The Uneducated PT Podcast - Ep. 120 She's In The Way

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

In this episod I'm joined by rob and ger to discuss ger's event plus dating advice 101 for men, 

Let's start with Jare's event on the weekend. Tell me your first time hosting an event. Give me your review on how you felt the day went, your experience, what you learned. I suppose how I felt the day went. I had one client say to me they had, they brought their husband and their son and the two lads. had no real interest in going, but they left, they left learning a lot and taking home a lot. So I think that's like, that's a big win when someone doesn't want to really be there and they're, they're enjoying it. So like that's, that's a good sign there.

My experience that would probably fucking riddled with anxiety, I'd say it would be the big thing because like, so obviously timekeeping, technology, all that stuff is kind of a little bit out of your control as well but from what I've heard from other speakers at the event like Sophia and a few others are saying to me they're like we're surprised it's actually your first event

they were like she was saying my first event was like John absolute car crash and I was like well I'll take that so it's a good as a good win I had someone asking they're like will you do another one and I was like maybe next year I'm going to take a break

from it because I was you get to recover. I was wiped after it man. Like I've, like even the after socials like John, that was a heavyish night but I've done bigger nights out

and Monday Monday's the first time in like a couple of years I've had to take an app in the middle of the day. I was absolutely zunk but no I'm happy to go with the way it went

and there'll be a lot I'll take from it going into future ones. It's not even, yeah like you said you've probably had heavier nights out but it's the it's the exhaustion of like the whole day of like worrying and stressing about what will go wrong and then

the lead up to it as well and then all the all the moving pieces of oh can i get this person here on time and make sure that they're staying here and so on and so forth so like yeah it's a lot it's it's it's it takes its toll on you in the days leading up as well as the actual day oh yeah and like one of my mates said it to me then as well he was like take out the take out the energy going into the event and stuff like that but like we'll take the the nine speakers that were were at it like john you the rest of them uh one of my friends was like it's essentially having 10 of you in a room firing all the time so like it's not like you can have it's it's a bad way phrase it's like a break but everyone's switched on to a certain level when you do what we do so your social

your social battery is huge I think I only had like two minutes to sit down with a pint and food to take a moment to relax and then you were back on it again like so Was there any moments in it during the day where you're like I can I feel at ease now

I feel that I'm actually I'm actually in the event and I'm enjoying it versus I'm like outside of myself just thinking about what's next or what's going to go wrong? I think when I did the screaming meditation before Kelly's one.

I think that was the only one because I was like, right, I can just shout out my anxiety as well, which is the other side of it, so that made it easier. I don't think I got to reflect on the day until maybe like, until Monday. Properly, like I said,

that brief moment sitting down the social with appointing food, kind of just had that wave of like just chill, the shoulders dropped a little bit. But I think now, like, I'll be looking back at all the top. I'll be looking through it again. I think like this weekend

I'm probably gonna have a better chance to like reflect on it properly. If you could redo one, if there's, if you could redo it, is there anything you'd do differently? Um, I wouldn't announce the schedule to anyone

in the week leading up to it. So no matter what happened, you'd be fine. I think, I think technology is the big one. Like, I hate technology. Even though we're working with it all the time. Like when I arrived over,

like there was no, couldn't find the mics. Then in the middle of it, we had one of the speakers where the presentation wasn't swapping over. And I was just like, at that point, I was ready to throw my computer through the window. So I was like, getting rid of those little things out of your mind would make life a lot easier going forward in other events. Yeah. Rob, what did you think? What was your experiences?

What did you enjoy? What did give us your experience of the day? Overall experience was just how it just exposes, makes you aware of how many, amazing people there are in the industry. You see loads of people online that are just in it for the money and like posting for attention, etc., etc. And then you meet people like Kelly who have nearly a million followers and you wouldn't know it in person. They're clearly there to just help people out and give their knowledge and be open and vulnerable to people and help other people do the same. And I think that's everyone that was talking was

exactly the same they were there to be vulnerable there to help people out rather than oh i'm here to sell myself it's like i want to help you guys i don't care about all that stuff so yeah i think well-picked group of people nice one joe it's good do you um do you find from from the we were saying that like i fs in 2019 or 2020 was the first event that you went to as well wasn't it yeah yeah do you find that going to like events by yourself are less daunting than after doing it once or twice. Because like I'm now that there's probably like lots of people who

and I would imagine it was the same in that room on Saturday where there was people that going to an event for the first time like that, like going to an education day or not really knowing what they're walking into kind of thing. Kind of curious but not really sure what they're going to get out of it or what they, what their experience is going to be. And then you kind of go to a couple of them things and you know,

what you're kind of expecting so I think you're a little bit more at ease and you can kind of enjoy them a little bit more is that fair to say yeah I'd agree as well I think it completely depends on what your actual experience is on the day but with events like the one this weekend there's there's a lot of consistency I think like IFS the kind of people that I met there well some of them what yourself for example some of them would have been at that event as well chatting to Sophia and everyone and Emmeline like they'd been to IFS as well so I think going to these

kind of organised events from people that actually care I think yeah like people telling you it's going to be fine you're going to have a great time a lot of the time you don't really trust them with that because you're like I need to experience this for myself first but really with these events

I could hand on heart just say anyone that turned up to them would enjoy it Hmm. Do you think is there any, is there any kind of events that you think that you should go to that is outside of fitness that would tickle your fancy or push out of your comfort zone? Something that you would go, go alone to. Because you know the way it's like, all right, you go to like someone who's, someone who's maybe just starting their fitness journey, right? A big, a bit, it would be a big deal for them to go to like a fitness event. and nutrition and event and be like, oh, I'm going to, you know, go to this thing and see what it's about and, you know, I'm going by myself and, you know,

I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm going to do it anyway. And, you know, maybe I'll meet people who have similar values to me who are also on a fitness journey now because, you know, I'm the only one in my group who was kind of on that journey. So it's like I'm trying to branch out and stuff like that. Do you think because of using around the fitness industry for a long time, like, well, I suppose,

share you're you you you got out of your comfort zone on the weekend because you just pulled off a a big event so that's your little yeah um like i i think i decided to do that in january yeah um i think was on a it was on a call and then i was like i cried i'm gonna message carl because i was like if i tell carl i'm gonna have to do it is the is the is the other side of of this and like i've been to so i've been to the likes of well fest and other events of that and i fine like obviously the so like sound free with like IFS the size of them makes it a bit more daunting

like um you held your event in block with uh nev nev o'donovan was that last summer was about a year and a half ago the charity event I didn't go after charity event it was some time of summer last year

that was the first event I've gone to on my own yeah first event I've gone to on my own yeah first event I've gone to like obviously I picked you up after a night out fucking fight. Yeah, of course I'm going to throw you under the bus. But, like, outside of that, like, it was the first one I went on my own

and, like, I was still, I was nervous about going to it. Yeah, well, I've been more nervous about going to events on my own where I'm just, like, going and, like, I'm just there to, like, observe versus some events to where I've gone where I've had to, like, do a talk.

