The Wellness Scoop - Coping with The Current Uncertainty

Episode Date: January 19, 2021

The last year has been full of unprecedented, unexpected, uncertain moments, which have thrown many of us through a loop. Today we talk to Gelong Thubten, a Buddhist monk, about how we can sit with that fear, how we can stop our minds from racing ahead and projecting into the future and how we can find moments of calm even when the world feels upside down. We look at the many positives, the irony of missing our busy lives and how we can cultivate more compassion and appreciation of lockdown; as well as the questions we should be asking ourselves in our collective quest for happiness when our external pick-me-up’s aren’t there. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is an ad from BetterHelp Online Therapy. We always hear about the red flags to avoid in relationships, but it's just as important to focus on the green flags. If you're not quite sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify those qualities so you can embody the green flag energy and find it in others. BetterHelp offers therapy 100% online, and sign-up only takes a few minutes.

Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com. Hi, and welcome to the Deliciously Ella podcast with me, Ella Mills. So we've got, I guess, an unusual setup today today I'm actually recording in bed at home because obviously we're all working from home now during the coronavirus and we're really really keen though to keep the podcast going in any way that we could so hopefully you'll enjoy this hopefully the quality will be good but any feedback please do let me know obviously learning as we go have to say being able to record in bed is quite a dream actually. It couldn't be cozier if I tried. I've got a cup of tea, I've got a bar of chocolate and I'm hoping this episode is going to lift all our spirits,

but also give us a lot of helpful tips and tricks for dealing with what in reality is quite a challenging time. So our guest today is Anna Martha and Anna is a psychotherapist who's really passionate about taking therapy out of the therapy room and in a time in which we can't actually go into a therapy room this feels the most perfect person that we could possibly be talking to. Anna welcome to the podcast thank you so so much for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Thank you. So how are you getting on? Yeah, I have my moments to be honest. I think we all do, don't we? It's just navigating what feels like an entire new normal. Before all this happened, I was writing a lot about burnout and overwhelm and then suddenly we're kind of in a national state of enforced slowness

so it's just so different isn't it it's so different and actually before we get into kind of dealing I guess in some ways with the negative the kind of anxiety and things like that that lots of us might be feeling with uncertainty and that all the massive changes we've been having. I actually just wanted to pick up on what you said because it's so challenging and I mean this in the most respectful way when I say you know can we find the positives in this situation because for so many people especially this is an incredibly challenging time and obviously like for all our emergency services you know the health care systems all around the world, as well as our NHS in the UK, like they are working overtime. So it's, it's, you know, no means do I want to be disrespectful when I say find the positives. But I think for lots of people

who are now maybe just working at home and be privileged enough to be able to do that. It is interesting what you said about writing a lot about burnout. And actually in this podcast, it's something we've talked about a lot. And did a whole episode on stress for example with Dr Chatterjee and a lot of that has actually focused on the fact that we never have time to slow down and but suddenly we've been we've been given that and in some ways we're finding that quite hard. Yeah because actually I think when we slow down we start start to realise, you know, some of those feelings that might have been hidden in all the busyness come to the forefront. So that can be a challenge, but taking the opportunity to process some of the, I guess, the fallout of living so fast. You know, we're just kind of faced with boredom.

You know, some of us, yes, there's a lot of juggle that's going on at home in many of our houses. But boredom is something that I think was really at risk of becoming quite extinct beforehand. And there's just a bit more space. And for those of us who have lived such busy, fast lives, it could find us questioning our sense of identity a bit. You know, what am I worth if I'm not doing all of the things all of the time who am I if I'm not saving the planet in my own my own tiny way and it just yeah I just think it's throwing up a lot of real varied challenges for different people at the moment and in terms of dealing with that kind of change in definition what from a professional perspective what tools are there

that we can use because I think it's very true like we often define ourselves by our careers for example or perhaps like some hobbies which are really really big parts of our lives and big passions of ours and suddenly we're not able to kind of pursue those in the way that we normally do we're maybe not part of a kind of physical community space that it defines us or we're not able to be in that office kind of doing what it is that we normally do and and it's that's that's quite disruptive are there any tools or ways of breaking down that thought pattern that help shift that sense of definition I think there is a we we become a lot more aware of what some of those thought patterns are when all that busyness is

