The Uneducated PT Podcast - Ryan Eveleigh Maximising Your Potential

Episode Date: November 5, 2023

In this episode we speak to Eveleigh who's an online holistic health and transformation coach. Ryan has a background in professional sport but walked away from sport earlier to start coaching. In this episode we cover everything from mental health, to men struggling in modern society, dating, coaching and much more. Ryan's Instagram

Hello and welcome to the uneducated PT podcast with me, your host, Carlo Rourke. The goal of this podcast is to bring on interest and knowledgeable people from all walks of life, learn a little something from each conversation. And for you, the listener, just learn something from each episode. So don't forget to subscribe to the channel, press the box below, show some support, and I'll see you on the next episode. So you were just talking to me off air about even looking back on pregame. So tell me a little bit about your background in fitness and health.

in getting into this industry? So it didn't actually start with pro sport. It actually started way before that, right? So when I was younger, I used to get bullied a lot because I was like, I grew up in South Africa. I grew up in Johannesburg, right? It's not exactly the nice place to grow up in, right? But the long and short of it was, is you get bullied a lot because they used to have a lot of black friends, right?

And you got to the point where I remember I got punched in the face and I went home to my dad. And I had a black eye. And my dad was like, what happened to you? And I was like, go hit in the face. He was like, what did you do about it? I was like, what do you mean? He was like, do you not do anything about it? And I was like, no.

He was like, well, you should. And then from there, I was like, huh? So you can either be a victim or you can either be someone who can protect, provide, or be quote unquote, the archetype predator, right? And from there, I was like, okay, well, if I'm big and if I'm strong, maybe people won't fuck with me as much. You know, so it kind of started there. So then that was kind of the inception of why I kind of got into it.

And then from there, basically, I was like, well, if I go to the gym and I'm big and it would be a bit of a deterrent. You know what I mean? And I didn't know what I was doing. Didn't have a clue, right? I was just going in there, just literally no idea what I was doing. And then I kind of found rugby, right? And then I went to the gym one day and there was a guy in the gym and I'll never forget

this. Just like the small school gym, this guy in the gym, big, it looked like a big dude, but if I probably looked at him now, he's not that big, right? But as a kid, you look at it and you're like, whoa, what the mom? And I walked straight up to him and said, hey, I want to be a professional rugby player. What do I do? Literally, I was just like, what wants to do? He's like, okay, you need to learn how to clean. I was like, what with a mop? And legit, I was like, I didn't know what he was not about. And he was like, no, no, no, clean, the movement. And I was like, why? Right? And that's where, like, like, like, That's why I always say curiosity is just aggressive open mindiness.

You should always be curious. Never judgment will always be curious, right? And anyway, that was at like a very, very young age. And every day, definitely over trained, obviously, but every single day I went in and all I would do are cleans. I would just clean, clean, clean. And then you got to a point where I was actually cleaning some pretty decent way. And I was like, he told me that this would make me a pro, right?

He told me to help me become a pro. And I didn't understand why. So I had to go back to him and say, well, why this movement? Why does this work? And then he explained it to me. And it was like a light bulb moment. And I was like, holy shit, the more knowledge you have, the more application you can actually provide. And then you can actually go forward that way.

And then that led to professional rugby, right? So I ended up getting a scholarship to a nice boarding school in England, which was very weird coming from where I came from. Ah, so that's where I'm living in the town comes from. Right. No, no. So the boarding school was actually down south. Okay. Right.

And it was a very posh boarding school, and luckily I was on a birth of your scholarship, whatever people want to call it. And you're roaming around what one would call the aristocracy. You know what I mean? You know, and it was very weird because I'm a very, I say how I feel and I just speak plainly, and I don't mince words. You know, if I say fuck, I say fuck. If I don't, I don't, right?

And kind of roaming around there, you're kind of rocking with a bunch of different people. So you've got to learn to adapt very quickly. So it was actually quite cool because then I was like, okay, so I can hang in a bunch of different circles and actually look like I belong there, you know, the imitation game almost, right? And I kind of learned there very, very quickly. I was like, oh, okay, this will make sense. And then from doing that and going to boarding school there, that's where the kind of rugby kind of led me. And there was a coach. And I'll never forget this coach.

His name is Alan Hughes, right? And he said to me, you said, listen, if you put your fucking head down because I was naughty, right? I like to cause trouble, like most kids do usually. And I think if you didn't cause trouble as a kid, you didn't really have a good childhood. Yeah. You know, you weren't a bit mischievous. Like, come on, what did you do with the childhood?

Let's be honest. You know, and I remember him saying to me, he's saying, look, if you want to be a professional, you're going to have to make sacrifices. I was like, okay, cool. And I was never the most talented. So I didn't have a knack. There was another guy who was at school with me.

His name is Rotemyssegan, currently plays for Saracens. Black dude, Jack to the team. teeth, build like an absolute unit, but that is just pure genetic freakishness. Right. So this guy is what I looked at and I was like, that's talent. Yeah. Natural talent, you know. And I was like, okay, well, I don't have that.

And that really like bug me for a bit. And I was like, well, fuck off. Because you know what? If you work harder than everyone else, something is going to break somewhere. Right. So if I keep pushing the binds, if I work as hard as I possibly can, it doesn't really matter about not having talent. If I've got an engine, if I'm strong, if I can do all these things,

eventually someone's going to go, oh, hey, well, let's pick him. So then I literally just started going balls to the wall with training. I'll get up early, I train, train, train, train, train, train. And that's kind of how I got into the fitness industry. And then when I went pro, I used to get told off a lot because you'd have essence, and this is really interesting, and you'll find this quite interesting, is you know people different shapes and sizes, right? And some people say, hey, look, if you're 6'4.6, you can't squat to depth because, you know, your levers and all this kind of stuff.

And I was kind of, I kind of understood that concept. But then I watched these S&C coaches. These are some of the best S&C coaches in the country. And I would watch how they would program, how they would design programs and stuff for each player. And certain lifts, each player could perform and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, so it's not really based off your height. it's based on how well you get taught to perform something. Right?

So I was like, oh, this is very interesting. So I was like, if hard work always pays, then I'm just going to work harder than everyone else. And then I remember I'll never forget this. I remember it was like summer.

And I was like, I'm going to train every single day without fail. I'm going to do whatever I can. So I'd walk about three miles to the gym. I would then train. I wouldn't know what the fuck I was doing. I'll just train. I just do whatever I could.

And then I would go. There was just like, broken down, you know those really shitty football pitches you have like at the back of like rec centres or whatever. Yeah. I would go there and then I would just start running suicides, you know, which is just like back and forth from like the one line to the next, etc. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like a Bronco test. Do you know what Bronco is? No, but I know suicides anyway because I used to play basketball. That's where. Right. Perfect. You know exactly what a suicide is and yeah. So, and I would run those and then I would run. The shortest,

the shortest basketballer of all time, by the way. What got you into basketball anyway? I don't know. I don't know. I wasn't letting my genetics hold me back. This is the high thing. It wasn't called. To be fair, I played a little bit of rugby in school as well.

I played a little bit of everything. I played a little bit of everything poorly. Oh, really? Jack of all trades. Huh? Jack of all trades. Yeah, yeah. I love that.

I absolutely love that. But yeah, so like, I ended up just training, training, training. And then my coach said, hey, and this was when I was about 16 the coach was like hey Northampton want to have a look at you the occasion when I'd have a look at you and I was like oh okay cool

and as I went over there before even really warming up they stopped me and they said just go home and I was like what you're not built like a prop and I was like so then I left I was bit down and down for a second

and then I went and actually spoke to Rottie and he said to me something I'll never ever fucking forget. But he was like, if you're going to play pro sport or anything like that, this is one of your biggest assets, what you've got, right? How you look, how you perform, how you play. People are going to look at you and say, hey, he looks like X or he looks like Y. And then they'll give you an opportunity. And that's when I was like, okay, I need to boost the work ethic through the roof. And then he's training a game at school. And then one of the scouts was watching and he said come back.

And then I was like, okay, came back, and then ended up playing really well, and then ended up staying with him, right? Which is quite nice and almost like a bit of a fuck you too because I was like, ha ha, you want me back, you know? Because you know, most, some people would take it to the right. Some people were like, oh, fuck them, they don't want me. So then they don't decide to work harder.

They decide to kind of shy away. Yeah, so the exact opposite happened with me. I was like, sweet. So they don't want me. Well, you know what? I'm going to work twice as hard, because someone is going to take me. I'm not taking no for an answer.

I can't. Right? Because when I was really young, right? There's a guy called Pierce Schoolman. He plays for Scotland right now. He's in, he's there starting. Lou said, I was like a kid, like a little toddler. And we were sitting having dinner.

And I was with my dad, cousins, right? And he walks in and this guy's a unit, bro. Like, I mean, this guy is massive, right? And he walks in. And I go, dad, that's, um, peer schoolman, a professional. a rugby player. And he goes, yeah, yeah. And I go, and then, like, I'm sitting at the table.

I was laughing and they all, and they all know I like rugby and stuff like that. And I was like, one day I'm going to play against him. And they all started laughing at me. And I was like, okay. And then I never forget, what do you call the husband of your cousin or something? I don't know, whatever that relation is. Like uncle? I don't know.

Kind of uncle and I don't know. Yeah, fucking. I know what you mean, though. Yeah, yeah. Like, and I remember him saying to me saying, if you haven't made it now, you won't make it. And I was like, okay, cool. And then this is what I mean when I talk about like manifestation and stuff. People don't believe it.

You're just misinformed because it's a real fucking thing. If you go on my Instagram, you scroll the way back, there's a picture of me and Pierce Skumann standing together after I played against him in Murrayfield. And I remember playing against him. And I remember we were in the tunnel. And I looked at him. And I was like, and I said to him. off the concerts and I'm going to fuck you up. That's like your love language as a South African if you're going to play, you know.

And he looked at me and I'll never forget, I literally shattered brick. He looked at me, good luck with that. And I was like, oh, fuck. And then we started playing and he was an absolute unit. And probably one of the nicest guys ever met. But to kind of circle back to your point, every single time I was in these professional rugby environments, I used to get told off because I'll be peeping over the S&C coach of shoulders.

And I'll be like, so why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? What does this do? What does this do? they're like dude you're here to play rugby like let us handle this i'm like i know i'm just really interested and then i'll do the same with the physios because i always like i had all sorts of injuries that broke my back tore my calf and half it's like barely any connected tissue in this left shoulder now and stuff like that as well and i'd always be people of their shoulders learning from

them and then while i was playing rugby i kind of started just coaching some of the boys as well like not rugby coaching them but like getting them ready and stuff like that you know people who are playing in amateur leagues or on loan and stuff like that. And I really, really enjoyed it. And one day I was driving to training. It was like, I left the house like 4.30 to get there for 6 a.m. where you have something called triage, where the physios basically take all their measurements, see how flexible you are, your grip strength, all these kinds of things before you start training that day.

And I was on the phone to a friend. And he was like, ah, you live in a dream night? He playing pro rugby. I was like, bro, I fucking hate it. And he was like, you've worked your whole life for this. I was like, yeah, I know, and I don't like it. And he was like, well, you know what, bro, you've made it. So now if you don't like it, at least, you know, you've given it everything.

So, you know, you can leave with a clear conscience. That's what I mean. Exactly. And then literally a few weeks later, I was like, hey, I'm not going to resign. I'm all good. They were like, what you can do is I'm going to coach and they all started laughing at me. And I was like, sounds familiar. Bet, let's go, you know?

And I walked out of there. And then my first client was literally ex-SAS with severe PTSD. because he actually got kidnapped. He was running private security. He got kidnapped on the border of Yemen and held hostage and was actually tortured for like weeks. And that was my first ever client, like one-on-one client. Talk about a fucking difficult.

Talk about work experience. Jesus, right. And it was weird because I'd train him. And because he was S-A-S, you could just tell him to do anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just be like, okay, squat. He may not know how to squat. Teach him out of squat.

okay do it and i'd be like and it just wouldn't it wouldn't stop and i was like okay you can stop now he was like okay cool and i was like that's like that a c s mentality but as it progressed what i noticed was as he was getting physically fit and he was showing up and so like for example he had such bad PTSD he would make sure that he drove exactly the speed limit in case he was being tailed and so like very bad PTSD sometimes i'm knocking the door would have like nose bleeds and all sorts of shit like from medication or he'd be like walking around like what he would call the perimeter and you'd be like I'm talking to him like bro like you're fine but what actually happened was was as I was training him he started feeling more comfortable so he started talking to me about these

things and these problems he was having and I was sitting there and I was thinking I was like I can fucking help this dude you know like not just physically like there's some shit I know that I that I can help him with here and that's where the like passion begins. again 110% like that's where like I was like this is what I'm going to do to the day I die without without a doubt you know um until I can't do it anymore really you know because then we started having these conversations conversation conversation wouldn't have with other people about you know some of the experiences you went through you know like some of them are fucking harrowing bro like one of them was um he literally got kidnapped and they would

they stripped him down naked left him in a dark room this is for like days and weeks right and they throw in dud grenades, you know. Yeah, yeah, just be like, yeah, by the way, your whole family's dead too. We found them. They're all dead. You know, you got nothing to live for, you know, all those kind of, and other forms of abuse, you know, physical abuse, you know, and other things as well. You know, and then he started opening up a bottle of all this kind of shit.

And I was like, fuck, like, what a privilege to hear him actually talk to me about this kind of stuff. I need, it's my moral obligation to do whatever I can to help him. move through this because he still had PTSD. It was still, you know, pretty jacked up. So then that started actually happening. And I was like, fuck, I actually really have a knack for that. And then that's kind of how it transitioned.

And it just went from there. Is that why you went down the road of a holistic coach for anyone that doesn't know? No, no. So the reason I went down the road of holistic coaching was because of the experiences I had. So like I've had all sorts of belts with mental health, all sorts of things, you know. attempted suicide like four times, you know, and every single time you always have to list it next of kin and stuff for hospital. I'd always just put my own number with a different name.

