The Uneducated PT Podcast - #40 Ryan Eveleigh - You Don't Want Certainty

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

In this episdoe we speak to Ryan Eveleigh a holistic and tranformation coach. In this episode we speak on the dangers of certainty, how to get over your fear of failure and why we live in a world with more information than ever and yet very little wisdom. 

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation and for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support and I'll see you on the next episode. Many people will do a video saying, try this exercise and you'll have a great workout. Why, though?

Where's the wisdom? Where's the clarity that one needs to understand why it works? and how it works. So my question to you is, do you think we're in an era of social media where we have all this information but no wisdom and no application? You literally synonymize it in two words. Loads of information and no wisdom. You know, and I think you see this everywhere.

Like you see this on Instagram all the time, like, hey, do my back workout and, you know, this will happen. There is no understanding. There's no wisdom. You're not actually empowering the individual. to go and execute the knowledge you've given them, all you've done is made them interested in you. So, like, in terms of actually wanting to give value to the people who follow you,

because, yeah, you want the people who follow you to eventually be clients of yours if they're your kind of people, right? Plain and simple, if they're not, then don't fucking follow me. Like, I make that clear on a weekly basis, to be honest. But with that being said, it's usually with the vegan stuff. But if you're a vegan, by the way, I'm sorry if you're offended, but I'm the complete opposite of a vegan, so I'm not really that very. But anyway, back to the pointed hand, right?

When it comes in knowledge and wisdom, right, this is where loads of people in the fitness industry are missing it, right? Is why not educate someone on the biomechanics of a lift or how this lift is effective and why it's so effective? So then they can actually understand the concept, not just if I do a deadlift, I'm going to get strong, but if I do this deadlift, this is why I'm going to get strong. because I'm training in this redbook. And there's actual wisdom there,

which allows a person to go practitioner in a plethora of lifts. It allows them that sovereignty. And the reason why I actually think it's not being shared as much is because it makes coaches who are shit feel powerless. I'm not going to pull any punches. I'll post a workout of mind, but I'll explain why each lift should be done. You know,

and I think, I genuinely think that there is a bit of cloak and dagger in the industry. I think some people do that. And it looks great, but do they actually understand what the fuck is going on? No. You know, and that's, to me, worries me a bit, but I combat it with actual positive information. That's actually going to empower you. And I think we do live in an age where it's how many reels can you upload and not,

well, are you actually going to produce something that can actually impact someone's life? Like if someone was having a bad day and they watch that or if someone had a problem with food and they watch that, could that maybe just snap that person and go, hey, this guy's actually made a really good point. I'm going to go try this. Or is it just you trying to suck their attention like a leech? Well, that's the difference between content creators online who are one looking for just engagement and the other ones who are looking to educate and empower. Yeah.

And unfortunately, the educate and empower probably is a little bit less sexy because it probably takes a little bit more time to learn. learn, time to read, time to digest. And we obviously live in a age where people's attention spans are very, very limited. Like everyone, as you noticed, that everyone diagnoses themselves with ADHD. And I literally say, you haven't got ADHD. You just stare at your phone too much. Imagine if you put your phone down, oh, my ADHD's gone. You never fucking had it, my G. Like, that's the truth, you never had it. You know, and honestly, have you noticed, I don't know if you have as a coach, but I have, how common people go, wow, I've got ADHD. And it's like, let's check that out, right?

Let's have a test here. You know, and if you know what you're doing, you can run a couple troubleshooting exercises with the person to check. And more often than not, it's not an actual attention deficit disorder where they can never keep attention. They've actually just conditioned themselves using this. Then all of a sudden you take this away and you say,

hey, how about you only check it once a day? Oh my God, bro, I got into a flow state today. could work for hours, could believe it. And I'm like, oh, really? You know, so yeah, I think although, and you said it really well, short attention spans, but I'm going to say this, and I'll unequivocally say this, even if you watch a video like that,

I'm on about the shitty types. And you know me, Carl, I don't pull any punches, bro, so I don't expect any nice. With the squat on the, on the bousy ball with the bicep. Yeah, like, what the fuck, right? It's like, you're just trying to be different to get attention, right and it's it's time wasted on your phone there now if you're watching videos that actually educate and empower you not make you feel good because she's got a great physique and i squatted like her or same thing applies to guys who he's got a great bench press you know and no but they've

actually educated and empower you then at least that attention that you spent on your phone is not wasted and it's actually contributed to the betterment of who you are because everyone goes tech is the enemy that is true but it can also be your best fucking friend my safe feed is my go in the morning. Guess we go. You know? Yeah. And that really comes from being self-aware of what you're consuming and is this being

helpful or not to you and to your life. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to be able to discern whether you're being a consumer here or you're actually being an asset and you're actually building yourself into an asset by the things you're consuming. Like, am I making myself better by watching this or am I just killing my brain slowly by watching catching up with the Kardashians?

I have no apologies for that. Quote, quote number two from you. Change is never painful. It's the resistance to change where you derive most of your pain. Can you explain that to me? Yeah, sure. So I actually had a conversation with the client earlier today, literally about this exact topic, which was change.

And she said to me, and I'm not going to delve into all the details, obviously, but she said, you know, change is scary. And I'm like, okay, okay, why? And she goes, oh, well, you know, ever since obviously working with you, whatever, every time I've changed, it's been for the better, it's been amazing. But before that, it's been, you know, awful. And I'm like, okay. So what happens if you change, but it's for the better? Wouldn't you feel better?

Wouldn't you feel great? Wouldn't it be awesome? And what would that look like? And she explained something, that was awesome. And I said, how would that make you feel? She was like, amazing. And I was like, okay. So the point is, people are afraid of change because they're afraid of what they don't know. Now, if they don't know something, you're going to fear it. But if you get to know it, it can actually

become an asset or a liability. You know, you may fear reading a book that has to do with keeping your attention span because maybe you don't have a long attention span. But all of a sudden, you read that book and you expand your attention span. Do you see what I mean? So I think when it comes to this, I think it's super, super important to understand that it's not change that is something that scares you. It's your resistance to it because even if you didn't know what was coming, you're going to grow from whatever it is because you don't know what it is. So therefore you're going to gain knowledge. You're going to gain wisdom and understanding. So it's your resistance to change that causes pain because change is inevitable. The human body regenerates itself like multiple times in the

lifetime, you know, in terms of like a cellular level or something. I can't remember the exact, you know, details. But it's not the actual change itself. That's the issue. It's you trying to go against the flow of the river. Yeah. You know, and that's where the resistance is occurring. And that's where the pain is because that's where you'll drown if you were in a river, right? You're almost torturing yourself by not allowing the change. Yeah. Like you're preventing your life from shining as bright as it possibly could, thinking you're making everyone else's light brighter, excuse me. But in actuality, they're like oh you know you dim jaws you know i'll dem mine whereas if you just shine as bright as you possibly can't guess what

everyone else is going to be like oh we can do it you know mom mentality style yes let's do it you know that's why like community is so huge and so important you have a sick community actually this this this this almost um ties in really well with the other quote that I wanted to you to touch on and I think I think it ties in well it's like if your thoughts are saturated by fear of failure it kills your efforts neutralizes your endeavors and make success impossible.

So do you think that has a correlation with you, someone being resistant to change is that they're resistant to change because they're afraid they're going to fail? Yeah, 100%. But that's where you've got to look at failure. And you've got to go, okay, well, why are you afraid to fail? Because there's two things that happen when you fail. number one is you fail and you learn

right and number two is you fail and you move forward at a slow rate but you never fail and go backwards unless you choose to unless you choose to run away from a failure right the failure is not a failure until you leg it because you can always make it better dude we were talking about more time right and me throwing kicks that looked like absolute dog shit right but then they can do 100 kicks every single day on the bag and now I can actually throw one that actually makes sense,

like dynamically speaking, you know? All borsetheel, no hip-s. Yeah, literally. I was like a walking brick. But after repetitions of doing it, well, then okay, all of a sudden, that fear of failure dissipates, and guess what takes its place?

