Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly - One Sentence Sermons: The Wit of Church Signs

Episode Date: January 28, 2023

This week, we take a look at church signs. With congregations declining, churches are using their signs as marketing tools to attract new members. And they’re using humour to do it. We’ll look at the history of funny church signs, we’ll examine how effective they are, we’ll talk about some of the funniest ones we’ve seen, and a few epic church sign fails. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly. As you may know, we've been producing a lot of bonus episodes while under the influences on hiatus. They're called the Beatleology Interviews, where I talk to people who knew the Beatles, work with them, love them, and the authors who write about them. Well, the Beatleology Interviews have become a hit, so we are spinning it out to be a standalone podcast series. You've already heard conversations with people like actors Mark Hamill, Malcolm McDowell, and Beatles confidant Astrid Kershaw. But coming up, I talk to May Pang, who dated John Lennon in the mid-70s. I talk to double fantasy guitarist Earl Slick, Apple Records creative director John Kosh. I'll be talking to Jan Hayworth,

who designed the Sgt. Pepper album cover. Very cool. And I'll talk to singer Dion, who is one of only five people still alive who were on the Sgt. Pepper cover. And two of those people were Beatles. The stories they tell are amazing. So thank you for making this series such a success. And please, do me a favor, follow the Beatleology interviews on your podcast app. You don't even have to be a huge Beatles fan, you just have to love storytelling.

Subscribe now, and don't miss a single beat. This is an apostrophe podcast production. Your teeth look whiter than no nose You're not you when you're hungry You're a good hand with all teeth You're under the influence with Terry O'Reilly. Back in 1965, Les Emerson joined an Ottawa-based band called the Staccatos. The band had a few minor hits, but never seemed to achieve the success they hoped for. In 1968, the band was enlisted by Coca-Cola to split an album called A Wild Pair

with some hopeful young Winnipeggers called The Guess Who. The record was mailed free to any customers who sent in enough coke proof of purchases. That album was a moderate success. The Guess Who hit it big later that year with These Eyes. But still, the staccatos struggled. Next, they released a single titled Half Past Midnight, but the band was criticized for sounding too much like the Beach Boys.

Two years later, the Staccatos released an album titled Five Man Electrical Band. While the record got some initial attention, it too fizzled. At that point, the band decided to change their style, their direction, and their name. That's when the Staccatos formally adopted their album title and became the Five Man Electrical Band. Then, they left Ottawa to go on a tour of California. While driving along Route 66, Les Emerson was struck by the proliferation of advertising billboards along the highway that continually blocked a beautiful view. He thought, wow, everywhere you look, there's a sign.

It didn't take him long to write a song about the experience. He called it Signs. That song was put on the B-side of a single. The A-side, titled Hello Melinda Goodbye, didn't get much airplay. But DJs flipped the 45 over and started playing signs instead. The song had one of the most memorable opening lines. It went, The sign said, Long-haired freaky people need not apply.

Even though the record label thought the song was too long and it took too much time to get to the chorus, the song was re-released as an A-side. Just as the band was teetering on breaking up, Signs reached number four in Canada and number three on the Billboard chart in the U.S. It sold two million copies worldwide. Billboard ranked Signs as one of the top 25 songs of 1971.

The lyrics ask the question, who gets to make the rules that appear on so many signs? Emerson sings about a sign stopping him from applying for a job, a no trespassing sign keeping him off a gated property, and a sign preventing him from dining at a private club with a strict dress code. But the last sign he sees has a very different message. It's a sign outside a church.

It says, everyone welcome. But when the collection plate comes around, he doesn't have any money. So he contributes something else instead. It's his own little sign. He takes a pen and paper and writes a note saying, Thanks for the Wonder of Life. The five-man electrical band would go on to have a number of smaller hits, but they would never top the success of the song about too many signs designed to keep people out

and the one sign that welcomed everybody in. That church sign Les Emerson sang about all those years ago has gone through a lot of change recently. For years, signs outside churches were strictly about service times and sermon topics. But today, they are witty, humorous, and thought-provoking. As congregations start to dwindle, churches are using their signs as a marketing tool to attract new members.

