The Wellness Scoop - Reframing Our Thinking: How to Believe Good Things Can Happen

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

How do we reframe our thinking to believe good things can happen, how do we spread good in such a difficult time and how can we manage our mindset to stop us drifting into negativity bias, especially in such an uncertain period? Neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart talks us through the power of the mind, the law of attraction and whether creating the life we want is luck, faith at work or something explainable by science. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com. Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Deliciously Ella podcast with me, Ella Mills. I hope everyone is feeling okay. Me and Tara Tara our guest today we're just talking about kind of how mad the world is feeling at the moment it's certainly been a really challenging couple of weeks at Delicious the Ella dealing with all the complication and concern about coronavirus so we just wanted to say we're thinking of you all and maybe this

will provide a little bit of positivity in your day possibly and it's quite an interesting one really in relation to what we're we're thinking about probably where our minds are at the moment because it's about visualization and positive thinking and the idea of the law of attraction and really whether or not you can create the life you want to through the power of your mind and these are are topics that I personally always been completely fascinated by. Although honestly, sometimes I think they felt a little bit far-fetched and I felt a tiny bit skeptical. So I'm very excited to get under the skin of it all today and really understand the science behind it and whether, you know, positive thinking, the law of attraction is a concept of faith at work or is it science? Is there fact behind it? So today's guest, Tara Swart

is a neuroscientist. She's a medically trained doctor and she focuses on exactly this. And her work has led her to the understanding that there is a way of retraining the brain to direct our actions and emotions and in doing so manifest the lives we desire. And basically, we want to know how to get in on this magic. So welcome to the podcast, Tara. Thank you, Ella. And as you were saying, I just want to echo that I'm so thrilled to be here with you in person. And let's definitely try to make this an episode that people can really use to get through, you know, any challenging times that they're going through. Before I get started, I want to share a little quote that's at the beginning of your book.

And I guess it really kind of framed my thinking around this whole episode. And it's by Henry Ford. And the quote is, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. And it's absolutely fascinating that again, it's the idea that whatever you think is going to become the reality. And one of the things in this whole sphere we hear a lot about is the law of attraction. And actually, if I'm completely honest, I don't really know exactly what it means, other than the fact that I've heard about it a lot. So could you give us a bit of an overview? Where are we kind of getting to with things like that? Well, I felt so lucky that that quote had already existed for so long, because it's really only the modern neuroscience and the scanning techniques that have helped us to

prove that right. And I love the way you said, you know, is it faith or is it really science? There's a part of me, even as a neuroscientist, but also just as a person that's a neuroscientist that thinks, well, actually, what does it really matter? Except I know that people who've read the book say that knowing that it was backed up by science compelled them to action. So for example, to do a visualization or make what I call an action board, which is basically a vision board that you do a little bit more, you know, to make it come true. And so the law of attraction, very simply, is that the way that you think dictates how your life pans out. And at the very simplest level, that's the glass half full, glass half empty sort of analogy. But if you think

about it, with these more modern scientific techniques, then the way that you think, the way that you behave, the way that you act, is all governed by the neurons and chemicals in your brain. So keeping them in good condition, and creating pathways that are more glass half full, does have a self perpetuating effect. So it's both faith and science. That's absolutely fascinating. and so I know you said as beginning even of your career as a neuroscientist and as you started training as a doctor the science wasn't there in the same way because literally the scanning techniques and things weren't there and so has has that really changed the course of this conversation it

absolutely has so I think everybody always feels like they were at that lucky, amazing time in their career when things change so obviously, but I think that happens a lot throughout time. I definitely feel that when I started as a medical student, and then even towards the end of my studies, there's a massive difference between what we could do technologically then and what we can do now, which is about 20 years later. So I've always said I'm not one of those sorts of people that have always said I want to live till I'm really old, or I wish I was young again. But what we understand now about neuroplasticity, which is how much you can change your brain in adulthood, I do think I wish I'd known that when I was 18.