The fear of confidence and empowerment. But yes, can it be frustrating to fail sometimes, of course. But your frustration is fleeting there. Whereas if you stop, You won't just be frustrated. You'll be angry, resentful and feel guilty to, you know. When you know you can always push it a little bit further forward. And it doesn't need to be big.

It can be an increment. Where do you think, why do you think some people struggle with implementing these things because of a fairer failure and other people don't? Like I remember we spoke about how sport played a big impact on you having the confidence to try challenging things. Do you think it's from an early age that, you know, people are either thrown into challenges or not and that, you know, gives them the experience and the conditioning to attempt hard things and some people, they shell into themselves? Yeah. I think everything can be stemmed from childhood. You can stem pretty much most of the issues from something that happened when you were a fucking kid that you couldn't process. You couldn't battle. You know, so if you were challenges as a challenge, as a child, you can't stem. child and you weren't receptive to the way in which you were challenged. So let's say it wasn't

positive reinforcement and you're extremely receptive receptive to positive reinforcement. For example, I am. When rugby coaches are like your shit and they never told me in the slide, we're just trying to make you better. It was like, that's not making me better, asshole. You're making me fucking worse. You know, give me a slap on the ass and a pat on the back. You're like, that was a bit better. And you know what? The next one would be even better. Right. So I think it depends when we go all the way back to childhood to extrapolate upon that point. I think it depends on the way in which you face the challenge or the fear or the adversity, whatever it is.

Did you move through it and have the opportunity to see the other side? Now, if you got to see the other side, all of a sudden you realize that that fear will always be there, but the sense of accomplishment while being in betterment is on the other side of it. So your inclination to push through that barrier of fear, of failure, of challenge is much higher. You're more inclined to do it, right? Now, if you were a child, right, and there was a challenge, and let's say maybe the parent made a mistake, which every parent does, and so many parents beat themselves up and by it, but listen, no one's a perfect mother or father. Fucking hell. Guys, can you solve a break?

If you are a mother or father, listen to this, Jesus, you'll never get everything right, but fucking out, I bet you're doing it best. But that's a bit of a side quest. The point I'm trying to make is, then if you're challenged with that as a child, and let's say the parent accidentally challenged you too much, right? the challenge is too significant, the bar wasn't set low enough, right? And then you fall short of it. You can shrink within yourself. Now, this is where you delve into the rabbit hole of personality types. You can shrink into yourself or what could happen is you could have a parent that could be,

like, for example, the devouring mother syndrome where the mother never lets go of the child to allow it to find its own sovereignty and independence, right? Essentially, what you can help. There's the child too much. Yeah, exactly. And then the child never learns how to rely on itself. So then what you can get, for example, with the father, let's say we're using a football game and he says,

I want you to score six goals today and the kid can't even score one, right? And then the afterwards, the father's like, I'm disappointed in you. Your inclination, especially if you're based or positive reinforcement, your inclination to want to even go near that fucking challenge again is earth shattering. Right? And then as you get older, the longer you leave it, right? The longer you choose not to actually, you know, take an inch forward there and not actually build awareness around the fact that,

that actually fucked you a bit. So I'll give you a really same example. My dad used to come to my rugby games. But he would always yell. I could hear him yell in the instructions. And it would affect me. And he didn't mean to do it in a nasty way or anything. It was actually trying to be really constructive because you're fucking South African,

be passionate about rugby. So, you know, he's like, I can do this, do that. After a while, I literally said that, you can't come to my games. And that broke his fucking hard, to be fair. I actually felt awful about it. But I said, look, like, I need to perform if I want to be a professional. and either you come to the games and not say anything to support me in silence or just don't come. And he was my biggest supporter, to be fair, when I was playing rugby.

So that was a pretty brutal thing to do, but it needed to be done. So if you are shying away from that challenge as a child, the main thing you actually need to do, especially if you haven't done it, and let's say you're an adult now, is reverse engineer that and start to encroached slowly upon challenges, fears. and things that you know you're going to fail at and allow yourself to fail without ripping yourself apart because what happened was when you were a new child you would rip to shreds your whole world collapsed around you and daddy shouted at you right so you immediately subsumed and that's what's going to happen if i even touch that puddle when in actuality no not at all that'll actually happen is

you'll get braver you'll get a little bit tougher you'll get a little bit stronger you'll get a the wider, and you'll see what's on the other side of that, which is a reward. So that's positive reinforcement. So there's that unfortunate but also fortunate sometimes of busting through a fear barrier. And if busting through the fear barrier is too difficult, I'm not going to do it the jump street way because then it looks like I'm fissing the ceiling. But if you're trying to bust through that barrier, and let's say that barrier is too hard, you set the bar too high, so that's fine. I use a gym example. If you can't go into the gym, just go to the door and then walk come you fucking nailed it you've nailed it you've hit the bar now you're gonna be the problem is

that a lot of people think that's ridiculous but it's the most necessary thing that you need to do if you're in that situation i can list like four clients on my hand that i did it with and now they can't get out of the gym so i disagree with those people fundamentally yeah yeah but usually usually it's it's the person who who can't do the thing that you try to break it down and smaller smaller tasks to do yeah and they're like oh that's ridiculous what's the point of doing that. Yeah, you don't see the bigger picture. Yeah, I have a pep talk with my clients all the time.

And I say at some point in this journey, I don't know when it is, but you're going to have to trust me. Because there's things, and this is why you hired me, there's things I know that you don't yet, that you're going to learn, but there's a process in which you learn them. So you'll never forget them against you're empowered when you leave. Right. But you've got to trust me because some of the. them are not going to make sense, but then three months down the line, you're going to look back and go,

holy shit, all of that led to this. I'm like, yeah. And you're like, I didn't see that. I'm like, exactly why I said, trust me. And they might even know, but they can't see it in themselves because they're taking over logic. Yeah, you're so right. And that's where we kind of come in and go, look, I'll help you bail across, stand up. Can you hold it now? Yeah, I can hold it. Sweet. Keep going until you collapse. And then I'll help you pick. it up, but no, I will not carry it for you. I'm not taking that problem away from you because that's going to disempower you because you're capable of actually doing that. So I'm not going to steal that from you. Because then you're stealing that person's bravery, that person's elements of

actually being able to become braver. So as a coach, just being able to help people learn how to solve problems, not just solving it for them. Because if you just do that, how much use are they going to be when they leave? If you genuinely care about that person, right? they're going to be like, shit, I need Ryan, I need car. And it's like, I want them to be like, Ryan, you know, my journey's going great. You know, this is happening in my life. I've got this promotion. That's what I want to fucking, yeah.

Not all the time. And when people come back, it's usually just because they like to work with you and it's accountability and they love it. And you can always offer more, obviously, like every coach is a coach. But for people who don't come back when I touch base with them, I want to hear how well they're doing. I don't want to hear, fuck, you know, dude, I need you again. And if it's like, oh, dude, I need you again.

it's like, hey, not a fucking problem. I've got you. But we missed something last time because that's not the purpose. But let's figure out what we missed. I mean, maneuver forward. You know what I mean? So I think when it comes to that pain barrier,

yeah, when you go all there down to childhood, it's tricky, but as an adult, face what you can, what you can fear. The smallest possible increment is what you go for. That's it. Don't overburden yourself. Don't say on David Goggins,

because 99% of us are not, right? Like, that's just the reality. Okay, and just look at it and just go, okay, if I can manage that, are the cow's stupid it looks I managed it. That's task completed. Fucking it. Well, you said to David Goggins, but even when you listen to his story, it started with him doing like a minute run

down the road and building it. So starting awesome. I know, I think the positive reinforcement that you touched on there, I think it's huge because when you were speaking there, I was almost thinking about my own childhood. And like, I would say that I'm very, I'm willing to put myself into uncomfortable situations. And I was thinking, where did that come from?

and, you know, I would even think about sport, like, when I was, like, five years old and I played my first football match, and I distinctively remember my very first football match at five years old, finishing, and not even known where I was getting sent to, I was getting to go play football, and I remember playing it, and it's half an hour in, and it's done, and then I remember the manager, the coach coming up to me, big hand out, quite five on the hand, saying, well done, you were brilliant. And I looked up and I was like, ha, and then from there, I played football for the rest of my life, and then I tried other sports.

