The Uneducated PT Podcast - EP.84 The Silent Crisis: Men’s Mental Health & Modern Society.

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

In this solo episode, I dive deep into one of the most under-discussed issues of our time — the quiet collapse of men’s mental, emotional, and social wellbeing. We cover the brutal stats around male suicide, the challenges boys face in education, the collapse of traditional male roles, the dating and friendship crises, and how society often tells men to talk, but rarely listens. This is not about blame — it’s about understanding the bigger picture, and exploring the systems and culture that are leaving men lost. If you care about the future of boys and men, this is one you need to hear.

Okay, welcome back to another solo episode of the uneducated PT podcast. With me, your host, Carlo Rourke. Today I'm going to talk about men's mental health and why men are falling behind in society. And the reason I'm going to talk about this is because on the weekend, I am going to be speaking at an event in Bolton in the UK, Fit Expo, it's called. And I'm going to be on an expert panel of speakers where, you know, Saturday and Sunday are going to be speaking about a, O-Zempec is the first topic, then the trials and tribulations of social media, and then are men okay talking about men's mental health? So I suppose I said, well, you know what? I'll do a podcast on this and I'll actually put my thoughts out there into the universe.

And I think it's funny that I'm actually going on stage to speak about this because I never imagined that this was like something that I would be speaking about to, you know, people in general. Like, obviously, like most people in the world, you know, we all suffer where our mental health at stages and we all go through difficult periods and I've definitely gone through my own as well. Which I don't really talk about because I don't want to, what's the, how do I, how do I put this? I don't want to, I don't want to stay submerged in, you know, know my problems. And that will actually probably go against a lot of the mental health advice you hear online about just talk about your problems. Actually, I would rather, you know, move on with the things that I need to do. So I'm actually going to talk a little bit about that as well and how I actually think that, you know, a lot of the advice that we see online around mental health

and men's mental health is actually pretty much garbage. And like, although I am 100% an advocate of therapy because, you know, I even help run an initiative that provides free mental health services to people who need it. So I am an advocate of therapy and of people getting help when they need it and people getting, having someone to talk to. But then there also has to be action around that.

And I think a lot of the problems, that people run into where they actually need therapy, that they're in crisis mode, comes from systemic issues that we don't actually talk about. So that's what I wanted to talk about more so, less so about, you know, continuing to tell men to talk, but, you know, actually listening to the issues that men are dealing with. So that's what we're going to talk about today, the silent crisis, men's mental health and modern society. So what I wanted to start off with was probably some statistics. the first one is probably the one that, you know, it's most eye-catching for people.

It's like the greatest danger or the greatest threat to men under 35 is actually their own hands. So suicide is actually the leading cause of death for men under 35. According to the world's health organization, suicide is the leading cause of death among young men under 35, meaning that, you know, most young men in that age group will die by their own hands more so than anything else,

which is a pretty sobering reality that if you were under 35 now, your greatest threat is yourself. And like 75% of all suicides worldwide are from men. And in Ireland itself, four out of five suicides are male. So every 40 seconds,

someone dies by suicide and most of them people are men. And so I think it's just something that we really need to talk about, not just in terms of men need to talk, but why is it that so many men are dying by suicide? Because like again, we don't need slogans. We need systems.

Like we live in a time where mental health matters is everywhere. You know, everyone's saying, you know, talk. Celebrities are like, talk about your mental health. And we're hashtagging mental health and men's mental health and, you know, all this stuff. Yet suicide and depression rates haven't dropped. So, you know, there's a conversation to be had about that. That, okay, we have, we're more open to speaking about these. things people have more access to therapy and yet we're still struggling and I

think like I obviously you know I talk a lot about community I think community is missing I think structural supports are weak and so you know many Richard Reeves has a very good line where he says we tell men to open up then shame them when they do and I think that's pretty accurate in terms of society so trying to trying to listen without judgment is the way to create real change. And that's why I wanted to talk about things like education and work and dating and friendship because all these things, you know, contribute to poor mental health when these things are lacking. You know, when you zoom out, some patterns start to kind of appear into why men are kind of slipping behind in every area.

And it's not just these isolated insolence. And if we started with like the education system, there is a bias towards, um, towards kind of, you know, female, female learning essentially. So like boys' brains develop slower in areas of language and impulse control. I think he was listening to a podcast with Scott Galloway and Chris Williamson. And I think they were talking about how, you know, for a for a male to catch up with impulse control to a female, it's like, the female's four years of age and the male is like 22. Now don't quote me on that bull.

