The Uneducated PT Podcast - #68 Conor Nolan "Normal"

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Beyond writing, Conor actively promotes mental well-being. He co-founded @normalmentalwellbeing and manages @understanding_anorexia, platforms dedicated to raising awareness and providing support for those grappling with eating disorders and mental health issues. ​Conor balances his academic pursuits with his passion for competitive powerlifting and strongman competitions. ​In our upcoming podcast episode, Conor joins us to discuss his book Normal, share insights from his personal experiences, and shed light on the importance of mental health awareness, particularly among young men. His unique perspective and dedication to breaking the stigma surrounding mental health make this conversation both enlightening and inspiring.

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation and for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support, and I'll see you on the next episode. So you were drunk in a nightclub when you decided that you were going to write your book. That's true.

Normal. Yes. Okay, tell me a little bit about that. This would have been December 2018. So this was kind of after a run of about six months previous. So I had never talked to my friends with my mental health. I kept it all to myself. But I was going through a rough period of that time

and started opening up. And I told them about what was going on at the time and what had gone on in the past. And I noticed that when I talked with my stuff, other people would kind of start talking about theirs. It was like he created a safe space. And this triggered like a series of conversations like that with friends and then friends of friends.

And it kept happening. But all these conversations kept happening in pubs and nightclubs. like we're out having a few drinks, this kind of thing. And I was noticing the same patterns like, you know, someone would, I became like the amateur counsellor and someone would tell me something and then they'd go, geez Connor, I've never mentioned this before

or I've never talked about it. And I'm thinking, God, that's a, that's a heavy thing you've been holding on for a long time. This kept happening. Then it was around Christmas time in 2018, I was talking to one friend of mine and he told me a very in-depth story and I thought, God, this, you know, there's such a stigma about opening up.

I'd love to make some kind of a difference. but you can't have 8 billion pints in 8 billion smoking areas in one lifetime. Yeah, yeah. Well, you could try. You could try, but you wouldn't go well. And I said, you know what? I said, I'd love to put my story on paper and give it to people and put it out of the public. And I said to my friend, I said, I said, fairly hammered.

I said, I'm going to read a book. And he said, you do that. And he said, he said, he years later, he said, Connor's junk. Ah, years later, he said, Connor, I was convinced that idea was not going to get out the door. And he said, look, he said, you prove me wrong, do you know? Because a lot of ideas in nightclubs don't make it home. make it home. We all know this. I would imagine 99% maybe.

Yeah. So no, as I said, like in talks, I can't remember for loving the money how I got home that night, but I wrote the idea down I got up to fall in the morning and I saw it and I went. Yeah, I was like, I don't know how this would work, but I'm going to try anyway. And that was where it all kind of started. How was that process?

Because, like, writing a book is now. It's not handy. Yeah. It was because the funny thing is like, I, like, ironically, like, in school, I loved maths and hated English. I was decent on it because I could remer things, but I wasn't like... You weren't destined to be a writer.

No, no, oh, not in the slightest. And like, my degree was physics, like theoretical physics, which is, again, the opposite end of the spectrum from creativity. But the one thing, like, when I was growing up, like, my mother was... My mother's a big bookworm. She would read, like, how I was come home.

And, like, when I was younger, I would have read, like, The Secret 7 and Roll Dad, all this stuff. So I had a little bit of storytelling and creativity in me slightly. And I was like, okay, right, it's buried down in there somewhere I'm going to have to go and find it

but like I knew that like I was like oh if there is a format or way of writing I don't know what it is but I'm going to try and like hash my way through it and one quote I love is there's someone out there less qualified than you doing what you want to do because they wanted more and I like there was a guy who was talking

at a house party one night and he said like he did a creative writing course and he dropped out of it and apparently like the final year project for them was get something published and he was like I never got there and I regretted and he goes and you have and he was like you know he says it must be such an honour to have something

you know see your name and print that says absolutely is but it was a case of like I knew what I wanted to say I knew the anecdotes but I also knew you can't just tell the story you have to tell it in a way that's engaging so I was like okay how am I going to do this and I'm a big believer that like

ideas can kind of fall into your lap because a lot of the kind of concepts or the way that I kind of structured the lessons in the book a lot of them kind of were like brainwaves that I had on a night out I could be sitting in a physics lecture and then I go oh that might work

you know not listen to the lecture at all and then like so the night that I came up for the idea of the setting of the book I was at a house party and we were all kind of sitting in like a patio area and I was sitting like one end of it and I kind of went into myself and I was overthinking

