? I lost flipping, like, almost a small child. You know what I mean? Let's not squander at the amount you lost, firstly. And secondly, Desiree, what I'm going to say is this portion, you know, the hardest portion you're about to go through or that you've been going through with Carl. Firstly,

fucking intelligent choice to get a coach, right? Secondly, understand that this is the most formative period, right? It's also at the beginning when you lose a lot of weight, it's great, it gives you a lot of positive momentum and it's massive. But now you're starting to reach like stealing potential. Now it's like, okay, Desire is capable of X. She's right here, right? It's almost like the universe going out, let's test her.

Is she capable? Is she ready? You know what I mean? So although this is the hardest part, this is probably for you specifically, one of the most formative parts of your journey. Buffer, right? it is one of the most formative parts. For some people, it's the beginning because they can't get that weight off.

And sometimes that's like the English people in a sense, it's like, who's hard? Right. And for those people, that's the most formative part of their journey. For you, it's this end, I wouldn't call it the end point, but the point of what I would call of no return, where you are now going to build yourself into an individual under the correct guidance with an individual that is a force to be fucking reckoned with because it's not just about the weight you're going to be getting off, but the mindset and the callousing of the mind that is going to have to develop

by proxy for you to get to that point is ridiculous. It's like, how do I explain it? It's almost like that last 10% will give you like 100% in terms of yields, not just mentally but physically as well. I have a client who's in a similar position to you, right? She lost like 20 pounds, for example, right? but she looked completely different. And the last part of her journey is all based around, you know, her gym performance because

that's an area of weakness for her specifically, right? So this is just a bit of an example. And she realized she was like, holy shit, minor changes in the gym are bringing maximum yields. So this for you, although it's the hardest part, this is the part where you've got to look at it and go, well, this is the part that's going to really put me past the point of no return, where I'm going to really count. And it truly does become a lifestyle after that. I genuinely mean them.

Yeah. I am, Cole, I was training every day and Carl's like, nope, you're not training every day anymore.

So I know, I'm like, like, going to train at the gym behind his back and not telling him. I have actually, Carl,

just saying, but yeah, it's been such a good journey in such a, like a stretch in terms of mentally, but yeah, it's been good.

This is a big part for you, hey, big part for you, Desiree. So keep fucking going, girl, because honestly,

you'll be surprised by what you was is going to break. Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate that. Kirsty, do you want to jump in

and ask a question? I can try. Okay. I think I'm kind of the same place as Desiree. So I lost over 20 kilos

already. And then I was quite lean. I went to the gym and everything. And then with another program, but I think it's

really hard. for me to be in that position, to be like, okay, that's the body I like and I keep. So I kind of probably was self-savortaging a bit. So I gained, I think, yeah, because I didn't have a goal anymore. So I probably put on some weight to have that again. And I didn't go to the gym as much. And I went out. I think the food is not my problem.

I live in a wine area in Germany. so and then slowly spreeed back in so like oh yeah you can have you can have the wine on the weekend and oh well the bottle's not empty so it's a Monday so it will go bad to the next weekend and stuff like that and yeah so slowly those things crept in again and and with the gym is the same with Desiree so I was asking Carl so yeah I probably could go in every day or so, how can I do it? And on the weekends, I go for hikes, and I have a racing bike, and then I go on a racing bike.

And then, but I think it's a part of my problem. Like, I'm self-employed as well, so I do the same at work. So I would work like Monday to Sunday, and then I just break down. And then I just, yeah. So, Christy, what is your sticking point then, sweetheart? So you're saying you're at the same point? is Desiree with regard to being, let's call it the point of no return almost, what do you think your sticking point is? What do you think the problem is? The problem is, because from what I can

hear, it sounds like a hell of a job, like a brilliant job, but then, and as I said, I'm very honest and authentic, yeah, guys, be prepared to get like bullets of truth. Sounds like complacency began to creep in a bit. Yeah. Would that be a fair, fair assessment on now? Yeah, I think so. That could be. And I think I did some mindset work, but it's kind of hard for me because I'm a professional as well. So I know I'm a psychologist. So I know. That's awesome. And yeah, I know what I should be like answering and I know what the right answer would be. And what if I'm really fucking honest, I say that was something I just thought about.

just had a bad day and I didn't do anything like I was fine with the food and the wine I was very proud of myself but I thought it's yeah it's not really yeah I'm not really to that point where I just want to be healthy I think I just want to like I'm a single mom I have a hard job there's a lot of things going on so I think I really just yeah want to control something I want to be in control

I want to be yeah so there's nothing wrong with that though at all like there's nothing wrong with having a semblance of order from chaos especially with a chaotic life you know for me I make all my clients right

like I screech from the fucking hilltops about the importance of writing right because it only does create order out of chaos you'll know this better than anyone and by the same token especially there's a lot of things that are out of control in your life first thing you want to look at is what you can control, right?

