The Uneducated PT Podcast - #36 Nikki Louise - Mums Fitness Coach

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

In this episode of the Uneducated PT Podcast we speak to Mum fitness coach Nikki Louise. Nikki has been working in fitness for many years first as a dancer and now an online coach who helps mums drop body fat and keep it off. We speak about time management, being more selfish, not pouring from an empty cup, how to spot burn out and much more. 

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation and for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support, and I'll see you on the next episode. But before we kind of go into that, do you want to just tell the group a little bit about yourself? Yeah, sure.

So obviously, my name's Nicky. Hi, everyone. I am from Yorkshire. I'm a single mum. So I've been in the fitness industry for about, I think, about 12, 13 years now. I'm also a dance as well. So I own a dance school. And then I do online coaching.

Started out doing classes and then fell in love with that. Kind of snowballed like that. And they still do the dancing and they do the fitness as well. Okay. Nick, why did you get into that in the first place? Why did you get into coaching and the clients that you work with? So literally, I, that's literally how it started. I was doing some of the classes.

I was about 16 and I was like the girl that would turn up every single week, religiously, no matter what, doing these number classes. And I absolutely loved it. And when I saw the instructor, I was just thinking, I could do that. like the way that she was and how she was like teaching the class I was like I feel like that's me like that's future me and I was just so inspired by this woman and I went up to her and I said at 16 years old

and I said how did you get into this and she just said this is what you need to do and she actually said to me I think you would be amazing at it do you want to give it a go and I was like yes and that's how it started it didn't even start with like personal training or anything like that it started from me doing the classes myself and then wanting to teach. And then I went on to teaching. And I love teaching. I love teaching groups classes. And it just started from there. And then I went into

PT and then online. And what type of clients do you work with now? Like what, what are the type of struggles that the clients that you have, that you work with? What kind of struggles do they, they have that you help them with? Yeah. So I work with moms. So all my clients are moms. Some are single moms. Some obviously got help. But all. Always the struggle is time. It's like, I have no time and energy as well. So time and energy. But I'm like the energy bunny.

So I help him with that. And then time is the, we have a whole kind of pillar in my program, which I dig into like time. But they're the main issues that my clients face is time and energy. And it's obviously because the our moms, you know, they're on the program, but they're also balancing the kids,

work, nursery, all that stuff as well, so juggling a lot. And what is it about that type of client that you relate to? Probably because obviously I'm among myself and because I've been in burnout stage. So I've literally been where my clients are. I went through a stage of just doing everything and I wasn't stopping. I was just taking everything on. I got really, really burnt out to the point where I ended up having like personal personal depression. So I went really, really low and then obviously managed to bounce back. So I can,

I can relate to where they are. I can relate in the middle and I've been on the other end as well. How did you bounce back from that? Like, let's say you're your coaching a client who's in a similar position. Like how did you get yourself out of that to where you are now? So for me, it was actually like really, really taking a step back from from everything. Even though I enjoyed what I was doing, it was obviously too much because my body was screaming out for rest. And I was more stressed. I wasn't sleeping. So I had to take a complete step back and slow down and also actually realize that I needed to ask for help.

And I don't think a lot of moms do that. I think they kind of think that they have to put this cape on and be these type of people that just have to power through because they see other people. people doing it. And as like when you're a single mum as well, I think you just naturally do that. So I had to just kind of be real with myself really and just think, do I, can I see myself doing this forever? And obviously the answer is no. So I had to think, right, what can I do? What can't I do? What's realistic for me to do right now? And this is what I say to my clients, you know, there's some days that you are going to be able to take on a lot more when you've got the kids and things like that and you're going to have the energy to do that.

