The Uneducated PT Podcast - Michael Burton Endurance Athlete Stop Looking For A Way Out

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

In this episode we speak to Mental Health Speaker and endurance athlete Michael Burton. Michael speaks about the destructive behaviours of his past and then trauma behind that and how this evolved into a journey of self discovery, discipline and growth. Michael is now preparing for his biggest challenge to date 100km a day for 55 days.

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation and for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support, and I'll see you on the next episode. I want to do something, but I don't want to be seen as a failure. So how do I navigate that where I always have an excuse?

and so yeah but you like this is such like a big grand event where everyone knows about it there's lots of publicity around it so like are you not then putting that pressure on yourself

to make sure that you do the thing that you said you were going to do rather than half ass at sale yeah so I did do that I went out and I went on podcasts and I went out and talked to papers and did interviews and all that sort of stuff but I still wasn't putting in the graft

like literally if you and it's so funny because the guy from Amphibian King Damien he gave me a couple of pairs of shoes but he was kind of like apprehensive about whether or not I was going to be able to achieve it like most people were like most people saw that I was still out drinking did people say that to you or were it was a kind of like backhand thing literally everyone there was not a person

who apart from my girlfriend who thought that I was going to achieve it I would say What about with you? Did you think you were going to change it? I thought that I was going to be able to do it, but I had given myself the out by not really seriously going and training. Yeah, because then you had an excuse if you failed.

Yeah. I could be like, oh, well, you know, it didn't really, or oh, I was kind of injured or whatever, like all those things. And it's only in hindsight, like hindsight to 2020. Yeah. But it's like a really, it's like a real pattern for me of everything that I've ever done whether that was like rugby playing rugby whether that was like schoolwork or whatever like for

example final year of college I set myself the goal and I told other people that I was going to do it which was finishing top of my class it was getting the best grades that year and getting you know top of your class it's like an award that you get I got to Christmas right I did not miss a day of college of university not one day and then i got christmas got my results was top of the class stopped going to college because i was like wait like i can actually do this but what if i don't and then people are like oh you failed so i just stopped going now i still achieved what i what i set out to achieve but like i've given myself the opportunity and the reason or to give i could give myself the excuse if people were

looking at it like so what if if hindsight you know that about yourself like I know you have challenges coming up and I don't know if you're able to speak about yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna speak about them yeah okay grant right so let's let's I was gonna leave that to later but let's go straight into it then so if if hindsight you know that you're not trying to the best of your ability because you're trying to give yourself an excuse in case you fail yeah like what is it that's going to you know then push you to be like right I'm going to, you know, go hard at this and that is. So again, like, I've just been working on myself, like, the last while.

And even after I finished the challenge, right, there was a time of period after the challenge. So I did the challenge, I went on holidays. I ran the Dublin Marathon. And then from there till January, right? Didn't, you know, when you do something and then there's nothing else there. And, like, previously what I would have done is I would have just went, straight to drugs, straight drinking. Now, I didn't do that.

I didn't let myself slip that much, right? But I still was drinking. I was still staying out late. I still wasn't doing training, right? And then I got to January. And then January I was like, okay, I'm going to set the challenge of running every day for the year or for as long as I possibly can. And I was doing that.

But on the weekends, I was still going out drinking. I was still giving myself the excuse. Then I got injured. And then since the injury, I wasn't able to run. So I had to start going to the gym and in years gone by, that there, me getting injured would have been like, okay, well that's a great opportunity for me to just pile on weight to know it.