and then one of my friends said to me the following day he said do you think that scene could be an idea for your book and then that's where the whole day of the book came from I'm sitting at a house party and I end up talking to a character who I called a stranger and he and I have this big long conversation and that's how I kind of tell

the story. So it's done in a kind of a back and forth kind of way like that. That makes sense. It sounds like you need to keep go to the house parties because you're going to be... Yeah, I'm telling you. Yeah. Probably not sustainable, but... No, no, no, not... Yeah, there have been more adult way of writing

the next book like, yeah. And in terms of like... Because obviously, again, like the writing process, like, it must be, like, you know, to be consistent to write every day, even when, you know, you don't wonder, when you know, you're getting riders block and nothing's coming true. Yeah. Just to be consistent with that. It must be hardcraft. It was, because I remember, like, so I wrote the book in the space of a year.

Yeah. Because, so the way, like, it happened was, um, my, my friend's godmother made a deal with me. She said, if you write this in 12 months, I'll pay for it to be published. And that was where the thing came from. So I had 12 months. So I got, so that was in June 2019. And I got to November. So I was in third year of college.

I was working part-time. Like, I was burning the candle at all ends. And I was like, okay, right, I'm halfway through, but I'm not halfway through the book. I need to give them more time. And something has to give. So, like, when you're in college, money's so important and money's tight. But I had a little bit saved, and I said, right, I reckon I could stop working for six months and just give this everything.

So I used to work in Supermax. I handed in my notice. And I said, right, I'm just going to give this my all. And, like, there was some Saturdays, like you said, their writer's block. I can't hear the laptop for 12 hours and you've wrote three sentences and you're thinking if I went to work today

I could have made 100 euros and you're thinking have I messed up but you have to withstand those days and then the next Saturday you might write 10 pages so you have to take

the kind of sign way of nature of it and just kind of go along with it so it was it was did you have any non-negotiables like I have to write a certain amount every day or I have to at least like be at the desk every day yeah so like at weekends

it was like amount of hours I would have spent working, that has to be, like that, a minimum. So at least, like, there were some weekends where, excuse me, between Friday or Saturday, Sunday, you could have been looking at 30 hours plus, just non-stop. But, like, and that's not sustainable long term.

No. But because there was a short-term deadline, I was like, yeah, I'm willing to put everything on hold to get this over the line by June and have it done. And there's, like, there's a great, I think there's a great lesson that as well is that actually when you put a deadline. on things and when you actually put that pressure on yourself,

you know, you can produce fantastic results. Yeah. There was a fella asked me, I was giving a talk in ECD yesterday and I fell actually asking me that question. He said, do you think if you didn't have the deadline, would you have gotten it done? And I said, well, because I was in college and everything, if I didn't have the deadline, I probably would have went,

okay, this is too much work. I need to prioritize my degree and everything. But because the deadline, the deadline was there, I said, oh no, fuck it, this has to be done, have to give this everything just, you know, scrap sleep, scrap leisure time, scrap down, just ever, just go for it. And like, from mental health perspective,

I know that's not healthy. No. But for a short-term push, it has to be done. And it goes back to that phrase of you learn how capable you are when you've no other choice. And that was learning in that in itself, like it really was.

Absolutely. I think I can't remember what law it is. It's not Murphy's law, but it's like whatever time you give yourself to take something, it will take that time to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you give it 10 hours, you can get 10 hours,

exactly. I've heard that quote, exactly. And like, you know, like you can do that with even like little smile task, okay, I've got to write this email. It's like, well, if you don't put yourself a time limit, this is how long it's going to take this email. Like, it's going to take you all day to take the email.

Ah, you're freaking about basically. It could take you a whole Sunday to do one door to wash them, but you know it's... Exactly. Exactly. I wanted to go through a few quotes of things that you've written that I enjoyed. So one thing that you said was there's a life far beyond mental illness. Your mental health struggles don't make you less than,

don't make you incapable, don't make you weak, weird or anything in between. Yes. Do you think that shame around mental health illnesses? 100%. Do you think that creates more of a problem with it? Yeah, and I remember distinctly, like, when I was younger, so because of anorexia, like, even when I got, like,

my anorexia hit when I was 12, I lost a lot of weight very quickly. I got it back on quite quickly as well, but even when I got the weight back on to the point where I was physically healthy, I was still smaller than fellows around me, because at that age, lads are growing up very quick. So, like, when I was 14, I had the stature of, like, an 11. year old. So I was, you know, a bit of bullying and stuff would have happened because of that because you're an easy target. And I remember this kind of feeling of like, it wasn't necessarily