Those one-sentence sermons are getting a lot of attention. You're under the country. The white steeples were built that way on purpose, signifying that a place of worship should stand tallest in a community. Over time, that began to change. Banks began erecting taller buildings, business towers went up,

and skyscrapers did just that. They scraped the sky. As churches lost their architectural visibility, the clergy began using rudimentary signage to attract attention in the 1920s and 30s. In the 1960s, church signs started to appear more often. Then, in the late 80s and 90s, church congregations began to decline, then dwindle.

That's when church signs changed. Suddenly, around the year 2000, church signs went from being strictly informational to becoming highly creative and even humorous. Signs went from preaching to the congregation to trying to attract a new congregation. Back on April Fool's Day in 1990, a woman named Cheryl Evans was hired to oversee the building and grounds of the Southwest Church of Christ in Amarillo, Texas.

Her responsibilities also included the 4-by-10-foot sign that sat outside the church. Evans decided to put up a new message every Monday morning, and she learned a few things pretty quickly. She came to understand that you couldn't just put, you're all going to hell, on the sign. It was too judgmental. People didn't want to read that on a sign. Clearly, Cheryl Evans had to figure out another way to communicate. So instead of you're all going to hell, she put up a message that said, how would you like to spend eternity?

Smoking or non-smoking? It prompted a lot of chuckles and people honking their horns and waving as they passed by. That got Evans thinking. Maybe humor was the way to connect with people. Being in charge of the church's sign was a big responsibility, and Cheryl Evans took it seriously.

But the messages she chose came from the lighter side of life. The more humorous the sign, the more people noticed it. So she took the ladder and arranged the plastic letters to say, Have trouble sleeping? We've got sermons. Evans was amazed at the response. Soon she started collecting ideas and writing down phrases in a big plastic notebook. In the pre-internet days, her inspiration came from everywhere, out of books, calendars, and bumper stickers. She collected funny lines from her travels and found nuggets in sermons.

The city estimated that 44,000 people drove by the church every day. The sign became her church's small outreach ministry. Sure enough, it started to attract new parishioners. Then one day, a magazine did an article on Cheryl Evans and her unique signs. That's when other churches took notice. Soon, unusual church signs began popping up all over the place. In the year 2000, James Harvey, a former Sunday school teacher and college dean, wrote a book on church signs called 701 Sentence Sermons. The success of that book led to four more.

Harvey then began offering a pro bono consulting service to help churches create a sign messaging plan. He tries to convince churches that they have a huge cost-effective opportunity to have a drive-by ministry. Harvey believes unique signs can attract new people to a congregation, and signs can also give messages of hope to people who may never step foot in the church. But that message can still reach their hearts. Harvey tells pastors that if a church has a consistent sign strategy,

people will alter their driving habits to go by the church to get their thought of the day, which may become a topic of conversation at work and be passed along to others. While some churches have a powerful sign ministry. Others still do nothing at all. The reasons are varied. Some feel that churches shouldn't indulge in marketing. Some pastors insist the only important message is the sermon topic of the week. Some have had a few negative reactions to their signs and revert back to traditional event information. Still others can't find someone

at the church willing to put in the time and effort to keep the sign fresh each week. James Harvey believes that interesting church signs can convey the personality and values of a church to a community. A well-tended church sign can also have a return on investment, as it can attract new members and therefore increase tithing and offerings. Harvey believes that the best prospects live close by. They're the ones who drive by the church regularly. Therefore, church signs are more like a warm call, not a cold call, and may increase the likelihood of a passerby one day joining the congregation.

One church in Maryland Harvey worked with consistently had one or two families a month come to the church because of the sign. Another Baptist church says it averages the same number due to its signage. A study by the National Evangelistic Association in the U.S. found that 10% of the adults who join congregations each year decide to visit for the first time after seeing the church sign. And a company that specializes in church signage, called Signs of Faith, says the cost of a sign can be earned back in just three to five years.

When I was young, I remember asking my father if God had a sense of humor. My dad paused for a moment, then said, he must, he gave us one. That was a good answer. There is certainly a lot of humor in church signs these days. Like, Lent is not the fuzz in your navel. And, down in the mouth, it's time for a faith lift. For Star Wars fans, a sign said, A long time ago in a Galilee far, far away.