Like, I think that can be even more daunting, especially if it's still your first or your, or you're going in, to unknown territory. It's uncertainty, isn't it? Well, especially there's more unknown, isn't there, when you're going to an event that you don't know anyone, or even if you know them, you don't know what they're going to talk about, you're not part of the organisation. You have no control, basically.

It's all out of your control, isn't it? Yeah. I suppose, like, obviously, if you're not speaking at an event, you're not expecting to be called on. I know people get that, get that idea when they're going to different events, that what if they pick me out of the crowd to answer a question? or something like that and it's like you know like my event the weekend other events we've gone to the the types of people running them the speakers there they know how to kind of read a room and you know judge who they're going to call on and even like your event car like the whole

idea of getting people out of their comfort zone and getting to know someone like switching or like i know myself and rob didn't really switch around our tables i think we just we decided we're going to hold hold talk we're good we're good we're good we're good we're good we're good we're good, we'd said hello to so many people at the start of the day that I was like, I've met everyone. I'm all right, I'm all right now. But I think people get that idea in their head when they're going to an event that you're going to be put on the spot. Joe, you're going to be singled out for something or like, especially if you're like new to your fitness journey and you're going to a fitness event, that whole idea of not feeling like you belong. Do you know, that's, that's going to be daunting going to anything, anything like that.

I think we all feel that way still going to certain things. Maybe not Carol, but like, so I know I do. I definitely do. Maybe not fitness events, but like other things. Other things. Yeah, I think with when you go to an event, especially if you're not full of confidence in that kind of area or that industry, the idea of getting picked on,

I think it's quite daunting because it makes you feel like people are going to find out that I shouldn't be here. Whereas if I'm sat in the background and I'm not talking to anyone, it's fine because I'm just watching this big TV. But then you get picked on you like, oh shit, should I actually be here? I'm a good example. So last year I drove down to Tipperary and I had no like I went to watch a, it was like a two hour talk on some psychologist that he was talking about Carl Young.

and I was sitting there with a load of like there was like a hundred therapists I was like how did I end up signing up for this when did I sign up for this actually I don't even remember and I was sitting around and I was like oh shit I hope then nobody asks me a question or talks to me because I got to quickly figure out that I don't know what I'm doing here

and I went by myself as well but it was fine I just sat down and I just watched it and I didn't interact with too many people but yeah that was a that was a a time when I got out of my comfort zone, I think a little bit. I also think people that go to these events forget that the people up

on stage are also nervous. It wasn't like everyone at my event was, you know, oh, this will be fine, it'll be grand. I had a couple of people said, it was like, all right, let's see how this goes. And I'm looking at them going, oh, I wouldn't expect that from you

at all. Like, you know, and I think I remember it was one of your client things we did myself and kelly and i remember you telling me about doing that and i was like all right yeah great i think i said she was like what the fuck am i going to talk to them about and uh i think it was like a week or two before he told me kelly was going realize which kelly you were talking about and i was like oh fuck and i'm like why am i going with her and i remember i was meant to be going second she was meant to go first on the day you were like uh you were going first actually and then Kelly will go on. I'm like, oh, Jesus, this is, like, I think it was the night before the event I'd met friends and I had said to them, I was like, so I had this on tomorrow and they're

like, what are you going to talk about? And I was like, everything. And they're like, what you mean everything? I was like basically like 28 plus years of demons and they were like, so you're going to tell all these people like, everything, everything. And I'm like, yeah, and they're like, is that not terrifying? And I was like, well, they're not my client. So it doesn't really fucking matter. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to lose anyone by doing it. Yeah, yeah, just trauma. trauma dumping on a bunch of strangers. All your horror stories, nights out and things, just tell them everything around grand.

Isn't that easier though as well to tell strangers about them things rather than people that you know? Isn't it like the girls talk about a girl's bathroom on a night out, how you can make best friends with someone in there

that you will tell them all your darkest secrets and never see them again? Yeah, yeah. Or a lad that you met on a session that I'd like talking to him like five o'clock in the morning. you're my best me you're my best friend and you never see him again

never again to be seen but you'd find out you've just hallucinated them and they didn't even excuse me back to yourself on the pavement okay we're gonna go back to being the

the name of the podcast that it is we're going back to Reddit to answer a couple of questions and these are in these are all dedicated to Rob and Rob's current situation ship

all right so yeah a lack of yeah what is the name of the podcast the name of the podcast is she's in the way

oh but now we're going to change it to she's not that into you oh no I'm for the other one even though pigeonholes

is into a demographic it doesn't hurt as much well you might get um you might get sued for the name of a I think there's a film

isn't there yes there is a name of a film because she's not that into you I think is it? Yeah. Is Mathew McConae is in it?

Is he? I think. No, no. Oh, that's how to lose a guy in 10 days. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we all know those movies, but I was thinking failure to launch. All of the same. It's all the same meaning, isn't it?

Okay, so, okay, so let's get into it. So, write a question. Okay, this is called it. Okay, so question, there's this. girl I've been seeing for about two months, we've gone out three times. She has suggested a few of the dates. She also only messages me once every 48 hours. However, during those texts, she usually sends 10 to 15 messages. She also is only ever available for dates once every two weeks. On these dates, she tends to hang out with her friends before or after, and we haven't

gone on a date longer than four hours. She also says she does not want to kiss until, or she does not want to kiss until for a while, cited her last relationship. She didn't kiss until around six months and shies away from physical affection of any sort. She also will alternate paying with me, which I quite like. From my perspective, it seems like she's lonely

and using dating as a pretext for company. That or she doesn't really want the relationship, but her friends, family, society are pushing her to. get into a relationship. What do you think? Right, there's a lot to unpack there. I don't know, man, for me, obviously, I go with, like, the, if I was looking as the, as anxiously attached,

I would have looked at the texting and stuff and the frequency of dates as, as a worry. Then, like, the more, like, I've looked into that now, the last while, I'd also see it that. We all have fucking lives. John, you could, like, if you don't know the exact situation, it could be, I can't talk to you now for a while, and then John, she's sending 15 messages at a time.