said, but I was instilled with the feeling of like, you're, you're less than these people around you. They are bigger than you, stronger than you. And they're putting you in your place. And that kind of stayed with me into adulthood longer than I, more than I ever realized. And it was only when I got to about 20. I was like, oh God, this has been, this monologue has been here for a long time. And I really had to confront that. And so I realized, do you know what, I don't want anyone believing that because of their diagnosis, that it means that they're incapable or less than or unworthy, because it does, like, you know, if you have anxiety, you know, if you suffer with depression or if you have an eating disorder, it might make certain things more difficult

for you than it is for the average person. But it doesn't mean that you're not capable. People overcome odds all the time, even with physical elements. And so it's to give people that bit of encouragement and reassurance that it might make things more difficult for you, but you can still push through it 100%. And like, the other thing as well, because with eating disorders, exercise and sports can be kind of a dodgy area when you talk about it. And one thing I always say, like a lot of people that develop eating disorders, like myself included, they might have had a great interest in sport and fitness and that might have been part of what led them down that route. But I do believe you can, you can heal that relationship. And like, you know, if you're underway,

you can't exercise because that's very hard in the body. But if you have gotten the weight back up and you've worked with a counsellor and you've worked in a relationship with food, I do believe that with time and with caution you can get back into sport. So like for me with powerlifting it was like, in my book I wanted that to be an example of

you can have an eating disorder and be at the bottom of the scale in terms of physicality and then get to the top of it in a sense of like you can turn things around in a ways that you or your family never thought possible. So it's to give people that kind of empowerment that you might have this and medically speaking

this might be on your record but it doesn't have to be a reflection of your entire life not in the slightest I don't know if you know the stats off the top of your head but I assume that there's a lot more males with eating disorders that is probably disclose it

do you have you found that well I presume because you obviously speak about it that more males probably open up to you about their struggles but would you say that there's still a kind of taboo around men and eating disorders completely. There's a definitely taboo around men and mental health in general.

Yeah. But eating disorders in particular because I don't know the exact numbers but I think like with anorexia and or vosa in particular I believe it's more common in women by a ratio of like 10 to 1. Yeah. To the point where like in the 90s or the 80s you know you would have assumed that men never got in. It was it was a female thing. It's only a female issue.

Completely so it definitely is a taboo thing but like there are more and more men I actually think COVID did wonders for mental health and some sense, in a social media sense, that he had more men and more people in general coming out talking about it, but a lot more men now are talking openly about this. Because, I do remember, like, when I was

diagnosed, when I was in counselling, one of the first things I was told was, you mightn't think this is a normal thing, but a lot of men have this, a lot more men than you realise. And that was, that was reassuring to be like, okay, I'm not, I'm not an alien in some sense, you know, I'm not alone in this. I think that's,

there's healing in that on itself, knowing that you're not alone and that's I mean the fundamental of all mental health advocacy is showing people that whatever it is you have someone else out there has it as well and that's not to dismiss anyone's feelings but it's like you're not alone in this in this fight like so if definitely is more taboo in men but I'm glad that there are more men coming forward definitely and would you say that it's like you spoke about in terms of sport would you say because I remember I was talking to I had a someone on who used to fight in Mai Tai and you know he loved it for a while but then you know it started to really impact them

in terms of body image issues and relationship of food and a very kind of scale weight dominant sport do you think that enough sports clubs and stuff like that that they really understand these issues that might be coming through the pipeline with athletes

I definitely think there is a gap there and I think it's definitely across all sports and I'd say like even like take your team sports at GIA and soccer and definitely a gap there as well Like, I remember a friend of mine was telling me he was speaking to this guy who was a lecture and he was a sports nutritionist. And he said, like, he doesn't work with any people male or female who have an eating disorder because he's not like, when you try and, excuse me, track macros and calories with someone who has an eating disorder or has a history of it, you do run the risk of bringing up old scanners. So I can understand that. But like for me, in personal experience, like when I was competing in a power generation there for a few years, I did track my calories.

and I did fall into a little bit of the thing of seeing food as fuel. Not in a bad way, like I was still able to enjoy food but I was very motivated by progress that I was like, okay, I was willing to for six and a half days of the week look at food as fuel sincerely.

