The Uneducated PT Podcast - Ep 110 | Conor Harris on Addiction, Recovery & Speaking to Ireland’s Youth

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

In this episode of The Uneducated PT Podcast, we sit down with Conor Harris — a public speaker who has been sober for over six years and now travels to schools across Ireland to share his story of addiction, recovery, and hope. Conor opens up about his own journey through addiction, the turning points that led him to sobriety, and why he now dedicates his life to helping young people see that they are not alone. We talk about the challenges facing students today, the signs parents and teachers should look out for, and the vital role of compassion and connection in supporting someone who is struggling. From reframing recovery to supporting families, Conor shares raw insights, personal lessons, and powerful quotes that cut right to the heart of what it means to heal. ✨ What you’ll learn in this episode:Why recovery is about more than just giving something up — it’s about addressing the pain underneath.The pressures facing young people in Ireland today, and how open conversations can change lives.How families and loved ones can support someone without enabling.Why “look at the person, not the addiction” can change the way we approach recovery.Whether you’re on your own sobriety journey, supporting someone you love, or simply curious about how we can better equip young people to navigate modern challenges, this episode will leave you with hope, clarity, and compassion.

Okay, welcome back to the uneducated PT podcast. Today we have a very, very special guest on. We're going to talk all about addiction. We're going to talk about recovery. We're going to talk about Brett work. We're going to talk about the you in Ireland. So, Connor, you go around secondary schools in Ireland speaking to students. What do you share with them?

Yeah, well, it's kind of like, where do I begin when I go in? I go in there and I see so many faces and I see mirrors of what I once was, you know, very, barely the quiet guy, but I see the loud guy in the corner. I see the guy he wants to look but and I'm like, Jesus, that was me. So I always, I always come at things from a place of authenticity. So it's like, I go in there and it's, hello, my name is Connor and I sat just where you were a couple of years ago and this is what I have to say. And it's all of a sudden, it's like eyes lock on and it's like all of a sudden this therapeutic relationship between me and these students, that's the form and students are sitting there and are holding on to their seats and I'm

speaking and it's like I just transform and I transform into things that you know this is where I was when I was younger and this is how I was coming into school and I speak about obviously the shadow parts and who I once was and playing football for Gildare and how my home life shaped my school life so how my conditioning in society started to condition me into who I was to be in school and my success is a playing football for my school and my club and how everything was going well and then obviously to the turning point when I decided to pick up drinking drugs. And then I go through that journey with them. And I take them on that journey of what it was like.

And it all comes from a place of a firsthand experience because that's where I was. I've walked the road. I have the wisdom behind it. And finishing off with that, I always reflect back to them. You know, this is your life now. So who's writing your story? Because until I came to the age of 19 when I went into rehab, I wasn't writing my own story. My story was ripped by the things I believed when I was younger.

and the things I've picked up. Can you share a little bit more about your own experience with addiction? And obviously, so you were obviously playing sport as a young lad, but that obviously didn't, you know, deter you away from other mains. Yeah, so it's funny. Like they say now, obviously being in this field, I go to meetings. I, you know, I would talk to a lot of people who are coming into recovery and especially online and social media.

I didn't pick up drugs until I was saying. you know so that is considered today a late starter i would always say because i i'm in schools and i meet young lads 14 15 years of age who would openly speak to me about their struggle with substance misuse at their rate so i'm you know playing football for calcare things are going well i'm on trial with their minor team i don't make the caler minor team and you know how i used to value myself all my identity was based around football so when you heard connor harris you heard football or when you heard the gym you heard connor harris and that was my identity,

not the compassion, not the kind, not the love and not the sense of it. All of them teams were masked away and I was known for what was football and what was known was for the gym. So when I didn't get picked for the Caldera team, I was kind of like had that little bit of resentment growing up. So I had this resentment.

Why? Because football was all I had to rely on. So now when that's taken away from me, where do I go next? And unfortunately, I didn't have the adequate support that I would have to have. You know, there was family members of mine, struggling with addiction at the time.

My dad had left when I was 11th. years of age. So I didn't have someone to grab me and say, you know what, you can do this, you can go again, you can try again. So with that, the lifestyle of with the lads started to look a little bit more attractive and what they're doing. So let's hang out with them a little bit more. And they seem to be having fun. And it's kind of two fingers to football. And even though I still played at my club, that wanting the desire was not there as strong as it was for the first 17 years of my life. Because that's what kept me going. That's what kept me safe. I'm out on a night over and Talat at graduation and someone comes up to me and offered me drugs.

And I said no at the start and later on in the night, things obviously got a little bit further on to the night. I'm having a couple of drinks, having a little bit of fun. And someone offers me again. And I get this thought in my head. Why don't you just try it? Just do one. And I walked in, went into the cubicle one of the lads.

I took drugs for the first time, cocaine, being my drug of choice. And it was like as soon as I put that drug into my body, it was like all the thought I ever felt about myself, that feeling I had on my boat, the tension I had in my chair. the internal beliefs of who I was all went away. And I was like this little voice whispered in my head. Do you know what, Connor? Maybe you're actually all right. And that was the beginning of what had to be a love-hate relationship between me and the use of drugs.

And what was the moment then you realized that you probably needed to change? Or what was the cut list for that? Yeah. So I always told myself it was just going to be a Friday night. You know, I met with the lads, it's a Friday night. And this is going to be it. and a Friday night turns into a Friday, Saturday night, a Friday, Saturday turned into a Friday, Saturday, Sunday,

and all of a sudden the signs are starting to show. I'm in sixth year, I'm doing my leaving cert, sir, and I'm sitting with leaving her certain exam, my head on drugs. Still not thinking this is so much of a problem. So within the space of I'm 17 when I pick up drugs and I'm 19 when I go to rehab, it happens that I'm starting one day of the week,

the seven days of the week. And then I start to come out of school, and then I'm getting a job to the job, and I'm missing them Monday. day and I'm using now three days of the week and I'm not getting any sleep and I'm hospitalized a couple of times you know I'm in and now a hospital things are happening I lose my job I stopped playing football all together I quit playing football I quit going to the gym I'd lost about 10 kilos and weight and I would have been in good shape at the time so all the