Yeah, but is seeing someone only two, every two weeks, a bit of a, like, flag, or is it just like a reflection of her lifestyle? I think it depends on how far away from each other you live and what your lifestyle is. And what's going on in life, man, because, like, John, we had, we had the event there at the weekend. I have to do a run on Sunday.

there's going to be there's two weeks there where like either what you're doing on a date or when you can do the date is going to change and it doesn't mean it's going to line up like Saturday night might suit her whereas... Okay, let me flip it then.

Would you be content with someone only going on a date that you liked only going on a date which every two weeks and only messaging you every 48 hours? No. No. I try to be fair and not bring my fucking shit into it either like that's the

other size. I think if it depends on like if it's two months if you've not seen each other that much it's still early days. And also also let me sorry just caveat that because you probably forgot some of the things that I said

she also doesn't want to kiss for she doesn't want to kiss for six months six months and shy's away from physical affection of any sort we pulled we both pulled faces when you said that the first time for us that's I get the impression that's probably not ideal but also at the same time people have different physical boundaries don't they I would say that that's shine away from it and a bit of

anxiety around that physical affection probably shouldn't be dating then I get people have boundaries and you like don't people set up a time in their head but like, don't, not getting too physical is one thing. Not kissing for two to six months is another thing. All right. I mean, here's another question for you, Edelmer. At what point does slow dating become leading someone on?

That's a tricky one though, because they mightn't be leading you on. They just might be taking their time. you don't know. That's what I'm asking you. I'm asking you, at what point does slow date and become leading someone on? In your perspective?

I suppose when it gets to the when it gets to the point for you that it's like, it's frustrating. You know, that things aren't moving forward. You don't know why it's not moving forward. I think that's the big one, not knowing what's going on.

So like, if there's no communication around why it's not, happening or why certain steps aren't being taken as you're seeing each other for a certain amount to time then it's a bit of a problem yeah I'd say so so do you think that he should like what do you think rob um so I'm just getting confused because you're going really slow for me jers going normal but I don't know if there's a glitch he dropped for a second but I think he's back now that's cool um it's all contextual and it depends on the person's point of view so like for me if that was happening,

I'd probably feel like I was being led on. But you don't know what the other person's going through. So it's really difficult. But I think that's where what Jerk says comes in, like it's the communication. Like if you bring up the fact that you feel like that's happening, and then they go, ah, I understand why you're feeling that way,

based on what you've said, this is why this is the case. Then it's, yeah, then it's up for you to determine whether or not that's going to work for you, I guess, isn't it? So you think he should directly ask her about our intentions? Yeah, why not? Yeah, if that's what he's concerned about,

like if he's happy with how he's going, which he obviously isn't, because he's been a Reddit post. That's what I'm going to say. If you're asking, if you're asking fucking Reddit, what's going on, you should probably just ask her. Or just give up, because if you're asking Reddit, it'd probably fucked right.

Yeah, yeah, that's probably a big one. Well, I actually, I actually... How old is that post? How old is it? I think it was last week. I think it was Rob actually. You definitely fucking asked chatchee-T

or a friend before you put it out a Reddit post if it was in the last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although it's gone on me now, so I don't know where it's gone, but I have it on. But yeah, I, me personally, if

if someone, if I'm only seeing someone every two weeks and they're only if I'm sending them a message and they're only getting back two days later I'm like no even if or first of all it's going to be she's not interested in you like I think 98

98% that's going to be the real reason is they're not interested in you because I mean if you're interested in someone like come on you have your phone on you 24-7 you're probably looking at your phone more times than

than you're not in the day. So if you're not replying the message, it's probably because you're like I'll message that person later when I'm not busy. I did see a good I saw a good video there two days ago where it was just a

girl with a stopwatch and she was talking about people responding to your message or not having time. And I think she was just like I'm really busy at the moment. I really want to reply to you but I'm going to have to do it later on. I'll talk to you then. And she clocked it

like seven, eight seconds. And it's just that idea that like, we all have a feckin moment to send that little message. Yeah. So it doesn't take you long, whether it's a voice note or a message and people bring their phones everywhere.

Yeah. I think it's, it is still tricky. Like, I think if you actually care about the person you're wanting to get to know them dating wise, yes, it's easy to do that. But then if you are trying to keep in contact

with clients, friends, family, one or two people that you might be dating. I know yes, it does just add up to a few of those seven seconds, but if you're constantly doing that every day, it can get difficult. But if it's the person that you're interested in dating, there's not really any excuse, I don't think, because that's kind of...

Well, you kind of just answered the question though there, didn't you? Because, like, if it's someone that you're interested in, you're going to probably make them a priority in terms of respond to them. I don't respond to loads of people because I'm like, oh, I've 20 messages in my Instagram inbox. I'm just going to leave them there. I'll answer them. Like, I'll answer clients when I'm ready.

I'll answer, you know, my friends when I'm ready because. Just like you leave us in Limerick and drive off to do what you need to do in Bray. Exactly. I prioritise this podcast once a week. You know what I mean? But like, that's what that's what I mean. Like if it's someone that you're interested in, you're probably, you're going, you're going to have time. to respond to them quicker than 48 hours.

You're just choosing not to. And the reason that you're choosing not it is probably because you're probably not that into them. Or you're just not interested in getting to know them because if you're only been seeing them once every couple of weeks for a little while, you don't know them enough to determine,

well, maybe you do. I was going to say you don't really know them well enough to determine that you want to speak to them that much because you don't know them. them, I'm saying the same words over and over again. Yeah. Well, it's either, it's either you don't like them enough to just send that little message, or

you're playing that game of, I don't want to be that available, which is just a fucking shit way to do things. Like, it's been messaging 20 people at the same time, and you can't remember who you've messaged to. And, yeah. Yeah, but then if you, then if you do care about that one person, and then

you look to see that message. Yes, I agree. I'll, I'll, Also then, on top of that, is waiting six months for a kiss, is it a boundary to respect or just a sign of incompatibility that you just don't fancy that person? I mean, it's definitely a boundary to respect because if they've said that's the boundary and then you go for it and it's basically, it's, yeah, it's an invasion of their privacy or whatever their boundaries. So yes, it's to respect, but also it's for them to respect that that's not enough for you. if it's what you want Yeah it goes both ways You can't like someone doesn't want to kiss you for six months

But wants to get to know you That's what they want to do If you don't want to do it That's on you'd call out Okay but here's the flip side of that Okay let's say this lad is like Oh well I like this person So I'll hold out for the six months

Hoping that you know Then things will You know start to move forward and you know But the reason she's not kissing him isn't because she's respecting our boundaries because she's probably someone that she does like she might kiss them in two weeks time or a week's time

or a first day. So it's like could you potentially be just leading this person on rather than like she's respected our boundaries? Depends what she's doing like that's the thing you don't know. Like if she's only seeing you and that's her boundary then we don't know but we have to decide for this man.

