The Uneducated PT Podcast - 🎙️ Episode 89: "Designing Your Life: Intention, Wisdom & the Power of Action with Ryan Eveleigh"

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Episode 89 of the Uneducated PT Podcast, hosted by Karl O'Rourke, features a compelling conversation with Ryan Eveleigh, a holistic health and transformation coach known for his no-nonsense approach to fitness and personal development.In this episode, Karl and Ryan delve into the concept of "creating a life by design," emphasizing the importance of living with intention and purpose. They explore the psychological phenomenon of learned helplessness, discussing how individuals can overcome feelings of powerlessness to take control of their lives.The discussion also touches on the paradox of King Solomon, highlighting the disconnect that can occur between possessing wisdom and taking meaningful action. This leads to a broader conversation about the necessity of aligning knowledge with practice to achieve personal growth.Additionally, the episode addresses the complexities of South Africa's evolving race policies, examining the societal shifts and the implications of the "pendulum swing" in the nation's approach to racial equity.Throughout the episode, Ryan shares insights from his coaching experience, reinforcing the idea that transformation begins from the inside out.Tune in to Episode 89 for an insightful discussion that challenges listeners to reflect on their own lives and consider how intentional actions can lead to meaningful change.Connect with Ryan on Instagram: @ryaneveleigh

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation. And for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support, and I'll see you on the next episode. Ryan, how are we handsome? I am good, brother.

I'm good, you know. How is Thai life treating you? Thai life is treating me beautifully man like but as I said it always was it best decision I ever fucking made and all those moments you know when you have like a bit of a down bay or something like that you can just go have a little sit at the beach

and just be like you know what life ain't so bad kind of like you do with your hikes do you know what I mean yeah same principle um I seen it was I think you put it up on you a couple of weeks ago so you're you're there over over a year now uh yeah

I'm rounding near two years. Yeah, wow, well. So no homesick or anything like that, no, you're in the right place to be. You know, it's funny you say that because every time, and I get asked this question a lot, everyone goes, oh, you know, do you get homesick, this, that? And there's always a quote from Seneca

where he just says, you know, I'm from no one corner of the world. The whole world is my native land. And so like, no, I'm not really homesick, bro. You know, I chat to the family, make sure everyone's squared away. But I'm here. And here is where I will be.

Yeah, I love that sale. Be where your feet are because, like, it's always like, if you weren't in Thailand, you'd be like, oh, I should appreciate it that time when I was in Thailand more. And when you're at home, it's like, oh, I should appreciate that time I was at home more. So be where your feet are, I think, is a... Yeah, hindsight's 20-20, bro.

You always look back and go, fuck, I wish I enjoyed that more. Yeah. We're going to go through a couple of different concepts today. And, you know, one thing that really actually resonated with me. And I think it will resonate with a lot of people is, you know this idea of life by design which you spoke about the other day i i think it's a really really good thing to um talk about and to talk about in a little bit more detail as well because you know i would imagine that there's a lot of people who are like oh yeah that that sounds like something

that i should really start to do more of or live with intention and stuff like that but they don't know how or they feel like oh well that's that's not for me i wouldn't i wouldn't be able to do that So could you start by just kind of, you know, when you were talking about life by design, like, just go into a little bit about like what you mean by that and what that kind of looks like for you and, you know, how it's different from just like setting goals or being productive? Oh, it's like completely the opposite of just, you know, remaining productive. So when I talk about life by design, essentially what I'm alluding to is I don't just deal with the symptom. I do with the cause, right?

So I deal with both. And what that essentially means is we tackle it from a physical, mental, and emotional standpoint and business if necessary because emotion can sometimes tie in there. And now where a lot of people get confused is going, well, life by design, what is that? It's what you want it to be, right? And what I mean by that is essentially, as I said, when I onboard a client, the one thing I'll always do is I'll get on a call from straight away. Now, 50 minute timer and I'm saying, okay, here's your prompt.

what is the dream state and I want you to write I'm going to keep my camera on keep your camera on I'm going to put myself on mute right for 15 minutes right then I reverse engineer that dream to a goal into reality into actionable steps and that can come from everything it's not just you're lifting and your training it's your mindset it's what you're doing and then making sure there's resources available for those people because there's so many coaches out there who say oh you know I'm going to improve your mindset or how are you going to do that well you're going to get the gym loads, man, you're going to get, you know, mental resilience. And it's like, fucking, that's a bit of a cop-out. If you're a honest opinion, that's cop-out, right?

If you actually want a life by design, you're going to have to have the mindset to actually live it, right? So that actually means you've actually got to go into the bare bones of your mental state. Look at behavior. Look at what happened, why you are, where you are right now, and why is that such a dream? And realize that that dream is no longer a dream. It can then become a goal. But that does, and this is where people always get it twisted, it does require action, right? If you stay in the same place and I come back in an hour, guess what you're going to be, mate? The same fucking place. Yeah, no? And then someone may be like, oh, well, I stepped a little bit out of it. And it's like, you know, you were capable of like sprinting out of that, right? They're like, really? And I'm like,

yeah, you're polaxing your own development. You know, so when I talk about life by design, essentially what I'm alluding to is you'll have the knowledge wherewithal capacity. and autonomy to build a body you want, whether it's functional, fuckable, whatever it is, right? You build a body you want. But what comes with that is we dig into your mind. And the one thing that I've come to realize very recently is people are way more afraid of their success than a failure. So when you say, hey, I can help you build a life by design, right? It excites a lot of people. but it also excites them and they get knows because like, holy shit, I can actually do this. If I take action, this is actually going to be a thing.

But that means there's going to be challenges. I'm going to have to share parts of myself that are no longer serving me. And Ryan's going to make sure that he actually sees those fucking deals with it. Rather than just being the kind of coach who's like, yeah, here's a program, this stuff. Mate, AI can give you a program, right? That's not a fucking problem. AI can give you a fucking diet. Right.

But, A, I can't get you accountable, right? It can't build a relationship with you where you can actually genuinely invest in making sure this person gets to the best possible place in their life, right? And it cannot give you the knowledge and application of someone who's already been through it. It just can't, right? And that's what kind of separates me from the rest of the herd because I always talk about excellence and saying, hey, do you want to achieve excellence? And people get a twisted.

