The Uneducated PT Podcast - 🎙 Episode 101 – Breaking the Silence: Body Image, ADHD & the Dark Side of Fitness w/ Ger Horan

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Uneducated PT Podcast, I sit down with fitness coach and mental health advocate Ger Horan for a deep, no-BS conversation about the realities that often go unspoken in the fitness industry. We dive into everything from:Struggles with body image and disordered eating in gym cultureLiving with ADHD, anxiety, and depressionThe blurred lines between discipline and obsessionPersonal experiences with substance abuse and the path to healingToxic expectations in fitness and what real strength truly looks likeGer opens up about his own journey—sharing the turning points, the silent battles, and the hard-earned lessons from years in and around the fitness world. Whether you're a coach, client, gym-goer, or just someone trying to navigate the noise—this episode is for anyone who’s ever felt like they had to suffer in silence to succeed. 👊 Expect honesty. Expect depth. Expect to feel seen. 📌 Listen now and don't forget to subscribe, rate, and share if this conversation hits home. #TheUneducatedPT #GerHoran #FitnessPodcast #MentalHealth #ADHD #BodyImage #AddictionRecovery #EatingDisorders #FitnessIndustry #MensMentalHealth

I'm just going to, we can talk about the event now while you're on the podcast in case anyone wants to come. Oh yeah, yeah, we start plugging things straight away. Start plugging things straight away, you know. Before, actually, so obviously we're going to get into, we're, we'll try and cover as many topics as we can. Obviously men's body image, fitness culture, eating disorders, ADHD, anxiety, depression. We'll definitely won't get through like any of them things. But I wanted to read you something. So as I was kind of prepping for this, well, like half prepping for this,

I was going through kind of, I was going through articles for like men's struggling with body image issues. And I wanted to read you something and let me know if you can relate to this or resonate to this at all, right? So a few years ago, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror feeling defeated. I had just finished another grueling workout, the kind you do more out of guilty. than joy. I stared at my reflection, pinching my stomach, flexing my arms, silently tallying all the ways I didn't measure up to the images I saw online. I was supposed to feel strong and confident. Instead, I felt like a fraud. I didn't talk about it. Men don't usually. We're taught to tough it out to stay quiet, to be strong. But behind the forced humour and the casual shrugging off

of body jokes, many of us carry deep shame about how we look. Well, uh, Ceremony, and small group discussions often focus on women's struggles with body image, men's silent battle is rarely addressed despite research suggesting a growing epidemic. A Chapman University study found that 40% of men are dissatisfied with their appearance. Another survey by a very, very well mind revealed that nearly 30% of men experience body image anxiety and around 11% have suicidal thoughts related to their appearance. The numbers are staggering and most people don't talk about it. well yeah 100% relate to that yeah like to know i was only

until i go up to galway there last friday and i was going for a swim and it popped into my head randomly what 2008 going on a six-year holiday with the lads and like even noticed that like how uncomfortable you'd be even around your closest people and uh i think was it where we went to portrait or something like that and i think there was one day the lads wanted to the lads wanted to go do something. And I was like, oh, I'm not really feeling that I'm going to just hang around here and I left them go off. It was so I could literally lounge around the pool, have a swim, literally tan myself, like,

to know, like that. And it was, I didn't want anyone to be around. Like, we talked about this before how many years or how many different memories were completely changed based on not doing something you enjoy because of. of how you feel about your body. And like, it was funny that, like, it was funny that it randomly popped in my head driving to Galway and I was just like, right,

if this is what you're thinking about now, you're probably gearing up to talk it, talk to yourself about not going for a swim, just the way you're feeling. And like, I said, someone said to me recently, they were like, well, you've dealt with your body images. I haven't. I was like, I managed them.

It's never, it's not going away. like it's not going away. They're deep rooted in there that I have tools I can use to try to move past it. That half an hour in the sea last Friday was fucking amazing.

I haven't had my brain turn off in a long time in the last while outside of that 30 minutes. And like that's the thing is I could have stopped like I went to the gym beforehand I could have just said go to the gym, go do something in Galway,

come home, leave it and it would have changed my entire day. Like it did give me a sense of peace afterwards. And I was, and we've talked about swimming and different stuff with other people. Even my friends said it on at the weekend. I'm good at it. Surprisingly, especially my size. I was good at it when I was younger, but like my size, you don't expect me to be strong in the water. It's the only place I feel weightless. I think I described to someone once maybe a month ago that I was like, it's the only place I don't feel like I'm drowning, which is kind of fucking a bit dark,

but for that brief moment of taking off your dryer over, taking off your clothes, and walking from the edge into the water, that's the brief moment where there's anxiety around body image. As soon as you get, it's gone. Once you're in the sea, it's gone. It's gone. It's gone. Just switch, you forget, completely forget about it.

And I have been thinking about the more I go that I'm like, it's my own head. It's Frank. It's our inner troll. It's frank. It's always frank. You stop doing things you enjoy because of how you feel about your body. And it's,

it's sad. It's lucky. Do you know what? Do you know what that reminds me of? I can't remember who I was talking to this about on the podcast a while ago. But they spoke about, they were speaking about body image issues and in particular men, but men and women.

And then I think we went into the conversation of, body image issues, body dysmorphia in sport. And I remember he was talking about how it's funny that a lot of like athletes, like when they're playing their sport, they're really, really confident in their body. Like how their body moves, how their body looks, all that stuff. And then at the minute they, they're outside of that sport in a different environment, maybe that's on a night out or maybe out with their friends.

Especially like women athletes who are like quite athletic and strong. maybe you know like they like they feel strong and they feel athletic and they feel muscular in like a in a positive light when they're doing the thing that they're supposed to be doing and then the minute they get out of that then it's like oh no I'm too muscular I'm too athletic and stuff like that I think it's funny when you described how like once you're in the water once you're performing you don't have them body image issues but it's the it's the it's the getting in as well it's your it's your safe space Yeah. Like I've gotten to a point out like she's like we work online.

People are going to comment about your body all the time. Yeah, of course. I'm in a different place when it comes to that. But I would say years ago, off the field, rugby field, off the field, someone might call you a fat bastard or say something like that. And it would hit you. May not hit you straight away. You might have to like, until you're on your own, then you might start thinking about it.

On the rugby field, someone said it to you and it's like, yeah, but I'm going to run over for you now. you know I was like there's a reason why I'm playing this sport I was not built for badminton I'm going to be carrying extra pounds I was only talking to people about rugby earlier and like you're a forward for a reason you know you aren't carrying that extra bit away

but like it is it is that idea on the fields or in the water there's something going on in your brain that just makes you feel safe and it's and I think it's the confidence behind you're good at it yeah so it doesn't matter

what someone says because you can just remind yourself, well, I'm actually good at what I'm doing. So how I look doesn't matter. Yeah. And it's also reinforcing that thing that we always say all the time in regards to like improving your body images, like focusing on what your body can do versus what it looks like. And like that's the prime example of when it's in motion of doing what it's basically made to do, whether it's like bashing into people in rugby or swimming or whatever it is. It's like when you're in that zone or or that kind of flow state, it's like nothing else matters because like it's doing what it's originally meant to do. But I suppose like once you're out of that environment, that's when the real

battle starts to be led with each person. That's where you have to do the work. Yeah. Not far that. Because it's it's fine feeling good when you're confident. It's easy to deal with that. It's the same as like doing exercise in the gym. We all love the exercises we're good at. then it comes to doing the exercise we're not great at yet I like that exercise that's a crap exercise I don't like it

it doesn't work for me that reason and it's the same idea like I still still get that little pang of anxiety when I go to the beach still get it

and I think I did a podcast there a while back and we were talking about swimming and I went to it was a triathlon event and a super try or something and like the guy was probably

I'd say maybe 10, 15 plus kilos lighter than you'd be, right? And he was standing beside me, he was just looking at me. And I'm obviously in my butchies because I'm like, at least I can laugh about it. And he's in his full wetsuit. And he's like, are you sure you're in the right event? And I was like, yeah, to sprint try. And he was like, and you're definitely in this. And I was like, I didn't say anything, but in my head, I was like, I know what you mean.

I don't look like I belong here. fair enough I didn't look like a greyhound getting into the getting into the water but simplest part of my day

was the swim simplest and that's the one I know in Trantflons most people struggle with is the swim and it goes back to that is it's your opinion

of yourself I could have let that guy ruin my day you know maybe years ago I probably would have been like oh do I actually want to go in there to actually

want to do it. Like I stopped doing loads of things like that going on weekends away with the lads. Beach there. Everyone would ask, why aren't you going surfing? Why aren't you going for a swim? Like, oh, I'm not feeling it. Don't really want to. And it was quite simply, do not want to take my clothes off because I'm worried about what someone might say about me. Even though no one's going to do it. Especially not in that route. Yeah.

No one's... Isn't it funny that? It's usually like, I know there is when like people will just be assholes and they'll just say stuff and sometimes it's out of ignorance and sometimes it's out of just hate and it might be hate because they hate themselves so they feel like they need to bring someone else down but a lot of the time like all the the the horrible things that we're thinking about or the things that we're thinking about about ourselves like it's literally just us that is preventing us from doing the thing whether that's like wearing the pair of shorts or wearing the t-shirt or whatever it is and like we like we focus so and like this is why you're always telling people no one cares what you're doing

because everyone's so focused on themselves and like I remember another time in Gaway coming out of the sea with a mate who would probably be about half my weight. Half my weight and I remember walking out of the sea and I'm like oh so you can feel how solid and large you are

especially besides someone who's lean as hell and then he turned to me at one point and he was like will you just relax a little bit and I was like what you mean? He was like you're walking out like this out of the scene. I was like, that's just how I look. And I remember we talked about it. Myself and my brother

joke about their family, we were like, if we could get your genetics for a couple of months, we'd be Greek fucking gods. And then he's on the other side of it going, I feel small. He's conscious about his size, both different ends of the scale. He wants to be bigger. I wanted to be smaller at the time. But I wouldn't have thought,

he had any issues back then. Yeah. And that also goes to like show as well. So yeah, it's like you're like, oh, I wish I had his physique and he's sitting there. Like I wish I had that person's physique or like everyone's kind of just chasing what they don't have or what they feel that they're lacking. And I think that's also like isn't that like a big perception of like body image issues. Like people think that if you're people think that or if you're in great shape that you must not have. image issues like they look at someone that they are like oh I would love to look like that person and they don't realize that that person probably suffers with more

body image issues as well because you know they might be you know they might be just hyper focused on how they look all the time because like that might be the only value that they perceive to give the world where it's like you know you know the girl that's fucking you know taking the picture over glutes and she's getting loads of validation and loads of likes and loads of attention from that so therefore like she needs she needs that you know what I mean or whatever it is it's like the lad who was like absolutely jacked but he feels small and like he has this kind of muscle dysmorphia because like he is his value to the world is how he looks so therefore he puts a bigger emphasis

on how he looks and therefore he's far more critical about his body all the time so like even though from the outside it looks like these people are in incredible shape it must be nice like you're thinking at that from like looking at them from a genetic standpoint or just looking at them from like an envious standpoint but not realising they probably are not very happy they're probably like at war with themselves

constantly and I think that's the perception that we don't get. You have no understanding of what someone else's demons are until they tell you and like I look back at maybe between 2016 2017 I was 2017 I did escort for Rosa Trelate and I remember the big win was being able to get a suit off the racan Zara

and I remember everyone talking about what great shape you were in you know, you're looking great, blah, blah, blah. And it was always compliments about how you looked and stuff. I spent a year and a bit doing fasting, 1200 calorie days, my mental health was in the bin, I was partying to forget about stuff I ended up developing an eating disorder and that's why I was that lean