I think I heard something like that. But yeah, school like favors verbal and sitting down and learning and girls can adapt better to that. Like they can concentrate better where, you know, boys' brains are wired differently. Like, you know, boys' brains, they want, boys want to move and all this kind of stuff. And we've made places, we've made school a place where, where boys are kind of set up to fail because they can't concentrate. Like we expect them to sit still and to write neatly and to comply early and that's just

not how boys learn. Like that's not how I learn. I did terrible in school. I was awful in school. But I had sport which really helped me. Like boys are 50% more likely to fail basic reading and writing. And like I do all my best learning when I'm out walking and I'm listening to a podcast more than when I'm sitting down and I'm reading or writing.

Girls outperform boys in nearly every subject. Boys are more likely to be suspended, expelled, to drop out. So this isn't, you know, or this is really important in terms of what happens after the education system for a lot of men or for a lot of boys. So we have to, I think it's a really good place to start is the education system, why boys are falling. behind early and they're not catching up with women. And, you know, if we look at the statistics, I think it was like for every, for every male that goes to college, two females go to college. So there's a two to one ratio, which is insane because that was a complete reverse in the 1960s, where it was only one female would go to college to every two males. So, you know, women are

complete. And it's not about, it's not about like, it's, when I'm comparing male and females, I'm not saying it in a way where we need to pull women back, but more so that we need to get men to catch up with women. And I think to do that, we need to change a couple of things. And one thing that an interesting study is also, or an interesting statistic is the lack of male therapists and male teachers, which, you know, especially male teachers, I think, is pretty important because, you know, boys need to have male role models to look up to.

And only 16% of primary teachers in Ireland are male. And if you don't have a father at home and you're, you're raised by a single mother and then you go to school and you're taught by, you know, female teachers, like where are you getting the male authority figure to help you form some sort of identity? Like boys need to see men as nurturers and educators, not just disciplinarians, and entertainers. It's really, really important.

Like, I was lucky enough that, like, I had my dad at home, who I was able to learn from. You know, I had lots of kind of male teachers. I was lucky enough to have in primary school and secondary school. And then also I had a lot of male coaches in sport. And so I had all these kind of male role model figures, helping me to kind of navigate through. world and learn things like emotional resilience and discipline and failure and, you know,

hard work and all these things that help you to grow into the person that you need to be or grow into the man that you need to be. So again, we've, you know, an education system that isn't set up for, for boys. And then on top of that, they have, you have the decline of like trade and manufacturing work. So like, think about it. about factories and mining and, you know, trades, these are all shrinking, if not gone, some of them. And like, these were a pathway for men who didn't have degrees, who didn't do well in the academic sense to earn a living and to provide for whoever they needed to provide for. So now we have a sense where it's like, okay, they don't have the option to do this

kind of manufacturing work. And yet they're struggling academically. So now they don't really have any more options and you know this is why they're struggling financially whereas you know women are making more money and performing better in school

and again where does this leave men you have to ask yourself so if a man doesn't succeed in school there are very few options for them right now it is a very big indicator of how well they

well they do and you know when we link self-worth to, you know, academics only, we leave behind millions of men. And this also then plays into the dating dynamics as well. You know, women tend to date across and up in terms of income and status. And if you're a man who doesn't have a job, who doesn't have opportunities, who isn't educated, you know, it's very difficult then to, you know, be able to be successful in the dating market. Studies consistently show women for partners who are equal or higher in education and income.

That leaves underachieving men, not just lonely, but locked out of romantic connection altogether. And then we also have all this data shown that we have the sexless generation of men under 30. So, you know, men report no sex in the past year rose from 8% up to 3%. 28%, which is an insane jump. And, you know, a lot of people think of a lot of things come to their brain when you hear about sex and you hear about men, but you have to remember less sex often leads to less relationships and more isolation. And, you know, obviously, isolation is not good for people's mental health. Like, according to the general social survey, male sexlessness has tripled in recent years. And less intimacy doesn't just affect their ego. It affects their

health, bonding hormones, like oxytocin, and long-term emotional well-being. Like, we need connection and we need romantic connection and, you know, we need sex. Like, I think we're allowed to say that as a society that, you know, men need to have sex. And this has become just a big problem in the Dayton market altogether because, you know, it's estimated that the top 10% of men get access to the majority of women. And the rest, you know, are just, you know, left out. and this is the kind of in-cell rhetoric that we hear through the algorithm basically

a small percentage of high status men dominate attention, well, average men just feel invisible. And so what do they do instead? They sedate themselves with porn, with, you know, gaming Xboxes and stuff like that. And like these are just coping strategies. This is escapism. And, you know, the cost of this.

is really high for young men. It's like dopamine hits a short term, but you lose, you lose motivation to kind of do anything else. It's like, well, I'm just going to stay at home in my parents' house, you know, in my parents' box room, you know, playing Xbox, playing college duty, watching Pornhub, you know, maybe downloading only fans and I am just going to opt myself out of society because nobody wants me. I have no opportunities. You know, I, couldn't do well in school. Nobody wants to give me a job and nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to go out with me.