And I was just like, I cannot do this again. Like I need to nip this in the bud. And so a couple of weeks after that, after being injured, I made decision to just stop drinking. So I have not drank now in 11 weeks. And I don't see myself ever drinking again. Not though I don't, I refrain that. it's not that I don't see myself ever drinking again

I might drink but it's never going to be the way that it used to be for me and is that because you have is that because you've replaced that now with bigger goals that you're like okay I that will interrupt and before it's like okay I was gonna I could use alcohol as an excuse but now you're not going to

so is this you like not using an excuse and trying to go to your capacity I've sat down with myself I've sat down with my girlfriend and I've said and I've looked at the future and I've said what do I want my life to look like what is it that I want from life it's like okay I want to do challenges to raise awareness for like mental health or for kids with cancer who or kids with like who can't walk like I want to do that right I want to be able to

go give talks to people about mental health I want to go into businesses and do that I want to have a podcast with my girlfriend, Grant. I want to start up a coaching business for running. All of these things are stuff that I want to do. But I don't feel that I can actually sit in front of people and give them advice or tell them about things when I'm in the background being a piss head. So, like, we started training for the Port-O-Marathon there. this week. So this is week one of training. It's 16 week block. I turn 28 in 15 weeks time and then the next

week I run the marathon. So like my next challenge, although I haven't announced the next big challenge, right, my next challenge for me is by 28 years old, I'm going to be in the best shape of my life. And I don't just mean the best shape of my life physically. I mean the best shape of my life mentally, flexibility, strength, everything. I am going, I'm going to, I'm going to be in the best shape of my life physically. I'm in the best shape of my life. I am going, I'm going into my 28 year of life in the best possible way. And from there on, there is no more excuses. There is no more excuses. I'm going full bore at everything.

I'm never giving myself an excuse again. Can you talk about the big one? Yeah, I can, yeah, I can talk about. 55 to drive, is it? Drive for 55, yeah. Drive for 55, what's that about? So this is going to be mammoth. It's huge.

And people are going to probably go, it's not possible. And it might not be possible. I might fail. And that's fine. But I'm not going to have an excuse for failure. Which we spoke about, yeah. So it's going to be 55 days of attempting to run 100K a day. The goal is to get to 5,000 kilometers, right?

There's roughly, from what I can tell, 5,000 people in Ireland on waiting lists to get mental health help, whether that's a therapist. where I'll go get CBT. There's 5,000 people. And some of them are young people, some of them are older people. So for each one of those 5,000 people, I'm going to run a kilometre. I'm going to run a kilometer. So that's the goal. If I get to 5,500, great. The goal is to get to 500. I've given myself the extra five days. If I can keep on going, I'll keep on going. That's the plan. How are you going to work that logistically, like in terms of where you're going to run, stuff like that? Is that not being? So that's all in progress.

The goal for me would be to run the length of Ireland, the width of Ireland and the circumference of Ireland. And what about like sponsorship and stuff like that? What have you thought about with that? So the company that I work for now, I kind of was asked to do a panel talk recently enough about exercise, fitness and stuff like that. And I brought up the fact that I'd done the 32 challenge. And someone piped up on the call and I was like, oh, what are you going to do next?

And I was like, managing director sat beside me. Another lady sat beside me. I kind of looked at him. I kind of said it in my interview when I was doing it that I will be doing this. And I kind of looked at him and I was like, I don't really know if I should say this in front of you. And he was like, no, go on. And I was like, this is what I'm doing. I'm going to ask for unpaid leave and I'm going to go for this.

And then after the call, he was like, you don't need unpaid leave. We're going to support you. You know how to do that. So, it's pretty sick. Going back to the 32 Iron Man's, and you kind of touched on this a little bit about the gap and like after you finished what to do next and going on to drink and stuff like that.

Have you heard of the gold medal syndrome? Yeah. So that's what I wanted to ask is like, you know, when people complete a big challenge like that or, you know, achieve their lifelong goal and then after there's this wave of the pressure or not knowing what to do next. Did you get any hint to that after?

No. Not really because I'd experienced it already. Okay. So during COVID was when this renaissance of Michael Burton started. Right. So up until the beginning of COVID, when COVID hit, like I was 120 something kilos. I was still smoking.