I think I spent eight months of that year and a bit not making one bit of progress in a gym or on a field or anything like that there was no progression but you look good in a suit I was fucking miserable then and no wonder then after it was done

I literally couldn't maintain what I was doing you know and but it is the idea that everyone saw you looking a certain way and like don't get me wrong I look at those photos sometimes I'm like oh yeah you handsome fucking bastard like and then I remind myself like you were miserable and you couldn't even keep food down yeah and I think it's also worth noting as well that that's one picture in a whole time like it's like even if you feel like you looked good in that suit then or like you know it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's It's the same as like, do you know, when like women will look back on pictures of them when they were like 10 kilos lighter, but it was also like 10 years ago and like, you know. 10 stone, perfect fit and dress, your daughter's worth.

They're like, oh, if I, if I looked like that again, I'd be happy. But then if they actually went back in time and remembered, they actually were miserable back then and they were constantly thinking about how they looked like. And it's like you never really give a, you actually never really give a fair representation of like. when you look back in that time in your life and say, what actually was I, was I really happy then? Or am I just like, am I just taking that one moment in time, that one picture and then prescribing that to the rest of, you know, my life?

You definitely did this. Like I do it with clients that, you know, the odd times, especially when they're starting out, they pull up a photo and it will be that, they'll go like, if I can just get back to that, blah, right? And I always just go, where are you happy? Yeah. And there's this pause.

There's always this pause. and you know, you know what's coming because I've lived it, I've dealt with other clients with it as well and it's, it's never a yes. Yeah. Never yet. You were doing things you didn't enjoy doing.

You were starving yourself. You weren't even, even when you looked that way, you weren't happy in it at the moment. Yeah, yeah. And that's the issue, isn't it? And it's not like, it's not like we're, like,

pushing people away from, like, losing weight if they want to lose weight. And do you know what I mean? Like, not all weight loss. is going to be bad weight loss. Like, you know what? But a lot of the time,

when we are talking about these body image issues and we're talking about disorderly and, like, you know, a lot, and it's, what people don't understand, it's never about the body

and it's never about the food. It's about these disordered thoughts that you have about it. Like, it's like, it makes me think about that, um, you always see it like on a sitcom or something where,

or, or just like a, like a traditional Irish family. It's like, like the little girl or the teenage girl is on a diet. or something and she's like oh no I can't eat this I'm on a diet and then the and ear something would turn around saying oh there's not a pick on you what are you talking about and all and like you know I would I'd love to be as skinny as you

or something like that and it's like they don't get that like it's not about actually what they weigh it's like their it's their perception about what they weigh or it's their perception about how they look and like you can't fix that with a calorie deficit you don't know what I mean unfortunately you can't fix how you feel about how you look with a calorie deficit. It's never going to be enough if you don't change

your headspace on it. And I've been there. I can say that. I was at a point where there was moments where I'm like, fucking class, right? We're making it. It was what, 90, 90 kilos maybe?

90 minutes. But I could run. I could lift heavy. I'd gotten lighter before, but like it was just running all the time and undereating with, with an ex and like it was it was a bad way to do and that led to obviously doing that stint and getting that eating disorder but it is I was never happy never had no matter what progress I made

it was well you could do more of this this could be gone a little bit more it could be tied here and it got to a point where I was I'd gone down to rosid trillet and obviously like with the photos and stuff I was like all right yeah I grind but then I looked back on about a week before being in the Jam and be like, I'm weak of shit and I haven't done any fucking progression in eight months, I need that back. You know, it's like, you're always going to find, you're always going to find a new

goal to add on until you accept your body does great things regardless of its size. So here's a question then, right? So there's people probably listen to this and like, listen, that's great and all, but I actually do want to lose weight and I know I'll feel better if I lose weight. But like, how do I, how do I

get around the urge and the ambition and the want to lose weight without almost losing myself and in the process and and you know trying to be content because like I think that's that's what a lot of people want it's like they want to lose weight so they can feel confident and yet a lot of the times you lose weight and you feel even less confident because you're just more you're just more hyper-focused and self-conscious in yourself. Yeah. It becomes a vicious cycle for people, don't it?

I do get that. Look, I think I was talking on social media there last week about I want to go into a fat last phase. I think I'm actually at a point now where with my food relationship, with my headspace around that stuff, that I think I'm okay, that it won't take over my life, it won't take control. and I'm all for people having aesthetic goals. If you're like, great, great.

If you focus on performance, and I know people hate the whole slow and steady, there is no way you won't get closer to your goal if you focus on that rather than, I'm going to starve myself for as long as possible. I'm going to over-trained myself for as long as possible until it all falls apart. and then I don't do it again for weeks

then I feel shit again and then I do this again and I feel shit again and I go over and back, over and back and it's the reason why six to eight weeks shreds sell because everyone thinks it's going to be eight weeks and it'll all be feck and sordid

and like most people when they do that stuff they last four to six weeks and then something comes up an event and you're like right I've starved myself the day before go into this event, a wedding or something that's on there, I fit into my dress. I'm going to unleash hell now on this weekend. And I haven't really made huge progress upstairs.

So then you bully yourself after overeating, over drinking, not exercising for a few days after because you're hung over. Realise then the routine you built of five, six days a week of doing something intense, plus your low calorie diet and cutting out everything you like, you can't do it anymore but then you're upset what your sense is that you can't do it and it is

the like all for all for people having aesthetic goals but if it's going to damage your mental and physical health it is not worth it yeah yeah I think the problem is that when people are desperate for change they end up making desperate choices

or desperate decisions and that desperate decision could be you know or I'm going to starve myself because I need to lose as much quite I need to lose as much weight as quickly as possible because then I will feel happy because right now I'm feeling awful in myself. And while that sounds like it might make sense,

you know, logical A to B, that's not really it because a lot of the times it's like, yeah, you might feel a little bit better if you lose a little bit weight, but you might also feel a little bit better if you start prioritizing yourself a little bit more. If you start training and feeling, you know, healthier and maybe eating some vegetables

and drinking some water and maybe getting to bed a little bit earlier, maybe stop going on the session all the time, maybe stop having a cum down every week, maybe like, do you know what I mean? Stop hanging around with toxic people who are making you feel like shit

or, you know, stop fighting with your partner because you don't come home on a Sunday because you're out drinking or whatever it is. It's like maybe start prioritising like healthy behaviors and things that are like filling up your cup and, you know, weight loss is probably going to be

a byproduct of that anyway without you having to, like isn't it so funny? Like the paradox is, like, yeah, don't focus on the thing you want and you usually get the thing that you want. Well, it's, unless it's the ultimate hardship, it won't work.

I think of, I think we made some mango, blueberry morning oats thing ages ago, right? It was like eating a dessert every morning. You're talking 45 odd grams of protein, three types of fruit, your bit of canned, and it was just fucking yum

in a jar. I gave it to my dad one day. I was like, here, look, try this. He was working outside, and he took it away, and he came back, and he was like, geez, that's unbelievable. And I was like, yeah, yeah, and he was like, it can't be good for you. And I was like, ah,

why not? He was like, well, there has to be something, and I was like, blueberry, mango, a bit of strawberry, oats, I think some fucking milk or Greek yogurt, something, something along those lines, but it was instant, if it's good and you enjoy it, it's never going to help you.

Yeah, you have to suffer, you're right. That's the mentality we've been, I've brought into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why people can never actually stick at it is because they think that, oh, like you associate, you're associating diet with restriction. When, like, we both know that, like, diet comes from the Greek word, which means a way of life.

So your diet needs to be a way of life. It's like, I eat like this all the time, not because I'm trying to suffer or because I'm trying to restrict because this is life and life is about nourishment and enjoyment and, you know, so I'm going to eat in a way that that makes me content and makes me happy. And like that also means like having vegetables and having, you know, protein and having fibre and having complex carbohydrates and healthy fats and things that actually give you energy and you feel better after you're eating them. So then you're actually, it's your perception around the food, right? it's your perception around the behaviours. It's like, I'm eating this Greek yogurt with fruit and honey and chia seeds, not because I'm on a diet and because I need to lose weight and I hate how I look.

I'm eating it because it gives me energy and I feel good. And now I can really like attack the day and really make the most out of my day. This is the way of life that I want to live. My body needs this stuff. Yeah. Yeah, it's the exact same action. But it's just a different perception around it. And which one is going to serve you best?

Which one are you going to stick to the one where I need to eat this Greek yogurt because I'm on a diet and I need to restrict because I hate myself? Or I'm going to eat this Greek yogurt because it makes me feel good and it gives me energy and I love having energy so I can have a great day and enjoy my life. You know? Was I out at the weekend and I put up a picture of a slice of pizza and a burger? And I think if you saw my story earlier in the day, my dad had put on a big spread for the Lions game.