stripped away, don't we? You know, I think in the buzz of life, the way that we speak to ourselves, for example, and what we place our identity in, you know, has a massive impact on our mental health. And when so much of that is suddenly stripped away, and the noise is stripped away, that internal voice, that internal dialogue is a lot louder. And I think, you know, it can be so revealing. It can be so revealing of what was going on underneath it all along. So just starting to think, how do I speak to myself? You know, what has that dialogue been going on in my mind in that busyness? Who am I when everything is stripped away? What am I worth when I'm sat on the sofa on my laptop

and I can't go out and have all of the conversations and fix all of the problems? And just really giving yourself the time to look at your stripped back self and what was there underneath it all along. And in that, is that about kind of giving permission to kind of accept that as well? Because I feel like we're always in the society

that lots of us live in in modern world we're always pushing for the next thing and the next thing and the next thing suddenly that's we're not able to do that in the same way like yes I'm sure most people listening to this are kind of still working at home but I know for us at least I get such a different type of work like you know most of the projects we were working on for example they've all been put on pause and now it's kind of like firefighting and just like managing the core of what we do but it's not there's not that growth that chase because it's just it's not plausible at the moment yeah and I think that you know the truth of it is that we're not worth anything less

now we're not able to do these things and I think for so long you know the message that we get in our culture and the message that we give ourselves and the message that is perpetuated is that we are the sum of what we do. Yeah. So actually, it's just, it's taken that opportunity to see that actually there isn't a huge amount of truth in that. Yeah, we, some of us can be more helpful to society than others. But ultimately, we all have value, whether we're sat in a onesie on the sofa in the middle of the day, or whether we're, you know, we're in an ambulance on the front line. And that's what it comes down to is who are we when everything is stripped away? And it's such a challenge, isn't it, to sit with that and to be faced with that. And busyness has such a purpose for us. It has, it's a coping mechanism. So, you know, it's about giving

yourself time and space to feel some of the feelings that maybe have been squashed by a full diary, to ask some questions about who am I? What do I actually like doing? What have all of these things been giving me? But being so kind to ourselves in this, it's hard because it is hard. It's challenging because it is challenging. And I think it's so easy to compare our feelings away and think, well, so-and-so is doing this and actually I'm not on the front line, so I shouldn't be finding this hard. I shouldn't be finding this challenging but ultimately you know our feelings are all valid regardless of of where we're sat yeah absolutely I love that and I think it's so true I was reading something by Matt Haig this morning who's so brilliant if we had one podcast before but he

speaks so well about mental health and he was just saying you know times are different so it's okay to live differently and almost as you said give yourself permission to sit in your onesie and not expect yourself to be kind of what you were doing a month ago no because actually maybe a month ago all of the things we were doing maybe it's just this enforced slowness is a real opportunity start to be kind to the selves that we are when everything is stripped away and it's so good to have perspective. It's so good to bring in balance and to bring in gratitude, but not in a way that devalues or negates the very valid feelings that we feel trying to navigate this whole new life. I've heard it likened to, you know, having a newborn where you're just at home and you're like, wow, you know, in a way this is so simple, but another way it feels so challenging and new and I and I

kind of everything I knew about life I I don't know and all the things that I like to control I can no longer seem to control and what's going on and we have to be we have to be patient and gentle with ourselves yeah absolutely it's funny actually we've got a dog Austin and so I've been taking him out and obviously in the UK they're still saying go out for a walk, obviously to keep your distance. And it's been the thing that has really picked me up every time is seeing where I went out for a walk yesterday morning at like 8.30ish. And there was a guy, we've just literally moved house actually. And I noticed him the other day outside his house with his kids. And he was in the park at 8.30 or so playing baseball or something with with the children and it was just that was a really

amazing moment so I thought how unlikely is that actually that you'd be able to do that on a Wednesday morning otherwise and I love you know Matt especially he's been able to have all this time with our daughter Skye that he never ever ever ever would have had before so it is trying to I know for me personally I'm trying to really focus on those bits of real joy in in the day rather than all the things that aren't there which I know you know speaking to all different neuroscientists and things is really hard to do because we can gravitate towards negativity but at the same time if you find those little things and they are they do feel like they are there for lots of us. But one thing I really wanted to pick up on just then was when you were talking about control. And obviously, you've got much more experience of this,