So after all these attempts or whatever, I'd wake up in hospital and no one to be around. Just be me alone. And I was like, hmm, well, this fucking sucks. But the war is clearly in my mind right now. So I need to figure it out. And they were like, oh, well, take some bad name, take some Xanax. And I was like, oh, no.

They were like, you need it. You have to take it. And I was like, I just, something just didn't buy it. These are doctors, bro. And I just didn't buy it. And I remember thinking, no, I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to work through it because if I do it myself, well, then I can help other people do it themselves as well.

You know what I mean? And it kind of stem from all that kind of stuff, you know, the ways in which I tried to top myself clearly I'm not very good at it. You know, my biology clearly is. that great. I didn't manage it. So I'm clearly here for a reason. I'd like to think. But you try it in different ways, you know, whether it's, you know, your wrists, for example, you know, I remember I lost so much blood. I hit the floor. And that's how my housemate actually heard me. And he called the ambulance, right? Yeah. Or like other ones were like,

try overdose, for example, you know, and stuff like that. And did all those kinds of things. and I was like, I'm going to move through this shit by myself. Like, I'm going to do it. And if I need help, I'm going to speak to people, like friends, you know, people who genuinely are my best interests at heart who actually want to help me. Other than that, you're not taking anything. You're just going to fucking get down there, get into the deepest, like, darkest corners of your psyche. And you're just going to, you're just going to battle out.

And this is a thing where a lot of people don't understand is sometimes you don't win. Sometimes you die. and this is what people very very I don't want to call them naive but uninformed people don't understand that when you're battling with mental health it's a do or die it's not I'm feeling down

not with men right because I think it's about 90% of men who say they're going to kill themselves and can articulate it correctly do it do it and like one of the biggest red flags when you want to see someone's going to kill themselves and they say I'm thinking about kill myself so okay cool not a problem

problem. I know that sounds weird. Cool, not a problem. How are you going to do it? And if they can articulate it very clearly, if they go, okay, well, I've got a handgun in the drawer and I'm thinking, you know, my wife's out, I'm going to grab the handgun and put them on my mind and shit. Then that's a red flag. You need to fucking go and get them. You need to look after them because then they've made a plan how to do it, which means they're extremely close to actually getting it done.

You know, so and I saw all that kind of stuff and obviously I experienced it too. And I was just like, there's so many people out there who are experiencing male and female, you know, so I need to make sure I understand both perspectives in order to actually give decent advice. So obviously there will be a lot of young men listen to this and in modern society now there is a lot of young men struggling with purpose and struggling with their mental health and not knowing what to do. What were some of the kind of steps that you took to figure out why you felt the way you felt and how to work through that? I literally started writing. So I always used to write, but I was like, I'm going to make this a diligent practice in my life. And I would write and I would just write and write and write.

And what happened was, especially when you're those kind of spots, your thoughts are running wild, right? There's this old saying, which is the mind is a brilliant slave, but a terrible master. Right. And there's all these thoughts swelling around in my head.

So I was like, you know what? I need to create some semblance of order out of this. I need to figure out what the fuck is going on. So I started writing it down. And then I was like, that's not enough I need to read. So then I started reading as well. I read before, but I was like, how do I explain it? Like you put even more emphasis on it. You're like, I need to read to get through this, right? I'm not taking whatever the fuck they're going to

give me. I need to figure this out. And then I'd read. And then I'd write down like a synopsis of what I learned from what I wrote, what I read, and how I can action it. You know, so with a lot of young men nowadays and stuff like that, when they're going through this kind of stuff, I'm trying to think of the correct verbiage. Basically, there's a societal switch where men are being taught to not be men. Yeah. Now, what happens with, now, if you take a dog and tell it's a fucking cat, it doesn't make it a fucking cat. You know what I mean?

So a man is a man, and a man has like both biologically and innately masculine and feminine traits, right? But you have high testosterone, which by definition makes you less. agreeable and more disagreeable. Being disagreeable doesn't mean you just are like, no, you'll ask questions. You'll question the narrative, right? So when it came to stuff like that, what a lot of people don't understand is you've got to be able to go through it to make it. But I always say this because I've had two friends who are both dead now, killed themselves actually. And what people always seem to struggle to understand is it's a battle of wills. between who you want to become and clinging on to the trauma that you had in the past.

And it's like, well, how am I going to work through this? How do I get through this? And simply put, take action. You've got to do something. Can't just sit there and stew. You've actually got to do something about it. Right? And then you take action accordingly.

And then what I noticed was if I built a routine, if I trained, if I kept training and I kept structure, everything else can go to tits, but at least I've got some control over something. And that's okay because then I've got something there's something there I don't feel completely

like useless right and what happens is in society as I said there's this feminization of men now what that does is it's like okay cool you want to feminize men sweet

you are now basically pushing down their innate nature right it's like when you try train a lion in a circus don't be surprised when it turns around

it fucking bites you okay so everyone goes, well, how is that the case from? Well, simply put, have a look at testosterone levels now versus testosterone levels five, 10 years ago. Okay. The feminization of men is a real thing. I'm not saying having feminine energy in a man is a bad thing, but I'm saying denying a man the ability to be who he wants to be, adopt responsibility, find purpose, protect the ones he loves, help other people. Stuff like this are inalienable purposes of men. You know, like, for example, right do you think Alexander the Great woke up with an empire and just went oh fuck it I don't need to conquer anything else

no he's like fuck that I'm gonna come here genghis khan had like the whole of eurasian he wasn't like oh fuck it I'll just chill today he's like I'm gonna go conquer more right so when you feminize men and you put them in a box where they can't really say look I don't agree with this because if you don't agree with the narrative you're evil you're toxic so then you feminize them that that's that that that that term that comes up lot over the last 10 years toxic masculinity. If, if, if, if you try to act like a man or, or, or have, you know, male dominant tendencies, apparently are toxic, even though that's how that's our nature to be like that. Exactly. So it's, it's, it's, it's shittery one-on-one. Like, and I'll happily debate and talk to someone about this to the nth degree. Because as, like I've said

this before, I'll always do my due diligence, you know. And what happens is, you, deny the man his ability to be a man. And then when he acts feminized and gets vulnerable, girls, woman will be like, oh, what the fuck? I want a strong man. You made that guy. You both, you conditioned him. And now he's doing what you wanted to. And now you're ripping him a new one. So you've got this case, which is you've got good and evil men, right? Good men in this situation where they've been kind of like cornered will end up instead of hurting other people, right? because men are physical, men are physically larger and stronger than woman. So more often than not, when men disagree tends to escalate to a physical level.

It's just natural biological tendency, right? Now what you're doing is they can't be the thing you want them to be because they are, you're going to berate them. But if they are men, they're also going to be berated. So the good men don't want to hurt anyone else. So what do they do? They hurt themselves. suicide rates

through the fucking reef what a surprise all the good men are topping themselves and all the good men they're fucking dying mate because you don't want them to be men you know and then it's so weird and everyone seems to be confused

about how to solve the issue of so many men killing themselves but like we we treat men's mental health the same as we treat females mental health when you know men want to feel powerful they want to have a goal they want to have something to strive towards to feel capable

and a lot of men don't feel like they are capable or don't have a goal or have a purpose at the moment. Yeah, and that was one of the things that I struggled with. Like, you know, I spent my whole life engineering everything to be a rugby player. Yeah. Whatever I kind of become a rugby player,

doesn't mean I have to be very strong? Yes, do that. Does it mean I have to do this? Do that. Right. And then what happens is all of a sudden purpose gets ripped away from me because you're like,

that was my purpose and now you're almost purposeless. Your purpose and your identity, nerdy. Oh, no. 100% you hit the nail on the head there because now you're identifying with your job. Exactly. And that's dangerous. That's a dangerous. That's why I always tried to say when people ask like, oh, what do you do?

You're a personal trainer. But I don't like to like introduce myself as a personal trainer because I'm not just a personal trainer. I'm not just a coach. I'm Carl. You know, you're Carl. I'm a human being first and foremost before anything else. Yeah. You know, and you see it a lot, especially with clients.

I'll be like, I'll talk to them. I get them to do this thing where I see K. I basically get them to write a perception of themselves and how they see themselves. And if their job comes in there or if, let's say, their fitness goal of wanting to be skinny comes in there. I'll say, I'll read it. And then I'll say, okay, now imagine that you're crippled, right? You can't walk and you haven't got that job.

Who are you now? I don't know. And I go, that's the person you need to find because that's where you really are. And that's where like even men who lose their jobs and then they struggle to find that purpose on their identity, that's when they get lost and that's when bad things happen. Yeah, 100%. And then if you don't give a man responsibility and purpose, he's going to cause trouble. He's going to cause trouble because the adoption of responsibility is one of the most important

things in this world. And what bugs me the most is the division that society tries to create between men and women. I did a thread thing yesterday on it where it's like the powers that be, whoever they may be, I don't fucking know, the sinister cabal behind

whatever is going on, right? wants to make sure that the house is divided because if a house is divided, it cannot stand, right? So pitch men against women, sweet, pitch black against white, pitch race against race,

pitch religion against religion because then they can't all band together and go, hold on, well, the actual powers of the people and we can dictate what the fuck goes on. Instead, let's just war amongst each other. You know?

Yeah. Let's society burn each other down while we all, you know, stay nice and cozy at the top. We can control that subsector and that subsector. It's much easier now because they don't like one another so we can polarize if necessary. So we have a side that we can pay. Well, that's the famous quote, isn't it? Divide and Conquer. Why do you think it's so famous, bro? And what people, and this is the funny thing is when you speak about purpose, I had, I wouldn't call it an epiphany, but I had a bit of a like light bulb moment.

where I've always been very, you know, masculine, played rugby, physical sport, you know, got a real kick out of like, you know, physically hitting one another and stuff like that, right? Very hyper-masculine, as people would say. And I can't remember because I think I'm going to speak to one of my parents. And I was like, you know, I've just realized that if you ever heard the saying, I'd rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a wall.

Yeah, right. I love that saying. So I was like, you know, the reason I probably felt so lost for so long, even though I was doing what I should be doing, but the reason why I couldn't derive a very vividly articulated purpose, I knew I had one was because I didn't realize that I was a warrior in a garden. Now, if you're a warrior in a garden, does that mean you don't have purpose, not at all, right? The war that you need to fight is not necessarily the war, you know, in fucking Ukraine or in fucking Israel, wherever it may be. Look on our doorstep, bro. Look at what's going on with men and women. woman, look at the division, look at the mental health decline.

Look at, look at all this kind of stuff, right? And it's like, well, as a warrior, like in my personal opinion, if you see something is out of balance, it's your job to fix it. And you need to go out of your way to try and do that. Men, women alike, it does not matter, right? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. No, it does not matter. You fix it and you try your level fucking best.

And if you don't know how to fix it, don't bullshit, go, listen, I'm going to go figure that out. Leave it with me. I'll handle it, right? That is the adoption of responsibility. And that's when I kind of hit that like, I was like, so I am a warrior in a garden, but I have purpose. You don't need to actually physically fight or do anything of the sort to actually do that.

You can just have true purpose. And I see it as like, if you ever seen The Matrix, this is nothing to do with Andrew Tate by the way, but have you ever seen the Matrix, right? Yeah. You know Agent Smith. Yeah. Right. That's how I see myself, but the polar opposite.

It's like, well, if you look at society and how it's getting divided and broken down, you look at the mental health decline, you look at how people can't deal with certain things in their life and how stressed and overwhelm they are. That's why I work with busy, stressed out professionals. You know, these are people that need help. There's a war being fought right now and the war is for your mind. You know? And like, fuck, if there's one place you need to be on the front line, it's there. Yeah. Nowhere else.

Can I have a question for yourself? So you even touched on the matrix and stuff like that. The problem seems to be that a lot of people aren't self-aware that they've been conditioned to a degree. So where do you think that, you know, you seem very self-aware. So how do you think you developed that or did you always have it? Or how do you, you know, instill that into, let's say, young men and people who are kind of just going through life, letting life happen to them? So I never always had it. I had to build it because my brother told me when I was very, very young, he was like,

you're not like a hammer or a shield. You're like an exposed nerve. And if someone flicks you, your reaction is vicious, sometimes unwarranted. And I had to think about that for a bit. Because he was right. You know, you've got to acknowledge when someone's right, even if you don't like to fucking hear it. And I was like, okay, that means.

need to breathe some level of awareness. So I had to create this mind map in my head, which was stimulus, whatever it may be, awareness, response. And then there's stimulus and reaction. Now, usually if there's a stimulus and reaction and reaction, the juice doesn't match the squeeze usually, you know? So when you've got young men going through life and they're ignorant to the fact that they've been conditioned, like go study the perspectives not only that you agree with but do the same due diligence

are the ones you disagree with and understand a broader spectrum of things i actually did something called the tate experiment and i did this with woman an only woman and i wouldn't say anything i'll just go to them i'll just go what do you think at androtape oh i fucking hate him oh he's evil eyes this oh is that and then some more mature woman yes more mature and i stand by that we're like, no, actually some of the shit he says makes sense. So for every person that said, I fucking hate him. I said, okay, why? They said, I saw this clip on TikTok of him saying X.

And I'm like, okay, cool. And I was like, okay, I got some homework for you. They're like, what is it? And I was like, I want you to go consume all his content in long form. And then tell me if you still hate him. You still hate him, fair enough, right? I'm not saying I like him nor am I'm saying I hate him, saying go study the perspective.

You hate the most first. You go and they'll study that perspective. and they'll be to come back and I'd say about 70% we're like actually he does make some sense and I was like ah okay so now we're actually looking at things you know from like a broader view you know and when men kind of meander through life you need to adopt some semblance of responsibility

straight away well like even in that example that you you've given there it's like it shows that most people aren't actually thinking for themselves like they're thinking for what people want them to think like what the left wants them to think or what the right wants them to think it's like okay we want to destroy this person so we're gonna filter all these

you know terrible white size clips of a person so that you know you're all and like you can even see it without even get into politics you can even see it where it's like there's the huge divide it's like okay you're either you know anti Hamas or you're

anti-Israel and it's like and if it's like And if it wasn't, it was something before that it was the Ukraine and Russia. If it wasn't before that, I was like, we hate Andrew Tait or we hate him or her and stuff like that. And they're just trying to make as much noise as possible. And no one's really thinking for themselves or forming their own opinion on these things. They're just falling in one camp or the other. It's easy.