things that had once kept me safe are now gone and now the drugs that were once working for me they're not even keeping me safe anymore because I'm putting the drools inside of me and I'm still not getting that same feeling I got when I was 17 years of age. Why am I to feeling okay anymore? So all that comfort and safety blanket was being pulled away from me and I'm left for Connor for who he really was and the internal beliefs and the thoughts of the childhood trauma and all the things that I tried to run away from. So I'm 19 and I thought about suicide many times before, you know, before I ever started

using drinking drugs because I would have struggled with this life thing as a kid growing up. Just the things had seen and heard and happened when I was young. wrong. Life wasn't so easy growing up, but I always had football to keep me safe. And that safety's taken away. I'm 19 and I'm sitting in the house and many of times. I'm taking those of the rules trying to overdose myself and I'm writing suicide letters. But I really never had the courage up until one day, it was Mother's Day to 2019 and I'm sitting there and I can't do it. My mind is gone. You know, they say you lose control. The insanity is going around and around and I got up out of the house and I went down to where the lads were.

There was only one thing on my mind. And this is the funny thing about it when it came to my use of drugs, is when I left and I knew exactly what I was thinking, I walked up to the lads and they were at the lift in there was about 12 of them there. And I remember walking over with a smile on my face, acting like everything was okay. Because I didn't want them to see the real sensitive version of me, the one who was struggling because I never believed it was okay, not to be okay.

So I put on the story, you know, the persona of who I am and how things are. but then I walk away into my shadow, away from the group, and I'm saying to myself, I just want them to leave, I just want them to leave. And I walk away and I walk back, and they said, we're leaving, we're getting our stuff, and we're going. And I was like, this is it, you know,

not wanting them to leave, but wanting them to leave, you know. And I always say there's a difference between feeling lonely and being lonely. You know, being lonely is I'll sit here in the house for myself and I'll be on my own, but I'm okay with that. Feeling lonely is that internal, feeling and lonely is for people not know me for who I really am

and they didn't know me for who I really was and they left and they got their stuff adamant did I go with them and I told them I was okay and as soon as they left I'm standing there in the middle of the field Mother's Day

2019 10 o'clock on a sunny Sunday morning and I dropped my hands and knees in the middle of the field and I started bawling my eyes out crying and I mean bawling my eyes and I even get emotional thinking of it right now you know

I started screaming crying and I'm saying and I'm on the ground and I'm punching the ground and I said can't do it anymore I can't do it anymore I want to stop using drugs but the drugs won't let me I want to go to the gym I want to play football I want to be able to show my mother I love her but the drugs won't

let me why can't they do it I couldn't understand like how we just couldn't stop using I could never fathom why I kept using and using even though I knew it wasn't good for me but what was good for him was that feeling I got when I was 17 I first picked up and that's what I was chasing and I got up off the ground

and I'm walking up and down the liffian I got my T-shirt and I took it off and threw it away I got my trousers I took them off and threw them away and kicked my runners into the ditch and car these are the exact words I was screaming as I walked up

and down the liffey on the side of the bank I was screaming and was looking up to the heavens and said if there's anyone out there with someone please save me I can't do this anymore I stood at the bank and across the bank there's these high bushes and trees

and I'm looking across hoping that some man is going to walk through there it's going to swim across, it's going to give me a hug and say, Connor, you're going to be okay. And that doesn't happen

and I walk away and I walk back and I go down on my hands and knees at the side of the water, screaming my eyes out crying, just about to put one foot into the water and someone comes behind me and grabs me by the neck and pulls me away from the water

and drags me onto the ground. He's on top of me and he has me in the headlock and he's screaming at me, what are you doing, what are you doing? All I could do was cry. He'd a small river rock bottle of water in his hand and he looked at me and goes what would you have done if i never came back

to give this to you and he threw it on the ground and he started hugging me and i'm like this and i'm hugging myself because it was in that moment that i never felt so alone and that was the turning point that was the point where i knew it's either keep going on the way you are or die addicted to drugs you know it's it's a funny one like and i know how you talk about how how how much kind of when you go to the schools and you talk to these kids and they relate so much to your story and like I'm not even a little bit surprised that they

relate to that story because like you see the statistics in youth suicide how how kids are struggling so much and like you wouldn't you wouldn't think a 17 year old has the weight of the world on its shoulders but he does um like how like what do the kids say to you when you

when you tell them that story because I only assume that they can very much relate to it and like they probably relate to the idea of you know you're screaming for help but at the same time not being able to like have a vulnerable conversation to tell someone that you need help yeah and I think it's you know it's it goes back to that thing is and I even try in recent times I've been reflecting this back in my own intimate relationships as well women is like underneath the love of women and underneath the friendships is all we want is deep connection and it's to be seen and to be

heard for who we truly are. So I done 80 schools last year and I had over 100 young people who message me on Instagram, 100, you know, and all saying the same thing. I feel how you felt. I know how you feel. People don't understand, you know, and a lot of them with stuff going on at home as well, just like I had going to home as well. And that's where I have to tread carefully as well. You know, that's my, my bit where I have to tread carefully where I have conversation with the schools before going in that this can bring stuff up. So if anything does happen and a child something happens we need someone to be in underneath them i'll do my part but you have to do your part because we all have a responsibility here but it's it's the same thing he's not feeling seen

and not feeling heard and not feeling good enough and not feeling loved on them same things that i felt exactly when i was young so that's always been like the basis of how people feel and reflect back and a lot of people as well would have had addiction in their family as well and would have seen it i met you know I met one guy and, you know, he lost a number of family members to it, you know. And that's the type of stuff I'm seeing and hearing every time I go in. And it's hard because I'm like, where are we going wrong as a society and as a school system? That's where my resentment is that. And I'll openly admit it is where are we going wrong that you still want these kids to look in the books for eight hours a day and not address anything else.