The next step is as a psychologist, sometimes the hardest advice to take is your role. Yeah, definitely. Out and doubt, do you know what I'm really good at giving advice? And sometimes I'm to check myself and go, you know what? Ryan, take some of your own fucking advice right now, bro. Like, you need to action because you're supposed to be a leader. You're supposed to be the person who practice what they preachers.

This is what they preach, excuse me. And if you are not that, you were a hypocrite. And one thing I can't fucking be is a hypocrite. So for me, it's making sure I take my own advice. And it's you, it's making sure you stick to your guns. You still enjoy your lifestyle. You still make sure you balanced lifestyle without a shadow of a doubt, right? You don't want to put yourself in a position where you're so metaphorically starved

of certain things, not just foods. I'm just metaphorically speaking. Where eventually the down breaks. There's no point, right? That's not sustainable. We know that. You'll know that more than anymore, right? But by the same token, you also know that there's probably a part of your mindset,

that genuinely has the ability to be more callous than the current ears. Yep. Right? You and tell me if I'm wrong, correct me straight away, but you want to be the best version of you possibly can be, and I'm assuming you want to do that not only for yourself, but for your kids as well, correct? Sure.

Yep. Okay, cool. So then making sure that you go into the trenches or wherever that may be and actually have a hard look at it. And what I would say is, especially if someone's very critical of themselves, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about here, very critical of yourself, develop a perfect counter-argument to it. Okay, okay.

We weigh them up on purpose. Yeah. Because someone who's overtly critical, they struggle to develop the counter argument of positivity. Almost imagine like you're in a courtroom, you know, which is which. Yeah, yeah. And then pick the one that is in alignment with the person you want to become, whether you, not whether you want to or not,

but if you truly want to be the best, if you can be an standing reproach for your kids, then you've got to do something you haven't done before, right? That's what gives the value at the end of the day, right? If everyone could achieve what they wanted straight away, no one would want it because it's so easy to attain everyone would have it, it wouldn't have any fucking value. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true, yeah. Did that answer your question? Yeah, yeah, thanks. Perfect, no worries, Danny. I have been to one next. Okay. So my question would just be if you would have...

Oh, it sounds good. Oh, hello? Yeah, go on close. Oh, sorry. If you would have any advice for kind of overcoming self-sabotage, I know you just kind of touched on it there or like self-comparison. I've found since starting, I have been so in the way of my own self. And I think that might be like stopping me from reaching my,

I know I'm well capable. I was a personal trainer a few years. ago but I got pregnant, had a baby and my confidence is at an all-time low. I know I can get there. I've been there before, but I never had this kind of mountain in front of me with the self-sabotage, I think just from my body changing, just everything like that. My confidence is just gone. Okay, so let's dig into that then. So you know you can achieve it, right? The belief is there, correct? Yeah. Okay, cool. Perfect.

you're saying you're self-sabotizing right yeah sweet if you don't mind me asking what form is that taking place in um i don't know kind of like all those little quotes that carl read from you like the self-doubt was a bad trap i'm not giving myself grace um i'm not allowing myself to kind of make mistakes i'm quite hard on myself so when i feel like a fool i really beat myself up and let my confidence say it went to a tree and I done something wrong or I felt like I had a shit day I'll bring myself right back down I'll talk to myself in a horrible way I'll everything that I shouldn't do I'm doing to myself that's completely okay right the first step is actually breeding awareness around it so I used to have a ruthless ruthless in a blog it used to be horrible like I'd be like

fucking stupid cuck and i was like jesus what i actually did was is i actually i know this sounds stupid but if it works fuck it that's my opinion right is i was like you know what i'm going to say out loud what i'm saying to myself in my head and i'm going to ask myself if i was responsible for helping me is that how i speak to someone yeah and ask yourself that question if you were responsible right you were you were a pt before correct yeah if you're responsible for a client and they made a mistake they fucked up or they you know self sabotaged in some way, shape, or form. Let's say they'd binge eat and did something really, really,

you know, that they deemed to be bad, right? And you use your inner monologue. How do you think that would make them feel? Do you think it would make them want to keep going? Do you think it would make them want to keep pushing? Do you think it would make them want to curl up in a ball and fucking die? Yeah, it would make them hate me anyway, so. Exactly, D'Let.