And, you know, I think having someone like that from a very young age, whether it's a supportive parent, whether it's a really good coach, really encouraging coach. I think that can make such a difference to people going into their adulthood. Yeah, because look, bro, now you're now irrespective of the level you play, you enjoy football. You enjoy it, bro. Like, that's the same can be said for teachers.

Have you ever come across that one teacher that has kind of changed your perspective on things. Every other teacher was a decade, fair enough. But there's that one teacher that just kind of got you and it was just like, listen, like, I know who you are and this is the crack and I can see something. And you stop fucking around and playing he-haw at the fuck-around gang and get it together. And for some reason that that person just saw you for who you were and you're just like, fucking eight. And you never forget that. I still don't forget that person. I still got them in my fucking mind, man. And they've never left. You know, and I'm 28. I'm always dick. You know what I mean? And then I suppose if you know,

didn't have that as a child, if you didn't have that positive reinforcement, you have to be that adult for yourself in the later years. And it's tricky because you've got to look at your inner child and you've got to assist what was it that I was lacking? And I can't play the blame game. It's what was I lacking as a child, which means as my adult self, that's what I need to give to myself straight away. Because if I was lacking positive reinforcement, okay, I need to give myself positive reinforcement. The show is actually a thing and to understand that it's tangible, it's real and I can see what it looks like, you know, and that starts with you. And a lot of people can't actually do that. And sometimes that actually starts with a coach. Like straight up,

like no bullshit. Like sometimes it starts with you because some people are very capable in a lot of areas, but very incapable in some, right? Some areas that are really important. And that's where you come and you go, listen, like, you're actually fucking capable. We wouldn't have said this if you weren't capable or for someone who's extremely capable, you know the bar is higher. So you go, listen. Oh, you know, I'm nervous about this interview or, you know, I'm trying to close this big client. I'm nervous about this or whatever. And you just go, listen. Like, you obviously going to say this verbatim, it's personal to the person, but, you know, you're the tits, you're the boss. Like, you've, you fucking got this. Like, you don't need to hear it from me,

but I want you to. And I want you to take that on board. When you go into that meeting, understand that you're supposed to fucking be there, you know, and then you kind of go through some protocols and stuff to help them out. But sometimes that positive reinforcement can come from someone who's still excelling. And they need that to go to the next level too, you know, which is another reason why people fucking get coaches to go to the next level as well. Yeah, people can have them in security as the whole way of regardless of. Yeah, literally the whole way up.

And you'll see, and I unequivocally agree with this, and this is not biased. People will say it is. but you can see data, a clear data of someone who's had a coach for consistent periods of time over an elongated period of time and their linear progression and their life and someone who hasn't.

It's a clear data difference, a clear data difference. And it baffles, you know what, I'll be honest, like from the marketing standpoint, and I'm happy to talk about us on the podcast, it does baffle me, and it would be very interesting to hear the feedback that you may get from this,

and please relay it back, that when it comes to getting a coach, and I genuinely don't mean this is a bias, but that should be a necessity if your life is not where you want it to be. Like it should be, that should be, that's probably not, but like feeding my family,

keep my roof over my head, feeding my kids, and getting a fucking coach should be priority anymore enough. Well, I think the problem becomes the people who need help the most are the ones who find it most difficult to reach out and ask for help.

because people who have low self-esteem probably don't feel like they're worth investing in themselves. Whereas someone who's doing well in life, who has a high self-esteem, who, you know, they understand their worth. So therefore, it's no issue for them to say that, you know, I need to spend a thousand euro on myself to get to this next level. I need this person's help. where someone who has never had a coach or never has, you know, invested in themselves, they find it really difficult to, you know, have that argument in their head

that they're worth investing that money in. And that money would be better off invested in somewhere else rather than themselves. That's actually a very, very, very fucking bad at a point. And if you all one of those people, if you see a coach out there like Carl or me or something like that, if reaching out is too scary, just fucking like a story or something

you know, you know, and just show that, you know, you're paying attention and they'll fucking help you. Because sometimes you've got to look yourself and assess like who really needs help you, you know, and who can genuinely invest in themselves to actually because if you don't invest in yourself,

you don't put as much weight on what you should do. So if you ever did anything for free, that's your problem. from a standpoint because and if it or if it's of a lower value the person will treat it as such and that's just human human psychology you know whereas if someone goes no i spent you know x amount on this they're going to go i'm going to work towards this and for the person who's struggling the most that's the most imperative thing not to get you to spend the money no to get you to the place where you can thrive in your fucking life is what actually matters because that'll have an effect on your

family that'll have an effect on your relationships, your personal life, all of a sudden the transference occurs all across the fucking board. And I see it time and time again. And I think the only tragic thing is when you see, you know, other coaches or other PTs, I'll call them or whatever, you know, who don't care enough about their clients. And that worry, that actually worries me a bit. It's like a doctor who's like, I don't really care how I diagnose you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it takes time but even if I'm thinking about my own experiences

invest in myself that first time or getting that first coach whether it's in fitness whether it's in business was a lot more difficult then the 10 to 1 and paying 10 times more and that's because myself

worked moved up the ladders through I investing myself for that for that first coach I completely agree I was exactly the same that's why when you said that I was like such a good point

because I've been in that person's shoes and so of you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's tricky, but you, like you said about the small steps,

it's small steps in terms of that as well. You know, that might be, even just the chat, like even just someone being like, hey, you know, I'm struggling with this.

You don't think something like me or car would just be like, yeah, well, just do X, Y, and this is why it'll work, right?

Give it a crack and let me know your thoughts. Yeah. You know? And because, you know, you want to help people who actually want to help themselves.

You can't help something that doesn't, like plain and simple. Yeah. The other quote that I really love, the scary reality is you can choose to be happy or not. If your circumstances prevents you from doing this look within, then change your environment. I was born in a third world country where poverty was rampant. I've seen more smiles there with people who have nothing than in the first world countries. If we have so much today, if objectively today like we live better lives today

than you know anyone else who lived in history like the quality of the quality of our lives is better than anyone who lived before us why are we so deeply unhappy as a society because you have absolutely everything so you don't know what it's like to have nothing so how can you appreciate something that you've never not had so if I've always had a bed

and a laptop and how much less gratuitous would I be if I got my first laptop? I would just expect to like the fucking mail, bro. You know what I mean? So that first part of that quote, because you'll have to read it back to me, but that first part of that quote is highlighting that. And the last part about, you know, being in South Africa and seeing more smiles there than I did in the West is because so many people are so concerned with problems that aren't as big as normal, normal problems. Now that's not to say your problem isn't as big as it should be to you,

right? That's relative. But by the same token, right, if you go to somewhere like South Africa, go anywhere in the world where there's extreme poverty, right? True poverty. I mean, people not having beers to sleep in, right? And look at how appreciative they are of something as as simple as fucking running water. Then you ask yourself the simple question, well, I've got running water. So why don't I appreciate it? The answer is because you choose not to. You don't acknowledge that because you've always had it, you desensitized to it. So I take time every single day to be grateful for something as simple as being able to face another day.

