The Uneducated PT Podcast - #58 Uncle Ry - The Fight For Discomfort

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

In this episode we catch up with Ryan Eveleigh. A health and transformation coach. Ryan has been spending time in thailand preparing for a fight and we catch up to see what he has learned about himself in the process.

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation and for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support and I'll see you on the next episode. I'm sure the listeners know who you are at this stage, right? But can you, for people listening,

can you give them a little bit of insight into you getting out of your comfort zone the last couple of months because I think that will be good context for the next couple of topics that we're going to that we're going to touch on. So how have you been getting out of your comfort zone of late? Fuck. In every which way, but fucking straight. So I prep for a Muay Thai fight and I'll tell you the tea in a second, but prepping for a Muay Thai fight at, I think it was the third biggest stadium in Thailand, Samu International. And you'll find, you'll I found this out after the fight, while I was on the main card,

this is the main event. I got a, I was training, just doing like one a days, which is like a minor thing, right? Like when someone's getting prepared for a fight, you don't train one of days, you usually do two days.

And then I went to, then essentially I was like, look, the boss man of the gym, I can't remember what they're called, but like, there's a certain level of, of expertise when you are a Muay Thai fight

from like the golden age, like fucking sense. kind of thing, right? And he was in gym, he was like, you want to fight? I was like, well, I fuck you think I'm here. And he was like, okay, you want to fight? And I was like, yeah. He was like, okay, cool, we'll get you a fight.

I was like, sweet. And he was like, does it matter? I was like, no, I'll fight anyone. I don't really care. And he was like, sure? I was like, yeah, I'm fucking sure. He was like, this is good. I was like, what do you mean?

This is good? He was like, you got hot. I was like, that's not bowling very well, but okay. And then I had to transition to literally doing two a days. because six days notice for the fight. And then it was two a days for about, so I started running a two a days, but because I had work,

I couldn't run the two of days like you should, right, which is in the morning, come back, refill, rest, recover back in the evening for the second session.

So I was like, okay, I'll start with the two days. And this is like two, this is about two month camp, right? So not a very long camp. Yeah.

Okay. So it started with the two a days in the morning. So I just be like, I'll just go, back to back in the morning. They were like, sure about that? I was like fucking dead.

Sure, bro. Like, let's do it. So that's like three, four hours at training and sparring. And I was getting like live sparring, like 20 rounds in post jog, post skipping, post-bag works. And just for context, this is a completely new sport to you. Yeah. Like, so the only, the only inkling I have of Muay Thai was from the MMA stuff that I did when I did my amateur fight.

And with MMA, you obviously do a bunch of, of different martial arts. And I found that the striking that was one that I love the most was Moitai because you could use your fucking elbows, you can use your knees and you can cause serious damage. So I did really enjoy that aspect of it. But in terms of actually Muay Thai itself, totally different to MMA. Yeah.

Like totally different. You know, so then getting prepped for it and stuff like that was intense, especially around the two days because the two days in the morning because you're in there and then the coach, they call it a crew, which is a teacher. So like, K-H-R-U or K-R-U, I was like, okay, cool, you could do a session, and then just take like 10 minutes. I have some fucking water,

then we get back into it, and everyone's there. And I was like, and after those sessions, I'm like, fucking below it. And then everyone else comes into the gym, and he's like, okay, cool, spa. So all these dudes come in, and a lot of them are professional fighters, a lot of them are like guys who've got a lot of fights under their belt,

and he's like, spar him. And then I noticed, like, I've always been sparring these dudes when I've been under extreme fatigue. Yeah. And then when it transitioned to, okay, the fight's at this point, we need you running two a days properly, as in morning and afternoon, right? It was totally different story, you know what I mean, when you were able to do that. And the level of discipline, perseverance, I said this to my clients. the amount I learned going through that experience that is transferable to mindset coaching

and your ability to go through things, limiting beliefs, fears and whatever it may be, you can't put a price on what you learned in that experience. It's ridiculous. What kind of living in, was there times where in your top process living and beliefs were coming up?

Every day. Yeah. Every single fucking day. Without a doubt. Like I would sit. So even when I was doing the two days in the month, morning, I'll do my session and then I would sit there and I'd be like drenched and sweat. I'll send you a clip and I'll just close my eyes and I would just pray.

And I had this like prayer in my head that I would just repeat the gain and again and again, which was, what was it? It was be courageous in the Lord, right? And adore the full armor of God so you can take a stand against the devil's schemes. So I close my eyes, I drink my water and I'll be drenched and sweat. And then I'll just repeat that again and again and again. and then I'd get up and then I'll go into the stretching and then boom straight into the training you know

and it was so arduous and hard it was like people underestimate how much they can actually fucking do if they commit to a process and because there was a fight coming up it was like okay you're going to stretch yourself to the eighth degree here and you're just going to do it

and at every juncture there's a limiting belief and as the fight got closer which I'm sure we'll talk about you you'll see what I mean, like how much pressure, anxiety, fear, every fucking dodgy emotion under the sun, so to speak, was just creeping in and creeping and creeping in, creeping in, creeping in, and creeping in, and having to act in defiance of that to make sure that you fulfill what you promised to yourself

was next level. You know, it was insane. What about, like, so let's say there's probably days where you're aspiring where, again, this is a sport that's completely new. to you, you're going in against people who, you know, probably trained in this since they were three years of age. You're probably sparring people who have been doing this

since three years of age. I'm sure there was lots of kind of sessions where you probably felt that, like, because you're fighting people of another caliber, it's like, oh, sometimes it's like when things are really difficult, you can't notice yourself

getting better. Was there any kind of frustrations and that in terms of sparring days and being like, shit, am I even getting better at this? you know what? Yes, they were because you get teed off on from some dude who was like 5 foot 8 who's got like 80 fights under his belt and he was just tealph on you

and I'm like a big dude. I went from 128 kilos down to 91 right, just from the training. I bet you're enjoying having your abs back though. Yeah, I am to be fair. You know, but the kind of abdominal conditioning they do, I thought I was going to cop a hernia every fucking day because they would just be like, okay, cool, stand against the roads.

We're just going to kick the shit out of you. Just going to kick you in the stomach for a half an hour. Yeah, like, you can see it on my Instagram. There's like, need to sit-ups and they're just like, I'm like, oh, good. You know, I'm going to keep going. And in those moments, there's every single voice saying, dude, you can just stop. Like, it's fine. Like, it's okay.

And I just kind of, kind of trying to channel. And there's new, and I'm not doing this dude's justice, excuse me. but I kind of channeled that David Goggins which is like, okay, I may not be super skilled, et cetera, et cetera, I may be slow, whatever it may be, but if he says, because they'll do like, okay, sit-ups 10, and

they all speak tired, they can only count the fucking 10. Right? So they'll be like 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10. And I'm like, okay, so I clocked it and then I was like, no, fuck this. I'm not even going to bother counting. I'm just going to keep going. until he just says, okay, you're done, you know, and I'm just going to at least show what I have,

which is a bit of fucking grit, you know what I mean? So I just stopped, I just stopped being like, okay, well, when is this going to be over? Instead, I started breaking it down, and I was like, okay, you got skipping. Gravity is my enemy. I am literally anti-gravity. Your boy sinks.

It doesn't sleep, okay? The only way you swims is you've got big panhand, right? So they help me pull through water. You know what I mean? I was surprised they could even find. someone your size to fight over there I to be fair I think I had 10 kilos on him

but he find this out after the fight right he is the German Muay Thai champion he's been fighting for 12 years he was 6 foot 4 or 5 and as I'm walking into the stadium

I see a fucking poster and it's him and I'm like okay and then I find out and I'm kind of going to getting a bit of hit of myself in the ring and they're doing the announcements and they're like, from the wilds of

South Africa, we got Ryan Evilly, you know, and there we go, and then he starts and she's like, this instructor at the stadium himself fleaks the German wood, and I'm just like, I didn't look at my corner, but I want to be like, what the fuck? Like, what's going on right now? Do you know what I mean? So it was insane and it was intense in that sense,

you know, so, yeah, there was so many hurdles and limiting beliefs that you had to overcome that you knew what you could. So here's a question for you. Like, how did you overcome them limited in beliefs? Because, I mean, if we translate this back even to your clients, it's like, okay, everyone's challenges are different, whether it's like limited beliefs in, in, you know, fitness, in going into a fight, in business, in weight loss, whatever it is, you know,

people doubt themselves all the time. And a lot of the times it's them limiting beliefs that self-doubt and then that frustration that prevents people from from keep to keep going and especially if you know you know the way like we we talk as coaches like get get early wins and you know make sure that people feel like they're getting better and stuff like that but when you're doing something that's really challenging and out of your comfort zone you you constantly it constantly feels like a challenge that it can be very difficult to see that you're actually getting better like I touched on so so how did you kind of um go through that process to make sure that you can continue down the process to achieve your goal of getting

in the ring. I was going to be straight on as two things. Faith, genuine faith, right? Go try to find an atheist in an award where everyone's dying in hospital. Go try to find one, right? That and the fact that I was committed and I made a promise to myself. I'm going to go through this process and it wasn't just for me. This is where people got it twisted. It was to show my clients and anyone else who's watching that irrespective of the adversity or adversarial nature of life, you can go through it if you're willing to do it, right? You know, no matter what. So, you know, and when we talk about getting quotes to the fight, you see what I mean. But at every juncture, there is a limiting belief, like every single one, you know, and the, and the, you know, and the,

the teachers, the crews, they are not gentle. They are not like, oh, it's okay. They're like, no, no, not. Get it fucking perfect. Like, you're not on your toe as you're throwing that kick. Like, put your whole fucking hips into it. You know what I mean? Et cetera, et cetera.