I was drinking three, four times a week. I was doing drugs most of the time. I was going to sleep, hoping. just praying that I didn't wake up the next day. COVID came along and I think COVID did different things for different people. You had people so I had like a categorized them in three

and you had the drunks, you had the chunks and he had the hunks. And I went from a drunk chunk to a hunk. Like that was it. Like I found running again. I ran as a kid, did athletics for years and years. and I found running again and I started to just run and exercise became my how would

you call it like my mindfulness yeah and it started with 5ks and it went to 10ks and then I ran a half marathon it just snowballed and then I had the opportunity to move back home I'd lost my job in the UK because of COVID I said great unreal I'll get back home didn't have a car had to cycle everywhere it was by the sea to started sea swimming and it was just that connection back with nature that I just needed. I needed to be back here. I didn't need to be over there in that concrete jungle. And then I was like, I'm going to do an Iron Man. So I was like, Grant, do an Iron Man. And it was like I plowed myself into the Iron Man, like really like played myself into it.

And no excuses for this one actually, to be completely honest. Like I barely took it seriously. And then six weeks out, like my Achilles just completely went. Couldn't really do anything. And my coach was like, you shouldn't really go and do this. And I was like, no, I'm fucking doing it. Like, you can swear on this, I hope. Yeah, you can swear on you want, don't worry about it. But I was like, I'm fucking doing it.

And I went and I did it and I achieved it. And I came back home. I remember being in my room in my family home. And I was just bawling crying. I just didn't know what was wrong. me I didn't leave the room for like three four days and I had achieved something that I put so much into and I was like I expected on that journey of that Iron Man to find something to unleash something else in myself to find a new pathway to it

was just gonna fix me and it didn't and I was just I remember my mum came in and it was like what was wrong with you like I kind of said something snarky I went upstairs I was just in tears I was just broken and then I was like right okay Hey, I've talked to friends, I've opened up to them, I've got fit, I've curved most of my habits. I'm like, do you know what I mean? I'm in a good place and I was like, none of this, I'm still feeling crap. I still have these days where it's just horrific. It's like I go and I started going to therapy and stuff like that and getting professional help.

Well, you've kind of answered the questions that I was going to ask, which was, do you think that your mental health was so low because your physical health was not in great order? at the time, but Eve's just stated there that you got in physical shape, the best shape of your life, probably the fitness you are. Yeah, and I suppose exercise is an distraction for mental health. It's like if you can get out and walk or you can get out and exercise, you can get into the sea, they're all distractions and they're great distractions, right? And if you are in a bad place, go and do that stuff, like go and do it.

Like there's a really good book called Lost Connection, right? And it talks about people being on different medication for depression, stuff like that. And look, some people need to be on medication. I was on medication and I decided this isn't for me. Like, I'm on medication, right, but I still drink all the time. I'm still unhealthy. I'm still smoking.

I'm still doing it. Like, I need to get all that stuff fixed first before I got. on medication. So I just came off of it, went about doing all that sort of stuff, and got myself in shape, and got myself sorted out. And I didn't need the medication then. But there were still unresolved issues,

like different trauma and so like that, that I just needed to work out. Well, your medication basically was the drinking drugs for a time being until it didn't work. Yeah, well, I was on medication while I was still doing that stuff. Yeah. So, would you say that like, if it was what comes

first, like your physical health or your mental health, it's kind of like, okay, you can use... They're so intertwine. Yeah. They're so intertwined. And the other thing is, like, we keep saying, like, mental health, but we use physical fitness. Like, the terminology around mental health needs to change. It's not something where it's like, oh, you're in good health. It means you're good.

It's like, it's physical and mental fitness. Because you need to be able to build your mentality. and your ability to be resilient and stuff like that, that's fitness. And your fitness goes up and down. You're going to have waves for everybody. Your physical fitness goes up and down. Your mental fitness goes up and now.

It's not like mental health makes it seem like, oh, well, I had bad mental health, now I have good mental health. Yeah. Yeah, like it's not how it works. It's an off on switch. It's like an off on switch. Oh, oh, you're fixed now.