And then there's some days where you're not and that's all right. And I think it's accepting that as well. It's accepting that, okay, I'm having one of those days. That's absolutely fine. And I might need help in this area. And that's absolutely fine as well. Do you think when you don't have that help or you don't have someone to kind of bounce your ideas or frustrations

or what's going on in your life, if you don't have someone to bounce them off? It's very hard to see where you're going wrong in terms of doing too much. Yeah, it is. I think I had to be more accountable to myself because I didn't really have anyone. I think it is a lot harder. But then that's where the,

when you look at your kids and you think, can I keep going? And obviously I didn't have the energy I was burnt out. I was thinking I can't do this long term. But it is hard when you don't have anyone around you to keep you to hold you accountable to what you're doing. It is a lot harder, yeah. How do people know, how do we know that we need,

to do less to do more. That's a really good question actually. I just had that, yes. Yeah. If you get into that point, I feel like if you get into that point where you're not managing basic day-to-day things, so like if you're normally,

your mood's quite good and you find that it's like getting low, then obviously that's kind of cause for concern. If you're normally quite a good sleeper and your sleep's all over the place. That's obviously you want to look at that. If even little things, like if normally quite patient with your kids and you find yourself getting triggered quicker

or losing your patience a bit more, you know, that might be alarm bells to be like, slow down. So if things, I found that things were getting to me a lot more and it's because obviously I was burning myself. Like, what's that saying? Burning the candle at both ends in it. Yeah. And I think if you are,

doing that and if you notice little things are triggering you then it might be a sign that obviously you are going towards that burnout and you do need to slow down and take some self-care and take a step back a little bit. Folks, if you have any questions for Nikki, you know, you can stick them into the chat box and I'll answer them at some stage anyway and I'll give you time at the end to jump in and ask questions. But if you have any questions in the meantime that you can think of, you can throw them in the chat box. What are some other mistakes, Nick, that you see your clients make or struggle with that you have to help them with? There's a lot of the mistakes that they make.

Probably, do you know what? Comparison for my mums, they will look at what other moms are doing on social media or maybe the friends or family and they have that, they've fallen to that comparison track really, really quickly of why are I handling it like this? Why can't I do it like this? and that's really dangerous because everyone's different everyone responds to stress differently

you know you don't know how much that mum might have had eight hour sleep and you're going on four or whatever it is you know so I think a big mistake that they do have is that comparison trap of looking at other moms and how they're handling it do you fall under that trap

I have done massively yeah I have done I think I'm a lot better now because like I if I fight because I can feel myself if I feel myself doing it I'll almost I catch myself before if that makes sense

yeah but I have fallen into that trap before yeah something that we have on the programme is trying to try to keep people consistent to their goals long enough to obviously see the changes that they want

what advice would you have for anyone who's kind of struggling with consistency at the moment in the programme So consistency So we We do We do it in like really small steps I think because I always think like a lot of the mum's anywhere that come on to mine

I have quite a lot to handle anyway And if I obviously throw a lot at them That becomes overwhelming So if you take a certain goal that you want And you really really break it down Into like a really small step I think it helps you to be a bit more consistent with it, whereas if it's a little bit bigger, it seems more overwhelming,

you try and then you might fall back, and then you try again, then you fall back. Whereas I think if you take like the smallest goal, even if it's like, all right, I'm just going to start by, I don't drink that much water, I'm just going to start by drinking an extra litre of water every day and just start there. When you get consistent with that small thing,

that builds momentum, that builds, you start to feel good about that so then you can go on to the next thing okay I'll start hitting a little bit more steps and start and be consistent with that and what I've found is when they're consistent with one small thing that leads to another thing

that leads to another thing and then they end up kind of doing it and the other thing we do as well to help stay consistent is actually have something that they can physically tick off or crop out. So it helps. It's like an action step, right?

So that helps with the consistency as well. So you can see it. You know how consistent you've been because of the days. You can see there's no, there's not cheating. There's not getting away from it. And that helps you. Because again, number one, you're staying accountable. And you can actually see the consistency of the amount that you've done over that time.

Yeah, it makes sense. Being big enough to start small. And sometimes that's the hardest thing to do is to start with kind of baby steps and build momentum from there and go from there. So you've been basically working with people for almost the last, what, 12 years? So what are some other things that you see people get wrong in terms of their health and fitness goals?

A lot of things. Yeah, this is a difficult one because there's so many different kind of little things as well. But I'd probably say they, when people come to me, me, I think, especially the mum's, is they're quite afraid about what other people think or how they're going to react to this new thing. And it might be judging them in a negative way, it might be in a positive way, but everyone's always got something to say. And I find the biggest

mistake that people make is being so freaking bothered about what other people think that it actually hold themselves back from their own goals. And I think it's just a mistake. And I think it's just, so sad because you're letting other people dictate whether you get to that goal or not, you know, if you do that. And I think it's a mindset one that, but also looking, again, that comparison thing and looking at what everybody else is doing and a big mistake is trying to do what they're doing. It doesn't work for you. You know, it has to be something that works for you, whereas people will try and, again, look at all these things and think, oh, I, I'll do that, I'll try that, I'll try that

when it's not specific to them or their goals as well. Does that make sense? That makes the perfect sense. Sorry, someone put something into the chat box, I think it was so. How do you deal with guilt of being burnt out? I think I'm going through it at the moment and I'm afraid of falling off the bandwagon and struggling to not be so hard on myself.