That's where you want to spend the majority of your time. because this is what I'm seeing. Yeah, that makes a perfect sense. What's like for, for obviously you haven't gone through this and speaking to kids all across the country, like what signs should like parents and teachers and mentors should be looking out for

with kids struggling with stuff like this? Because like you said, you were, you were struggling but no one really knew the extent of it, obviously. Yeah. And everyone always says it's the quiet person who's struggling, but I always challenge that. because I was the loud guy, the funny guy and the fella who was the hard guy

and who wanted to fight and everything else because that was the bravado I wanted people to put on because if I put that on, no one's going to know what's going on underneath. So anybody can be struggling. You know, but it's when, I always said there was this,

so there was no regulation in my life as a kid, growing up, being in school. I was either asleep on the table or I was getting in trouble and kicked out of class. There was no real in between. So as a, and it's unfortunate with the teachers as well, and this is where I really feel

for them is that they're not supporting the capacity that they should be. The how are they meant to pick up? There's no trauma-informed approach in schools for them to even be able to pick up on the slightest little thing. But if you have a young lad who's being in ball in class and is getting in trouble, it's not because he wants to.

It's because there's something going on underneath there that's triggering his actions. And he's not actually trying to be a class clown and making the joke of the day. He's actually putting his hand up to say, I want people to see me because I don't feel seeing. That's what he's doing. it's not that he wants to be this he doesn't want the teacher to scream at him and kick him out he wants a teacher to come up and say how are you is there anything i can help you with it's they're the type of things and obviously if you see someone who spends a lot of time on their own that's obviously another sign it's the it can be both of the two yeah but there should be always this way that we can navigate in schools that there has to be some period of the day and i was in a brilliant school and dundigal

called Ross's Community School over in Dunigall right by the airport. They take an hour a day, every day out of their school day to go for a walk and everyone to connect with each other to see how they're getting on. So, you know, that's solid. So it's like there has to be that opportunity for kids to be able to express some little bit of what's going on. Or else we'll just keep going through school life on autopilot. And then we come to when we have to leave school and it was like, what was the whole point of that anyway?

Because it still feel like I did before I went to. Yeah. Yeah, it makes, it makes sense. Like, if you, I think even from the outside looking in, you look at the skill system and you say, like, how, like this is not designed for, for the majority of boys who, who can still, can't sit still at a class for eight hours a day. And, you know, like, things like that where you can kind of go for a walk or, you know, get the energy out that, that boys probably need in certain ways. Like, I know there's this great study on it, and shows how, like, boys. boys and men both connect by doing stuff together or whereas I like they like they're more inclined to talk to each other like side on rather than women it's like they can like directly talk to each

their face to face and conversed that way and I just think like you know I I know myself I was in a similar situation where I was either like conced out or else you know getting thrown out of class basically and I was like I just it was just I wasn't set up for that type of environment And that's the thing. I always say you expect, so let's say take Ireland, for example, you expect five million people to all go to the same place and do the same thing, expect them to get it. But then when they leave school, you'll hit them with the message that everyone has their own interest. You know that kind of way? It's very, very hypocritical.

Like the school system is designed for people to all stay in the same place and do the same thing. And we're all different. And that school is like really hard on your creativity. side and how to express and be who you really are because that all gets shut down. You know, I don't get to be who I am and I don't express how I am because I have to stay in the school system and I can't shout and be too louder or get in trouble. I can't mess because that seemed as bad. I can't play because someone's going to get hurt. It's like, and I know school is there for a purpose as well, but this is like the core message

that I gave to the Irish government the time I met with them is that over the last 100 years you've had a school system that has steaded the same and you've had generations that have evolved that have changed when are you going to start changing your school system to sue the society and none of them had a word to say to me

and that was it you know I sat up in Lenser house and had a chat with them that was what I had to say if you're not going to change things to by society changes but you want people to change how are you going to change if you're not doing your part yeah it makes perfect sense it's like people it's like the same thing like people will just willy-nilly say

things like oh yeah but boys need to open up more boys need to talk more but then when you actually go down to the the cinematic things that are actually making boys struggle then nobody wants to actually talk about them issues yeah and it's like school is the one place where every kid has to go to so there's no getting over yeah no they're like 99.99% people have to go to school yeah it's eight hours a day it's quarter of your life and the most important time of your life because you're developing but yeah then most important years you just make them rebooks and do things like that. Well, it does have a place that does have a purpose and there are some positive to schools. Like you are getting that social

connection and stuff like that. But you're painting everyone with the same brush. Yeah. I used to always say the joke as like, oh yeah, when I was in school, I used to always get given out to for talking and now I'm outside of school and I get paid for talking basically. Yeah, same as myself. It's brilliant, like, you know. You're your six years in recovery. What has surprised you about the recovery process because you talk a little bit about that for people? Yeah, well, I actually,

and this is the first time I've said it on a podcast, I actually don't use the phrase I'm in recovery anymore. Okay. So I always say I'm recovered because what is it mean to be recovered

is that means to come home and I believe I've came home to myself and I don't feel like I'm still in recovery from addiction because alcohol and drugs are not a part of my life anymore. You know, I don't envy people in the pub, I can sit in the pub,

I see people do drugs and it's just not a part of who I am. It played a role in my life. So I like to say I'm recovered. I don't like to say I'm cured and that. I could go out and drink tomorrow. I don't know if I could, but I'm not willing to take a chance

because I love myself, I love to date and I'll put that in. You know, so the last six years have been a, it's been a journey. Man, it really, really has. It's like I came out of rehab, not knowing who I am. It was 19 when I went into rehab.

So some of my friends are in college, and so we're doing apprenticeships. And I'm sitting in a rehab center thinking, how did I end up here? But obviously for the purpose and I came out or rehab and very early on I got into a relationship

so I get into a relationship and I base all my love and my happiness on this one woman. So instead of focusing on my recovery process I focus more on my relationship and it was a very thin line

to tread on. That relationship lasted two years and that relationship ended and then I found a lot of the last six years of I be completely honest my main struggle has been relationships

and there's been women and there's been like, I've got to the place now I feel is that I'm really letting go of that, that my self-love and my validation is internal, that it's not external what a woman gives to me. And that's been my biggest battle. So I come out of that relationship and I go through phases where, you know, it's women this and women that and could never really understand why it was and I thought it was norm because I'm a lad.

