The Uneducated PT Podcast - Ep. 121 She's In The Way (Lessons from your 20s)

Episode Date: October 12, 2025

In this ep I'm joined by rob and ger to talk all about life in your early 20s 

Number one for Jerr, so what's one thing that you miss most about being in your 20s? I suppose not having the pressures of being an actual adult. Yes. There was a lot more, you know, you didn't really have to get your shit together. No. And I suppose when we're talking about our 20s, I suppose we have to talk about our early 20s, really. Because there's a big difference between being like 20 and 21. and 28 and 20.

Yeah, my early my early 20s and my late 20s are two very different very different things. So let's say your early 20s. Yeah, I would agree with that. You know what I miss about in my early 20s? Like, it was a very normal,

it was very normal to just like leave your house and just go out and hang around with your friends all day. Whereas like you would never even consider like if you're going to, if you've got a plan like everything needs to be planned now you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've done to know the schedule now like we used, was a, you used to come home from college in Cork, drop off your shit at home, parents house, leave on the Friday evening. And they're like,

when you'd be back, I'm like, I don't know, maybe someday. Yeah, like I wouldn't be out of the ordinary to be like, oh, it's a Tuesday I'd like, you just leave and just hang around

with your friends like all night and you might even like do like a random night out and it's like, that would be, that would be unheard of now. Like I'd be like well I can't see at three o'clock

on a Tuesday I have you know this to do and this to do and this to do. I'm a grown up I'm a grown up, I have things to do tomorrow. There's no way. You have to like schedule three weeks in advance if we're gonna we're gonna we're going for a coffee for an hour. Well like even we had um

my mate was home from Oz there in May and he only ended up going he was only going to have like a day free in limerick so like he was like we'll see who's around and I secretly organized like 17 to 19 people

to gather on Limerick three and a half months I was on top of them in their fucking WhatsApp group making sure everyone was down at a certain time doing that and I remember after someone was like that's really great now you did that

and I was like I never fucking do it again I'm like fuck that there's like three months to just get you to go this is the day we're coming down here just be here yeah you do you do have to plan

You know, you're all the same. My friends have kids, you know, some of them married. Like, you can't just go, I'm going off with the lads there on Friday and back on Monday. Yeah. But, like, I would say, I don't have them things. And even I would be apprehensive or struggle to find my, struggle to have that mindset again. Your job, your job in what you're doing and your extra curricular is are your wife and kids at the moment. Yeah.

do you think you think you're more ambitious as you get out there as well do you think that is it that has anything to do with it? Well like

depending on what you were doing in your early 20s you can't sit in front of a judge now and say I'm a stupid little child so you're gonna have to be a fucking grown you have to be a grownup about things you do have shit to do like don't

I bumped into one of the lads last night he's moving to Spain and he was having a pint and a few of the lads he was there with I don't really know and they were like stay out and I was like no I have shit to do tomorrow yeah exactly what's the worst

I would have done it before and I would have been fine wouldn't have been able to do it would have been great well well that's like like when I was in my early 20s I'd have no problem with just hanging out with my friends all day and not really considering anything else like and we could end up doing anything or everything and now it's like if I spend

the if I spent the whole day with someone and I hadn't got anything done I'd feel so I'd feel so unproductive that I'd start to stress. Is it that we're more is it that we're more ambitious or is it that we know what we're like and we know what will happen?

I don't know. Maybe we know the repercussions of... Like, I don't really get hung over. I'd be fine to go about my next day, but I do know that if I get going, I'll keep going. Yeah. It's, it is going to like show you can't be exactly be driving off to work

at like six in the morning when you've got home two hours beforehand. Yeah, I think it's probably just more responsibilities, isn't it? Yeah. Rob, what about you? What's one thing that you miss most about being in your 20s,

your early 20s? Do you mean apart from the hairline? Yeah, yeah. Actually, I take a fact, I miss my hairline, actually. I think, to be honest, I'm pretty happy with being in my 30s now. I think in my 20s, I was,

I mean, I still had a lot. I was holding on to a lot of anxiety, it was stopping me from risking things. Yeah. And I guess in that sense, so I don't necessarily miss how mine were. There will be aspects of it that I will. What aspects?

I can't think of it. I think I probably miss the opportunity to, because I did miss it, miss the opportunity to make them stupid mistakes when you're in your early 20s. I feel like I'm making them now, but it's a bad time to be making them. that makes sense.

Elaborate on that. I don't know. What, the mistakes I'm making. Oh, no, maybe the mistakes that you didn't make. Or the, like, what in the early 20s do you regret not doing that you're doing now? Just taking a risk with things. So whether it's dating, whether it's work, whether it's throwing myself in the social situations that make me anxious. because I feel like possibly just before

but I know we've talked about it before but IFS that was the first thing that I've kind of done that's bigish I mean I've gone to Camp America and stuff which is like really organized work but that's kind of the first thing that I've gone to by myself not having a clue who's going to be

there not really knowing what's going to go on and going into a completely different area and I think that's kind of then triggered in me oh this is possible whereas if I had done that 10 years ago 10 years before I think I'd have got so much more out of my 20s

than I have I think I've got a lot out of this still but that's probably it like just risk it like Emmeline said in a talk so no it was fuck you what ifs wasn't it and I think I just I let them fuck me and okay so in what way do you think that

you're you're taking more risks now in your early 30s I think I'm starting to realize that there's things that I've sort of missed out on and I'm going, oh, I want to do that before I settle down. I want to do this before I settle down. And I'm kind of trying to do those things now. They don't feel quite as satisfying as I thought they were going to. So I'm kind of glad I didn't like mess things up completely in my twenties.

