The Uneducated PT Podcast - 🎙️ Heart Conversations Ireland – Episode 176 | What Losing My Sister Taught Me About Living – Frankie Lawlor

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

What does it mean to keep living when someone you love is no longer here?In Episode 176 of Heart Conversations, we sit down with health and fitness coach Frankie Lawlor for a powerful and deeply personal conversation about sisterly love, loss, grief and learning to live forward.Frankie opens up about losing her sister and how that loss has shaped the woman she is today. She shares what it means to carry her sister with her, to honour her through the way she lives, and to find strength and wisdom in the middle of grief.Because grief never looks the same.There is no right way to grieve. There is no timeline. And sometimes, learning to live after loss isn’t about leaving someone behind — it’s about finding a way to bring their love with you.❤️ In this episode, we talk about:The incredible bond between sistersLosing someone you love and learning to live onWhy grief looks different for everyoneCarrying a loved one’s memory into everyday lifeFinding wisdom, strength and purpose through lossHealth, fitness and looking after yourself through difficult timesLiving a life that honours the people we’ve lostLove, legacy and making the most of the time we haveFrankie’s story is a reminder that even through heartbreak, love remains — and sometimes the people we lose continue to shape how we choose to live.Real people. Real stories. Real conversations from the heart. ❤️If this conversation resonates with you, please LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE & SUBSCRIBE to Heart Conversations Ireland for more honest conversations about life, love, loss and everything in between.#HeartConversations #FrankieLawlor #SisterlyLove #Grief #LoveAndLoss #LifeAfterLoss #GriefJourney #HealthAndFitness #IrishPodcast #PodcastIreland #Healing #Sisters #Bereavemen

All right, Frankie, thank you very much for doing this. All right. First, for the listeners, tell them a little bit about Chenade. Well, Shanade was a beautiful, young girl. Really open and vulnerable, but in a nice way. She had this, like, great connection with people. She was really able to connect with everyone very, very easily, I think, because she was such an open and loving person.

nearly like childlike in a way we're kind of innocent and maybe like for me from someone who's probably more guarded I'm like you're bit too you know vulnerable but like she just had a lovely way of connecting with people she's also like very creative love to paint

she would get up and watch the sunset she although she was quite anxious for a lot of her life she would still she wouldn't let it stop her so she'd always like go out and do things like she went to Dubai with friends you know she's going a lot of holidays she fit a lot into her short life what was your relationship like with her really good it was well like grown up obviously as sisters we were like there's three years in the difference and so there was always fights over hairbrushes and jeans and people wearing each other's clothes

mostly her wearing my clothes and robbing them and hiding them under her bed and still that so at that stage she was like an annoying little sister to me but as we got older it was like just having a really good friend that you could turn to you know whenever something was going on she'd listen to me and saying that other way around and like I would often do her makeup and she'd do my hair and I find that that's always like a really good time to connect with someone you know we were chatting away she's sitting there getting the makeup done or I'm sitting there getting the hair doing you hear about all the life updates the boyfriend

the relationships and everything like that. Were you protective of her or were you... Yeah. So I remember one time she was working in Super Value and she had said this older man was kind of creepy, came into the shop. So I waited outside the shop and then I got him by the scruff of the back. Like said to him, like, if you ever go near her or talk to her again,

like, I will come after you. And like I was only a small little thing as well, but he was terrified. What would you want people to know about her? I suppose first of all from like a health point of view, Chenet died of melanoma. I explain that for people. So it's actually skin cancer and she was first diagnosed when she was 19 after using sunbeds. She was blonde, a lot of freckles and moles, blue eyes and you're more likely to get something

like that with that colouring and a lot of Irish people are that colouring. But also so many young girls are going on sunbeds and like it's just horrific when I see them doing that. they're absolutely like doubling their chances of getting skin cancer and people think oh skin cancer sure it's down to your skin that's not dangerous but literally like it's so aggressive so she was diagnosed at 19 it was an emol in her leg they cut it out they you know stitched her up check the lymph nodes they couldn't see it in the lymph nodes but you know cancer cells are so tiny they just kind of linger on and they go around all over your body

she then got it in her finger and maybe like 10 years later again got the skin cut off got the lymph nodes checked everything fine it just kept coming back eventually like when chnade was 32 she got diagnosed with it in her brain it had spread to her brain like she she had been saying to us all somewhere long i think my cancer's back and i think it's in my brain and we were like no it is not like stop you're just being paranoid you know Absolutely not. But then we could notice that all these tumours had started popping up around her body. And again, we were still positive because we'd seen like, you know, three times already. Okay, she's had it. It's gone. She's had it. It's gone.

This is just probably something she's going to go through for the rest of her life. But it's, you know, it's not that big a deal because, again, it's only skin cancer. But like the doctor had said to her, well, it's in your brain now. And what he said was like, I'll do my best for you. Yeah. Because once it goes there. What was it like them a couple of days when he just kind of got that news? It was horrific.