No, I'm not. Yeah. Like, I'm always going to have struggles like that. But it's, okay, if I can go, all right, well four years ago I'm feeling real shit now but four years ago I would have went on a four day bender down bray being up all hours like doing rollovers spending hundreds if I can go I'm not feeling too good but I used to that and now what I'm going to do is I'm going to go for a walk with my dog I'm going to go sit in the couch

and have a cower with my dog or I'm going to go for getting to the sea if you can that's what it's about like it's about being able to catch yourself before you completely spiral out of control. So do you think having awareness around your thoughts and your behaviours is key to be able to combat that? So I went through CBT

and I can't speak highly enough about that and then I obviously went through therapy as well and I still like... Tell me a little bit about what you learned going through CBT and therapy. So CBT is great because it allows you... So therapy, I suppose, goes to the root

cause. Like what is the actual root cause of the issues that you're having? CBT that kind of meets in the middle of where it goes, okay, it acknowledges the fact that you're having those issues and what the root cause is, but it then teaches you how to deal with them. Yeah. So, you know, I'm feeling really anxious. Okay, well, what is it that I can do? What are the different techniques? Why am I feeling anxious? I'm being able to try and if you think of it like an electric circuit, right? And I'm a really negative talk and just be on a loop. It's just a continuous one. It's a way to just break that circuit

and kind of get out of it. How would you break it? So I do a variety of different things. People do lots of... Different for each person. Different for each person. When I was back home, I just loved going for a walk with the dog.

It was just a completely set. Your dog, right? Your dog doesn't know what's going on in your life. It doesn't care. It just wants to love you and generally give you affection, right? I like getting into the sea. because it's a complete system reset.

It's that shock of cold water and the blood going to your head and everything about it. I like doing breathworks. I like doing meditation. Like all those sort of things, stuff to control the body, bring it back down, ground it.

Just getting out into a wood or a forest or somewhere for a walk. It's just completely just ground you. Like it brings you back to baseline. Yeah. I remember hearing a really funny quote And it was like, like, you can't, you can't, if you're anxious,

like you're not going to outthink anxiousness by thinking more. You have to, you know, use your body. And it's like, he used the analogy. It was like, it was like trying to solve a cocaine addiction by sniffing coke. Literally. It's like, it's, yeah. And then you see a lot of things around it. So I've done like a mental health for state, of course,

and I'm going to do other ones. But it's about bringing people, like say if you're having a panic attack, right? It's about showing the person, like, different things around them. So, like, you know, an inanimate object, to touch it, feel it, what are the sensations around it? Yeah. All those different things. Getting out of your head and actually just being, not thinking about the future and thinking about what's actually in front doing and stuff like that. It's about taking the thought away on different things.

And that obviously takes time as well. Yeah, it does. And that's obviously the techniques for when you're feeling anxious or when you're feeling low. what about the root cause through therapy? Yeah, so like, um, like my root cause is a, is I suppose a timeline of things, um, for me personally. So like my biological dad, like, pissed off when I was two, kind of then came back into my life when I was like four or five up until, um, I was around like the kind of 11 mark. But I live with my grandparents from then.

That's why my grandad was literally my best friend, right? He was there, he wasn't going anywhere. And he passed away from cancer. He passed away from cancer when I was eight. So I lost him when I was eight. And he was your father figure. He was my father, figuring along with my stepdad, right? Who came into my life when I was about three or four.

But so I lost him at eight. And then at 11 years old, I was supposed to be picked up from school in Chrome. by my biological dad. Standing out in the rain, I just remember it so vividly. Stand out in the rain, 20, 30, 40 minutes rang my mum. And she said to go down to the office. So I went down to the office. I can't remember the name of the lady in the office,

but anyway, mum just said, go down, get the bus, get yourself home. Three or four weeks after that, found that he'd moved to a completely different country. country. So that was 11. What age? 11. 11 years old. And then one year later I was 12 and my grandparents of my stepfather who had pretty much been my grandparents since I could remember died in a horrific car accident. So they were coming back from Ireland after spending the summer in Ireland.

