Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly - S10E16 - I Can’t Believe I Ate The Whole Thing: Surviving The Ad Biz

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

This week, we tell crazy stories from the world of advertising. High pressure, big money and impossible deadlines makes for some hilarious situations. Including a TV shoot where a hot air balloon towing a new car goes missing in the wind and a cat food company who insists the ad agency eat the cat food before they create the ads.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly. As you may know, we've been producing a lot of bonus episodes while under the influences on hiatus. They're called the Beatleology Interviews, where I talk to people who knew the Beatles, work with them, love them, and the authors who write about them. Well, the Beatleology Interviews have become a hit, so we are spinning it out to be a standalone podcast series. You've already heard conversations with people like actors Mark Hamill, Malcolm McDowell, and Beatles confidant Astrid Kershaw. But coming up, I talk to May Pang, who dated John Lennon in the mid-70s. I talk to double fantasy guitarist Earl Slick, Apple Records creative director John Kosh. I'll be talking to Jan Hayworth,

who designed the Sgt. Pepper album cover. Very cool. And I'll talk to singer Dion, who is one of only five people still alive who were on the Sgt. Pepper cover. And two of those people were Beatles. The stories they tell are amazing. So thank you for making this series such a success. And please, do me a favor, follow the Beatleology interviews on your podcast app. You don't even have to be a huge Beatles fan, you just have to love storytelling.

Subscribe now, and don't miss a single beat. This is an apostrophe podcast production. Your teeth look whiter than no nose You're not you when you're hungry You're a good hand with all things You're under the influence with Terry O'Reilly. Back when drummer Phil Collins was 19 years old, he got a very exciting phone call one day. Ex-Beatle George Harrison was recording a solo album called All Things Must Pass,

and he was looking for someone to play congas on a track. The caller wanted to know if Collins was interested. Collins was beside himself. Harrison was one of his musical heroes, so he jumped at the opportunity to play and raced to the studio. George Harrison was there, and Collins was so nervous he was shaken in his bell-bottoms. But he played his congas and still couldn't believe he was playing on a song for a Beatle. But when the album came out a few months later, there was no sign of the congas on the track.

Phil Collins was devastated. 20 years later, Phil Collins was now a big success and he bumped into George Harrison at an event. As they chatted, Collins said, I don't know if you remember, but when I was a kid I played Congas on a track for your first solo album. But when the album came out, the congas weren't on the final recording. And he asked George if he remembered why.

George said he had no recollection of the day, but he still had the master tapes and offered to send the recording to Phil so he could hear his congas. Three weeks later, Collins received the tape, he listened, and the Congas were there. But they sounded terrible, unlistenable, arrhythmic. Collins couldn't believe he played them so horribly back then. He was mortified.

To make matters even worse, at the end of the recording, he could hear George say, get rid of the kid on Congas. He's crap. Collins called George, thanked him for forwarding the tape, and asked him if he had listened to it before he sent it.

George said no, he was too busy. Collins then said he now knew why George hadn't used his part, because the tape had captured George saying, to get rid of the conga player. George apologized profusely saying, Oh, I am so sorry, Phil.

What can I say? Collins understood. Then Harrison started laughing uncontrollably. He told Collins the tape he had sent him wasn't the real tape. He had hired a band to come in and re-record the whole song and had someone play the worst congas part possible. Then he recorded himself saying, Get rid of the kid on the congas.

Harrison said he wished he could have been there to see Collins' face. George Harrison went to all that trouble just to prank Phil Collins. Collins just had to laugh. What is life without humor? There's a lot of humor in the world of marketing, too. It's a high-pressure business populated by a lot of colorful, eccentric, and very funny people. The advertising situations

they find themselves in can be hilarious. The demands can be outrageous. The antics can be shameless. And the stories are golden. You're under the influence. The advertising industry can be a crazy, hazy, nutty business. It's fueled by impossible deadlines, inhuman pressure, big money, difficult clients, endless rejection, 60-hour work weeks,

and it employs a bevy of unusual and colorful characters. People in the advertising agency world work hard, because they have to. And party hard, because they have to. The flip side to all that pressure is that it's also one of the most fun businesses to work in. What other industry teaches you about the various R-factors in insulation, the amount of aspirin it takes to reach the threshold of pain, and how load capacities work in airlines, all in the same day. Welcome to Advertising.