I remember, like, I knew she was going in for the appointment to get checked out or whatever with my parents, but because I just thought, you know, it would be grant. So, Sheenade was 32, so I was probably 36, I think, yeah. And I just went to the gym as normal, waiting on the phone call to say, oh, well, you know, maybe it's back, but, you know, they're just going to cut off. here or there or wherever but she said it's in my brain

and I actually just hung up the phone because and I dropped like that was the worst probably one of the worst moments of my life yeah it was just like

what the heck you know I couldn't believe it that was like the death sentence you know what were you doing at the time were you in the fitness I was in the gym oh you were in the gym

yeah but were you working in the fitness in the fitnesses no well yeah I was I was coaching classes and stuff like that but at the time

I was doing my own workout. And I suppose like I just broke down. Luckily a couple of friends were there and they brought me home. And Chenade broke down. Then we were kind of, I go into like Google mode looking things up. Oh, you can get this treatment, that treatment, the other treatment. Very positive thinking, okay, you're going to be fine.

It's going to be grand. She's going to hospital. She started getting her treatment and stuff. but she started getting sick and it was just really like a roller coaster. She was an escalate quickly down. Yeah, like some days you'd think, okay, it's going to be fine, everything's going to be grand. The next day, like I remember going in one day and she didn't know who I was. She said, she thought I was a nurse and she said, you look really like my sister and that like broke my heart.

Yeah. You know, and that's kind of where it went from them because it was in her brain, it sort of changed, you know, her whole situation. She was no longer really able to look after herself or she wasn't as conscious or aware of what was going on which maybe in the end was a blessing. Yeah. You know. What advice would you have for anyone who is in a similar situation to that now that

just got news that, you know, someone close to them, you know, has got that type of news? Like that's really tough. I would say like do something that you can do to support yourself. I kept going to the gym because it was literally like an hour out of my own brain. Yeah. What was the hardest part at the start of that? beginning of that grief. Because part of your brain knows what's coming

and another part of your brain's trying to protect you from it. And so I'd be driving home from the hospital sometimes going, okay, when Chenade passes, I'm going to do her makeup. When she'd pass, I'm going to talk it for you, you know. And then other parts of my brain are like, no, that's not going to happen. Like she's going to get better. Everything's going to be fine. So it's a really weird situation to be in

where you're kind of partially predicting your grief and living with the stress of that. And like everything else is going to be much harder to manage in your life because you've only got a very small window of tolerance for anything now when your stress levels and your grief levels are already so high. What has grief changed for you over time, do you think? And if so, what does that look like now compared to what it looked like before? Yeah, definitely.

Like in some ways, it is, I suppose it's like a journey. And at the start, it was very all-encompassing. And I couldn't see how. I would continue to get through anything. I thought, well, look, I don't want to live if my sister's not here, you know. And I couldn't fathom how am I going to do this?

And I spoke to someone who had lost his brother a few years before I had lost Chenade. And he said, look, this is what it's like at the start. It's this big circle. And there's nothing else there but that. But as you go along, you sort of build your life around that circle.

And I do find that that's what happened. you know but in saying that you know i got to a point where i thought okay i can live with this and this is something that's happened but nothing else bad is ever going to happen you know and then we got a shock where by my other sister lost her baby boy just as he was born and that brought back i suppose and it also pulled the rug out for us a little bit because we kind of thought okay we've someone now who's watching over us and it's going to make sure that nothing else bad is ever going to happen and then when something terrible happens again you're kind of back at the start and and I suppose I in a way I thought I've it all figured out now you know I'm I'm philosophical

about it but now I'm like I don't know do you think that just that just repeats itself that cycle or that circle of you know oh my god devastation and life so fragile and then you forget it's fragile and you go on with your life fortunately yeah and then something happens again because like when you think of it we're all going to lose people constantly for our whole lives. And it's a very scary thought in a lot of ways. You know, like I find I'm very hypervigilant about everything and about the kids. Where are they?

You know, I kind of want them in my side or in my control at all times. I find them very controlling because of that. But in other ways, I'm also very grateful for small things like looking at the view outside or, you know, sitting down with an ice coffee or sitting beside the kids watching a movie or something. Yeah, it's a catch-22, isn't it? Because it's like you want to also just live in the moment and not be fearful of death of your loved ones dying. And at the same time, you also want to be aware of that

because that will make you appreciate moments a little bit more as well. Definitely. It's really hard. I know, like, when I spoke of Sheenade's funeral, I said, look, I think we should all live a bit more the way she lived open, vulnerable, connecting with people. And in some ways, I tried to do that because of Sheenade, but in other ways, because of what happened,

I'm also very guarded. Like, no, I'm not, you know, loving anybody here because I don't want to lose anyone else, you know. What's something smaller, ordinary about tonight that you miss? I miss walking into my mom's house and seeing her sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine and her feet up after a long week, doing everyone's hair and giving out about things and, you know, just stuck, you know, the little things. Yeah. I remember after she passed away, I walked into my mams and one of her friends was sitting in that same place and she had blonde hair and, For a minute, like I thought it was, Shnade, and then, you know, you're nearly heartbroken all over again when you realize.