I would put it if we have to decide what he's going to do you should start responding to these people after if you're sending the message into Reddit I think you should end it yeah okay that's so

so we're all at agreement that he should move on from this woman if he's not going to talk to her and he's not going to ask a friend or not even fucking chat GPT like a public forum to see what should I do he probably knows what he should do

he just wants someone else to decide it either or he shouldn't be dating and the reason well she shouldn't either yeah okay I'll give you another Reddit one this is from a different

male what are signs that a woman isn't fully interested in you by woman I mean someone you've already talking to but isn't interested in you as a priority I know the obvious signs I'm very socially

socially aware but the smaller signs I'm not good at recognizing them Like, women or even people in general aren't obviously going to straight up say, yeah, I don't care about you that much. But what are some subtle signs that I should just move on and that they aren't interested intimately as a priority? What do you think are some smaller signs that she's not interested in you? She's not asking questions back. Is this from personal experience?

Yeah, yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah. No, no fair. I think that's one of the things is, I mean, it won't happen all the time, obviously, if they're busy, they're working, and they just want to respond.

If they're not going to just be like, oh, I want to know whether or not he's doing this. But if it's consistently you directing the conversation, they're not interested. They're enjoying the attention. Maybe you're distracting them from something, but they don't want to know about you. And even if they are enjoying that,

and they're like, oh, do you know what, I'm enjoying this relationship. Jer is really interested in me or Carl's really interested in me. I'm going to keep going, but then you don't actually spend the time to get to know them. Then they're just messing you about. They're leading young. Yeah, I agree. What about you, Jer? I suppose like not making time to hang out or canceling plans last minute would be a big thing.

Without looking towards putting. another plan in place. If they're act like if someone isn't asking you questions or you're leading the conversation and they're not really interesting getting to know you. If someone doesn't make the time to hang out with you, then what are you doing? Like, yeah, the council, now I'm going to,

I'm going to call myself out here, but the cancel thing is, I think, a big one because loads of times I've, like, told someone that I would go on a date with them and then the last minute, like, I'm at home. oh man, I'm working or I have like, you know, with the podcast and I'm going to edit it. And then I'm like, oh, after this I have to go meet someone and it's going to be inconvenient or beforehand.

And then I just say, oh, I can't make it at the moment. Sorry, really busy and work, but we'll definitely reschedule. And then I don't reschedule. That's because you're not interested because you're not making a plan for the reschedule and you're just, you're putting work ahead of it. Or are you so interested, you're feeling anxious about it. So you're just going, do you know what? rather than risking

failing here I'm going to do the stuff that I know I'm good at and I'm going to win Yeah very true Sometimes that's true Sometimes that's true On maybe like a first date

With someone who like I don't know who it is Or how it's gonna go And it's like It's like I could beat this person And we could have a real awkward conversation Or I could just get some work done

And then maybe go to the gym And then maybe see my friends Which do I know Which Uncertainty versus No the outcome, at least I know with this outcome that I'm going to be productive and I'm going to enjoy my hour versus

you know, spend time with this person that I don't know and having to ask them what's their favourite colour. Then you don't want to go. You don't want to go anyway because unless it's a blind date with someone you've never met, you're either going to be interested in going or not.

So if you're just like, I'll go to the gym, I'll do a little bit of work that I could do later or tomorrow, then you don't want to do the day. Yeah, true, very true. Very true. And I don't want to do the day most of the time, 90% of the time. Is there any other, like, small little subtle, subtle hints that they're not interested?

So obviously, you're always the first to initiate conversation and texts. They're kind of short with their responses, maybe. They cancel last minute. Anything else? There's probably loads. Probably they don't tell anybody about you. Yeah. Like, if you're going to go on a date,

maybe not Carol. Carver will tell us afterwards so he can cancel it first and then have another reason to. Just can cancel it as well. Most people are going to tell someone there. I think a lot of times when you're really interested in someone, you might hold it back a little bit. But if you've been seeing someone,

if you've been seeing someone on and off for a while and, you know, nobody knows about it. I think that's a bit of a fucking sign as well. Yeah, true. going back to what you were saying Gerra about organising things I think talking about the future is like it doesn't necessarily need to be

two years down the line or anything obviously but talking about or the awkwardness around talking about the future like if it feels like they're really uncomfortable with talking about something that you suggested doing two weeks down the line then you don't really

like I'm bad at organizing things even though I did the event at the at the weekend. I think it's, but like it's, it's blinders on focusing on something like, you know, we say it for the event or work, like, you're constantly thinking about it, but like organizing stuff like dates or hangouts, when I want to do it, I kind of need to have a plan. Now, that's my ADHD and my sprinkle of the tism. Like, I need to know, I need to know what's going on. But then if I don't have in the back of my head, like, Joe, Saturday, we have these hours

free, we'll do something. For me, when I say, Joe, we have these hours, we're both going to hang out for that and we'll do something. It means we will do something. I just haven't locked in exactly what we're going to do, but it's going to be fun and we're going to do it. But I think for some people they find if there is, like, I'm on the opposite side of it,

then as well, like, if you don't know exactly what's going on, you presume there's no real interest in them doing something. Like, if I tell you I have four hours blocked out to go hang out with you. We're going to do something, but I may not know until day of or night before. But at least you're talking about something in the... Doing something.

Even if it's not properly organized. A lot of people do prefer, I don't know if it's specifically women, but a lot of people do prefer knowing something solid is happening. But yeah, if you've said these are the four hours I'm free, let's meet up, we'll make a plan.

Then that's fine. You're only showing an interest in the future. It's also something I need to work on on the opposite side because I know if someone does that with me, I'm freaking out, well, what are we going to do? Should I have this? Should I do this beforehand? Will I get time to do this afterwards?

What will I wear? What will I wear? Should I wear these shoes? Or should I wear these shoes in case we're doing something else? So it is funny that like, I'm happy to go loosey-goosey with it when I'm keen on hanging out, but when someone else is talking about doing it, I need to know what fucking plan. If someone's in control, you need to know what they've controlled.

Yeah, that's my control issues. I do that as well. I'll book in like a time slot, but then I'll have no idea what the plan is. But also it's like if I've booked that time slot, then it's like, you know, things start to kind of, yeah. Because like I don't have a plan now, but the plan will come to me once I've put myself under the time pressure of that hour. Yeah, I need a bit of pressure to like get the ideas flowing. Like, we'll do something. Yeah.

We'll do something. It won't be boring. That's for fucking sure. Um, okay. I found, I found on, um, uh, substack. So I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna read you out these, uh, 30 signs and you can tell me if you agree with them or not. So 30 clear signs, she's not that into you.