I'm 22 and 23. You have some fun. But it wasn't that fun because what it was doing is, my heart. It wasn't value in my heart. It wasn't filling up my heart. It was more like kicking a box. So I was going to meetings and I was going to the fellowship and I'd done the 12 steps and that was great and I'd done the 12 steps again. But if I'd be really honest with you, there was always something missing. There was always something missing. So the 12 steps really focusing on, you know, what did you do wrong? So what did I do wrong? I done this wrong. I done that

wrong. It was right, right, right, talk, talk. But what I realized then in the last literally year, my recovery is that there was something not right inside my body. It was like I'd walk into a room with certain people and I'd freeze up and I wouldn't talk. And I could never understand why. I could never understand. So my recovery journey went like being a relationship, the relationship would go really well. My defects of character, I'd show up, the relationship at end. I got back to my sponsor, I'd do the 12 steps, I'd write a step four, I'd pray to God, I get in another relationship that I'll go well for a while, that would end and I go in the same cycle again. So this is how it was. And don't get me wrong, the fellowship is bloody amazing. It's why I'm

a part of it. But it just wasn't enough for me. So I'm in and out of fellowship. I'm doing meetings. I got back playing football. I got back going to the gym. But there was always something inside of me that I can never point my finger on. So eight months ago, I met a girl. we had a conversation and she told me about Brett work, having a clue what she was on about. And then she spoke to me about Kundalini. And so I went and met this girl who does Brett work and who does Kundalini. And I went, you know what?

I think this could be good for me because it was talking. What she didn't, she didn't want to sit down and talk with me. She wanted to do less talk and more, whatever was going on at the time. Obviously now the understanding was to get into my body. And I went in and I done the session and 30 seconds into the session of down on the mat and doing some breeding, I start person out crying. And I mean,

when I mean like sobbing and I mean screaming crying and it was like, I never realized that my body kept the score. My body had the emotions. I had childhood trauma. I went through with my dad leaving with addiction in the family. All the things had seen and heard. And I was just expected

to write about them all the time and a piece of paper and burn a piece of paper and say a prayer and everything will go away. And that's what I always wanted to believe. but it came to the point where I realized it wasn't. So this is the first time that the talk and was put away and it dropped into my body. And what I realized that day is that my body was holding on to all the past experiences. So every time I never cried when I wanted to cry,

every time I never got angry when I wanted to get angry, every time I wanted to say something that I never said because I didn't have the confidence. That was all lying inside of me. And I'd done my first session and I was screaming and crying and all the stuff from the past kept bubbling up and it was all there. And I left that session like, whoa. Like, what just happened? I couldn't, I couldn't put it into words because it was honestly the craziest experience of my life.

And I've done some crazy things and been in some crazy situations, man. But this was like, holy shit. Yeah. And so I was like, I need to know more about this. I found Pat Dively, started looking at Pat Divli's work. started doing his free online breadwork session. I was like, I want to go study this. And got myself into a breadwork course.

And so that has been like, and I could go really in depth into the last six years, but the last six years only up until the last eight months, while there was so much value in them and there was so much learning, and I done stuff like I got my career back. I started going out as a public speaker. I started my own business. The most important and the authentic piece for me to mention

and really highlight was my pattern in relationships and was my, that wanting for love the whole time over the last five and six years. It was like that was the most important thing. That's where I will start speaking going forward about that stuff. Because it's something I never really mentioned in the past because I didn't actually think it was a problem

when I just thought this was meant to happen. I meant to get into a relationship. It's meant to end and I meant to be young and see other women until I get into another one. But really realising that was just another cycle like football and like the gym that actually kept me safe. Because I had a quote and a quote from you, which is actually, you've pretty much explained it that I was going to ask it.

And I think you said, I could never quite understand why I had this deep, uncomfortable feeling in my heart and my gut and why the stories in my head stayed the same, despite all the things I'd done to try prevent it. I'm sober. I shouldn't feel this way. Yeah. And even that, like, that sent chills then we're fine. because like the fellowship is very based on like it's in the nicest way possible it's very based on that like you're never doing enough

if you don't feel great. So if you don't feel great all the time you're not doing enough you know and that's how it's very based but I and I if there's one person who challenges things in life it's me like I challenge everything I challenge because there's room for growth and challenge because there's better understanding and it was like in that there was exactly how I felt is that I could

I couldn't get my head around it man and it used to cause me so much stress and I remember my ex-partner who I was with when I first got out of rehab I remember she came down to my house and like what an amazing woman so good to me like so so good to me but she like it was only like last year

we met up and we went for a walk because she would still be friendly with my family and I remember sitting down in the field with her up the road walking the dogs and I just burst out frying and I said I don't understand why I feel this way I try so hard, I do the steps, I talk about how I feel, I help other people, but I don't understand the way every time I go to go to bed at night, I feel sick and my chest gets tight and I

don't understand. And that was, that was the key piece for me is when I first stepped into the Brettwork world, was like, this was the missing link, like this was the missing link that I've been missing all along, was tapping into my body and to stop living from my head. Yeah, because I'd imagine there's a misconception that people think once someone gets past, you know, the recovery process where you know they're not using alcohol for to for whatever means necessary it's like okay well now everything's nice and rosy when essentially the work is is is continuing to always be done yeah and it's like everyone's recovery journey is different but it's like i always say there are new heights you can reach and for me i done everything i needed to do in the fellowship but it still wasn't enough for me

but like the fellowship is kind of like in a way is always being and I'm not I don't like to be critical of it but there is this whole sense of like you know when people are doing the steps and they're going to meetings and they still relapse it's all like you didn't want it enough or you weren't doing enough and for me I questioned that's like no maybe the stuff he's going through was so hard that he doesn't have the right support and how is he meant to stay well you know so it was always that thing if you know let's go back and do a step four or let's write a letter and send it and burn it and it was like there was something more to that. There was really something more to that for me because I knew it and I could feel it deep and I'd be a very self-aware person, but I could feel it deep inside of me, really, really deep inside of me. And it's not all done when you drop the drink in the droves because actually they're only the solution. The real problem is what's going on inside of you and how you feel and how you look at the world and all your internal condition and beliefs that you believe since you're at that height. Yeah, I think there's that great quote. It's like like alcohol was never the problem. Alcohol was the solution to the, to the problem.

and that's when the work probably gets done, is it? Yeah, absolutely. It's realising, oh, wait, hold on, right? This was, because when I put the alcohol inside me, what did it do, removed all the problems that were going on anyway. Like, there's no one who turns around and who's having a good life and things are going really well. It turns around says, I'm going to use alcohol and drugs five or seven days a week,

even though things are going really well. You know, we all have that one thing in common is that we all feel the same way. And there's the beautiful Randas thing that I sent out, actually, in my email list today, it was like, We're all walking each other home. Because we're all human beings going through the same experience. And for the people in recovery is that we all felt the same way. And we're here to just walk each other home from that.