And then you also have to say that we also have this friendship recession as well with young men. Like 15% of American men say that they have zero close friends. And I know I'm using a lot of data from America, but it's kind of like the gold standard. But it kind of relates to the rest of Western society as well. like knowing that they can call in an emergency. That's kind of insane that like I'm sure everyone, well, I don't want to actually presume. But to not have someone, to not be able to call on someone in an emergency or when you're feeling really low or whatever.

I think that's an unbelievable tragedy. And this is why I talk a lot about loneliness because it's considered a health risk as comparable as 50. in cigarettes a day. So, you know, you have lonely men who, you know, have nothing but their Xbox and, you know, their laptop and their iPhone. So think about this, right? We have no job, no education, no friends, no relationship, no purpose. Like, that's the reality for millions of men. And, you know, and this isn't just a crisis of masculinity. It's a crisis of belonging, you know, where people don't know where to go or what to do. do. Um, so I think these are all kind of little things that we, we need to be, need to be looking at.

Um, and I, and I don't want to just be given out, um, reasons as to why, you know, men are struggling with their mental health and why so many men are, are dying by suicide. Um, but, you know, I would say that I think there was a great, a great line someone used. I can't remember who it is. and I'm power phrasing it as well but they said, you know, most men don't need to go to therapy. They probably need to make 20% more income than they do

or they need to make, you know, 20 grand more a year than they currently do or something like that. Now, and I know, again, like this is a multifaceted issue and it's like, you know, you have people who are billionaires who also die by suicide.

So it's complex, but I think there's a lot of men falling behind and I think you know the friendship recession the sexist generation the loneliness epidemic sedating themselves with only fans and porn

you know the dating crisis the difficulty in education that men are having you know the decline in trade in manufacturing you know the lack of male role models

in many areas of their life you know, fatherlessness. All these things obviously are contributing to men under 35 struggling in society. And, you know, what I would say is, if I was to think about myself when I was 20, I would have fit the category for a lot of these things. I mean, I was on the dole. You know, I would stay at home smoking weed and playing FIFA. I would watch porn every night

I was too anxious to go for job interviews you know I wasn't I didn't have a girlfriend or any kind of prospects for lack of a better word

so like I would have fit the bill for a lot of these a lot of these characteristics that young men are facing right now and if I had any advice that I could give to young men right now, it's to go out and, you know, create a story or create adventure. Because I think that's what a lot of men are missing right now is, you know, go out and take some risk. Like you're already doing nothing with your life.

You're already in a terrible situation. So go out and take some risk. And I think this is the issue is that like a lot of people sedate themselves thinking that, you know, something is just magically going to happen for them and, and it's not. So if your life is pretty shit right now, you have nothing to lose. And what I did is I was on the dole.

I had no opportunities really. It's not that I didn't have opportunities is that I was just not helping myself. And I got to a point where I just got fed up and I was like, you know what? I need to make a change. And, you know, a friend reached out and asked if I wanted to fly over to

New York and work with him. And I'd never, you know, live the way from home before and I was nervous but I was like you know I need to do this I had 600 quid that's all I had in my bank account because again I was on the dole and I was getting like a hundred quid a week at the time and I was like you know what

I'm just going to get a flight over I'm going to get a one way flight over and I'm just going to see what happens and it was the best decision I ever made and you know the first week that I was there I was so anxious I could barely eat I didn't really know anyone I again I wasn't used to being away from home

home. I never really had any kind of proper jobs up until then. I didn't really have too much responsibility. I was very comfortable in my own little circle. So to be out on my own and not have anyone to kind of fall back on, not to be able to fall back on my, my mum or my dad or the friends that I grew up with. It was quite challenging for the first couple of weeks. And you know what? I basically had to stand out on the street every night on a busy kind of holiday. retreat place and strip and just tell people that, you know, come into the bar and we'll give you a couple of free drinks and just get chatting to people that I didn't know and have to get chatting to strangers every single night. I would interact with like 150 strangers and I