It's like, oh, I need to be the best athlete in the world. It's not, excellence is literally this. Do I want to be a better father? Do I want to be a better mate? you know do I want to be a good friend whatever it is that is you actually pushing towards being an excellent version of yourself so people sometimes psych themselves out and go you know I need to be excellent to actually you know let Ryan pull excellence out and it's like no you don't you just need to know you deserve it enough that you're willing to just go you know what okay I'm going to

have the conversation that's all it is the fear of success really jumped out at me there because it's like it does sound so ridiculous but it is so true it's like oh now I actually have to do the things that I said I was going to do and like that that can be terrifying

yeah it always is terrifying but the moment you step into it the terror disappears how ironic yeah right and another thing even though and what you said there as well like because I've found it that I've

done this a couple of times as well where where I have gone through the through the process of journaling of of writing down what what it actually is that I want and what that looks like and what that looks like day today but then the other part of that is like you can't just put the journal away that never think about again you have to take action on it which like I got like I've I've been guilty of as well and I think people kind of fall into them to categories where they either they're either just living a life of default so they don't know what they want they're not aware because they don't do that process that you ask people to do, which is to actually have a think about or write it down, like describe it.

Or it's the other thing, it's where they actually, they're self-aware now. They just aren't taking action on it. Yeah, and the good thing with people who are self-aware is it can only last for so long. Now, what I mean by that is when you have a level of self-awareness, you can use me leaving the UK's example, when you have a level of self-awareness, when you have a level of self-awareness, it's going to start to bug you into action. And that's not a bad thing. Right.

So people always say, everything needs to be positive. It's like, no, you know what? If it's bugging you because you know you deserve more, this is a fucking sign. This is a signal. You know, or if you're sitting there going, you know what? Fucking up. I'm a mess. It's like, okay.

But you have the potential to be something fucking phenomenal. And even that to sometimes, to people sometimes seems like a stress. but it really isn't, you know. You can live the life you want by design with the body to boot and the mindset to actually live it, you know, and that's what I provide. And I do it in a way that's, how would you say, against what the market would say, which is I'm super high touch. I'll jump on calls with clients, you know, daily.

I jump on multiple calls and daily, you know, Ryan, I'm going through this. need help with X, Y or Z, right? Whatever it may be. You know, that's why I have psychology sessions. That's why I have stress sessions, et cetera. And that's what I always say to anyone who comes on board. I said, look, you can book as many as you need. But I can almost guarantee you'll probably need one or two.

And you'll be like, okay, I'm fucking squared away. Let's go. And if you need more, you can always book them. They're right there. You know? And that very high touch level is how you can actually get someone from, you know, chilling on the sofa, having a beer every single weekend, which isn't a bad thing. You know, but let's say they didn't want to do that, right?

But they're stuck in a cycle, you know, and there's actually, don't spoil your coffee call. Watch that, big boy. Don't worry. I can't see that. I can't see that. You know, so just be careful, right? That won't be clipped. Don't worry.

That's hilarious. But yeah, that's exactly what it is. And it sounds, it sounds big in people's heads, right? it's like, oh, you know, that can actually happen. And just because it sounds big in your head, it is big in your head. But then you come to me and I'll break it down like a fucking fraction for you. Yeah. You know?

That makes sense because like I think that's when people feel overwhelmed and then they retreat into themselves. It's like, you know, whatever, whatever the goal is for that person, it's like moving halfway across the world. Oh, how can I do that? I have this job and I have these responsibilities or it's like, trying to get in shape. Oh, you know, I can't even, I don't even know the first step of getting into the gym.

I've never done a run before, whatever it is. Like getting that job, it's like, I'm not educated, I'm not qualified. It's like all these barriers, they start to add up all these barriers in their head, and then it just feels like an impossible task, and you just get overwhelmed. Exactly. And that's the way I come in. And I say, okay, so I don't feel like a leader, but I've been offered a leadership position. Okay, why don't you feel like a leader?

Well, I haven't got this qualification. Okay. but didn't the person who put you in the leadership position say you don't need that qualification, you just need to be able to lead and that's why you're in that position. You see, so there's these little limiting beliefs, little limiting thoughts that poll acts the person you truly could become, right, mentally physically and emotionally, and in the business space, genuinely speaking, you know, and this is the thing. I am not a robot.

You're not a robot. We're human beings. Guess what? The reason I know this stuff is because I've made so many, mistakes that I'm like, okay, cool. I actually have the knowledge wisdom, wherewithal, to teach people to avoid these mistakes and still gain the knowledge from without the pain that comes with it. You know, when people say, ah, you wise have been a hundred years ago.

I've just made way more mistakes than you. That's all. You know, I fuck up forward. What's your, what's your opinion on things like, in terms of like someone living a life of intent, like things like morning routines, vision boards, all that stuff. Do you think it's more hype? Do you think it's distraction? Do you think they're helpful? What's your opinion? I think they're helpful, right? But I don't think everything is, right? You know, just because just because you have a spanner, it doesn't mean it's a good hammer. Do you get what I mean, right?

So each client, for example, each person, it has to be specific to them, right? So I don't have my clients all in one kind of. Yeah, here's the one route to success. Yeah, exactly. Where it's like, okay, everyone's doing the same thing. It's like, no, everyone has an individualized schedule, right, to a T. And then if there's any friction between them and the task, all they need to do is tell me, and then I make sure to reduce that friction.

But with regard to things like vision boards, journaling, reading, et cetera, they have their place. Otherwise, they would not have become so popular, right? you know, for me, vision boards don't really do it for me, right? But a screensaver on my phone somehow does, right? For me, journaling, in my opinion, and there's so much statistical data. Oh my God, I can't even speak. So much data around being able to write and read.