These lads, these joyriders somewhere, I think it was around Manchester or maybe it was in Wales but we're getting in a police chase and they're came down the wrong side of the motorway and drove them straight on. So that was another father figure, another set of people gone out of life. And then because of that, my stepfather just, you know, went into the depths of depression, I would say. And couldn't really cope. Became a recluse, would drink quite often.

I wasn't helping the situation as I got into my later teens because I was looking. looking at him being like he should be doing this, and just this resentment built in that relationship broke down. But we're on the way to fix that, I think, I think, which is good, which is nice. But all of those things are accumulation of what I felt was not good enough. And it comes back to that thing. It's like, I'm setting these goals, but I don't feel like I'm good enough, so I'm giving myself that out.

Because a kid can't, and this is what my therapist kind of headline, outlined to me is like a kid can't distinguish between someone dying and someone leaving. Yeah, it's the loss. It's the loss. It's all loss of them. And for me it was like, for me it was like people walking out and they're walking out because I'm not good enough. And it's just like that became a snowball effect. And no matter, I can't say this enough, my mom is unbelievable. I fucking love my mom. She's unreal and she did a great job, right? but it's so hard for a kid to to it's so hard for a kid to comprehend

that or to take it in to see the wood for the trees which is that I have this mum who's fucking unreal but I'm looking at my dad and I'm going why doesn't he be like that towards me instead of looking at how great my mum was I was looking at that and then there's also the scenario that like I think he will be he would be open and honest and he didn't deal with the situation

well he didn't talk about it he became a recluse he removed himself kind of from family situations went to drink hey presto I turn 16 17 what do I do yeah it's my problem I'm not gonna talk about it turn to drink turn to drugs and you know monkey see monkey do yeah like how long would you say that it's it took you because obviously like even just speaking to you there like the awareness of all of this like it's a long stretch of time from like the person who is you you know, mentally low, who's turning to drinking drugs, to then someone who is going out for a 5K,

someone who's doing an Iron Man, someone who's taking on another challenge, and also someone who is very aware of, you know, the traumas of your life and being able to cope with them when they arise. Like, what is the timeline there for you figuring all this out? And I'm just asking, because let's say there's someone listening to this who is in a position where you were, where they're probably at their lowest,

probably suicidal thoughts, depths of depression, like for them to get out of this, like the actionable steps, everything. Like, for you, what would you be your voice? So, for me, like, my thing is to keep it simple. So I was, this is so funny.

Like, so I'm dyslexic and dysraxic, right? And something, a trait that dyslexic and distracts who people have is that they're really good at hiding things. So I went back to my secondary skill and talked to the principal, and the prince was like I would have never known that you were suffering when you were in school and but I remember going to see like the counsellor in like fifth year and she was kind of talking to me

and asked me about my background and stuff and I was telling her about my background and she goes that's interesting I think you should go to therapy right so she said to my mum I think he should probably go to therapy because of you know literally what I laid out there is like grandfather and I went to therapy and by therapy session five I'd convinced the therapist that there was nothing wrong with me and I was my mum came to pick me up and I was out cutting the grass where I was that good I literally was that good at hiding it no one had a clue and then even when I got to like 18 19 20 20 21 like I kind of told friends at different stages but until I told them no notion like when I put up a video after the Iron Man

where I just felt there was the first video I ever put up about like feeling and down and stuff. A friend who I'd been friends with since first year of school and I hadn't told him right but he was like I had no idea like I would have never had any idea that you were like suffering. Yeah do you think and this is an interesting question because I see this all the time that it's easier to put stuff like that up on social media than it is to be vulnerable in front of a friend who you've known for years and say it yeah and sorry to go back to your original question there which I don't think I answered I just rambled all about it but my the steps I suppose yeah the steps first one for me

was to talk to friends yeah like I didn't go to therapy until I was 24 so I talked to friends and I was like 20 21 and then when it got to COVID when it was 23 I talked to friends again and was this one when you were continually drinking and going out in session as well as well like They had an idea that I had struggled in the past, but I didn't make it out that I was struggling then. It was only when I got to like 23, when COVID hit, that I was like, I'm actually really struggling like now. And they helped so much.