Like what? I can't really think. I think we've talked about it a lot, but I think dating. I think Dayton is one of them, but I don't want to focus on that too much. I am now starting to take a few more risks with my work. I've played it safe with the teacher and stuff, and now I'm trying to, I had a call with Emeline yesterday and just trying to get into the coaching stuff,

so just sacking off some of the work that I'm doing at the minute. Going on holidays, the last holiday that I just went on was a bit. It was carnage, but that was good. coming over to Ireland, seeing you guys. Yeah, just a few things like that, really. I'm probably taking many risks. And did you find any beautiful ladies while you were away on holidays?

In Magalaf? Yeah. Not that I remember. All right. All right, here's a flip question for you then, Rob. What's one thing that you would never go back to see in your 20s? What for?

What to do again? Yeah, like what's one thing you'd never go back to doing? Or a way of living or, or is there anything that like in your 20s that you think god i'm glad i'm past that stage of my life um i think i'm only gradually just getting past it now but basically live in life for your ego quite as much i think i've done that quite a lot in terms of getting there gratification in the wrong areas of life basically or looking for it in the wrong areas of life, like, women, pretty women, whatever it is, just focusing on that being like the pinnacle of life rather than going,

do you know what, actually hanging out with your mates is pretty important. Like, focusing on family is pretty important. And I think my mind was just zoned into, I need to have a happy partner and be happy with my partner for my life to be good. But actually, there's like 99% other stuff going on that if you focus on that a bit more, it makes you pretty happy. the partner should just add to that, I think. Chair, what's one thing that you'd never go back to their 20s? Early 20s, facilitating people getting their hands on drugs. I never did any of that stuff, so I don't, I'm not really talking about.

Yeah, I'm listening to you talking about like going over to work in camps in the, was it, the states and stuff. And I'm just like, I think you might have been a little bit more fucking sheltered than me in my early 20s. I hopped on a plane after college when I was 22 to go to the States for a year with no plan. No plan. And I retired from an extracurricular gig that saw me working a lot at nighttime and traveling around the place,

meeting people with bags of sunshine, as I used call it. So that's the life I'm glad I would never go back to it. Now, to be honest, leaving to go to America, that was kind of my way out of that anyway. I kind of started to change it. What I find funny is my 20s, my 20s across the board had different levels of self-worth and confidence. Some was, you know, fake it till you make it.

Some was situational. So like early 20s, like, yeah, it's, you know, party socializing, the consumption of fun supplements. and being anxious as hell and self-worth being very low to moving to America and being, I would consider myself charming,

but being charming with an Irish accent in America means you could probably go out of murder someone. You know, like it's, you get away but anything over there. So like when it comes to, it's like a false confidence because, like I remember,

I think I was in a situation, I was minding someone one's dog. And we're up in a college and a group of girls came over to obviously say hello to the dog and I was with a few other Americans. And they're like, can we pet your dog? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you can pet my dog. Well, it's not my dog. I'm minded it for someone

else. And one of them turns, she's like, oh my God, are you from Ireland? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I am. And my mate was like, it's the first time I've ever seen a woman to ignore a dog for a person. And I was like, that's going to raise your fucking confidence. But I went from dealing to

coaching rugby. for women in Harvard like 20s were my early 20s to my late 20s a big switch around my the very start of my 20s you probably would have put money on me having a heart attack

my late 20s then I was getting back into rugby do you know what that kind of ties into what Rob said about taking risk taking more risks in your 20s and I always say that to young lads as well who were like I'm not sure what I want to do was like go half

across the world where you don't know what's going to happen or you don't know like what's you don't know anyone you don't know anyone you're forced to get outside your comfort zone you're forced to kind of be a different person than you are grown up in your surrounding environment and i think it's very very beneficial for for young people i think i think i had more confidence back at 25 24 25 26 back in myself yeah then i have in that i have in that i couple years. Yeah, do you know why that is, I think? Why? Because you obviously, you, you, you, you were off the back of probably taking risks as well, which built a little bit of momentum, and then obviously you were young as well. And then I think then when you, and then after that,

you probably settled into a little bit of a, uh, a life and a routine and probably took less risks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you definitely say that. You can 100% say that. Yeah, because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. That was the other side of it. And then I think like even doing the event the other week and going to the one in Leeds now at the end of the month, like

seeing my, like, don't people say the small fish in a big pond, I see myself as like a minnow in an ocean and what we do now. And like, I still have that comparison now. I think it was your event in July. Someone came up to,

it was one of your clients came up to, I think it was Joshua. it was like, when did the influencer is going to hang out with the peasants? And I just started laughing. I looked at Josh and I was like, you're a dirty influencer. And he was like, you're one of us. You're having an event. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not that fucking level at all. But over in America, I was applying for jobs at 25 as head coach for rugby and universities walking into rooms with other coaches who were 45, 50.

I remember one guy at some interview he was going for the same job and he was like are you going for the junior assistant job? And I was like, no, I'm going for the head coach job. And he was like, why do you think you should get it? And I was like, well, how long have you been coaching in rugby or involved in rugby?

He was like, eight years. And I was like, yeah, I've been doing this since I'm five and I can still run around with them. You know, so like, yeah, it was a diff, it was the self-confidence back then. It might have been a bit more arrogance, man. Yeah, but that's all, that's, I think that's also needed as well.