Because sometimes you forget, don't you? Like, I remember wanting to pick up the phone to text or, oh, wait, I tell Shnade this. And then I'm like, no, you know. So. What, is there something that people often get wrong about grief, do you think? Yeah, they're like, a lot of people have said to me, oh, there's a reason for everything or God has a plan for everything. And I just find, no, these are people who haven't been.

through that that will say stuff like that. But also another thing would be that they don't talk to you about the person and they probably think, I don't want to upset them. You're already upset and they actually would probably really like to talk about the person. I know anyone

who has been through this always loves the opportunity to talk about the person who they love who passed away. Do you think that has helped you over time what your grief is instead of not avoiding the conversations actually just talking about her as if she was here.

Yeah, absolutely. And, like, I find since Sheney passed, like, the small talk, oh my God, I find that so painful. Like, I really can't do it. But the big talk gives you,

like, energy gives you something, do you know what I mean? And I find, like, I want to talk to people about life and death and all of their beliefs and the person who's passed away that they loved.

I love those kind of conversations, but the talk about the weather is, like, I can't do it. In what ways do you still feel close to her? So again, like that has changed because Like when before Jack passed away That's my sister's baby I kind of thought

I can feel Sheenaid there She's watching over us all the time She's always here looking after us And after Jack passed I kind of I hate to say it But like I was angry with Chenade And I was like, why did you let this happen And eventually I suppose you realise

Okay You thought someone was there and was going to be able to stop things happening. That's not what life is like, unfortunately. And I suppose the relationship changed in that way where I saw as like someone who was protecting us to now, to a point where I was wondering, well, where are you?

What are you doing? And in another way, I suppose just, I thought I had answers and I don't have the answers. So do you think, do you think that has made you believe less in an afterlife or more in an afterlife? When, before Sheenade died, I probably believed in God. I prayed a lot and after Shnay died, I'm like, do I believe in God? Do I still believe in God? And I'm just very angry with God. I kind of stopped praying after that and, you know, we still go to the church

and everything for anniversaries. My man finds the church very comforting. I don't. I'm still find myself very angry over that and over Jack's death and I just feel like I definitely believe in something but probably not what I believed in before so I probably believed in like heaven and stuff before or is now I'm possibly believing like in more souls in the afterlife but maybe that they come back to us you know have you been able to find any meaning in you're suffering from your sister's passing yeah absolutely like Like, I feel like in some sort of way, did Sheenade know that she was going to not be around to be an old lady? And she fit in a lot of things into her life that, you know, I am too scared to do or I possibly won't do.

So I suppose, you know, the things I learned are to maybe take a few more risks or, you know. Do you feel like you've since her passing, you've took more risks than you would have? I'm still very careful I think I'm going to be an old lady I'm trying to get there but no look it's something that I'm striving towards and it's always stuff that's in my head

but I guess I have that I still have that fear that I think she didn't have or she had the fear and did it anyway and I had the fear and don't if she was here now or if you could say something to her

what do you think you'd say that's a really tough one because I just want her to come back you know like I I don't want her to be gone and I suppose I want her to tell us that everything's going to be okay and the things are going to work out and or that Jack is with her or you know that we're going to be together again at some stage last question I have for you what part of Shelaide still lives on through you do you think sometimes like I can't catch a glimpse in the mirror and I'm like, oh, I looked a bit like her there or some of the phrases or stuff like that, you know, so physically, I'd hope, I know, like, after she passed away,

I went a bit crazy and dyed my hair blonde and tried to look like her because I wanted to sort of, her to continue on through me, which was silly, but, you know, you do crazy things when you're suffering through grief. I don't know, like I still try and wear her clothes. I still, I still, I I try and do things that I know she would love, you know, like sitting, having a coffee, watching sunrise, you know, sitting on the beach, watching the waves. She did all those kind of things. For a while, I did some art, you know,

made me feel closer to her, wearing her perfume, wearing her clothes, things like that. Okay, last, last question. If anyone is suffering through grief now at the moment, like they're really in it, what advice would you have for them? I'd say find someone who was a little bit further ahead on the road than you and talk to them and I know for me listening to podcasts like this or you know listening to people talking about their grief really really helped because you realised okay I'm not the only one but also that although it's

never going to go away this feeling will change you know and that you'll eventually build your life again around it. And cool. Beautiful. Thank you. I'm not, that's beautiful.