And home being whatever your recovery journey looks like. You said also, when it comes to addiction, I always say look at the person, not the addiction. When it comes to addiction or using drugs regularly, there's always a younger version of yourself looking for that validation. do you think like that validation that people are looking for

does that ever go away or does it just take different forms? So it definitely takes different forms so like for me it was like drinking doing drugs and you know it was clothes at one time and then it was money but then it became women.

Yeah, yeah. It was pornography for a period of time and then it became women. And I think like when I say that piece is the validation we're always looking for and I love the I don't know if you know much about the inner child work,

but we all have an inner child. So we all have a younger part of us inside ourselves. And that's where that validation for me, I believe, is screaming from. So that younger version of you that never got it. But now you're this older version of yourself and you're living in this big body and you have to act this big way

and you have to do these adult things. But that younger version of you never got to live. So that younger version of you is coming out through your patterns and through your cycles, the way you play out. So when you are walking down the street and you see that girl, look twice and see if you looked back.

It's not a 25 year old you wants that now. It's a younger version of you that wants that because your parents might not look at you when you're younger because they were too busy and didn't have enough to do. They could be working 60 hours a week or you could be in a family where your parents were struggling with addiction

to their own stuff going on. So that little person comes up in today's life and tries to find this way and weaving through the patterns. That was what I picked up on. As I could see and obviously true, what I do now is that I can take a moment of stillness and connect in with that inner child

and ask them what do you need, right? now. And only for the first time in my life over the last two months, really, that that inner child has been quiet because all the work I've been doing on. But there are days when things aren't going too bad when I'm walking in the street and I will look twice to see if she does look back so I can get that validation. So that on their child can feel safe. Tell me a little bit more about the course and the work that you were doing with Pat Dively. What did you learn from there? Because I remember the first time I ever came across his work was like, I don't know, maybe about eight years ago and it was like a TED talk he did on YouTube and I was like oh my god this is brilliant

and I've been kind of following his work like not closely but you know over a couple of years and how he's kind of evolved in terms of what he's doing what was what was that like what was that experience like yeah like what a guy first of all and it's like mad I'm such a different person than I was before I started the course and I went into that course at a hundred mile an hour everything on the go run run run go go but what was I running from So I do the current course and, you know, I was in a relationship when I done the course. And me and my partner at the time were actually doing the course together. And so four months into the course, me and her ended up splitting up.

And it was like, holy shit, what do I do now? And for the first couple of months, it was like things were nearly going too well. It was like I was knocking everything out in the park. And I had a conversation with one of the mentors. And it was after month four, I kind of started to break. But I'll get to that part in the second. about it was funny that after I broke I had a call at one of the mentors and he said

every time you came on the call I couldn't relate to you but the day you broke down I could see you and I could feel you so I'm a month four and things are going really well me and my partner split up and I was going through a lot of stuff at home my mom hasn't been

well in a very long time I have family members struggling with addiction so there was a lot of stuff going on but I was holding it really well and I was kind of like bottling up a little bit and you know I was in here one Thursday night when I was lying on the bed and I went to get back up

and it was like someone to put their hand on my chest pushed me back down and I looked at my partner at the time and said I don't know what's wrong at me and I started bursting out crying and that was a month four and I slowly started to break and me and my partner split up then

was like I was doing some breadwork of path and I was doing a breadwork session and all these stuff started coming alive for me it was like how I never felt supported in life growing up how I didn't have support my fear of older men how that affected me,

the validation I was looking for women, how I couldn't hold a relationship together, how I didn't believe men and women could just be friends. It always had to be sexual or something more. So the first four months of the course were great because I felt okay, but the last two months of the course

was where the gold came out. Because for the last two months of the course, I nearly cried every single day, every single day because I broke. And why did I break? because I was in a place where I felt supported because I had 60, 70 other people on the call who were ready to hold me for when I was going to fall

and all the stuff started coming up and, you know, I had to look at my own stuff that was going on. So I was this stuff from my past. I'd look at the things that were bringing up that fear around older men. I'd look up the stuff around the relationship piece. And it really gave me such a better understanding of who I was and my nervous system

and how to regulate that and how to slow down to speed up. and the big thing about it was community, was connecting with other people. And a huge piece for me that I struggled on was obviously the women piece. So that was a real big thing for me and has been my whole life.

Like, you know, and struggling with that, like always not being able to be around a woman because I always would think it would go to a sexual way. I never really had women as friends because unfortunately it would always end up that way. So when I done the five-day retreat, this was a space for me to really challenge that, internal core belief that I had that men and women couldn't be friends and that has to be sexual.