So she rarely responds or takes forever. So we've, we've nailed that one down. If it takes her, uh, her two days to answer a simple text, she's not prioritizing new. interested women make time. She never initiates contact. Rob, you said that. Her replies are always dry and born. One word answers, no question back,

no emoji, no energy. Yeah, she always seems too busy, work, skill, family. She cancels plans frequently. Jerry, you said that. She only hits you up when she needs something. So a ride a favor. I don't think they meant the ride like that.

I think they meant that. I think they meant that. double meanings. I think they meant to lift somewhere. But maybe they do need that as well. Help with something but just never to see you. That's using, not liking. She doesn't laugh at your jokes.

Interesting one. Yeah, that's true, I think. Well, you could also be shit of telling jokes. Yeah, but... That's interesting to you because you should be good at telling jokes. But some people aren't funny.

Yeah, I know, but I think even if you're not funny, right, I think if you like someone you find them funny in a little way Yeah okay yeah Whether it's sarcasm or in things they do Yeah yeah just their demeanor and stuff like that It could do like they they might not be

They might not be trying to be funny but they You find it This one this one's directed at they don't laugh at my jokes So maybe your jokes aren't funny Maybe they'll laugh at other things you do But maybe you just aren't good at telling a joke Maybe they're right to not like you because you just don't have humour.

Yeah. John. A woman who's into you finds you funnier than you really are. If she's stone-faced, she's detached. Yeah. Yeah. Like I suppose it goes with the one before. Like if you are,

if you're a little bit funny, if they are interested in you, they're going to find you funnier. Did Addy has ever watch Modern Family when you're younger? Yeah. Yeah. There's a great line.

where Phil says he goes you can take my wife you can kiss her you can sleep with her but don't ever make her laugh yeah yeah it's a good one so true there's one better making someone laugh

I think it is it's important it depends on how your brain functions and like whether there's any kind of autism there as well but laughter is really important for connection yeah just being able to

have a good time. And even if it's not a funny situation, laughter comes with enjoyment. So even if you haven't told the funny joke, you're going to find, you're going to laugh or smile. I would hate to be in a relation with someone the rest of my life who, I can't have a laugh where he doesn't

find me hilarious because let's be honest, you know. That might be something you need to work on. Okay, she avoids physical touch. We've had that conversation. she doesn't flirt back she talks to other men that's definitely what I say what you mean by that she talks to other men okay so especially if she goes out

out of her way to tell you who she finds attractive that's a silent rejection she's not saying it to you directly as well you want there needs to be like an intensity of how much like if I was to date someone yeah and then I was going oh she's hot oh she's nice oh she's got a nice ass whatever it is if i wasn't saying that to her i mean i would never say those things anyway but if i wasn't saying those things times a hundred to her i don't think i'd should be well within a right to to not be happy with me i'd say if she's if you're saying them let's say if you're saying them things with her on a day i wouldn't i don't think that's i don't know you're not going to have a very good fucking day but you mean directly to her or to

about the thing. Yeah, like, oh yeah, look at her. She's good looking, like, to your day. Wish I was having a drink with her. Hold on a second. I got to have to go tell her she's the nice arts. I wish I was on a date with her instead of. I've been on dates where it's felt like that, to be honest. Really? So, for example, there was one, I mean, I've got another story that's not exactly great. You have all the dating experience, so you're the best one to give us.

experience on this. Not sure whether that's a compliment. Well, it is. Like I said, I just cancel and stay in my room doing work. So, like, I don't think that's a... He never leaves this plant at all. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so I was dating someone, and it was going to be short term because I was living in Cornwall, and I was going to be leaving Cornwall anyway, so it's kind of short term. They basically said to me, she listens to this at all. She'll know exactly who I'm talking about, because the next story is about her as well. Anyway, we're a loud Gus. This is our podcast. We're allowed to talk about... We're allowed to talk about...

We're not bitch about anybody that we want. My name and address is... Yeah. She basically said to me... Her name is hoey. There's nothing to do with her. Let's not say that. I basically was on a date with her, or a few dates with her.

We were chatting. We got on really well. And she was basically just like, if you had an arm's sloth, sleeve, like tattooed, I'd propose to you right now or admire you right now. And I was like, okay, so you're basically saying everything about me is great other than the fact that I don't have this painting on my arm. And I was like, okay, fair.

Like, I'll take that as a sort of compliment, but also you're concerned about what your priorities are. So kind of glad this is short time. She's a lovely girl, by the way, like really, really nice just to get that out there. But she was then, when we were on a date, she was. there were guys walking past and maybe it's because she'd kind of put my mind on it, I don't know. But anyone that had a tattoo, it was just like,

oh, and it was like, I'm here. So yeah, that kind of bothers me on a date. Yeah, I think straight away, it's a dick thing to say. No offense,

but I'm like, well, I don't have a fucking tattoo. Maybe I'll get one, but I'm not going to get one now because you sell it. I don't think it's a no offense. to like being on a date with someone and not pointing out that someone else is hot

or I think this is hot you don't have this so it's like that it should be a no go anyway that's like that's the here's the equivalent to that right so you're sitting with a girl on a date and she has blonde hair and you're like oh you know I just love brumets

if you dyed your hair I would get with you straight away yeah now you've put it into that context that was a bit of a dick isn't it? Yes, it is a dick move. It was a dick move. Not a bit, it was a dick move.

I think, so I've dated a few people, and I think sometimes I've brought insecurities up like that, and they've just gone, that's just your insecurities. And it is, technically, it wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't insecure about something, but you've also made it an insecurity by telling me

I'm not good enough because I don't have this. Yeah, sounds like gaslighting a little bit. Maybe, yeah. it's okay to have insecurity I think if you bring up an insecurity to someone and they're just like oh that's just your insecurity is like well fucking duh yeah yeah that's exactly what it is

but you probably should approach talking about it a lot fucking better than you're mentally weak you use this fuck funnily enough the same person and I hope he doesn't listen to this so we've been on a date we'd had a few drinks we've gone back to hers

we hugged and I was sat next to her watching a film then on her iPad and she was just on a phone and I was like I'm not going to look like there's no need for me to see what she's doing on the phone I'm going to watch this film

but then I did glance over and I saw a message to this guy and I was like do you know what I don't need to say anymore I'm sure it's just a friend she's messaging them after the night I was saying how great our night was about three weeks later

four weeks later posting about him on Instagram this is kind of like after I'd left Cornwall posting about him on Instagram basically her together she was messaging the guy that she was pursuing whilst in bed with me and I'm like I get this is casual but that's there's got to be

some sort of level of respect that's casual all right that's as casual as it gets Jesus Christ she was only short of inviting him over while you were still in the bed she'd probably kick me out she'd be like Can you just share the couch with the cats? Get out of this bed unless you have a sleeve on your arm, Rob.