I don't know what the day is going to bring. It could bring problem after problem. It could be a balls-lead day of just, you know, issue, issue, issue. And I've got to make sure there's a solution to help these people no matter what. I will still every morning give thanks, right, to the big man upstairs. And I will literally say, thank you for letting me face another day. Because the simple fact is that day that me and you woke up, thousands, I want to venture a guest to say millions of people did it.

Right. So if you're not paying attention to the small things, start to because your appreciation of the big things, your appreciation of getting into bed after a long day of work after it's been made will be so much deeper. And then people will go, well, why the fuck does that matter? I'll tell you why that matters. You will be substantially happier as a fucking person. I promise you this. I can, I honestly can put my head on a block and promise you this unequivocally. If you start to habitualize, and this is the key, is to habitualize the gratitude you have for the simple things first, watch what happens to your life. Believe it or not, call me,

you know, I don't know, a heretic, I don't know, whatever, whatever, but you'll get more things to be grateful for. I shit you not, you will. It's a mad thing. Yeah, it is. You literally take another head. It is a muscle, bro. It is a muscle.

Gratitude is an excellent practice for the simple, for the simple reason. It is the opposite of arrogance and resentment. Like the complete inverse. You can't be grateful and be arrogant and resentful at the same time. They don't go together. Resentful is a good word because the way I think of it, a lot of the times is that like, okay, so many people in the first world have so many things,

but that's not enough if you don't have more than your neighbor. And a lot of people are like, I'm only as happy as, you know, am I happier than the people around me? Yeah. And this is the thing is, how well do you know the people around you? You don't. So what are you actually comparing yourself to firstly? Secondly, the unequivocal truth is you shouldn't be comparing yourself to anyone other than yourself. But that's a very difficult thing to do. Look, even I catch myself doing that, right? I'm in the gym and sometimes I'm like, this big boss is going to leg kick fast than me. Fuck him. You know, and then I'm like, hold on, Ryan. Like, you're in your own race mate, right? So don't you worry. You know, so I think it's the, I think you're the nail on the head with what you said

that, you know, especially with the fact of gratitude being a muscle. And for me, it's, it's not unfathomable because I understand because I wasn't a huge gratitude practitioner in the beginning. But honestly, if you fucking start and you don't stop and it doesn't need to be this huge frictionless fucking thing where you write this list that's 100 pages long, write one thing and make sure every single day is different. Eventually you'll run out of the nice things and you'll start to be like, I'm great for a fucking, fucking glass that I can have a coffee in. Yeah. I even find myself doing that on my coaching calls now. Like I'll have some clients who, you know, they have a negativity bias. The only way to say it, they'll come on. And the first thing they'll say is,

you know, I wasn't able to do this. I wasn't able to get. the gym. I wasn't able to, I went over my calories or, you know, and they're, they're, they're always looking for the thing that's gone wrong or, or what they haven't done. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, knowing that the, the biggest challenge is to get them into a positive frame of mind so then they can actually use that energy to go and do things that they want to do. So it's like, I don't want to hear any of that. I want you to give me five wins that you've had over the last week and you can't, we can't continue this conversation until you give me five wins, five things that you could be grateful for.

then you can you can literally see their their body and their energy start to change as they and it's and it's really difficult for them to even pick one at the start but then when they can get one two three and then they start to get into a flow of things that they've done well you know oh well I didn't get to the gym but I got out for that walk and you know I had breakfast even though I've been skipping it and I made sure that I had extra protein in it I was like oh maybe I'm not doing too too bad and you can see their energy change and that's what can kind of ignite them into continuing to to stay on track with whatever they need to do. It'll keep them going, man.

You know, if you're grateful for the, like, and you make a really good point about, you know, highlighting the wins before you even worry about the losses here. Like, firstly, they're not losses, their lessons, but by the same token, if you can practice some gratitude in the everyday life, think about how effective you'll move through stuff when shit hits the fan.

Ooh, boy, you move through that shit so quick fast. and then a hurry, it wouldn't be a big issue because at every junction, it may be a problem, but you'll look for something to be grateful for. I'm actually grateful for the fact that I have to solve this problem because I don't have to deal with a three game. You know, and all of a sudden, you being able to move through a very stressful endeavor or a very stressful time in your life becomes a lot more simple. Like, I do this weird thing, right, where I'll always, always, always say thank you to God, right, or to whoever whenever I'm having a shifty time. because if you're going to thank people, you know, the universe God, Allah, Buddha, whatever the fuck you want to call it, right?

If you're going to thank that person when things are going your way, you'll best thank them when things aren't because just like a coach mapping things out for a client, you're not going to see the end because you need to engage in the process, right? So when I'm having a really shit of time, I say thank you. I say thank you. And the reason why I do that is because it's teaching me something. I'm learning something. Okay, cool. Don't eat this food from this place and time. Thailand because you're going to shit and vomit your guts out

the night and then in a bottom my view. Thank you for these runs. Literally right. I was like, oh, thank you. This is a great lesson as your head's in the toilet. Honestly, my head is in the toilet and I turned to the side and there's a mirror in my toilet.

I turned the side and I looked to myself and I literally was like, I was like thinking excuses. I was like, release me! I was like, no, no, there's a reason to it. food poisoning is the worst thing ever. I got Bali, Bentley a few times. I got to be on the drip and everything. No, for anyone who's listening, honestly,

if someone tells their food poisoning, don't tell them to take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up because I'm telling you, it is krypton ice for it. It will put anybody to his knees. Honestly, it brought me to the hospital, bro. Thank God the time. I don't know how good because it absolutely

hit me for six. Like, it absolutely ruined me. But do me a favor. rereading that quote please. Yeah. So the scary reality is you can choose to be happy or not. If your circumstances prevent you from doing this, look within. What do you mean by that look within if your circumstances prevent you from doing this? So I'm just noting that down because when we say happiness is a choice and your circumstances are preventing you from doing this, right?

Basically, what I'm essentially saying is now think about the children in Africa analogy, right? Think about their circumstances for a second. not fucking great mate like what would castello say it's not looking good bread do you know what I mean like it's not looking great okay so why are they smiling

because they're choosing to look at what's going to make them fucking happy now that could be something as simple as water or something as simple as a roof over their head right but happiness and is and always will be a choice you can choose to be happy

or my mom just died okay that's a trick you want to choose to be happy in but guess what that is a circumstance and you can choose to be great and you can start to maneuver towards happiness through maturity right because you can choose to be grateful for the fact your one baby have passed because she wasn't in the best state or something along those lines do you do you think that the problem is that we look for happiness when we should be looking to be grateful that's a fucking good question yes i do because what you put your happiness in can be, again, I'll use this word fleeting.

And what I essentially mean is you can put your happiness at the bottom of a liquor bottle. You know, but if there's some level of gratitude, right, eventually you're going to start going on the right path. Now, when we're talking about happiness being a choice, what I'm essentially saying is, so if you use the mom dead analogy, right, dark as fuck I know, but I've got a dark sense of humor, even though there's not a joke. But hear me out anyway, right? How do you move through that?

you go, well, I'm actually so grateful because she managed to leave this earth at a time when she was really struggling. I'm so grateful for the life she lived. Yeah. You know, I'm actually very, very grateful what she gave me when she was here. And you want to know what? Now that she's gone, I'm so much more appreciative of those little lessons that I actually just shrugged off as a child because she's gone. Yeah. Right.

And as you start to do that, you can start to maneuver and navigate one of the hardest things to navigate, which is one's fear of losing a loved on death. Yeah. You know, it almost, it breeds energy in you because you're starting to take. about all the things that you're grateful for now. Do you think a problem is that we fester too much in our pain? And that's why we can't move. Let's say someone's out of a relationship and they're really holding on to the facts that they're brokenhearted or someone loses a job or they get let go that they hold

onto that resentment for for so long that, you know, it's preventing them from actually moving forward. Yes, I do. But with a relationship analogy, can you just repeat that one? So do you think those people fester? too much in their pain. So let's say they've just come out of a relationship. And, you know, like you said, they aren't finding what they're thankful for, what they're

grateful for, they're just thinking about how much they're hurt or how much that person hurt them. Yeah. So in the relationship dynamic, there's two arguments that can be made because what you sit there is actually correct, completely correct. But you can also make the argument that the only last connection thread that that that person has to their ex because they won't move on is that pain. So they hold onto the person. Yeah, you literally took the words of my mouth, my brother.