So what you have is you have these teachers and stuff who are brilliant at Muay, but a lot of them won't accept anything less than close to perfection. And you're so far from that, right? And what you've got to do is you've just got to be like, okay, cool, break it down. So I would literally just break it down. There was a Navy SEAL. I can't remember who he was, but he said it best, but he was like, you get through buds like this, right? You wake up in the morning, you brush your teeth and you make your bed the right way.

That's three wins, right? You make it to breakfast. That's another win. And then when you go to PT and they are beating you down, you don't think about the pain you're going through because it's going to be fucking ruthless. you just think about your next goal in life, which is get to fucking lunch, right? So I broke it down even further. For example, skipping was extremely hard. So I was like, okay, cool. I'm just going to focus on my skipping. Hey, what's next? Right. Okay, you're doing the bag work, right? Freestyle bag work. Okay, I'm just going to focus on that. And I would break it down into the smallest possible increment

I could handle every single which way. You know what I mean? And at every single junction, you're hitting a limiting belief. You're hitting doubts. You're hitting failure. You're going beyond which you're capable of, etc., et cetera, et cetera, and you would think you'd come home and be like,

yeah, you know, I feel so fucking good, but it's not like that because you're pushing yourself so far. Yeah. You know what I mean?

That you're just like, okay, fuck, next thing, you know? So when it comes to stuff like that, the only way you're ever going to grow from that is by voluntarily deciding to say,

okay, I'm going to make a promise to myself, and there's going to be a shitload of doubt, fear, of other things, but you made a promise to yourself. You're going to do it. Can I touch on that point there? So that's a really good point in terms of making a promise to yourself.

Do you think it helped that facts that you come from a sporting background where you played rugby at a high level that, like, you've kept promises to yourself in the past because you know the way like a lot of people might start, let's say a fitness journey or whatever, they make a promise to themselves that they're going to get in shape or are going to stick to the gym and then they break that promise to themselves and then it's easier for them to break that promise the next time and then it's and then they go through the cycle of continuing to break promises to themselves and then their words doesn't really mean anything whereas for you you've almost built up that muscle before you got there to do something that was completely out of your comfort zone you've already

built up a muscle of of keeping promises to yourself so you know when you say it you mean it and you're going to follow true on it yeah to be fair that is true uh the sporting background the biggest thing that's good business as well yeah and business as well like the biggest thing

that that background gave me was your body is way more capable than you give a credit for resilience yeah yeah your mind is your problem

your mind is your issue and at every juncture where you say I'm going to make a promise to myself no matter how scary it is and you follow through with it you build literal

neurological pathos in your head that give you proof of concept that you can follow through no matter what right And people go, well, you know, did adversity strike? Yes, at every juncture all the time, you know, trying to manage a business, a bunch of different things.

But when I made that promise to myself, I was like, I'm not going to let myself down. Because not only am I making this promise to myself, but it's to show people that you can genuinely do something that you never thought you fucking could. And that's going to take a lot of grit and a lot of determination. and it's going to mean that, you know, every single repressed or dark thought or whatever it may be is going to come up and you've just got to act in direct defiance of it. You know what I mean, no matter what?

You know, there were points, especially close to the fight where you're doing two days. And I would do the morning session, I'd be absolutely fucked, right? And I would literally, I posted this on my story where I'd sit and I'd hit this pose. Like, I'll be sat on my balcony and hit this pose like, oh, fuck. Here we go again, right? the next session's coming up. Do you know what I mean? And then I would like create a system where I'll put my earphones in and I would play certain

things that elicited certain responses in my head, right, on purpose. And then I would use that and then I would wrap my wraps nice and slowly, pack my bag and almost create it as like a meditative state. And then it's like, okay, now you're going. It's not a discussion. It's you're going. I don't care how well you do, you're going. I don't care if you fuck up, you're going, right? And at every single juncture, you're having these wars in your head because I think it was Jordan B. Peterson who said the best about Luciferian intellect, right, which is if you've got a high level of intelligence or wisdom, lack thereof, right?

You best get on your hands and fucking knees and pray and be so grateful that you've got it. because if pride or hubris comes into play and you're an intelligent person, now you're dealing with an adversary that is just as cunning as intelligent, and that is fucking dangerous. And that is why it's called the Luciferian intellect, because Lucifer was the archangel of wisdom. How the fuck did he fall? He thought he could overthrow God.

You see what I mean? Right? And when you have that wisdom or when you are in intellect, it's very easy to be able to make a compelling argument. Yeah, you can spin a narrative against it. And I was spinning such clever narratives towards it. And I was just like, no. I was like, I can tell what I'm doing here.

And it's a narrative I'm spinning. And is it a narrative that is actually going to help me or is it a narrative to just give me a scapegoat? And I would just talk about the question. It's a scapego, mate. So here's a question for you. So a couple of your clients will probably be listening to this, a couple of my clients will probably be listening to this.

In terms of, yeah, so in terms of, let's say it's someone who constantly breaks promises to themselves. And it's become a reoccurring pattern. What would your advice be to someone to start to keep their promises, whether that's going to the gym? Stop sitting the boss so high. Yeah, yeah. Like you said, just get to the door. Just get to the gym. That's it.

Mate, that's literally what I do. It would be like, okay, cool. Wake up. Get up. Okay. Nice. But the problem is, people tend to ignore a small wins.

And they don't understand how they stack. You see what I mean. So what happens was, especially with people who break promises to yourselves, you've built a cognitive pattern of, it's okay to break that promise to myself, which means that you see yourself as less than what you are because you made a promise to yourself

you broke it, you know? Now, do you need to berate yourself about that? No, you need to just step back and analyze, okay, was it a bit too far a feel for me at that current moment? Like, if I can just make my bed, I kept a promise to myself there. And I can actually be proud of that. You know what I mean? There's actually nothing wrong with that. That's a good thing. Like, well done, you know, and onto the next. Right. And if people always break, always are always breaking promises to themselves, just set the bar a bit lower. Right. Like, okay, look, look, Maybe you can't get to the gym. That's fine.

Can you go for a walk? I can go for a walk, but I may not hit my steps. It doesn't matter. Can you make a promise to go for a walk today? Yeah, I can make a promise. Okay, cool. There you go. Did you keep the promise?

Yeah, I did. Now we're building something here, right? We're actually building a solid foundation, both cognitively and emotionally and mentally. You know what I mean. And it's super, super important. So if you're breaking promises to yourself, right? Don't be too harsh on yourself, but start to, make promises to yourself that are actually well within your means of achieving on purpose

to build the cognitive pattern and to give yourself proof of concept that hey i can't keep a promise you know this uh this this this this ties really well in i think to a quote that i wanted to get from you so use row uh the concept of self-love isn't just a trendy phase it's a vital aspect of our mental well-being mm-hmm a hundred and ten percent do you think that that that do you think that's important when it comes to giving yourself grace so you can actually get them small wins. Without a doubt, without a shadow of a doubt, you've got to get, and I've said this to a multitude of my clients and other people who've reached out, you have to make sure that in these situations, you keep these little promises to yourself to give you that ability to see for yourself,

not for anyone else. This is the problem is everyone else is like, okay, well, what do they think about the promise I keep that? It doesn't matter. what matters is did you right and if you did good on you okay allow yourself grace be proud of that and if you didn't right give yourself a bit of grace and go okay maybe i set the bar a bit too high right what a lot of people have is especially when they start building a level of positive momentum is sometimes a level of overt confidence not arrogance but overt confidence like ah yeah i can smash this now It's like, okay, let's see you smash it. I didn't fucking sound.

