The Uneducated PT Podcast - Ep.85 The Paradox Of Connection, And Social Media Life.

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

In this episode I speak on my time on social media and creating content as a online coach. 

Hello and welcome back to another solo episode of the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carl O'Rourke. If I could ask you is a huge favour by the end of this, if you can, if you enjoy these episodes, if you can share it, if you can subscribe, if you can like it, whatever it is you have to do on Spotify, on Apple. That would be really great for growing the podcast. And I would really appreciate it because it would make me feel. very warm and fuzzy inside.

And speaking of growing social media platforms, this is what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about how social media is making us less social. And I'm someone who has a lot of experience with this because I worked as a content creator and online coach for five years. And social media is very much part of what you need to do in that industry. And I learned a lot along the way. and so we're kind of going to go into that

but it's funny because you know the paradox of connection is that like with social media you know the idea is that you know you're more connected to people than ever before and yet you feel more isolated than ever before

and certainly that that was my experience of it where you know I was always online and you know always had people to chat to whether it's friends followers stuff like that but, you know, did never feel like I had meaningful interactions. Because obviously, you know, you don't have meaningful interactions with people online. You have meaningful interactions with, you know, people in person. You have real conversations.

Like we don't substitute real people and real conversations for likes and comments and stories and all that kind of stuff. But and yet we do, like, without realizing it, we do. like and you might think that oh no I don't do this but you do it every day you do it when you're part of a friend WhatsApp group and you know you're always putting in messages to each other and having chats and stuff like that but when's the last time that you actually met up with a couple of them friends like maybe if they're really close friends maybe maybe you meet up with them regularly but you'll have a lot of WhatsApp groups where you're in with people that like you consider them your friends but are they really your friends because like you haven't actually seen them in six

once. And I think that happens to us a lot. But I think that the dangers that when it happens to us with our really close friends, it's like, you know, we're really close to someone, but yet life happens and we don't even realize that we actually haven't met up with this person in the last three months. Instead, you know, we're just messaging each other back and forth on WhatsApp or we're just following their stories on Instagram and, you know, TikTok and Snapchat or whatever he use. and you're not actually, just because you're following them through social media, you think that you're still a part of their lives or they're a part of your life, but it's not really true.

And so we just need to be careful when navigating social media that we don't sacrifice real connection for, you know, social media interaction, which I think is very, very easily done. But I wanted to talk a little bit about, you know, social media. media in general in terms of working on social media, the dangers, the traps that you can fall into, you know, and my kind of story as an online coach. So like, I've worked as an online coach for five years from just the end of 2018. I left the gym and started working as an online coach because I was moving to Australia and, you know, I traveled through Southeast Asia, through

Vietnam and Cambodia and then into Melbourne where I was working online. I had a couple of clients and I was starting to kind of set up my online business and I was doing pretty well and then COVID hit when we're in Melbourne and we flew home because you know we didn't know what was going to happen and also like all the lads lost their jobs and we're like oh how do we pay the rent

and you know all the airlines were closing down so we're like all right this it's now or never if we go home so we went home from Melbourne after three months and you know it was probably the best thing that could happen because Melbourne had the worst lockdown out of everyone in the world. So I would much prefer being locked down at home than in Melbourne. But yeah, I went home and I already had my online coaching business set up. And because it was COVID and everyone was just doing like online programs, you know, business was booming. I was making

a fortune. It was great. And I knew what I was doing. I was showing up every day online, making videos, making nutrition videos and training videos and, you know, the whole point of social media, right if you don't know if you haven't worked on social media the whole point is that you you show up daily making uh videos that provide value and give tips you know whether that's nutrition tips on you know how to increase your protein or reduce your calories or how to you know or what kind of diet and why you shouldn't go on the ketogenic diet or why you shouldn't go on the way you shouldn't fast or you know training tips like you know what progressive overload means and you know how to build muscle and the best ways to build muscles,

you know, how much protein I should be having and all these things, right? And the idea that is, if, you know, you might not want a personal trainer right now, but if I continue to show up and give you tips and continue to show up on your feed and show up on your screen, eventually when you do decide that you want a personal trainer

or you want to get fit and you want to follow a program, now you have to think about, oh, well, I want to start training. Who do I know? Oh yeah, what about that guy that always puts up all them videos that I follow? Oh yeah, Carl, he seems good. I'll ask him, does he have a training program or I'll ask him for some advice.