So what happens is you hold onto that misery because that is the last string you have that attaches you to that person. And you're too afraid to cut that string because that means leaving that person and cutting that person out your life. And that could be a tricky fucking thing to do. And it's very hard. It's not an easy threat to cut. If I'll call it anything, I'll call it a fucking cable.

right but by the same token it is a tricky threat to cut in in terms of in terms of relationships but the only other option is you stretch and stretch until it snaps and that is not healthy and that is not going to be healthy for either of you you know if you keep going back to an ex on a regular basis trying to revisit it to make it what it was guess what you aren't who you are anymore you've changed right if i use a quote from me or motemisashi you know no man crosses the same river twice for he is not the same man and it is not the same river. Right. So when you look at the relationship dynamic, it's the exactly same principle.

You're not going to be the same post that heartbreak. It doesn't matter how fresh it is. It could be a couple fucking hours, mate, but that trauma is there. That scar, well, you can't see it, is there. So then when you go and revisit that relationship, by pulling on that thread that you know you should have cut, right? What you're actually doing is you revisit the relationship, not what state of my revisit relationship as a different person

that hasn't actually had the opportunity to grieve and actually assess where they went wrong and where the relationship were wrong and what to do going forward. So now you're dealing with a person who wants someone back but doesn't actually know that they're damaged and not lying themselves to heal, right?

And then they come back together and then the blowout's even bigger the second time round. Right? And then until the universe just gives you an absolute fucking smack in the face and goes, okay, cool, I'm just going to make him sleep with her

or her sleep with him and you're going to watch it and you're going to suffer for that shit and that's going to be the fucking gun to your head. Right? whatever it may be. In actuality, the problem is you're actually trying to hold on to that person. But by doing that, even if that person, even if you manage to tug them back,

you're going to hurt them because you haven't assessed and actually looked at yourself. And that's why there's that part in that quote, which is look within, right, which is if happiness is a choice, but your circumstances aren't, you can't look at your external environment and then try to derive a happy state from it. instead you've got to look within. Now you'll say, well, Ryan, you say the kids in Africa, they'll look at water and be grateful and, you know, they'll put a smile on their face and say, that's true.

But they've also, believe it or not, these kids, these children have looked deep within than most fucking adults already and have gone, you know what, I haven't got a lot, but I've got this. And I'm grateful for the fact that I've got this. But I'm grateful for the fact that I've got something. It comes from within. It's not the external source.

If that got taken away from me, that kid would be grateful for having to have. a mother. So no matter what you take away from the kid in terms of external circumstance, you'll smile no matter what. You know, so that's why I say it's internal, you know, and it's intrinsic in terms of how you choose to do it. But a lot of people like misery because misery loves company dog, you know, like, hey, I used to be like that. If I go through a breakup, I put on juice wall and I'm there like, oh my God, boy, was me. And I'm like, bro, shut the fuck. Do you think there is a necessity to linger a little bit before you decide that, okay, now I

need to ignite some some energy to move past that and to actually be grateful for my circumstances. Yeah, but it's a dangerous game you're playing. Yeah. It's a dangerous game because you linger too long there, right? Now we've got an issue because then you're going to either slide back or something bad is going to happen or you're going to resent or whatever. Maybe if you don't linger in there long enough, you're going to carry what scars you haven't healed into the next relationship. Yeah, yeah. So it's got to be, it's almost got to be very pragmatic in its nature. which is my heart's broken. I'm going to allow myself a period of time to grieve. And by this point, I'm actually going to sit down, write down or assess where, and I always

do this, right, is where did I go wrong first? Where did I think they went wrong? And what was wrong with the relationship? And what could I do better next time? And then once that's done, it's like, okay, now I'm going to move forward, but I'm going to focus on myself, right? And then the right person is going to come along. Now, if the right person doesn't come along, you need to know what the right person looks like, but you've got to build that, right? So you slowly start from the healing process where you lie yourself a window of grief. I tell people, and people where you can't put a time on a little grief, I go, you need to. I go, you actually need to because it's too dangerous either side of the knife edge. It's too dangerous. You've got to

just give yourself to so you have to jump. Like, you have to do it at some point. And if that wasn't enough time, you can always backtrack and go, you know, and to give myself two weeks. But I wouldn't recommend that, because when you assess the relationship, that in and of itself is a burning process. It's a grieving process. It's what did I do fucking wrong? What went wrong with the relationship? What did I not like about this person that caused this issue or this tear? Right. So in that process, not only you're analyzing what's going on, you're making yourself better, but you're allowing yourself to flow. You're grieving. You're getting it all fucking out, mate. And then you can say, okay, well, these are the areas I need to work on myself.

So then it becomes internal self-work, right? And that can be physical and internal, right? It could be looked like, I'm an absolute mess. I need to get my fucking life together. I need to get in shape. I need to get my mind right, whatever it may be, because fucking, hey, you should. You should. Like, there's no reason why you shouldn't. Right. And then from there, you'll start to be able to build the archetype of the person that you want to be attracted to. what kind of person is that? What personality traits are they have? Which means that your pawnshel for picking men or woman

becomes more nuanced, right? And you're actually picking people that you vibe with. And you're not dealing with kissing frogs on a regular basis and getting your heartbroken by dipshits. You know? So I think it's really important to discern the two in a relationship because you do need time. But you've got to be careful because it's a knife edge of playing with it.

Like it's an abyss to decide. Too much time is going to be dangerous because it's like you said, Even in one of your other quotes, it was like change is never painful. It's the resistance to change where you most of your pain. So if you're refusing to move on to change your life in some circumstance, you're going to be tortured by your own mind. I love that quote. It's like you don't drown by falling into the river. You drown by staying submerged in your pain.

Who said that? Because that's a brilliant quote. I can't even remember. Me, that's a brilliant quote. I said it if I didn't touch. Carl Rock, Carl Rung Limited, like,

book on that shit, bro, but that reminds me of a quote from Carl Jung, which is, I'm not what happened to me. I'm what I choose to become. Yeah.

End of the sky, like I'm what I choose to become. So you can choose to become wherever the fuck you want. And I think the biggest issue that society has is you're conditioned by society to limit your belief in yourself

because they're one more workabees. You're conditioned to not believe you're capable of things that are greater than others. But that does mean you're going to have to do exceptional shit at some point. You know, like, you're going to have to do it at some point. And that's not a bad thing.

That's a beautiful thing because you're going to test your limitations. And that's exciting. Because you're going to find out where they are and then you can push it. But if you never know where your limitations are, how fuck you ever going to grow? Can't. You just call it. You know what I mean?

This leads nicely into uncertainty. So a quote from you, believe it or not, certainty can kill and prevent you for much bigger and better things. Yeah. So that. So essentially uncertainty is not a bad thing, right? We think it is.

Yeah, it's similar to the fear of the unknown, right? So I'll give you an example. The person, our coach, was certain of the job he was in and he loved it. Easygoing. I was like, sweet. He was like, there's this other job.

It's more lucrative. There's, you know, the CEO is a little bit more difficult. but, you know, it's high-end and it's, you know, I'll be pushed there. I don't know if I should take the leap because I really enjoy this place. And I'm like, you come for you. And he goes, yeah, yeah. And I go, okay, then you need a move, dog. You've got to move.

And he goes, how do you, how do you know? I was like, well, go have a meeting with him, see if you like him, except or whatever, but you need to maneuver. Right? And then he maneuvered to this other job. And he's being tried and tested in all the best possible ways, and he's really nuanced his skill set. And he said, what happened to the last business?