I'm so angry at myself. Because, bro, like, the bar was here. You went there, just stack it, dude, like walking in a staircase, you know? And then you can go from there. But I unequivocally mean this. And I said this in threads where I was like, look, you can drink your fucking water. You can go to the fucking gym. You know, you can take your fucking vitamins and all that kind of shit.

But if you're not going to deal with the stuff that's going on in your head, you're not actually as healthy as you're giving yourself credit for. You know, and that's not fearmongering. It's just an unequivocal truth, right? Because you can go look at Seneca and all these sorts of philosophers from back in the day where they would say, okay, if the mind is being disobedient, look to the body and vice versa. You know, so it's very, very imperative to understand that physical exercise and being able to do that and keep those promises to yourself allow you to actually build a mental frame that's stronger

than what it was previously. you know when you go into a state where you're being pushed way beyond what you're capable of but you just just refuse to stop right you're building a cognitive pattern of like fucking hell I'm a capable individual way more capable than I give myself credit for you know what I mean and the way I did that is I just threw myself into the fucking deep end I was like fuck it let's go see what happens sometimes sometimes you have to try yourself into that deep end 100%. Because the problem is you've just been wallowing in the shallows for a bit too much.

Yeah. Time. So it's like, okay, look, sometimes it's good to go into the deep end. And then people go, well, what if I fail? I'm like, that's the best teach you've got. Fail, debrief, have someone in your corner who's going to not just keep you accountable, it's going to help you debrief what's going on. Yeah.

Then what's going to happen is you're not going to put too much pressure on yourself the next time. You're going to go, okay, cool, this is a hole. This is how it's plugged. Right. maneuver to the next. And also when you do throw yourself into the deep end, so like a lot of people might just dip their toe in so they're kind of

half in half out of their goals. But like if we used you as an example, like you literally threw yourself in the deep end. You flew from the UK over to Thailand. You booked the you booked in for a fight. Like there's no really going back from there anyway. So there is no like... That was the point.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. That was literally the point. Which is sometimes necessary for people even though we and then and then in that phase of throwing yourself in the deep end it was finding the small winds daily to make sure that you could sustain it and respecting the fact that you'll fail yeah and understand that that's okay right it's okay to fail it's okay to to fall short of the mark in what way did you fail and in what way was that failure a lesson that you wanted out of this experience in what way did I fail I lost the fight yeah for example I lost the fight and you'll see on the on the YouTube of the fight day vlog are lots of fire and you see me go backstage and I say I say to the coach that I'm sorry I disappointed you guys you know they said no you didn't you didn't disappoint us at all because the way you lost was insane you know because it took a spinning elbow uh straight to the

fucking dome and completely knocked me out I don't even remember it I don't remember it right someone showed me the footage I was like oh fuck it's bad I just remember kind of like waking up seeing the lights and I was like oh shit I'm in a fight get up you know what I mean and then I got out going over there was the goal to win a fight or was the goal to what was the goal like in your head? Going over here

had nothing to do with with wanting to win a fight it had everything to do with making sure I built a life where my business thrives and the more I thrive the more the business thrives and the more people you can help as well as being able to show just

through being who I am that look you can have a life you genuinely want you know and and that's the most beautiful thing and you're starting and I've started to see it with my clients and they're like look I feel like I'm on a bit of a hamster wheel here like can he help me pivot and maneuver and I'm like for sure not a fucking problem you know so many people just kind of put themselves in hamper's way and be like okay that's it comfortably yeah exactly exactly and then you're like that person who's just standing in line when there's a whole I rode right next to it's like it's quick it's just go through it so they're sedated by the comfort

of not really not really liking your job but it's not too bad that you get paid sedated by the fact that like yeah you're not really happy but like at least you can go home to your comfy couch and watch Netflix and each year exactly exactly and I would say to anyone who is doing that I would say see where that gets you see where it gets you because it's and I don't mean this in a nasty way but I will tell you the truth is not going to get you very fucking far and you're not going to be called to bring forth your best. And I think I was saying this on a call with a client, and they won't mind me sharing it. And we were talking about adversity, right? And I explained to him and said, why do you think the world was created with an adversarial nature? Like, why would

God or the universe, whatever you want to call it, create a world where there's an adversary? You know, like, for example, I'm not trying to get all biblical on you, but for example, why would God create a garden of eating and put a snake in it. Well, because maybe the world with an adversary is a better world than one without. Because without that, you're never forced to call forth your best. Now, there's a massive metaphysical aspect to that, right, which is life with adversity, it can be cruel, plain and simple, right? And then people would say, well, okay, well, why is it so cruel?

And it's like, what if the adversity or adversary that was set upon you by whatever it may be, God, the universe, whatever it is, right, knew you could win. What if it knew you could win? Then it's not evil at all because it's forcing you to call forth your best version of who you can possibly be. Because an adversary or an adversarial nature will not be set upon you unless there's an opportunity for you to actually win it. Right? The first three rounds of the fight, I was winning. The spinning elbow came. His fight IQ started to kick in. He figured out that I couldn't clinch, which is like 50% of fucking Muay Thai. So thanks for not teaching me how to fucking clinch. They were just like,

oh, just a heads up. He's a knee and elbow specialist. He's going to want to clinch with you. So since you don't know how to clinch, just fucking push him away. So I started pushing a fucking guy away, which led to him actually catching me because his fight IQ was so sharp, you know?

So people always go, well, why is the adversity in the world? Well, why is this struggle? Why is it? Because it calls you to bring forth your best. And in turn, by you bringing forth your best, you grow proportionally to the adversary you choose to face. So this brings me on to another one that I was going to quote you on. So people ask me why I'm not sad.

It's simple. I reframe it. And that was me wanting to ask about adversity and reframing shit situations. Yeah, for sure. So like, here's a shit situation. Right. I got, so after I got. So after I got to spinning elbow, I got up, right?

And then I think I got up, fucking finished the round, pretty strong. And then we got into round four. And in round four, he clocked that I couldn't clinch. So he kept trying to get me against the ropes. And if you're against the ropes, you can only go left or right, you can't go backwards. Right. But he noticed when I was pushing him, while doing this. So I was dropping my head.

In my tie and a clinch, you want to keep your head as high as possible, because if you drop your head, you're going to get a knee. Right. and he noticed this that I was pushing away like this because I'm strong so I fucking get away from me go away get away from me come right and he clocked it and then he hit you with a knee boom and as he hit me with a knee as my head popped up ax elbow dished to the top of the dome right

so I got such bad concussions I remember going backstage and one of the fighters who's like a top tier fighter was like can't speak proper English he's like people don't really get off from from like spinning elbows like a normal elbow yeah but spinning. He didn't know how to speak it. He's like, skull, is it thicker than normal? Like, you have a thicker skull? I was like, I don't think so. Oh, okay, but you don't usually get up from that. And I was like, ah, you know, and this leads me to the point that you just said about reframing, which is I currently cannot walk from the waist down.

Okay, because I had got so many leg kicks that I didn't check, which is like blunt force trauma to the legs, right? So imagine. know someone taking a baseball bat full swing to your legs multitudes of times. And I took all the ligaments in my right ankle off the fucking bone because my tactic going in there because it was a clincher expert was, okay, fucking tee off on him with your boxing and then rip him low, just rip his legs apart as much as you can. Right. And then I remember I hit him, I think it was the first round and boom, I felt a pop and it was all the ligaments. And I was like, okay, fuck this. I'm just going to keep ripping leg kick after leg kick after leg kick because I got an adrenaline dump. And if he can see

I'm injured, he's going to go for a low cough kick. Now, I'm fucked from the waist down. I have seizures due to the concussions, right? The other day, I was lent against the war, went full Stephen fucking walking, fucking fell on the floor, hit my head on the fucking concrete, right? And then I was like, like, cognosome and I was like, just let me like spas out because someone was there. And then I got up and I was like, okay, that wasn't very nice.

I'm going to, you know, see if I can stack a small win. And there's a lovely, lovely person who were taking care of me was like, like, let me just help you get to your flat, which is like 100 meters away. But it would take me forever to get there. And I just said, no, let me do it. And they didn't really understand what I meant by that. Maybe because the way in which I communicated it after the seizure, because I wanted to stack a win straight away, right?