and you get rejected constantly and people tell you to fuck off and tell call you a patty and everything else. And yeah, I just have to continue to get out onto the street, talk to a stranger. Get out went to the street, talk to a stranger. And it was the best education that I could ever receive. Now, don't get me wrong, I got drunk every single night. It wasn't very good for my health. But it kind of was good for my health at the same time, because even though I was getting pissed and I was also making a couple of mistakes here and there, and I was probably doing things that I shouldn't have been doing, I was going out and I was writing a story. I was having an adventure, you know, and these are things that young men need to do. I think they need to go out and live

life and you know know what rejection feels like and you know know what it's like to make your own money and know what it's like to live away from home away from you know your mum you know giving you the pillow to to land softly when you fail and i think that's really really important and again it was the best thing that ever could happen to me and when i came home from uh me york after that you know I was a different person. I was someone who had a little bit more ambition in me. I had better social skills. I was more confident to go for opportunities.

I was more resilient. And, you know, that started a path for me in terms of just getting out and living life and taking risk. I think that's the big thing is like just taking risk and engaging in healthy confrontation, whether that's like asking someone for the number or, you know,

going to that job interview or saying that you deserve that position or, you know, all these things like having hard conversations, like applying for the job, you know, just doing hard things. All these things will help young men who, you know, feel like they don't have anything. And when I say young men as well, like, it doesn't have to be, you don't have to be 20. Like, you could be 30 years of age and have never really lived life, have never really challenged yourself. I've never really taken any risks. And that could because you had social anxiety or could be any of these things.

But, you know, you can turn your life around at any moment or you can decide at any moment that like you want to be the main character of your life and you want to go out and find adventure. And adventure doesn't have to be, you know, flying halfway across the world. Adventure could be, you know, talking to a stranger,

you're asking someone out, asking for a job opportunity, you know, moving across the city, you know, moving down the country, you know, applying for a job down the country. It could be, you know, volunteering. It could be joining that fitness club that, you know, you're nervous to be in groups and you've joined this group. You know, you've joined a salsa dancing club.

You've joined the drama club. you've, you know, you're doing something, you're doing something different to what you have been doing, which is just sitting at home, sedating yourself, and not kind of getting out and living your life. So, and of course, that's probably more, you know, general advice for, for someone who, who hasn't really gone out there and tried to get after life. And I know there's people who most certainly have lots of life experience, but, you know, life has, you know, really put their foot on on their neck, whether it's, you're gone through a divorce

or you've gone bankrupt or, you know, you're suffering from addiction or, you know, so many different things that impact our mental health. And so it's hard for me to give advice, you know, across the spectrum to people. But I just wanted to touch on them, you know, different aspects of, of where men are kind of falling down and falling behind,

especially in terms of education, in terms of income, in terms of social status, in terms of the dating market, in terms of friendship, and also in terms of community as well. I didn't really touch on community too much there, but, you know,

most, a lot of men are spending time alone, more time alone than ever before. And I think if we can get back into our communities as much as possible, I think that's going to be quite helpful. So listen, I'll wrap it up there, but yeah, no, I just wanted to really bring home the point that it's not just about getting men to talk. It's actually about listening to the problems that they're suffering with, the societal issues that we're dealing with how we can kind of fix these issues, how we can create more men's clubs, how we can, you know, get more men involved in young boys' lives.

There's a great, I'll leave you with a great saying, and it's like it takes a village to raise. a child and I think that's something that we've forgotten about especially with young boys as well is that you know a lot of young boys are grown up without fathers you know without male role models without male coaches without male teachers and I think if we can bring communities closer and closer together again that will probably help because I know myself that I wouldn't be the person I am today without my community without the you know the teachers who volunteered or after school to get us to play football and basketball and rugby, the, you know, the volunteer dads on the weekends who would, you know,

take us to the games and to manage the team and, you know, the neighbors, the dads who were neighbors, who, you know, would go out and keep an eye on the kids as we all, you know, would run around and play games and play tip to can and do whatever it is or bring us to a concert or the zoo or whatever it is. and yeah no people helping people to to raise children raise a community i think too many of us are are isolated from each other and i don't think that benefits anyone and but yeah that's all i have to talk about on that topic today i have been carlo work the uneducated

pt from the uneducated pt podcast i hope you enjoy these a little rants i hope they make sense and i'm not just rambling to myself but if i am that's okay okay because, you know, I'm learning the scale of getting better at trying to communicate my thoughts. And even if nobody listens, that's still worth its weight. And I always say that the clients as well is that, you know, even if you don't have the result that you want, you are still, it is still worth doing the thing because you become someone in the process whether you're seeing the results yet or not. So now I'm definitely just random. So listen, I will let you go and I'll see you on the next episode, goodbye.