And that already puts you in the 10%. So if you're reading a book, if you're listening to an audio book, you're already doing more than fucking 90% of the population. You know? And if you look at any hyper successful person, they all read. You know what? Even that kind of reframe is what actually

pushes me to do them things. Like, oh, so many other people aren't doing this. So if I do this, then I get ahead. Like that's a real motivator for me. Like when it came to like reading or journaling and like stuff that I would never have done when I was younger because I was just very closed off. like even that like I don't have a vision board but like I have a like a whiteboard and like anything that's important to be that year just ride it circling walk into the room it's it's a reminder there all the time that oh I it's the it's also kind of just clarifies the thoughts that what are the most important tasks oh yeah this is something that I'm building up to this year it clears the smoke yeah yeah yeah it clears the smoke and for me I was exactly like you I had a whiteboard on my fridge and I had when I say mass

macro targets for anyone listening. I'm not referring to food. I'm referring to life. You know, okay, I want to make sure I can achieve this, this, this, right? And I make sure that every time I'm going to the fridge and I'm a big boy, so I tend to go there quite a bit, you know, I get a refresher of what I'm doing. And on top of the board, I have my why, which is why do I do this? Why do I, why do I keep doing this? You know, I can go on a shitload of money being a drop shopper. like why am I in the business of actually trying to serve people because it's the correct way to go about things that's I would not want to live my life without being able to say you know the moment right the moment you get hit by bus the moment they say you know do you have any regrets and I'm just like no I don't

I have none you know and I'm happy with how I've lived my life and how I've helped others do the same you know and that's always something's in the back of my head it's like the moment the lights go off and the question gets asked, do you have an answer? My answer is yes. I do have an answer. And that's important to me because seeing other people fly and smash it, like that is it. That is the fulfillment factor.

When I share a client wins, marketing, not marketing, whatever you want to fucking call it, I'm celebrating their win. I want to actually celebrate with them. I want them to know what, this is a fucking awesome thing. You should be proud of it. You know? And there's nothing wrong with that because so many people, including myself, are hypercritical. Hypercritical.

We're programmed to be hypercritical, you know, which means you kind of miss the small words, which is, for example, Carl didn't journal the whole week, but you know what? You got a pen and pad of paper on Sunday and you wrote a little bit down. That's a fucking win, mate. Not, oh, I didn't journal the whole week and now I just journal once. Oh, I'm such a failure. Are you not? You just took the correct step.

Fucking ace. You know, but so many people just overlooked that and just be like, oh, fuck. you know is that a part of living with intention as well trying to be present and not be hypercritical of yourself all the time yeah i think living with intent is making sure you have an element of of purpose right whether it's provision for family helping others whatever it is you know and i think when it comes to living with purpose and living with intent presence is key for one reason right wherever you are, there is always a moment of gratitude you can find. Okay. And if you don't learn how to be present, then the present gets taken away from me, whether you like it or not, right? You'll just be,

you know, future thinking, past thinking, and you'll never actually be here. You know, so presence is a massive part of living a life with intent, but the word intent is what we need to hone in on, which is there has to be an intention behind the life you live, whether it's be a person. a better father, a better mother, a better human being, you know, developing whatever it may be. Staying in the mid zone, that's not living a life of intent. In the mid zone, I mean like a little comfort zone, you know, I'm happy here. That's not an intentional life because an intentional life requires challenge. It requires obstacles because every obstacle in front of you that you then overcome just builds

your level of bravery, understanding, an overall cognitive function and increases that comfort zone, allowing you to then even go further and further and further and further from someone who goes, I can't even earn a hundred quid to someone be like, you know what, I think a million's on the fucking board. Or, you know, for example, your father's a brilliant example, you know, I'm really overweight and I don't want my kids to see me like this and you do something about that. That's massive. That's massive because now you're dribbling down into the other generation in a positive way, you know, leaving legacy and living a life with intent. Mother's exactly the same. moms are some of the biggest beasts I've ever met, you know, especially guys who want to us to, you know, live a life with intent and live a life by design.

And it's important. And it does start with the mind and body, you know, you can go to chat GPT, but that is not what's actually going to get you to the real, real dream that is no longer a dream but a goal. Yeah. And that's matters. With AI and stuff like that, like, if you're a coach who's not actually coaching and not actually doing this kind of stuff where you're actually, um, speaking to humans on a behavior level like you're you're you're essentially going to be left behind because if you don't have them skills and tools you're not really any use because you know AI is going to make better programs a quicker programs it's going to make quicker nutrition plans like yeah people can buy that stuff anyway yeah the days of being like okay this is just your calories yeah you can't just you can't just like give them stuff and then leave and then think that you're

doing a job now no like I want them to understand. So like for example, if anyone is to ask me for a diet plan, right, I would say to them straight away, I'd say, if you want a diet plan, you need to ask me a question on every single meal as to why it's there. And they'll go, why, why Ryan? And I go, because I want you to understand it. I want you to understand what's going on. Right. I want that understanding there. Because as I said, we want an autonomous individual, someone who can eventually think for themselves and push and push and push and say hey Ryan a comedy of I got here yeah I want to go here let's go and every full circle moment I've had every single one

it was never done alone coincidence I think not what um what about distractions because you know you could do the you could do the journaling you could you know describe what you want your life to look like on a daily basis you can talk about your purpose and what gives you fulfillment, what that looks like, how to get there and stuff like that. But then along the way, you could get caught in distractions of,

this is what I wanted to do. This is what I said I wanted to do, but now I'm doing something else. What advice would you have for people who kind of easily get distracted in regards to what they say they want, but aren't, you know, doing actions and behaviors in order to get there?

So are they getting distracted, they're changing the goal? Maybe a degree of both. Okay. So if someone's getting distracted, right? Your key as a coach is to pull them back into focus to not just reinvigorate them, but to communicate in efficient and effective manner in an amicable. So let me give you an example, right?

So like, okay, I come to you and, you know, I want to be in build 10 kilos of muscle. all right and then you know I start and I'm really motivated at the start and then you know after a couple of weeks I realized that you know it's not happening the way I would want it to happen it's getting it's actually quite difficult and it's I haven't seen results yet and now actually I want to you know run a half marathon you know and then the next week or the week after that one that gets really difficult now I want to um you know be a power lifter and you know like you said yeah it's constantly changing but it's constantly changing but it's constantly changing because you get distracted with the next shiny object. Yeah. And then you kind of never really get anywhere fast because you're constantly changing the goal and you're constantly getting distracted. Yeah, exactly.

So it's a simple analogy is imagine a bridge, right? And imagine it's a solid bridge. It's not Ricky. It's not weird or anything, right? Just a fucking solid, awesome bridge, okay? And you walk two steps onto it. And you go, actually, you know, I'm going to go to a different bridge.

you walk two steps onto that, I'm actually going to a different bridge. You've just repeated the same distraction cycle over and over a fucking game, right? Have you got to cross the water? No. Right? And this is where it's imperative for coaches and clients

to be able to manage expectations, right? I have clients to get distracted, you know, with severe ADHD, et cetera. Yeah. Right? And I'll pull them back in. I'll say, hey, last week, this was we go. This week, now you're saying this, this week now you're saying this.