Like I was living in a house with four of the lads over in London and couldn't do anything. We can only mix with our circle. So we started eating really clean. We started doing that. So it was like really step by step. And it was like, okay, so this door is opened. I'm going to go through this door.

And then I'm going to figure out what's in this room. And it's going to take some time. And then, okay, so I've gone through this. And now I'm reading some books or I'm listening to some podcasts that talk about, like, mindset or that talk about, like, the lost connections or like these different things. Okay, well, okay, the suggestion for that is, okay, maybe I go do this. And this might be therapy or whatever it is. And it was really, really, really graduate. It was like baby, baby steps.

So do you think the first step for someone who is in that kind of, you know, a hole right now is to expose themselves to things that are relevant to how they're feeling essentially. Yeah, like read books, listen to podcasts, exercise. Yeah. It's funny that because it's like the thing that's going to help you the most is the thing you probably find the hardest to do when you're feeling like that. Yeah, yeah. But that's where discipline comes into it. Like the other thing about it is, it's like I have a gripe of motivation. Yeah, because I need motivation pulls you. So, like, motivation isn't a thing.

And, like, I still tag motivation in some of my posts. I'm like, stop tagging motivation. Like, it's not a thing. It shouldn't exist. It's, like, motivation is not going to get you fucking anywhere. No. Because you're not going to be motivated when your mental health is that not. And you're also not going to be motivated every day.

If you're scrolling on social media, hoping for motivation by David Goggins or, I don't know, Aidan is running or someone like, that like if you're if that's what you're hoping for every day good luck you just need to sometimes you just need to pull up your socks and do it so what do you think then drives you now for this this big challenge that you have ahead for you if it's not if you're not motivated for what what is it that that gets you to do with discipline I've set myself a goal I wanted I want to achieve something it's that's what it is and like there is motivation within it right yeah

But motivation is not going to get me to the start line. But do you think the motivation is it's a purpose for you? Because you're not even... Yeah, you're not even doing it for you. Well, you are doing it for you to a sense, obviously. You know what? It's funny you say that because I am literally about to put up a post about what I'm doing it for. And I probably did 32, 32 more for me.

This is not for me. I'm doing this for other people. This is to show the person in the dark place that in four years I went from smoking, 20 cigarettes a day drinking all the time and I'm achieving this or to to inspire young people to talk about the feelings that they have whether that's young boys young girls I'm doing this for other people I'm doing it for the people who can't walk or the people who might never walk that's what I'm doing it for well it's the thing like you doing it you you you doing it for other people and helping other

people helps yourself yeah it's like like I'm gonna mess up this quote isn't it it's like I'll look after me so I can look after you and you look after you so you can look after me yeah like that's like and the other thing that I feel like so many of us have lost is like community connection there's like so much of that like especially in London like you might go through a whole day and have no actual conversation with people and also So you might have a scenario where you bump into someone and instead of going, oh, sorry, you know, like, whatever,

you get, like, a rude remark in it. Like, you get the head out off here. Well, you're going from, you're going from, like, if you would walk down to the village, someone's going to put their head up, smile and say, how are you doing? To kind of in London, where it's known that everyone just looks down the whole time they're there.

Even, like, some people would be surprised when you smile at them and they'll smile. It's like... Why do you think that is? is because there's just more lunatics in the city. So people don't... Yeah, yeah. Too many people listening to shows.

But it's always like a little small rural villages, like you'll get the biggest hello and the biggest smile of someone. Yeah, yeah. And because you don't really run into people as much. And then if you do it in the city, it's like, all right, this lad needs to say away from me to something wrong with him because he's smiling.