So I reframed it. And after the fight, I was like, like, okay, from here down it's fucked. I can't control that. Right. But so what? I can work and I can, you know, get back in the mixer and genuinely enjoy it. And I was so excited to get back to work. So I love what I do. The reframe is, okay, I can't walk now, but now I have lots of time to do the work that I want to do because I've no other distractions. Exactly. And on top of that, it's like, okay, cool. Maybe I can't do this and that. But hey, I can write, I can read, I can educate, I can help.

So fuck it. There's so much opportunity here to level up in another area. That's a good example for anyone who might be going through some sort of an injury right now. Let's say they've started their fitness journey and they were really excited and then they ended up, you know, maybe hurting their back or hurting their knee and they prevented them from training. It was like, okay, I can't train now, but what does that give me time to do now? Exactly. And it's always, and I say this to people, I say you can say, woe is me all you want, but that ain't going to do anything but age or suffering. And the kind of slogan you can call it that I'm adopting right now is, look, pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.

Yeah, okay, I'm in pain. But I'm going to choose to fucking bitch and moan about it and be like, oh, I need an outlet, I need a physical outlet. No, like, what's the point? Because all I'm going to do is just fill myself with anxiety and pressure for no reason. Instead, I'm going to go, well, what can I do? And that's what I'm going to focus on. because at the end of the day there's no point doing that

because all you're doing is increasing your level of pain through suffering. Yeah, it's such a mindful to truly understand that suffering is a choice and like once you realize it I mean like just like and even when you realize it, that doesn't mean that

like you still, you can still fall into the traps every now and again because it's just something that you have to battle with every day anyway. Yeah, I've fallen to the trap like this morning I found out into the trap I was like there's so much fucking pain and I was like yeah dude like you are like you got into a fucking fight with an absolute beast like cool so what like good on you you fucking did what you were supposed to do

and everyone was like oh you know you're okay and I was like I'm fucking solid like I'm actually really grateful and they were like grateful I was like yeah because when I can use my legs again and my fucking sweet is not like fully autistic I'm going to feel fucking awesome and I'm going to be so much more grateful for the fact that I've used of my legs that I can actually get up my bike

and go to 7-11 or go to get some food or whatever it may be Do you know what? That's, it just came up in my thought process there like the people that had are able to use

like couglin of reframing like even if you look an example like during COVID right for some people it was like COVID was like oh I'm stuck in my house I've nothing to do this is the worst thing in the world

and then for other people they were like this is a, is the best thing ever now I have time to, you know, learn the piano or just pick up this scale or start this nutrition course or whatever it is. It's like, yeah, you just had two different perspectives on something that wasn't in people's control. Yeah, perception breeds reality. You know what I mean? So I always, I always say to people like, look, if you want to perceive it that way, go for it and see what happens. Yeah, I'm one of those those coaches that I'm like,

look, I will show you the correct way, but if you want to take the wrong way, go for it. I'm not going to berate you for it. But when you then learn the hardest way possible rather than the way that you could, then debrief it. And then maybe you'll learn from that, you know, and grow. So let's say I'm one of Ryan's clients, right? And I come up now and I just be like, Ryan, I've been a role play. I love it, Carl.

Yeah. So I'm in the bedroom. Let's go for a team. So I've been training for the last two weeks. weeks. I've been eating well. I've stuck to all my goals. I've got my steps in and I've had to jump up on the scales and I'm still the same way.

Like, what was the point? There's such a waste of time. I would literally say, okay, firstly, why was it a waste of time? Retain to the client, why was it a waste of time, Carl? Well, because I haven't lost the weight that I wanted to lose. Okay, cool. I put all this effort in. Okay. And I showed up every single day. Yeah, you showed up every single day. You put all that effort in? Yes. And the scale isn't moving.

That scale hasn't moved. Ah, okay. So does that mean you haven't put credit in the bank? Does that mean you haven't put in the work? Does that mean that you haven't actually done things that you promised yourself to do? Yeah, I have promised it. I have promised myself to do them when I've done them, but I haven't got the result that I want from it. Okay.

Now, if you haven't got the results you want from it, that doesn't mean you're never going to get it. You've got to stay true to your course. Now, if the things were in place appropriately and effectively, you've also got to understand that scale weight is not indicative of whether you're good or bad, right? I have a client that weighs exactly the same and looks totally different, totally different. So getting bogged down on the fact that, you know, you're a little bit heavier on the scale and completely ignoring all the other wins you just stack. Well, that's it, isn't it? It's ignoring everything else in your life because your narrow focuses on one thing.

And then you've put all your eggs into one basket and spread your stuff. yourself to attain. A hundred percent. And people always make the mistake of thinking, okay, well, this is not working. In what world do you think it's not working? Explain it to me, well, the scale's not moving. Okay, but does that mean you're not building muscle? Does that mean you're not overcoming a level of discipline? Yeah. Does that mean? Do you feel healthier? Has your mood improved? Are you a better person to be around now? You know, do you feel more productive? Are you able to fall asleep a little bit easier now because you've had a productive day that you've got out and got some sunlight on your face you've trained hard you've you've put yourself to the test

like all these things that we we forget about yeah and and that's the thing is is you'll want to focus on the one thing rather than focusing on all the other things that you've actually built and then you don't realize this concrete foundation you've built because you're so focused on one thing right and any good coach will eventually make the scale move when appropriate right right so the point i'm making is one don't get bogged down by a number you are not the scale weight you are not the number on the fucking scale you were more than that there is more to you there's more to you than that can you not see that no okay cool let me show you right so i'll show you a few areas where you've improved genuinely speaking if you haven't improved it's on me to tell you that true

right but i'll show you where you have improved i'll show you a few and then i want you to give me three back right and start to build that cognitive positive pattern right because they are nowhere near failing they are nowhere near as far away from the goal as they think they are you know so for example and me throwing a shitty switch kick right I was like okay it's shit right now but I wasn't like oh fucking shit and I throw a strut or anything like that I was like okay cool I'm going to keep practicing until I get it right you know no matter what and I never focused on the fact that oh I had a shit switch kick because you'll see in the fight I throw a really decent one because he gets me the good kick and I was just like I'm just going to keep practicing it because listen things

don't happen like that for you right that's not the way it works if it happens like that it's going to go like that yeah you know and it needs to be sustainable and understandable and then it's also important to understand that a switch kick is is one move of thousands of moves that you can do so again if if you're if you're defining your ability on just a switch kick again you're spreading yourself too thin exactly And if you're defining yourself by just the metric on the scale, you're really doing yourself with the service because there's more to you than that. Like a simple thing I would say is this, is, okay, well, let me ask you this.

You feel like shit, right? Yeah, I feel like shit. Okay, cool. If you go to the gym, do you think you feel worse? I don't think I'll feel worse. Okay, cool. I can guarantee you won't feel worse and you'll probably feel better. So why not give it a crack?

And then all of a sudden, you build a positive cognitive. patent and that person is getting an endorphine kick, the serotonin kick, etc., which in turn motivates them to keep going in alignment of what they're looking to achieve. You're focusing on how you feel rather than what you can get. Exactly. And if you focus on how you feel rather than what you can get, eventually you're going to get what you want. And this comes on to something I was going to ask you about as well, it was to talk about embracing the journey over the destination and when it comes to whether that's a fat loss perspective or your experience.

a fight camp. Yeah, so we can go through both there. So in terms of the fight camp, right, I'll never forget this. I'll never forgets to dare die. One of my teachers, coaches, or whatever you want to call them, his name's Ahmed. And it was about seven days out from the fight. And I was, you know, stressed and stuff he had and he had chats to me and he said, listen, you only ever have your first Muay Thai fight once. you'll never have your first multi-fighter game right all the pressure all the anxiety everything you're feeling drink it in drink it all in mate because you will never be able to experience your first fighter game whether you're going to lose is irrelevant you'll never be able to experience your first fight again ever

so embrace the fucking process embrace the journey right you feel a nervous yeah okay cool like that's fine like you're feeling fucking scared yeah you should be scared you should be scared you're about to go into a ring and fucking bang with the dude. Like, of course you're going to be scared. But embrace it. Like, just drink it in the good and the bad and really, really be present and actually feel it. You know what I mean? And by doing that, it allowed me to embrace the journey and actually alleviate a little bit of pressure

because I was like, cool, I'm just going to focus on that session. I'm just going to focus on that sparring round, you know. And like you touched on a big word you said there was being present. Yeah. Like if you're not going to if you're not going to be present in the journey, By the time you get to the destination, you're going to regret not enjoying the journey. Yeah. And you're not thinking ahead if you're being present anyway.