And that's the, that's the, that's the beauty of you, isn't it? It's like you can be a little bit arrogant. Yeah, it was that fuck it, you know? Yeah. And like that's kind of needed.

It's like, you know what I mean? Be a little bit arrogant because like you kind of have to kind of push down doors and I think unless you kind of back yourself that that them things never really happen.

Yeah. I think it's, I think in the last couple of years, even the last two, it's been going up and down in waves. I think most, most is well because I'm addressing a lot of shit.

Yeah. Like before you were just blocking everything out. Yeah, yeah, I think, you know what? This is so funny. This is like, I've been thinking about this for a while now, like this concept of like being like ignorant and arrogance but with a dash of confidence versus then creating a little bit more self-awareness

and that self-awareness then, you know, pulls you back a little bit and be like, all right, calm down you're not. you're not hot shit like you think you are and I think self-awareness can be a curse in a way because it can make you very aware to your limitations

versus being like I can do that give me the head coach job yeah well I think I wouldn't mind getting a touch of the fucking arrogance from 2016 back yeah yeah I'd be nice to take it back a little bit the self-awareness I think I joke my therapist

is like I have enough self-awareness now not that I don't have worked to keep doing, but I guess just leave me alone for a bit. Let me fucking move on. You know, I love being too aware kind of stops you a bit, doesn't it? You're too aware of stuff, so you focus on that, and then you can forget to just

appreciate everything else a little bit. You know, I love a meme, right? There's a great meme. Do I need any, what's the Sopranos when you're younger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tony Soprano, and there's this meme, and he goes, all this fucking self-awareness and where has it got me? And I love it. I love her. I love it.

Okay, Rob, question for you. was your idea of success in your 20s and then what did it actually look like in reality? Well, when I went to uni, I guess doing that and getting like a successful job, I went to do engineering first time round because I was like, oh, everyone thinks that will look good. It'll look good on my CV. Everyone will be impressed. So that was kind of from my early 20s, probably what was on my mind of being successful. And then I just, I hated the course. I did my master. I did my masters in it and just didn't enjoy it so I just sacked it off so my mind went very quickly from like early 20s from success being my career and how much I'm earning to I want to work with

people like I did a bit of volunteering at school and things and I just got so much more from that than I did from the intellectual thing of the engineering so yeah success very quickly changed to working with people and making sure people are safe and things like that, if that makes sense. So very quickly from financial to supporting people, I think. And just back to the previous question, I want to tweet my answer a little bit. I did my teacher training, worked in a refugee camp for a bit, went to summer camp in America, and IFS and things like that. So the risks were taken, but I think the thing that I would change is

how much I focused on the positive aspects of those because I think I just went into it like adhering headlights and didn't really focus on the good bits of it I just went in really anxiously so if I was to go back and do it again I'd be a bit more like let's just take it as it comes rather than panicking about everything

that makes sense actually yeah enjoying it rather to be a bit more than that. Yeah enjoy the pursuit of everything would you take that same advice into your 30s to try and just focus on enjoying it and play the positives for sure, yeah, yeah. I think that's kind of what's stopping me from progressing at the minute

is I'm trying to focus a bit more on what's good right now, but I'm hoping that's going to just give me a bit more appreciation next few years. Kings crossed. What about you, Jay? Well, I put up a post today

where I called myself an anxious meat suit. So, like, you know, it's, trying to hold on to the positive thing. I've always had my head in the clouds when it comes to doing something. Like when I started this business, a lot of people were like, oh, do you really think you should do that?

And I was like, I think it's going to work anyway, so I'm going to do it. Like my brother, we've talked about him joining in on the gym business and he was like, he works in finance. And he was like, but like if we're ever going to have a meeting about doing this, it'll be numbers, verse and I was just like, yeah, we'll see how it goes.

John, it'll be like, if I think we need something, I'll come to you and like, what do we have to do? And you can run through the numbers and afterwards, I'll tell you all I've done it already, so figure it out. You know, that kind of way. Like, I think the whole risk it, like, risk it for the biscuit, like the, for the event, I think I said to someone, I was like, as long as the, as long as the tent doesn't burn down, it'll be a success. But if it burns down, everyone will remember it. Yeah. And I think in the middle of the event did a big, big fucking crow or something

hit the side of the tent and I was like, that's it the whole thing's about to collapse and I'm just gonna go home and sit in a dark room in my own and fuck everyone. I think it was actually like, I think it was like a cable tie

that was pinning the roof down. One of them popped and there was like a big hole. Yeah. It made a massive noise, didn't it? It made a massive noise and I was like, that's it. The whole thing's actually

going to fall apart. Yeah, I think I play out the worst case scenarios in everything anyway. So here's a question then So what do you think success actually looked like in your early 20s that you didn't realize it was successful?

As in what we've done that was successful that we didn't appreciate it. Yeah, if you look back in hindsight of your 20s all right, like you said that this is what you thought success would look like but when you look back in hindsight of your 20s this is what success really was of them moments or then pockets of success.

Oh gosh. you, you first, yeah, I would go first all the time and wait, so say that again,

what we call. Do you want me to give you my answer then? Yeah, you give us something there. Okay, so obviously what I taught success was in my 20s probably would have been probably a lot of the

stuff that I did achieve. So, you know, getting a job, getting a career, being success, in that, being well known and that, all that kind of stuff, making money, which is all fine. But then when I look back on my 20s, what my 20s, what actual success was in my 20s was probably what I would long for more now, which was being able to just go out on a random

Tuesday and spend time with your friends, spend time with your family, have fun, be present, not being worrying about work, creating experiences and memories versus accolades and, you know, validation and prizes and all that stuff. Yeah, no, I agree with that. When you asked the question earlier, I was thinking, like, baking with my nan or doing something like that when she was alive and things like that. It's stuff that you don't see as end goals.