And that's the whole idea is, right? It's like you're, you're keeping me in the back of your mind for when you do have a problem that I can solve. And then, you know, you end up joining our training program. And then we help you with your training. We help you with your nutrition. And we do weekly calls, making sure that, you know, we can sort out any blind spots that you have in terms of like, all right, this issue, I continue to run into this issue, you know,

where I'm overeating or I'm emotionally and or, you know, I'm, uh, you know, just not organized. And then we tried to help solve the problem. You know, and I'm, I was really good at my job as an online coach. Like I invested a lot of money and I did a lot of nutrition courses and behavior change courses. And, you know, all my clients were, we're relatively happy with, with the program and with the results they got. So, and it also gave me the opportunity to, to work online and to travel the world. I got to go to South America. I got to, go to Mexico. I got to go to Bali three times and Dubai and all these wonderful places while continuing to work. I got to go to Texas. And, you know, I, so like, there's a lot of benefits of

social media, so I won't say that there isn't. But the one thing that I would say about working online is, you know, you can work from everywhere, you know, but you work from everywhere. So, like, it's not like you really switch off. You're kind of, you're always thinking about work. You're always kind of checking your phone. And that has its own problems in terms of, has its own problems in terms of you start to disconnect from the world. You start to, you stop being present when you're around friends and you're around family because you're looking at your phone. Oh, did someone message me? Do I need to reply to this email? Do I need to reply to this Instagram message? Do I need to put up this reel? How many likes did I get on this real? What's

the engagement look like? Did anyone message about online coaching? Is there anyone that I need to reply to, you know, all these things. So you're constantly just, you know, you're constantly just thinking about what's in, in your pocket, which is your phone and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, know, setting boundaries for yourself and not sacrificing good relationships for superficial online relationships, which is what social media is basically. So like, again, I got a lot of out of working on social media and, you know, it was great and it gave me all these opportunities, but then it also made me feel more isolated over time. And, you know, I decided that, you know, I decided it then that I wanted to

go offline. I wanted to have more reasons to interact with people on a human basis and human interaction, you know, seeing people in face rather than online. Because I fell out of love with creating content online and being online. And, you know, I was dreading showing up for every call and I was dreading having to post another video

and I just hated it. I just got to the stage where I was like, I'm absolutely miserable. I just sit on my computer all day, you know, doing all these, mundane tasks and then I'm on my phone and then I'm on my computer and then I'm on the laptop and then I'm on the phone and then I'm on the computer and you know I haven't seen I don't go out and see people and I found myself getting really really anxious because it was like I was spending all day online chronically online and then like even going down to the Tesco to do the food shop was filling me with anxiety with social anxiety like or what if someone sees me what if they see me

like because I felt like I was I was an avatar you know I wasn't a real person I was just this online avatar, you know, and for people to see me in real life, then, you know, they see that I'm not this perfect online avatar, you know, everyone wants to make out that they're perfect online and, you know, you see them in real life and, you know, they're not as big as you think they are and, you know, they're not as in shape as you think they are and, you know, they're not as good looking as you think they are. They don't have, you know, the good lighting or the good angles and stuff like that. And, you know, I wasn't, I just felt like I wasn't living a real life. And on top of this as well, obviously, I just kind of fell out of love with it because like for five years, I posted every single day.