He said, I closed down. I said, what? And he said, it closed down. And I said, why? And he said, everyone was just too chilled there. Everyone was too relaxed. There wasn't enough, you know, go forward in the business, you know, for sales. And I was like, oh, okay, well, there you go.

Right. So sometimes being certain is the worst thing ever because a really good example that I'm sure me and you have dealt with is someone is certain that they can do it on their own. Then you're like, like, look, it's not what you know. It's what you don't fucking know. you know what I mean and that's such an ironic fucking saying that but with that being said sometimes uncertainty is actually better because you're in the realm of the unknown which is in the realm of growth as well right it can be a scary place to me but if you're squared away being uncertain is never necessarily a bad thing i'll give you an example with me

tyler how did i know i was going to move to kosumov all places easy i flipped a fucking coin Ryan, how did you know Thailand? I never been to Thailand. How did you? I flipped a coin and I listened to my gut. Was I certain? No. Was there a level of uncertainty?

Yes. And do you know what it turned out to be the best move ever? Not just for me, but for my business mainly. So for me, uncertainty and I think for a lot of people, they need to understand that being uncertain is not a bad thing. It allows you to gain a semblance of direction. But not only that, people need to understand what anxiety is. It doesn't only stem from fear of the future.

It is just stems from having too many options. if you have too many options, you're stuck at the juncture going, oh my God, which road am I going to take? Like, I don't know where I'm going to go. And then you induce a level of actual genuine anxiety. There's psychological studies that show that. Right. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

I was just going to say. So uncertainty can actually linearize a pathway for you because you can go, I need to get out of this because this doesn't make you feel really uncomfortable. Okay, this is the fucking track. And if you miss it, you just change track. But at least you're doing a process of elimination. you're not just stuck in the middle of the fucking jumps. You're going, oh my God, what am I going to do? Yeah, so I was, when you were talking about uncertainty there,

something that came to my mind was a quote by Jim Kerry, and he was talking about his father and him playing it safe, essentially. I'll read you the quote, so he goes, my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that was possible for him. So he made the choice of getting a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive.

I learned many great lessons from my father, not least of which was that you can fail at what you don't want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love. That's one of the best quotes ever. Fuck, I wish I stole that. Because you're still right. Yeah. Me, like, think about, like, think about, like, this is a, this is a quote for the same verbatim. I'm paraphrasing it.

But the graveyard is the richest place in the world because that's got the most amount of unfulfilled ambition and dreams. You know what I mean? And I was like, that is so true. And it echoes exactly what you said with regard to Jim Carrey. It's like, take the leap. The worst thing that's going to happen is you're going to fall. But guess what? The nature of man is to fall and rise again.

The nature of angels is just to rise. The nature of demons is just to fall, right? I can't quote the theological scripture, but I think it was somewhere in Prophet of Isaiah or something. And I'm not preaching at anyone, but, you know, I read all the theological scripture. But like, I think Isaiah is the one who said that. you know, which is that's the nature of man. So uncertainty is not a bad thing.

It's a good thing, right? Because it allows you to focus. When someone goes, I didn't, like, how many millionaires have had a story that starts to, I didn't know where my first 10 bucks was going to come from at one point. How many millionaires, how many of the people that we look up to that your listeners, our listeners look up to, right, that have said that. I can count, I don't even have enough hands to count it on, bro. Dwayne Johnson said, it's seven bucks in the pocket, right?

You know, so uncertainty is not a bad thing. It actually allows you to hone your focus. And the funny thing is so many people go through life, meandering, and never actually learning how to hone their focus, like turn the switch on kind of thing, right? That all of a sudden, that level of uncertainty, when they're dropped in it, I'm actually like, sweep, swim. I can't swim.

Trust me, you'll figure it out. The edge is right there, and I'm standing right there ready to pick you up. And it's like fucking out. And then all of a sudden, I got to the edge. And I'm like, yeah. But I can't swim. And I'm like, how'd you get you there? Teach me.

If you can't swim down there, you've got to tell me how you did it. Because I saw your head above water the whole damn time. You know? So uncertainty is actually a beautiful, beautiful part of life. If life was certain, you would be bored as fucking. You probably put a bull in your head by the time he's 16 years old, right? You don't need to go longer than a decade before you're bored. Right.

So uncertainty in life has never. a bad thing. It's your view of uncertainty that'll scare you, right? But even if you're scared, move forward. Because even if you drop yourself into the abyss, you're going to go, holy shit, I'm going to use all my human instincts to

fucking lock in and find some path out of here. If it's the wrong path, guess what? It's like a maze. I'm going to bounce off and I'm going to go on to the next. And one of them is going to leave me to the cheese. You know, so uncertainty is never a bad thing, whereas certainty is like comfort. It can kill. I'm in my certain job. But you can

capable of being an executive. Oh, but it's certain, right? But what have been an executive is certain once you get the job? Oh, but what about the uncertainty between now and then? Well, you've got enough finance and saves, so the uncertainty is coming from the fact that you don't know if you're going to get it, but you're capable. And then they take that lead and they fucking nail it.

And you're like, as a coach, you're like over the moon. Like, you know, you're like on a grin from year to year. But that level of uncertainty, then all of a sudden they get plums into it and you just watch them lock in, like an individual. and then they say to you, I've never thought I could do that. You know, like, fucking,

hey, man. Like, like, there's a lossful words there as a coach, I think, personally. Well, that's really the battle of the mind

is where you have to win, isn't it? It's like, okay, so let's say we use that as an example of, like, the client who's afraid

to go into the gym because they're uncertain of what to expect by walking in there. So they're anxious walking up to the door. You know, it's,

it's letting go of, um, what you think might happen and just, you know, doing the thing of walking through the door. And then when... Yeah. And once you win that battle in your head,

you realize that things are okay. Yeah. And like in what you're referring to there, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, is being present in that moment rather than thinking about should it could have would is, right? And I'd completely agree. And I think if you can do that,

more power to you because that's a hard skill to master. Sometimes I'm not even always present. You know what I mean? I can be aware of the fucking fairies every now and then. that's useful for fucking no one you know what I mean well I how I've started to kind of perceive it is that like okay I just need to practice being present maybe like 20 times a day like it's things that that's fleeting all the time and like sometimes you might be able to start with like okay I just need to be present five times today I'm you know I'm on the beach running in

coast of me this is brilliant right I'm enjoying this meal without looking at my phone or I'm enjoying this cold water from a shower after the whatever it is. It's like if you can touch yourself just being present to them four or five times, then you can bring that up to six or seven or 15 or 20. And then you know,

you're almost mastering being present throughout the day and actually enjoying your days and I'm not worried about the future. And if you're present, your life becomes like substantially better. Like to be literally honest, like I'm not going to lie, because you'll enjoy every moment.

And if you're really good at practicing presence, you'll be stuck in traffic and you'll enjoy the sunshine trying through the fucking window. You'll be over the fucking moon about that. You'll be like, oh, nice day. I can't control the traffic, but I can control my approach to the fact it's a nice fucking day.

You know what I mean? And that presence allows you to do that. And again, with the gym analogy, like if someone can't be present, prove to yourself you're brave enough to face the fear. The bar is low enough. You're okay. If the bar is not low enough, lower a remote.

It's okay. Not a problem. Not the judge. You know what I mean? And then just face it. And then just pat yourself on the fucking back. Don't be like, oh, there was nothing. That was something to you.

You know, don't treat an obstacle of yours as it's nothing because it's clearly was in your way. Like, good on you. Spare feels the same whether it's you going through to gym door or you, you know, speaking in front of a thousand people. It's the same feeling. Yeah, like I was about to say to you, like me, every time I go for sparring, I'm nervous in the beginning.