Is that guilt with, so what do you mean by that? guilt is in with the kids. That's guilt of being burnt out. So I think I'm going through it at the moment. I'm afraid of falling off the bandwagon and struggling to be so hard. So I suppose being afraid of pulling back in case they don't continue to see the progress they want. Also how to deal with acceptance of a whole new body that comes with having a baby. My little girl is nearly two and I still struggle with accepting it at times.

Right. Okay. So I'm going to, oh yeah, I can see it. now, I couldn't see it before. So the guilt of, right, yeah, I feel like if it's burnout in terms of, you feel like you're on that verge of burnout, I wouldn't feel guilty about that. I would, like, the fact that you've recognised that is actually a good thing, because if you feel like, oh, I'm going to burn out here, but I know I need to keep going to go in for these

goes again look at what you look at what's realistic for you in your life that you can actually do that you can do and if things if you're putting too much on yourself that's only something that you control so i wouldn't i wouldn't feel guilty about doing the things that are actually you know better like helping you and in a positive for you and your children i would look at it as if you're actually on that verge of burnout what can you you do to kind of make sure that, you know, you're on track and you're doing what you can at that time rather than get to that point, get to that stage of burnout. And then the whole acceptance of like the new body, it's the difficult one. I remember when I first had my daughter and I

really struggled with this and the whole new image and the new body, because your body obviously does change. We know this one when we have kids and I was quite tiny. So, my stomach stretch and then I was left with all these scars, all these stretch marks, all this. And at that age, I was only about 19, I really, really struggled. So I can so relate to this. And I honest, I know this is going to be, this probably sounds like a crappy answer, but I do think it comes with time and working on like self-acceptance. So like for a lot of time, I used other people to kind of validate how I looked

and how I felt about my own body, right? And that wasn't helping me. I still, they were, you know, they'd say all these things or I'd try and do things to make myself seem better on the outside, but you have to really almost look within and not pick yourself apart, but really understand how, like, how far you've come with your own, like, strength, your struggles and things like that.

and not just look at it in terms of like your body, like what have you done for you? And the more I started to do that. And I'm not going to like, it did take a little bit of time because I was so fixated on, oh my gosh, my body, my body, my body. But then when I kind of went out of that

and thought, what am I doing? Like I'm raising a child on my own. I'm doing this. I'm starting a business. And I just focused on those other things that made me feel really good. then the marks and the body changes, it didn't really seem that relevant to me.

And I think it's because I actually got, I actually had self-validation from these other things, which then in turn really helped me with that self-validation with my body because it didn't really matter. And again, it's taken a while, but I can still say, and yeah, I've got the, still got the marks and things like that. and I'm not bothered. Like, I couldn't care less.

Whereas when I was on holiday before, I used to, like, hide my stomach and things like that. And I was really conscious. But the more you, like, hone in and, like, start to really love yourself, accept yourself and think about the things that you, you and only you can do, you start to gain that confidence. And it has to come from within, like, not from anybody else. So it might take time, but you just,

you have to keep working on it. And every time you have those little thoughts that pop up, have another thought that's that counteracts that. So if you have that thought of, oh, I feel like this and I look like this in the mirror, have another thought that, but then I've done this, I've done that, I am this, I am that, you know.

How you speak to yourself is so important. If you constantly are saying to yourself, I'm not worthy, like I'm this, I'm that, and very negative stuff, it sticks. negative it is sticky guys we don't want it so speak to yourself in a positive manner and just be like i'm amazing like i'm strong i'm a good mom i'm i'm like i've got loads of energy i'm happy i'm working on my health like you're all on a fitness journey if you've got kids like that's an amazing thing it's hard to do and this is why not everybody does it so yeah those i hope that helps i hope that

make sense. Lisa asks, how would you help your clients to get back into the gym after prioritising a workload? I think that means like work career. How would you help your clients to get back in the gym after prioritising workloads? Don't know where to begin and what weights to start with. Last time I was lifting heavy and I'm afraid I could injure myself.