So what I'm trying to make is with the self-doubt, we know that's partly the case, but not as big as you think because you've achieved things before. So there's actually a lot of internal self-belief, right? So we can square that away slightly. Right. The doubt you're having is not from what you achieved previously, but from the mountain in front of you due to the things

and the limiting beliefs that you have in your head. Would that be a correct assumption so far? Yeah. Yeah. I actually started listening to an audio book yesterday that the mountain is you. So I've been trying to kind of like intrinsically like kind of I need to hear it from someone else, I think. I need someone to be like

your own worst enemy, basically. Like, you know, it's... Well, that's unequivocal. Yes, you are. You are. But with that being said, why not be your own best fucking supporter? And what I mean by that is,

essentially, and this has been proven through various psychological studies, having something to run away from, as well as something to pursue, is the best possible position to be in for linear progress mentally, physically and spiritually. Right? So what I mean by that is,

let's say someone broke your heart, right? I'm sure everyone's probably experienced at some fucking point. I'll put my hand up, say him. I'm the first one to fucking say it, right? Carl, don't pretend like you have a fucking esteer. But let's just someone break your fucking heart. You're like all the motivation in the world to be like, you know, I'm going to the fucking gym.

Fuck this person, right, right? And you get in there, right? Am I correct in saying that? That's a negative motivator. Right. Now the positive side is something else. The positive side to be like, I'm going to look like X or I'm going to. And when I say look like X, I'm not referring to look like someone else. Yeah. I'm referring to literally building in your head in the most vivid way possible. If you can't build it in your head, write it down. And I genuinely write it down in the most vivid way possible, right, of this is how I want to be and this is how I want to feel. This is how I want to look, right? And make it the most vivid picture you possibly can. Whether it's, 10 pages, 20 pages, one fucking page, but be as detail as possible. Right? Then you have something to pursue.

And then what you do is every single time you do end up self-sabotaging and stuff like that, you take a second, you stop. You go, okay, I don't know, what's a good example? I hit the fuck a bottle of whiskey the night. Well, slap the bottle. Whoopsie, okay, the next day you take a second.

Hit the bottle. Was it the smartest choice? No. I'm going to rip myself a new one for it. well let's think where that goes well that's going to make me hate myself more it's probably not going to make me feel any better and it may make me take action short term but long term it's not going to keep it sustainable because it's nothing positive so you look at it and you just say okay this is what i did and you acknowledge that you did it because you've got to breed awareness around your actions because if you don't breed awareness around your actions you're never going to notice

yourself fucking doing that yeah i was actually doing it today like i found myself to know like on Instagram or Snapchat when your memories pop up. And it was like five years ago. And I was like nearly crying looking at them because I was like three stone lighter. Like I was like, oh, my face looks nicer. I look nicer. And like I sent myself into like a spiral. And then I had to be like, tell you like it was three years ago or whatever.

Like you didn't have a baby. Do you know like all these kind of things. But even it will trigger triggers like that. Do you know, like I don't know if I could just not click. into them and it feels like she's just a totally different person and I want to be her but also like she's not her anymore. Let me stop you there. Why would you want to be her? Why wouldn't you want to be the better version of her? Baring your mind, what, what is that? Three years ago, correct? Yeah. Cool. Three years ago. You have three years. You've had a little one, right? I'm sure you've grown

in wisdom. You can't have a kid and not. I don't even. I don't even. even have a kid I go to my mother's as well and I'm like damn you know what I mean you inevitably grow so you're trying to pursue a past version of yourself because of how you looked that's that's very one minor fucking thing okay the version of you that you can be is much better than the past version of yourself yeah so yeah like like when I was looking at it like I was um like she was like like that like you're saying like I wanted to look like her but that girl that I was looking at would have died to be where I am now and have a baby and like I was sad back then do you know what I mean so it's kind of like three years ago I would have wanted what I have now and now that I have everything I want to