It's easy to do that. It's easy to not do the right thing. You know, you go back to Young's integration of the shadow. I don't know how much of Carl Jung you may know, but there's a very important point. he talks about the integration of the shadow. Robert Green speaks about it in a little bit more of a superficial sense, but also still good. Yeah, Robert Green knows of shit.

And the integration of the shadow is probably one of the most important things you can understand, which is to understand that you're capable of real, real evil things. And if you cannot understand and come to terms with what you're truly capable of in terms of the bad, then you can never truly be good. And people go, how does that make sense around? I go, someone says they've been good their whole life. They're not good. They're coward.

They're agreeable. Yeah. No, you're passive. Passive. I'll go as far as they're passive. Yeah. And I'll go far as they're coward. And they'll go, how can you say that they're a coward?

I was like, because you've never had the opportunity to indulge in something that is actually malignant in its nature. How do you know you can say no? You don't. So don't sit there and tell me they're so virtuous and you're so good, right? Because you don't know. The person who is good is the person who knows the evil that they're capable of or who has witnessed a scene of evil that they can do to another person or another human and choose it to strive to do the exact opposite. That is someone with a broad spectrum. You know, me and Motzman Sashi used to say, take a distant view of close things.

Take a close view of distance things. Right. And that's where that applies very, very clearly. You know, and it's very, very interesting to see that. And with young men, stand up, adopt some responsibility and don't be afraid about being a man. 70% of my clients are women. You know, people wouldn't believe that. But if you, like, especially for young men, because I get a lot of messages from, from,

from, from young lads, right? And it's like, ask yourself, literally just ask yourself one thing that you know you shouldn't be doing that you're doing every single day. Just one thing. Like, you're not making your bed when you know you could. Just do that. That's a Jordan Peterson quote, isn't it? He says, he says that I think he says.

one thing that you know you know you should do that you would do if you could do and like that's it's like it's that idea of just even if it's the smallest thing it's just action

and that has that ripple effect yeah there's that saying which is if you can't do the small thing right small things right you won't do the big things right yeah you know if someone can't make their fucking bed you think they're going to be able to I don't know lose 30 pounds you think they're going to be able to come to terms

trauma they're experienced if you can't make your fucking bed. So if I said, you know, even there was a speech by a guy called Admiral McRaven, for not mistaken, where he said the same thing. He said, start off by making your bed, you know, and everyone kind of was like, and he was like, well, you've accomplished the first task of the day, right? So you've achieved something, which means you can get some positive momentum, maybe complete another and another and another, you know, and at the end of the day, even if you deal with shit, you come back to a bed that is made.

It's brilliant, to be honest. But we started off this conversation talking about, you know, mental health and being in the, you know, depths of depression. Like when you say like the small things are the big things and they're everything, it is that. Because like, if you're feeling that low or that depressed, the last thing you want to do is even get out of the bed. But what do they say to people that are struggling with depression? You know, just have a shower. Put some clothes on. because that small action

then might lead to the next action of going out getting some sunlight on your face feeling a little bit better, clearing the head, okay, maybe you know what, I'm going to eat something because I haven't been eating. You know,

maybe now have a little bit more energy to go to the gym or doing exercise or just go out and talk to someone. Literally, you hit the nail on the head there, like, in my opinion, especially if someone's in the absolute depths of their soul, it's like, look, don't look 500 miles ahead.

Chill, just take a second. Right, can you get to the edge of your bed? I can do that. Okay, that's a win. No, Ryan, that's not a win. That's a fucking win. Bank them, right? Be grateful of the little things because when the big things come,

you won't be grateful with them either. You know? Can you get to the shower? I can get to the shower. Okay, cool. Well, then do that, right? I literally did that with me. And people may think it sounds weird,

but when I was really struggling, you know, I'll be like, okay, can I get to the edge of my bed today? Okay, can you do that? I'll get to the edge of my bed, and I'll literally be like, good job. I'll literally pat myself on the back.

And they'd be like, all right, okay, can you get to the shower? Okay, can you get in the shower? So, cool. Okay, can you get to the kitchen? And I would literally take it once in a time. Then each single thing I completed, I'll pat myself in the back. And I'll start building some positive momentum. Yeah.

Right? And slowly get myself out that hole as best I could. It's not just as simple as being like, hey, put on a happy movie and you'll be sweet. Don't work that way, mate. It's not that easy. You know, misery loves company as well. You know, you've always got to notice when someone's depressed and sad and they start listening to sad music.

And so why are you amplifying it for? Because misery loves company, right? And a lot of people feel that that's almost the default state one should be in. It's really not. Like you're here to thrive. If you think about it in the cosmic scheme of things, you're here for like not even a blink of an IMA. You know, like you should be here to thrive and you should be here to be the best version of you. Anything less than that is a disservice to yourself and a disservice to others.

Because people want to see Carl at his best. Right? People want to see the best version of you. because the best version of you is going to bring out the best version of those you help. You know, self-aid, buddy aid, right? Always. And no life form on the face of planet Earth, sorry, every life form, other than human beings,

on the face of planet Earth, strive to the max of their potential. Human beings are the only ones that don't. It's because we think too much. Yeah, I think we think we think we think too much, and I think we bait ourselves into an action, and then I think we justify our false narrative, on purpose to make us feel better about doing fuck all.

Yeah. You know, like, think about it like this. I think it was Jim Ron who actually said this where he was like, an oak tree, does it grow half as high as it could? Or does it grow as high as a possibly can? It grows as high as it possibly fucking can. You know, it doesn't just go, oh, okay, well, I'm taller than the other trees. It keeps growing, you know?

It doesn't think like, right? It doesn't think, I want to say here where all the other trees are. I don't want to, you know. Yeah, exactly, right? And that's why I always say, you know, comparisons to the thief of joy. Like, again, if you go back to like Miamoto Masashi, he said, victory of yourself of yesterday means victory over lesser men of tomorrow. You know, so I always say this.

If you want to change it, like I think it was feudant of the yesterday you said this. And it was the Gulag Archipelago. If you've never read it, I'd definitely give it a read. It's fucking unreal. Very dark, but beautiful. Where he says, if you want to change the world, start by changing yourself. because you can't change the law, you can't fucking change yourself. You know, so you see these people who come to us and be like,

I want to do X, I want to do what, I want to do this yet. I was like, okay, well, how are you going to do those things if you can't, I don't know, lose three pounds. It's not a big deal, right? Three pounds. Okay. Can you do that? Can't do that.

Okay, so then stop worrying about trying to adopt a child from Gaza, right, if you literally can't look after yourself. Yeah. because then you're putting someone else at risk under the guise of virtue which is not a good thing you're hiding behind virtue that's not a virtue as its own virtue is its own reward

always so hide behind the guys of virtue and saying something like that and say well look after yourself first get yourself squared away because then if you do adopt that kid from the Gaza Strip or I don't know from Ukraine or whatever I'm just using this as an analogy then you'll be a very good

wrong model, an archetype for whoever that is. Well, this is the problem with social media right now, isn't it? That everyone can just virtue signal and get that kind of dopamine of being a good person without having to actually do anything. That's the worst thing of that. Bro, I think me and you're very similar like this. We call them out very easily. Like I'll always notice, like someone may leave a comment in the DMs on purpose,

like, none of the DMs like a comment on a video on purpose to like intellectually flex to try show that they're no more. no other reason, right? If someone was there asking a question or someone actually had a very good fair perspective, it's like, you know what? That's actually a really good perspective. But you'll notice that people will literally just try to tear you down

because they can or because they think that they can. You know, and for years, I never uploaded anything on social media. And then I remember a guy saying to me, he says, you know all this kind of shit and you're starving people who probably need this kind of knowledge and understanding and wherewithal. you not posting is hurting other people. What was your hesitation?

Because I'm from listening to another podcast, I remember you said about even if you were more intelligent than people, they were doing better than you because they took action. Yeah, 100, bro, that's the thing, is they took action. And when I was told that, bearing on mind, I was aware of my purpose. I was like, it was literally just like, you know, what you're fucking right. I'm going to stop being a, I'm going to stop being a pussy about this.

And these people deserve help. If they're looking at my Instagram, then I want them to look at it. I want them to take something away from it. You know, it'll be very small in comparison to what you get is if you're a client, 100%, but at least take something, of course. You know, and then I was looking because I was like, I'm standing on social media because it's toxic, right? And then I was like, is it? Or can you actually make a positive? Well, let's see. You be the change you want to see in the world, right? So you be positive, you do your thing on social media, so stand your ground, be honest, be authentic, but you fucking are.

People don't like you, so what? You know, if you like but everyone you love by no one, number one, number two, if you speak to everyone, you're lying to someone. You know, and people don't always understand that analogy, but it's very true. You know, that's why, in my opinion, a good coach has a niche, because

then you're speaking to someone. You can't help everyone. Can't help everyone, bro, and if you try, you will fail because some people don't want help. Some people just want to wallow, you know? And I saw social media is toxic and I was like, actually, hold on. And now my feet is just filled with positive shit. If I wake up in the morning I'll go from a walk and I'm a ward and stuff like that do my journaling, a bit of meditation. And I look on my save. It's just shit that gets me going for the day. It's your diet. It's what you consume.

Yeah. It is literally what you consume. And what this, you help me out here, bro, because I don't understand this. What's the fucking obsession with consuming stuff like keeping up with the Kardashians or Jersey Shore or shit like that, right? Like I think about it this way. So like if I go on to YouTube, I know what I'm going to consume because YouTube's where I would like go for all my like educational purposes and like, you know, that's where I want to spend most of my time. But then like if I'm going on TikTok, I know what I'm going to get. It's going to be me literally switching my brain off and just you know getting that dopamine here and I think of it like I think I think of it like my diet right I want I want the majority of my diet to come from things that are going to enrich me a good nutrients provide me with energy but that doesn't mean that I can't have a piece of chocolate cake every now and again was but I'm not got but I'm not gonna you know create my whole diet around that and I would think of it like that in terms of social media and there's things that I would watch that like you know you're not using any brain capacity if anything you're probably switching off and that's fine But if you have to be self-aware like we spoke about,

that that's not your whole day. Yeah, you know what? I think you're on the money there. I think you've hit the nail on the head. Because for me, it baffles me. I remember I was speaking to a last, I stopped talking to after this, where she was like,

we were like chatting about fitness and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, oh, you know, like, and we were talking talking and I was like, oh, who do you really like admire? She's like, I admire. I admire, I absolutely admire Kim Kardashian. I was like, okay. So I didn't just like,

you know, be like, fuck this. It's like, okay. I was like, so why do you admire her? She was like, well, you can't deny she's a great business woman. I was like, okay, why else? Well, she's famous. Okay, so

I don't get it, explain. Like, why do you admire her? Because she's famous. She couldn't answer. And after seeing that, I was like, this is someone who is not interested in actually growing. They're interested in consuming. That's it. And that's okay if that's what you want to do, but that's not going to make you the best version of who you could be.

And you've got to remember, you defy the odds to get you. You know, you got one life, make the most of it. Live it as long as you can. Right. But by the same token, fuck, man. Like spend your energy wisely and it protects peace. and this is what's so funny right is if you i don't keep track of the Kardashians but two or three things have popped up in the space of body yet in the beginning they all got their implants and stuff

do you remember like i don't i don't follow myself never if you see pictures of king kardashash it's not a natural it's not natural glutes yeah yeah yeah know what i mean so you get the implants right oh yeah she got her bbl yeah yeah and then what are most of the people most of the like chicks who who like want to like be of influence and stuff like i tend to do you get the BBL. Now, if you look at the Kardashians, they're all training. And now they've all got coaches. And now they're getting in shape.

And now they're saying shit, like, get off your lazy ass and just fucking work out. And I'm like, hold on. The math ain't math in here. You know, like, good on you for working out. But don't tell everyone else to get off their lazy ass. Bering them like, you got a BBL. Well, the thing is when people like that have so much influence, like, There should be a responsibility with that.

And I don't think there really is any responsibility. Like they'll be a different person or have a different message every day or a week. Depending on it suits the narrative of the life they want to live at that time. So it's very, it's very dangerous for people to, you know, look up to people like that. When, you know, you don't know if they're going to be someone who wants to train one week or just wants to get a BPL the next week. I mean, bro, and I think hit the nail on the head. I think with more power comes more responsibility.

With more power doesn't come less responsibility. And if you see it that way, you're going to inadvertently, as a byproduct, affect people in a negative way. That's not right, you know. And even to the point where I found, this is a pure experiment,

your find it's quite interesting. So you know that fitness influence of Mike Thurston, right? Yeah. Okay. He lives on the buy, don't he? Yeah, yeah. Elizabeth has got this ridiculous body, all that kind of stuff. So he was running a, this made me laugh.

So he was running a transformation challenge, right? It's like, what was it, 36, 9, 12 weeks, 12 weeks, right? Cool, not a problem. It says, use the first app, okay, and, you know, do whatever we tell you to do. So in other words, do it or you fail, basically, right? And the price for entry was about 10K, something like that. something ridiculous. And I did some digging.

And literally he would just put, I don't give a shit about saying this either, would just put his split. And what he did for everyone, give them all this like meal plans, male, female, watch your way, what's your way, what's it, these meal plans, follow these. If you fall off the wagon, by the way, you get a call with him once every, I think it's like month.

and it's like a 50 minute call right but even that okay that that's okay that's not too big of a deal but he's like okay do it this way do it my do it do it the way i'm doing it did it did it no checking in on the client hey yo is everything okay like can we go but people are paying 10 grand for that crazy which is like so how do people see quality through popularity i don't get that you know and and that And that's where that actual quote from the last podcast came from, is you see something like Mike Thurston, he's so famous and stuff again. And I say, you know what? Why the fuck is he in that position and I'm not? I'm not saying I'm better than the guy, but fuck, I definitely will do more

for my clients. You do more for your clients than he would 110%. Right. We're there for them all the time, as much as we can be, as long as we don't completely empty our cup because then we're not going to help them. We're actually going to hinder them. Yeah. And I was like, it just didn't make sense to me. And I was like, okay, so popularity over quality, that can't be something that is going to be continuous. Surely not. Well, the problem is, the problem is with the fitness industry in general is that the people that are willing to pay that or get caught by the trap of popularity of their famous influencer who has like a one male following, like they think their, when they sign up for. to them. They think they're paying for them when essentially it's, you know, a meal plan, a PDF, go on your way. You'll never hear from that person. And it's only people who are kind of deep

into the fitness industry like normal coaches that understand that, you know, you are not going to get the service you deserve going for that where you would be better off going to someone that, you know, you followed, you trust and, you know, isn't as, as popular, I'd say, because you're never, you're never going to get the you're never going to get the attention to detail that you need from someone like that. It's just not going to happen. Popularity is not an indicator of quality. No. And I find that's very interesting.