but I always feel like as human beings, obviously, it's such a sliding scale, but we do quite like to have a sense of control in our lives. And I wonder if one of the things that's making it really challenging for people is the fact that suddenly we don't really have control of very much in our lives. We don't even necessarily have control of like what we're making for dinner because we can't necessarily get the ingredients we want. And, you know, it's not recommended and it's not particularly appealing to go and buy the ingredients right now. And so I wanted to talk a little bit about that and about the kind of the challenge from a behavioral perspective for us of suddenly so much of our control that we just take for granted and we don't even think about every day

not being there anymore and how that affects us on a human level. I think control gives us a sense of safety doesn't it but and this is what we're literally hit with this reality that we just don't have control. We can control certain things, can't we? We can control that we're sticking to the guidelines and we can control that we're staying safe and washing our hands. But ultimately, our ability to control has suddenly come down to kind of a few simple requirements. And I think anxiety itself, that sits in that place of lack of control. And that's often what anxiety is completely fueled by is when we really focus on those things that are out of our control. And I think the thing is, we never really had

a lot of control before. But suddenly, all our normal coping mechanisms which might have been a busy life it might have been kind of a busy job it might have been socializing you know those coping mechanisms have been taken away from us so we're kind of really faced with this quite anxiety provoking reality of the fact that we don't have a huge amount of control and it's really destabilizing and it's really it feels like I don't know about you but when this all started it felt like the ground was shaking you know like everything I know everything I know to be true everything that makes me feel anchored the routine that is a bit mundane and a bit frustrating at times you know even the school run I didn't ever really love the

school run but suddenly I'm like yearning for the school run. I didn't ever really love the school run, but suddenly I'm like yearning for the school run, the normal things that have been taken away and we feel really out of control. And I think the hard thing is, is that we don't know when normality is going to resume. And even when that normality resumes, it's going to feel different, you know, and I keep remembering, I remember going to this PT this this lesson in the park and he was making us do press-ups and he was like do 10 press-ups so we did 10 and then you're kind of flopped onto the ground and you're like I've done it and then he's like do 10 more and it was that you know keep pushing us to the end of our resources and then just as we were there

it was like well actually we still got to carry on and dig deeper and I think that's you know that sense of the boundaries keep moving at the moment and everything just feels very different and a bit confused and like how on earth do we find stability in that you know how do we find joy how do we find like keep our sense of self in that and we have to work harder and do you have any tips I know you know you've got that incredible course on reframing anxiety and that's kind of real speciality of yours how how can you as you said it's definitely requires more work to seek that joy seek the positives and and create the new normal and and enjoy that and appreciate that and find gratitude in that but

do you have any tips for kind of reframing that thinking away from the anxiety and nervousness of the uncertainty into actual appreciation for for where we are or if not appreciation just kind of acceptance yeah so I always think number one is always like compassion like having compassion for yourself. If you just suddenly plonk someone in a whole new normal, a whole new setup, you wouldn't expect them just to completely know how to feel, what to do, how to navigate it. So there's this time of transition that we're all going through and to expect ourselves to respond normally, act normally, function normally as to what our normal has always been. It's like a really big ask of ourselves. So, you know, I think just to be really careful as to where you're

setting that bar, where that pressure might be that actually needs a little bit more relaxing or a little bit more compassion as we're all trying to navigate this. Another one is like my favourite mantra, if you will, at the moment, because I think it's so easy to go down the, but what if, but what if, you know, what if this happened? What if, what if that happened? What if the government did this? What if we caught that? And I think it's so easy to forget how many bridges we have crossed in our lives, that if someone had told you, you know, one day you're going to go through this challenge, and you might, oh, my goodness, I could never do that. And lo and behold, you did.