Without fail, I would post a video every single day for five years, just so one video would blow up and my social media account would blow up. And I went from like 4,000 followers to 100,000 followers. And, you know, this is everything that I wanted because, you know, I told myself subconsciously that unless I blow up on social media, I'm not a success. Unless I have a big following like these other people that I respect in the fitness industry or the nutrition space, unless I can do that, then, you know, I am not good at my job. And I was tying myself worth to this, you know, arbitrary number online. And like we do it all the time. We, we constantly, you know, measure ourselves up against these surface level metrics, whether it's,

how many followers we have or how much money we're making or, you know, how many people we've got with whatever it is for each person. Like we, we tie ourselves to these, these stupid, silly metrics that, you know, we find out in the end mean nothing and probably make us feel more hollow than anything. And like, this is the arrival fallacy. Like, the arrival fallacy is, like, when you think that you arrive at a certain destination that you're going to be filled with happiness and fulfillment and, you know, everything that you need. And, And then you're you're quickly brought down to reality and you realize that, oh, life is the same and, you know, it still feels meaningless and I still feel like shit and I still feel like a loser regardless of getting everything that I ever wanted. So, you know, I ended up, you know, getting everything that I wanted and it made me feel deeply unhappy. Because the best part about trying to build a big following was the day to day struggle of it. Like making a video every day and then getting excited. when you have a really good idea and you're trying to put that idea together and it's like,

I'm going to talk about this and I'm going to do it in this way and I'm going to record it in this way and I'm going to add this little bit of humor here and oh, this is a really good video. I'm really excited to put this out and see how it does. And like there's excitement in the creative process and, you know, that's it. It's like the happiness is in the work, not in the outcome. And then when I got the outcome, I wasn't happy because it was like, oh, I've achieved it everything that I want now and now what and then I I lost that kind of driving that purpose to to continue to enjoy creating content. I like I lost that like fire in my belly because I got what I

wanted and you know it made me feel happy for like two or three weeks. I'm not going to lie. I was like, oh yes, yes, I did it. Yes, this is great. Look at all this engagement and look at all this attention that I'm getting. But then obviously that dies down and then you're just left with like, okay, well, what do I really have? Well, like a. couple of, you know, meaningless numbers on, on an, on a Instagram account. Like, I don't know these people. These people don't know me. These people don't give a shit about me. And, you know, that's something that you realize, like, oh, these people don't matter. What matters is actual real people in my life, like my friends and my family and people that I've actually probably

relationships that I've neglected because I've been so busy trying to achieve this goal that actually hasn't really meant that much to me. And so it's, it's just really important that, you know, we understand that, you know, the, it's the process that does make you happy as cliche as it is. And, you know, I'm like, like, since I've, since I've, since I've, since I've walked away from online coaching and I don't need to show up on social media. Like, I still show up on social media. I still post content. I still record the podcast and I, I, I write on substack. And I really enjoy that because I'm choosing to do it because I want to create something rather than me trying to get some sort of outcome. I'm not trying to get

the validation of people online. I'm just creating something that I find interesting and trying to put my thoughts together. And I don't have to do it, but I want to do it. And that's a huge mindset shift from me to kind of get me back into creating content and enjoying it again. And also, you know, podcasts and substack, like, you know, they're more thoughtful. The audience is better. You know, there's none of that kind of really superficial engagement and no offence if you're on Instagram right now or you're on TikTok right now or you know most people on TikTok and probably listen to this are complete idiots and sorry for Tyn Suljib or you know what I found from grown a large following is that most people are fucking morons and that's why I like using

substack and podcasts because you know at least it's longer form content and and the people who don't have the intention span go away and and then you can have actual conversations with people who have something to contribute. So that's just a rant for a different day. But yeah, like, this arrival fallacy where you think that, you know, once you achieve your goal, you're going to feel happy,

you know, it's not the case. And like, there's so many different examples of this, whether it's, you know, the person who, you know, works tirelessly for years to climb the corporate ladder and they finally get that promotion, you know, they finally get the executive job or the manager role. and they feel like that's going to, you know, bring them the satisfaction that they're good at their job.