These are numbers and nothing else. And like you'd be eating the same thing every day out of topware and so on. But I didn't see it as harmful because I was like, you know, I know why I'm doing it. And since I stopped competing, I still eat well because you know you feel well

but I don't track calories anymore So I know personally I'm able to crank up the intensity and bring it back down, but I'm aware that I suppose for a lot of people, that's not the case. Because eating sorters are very all or nothing. Yeah. So I think, yeah, they're definitely...

I am glad, like, in the last 10 years, like the general public knowledge around nutrition has amped up and there is more of that coming into sports in general. Yeah. But there is a long way to go in terms of having... Like, I do believe that any coach should have... Even if you're not... Awareness.

Yeah, not even... Not, but yeah, exactly. Just an awareness of the importance of certain foods and how different nutrients work and how you can then pass on advice to your teams and all this kind of stuff. So yeah, there is, there's, like, I remember saying in like a talk that I think that psychology

has a great role in management, like no matter what industry you work, and I think every manager should know the fundamentals of psychology. So likewise, any sports coach should at least know the fundamentals of nutrition, absolutely. Absolutely. And I suppose, like you talk about even though that, okay, yeah, you might have been looking at

field in terms of numbers for performance, but it wasn't as harmful as maybe a couple of years back. Yes, absolutely. I suppose you, like, you have to think of it, like, it is a spectrum that you're on in terms of, like, you're not just going to be, okay, now I was struggling, now I'm cured kind of thing. It's going through phases.

Exactly. The word spectrum there is brilliant because one of the misconceptions I have found with mental illness in general, but particularly with eating disorders, it's the misconception that you can be cured. it's a very harsh lesson that as I say in talks and eating disorder

is not just for Christmas it's for life you know I was diagnosed at 13 and I came out of counselling a year later under the misconception that I was cured

and I thought oh this is great now I can understand completely why no one said to me oh by the way Connor you could relapse at any moment I can understand

because if you told me that at 13 I would have went off part of my life fuck this yeah you know I learned that this isn't worth it this is a lifetime

per see I'm not in exactly so I was about 23 when I went when I went back to counselling and I realised, okay, no, I have to keep a leash on this dog for the rest of my life. But you can accept it more when you're an adult. So it is that harsh reality that it's there for life.

It's like having a very annoying housemate. You learn to live with it. And so there is, you can... There's waves of... There is, yeah, you can have... Because a very common trigger is a period of change. So I know if I was to move abroad for work, which I have no plans on noon,

but if I were to do that, I'd be... I'd be like, okay, something's going to happen. I would know it's coming and I'd know okay when that happens go to counselling re-rater back in so it's like you're better the devil you know kind of thing like you're aware of what you're working with yeah that makes perfect sense another quote that I wanted to talk to you about is you talked about momentum so momentum this has probably been the most important important word for me in every area of progression in my life whether it's career fitness content creation so why is momentum

such an important word in your life so where I realised this was was in about 2018, I was the first time I really battled with my mental health since my first diagnosis with anorexia when I was, when I was 13. And I, you know, I, you know, I fell into a very kind of deep pit of depression, I'd just gone through a breakup. And I realized that, I realized the harsh reality of like, you know, depression isn't sadness. It's, you can seem in great form, but the day-to-day tasks that other people find handy, it's like the end of the world for you.

It's like you're, you know, just surviving takes up so much energy. And I found it was like, it was, I don't know how, it's like if you get into a car and you can't get past 2,000 revs, it's like there's something holding it back. And you're trying to drive hard and you can't. And I found the best way to fight that was little, I call the momentum through achievement, the seven of my book, little wins here and there. And like, there's this old phrase if you want to change your life, make your vet. And people, people roll their eyes at that. But I'm like, no, I know firsthand that if you can start with that. If you can, okay, today I'm going to make my bed.

I've seen that meme, it's like, oh, I'm going to sort my life out. It means I'm going to fix up my wardrobe. But funny enough, that can be the fucking starting point of doing it. Because if you can start with that. Or even having a shower. Even as simple as that, if you can do them simple things. It's okay, right, because if I can tackle that, okay, what's the next incrementally most complex thing I can do? Okay, if I can take care of that, can I get back into the gym or can I get myself into better shape again?