And I don't think, I don't think it can't, I don't think that it can't be done. No, it can't. No, it can't. Yeah. But it all, like we touched on, it takes an element of responsibility from that person who was in that high influence. I couldn't agree more. And like, I think if you keep your, and this is why I'm

so hell bent on authenticity, integrity and honesty. Because there's so much snake oil in the finis and so much scare mongering. You know, there's this ex-bodyboulder who's like, don't eat oats. They'll kill you. Bro, shut the fuck up. They won't fucking kill you. You'll be completely fine, right? You're not going to fucking die.

And you don't need to have 12 eggs at 1 p.m. That's not better. No, no. Like, how does he know that that's going to be? better for the individual. He has no fucking idea. I don't think, I don't think they really think that, I don't think, I don't think in their head they have a concern of whether they're helping or people or people, or if they're causing people more food anxiety or not. I think they're just sole focus is to be clickbait and to get views and to get attention. Yeah, exactly. And this is,

this is the other point I was going to make was, for example, on Instagram, right? If I post a picture and I haven't got my top on, way more likes, way more likes than if I posted something that's educational, actually inspiring. Not because the one was shitter than the other, but because popularity seems to breed awareness. So I could just post a bunch of shirtless shit and have loads of followers,

and then we'd be like, buy my program. It's like, come on, like, how do you know I'm good or not? Like, what value I'm offering you, you know? and I think that is very, very interesting. And I saw that especially with only fans, right? By the way, I don't have an only fan. I was on a TV program where there was a bunch of people who did Only fans, right? Yeah, I was definitely going to ask you about this.

Oh, let a riff. Let a riff. Let a riff against that a second. But, and what I noticed was the pictures that will always get the most likes were always the most raunchy. Of course. You know, and I'm just like, sex sells. but this is the problem it's like why does six selling quality doesn't is it a societal thing is it a shiny object syndrome thing it's a really complex question right like what is it it is difficult i think i think it also comes from the journey that the person themselves are on

because like we said earlier some people are just conditioned to follow whatever popular or trending or sexy and it takes the time for you to become self-aware to like if my YouTube channel now of the things I follow would never be the things that I would have followed five years ago. I had to go on a journey of self-development to create that. And I think a lot of people probably need to go on that, you know, self-discovery journey in order to... People don't because it's scared. You know, like there's that.

really insane, bro, and you definitely would have watched this movie. Coach Carter, right? You know, he literally says our biggest fear is, is not that we're inadequate as ever power beyond measure. And when you want to go on a journey of self-development, I'm sure you can vouch for this as well, it ain't easy. It's not designed to be easy. If someone sits and go, hey, it's going to be easy ride. Nah, that's not the truth. The truth is we're going to find the shit, find the problems. We're going to bring them to the forefront and we're going to deal with them. If you're going to have something with you, who's going to help you through them, he's been through them.

Right. That's the fucking difference. You know, and that's where you breed awareness. But a lot of people kind of won, I used to say this all the time to kind of say. And this would be something where, especially in London when I was coaching, if they gave the wrong answer, I wouldn't take them on, which was this. I'd say, if I could give you a pill and you lost all the way now, would you take it? And they said, yes, I'd say, okay, that's a problem. And this is why it's a problem. Can you see that that's a problem? You're not ready.

Yeah. And they go, no, I can't see that that's a problem. I'll go, cool, you're not ready. Okay, you're not ready. Because it's not about what you get. It's about who you become in the process. Exactly what it is, bro. The process is the actual end result and the end result is the byproduct of who you become in the process. Yeah.

And if you want to be something, you have to firstly become the person who's willing to achieve it. If you cannot become that person, you will not achieve that thing. Is that plain and simple? You know, you want to be a good coach. You best be clued up on how to coach. You best make sure you check with your clients. You best make sure you do your fucking best every single day as often as you can. If you have a bad day, get back up.

you get back on the next fucking day. And you're almost killing the person who you were to become the person that you want to be and some people don't want to do that. And you can't drag your old behaviours and actions behind while you try to become that new person. No, it's like having one foot in the past, one foot in the future. It's like you're not going to move anywhere, bro. You need two feet to walk forward. You know, there's that, have you seen that story where Tom Hardy calls Bronson?

Yeah, yeah. And he talks about the floods. That's so good. Yeah, honestly, that's the best analogy. I was like when I would like when when, me and my girlfriend broke up, I read to listen to that and it 15 times. I was like, I need to move on with my life.

It was like, I need to chop my arm off. It takes time though, especially when you're For the listeners that haven't heard it, narrated there. Narray what? Oh, the quote. Yeah, the quote. Yeah, so basically Bronson, Tom Hardy's filming Bronson.

the movie, right? And he just broke up with his missus. Anyway, he calls, no, no, Charlie Bronson actually calls Tom Hardy. Some Hardy sees and he goes, oh, fuck, he picks it up. And then Bronson goes, Tom, I got you. And he goes, yeah, you're right, mate, you know? And then he goes, and then, like, Charlie's talking or whatever. And then if I'm not mistaken, Tom's like, oh, fuck it, I'm just going to tell him what's going on.

And he tells him, he says, listen, look, I just split up with my ex, you know, nothing that great. And he goes, Tom, do you remember the, floods. And he goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, you remember that kid from Oxford, he goes and was entrapped in the grate and the water kept rising and rise and run. Eventually he drowned. And he goes, yeah. And he goes, well, that wouldn't have happened to me. I fucking love that fight. I know. So good at it. And then he goes, he goes, all right. Yeah, why? And he goes, because I would have said, cut it off. Nah. What I'm trying to say is, Tom. What I'm trying to say is. is that sometimes you have to cut a piece of you off

in order for you to grow. Something along those lines. It's spot on and so powerful as well because it is sometimes we hold on to the pain that we have for whatever reason because it's all that we have left of that person or that event. So it's difficult to cut it off and let go. This is the problem is what,

and I always try to tell this to people, is what hurts and strikes. Okay. And the reason why people tend to hold on to the pain is because it's familiar and it's the closest thing you have because it's the most recent event, the closest thing you have to be close to that person. But if you cannot, so this is one thing I always say is never jump from one relationship straight to another. Give yourself space because you need to do a self-assessment and go, okay, where was I an asshole? Where wasn't I an asshole? Where was the other person an asshole? Where wasn't the other person an asshole? what do I need to do to make myself a better partner for the future person I'm going to be with? Until you've developed that

and until you've built on those blocks, you are not in a position to jump to another relationship. At least that's my perspective. Other people can disagree, but I've seen people jump from a relationship to a relationship and they just carry all that same baggage from the past relationship into the next one. They project it,

almost like projectile vomiting it onto that poor fucking soul who's like, what the fuck did I need to deserve this shit? And you know what? It's actually not the person who's projecting its fault. the fault actually lies in the fact that they didn't have the self-awareness to understand that they need space. They need solitude to grow. You know, when people go out feel lonely, I just say, look, solitude gives you space to grow. The reason why people feel lonely, partly because of, you know, lack of human interaction, obviously.

But also because a lot of people, especially now, if you look, where the currency is not money, the currency is attention. When someone is alone with their thoughts, that's super scary because they're very rarely in this day and age of alone with their thoughts. People can't even go to the toilet now without having their phone on them to distract them. Scares of them. And I noticed this because I went to Croatia and I left my phone and my earphones in England. I had to tell my fucking laptop, right? And I was like, fuck am I going to work?

It was so annoying. And it was the best thing that I ever did. The best mistake I ever made. Because I was so present and so in the moment, I wouldn't even need have taken pictures and I could remember everything beautifully and everything. And I met people. people out there because I didn't have earphones in I was chilling on the beach. People talk to you.

Yeah. You know, and stuff like that, it's just, the problem is you're, you're in a society now where the currency is not money, the currency is attention. If the currency is attention and you feel that you are not the person you could be, pay attention to the people who are trying to make you better. In whatever, in whatever way that looks to you, do it, right? And if you're not sure, ask someone who's not, not someone who is subjective, going to be subjectively biased.

So what you say is to people say, look, you're going to have someone hold you accountable. Can't be a family member. Can't be your best mate. Because when shit hits the fan, they're not going to tell you what you need to hear. They're going to tell you probably what you want to hear. They may fluff a little bit as well and be like, hey, it's okay. No, it's not okay. You're better than this, man.

Yeah. And even if they did try to have an open and honest conversation, which is sometimes you won't let yourself here when it is a friend or a family member as well. Yeah. And do you want to know what? like a lot of the time it's very hard to have those conversations with family members because they get so upset. They're like, I remember having a conversation with someone I really truly loved and I was going through a really dark place. And like scars on my wrists and all the kind of stuff and misery loves company.

I was playing like Juice World or something. Bless her, shame. She tried so hard. She was like, tell me what's going on in your head. I was like, you really don't want to know. She was like, no, I do. And the first thing I thought was the maternal instinct of a woman is to

care, but she doesn't understand the darkness that a man is facing his own mind. She's not prepared for what I'm about to tell her. And what's going to happen is, so it's not just going to be me breaking. She's going to start to break. She's going to start to get upset, and then I'm going to have to look after her.

Because it's a fucking job. It's your duty. You have to make sure you protect those that can't protect themselves, or at least try. If they want to protect themselves, more power to you. You go find the front lines with the boys.

go for it. All the feminists, grab your guns, ladies. Off you go. If I can do it. Go on then. You guys want equal this, equal that? I can go for it. You want to get it. Go work down the minds. Yeah, dude, like I saw, yeah, sorry, I'll finish this point.

But then I'll tell you about something else in a second. But she said, just tell me a little bit. And I told it just the smallest bit, but what's going on my head, burst out into tears. Yeah. And I was upset because I was like, you see, this is why I can't, this is why I can't tell you these things. It's not your fault. It's just you can't handle them.

And I don't blame me for that. But that's why I can't talk to you about them, you know, and I've just got a deal. You know, because she was like, I can't believe that's just the tip of the iceberg. And that's what's going on in your head. Like, how are you still kicking? And I was like, I don't know, but I am. So, you know, while I'm here, I'm going to do what I can. You know, and that's a really good example of what it's.

what it can really be like when you're a dark hole, you know, and you've got to be careful because And she's so emotionally invest, she can't give you clarity in terms of the advice that you need. No, what I needed was someone who was objective. Yeah. And it was literally like, okay, tell me what's going on? And the hell and what I call holding space for someone. Yeah. Where you hold that space and you allow them to express themselves and you genuinely authentically listen to what they're fucking say.

Even I go as far as I have a notepad for these client. and when I want to call with them, I take notes while I'm listening to them. And then I'll go back over the notes to see what I missed, what I didn't miss, etc. Right. And even then, it's like, now two people are sad, right? No one's fixed. I'm worse off. She's more upset.

And it's by no fault of her own. So there's no one to blame. And then what do you do is a good person? Well, you try to be a good person. Think I'm a good person. You blame yourself. Which leads you back into that hole. And despire.

You are a piece of shit. You are an asshole. Look what you did to this person who's just funny. You know, fuck you. You don't deserve to be in this world. It's like, no, shit. You ruin everything you're trying. Literally.

You're like, no, fuck that. You get off it and you, and you then try, like, change a train of thought. And that's what I learned. Like, you don't have to fight your hours alone. But by the same token, there's this, you got always, or you were always told stories as a kid. And you were told stories for a reason. the reason people are told stories is the most articulate way to get a point across

and it's a way people will remember it the most right i'm sure you've heard the story of george and the dragon right no explain that one to me george and the dragon bro you would have heard a a variant of it yeah which is you know the night george goes to fight the dragon to get the treasure that the dragon's protecting right and that's like the archetype of essentially what you go through as a man if you want to become a better individual you have to to face your shadow. And this is where, guys and girls,

I'm like hearing this, but this is the truth, because as I said, two of my best friends are dead now because of it. You know, the one best friend, the day before he killed himself,

actually messaged me. And he said, hey man, you're free for a chat. Saw the message and I ignored it. Jumped off the roof the next day. The other friend would message me every single day. And he'd say,

bro, I love your videos. But you always say, I'm tired. I'm tired. I say, stay in the fight, right, stay in the fight.

One day you couldn't stay in the fight, where a letter overdose and said, look, that's it. I was too tired. I just couldn't cack it. Do you know what I mean? So when it comes to this kind of stuff, it's like you have to face your shadow,

but what you've got to understand is the reason why there's treasure at the end, which is the best version of who you are, is because some people can't do it and some people don't make it. So it's like, okay, fair enough. Risk reward. Exactly. Now let's make that risk reward a bit better.

So how can I make it through? while I don't have someone by my side whose objective bipartisan is going to say, hey, I'm going to bus through this with you. Like, let's go. Oh, I'm scared. It doesn't matter. You can do it. Let's go. Let's see you do it. I did it. Yes, you did.

Awesome. You see? You can. I can. And then you start building them up, building them up. The next wall comes, you say, hey, see what to do with the last one? All right. Let's go. You've got this. Right behind you. If you failed, it's okay. You'll dissect it. We'll figure it out. We'll extrapolate upon it. We'll put another plan.

together and we go. But you always talk about, and I remember I listened to one of your videos, you always talk about the wall that you're always going to hit. Yeah, yeah. So everyone has, for people. Yeah, so everyone has the wall. And the wall is your limit, right, or what you think or what you perceive to be your limit, right? It is not actually the limit, is the limit you actually put on yourself. It's the prison with no bars, as I like to call it, right? Everyone hits a wall. I hit walls, you hit walls, every single person does. And now, someone who's extremely intelligent can falsify a narrative to justify why they can go around the wall or not have to go through it. The long and short of it is the wall is your limit.