So that changes, does it? So I guess all this, everything we're going to talk about in the idea of the law of attraction that earlier in your life life you implement it, the more of a difference it makes. I'm going to say that the magic, as the word that you used, of neuroplasticity is that it doesn't really matter when you start, you can still make a massive difference. It's just that we used to think that after the age of 18, you couldn't really change your brain. But we now know that it massively changes just through everything it's exposed to till we're about 25. But that we can be much more active in that process. So if you didn't know that, then you would spend time with certain people, you might, you know, do a job that you don't love, or, you know, you just expose your brain to every single thing that you experience. And that would

have an effect on shaping your brain. So if by chance you experienced a lot of bad news or you just knew somebody that went through a really tough time, that has an effect on your brain. If you can keep, you know, using positivity, whether it's a mantra or certain actions to make the balance of life that your brain experiences more positive than negative, then you start to believe good things happen. The world is a safe place. I can go for that promotion that I want, or I can, you know, I'll get that relationship that I really want to be in. And that makes you more proactive. So it makes it statistically more likely to happen. So it really comes back to what you said, which I've never heard anyone say like that before, which is about the balance between faith and science. It really is starts with the faith, but gets propelled by the science. And so in a way, it's about stopping being passive in our own lives. And so as you said,

our brains are continuously changing because they are absorbing everything that's happening around us. But quite often, we're just kind of letting that happen and not necessarily taking charge of it and therefore taking charge of the ways that our brains are developing and allowing them therefore to develop in the ways that we would prefer them to. Absolutely. So I think that's a much better way of putting it than defaulting to negativity, try to do positive thinking. Actually, the key is to say, rather than just letting this be a passive process where life happens to you, take more agency, because we can all do a bit more than we're doing already. It's so hard, though, isn't it? And like, I think we're having this conversation at an interesting point. The world has felt like quite a difficult place. I think in the last year or so, whether that's the fires in Australia, the fires in the Amazon, they're now saying, you know, we've got 50 years to save the Amazon before it's gone.

Some complicated politics and the aftermath of Brexit and things like that. And now, obviously, what's going on with coronavirus? And I know for me, I keep turning on the news and I just feel so depressed, like your heart starts to feel quite heavy. And obviously, this is probably more kind of acute moment. But like, how do you do that? How do you stop being passive? I think coronavirus is a particularly tough one, because even with the other ones that you mentioned, like Brexit, the Australian fires, climate change and stuff, there is

a backstory to that, that there are choices that we, you know, in general made that have led to some consequences. That's definitely less so the case with coronavirus as far as you can tell. And those are, of course, all large sort of like population, governmental, national decisions that we don't necessarily feel that we have much agency. And it's a story you will have heard before, but it's the fact of how you deal with what's going on at the moment. So, for example, I know a lot of people who are freelance who are absolutely just starting to worry about how they're going to pay their bills and feed their children. And there's lots of things going on where people have or haven't been allowed to work remotely or they've taken a certain stance on what they're going to do to keep their family safe. And I really honestly see it as an opportunity to try to spread any excess goodwill or excess money that we have and

share that and just keep as many people safe as possible. Because we have a responsibility to do that because then it stops people panicking and doing things that disadvantage yet more and more people like panic buying. So of course, there's going to be a spectrum of responses to this. But I'm definitely focusing on the really nice stories. Like, for example, I work for a university in America. And there has now been a policy. Well, today, we've, you know, we've learned that flights into the US from Europe are being banned. But there was a move towards teaching online or having people off campus. But way before that became a policy, I had a discussion with them about not traveling. And they were so kind and helpful that it actually made me want to make me think,

what can I do to make somebody else's life easier now, because they've done that for me. And so the positive side of things can be really self-perpetuating. But you're absolutely right in what you were hinting at, which is that the natural survival default for the brain is to go towards negativity and loss and to avoid loss. And usually to do that, we will try to keep our resources for ourselves. We won't trust, collaborate, share. And so it is hard work to override that. But the first tip that I'm that I'm going to give you is not that, you know, you should be well informed, but continually watching

bad news is not going to have a beneficial effect on you. So you do need to be curating that a little bit so that you're informed, and you're safe. But you're not just repeatedly giving yourself negative messages because we know for example that people who repeatedly look to images of the twin towers falling in 9-11 even if they had no personal connection to New York or anyone that was affected they could get PTSD so but that comes back to that's kind of what I mean about being active rather than passive in terms of what your brain gets exposed to. Because I agree with you, it's going to be harder and harder to share and spread positivity, you know, if this really escalates. But one of the things we can do is not continually look at the worst stories and just repeat looking at the bad news and just actually turn the news off and pick up you know I'm not saying never watch it but don't watch it every hour and repeat get a little snippet and then turn it off and go and do something else absolutely do do things that bring that positivity back into your brain so that you know read stories of

communities that have been through terrible disasters and come out of them stronger or connect with your friends and loved ones more so that you really appreciate the value of why it might be a good idea to nurture your community and stay connected more than ever, whether it's digitally or whatever, because for human beings, that sense of belonging is actually the single most important thing in the brain. It's twice as important as the next thing down, which is physical exercise. In terms of keeping your brain in a good place. Yeah, keeping your brain healthy and therefore able to perform optimally, which includes this overriding the negativity bias. Right. So you need to feel connected to the people around you. Wow. So loneliness, then, is a very damaging thing for the brain. Loneliness is, it's recognised now as a risk factor for heart disease and reduced life expectancy up there with smoking, being sedentary, being obese.