No, you're thinking right here right now. And guess what? All of a sudden, your periphery goes from this to this. And you're seeing everything and you're drinking everything in. And it's like, fuck, you know, life is not actually this pressure cooker. No. You know what I mean? We just making that.

Yeah. Yeah. And this goes on to another quote that I was going to touch on with you. And you wrote that your stress is not the problem. it's how you use it. Yes, 110%. Stress is inevitable in life, right? You will always have a level of stress.

It's understanding the difference, right? You have eustress and de-stress, distressed, right? So distress is where, like, you're just completely overwhelmed, pretty much burnt out, and you just can't hack it. You know, like there's too much going on.

And eustress is a healthy level of stress that allows you to perform at a higher level, right? For example, when I was nervous before rugby games, and I bought this into my more tie as well, I would just reframe it and go, nerves are nothing but excitement in disguise. That's all it is. It keeps me sharper, keeps me focused.

Okay, this is good, right? That's you stress, right? Distress is like, like everything is just too much, just can't do with anything. And then it's like, okay, but let's break it down, right? Stress is inevitable, so let's make sure we break it down into bite-sized chunks that are stress factors that you can actually handle.

and start to build from that, right? But when people go, look, I want to live a life stress-free, I go, good luck. Good luck. You never will. There will always be a stress factor, right? Discerning the difference between the two and understanding when you're airing on the side of distress versus you stress is super important, right? Because you stress is actually very healthy.

It's very good for you. And it drives you, right? Whereas distress just buckles you and breaks you, you know what I mean? I'm not going to lie, getting close to that fight, there was a lot of distress that I just framed as you stress. I was just, fuck it, I'm doing it. There's no going back. End of discussion. You know, like, I just

cut and dry it. You know, so when they told me about the opponent and stuff, I guess, and all this kind of stuff, and then I remember someone being like, oh, I find his Instagram, do you want to see it? And I remember feeling a pit in my stomach and I was like, fucking show me.

And seeing fucking tear off one dudes and stuff again. I was like, I've seen enough. yeah i've seen enough and then you know my coaches obviously were able to have a look at it and be like okay cool this is what he's good at so make sure you use your boxing because your boxing is very sharp and then just chop him up because you have big leg just rip him apart down there you know and that's exactly what it did he after the fight when we spoke he said i'm going to have to get like reconstructed surgery on my knee because you've absolutely destroyed it and i was just like oh i'm so sorry So, you know, it's important to understand that, look, stress is always going to be there.

It's making sure that you're not going to a level of distress and you stress, and you can do that, but just breaking things down to bite-size fractions. I wanted to ask you about Maxwell's theory of change, because it's something that I haven't heard about, and I'm interested for you to tell me a little bit about that. Yeah, so Maxwell theories of change is essentially three or four, if I remember correctly, different aspects of catalysts that cause people to change, right? And with Maxwell's theories of change, what he essentially alludes to is that, look,

you'll get put in a position where you'll be forced to change, right? Whether that be the death of a loved one, or, you know, you're at rock bottom, whatever it may be, you'll be like, I need a change, right? And essentially with Maxwell's theories of change, what he's essentially alluding to is life is happening to you, not for you, right? And it's forcing you to change. It's making you extremely uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, scared, fearful, or whatever it means to change, to action, a level of change,

to make a maneuver, right? To actually change something in your life. The issue with Maxwell theories of change is don't let it get to that point. Yeah. Like we talked about, we talked about being comfortable and being sedated by your own comforts until it gets to a point where it's so uncomfortable that you're like oh my god how did i get here how did i get here and i'm 20 kilos overweight how did i get here and i absolutely can't stand another day at my job how did i get here and i'm in a relationship with someone that i can't stand yeah i'm in a relationship with the boyfriend's beating the shit out of me or whatever it may be it's like okay cool this is where you've gone to a point where you have no choice but to change and the main premise here is

don't get to that point you know but not Maxwell eludes that as well. He says it also happens when someone knows they want to change. Right. And that want and that desire to change is bigger than what's going on around them. Okay. Which means that they will go, okay, I need an action change here. Right. But again, what I'll always allude to is don't let it get to that point. You don't need to get to rock bottom to realize that you need to change. Right. You need to make sure you want to understand and it goes with everything right like discomfort and be putting like pushing yourself yourself out your comfort zone if you don't voluntarily choose to push yourself out your comfort zone life will do it for you yeah and it'll pick it and trust me if life does it for you it is way fucking worse than if you chose whereas if you choose life would be like oh okay look you're

trying to grow here you know you're embracing discomfort and you're trying to grow oh i'll sit back here you know whereas if you're just saying that Oh, you just wait, mate, someone's going to fuck in, and then you're going to want to change. How do people start embracing, getting out of their comfort zone more? Like, I mean, it seems like it comes very natural to you

where it's like, all right, I'm just going to get up and move to a completely different country again and go into a completely different environment again. How do people get to the stage where they're like voluntarily seeking out? discomfort. That's a fucking good question.

I'm not too sure. I think if you want to be... It must have to come with awareness. It does. Like awareness, as soon as awareness is bred, then change will become an actionable, tangible thing for that person. But what I would say is

discomfort allows you to be more comfortable in a larger epicenter. So, you know, let's say this is your comfort zone. Okay. Pushing yourself just slightly out your comfort zone allows your comfort zone to be larger. Now, if you seek solace in your comfort zone, why wouldn't you want it to be bigger? Well, the only way you're going to make it bigger and you're going to force that growth is by just taking a step out of it.

Now, do you need to do what I did and chuck yourself in the fucking deep head all the time? No. You can literally just make a small incremental change. I remember us prelude to this with like someone who, let's say, has extreme gym anxiety. It's like, just get to the door. Yeah. That's a comfort zone. Right?

now all of a sudden your realm of comfort has expanded, right? And in turn, what that means is you yourself have expanded and grown, right? And you start to uncover things and traits and virtues and belief systems in yourself that you never thought you had ever. I was, I did a podcast with a girl called Jean Lally and she is an anxiety therapist. And I asked her, I asked her, it's like, because I would have a couple of friends who have like severe, social anxiety and you know really haven't done much with their lives and you know just quite comfort and I asked like how how if someone is that closed in where everything scares them like

how do you get someone to get out of their comfort zone and she said just like you it's like the smallest of change whatever that is and just celebrate it like so if you have social anxiety where you can't even like have a hold a conversation with a with a stranger it's like the the goal is to get outside your door and just look someone in the eyes and and if you do that two or three times that's your win and you celebrate that and like people will feel silly for celebrating it but it's like you should not feel silly for celebrating that because that's your mountain just like for you it might be you know fighting in the toilet right yeah yeah yeah so it like for some people it will be you know getting into a ring in Thailand you

you know, with some absolute machine. For someone else, it might literally be saying hello to the shopkeeper. Yeah, literally. And there's this awesome, I'm busy building out, social anxiety challenge, right? Where I prelude to it by saying, look, what you got to remember is when you're walking in the street, everyone is in their own head. Right. Everyone is not actually looking at you. You're not, and this sounds really harsh, you're not that a fucking important, that it's,

everyone is staring at you, right? Everyone else is doing exactly what you're doing. They're in their own head. Like, oh my God, is this person looking at me for this reason? And in actuality, they're in their own head because they're doing life for themselves, right? Which is totally okay. And when you understand that, you understand that look, by going out and about,

these people aren't looking at me going, oh, my God, you know, who is this person? They're just in their own fucking head. Thinking the exact same thing you are, which is like, is he looking at me? Like, what's going on? You know, and then developing a challenge was something. as simple as being like say hello to the shopkeeper. I did this when I was super nervous when he came to speaking to things that I feared the most

which just came in the form of pretty girls because they scared the shits out of it. And I would just do little things and I would just be like, okay, cool, what you're going to do is you're going to hold the conversation and you're going to make sure you make eye contact and you're going to remember the color of the person's eyes. You know?

It's like you said as well. It's like when people are trying to achieve something, and they set the bar too high. So let's say the goal is to get a girlfriend or to get someone's number. It's like maybe that's too big of a jump for you right now to ask a girl for her number. But what you could do is just compliment them and then walk away. Exactly. Like you could do exactly that.