look like her even though she was a much sadder version of myself so this is this is the funny thing is you know when you talk about things like depression and anxiety for example depression is usually stemmed from living and thoughts of the past right not all the time. Okay, obviously take it with a grain of soul everyone. And anxiety usually is from fear of the future. Usually suffering that, which hasn't even come to fruition yet. Right. So what you're doing is you're dipping into the past, trying to make it a future rather than going, okay, so what I liked about that person was the shape she was in. Roger. But she was fucking miserable. Yeah. Okay. She was fucking miserable. Okay. Well, I don't want to be in shape. You

want me to be fucking miserable. That's not a happy home. You know, Jesus Christ. So instead, you want to go, okay, fuck it. I want to be better than that. I want to be in better shape than that. Okay, cool, not a problem. And guess what? It's going to be a little bit fucking harder. But that means it's going to be even more fucking rewarding when I do it.

And every single time, you do take one step back. Don't freak out. As I said, take a second and go, okay, cool, I fucked up. Not a problem. Tomorrow, I'm going to do better. Right? If you do that, right? And I had this when I played professional rugby was what we always noticed,

the difference between the boys who played for England and the boys were just playing the premiership. I only played in a premiership, I was pretty fucking mid in comparison the boys who played to England is the thing you noticed the real and eight able difference

was, let's say I was getting ready to receive a ball. I sound like such a meathead talking about rugby, sorry guys. Let's say I was getting ready to catch a ball, right? And I put my hands out,

this actually happened to me. And the ball went right through my fucking hands. And I remember the big dogs, the DORs were watching me, went right through my hands. And I was like, you know, like lost my head a bit, you know, and the other players

they don't care, you know, they used to seeing that kind of stuff. I was like, giving me again. Same position. I'm not moving. Boom, through my hands again. And I was like, you know, like, steam coming out of my ears, you know, my fucking nose bleeding. My nose wasn't actually bleeding. But you know what I mean?

Like, I was losing my sweep. Yeah. Coach walks up to me when he goes, step out for a second. And I'm thinking, oh, fuck it up. You know, you're such an idiot. You're hearing that self-sabotage. It's legit. And he bought it.

one of the boys who was being groomed for England. Put his hands up. Doesn't catch the ball the first time. Goes through his hands, actually. And he goes, scuba, give it to me again. Doesn't get angry at himself? Then he doesn't get angry at himself.

Boom, catches it, perfect. And then the coach goes, go back in. And I was like, okay. He was like, did you see what happened? And I was like, yeah, he caught the fucking ball. He was like, no, no. Did you see what happened? And I was like, what?

He was like, he didn't beat himself up, Brian. Yeah. I was like, let me give him a guy. Fuck it. put my hands out, drop the ball. And I was like, ooh, saw. I was like, okay, give it to me again.

And I caught it. And then you walked up to me. He said, listen, if you back up a negative with a positive in a game, in your fucking personal life, whatever it may be, at least 50% of the year is going to be good. On the low side. So if you do have a fucking day where you self-sabotage or something like that, right?

Just acknowledge it, build awareness around it. Got you. Okay, cool. Not a fucking problem. some more is going to be a little bit better. And then use that positive momentum to keep rolling on forward. Do you know what I mean? Positive momentum is a hell of a fucking tool.

A hell of a tool, darling. But also, like, if you notice yourself speaking very, very negatively, treat yourself as if you're someone responsible for helping and ask yourself the question, would I speak to myself? Would I speak to someone who I'm responsible for helping like that? And the answer is unequivocally, no, you wouldn't. No.

Yeah. Okay, thank you so much. Lisa. Lisa. Hey there. I, it's more of an injure question I had. A little rub, Lisa, Denny? I was in the gym on Friday and I literally popped my calf.