Yeah. God, that is mad. Okay, I'm going to come back to the beginning again. You said there are six principles that underpin the science behind the law of attraction. Can you talk us through the six principles so we can help get our brains into that active place? We've actually already discussed the first one, which is the most important one, which is abundance. So it's positive thinking, it's sharing, it's generosity, it's believing there are enough resources out there for everyone and acting in that way. So not acting from scarcity or a lack mentality, which, as we've already discussed, is a natural default for us if we don't think about it.

So you're so right, it's extra hard to do that at the moment, but it's hard anyway. So it's, you know, something that if you've cultivated it, it becomes a habit and it becomes natural. And I mean, the writing of the book really brought home to me that these are things that I've thought about and done for several years. But by the time this book comes out, if I haven't really cultivated that as a habit, how can I go and speak to people like you and talk about abundant thinking so it's something I've literally trained myself to do basically by repetition but the process for bringing any of these ways of thinking which correlate to pathways in your brain making them the thicker default pathway in your brain is raised awareness so that's what something like

this podcast does for your readers really help people to understand that it's natural to default to survival mode and not to be abundant all the time, and that you want to continually replace any thinking that's negative or survival thinking with positive abundant thinking and actions. Focused attention means looking for opportunities to practice out this new way of thinking or behaving deliberate practice is just doing it over and over and over again till it's overwritten whatever your natural behavior was and then accountability so you know a friend family technology a coach who says to you next month have you been practicing that positive thinking what did you do for somebody that you wouldn't have done normally? And you know, journaling is a great way of keeping track of that too. So abundance is, it's really the most important one because it starts with how you think. And do you ever use like kind of mantras or like affirmations or

just having like a few little things you always come back to to help draw you back when your mind starts to go off in the other direction? Yeah, I have a few mantras that have become favorites of mine over time but how I help other people to find a mantra that's right for them is that often you know let's say it's not specific to something that's happening like at the moment let's say that you just have this fear or this insecurity or anxiety that's possibly been there since childhood. So it's a very natural part of the way that you think like, oh, that will never happen for me or don't, you know, don't push yourself out of your comfort zone too much. You'll just get disappointed, those sorts of things. If you have a recurring theme like that and you distill it down to the

underlying belief so that, you know, the underlying belief might be something that I'm not clever enough, I'm not pretty enough, whatever it is, that you then create a mantra that's the opposite of that statement. Right. And you repeat that mantra all the time, even when you don't need to, so that it becomes wired into your brain. And then if you feel challenged based on that insecurity, you can use it then to eat to strengthen it even more so just there's a buddhist philosophy that you replace every negative thought with a positive thought immediately that's really nice yeah the thing is it's that was already there like the henry ford quote but neuroplasticity shows that's exactly how the brain works you overwrite a

behavior that you don't want anymore that's not serving you so you kind of catch yourself basically every time you find that yourself saying as you said like I'm not quite good enough for that I don't think I can do that you're putting yourself down or you're kind of just generally being like today's going to be a bad day I don't really feel like it you kind of bring yourself back and say no that's not true I'm really lucky because of x y and z absolutely yeah love that and what's what's number two number two is manifestation so that's taking that thinking and making it into reality so later in the book I talk about brain agility which is it's also six six ways of thinking which are

logical emotional intuition motivation physical so knowing your body that brain body connection and creativity and I've actually said creativity is something other than how we've ever thought about it before it's using all of those ways of thinking to create the real world outcomes that you want and so that's a very scientific way of talking about manifestation which a bit like the laws of attraction is an you know an older or more left field way of thinking about manifestation which a bit like the laws of attraction is an you know an older or more left field way of thinking it's definitely something you hear quite a lot and I've always sort of wondered is that real what what's kind of behind that so the old or more spiritual ways of thinking about it are you know that if you if you think about something strongly

enough then you can make that become real now that sounds you know for some people that would just be like no I can't go there so what it actually means is that you create a pathway in your brain that's related to a certain way of thinking that's positive that's confident that's determined and then you identify a goal or a dream that you really want and you think about it a lot sure but you have to do things to try to make it more likely to happen so it's not just it's not just sitting there being like I really want that promotion say and then that's it I mean you know that is still a start though because there'd be some people that wouldn't even try to go for a promotion so the abundant thinking part is thinking okay could I go for promotion what else could I do