So much protein on the place. Like I actually wanted, I wanted a vegetable. I think the only thing that was there was pineapple. And I was like, I wouldn't mind having something mixed in just to make this a little bit better for me. But I was like, right, not the worst thing if I'm going to be going, you know, drinking a few pints later on. And my mom, I actually think my mom said it to me. She's like, no, I was putting up a picture of this food or, you know, a pint and stuff with that. And I was like, well, no one gives the fuck that I was here at six o'clock eating a bowl of strawberries.

just because I wanted to get a bit of fruit in. I was like, I'm sure, like, for me, it's healing the food relationship that I can eat these things, and it's okay. Especially, I always find a burger is the funniest one. Lean red meat, lettuce, tomato, onion, little bit of cheese. All sounds great. You slap a piece of bread near the side and all of a sudden it's the worst thing you could ever have. I don't get it It's like Sambo's

I always say to someone I was like There is a good I know we don't talk about good and bad food But there is a good Sam There is a great Sambo And there is a shit Sambo Right

A shit Sambo Is when your bread is thicker Than you're filling You should be making a sandwich Or a rap or something Where someone at home Is looking at you going Are you going to leave anything else

For the rest of us Yeah And it's why like I've had clients that like they simply changed having i think they used to have like a soup and a sambo at lunch and they had two they had two sandwiches and i'm like we're not cutting out bread but i'm like why don't you put everything in one of them into the other get rid of that i think like you might save a hundred and eighty odd calories in around there you do that five days a week all of a sudden

calorie deficit and you haven't made the meal shit, you enjoy it more. And imagine having a ham sandwich and only putting one slice of ham in there. What the fuck? And then people, then people are like, oh, why am I still hungry and why am I raiding the press? Because you've had

one slice of ham in that ham sandwich. You've had more white bread than the slap the whole packet in there and then another packet. You've seen my recipes and stuff on my page. I've got sambos that are like 800 calories but they caught like 70 grams of protein.

I always compare to like your pre-made sandwich you'll buy in a in a shop the little cardboard pack. Anywhere between 400, 500, 550 calories maybe 25 grams of protein. So I'm getting about 50 extra grams of protein for 200 odd calories more. Yeah. I'm done eating after it.

100%. You're not going to be snacking throughout today with a sandwich like that. Sometimes I'm lying halfway on my island just going, oh Jesus, I'm like, let's just get the small little trangle in and we're done for, we're done until we get to dinner.

And that's the big mistake that people actually make when they go for this like restriction and they need to be as light as they can and they need to go on a, on a, on a weight loss phase or whatever. And they're like, oh my God, I couldn't have an 800 calorie sandwich. That's far too much.

Like that's my fucking calories for the day. I say, what? No, no, it's not. You try to have like a full. fucking 200 or 300 calorie lunch. The only thing that's going to happen is you were going to crash at the end of the day and then you were going to start to overeat and you were going to start to raid the presses and you're going to feel like shit about yourself and all the guilt and the shame is going

to start to come in to play and you're like, oh, why do I have no willpower? And like, well, like there's two things going on. First, you know, we're not dealing with the emotional hunger and then we're also not dealing with the physical hunger. And the physical hunger is you're having this little scabby sandwich instead of having a proper meal. And I've done it with clients. I have a client reset. I think he started with me maybe back in March or something. And I put him on he's a rugby lad now. So like he's a big boy like John. And I quite enjoy working

with some of the rugby lads because I'm like, so the food thing is always a big thing because like especially if you're a forward, you want to lean down and you want to get that a bit lighter to move around. But it goes back to well, if you're starving yourself to try to improve your performance on a field, well the performance isn't going to improve you're going to feel shit and you're never going to make any progress so I think I put him on 3,000 calories and he was like for ages he was like

this is the most I've ever eaten when I'm trying to like lean out he's dropped I think the bones of 8 to 10 kilos and not struggling with it not worried about he has had weekends away holidays you know different stuff on weddings on different things like that going into a shop and he's just like oh I really want this

and then he's like well actually I can get that and I can get something else yeah yeah you're being you're being intentional and that's like I've noticed that as well it's like and I always say this I always say this clients it's like eat more to lose more

and I don't mean like obviously you know what I mean it's like they're it's how you're design and your meal now it's like you're going for like foods that are high in protein high in fiber there's usually a lot food volume on the play, you know, and therefore like you're eating a load of food and you're probably you're under your calories and you're losing weight and it's like you're also, you're

sticking to a bit of a routine as well, which I find a lot of people don't have. It's like they don't, they skip breakfast, they have a scabby lunch, they might have dinner when they get home and then like, you know, they're starving at the end of the day and they go for these kind of calorie dense, you know, delicious treats that are that rack up the calories throughout today. So you're not really eating food, you know, you're eating a lot of food, but you're eating a lot of calories. And then you're just trying to flip down, right, let's eat like regular meals with loads on the plate and loads of colour. And you're going to feel like you're eating more than ever you have before. But your average calories are probably going to reduce.

Like I, if I'm doing, like, I don't want to say if I'm doing it right, but if I'm doing my day routine that will help me actually lose fat and keep me ticking through the day. yeah the meals are massive meals are massive I used to kind of midday then later on in the evening because I enjoyed I enjoyed snacking and then like obviously with my meds and stuff

it changes how I eat so like I eat a bigger meal now in the morning I have to eat something light at lunch because I just can't I just can't actually eat it and then my dinners are big and like my like I put up a dinner there the other day it was two feck and steaks, a big

kind of tub of like a beetroot carrot mix you get an algae, load of rocket and a bit of cuscous. And I knew for a fact when I put it up in my story, I was like, my mother's going to be like, that dinner is way too big. And I'm like, you're five foot and weighed nothing. I was like, I'm

120 kilos and trying to not destroy my press in an hour's time. You know, but people look at those meals and like, Jesus, I couldn't eat that. I'm like, right, well, then take off one stick. reduce the bit of cuscoops don't like John the

the veg isn't the veg isn't the problem there yeah yeah that's not the thing you need to be getting rid of off your place I think I think it does it yeah it's relevant to each person

but I think the big thing is people are terrified of eating proper meals and eating food and because because again it's not it's this thing where it's like

they're desperate for change because they haven't dealt with the the internal work and then they're going to war with food and going to war with their bodies and being like punishing their bodies by by telling themselves that they can't have X, Y and Z like they can't have a fucking sandwich with three fillings of ham in it. Like like that's the that's the issue. That's not the issue. The issue is probably what's going on internally. Um, but a slice of, put a slice of ham, one slice of hand in between a piece of bread and handed to me and I'm, that would probably make a breakdown. That'd be a sad.

a sad fucking day like so I go to Delhi and the thing they'd make you you could batter someone to death with the thing like show and they put your full I wanted to ask you because he actually touched on it there

and in terms of body image right in terms of like because we're talking about how like all right doing the work around your body image and trying to accept yourself while also pursuing progress in whatever way

you want and stuff like that and I think the misconception is like once you understand this stuff that you don't struggle with it anymore. Which, and like you said, it's a, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a thing that you just fixed. It's something that you're working with all the time. Do you find that it's more difficult for you now that you work in the fitness industry or do you think it's the same? Um, I think it's better for me with the, the place I'm in now.

Mm-hmm. With that side of stuff. like someone will always comment someone will always comment you post a video someone always comments on something I'm like right you obviously have nothing better to do with your life

you know when it is it goes to the idea of you never take advice from someone you wouldn't want to be in their position you know that kind of idea and I'm like I remember when I first started going to do the gym and stuff

and it was off the back of rugby coach and abroad. I only came back to do an S&C course and I was going to leave again and I got into it here. And then I decided it was like, no one, I'm going to actually start coaching everyone and Jen Pop and stuff. And someone said to me like, are you fit enough to coach people? And I'm like, well, like, how many coaches in the world coach pro athletes that couldn't do half the shit they do? It's about understanding how to do it. I've coached runners. And yes, yeah, I've made the mistake of signing up for a 10K at the end of September, start of October

with a client. And it's not that, like, I won't be able to do it. I won't like it. I won't like it. I'll run 10K in a rugby field, hitting things, grand, but just sitting there with your own brain

thinking about things. It sounds like a terrible idea, but I'm going to go off an attention. But, like, it's easier for me now. It's easier for me now. But that doesn't mean I don't have to work on it. Yeah. And I always go back when I say to people, like, a hundred people can compliment you.

One person says something negative. Generally, we hold on to the one negative. That's obviously not the truth. A hundred people aren't lying to you. You know, there might be a few, but like, don't always like, you're going to play with numbers there. But like, we always hold on to that negative side. So, like, if I leave every comment that comes in when I post something, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.

Do you know what? Even outside of the job. Do you think that there's a pressure in the fitness industry still to? Because I think we're, we might be in a little bit of a bubble or a little bit of an echo chamber in terms of we know a lot of kind of great coaches

who talk about the importance of, you know, healing your relationship with food and body image. And, you know, I suppose, that means that there's probably less pressure for them type of coaches to to show up a certain way. But do you think like in the fitness industry in general that a lot of coaches still feel like they need to look a certain way in order to be successful with their business? Of course.

Yeah. Absolutely. Like we are in a bubble. Like I was talking to Jane, you know, earlier and she was talking about the event and stuff. And she was like, these are the types of people that we wanted in the fitness industry. they're not the ones you expect when you go to see it. They're not half, like it's, it is a bubble.

It is a smaller bubble. It is growing. It's a growing bubble. But I do feel like I felt it at the start. I didn't get jobs because of the way I looked. I was definitely more qualified than the people that were in there already. But, you know, I think that I have nine, maybe nine different interviews for different gym jobs until

I decided to just do it myself. Don't come me wrong, I would have liked to have been on a big gym floor, working in a gym for a while and got a job, get that little experience, but at the same time it would have just slowed me down, getting to where I am now, but I do find

that people do get that pressure. You do have to look a certain way and like, I, before I injured my shoulder in 23, I was very happy body image, but also my actual aesthetics and performance. I was starting to move towards where I wanted to go. I destroyed my shoulder and I did gain weight and that went on. But funny enough, that didn't actually affect me. I had one arm trying to coach people how to do a

shoulder press. I managed to grow my business doing that. I managed to teach people how to do exercise that I physically couldn't do. So yes, my performance went down and what I could do. I gained a bit of weight. But what I was able to do was so much bigger than all of that. And like even now, like, I'm still only getting back into certain types of training and fall in love with it. And there was a brief moment where I was like, right, maybe we do need to relax on the points and the eating out and to look after my health a little bit. But it wasn't from a, it wasn't from, I need this to get more clients. Yeah. I was like, I've had clients coming in regardless of what shape I was in. Yeah. You know? And so yeah, there is, there is a huge pressure on people, but like, that shouldn't

be the thing that stops you from coaching someone if you have knowledge. Yeah. Yeah. I think that That's a really important point that you made there. It's like, oh, well, maybe I should cut back on the bears and maybe I should, you know, like tidy up my lifestyle a little bit. But you're not doing it from a place of hate or from a place of shame or a place of judgment. You're doing it actually from a place of compassion for yourself. You're like, oh, well, actually,

I don't feel as great as I would like to feel. So therefore, you know, I'm going to just maybe pull back on this. And like, it's like, it's not a big deal or anything like that. And I think that's, that's really the difference, isn't it? Between like, being like, I'm going to, I'm going to cut my calories a little bit or whatever it is. It's like, it's the, it's the intent or the mindset around the, the behavior change. I want to, I want to run that bit faster. I want to perform that bit more in the gym.