And I'm actually, I'm literally loving it here because it's still quite sore. But it literally, they sound like a gunshot. Like, it was horrible. But I'm like, I actually love the gym. And when I'm not in it, I start feeling really like kind of self, like, self, self-doubting myself. And I'm like, oh, like, you know, what can I do? Like, I'm like, oh, there's not.

that much pain maybe I can try doing something and I'm like no that's going to make it worse. I'm just wondering how long can I go back to the gym or like what can I do like obviously I can't do any legs. Is there anything else I can do? There's only stretches or I can do anything. So let's break that down like a fraction in too hard. So firstly, you sure it's your cough and not your Achilles? Just yes or not? Oh yes. Definitely. Perfect. I told my cough and half. right when I was playing rugby so you can actually in the I think there may be a vacation on Instagram my one calf looks like and my other cough's like this long it's actually pretty grim but point being is this if you have popped something in your calf it may be a part it's

definitely not a full tear because you wouldn't be able to do anything like as soon as you walk you just collapse okay okay so it's definitely not a full tear it could be a partial tear or it could be a serious strain, right? Is there a shitload of bruising around it? Yes. Is the bruising blue or yellow? It's kind of purpley, no. Okay, perfect, right? The best thing to do is firstly focus on your rehab, right? Now what I mean by that is whatever your coach tells you to do in terms of rehabilitation protocols, executed to the utmost of your ability. I'm serious. Like, when I broke my back, right, the doctor said, I never play professional rugby again. They said, no chance, no dice. And I said, I wheeled out my little wheelchair, right? And then I ended up playing, I think it was like nine months later or something like that, right? The reason why it wasn't because I was, you know, no miracle happened, no water turned into wine for me. But when I was given my rehab, I said to them, okay, how many times a day can I do this? And they said, you can do it five times a day. I'll roll off on my bed, I'll lay on the floor, and I would just do like, I had to just contract my stomach and suck my belly button to my spine and little things like that. So the first thing is, make sure you're sharp with your

rehab. That's number one. Right. Number two is you're not down and out. Okay. You are not down and out in the slightest. There's still upper body stuff you can do, right? And you can definitely do that. There's no reason why you can't as long as it doesn't aggravate your cough. Yeah. And making sure you're applying heat and ice on a regular basis, what that basically causes, tell me if this gets a bit confusing, is vaso constriction and vasodilation, which essentially shuttles more oxidized blood, which has all the micronutrients in a necessary. to help your muscles repair to that area. And then when you put ice on it, it causes vaso constriction,

which essentially removes all that blood that is then deposited those nutrients. And then when you put the heat back on, it allows to come back. It speeding up the healing process. But you can still train your upper body. And what I would also say is there's a great opportunity for you to develop a skill in another area in terms of mindset. Right. When you're going through an injury, it's a shitty feeling.

I'm not going to get, I'm not going to mince around it, right? It's not a nice feeling. But you have an opportunity here to develop in another area. Because, hey, you may not have as much time in the gym as you used to, right? Because you fucking edge it. Roger that. Okay. Well, how can I maneuver to still make myself the best version of whoever can fucking be?

Ah, there's some skills around mindset I can develop. I can cast my mind in some way, shape, or form. Maybe do a little bit more reading. I don't know. Whatever it may be, right? You don't want to look at it as, oh, I'm stuck because I can't do X. It's like, okay, I can't do X, but I can do Y. I can do A, B, fucking C.

You know, you're not down and out. But making sure on top of your rehab, right, paramount importance, number one. Number two, I'm sure there's some upper body movements you can definitely do, right? Number three is it's a great opportunity with the time that you have now to look to develop certain areas of your mindset or certain skills that you may want to develop. Right? You're not down and out and you've got to reframe it that way because being injured is very lonely and it feels very shit. Yeah. Yeah.

But you can always be able to go to the gym. And I miss it. So I'm like, can I go back? Or is that just going to push me back even further? But okay. So I can go back. Yeah. But you've got to be very, very smart.

And I would say if Carl is your coach, consult Carl. Because you do not want to go in there and do some shit. Even if it's, for example, I'm not saying this is the case, but I'm just going to use round this off top of my head. Let's say you put yourself into a lat race that has a pad that kind of pushes down on your quads and it stretches a calf a bit much. Yeah. Don't fucking do it.

Don't fucking do it, man. Because you're just going to be out for longer, right? Rather be out for a few weeks or a few months rather than do a bunch of suboptimal shit, which would make you feel like shit anyway because you know your standard slightly higher than that, right, for way longer and then be all proper down in the dumps. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah, it does.