and then the manifestation part this is where it relates to the difference between vision boards and action boards because I've always felt like vision boards are you know a picture of the dream home the dream man the you know big check or whatever and then sit at home and wait for it to come true but don't do anything yeah And the manifestation part is really that whether it's using your mantra, whether it's going out and applying for a job, whether it's networking, whether it's dating, that you are actually doing something to move towards that goal every day. Right. I do have to say, though, that there is an element of magic to it. So I believe that if you try and you do the right things that actually more happens than you expect yeah but you have to try yeah yeah and what's number three number three

is magnetic desire which is the strength of emotion that goes behind manifesting the thing that you that you want so basically it's one thing to think positively the next step is to do actions each day that move you closer to your goals but what I find is that sometimes people think that they want certain things because that's what everybody else is doing and it's the right path to go down. And it's not deeply aligned sort of head, heart and gut. So magnetic desire is about that really emotional center of your brain being 100% convinced that this is the right thing for you. And genuinely what you want rather than what kind of society dictates. Exactly. And I actually, this is more anecdotal than scientific,

but if there is something and I do a visualization and I imagine myself with that having come true, if I can't visualize it, that's sometimes a sign to my intuition that maybe it's not right for me. Interesting. Yeah. So journaling and accessing your intuition are actually really important to making sure that this ideal that you're visualizing can actually have the full power of your magnetic desire behind it which means that you know all of your emotions in your limbic system are so focused on making that thing come true because if there are there are any doubts or hesitations it's easy to get distracted and the reason that this magnetic desire part is so important is that

there are a couple of processes in the brain called selective attention and value tagging. So because we're bombarded with so much information all the time, the brain naturally filters out stuff that's not really vital to us surviving. And then the next stage is, you know, to us thriving or getting what we really want. what we really want is the magnetic desire so it it filters things out it has a list of things that are really important to us and then it will tag them in order of importance so you know what you need to get done today what you need to put food on the table those things are going to be first but then lower down the list there'll be the sort of longer term goals and the things that you really want. If you don't have the right element of emotion and that alignment between your brain and your gut, which is, you know, how I'm describing our intuition, then it's not going

to get put high on the list by the value tagging process of the brain. So, you know, there really is a scientific explanation behind the difference between saying, yeah, I want to get to the next stage on the career ladder or, you know, I want to get married because all my friends are to the that job is the reason that I was put on this earth. And, you know, that idea of a certain family, you know, nurturing an amazing human being for the future. That is absolutely, you know what what I'm here for so that's really important that you've made sure you're accessing your intuition and your physicality to be 100% sure that the things you want really are the things that you want yeah and they're not just what kind of society wants you to want yeah or you know I think parental expectation plays such a massive part and we don't because those neural pathways have been there for so long we're almost not even aware that that's not actually what we always want right and I think plays such a massive part. And we don't, because those neural pathways have been there for so long,

we're almost not even aware that that's not actually what we always wanted. And I think you might resonate with number four as well. You've spoken a little bit about how things are being delayed at the moment. So number four is patience. And the image that I always have in my mind of what patience means is the guy that's digging for gold and you can see the tunnel that he's dug down and you can see him digging across and he's really he's been more patient than everybody else he's been going for days and days and days he's exhausted and finally he thinks okay I'm just you know I'm putting in more effort now because I committed to this but it's clearly not working and you need to know when to stop but we can see in the image that the you know the bag

of gold or whatever is that he was digging for is is just that next dig and I think related to what we were saying earlier about being passive in life or taking agency we also expect when we take agency that things will happen quite quickly yes and I do think you get a few small wins early on when you start the abundant thinking. And let's say if you make an action board, but often for a very scientific reason, which is the amount of time it takes to build a neural pathway,

some things take longer than we would like. And it's really easy to give up. And again, that's why the magnetic desire is important because if it's something you really really want you'll go that extra mile yeah if it wasn't you might get distracted by something else that you know seems easier or just more likely and I guess that's also about being realistic about the fact that like life is never going to be smooth sailing so no matter how hard you're working at something it's not gonna just all happen overnight like I think I can't remember who said it I think it was maybe Steve Jobs that like an overnight success actually takes 20 years that's so true yeah and what are the final two so the final two