I want you to pick one. And I want you to follow through until the end. And if you hate it at the end, then we change it. But what I don't want you to have is a plague of regret with being like, ah, you know, I should have, I should have. And I'll give you a simple example. I've come over to Thailand, right? That's one full circle moment for me, right?

Fort Muay Thai, Smoo International Stadium. right like an intense experience awesome minus you know the concussions and seizures and lots of brain cells you know and now it's okay I'm going to compete in Brazilian jih Tijuana as well you know but if you notice at every single and I'll give you another example

me playing against the international loose head for Scotland Pierskuman at Murrayfield none of those moments would have come full circle if I didn't commit to getting to the end, right? Now, I don't know how I'm going to get to the end, but the key is I'm getting to the end, right? So whatever pops up here, distraction, challenge, adversity, whatever it is my goal and my goal, my client says, how do we reframe this? How do we reduce the friction and how do we continue? How do we make this make you better? Right? Because a full circle moment is all a person needs at least once in their life to realize that

you don't need a lot of proof to see you can do some amazing shit you know you don't need a lot of proof i'm a big big guy car the amount of people that said to me too big to do more time too big too bulky yeah and then i had a great chat with ali actually and he was like you're not too fucking big you're not too bulky at all right you can use that right you just need to be more dynamic, more efficient, more effective. And I was like, Roger, cool. Right? But did I do by myself? No. But those are full circle moments, right? The BJJ hasn't come full circle yet, but it will. It's a lot easier to see it looking back than it is when you're in the in the crux of it. Oh, mate, when you're in the crux of it and this is why I said this to, I said this to

my girlfriend yesterday. I was like, there's so many moments in that circle where you think, doubt creeps and this creeps and that creeps and how to extinguish them or how to actually ignore them right and actually say you know what the only way out is through is sometimes key right and if you want to reposition and realign your goal that's fine but if the goal means so much to you then there's a level of commitment that has to accrue toward that goal yeah right so if you you're in, let's say, two weeks in and you're like, ah, I haven't seen all the change I want to see now. It's like, right. So the purpose is to get you to exactly where you want to be. It hasn't finished yet. Yeah. This is part of it. You know? And I think with people as well,

it's like, like, they don't realize that that's what they're saying. So that might be subconscious. So it's like when I talk about even distractions or changing the goal, it's like the, the, oh this is getting really hard this is taking a lot longer than they think it will whether that's losing 10 kilos gaining 10 kilos of muscle you know hit your your your your business finally taken off so like then the distractions come and it's like oh well maybe I could try this as well and then you know before you know it you're you're doing something completely different because it got difficult because you got kind of sidetracked um who did you ever revisit it eventually you know you'll go back and you'd be like I didn't actually finished their full sentence like it should have yeah you had it in you it's there um i wanted to talk to

you about learned helplessness and just for any of the listeners i'll just define as well so learned helplessness is a psychological condition where a person comes to believe that they have no control over their situation even when they actually do it often develops after repeated failures or traumatic experiences where efforts to change the outcome didn't work so they give up trying all together And so for an example, I'll always be the size or I'll always be this poor or, you know, I'll always live in this, you know, a neighborhood that I don't want to live in. I'll never get a chance to leave. So my question is, as a coach, when you're working with a client who kind of has convinced themselves that, you know, nothing ever works or nothing will ever change. I suppose they're probably not even a client at that stage because they've probably already given up. so it's difficult for them to even reach out for help.

But how do you essentially help someone who has learned this kind of, you know, learned helplessness? Right. So first thing you do is you find out how they learned that, right? Because you're only born with no knowledge, no capacity. You're born within eight fears. And that's the fear of falling and fear a lot of noises, right? So you have to go, as it said, both the symptom and the cause, mate.

Right? So you have to get to the bottom of, okay, well, where was this learned? why do you think like this? What's happening? Okay. And that's a call, right? I have a chat, find out what's going on, take some notes, right? From there, you then find any for them. You say, okay, I want you to find any proof, no matter how big, small, whatever it is, that you can complete something. Right? So then they can actually find objective evidence of them actually finishing something, which shows them cognitively, consciously and subconsciously, actually that, hey, I can finish. I can get to the end. You know, I can actually achieve this,

right, which then allows them to just take that step further because what's behind learned helplessness is a victim mentality further down the line, which is like nothing ever goes my way. It's like, because you never fucking started or finished anything. You see, so learned helplessness, although it's a bit of a risque move, if you go one way, you're going to turn into a victim. And listen, no one is a true victim, right? Things can happen to you where you become the victim of a certain action. But how you choose to respond to that in the world is very different. You see?

So you have to go all the way into the cause. Like, where did you learn this? Like, how did this happen? Actions, it could be childhood. It could be, you know, be bullied at school. It could be something, right? Find out the epicenter of it. Because if you can find out the epicenter,

you can smash the cause, which makes dealing with the symptom. smooth sailing. Yeah, I was going to ask you about the connection between kind of victim mentality and learned helplessness. And I think you really touched on it as well in terms of like when you're coaching someone out of this, like coaching someone out of this mindset, like doing it without shame so they can actually share so then they can actually make a change. I think it's really important.

Yeah, 100%. And when it comes to this learned helplessness side of things, you've got to remember you're on a knife stage and you need to be on it and this is this is one thing that does piss me off is you need to be honest and say to yourself hey I'm on a knife stage here okay I need to do something either proactive or I'm going to become reactive and act like a victim okay and the the harsh reality of the world is if you're a victim no one fucking cares because you don't care right you don't care you think you're hopeless but the truth is other people may not see that in you, but you just seem to see that in yourself,

right? But if someone else sees something else in you, they say, hey, I don't really see that. I see that as part of where you're at right now, but I don't think that's who you are. That's someone worth talking to because then they're going to say, hey, we're going to pull you out of this. Sometimes people don't want to be pulled out of it, right? And that's okay. But you will eventually pull them out of it because it'll bug them enough. You know, they'll eventually see it. and they'd be like, you know what, actually, I can actually do 5,000 steps.