Yeah, yeah. But it's those tiny little micro events with family and friends and stuff that when you look back on life, you're just like, fuck, that was good. Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. Yeah, the last, the last minute shenanigans, the fuck it, let's go for it. Yes.

You know, like, I go back to like, that's how I got that rugby coaching job. It's how I got into other things. It was, don't fuck it. Let's see what happens. The looseness, the, you know, someone's like, what are you doing tomorrow? I've got this on in the morning. Like, right, so you're not busy until 10 in the morning. Like, yeah, come on, we'll go fucking nuts.

We'll go do something. Are you getting a car and go drive off somewhere? You know, they're just... The actual living, like when they say, like, don't, don't... Like, a lot of people look back and say, don't waste your early 20s and mid-20s on chasing the career and doing all that

because you'll forget to live first. And, like, I actually kind of forget that, like, I did that. Like, the first six months I was in the States back in, what, 2012? I just did loops in New England, moved around. You wouldn't have... In a week,

I think the bank cancelled my card about six times over the course of a couple of months because there'd been money been taken out of random states here and there, you never knew I was going to show up. Do you know what? I love that about your early 20s is being broke isn't an issue. Being broke isn't an issue when you're in your early 20s. You're like, I'll figure it out.

I remember me and my friend went backpacking around Europe. I had 400 euro in my account I didn't have a job and I was like yeah let's go let's go to Europe and like we paid like a 20 Euro fly one way flight to clone in Germany and then

we arrived there it was lashing rain we had like a disillic little small two man tent we pitched it up in this campsite there was a hole in the tent we got soaked and we were freezing we were like oh this is fucking shit what are we doing and some German lad came up

to us the next morning when we nearly got pneumonia and he was like, you guys must really like each other to be in that small tent. And he was in this big 10 man camper van. And then we got a bus to Amsterdam or Berlin or somewhere like that. And it was like,

I think we did bow to them, but I can't remember what the route was, but it was like a 14 hour bus journey for like 17.50. And then we got like another bus that was like 23 hours to Prague. And then like we stayed in Berlin like in this like dirty hostel where there was a Russian man sleeping with his dog on one side of us. And then, like, this homeless lad on the other side of us.

And it was like the roughest hostel I'd ever be in. But it was like, we were 20. So like, we could have, we would have slept, like, we would have slept outside if we ran out of money, which we eventually did run out of money. And I was like, you just, you just, because you're just, you're young and naive and adventurous, you're like, all right, I'll just figure it out. And that's what creates, like, the best. experiences.

It's John what's the worst could happen could happen like everyone else is everyone else is thinking about you getting like kidnapped

and sold and you're like but I could have a lot of fun yeah yeah you're a lot of fun you might die ah that wouldn't happen

yeah you're so more you're so much more prone to just taking risks and being adventurous and I think you kind of lose that a little bit

when you're in your 30s or like you still you still do them things but just not at that extreme level. I think I was in Philly. I was in Philadelphia at one point and I was staying with one of the girls and I was with her friends and she was like, I'm going to go home and she's like, you finish that drink and

follow me. She's like, you know the way. It's about 10 minutes. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll be back there in about 20 minutes or so on you. My phone died and I had a habit in the States that my little flip phone I had. If it died or I didn't want it, I'd leave it in a room. I just didn't care. you know and so left her friends which probably about an hour an hour after she left they told her

I was leaving on the way home now you can't describe it anywhere outside of like a movie a movie there are I'd say about eight big fucking black lads sitting on a stoop and I'm walking down there middle of the night and all here is one of them going nice shoes and I'm like thank you very much I probably shouldn't have roaring at these lads as I'm going down the road and one of them's like come back over here. And I'm like, obviously, full of fucking drinking confidence. I'm like,

oh yeah, let's go over here to the lad smoking glunts and drinking 40s. And they're like, you're from Ireland. And I'm like, sit down here.

So I don't know how many hours I spend with those people. But remember at one point, I was going to say something to one of them. And one guy stood up. I'd say he was about six foot, seven man, he was huge.

And you just see this gun flapping around inside his jacket. And I was like, it's time for me to leave. And turn to them. I was like, thank you very much. There's your fart of you.

There's your blunt. done going back down the road. Get back down to my house. My maid is up with her three housements. Freaking the fuck out. And she's like, where the hell have you been? You left the bar four hours ago and a 10 minute walk. And I was

like, I just met these guys just down there and she was like, what guys? And I was like, just on a stoop. I was just drinking one. And she was like, by any chance is a red house with a white fence. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And she's like, they're the local heroin and crack dealers. And I'm like, well, they're

lovely people. Lovely people. They're the fucking scenarios you get into in your 20s and you're like, I'll be fine. Miss that.

I do miss that. I do miss that. I do miss that. A little bit. The naivity, yeah. Yeah. The no fear, man. Rather than naivity,

like, I saw these people. It's not like I'm going, oh, well, I bet you're the, like, church gores. I know what I was getting into, like,

but you're just like, it's the no fear. You don't give a fuck. Yeah. I suppose you've you've less to lose when you're in your 20s, don't you? So you're more adventurous and less responsible. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Like you don't have the concept of tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. I think with me as well, like I just thought about it earlier, I miss the doing things without an end goal for it. Like I just think back to a memory when I was like 10 and me and my mate were just, just we were in this field next to his house.