are harmony and universal connection and they're kind of on a same theme. Harmony is relating to something we've already mentioned, which is the alignment between our head, our heart and our intuition. Because what I see in my consulting work, you know, from being a doctor and an executive advisor is this alignment between physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health and so again it comes back to an example that we've given which is maybe that you chose a job because the salary would give you the lifestyle that you wanted but it wasn't really the career that you'd always dreamed of and I do see that these choices around compromising emotional or spiritual happiness tend to have manifestations in physical and mental health problems later. So I think it's just being about, it's about being really authentic and aligned with what you want. And then by extension of that, the universal connection piece is that you can't be grabbing all the resources in the world and wanting everything for yourself

if it's at the expense of other people. I think the bit of science that hasn't been proven yet, but I feel very strongly about personally is this collective consciousness or universal connection, which is that we are part of a community. We have existed as tribes. And the good things that happened to me and the bad things that happened to me have consequences on other people and staying within the safe hands of that being good for everyone. You even started off the podcast talking about the things that are happening at the moment that we might feel that we're not in control of or that bad things affect us personally. I think if we'd all thought a lot more about universal connection maybe a few generations ago that some of those things would be different.

There are some Native American Indian tribes who when they make a big decision about their community they sit in a circle and they visualize the effect of that seven generations into the future wow yeah so I don't think that we do that I can't imagine like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump holding hands and thinking about that. That's such a funny image. Maybe it would be a good thing if they did. I know, I think it could be a brilliant thing. I just can't quite picture it. But I think the world would be a better place if we were able to think more about the world around us, not just the people who live in it now, but for future as well there was something that you talked about

that I thought was really interesting and I guess taps into what we're saying a little bit which again comes back I think to the fact that I feel like probably anyone listening to this podcast and most people we probably know everyone wants to be happy you're probably not listening to this podcast if you're not trying to play an active role in your mental and physical well-being. But obviously, we can feel sometimes, I think, I can certainly feel sometimes that modern life impairs that ability. And I think you spoke about that really interestingly in your book. And you said that we can often overlook potential and that our lives are so busy that we can so easily miss those fleeting moments like an encounter with a potential partner or a new conversation that could spark

potential new career options and you say that lucky moments and good days aren't actually just serendipitous they're they are the law of attraction in action but that we're not always training our brains to actually notice them and seize it because we're so busy maybe looking at our phones and running from A to B and thinking about what's next. Well even just hearing you read that back out you know that was written by me I just think it's so true we're so busy and you know the fact that we can be switched on 24 7 now with our devices for example definitely means that we're looking down we're not seeing things that you know could have been in our peripheral vision and that's why this selective filtering and value tagging element is so important when it comes to making your vision board or your action board so there's a well-known phenomenon that is if you just bought something whether it's a car or a pair

of shoes you notice anybody else that has the same thing you notice adverts for the same thing much more because your brain's been recently primed I always have been fascinated by that it's funny like my brother got a dog it was actually like a year ago now and I never heard of that type of dog before and then a week later I was like oh my gosh everyone has that dog and actually so that's not true I just had never noticed it before yeah you've just noticed it now I mean that dog example is the perfect example and that's exactly what's behind making a vision board to prime your brain to notice and grasp opportunities that you might you know that might otherwise have passed you by so that's a really nice way of explaining it suddenly makes

a huge amount of sense the other thing you said about again not to kind of totally rip apart modern life obviously there are amazing things about, but I think we are all conscious that sometimes it can sweep us away and sometimes take us away from where we want to be. And one thing she said that I thought was, again, very interesting was that we can sometimes devalue depth, passion and instinct and rely a little more heavily instead on surface level capacities. So rote learning for exams, rather than kind of properly sort of getting to grips on something we're fascinated by and letting our natural instincts and interest take us to the next stage. And that, you know, we can develop quite a lot of sort of transactional relationships,

because we don't necessarily feel we have time to like really invest and kind of connect with people. And that again, invest and kind of connect with people and that again this can kind of stifle our ability to create what we really want and I wanted if you could tell us a little bit more about that. Yeah I remember writing that and I remember feeling quite emotional when I sort of articulated it because this story of us discovering fire and then our brain growing and changing so much that we have this amazing logical capability just seemed to me like why weren't we still using both you know once you can articulate speech for example why do we not really look at body language or facial expression

as much and actually by complete coincidence I watched the latest Terminator movie last night and you might know I'm a bit of a fan because there's a quote in the book from the Terminator movie last night and you might know I'm a bit of a fan because there's a quote in the book from the Terminator but there's a part that really struck me where somebody said to the Terminator do you love your family and he said not in the way that you humans can I used to think that was such an advantage but now I realize it's not and I think that sort of says the same thing as what I said beautifully which is that we could bring it back to those six brain pathways, which are about emotion as well as logic and about intuition as well as motivation and physicality and creativity. That you can just get so much more out of your brain and therefore out of your life if you are fully utilizing those capabilities that you have. But because of the way exams work and careers work, we've just overrated logic so massively that we've kind of said things like intuition and creativity, you know, or emotion, there isn't so much place in life for that. And