Perfect. Okay. you. Dave, it's going to jump in next. Hey, how's it going? How are you? I'm good, yeah. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Marse. I suppose, my question is, so I've been trying to lose weight and get more fit for like, maybe almost like 10 years now, and it's kind of been on and off. I'd like try for a bit

for like a couple of months maybe, and then it gets you hard and I'd give up, you know? and I suppose more recently it's kind of hard to because it's it's been that way for so long it's kind of hard to convince myself that it's like I can do it you know yeah like it starts to feel like it's set in stone and yeah I don't know I guess my question is

there's any way to like help convince myself that it's more doable without a shadow doubt firstly that is like by proxy your limiting belief. You've created and just run with you on this one. You've created a prison cell on your own fucking head without bars. You literally, you've told yourself

this is the way it will be. Not true at all, buddy. Not true at all. I used to be proper out of shit. I used to be an absolute fucking dumpling. Right. But by the same token, I would never, ever, ever say, okay, this is how to always be ever. Right? So what I'm saying,

is when you get to that point, we feel like where you start to say this kind of shit to yourself where this is how it's always going to be. Do you know what I mean? What you want to look at is not your inner monologue, but like almost zombie-like actions that are in alignment with you continuously losing that weight. So for example, you get to a point where you're like,

oh, you know, I'm always going to be, you know, in this shape or whatever. So there's no point me going out and doing my fucking steps. Do you get what I mean? Right? instead you go oh you know my mind is telling me what is going to be this way but it doesn't fucking matter i'm still going to do my steps so what you need to focus on is action-based markers not outcome based market right so am i doing what i'm supposed to be doing daily right if i am cool if i'm not let's get to it and if i miss a day we back a negative with a positive we keep going

forward right but do not put yourself in such a prison like that my man because that is not the case that is not the reality right you're making it seem like that is and I can understand why, right? Because it's a very tough place to be in I had a client. She was like 300 pounds. And she's literally on the call. She said to me, she was like, this is how it's always going to be. And I was like, why is that?

So I said, well, I don't know anything else. And I was like, okay, do you want to know something else? Now, you wouldn't be on this fucking call if you didn't want to know something else, bro. Would that be fair to say? Yeah. Yeah, without a doubt, right? Yeah. So what you need to have a look at is, although the mindset is working against you,

There's this old saying, which is the mind is a brilliant slave, but a terrible master. So when you are ruled by your limiting beliefs, you are the slave to your mind. The mind is the master. It's telling you what the fuck to do. And that's not really always conduced to the best you. Do you get me? When you can start to conquer your mind a little bit and start to say, you know what, okay, cool, this is a limiting belief. It's starting to buy me in the ass saying it's always going to be the same.

I'm still going to take action in defiance of it. I'm going to fuck it off. I'm going to do my steps or I'm going to hit the gym. We're going to do something in alignment with what I could be. Just keep doing that. And then after a period of time,

it could be weeks, right? After a period of time of just focusing on the action itself, you'll start to see the outcome come to fruition. Yeah. Right? Some kind of answer,

I'll never put on a scale. I'll say, don't jump on the scale at all. Right? And then at month three, I'll jump you on the scale. because they have so much anxiety around being on the scale because they think it's always going to be the same. And they've associated the scale with success and failure,

which is just fucking not true. The scale doesn't tell you the successful of failure, right? It's a metric. It's a measurement system. That's it. Right. And I wouldn't put them on there until one three. Because I would say to them exactly what I'm saying to you,

action-based markets. Okay, cool. Are you doing new steps today? Yeah, I'll get them squared away. Fucking sick. Right. Did you do a workout? Did you manage it?

No, I didn't manage it today. Are you going to get in this week? Yeah, I'm going to get in this week. Cool. going to hold you to that, right? And he gets it in this week or she gets it in this week. Fucking gravy. But what you don't want to do is feed that limiting belief, feed that narrative in your head.

It's there, right? And you just told me, you know, it feels like it's almost set in stone. So it's clearly something that you've been dealing with for years. Would that be fair to say? Yeah, I'd say so. Roger that. So because you've been dealing with for years, it's not just a matter of training new habits.

You have to untrain your mind. You always have to untrain this bad habit and then create a new neurological path. And the only way you can do that is by literally pushing through it, focusing on nothing but action-based markers. I'm going to do my steps. I'm going to do whatever I'm told I need to do, whatever I know I need to do, I'm going to get it, then I'm going to square it away, right? Because then what you're doing is you're not feeding that narrative.

You're actually starving. Yeah. And that's the fucking good thing, bro. starve the shit out of it. And so you snap like a fucking twig and then keep going. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I want to make this a buttonly clear, bro.