So I threw myself in head first. And there was obviously only, I don't think there was less than 10 lads under a tree. So the rest were all women. And I'm really connecting with these women and I'm doing these like shaking dances and we're myofashion winding and we're really getting into our body and love is in the air and feelings are going. And on face to face, nose to nose touching these women and I'm looking them dead in the eye. And I'm saying, you are something more. you are lovable for everything outside of sex

I can appreciate you I can hold you I can support you and that was like that was on month six but that was the biggest transformation the courses gave me and that was the biggest transformation of my life like that was I remember the moment

on the retreat face to face with one of the girls and we were doing this Maya fashion wine and we're looking to each other eyes and our hands were touching and everything else and I was like maybe all the things I used to believe about relationship and women are not true. Maybe you can hold this woman and support her for who she is outside of

intimacy because real intimacy is just deep connection, not for the things that you are looking for. And that was like, it blew my mind, man. It really, really did. And I have such a sense of love in my heart that I don't think I've ever had because of the course. I've such a better understanding of myself and my patterns and how they play out. I've such an understand better. understanding of my body and I'm attuned to how I feel. So instead of now when something comes up, I don't do the old way, which is stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you're good and you love yourself 10 times and it'll be better. It's no that I create a safe space in here and I lie down and I do some breathing and I create some safety and I find out what is it exactly

that is coming up for me. That's what I do. And it's like, yeah, I just really get emotional when I think about it because it's it's changed my life in ways that I could have never ever imagined what what do you think in terms of in terms of any and you touched on community there and what do you think was different in terms of a community like that maybe to what you might have had previously yeah so my community would have been obviously the the fellowship so I went to the fellowships the AAA whatever and they're great but there was just I just I just always knew. There was just a way and there was always a feeling that I didn't really

connecting them that much. I can't say that I have any best friends who I talk. Oh, I've won't one best friend who I talked out of it, but I just found a lot of it was like living in story and I don't want to live in the story anymore. I want to live in the present. You know, I want to live in what's

alive in me and then this community obviously that I'm in with the breadwork and that Pat has created, Pat has created this. It's like we meet each other where we're at. And it's like no one, like so why the other day I put in a voice note that I've been struggling when I go home from the day I go home from the retreat. My mom ended up being back in hospital and, you know, I was sharing all this stuff. It was alive for me in a voice note.

No one told me to do anything. No one told me to be anything. I was just told that I was seen and I was heard and that I was supported. That's all I needed. I didn't need someone to tell me to go write and, you know, do this and to go praying. I didn't need that. I needed someone to just understand. And I think about community, a big thing.

Knowledge is great, but wisdom will get you there. And I needed people who'd walk in my shoes. I needed people who felt who I felt. I needed people who weren't going to change me and weren't going to fix me. And that's essentially what I found inside of this. That's such a good point. And that's something I've kind of, I've learned over time now as well. Like if a really close friend is struggling with something,

instead of me just trying to go into fix it mode, it's like just hold space for that person and just be there for them and that's all they need and it's like and when it comes to holding space like what is holding space is like it's just two human beings together

obviously one who has more one who has a little bit of safe because one obviously doesn't feel safe and if you're that safe human being for someone if you can just sit there wherever loving presence and be attuned to what's going on with that person right now

you won't have to say much because their system is going to co-regulate off you and feel the safety, which when that, when their system latches onto that safety, they can fall and they can feel and they can start to heal. And that's all it is. And that's the misconception. And obviously, stepping into this role now and I'll be taking on people for a coaching role soon. It was like, I see a lot of it.

It was like, we'll do this in three months and you'll be fixed and 90 days. And it's like, it's not like that, man. It's one session at a time with ever loving presence and meeting people that they're at. And that's all you do because you only know what you know and you only know. and you only know the next step and the next step is what it's going to be and if you can sit there with a human being and look them in the eye and be present

they feel it they don't hear it they feel it they get that feeling and their chest starts to come down a little bit and their stomach starts to soften and their heartbeat starts to slow and that's what people need I just want to ask you a little bit more

about even sobriety so like obviously you're recovered but for someone who's still recovering and maybe they're in their first year or two. And like you said, they might not know themselves. And it's probably a strange new world for them. Do you have any advice for people who are in that process?

Yeah, absolutely, man. It's like, first of all, what I will say, and this comes from my heart is that it's not a one-size shoe fits all. So, and that was for me is what I painted it as is that I had to go to meetings and I have to do the steps or else I die. And so it's like, it's not one-size-shoe fits all. You're a human being that will be creative and have your own things going on. find your place, find your home, find your people.

It takes time. It's genuine taking me essentially six years to really find my people. One most important thing is the authenticity is being who you are and honest to yourself because there's no way if you've come this far after a year or two that you want to drink and you want to do drugs anymore. Because if you did, you'd be back out doing it. And that's the reality. It's finding people who you can connect with.

It's having a support service space. is going to a couple of meetings. And that's what I did. It's that I was going to a couple of meetings and having a sponsor and get into a place where you feel safe enough. I still go to meetings sometimes.

I do a lot of chairs and meetings. I'm asked to do chairs and meetings on the regular and I go and do them. I go to a meeting here and there. But the work I do is obviously focused on people in that space so I don't get to time to go to much meetings anymore. But go to a couple of meetings.

And most importantly, outside in the meetings, man, is like find the things you love and channel your energy into that. And I think that's a big missing piece. I remember being into one of my very first meetings and I told a guy, he was like, I'll come on Friday night and it said, actually, I'm boxing a Friday night and he was like, box is not going to keep you clean. And I was like, that will stick with me forever because it was

such a wrong narrative to have. Because we're human beings who are made up of energy, man. So it's like if I can channel some of my energy into meetings and a sponsor and if I can channel some more of my energy into the things I love that make me happy and channeled some of my energy into family and friends and relationships, I'm going to do all right. Because they're three areas of my life that I feel safe and feel support. And once you feel safe and you'll feel supported, you're going to be just okay in your journey. I want to ask you a little bit more about identity because you touched on this earlier. So one thing you said, which I really liked was what once used to be, I am Connor and I'm an addict is now I am Connor. I used drugs to escape

my pain. Can you explain that a little bit? Yeah. So it's like what the wall addicts have in common because we all feel the same pain. We're all different humans going through human experiences, but it's all comes back to the same thing, is how we felt deep inside. And I was like, that's the one thing about like going to meetings now is that when I go in,

I say, Connor, I'm an addict for the basis of the meeting and the new people coming in. But it's, I don't define myself as an addict anymore because that's an identity. It's like, I'm Connor, I'm loving, I'm kind,

of compassion. I like to help other people. I like to play sport. I like to be free. So I'm Connor. I don't call myself an addict anymore. I just use drugs to escape my pain. is the pain I felt deep inside my heart

when I was 10 years of age or 11 when I looked out the window crying watching my dad hopped into his car to leave it was like that was the pain that snowballed onto another couple of years of never talking about my feelings and never feeling my pain and never having any support

that that was the pain. So when I put the drugs into my body all that pain goes away because it's the stimulant and it's mind alter and the things I'm feeling in my mind go away now and that's what it does and that's why I use drugs.