Or can I get my energy levels back up? and then it's like you build up and build up okay how can I improve now in my workplace how can I improve my study and you're finding these little areas

another thing I found like in that as well is when you dress well you feel well so during that period in life I every time someone saw me it's like you're always wearing a shirt

and a pair of jeans and brown shoes pure culture you like and I was like oh yeah but when I dress well I feel well it was like I know if I wear a pair tracks of bottoms

I'll feel terrible but if I wear the good shirt so true that way is so true and so I found this across the board it's like I don't know

it's a thing with anorexia or if it's a thing with everyone, I feel like if I feel like I'm starting from scratch, it feels like I've a mountain to climb. But if I can look at what I've already done, whether it's in fitness or in my career or whatever it is, if I'm going for promotion, don't think, okay, I'm here and the level I want to get here, go, I'm here, I've already gotten all this, the school degree,

all that crack, and now I'm going up this next little bit. Stack in evidence. Yeah, because now it's like that incremental jump, rather than looking like this, it looks like that in comparison to everything minutes. So I obviously I really enjoy hiking

and I go most weekends and there's, I remember I was listening I can't remember where I heard it but always look at what you've already hiked compared to

what you still have to hike especially if you're kind of struggling or anything like that with like oh shit I've still a lot to do here yeah yeah and then I suppose you'd be surprised when you turn around

you go oh because I actually if you ever done the stairway to heaven in Fulana I did that last year and like would be a lot tougher than I thought it would be

and I was going up going I'm not as fit as I thought it was But I got up and I went, okay, I've actually came a lot further than I thought. And it's because you look up and you go, oh God, you look back and go, oh, never mind. I got that far and probably halfway. There's definitely truth in that. And yeah, there is an element of like if you can look at what you've already done and take a bit of momentum from that and go, okay, if I tackle all of that, I can do the next bit. And that's kind of like when I do my public speaking, because a lot of people would struggle with nerves in front of a big crowd, my mentality when I go out or the way I keep the nerves at bay is you go out, this fight.

100 people in front of you and the way I stay calm is I go right if I could handle my eating disorder if I could handle my anxiety if I could be in the career I'm in if I could squat 230 kilos I can handle this lot and it's kind of like I call it like the bigger fish like oh I've fried bigger fish than this in my life I can handle this one

and I find that really helps and you can probably even say that about all the public speaking and events that you've done prior coming up to us well exactly exactly it's all stock and evidence another one you spoke about which I really loved was the happiness trap essentially like I'll be happy when yes so can you tell me a little bit about that in the context of your life and times that you've fallen into that trap

and how you've almost pulled yourself out of that. So like the biggest one was and again I this one of the things I struggle with is oh is this thing I've noticed is this unique to me or is it unique to anorexic people or what is it? But one like I've often the biggest trap I fell into was in my job. I came out of college I got this job and I was in a graduate program And I knew there was going to be pay rises and after two years you'd graduate and you'd take a bigger pay rise. And I said to myself,

going out of college, I wanted to be on X amount of money about the time I was 24. And I said, like, when I, because I think I've often struggled with the thought that I'm stupid. And I was like, okay, if I can get to this salary as a software engineer,

I'll have proved to myself that I am smart, in a nutshell. And I got to that, I got to that salary level. And then my brain went, ah, yeah, but adjust that for inflation. And I went, oh my God, I literally do, I'll do anything to pull myself back down. And it's almost like you'll get to that happy moment and then you'll find every reason to invalidate it. And then the other thing I find is like when you get to the moment of I'll be happy when, rather than feeling happiness, you just feel relief that you're there.

Yes. Yeah. It's not enjoyment. It's kind of like. It's fair based rather than. Than happiness. Exactly. And like there was a phrase I heard in hyping, industry.

it's like you don't get to a new level of wealth, you get to a new level of poverty. And you hear it in like invests and banking, like you might get a 50 grand bonus. This isn't me now, this is other people. You might get 50 grand bonus and that's amazing money but then you go, oh but he got half a million. And so you're not looking at the 99.9.9 that you're ahead of.

You're looking at the one above you and it's like, again, it goes back to that whole comparison thing. So yeah, it's like, I've had to really like push myself to see the goodness in where I am because like, it's like, oh, it could easily just go, there's this quote you're right in the middle of what you used to pray for

and I love that it's like I'm a big believer in finding perspective so if I find myself going down a rabbit hole I'd say look Connor you're in a job

that you craved for a long time your public speaking is going well and I'll find every reason to be proud of myself and I'll write it down and reiterate it and like surprise

surprise 15 minutes later you feel great it's all about reframe that does the big word that you said there was a perspective I think that's something that people find really difficult is finding perspective that their life isn't really

as bad as they think is. And I gave a talk there a couple of weeks ago and someone asked me, I was talking about acceptance and accepting the fact that I had an eating disorder and moving on from it and this girl came down after the talk and she said how did you get that level of acceptance because she herself actually has MS.