And with your public speaking events, it must be exactly the same, bro. you must be, you know, shit nervous. But I bet you when you actually do the event, you fucking crush it. Yeah, it's just getting yourself there. Yeah, it's just doing it. Like sometimes if I'm like really nervous about something, I'll always say one, Brian nerves and excitement in disguise and two, go robot mode.

And people are like, what do you mean robot mode? Whereas it's like, I'll just do the tasks that lead me to where I'm supposed to be. Yeah. So like if I'm nervous about more tight, it's like, just put on your shorts, pack your hand wraps, put your gloves and your fucking back, take your keys, get on your bike. Actually, to be honest, presence. I'm not actually thinking about me,

oh shit, I'm going to have to do a fucking AK run or whatever. I'm just thinking, okay, cool. This is what I need to do this. And then all of a sudden I'm there. And then it's like, well, I have no choice but to face it now. Yeah, yeah. Sweet. And it's never that bad anyway.

Afterwards, you actually feel better because you're like, oh, I've actually accomplished something. Like the net positive for you facing that fear is way bigger than a net negative. but the problem is in your mental stage, you're negative because human beings are threat detectors will amplify itself rather than net positive. But by practicing gratitude, being more present and understand that failure is your friend,

circumstances don't control external ideals when your internal happiness is what you actually can control. And uncertainty is a good thing. And you start to apply these principles, you know, with a level of understanding and accountability. Your life will get substantially better. Not only that, as a human being, you'll push yourself in the top 10%.

plain simple, you will as a human being. You'll be empathetic, you'll be kind, you'll be understanding, you'll be in great physical shape, you'll mask the fears, you won't be afraid to, you know, speak up in the border room, what it, these are all traits of the people we admire, no? Be a good mother, be a leader of the household. Fucking out, if this is not a state that people want,

fair enough, tell me, because I'm barking for the wrong treatment, but I'm assuming it is, right? So in that situation, by doing these things, if it's just a little bit, you're going to get that a little bit better. And I promise you, even if you're just getting a little bit better, it's better than staying where you are. Because staying where you are will get so uncomfortable. You'll hate it so much. Eventually, you'll force to move. Eventually, you'll force you to move. It won't be someone as a human being, but the universe, God, Allah, whatever you want to call it, right, will force you to move,

and that's not going to be as comfortable, because you won't understand that. Right. Whereas if you force yourself, it's like, oh, no, cool. Okay, they're trying to fulfill their max potential. This is dope. You know, and they're not going to get in your way. Three questions. Not quotes, just questions. What has life taught you being in Thailand or more importantly, what has Thailand taught you about life?

Okay, so being in Thailand has taught me that sometimes being too busy is just stupid and you're not actually doing any good for anyone or your own business. That's what moving to Thailand's taught me. what I would say in terms of what Thailand has taught me is presence, like unequivocal presence, and the understanding that the day is not going anywhere, right?

Just make sure that you are productive within the day. And to be fair, what else Thailand has told me is a huge level of kindness, social kindness in the people. You can leave your bike out there with your helmet or not. I was going to take it. You know what I mean? and you see the monks walk the streets every morning and everyone gives them food, I'll stop and giving food, they give you a little blessing and stuff.

You know, they're not like touristy people. They go down the back streets, do you know what I mean? It's a lot of good cause. And there's just deep appreciation for life, you know, which is, ironically enough, you find countries that aren't as developed as the first world, you know? And one thing in terms of business that it's taught me is that you can be extremely effective if you change your environment into a place that you genuinely

are aligned with. Like, you'll be so much better at what you do and your message and who you are will be so much clearer, you know, and it's a country I absolutely love and the people are so kind and it's so cool, like it's so nice. And there's dogs everywhere as well, which is dope. I'd, you know, like I go to 7-Eleven, there's a dog in the doorway. You're like, sweet, I get a pet of dog, you know, it's just awesome. It couldn't be any more in the present moment. Honestly, bro, like, I'm going to sit live in the morning for a phantom light and I'll literally like this is a dog and it's so fat like spreads its legs and it was like tickled the time before I go in so he sees me every morning I go in and I just dip out which is just awesome so that's the Thailand's story and that's what I've learned by I have my other two questions but I need to ask a question off the back of that so as someone who has moved from South Africa to the UK moved from the UK to Thailand when when should one know when they need to change their environment very good question but fuck if you're familiar with your environment

and to be honest, whenever if you're not happy in your environment don't ignore it change it right Seneca said it best I'm not from any corner of the world the whole world is my native land

right in other words dude if you are unhappy for example like if I would like I could see the way England's going right I'm very on point with geopolitics, and I don't like it. I think it's fucking stupid.

America's going to be saved by Trump. I can't want to see the fucking hate mail you get for me saying that. But listen, I'd much rather have him there. A guy could take a fucking bullet than a guy can't finish the sentence. I don't care. I'll happily put that on a podcast and happy to put that on YouTube. Right. But the point I'm trying to make is I think,

that's a really good question, bro. You start me. Ask it again. Go for it. So when should someone know when to change their environment? Yeah, so I think, as I said, if you're not happy in your environment, change it, firstly, right? But acknowledge that you're not happy in it. Don't do the whole sunk cost fantasy thing where you're just like, I'm going to stay because

I've always been here. Yeah, it's like, don't do that, man. Don't do that to yourself, right? And that's number one. And number two, so if you're unhappy, maneuver, right? If you can't get worked in a certain area, what do you think I do? I'll move to a different area where I can get work done. And guess what, I get more work done.

Right? So that's number one. Number two is move if you haven't. If you haven't moved before, move. Not go on a holiday, move. Right. And immerse yourself in that world, right? Because I think it's really, really important.

Not that people, you know, do this whole yolo. I'm going to Ibita this weekend. I'm not about like actually going to see the world and seeing, seeing the place you occupy. It's a beautiful place, man, you know? and you can be effective anywhere. It doesn't matter where you are. And this is where people always fall short.

It's saying, if I go, yeah, this is going to fall short. It won't. You will make a plan and you will adapt, you know, and you will maneuver effectively. So the fear of moving did not trump the excitement of a beautiful star. It never has. You know, yeah, you may be reluctant to move because you're certain and you're familiar and you're comfy. but I shit you not like if you move for a year to let's say body for example I guarantee you'll never forget that yet to the day you go to the day you go to the grave

yeah so would that be a wake video no and I think like if you're young and you have the chance to solo travel like it teaches you who you are because you you have to be who you are like when you when you grow up you're in certain certain groups and you play a certain character for that group because that's who you've always been. But then when you're on your own and you have to talk to people and you have to, you know, order at a restaurant by yourself and you have to ask them for directions and go to a restaurant by yourself. Yeah. Such a, such a weird thing, but also like the first time you do it can feel very uncomfortable and then you start to be able to get used to like holding your own and sit. You want to know why it's uncomfortable in the beginning?

Tell us. Because you're breaking character. Yeah. because now the genuine you, the real you is coming forward and it has to break the facade that you've had up. So like you were mentioning, you know, you have friends and family in certain countries and stuff and you, even if like, if you wanted to, you could move with your family, of course, but there's a lot more logistics there, obviously. But with that being said, I do think like when it comes to, you know, you breaking that facade, it's if you were living in a certain place for a certain period of time. You're playing a certain role, whether you like it or right, which means, and you know these people and you know the environment, so you can really

take yourself to that role to really fit in. Whereas when you're in a different country, you get that what I call cultural shock, which is like, I've just got to be me because like, I don't know I'm going to be received. So I'm just going to go to my default setting, which is the authentic year, right? And that's an awesome thing. And hopefully the authentic you is enhanced, right? And then all of a sudden, I think, and this is weird, like, I do giggle when people go, you know, I travel to get to know myself and I guess true, but by the same token, courage, but true because you do, because you're actually being who you have to be in order to just communicate as basically as possible through body language, whatever it may be. And if you're nervous and an introvert, you're going to

be forced to be slightly more extroverted, which is never a bad thing for an introvert. Exactly. And the problem is that when people are like that, they can always default to their friends, helping them to order a meal or the family or whatever yeah very true so you so you fall into that that character or you fall into other people uh helping you to to do these simple things that you need to be able to do for yourself it's so interesting how many people um well i found this with me and my my clients but how many people would say oh i it's so cool that you're moving to Thailand, I could never move because my parents think this. And then I'd say, okay, what do you think?