And what's beyond that is the person you truly could be. So what does that mean? Well, that means you have to break through the wall. Oh, okay. It's not that simple, mate. You have to break through the fucking wall. And then they're like, well, what do you mean? it's like, well, you've hit this wall on a multitude of occasions in different variations in different forms.

Right. So it's time that you actually break through it. And everyone hits it at some point, whether it's losing weight, whether it's mindset, whether it's self-awareness, whether it's ego, whatever may be, there's a wall. And you need to firstly build awareness to say, okay, that is a wall. And I'm going to have to do something I've never done before in order to become something I've never been before, you know? And a lot of the times we just have this negative self-belief or we get this kind of, a negative chatter in our head or we start to self-sabotage because we believe that we're not worthy of that success. So therefore we take the steps backwards to go back to where we were.

Yeah. And it's much, much more comfortable there. Yeah. Yeah. And no one grows in the zone of comfort. Yeah. And the funny thing about standing in your zone of comfort is if you stay there, it'll get smaller. It'll get smaller and smaller. It'll get smaller and smaller. So you feel like you can't go anywhere without being in a constant state of stress, angst, worry, right? Your zone of comfort is your zone of discomfort because that's where you grow. And it's that balancing act and making sure you bust through that wall and understand that, hey, that's where I belong. And that's what I'm capable of.

So many people shoot themselves in the foot because they always say that they're less capable than what they truly are. It's like bullshit. So like sometimes some of the first conversations I have is I literally say you are more capable than you give yourself credit for. So stop treating yourself like you're this incapable, incompetent person, right? Because you're not, right? And if you're incompetent, acknowledge your incompetence.

And if you acknowledge you're incompetent to someone who is competent, you'll never be berated by it, ever. You'll never berate you as long as you've been paying fucking attention. And you're sweet because then they'll help you, you know. Because you've got to remember, someone who was competent came from a place of incompetence first. So they're not stupid. You know, they were in that position too. Do they do, I don't have a fuck, I don't know my ass from elbow. And all it took was one or two guys and girls who were genuinely like, hey, you can do this and you can do that for me to be like, huh, why am I not doing that?

Ask myself the question. And it's like, because it's comfy. It's easy. It's like, well, nothing worth having has ever come easy. That's why I don't buy the whole spiel of, you know, your self-development journey or weight loss journey will always be easy. No, you're going to hit bumps. And I hope you do because that's what's going to make you. Yeah.

And I don't want it to be this simple, smooth, like, oh, it's super easy. Like, I want it to be a little bit tricky. Well, if it was easy, it wouldn't be valuable. Exactly. And that's why I always say having a good physique or at least being in shape or at least understanding the physiological makeup of the human body is of itself a symbol of an individual who has a variety of traits that people want. That's why, you know, people in shape or people who understand how to get in shape are so

sought after. That's why I think if we go back to the whole attention thing with Mike Thurston, he's in shape, therefore he knows it's like, okay, cool, now you've got to have questions authenticity and integrity. Is he really authentic and integral? I'll never get a chest like Mike Thurston because I know that genetically speaking my chest ain't built that way. Like it can get as big as at once, but it'll never look like it looks like in his body. So when someone says, get a physique like me, you're not me, you won't. it's amplify and get the best physique you're capable of getting. And believe it or not, it's phenomenal.

So why not try that? And believe it not, along the way, you're going to build a fucking mindset that's going to be impenetrable, non-breakable, and that's a beautiful fucking thing. And that's where a lot of people tend to fall. It's like they want the blue pole straight away. It's like, off and take this, I'll be like, no, can't work that way. And it doesn't work that way for a reason. You know, you've got to actually put in the due diligence.

and you've got to want to invest. You've got to want to invest in yourself. Otherwise, good luck. You know what? That just brought me on to a point and it took me back to when you said that you wanted to walk away from rugby, but you know, you had no regret

so it was easy to walk away because you put all the work in that you needed to do and you achieved what you wanted to do so it was easy to walk away from it then. And I was just thinking how that's very similar to, you know, the people that look at, a Mike Thurston and other people and look at them and like, oh my God, I want to be in that shape. I want to look like them. And, you know, they'll never look like them because they don't have

them genetics. But like for someone like me who, you know, wasn't blessed what didn't hit a few of the genetics on the way down at the tree. But I'm okay with who I am and how I look because I know that I still work hard regardless. And I think if you can work hard on yourself, then you can, you know, be content with who you are and how you look or you can be content with walking away from rugby because you know that you put all the effort in that you want that you could. And I think that's what, like you talked about, hard work. It's like hard work can make up for a lot in terms of not being blessed with genetics or not being blessed with this life or, you know, this house or this, you know, family with money. It's like, because if you work hard and you don't

leave anything on the table, like you can be okay with that. The problem is a lot of people don't work hard enough and that's why they sit there on the couch looking on Instagram at people like Mike Thurston and saying, I want to look like that. Exactly, bro. And like, that's what I always say. The only person you're competing against is your fucking self. And it's not your future you, it's who you were yesterday. That's it. If you were even 1% better than what you were yesterday, you're winning. Progress is progress or your respect to the increment. I said this a million times, right? And at the end of the day, if you're you're going to be, you're going to be, you're If you were better than the person you were yesterday, you're on the right track because by the end of the year, it'll be 365% better.

You know, you fall down, so what? Get back up, back a negative instance up with a positive one. And let's keep going. Let's keep pushing. Right. It's try to be better than what you could be. And that's all that matters, right? It's not necessarily about like how you look, right?

It's about, hey, am I doing myself, am I giving myself the love I deserve by doing myself justice? It's a form of self-love, bro. and the opposite of that is a form of self-sabotage. It's like I'm going to literally Achilles heal myself on purpose, so then I have a reason to say, oh, I couldn't do it. Yeah, I was right. I know I couldn't do it. Yeah, exactly.

I have control back now by failing. It's the illicit, it's the, not the illusion, the disillusion of control. It's, you're going backwards so you can justify not going forwards. Yeah. Why do that to yourself? why do that to the people you love? You know, because if you love yourself, right, if you genuinely love yourself and you genuinely, the only way you can truly love yourself is if you truly strive to be a better version of who you are,

that in and of itself is an act of self-love, right? When you do that, you become the epicenter of change in the microcosm you exist within. So for example, and you can vouch on this as well, let's say you change a client's behavior to better serve who they are. in relation to their goals and their mindset or whatever it may be. Have you noticed, and I noticed this, for example, if you say, hey, I want you to go get X amount of steps in, it'll be really good for you, not just from a physical standpoint, but mentally as well, you're getting out, you're getting about, etc., right? They start doing it to say in the beginning, what's going to happen is people are going to be like,

oh, no, you don't need to do that, you don't need to do that, you don't need to do this. It's okay, just have that, you know, like, you know, just have that Chinese and that dominoes in the same day and all that kind of stuff, right? and I said if you hold your frame and you hold tight for a period of time over two, three months, those same people are going to go, hey, can I go on a walk with you? Can I? Can I? Why are you generally? And that's what happened when I was actually filming in open house, right? Is I went in there and the only thought I had was, I'm going to be unapologetically me, which meant I didn't get a lot of camera time

because they would always try push you into doing shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ryan do this I was like no they were like no no no I could get more screen time I don't care about screen time so the point I'm making

is I would come in in the morning and I would journal and at the beginning all the residents were like huh these are people from various walks of life at a car which was so cool

because it gave me such an understanding of relationships like a ridiculously deep understanding of relationships which I'm very grateful for for anyone that listeners

that doesn't know what open house is explain what open house is so open house is basically it's called the great sex experiment. Now, what basically happens in open house is couples come in and they want to explore the concepts of polyamory, swinging.

It could be anything, any kind of whatever your kick is. Whatever your kink, thank you, whatever your kink is, right, you can explore in a space that is safe around people who are also sexually very liberal. Yeah. You know, very open. Yeah. And actually, a funny story about that is what I noticed was those. relationships were more high functioning than monogamous ones.

I bet because they probably have a lot of communication around the nail on the head. Yeah. Literally communication one-on-one and now I can like forthrightly say monogamy can work perfectly if communication is there. But it has to be an open dialogue where I can say to the misses or to the mister or to whoever I can be like, hey, look, I'm having these thoughts and feelings about wanting to do this. What are you like what are your thoughts and perspectives on it?

Like is there a comrades you can come to or like, you help me satiate this desire, you know, and all of a sudden relationship to work, right? But go back to the German thing. In the beginning, everyone was like, oh, what the fuck you're doing? And at the end, everyone was like, hey, man, so does that shit really work? Like, what are you journaling about?

Like, can you show me how to do it? I'm like, yeah, of course. Like, come over look, you know what I mean? And that's what I mean by holding your frame. You know? First they laugh at you, then they ask you for help. Yeah, of course they did, bro. Like, it was funny.

I'd get lots of knocks on my door. And I ended up just like, therapyizing so many people because they would talk to me about their life and some of the struggles they have and i would cross-reference that with some of their kinks and things like that and i'd see how they would like you know the typical psychologist in me i was just like i want to see how this all works and i all melts together you know and how various people see these various things and some of these people were some of the most down-to-earth kind open-hearted nice people i ever met and before i went on there with the preconceived notion of oh swinging like a swinger must be some

fucking weird or like yeah there must be like yeah there's be all these fucking leonidics yeah and they're fucking not and you know what and you know what some of them are more clued up than us yeah and if you if you if we if we're cop on about relationships they give you a really good example is i did this socially i love doing social experiments it's like one of my favorite things i started when i was about 16 and i haven't stopped and i would do this social experiment in this in this house right where i would speak to every single resident And you'd always speak because you live together, right, and you couldn't really go on your phones often and stuff like that.

But, and I would try to get as much knowledge about their life as possible and then cross-reference it with where they are now and how they got there, you know, to kind of understand, okay, is this a nature nurture thing? How did this come about? Was there a trauma that triggered this?

Or was it not? Or was this just the way people are? And you just see how effective these people are communicating. And then I, as a, and I'll carry on kind of going on a tangent, but I'll circle back, which is I did a social experiment where when people would come to me

with relationship trouble, both men and women, it was an equal split, it was a 50-50, right? Because I wanted to keep the testing pool even. By the way, sorry to any of you test subjects out there that didn't know you were test subjects,

but you were. I didn't tell them. You get to be exclusive here. Yeah. And there comes to me with relationship problems, right? And something like, oh, you know, my boy. boyfriend such a dick. I was like, why is he a dick? Oh, you know, he, uh, he didn't go for dinner

with me and he was talking to this other girl. I'm like, okay. Do you know why? Well, you shouldn't be doing that. Okay. Why not? Well, because we're together. I was like, does that mean he's yours? No. It's like, right. So why don't you have a discussion with him and find out why he's doing that? and then maybe you can understand where he's coming from and then maybe you can actually remedy it. Maybe you can provide exactly what it is looking for and someone else.

Or maybe you can say, okay, cool, maybe this isn't the right relationship but we've got a separate ways. Or maybe you can explain that to him and he can be like, okay, this is what triggers her, makes her jealous. Maybe I won't do it.

Exactly, bro. Exactly. And it's the lack of communication in monogamous relationships because, again, societal conditioning says, you have to do X and Y. Yeah.

No, you don't. You really, fucking don't, right? As I said, some relationships in that house have lasted. Married with kids, you know, like phenomenal shit. And not from the house, but before they got on there, through there, like, and they lasted. You know, and it's just the one thing I took away from that whole entire experience was, you know, the biggest thing in any relationship is one's ability to create a safe dialogue in which

you can actually say how you genuinely feel. More often than not, both men and women, depending on the relationship. relationship dynamic you're in, or pressured into being like, okay, I agree or, you know, like,

I don't like it or whatever, whatever it may be, you're actually not purposely, not someone being like, hey, you have to, but just through mannerisms and the way you think you should act.

I think one of the, one of the biggest problems with relationships, and I know I had this in my old relationship, is that like you touched on, like if you have open communication, it's the most important thing, where sometimes you don't even know that someone's pissed off at you because they expect you to understand that they're pissed off.

Yeah, they want you to be fucking Xavier or whatever and read their fucking mind. It's like, listen, I'm a guy, right? And the majority of men in terms of statistically speaking, women are more emotionally intelligent than men, and men are more logistically inclined, right? So if I'm talking to a guy, say, like, these are the facts, bro. This is what you do and this is what you're not doing.

But the woman, it's okay, how are you feeling? Yeah. Like, let's talk about that, right? And I learned that a very long time ago, right? And I also learned that you don't say but, but you change but with and, right? You don't say but because then if you say but people immediately assume that something bad is coming afterwards. Rather than but, but that's just like NLP shit. I'm just being a bit weird.

That's a good one. Yeah, but you'll find like these relationships require a dialogue that so many people are uncomfortable with. because they're not willing to actually look at themselves and say, hey, maybe I'm the problem. Like I can admit in my first relationship, where the first time I was ever in love, I was the problem. I was the issue because,

and I ended up driving the person I love towards a guy who used to be a friend because I tried to stop it. I said, hey, I don't want you speaking to him because I think he likes you. And I said to him, listen, dude, that's my missus. You know, and by doing exactly that, by trying to control the situation, brought them right together. So what I learned very quickly was the subtle art of learning to let go.

Nothing is yours forever. It's that plain and simple. And you're never really a good child. You can't be a control of other people's actions. That's the point. That's the point. It's like if I'm in a relationship with Carl, Carl does not own me and I do not own Carl.