I just really think that's wrong. So actually, when I wrote out the six ways of thinking, I purposely put emotion as the top one, and just put logic somewhere down the list. Because, you know, all of my readers and your listeners, they're all logical enough, for sure. But where most of us have made bad choices or struggled, and now have consequences is in the emotional choices or not listening to our intuition. I think that's a really, really, really good point. We're all bred now to be logical and kind of to be rational and in that sense, slightly formulaic in a way, in the way that we're living our lives. And as a result, I think that can so often override genuine emotion. And of course,

you have to make practical decisions in in life but at the same time I feel like we could make practical decisions as well as listening to a little bit more of our emotion I think that's been true for a long time and that people are realizing it more already but AI is going to massively challenge that if we can't get more in touch with our emotions and our intuition and really use that as extra capability we're not going to be much competition for AI of the future yeah robots coming to take over that's the next thing coronavirus today robot tomorrow yeah we said we'd cheer you all up it's um sorry it's happening and um I think I guess it this taps into the same thing and I think I mean I have

thought a lot about whether or not the way like our schooling system in the west and and things like that really kind of hammers home this kind of slightly rote learning slightly formulaic way of living and it doesn't necessarily even just open us up to like everyday potential of like different careers that are potentially more creative and things like that which feel like a real shame but I think one of the things I feel definitely living in a busy city like London that you're kind of really that's really drilled into us is that you know to be successful you've kind of got to be stressed and you've got to be busy and of course you're going to have times that are just stressful and they are just busy and that's just a part of life and I think trying to pretend that

will never happen is probably not going to necessarily serve us well either but that being said do we need to thrive on constant stress 24 7 and live in a constant state of kind of heightened adrenaline and cortisol and see that as intrinsic to us getting to where we want. I'm completely on the same page as you on this, which is that there was a point I would say in my life two or three years ago where it was like a status symbol to say I'm so stressed, I'm so busy. I haven't slept. Yeah, exactly. And so luckily, there are a few people that kind of like, I'm not really into that. And so, again, it was one of the brain training things I did. I chose when people said, How are you to not say, I'm so stressed,

I'm so busy, I'm traveling a lot and say, actually, I'm okay, even if I wasn't, yeah, to sort of like, be the antidote to just that feeling and that that was what you had to say. So there are two things here. I think, partly, it's like what I've written in the book about stepping back, reflecting, setting an intention, which is, you know, that's something that could happen in a few minutes to a weekend. It doesn't have to be longer than that. But the part of taking agency of your life is ever doing that. On the other hand, I would say that you're right, it's practical that we have huge demands to meet. And we you meet and we want to be doing more and doing better and being smarter, that we have so much more capability in our brains than we think we do. So I'm absolutely against people just being worked to the level of burnout.

But that tends to happen more when you're relying on your logical pathway and your motivation pathway for example if you also recruited other pathways in your brain it's a bit like those movies limitless or lucy you know there is genuinely more capability in our brain than we're using because they're pathways that we're not used to using so they're a bit they take a bit more energy to get used to and we tend to just use the ways of thinking that we're comfortable with so as long as you're absolutely sleeping eating well drinking enough water getting some exercise and meditating the physical things that you can do to keep your brain in good condition then you can actually safely and healthily get more out of your brain so I've kind of given the balanced answer, which is you could actually do more if you do the right things. But also,

it's important to get off that hamster wheel sometimes and just reassess that that's what you really want. And so you find meditating really important then? Personally, I do. And the science massively backs up the benefits of it. And there's just more data now than there was, let's say, 10 years ago of really successful people. Like in Tim Ferriss' book, Tools of Titans, he says that 80% of the most successful people have a regular meditation practice. So, yeah, I think like, you know, from case studies, from the science and from my own experience, I would absolutely say that I do. Do you? Do you know what? It's one of the things that I most want to do in my life.