Or, you know, I can actually have a delicious meal that isn't, you know, a McDonald's, for example. Not that having a mac is a bad thing, you know, just as long as I'm having one every fucking may, you get to go. Right. But that's that idea with regard to learned helplessness is when you identify that aspect or trade to whatever it may be, that learned behavior, you then need to have a sit down and a conversation with yourself and go, okay, I'm on a knife stitch here, which side am I going to fall, right? And the problem and solution is you have a choice. And then it hits choice anxiety for some. You see it.

When I'm thinking about learned helplessness, I was trying to think of loads of different examples. And one thing that just kept on popping up for me there was like, you know, in cell culture and like young young men who, you know, might not. be the most attractive in the world, never really had any positive feedback with women. And so they kind of just retreated into their kind of box rooms, you know, being online, playing Xbox, saying how much they hate women and because women hate them. And again, getting stuck in that kind of victim mentality.

And then like it just kind of boils. Yeah, it boils. And it also just becomes like, it just adds on to, to their helplessness because it's like, well, instead of trying to make yourself more attractive by, like, and there's so many different ways to be more attractive, right? Like, you know, be more emotionally intelligent, become more confident, get yourself in shape, you know, make money, get a great job, get educated, like all these things that they could potentially do, which would in turn help them to, you know, maybe meet a girl and, you know, just,

you know, getting into a relationship and be a lot happier. But again, it goes the other way and they just end up chronically online, socially awkward, you know, and not having any kind of communication skills to then do the thing that deep down that they want to do, which is probably meet someone. And, you know, then it gets to a stage because they've never seen their potential that, or they haven't pulled themselves out of it, that it just gets harder and harder to actually pull yourself out of it

because you're going deeper into that rabbit hole. No, you're totally right. You'll end up going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole and I can tell you what's at the bottom because I studied it, right? And that is things like the Columbine School Shooting Massacre, right? As I said, I've mentioned some previous podcasts, you go read those diaries.

That's exactly where they were. Learned helplessness, victim. nihism. And for anyone who doesn't know what nihilism is, it basically means nothing means anything because at the end of the day, we're all going to die and we're a cosmic speck, right? So that's what nihilism essentially is, which means if that is the case and if I am nihilistic, any action I take, whether it's deemed by others to be good or bad, is irrelevant because I'm going to be a speck of fucking dust.

Yeah. You see, so it gets dark, the further down you go. Right? And that's why people have to actually acknowledge your monononelisage here. And like, okay, I'm on a life's edge. I don't need to panic. But the choice does lie with me, you know. And that's a beautiful thing.

Like, you're not disempowered. I promise you. You're definitely not disempowered. In fact, you are very empowered because the choice does lie with you. Right. But it can't be scary. And I get that, right? You know, there's times I felt helpless.

But there's a choice there. It's like, do you reach out to your friends? You know, do you take a positive action? I'll give you a really hilarious example. Your viewers will absolutely love this. On Monday, I woke up, right? And when I wake up, the first thing I do is I get up and I say, thank you, God, for long as you see another day.

But, Carl, I was fuming, bro. I was not in a good mood. I was angry. I was like, ah, you know? And luckily, before everyone wakes up in the UK, I've got the morning. So that's where I get my training squared away, you know, you know, kind of do the dad law, you know, etc.

and I had a role with a black belt, a guy called Diago, and he kept getting me in chokes, like clean, clean chokes, do you know what I mean? And instead of doing what you always do, it's just tap, I was like, you know what, I just want to be choked unconscious. He choked me, I fell asleep in the chow and then I woke up with the chocker, like, and then I woke, tap, tap, tap, tap, and he was like, shit. And then we did it again, and he got me to choke. I went limp, and then he just kind of like, let me go.

And he was like, okay, let's get you squared away. I was like, I feel so much better now, you know. And I'm not telling people to go out there and fight whatever that may be. But what I am saying is there is an outlet that is positive for you that is going to be to your betterment, right? But there is also an equal and opposing force, right? Which is the exact inverse to that, which could be you picking on a stranger in the street or getting blind drunk and ripping the mirrors of cars.

You know what I mean? So there is a choice there, right? And the reason why I opted for a bit of an extreme choice there was because I was just like, fuck it, just took me unconscious because I'm grumpy and I'm angry. And I'm not going to take it out. I don't want anything like that. But if you have a good role and you get me, I'm just going to take it like a bitch. I'm going to get chucked out.

You know, so it doesn't matter. Like, in terms of you could wake up in a shit mood or a good mood, right? And acknowledge it. I acknowledge it. I was like, I'm not fucking happily. I'm angry. I've given my thanks, but you know, fuck, pistol. You know, am I going to go take it out on someone? No, not at all. But am I going to channel it into something that's going to be toward my betterment, other than obviously the loss of brain cells from the lack of oxygen, toward my betterment? Then yes, right? Because, you know, jihitsu is like human chess. But the point I'm trying to make here

is you do have a choice as to where you want to shuttle it and where you want to funnel it. And when you have a coach, all that basically happens is you shuttle it, shuffle it, excuse me, and funnel it faster and more sustainably while actually getting the knowledge from the mistakes made by the coach rather than you having to go through the pain of making those mistakes yourself. Yeah. And that energy goes in the right direction because you're being guided in the right direction. It's a positive outlet, mate.

It's a positive outlet, you know. I always say this. I'll give you an example of a client of mine. I always mentioned his name and his boss was really pissing him off. A very hands-on dictatorial old school, you know, back in the day, this is how we did it, door to door, you know, kind of thing. And he was like, mate, you know, it's really pissed me off, but, you know, you've helped me build a good relationship with them and stuff like that. And I just said to him, I said, mate, do you know what are you would be great for you is just once a week, let's go ahead. the bag, let a box. You know, just let a rip. You're not hurting anyone. You're making yourself

better. You go into a boxing class, which is a little bit out of your comfort zone, and you're going to feel good about it, mate, right? Because you guarantee you're not going to go and then everyone's going to be like, oh, oh, they won't. They're like, hey, man, nice to meet you. And then if you want to have that with the guy, have at it with the guy, but he's going to fuck you out. So it's going to bring you back down to an equal level. You know, and when it comes to a woman, right there's a plethora of different channels you can take as well reading meditation mindfulness practice presence walking and i'm not on about getting it fucking steps in i'm on about walking in nature right it has a psychological impact on the human psyche it is proven right

getting that walk in i don't give a fuck if it's 1,000 steps or 200,000 what it care about is did it settle you did you start to figure what's going on your head? head. You know what I mean? So there's a bunch of options for the positive, but there's a bunch of options for the negative. And one thing I will say is that when it comes to the negative side, it's easy. It's easy. It's easy to drop into that, right? But it's much harder to go to the good side. But then when you go to the good side, the view is absolutely sensational because you're like, wow, look at where I was to where I are, you know. And that's why you're in the game as a coach. otherwise what's the fucking point.

