The Uneducated PT Podcast - Episode 115 – The Price for Community is Inconvenience

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

In this solo episode, host of The Uneducated PT Podcast reflects on the hidden cost of belonging: inconvenience. We all want strong, supportive communities, but real connection often means giving up comfort, adjusting schedules, and putting others before ourselves. From small acts of showing up when it’s not easy, to embracing the messy, imperfect side of human connection—this conversation digs into why inconvenience isn’t a burden, but the very thing that makes community meaningful. If you’ve ever wrestled with balancing personal freedom and collective responsibility, this episode will give you a fresh perspective on why the “price” is worth paying.

Hello and welcome back to another solo episode of the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. Today is a solo episode. It's going to be a quick one. It's going to be a short one. I've nothing prepared, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about community because I'm going to be doing a talk in Edinburgh next month to a bunch of coaches on, you know, building community and how I foster community in my own life.

and while I was while I was looking up what would be kind of what would be some valuable information to give or what are some good insights into my own experiences with community and then I've seen something online and it said why it's worth paying the price of community even if people are annoying

and I think that's that's pretty much correct because there's this great thing where it's like loneliness is the price you pay for convenience like it's easy to be alone it's easy to um shut people off it's easy to isolate yourself it's easy to be like um it's it almost feels empowering to be like uh oh no i'm not gonna now like i did i did that this weekend okay so uh it was a friend's engagement party and i didn't go because you know i just didn't want to go another weekend in the and I just didn't want to drink and I didn't want to spend money and I've been out for like the whole every weekend in August and July and I was like I just you know I need to find the

balance of being like you know just having a weekend where I kind of do nothing and just chill out and also like I'm prepping for a couple of races and obviously these talks and it's trying to find a balance between okay um you know making time for my friends making time for the things that are important to them but also looking after myself and looking after my own energy and you know it's a tricky one and i'm definitely not perfect at it um but you know that's i can very much fall into that trap of being like you know that work culture you know hustle culture you know self-care culture almost where it's like oh i need to look after myself first um going out is inconvenience or going to that party is inconvenience or going to that event to support that

friend is is inconvenient and all of these things are inconvenient it's 100% true going to the birthday party is inconvenient going to the kids birthday party is inconvenient going to your neighbours you know communion is inconvenient um whatever whatever it is like going to that charity event is inconvenient but I think it's important to remember that you know that is the price you pay for community and for connect and connection like the whole idea is that you know community is about being selfless not selfish it's about thinking about we not me and um you know loneliness is the price that you pay for a life of convenience um and I think that's just a really, really good point that you know, you can't crave connection and then also cancel your

plans all the time. Like it is inconvenient to show up for people. And I think when we have this kind of hyper, hyper individual culture where it's like, you know, protect your peace and, you know, set boundaries and but when they're talking about setting boundaries, they're basically like, you know, cut everyone off and, you know, unless, there's some you get something out of this there's there's no point in doing it when that's just not true it's like the price you pay for community is time effort um inconvenience um going to things when you're tired showing up when you don't want to and you usually always feel better and you know what i feel kind of shitty today and i was thinking why do i feel so crap and i was like i haven't actually

made time for any of my friends this weekend really um I went, I did a race and then I went home and I rest, I recovered and I rest. And, um, but I didn't really, I didn't really, you know, spend any time with friends or, um, make follow up on any plans or anything like that. And, um, you know, while I've spent the weekend being able to kind of catch up on, on things that, that will obviously set me up for next week. there's still, you know, a hollowness there or, um, an emptiness. And, and I think that is, you know, there's a great meme I always sharing. It's like, uh, you wanted, you wanted total freedom and instead you got total isolation, um, or total loneliness. And I think that's true. It's like, you know, you need to make sure that you do things that, because all, all the advice online,

right is about protecting your peace all the advice you get online is about how you must say no to people you know stop being a people pleaser you know as a is a term people love to just throw around all the time now you're probably not a people pleaser you know you're probably actually the complete opposite of a people please you're so good at saying no to things you're so good at not showing up for people you're so good at not showing up to events you're so good at actually um protecting your own peace that you found yourself you know increasingly living in a in a digital isolation world um and not making time for for people um so i think that's just something that we could think a little bit more about is you know that it is inconvenient um to focus on community uh it is inconvenient to focus on community uh it is inconvenient to