You know, we are two separate individuals who are going through life together. and both should be able to be emotionally independent. One should not have to rely on the other. That's another huge issue, right? It's people use them as a crux and a walking stick. And it's like, that won't work for very long, right? It just doesn't, right? You've got to be able to stand your own two feet

and be your best version of you because then you're going to attract the best version of the partner that you want. Yeah. And the problem with control, it comes from probably a fear of losing. this is the thing is and the fear of loss is again

for me and my opinion is something that I've had to do with my whole life you know losing friends you know my uncle I love my uncle but family didn't really buy with him too much right but that's because of what he was like in the past but I never saw that part

but he was always good to me and he ended up drinking himself to death on the steps of a church because the church wouldn't let him in because you wanted to pray so he ended up drinking himself to death on the fucking steps of a church, you know, and it was weird because my whole family was like, yeah, you know, it's tough. And I was like, broken by it. You know what I mean? Talk to it, right? And it always kind of stems to that same

principle that you just previously said, if you want to repeat it. The fear of loss. Yeah, fear of loss. And you got to understand that everyone's going to die. Me, we're all, we're not here forever. The fear of death, is one of the most erroneous fears that there is, but one of the most common. Yeah, yeah. I'm scared I'm going to die. Well, why are you not scared about going outside right now?

I'm getting hit by a car if you're so afraid of death. Well, I'm not scared about dying like that. How are you scared about dying there? Well, I don't know. So what the fuck are you scared of? Something you don't know, right? Marcus Aureli has put it best. It says, man, men.

And when he's saying man, he's not actually referring to just men, by the way, to anyone listening. He's referring to man as a whole. Yeah. Right. It says, man should not be afraid. afraid of apparent evils, only real evils, right? So you shouldn't be afraid of dying. You don't know what hand's going to guide you there, nor do you know when you're going to meet your end. But if

someone's in front of you with a knife and there's fear there, it's like, okay, well, that's an amplifier to make sure you can figure out what the fuck to do, you know? So it's always down to that whole, like, that's really coming back to being present to what's in front there rather than thinking about what's five years ahead of you. So many people don't know. nor do you understand and nor can be present now. Like, and you know, and this is one thing I love about cause with my clients, and this is a God's honest truth, is I am in a position where I'm forced to be completely present. If I'm genuinely listening to them, I'm forced to be nothing.

I got nothing about anything and just listen to it. And I love that because it teaches me how to be present. And once you become present once, it feels so good. You're like, okay, I need a moment. You know what that feels like. you begin to mimic it. It's beautiful, you know, because the only real thing is the present. That's also the beauty of sport as well to to rein this back in is that like when you're on the pitch like for 60 minutes, 80 minutes, 90 minutes, you're completely present than what you're actually

doing in that moment. Like you're thinking nothing else. Like even when I was playing that you can argue that that's some of the most present I've ever been until I actually started practicing meditation and stuff like having practicing presence. my own accord, you know, because I was so focused on performance. It's like what's in front of you is what you focused on. That's it. Nothing else matters. And you become so present. And you don't realize how high functioning you actually become when you are. Even if you're working and you're focused, they call it a flow state. I call it presence, right? That's what you're focused on the task at hand. Nothing else matters. You know, and it just alleviates so much stress because, again,

you don't know what the future holds. So you could be worried about paying your taxes at the end of the Yeah, but you could be hip-hapar tomorrow. Everyone goes, well, that's dark. No, that's the reality of the situation, right? And then you go, well, the past isn't real either. It's like, no, but it's a great, great idea to have a little look at what happened, but not to live in it, right? Depression usually stem from things in the past, anxiety, things in the future.

Yeah. There's usually the schools that they've fallen. You've got your outliers, of course, but usually those are where the schools of thought usually fall into, right? And that's why I say, look, you're not your past, nor you're your future. you're the person you choose to be through the action that you fucking take every single day. That's the person you are. You know, you're a sum total of your actions.

Because I can think about the past, right? But is it going to change it? No. Right? If I take action on my thoughts of the past in the presence, then I'm a sum total of not my thoughts, but the actions I take. You see what I mean? So your thoughts help you kind of dictate your actions, obviously.

you know, it's like neuro-fucking science 101, I guess. Neuroscience for dummies, I'd call it. And in that situation, you just got to understand that presence is like the be-all and end-all because it's the only thing that actually truly exists. As esoteric as it sounds and it may go over some people's heads, it's the actual truth. And in that present moment, if you don't think, hey, I want to get myself in the best possible place physically and mentally. As I said, and I'll say it again,

you're doing everyone around you a disservice, but most of all you're doing yourself a disservice. Because you're not loving yourself where you should be loved. You know, I think it wasn't, I think I fucking read the Bible a long time ago. I think it was like epiphyans

or something where he said, you know, I chose you when I planned creation. You know, you were not a mistake. So if that's the case, right, and you know, I've read the Bible, I've read the Quran, I've read the Torah, I've read the Eightfold part. I find it all very interesting.

But if that is the case, right, and you're made in the image of God to a degree, right? Well, then you should be doing yourself the service of loving yourself enough due to the gift you've been given, which is life and sentience, the ability to think, you know? And that's the problem in society now. So many people try not to do that. Why is it?

Why is it that we find it so hard to be present? Personally, I think it's due to, partly globalization. So the world being smaller, which means instant access to information, instant distraction. Yeah. Right.

And one's ability to not see what presence truly actually is. And how to actually be present because it's been so, and it's more in Western society than it is an eastern society by far. Like there's a huge polarization. The level of presence you would experience if you go Bali and things like that, much deeper than that of if you were in the West. Yeah. you know and i think it's because people don't want you to be present because then you're going to

start thinking as a sentient individual now what happens you start thinking as a sentient individual you start to pick holes and things that you can see around you you know it's like hold on the BBC's pushing that narrative about this up fuck that noise i don't buy that you know and you stop thinking they don't want you to do that they want mindless zombies that are workers but school literally has a bell the reason a bell is there is to mimic the change and shift in factories. The reason why you wear a uniform in school is for the exact same reason. You know, the education system is the most forlorn thing at the moment.

You know, like, who the fuck is learning about, I don't know. Give me a subject, bro. I don't know, but what I would say to it is all the learning that I've done in life has all been after I left skill. it's all literally YouTube and you know just kind of self-education yeah yeah pretty much yeah I like I really I'm I'm I really am a fan of alternative education in that way that like like you said we have access to so

we have access to all the information in the world at the moment so if you can pick something that you really care about and want to learn about like it's there for you you don't need to spend 10 grand on a university degree to do it. No. I would argue right now, unless you want to be a doctor, a lawyer,

an engineer or a barrister, don't go to uni. Don't go to uni. Why? You can literally learn how to become a rocket scientist from Harvard because they publish

all their papers publicly. Yeah. Like, what the fuck? So you're going to pay 10 grand instead? Just go on to Google. It's right there, bro. It's crazy. You know, the mad thing is, is people think it's the same in the fitness industry.

And it ain't. It's not. It's like you can go online and you can copy, you know, Mike Thurston's workout or Courtney Black's workout. That ain't going to get to your goal. What's going to get to your goal is someone who's actually by your side, who's holding you accountable. And he's saying, hey, this goal needs to be relative to you. Yeah. No one else, right?

And let's focus on that. And then you see that person start to make in rows. And it's brilliant. because they're not comparing themselves to these Insta models and stuff like that. They're comparing themselves to, well, did I level up today in comparison to yesterday? Okay, I did. Awesome. Okay, I didn't.

Okay, reset, recalibrate. Let's go again. And let's see where we go. Right. And that's where people kind of get a twist in the finish. And she's like, oh, I'll just find, I'll just fucking, you know, copy Chris Bomsteads, you know, Mr. Olympia plan. Okay.

Mr. Olympia. How the fuck do you think he got there in the first place? Do you think you followed that plan from day dot? you think he was squatting eight plates day dark no mate do you think he knew how to squat the no it's like it's like getting up the couch to to do you same balls 100 meter sprint it's such a good analogy you literally at the nail of the head it's exactly like that it's like oh okay i can see how you run 100 oh so that's how you move your arms sweet i'm just going to go smoke you're saying fuck it you know like it's like no bro you need someone there

and that's why coaching will never die no matter what happens it will never die because you need a human being who is invested in your well-being, and he was not going to tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear, and they ain't afraid to do that, right? And that's what a lot of coaches struggle with is having difficult conversation with clients. Yeah. And I know it,

I know like the two of us are biased because we are coaches, but it really is a cheat code for life to find people. It's the truth. I'll literally die by this in terms of saying, you want to get ahead in your life, get a fucking coach. We got coaches. Well, this is how If anyone doesn't know

This is how we met Because we're on the same Kind of mastermind course thing Yeah, exactly And we have people holding us accountable Because we drop the ball sometimes I drop the ball all the time I dropped the ball

I dropped the ball a little bit too much That's why you've retired Believe it or not I used to get called a troll Because I have such long arms And my knuckles are dragging along the floor So I could pick up balls from anywhere I'm like, all right.

But yeah, like, and this is the thing is people don't understand. You said it best, it's a cheat code. You want to get ahead quicker. Get someone who's going to get you there. And it's not going to be someone who, and this is where I hate the idea of someone calling themselves a holistic coach. Don't call yourself a holistic coach unless you understand philosophy and psychology to the end's degree.

And if you understand psychology but not philosophy, then you don't understand psychology. Because if you're a good psychologist, you're a great philosopher. Because to be a psychology of understand human beings and what they're going through, philosophy is the understanding of human nature as a whole and the nature of things and why it exists. Cross-reference both of those, okay, now you can call yourself holistic. Is that kind of similar to like having knowledge and then having wisdom? Yeah, so for me, knowledge is simply the understanding of the concept, wisdom is the ability to action the concept in accordance with how it should be acted.

Yeah. it acted, excuse me. And I think with regard to wisdom, it's cross-reference with experience. So it's like, I had the problem, you know,

when I got my heartbroken by this goal that I previously referred to a long time ago, she was like the prettiest goal in school and I was like the ugliest dude. I was like fat. I was out of shape.

I had like this red face. I couldn't speak to, I couldn't speak to woman. Really? Yeah, I go super red and like. Because when I first met you in Manchester, like,

I was in there and you walked straight up. I was with two or three other people. You walk straight up. You introduced yourself. You introduced yourself every night. And I was like, that lad's very confident in himself. And that's all learned.

That was all learned. Yeah. I'm seeing the finished product, not the work. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It was literally stemmed from,

from that girl breaking, breaking my heart and then seeing her every single day with this guy. Now, if you want to know what, like, torture is, imagine the person that you genuinely are in love with, with who you thought was your friend,

every single day. Day and day out at boarding school, you just see it. And it's just like, oh, I'm feeling about pain. So then I looked at myself in the mirror, and I just had the most ruthless conversation. I don't necessarily recommend everyone do this, by the way, but I looked at myself, took my shirt off. I looked to myself in the mirror,

and I looked like shit, I looked out of shape, speaking, I was like, look at you. This is literally what I said to myself, I would lie, I said, look at you, would you have sex with you? Look at you. Would you even be able to talk to beautiful, woman you fucking can't you know what ryan you need get your shit together you're not dropping your

standards you're improving yourself next morning got up at six o'clock went for a run you know and then i started studying this is where we go back to knowledge right i got books and books i'm an introvert i'm not an extrovert and people don't under people i was like no no way you're so confident all that kind of shit's like well the reason why is because i trained myself i read i shit you not over a hundred books in the space of about a year, more than once. Each one I took notes on, right? And it was all around social dynamic theory, understanding how to speak to people, understanding how to carry yourself, understanding how to read a room, understanding how to speak

to people that intimidate you. And the big dudes in the gym, they weren't intimidating. I was like, so I need to speak to the things that intimidate me the most. Oh, it's really pretty girls. Yeah. And everyone laughs because it's like, it's so, well, I'm laughing. I'm laughing because it's the most true thing in the world. I don't get to know who you are.

I don't get who you are. Most men can't approach a woman. This is the thing. And that was the scariest thing. So I was like, I need to look at what scares me the most. And it's that. So then I studied it. I studied it.

So then I was like, okay, cool. I know everything about it. Knowledge. And I was like, sweet. I'm fucking sorted. So then I go out there and send myself a task. The first task was every single day you're going to speak to 10 women, right, that you think are pretty.

Right? and I'll just base off a system of 8 to 10 out of 10, right? That's just how that would base the system. I'll systemize it, right? Because it wasn't for any other reason than to practice, right? And I learned how to have an in-depth, insinilating conversation with the stranger straightway. Right. So, let's simple stuff like, you're going to speak 10 women there.

So I did that for about three months. Okay, every single one is like, fuck off, fuck off, then I'll go back to my room and I'll write down, okay, what did you do right? What did you do wrong? What do you need to try next? And then eventually, when I was able to do that, I was like, okay, now you're going to speak to 50 a day.

And people are like, how did you do that? And the first rule was no alcohol, right? Because that's false confidence. Eating, that's courage, you know what I mean? And I was like, okay, so no alcohol. So you just kind of have to raw dog this sweet. Okay, you can't go to nightclubs. Okay, so what are you going to do?

You're going to go to shopping malls, makeup stands, the most random places, and you're going to approach people. Now that's fucking scary. And then eventually I started doing that And I was like, okay, now you have to find out a fact that they wouldn't tell anyone else that is a stranger. You have to not do that.

Then you have to be able to want them to, you'd have to be able to speak to them and get them to give you their number willingly without asking for it. Without manipulating that. You cannot manipulate. You can only learn and understand, discuss, listen and respond.

Right? Will Smith says it best in Hitch. listen and respond. Don't think about what she looks like naked. You know, don't think about kissing her. Don't do any of that, right? I actually did the opposite.

I actually would dehumanize them and to the point where I would be like, it's a human being, but they're no better than me. Because the reason why people get intimidated by speaking pretty girls is they immediately put them on a pedestal. Yeah. She's pretty cool.

I'm just a guy. It's like, no, no. It's like, we're equal and we weren't equal. But I've had to like die with a lie in my head, right? Yeah. And then eventually I got really good at it. And then I was like, okay, cool. So now I can actually do that.

And that's where my, you know, a skill in terms of being able to just walk up to people and talk to them came from. You know, but you, I have no approach anxiety now. You know, I have a three second rule, which is I'll count to three. And even if it's someone like you, walking up to you, the FBU event, right? Yeah. I actually did the three count. Yeah. You, you walked, I've seen you.