I, like, do you know what a good example of this is, actually, all right? When I used to, when I was younger, are you. to be it was used to find a very difficult to say no to I would I would say I'm definitely not going out this weekend I'm definitely not going out this weekend and then it would come Friday and like I felt like shit all week and I had a come down and I was fucking dying and I would come to Friday and I would have a drink and then boom I what before I know it it's Monday morning or Tuesday morning and I'm walking home and the birds are chirping and the I'm you know I smell I smell of bonfire and everything

else and it's like oh no how did this happen again like how like because I was I was trying to stop myself from doing these things but I had nothing I had I didn't have anything to replace it that was meaningful or purposeful for me right whereas now when I'm as I'm older and you know I have a business to run and I have you know responsibilities and I have passion projects and stuff like that for me to stay in on a Friday night or to say no to a drink is so easy it's so easy and the reason is because I know I have to get up on Saturday and do X, Y and Z and I want to do X Y and Z or I know I want to feel fresh for Sunday so I can prep for it a week ahead whatever's going on and it's like I think when you when you have something more meaningful than the the thing than you're trying

to do it makes it easier and where I'm getting at this is like like you trying to lose weight just for the sake losing weight because you've been conditioned to believe that you need to lose weight from diet culture and diet messaging and then you're always trying to be on this diet and then you're saying to yourself

you've no willpower like I say have no willpower in terms of saying no to a drink but it's because I have nothing more important in my life at the moment anyway whereas like if you're saying no to or if you're like deciding to clean up your diet

or to eat more protein or better quality carbohydrates because you have this like half marilyn that's really important to you or you're trying to you know get this performance in your power lifting competition or whatever it is it's like like the the pull of that is a lot stronger to improve your nutrition than the pull of you know i just need to lose weight because i've been told i need to lose weight or i need to be on a diet because everybody is on a diet and that isn't that the thing that i'm supposed to do yeah and like and it goes it goes both ways like there's if you have something that you want to work toward

It is easier to say no to doing those things, something that matters. But I'd say like I would look at my week last week. Extra, extra movement, extra gym sessions. Enjoyed the food I was eating, but it was also helping me move towards my goals. Saturday, I could have chosen not to go out for pints, not to have a slice of pizza and not have a burger. I wouldn't have met my mate and his wife that I haven't seen any over a year and they're eight month old. I wouldn't have seen my other friend and his wife that had their four-year-old out.

And I was standing there with a point to Guinness trying to explain chess to a four-year-old. And I was just like, yeah, like, if I avoided this, I wouldn't have had this interaction, this laugh. And I'm like, it's not in the grand scheme of things. that's not the thing that's going to destroy my progress no if I work on other stuff around it yeah 100% if I lie in the couch on Sunday and eat like a dickhead and don't go out for a walk and then I do it again

Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and then just go fuck it it's almost the weekend and do it in that's when that starts to thicken out up yeah I think and that's when like there's a spectrum to this it's like if you're saying yes to everything and then that's not that lifestyle is not conducive to how you want to feel

that's a problem. But then it's the opposite end of the thing is like if you're saying no to everything because you're hypercessed about this goal that you feel is going to oh if I don't achieve this goal then I have no self-worth and therefore I have to sacrifice

everything else on the back of that like family and friends and connection and experience like that is also a problem as well so it's like it's really difficult to like tread that tread that needle of okay.

It is a fine line. Yeah. Is it a fine line. Like I think I, I planned to go for a hike there maybe a month ago on a Sunday. There's a nice hike out in the Galtees and there's a lake up there. And I was like, going for a swim. I'm like, getting up six in the morning, have my lunch ready. Off I go do the hike.

And I think I was watching a game my dad. And he was like, we go for a couple of points. And I was just like, fuck. So I was like, now I don't. don't get hung over so I don't have to worry about that. But I was like, I can't say no to him. I was like, you don't want to talk about them being old and thinking about all that side of them. I'm like, but it's nice to go for a point with my dad.

Yeah. And actually get some great chats, you know, and different stuff like you actually get to talk about things. I didn't need to have six, seven points with him and the local butcher and someone else. And I think I was talking to, was it Anna Harris? I was talking to Anna at about half. I think she was off the back of nights or something like that. And I was there half one in the morning cooking chicken. And she was like, what?

She was like, how many points do you have? I was like, how about six or seven years? She was like, are you eating? I was like, no, no, no. This is for my Sambo because I'm going on this hike. I don't care. And, yeah, not hung over. Hike was great.

Went up. It was so nice to come home at 4 o'clock in the evening and the next day, knowing that, yes, I didn't need the drinks, but it didn't stop me from doing the thing I really needed to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. And also, you have to, you have to think about it like this as well.

It's like, there's a difference between you going for points with your dad and you going for points for your dad every single day, every day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, if these things are a little bit rare as well, it's like, why would you say no to them?

You know what I mean? Like, similar thing as like, all right, maybe you shouldn't have, There's been wrong with pizza isn't bad for you, but probably having pizza every single day for every single day without having anything else. It's probably not going to be conducive to your goals because you know,

you're not getting enough protein. You're probably consuming excess calories and that's probably, you know, contributing to weight gain, which is making you feel uncomfortable. So it's like it's not that the pizza is bad, but, you know, excess of anything is probably an issue. And I think that's where people kind of miss the forest forest forestrys

with that kind of stuff. Yeah, like, if you were to, if you were to base how I eat off a little chunk of my Instagram stories, exactly, exactly. You'd be like, oh, geez, like that pizza burger

and pint, you'd be like, well, you can't be doing that now, also I'm like, well, I had a lot of lean meat earlier in the day. I was eating fruit and veg and stuff in the middle of the day, and then I went and had that because I was like, I was fucking hungry. Yeah.

I was like I need something like so when I was like I could have got I stopped myself from getting a whole pizza because there's one pizza they don't do by the slice and I was just like well I don't need that I definitely don't need to eat a whole pizza so let's just get a burger don't need chips and give me a slice of pizza it's like that it's like that old saying and I remember I think I remember there was a big fuss on social media about like Floyd mayweather having a big mac meal or a happy meal or something like that and I was like it's that old saying it's like one salad doesn't make you healthy and one McDonald's doesn't make you obese and it's like you know context matters when it comes to your nutrition and that like that's it's always it's like someone goes on a night out and they blame that

cabb they had on the Saturday night and it's like well you went over restrictive Monday to Thursday you loosened up a bit Friday yes you did this on Saturday what did you do Sunday and I always find the Sunday it was like

well no I'm not saying the Sunday is the only problem but you put the two of them together you can't just blame this one

kebab you had yeah yeah it's crazy out of a whole a week so it's always like that one slice of cake

I had was definitely the thing that ruined everything it's the reason I gained all this weight

over the course of a week it's not it's not the one slice of cake it's not like talking to me

about ADHD because it seems like I've had if it seems like the last five five guests that I have had on, um, have ADHD or just found out that they had ADHD and just got a diagnosed. And I was like, huh, a lot of the people who I know who are, uh, entrepreneurs,

um, like, uh, very high, highly skilled, highly busy, highly successful people. It seems like they all have ADHD. What's going on there? Well, like, so, I think I said it in a talk I'd done for your clients before that I found out I had it. And I was like, it's not a fashion trend. Like I'm 35. I thought I had it when I was like 14, 15. And I was just told like, no, you're too smart for that. You're just a little bit lazy.

And I was like, all right, okay, fair enough. We'll ignore that for a while. And like, I then what? I got diagnosed February. January, February, 24, after being like spent, like, maybe a year and a bit looking into it, you know. I went private. My first call with the doc, I think I asked her some kind of question about, like, do you think, I said, do you think I have it? And she was like, oh, from, like, the survey and brief chat with you before this actual diagnosis, I most certainly think you have it.

I was like, who I was like, great. We finally found what's going on. And I think like I was only talking to someone that got diagnosed there recently. I think it's the idea that anytime you talk to someone about having it and you talk about the symptoms, everyone's like, oh, well, then I must have it too. And I'm like, well, you might, but like you haven't been in my brain. and like I think a client one day inside in the gym was talking in a group session was saying do any of you ever get that voice in your head that just keeps nattering away to you about different stuff and they all turned to me and I was like just the one

and they looked to be like I was nuts and I was like the amount of different thoughts going on in your head how long it takes you to get through your day like the event right you've been at me over months about getting different stuff done. I still haven't done. There was stuff I should have planned two months ago. And I was just like, but I want to do it. I fucking want to do it. It's the only thing I want to do.

But there's just this weird trigger in your head. I've gotten to a point now where I don't have enough time that if I don't keep doing the stuff as I go along over the next 10 weeks, I won't get it done. but it's it's hard to everyone's different with it. Like I have touches of OCD, I have touches of autism as well, not as heavy on that,

but like a huge weight was lifted when I found out I had it. It helped me move forward with, you know, substances and different stuff like that. But I'm also then at the same time, I'm on like 82 millimetre, of amphetamines a day to level out my brain and like people used to give like joe i don't sleep well never have and everyone like oh you need to do this you need to stop drinking caffeine after three o'clock and yada yada and my doc uh doc evans was like they don't know what they're talking

about like i could drink four energy drinks and two espressoes and i need to go take a nap yeah i see i seen i sorry but i see it a meme about uh uh uh yesterday and I thought it was hilarious I was going to send them to me it was like if you've ever if you've ever had a kind of monster and fallen straight to sleep you probably have ADHD no and like I someone I think someone was talking about the medication before and they were like they'd gotten it off someone in college to help them concentrate and they were like were they on like 18 or 23 or something milligrams and they were like I was hopping off walls for the day and they were like you're on 82 and you think it's just about doing a job.