He has plenty of tattoos, so they should be happy. There you go. Yeah, that's, that's what's your, what's your, what's your, I suppose that is also like, you know, a bit of a like concern. If you, if you have to, if you have to look at, if you're, if you're constantly finding yourself looking at your partner's phone or the person that you're seeing, their phone, that's probably not a good sign either, but like there

was obviously, you know, you were right to kind of glance over as well because you're, you're right next to each other. It wasn't like I've previously in relationships I have like especially when I was like 16 or something I was just like, oh, I've seen a message come through. I'm going to have a look

at that. Oh shit, I've opened it now and I've done that in the past and like I don't think there's any benefit to that because you just misconstrue what's been read anyway, most written most of the time anyway. and it's their phone like that's their property but when they're doing it

like would have been like 30 centimetres away from each other and she was just like phone in front of me so it was you're gonna look not necessarily like oh I wonder what she's up to just there's a life there's no fear there on her part at all yeah yeah I'm gonna message this other guy while I'm in bed with another guy

yeah she was literally on Tinder after she yeah she's wiping behind your back like I've actually been on a date with someone who got their phone out and just started doing this mid-conversation. And I was like, sorry, what are you doing? She's like, oh, I'm just on Tinder. So I just wanted to show you this guy that I've been talking to. And I was like, that's wild.

This is our first date. That's wild. And did you use me on Tinder? Yeah. And I presume you didn't leave. Do you know what? I can't remember the rest of that date, to be honest. I think I kind of just

blocked everything else out that's crazy that's crazy like I think I'm bad like in terms of like my behaviour but like that's that's wild I would

I would rather just not show up then like you know show up and show zero interest in the person you know what I'm in here's what I'm talking to it's just like

yeah I think we could probably do a whole episode on dates that I've been on. I've probably forgotten loads of them, but I could bring loads of them in. Okay, well, let's see. Luckily, like, lucky like one percent of them

are like that, usually. And it's usually depends on how you approach it and how you go into it, going, oh, I just want casual. Or you make it obviously, you just want casual, because then they're kind of like, ah, this is just... Well, that girl, uh, Hugh, that girl obviously made a casual anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, but there's being casual and then there's being a dickhead. Yeah. You can be casual and wait until you're gunned fucking do that. Yeah.

Maybe you give off the vibe of like, everybody come on in the bed. Yeah. I'm not going to comment on that on this podcast. Boys, girls, pets. Yeah.

I'll bring my own stool to sit in the corner. Yeah, I'm just a simp. No, it's not simp. It's something like that. I'm a voyer. What's the, what's the people called who

get tied up and they put a bag over their head or something like that and is it a Gimp? Probably something like that. Yeah, Gimp has the mask. Yeah, yeah. What about the lads who like put an apple in their mouth and like they get tied up and then the girls like beat them up?

Is that BDSM or something? That's BDSM, yeah. Okay, anyway. Okay, so she's always on her phone around you. she doesn't remember things you tell her she avoids being alone with you she's emotional you know the one where you said she's always on a phone with you

yeah if that's linked with she's also shit at responding to you you're just like well you me and you're always on your phone why yeah yeah that's that's big yeah you're out she's always on your phone around you and yet she could when you're not with her she doesn't respond to you definitely

had that yes that's yeah yeah that's an interesting one if she'd rather scroll than connect it says everything she doesn't remember things you told her a woman who likes you will pick up on the small details if she forgets she wasn't paying attention

she avoids being alone with you group settings only no effort to spend one one time that's intentional she's emotionally unavailable if she keeps saying she's not ready for a relationship or figuring things out believe her what do we think we're going on

she's telling you yeah I don't think we so we probably don't and I don't think some of the women that I've dated have either actually meant sometimes what they say because they're kind of either testing

a boundary to see how you respond to it they're saying it but don't actually know whether they believe it but because they've said it you should believe it I think I think you'd be better off believing it. Yeah like if you're saying that to test a boundary or

test a reaction then it's wrong. Like fuck, like grow up, like yeah. So I just grow up like this, the whole fucking cat and mouse and playing games and I'll text him here, I'll wait so long to text

or, you know, I'll say this to see how they react. It's just fucking childish. Saying you're not ready for a relationship is basically saying I'm not ready, I don't want to, not ready for that relationship is that I'm not ready for a relationship with you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes and no. I think definitely not with you because otherwise they wouldn't be saying it in that moment but I think a lot of the time I might backtrack because I think if you do meet the right person in the right moment

even if you're all going through a shit time you don't feel like you're ready with work with lifestyle with whatever but you meet the right person in that moment and you click you're not going to fight us yeah she doesn't compliment you

women who like you will find little ways to type you up if it's radio silence she's not attracted what did you know I think people have different ways of demonstrating things don't they so like but I love when a woman slags me yeah

you also need a stool in the corner of a room as well everything yeah you're massacist yeah yeah I think that's that's a bit of a thrill there's some it's banter there yeah it's a little different

if you're both throwing it back and forth at each other compared to that she's just putting you down We just shout at each other's scream. It's just toxic. I think a lot of people, if they hear those negative thoughts, they're like, oh, it's confirmation of what I already thought about myself. So therefore, I feel safe with this environment.

But then, because if you're in your head and you don't compliment yourself that much, you don't back yourself, hearing a compliment is then really uncomfortable. So I can see why you would avoid that a little bit. And maybe they would avoid them compliment you afterwards, because they're like, well, you didn't really respond to that very well. You're ugly. you don't have a tattoo sleeve, I don't fancy you, is sometimes the best way

to respond to that. Yeah. Laugh at me, that was a joke. No, no, no, I was, sorry, I was pulling up these, I was pulling up these several cognitive biases and fallacies that cloud rational decision making and dating.