We built a little ramp. It was raining. And all we were doing was riding our bikes over this ramp, skidding on the mud into the bush. And we found it hilarious. It was in the like thunder and lightning. We were just doing that. And there was literally no point to doing that.

But it's like an amazing memory. And it's just little things like that. I think everything that I do at the minute, I'm like, how is that going to benefit me? Rather than just go in, I'm sure it will in some way. and if it doesn't, it doesn't matter. Yeah, that's very true. That's very true.

I think everything's very much goal-orientated. It's like transactional lifestyle. It's like, what am I getting back from this? Is it worth doing? I think I saw one recently. It's about hobbies. You can have hobbies and things you do that are just for fun and don't like,

like they will improve your life, obviously, because you're enjoying them, but not like a, you know, running or your weightlifting where it's the targets, Joe, I need to hit this amount of kilometres, I need to hit this way, it's you just go do the thing. Yeah, because it brings you a bit of peace.

There's no, I need to get better. Yeah. You can shit at it for the rest of your life, but it just, for some reason, it brings you joy to do it. Yeah. Okay, next one, right? So when, actually there's two here,

which one will I go with? Okay, what's one thing you wish you started earlier? That we currently do, or that we wish we'd started, that we still don't do. Either are. My healing journey. Do you really, though?

No, not really. I got asked before they were like, do you have any regrets about like, all that stuff, like everything that's happened? And I'm like, I wouldn't be me now. Don't, had I not stopped playing rugby when I got injured and got into the party side of it, I wouldn't have met some of the people.

I would have met. probably wouldn't be here I probably yeah Butterfly I wouldn't be here doing this podcast chances are if I was it might be three very different people I think would be absolute and utter dickheads

I guarantee no no no we're we've got problems we're nice people but like I mean actual cunts like you know that's that's a I think um like I don't think I've I don't think I have any regrets or something I'd like

to change or start earlier. Okay, well then let me flip the question. So what's one thing you wish you started earlier? So something that you have done over the past few years

that have brought positive outcome to your life that you could have started earlier. My fucking ADHD and Tism. Yeah. I wish I knew about that. Like even, I think I was remember what my doc,

my ADHD doc said to me one time she was like, um, do you ever notice when um, uh, a, load of people are taking cocaine and they're all hopping off walls and you might feel level-headed.

And I'm like, or so I was. And so you're level-headed. I'd just be like, yeah, yeah. And she was like, because uppers help you calm down, whereas downers, downers don't, don't do it for you. So like little things like that, learning about rejection sensitivity disorder, how I think one of my clients one time, a couple of years ago said, do you ever get that voice talking in your head? And I'm like, one.

And everyone looked at me like I was fucking nuts. And I was just like, the voices don't stop. Don't learn. Like, I thought I had it when I was 15. I only got diagnosed there at like 34. Mm-hmm. You know,

be able to like actually learn about it, learn about myself more. Don't, not. And my mother always jokes. She's like, you can't blame everything on ADHD. I'm like, well, I kind of can. kind of fucking can Well I'm going down the only way

It makes me feel better if I do But it gives me a better understanding of it Like you know My brain works differently Yeah I see things differently I feel things differently I'm actually

What was it? I wanted to bring this up from last week Do you know how we talked about People texting you back And how like you know 7 to 13 seconds is all it takes For someone to just send you a message I was talking to Neve Sweeney

about something in the morning and obviously like because of our flexible of hours and she's in her job she texts me and she just goes I want to get into this in detail later on but I'm stuck at work now I'll talk to you later

and as I read it I was like well that's nice you know that makes I don't know where I was going but that was yeah the way my brain works about like the rejection side of things that like if someone ignores your message how you think about it and what i found funny was i sent a meme to my therapist on monday and last night she was like i forgot to respond

to you about that and i actually sent the message forward to other colleagues i have but we can discuss how it made you feel tomorrow and i started laughing with her today that i was like funny enough with you i only thought about it for one moment that i was like i think it was um you use dark humour to deflect from your fucking trauma. And it's not a superpower. It's not a good thing like. But she was like, I just said to her, there was a minute or two where I was like,

well, maybe it's not funny. And maybe that is a fucking problem. And then by the time she sent me the message there yesterday, I'd forgotten about it for four days, but someone else does it. Someone sends an exclamation point at the end of a certain thing or types in all caps or doesn't respond to you. in 10 minutes after they've been responding you for ages.

It isn't the thought process that like, oh, everyone's fucking busy. It's they don't like me anymore. I said something wrong. Why do you think there's a difference between them and therapist or certain people that don't respond like that? Well, I think also the therapist knows my deepest and darkest secrets and she gets my dark humour.

And I also pay her to be around me. So that's... Yeah, no, that's fair. I think was it I left I left her office there a couple of weeks ago and she was like

what are you going to do now for the evening I was like I'm going getting a load of rope and she was like I know you think that's funny the way you say it and I fully believe

that's what you're actually going doing but no one else is going to find that funny and I was like well I've cracked the joke with loads of people and she was like and obviously they reacted bad and I'm like oh yeah

they're all very fucking worried like I think she she gets me. It's different. I know it's like me with clients. I'll get back to them as soon as I can. Like, man, I don't respond to people. I only looked on my phone day or today. I've 32 messages across my WhatsApp that I did not know about. And I'm like, oh, I've probably ignored someone for five days and I feel like an arson.