Yeah, it's so weird, it's so bizarre. It's like, one of the things that I want to be able to bring with whatever business that I set up in the future is that connection, community. That's what I want. Because it's the strange thing in the world, it's like you're surrounded by more people than you probably ever have before,

but more people in cities feel lonelier than ever, which is bizarre. Yeah, you're literally, what is it that your man, Chris, who has the podcast, I can't remember the second name. He's a really, really good podcast, but he's like, you've never been more connected in your life,

but less connected. Everyone is connected on via social media and all this stuff but no one talks to each other. Do you think so like if you were to set up things like that in the future

and creating connection how would you do that? It's a good question I think for me what I want to do with the business that I want to set up is literally

I want it to be a like a fully functioning farm that produces crop that goes to the coffee shop or the cafe which is on the farm I want a gym that's there that doesn't have shit loads of people in it but people that show up every morning to do the class and I want to have little studios of creative people or people who want to rent space because they're working from home but they don't want to work from home anymore because they want to have interaction with people that's what I want to be I want to have a social enterprise where we take kids from disadvantaged areas or kids that have just had it rough or kids that have suffered with mental

health and allow them to stack skills and talk to each other like grow crops or hollery or art or writing or gym or like all these different things that's what I want to build you had a really good post the up the other day that I was watching and it was on putting limitations on yourself. For someone who would want to do some of the things that you've already achieved, whether it's a 5K, a 10K, a half marathon, a marathon, an Iron Man, what you're about to put yourself under next, but they're like, oh, I couldn't do that. That's not for me or I'm not that fit person or so on and so forth.

What advice would you have for them? Start? Like, what's that? There's another quote, it's like, what have it turned out better than you? you could ever imagine. What if it is? Do you remember the start of your journey

to this in terms of like it was during COVID, right? Yeah, yeah. And like what was it? Was it just you saying you know, fuck it, I'm going to go out for a walk today,

I'm going to go out for a round. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone nominated and then it was me... The pressure was put on you then. It was me, Dave O, Sutto and Ed, living in a house. And it was,

became competitive between me Soto and Daveo who could do the best 5K and that 5K became 10K and I'm competitive as that fuck I don't want anyone having anything over me it was just that and it just got bigger

bigger and bigger and then that was it it like my advice then is like what have you got to lose like so I put up a post again today

I don't always thought right and it was around taking a shot in life. And it's like, people are so afraid to take a shot or to try something because they're afraid of what other people are going to say when they fail. And it goes back to me. I got the idea from that, right? But what have you got to 70, 80, 90 years old and you never did anything that you said you wanted to do? You're just going to be lying there regret now. Like, I've just gone through my life and go, okay, in five years time, I'd like to have seen all these

places and I'd like to have done this. And in 10 years time after that, I'd like a family and I'd like to have a business. And I'm just going, okay, that's what I'm going to do. And it might not work out. It might not stay that way. I might do completely different things. Well, your goals can change over time all the time. But it's like you get one crack of the whip. Like, was it 2015 Christmas, I had put my body through so much turmoil that I got internal breathing from taking pain killers. I was working all of these jobs, right? I was taking painkillers, three, four at a time, 10, 12 throughout the day, and I got a stomach ulcer and it popped. And on Christmas Day, I went to the hospital.

And I pretty much should have died. Like, my heart was gone. And my mum said that she brought me into the hospital and they were just pumping blood and everything to me and she had to just step back and watch her kids, right? And after that, I got out of the hospital, I went on a vendor, I went back into hospital and it's only now that I look back at that and go,

well, I tried to take my life and nearly dies, I have one crack of the whip. I'm a cat that's gone through all his lives. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm on my last one. It's like, the other quote from Joe Robbins is like, men have two lives. The first one is whatever,

and the second one is when they realise they only have one. It's like, I've realised that I only have one. What is it, they die, quiet lives of desperation? Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, the thing is, you've gone through the extreme pain of what you went through

and come out to other side saying, okay, I don't want to waste another moment where a lot of people get stuck in that oh, I don't really like my life but it's not that bad and they're kind of comfortably numb and then they don't. That's the worst thing in the world. There's like there's some of loss fallacy, isn't it?