So do you want to hear these? These are good, okay? So you obviously know the sum cost fallacy. You're not going to tell us anyway. Yeah, you're going to tell us anyways. but you can comment on them so number one the sun cost fallacy so you keep investing time energy or money into someone because you've already

put a lot in even if the connection isn't working I've already been seeing her for months I can't walk away now yes you can you should if you're saying that you need to walk away yeah that was my that was my experience in my last relationship because we were because we had put so much time and effort

into each other like we just kept on ignoring like the toxic behavior of the relationship and just trying to make it work. I also think that's its situation. I'm going to play the other side of this. Yes. Love that. If you're going to do,

like, if you're saying a couple of months and you put time into this and you're like, I'm not going to bow out now because I put so much time, not a long time. If you put in a couple of years with someone and problem, like, we're fucking human. There's going to be problems within a relationship, outside of relationship. It all depends on what

the problems are, what level of toxicity they are, are they resolvable, are they not resolvable, are you compatible, incompatible? I think every situation is different so I think the whole I have put so much time into this, using

that phrase to look at it is wrong. It's I love this person, I want to spend my life with this person. These issues can be worked on if we work on them together but if you don't actually try to work on them

then you are wasting that time yeah true yeah I do also believe that there's like a culture of like if they're not respected you sack them off blah blah blah it's just like all right everything's uh everything's everything and everyone's replaceable

so it's like get rid of the grass the grass is always greener I saw a good one I was talked with therapists about it it's the 90-10 rule with relationships it's where we have like we have 90% of everything we want in a relationship but there's this 10%

that we're missing so we decide to go look for the 10% elsewhere we get the 10% elsewhere but we lose out on the 90 yeah that's so good that's very good rather than working on the 10 because relationship is work you know we joked about like going away and how like you know after a couple of weeks

we might be sick of being in the one room together like this is you're not we're not we're not sleeping in the same room. I'm getting my own room away from in the same building together but like, yeah, you're definitely getting your own room. Probably lock us out of the villa anyway.

But like, fucking, well, like, the idea is like, all of this stuff takes work. Do you know, if, unless it's highly toxic, unless it's not resolvable, you are incompatible. Then you're gonna have to fucking roll up your sleeves

and come around. I think I saw one where it's, um, everyone loves spring and summer but autumn and winter rolls around. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

I like that a lot. Okay, here's the second one. This one's for Rob. Hado effect. You overvalue someone because of one's attractive qualities and ignore the red flags. I love how that's for you. Go ahead and explain. Why is that one for me, mate?

No, I'm just asking, do you have any experience? Oh, right, okay. That was me just clearly projected myself there. Probably, can you repeat the question? So the second. So the second. So the second fallacy is the halo effect. So you overvalue someone because of one attractive quality.

So they look good basically. So you ignore. They look good or you have shared interests or they have charm or whatever it is. So you ignore other red flags. Well, you're listing too many things there, man. Like it's either they're attractive and you're ignoring all the flags or you find them attractive. You have similar interests. You find them charming.

No, no, no. you overvalue someone because of one attractive quality. Okay, right. And you ignore the red flags, all the other things that aren't going well, like they don't communicate. You see them once every two weeks. They're short with you. Yeah, go ahead.

I think for me, I'll see those one or two traits. I think if it's just one, I'll probably avoid it. But if it was like one or two or not many, and then I see all of the other things keep on cropping up as the dating continues I don't think it's that I ignore them I think it's that I try to fix them or at least try to discuss them

to make them work for me almost in a way but then you kind of then get in this spiral of you're trying to work on these things you feel like you're working on them you now have invested that time the sunk cost fallacy you've invested that time in it and you've gone oh well we've

gotten to this point we've manipulated each other emotionally and physically and we're now in this position where we should work and it doesn't and then I think you just get yourself in a bit of a negative headspace definitely done that but I think learning from it potentially

yeah I think everyone's done that confirmation bias so you selectively notice the signs that she likes you and downplay the ones that she that show disinterest. Like, she only texts me every few days, but she did, she did smile when I told that joke,

so she must be into me. Um, um, um, yeah, well, it's just, you just,

you want something, you want something, so you're just going to ignore everything else. You know, like you see lads on nights out and it's like, she looked at me. She obviously wants to come home with me. And everyone's God's gift

to fucking, uh, pull on a woman. It's just like, oh, she looked to my direction or she smiled at me. It was like, not that you've been staring at her for the last five minutes and she has to awkwardly smile so you fuck off. Yeah, or she works there and she's smiling at you

because it's like, quick for service. Yeah, you know, like that's going away. Okay, that's it. I think that was about 16. Sorry. I was like 16. I went to this football game with my mate and he didn't let me live it down. Basically, you know, just going to get a pie or something

and the girl behind the counter smiled at me. And I was like, no, that wasn't just like, that wasn't a smile. That was a smile. And he was just like, nah, mate. just get over it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it for like a couple of days and I was like

she just smiled at you she thanked you for giving her money for this pie and it's yeah daft but I think but I think I remember of reading something

where it's like men overly estimate that girls like them whereas girls underestimate or something like that okay I'll have to find

I'll have to find I'll bring that research into the next is that is that is that because like so getting men getting compliments or men having a woman smile at them is a big deal whereas the opposite way around women are sick of men leering at them and giving them compliments they don't want possibly yeah like i would say so um it might be that or also like men are just here here it is here so what the research suggests the sexual over the sexual over perception bias is a well documented phenomenon men tend to to over perceive a woman's sexual interest in them more than women overperceive men's.

In a speed dating study, men were more likely than women to say that the other person showed interest. Interest then was reported. Some theories argue it's safer from an evolutionary perspective for men to assume interest and risk being wrong rather than missing a potential opportunity. Beyond sexual interest, there's also research shown men tend to overestimate their own attractive their own attractiveness in general more than women do. Yeah, like, how often do men get approached by women

to be asked out in a date or show an interest? Not, like, I can imagine the numbers are very fucking low. Yeah. So, like, for men, it's the case of, like, I won't know unless I ask her. Maybe that smile did mean something. Maybe it didn't. Maybe she just handed me food and she works there,

so her smile is part of her job. you know that kind of way like certain situations you don't you won't know it you ask it was like john you only miss the shots you don't shoot yeah yeah i think i think it's probably more beneficial for men to be a little bit ignorant and to go for it rather than then then kind of sit on the fence i think i think i said it the last we're talking about the date maps the last day bumble you don't like how bumble it's uh you match and then the woman has to message you first. And we always joke about like,

so lads, how do I message them? What do I say to them first? And you're there trying to come up with a witty line or something that's going to engage them. And then you go to this app and then all you get is, hey. Yeah. And then you're like, oh my God, she's actually talked to me. I'd love to know the percentages of like dates

on that app. Like, does that, I wonder like, does that method work, is it more successful or less successful? than other date maps because i reckon it's probably less partly because earlier this year i went on bumble and actually they've altered it so they they now give you the opportunity to for the woman to give a prompt for the man to respond to um so they're trying to up the engagement that way i guess you've got the choice still so you don't have to put a prompt yeah because that's that's like just because

like that's never how things have been so like i i it's not i don't think it's in a woman nature to be the instigator yeah instigator I think it's fundamentally biologically you know put on the mail to

proceed there's been a lot of profiles that I've seen on dating apps as well that go don't expect you to message first because I'm scared of rejection or something like that and I think they're just the honest people that are going

they're saying what everyone else is thinking really yeah yeah I think it's I think it's human nature her. Projections, you assume she feels what you feel just because you like her. Example, you're thinking about her all day, so you tell yourself she must be shy. That's why she's not showing interest when in reality she doesn't care. Yeah. I think that's, I think, I think, I think that's kind of what lads do, don't know. You even said at the very start of the podcast, or it's like, oh, yeah, well, like, you know, maybe she's busy, you know, maybe she has a lot of things off.

but in reality she probably just did want to text that man that's why she didn't text him for like two days yeah yeah I don't want to say that I suppose it all depends on the day and on the person and how much you like them

and different stuff like it's your insecurities like why aren't they messaging me you know like I messaged them there at like 9 o'clock who cares if they have an 8th hour job that they have to be switched on for the entire time you should find fucking two seconds like it goes goes both ways.