For iPhone fans, this sign read, Adam and Eve were the first people not to read the Apple terms and conditions. For Las Vegas fans, this church sign promised that, What happens in Vegas is forgiven here. In the dead of winter, a church in Calgary put up a sign that would be copied by many churches going forward. It said, whoever is praying for snow, please stop. A church that had both its air conditioning units stolen put this message on their sign. Whoever stole our AC units, keep one. It's hot where you're going.

Nuff said. Speaking of heat, this sign has a little fun with spelling. It said, exposure to the sun prevents burning. Sun spelled S-O-N. And a Catholic church posted this message. Staying in bed shouting, Oh God, does not constitute going to church.

That's very funny. The true art of the church sign is to create something that gets attention and makes people smile, but at the same time has a serious subtext, like, Forbidden fruit creates many jams. Funny, and oh so true.

Having written many billboard ads in my career, I can tell you that a sign should ideally contain around seven words or less in order for passing cars to absorb the message. That means brevity is key. It also means memorable messages are very difficult to write. Especially in a pandemic. When the pandemic hit, churches closed their doors in order to contain the spread of the virus. And because people weren't coming to weekly services, church signs became even more important as a way to communicate,

offering hope and encouragement in difficult times, giving practical information and updates on things like online services, and to make people smile in a tense time. One sign said, Services cancelled. God now making house calls. When there was a pandemic run on toilet paper in supermarkets, one church sign said, Don't hoard. Even Noah took only two of each.

Another church posted this funny sign that sounded like it was pulled from Scripture. Wash hands. Don't touch face. Hygienesis 24-7. A church in Baltimore got more feedback than they were ready for when it put a message on their sign that said, Jesus rode an ass into Jerusalem. Keep yours at home.

The church there was overwhelmed with responses. Some were affirmative and appreciative, while others labeled the church as blasphemers. The pastor said he only wanted to encourage people to practice social distancing. He felt that if he had put, stay home, be safe, on the sign, nobody would have noticed it. And because Palm Sunday was approaching, he felt the wording was relevant and fun. When churches reopened their doors, signs encouraged people to come back, but safely. One said, Jesus cleans the heart, we disinfect the pew. Here are the Ten Commandments of a Good Church Sign according to Reverend David J. Klassen.

1. Thou shalt not use so many words that it makes it impossible to read the sign while traveling in a passing car. 2. Thou shalt use large enough letters so they can be easily read on a foggy night in a passing car. 2. Thou shalt not keep the same message on the sign for weeks on end. 4. Thou shalt not keep a time-dated message on the sign well after said date has passed. 5. Thou shalt not keep a time-dated message on the sign Thou shalt not keep a time-dated message on the sign well after said date has passed. 5. Thou shall use different messages

on both sides of the sign so people get into the habit of reading it coming and going. 6. Thou shall keep the message positive. Ditch the fire and brimstone. 7. Thou shalt not leave the sign blank, for this communicates that you have nothing to say and you've said it clearly.

8. Thou shalt use thought-provoking messages that leave the reader pondering. 9. Thou shalt not promote in-house programs of no interest to the average person driving or walking by. John Q. Public couldn't care less that the Right Reverend I Am Boring is going to be the guest preacher next Sunday. And number 10, my favorite, thou shalt not use the word thou on your sign. Sometimes churches with good intentions have sign fails. A Baptist church in Massachusetts put up a message that said,

God is now here. Except the spacing on the letters was too tight, so it read as, God is now here. Except the spacing on the letters was too tight, so it read as, God is nowhere. Another church sign meant to offer assistance by saying, Don't let worries kill you. Let the church help.

Another read, Do you know what hell is? Come hear our preacher. That was similar to another church who put up a sign that read, That is pure comedy gold. A church with its intentions in the right place, but its wording in the wrong place said, We love hurting people. And a church in Missouri was missing some very important punctuation. That sign said,

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Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Statistics Canada says that only 68% of Canadians report having a religious affiliation. That was the first time it had dipped below 70% since StatCan began tracking the number. In 2019, only 23% of Canadians attended church services at least once a month. While the number of Muslims, Sikhs, and Hindus is increasing, Christianity is in steep decline. The United Church of Canada, the second largest Christian denomination here, say they lose, on average, one church per week.