And that's what I mean is that small incremental change leads to exponential growth. You know, and that's what's so important to realize is you don't need to solve all the problems of the world in one sitting. just not going to happen that way, you know, and it's not going to happen with your problems, whoever you may be, right? But you could take a small step forward, right? There's the same by Rumi, which is a thousand mile road, has walked one step at a time. You know, and it's literally that simple. It's like, look, if I'm taking one step, it's still fucking progress. Like, that is still an increment of progress, right? And you can only take one step. Yeah, exactly. And I think it was son Zhu who said

don't be afraid of going slowly just be afraid of not moving you know and then that's imperative because whether you're going slow or fast is irrelevant the point is you're going towards something you're striving towards a worthy aim you're aiming up you know and if you don't if you're not trying to aim up

you're kneecapping yourself because you're not bringing forth the best that you have to offer in the world and there's only one of you. So what you're essentially doing is you're kneecapping yourself and preventing the world from seeing who you truly could be in the most fundamental sense. And why would you starve the world of the quality that you can give? Why would you starve the world of the best version of you? Because being the best version of you has a butterfly effect on everyone.

I see this because I work with mothers as well where they'll start going on walks and the little ones who start going walks with them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Copy it out of you. Exactly. you know, and then all of a sudden you see a butterfly effect that you have on people and it doesn't need to be monumental. But by the same token, all of a sudden, you're having a positive effect as a byproduct of focusing on you and trying to bring forth your best in the world.

However, that may look, you know, and that's what's so important for people to understand. And it kind of, if you don't do that, you're not just doing yourself a disservice, but the world. Because what you can bring into the world, no one else can, otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first fucking place. you know, but thinking that, you know, living small is, you know, the best thing to do prevents you from essentially bringing forth your best because the best version of you is the highest functioning version of you, you know, and that best version of you will have a profound impact on those around you. The low functioning version of you will negatively impact those around you.

Yeah. That Maxwell's changed makes so much sense to me because it's like I'm just, I'm just thinking of even a certain person at this moment and it's like I know that that person is in pain, I know that that person is so in their comfort zone, it's unbelievable and they're not doing

anything about it yet, like, but it's obviously not at the stage where it's as painful that it's going to ignite some sort of energy to try and solve the problem. And then I also think about like if that person tries to solve this problem on their own and not understand that

it's small increments of progress over time and little small wins. And like the best way to to embody that is to have some sort of a coach or a mentor or someone who can remind you that you don't have to kind of shoot for the stars. It can be like them little small wins of just saying hello to someone

or something like that. I think that's imperative as well on that journey as well. If you're going to succeed is that like you have some sort of emotional support of of some sort. Without a fucking shadow of a doubt. Like there's this, I say this to my clients and I say this with the most fundamental truth, like genuinely from the fucking heart, which is, I say this to them. I say, look, if you can't carry your cross on this journey, right, the moment you

collapse, I'll pick it up. When you've regrained your strength, I'm going to give it back to you. And then I'm going to walk with you. The moment you collapse again, we're going to pick it up, we're going to find out why you collapsed. We're going to wait for you to regain your strength. And then we're going to put a back on your back. And we're going to keep walking together. And then the moment that you can carry that shit yourself and you're in the Coliseum, I'm in the stands cheering you on. And I'm saying, that's fucking awesome. You know, and it's imperative that people understand that you can't take someone's problem from them because then you're preventing them from actually being able to grow from it. You know,

you've got to be able to say, okay, this is, yeah, it's got to be you. I've got a specific person in mind as well, and they were brilliant because I got on a call with them, and they said, look, I want to voluntarily confront the trauma that I incurred from my mother. and I was like, that is beautiful, beautiful, right? Because I can't force you. And I said to, I said, why do you think I haven't mentioned your mother? Because you've got to want to do it. I can't force you to, you see? And because of the confidence you're building in the gym, you know, filming your form videos

when she was like so scared to film them in the first place. And I was like, I don't even give a buck. You know, that confidence is allowed her to go, you know what, actually, I've gone from level one to level two. right and level two there's a bit of a bigger boss right and i don't want to have the wounds that were caused by you know what happened in the past to then bleed on my partner or my kids you know what i mean and that was one of the most awesome awesome cause because she was like yeah i i want to do that you know and i i say this it sounds like a fucking son right um because the deeper you go the more you're going to grow, you know, without a shadow of doubt.

You know, but make sure you go to a dip that you think you can handle first. Give yourself a pretty concept. Yeah. I think that's such a good point in terms of like that person came with the problem that they wanted to solve because I think so many times whether it's coaches to clients or whether it's just people in general, we tried to force people and change that they're not ready for and it will never come. And you see that even with like family members or something like a family member tell

someone, oh, you should probably do this or you should probably get in shape or you should probably, you know, go for this job. And like, you're, the more you push someone to change, the more they're actually going to resist it. A hundred percent. And that reminds me of a call out of the client. And she's starting to build a life for herself that she actually enjoys, right? So she's handled a resignation of the job. And she's, she's going to move to Abu Dhabi and then maybe Bali or whatever it may be, right? And she went home and back to Ireland. And, uh, back to Ireland. and you know the Irish, you guys have big families. Yeah.

Right. And I said, just bear in mind when you go home that your family and stuff, they're not going to understand. Okay, then they're not going to understand. And then she said to me, she said, yeah, you know, they said this. You know, why don't you do this, say for this, dad, and the other. And I just said, okay, look at their life. Do you want it?

Fuck not. I was like, okay, so why are you holding any weight to what they're saying? You know, you live your life. life on your terms, what's going to make you happy? What's going to bring you good income? What's going to fulfill you? You, not your family, you, you know, and stay firm in your boundaries and just be like, yeah, this is what I am doing. And, you know, because if you look at that person's life, say, do I want that? And if it's a no, then there's no point necessarily listening to that person to a degree, you know, and it's very, very important that people understand that because

what tends to happen is, uh, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, you know, this is a bit of a juxtaposition, but I've always found it difficult to market the amount of exponential change mentally, emotionally, and even in the job space that some of my clients have. Yeah, it's nearly impossible to mind. Yeah, there's no before or after for that. No, no, no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no,

there's no visible metric. Yeah, and, and, and you see these messages come through. So I share the messages, you know, with permission, obviously. Yeah. And even then it doesn't get, it doesn't give it justice because it's, you know, it's a it's it even though it is a message and that's but like you can't capture in a message every day. The actual like amazing transformation that this person is going through.

And all these domains that it ripples into. Yeah. You can't capture how someone feels. It's difficult. It's a tricky one and it's one that there was a part of me that got a little bit frustrated actually and then I kind of was like, look, there's no point getting frustrated at it because at the end of the day you do what is yours to. do nothing else should concern you yeah you know but i was like i look at that and you look at not only

your ability to be able to do that for people right which is a god-given gift so you know thanks to the fucking man upstairs rather than me but you look at that and then you see that and you see how amazing it is and you're like why were people up for a fucking coach who's just like you'll get you turn 20 pounds but that's that's when ego and validation appears it's ugly head isn't it because it's like I've done a good job but now I feel the need to to for other people to know about it. And I know that I know that I know that's important in terms of a marketing perspective and to the actual build the business. So I understand that. But it's a trap that we can fall into.

It's like, all right, am I doing this? Because in a sense, you are doing it for you because you're doing it for your business. But in another sense, you're just doing it to help improve that person. Yeah. So I would say this. Like, this is how I see it is, are you trying to genuinely make a better impact? act in the world. Now, if you're trying to fucking do that, more power to you. Good. And yet, rightfully so, you should be able to build your business, create a good income and stuff so you

can scale it further and help more fucking people in the most fundamental sense. You know, and the way I kind of combat the humorous and pride of being able to share a win is I always make sure I say, and I genuinely mean, these wins are your own. You did this. Not me. You did it. I was just a sat nav. You were the driver. If you didn't drive, I couldn't get you to the destination. Yeah, no. So your win is your own. Celebrate it as yours. Right. I'm just here to celebrate it with you. And yeah, it is good marketing. But by the same token, again, it goes back, for me at least, it goes back to ethics. It goes back to actually genuinely, okay, are you actually trying to help these people in the most fundamental sense and make the world a better place?

and these people the best version of themselves. And if you're trying to do that, yeah. If your sole purpose was just to rinse out as much as you can from the world in terms of a fitness business, you would probably just do transformational photos all day long and put people on ridiculously low calories. And, you know, if you get 100 people in and five people get a good transformation,

you know, you just blast that out. Yeah. And then, and that's why, and you have both seen this. that's where business owners and stuff start to set their own source and you watch their whole business upload

you just watch it fucking implode you can only sell you can only sell shit to someone once yeah exactly you can only shovel shit to that person once like don't

don't underestimate people they ain't fucking stupid you know what I mean and and it actually irks me that people people buy into that because I'm like shit

I can this, like, just don't do it, man. But you've been in the industry so long, of course you're going to see it. It's someone who doesn't really have any care for fitness. They're going to be the ones that are susceptible to these kind of crafty marketing tricks, at least once anyway. Yeah, there's a really good book by Fyodor Dosteevsky. It's called Crime and Punishment. And the reason why it's such a good book is the guy does a heinous crime.