I'm not Connor, I'm an addict because I'm not, You know, I'm not an addict anymore because if I was an addict, I'd be out using drugs. I'm a human being who's lived an addict experience, who's happy enough to park that now and still live as a human being. The one who loves, the one who hopes to be loved, the one who can help, the one who should be help, the one who can support and be supported and all these type of things. You know, if I keep defining myself as an addict, addict and clean are two words I don't really like to use because I was never dirty anyway. I was just someone who was using drugs to try to help me feel better. Where do you think we're at in terms of society, the Irish government and support for people who were in a similar situation to you?

Yeah, well, look, the wait list on treatment centres is probably three month minimum, so we're probably not doing too well. If we talk about the Irish government, I don't know if they have any values in place. If it's me, I had this conversation with a guy in the Sauna yesterday. It's like, you know, there's values and things we stand for in life, but any time I see the government coming out. out and doing their thing, I can never really see deep into their heart of things they truly value. And I always definitely question if that's the Irish people. There could be a lot more but there can always be more done in that type of sense and we'll never get it right. But do I think we are doing enough? Absolutely not. You know, there's not enough treatments at their beds. It's like

before we go into the treatment centres and the stuff that could be done for me and we've already touched in this conversation is it has to start inside the schools because that's where kids go. it's like right, why can't we scale it back and go back to basics? How do you get good at football and learn how to kick a ball? Right? So can we scale it and go back to bases and say, right, when we all get sex ed when we're in sixth class, yeah? You've got sex ed when you're in sixth class, I'd imagine.

So that's a big huge thing in primary school because sex is important. Why aren't we having the same program putting the schools about drugs? The harms and the causes of effects of drugs and what happened if we don't use them appropriately and what happens if we use them? But we're told about sex and if we use that appropriately. So it's like where can we start to get an understanding that drugs are here and they're not going anywhere and the Irish government have admitted it already that we are in Ireland and it's impossible to keep drugs off because they can come in from everywhere. So where can we get this understanding that we need a program for junior cycle people in secondary school, junior cycle, I'm talking first and third year because we talk about wiring and developing the brain and how it can be rewired and wired and the things we teach people and they're younger and how we condition the kid can be the way how they live their life.

Why aren't we making them? Not me because it's not on me, but why aren't the Irish government making and moving that to say, you know what, let's take advantage of the first couple of years in school life and let's start teaching them about problems with rules. Let's start putting the program in space. Let's start getting people who have actually walked this road

to support us and this kind of thing so we can show people that there is another way forward. Where are we giving the teachers a little bit of support and getting them trauma on form so they can pick up on these things if these kids need extra support? That's where I'm going with all this. That's the only way I think is forward. forward and you can keep putting in all the treatment center beds but if the young people are still

going through the exact same thing as the people before them went we're still just going to have the same result is that same people going into treatment by the time doing 25 to 30 years of age so why are we need the intervention we need the pre-intervention yeah yeah it makes sense and then they can have all the mental health campaigns that they want but if they don't actually attack the things that that create that or enhance it then you're not really helping anyone yeah we look at the problem, we always look at the problem, the problem, but what's creating the problem? So what's, what's the cause of this? But the problem is going to be the problem anyway.

If we don't look at the thing that's actually creating the problem, we're never going to stop the problem. So it's that. That piece has always been for me. It's junior cycle, young kids, first, third year. Let's get in and start having conversations about this type of stuff. Let's start educating them. Give them an understanding because when we understand things, we can change.

It was only until I understood the way I needed to be validated, the way my relationships kept continuing to play out. It gave me the chance to change that because I finally got an understanding. I didn't have an understanding for the first five years of my recovery and I went to the same cycle over and over again and every single relationship I was in. Until someone pulled me aside while I was doing the course is that this could be the way your relationships play out.

When I got that understanding and I seen the problem, the problem wasn't the problem anymore because I could understand it. Yeah, there's no change without awareness. No, and awareness is healing in itself. So, but the government aren't even bringing any awareness at all, which is the problem. You know, and awareness is a beautiful thing. And being self-aware is a beautiful thing. But we should all work together.

And that's the biggest thing. We talk about community things and the little pockets of community that are popping up everywhere. But we are essentially, we're all human beings. We're essentially a community together. So it's like, right, the parents do their peace and do the best they can and send their child to school. There's stuff going on for the, for the, for, the children so the school do their piece. It's like, can we all do our peace together? People from the outside, like myself and other great people who are role models come in and

help support the school as well. You know, and I had the conversation about money, money, money's, money is never will be an issue, never was an issue. So that's not even a thing to bring in. It's that it's hard to make change and some people don't want to go there. They want to look good and the screen and sound good for everyone else, but they don't really want to get in and do the dirty work. That's the hard part. And until we get to that place where we're willing to say, all right, add a more treatment centre bed so it looks good

in the news is not going to change anything. We're actually going to get into the young people we're going to create something that might be a little bit difficult but that can change people life forever. That's the only chance we're going to have.

In my opinion, and people will challenge me on that as well. I think I agree with you. What advice would you have for like family members trying to support someone who's struggling with addiction? It's not easy man. And I will say that first and foremost

before I give any advice, it's not easy. And I hear you and I feel you in every capacity that you're feeling right now. having many family members and still at this day have family members in addiction and it breaks my heart

because it's like you see the light and you want them to change but you know that they're not going to in this moment of time and I was said to me before by a sponsor of mine it was like there's one thing we can't do in life Connor

and I said what's that and it goes change other people and that was something that I really had to put in and digest so knowing that you can't change them is the first space is the first thing

but the key piece that I think a lot of people miss is that every person who suffer from addiction, they're lacking one thing and that thing is safety. So can you be the person and we spoke about this?