But, you know, once they arrive there, they actually feel kind of underwhelmed and just a little bit stressed from the new responsibilities or they just quickly move on to the next goal. So it's like, like, I taught once I became that manager, I'd finally feel successful, but now I'm just, you know, the manager. Or like, it's a weight loss goal and you think that once you get down to 65 kilos, you'll finally, you'll finally accept yourself for who you are and you'll finally be happy in your body. and yet you know you find that you know your body image issues are just as prevalent as before even though you're you're objectively lighter and you realize that oh maybe it wasn't the weight that was actually the issue maybe it was like the weight of unrealistic expectations that I was putting on myself or you know you're you're an academic and you like finally finish university and you get on like graduate honors or whatever it is and it's like oh yes like this is what I wanted I

I was always the one that always got the good grades and, you know, my family would tell me how great I am and but you actually get them and he's realized that, oh, I actually, like, now what? Like, now I have to go out and live my life and, you know, life keeps going and nobody really cares. You know, I taught that getting into the school or I talked that getting these grades would make me happy for good. And it does, and it's short-lived. Or like the main one is obviously the financial goal. Like, you know, once I make 100. grand or you know once i make a million then then i'll finally be happier then i'll have peace or

whatever it is and you know i'll feel more secure and and and you never do it's like it's just all right well now i want more money um you know or a relationship one or like i'm i'm guilty of this as well thinking that oh when i find a partner when i get married that will fix the loneliness that i feel or the internal struggles um but like there was times when i was in a relationship and i felt lonely as well so you know it's a very dangerous trap to be like once I get this I'll be happy

because you know life will always continue to pursue and so I think in speaking about that we have to remember that you know there has to be some sort of like internal

internal state that isn't just a destination like we have to find like fulfillment from from the work basically. You know, from being in a relationship every day, from getting up and doing your job every day, from finding ways to create wealth

because you enjoy what you're doing or, you know, creating content because you enjoy it and not because you want to get a load of followers or, you know, going to the gym because it makes you feel better once you go rather than like constantly being at war with yourself trying to get to a certain weight goal. So being careful of these kind of superficial kind of outcomes or thinking that it's going to solve all their problems.

I think that's a big one. But I'm kind of going on a side tangent here. Like all I would say for, you know, anyone who is working online or who is a social media, maybe addicted person. That's not very good grammar, but you know what I mean. Be careful of kind of the superficial engagement. Be careful of, oh, I got so many likes on my. picture. I got so many likes on my video or 10 people liked my story. Because while you might not notice it, noticing it happened, like you could be sacrificing really important actual moments,

like present moments with friends and family because, you know, you're sitting at the kitchen table on your phone looking at some stranger liking your photo versus sitting with the people that you love and chatting to them and you know even when we're with people we're actually isolating ourselves because we're so engrossed in social media and in our phone and you know it's why we're we're seeing so many mental health issues like I know myself when I when I spend all day on on my phone looking through my phone just scrolling mindlessly scrolling I feel like absolute shit and that's why I needed to kind of get away from that world as much as you can and don't get me wrong I still obviously online a lot because of work like I still have to answer emails and

I still have to program and I still have to show up and do the podcast, which I enjoy. And like, I still have good quality of conversations with that. You need to go out and see people in person. You need to interact with people. You need to go out and look at, you know, the brist and smile and, you know, the super, you know, the cashier or whoever it is. Like, talk to people, interact with people. Like, in a world where we're more disconnected than ever, like, you have to. you know, be the outlier and try and start up conversations with people.