And I said, well, you know what? I realised that there's people who are deaf and blind and in wheelchairs and I went, well if this is my ailment, I'll happily take that over, you know, that the other element. I heard this phrase once, if you put all your,

your trauma into a basket and all your, all your, everyone else does it as well, you won't be long taking yours back out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you'll go, oh, I didn't know they had that and that and that.

I'm actually happy enough now. So there's, you know, it's like, everyone's got something. Yeah. Everyone, and that's not to dismiss anyone's feelings, but no.

Everyone battles with something and it's like, this is my cross to bear, I'll carry it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did a podcast with, a friend of mine who has been, you know, suffering with cancer for the last three years. Oh God, okay. He was talking to me about everything he's been going through and, you know, he was talking to me about

everything he's been going through and just appreciating all the little things like, you know, being able to actually get up in the morning and make himself breakfast and having the energy to go for a walk and stuff like that. And I came off the podcast thinking like, fuck all the things that I'm complaining about. Like, I actually get to get up and go for a walk or I get to go train and just you take all them things for granted. Oh, completely. And it's such an Irish thing of like, I think Irish. people in general only have those moments of perspective when someone dies. Exactly. You hear about someone has a terminal illness and then you go,

and I'm panicking about taxing the car. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the little things you worry about. And then that lasts for about three minutes and then you go back to worry about the stupid stuff. Compliant about the, complain about the NCT, at least have a fucking car. Oh, yeah. There was a sketch though one time was like, there's a guy in a helicopter. There's a guy in a range rover going, I'd love a helicopter. Then there's a guy in a passack going, I'd love a range rover. There's a guy in a course of going, I'd like to have more powerful in a car. Then there's a guy in a bike, a guy walking, and a guy in a wheelchair. And it's like, perspective.

And the thing is that we're always looking up at what we don't have rather than looking around us. 100%. Yeah. And do you know what? Like, again, I'm a big believer in the good side of social media, but social media does feed into that as well. It's like you're seeing this person's engaged.

This one's having a baby, new car and you're comparing. Well, that was one of the questions that I was actually going to ask you, obviously, with everything you're doing and all the recovery you've gone through, how have you kind of manage, how have you found managing kind of, you know, staying on top of your mental health with all sort of. all the sides of social media that come from you know, incorporating

that into your business and into your mission because it can be, it can be a difficult place to navigate. Yeah, so there's a couple things in this. The first thing, so I only started like, I've been doing the talks now for about five years, but I only started creating content.

Yeah, about six months ago. I've only really good at that a few months ago. And I think they call them, is it vanity metrics, like the likes, the comments, the follows. And the first few months, I got obsessed about that. I'd be looking at the video going,

how many views has it got? And then I realized I said, Connor, you didn't get into this to get views. You got into this to make an impact. And for me, like, what brings it here to my eye is when someone emails you or DMs you after talk and says, oh, that was very effective or whatever. So I said, okay, right, always come back to why did I start this? What's the real goal here? It was never about likes and views and followers.

It was about making an impact. The other thing, though, in terms of the comparison side of things, that's a funny story here, I'm a big believer in I love social media but a lot of it is fucking lies like a lot of it is and I remember like I was on a night out some time ago

with with um it was an ex-girlfriend of mine and a few of her friends and there was one person who would post a lot a lot of my friends didn't post much but some of her friends did and one of them

I knew from being on the inside and I knew from being around her I knew that she was going through a lot of stuff and her life was a bit haywire and then I took a photo of them on this night out and the photo looked well

and the photo got posted and I remember looking at the photo going you're going to post this photo and everything's going to look rosy but I know that behind it all things are a shambles yeah you guys are killed each other and I thought

ah so it's all a lie and from that moment forward I never worried ever again and I thought okay that was my proof of it's all a lie yeah of course I showed the highlight real yeah yeah the highlight reel

Exactly, yeah. But again, like you just touched on a minute ago, it has to come with perspective. Completely. Completely, yeah, it does. It does. Another one you said, well, feeling confident and feeling comfortable,

go hand in hand. So for anyone who, you know, maybe listening to this, who doesn't feel comfortable in their skin, isn't confident, what advice would you have for them? How did you become more comfortable in your skin? So there's a phrase,

do you know Chris Williamson? Yeah, a big fan of them. And I don't think he said this, but he was quoting someone else, And the phrase was, we don't become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror. We become confident by having a stack of evidence that we are who we say we are.