You know, can you be the person to create safety in that person's life? Can you sit with them? And instead of saying, I think you should do this and I know you should do that, can you sit with them and say,

I see how you're feeling and I feel how you're feeling right now. I just want you to know if there's ever anything I can do for you that there's a space here for you to feel seen and you to feel hurt. And even as I say to you,

Carl, how does that sound? Yeah, like something like at ease. Yeah. And if I was to turn to you and you were suffering with addiction right now and said, you need to go to meetings and you need to do the steps and you need to get your shit together. How would you feel? I'm going to bite back.

Yeah. So it's like it's automatically, it's automatically creating the space where there's nowhere to run. The only place to run is into your arms. Yeah. And if you can create that space and create that container. But that also, and I need to make this as well, because it would be very rude to me not to put that in is that if you create that space and they don't come into it, it's not on you. It's not on you. You've done your.

you're apart. So we look at the street and there's two sides. You could only come to the middle. You could do your side and it's up to that person to walk across and meet you and grab your hand. You'll still be there waiting for them. But until that moment comes, you have your life to live as well. Because I imagine there's a lot of families who feel guilt over maybe not knowing

what to do in them situations or what they could have done differently or, you know, not knowing should I, you know, am I enabling this by. I, you know, helping or am I, should I be cutting ties or should I be like, I'd say it's a very confusing area for someone who isn't, like you said, doesn't have the knowledge or the wisdom to deal with this. Yeah. And it's one thing that I always used to say, used to have a lady in my life, he used to struggle a lot. And I always used to say to her, nothing you do is the wrong thing. Yeah. Because you only know what you know. Yeah. If you're coming at this from a place of heart and of authenticity and your best desire. It's not the wrong. It's only you doing what you

think is right to do. And that's never the wrong thing to do. Showing up is who you are as a brilliant start. In terms of young people, I know you said before someone asked you a question, I think it was a kid asked you a question at a talk and he asked you, I think is there anything you would have changed or done differently? And I think you said, if I had reached out for help earlier and opened up about how I was feeling, maybe things could have been different. Yeah. And that's the piece is it. And it's like there can be comfort and there can be fantasy into what ifs. You know, I say that a lot.

What ifs and a lot is like, oh, what if it was like this? And, you know, that brings us into fantasy in the perfect world. But unfortunately, the world is not perfect. It's messy. And it's like if you're young and I always say it's people, if you haven't started using drugs, if you haven't started using drugs yet and you're doing all right, I wouldn't recommend it. You know, and I say that in a humorous bit away because if you're getting on with it all right now,

I think you're doing okay. But if you have and you're at that place and you don't really know what to go and your friends are doing it. You don't want to be different. It's like there's seven billion people on this planet. There are people there for you. There are people who understand. There are people who are people who are going to love you for who you are. And don't ever let that fade away. You know, don't put your short-term pleasure on for your life just for you to feel seen and heard. It's harder to step away from the crowd and not be the sheep and to find out who you are. That's hard. And there'll be that period of loneliness and not known and why should I and why don't it just do this?

But if you can just stay with what you value about yourself and how you love yourself and show up for yourself and say, you know what? This is actually what I want to do. So I'm not going to step into that. Your life going forward will be so much easier. You know, when it's having that honesty about if you aren't using and your friends are, can you open up the conversation with people in your life and say, this is how I'm feeling about it? And maybe there is a part of me that wants to use because they're using. But once you take that, so there's energy in that. And once you take the power out of that, all of a sudden,

that little want comes away because you realise this isn't actually what I want to do it's a part of me that wants to do it and that can sound like a lot and confusion especially for a young person but if you can value yourself and love yourself enough and surround yourself with the right people

there's one thing I will say that a drinking drug would not make my life any better today than it already is so we're never going to do it because it doesn't add to your life it only takes away what's next for you what's coming up

what do you have planned on the future? Yes, like, to be honest, it's like I'm probably on cloud nine a little bit at the moment, Carl, to be honest. Just, you know, 300 hour facilitation under my belt, you know, done a course of a new university, just finished in May as well, done 100 hour addiction studies.

So, you know, the plan is to just keep evolving and keep being honest and keep being authentic and, like, all the stuff I've shared with you here now with stuff I've never shared ever on a podcast or ever publicly. so this is the way I want to go forward. I want to start building. While I haven't lied in any of the stuff I've said previously,

I just haven't mentioned as much as I should have. So the stuff that was really going on on the any of the surface, I didn't want to touch in it because the shame and the guilt. So what I want to continue to show up just like this, as who I am and who I intend to be, obviously going into a role now, I'm going to open spots for a little bit of coaching, and it's not going to be any ordinary coaching

that's going to be like meeting you where you're at and giving you an understanding of yourself and dropping from your head into your body and giving you a full, rounded experience of what life is to be like and meeting you where you're at. You know, starting to do breadwork, starting to do retreats,

continuing the public speaking, and a little bit of travellers on the cards next year. It's just, I've also got into falconry as well, so I got my first birthday there two weeks ago as well. So, yeah, it's like there are all things happening. And I guess the most important, thing for me is that I can get up in the morning, I can walk down the road with the dogs and

they can have a silent mind and an open heart. Yeah. If people wanted to reach out in terms of coaching or just keep up with the work that you're doing, where can they go to find you? Yeah, just jump onto my Instagram. Connor's wellness path. It used to be, you know, my, and I still do talk about the recovery journey and stuff like that as well.

But I think overall, looking at it, it's just like a wellness approach and a wellness is not this, oh, everything in our life is great. It's just building more capacity for the things that are going on so we can feel well. So looking at my page, Conner's wellness path, if there's anything or any questions, they always say to people, it's even if you don't want the discovery call for coaching, jumping in for a chat or a call is always something that I'm open to. It's something that I really get a lot of value as well as meeting new people. So, yeah, the line is always over.

Connor, I think you're great. I appreciate you coming on today. I appreciate the work that you're doing. And I hope we get to do this again. It's been a fantastic conversation. I appreciate it, brother.