You know, everyone's just sitting on the bus or sitting on the dart just looking at their phone and no one's looking at people in the eyes. And like we're losing what it is to be human because of social media. And, you know, it's hard for me to, to like be too negative towards social media because it's given me a lot. But it's also hard to be too positive about social media because it's caused a lot of the struggles that I have, a lot of the isolation that I have. you know, a lot of them, you know, just internal struggles, I would, I would say. And another thing that I would, if I was a content creator right now, or if I was a personal

trainer who uses social media for their business, just be careful of something called audience capture where it's like, you know, you create content for your audience and your audience engage with it more, so therefore you make more that content. So like, you don't, you don't dance, but you started doing stupid dances because, you know, it got you. more engagement, more people viewed it. And so therefore you show up and start dancing more. Even though like it fills you with dread and it makes you feel like you're going to lose your soul because it's like, oh, I'm like a fucking monkey dancing for engagement.

I'm dancing for fucking the things I'm doing for social media, the things I'm doing for engagement, the things I'm doing for likes and follows and shares. And then before you know it, you don't even know yourself because you're so busy trying to please other people, people that you don't know, that you've lost what it is to be you. You've lost your message, what you find important, what you want to talk about, what your voice is, what you find fills you with excitement, what you find is creative. Like, you're not doing that anymore. You're not making content for you. You're making it for other people. And there's a great piece of literature that says, you know, if you want to impress the audience, don't listen to the audience. Like, the audience doesn't know what it wants. You know what it is to create good content. You know. You know what it is to create good content. You know. know what it is to create good art. You know what it is to, to, you know, write something impressive because it comes from you. But if you're doing it for other people, it doesn't come from you.

And you lose yourself as well as, you know, even if they, even if they applaud it, even if they say they like it, it's not you because you're doing it to impress them versus doing it to impress you. So don't lose yourself in the pursuit of your goals, especially when your goals are to build a following on social media. And, you know, that really comes around to what I'm doing now. Like, I like doing content because I like writing stuff about what I find interesting. I'm not interested in whether you'll find it interested or not. I don't care if you don't like it.

I don't care if you don't share it. I don't care if it gets good engagement or not. Like, obviously, I'm happy when I write, when I talk about something that I enjoy and other people resonate with it. Like, that is great. But it's because it came from me. You know, I like recording the podcast because I get, stimulated having conversations with people. So it's for me. It's not for you. If other people

listen and enjoy it and share it and the podcast grows, that is a byproduct of the, of the enjoyment I get out of it. So if it becomes successful, that's great. But even if it doesn't become successful, even if nobody listens, I still get something out of it. So I would, I was continue to do this regardless of whether it's successful or not, because it's successful anyway, because I enjoy doing it. So that is success. So, you know, you can have everything that you already want. It's all there for you. Like, it's there.

But you just have to reframe it. Because when we're putting our self-worth and success in the eyes and the hands of other people, we're never truly going to be successful because we're never truly going to be fulfilled. And that is something that I had to come to terms with. when my social media account blew up that, oh, these people mean nothing to me. These people, they don't,

they don't mean that I'm successful or not. You know, like, I'm successful anyway because I'm doing something that I enjoy, I'm being creative. Whether people follow along or not is their choice, but I'm not. I'm not going to tie myself worth up and up towards that. I hope that makes sense.

I'm sorry to ramble now because it's actually quite late in my brains a little bit. Gone. See, I'm still not speaking English. But I just wanted to think about that in terms of goals and pursuits as well. I kind of went off on a tangent there. But like you're, it's very important when you're setting out a goal that you've remember that it's for you and it's not for other people. And I know that's difficult because it's,

external validation is is deep within us like we it's it's it's something that as humans it helped us to survive to be part of the tribe to be accepted by the group we want to be accepted by the group but don't lose yourself in the pursuit of being accepted and it's very easy to do that in a social media world where everything's about engagement and likes and shares and followers and and you know all that crap that at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what matters is the people who are actually in your life your friends your family your partner the people that you can look in the eyes and not true a screen all right so i hope that made sense um i am off to bed i appreciate just listening to the podcast as always um and i will see on the next one for our next guest all right next next

Next guest. See, brain is gone. Can't speak English. I apologize.