And that's expected to accelerate. In 2019, the statistics and research officer of the Anglican Church said that with the heavy declines they've been seeing in their congregations, it may run out of members completely by 2040. Recently, the Pew Research Center found that faith is also declining in America. The study observed, for example, that there was a 12% drop in people

who identify as Christian. That's the highest rate that's ever been recorded. And it's mostly younger people who are moving away from the church. More and more are claiming to be agnostic, atheist, or believe in nothing in particular. For those people, it's going to take a lot to walk into a church. What may be keeping them away are the prevailing stereotypes for the church,

often viewed as negative and judgmental. Susan Sparks is a trial lawyer turned stand-up comedian and Harley Riding Baptist minister. She presides over a small church on Madison Avenue in New York. lawyer turned stand-up comedian and Harley Riding Baptist minister. She presides over a small church on Madison Avenue in New York. She delivered a wonderful TEDx talk about the power of laughter that you can watch on YouTube. Sparks tells the story of going on a motorcycle trip with her husband.

They went to check into a motel but were turned away because they were wearing their biker leather and some fake tattoos. Later that night, Sparks returned to that same motel without her biker jacket and put her Reverend Susan Sparks business card down on the counter. The front desk clerk's eyebrows shot up. Sparks believes that when people look at each other, we tend to see the differences first. But laughter reverses that formula. When we laugh together,

it's because we recognize our shared similarities. And in that moment, something shifts. We lock into our common humanity. So part of Reverend Sparks' outreach program is to put a different face on her church. She says her church considers its sign messages to be a ministry designed to communicate her congregation's open culture. Sparks is not afraid to show that a church can laugh at itself. The messages on her sign have generated incredible buzz on Facebook and Twitter. They have been written about in newspapers and in magazines.

The attention is massive compared to the size of her tiny church. She says that when people see the word Baptist, they often think judgmental and close-minded. But in order to get them through the door, she says people have to trust they're not going to walk out three inches shorter from the judgment that's been laid on them. So, she uses humor. Recently, one of her signed messages was written up in the Huffington Post and was shared all over the Internet. It simply said, God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

When it comes right down to it, Sparks agrees with Les Emerson. She wants her church sign to communicate one simple thing. Everybody, welcome. From the very first chapter of Genesis to the words of Revelation, signs play a prominent role in the Bible. While they may be spiritual signs, the more tangible ones have their own power. With congregations declining, churches need to find unique ways to communicate with their communities.

And they have to feel welcoming to new members who might feel tentative or even skeptical. And that's where signs can help. The key is to make sure the message outside the church matches the message inside the church. While a sign isn't the final stop, it can help someone having a bad day, it can be a door that triggers curiosity,

and it can even persuade someone to visit for the first time. It's a very cost-effective way to communicate beyond the church walls. It could be argued that a church sign reaches more people than a sermon does, as thousands drive by a sign 24-7-365. While some consider it offensive to use humor on church signs, others take a more contemporary view. Instead of fire and brimstone, church signs now inspire with brevity and wit.

And that just happens to be the golden rule of marketing. When you're under the influence. I'm Terry O'Reilly. This episode was recorded in the Terrestrial Mobile Recording Studio. Producer, Debbie O'Reilly. Sound Engineer, Jeff Devine. Research, Allison Pinches.

Under the Influence theme by Ari Posner and Ian Lefevre. Music in this episode provided by APM Music. Follow me on social at Terry O. Influence. This is Season 12 of Under the Influence. If you're enjoying this episode, you might also like Elevator Pitches.

Season 3, Episode 14. You'll find it in our archives wherever you listen to the show. And you can now find our podcast on the Apostrophe YouTube channel. Or listen ad-free, I'm not judgmental, on Amazon Music.

See you next week. Fun fact. What country is so small you can walk around it in just one hour? Answer, the Vatican.