Yeah, it's every little small decision that way gets you further that way, every little small decision and that way makes things worse and worse and worse. Stacks, yeah, man. Yeah. The other one that I wanted to talk to you about is the paradox of Solomon. Wise, yeah, flawed. Now, you'll know more about this than me being a scholar of reading up on religious things, but Solomon began his reign with humility,

asking God for wisdom instead of riches, and he got bow he built the temple of Jerusalem and left books behind filled with timeless wisdom but over time his personal life spiraled and was yeah so he had 700 wives around there busy boy busy boy foreign women who worshipped other gods despite god warning Israel's king against this he compromised his fate and built altars for foreign gods drifting and why this matters. So Solomon shows that wisdom without discipline leads to downfall. Great advice is not a substitute for character.

Success. I thought this was, and I'll, I'll get to why I've used this example as well. So success can lead to moral drift without grounding. So Solomon was known for his wisdom, but failed to live by it. And then the question that I have then basically off the back

that is do you think the coaches should be required to kind of have it all together or is it enough to be self-aware and evolving and basically like you know you can have all this wisdom that gives people really really great advice but do you need to live by it in terms of in terms of helping people that's a good question so what I would say is you should practice what you preach right but I also will say this, you're a human being. Yeah. Right? You're gonna fuck up.

And like, this is where I draw a big issue, right? Is when someone fucks up, they think they're in trouble. You are not in any trouble, right? You get in trouble when you repeat the same course of action over and over again once you've said, yeah. Okay, I understand. Okay, this way. And then you go, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Right?

Look at Solomon. He got to the number of like seven, eight hundred. mean. So he kept going, fuck it, fuck it, losing God's grace. Literally, bro. Losing God's grace, you know. And then in turn meant that, you know, his empire was in chopped up into pieces because he was responsible for the writings of Ecclesiastes, the Song of Solomon, and a few others as well. And when you read the book of Solomon, it's like,

it like hits you because it's just there's so much and it's so thick right but what you're saying there is is a very very valid point you know you need to make sure that discerned wisdom is important but do not get dissuaded from the path right irrespective of what comes you know and that's where solomon fell because that's exactly what he did you see he then went okay i'm going to go and And this is the funny thing if you actually read the Bible. Most of the coolest characters, most of the big characters in the Bible, Samson, people like this, you know, who like kill people with a jawbone and stuff, fell to lust. Right?

They fell to lust. And the reason why I'm saying this is because they fell to a distraction. You see, it fell to a distraction, right? Not a woman of virtue, character, and understanding, but instead hedonism. You see, and then God was like, hey, bro, you lose my grace because he got God's grace in the first place because he prayed for wisdom. He didn't pray for money. He didn't pray for power. He didn't pray for any of that.

And he said, can you just give me wisdom? And God was impressed with that. And he goes, hey, bro, I'll give you some wisdom, you know? And then he go, if you go read the song of Solomon, it's like an insanely hard book to read in terms of part of the Bible. but you see this across all aspects you see when that distraction comes in and you feed it you then lose the grace now i'm not just not about the grace of god i'm on about your own sovereignty yeah your own ability of discernment your wisdom because you're being muddied in the water you see what i mean you know what i'm thinking about in terms of like a like a modern

example of that is like you know you have a friend who you're like you're like you're like oh you shouldn't be in that relationship because you can clearly see like it's a toxic relationship and so you explain that to them because it's very easy for you to see so like you have the wisdom to give them good advice and saying that you know you need to respect yourself and you need to walk away from this but then you might have the exact same issue where you're with someone that you shouldn't be with and yet you can't see and it's like we we all have our blind spots even if you can give really good advice to a friend It's very difficult for you then to take that same advice.

It's harder to take advice yourself than to give it. Yeah. Right, like without a doubt. But that's why I say like coaches should practice what they preach 100%. Does that mean they're always going to be perfect? No. And what I would say is when you aren't perfect, talk about it. Talk about it.

You're a human being, right? Imagine someone who, let's say, believes it can be excellent, but they haven't got off the couch yet. and you're like every day I'm up at 4 a.m. no matter what and I never miss a beat before 5 a.m. or bank 10K. This person is going to be like, fucking out.

I'm not capable. I'm useless. Comparison being the thief of joy there. But as a coach, you need to be able to share your ups and downs and be like, look, you know, felt like shit today. But you know what? I still took the action that was in alignment with the person I want to be, which gives people inspiration. It shows people, hey, this person

is a figure authority is having a hard day but they didn't let that hard day turn into a hard fucking week to a hard fucking life instead they said you know what I'm going to channel this into something positive yeah I suppose it doesn't have to be

mutually exclusive like you can you can have like you can be the example and also not always live up to the example but that's the purpose is you never will be the perfect example Yeah. Right. Every single human has their vices.

Every single human has their vices no matter what. So you'll never be the perfect standing reproach of how every human being should be, right? But you can show people that you can be excellent and you can have bad days. You can make mistakes. You can miss the mark, right? But just because you missed the mark, it doesn't mean you throw the baby out with the fucking bathwater, you know? And that's where I think the differential comes in with regard to good coaching. you know is they'll say hey like you know things are going well but this is hard you know

I'm struggling with this but you know what this is what I'm going to do showing people hey shit hits the fan this is how I'm going to go about it you know and that gives people a sense of inspiration and the problem with a lot of social media is coaches don't actually humanize themselves try to make themselves seem perfect yeah and it's like now creating a kind of false narrative online that perfect morning routine the perfect aesthetic. Oh, the Ashton Hall, perfect morning routine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Training every single day. And that's not relatable either. But then obviously, the other extreme example of that is that if you don't have your acts together at all, then it's very hard to take wisdom off someone. If you don't have your act together, then you're not necessarily fully wise. Yeah. Or you could be going through something. Yeah.