So basically she'd been out of action for a while and she doesn't know where to start to get back into it. Right. Okay. So how long have you been out of action for then? We'll get back. Out of action for. Okay, all right. So, again, start small.

I'd probably say to them, I would, if you're prioritising workload, but your priorities have shifted and it's more about like your weights and the gym and things like that. Again, and obviously Kyle will help you with this, really understand why you're there because if you understand you're why and you and you you're in there then you've set an intention straight away so I think sometimes you know your mind I know sometimes with my clients as well we have to work on this a little bit because your mind's

a little bit of oh I need to pick up the kids I need to do this I need to do that and I'm like when you're in the gym when you're there and you're lifting it have the intention of right I'm here for a reason and this is what I'm going to do and I think the if you worried about like the injury side of it. I'd probably just again, like, start small and learn to build up. But a lot of it is mindset. Really, like, guys, we carry, like, shopping bags. We carry our kids on our, like, hips and things like that. And I say to these moms, I'm like, your kids probably weigh more than those weights that you, that you pick up, you know, sometimes, like, they're afraid of picking these weights up. I'm like, your child weighs more than that weight or those shopping bags,

you know? So it's, it's having that mindset of I can, you know, I can do. this, I've got this and know if you're prioritising, like health, shift that mindset from, you know, work and things like that. And when you go in there, set the intention of why you're there, what you need to do. Start with where you feel comfortable, with, I probably say, but then still do push yourself. And don't be afraid to lift heavy. If you've been out, let's say you were out of action for the gym for a long time. I don't know what's the longest, you've been out of action from going to the gym. But I presume there's been. periods of your life where you know work running your own business you know dancing looking

after your daughter all that stuff that like you've probably had weeks where you've gone without you know a training session like if you were to go in then what what what would your approach be if i was just a going out of being out of action for a while you've been out of now for a while yeah and then you're heading back to the gym for the first time yeah that i have actually done that that's i went for a phase where i was um had to put a lot of work with like the shows and stuff with the dance school. So I remember I didn't go to the gym for months. And when I went back,

I just did what I enjoyed doing to staff. I just did what I enjoyed doing. I could have had a plan and thought about that. So, but when I went in, I think I actually went to a class, to be honest. I think I went to a class because I enjoyed doing that. And then I went and then I just did some things

that I enjoyed doing in terms of weights. The things I really, that wasn't too like, I wasn't like pushing myself too much. It was just to enjoy being there. And then I built that momentum up. And then after I built that momentum up, I was like, right, let's go. It's go time. It's just what you're really doing is just trying to break the habit of not being there. Not being there.

Yeah. What you do? I don't think so, no. I don't think so. I think it just matters. It's the art of showing up, right? It just matters to get there. what's that one thing you've learned about people since since you've started coaching

people or moms just people in general people in general but obviously moms because that's who you work with what's one thing I've learned um that way are freaking superheroes um I know I said about like the the people thing you know how people are bothered about what other people think and it stops them it stops them from from doing a lot i i didn't realize how much other people were fixated on what other people thought until i started working with people you know so that is that's probably the biggest i think it's like they're too afraid to maybe do a certain thing even like because of family members or friends or or whatever i think i've noticed that about working but learning i've started working do you think it opened up your eyes that are

things that you might have struggled with and then you realised how everyone struggles with the same things? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I think so. I think, well, when I, well, when I first had minute, I was seek, again, like that, that seeking thing and it didn't come from within. And I think, like,

that I really, I can relate to what they're doing and how, how they're acting, if that makes sense. because obviously I've been there so yeah, say so. Lucy says what advice would you give for us mum's who put themselves so far down the list of priorities that things like emptying the dishwasher or tidying up are higher in the pecking order

than our health and fitness? I'd say stop doing that right now. I know it's hard. I do know this is hard. I get it. But you know what, ladies, delegation is something, thing that is a big friend of mine. So I started, if you need to just delegate as much as possible,

like if you've got like pets, get a dog walker, if you need to get a cleaner. Like I delegated so much stuff so I can make sure that, you know, fitness is a priority. Because the thing is, is if you, if you continuously put yourself last, that's not actually helping you or your kids, it's not. And you have to think about what your, the habits that you're doing on a day to day, that you're showing that you're not a priority, that's what you're showing to your kids.