But he gets away with it, Scott-Free. Right? So he does it. He gets away with it. There's no repercussions, you know, from the police or anything of the sort, right? But watch what happens to him and his conscience. It starts to rip him apart, you know. And it's a very, very impactful is the best way to put it, book.

Because you see, look, you can get away with the crime, but trust me, it's going to be on your conscience. and you're going to punish yourself more so than you ever could get punished anyway. Yeah, so you haven't really got away with it. You've got away with it in one aspect, but not in another. Because your conscience will rip you apart. And if it doesn't, other people will, no matter what. You know, and that's what's so insane.

And that book, it fucking lines a moral compass so quickly. It puts your moral compass and plays so fucking fast. You know what I mean? for a long period of time without a shadow of doubt you just won't because you will if you don't get caught

trust me you will end up punishing yourself I have three more questions for you and these are the wisdom rounds for Ryan all right so first question I'll ask you is what has been your greatest failure and how did it shape

the person you are today difficult question I know to be put on the spot my greatest failure I'd say my greatest failure is allowing my darker side, my malignant nature to take hold at a younger age and cause a lot of detriment of people who didn't deserve it. And what I learned from that was understanding that you possess both light and dark and being able to control that and have it under voluntary control and when you use it where necessary if you're in a fight or flight situation, whatever it may be, is imperative. That was probably one of my greatest failures, but also biggest lessons. As I say, failure is your friend, you know, and do I regret the pain I caused at such a young age to people around me? Yes, I do.

But by the same token, I'm also deeply appreciative of understanding the depth of the evil that I'm capable of and being able to control it. you know that was one of my biggest failures and in turn biggest lessons and I've never deviated from that since and that happened to me when I was you know in my adolescence without a doubt you know it's something that you can battle with every single day or every single choice that you make on a daily basis really isn't it like whether to be kind or to be nasty what regardless of what it is yeah like and I'll give you a simple example recently like as I said you know I got a little bit pissed off by the fact that sometimes people can't see the level of, not quality you produce,

but the level of impact that you're going to have on other people's lives. Like, why the fuck wouldn't you want that? And it's like, don't, don't be like that right. Like, don't, don't,

don't buy into that. That's a darker side. That's resent. That's resentment, excuse me. And that's not who you are. Instead, keep fighting the good fucking fight.

Keep doing the right thing. Irrespective of the harder may be. And even if you, even if it's not being rewarded, right you go back to all mark israelius virtue in and of itself is this reward you know so am i doing the right thing irrespect for how difficult or hard it is is it the right thing yes and i think that's that's like that's the most powerful question you can probably ask yourself just on a daily basis of anything you're doing yeah because you've always got to remember that failure is not the end

no that comes back to that that comes back to the grace there we spoke yeah yeah like look at it observe it, see it for what it was, understand it, control it, and then make sure that it's used for good or not evil. You know, like a simple example is guys, like we can use men as a simple example who haven't got control of the dark side, look at the damage that they can cause. I'm fully aware of the damage I can cause. The fuck am I going to do that. Instead, I'm going to do the exact inverse and I'm going to make change. You know, I've got two tattoos on like, on my collarbone. One says, instrument of inspirational tool of destruction. And the reason why I have that there is because I'm like, no, look, there's both sides to me here. You know, or is there

always air on the right side, not the wrong side. And if the wrong side has to come out, it better come out of the most appropriate time, you know, where it's necessary, you know, otherwise you keep it in a fucking, keep it in lock cage like an angry dog. Yeah. It's like hate and anger. Once it gets out of the box, you can't get it back in. No, and you burn everything around you, including people you may care that's when you see like like massacres and murders of like someone who might have been a respectable person but you know once they lose it you know yeah like i i studied this is like so hard to study but i studied all the um the documents and the writings of school shooters yeah um in all over the world but specifically in america a lot of them would actually write about what they were going

do and why they were going to do it. And it came from something as simple as being rejected by a girl or something like that. Yeah, and the resentment builds. And then they get angrier and angrier. And instead of going, okay, like, look, being rejected is okay. Not everyone needs to like me, you know, and start to move forward in a positive way. They just build this anger and this resentment that gets to the point where they get nihilistic in nature, which is like, well, nothing actually means anything anyway.

So if I kill all these fucking people, he fucking cares. And, you know, reading through those was harrowing. and it was enough for me to be like Jesus. Like that, you know what I mean? And yeah, that led to sleepless nights, but it was so important for me to do that to understand, you know, because Jordan B. Peterson says, Abyss, you know, if you gaze long enough to the abyss,

it gazes back at you. But the argument is you haven't gazed long enough, you know, to actually see because there's a part in there that is so beautiful and so exponential in you, you know, because the darker you are on one side, the lighter you can be on the other. You know, so yeah, I'd say that is the biggest. That's the kind of beauty of redemption as well, isn't it?

Yeah, redemption, repentance, whatever you want to call it. You know, it's like, okay, well, I'm not here to try to make up for what I did, but I'm here to learn from what I did and then make sure that I can teach people that, look, that is there, you know, especially with someone who's naive or says, I'm just a good person. I'm like, no, you're just a fucking coward. And they get all pissy, I mean, I go, well, I'll tell you why you're a fucking coward.

Because you've never experienced the darkness within you, you never let it take hold or seen it truly. So therefore you can't sit you and say you're a good person because you're trying to strive to stay in the light. Yeah, you're not a good person. You just haven't had the opportunity to do bad things. Exactly. You're just ignorant.

Yeah, yeah. Second one, what's a belief you held firmly in the past that you've since changed your mind about? What's a belief that I felt firmly in the past that I have now changed my mind about don't try heal people who don't want help Is that something that you fell into the trap of the home when you're younger?

No, even younger and as I got a little bit older It's like, look, I'll never forget it saying from like Hippocrates or whatever it said Before healing someone, ask if they're willing to give up things that make them sick You know, like I'm not going to try help you If you're resistant to help itself It's wasted energy on my behalf and wasted energy in general.

It probably doesn't help the person either because they don't want help. No. No. They just want a slap in the ass and someone to be nice and not kind. And that's not going to help someone. That's not going to help someone grow up. You know, and that's led me to always be fair and judgment, but ruthlessly honest where I'll be like, look, you fucked up.

You fucked up. And, you know, you got some making up to do for it or whatever it may be. because I'm not going to pull a punch. If I fucked up, put in my hand up, look, I fucked up. You know, no matter what. Fooked up and then be willing to be like, I fucked up helped me to do better. I'm being able to actually ask.

Exactly. It's like, I fucked up or I've done something I shouldn't have done. Does that define me? No, but what you do next does. Every juncture in your life you have a choice. the moment you think you don't have a choice you haven't been tired enough there's always a choice always it's just the ability to make the right one and if you don't know that's okay start to learn and if you can't learn and you don't understand it find someone who does like even when i was getting

ready for my fight i had an mhm a coach on purpose right alley alley mcleans great guy you know and i had him as my MMA coach on purpose because I was like, look, doing this alone is dumb. Yeah. I'm not going to do it alone. And discerning the difference between being a consumer versus an investor, buying a pair of shoes or investing in something, when you invest in something, all you're doing is you're going to make yourself better, make yourself more of an asset and actually in turn bring a huge ROI,

whether it be financial, physical, mental, or all of the above. Yeah. Right. Whereas if you're, when you start to discern, okay, well, where I'm being consumer versus an investor and you can see where you're being a consumer, start to cut that shit out if necessary. Because you're your biggest asset. Build it.

And that also comes from awareness as well again. You have to breathe that. If you don't breathe, I always say this to people. I go, look, even if you fucked up, are you aware of how? Yeah. Yes. Okay, this is how. Or no, I'm not.