Like, if you could live in Dubai, would you? Well, I can. Okay, so what's stopping? Well, you know, my parents think it's not a good idea. And these aren't young people. These are grownups, right? Or my parents are all my loved ones. I think it's a good idea.

And I'm like, well, what do you think? Because wherever you go and you're happy, the rest of your family will be, right? If it's extended, for example, not on about a media, right? Because you can to take your media with you. And if you're alone, a single or whatever it may be, it's so interesting how so many people won't make that jump because of the character that they've been playing for so long, people buying into that character

and being, well, this character wouldn't move. It's like, well, I'm not the same fucking character, not the same man, not the same river, right? You know, so it's like, it's very interesting. But then when those people do take that leap, they're never more miserable. I've never seen it. You know, they're always happier.

because they're aligned with who they are. And I think a caveat to this is, okay, maybe you're not in a position where maybe you're in a position that you need to change your environment, maybe you're not in a position where you can move halfway across the world. You move in a couple of kilometers, a couple of miles across the city can have a massive, massive even impact on how you live your life and how you can change as a person, just by being a little bit further from that in-group that you've known your whole life.

I completely agree. Like even that little change to make a world of difference. Like going to it, especially if you're an introvert, even going to a different supermarket. Yeah. You know,

it's massive. You don't, you're right. You're right. You don't need to be a pathway across the fucking world, to be fair at all. You just need to change your environment.

Change to the group. Yeah. And see what happened. As simple as us decide that I'm going to go to this different coffee shop to work because I feel like I'm going to be more productive there. Yeah,

literally. And it actually, and it makes a difference. And it works. You're talking to people with proof, me and you. definitely works second question I wanted to ask is

what gives you peace I was going to do something naughty what gives me peace I'll be honest fulfillment like seeing someone like fucking kill it and thrive or seeing where they were and who they become

does that relate to you as well fulfillment in your own Yeah, yeah, yeah, 110%. I think that brings me a lot of peace. I think the other thing that brings me a lot of peace is focused work, whether it be training, whether it be gym, whatever it is. I was going to ask, what gives you peace on a day-to-day basis? Yeah, locking in.

And one thing that does give me a lot of peace is just having a moment of silence, like a complete silence. I'll sit outside before everything kicks off and stuff and I'll just have a coffee and I'll just have a word of myself maybe and then I'll maybe journal or whatever it may be because I love keeping a journal and don't miss a day. But that moment of silence, just that appreciation of just what's around me, just taking a look at everything. And just that moment, that brings me a lot of peace. I was just thinking like that I'm quite similar like that, but this will sound weird, but I get that by having breakfast by myself. I enjoy to have breakfast by myself. We're actually, I love chatting to people.

I love conversation, but I actually love to have breakfast by myself. That makes sense, actually. And that's kind of like my moment of peace before I start today. No, I completely agree. But like that, that just moment of solitude allows things in and allows things out. And I think it brings me a lot of peace. And I'll be brutally honest, like, this is going to sound meat hitty. But after being absolutely lambasted in training or very hard work block.

or a very intense call, although stressed or whatever it may be, for like a few minutes, I'm at a deep sense of peace if I know I put my all into it, which really incentivizes is to always put my all into calls, my all into training, whatever it may be.

Because that moment, for example, post-moy Thai when I'm just wrapping my wraps up, drenched and sweat, no one's talking, everyone's getting ready for class or whatever, and it's just so peaceful, just for that moment, you know? So those kinds of things bring me, peace. Writing brings me a lot of peace.

Last question. What are some good questions people can ask themselves if they're not happy in their life at the moment? If they're not in a happy place, what are some questions they can ask themselves? What's one thing if I change now will make me slightly less depressed? That's one question. The next question would be, what makes me unhappy? I want to write

a list and write out everything that makes you fucking miserable. Now that sounds like negative reinforcement. It's actually the complete opposite. Because now you're looking exactly what to avoid. Right. What else? Hit me with the question to get more brought. What are some questions someone can ask themselves if they're deeply unhappy in their life at the moment? How do I get you? And what's the first step out? Those are the kinds of questions I'll ask because by you saying how did I get you, you're going to acknowledge some level of responsibility and accountability. Right. And that can be hard, but you can say, well, okay, I made a bad choice and a man that was abusive, for example.

Cool, not a problem. You're not, you haven't got shitty taste in men. You just made a mistake. No biggie. Okay, cool. Right. Now, how can we move out of this? Okay.

Well, I've left them. Okay, cool. Can you move to a safer place? Or, you know, can you bring yourself a semblance of peace, whatever it may be? But if someone's deeply unhappy, right? It's really important that they have a little look in the rear view and go, how did I get you for a second? Like, let me actually acknowledge how we got you.

because if you take accountability, it allows you to be forward. And it doesn't mean take everyone else's cross on your shoulders. Like, you know, I'm accountable because my mother beat me as a child or something. It's like, no, you're not accountable to that. But acknowledge that that did happen, which could have affected your decision making in the future. Yeah, that's the kind of, it's not my fault, but it's my responsibility. That's fucking excellent.

Yeah, exactly. It's not my fault, but it is my responsibility. Right. And I can do with this what I choose to, right? But those are the kinds of questions I was asked myself. And then I would just say to myself, what makes me happy? And I would write a list, right? And then I would compare the two lists and I'd see which one's longer.

And that's the one I'd start with saying, okay, I'm going to stay away from X, can stay away from Y, I'm going to stay away from Z. Or if this one's longer, you're like, cool, I'm going to do X. I'm going to do Y. I'm going to do Z, right, to shift my state. And then I'll look at the other list and go, I'm going to avoid this. And that's how I would start to maneuver if you're deeply unhappy. But you have to.

and it's a struggle to do a lot and to be honest, but you have to ask yourself the question, mate, like, how did I get you? And why am I unhappy? Like, what's going on here? And when you write it down in like a list format, it allows you to very clearly, your brain to very clearly register a list, right?

Like a state and form for the brain, which then triggers the more logistical, pragmatic part of your brain. I can't remember what it's fucking called. Andrew Huberman will know. But it then triggers that part your brain which allows you to come up with a plan and that's awesome you know because you're thinking like that you're thinking in circuitry there which is so much better yeah because you like the feeling an emotion you're in trouble yeah i think i think exactly what you said there is that when you write

that list what you're doing is you're creating self-awareness which a lot of the time people end up being deeply unhappy because for a long time they've been on autopilot and just letting life happen to them rather than them you know creating that level of awareness of, okay, how can I, how can I structure my life to be what I want it to look like? Exactly. And I think it's so important that people understand that. And understand that that portion of creating that is seeing how you can better either the people or the world around you in some way, shape, or form, right? Because that'll give you purpose. That'll give you, that'll give you a sense of drive. That'll make you want to get up in the morning. Right. So I think

that's something that people should really consider whenever they're considering doing these things. even if I'm doing a financial job, but that means I'm bettering my family. Fucking sweet. You know what I mean? Where can people go to find if they're looking for coaching? Looking for coaching. You just want to go to Ryan Evely at Instagram.

So at Ryan Evely, R-Y-A-N-E-V-E-E-E-E-F elephant, L-E-E-I-G-8. I nearly misspelled that. Yeah, it's just going to add to Ryan Evely on Instagram or you can go to reformphyslex. Thanks for watching. If you like that episode and you want to see more content like this, make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next one.