And that's how they'll kind of grow up because it's just the norm, that's what they saw their mum's. Like I always, I always say to my mum's, I'm like, the behaviours and the patterns and the habits, that you have now, I always say, would you like it if your, if your children adopted the same habits? And it's always, no, definitely not. I don't want them to do what I'm doing because I feel burn out. I've got no energy. I don't put myself first. Well, do you want them to do that? No. Okay, well, that's what they're going to end up doing because they're action in it. So I would,

I would really, I would really look into why, like, your, how, how your health and fitness, links with other areas of your life and why you should be a priority and I'd actually like go so far as to like take time to write this down and stuff like why you should be a priority so it links into those other areas like the fact that you put in a dishwasher above you

I mean come on you kind of have to reframe that don't you have to reframe and be like I'm going to look after myself so then I can look after you yeah so really I'm doing this for you Desiree commented, wow, this is hitting hard. I feel like I'm a good role model in terms of being driven, etc. But I didn't consider the flip side that they see me burned out

and with very little left after I've done all those things. Yeah. It's, yeah, it is hard because you want to be the best mum possible. And, you know, we're thinking we're putting them first by putting us last. But I always say it's the other way around. because if you are pouring constantly from an empty cup, you're not giving them your full energy. You're not giving them your full time.

Like I used to be thinking, I need to do this bit of cleaning. I need to do this, this, this, while she's trying to play with me. And then when I caught myself doing it so many times I think, and I think what happened one time was we did a full game that I completely did not know how I finished that game because my mind wasn't even in it.

And I felt so, I thought, I don't even know what's just happened. And I didn't want to live like that. You know, I wanted to make sure when I'm with her, I'm with her, whether we're playing Uno, whether we're just outside on a walk, I want to make sure that I'm present. And if your mind is on,

need to do this, need to do this, need to do this, it's really hard to do that. But when you've used that energy up, you've trained, you've looked after yourself, you know, you've kind of put that into you, you know that, okay, that's it, that's done. I can have this energy now and this focus on my children is so important. It is hard when you look at it like that,

but when you realise it, it really, really benefits you and the kids massively. Nick, what's one lesson that you'd want to pass on to your daughter from your own life experiences? To know your worth from the get-go, like know your worth, I would say this to her, because I didn't for a long, long time.

And it is from my own experiences of like just letting people talk to me a certain way, like letting people walk all over me and just not understanding my own true value and my own true worth. And I do pass that down to her and I do make sure she knows that. and to know that like she doesn't have to kind of, if she's got her own like uniqueness and qualities and things like that to make sure that she can love herself for that and if other people are doing different things

and she's that one person that's doing something else, to be all right with that and to stand, you know, strong with that if she has certain values that don't align with other people that maybe are trying to bring her down, down or whatever, stand strong with your values because, you know, I think when you have a certain set of values and a certain set of self-worth, it's almost like, it can take on anything. And I wanted to feel like that, you know, conquer the world. And Lucy said, how do you cope with fitness during the school holidays?

You literally have little ones with you 24-7. So, I mean, my daughters, we do home-ed now. So she's not even in school. She's educated. But when she was at school, I put a lot of this on my Instagram actually. So we did everything to do with like activities. So I couldn't get, obviously, when she was at that age,

couldn't bring her to the gym with me. So we did all the activities under the soul. And I always say to my mums, if you can't get in the gym, just think movement. Just think movement in your head, whether you're going swimming, whether you're taking them trampoline in, whether you're just playing football in the park, you are still ticking that box of the fitness side of it. Yet it might not be you regulate gym sessions, but again, don't feel guilty about that because that timetable has changed for you for six weeks or however long. You are taking what you can control and ticking some boxes and letting go of the things that you can't, which is your regular gym session.

but you're still making progress. You're not completely saying, oh, it's six weeks holidays, now I can't do anything. Always think movement in that time. Like, it doesn't matter if you can't exactly go to the gym. Just think, well, what can I do? What movement can I do at that time? Thanks for watching. If you liked that episode and you want to see more content like this,

make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next one.