And I'm a big believer in like, you can behave your way towards results and you can, like, your actions can help you have better beliefs about yourself. So I found like, you know, I gave the example of the gym. When I was 14, 15, I was made feel like I was weak and less than so on.

If someone tried to make you feel that way now, I wouldn't flinch because I've got thousands of reps, hundreds of hours that go, okay, I have a lot of evidence that says that that's not true. And so, like, if you, your habits can dictate how you feel, and they can dictate how comfortable you feel in your skin, and then they can kind of translate into your confidence as well. So it's like, for me, if I work hard in my job, if I work hard on my content, if I work hard on my fitness, if I tick all them three boxes, for instance, I'll feel very good at myself, and I'll be kind of happy with progress, happy in how I feel, and then the confidence kind of comes

as a byproduct. So because I think like if you go, how do I become confident? That's kind of a complex question. But if you go, well, how can I be happy in myself? That's an easier question to answer.

But the confidence comes as kind of a handy side effect. Yes. You know, that makes sense. And like you said, even when you're, you know,

doing public speaking and stuff like that, even if you're nervous, making sure that you do it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I just kind of go through the wall. Exactly. Because if you avoid it, it's just going to get scary

and you're going to, you're not keeping promises to yourself and that probably doesn't build confidence either. Exactly. That's to say as well if you if you, big thing for me and that was um not snoozing my alarm in the mornings. Yeah. Because they say it's one of the worst ways to start your day. And I said to myself, how can I son up in front of crowds and give advice on mental health if I can't get up on the first whack of the alarm? And they once started doing that, it's like if I can start the day well, that'll, the domino effect will pass on. So that was like even said about making the bed thing like

even that can breed consonants. Oh, 100%. It's like again, it's like, again, it's like, if I could tackle that task, which most people would struggle with. Like, for me, like, I, now, I'm having caffeine today, but I normally don't. Well, it's got a long day, yeah. But, like, we are tea and coffee drinking nation, and people in offices know that for a fact. And, like, I try and keep caffeine to a minimum just because it's not good for anxiety. And I started to realise, if I can get through a whole 9 to 5 day at an office without drinking coffee,

most people can't do that. No. Most people can't function without three cups of coffee. Literally. And one, a big confidence thing for me was if I get up in the morning and have a cold shower, most people can't talk first thing in the morning. But if I can sit under cold water and brace that, it's like, okay, and after doing something that's difficult at the point that most people can't do it,

it's a subconscious confidence. I'm winning now. I'm winning the race kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you're in a Zoom call then at work giving a presentation. You're not thinking, oh, because I had a cold shower, this is going to go well. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you're going, if I could handle that, I can handle this. Yeah, yeah.

You're more alert and you're more... Completely. And you're probably a little bit more resilient to like, yeah. Like an annoying email is not going to crumble you. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, it's not going to just throw ever enough. Exactly, yeah. Another one that you said was,

and this kind of ties into what I wanted to speak to you about in regards to kind of the maybe body dysmorphine, muscle this morphine, stuff like that, and what a lot of men are struggling with at the moment. So this picture was taken in September, 23. It was the height of a bulking phase. Yes. sitting at probably my strongest ever.

I remember seeing photos like this thinking that my legs weren't big enough and that I needed to push for more. It's only in hindsight that I can appreciate the size that I gained. So do we have this misconception that people will reach a certain size and then they'll be happy with how they look?

100%. At that time I was doing Bulgarian split Scots with 40 kilo numbers. And like people were like replying to my story going well done and I was going oh Simon yeah And now, like, I look back and go,

geez, that was good going. But it's only now when, like, you know, if you regress a little bit, you go, you don't appreciate the water and the well runs dry. So it's like, I can look back now and go, God, I really should have been happier about all that. Like, I got to, like, the national power

different championships in 2023, and I came eighth in my weight class. And I was like, at the time, I was like, not good enough. Have to get to international level. And now I look back and go, I was eighth in Ireland at a sport. That's something I'll tell my grandchildren, like,

how do we kind of, pull on that balance of, okay, like, like, there's, there's a purpose in that as well, because like that competitive nature, that wanting to do more, to be more, is probably what served you to, to achieve that to, like, you know, you want that drive to be competitive to do as well as you can, to even do better than people, to go from eight to seven, seven to fifth. But then on the flip side of that, then, not ruining the entire moment because, because you're so competitive that you're not actually appreciating.