But I know my world would fucking melt if they did it to me. What about you, Rob? What do you think is one thing that you wish you started earlier or like spin-off chairs wanting you wish you knew earlier. Started earlier and knew earlier. Probably a mixture of both knew that it was important and also started working on it. Looking after my body and sleep and things like that, just knowing how different aspects of nutrition and training and sleeping and water and things like that, how they impact,

I feel because I used to go on holidays when I was a kid and I'd hate it and now I'm looking back I'm having the same sort of holidays yeah I'm a kid so I've got a completely different mindset of what's important but I hated them mostly because I felt like crap and it was because I wasn't drinking and I wasn't eating and I wasn't wearing a hat I wasn't wearing sunglasses so self-care stuff I think can how that can impact your experience of what of what you're doing like with with the ADHD. Like if you're taking medication or whatever to help you engage with that scenario a bit better, you get more from it. Whereas when you didn't know about it and you weren't aware of it,

you didn't get as much from it. It was, for me, it was, it was like a guessing game. I know people talk about being diagnosed or undiagnosed. Like my ADHD doc, when I asked her, I was like, so do you think I have it? And she was like, oh, this is a formality. I want to see how much autism you have. and I was like, all right, fair enough. That's, that's great. Like I kind of, I wish I met my therapist I have now years ago. Same with my. Years ago.

I got very lucky with the one I have. Like, even we did a session today and she was just like, right, get ready for it. I'm going to be a raging bitch. And I was like, and that's why we're here. Make me cry. Come on. I like, so, but it's, I, I've, what, that's my, my third one. I tried one, went longer with another one,

and this one has made me realize how bad the first two were. You know, and like, but also the, like, we joke, we both thoroughly enjoy getting to Friday's. Like, you know, it's, it's going to be rough. It's going to be rough anyway, but, like, she always gets a laugh that she's like, I'm going to, I always, we always, like, revel in the darkness.

There's always some dark humour there, but I thoroughly enjoy getting in there and fucking, getting stuck into things. And I think someone asked me before, they were like, how long until you think you'll be, until you'll be finished with it? And I was like,

finished with it. I was like, I'd go back to the talk I did for Carl's clients. It was like, it was 28 years of fucking demons there. I was like, I'm scratching through fucking plaster on a wall at the moment,

like fucking, and you do frame trying to get out of Shawshank. Great film, great film, great film. Fantastic. But that's the, I'm there with a spoon at the wall trying to get through a fucking hole yet, like,

All right, here's another one for you. How did your idea of friendship change from your 20s to your 30s? I thought in my 20s and I kind of still did early 30s which I am in still. But I thought the more people that like you

the better. And I kind of I've neglected a lot of friendships because of that. I've just kind of gone, oh next, oh next. Oh, shiny person next. Yes. And now I'm realizing actually luckily I've still got some good friends

that I've kept in touch with that I've got those deeper connections with but it's just focusing on those people that's really important. I think in my 20s like I said with going abroad and not appreciating stuff as much I think I didn't appreciate that as much either

and now I'm starting to realize how important those deep connections are I forgot on what I was saying there but yeah basically now that makes sense quality quality rather than quantity it's true

I think there's a good it's good to get around so to speak and learn who your people are you would say that you know dirty pervers

your little dating demons you swoop sitter you know I'm gonna I'm gonna slag with

with dating as well but yeah dating and friendships and family and stuff I think learning a bit more about who your kind of people are is good in terms of trying to

scratch the surface with loads of different people and it does bring you back but try not to put too much emphasis on that being important knowing too many people and I think it's important with social media as well it's probably why I've kind of hesitated a little bit to jump into it because I'm worried about that that not everyone's going to like me and I know it's going to be the case yeah what about what about you Jared how has your idea of friendship changed from your early 20s to your 30s? Well, I suppose,

it's as Rob said, the amount of people liking you is how you use quantify when you were younger. I find over the last year especially, like obviously I've gotten to know you two lads very well over the last while. But even in the last year, some of my oldest mates,

like I like that one of the nights out we had there was it fucking in the summer there was three of us we just met up briefly one weekend another weekend with the partners and the kids and another weekend on our own just the three of us and like one of us two of us know each other for 28 years or something like that 28 years the other then is like 22 and like the rest of the group like we've known each other about 22 to 25 28 years in and around there. And like, that group of people have seen me at every stage of life from 7, 8, 12 years old and up. The good, the bad, the fucking ugly. They've seen all of us. And we've talked about it. Like, I think it was the night before I came up to do that talk for you, Carl, with Kelly.

I met them for one point. And we talked about how easy it is for us to sit down. with each other and fall back into conversation like, you know, we haven't, like, we haven't seen, some of us hadn't seen each other three, six months, if not longer. And it's like a day didn't go by, you know, those, that kind of level of friendships. And then new friendships, like the three of us, you know, kind of like relatively new, like, but it's the, the people that they bring you up more. Do you know, it's the idea of surround yourself by people. that challenge you and make you grow more and then compared to the friends I have that are the

old like the oldest groups they wouldn't even get away with shit anyway. They're the ones that are there in the trenches when things are fucking bad. I think we kind of focus on one or the other a bit too much, don't be rather than a combination? Like a lot of people will say on social media surround yourself with people that bring you up. But if you're constantly trying to do that, that's like getting the next high, the next high, the next high the next high. Whereas you do focus,

if you do focus on those two groups, the ones that help you like, don't bring you up in and around, like the stuff we're doing. Like I've, I often like, I would say like, I would say like,

grateful that I got to know Carl over the years because like it's helped me doing what I'm doing. It's gotten me out of my comfort zone. It has made it a bit easier to me to go, well, I don't know how it's made it easier. Cars just chucked me into a deep end of the pool. Like here,