Like it's, it helps, it levels the head a little bit, and when it's a constant, constantly working on it. Like, I would like not to be on meds. Be nice to know, like from my history, my history is stuff that like I'm on,

one brand I'm on is concerted, the other brand I'm on is Ritalin. And with my substance history, they normally don't give Ritalin to people because it's meant to be highly addictive and I still laugh with my doctor about it about it being highly, I probably shouldn't be saying this like

I don't think for me it's highly addictive because I set so many alarms to remind myself to take my meds and my alarm will go off and I might be here and I'll press the button off I'll stop and I'm like, I'll just finish this for a second. All of a sudden 45 minutes has gone by and I'm like, shit, I'll take my meds. I might take them

and I forget, did I take it? Did I not take it? Like, in the gym with clients, this is how the brain works and this might be a better insight to it. I'll write my program out on a notebook. I'll then write it up on the board. A client in one of the rooms will ask me

what their reps or what the way it is, and I'll go in quickly to the other room, which is only like, John, 10 steps away. It's nothing mad. And I look at it and I'll be like, right, I'll walk into the room. I've completely forgotten it. Can't remember.

I've wrote it twice. I've looked at it. Only 10 seconds ago, I can't remember it. But I do a random pop-up session with multiple different people from different groups, different one-to-ones. I know all their numbers.

I know them all off. All off. Like even your event, writing out all my cue cards and stuff beforehand and like writing everything out, looking at everything, couldn't remember anything.

I remember them all now. they're stuck up there can't get rid of them now like I'm the worst person to have in a night out because I remember everything no matter what I drink that's the way the brain work it doesn't work the way you wanted to

when you need it like chaos calms my brain what's the advantage of having ADHD do you think is there I know people call it a superpower and different stuff like that

I would joke, like, if you wanted me to get a, if you wanted me to get like a 3,000 word assignment done in the space of four to six hours, I could, but that would have been off the back of being able to do it for two weeks beforehand. You know, that's dealing with literally stressful situations. It does bring an element of calm, that something creative way of working around something,

I think also working with people. like I said it to I said it to someone else who has ADHD and we have a joke that we tell each other our problems

and it's we joke now that it's our escape so when they tell me their problems it switches off everything going on on my head

and I'm like okay this is how I'm going to help you do this and you know this is something you could do and it's great

then they when they listen to my problems they're like yeah I have nothing going on upstairs now it's fantastic and it's

working with people is quite easy. I quite enjoy it. It's like anyone dealing with problems stuff like it mellows my brain out. Dealing with my own stuff is another stuff. We have to joke in therapy. I'm like horribly self-aware. Horribly self-aware.

Working on certain stuff isn't that fucking easy. It would be great if it was. but like it's just chaos I have a couple of clients who have just recently been diagnosed and I think they're kind of

experimenting with different medications I think some going well some not going well do you have like experience on that of like is it is it a case where it's like you're trying to find the right dosage or is it different

yeah normally they start with a light dosage and now it depends like concert for me is I was told us for people that are more active. So obviously what I'm doing, it suits me probably the activity in my brain as well. So you start low dose and they slowly build it up, see how it's working.

I think there was a shortage in what I normally get supplied with there maybe two months ago. And I got different medication. Wasn't cutting it. I wasn't doing the same thing for me. It is trial and error. Like some medications won't, mightn't suit you because of allergies. different stuff like that it might take you time

to like I built up to a high dose of concerta and then because I was doing so well my doctor was like well I'm going to give you Ritalin now at lunchtime and that you try to help you sleep a little bit and I still think

I'm working on with loads of stuff going over the last nine months I think I have another meeting in September we're probably going to adjust them again she'll decide that it'd be nice not to have to spend a rake of money on coffee or energy drinks but at the same time like the med side of it I have a blood pressure monitor now that I check and like religiously

my blood pressure was great always great even when I was like what 23 and a half stone they were shocked that my resting heart rate and my blood pressure was always fine now it's elevated I have to watch it now is that from the caffeine that's from the meds anyway from the meds

it's the meds so like it is a trial and error with that stuff but I do like I always say it I've been saying to people now lately I'm like be nice to yourself about it because you start the odd time fall into the trap of looking back at different scenarios and we're like

oh fuck John that was it like RSD is a big thing for me anyway. So it's rejection sensitivity disorder. So the way someone says something, their tone, the words they use, their body language, it throws you off. And then you get in your own head and it's the best way to describe

is you know those like comedy murder sitcoms where someone will have red string going from every point. My entire room would be covered in strings and that's what's inside my brain. Does that, what's called again? Rejection what? Rejection sensitivity disorder, RSD. Rejection sensitivity disorder.

Does that mean, so like, let's say, let's say you're, would that put you off, let's say, like, asking a girl for a number or something like that in case of the, like, worst case scenario kind of thing? Yeah. Or, like, someone sends you a text message. Yeah. perfectly fine, but your interpretation of it.

Right, because you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't interpretate the tone that they were said. I was like, yeah, yes, with a full stop or no with a full stop. It's like, that person hates me. They hate me. Yeah. Or like even, like, I do find the one, like, I often joke about with clients. When I do my first consult, I'm always like, I will, in the plightest way possible, I want you to fuck off. If I've done my job to, now I've had clients for three, four years.

you know and like I would love everyone to get to a stage where they can say goodbye oh my god it's awful oh my like I like I met a client today for an ex client for coffee there like they're friends like we've gone to weddings together you know like going to birthday parties next week and stuff of that and like one of them one of them started crying as they're saying like john goodbye and I'm like well I'm going to see you again and then they kept crying I was like you're going to let me cry. It was horrible. Like, Joe. And then I came in and I read the little card they gave me and I was like,

it was actually depressed. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's depressed that I did my job. Yeah. That's why I'm like, oh, I don't want you, I don't want you to have to need me, but I won't want you to want to stay. Yeah. You can stay forever, but I'm not going to guilt trip you into staying forever or I'm not going to not give you the tools to be able to do it on

your own. I said it to someone recently it was like, I need to build my big warehouse gym so they'll never leave me it's just be fucking easier but like yeah it's like I'm still learning about it Is there, can ask questions

Is there a correlation between like depression and anxiety and ADHD? Do you know? Yeah. Like I have both Like I think they What did I say? Some people it was

a smile, a smile a smile will hide everything. Like I am a naturally smiley person. If I'm not smiling, I look like a psychopath. But I guess to the point where my face is tires up, but I, most people that see, it's like we talked about you don't understand

everyone else's demons. You don't know what's going on inside. Like most, like, people probably expect that I have some level of anxiety, but depression probably wouldn't be something that they would associate with, it would say good time jar like that kind of way but it's it's the voices it's the never ending thinking it's why sleep is so bad like someone said you just need to relax and switch off and

I'm like oh fuck off well that'd be great I'd love that I think um so what does someone say to me recently is like I'd love to take my brain out and give it a wash or a polish John just to relax it And I was like, I'd love to take it out and belt up with a hammer and get it to stop for a bit. Like a lobotomy might be a second vacation. You just like to not think. And that's where I go back to the sea. Like, you think about a few things, but it's nice stuff. It switches your brain off.

You're thinking about the floating, the way the waves are moving. Even I used to do a lot of ice bats for a while and you get everyone going, oh, I bet you're going to talk to me about the benefits of ice bats. and blah blah blah and I was like, yes, there is one huge benefit and they're like what? And I'm like,

if you get into an ice bath and the only thing you can't think about is your bits falling off, then it's not cold enough. I was like, it turns my brain off. It's why I love cold sea swimming. You're focusing on your breathing.

Box breathing was a big one for me because you're focusing on holding your breath for, I think I built it up to at one point 12 seconds. And like John you're almost suffocating yourself but it's just that

that tick and that concentration it keeps you know you asked me to sit still for five minutes and it's why I have rings like I fidget and I play with them I don't have men in the gym but the gym quietens my brain

Jim quietens down my brain I used to I used to it was always funny like when I was playing football and stuff like that and we would go for we would go for swim after training and stuff like that and all the lads are like yeah yeah let's do this for recovery recovery recovery recovery and stuff like that and like i'm not going to sit there and be like well actually yeah the scientific research tells you that uh it doesn't actually benefit whatever

i'm just like yeah i'll get in because actually i feel good after i after i get in and it's like if that is the only benefit that like you know what i mean i have relief in terms of my thoughts or just how i feel like even if it is genotemine like um like if it makes you feel good it doesn't really matter whether the benefits are are legit or not legit. It's the same with like, it's the same with exercise, even a walk. Like I know like most people think exercise when we're talking, it's like in the gym.

And like there'd be days there or a couple of days where work might take over. Something gets on and like I might sit there and I'd be like, I don't have time to do this or to know, fuck it. I'll do it tomorrow or something like that. And go out for a little while. walk and within 10 minutes of being out there it's always funny

that it still hits me and just goes well this is great feels so much fucking better because we've got outside and moved a little bit and it's like we talk

like that people don't think coaches have this stuff going on it's it's you get swamped at work like you and your launch and stuff could imagine how many feckin hours you're doing that and like we do get carried away

with work and we're trying to do this do that something else pops up and you're like, oh, I think I said to a client when I was designing a workout for them, they were like, this is awful. And I was like, do you imagine what I do to myself? And I have to drag myself in there.

I'm like, it is that it is like exercise, a swim, a walk, whatever it is. It's going to do nothing but help. And for someone that's brain doesn't turn off, people don't realize it. It's the thing that's going to help you. Yeah, like I relate to that so much because like over the,

I felt like absolute shit over the last couple of days, like absolute shit. And like I don't stop and think to myself, well, why do I fucking feel like shit? And I feel like shit because I've been literally on the computer, on the phone,

signing people up, I've been just on screens all day. And if I'm not on screens, I'm getting down to the gym today and make sure that people are fucking, you know, you know, getting their consultations or whatever are done.

And then I'm going home and then I'm, you know, just eating and going straight to bed. And I'm like, oh why do I feel so terrible at the moment? It's like I haven't done any of the things that I would usually do that make me feel good. Like you know, like I love going out for a hike.

Like I love being in nature and fresh air and just kind of having that phone switched off and just like having them couple of hours for yourself. I can't remember the last time I've done that. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's like you, it's, of all the things that we preach, it's like it's so easy for life to just get busy

and then you neglect the small things that end up becoming the big things until you, you know, do something crazy. It's what, like, you definitely said this, I always say to people, like, you need to start being, and it's something we need to learn that is still, you need to be selfish.

And it's not, it's like, people get the wrong idea that it's like, oh, me, me, me, me. And it's like, but I'm not going to be good to be around. And I'm not going to want to talk to you or I won't have a good time unless I actually

put myself first and like there are those days where you don't have to there it's going to happen you know running your own business difference over that you don't get time to go do it but it is it's it's as we'd say to someone 10 minutes yeah but do you find do you find what do you find ADHD that that's even more difficult it's like because you I would imagine if you have ADHD you're constantly looking at the next project or the next thing to take on or and and like like I like I spoke about like a lot of people who I know who have ADHD are very kind of high performance So like they've probably a lot of ambition, but with that, there's probably a cost. And hours slip away.