You know, you have faced challenges, you've faced changes and you've you've come out the other side. And I think, you know, we feel like we're being faced with something so big and unknown and it's so easy to forget how far we've come, what challenges we have overcome. And that actually when it comes down to it, you know, we are a lot stronger than we think we are. I'm finding it so helpful just to repeat to myself, I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. You know, I'll cross that bridge if I come to it, just as I've crossed bridges before. And it's the if that's really helpful, because our brains like to, I don't know, con us into thinking that potentials are certainties. And when we go down that road, we start feeling like the fear and we

feel the grief and we feel the panic and it takes us on a roller coaster that actually isn't necessary. And I think anxiety likes to tell us that if we think these through, all of these what ifs through to enough depth, then if it actually does come to pass, we'll be more prepared, it will be less painful, it will be less confusing, we'll be able to say, yep, I told you so, I'm prepared for this. But it doesn't do that. Like, it doesn't give us more strength when we get there. It just takes away from now, it just takes away from our peace and our enjoyment. And I think it's really helpful to remember that and to remind ourselves that, look, yeah, make a plan. Sure. Just like in the war,

they built bunkers and they had them stocked up with some tins and blankets ready in case they needed them. And that's what planning is. That's what logistics are. But anxiety is basically climbing into that war bunker and living there when we before the sirens even sound you know we're living in that confinement of that thought and that feeling where we're feeling those feelings of claustrophobia before we even need to before that's actually we're faced with threat so it just takes away from our present I think honestly I feel really uplifted having heard that. I think it's so true. And I absolutely loved what you said about challenges.

Like if all of us, I feel like, can look back at times in our life where we've had really difficult moments and you think, I can't do it, I can't do it. And then you do do it because human beings have this phenomenal ability to put one foot in front of the other even when that feels really painful and even when that feels really difficult and even when you dread every single kind of inch of that but you always put one foot in front of another and then we get to the other side and we think we did it and it's it's amazing how easily our brains can take us as well so far away from where we are. And as you said, it's about kind of bringing it back and saying if rather than imagining that that's you today. It's actually Matt and I both took off news alerts from our phones last night because we just thought, you know, like it's there's obviously a really delicate balance it's it feels very important to be informed and obviously also from you know a business perspective especially for matt who's our ceo

and he's really running delicious yellow in the supply chain nightmares that we've got moment distribution all the boring stuff like it's important to understand where we're at of course but at the same time like hearing it every 20 minutes just doesn't feel that helpful and there are obviously some real tragedies and and really really heartbreaking deaths that are happening but at the same time like Matt said something that's so true is that we don't get a notification every time someone passes away from a heart attack and if we did true you know imagine how afraid we'd be the whole time and it's it's not almost certain that it was going to happen to you wouldn't you exactly and it's not to belittle it it's it's so heartbreaking and and the situation we're in is kind of way beyond anyone's worst nightmare but at the same time like

it just feels as though constantly putting yourself in that position that it just I don't know if it helps us but I don't know whether you have any kind of advice on how to control that balance of feeling like you're informed, feeling like you understand what's going on, but at the same time not feeling overwhelmed by a 24-7 influx of scary information. And how do you then digest the scary information in a way that makes you informed and have all the information you need to be safe and make the right decisions for everybody else, but at the same time, not live, as you said, in that bunker. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from Real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad heard only in Canada.

Reach great Canadian listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Libsyn Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre-produced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Libsyn Ads. Email bob at libsyn.com to learn more. That's b-o-b at l-i-b-s-y-n dot com. Yeah, I think it's important to think about how often you're going there and where you're going. So some people, it might be really helpful to say to their partners or a good friend of theirs, you know, I'm just looking too much at the news. Can you just text me when there's a significant update that I need to know? You know, just to give yourself that respite, because I think often what we do when we find ourselves scrolling

through the feeds and scrolling through the articles is actually we're looking for some reassurance. We're looking for something that is the metaphorical taking us by the shoulder and telling us that it's all going to be okay, that they've got the actual statistic that is going to make us feel so much better. And we're not really going to find it there, you know, not at the moment. So it's actually not looking to those, the constantly changing news to ground you, but focusing that time and attention on actually trying to find things in your present to ground you. So yeah, limiting it can be really helpful. And also just maybe you simply watch the news release at five o'clock and that is what you

do. But also thinking, how do you feel before you grab your phone? You know, am I feeling quite vulnerable? How am I likely to feel after a good scroll you know I'm not going to come away feeling better so yeah just kind of also monitoring how you're feeling as you approach that scroll through or clicking the news on again because I feel like and I'm sure you see this a lot that we have this tendency in a way to gravitate towards the kind of bad and the drama because it's quite addictive in a way and I think that constant refreshing and scrolling is at this moment quite addictive but at the same time it's not necessarily helping us yeah I think knowledge you know we're kind of told knowledge is power knowledge is power but it's definitely not power when you're overwhelming yourself with it you know