And every time I do it, I'm blown away by it. But it keeps not happening. And I think it's one of those things like I'm very good. Like I love yoga and I love exercising and I'm great at like getting out, going on a walk and like moving my body but it meditation just seems that practice that I just haven't mastered yet and I don't know if it's I also haven't mastered how to do it in the sense that like because we've got a little one at home and like so she's up at you know 5 30 6 o'clock every morning so I'm kind of thinking

oh I don't really want to get up you you know, 20 minutes before that. And then when I get home in the evening, obviously I want to see her. And then you've got to make dinner. And then suddenly, like, you're asleep. I do subscribe to the idea that we all have 10 minutes. Like, I definitely waste 10 minutes looking at people's cats on Instagram, for sure. And so I think it's just about realizing that that will probably help me more than looking at someone's cat or, you know, whatever is watching videos of people like icing cakes and using that. And again, I think it's a great example of like actually taking an active role in something rather than a passive role. But I'm really glad I asked you because I think there are a few misconceptions about meditation and mindfulness. So for example, in the list of things that you

said you're really good at doing, like your yoga, going for a walk, and I know that you like being out in nature. I consider those to be mindfulness activities. So I would put them under the umbrella. I don't think that sitting down with your eyes closed and your legs crossed is the only form of meditation. I'm actually really into mindful eating. So I think because of my Hindu background, I always do this little gratitude before I start eating. So there's always a pause. And I see some people just immediately like dive in and wolf down their food.

I'm one of those. I'm the worst at that. So greedy. So I think you need to focus on the mindful walking and the yoga, definitely. But I think phases is also fine for some time I like that we're in the baby phase let's change everything and I guess this leads me really nicely actually on to my next question in the sense of I think there's probably every single

person in the world has changes that they would like to make in their life and meditation is probably not the best example of that it is a smaller practical change to some extent but changes whether that's actually you're really unhappy in your job or you feel like potentially you're just really in the wrong career and it's not going to be fulfilling in the long term and you're not feeling very motivated maybe it's a kind of dysfunctional like not particularly happy relationship or friendship you feel you've outgrown or feeling tied into things that actually you feel like really are having a negative impact on your life but the fear of uncertainty and I mean these are really they're really terrifying things and it's like interesting we'd kind of talked about having a baby for ages and ages and ages and we kept being like oh it won't be a right time there won't be a

right time so I was really nervous that like everything would change and don't get me wrong everything has changed but actually it turns out it's changed for the better a hundred times over but that fear of change and of your life being different I think can really hold us back sometimes and I wondered if that is something that again we're able to train our brains a little bit more on to try and support us in being able to get to where we actually want to be. You've put that beautifully. And I thought about that a lot when I was planning like the sort of arc of how the book would be. So as you know, I decided to make the last four chapters all practical exercises. But for the very exact reason that you've just mentioned, which is just, you know, this fear of the unknown. And I find a lot, you know, personally with my friends and in my work, the issue of deserving as well.

So, you know, if there is that dream job or that. Not feeling like you're enough to be deserving of that. Whatever it is. Happiness or. Exactly. So there are a few things like that and for that reason i very early on in the book asked a question which was is your life panning out exactly how you always dreamed it would be and if they are is that a dangerous question because does that set up you to think life

is could be perfect i don't think it's about perfect i think it's about right for you yeah and i think that when we're little before all the creativity gets squelched out of us by you know all sorts of things that we kind of know and and actually what I want to go back to is that deep down we know what we're capable of and actually what we deserve but all that other stuff that we've talked about everything that's going on in the world everything that we need to get done today all the expectations just the deadlines that creates noise around that and so that's why this thing about step back set your intention reflect on what you really want it was important for me to have that early on in the book I also did a list of questions that came under work personal health relationships asking do you resonate with this?

And I thought of things, you know, that had resonated for me in my 20s and 30s that I'd heard friends say that I'd heard clients say. And so, again, that's a way of giving yourself a good, a realistic snapshot of where you are now and if it's really what you want and everything that you can possibly achieve. And, you know, the answers to that are on a spectrum because there are some people that just say, I'm happy with what I've got. I don't want my life to be any different. And if that's actually authentically true, that's great. And that's the dream. That's the dream. Yeah, exactly. So I think that because of this loss aversion in the brain, which is, you know, kind of what we started off speaking about, it's much more likely that you're not achieving and trying to get everything that you deserve than the other way around. So it's

just worth doing that reflection and journaling and seeing whether you have the energy for it. And that's right in different times of your life. It's interesting with neuroplasticity, which is, you know, you can do a lot to keep your brain plastic and flexible. You can learn new new things like a language or a musical instrument but I always say if you're under a lot of stress from other things don't start learning a new language yeah wait till you've got bandwidth so again with personal development what I found was that there were years of my life where I thought about things like you know you've mentioned should have a baby? I was thinking about a career change. And then there just comes a point where it's like, you can't not do it. Yeah. So what I'm trying to encourage through the understanding of how your brain works is maybe getting yourself to that point a bit earlier. Yes, by taking slightly more active