Like if you, if you hyper focus on like, I think I was doing, I was looking for a grant thing last year. I spent two and a half weeks basically locked in a room, any hours outside of coaching clients. And people were worried about me. And I remember talking to one of the lads. was like, what have you done today? And I was like, well, I've spent the total of six hours researching sewage treatment systems. And I know everything there is to know about them. I was like, great.

And I was like, but then I walked out of the room at the end of that six hours. And I was like, I feel like absolute dog shit. Like, we, I have the event coming on. I was talking to my website guy the other day. And we're trying to automate a couple of different things. And he was like, this is going to give you. It's not going to give you less work, but it'll give you more time to put into other work. And then I gave him an idea of something I want to do.

And I could see it on his face. He was like, oh, sweet Jesus. It's, it's, I know the to do list never ends, but you're really trying to. Yeah, you're adding on to it. Yeah, you're adding on to it. Huge, huge ambition. Like, I, fuck man, I have a kid's book I've been writing for years. I haven't, I can't remember the last time I ever did anything on it, but I'd love to do it.

but I'm like, I'm like, if I get trapped doing that, I won't do this. Yeah. And if I start doing that, you never,

you never fully finish your projects. Yeah, yeah. You've 10 things. But I suppose if, it could be a case though, like if you've started 10 projects and you finished one,

but that one is successful. I mean, it's still probably more than most people do because most people never start, but I presume if you're ADHD, you start everything. You start every.

My dad would often say it. He was like, you could have 15 projects to do and you'll get them done. And then, and they'll be done well, but you'll never get them done one after another. And I'm like, oh no.

No. No, not a chance. No, not a chance. I have so many projects and different things I have to do. That's too straightforward going from A to B. Yeah, like I, like, you know, you get those coaches that always say, like we have, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.

And then we're talking about like parents with kids and, you know, different job and stuff like that. Like, I've often. said to parents, I'm like, how the fuck do you do it? How do you do it? I was like, I barely sleep and I don't have a kid. I don't have to mind someone else. I'm like, well, you don't have enough hours in the day to do anything. Do you think with ADHD, it makes it hard to run a business because it's like one day you could be like, okay, I'm building this thing, I'm building this thing. And like with business,

like, it's like, okay, do something for long enough and repeat the same actions and behaviors like put the reps in time you don't need you don't need the next shiny thing you just need to continue to do the reps more and more and more and you get more efficient at them and you get better at them whereas like that's quite repetitive for lack of a better or better or and it's like sometimes it's like all right well let me get a fucking flight to columbia yeah a bit of spontaneity i think we're lucky in what we do that even though it's a lot of repetition it's still a little different there's always some little difference in it

like the event you might be training people in a group training facility but you're also putting on this kind of event and bringing people in from across the world and it's moving different pieces I do I do find with the ADHD we talk about

the imposter syndrome or for me the inner troll Frank and feeling you're good enough at doing something something or what you're doing has value. Like I remember the first time you asked me to do a podcast and I was like, what the fuck am I going to talk about?

And then I think you asked me to do a webinar with your clients. And so I think we did something else. And then maybe what, two years ago we did another in-person podcast. And then was it end of last summer came up to talk to your clients. And I remember saying to you, I was like, Karen, like, what do I want me to talk about? Like, what am I going to tell these people? He was like, tell them your story and stuff.

And I was like, oh, right, yeah. And I remember planning it out in my head. And I think just, I will say from like doing things with you over and back, chatting and different stuff, and other people as well. But like, I'll always be a big hands up for you. They're like more confidence in doing that stuff. that I, for that talk, I was like, do not fuck it, I'll go for it.

I'll go full for leather. I'll tell people things that never told other people. And the night before I went for one pint with a couple of the lads, there was one guy home from Oz, and they knew I had that talk on with you last year.

And one of them was like, what are you going to talk about? And I was like, I'm going to tell him everything. And one of the lads was like, what do you mean everything? I was like, everything, everything. And then my main, he was like,

like, all of it. And I was like, yeah, 28 years of demons were gonna lay it all out on the table full feck and honesty and he was like like all the stories we know and I was like yeah

and he was like do you think that's a good idea and I was like well they're not my clients so John would have been great but like it's focal board whatever happens

but like it's it's the idea that something will something will resonate with someone like even your event there a couple of weeks ago and I think it was

listening to Patty Kelly talk about stuff and I was just like and then someone else and we're all working through stuff. Even like, I remember you for your talk last year when you told me Kelly Fennell was going to be on it. I was like, well, fuck you, Carl.

I'm already nervous. And I was like, this is you're going to put me with. And then I've recently even looked back at the videos that we recorded of it. And like, I still laughed back to like, I think it was like one moment where I'm pretending to be Gullum secret eating it out of a fridge. and I've actually crouched down and I'm like

oh my God I blacked out for that part like I was like how how does I do this but like it's it's funny that it's in our it's in our head with that whole imposter syndrome

like your event two weeks ago after it someone a couple of people came up to me but someone said to me they're like I want to talk to you about like the public speaking and I was like oh yeah and they were like

how do you stay so relaxed and I was like oh I'm not and they just made a face and I was like I'm an absolute ball of anxiety thought I was speaking too fast thought I was sweaty

I was like no I was like horribly uncomfortable all the time but it doesn't come across that way and I was like well that's good to know it doesn't feel that way but it's you do I know when everyone does get in their own way a little bit

and I think the the late diagnosis for people is a big thing with ADHD you have so many voices in your head so many voices and you are like you are your worst enemy like you you stop yourself from doing

things like there's things there's things I need to be doing for work and for some reason I'm like oh maybe let's not record that today like my big thing of late is I'm trying to I'm trying to record myself talking at camera

and I said this to a mate and he was like but you love that. this stuff. I was like, no, I fucking don't. I don't like it. Like, I was anxious before doing this with you. And I was like, we've done this. I've done this before. It was like,

it should be fine. And my friend was like, man, you put on a pink dress and a wig to do a video. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And for some reason, that doesn't make me uncomfortable. I was like, that's fine, but like the straight talking, looking directly at camera, no voiceovers, no trying to have like a cheap

laugh. You get them in here and there. I'm like, it's, you're just putting you out there. And that's scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's,

I think whether you're talking about like body image struggles, whether you're talking about substance abuse, whether you're talking about. Relationship of food, whether you're talking about, you know, just, it's just shame and judgment and people are terrified that people are going to find out

who they really are. And the biggest person who is terrified, about that is or the only one who's who is creating judgment around that is yourself and that's true for everyone and it's like you know when you when you came up and you talked and you spoke about all the things that you were struggling with like like that's a big cute deal for you because you're laying it all out on the line but the people listening are just sitting there and saying oh yeah that's relatable i understand that oh yeah like i i've i feel the same way about x or y or z and it's like our deepest insecurities

or our deepest fears or the things that we feel most shame about like it's it's it's only us who actually really feel that and it's never really as bad as as it seems but it feels like that to us like that talk last year

with your clients in the last summer like I can understand doing my friends were making faces beforehand going you're not really going to fucking tell them all this. Like I think I was talking about waking up randomly in a field with nothing on but one wellie and we all know why that's happening.

You know, it's, but like, it was stupidly freeing. Yeah. So, like, I remember driving home after that and, like,

such a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And, like, as we said, like, jump, I'm going to tell people stories that I probably wouldn't tell some people close to me. or like family wouldn't know about.

And like, we're like, ah, well, they're not my clients. Fuck them. But it's like, but then people are talking to you afterwards. I don't know how many are clients I set down with afterwards. And I'm like, all right,

well, this is actually helping people. Exactly. Like, yeah, we might make it, I might make a laugh and joke about the darkness of 28 years plus

of demons and stuff of that. But like, being vocal about that stuff, talking to people about it, it does help people. Like, I've had chats with people over the years, people dealing with different stuff.

And I always find it strange when I'm talking to someone about certain things. And I'm like, why are you talking to me about it? And I remember one person was like, well, you have your shit together. And I was like, well, I certainly don't, but I'm glad you think so. I'm like, that's great. But it is, we don't talk about all this stuff. Like, someone told me not to tell people about substance use or therapy or, different stuff

of that. Don't have me wrong. I'm still nervous about maybe more the substance side talking about that than the therapy because I'm like Christ, it's fucking once again it's freeing. It's freeing. Like I look forward to therapy.

Every second with my mouth, so nice. I'm lucky now with the therapist I have now and like it's great but like it's tough. It's very, very tough but like talking about stuff. My own friends would say, I'm like, if you got shit going on, talk to us about it. I don't like doing it mostly because I'm like, if you don't get to see, like, some people I know for like 23 plus years, you don't get to see them too often.

I don't want to be like, right, let me unload this dump truck full of shit so we can sift through this for a while, maybe not be sad and then try to have a bit of a night. I'm like, I don't always want to do it, but then they know. Yeah. And like, we should be talking about everything. Yeah. There's a great quote. and I was just popping it up there as well. If you don't talk about your shame, it grows. If you share it, it dies.

And I think that's the biggest thing. I think when you think about eating disorders, when you think about body dysmorphia, when you think about substance abuse, when you think about just your behavior in the past or whatever it is, it's like when you tried to hide it, it just makes it grow and it's more difficult. And it's like when you just share it

and let it all out in the open and allow yourself to be vulnerable, like you essentially conquer it and it makes it that little bit easier. I think it's the same with the body image issues as well. It's like, all right, you don't want to take your top off at the beach, but the minute you do and the minute you do, it's freeing.

Yeah. Like, the idea of like talking about it kills, kills that shame. If you don't talk about it with someone, it doesn't matter if you pay them to listen to you or Joe, it's an old friend or some random person you meet in a feckin' smoking area, because it's easy to just unload and then walk away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're on your own. Yeah. You are alone dealing with and when I talk about Frank. I probably have a hundred francs at this point up there, but like that inner troll up there talking to you. If you're the only person that knows what's going on, if it's only you sitting at home talking, you are on your own then.