it it just becomes quite hard to see the wood for the trees. And yeah, it can be quite destructive. So just sticking to the facts, just making sure you're going to the right places can be really helpful. And are there any kind of, I guess, exercise, I don't necessarily mean physical exercise, but kind of like practical tools that people can implement or that you find with people that you work with really helps to take your mind away from that never-ending stream of nervousness and uncertainty and other tools that you can deploy in your everyday whether that's kind of practical or yeah even just things that you can do to keep yourself busy to put your mind in a different place and almost distract

yourself but positive distraction. Yeah. So there are quite a few. So I think what happens with anxiety and what happens when we're rushing ahead in our minds, you know, we're not present and actually we can't really be present and fully anxious at the same time. And there are certain things that we can, we can do. So my favorite trick is to count back from a hundred in from 103s because it is incredibly hard to play the what if game and make stories about my future when I'm counting back from 103s. My brain just cannot process the same. And it's kind of like catching that runaway train at the top of the track because as it gains momentum, it's harder to catch, isn't it? It's harder to catch isn't it it's harder to stop so starting to become more aware of when your thoughts are going into that kind of overthinking spiral and just doing something

that brings you back to the present so another favorite one is name five things you see four things you hear three things you touch two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. And it just brings you back to now. And I find mantras so helpful. And one that I often repeat to myself is now is okay. And now is all I have. Like now is what is real. Everything in the future, we can make guesses, you know, we can hold our assumptions, but ultimately the only thing that is really real is now so yes we can plan we can we can have a contingency plan for what might happen if we get ill and need someone to drop shopping around who might we ask and that is helpful but the more we kind of spiral into all of those imagining all of the feelings and it just it just really unsettles us and it puts us into that kind of fight or flight panic mode.

And it's just, it's not necessary. It just takes so much energy as well. You know, it's exhausting. So busy your brain instead. I started doing Sudokus last week. I literally, I couldn't sleep for, it was like eight nights in a row. And I just, I don't know, it was like eight nights in a row and I just I don't know I was really overwhelmed by everything it didn't help that like obviously the advice about pregnancy

was changing and I'm newly pregnant so that was a bit scary we were trying to move house hoping to be able to complete before everything shut down so there was quite a lot and obviously work was very very stressful so there was a lot going on but it was literally eight nights in a row where I slept for like three or four hours which really took me back to when Skye was like two days old and I found myself just doing sudokus at like two in the morning because otherwise my brain just just ran for like miles and miles and I was suddenly feeling really panicky and just I remember I just like sort of crying thinking about how like terrifying this was for all the nurses and doctors and everyone in hospitals and I just thought you know what like your brain is running at 4 000 miles an hour it's 1am like to control it and

yeah Sudoku was phenomenally helpful actually brilliant and it's called you know that's the flow activity so anything that kind of gives your mind a bit of respite, because you have to focus on it. So we're doing a lot of jigsaws at the minute at home, loving engaging in the jigsaws again, apart from the only ones you can get online seem to be the Christmas ones. But so don't, you know, that kind of thing, words such as it could be that you get the coloring books out, it could be that you do some doodles, it could, you know, just anything that gets you out of your mind can be so helpful. But I think all of these things, they just keep us in that present moment of what you're focusing on. And it takes you away from all of the possibilities of the future to the realities of the present.

Absolutely. And I can't even count the number. I feel like anyone I've ever spoken to, whether it's a psychotherapist, a psychologist, a neuroscientist, a kind of just specialist on general well-being and happiness, every single person says exactly what you're saying, that being present is everything. And any tool that you have to bring yourself back to now and stop your brain from running forwards or backwards is the most powerful thing you can do to feel good at any point. The other thing I wanted to ask you about Anna was motivation because again I think obviously like first of all I mean you for example obviously juggling your work with with your kids now being at home I know that's something that is quite challenging for a lot of people and obviously the kids not being at school and them feeling kind of uncertain as well. But then also, you know, even for people on their own or something like still working from home and waking up and basically spending your whole day in one space is quite unusual for us. And I know lots of people are really quite struggling with motivation at the moment and feeling inspired to get up and