It's your prison without bars. You can step out of there whenever the fuck you want. But it's about taking action. Focus on your action-based markers. Don't think about the outcome. Don't think about, you know, I want to look like X. I want to look like Y. I want to, you know, be like this, that.

Just think, okay, today I'm going to take action in accordance with this. That's it. That's all that matters. I'm going to do my steps. And if it means become an almost fucking robotic like to do it, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Because what you need to do, bro, like straight up is break that cycle, a limiting belief cycle. That's the fucking problem. But you're not going to break it by going to war on your head because at the moment, the mind is the master, straight up. So you're going to have to break it. Seneca said the best, when the mind is being disobedient, look to the body. When the body's being disobedient, look to the mind. Do you know what I mean? And in this situation, the mind's being a little bit of fucking disobedient.

You know, it's giving you the old buckle off. And you're going, oh, I'm going to feed it. you and no, no, no, suck it. I'm going this way. Right? So just focus on your action-based markers and just nail those. And dude, if you miss a day, you miss a day.

But the next day, what are you going to do? I got it. Fucking get straight back at it, bro. Straight back in the fucking fight. Yeah. And I can tell you this for free. You will become a version of yourself. You do not even fucking recognize.

And you need to understand that it is within your grasp. It is literally within your fucking grasp. but as I said if it was easy it would have no fucking value none none and no one wanted

so focusing on your action-based markers and just squaring goes away and no matter how much that negative voice is getting to you wrote oh it's raining guess what there's no shit as bad weather just Brad dead bad dress and sex straight up put a fucking raincoat on

let's get after it right and then go and get after it man just focus on this action-based markers starve that limiting belief until you snap it like a fucking twig. And in the process of focusing on action-based markers, believe it or not, you'll all of a sudden start to develop a mindset that is completely different because you're almost like on all the part, I'm doing my steps there, getting it done, and all of a sudden you start to develop a completely different mindset. And then it's almost

like that goal is not some fucking dream that's fucking right there to fucking take. And it is yours to fucking take without a shadow of a doubt. But you just got to focus on this action best markers, gee, no doubt. okay does that be so do you want a little more

no I got to yeah yeah who has the last question anyone let it rip notice it's a stupid question

I'll go again sorry so I do I do jitutu as well and I I got injured

in January I broke a rib and when I was training a lot so I was training like four or five times a week and I went off, had my injury, kind of carried on in the gym. But when I got back, like, all the people that I was training with,

because we all kind of started at the same time, they all kind of leveled up and have started competing. And I'm like, I never want to compete. So I just want to go there. I love having fun. I love choking people. It's like, it's therapy. Okay.

And I feel like always now like I have, like I've just lost any sort of, kind of passion to go back to jih Tutsu, and I literally every week have to like force myself to go because I don't want to lose my skill set. How do you, as like somebody, obviously you played professional sports, I mean, I was never pro, but like when you're in that situation where these people that kind of started with you and they're leveling up

and you don't have that same kind of goal, how do you push through that? Because I still love the sport, but I just feel like, I just feel like, I just feel like I don't want to go back because I feel like I don't have the same values anymore and they're all way better than I am. I mean, that's a sport that you just have to make peace with the fact that you can, and maybe this is part of my limiting belief

is making peace with the fact that you're going to suck for the first couple years anyway, because it's really technical. But I've really been struggling since I got injured like kind of to get back into it because I just feel like it's not funny anymore, you know? And like, yeah, somebody that who's obviously been through kind of challenges

in terms of playing and they're not playing and doing the things. Like how do you get back? me to get back into that space of kind of wanting to come back. You've got to be ruthlessly honest with yourselves, you know, and what I mean by that is, why, so let me ask you this, do you not want to go back to Jets because everyone is better than you? Yes or no? Straight up.

Okay. Do you still like Jits? I love Jits. Right. It's a passion, right? Yeah. Okay, perfect. Why does it buggy that everyone's better than you?

Because I don't want to, because we all started at the same time and surely you actually be getting better. Well, no, because you got injured. Yeah, sure, but still, I feel like something. I'll explain. I just fucking hate doing something that I feel like I suck at. And I feel like... You're going to suck at some point. Like, everyone sucks somewhere.

Like, when I went to Northampton, I was his little lights in our shit. I got fucking, I got the shit kicked in me all the fucking time. And I'm not going to lie, I actually did it with a bit of a smile because I kind of enjoyed it and a bit of a say this like that. But by the same token, the point is getting back in. into it, right? What I would say is just create a sustainable routine around it.