And everyone that you know around you, you want to listen. I want to. Well, it's always why when you talk about the things that scare you the most or you're being at your most vulnerable, it always gets the best feedback

of people because it ends up becoming relatable. It's like there's substance there, there's a story there, there's a story that I can relate to versus like me trying to curate this perfect image of myself. Yeah, like I am,

I suppose with the social media side of it and stuff, trying to be that bit more open with things and show that vulnerable side and honesty, just pure honesty. It's quite enjoyable now to see when I will post certain things and the private messages you get from people. Like talking about,

I think it was last time talked about my eating disorder and about wanting the fat loss phase and how I want it, but I won't do it at the expense of my mental health. And like even the last two weeks working around it, I'm noticing old habits that will creep back in the way we'll do certain things, the way we'll talk about certain stuff.

I had one little voice over there and I actually love it. I don't care how many people see it. I don't care how many likes it gets. It's from Doctor Who, and it's uh some guys he's like he's like who's that and he's like nobody important and your aunt's like nobody important

and join all my years of travel I've never met anyone who's not important before and I fucking love it and it's like it is making that content is for me

I hope it helps one person but like it's it's that it's that honestly we we need to be nicer to ourselves we can like, you know, give ourselves a kick up the hole at the same time, but it's the way you do it. It's the way you kick yourself up the hole. And I have fallen into that trap. I even dealt with it with a client only a couple of weeks ago.

Men, quite a lot, we hold it all in. We don't want to burden other people with what's going on with our brain. But one, it's freeing to do it. and the level of respect and support you will get from some of your closest people by doing it also shows them that they can do it with you. Because we all want to talk about stuff. It's terrifying, but we need it. Absolutely need it.

We need to get out of our own head because if you stay on your own being the only one dealing with it, it's never going to work. and I think especially if you're going to talk about it with your male mates I think a good point to make because I see this a lot with my own friends is don't wait till you're blackout drunk to talk about the things that you need to talk about because I've noticed that with friends it's like they'll they'll bring up the same conversations over over again but only after they've hit a certain trash point in terms of how much alcohol they've drank and it's like you are struggling with something you have something to say but but you have something to say but. but you're only comfortable to say it or you're only vulnerable enough to say it after you've got absolutely twisted drunk to say it. That's a problem. It's not going to help thing anyway.

Yeah. My best chats have been sober Zoom calls in the morning. You know, that's like, yes, we can get the Dutch courage to start talking about it. And even, like, I've had it on nights out where you've had a few drinks and someone, and someone will like, you might be on your own

at one point with them and they'll ask, how are you, John, you want to talk about something? I'm like, yeah, I kind of do, but like, let's go for a coffee or, don't, let's meet up

or do a video call and do it then because I was like, it's not going to be beneficial right now. No. It's not. It's going to, like, especially because drink is a depressant, don't I'm around.

If you see me drinking tonight, I'm generally having a great time. You know, a big smiles, and everyone to that. But once you're, second into the nitty gritty of what's going on in your noggin, it flips. Yeah. It's no longer, it's no longer a fun, a fun night out. And I don't think, I don't, I, I, I, I, because I've had it as well, like, I don't think there's anything wrong with you and a friend having like a drunk

heart to heart or anything like that. Like they're, they're normal. They're normal. But if it's like, if it's the only time you're going to share what you're struggling with and you're not going to then deal with it then the next day I think that becomes a problem then well that like it is yeah so really like it's you shouldn't have to you shouldn't have to get to a level drunk feel safe to talk to people

yeah exactly exactly that's the big thing there and like it's like I talk about therapy and like I do openly talk to people about it and like I have been talking to people about substance stuff of late and

not that I like everyone should get into therapy. So, but I'm like, yeah. If you have stuff to talk about, like, yes, the whole financial side of it is another, as another thing. But like, I, like I said it already, I do thoroughly enjoy going to, like, there's times now. Like, I went to, like, what is, I went yesterday and normally go on a Friday when I have less face-to-face clients, so I'm just not, like, wiped out by it.

Yesterday it was going to be a big one. I knew it when I was going in there. And, like, myself and my therapist were often, like, John, she'd be like, I don't want to be mean. I'm like, oh, fuck it. Come on. Throw it at me. Go on. It's the truth. This is the stuff we need. And, like, joy, she's like,

I just feels a little bit tough. I'm like, this is what we want. This is what we want. We need to get into the nitty-gritty of it. And, like, even though it feels heavy, heavy throughout bits of it, you just get to that point. Just like doing a gym session, it's not how fucking tough and hard it is, the session. It's that moment at the end. Do you have any advice? Because obviously you've,

you recently went through a breakup, do you have any advice for men going through? Did that help with therapy? Did therapy help with that? Yeah, we're helping. Helping. It's an ongoing process. Like I think was it back back 2017 when I was on like towards the end or half in the middle of the eating disorder and stuff and I went down

the whole substance abuse side that was off the back of a breakup and I remember going in I think it was just before the end of 2017 just before Christmas and I met this I met this therapist and she was like well I won't meet you till you're sober and I was like all right yeah and she was like, so end of January, we'll have our first meeting, we'll see how it goes. And I got my month, I got my month sober. And when I went in for the first session, I remember her saying, I still have it in my head to this day that she was like, I didn't actually think you'd do it. And it stuck with me now that I'm like, I was obviously going through an awful time. And not only would you not help me when I was using things to stop the awful time.

you then basically threw dirt on the fact that I did a month of broil to try to actually help myself and we're like, oh, I didn't think you could do it. I'm like, you don't need to know that. Don't need to know that. And like, now that therapy was good and bad.

It wasn't great. I probably kind of like, kind of like you know this with other exes and stuff, probably should have been a red flag right there and then that day that I should have like, well, this isn't going to fucking help me. This isn't going to work. This isn't going to help, Benet.

Like my my stuff with all that, it's an ongoing process. Like there was things, there was things I was working through last year that I want to get back to. That's the stuff I want to get into because that's the stuff that comes from childhood growing up, which is impacting stuff now. Like relationships. Relationships, my own self-worth and all of that stuff. Like that's coming from then. That's what I want to get back to it. thing I described it to my therapist one day is like

Shawshank Redemption where they're carving out the wall with the spoon. I was like, I think I barely got the plaster off the wall. Yeah, yeah. But I would suggest for everyone like, if you can confide in a friend for now and have a tip for tat DMCs do that, if you can get yourself into therapy 100% do it, it'll take time. I got lucky you now with the one found. Do you think that people fall into the trap of, uh, all right, so like, let's say a relationship

ends and then you're going to go and work on yourself by, you know, working with a therapist and doing all the other stuff and kind of dealing with childhood stuff and, you know, but do you think that there's also kind of a danger of people then trying to wait until they are the finished product before then kind of getting back out there. dating again and like I can't I can't get into another relationship until I deal with all my issues

yeah that'll happen I suppose they talk about like you don't you don't have to be you don't have to be fully healed to try to do anything just like we'll say where people like you'll hear for people going to the gym and stuff

once I get that little bit fitter I'll then start a gym yeah exactly yeah it's like well it's not really going to work down like, Tommy Ram, I'm in between on that now. Yeah, yeah. You know, I am in between. I didn't think I'll be talking about this today. Fuck.

So, yeah, I am in between on it. I want to move forward and I don't want to move forward. Yeah, yeah. I'm in a 50-50 limbo on it. And like, you, I know you understand. Yeah. I know you. I only ask that question because that's literally the thing that I realized.

maybe a couple of months or maybe even a year ago, but I still tend to do it. It's like, okay, the last relationship that I, that I was in, it didn't work, and now I'm going to make sure that before I get into another relationship, that, you know, I have my finances in order, I have my emotional intelligence in order. You know, I really understand what it takes to, you know,

make a relationship work before getting in one. And like, the next person that I get with is going to be the person, do you know what I mean? Because I don't want to, I don't want to waste time, you know being in like you know relationships that I know that are not going to go anywhere whereas before I would do that you know before I would get into relationships knowing that you know I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with this person but just yeah into the relationship anyway and now I think I've gone so far the other way of being like well like

isolate yourself so much that you not you can't you're not even going to give any will it willing to give anyone a chance because you're looking for that it's the it's they it's they like you know I'll be happy when or kind of thing or not even I'll be happy when it's like uh once everything's perfect perfect conditions I'm perfect perfect perfectionist mindset actually I'll put it this way I won't I'm not in a position where it's when I'm fully healed I'll go looking for it it's uh I'm most certainly not ready for it. And to me, it's not only unfair to me, it's unfair to the other person. Because I'm not out of that yet. And like I, I think we like with like it was, it was, it was,

it was heavy. It's still heavy. And like, if I'm going to be honest, um, I hope she's not watching. It's still, it's still going to be, it's still going to be fake. It's still heavy. And I'm like, talking about my therapist, I was like, I didn't spiral fully to the point that I think I joked with someone yesterday about going off the rails that I'm afraid that if I went off the rails I might destroy the world I'm like, I was like I think after the first night out

people were like fuck that, go back to doing things you've been doing now for the last year but it's I for me I need time to figure out more about myself you know more about myself

worth improving improving the work I've done already with body image, food relationship, how I run my business, more time with my friends, the balance, that work-life balance that we often tell people to do that we generally don't fucking have.

We don't like, you know, and it's, yeah, I'm not hiding from it because I don't, I don't want us. I don't want it's not a healing, it's not a healing thing. I've done a lot of,

I've done a lot of work. Yeah. I've done a lot of work. I've noticed a lot of triggers, a lot of things like my people pleasing would always be a big thing. Yeah. That's my big thing.

So I don't think, I don't think someone, someone doesn't deserve to have me in the space I'm in right now. Do you think, do you think when you go through a breakup, that it makes you because I think a lot of people do this where they they almost neglect their friendships to a point where it's like oh my friendships are always there so I don't really

need to make an effort I can make an effort I have to make an effort with my romantic partner I have to make an effort with my co-workers or my business partner or my clients or whatever I don't have to make an effort with my friends because you know my friends are always there and then you go through like a breakup and you realize how much you actually needs that like that is the the thing that kind of keeps you, keeps you okay. It's like you need that company, you need, you need friendships. And I see just a lot when people get into a relationship and they just kind of, they just disappear.