You walked straight in. There was a room full of people. You just looked over at a group of three of us. You walked straight over and said, you, you walked. You said low, I think. Yeah, that's how, guys. Yeah. This is the event, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, literally, I was literally cast it in my head. I was like, one. And by the time I get to three, I have to be face to face with you. Yeah. That's it. It's like, no thinking. It's like, oh, but what if I don't know what?

It doesn't matter. Get there. That's the key. Get there and then have the conversation, you know. And because if you're, if you're thinking about, oh, what if I don't have anything to say, well, then you're already thinking ahead, which is going to prevent you from taking action of actually being in the conversation. Yep.

You're not going to actively listen. because you're not present bro. Yeah. So it's just not going to work, right? And then I literally had to do that and then practice, practice, practice it, and studied it, studied it. Like, I have a bin bag in one of my wardrobes that is filled with a shitchion on notes that are like maybe three feet high, just pages and pages of April paper of me,

going out, doing that, coming back, doing the debrief. Why did she tell me to fuck off? I'm not even joking I'll be like she told me to fuck off she's not a bitch she just doesn't like me yeah she just doesn't know me yeah at the end of the day

I always like guys always always says me to go hey bro you know spoke to this pretty girl and she just told me to fuck off and they would be like she's such a bitch I was like whoa whoa don't call her a bitch what is mean

and I'm like she ain't a bitch bro she's just a bitch to you yeah yeah and then they're like what do you mean and I'm like because bro you clearly didn't approach him

in the way you should have. Number one. And number two, if she's a pretty girl, think about it from her perspective. How many nice guys is going to come to a guy? Hey, can I buy you a drink? Well, let's think about that. Pretty girl on a night hour, probably around at least 20 to 50 men, probably more. Now, imagine she sat down at a conversation with every nice guy. He was like, hey, can I buy you a drink? She needs to have a system in place. Yeah. Something to be like to thin the herd, to stop, you know, she wants a certain suitor, right? So she needs to thin the herd. If someone hasn't got the bravery to go and approach her and have a sentinelian conversation and she needs to be able to say something like

the best one that women use is a good boyfriend. Also, you have to think about it like if they don't know you and you're approaching them, essentially you're a cold caller. And what do you do when someone you don't know rings you up and tries to sell you something like, hey, do you want to go for this new, you know, phone bill, blah, blah, blah. You're like, fuck off.

Exactly, exactly. So you can't be like everyone else. That's what I'm like. You can't go, hey, can I buy you a drink? I won't say that. I won't, I'll never say that. I would usually say something. I would always say something that would open a conversation that would be depth. I'd say something like, guys, I have a, I was discussing with my friends.

There's a thing we were talking about. And this is, this is a genuine conversation I would have. And I would use this all the time on purpose because it would open such a dialogue. And I'll go, do you think girls train guys to lie? And then I'll go around the circle, right? And I'll go, and so I'll take authority. I'll go, okay, you first, like that, right? You know, and I had to learn how to do all this kind of stuff, right?

I used to practice in the mirror. It's like, do you ever read the book of the game by Neil Strauss? Yeah. Yeah, great, great book. My cousin literally when I was like 14 years old, and I remember he took me to like a festival or something. And he was like talking all these, and he was just always looked like the coolest dude.

And I would like watch him like, and he was drunk. And I remember him just walking past me, not even paying attention to me. He goes, listen. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, go get one book, read it. I was like, okay, he's called the game. Go read it.

And I was like, okay. And the game isn't manipulation at all. It's actually just your ability to get your foot in the door so you can show you you truly are. That's how it should be utilized, not to manipulate. Right. But I went down that rabbit hole deep, bro. The game, the mystery method, art of seduction, all these sorts of things.

I went all the way down that rabbit hole. And then you had to learn very, and that's where it led me to NLP. you know and I had to see it for what it was and say okay well you can't use this there's almost like a superpower you can't use it to manipulate you've got to use it to get your foot in the door because they don't know you and then be authentically who you are and if they don't like you sweet if they do you sweet not a fucking problem is what it is and you just go from there you know and that's essentially what I did and I just approach these people and then I would literally be like I'd say to people when they would say like oh she's a bitch she's I was like dude think about it

man. If she had to have a conversation with every single guy who approached her, her whole night would be sat down, being like, uh-huh, uh-huh. So I would go and I'd say, like, do girls train guys to lie? Answer the question. Go for it. And I would always do this on purpose. I'd always love to polarize the room. Go for it. Do girls train guys to lie? Subconsciously sometimes. Yeah. It's not a male versus female thing. It's just a great conversation starter. Yeah, yeah. just for everyone listening. It's a hard question to answer because I suppose it could be subjective to the woman and the man in the relationship.

That's so good, mate. So this is why I love it. The best is when a woman answer it because the answer usually is no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Okay. Yeah, it does. It polarises straight away.

No, well, usually about 70 to 8 percent of the woman go, no, right? Of course we don't. Of course we don't. And I'm like licking my lips on it. I'm like, okay, ladies. right and the whole key of doing this would be to see if I could get them to see a different perspective that was the that was the main purpose I wanted to see if they could I didn't want to force my perspective but I wanted to see if I painted an analogy if they were then changed their

mind so they would go no we don't know don't know oh fair enough like okay cool can I give you an example of why I think maybe maybe sometimes girls do that and they go okay do it then right like fucking ready, you know. Yeah. They cool. And I'm like, okay. And this is, I'm using a bit of NLP here as well. So I'll go, okay.

So imagine I'm your boyfriend, right? And I go, okay. I go, cool. Now imagine that, you know, you just spent 10 grand on this beautiful dress. And you loved it and we went shopping and it was just a great day. There's all NLP that I'm using right now, right? And she goes, yeah.

So like, imagine that. Where did we go? She'd be like, oh, we went here. I was like, okay, cool, sweet. And what does the dress look like? And she described the dress, right? This is all NLP, right? now and then i'll go now we're getting ready for a black tie function but to take you to a black

tie function and you've been dying to wear this dress come down in a dress right and i know how much it means to you i know how much you like it you know how much it cost and i know how beautiful you may think you look at right you come downstairs you go babe how do i look and i say you look beautiful do you not think that's woman training guys to lie they go no no no i would have care. I was like, I said, whoa, hold on. You're telling me if you did it. And then I'll play the whole entire analogy back, right? We went here. We bought this cost this much. And I'll be like, you're telling me, if you walk down the stairs just before we get ready for a black tie function and you're ready and I say, babe, listen, you look like shit. That's the truth. You're telling me, like, thanks,

babe. That's no problem. I'll go get changed. You would have, would you? And then they would, honestly, more often not, would be like, yeah, well, I guess. Like, if you're a good boyfriend, I guess you do that. I'll be like, yeah, you would, right? Because you can you don't want to upset you don't want to upset you so yeah sometimes girls train guys to lie without us knowing you know and by the way my name's ryan yeah or i'd do something stupid or i'd wake walk up to a table i'll put a block of ice there smash a block of ice and i'll go broken on ice let's talk guys you know just burst out laughing and people would think oh you're a playboy you this you're that and none of it was done to try to get late it was all done to try build myself into

the person that I knew I could become. Was there ever, was there ever a point? So when you were going through all this, was there ever a point that it was to win back an X? Or was it like, okay, that's, that's line in the sand, but I'm not going to let that happen to myself again. Never go backwards with X's. Yeah. Because what happened, happened for a reason, right?

Marks Orelia says it best, except whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, because what could more aptly fit your needs? and only once you accept reality and the circumstances you're in, you have the bricks to build a better tomorrow. Right? So it was never to win my ex-back ever.

It was to say, that's the standard because everyone would have bullied me. Look how far you on ugly rubber and how did you get her? I didn't speak to her. She approached me and sat down next to me

when I was sat alone. She was like, hi, nice to meet you. I didn't approach her. Right? but again, I actually manifested that exact situation in my head. Because when I was in the younger years of boarding school, at night, I would close my eyes and I would literally vividly imagine how the woman would look, like how smart she would be, how like everyone would,

this is where I kind of fucked up on my manifestation. It's like, everyone would bully me because they'd be like, why the fuck is she with you? And that's exactly that's right. And that's what I always say, be careful of what you ask for because you're going to get it. And then, yeah. And then literally, where was I with that? I was saying something then.

I forgot my train of thought. And she approached you. You, you approached her. Yeah, yeah. So I never ever was able to approach women. And people would bully me all the time. So it was never to ever win her back. Because she was so beautiful and I was so ugly, right?

There was a huge disconnect there because I never felt worthy. I always felt ugly. I always felt insecure. Now look, guess what that did? I mean, I projected it on her. Yeah. Yeah. That's on me.

And that's my responsibility to bear. which therefore meant it pushed her further away from me. I did that myself, right? So then by doing that, I then said once the relationship ended, I said, no, that's your standard. Fuck what everyone says. That's your standard.

Now you need to meet that standard. And you'll do whatever you need to do to meet that standard, right? End of discussion. So start. It was never ever to win her back. Just to point out on that. Now, we spoke about self-sabotage earlier.

Have you noticed like, when two, there's a dynamic of a relationship and one person doesn't feel worthy of the other person, then they'll self-sabotage the relationship so they can then prove themselves right that, oh yeah, it was right all along. We weren't supposed to be together. I've done that. I've done that, bro. And that's where you've got to take a step back from the relationship and look at yourself.

Yeah. You have to do the inner work. Yeah. You have to literally say to the person, no matter how much you love them, say, listen, you've just got to give me a bit of space right now because what I'm doing is, is not healthy for me and it's really not good for you because I am being really unfair on you and you don't deserve that and you deserve so much better than that. So just give me a week, give me a month, however long it needs to be, right? And if we're meant to be together, hey, it'll happen. But I need to do this work because look, I'm trying to reaffirm this

negativity bias in my head and sabotage myself in order to prove my own narrative right when in actuality I don't want it to be right. No. You know, it's actually an ego thing. Yeah. More than anything, it's like, and this is where it's always difficult when people war with their egos, is your ego wants to have full control. How do you stop your ego having control? Self-awareness.

When's your ego kicking in? Oh, there it is. Back in your fucking box, mate. You know? And by doing that, you kind of mitigate your ego, but you've got to take a step back and you've got to do the inner work. And that's what I always say, if you're in one relationship, there better be space before the next one.

Because you don't sit there and say you're squared away. do you tell him you were the best fucking boyfriend on the face pan of earth? No, you won't. Look at yourself honestly. Don't berate yourself. Don't bully yourself. But critically analyze yourself. Where could I be better?

Where could I be better? Where did I go wrong? And what aspects of that partner really, you know, kind of didn't resonate with me? So I can make sure I don't look for those same aspects in the next person. It goes back to like Stockholm syndrome, people being in love with their abuses. you know and the reason why people with stockham syndrome tend to be in love with their abusers is because they feel that one either they've never known anything else they've always been in abusive relationships or two they feel that that's what they fucking deserve and that actually

hurts me because it's like you don't no one deserves that why are you letting yourself be like that like no just stop so but then i've got to climb the mountain it's like yes but it's your mountain and you can climb it and if you climb it and if you climb it the view is fucking beautiful. And believe it or not, that's where you should be. That's where you belong. Anyone who tells you otherwise is doing a disservice. You see this with clients. So a good litmus test would be like a clinically obese client. Speak to them about their family. Are your family in shape? No, no. They're all out of shape. Right. Okay. So why are you out of shape? My mom feeds me this and we have Cheetos for dinner and this and that. And she says I'm, I should be

comfortable in the skin that I'm in. And I say, okay, stop there. You shouldn't be. They go, and I go, what? And they go, that's a bit harsh. And I go, that's the truth. And they go, well, what do you mean? They'll go, well, you're capable of much more.

You're capable of great things. Why the fuck are you sitting here telling yourself that you should be comfortable in the situation you're in when you know you can do better? If you know you can do better, all I'm asking of you is to try. I can't ask anything more than that. come on, you know what I mean? You can't ask anything. It's leaving everything on the field.

Yeah, it's just like saying, hey, look, you have potential. You have, and this is what really bugs me is. What a lot of people don't understand is there's true greatness within each person. Each person has something truly remarkable to offer the world that no one else has. And then they do exactly what you said with that kind of false narrative of putting themselves back in this prison without bars. It's like, the problem is you're actually scared. of your greatness because you know you're capable of that but you know it's going to take work to get there you don't want to do the work but guess what i'll alleviate some of that for you

i'll help you but i'm not going to take your problem and make it mine because then i haven't solved it i've fixed it which means if the problem comes again you're going to go ryan and it's like what if i'm not there how are you going to fix it then you need to solve the problem so you bring the problem to me and then I'll say, okay, how do you think you're going to solve it? Okay, that's probably not the best call of court. Maybe try this. See how this works. Okay, I'm going to go try that. Did it work? Yeah, it worked. Okay, tell me why it worked. It worked because of X, Y and Z. Okay, cool. Do you know how to repeat the process of the situation comes up again? No. Okay, do you know what indicators to look for? Yes. Okay, what

indicates do you look for? Those. Okay, cool. So at least we know how to take preventative measures. now next time you're in that situation this is what I want you to try to do okay instead of taking someone's problem right by doing that you're actually doing them to service right

you know and that it's like what's this meathead and me come up bro so imagine like you're benching and you're actually doing all right and someone just starts grabbing the bar for you like takes away all the fucking stimulus yeah you're feeling

yeah it's like bro like I'm trying to fucking grow I'm trying to do something you know what I'm And instead what you're doing is you're taking that away from the person. This is your battle. I'm right next to you. And I'm going to help you. And I'm going to be the guide and a tactician.

I'm going to say, hey, this is how we can solve this. But I'm not going to take it from you as much as you may want me to. But I'll be right here next to you. That much I can fucking promise you. You know, I said in a podcast a long time ago, and I still stand by this. This is my mission statement, which is the essence of the human experience is the betterment of the individual. And that is the God's honest truth.