Can you show me? Of course I can show you. And I'm not going to rip you apart about it. It's okay. Name one person you didn't make a mistake. Yeah. I'll wait. You know?

it's impossible. A lot of people who do the most damage aren't even aware that they're doing damage around them. That's the scary thing. Yeah. And that's why I always am so forthright with being like, look, you fucked up here. Not with my clients. I'm going to like, look, you fucked up. I'll be like, look, what happened?

Yeah. I'll leave empathy. It's usually them that come to you and say I fucked up more so than the reverse side of imagine. Yeah. Exactly. And in that situation, you know that you're your own harshest critic. So you don't need to get on top of that.

Yeah. You'd be like, ah, and start, you know, fucking whipping him away. So you're like, yeah, you did fuck up. That's okay, though. Yeah. As long as we can move forward from it, how, let's unpack it, let's fix it. Let's put a protocol in place to make sure it doesn't happen again and let's move forward. You know, you're not, I was a Carl Jung who said the best where he said something like,

something that I'm going to completely paraphrase here, I just can't remember verbatian, but it was along the lines of, I'm not what I used to be. I am who I choose to become or something like that. You know, I'm not my past. I am who I choose to become. you know so yeah you can you can fuck up it's okay me like i fucked up you fucked up you've fucked up everyone has but you make a choice and you go okay cool let me unpack that let me see what

happened and let me grow from it yeah or buy into it and just go into your dark side and see what that leads you yeah you know so yeah last one i want to ask yeah so what do you think are the most underrated qualities of a truly successful life but that's a fucking good question what are the most underrated qualities of a truly successful life. And then you're also going to have to add on to that what you define as a truly successful life in your own perspective.

Okay, so we'll start with that. A truly successful life is one that's lived. The best way to put it is the Japanese phrase of Ikigai, right? Which is purpose, fulfillment and contribution to community as well as financial fulfillment. Right. That is the definition of success. You know, you're making the world a better place. You're earning money from doing it.

and you're contributing to the betterment of your fellow man. Right. So that is what success is to me personally. Okay. And the other part, what was it again? And then what do you think are the underrated qualities to create a successful life in terms of how you see it? Ratitude, presence, perseverance, and patience.

You've got to be grateful, irrespective of the station you're in because there's always something to be grateful for. Right? You've got to person. severe in the face of diversity irrespective because you're going to grow. Right. You've got to be resilient. And if you're not resilient, that's okay.

You can build that. Yeah. And give us going to be patient and you've got to be kind to yourself. Right. And you've got to allow yourself a little bit of grace and be patient enough to go, okay, this is going to work. It's going to take time. Well, how do you become more patient?

I think I know what you're going to say because you have fate in the process. Yeah. Like, what I would say is, to become more patient, the only way that you can build that skill is by having it tested. So the more it's tested and the more you can see

that that's your patient's being tested, the more you have to go, okay, this is an opportunity to be patient. Right, this is the opportunity to go, okay, practitioner patients here. I want to now be patient, you know, soon, soon. You know, there's a series called The Chosen. It's brilliant.

It was about Jesus. God, it sounds like such a Bible freak here. But he's always talking about his disciples. When's this going to happen? When's this going to happen? And all of this is soon. It's going to happen soon. And when?

That's your problem. When it's supposed to soon. When you stop asking. Yeah, when you stop asking, it'll probably get given. Yeah. So yeah, I think that's what makes true. It's a good thing for life. And understanding this, I was actually speaking to mom about this yesterday,

is understanding that when you recruit money, wealth, and all these sorts of things, what are you doing with it? Are you contributing to the betterment of the world? Like, you live a good quality of life. That's important first, right? Square yourself away. Right. Then pull money into a business that is actually making the world a better place, right? Be able to look out and look after your loved ones, protect, provide, you know, and be there for them, right? And I think that's imperative. you know, my mom was like, you don't have to feel like you need to do that. It's like, I don't feel I need to. I want to.

Yeah, yeah. I want to. You, being a parent is the most selfless fucking sacrifice anyone can make. I want to be able to provide. I've been on this. I've been on this now for the last couple of months because all I see it all over social media all the time is being like, we don't have to have kids. We don't have to have families.

It's too expensive in this economy. it's more it's more kind to not have kids because you don't want to bring them up in this terrible society and I'm like what are you talking about you were brought up in this society and they're like well I had an apple life

I was like okay well do you still like have you had moments in your life where you've like enjoyed real joy and they're like yeah and like I was literally having this argument with someone online who was literally in Bali enjoying themselves. I love watching you argue with people online

as fucking. I was like okay So they were complaining about how their mum and dad were bastards and that they like they didn't raise them right and stuff like that. I'm like, hold on. Okay, they might have been bastards. You might have had a terrible upbringing. But I mean, like, I'm sure you still appreciate being here right now. You're fucking in Bali. And they couldn't get that concept that like that we should reproduce.

Yeah. And what I would say there is I can understand why people wouldn't want to bring people up in a society like this. but I would caveat with this. You can't control society, right? You can't control all that kind of stuff, but you can't control yourself. Yeah. And if you bring forth your best as a parent,

that child is going to be raised beautifully. Yeah. And that was my other point. I was like, okay, so you know what it's like to be brought up with a terrible childhood. So what could you do differently?

Could you give someone a gift that you didn't get to receive? Exactly. Like, it's so fundamental that people understand that because it's not the society that's going to mold you as much as it is the parental raising, you know, and it just goes back to the one analogy that everyone knows is the alcoholic father analogy had two kids.

Yeah. One of them became an alcoholic and the other one didn't. And when they were asked the same question, one said my dad was an alcoholic and so did the other. Yeah. So I wasn't going to be that. Yeah, I chose not to be that. You know, so what you then do is then you raise people in a broken society, so to speak, that are going to repair it,

that are going to contribute to the betterment of it, right? And you're taking on a burden and a, I wouldn't say burden, a responsibility to be able to do that, irrespective of the station you're out. And that responsibility probably gives you purpose that you didn't have before. And purpose you probably needed

if you didn't have it. Yeah. You've got to have, again, okay, successful life, purpose. Yeah. You've got to have a purpose. And my purpose is clear, a fucking day and I stand by it no matter what, which is I want to make the world a better place

and I want to bring forth the best than people no matter what. And I will do that. I don't give a fuck. I will do that no matter what. You know, there's times you're like, fuck, you know, why would people go with a coach that's just like, yeah, I'm going to help you lose 10 kilos? It's like, look, I'm not even going to help you lose 10, 5 kilos. I'm also going to make sure you know how to do that so you never need a fucking coach again. And on top of that, why do you want to lose 10 kilo? Yeah. I want to feel more confident. Okay, well, why do you want to feel more confident? Oh, because I'm insecure. Right. So there's something there.

Let's fix it. Let's really make you a bulletproof individual no matter what. You know, and when you argue with those carons, I had one and I did a Q&A, which she's like, girls can do everything men can do. I was just like, okay, cool. Well, you try personal fire and put it off out of burning herself. See if you can fucking do that, darling, and tell me the same thing. And everyone just replied to me and they were like, that is hilarious.

And I was like, because it's fucking true. It's fucking true. Men need a woman and women need men. they're not the same, but they riff off one another beautifully. Why the fuck are you trying to, you know, do this and that? Like, nah, it's not about that, right? It's not like that at all. Well, if we're going to talk about society and the West and all the, the failings,

will probably be another hour and a half here. That needs to be a pod we do. I think so. I was going to talk about even how you're in Thailand and how, like, they're very patriotic and stuff like that and the opposite effects from from the West at the moment. but we'll put that for maybe next one. We need a pin in that EP. It's going to be a fucking mass awakening.

Yeah, yeah. Before we go, just in case anyone's listening that is interested in coaching, maybe wants to get in shape, wants to improve their mindset around the actions and behaviours that they want to implement. Where can they find you? At Ryan Evilly on Instagram, right?

There's a plet of links on my bio as well. If you check me and follow and stuff like that, I'll probably reach out. You know, I always like interacting with my followers. I don't, I'm not one of those people who are like, I just want as many followers as possible. I want people, you know, who generally want the best and who genuinely buy into that.

You know, so that's where you can find me. And never, ever hesitate to reach out. I'm not a person who ever comes from a place of judgment, ever. I always come from a place of empathy first, you know, unless I can see the person who's trying to fucking play a game with me. Well, then, okay, if you want to drag me into mental warfare, it's your loss. Uncle Ryan, pleasure as always. Godwink brother, thank you so much for having you, my G.

My man. Thanks for watching. If you like that episode and you want to see more content like this, make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next one.