You see? Yeah. Now, if you're going through something, the first person you have to look at is yourself. Square yourself away because you're responsible for others. Always. Solomon was going through a lot. Solomon went through way too many, mate. I don't think he was giving much wisdom when he was busy doing that, you know what I mean?

Right? I think he wrote those books. If the stories are like that, I need to read more of Solomon's books. Right, honestly, like, you know, I think he wrote the books and he's like, okay, they're written God. Okay, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had enough, he had enough wisdom. He was done with being wise.

I wanted to finish off just talking a little bit about, um, modern affairs or current affairs at the moment. So what did you watch the, um, the little kind of, um, scene with Trump and, uh, was it the, was it the South African president? Yeah, so ruma puzza. Yeah. Um, what's your thoughts on what's going on there at the moment? Give us, give us, because I,

obviously I was watching a little bit of a like I I think I'm like most people is that like I didn't really realize what was going on in South Africa and it kind of came to it came as a shock to me yeah there's um so essentially what happened in the White House I personally is always fucking hilarious yeah so that I thought it was like a boss me off I thought it was just a baller move from Trump being like this guy is telling people to kill people and like yeah you're not arresting him. I don't get it. I don't get it, right? You know, and personally, I think it was a boss move because it puts Suroroma, because Suriroma pose he gave a speech before he was going to meet Trump saying, hey, and this is the accent, right? So if anyone says I'm racist, you're wrong, right, because I've lived in South Africa,

where he goes, hey, I'm going to tell Mr. Trump that this is how we govern our country, and this is how it works here. And then when you went to the Whiteheart, he was quiet. Quiet, boy. He was just like, nah, no. you know and then i've mentioned this on previous podcasts and this is why it's not a shock is because pendulums have to swing both ways before they land in the middle of their name right so what you're essentially getting is the reverse racism and people go well how do you

know it's reverse racism and go okay well name another country where you have laws based purely on race yeah so if you're white and you own a farm of a certain amount of hectares or acres whatever it is, there's a law saying if there were people who want the land that are of a certain ethnicity, they can claim it. That's it. They can claim it. They can just take it, right? And that's not right. But I understand the concept, which is if the pendulum swing is one way, it has to swing the other before it lands in the middle. And what you're seeing is the pensions and stringing it all the way the other way and beginning to land in the middle because you know the rest of the world is like hey what's going on here hold on all the phone but only so only

some of the world like I read it before I jumped on with you I also like read a BBC article and like they like BBC like the B's Braylock bro yeah like they they literally basically said that you know the people that you know were were leaving to to go to the state to people and like I was I was watching TikToks of people talking about how, you know, their families has been attacked. You know, someone's talking about how his granddad, their daughter was raped, gang raped and killed. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, disgust in things. And then the BBC will go and write an article saying how, oh, it's all just, it's all just hype from, you know, right-wing politics.

And then they'd start talking about colonialism and stuff like that. And I was like, you're not even like presenting facts. No, it's pure misinformation. And what I will say is, yeah, farmers do get lynched, literally, right? Like, you know, you get your head chopped off by a panga or whatever. My uncle used to run a rehabilitation center in central Johannesburg, very dangerous place. Weekly, there would be guys on the back of, what do you call them in English? Pick up trucks.

Yeah. with machetes and like AK-47s, they'd rock into the rehab center and they would just take everything. It's a rehab center. Yeah. You see? And the point I'm making is

it's not about black, white, right? That makes no difference, right? It's about virtue, right? It's about, okay, look, this happened. Are we going to go tit for tat and see how that goes? Really? Because it's not going to go well.

There's going to be antagonism then there's going to be conflict, right? But Sir Ramaphosa, South Africa, I would actually like to preface this. Africa is probably the most beautiful continent on Earth, full stop. I'll sit there and back that 100%.

South Africa is probably one of the most beautiful countries on earth with some of the most beautiful things, Cape Town, you know, the Heifelt, you know, Plettonberg Bay, beautiful, beautiful place, right? And if you were born and raised in Zaheufels, South Africa. You are South African. End of discussion. Black, white, yellow, purple, blue, do not care. Right. You're a child of Africa as that is where you were born. Now, there's this whole heritage rights

thing, right? Okay. Which all stems from apartheid, etc. But the pendulum has to swing. So what everyone's witnessing is what was always going to happen. But what you're witnessing is what happened in America. It's what happened in the UK, it's what happened everywhere else, just way further back, right? Because South Africa is a very new country. Yeah. You see? It's a very, very new country. It's very, you know, blew around the gills. It's a very new country. So what happened so long ago in England and in America, it's happened in South Africa a little bit more recently. It doesn't make it worse, you know, and what you're getting is reverse racism, you know,

racial laws designed to make sure you can't get X, Y, and Z. But this is where, and this baffles me because you're a world leader. You can't see the forest through the trees, which is, essentially, if you're black, you're guaranteed to get this job rather than a white person, irrespectable qualification. Yeah. So then what's going to happen to the economic climate of South Africa? Yeah, it's going to plummet because you're going to have all the, all the people who don't deserve to be in the jobs that they're in.

Yeah, you're unqualified. Yeah, being in charge, which is, like, what's the best way to rule of business? Put the best people in charge. A hundred percent. You put the best ones. I don't care about anything else. You put the best in there. Right?

And then obviously there's another political party. I think it's called the E.E.F or EFF. And that's run by a guy called Julius Malema. And that party is the one that you saw the video being played. And they're basically saying kill, kill all the four. Kill the wood. Yeah, I kill the wood.

Crazy. Which is kill. Yeah. Which is kill the white guy. Yeah. So let me ask you this. What if I went into England and I say, kill, I don't know, kill everyone in Liverpool.

Let's try for genocide in Liverpool. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Okay. There's a level there, bro. Like, you're calling for mass genocide. Yeah. You know, I think that's mad.