go especially when you can yeah I mean it's three thirds in the afternoon and I'm sitting in bed but it is it is true that I think finding like that extra bit of kind of get up and go and motivation when we are maybe working in our bedrooms and things like that isn't or juggling you know child care and homeschooling with our careers and things like that, it's not that easy. And I wondered whether you had any advice for people on that as well. Yeah, I think firstly, you know, using that kind of newborn metaphor again, that period of life is so exhausting and it's not just exhausting for the lack of sleep. It's exhausting because our whole being, our whole identity, our whole normal has been shifted. And that takes up a huge amount of emotional energy just to navigate our way through working out what that's going to

look like and how we are in that new us, that new kind of form of us. And I think don't underestimate the emotional, psychological impact that this massive sudden shift in the way that we live our lives is going to have. The way we socialize, the way, you know, there are so many of us that just get so much of ourselves and our enjoyment of being with people, and that's just been really shifted, taken away. So we've got to have a lot of grace for ourselves, a lot of patience for ourselves, because we are, we're finding a new normal. We're navigating one of the biggest challenges that our world has maybe ever faced. So lower the expectations. You know, you cannot expect yourself to get the same amount of stuff done in the same speed the same volume and that you might normally do now it is it is also really helpful for mental health to have an element of routine and it is also really great for mental health to feel like

you've achieved something even if it's just tidying a corner of your home that you know just making sure that you're doing a little something every day that is giving you that sense of accomplishment because that's a really good feeling and it's very motivating but also you know just looking at your day and thinking am I expecting too much of myself where do you where do I need to encourage myself you know but but being realistic in that in the light of so much change and how about as a kind of as a mom I mean I know like talking to some of the moms in our team who are challenged struggling with dealing with homeschooling you know and having the kids at home and making sure they're happy and feeling calm and and grounded when there's so much change in their life and maybe they're not

understanding it to the same extent and trying to juggle their work do you have any advice but also maybe on how to kind of communicate this to kids because it seems like it's you know it's obviously especially I mean my daughter's sky she's eight months she she hasn't got a clue she actually thinks this is brilliant because yeah my kids think it's an extended holiday yeah and we're home the whole time she loves it but I guess some people you know their kids are feeling quite nervous and and obviously missing school and and feeling unsettled by that change as well yeah do you know what it it quickly dawned on me after trying to google all of these different ways to entertain and teach my children and I was getting all these emails from the school and I just felt massively overwhelmed. And the juggle was, you know, so intense.

And I think I just had a massive meltdown on the first Sunday night and just with the week spanning ahead. And I thought, wow, do you know what? Everything, when you strip everything else away, all of the shoulds and the, you know, the lists, the most important thing that I can do for my entire family is look after my mental health because I need to find ways to anchor myself in this because really beyond the homeschooling and all of that, my one job for my children is to be their anchor because that's what they're looking to me to be. So I have to put more energy into looking after myself and my mental health so that I'm able to be that. And regardless of what they learn over these next few weeks, months,

however long it is, that will be totally changed. You know, I need to be their anchor. They'll have little storms along the way, we all will. But that needs to be my main priority is that I can look after myself so that I'm okay for them. And that's really, it's really hard. It takes a lot of energy to really prioritize those things above all of those things that are calling on our attention and all of those shoulds that are echoing in the back of our heads. I should be doing this.

I should be doing that work because I should be. There are so many shoulds and so many things kind of calling on our attention and beeping away and they're important but ultimately I have to look after myself so that I can be consistent for them and in doing that give yourself a break you can't be a maths teacher history teacher an English teacher a mom cook for them look after them yeah and and also a psychotherapist yeah yeah we have so many hats and so many labels and normally in life we can kind of compartmentalize a few of them and now they're just a big mishmash and it's you know it's it's tough and it's hard because it's hard it's challenging because it's challenging how on earth is any one person going to perform all of those functions in any given day?