They just disappear. And they put all the, they put all their relationships into that one relationship. Like they put, like they lean on their, the romantic partner to be their romantic partner, their fucking friend, their,

you know, confidant, their community, either everything. And it's like you're putting all this pressure on this one person to be that one thing. And then if you use breakup, then it's like, oh, everything that I have

was in that one person and therefore it's very hard to move on. Stop holding up a mirror car. For sake, like, yeah. So, like I, like, I had over the last like two years, maybe for Christmas, I had a few people like saying to me,

like, you're not as, you're not as, Joe, available anymore and difference of, and I said now, there's, there's a bit of, to it. It wasn't just a relationship thing. It was I'm self-employed. I'm trying to grow a business. Even though we need to be like honest and show up

as we are, you still also can't have people walking into a gym being a miserable hunt. You know, like you have to have that little like, you know, I'm here to brighten up your day. And I can deal with my stuff in an hour's time, it'll be fine. By the time you get five,

six days done of it, You're a bit tired. Like, I said to my ex at different times, like, John, I'd go off for a swim or I'd be going doing something else and someone would see it on my store. I'm like, oh, why didn't you tell me I would have gone? And I'm like, I want to go on my own. I want to go on my own or I want to go with someone else. But I was like, I want to do my schedule.

I want to like, you know, decide what time I'm arriving there, what time I'm stopping for lunch. You know, if I want to hang around long. I always find, for me, it's the swimming. one, like especially around like winter swimming, I'll get into the water and you'll, it'll be a big deal of going with loads of people. And everyone then wants to get out. And I'm like, I'd like to fucking stay here longer. Like, John, I'm like, but I have to get out and Joe, yeah, be sociable, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, it's a mix of both work. I put a lot of effort into work. I was trying to build, John, I'm trying to build something here. Like, so we do forget about those people. And a big reminder of

it for me was back in May at a mate who was going to be home from Oz for a couple of weeks and like we knew for months and it so happened he was only going to get one day in limerick and so I organised

I don't know what 17 17 plus people to meet us in the pub and town I had his sister his fiance his parents all lying to him everyone that was going lying to him that they wouldn't be there and he thought he was going for two pints a bit of food watch a bit of rugby get a taxi

home at seven o'clock and his parents would grab him and now he was wrecked from work traveling and he probably needed just that night but he walks into the pub all these people there and like the look on his face also just gathering all these people we know from mixed groups and different stuff it was just so nice and i remember being in another person pub later on in the evening and I did a post on it and I just have it's literally just a span view of everyone sitting there having chats the big surprise cheer when he walked into the pub at the start and I remember looking at that video and before I even posted I was like it's the you know the whole this is the whole point you know that that trend there and like

it is it is like it's fucking Even my mates at the weekend they were like, are you all right, mind and Joe, the four-year-old running out? And she asked me to play games and I was like, I'm not going to tell a four-year-old, no. And as I thought you're a child, I was like, I'm going to get to know them over the years

and she's going to be my taxi home in 14 years. So like, you know, that's the other side of it's, it was a great reminder of how not alone I am. And I know some of those people for 23 people. plus years. You know, more than half my life already and it's, and they

are the ones that give out to you for not talking about stuff. They're the ones, I want you to talk to me about it. I'm like, all yeah, well, we'll set up a Zoom call and we'll share our feelings. I was like, we don't do, but it's, we do, like, we do neglect people getting into a relationship and

then you have that end of, end of a relationship with you're reminded that like, well, I kind of fucking forgot about all of you. But then you have the other side of like that's what led to my eating disorder was an ex years ago I went I went revenge buddy

so and like leaned myself out as much as possible everyone was like oh wow look at John look what you're doing and I was like ruined myself yeah yeah I think that's a really good point as well because if we're talking if we're having this conversation

about like how can people get over a breakup or how can they survive or you know you know just get through the day it's like there's there's many different ways that you can you know go through a breakup like you know you can go for the revenge body where you're you know putting yourself through torture you know you can sleep your way through it you know with people who will not make you feel better after after you've done that um i've been guilty of that

um like you can fucking drink your feelings away you can sniff your feelings away and you can eat your feelings away you can do all them things and it's like I think the best thing the best advice that I could give to people in regards to that is literally what you said about like this is the whole point it's like reminding yourself that like you probably have a lot of really good friends that you probably haven't um you haven't uh made time for or it's difficult to make time for because you're right people have jobs or are building stuff you know and you can only you can only you only have so much time in the day to to to to give to people as well.

But I think when you, when you realize how important some people are to you like surviving that period of time. Like it should make you appreciate that I should be, I should be given my, I should be given more of my time to this rather than maybe all them other things. If you wanna go get in shape if it makes you feel better, like if you spend more time in the gym, just not gonna be anything wrong with that.

You know, trying to, um, get as lean as possible. so you can prove that you are, you know, worthy of love or worthy of attention from strangers on the internet, probably not going to be the thing that fixes you, you know. And doing things on your own. Like, I've gone for a few hikes on my own, a few swims on my own. I went for dinner on my own.

Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one. Most people can't do that. I've started, I'm able to do that now where, like, I'll go for lunch by myself. even think about it anymore. Like, that one is, that one, I'm like, it's still interesting. Like, you know, like, I went down to the

local pub, I don't know, whatever evening. I was just, I bring my laptop, finish the last, like, 20 minutes of work. It's like, I'll have a point. I'll order dinner. And someone, someone did ask me, they're like, is someone join you? I'm like, that's the worst. No, no.

Just me. It just. And then, like, the weight of the look of, the look of pity on her face. The wages just turned around then, saw there was rugby on TV, and she was like, I just having a little date with her death.

I'm like, yeah. I'm, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to buy myself a drink. And I was like, and I'm talking around. You get those moments over and back, we're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You walk in, it's like, a table for two,

just for one, just for one, like, oh, okay, it's okay. And I want the nice table in front of the TV in the middle of everyone. I don't care who else is coming in. We're going to wear a suit next time. I will say, like, nowhere fucking near having it all figured out. Yeah. Nowhere near it. Like, I'm still in the depths of all of it.

Absolutely all of it. But I look at it this way, I go for drinks to have fun with friends. I don't go to get fucked up. Yeah. I'm eating food because, well, there was a period there at the stand I wasn't really eating, you know? And I was like, well, I need to eat, I need to eat to keep going. As my therapist said, she was like, John, did the event with you have my own event coming up, going to another event in Leeds for Sophia Harris, and then kept it?

the business going, grew the business, didn't fall down, didn't fall into that black hole of substance stuff. Don't, didn't, like, yes, lost myself in certain ways, but I'm like, we joked about going off the rails. I'm like, I know a few people

were worried about me going off the rails. They weren't worried, you know, and like, to be honest, I kind of was, as well. You know, and like, I do, I did joke about it that I'm like, Joe, I don't think the world

could handle me going off the rails and I'm like, that's quite fucking nice to be in a position where I'm like, I don't want it. Yeah, yeah,

I don't want it because I know it's not going to do anything. Yeah, yeah. And I think, I think for if, if people are in that situation and they do go off the rails a little bit, I think sometimes,

sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes, sometimes you, sometimes being destructive to yourself is, part of that process, part of that healing process, to then kind of being like, well, well, that didn't fix me. Everyone, everyone looks at it differently.

Like, if you saw me on a stagged there in March, a couple of people were like, geez, he's really trying to kill himself off. And I was like, I had a fantastic night. I drank what I could handle and more. And I had a burger at the end of the night and just passed out because I had to go to sleep. But, like, you know, it's all different for everyone.

I think that goes back to what we even talked about even at the very start. It's like it's the perception around the behaviour that matters most. It's your mindset around the behaviour. I think that's what's going to ultimately dictate whether it's like dangerous or disordered or toxic or not. Yeah.

And when it comes to drinking, like I have a good tolerance. Obviously I have my other party side history so it doesn't hit me. It doesn't hit me as hard. but I do get that giddy and stuff with that but like even the weekend like my mate had to host family the next day and he was like

Jesus he was like this was meant to be a casual a casual night and we we left the pub at like quarter to one with the doors locked and I was just like well man John it was just so nice at one point just looking at all of you sitting there

standing there and listening to them talk and like John it is a big difference now like John there was a four year old and an eight month old with us at the start at the start of the night and things are changing but it's it is that kind of thing it was like yes the drinks were there

and but it was the company it wasn't about the drinks yeah the drinks were just part of it but it was yeah part of it and like that's that's the thing is it's it's you'll know if it's you'll know if it's doing damage or if it's helping

yeah and everyone will view it every one of most people would have viewed the drinks and the food at the weekend is, all right, you're going off the fucking deep end. I'm like, no, you don't know what the deep end is. We have a very different view of what the deep end is. Yeah, yeah. Jared, let's wrap this up.

All right, we've talked about body image. We've talked about disorderly, and we've talked about ADHD. We've talked about breakups. We've talked about a couple of things. What can people expect to learn at your event in Limerick in September? Actually, tell them the date. Tell them where it is. and what they expect to get at this event.

It's Saturday, September 27th. It's on in the three house in the woodlands in Limerick. And we talked earlier about the bubble, you know, that community that you're worth, like building up of coaches and stuff with that. It's for me, like, do I'm wrong, every time I still look up the lineup, I'm like, fuck, I was like, this is brilliant.

But it's all the people I look up to in the industry. All the people that if you don't feel you belong inside in the gym, these are the people that are going to make you feel welcome. If you feel that you don't have the ability to lose ways, get stronger, anything, these are the people that will help you through us. we like the talks like obviously it's like a it's a fitness event wellness event but it's not your like kale smooth yeah we'll have a big old sesh afterwards i have an after party organized but like it's like mental health side of it nutrition like i know one person's going to like

how to unfuck your relationship with food it's not just going to be people talk about calorie deficits and you know food is good and bad and um then we're going to do like a breath work thing is a guided breathwork as well. But for me, it's, it's even still only a small handful. Like, you know, I know you thought I was getting carried away at one point. I could keep adding people to this. Like, perhaps make it two days, but it's,

these are the people we need in the industry to make everyone feel welcome in it. Yeah. That everyone feels they deserve to take space in it, that they can learn stuff without the bullshit. And that's, that, that's what I think, you will learn. Some of them are at your talk.

I'm still learning stuff from them. You know, I'm excited to actually listen to what they're going to talk about, what you're going to talk about. And it's, no matter what level you're at, complete beginner, never been in there, or you think you're up at another level.

You will learn something. Yeah. You will learn something. And we're going to have a laugh doing it. No. 27th, 27 to September, Limerick at the tree house

Three house In the Woodlands All right Well if anyone wants tickets Or I wants info on that Let me know Or I can direct you over to Jer Where can they find

On Instagram Lyft and Laugh fitness Lift and Laugh fitness All right And we will have it all up On the show notes We'll have Jare's Instagram on the show notes

And you can reach out to him for tickets Jar Ger thank you very much as always It's a pleasure my man Absolute pleasure Absolutely pleasure