off you fucking go. But like, it's the the group of your oldest friends that will be there in the fucking tough the tough days with you the new people that are help pulling you up

you focus on both of those and you lose the fluff in between you know a lot of the like and you start to I know even in the last year there's a lot of people that you would consider acquaintances and I haven't talked to them in

over a year and you know what grand yeah grand like I've realized that like you're only interacting with them because of certain circles you didn't really want to be around it was draining and stuff like that I don't find I don't find hanging out with my oldest mates for a big night out I think I was sitting there that night

in May looking around and I was like this is fucking lovely this is so lovely and then like even the event last week looking around at the different speakers the people I've got to chat with and stuff of that over the last couple of years through work, the ones that take you out of your comfort zone. I'm like, well, this nice fucking bubble to be a part of?

Yeah. It's fucking gross. So, yeah, it's, it has changed. It has changed quite a lot over the years. It's quality, man. Yeah. Can I ask you another question? So let's say someone's listening to Zeus

who's just entering their 20s today. What, um, if you could give one message to someone who's just starting off their 20s now, what would it be? take an experience from your own lives do what makes do what makes you happy regardless if it makes no sense to anyone else

and fuck people that don't like you it doesn't matter unless you're a dickhead mine would be to focus on the positive reason So like if, like for example earlier, you were late for the, like you missed the earlier thing. And obviously.

All right. Don't need to call me on the podcast. Jesus Christ. I got to have to cut that out now. No, I mean. I have recording. So you're obviously late for it. But we, and we joked about it in the chat.

But we both kind of probably thought there could actually be something going on here. So we're not going to be dickheads about it. And actually it turned out there was a genuine reason for it. it and you were doing something good. But we could have sat there and thought, Carl's a prick, he's ignored us, he doesn't like us anymore, this, this, this. There's loads of different potential reasons why.

And I think... Potentially, he could be lying to us. Very true. But we wait for him to tell us that before we assume that. So like focusing on if we'd have gone, oh, he doesn't like us,

we could have stewed on that and had a really bad experience of our day and that affects everything. Whereas if you just, go, he could have a really good reason for it. And it's up for him to tell us if he doesn't. It just makes your day a bit more positive. Does that make sense on that?

So what are you saying? So in regards to like someone entering their 20s, not to, not to assume the worst. Not to assume the worst in people. Yeah. Try not to assume the worst in people's decision. Like my RSD. Don't spiral down into all the negative reasons.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's very relevant in today as well, because you'll have so many 20-year-olds who are, they're entering their 20s and they're entering it in a kind of social media connected world where, like, they might see people off doing certain things

and thinking that they're feeling left out and then they'll assume, oh, that person doesn't like me because I just seeing on Snapchat or Instagram or TikTok that, you know, him and him are out having lunch and they didn't invite me or, you know what I mean? Like, it's very easy for you to then be like, oh, there's something wrong with me. that I'm not getting invited to

these parties or these events or oh I'm looking at you know him and he's after getting a promotion or he's after getting an opportunity there or he's grown his you know social media for content creation and I'd say there's a lot of

there'll be a lot of assumptions for kids I think comparison comparing themselves to others that either they're not good enough or they don't like me or you know thinking all the worst possible outcomes. And I think going back to your Snapchat one about whether they're in a restaurant

with a friend or whatever, be proactive. So like if you are worried that they don't want to spend time with you, don't just assume that and go, oh well I'm not bothering. I'm going to, if you want to go for dinner with them, organise going for dinner with them. If they protect you, stop the most of the restaurants.

Sorry, just turn up and go on. Follow them and go. Follow them and be like, why aren't you invited me places? Well, that's a good, that is such a good piece of advice. It is like be pro you have to be proactive and be like, if you want it, go and get it. If you get rejected, fuck them.

Yeah, that's true. Hard, like, it's easy for us to say out in our 20s, very difficult when you're young and your 20s and you're doubting yourself. But it is, it is true. I think the, I think the reason why we're saying it is because we don't want people in their 20s to carry it into their 30s.

Yeah, yeah. You know, it's the same reason for coaching and stuff like that. There's things I work with, the clients that I've gone through, that I'm like, I really don't want you to live with this. for any longer than you have to. So the reason why we tell the people in their 20s do what makes you happy

or, you know, go after what you want if it's what you really want. Don't, someone's opinion of you doesn't fucking matter as long as you're happy with what you're doing and you're not a dicket. It's because if you leave it fester for 10 years, you're going to end up in your tarties and then you're going to have to start working on the thing.

Yeah. Okay. You've made that of it. Well, we were doing it. so well. So well. You're back? Is Rob gone? Oh, sorry. Yeah, we weren't it so well. I thought I

thought I'd call them out there. All the porn you keep watching, lads. I'm telling you, fucking delete your circus stories. Can I give you a final question to answer? Yeah, yeah, I got five minutes. What advice would just have for a 20 year old who doesn't know what to do with their life?