what you've achieved. Yeah, it's, and it's definitely hard for competitive people to find that balance, but it's like, you have the, I've learned,

I've finally learned to think now at this age life, you have to just be happy with where you are. Like, it's great to push for the next thing,

whether it's the pay rise or promotion or the next spot and sport, whatever it is, but be grateful for where you are because like that,

you're right in the middle of what you prayed for and it's like, you know, I always go back to, if you told me five years ago that I'd be where I am now,

I'd be like, oh I'll take that no problem at all I'd love for that to be the case and now you're here and you go oh but over the next five years and it's great to always look forward and have goals but you have to take a moment and go

thank God I am where I am now and thank God I'm in the full of my health and all these things and gratitude is a big part of it and I know that's kind of a it's becoming a cliche term but it really is a powerful thing it really is like people hear and then they roll their eyes which is fair enough

because it can be, people can say it as like a throwaway comment, but if you really practice it, it can really change your life. It does, and I find the more you practice it, the more habitual it becomes. Like I start doing this thing where like I would take a piece of paper

and write down a hundred things I'm grateful for. And like it could be like, your mother, your father, your siblings, your partner, whatever it is. And by the 70th thing, you're like, what else I write? And I'm like, I'm grateful for that kind of monster. I'm not thirsty.

I'm grateful that the room is warm. Yeah. These little things and you start, you're kind of condition yourself to find the good things rather than focusing on all the bullshit. It's like a muscle that you work it. It really is.

I said in a talk yesterday, it's like a personal trainer helps you with your physical habits, your food and your exercise. You've got mental habits as well. And like a counsellor helps you with that and you can work on it yourself by these practices of gratitude,

by journal and by all these things. You're training yourself to focus on different stuff. I heard this quote one time and said, experience is looking at the same thing as someone else but knowing better what to prioritize. And it's like you got someone who, is not qualified on fixing a computer. And they look at a problem and go,

I don't know what that is. But then your IT expert goes, oh, yeah, that's wrong and that's wrong. And they know what they're looking for. And I think it's the same with like, the more gratefully become the way you train that, you can go, okay, X, Y, and Z are wrong, but all the other 22 letters of the alphabet are fine.

You're looking for them things out to appreciate. Exactly, exactly. Another quote of bringing in mind was, everyone sees the world from their frame of reference, so two people can go through a town and see different things. If you go through a town and you're hungry, you'll see restaurants and cafes and bars. But if you go through and you're tired,

you might see, oh, there's a hotel I could, you know, have an app in it. It's all different depending on how you're feeling in that moment. That makes perfect sense. We'll have to wrap up because obviously I would appreciate being able to talk to you for the next hour. I've loads of things that I want to touch on. But obviously we'll touch on a little bit more tomorrow during your talk, which I'm really looking forward to. Actually, before before I go into where people can find you

and reach out and follow you. work. If you had any advice or like one last message you want to leave to any kind of young men out there in Ireland at the moment who might be struggling with their mental health, what would you say to them? I would say, well, first of all, I would say, don't battle it alone. Talk to, and I mean talk to anyone whether it's your friend, your partner, your family member. That old phrase, a problem shared is a problem have. There's a very good merit in that phrase. The other thing I would say is you're not alone. And the second thing I would say, and again, the third thing I would say, this sounds cliche, but believe the things can get better.

It's so, a lot of people might roll their eyes at that, but I find if you do that, there's always light at the end of the ton. There really is. And if you look for health, if you look for solutions and look for a better way to approach things, you will find them.

So, you know, have faith in that process. Did you find it hard to reach out at that first moment to be vulnerable and to let someone know that was struggling? Completely. Because it was this element of like, oh, the fact that I need to ask for help makes it's a weakness. Yeah. Complete and utter shite.

You know, I, I know and like I often say like I I've done the thing of bottling up my problems and all that led to was poor quality friendships relationships pressure on family turning to alcohol turn into distractions where the bravest thing I've ever done it wasn't dead lifting 300 kilos it was going to a councillor and going I need help and now like that's so it's like don't think that you're weak because you're looking for help it's a strong thing to big time it's difficult to be wrong exactly it is it is exactly if people wanted to reach out or to follow up on your work where can they go?

Instagram is Connor underscore N7. My website with Tirinan is normal mental well-being. We've got links there and all the rest. But Instagram is the main place to go. And what if they wanted to book you in for a talk? Through the website. Through the website. It was booking details and all that's there. Thanks for watching.

If you like that episode and you want to see more content like this, make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next one.