It is like you could. We said it earlier. If you wanted to really talk to someone, you should be able to take the 10 seconds to just go, I'm busy now. I'll catch up with you later. Here's another one as well. I've till more left.

So the scarcity effect and the gambler's fallacy. So the scarcity effect, you mistake her lack of attention as proof she's high value instead of seeing that she's not interested. An example would be she only sees you, every couple of weeks. So you convince yourself she must be really special when actually she's just not prioritizing you.

Or she's really busy because she's really important, but in fact she's just not prioritizing you. I think it's similar when they reject you at the end of the day as well. You kind of go, oh, well, I've been rejected, therefore they must be more valuable than me. I am now even more interested in them than I was in the first place. Yes. Yeah, I think that's a big thing.

for a lot of people, not projecting anything of my own experience at all. But yeah, as soon as that rejection gets, it's like, oh, I need to now be better for this person. Question here, okay? Do you think that the scarcity effect works well on like virgins versus like, let's say a bunny blue who has like gone through half of the UK? What do you mean, sorry? So what I mean by that is like, all right, so scarcity effects, right? because like not so many people let's say this girl's waiting for marriage or something like that right she might be she's 21 you're 24 23 you know that she hasn't been with anyone because she's waiting for marriage versus someone you know who's the same age who has you know ran through half of the town that you live in yeah the 21 year old waiting for marriage is going to be more keen on you showing interest and the one who has been,

the one who's gotten around is gonna, is gonna respond more to the scarcity side of it. Like, it's the old fucking saying and it's awful,

like, treat them mean, keep them keen, but like if you break it down into something that, like, if you're not as available to this person that thinks

you should be, like, thrown down in front of them, they are going to question why you're not doing it. We've seen it on, we've seen it on, out. We've seen it where like, you know, a group of lads, five, six lads, they're all chasing

after this one woman and the one lad that isn't chasing her, she's wondering why he isn't. Yeah. But I was thinking even in the sense of right, it's like, oh, this girl is not getting with everyone. So, because, because she's not getting with everyone, then if she chooses me, that's more valuable then because that's the, that's the scarcity effect. Then the, then the girl that's choosing me who's being true everyone. Does that know? Does that make sense?

It makes sense what you're saying, but there's a catch to it. Like the girl who hasn't, the girl who's saving herself and then she picks you to you it would make you seem more valuable because out of everyone she could have picked, she's picked you, but she also has

no experience. Okay, let's maybe not use the extreme example. She's not saving yourself. Maybe she's only been with one or two people versus and she's very like picky of who she chooses versus the person who uh gets with everyone yeah it's gonna make you feel more valuable yeah i think so yeah of it whether you actually are or not is a different thing but it will make you feel that way well and that's that's all that that really matters is how i feel okay last one the gamblers the gamblers the gambler's the

At the end of the day, it's your reality, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, last one, gambler's fallacy, you believe that if you stick, you believe if you keep sticking around, things will eventually turn in your favor. Example, she's rejected me a few times, but I'll keep patient.

If I keep patient, she'll eventually realize how good I am for her. I don't have any experience of that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's see. different different versions of it all right um suppose it kind of it kind of depends like i was only thinking there like off the last one like are we all just sitting around just going so i'm my work is so much up here fuck them if they're not doing this and then we're all just going to end up alone because the egos are so high that we're not we're not meeting anyone in the middle do know whether it's um whether

it's arguments or whether it's you know this he has that one little thing I'm not I'm not sure about but I love the rest of it you know it's the gambler one is kind of weird because like like if it's someone that you haven't

you haven't been with you know they're just rejecting you at some point you might need to realize that like you need to fuck off to all their pastures yeah but there's also there's that like push and pull of it's like Okay, sometimes

someone might not like you at the start, but like if you're persistent and you show that you care, they might open up and then it's like, oh, and then it ends up becoming. Like you, like, I have friends who is like, oh yeah, she rejected me on the first time. She rejected me the first time and the second time, but I kept asking her out and now we're going out,

now we have kids and we're married and everything. Like, so that kind of thing can be true. How the fuck are you meant to know? Like this, this is the, this is the problem. with it like with the joll they like um we don't want to go into fucking yes means yes and no means no but like that situation where your man's been rejected a couple of times now they're married with kids had he just decided after the first rejection to be like right well that's not for me then i'm gone he now wouldn't be married i'll say happily married with two kids yeah yeah

but then you but then you could also put it on the other on the flip side of that and be like well i've already told you no three or four times yeah like stop annoyed me Get out of my garden. Yeah, well, now, a little bit, fuck it, a little bit different. It's like, I've told you three times that you keep hiding in the bushes. I'm going to ring the guards. You know, a little bit fucking different. Stop, stop, stop ringing me on a, on a UK number.

I know it's you. Using a pay phone in the middle of the night to breathe down the phone. You know? But that's the problem then. You're just constantly in no man's land with it. You are. it's like what uh like either i'm like i'm either i'm making the effort and i'm persistent or i'm a stalker you know what yeah yeah well yeah it depends on how you go about us yeah yeah yeah what do you think

rob i think yeah like you just said there jay i think it depends on how you go about it but also how they respond if they're literally just saying no i can't do this weekend and then they don't respond and then you ask them again in a few more weeks and then they go no i don't I don't want to this weekend. Then asking again is all right, I think. But if they go, no, I'm really not that interested in you. And please stop messaging me. Don't ask again.

I think you kind of get a second. There's a great meme. And it's like, hey, do you want to hang out tonight? And she goes no. And then he replies, I was only being polite. I'm outside your house. Okay. Anyway, I love about the memes.

All right. I think we'll leave it there. I think we got through some solid stuff. And I'll, I'll see if I can send this podcast to that Reddit lad. See if we've, uh, give him some quality advice. I doubt it.