They're asking that big question. What should I do? with my life. I don't know what to do. Do everything because you're only 20. You have so much fucking time to figure it out. Yeah, it's very good. Very good. Just do everything. Work in a social environment. Go and get a job

in a gym. Yeah, true. True. True. In retail. Just meet people, talk to people. Volunteer. Risk. Lower load of money. Get loose. Have fun. No, don't. Don't. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yes. Why not? Why not? Like, do you know, like, look at the way.

way the economy is. You're going to be fucking work for the rest of your life anyway. I would say no to the focus on getting loads of money. But yeah, you're right. If you're using it to them. I said blow loads of money. Not loads of money. Yeah, yeah. It's very different. I did boat in my twenties. I got loads of money and I

blew it. I kind of wish I invested some of it, but like I was flying all over to play. Don't get me wrong. There was a lot of money I had from 20 to 23 that I probably should have put into a deposit of apartment but I have a lot of stories. I have a lot of memories. I would say if it was one sentence,

if you've thought about doing it, do it. Can I give you as a little paragraph that gives people in their 20s permission to not have a figured out? Yeah. Okay, so I just got this up here. So it's from letters to a young poet 1903. So be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue, do not seek the answers, which cannot be given, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything, live the questions now, perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. So basically, instead of trying to figure out how you, like, figure out what to do with your life,

just live your life and the answer will come to you. I think Jimmy Carr said what was the meaning of life to need and I think it was something to do with enjoying the passage of time. And rather than seeking that goal or enjoying it when it happens well no, that's it.

Enjoy it when it happens. Enjoy it. And it's going. All right. And I'll give you one more. So this is perfect after talking about mistakes, regrets or pivots in your 20s.

So you don't have the right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. you have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones that you're holding. My greatest hope for you is that you learn to do so with grace and gratitude and that you learn to forgive yourself for being human. Yeah.

It's a good one, isn't it? I'd use that in my fucking 30s to my mind, just my 20s. Yeah, yeah, I'd use that for the rest of your life, I think. And then another thing that I wrote down, Gerald, you know, when you were talking about, the event will go well as long as as long as the place doesn't burn down but if it burns down everyone

remember it. So this reminds me of an email that I wrote about I'd say maybe a year or two or ago and it was about Thomas Edison right and have you ever heard about Thomas Edison's factory burning down? No.

Okay so let me tell you about this right? So the fire Edison's factory 1914 so in December 1914 a massive explosion and fire destroyed Thomas Edison's industrial complex in New Jersey is basically all his life work was in this lab. Like this wasn't just a small lab.

Like I had all his research, all his manufacturing sites. Like it had everything basically. It was full of chemicals, films, batteries, machinery. I had everything. Like it was all his life's work. And like he was one of the richest men in America at the time because of his innovation, right? And when the factory was burning down, right? He goes, Edison's son, Charles later said that his father, Camley watched us everything

burnt. And when Charles found him that night and told him how sorry he was, Edison reportedly said it's all right, we've just got rid of a lot of rubbish. And then he turned, he goes, go get your mother and tell her to come quick. They'll never see a fire like this again.

And the fire caused about 2 million in damages, roughly around 50 million today. Edison's insurance only covered a fracture of that, but within three weeks he had parts of the plant running again. He even used a disaster to redesign and rebuild

better factories and within a year he was back to producing storage batteries and phones as well. The biggest takeaway, Edison's response to the fire is often cited as a masterclass in resilience. He lost decades of work and yet instead of despairing he treated it as a fresh start.

As later put, our greatest weakness lies in giving up the most certain way to succeed is to always try just one more time. I like that. Good, isn't it? Like, if you're going through, like, I think I'll always come back to that story. If, like, let's say if I lost everything or my life fell apart or, like, just I, I went for something and it didn't work out whether, like, it was an event or it was just something that was like a complete car crash. It's like, like, like, like, in the moment when, like, you know, most people will be like, at least, at least be pissed off for a day or two.

you know what I mean? At least feel sorry for yourself for maybe a week or a month and then be like right I need to dust myself off and go again now but like like clockwork on the hour he was like like his mind his mindset completely shifted to all right this is great come look at this fire let's go again. It's also the side of like you only you only miss the shots you never take. Yeah.

John that kind of like I fucking freaked out about the event for months to all I was like even about fucking 15, 20 minutes before kickoff I was looking around and I was like, people want to start fucking arriving. Here's the thing. It's not even the shots you take because you took the shot, but imagine you took the shot and you missed. So imagine

like nobody showed up. Yeah. And your mindset would have had to be in, oh, what a great lesson this is. What do I need to change so that next time people show up there's a hundred people in the room. But it's so different because once we fail, we're like

We just shale into ourselves. If I looked, if I looked out there and nobody was there, and obviously you'd be fucking, it'd fucking beat you down a peg or two. But then I easily could have just been like, right, all of us are just going to go have our party early and the money's been raised for charity anyway. Fuck, yeah.

Fuck it. You don't have to talk anymore. That's the mindset you have to have, isn't it? Yeah. I think that's a good, I think that's a good, I think that's a good lesson for someone in the 20s because you're going to take risks and go after opportunities

and a lot of the time it might not work out and if you had that mindset to, all right, just try again, go again, go one more time. It's definitely not going to work out otherwise. If you don't try it, it's not. Yeah, you guaranteeing it. You need to go to you, yeah. But if it also, if you go for it and it doesn't work out

and then you don't try again, then it's definitely not going to work out. But then it's fanned. Yeah. When you quit, you've failed. that's the kind of way to look at it like so unless even if it's constantly failing

until you stop it's still working yeah you only have to be right once or you only have to win once to like you can you can fail all them times and people can be like oh yeah that's not working out and they're right every time until it does. Yeah we're going to have to be given topics

earlier in the week so we can do some research for some of quotes and stuff and I'm going to have to fucking I'm going to have to wrap it up all right let's wrap it up there, folks. Thank you very much. As always. It's been a pleasure. I'll see us next week for the same. Adios. Cheers, boys.

See ya.