I think we also have to remember that when life does kick off again in some kind of familiar way, you know, all of these different facets that we've been involved in are not going to necessarily expect for us to step straight back into them as if this never happened. We're all going to to be changed by it we'll all have been challenged by it we're all going to have to have that kind of grace period of finding our feet again in familiarity yeah no it's so so so well said no it's it's completely true I think obviously the overriding message is basically to stop expecting so much and be so much more relaxed with ourselves and almost enjoy the fact that life has slowed down a bit and try and find the advantages to that if you can. Yeah. And the gratitude amongst it all. And, you know, I think gratitude isn't about devaluing the fact that it's hard. It's just drawing our

attention from what could go wrong to actually what is there and what is right. And just lowering our expectation of what brings us joy because there's less of the big things right now. And if we can find joy in the small things, we'll find so much more happiness and we can feel happy and sad. You know, we can feel joyful and fearful. And I think, you know, it's just accepting that there's going to be a whole host of emotions and all of those are okay. But if you can bring in some gratitude and joy, it will be, you know, there'll be kind of nice little buzzes of enjoyment and happiness through the challenge. Now going forwards, everyone's looking for, you know, things to do, books to

read, shows to watch. I love to hear what what you're finding joy in any recommendations you have to any of our listeners I'm finding joy in jigsaws I'm really enjoying the little escapism of jigsaws yes I'm just digging things out we're playing some card games and we're just you know it's just all of those normal things when the normal things that you lean on to distract you are kind of taken away. The dinner parties and the fun times with friends. Just I'm finding joy in hearing people's voices on the phone. I'm finding joy in the sunshine.

Like I had a moment this morning where the sun had come over the top of the house and had melted some of the frost on the garden. And there was this big arch of where the grass had been warmed. And I just stood and I looked at it and I was like wow and then I thought man I never would have thought that before you know my standard for what is bringing me joy is is dropped right down and I actually I really like that I'm finding joy in my kids faces I'm just looking at them and thinking man I am just so privileged that I I have you here with me and that just makes me feel so happy so even amidst all the confusion and the who knows what's going on and that's a lot of fear and you know there's still joy yeah to be found I absolutely know I think I'm finding the exact same things and it's

trying to really yeah as you said in going a bit slower sometimes you notice things that you don't always notice otherwise just because um the thing that I'm loving most is the initiative going on in the UK at the moment for kids to do pictures of rainbows and put them in their windows for other children to see on their walks oh I am loving seeing that so much that brings me so much joy it's just so gorgeous and yeah we I have to admit we've watched three different Netflix shows in 10 days so I think that's good going there's good going we all need that a bit of escapism we all need that little bit of you know mental respite yeah everyone's talked about things for so long I'm finally watching all the different series that um you're like yeah I knew

what you were talking about now I know it now I get it exactly when we go back into the world I can rejoin in people's conversations well Anna thank you so much and I just wanted to ask for our listeners we normally do a little round up at the end if there's three to five things that people take away from this kind of just little nuggets I guess of information for them to share and remember what would those be for you? Okay, so number one would be, I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. And knowing that you've crossed many bridges this far. The second one is that there is just enough light for the step that we're on. When we look into the future, it's hazy. We don't know what's there, but actually there is enough for the step that we're on. We have got enough resources for this one step. So

don't keep looking ahead at the marathon. Just look down at where you are and know that you have got the resources somehow, even if they're from outside of yourself. And the third one is be kind in where your expectations are. Just be compassionate. And we don't naturally do that. A lot of us are quite critical and have quite high standards. But, you know, this is a time for us to be kind as to where we placed our boundaries and our expectations. Amazing, Anna. Thank you so much.

And if anyone is struggling and wants more, Anna's got an amazing course on reframing anxiety so if that is something that you are really struggling with at the moment that might be might be helpful I'll put all of Anna's details in the show notes below otherwise I hope you guys are keeping well I hope you are managing to find those little drawings of rainbows and little things that spark some joy and and a huge thank you to any of our listeners who are working to keep things going and keep everyone safe we are endlessly grateful and for our listeners who are at home and looking for more inspiration and ideas now more than ever I would absolutely love to hear from you and hear what you'd like on the podcast at the moment it'd be so valuable to know the ways in which we can support you and help you do you want an episode

of book recommendations and series recommendations or do you want distraction or do you want more coping medicalisms could we do a meditation episode you tell me I would absolutely love to hear from you email me at hello at deliciousiella.com. Otherwise, I'll be back recording in my bed very soon to come back to you next Tuesday. And yeah, just sending you lots and lots of love and massive thank you to Anna again. Goodbye. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad heard only in Canada. Thank you. of shows to reach your target audience with Libsyn ads. Email bob at libsyn.com to learn more.

That's B-O-B at L-I-B-S-Y-N dot com.