And I mean this. So you'd hold yourself accountable to you. So you said you did it like four or five times a week, right? Yeah. Yeah. So just say I'm going twice a week. And have a bit of humility. I'm not saying you're arrogant, but have a bit of humility and understand that these people are ahead of you because they've had more time.

I would get really, really angry and really, really frustrated. And I'll go into the coach. I would always be to coaches every day because I was like, I'll do whatever it takes. And I'll be like, okay, like, I know he's doing this and this and this. What do I need to do? And they were like, you need to focus on you, motherfucker. And you need to focus on you developing.

And look at these oaks and look at these people that are better than you and learn from them. Yeah. And I was in the beginning, I was like, and then I kind of like drop the ego. And I was like, actually, you know what? You're right. They are ahead of me because they've been playing for a while. Right.

Cool. You know what? I'm going to learn here. Right? Because if I learn from there, because they are better than me, maybe they're a higher. belt or a darker belt light a belt darker belt i'm assuming darker belt right then by the same token there's things they know that you don't because you've been out injured well what happens if you learn those things not very long before you reach them right and if you have certain in atable

characteristics that they don't maybe like a harsher work ethic you know more diligent whatever it may be you'll have the edge eventually but if you don't have that level of humility of going you what they are ahead of me i'll square that away roger that fair fuck enough okay cool now let's learn what they know let's learn what they know so i can get to that level right that should be a reason for going then free frame that reframe it just go you know what fuck it if i can learn their tricks i can catch them and then you get yourself back into it but i would as to say just put yourself in a position where it's sustainable say i'm going just twice a week right with that mindset and see if you still enjoy it, see if the passion is still there, because let's say you don't, you didn't enjoy it.

Like, I stopped enjoying rugby. I hated it. I was like, fuck that. You know what I mean? So if you actually don't enjoy it anymore, that's a different conversation entirely. But if you still enjoy, the passion is still there, you're just pissed off because everyone's ahead of you. It's not your fault you got injured. Yeah, but it's also, I also need to stop being a fucking baby and being like, okay, well,

because nobody can make you feel anything. You got to own that. You know what I'm saying? So I'm like, they're all going out of their way to make me feel worse. But they're just doing the best they can. and it's making you feel insecure. Exactly. So I've got to get over that insecurity

and just kind of leave that shit at the door. You're right. Jiu-jitsu is the best way, right? You know in jih Tjitsu you have to check your ego. You know better than anyone, any jih Tijuana, there's any other dog, that's called what's up. But any jihitsu practitioner knows

that you've got to check your ego because people choke you out from any which way, you know? Yeah. So just bulleting through that insecurity and understanding that, hey, you're right, they are ahead because I got injured. End of discussion. No excuses.

Fair enough. Fucking cool. If I go, tell me to learn what they fucking knows. I can catch her. Let's go. You know? Because you sound competitive as well.

And that's a good thing. Use it to your advantage. It is a huge advantage. Use it. You know? So go for it. Go for it. Well,

that's my issue is the all or nothing. So I'm either hugely competitive while I'm freaking doing nothing. So that's what I'm calling me with the... Get that balance right. Get that balance right. Because honestly, if you get the balance,

right you'll be surprised by how proficient you'll be in various realms of human endeavour you've become very proficient in various realms which is great so good thanks dude no it's all good check Ryan any last words of wisdom for the group

as a whole nah I think honestly guys it's an absolutely pleasure to chat to all of you you you all seem sound as fuck sorry excuse my language I'm so bad honestly listen to

your coaches, right? You picked it for a reason, number one. And number two, always be open to try and new things, right? Adapting things accordingly because you don't need to feel like there's one way to do something. There's multiple ways to do it, right? And if you feel like you're getting in your own way, acknowledge it, build awareness around it, speak to someone about it who knows more. And if you can't, at least build awareness around it and just keep pushing forward. David, with you, Brue, I have no doubt if you focus on the same as a guy. I can base more because you're a fucking killer there. So keep doing that, but right, don't give up and don't.

Honestly, guys, just have an open mind. An abrasion of the fool is the best thing. I embrace the roll of the fool every fucking day with everything. And I seem to learn things quite quickly. That's all I can say really, guys. Ryan, thanks, bro. I appreciate your time. It's all good, gee.

I'll chat too of it.