But for some reason, even in mainstream media, even in the West, like, whether it's the UK, US, it's like, you know, if it's violence against white people, you know, they just won't speak out about it. No, no. Because if you're white, right, then you're supposed to have everything and be everything. So like, fuck you. Yeah. Essentially. Which is absolutely false because most of my friends, when I was living in South Africa, we're black. Right. So it makes. absolutely zero fucking sense. But they're doing it on purpose and I understand the simple, this is where you take that Miyamoto, Mosashi kind of quote, where you go take a distant view of close things and the close view that are things that are distant, which is the pendulum is

just swinging the other way. And my whole family, my whole entire family, brother, sister, mom, dad, et cetera, all in South Africa around now. They all live there, right? They've all moved from the UK, right so the problem you're going to have is you're going to have a degradation of the economic powerhouse that is south africa but south africa needs to realize that it's a world player it's not just some country in but fuck nowhere it's super rich in natural minerals resources nature tourism etc so africans need to understand that you know we can play on the global field you know we're not we're not you know uh bingews we we're not one off we're not benchformers because that country is is one of the most amazing countries ever for the exact reason it's

got so many different cultures in there that tend to synchronize pretty fucking well you know um but with that geopolitical climate and then having a party in place that cause for mass genocide that's a problem right that's an actual problem right think about in the UK imagine if uh what's his name, Kirstam or whatever, was like, okay, let's call for genocide of the Irish. Yeah, yeah, it's just not... How long do you think that will last me? Not very, not, but it wouldn't go very well.

There's a lot of Irish in the UK. There's a lot of Irish voters in the UK, so you probably wouldn't. And there would probably be a lot of Irish people who get drunk and then be like, fuck it, I'm booking a plane over the UK now. Do you think it will get worse before it gets better? Or do you think it's, that's the kind of, yeah? Yeah.

unless so you've got the world obviously divided into two hemispheres now but with the meeting that happened with Trump that's promising because now essentially what's happened is exposure has occurred which is good um will it get worse yes because Julius Malema is pushing hard um and that's a problem but when it gets better which it will right go look at America go look at the UK go look at Europe when it gets better, it is going to be an absolute powerhouse. So Africans just need to realize that we're not just this footstool at the bottom of Africa. You know, we've got the source. You know, we're a good people.

We're a very strong people. We're a very, how would you say, resilient people that have had to survive. You know, Afrikaners, especially, especially poor farmers. You know, you're farming desolate land, brother. you know so you think about how tough those guys are very tough presumably people so tough warrior culture lots of people amazing amazing culture you know but the problem you have is when you call for genocide you know you're essentially

looking at someone and going okay let's all kill you right and the problem in Africa is a lot of the killing that occurs is not just a bullet to the head it's a statement you know kind of like how Dracula like murdered a thousand people and put their head on spikes which then meant when the was it

I think it was the Byzantine Empire I can't remember came to actually attack him they saw all those heads on spikes and they were like I'm out of here you know so that is a problem but there's an awesome

governance system in place in Cape Town that has a lot have now essentially shaken hands with silver romopause up and there's and because cape town has governed really well yeah um and said okay cool we need to make sure this oh stays out the way julius malema the guy who's calling for mass genocide and car look i've heard about mass genocide i've studied mass genocide etc you know after fun time with embisses she goes to the loo to commit mass genocide so it's normal but the point being that was a joke by the way to any listeners just a joke but the point being is at the end of the day when you call for that there needs to be

consequences you know and people don't even understand the story of how south africa kind of came in and then kind of came into fruition they all just think okay white people came and just killed everyone that was not the case right when the africans people arrived at the dutch they actually said hey is it okay if we trade with you and then we'll give you this this and this can you give us some land to farm and they said sure not a problem that's cool sweet not an issue

the English came and they said this country is ours guns blazing started shooting everyone they then ended up because they had the Dutch had a peace agreement with the I think it was the Zula leader or the Fossa leader or something like that

so they were on good terms and then when they were in land of South Africa, you know, the ox-carts, etc. Going into farm the land, when the English raided, one of the English generals raped one of the king's wives. The king hears about this and he says, okay, because at this point, it's early on, right? So they can't discern, okay, it's a different white person to that white person. Yeah, yeah.

He just said, okay. Yeah. Go on. Yeah. Understandable. Understandable, right? But then what happens is the recipient of that were the officer. Afrikaners who were foot trekking into the high felt with kids, children, etc.

And then you get things like the Battle of Blood River, you know. So a lot of people have their history really warped and twisted around. Yeah, well, a lot of people just want to simplify it. Oh, the white, you know, the white badmowers. Black. Yeah, who just takes everything. And therefore now, now it's justified to do whatever you want to them, basically. Exactly. And it's not right because there's that old saying, which is like, okay, if you strike me at one cheek, give the other, which doesn't mean, okay, hit me again. But it basically means, look, you hit me. I get it. Leave it. Right. I'm not going to hit you back. Right. But it's almost like child's play, which is like, oh, Carl, you hit me. So I'm going to hit you. It's like, okay, well, this is where reverse racism comes from essentially, right? Same principle. And then someone will say, okay, well, don't be racist in the first place. It's like, no shire.

shit. Yeah. No shit. I think we all figured that one out now, didn't we? Yeah. And as I always think about kind of left-wing politics, it's like they're so obsessed about talking about racism that if they just stopped talking about race, racism wouldn't exist. You know what's funny is when there was that a car that smashed through all that Liverpool crowd, but the UK go, oh, we'll release the ethnicity of this person because he was white. Yeah, straight away. Straight away, it was a white, white man, white man, white man, white man, white man. White man, white man, white man.

But then when it came to the grooming gangs that raped a bunch of English calls, they were not going to release the ethnicity. And do you know who they arrested? It was one of the girls who actually got raped. Yeah, I know. I watched that documentary. It was absolutely shocking. But anyway, we'll get into that on another podcast.

In terms of coaching, if anybody wants to reach out and ask any questions, about some of the psychological concepts that we spoke about, which I really, really enjoyed. Where can they find you? At Ryan Evily on Instagram, on TikTok, but you just find me on Instagram, reach out, drop me a follow, whatever. I'll reach out to you, you know, and we can take it from there. All right, sweet. And what's next for you in life in Thailand? What's the goal so far? What's what's the plan of action now for the next couple of weeks? So for the next couple of weeks, big focus on, you know, getting my roles in a Brazilian

Jiu-jitsu because I have to compete in that. I want that full-circle moment. Yeah. And quality time spent with the misses, you know, because she has to head back to Norway soon. And then making sure I'm frosty and sharp with work. But work is a labor of love, not a problem. You know what that means? So just the sign quest.

I love it. A pleasure as always. Always, brother. Always. I care, my man. Thank you. Thanks for watching. If you like that episode and you want to see more content like this, make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next.