And if you can affect change in one person's life, you're doing something right. If you can affect change in more than 50 people's lives, you're doing something phenomenal. If you can affect change in thousands of people's lives, even better. You know, like it goes back to the whole Desmond Dawes quote. It's just one more. Like all that matters is just one more person that I can help. And that's it. That's all I care about.

It's like, okay, can I help this person? Sweet. Let me help this person. Can I help this? Let me help this person. So it's what I call the way of the peaceful warrior. You know, that fucking I coined that, I guess. But like, yeah, that's how I see it.

You know, it's like, how can I make these people individuals that they want to see themselves as firstly? Because that's what matters most. Yeah, you can't project your goals of them onto them. That's why I'll never, ever, ever when I say, okay, well, what do you want to achieve? And they also be like, well, what do you think about? I'm not telling you. I'm not saying a word.

You tell me. and if they give me a vague answer, I'll be like, it's too vague. Can't count that. Yeah, because if you got a deep why, you'd be almost anyhow, right? You know, if you're like, oh, I just want to lose this amount of weight. Why ain't deep enough, bro? We both know this.

Yeah, and usually the first answer that they gave is never really what it is that they want. You've got to dig. You've got to dig. And the more you dig, the more interesting it gets. This is where I get very stimulated, the more interesting it gets. Because it's like, oh, this is why. This is very interesting. Ah, so there's a little bit of trauma.

they're lovely now it can work because we've seen the holes in the ship let's begin plugging it and let's make it to the person you truly can't become that's all that matters you know and and this is where a lot of this is why i have i have like a very strong stance a very strong stance on shit coaches because you're responsible for something so large that someone's health someone's life that you can make amazing or you can fucking destroy and blame them for it. You know, like, I've seen this with coaches before, luckily, not recently, because I surrounded myself with awesome individuals like herself, but coach will give them a meal plan, like I have tuna at 7 a.m. in the morning. This was actually a meal plan sent to me by a

woman from her coach, tuna 7 a.m. like 10 a.m. chicken and broccoli. And I was like, so I looked at it and I was like, are you training for a bodyball competition? No, no. Okay, so what's the goal? I want to lose this amount of weight and, you know, I want to live like a balanced lifestyle. I'm like, right? And then something just clicked and I was just like, do you eat tuna? She goes, I fucking hate tuna. And I was like, what time do you wake up in the morning?

She goes, I wake up at 8 and I get to work for 10. I go, but your first meal is at 7 a.m. She goes, yeah. I go, it's tuna. She goes, yeah. And I go, can you not see what I'm seeing here? hot. She goes, yeah. Yeah. The thing is when people

sign up with a couch, like, they never think, they never even think the question what, what they're being assigned. I always say, be as curious as you want. Ask me a question on anything. Ask me a question on why I put an exercise there, why the exercise is selected there, what order it's in, why I've given you that

rep, why I've given you that RP, whatever may be, ask a question I have an answer because I've done my due diligence on your fucking program. I, I always say that, okay, I might be the expert in terms of training and the nutrition, but you are the expert in terms of you. So we can't, we can't do anything until you tell me who you are, what you want, how your preferences are. Like, you are the expert, not me. Yeah, I actually love that. I do something similar where I do like patterns of life. So in the first few weeks, I'll always ask them to give me a debrief of exactly their whole entire day, even though I check with them

in the morning in the middle of the day. I'll be like debrief the whole day, not just about what you did on your schedule, but everything. And then start gauging patterns of life. I ride down on the pad. And then I kind of gauge your patterns of life. And then I can kind of pinpoint, okay, well, this person is like an overworker. There's an overthinker.

This person is working extremely hard. But are they sleeping? Well, they were replied at like 5 a.m. So probably not. You know, so I think that is just like what you said, probably one of the most important things. It's like the first thing a coach should do, in my opinion, is understand the individual.

And genuinely care enough to understand the individual. Like, I can't stand it. I'm probably going to get heat for this. But I can't fucking stand it. If a coach messages you, right, like asking how things are and stuff like that, and then you tell them truthfully and they just signal the message. Right. Hold on.

What the fuck did you message me for them? You don't actually give a shit about how I am. clearly or you could you could actually be a bit kinder and say well maybe they've got shit going on too you know so you kind of got to like play both sides of the fence there and as I said always take a broad perspective of it because if I always thought straight away that it was because they don't give a fuck it's like well what happens if someone's family member just died and I had no fucking clue so instead of me what I would usually do is be like why did you even bother message me in the first place you don't give a fuck and it's like oh no actually bro

I'm just really swamped at the moment. And what happened, some shit happened. I was dealing with some stuff. Oh, okay, fair enough. Fair enough. You know,

I appreciate it. But if that coach doesn't give a fuck, patterns will start to occur. That's what you got to watch. Patent's 100%. Like a one off, two off, it's like,

hey, look, like, yeah, people have lives, but if it's like a constant thing, it's like, okay, you know that.

You, like, when you sign up to a bad coach, if your client and you sign up to a bad coach, you're, even if you know nothing about fitness or nutrition or nutrition or you know

habits like you will you'll feel something inside you'll know that they're that they don't give up like people are like I don't care where you're from what walk life you come from people know when people don't give a shit yeah I hate it when people assume that

people as a as a whole can't cotton onto shit like people have gotten onto the whole COVID thing it's like another lockdown no fuck off maybe we're not stupid you encroaged too close yeah and now we know. It's like people will and this is why I always say like I'm so glad that there's a polarization of coaches because it's so easy for you to spot quality versus shit. Yeah.

And that's why I'm like, hey, and I will happily call out a shit house coach, whether he's friend, phone, I don't go to shit because at the end of the day, that means you're responsible for a few individuals at least. Yeah. You can cause a lot of damage. Fuck, bro. You can cause some serious, especially if you're working with mindset and you are not squared away when you're talking to them and you just give them the wrong bit of advice, you can lead them down a road that is just dark. Yeah. Well, I even see in terms of the nutrition space like, you know, you'll have personal trainers, you know, given out very restrictive meal plans of like 1,200 calories to, they don't even know that the client that they're dealing when someone

coming in with something like, you know, a history of bingy and our disorderty and our something like that. It's like, do you know what I mean? You are causing more damage to this person than if you just left them alone. Simply put, they didn't give enough of a fuck to deep dive. Yeah. Case and point, like Thurston, bite me.

Like as a problem, feel free to DM me, mate. I won't destroy you. Okay, here's a question that I wanted to ask you before you wrap things up. Why? Why the tune? Why the tune? Yeah. A man from Johannesburg ended up in Newcastle. I'm sure. I'm sure the weather in South Africa is a lot nicer to help in Newcastle.

Yeah, it is. It is a lot nicer, but you know, you don't get guns held to your head and nice. Yeah, fair, fair. On a regular basis. But so that. Well, you never know. Newcastle, I won't be surprised either. Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. So like, South Africa, my heart will always be there. And I'll tell you this. Anyone who goes to Africa, there's a bit of your soul that will always remain there. I can't explain why. It's just the way it is, right? Ernest Hemingway says, I've never woken up once in a morning in South Africa and not been happy, you know,

and that's Ernest Hemingway. He and fucking South African. He and African, he and African-Chi. But I'm very off the cons. And of the Cairns, people are very straightforward, honest and extremely loyal, sometimes quite stupid, but like extremely loyal, right? And I then moved to London.

And I lived in London, and it might as well live in a city of strangers. Yeah. it was like no one gave a fuck right you know you could like you could say morning and they'll be like morning I'll be like how are you and they'll be like I'm good thanks awesome yeah does no connect yeah nothing it's like nothing and the further up north I went the moral authenticity I found and I thrive of authenticity genuine people who genuinely give a fuck if you genuinely don't give a fuck if you genuinely don't give a fuck just do me a solid and I do this with people I don't like if I don't like someone I'll say this and if I if I walk past them something I say listen dude

I don't like you. So you don't need to greet me and be like, hey man, like, I'm not your friend, right? Just go on with your life and I'll go on off mine. You don't need, there's no need to be polite. Like, just do you think? You don't need to say hi to me. It's a waste of my energy and waste of yours. You don't like me.

I don't like you. Let's fucking get on with it. Right. And then as I started going up north, up north, north, because I did my degree in Leeds. And I noticed like more authenticity as I was going north. And I remember talking to my sister. And she was like, Newcastle's not bad. it's near the beach, you know, there's a city there as well.

So like if you want to nature as well, which is, I think, really important. You know, you can escape to the beach. You know, you're a big nature advocate yourself. You love your hikes, bro. You know what I mean? So you can definitely understand how I'm coming from there. And then I came out to the tune. And people are just very authentic and genuine.

Big drinking culture here. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Probably doesn't see ideal for you either. No, it's not ideal for me, but like part of me is like, this is a place I'm supposed to be. there's a lot of people who need a lot of help. So it's like... It's very true. Yeah, put me in the trenches.

Put me in the fucking trenches. Where is it that people need the most help that I can actually help him? I turn sweet. Fucking put me there. Yeah, there's a lot... I imagine there's a lot of people in Newcastle escaping their lives, true alcohol. It's so... And I never ever told George's not to drink.

That's like telling a fish not to swim. But I try my best to highlight to them. Like, look, like having a drink, and stuff like I enjoy it, you know, have fun with it. But ask yourselves a question as to why you're drinking. And I have never seen the best of someone when they drink. And I'm going on, the life of the party. You're not the life of the party.

You're boozing is. You're not the life of the party, mate. You're boozing is. And that's okay. And you know what? Some people just don't have anything else. They don't have anything else to do. They don't have any driver ambition.

So if you can kind of give that to them, without telling them that they can't drink, if you can add something to their life, it reduces it somewhere else. What do you, like add what, what do you, what are you reckon on?

Like, even if you're adding purpose to them in terms of helping them to get in shape, in terms of getting them to see the best of their ability, what they can achieve, what they can do, you know, like,

even spending an hour on a Saturday in the gym rather than the boozer, like, it's going to have a net positive on their life. I remember saying this to a client, he won't mind me sharing this. I'll ask his permission. But I just said,

hey, let's see if you can do one week, no boots. Not forever, not forever, but just let's see how disciplined you are. Now, if you fail, that's okay. But let's just see if you can hack it, bro. Let's see if you've got it because he had some positive momentum and he's crushing him. Oh, cool. Let's see if you can go a week for seven days. And, you know, book a call with me if you need a bit of help, you know, whatever, just you let me know. And they go to seven days. They go, holy shit, I can do it. I'm like, it's been that long. Yeah. I don't say that to them in my head I think it. I'm like, it's been that long. Like, fuck. There's a lot of habits that you need to unlearn. You know, and I won't say that to them, but I'll be like, hey,

let's put some good habits in place here. You know, and let's really work towards that. And each person is motivated differently, which is what I love so much. Like, some guys, guys love a kick up the ass. Like, hey, let's fucking go, big dog. David Goggins, come on. With girls, it's like, hey, let me listen to you. Let me hear what you have to say. What's going on? Okay. Do you reckon we can do this? Let's give this a crack. Okay, let's move forward with this. And there's some other chicks who are just absolutely killers who are just like, I'm fucking getting

up at 4 a.m. and I'm doing my fucking steps. I'm like, you got to breathe on. Just give me the plan. Yeah, they're just like, I'll just fucking do it. And there's some absolute beasts. And the funniest thing is more often not the woman tend to perform better than the men because there's a lack of ego. I've noticed that true.

My whole PT and coaching career is that women seem to get. And it's what the industry is kind of dominated by women anyway. I think most men or women, PTs and coaches will say that like probably 70, 80% of their, of their client base is probably females. I think men have the ego where they don't need help. They think they don't need help.

And then when they do ask for help, they still be like, well, I'm going to get your help, but I'm still going to do it my way. Yeah. And it's like, listen, it's like,

bro, take a step back, right? You know, check yourself because the whole reason you're in the position you're in because you can't fucking do it yourself. you know and like it was funny i was in the gym the other day and there was two squat racks girl was squatting guy was squatting girl was squatting about 60 kilograms so decent decent

decent amount of tin full depth brilliant form just phenomenal to see really really chuff for her and i see the guy and he's squatting like uh about 50 kilos about quarter squatting it right but he catches in the periphery you see this girl go ask to grass so what does he do go gets like 220 plate slaps him on top of it And then he does this like, quarter squat. And I'm just like, bro, are you in here to like flex your ego? You're in here to improve.

I always, whenever I'm in the gym and I'm with clients and I'm going to go, I always make this joke. I say, all the lads in the room, um, half their way. All the women in the room double their way. That's, bro, that's actually not a bad rule of thumb. No, not a bad rule of thumb. Because women are so cautious and responsible and men are rash and, you know, brave and

well maybe not brave just stupid yeah just it's just men just have a little bit more ego than women do yeah genuinely speaking and that doesn't mean men are egotistical assholes no it's it's it's it's it's how it should be yeah it's it's normal it's just being able to check your ego

is where you start to level up that's where you're like oh okay now I'm a little bit cut above the rest because I can check it and I can go and what's funny is when you check a male client's ego they start making results they start getting results quicker yeah yeah 100% you're like look at that bro yeah oh i'm getting bigger and i'm getting leaner because you fucking checks your ego mate you know you fucking sorted it out i'm proud of you brother that's excellent to see whereas that's just like you said and you're actually so on the money women tend to be more cautionary in nature and i see some brilliant form and i'm like

wait up go for a girl fuck me that's excellent yeah you know so it's actually very very interesting and i actually really like that energy i may actually steal that from your car because that's you take that yeah i'm sure i robbed it off something else so i love it bro we'll probably wrap it up here but um i think what was that about two hours that that's after flying by um for anyone listening let's say they want to follow up or follow the work you're doing or reach out to you or ask you for advice ryan where can they go to to find you so just go to Instagram guys at Ryan Evilly, R-Y-A-N-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-I-G-H. And you can see me there.

You can drop me a DM. Enjoy the content. Give me some shit for the podcast if they want. I'm over to anything, man. But yeah, that's what you can find me, my man. Mate, I appreciate you today. Thank you. Honestly, bro, it's all love, my bro.

It's all love. Thanks for watching. If you like that episode and you want to see more content like this, make sure you're subscribed and I'll see you on the next one.