make time for people community takes courage it takes effort and it's difficult and I think you know as much as as much as I'm also an advocate advocate for the other message which is like you know make sure you're not you know leading from an empty cup and make sure you look after yourself and like until you look after yourself you can't look after anyone else but i just think people have got so comfortable sitting at home you know they have their Netflix and they have their you know social media and they can feel like they're in places by just scrolling on instagram and ticot without actually being there um but they're not really there they're at home and you know just you're in a WhatsApp group with all

your friends but so you might feel like you know what's you're in the loop and you know what's going on but you're not actually there. You're not actually taking the time to go out and to do these events and see these people and be part of it and play your part in it. And I think most people don't realize how much community actually asks of them. Like community takes a lot out of people.

You know, people are looking for convenience, for comfort, for, you know, a sense of belonging, but without responsibility, you know, and it does take responsibility. responsibility to do these things like I had to do like two weeks ago I wanted to like just chill it was Sunday and I just wanted to chill out but you know I said that I was going to go on this kind of head-to-head hike um which was in aid of avian pink tie um cancer for for children and for family struggling with cancer and as much as I didn't want to go I went you know and I did it with

the Bray fire brigade and you know it was a great day it was wholesome I was glad to be part of it. You know, I got to meet up with friends and have chats. And, you know, as much as it was an inconvenience for me at the time, I was glad that I did it. And I think you're always, you're always glad that you do it once you show up. But if we only think of community as like, what can this space offer me instead of, you know, what is my responsibility here?

We're most likely going to be disappointed because, you know, community, will not meet all of your needs. It is not centered around one person. It is centered around the collective. It is centered around the whole. And it will challenge you. You know, it will ask you to face parts of yourselves. Um, that only show up in relationships to others.

Um, so it's difficult. It's difficult. But it's also really important. Um, I think it's important for everyone. So, um, yeah. When we're thinking about community, we shouldn't be thinking about what can I get out of this. We should be thinking about how can I show up for this. How can I provide?

How can I be of service? Because it's also a thing where it's like, you know, when you are focusing on other people or the group and not yourself, you know, that is a recipe for happiness for, I think, not even happiness. but um you know focus on focusing on yourself and only on yourself and constantly on yourself that is a recipe for uh misery that's something that i know um that is something that i experience any time that i'm thinking about myself and about my own problems and oh poor carl Carl doesn't have this and Carl doesn't have that um that is just me suffering uh it's me suffering and there's no need to suffer. But when I'm focusing on other people and helping other people and trying to be of service and there's a great line in that irony documentary where he's like, you know, how can I be

useful today? You know, how can I be of use? How can I help someone today? And I think when you're focusing on that all the time, you know, it's a better, it's a better way to live. I think it leads to peace I think it leads to peace you know and it's not something that I have figured out all the time but I think I get it sometimes you know it's not supposed to be perfect

you're not supposed to be perfect at this you're not supposed to have all the answers and sometimes you can have the answers and still get it wrong and everything is just a balance and act at the end of the day, you know, balancing, looking after yourself, you know, then looking after your family, looking after your friends, and looking after your community, you're never going to get it right all the time and the balance is never going to be perfect all the time.

But I think just having awareness that if you're suffering, I think looking outside of yourself and looking to focus on, okay, I think someone said to me once, I was a great thing, it was like, take the thing that you most suffer from and use it to help other people take the thing that you suffer from and use it to help other people it is a recipe for you solving your own misery and i think i did that with or i think i'm trying to do that with my own deep sense of of not belonging of uh feeling alone of feeling, I don't know, unworthy or, I don't really know, I don't really know the feeling. Like I don't know if I can describe it.

But I do know when I don't, when I'm not focusing on myself and I'm focusing on trying to bring people together and creating experiences for people to have a little bit of joy or just feel a little bit connected in a room, then I, you know, get something out of that and maybe I feel a little bit less alone because of that. So take the thing that you suffer from and try to solve it and help other people solve it. I think that's a good way to live. So yeah, there are just some thoughts that I have on community, kind of scattered brain today,

not really making sense and don't have any notes on what I was going to talk about. But that's just what I'm thinking about at the moment. So, yeah, probably not useful. There we are. That was some thoughts on a Sunday, Sunday afternoon.