It's like my job's not great but it's not that bad. It's not that bad. Yeah. It's like... My relationship isn't great but it's not that bad. At least I'm not alone. Yeah.

It's like that is... That to me now, mind boggant. Can't get my head around that. Yeah. I'm out of shabbing. and I feel uncomfortable when I'm out, but it's not as bad as going to the gym and having the train. Yeah.

It's just, I can't wrap my head around that, actually. It's like you... Well, of all them people, like it would be better off if their situation was a little bit worse because it would probably drive them into action then. Yeah, yeah. That's such a good point. My situation was so bad.

Yeah. that the pain of that current existence was worse than changing. The pain of staying the same was far worse than the pain of change. So you're driven into action then. Yeah, literally, that was pretty much it. When you're going to bed, I tried to take my life in 2014, 2015, and I couldn't bring myself to do that. But I went to bed every night just like, please, this would be so much better,

but isn't you ever woke up. That is a shit place to be. If you're lying in a house with three-year-mate and they have no idea that you're going to bed, just going, please, just don't wake up. One last question for you. Yeah. If you had to instill one piece of advice

into your younger self now, into your younger self's brain, what advice would you give? That's a really good question. It would probably have empathy. Explain that for me. Yeah, so I think I'm a firm believer that we should remove the word should. Okay.

You should be doing this. You should be doing that job. You should. I, as a teenager, looked at my father and say he should be doing this and he should be. And I felt so much resentment. And I had, by the end of it, I had no empathy for the fact. that his parents literally were pulmerated. My grandparents as well were pulmerated in a fucking car accident

because I thought he should be doing something else. And I had no empathy for that. I, and you know what, it's literally a couple of days ago when I came home, I literally, because we don't have a great relationship, we just don't, right? But I, and I've been, yeah, look, I've been so hard on him for what, how he's been towards me, right? And at the end of the day, I cannot comprehend what he went through.

There is not one thing that I can comprehend that he did. Like, I can't comprehend what he actually went through mentally. He probably can't comprehend what I went through because he's probably looking at me going, they had a pretty nice life, like a middle class living, nothing you ever didn't need, yada, yada, yada. You should be happier. Yeah, you should be happier. Like, you shouldn't be giving you some. You shouldn't be drinking all the time, being surly and aggressive towards him, right?

That's what he's probably on the same thing, right? But I look back at it. And I actually, it was his birthday on Friday on Thursday, and I came home on Friday, Thursday even though it's all on Friday. And the first thing I said to him was like, I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry for being a prick for my whole teenage years. I'm proud to calling my dad

and thanks for always being there I know we've not seen I to eye to eye but there's lots of time for us to figure this out and that's all I said and he said thank you and that's fine a difficult thing to say by the way as well I'd imagine like the vulnerability of saying it I cannot comprehend what he went to

there's not one bit of me that can feel the pain that he felt like they were my grandparents and I loved him the bit and it was shit but it's way shitter for him And I can't, like, I shouldn't put the should on him. Yeah. He should have been doing it.

He dealt with it, how he dealt with it. And we can't go back in time and change. Like, in terms of that advice, you can literally take it through all walks of life. Like, people judge people because, oh, he's overweight or they say he's lazy or they say he's this, he's that. But, and he should do this or he should do that. But they have no idea what that person could be going through, mentally, what they've gone through in their past, what trauma they've gone through, all that stuff. So to have more empathy for everyone in terms of that, it's probably a good thing.

Yeah. And it's something I'm shit with empathy. Yeah. I need to get better at it. I don't have great empathy. But it's something that I wish I had more of. Yeah. Thanks for watching.

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