steps in your brain. Yeah. And so for people listening who are thinking, yeah, okay, these are, you know, I think I could be happier. I think I could feel more fulfilled by my life. I think I could feel more positive. And probably everyone thinking, OK, I could do a bit of positivity today. What are the key steps that you think that we can all take in the here and now, basically, to start that process? There are a few ways of looking at this. So the first one is very physical and goes through some things I briefly mentioned earlier, but it's about making sure that we are getting enough good quality sleep, that we're eating a really varied nutrition dense diet. And from my point of view, focusing on the brain boosting types of foods, even something like just drinking the amount of water that we're supposed to drink, which if you just did that for one month, it would actually really make a difference to your brain. You know, I suggest half a liter for every 15 kilos of your body weight. Make sure you're drinking that every day for a few weeks and see how different you feel.

If you feel, OK, yes, that's made a difference. Start making sure you're doing 10,000 steps every day. Yeah. If it feels like that made a difference, maybe add in 10 minutes of meditation or, you know. So I think getting those physical factors right is really important because it's the brain-body connection that your brain isn't going to do things magically if it's not fed properly,

like your car's not going to work if you haven't put petrol in the tank. So you need the practical steps. Again, it's no good kind of sitting down and being like, this is what I want to change and kind of creating that sense of manifestation and things like that. If you are underslept, overworked, kind of just generally overburdened in your kind of mind and body. Absolutely. And I think, you know, it'd be interesting to see if you agree. But

what I notice in my audiences is that there are a lot of women who are either just driving themselves on sugar and caffeine or who are dieting a lot and therefore actually starving themselves. So to think that you're going to make a vision board and manifest your dream life on that kind of background is not okay. And so often that's related to psychological, emotional things like deserving as well, that it's really worth unpicking that. So you know what I do suggest is that there is some self-reflection on the past that might have created the situation that you're in now so the person that you are how your brain works what your preferences are the perspectives through which you see life so a little bit of

looking back at that without going to therapy and then really working with what you've got both physically and in terms of the positive thinking and the vision boards and then looking at those six brain pathways which I've actually given sort of you know more active names to so basically mastering your emotions knowing yourself which is the physical one trusting your gut which is intuition making good decisions staying motivated and resilient to reach your goals and then creating the life that you want so I have accompanied all of those with actual exercises whether they're self-reflection or they're a meditation or a visualization or you know like a practical kind of like making your vision board steps that people can go through to get themselves from where I was,

what I see I've got potentially now, and then what I can do with it. That's amazing. To finish, we ask all our guests to share three take-homes. So if there's three things that our audience are going to remember today, or they're going to go and tell someone else about everything you've shared, what would you want them to be? I would say that neuroplasticity is an amazing concept from science, you know, backed up by modern scanning technologies that means that your brain, which basically means you, can change a lot more than you ever thought you could. So your potential and possibility is way more than we've ever thought it could be before. So that's an exciting place to start,

just knowing that that's true. I'll then put vision boards and laws of attraction under one umbrella and say that those sorts of spiritual or alternative beliefs are also massively backed up by science. And so for the people who really appreciate the solid scientific evidence to then act on to do something to change their life, that evidence is there. And that's the feedback I'm getting a lot that those sorts of things that people loved and believed in, that knowing that the science is behind it

is really exciting. And so I'd like to put together the two takeaways that I've mentioned already and just really succinctly say, life isn't happening to you. We're creating our lives with everything that we do. I think that the power of that is so wonderful and I'd love your listeners to go away feeling like that's true and doing something based on that. Amazing. Well, thank you so much. And yeah, that definitely brought a lot of sunshine to my day. So I hope it did for you. And we'll be back again next Tuesday. Next Tuesday, we're actually talking to a behavioural scientist from the London School of Economics about the kind of myth of happy ever after and the stats around

really taps in today about whether or not always conforming to the societal norms and the social narratives that we're often brought up with really makes us happy or whether or not we need a bit more freedom in our lives and in our culture. So tune back in next Tuesday. Have a lovely day, everyone. If you feel like this might help anyone, please do share it, rate it, review it and see you next week. Bye. offering host endorsements, or run a pre-produced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Libsyn ads. Email bob at libsyn.com to learn more. That's B-O-B at L-I-B-S-Y-N dot com.