Along with the inhuman pressure and the daily rejection comes some very funny moments, because you just have to laugh. I remember way back when I was a young, green ad writer. I was sitting beside my boss at the head table of a big client conference. My boss was to deliver a very important speech about the upcoming advertising we had prepared for this company. There was a lot riding on this speech. If the room full of franchisees liked the campaign, we retained the business for another year.

At the precise moment my boss was being introduced and was slowly pushing his chair back to walk to the podium, I was wrestling with one of those butterpats. You know the ones you used to get at big sit-down events?

They were small squares of butter sitting between two pieces of wax paper. Well, the butter pats were kind of frozen that night, and I was trying

to scrape it off the paper. And just as my boss was getting up, the butter flipped off my knife and landed square on his lapel, where it stuck

like duct tape. All I heard my boss say in that moment was, Butter. As he walked to the podium, he was furiously trying to scrape this butter glue off his beige suit,

which resulted in a huge dark grease stain on his lapel and his fingers were full of butter. As he turned the pages of his speech, each page stuck to him. It was mortifying, but funny. For my

boss, not so much. For me, funny. Another snapshot in time at another agency. I worked with a fantastic older art director named Howard. Everyone loved Howard, especially the ladies. He was a great-looking, charming Australian. A man designed by women, if you know what I mean.

One day, I was dropping something off to Howard in his office, but he wasn't at his desk. So I walked over to drop the papers off, and I tripped on something. It was an arm. Howard was asleep under his desk. As I came to understand over time, Howard loved to have his wine at lunch,

and then he would often slip under his desk for a snooze. I learned to walk into Howard's office carefully in the afternoons. Another time at that same ad agency, we were in the middle of a panic situation. A commercial had to be yanked off the air immediately. We had a great media director named Michael who was nearing retirement age, but could easily get into a flap

when things went wrong. And this was a five-alarm blaze. Our client was furious, wanted the advertising cancelled immediately, and it wasn't easy to pull national commercials off the air on a moment's notice in the pre-internet era. And our poor media director was in the hot seat. We were all standing in his office,

there was a lot of loud cross-talk, a lot of panic, when suddenly the phone rang. Our media director, who was in a near catatonic state by this time, was so startled he jumped a foot in the air, then reached over and answered his stapler. Honestly, I can still snort laugh thinking about that moment. Around that same time, we had produced a print ad for an industrial plastic product made by DuPont. The ad contained a direct response phone number so customers could order this leading edge plastic.

Unfortunately, we inserted the wrong phone number in the ad. That meant DuPont got zero response. But a little bakery in Wisconsin got hundreds of calls asking about industrial plastics. I once wrote a TV commercial for a board game. It starred a chimpanzee. Don't ask, it was a funny idea. But before the chimp was brought out onto the set, the handler called us all together to tell us something important. He said chimpanzees

are four times stronger than a human being and that the important thing was not to look the chimpanzee in the eye because chimpanzees take direct eye contact

as a sign of aggression and they might attack. So that bit of news woke us all up. Then the handler brought the chimp out and I had to stand near the furry little actor to talk to the director about the script.

I know it sounds strange, but all I could do was stare at the chimp. I couldn't look away. It was involuntary. I just eyeballed him. I saw the chimp looking at me, looking at him, and he got a little wide-eyed. Then his handler reached over and calmed him down while staring directly at me with a look that clearly said,

What are you doing? Just another near-death day in advertising. One of the legends in the Canadian advertising business was Terry O'Malley. He was a Hall of Fame ad writer and creative director of Vickers & Benson, one of the top advertising agencies in the country. Terry recently wrote a book titled Integrity and All That S***, stories and stuff from nearly 40 years in advertising. It's packed with amusing stories. Here are two of my favorites.

Terry knew an ad guy who aspired to get rich. He was determined to use his advertising and marketing chops to make some big money. He had a friend with chemistry skills, and they began experimenting. Soon, they came up with an anti-dandruff product. It consisted of one chemical ingredient, water, and a green coloring agent. They called it ResDan.

It didn't cost much to make, the packaging cost more, and they didn't have a manufacturing facility, so they mixed the ingredients in a bathtub. Then they would fill the bottles and put them into cases. The business plan was to find a distributor or store that would ask for huge orders. That opportunity finally came with a long-awaited appointment with a major distribution company. The buyer was impressed with the product, then skeptically asked,

If I order a ton of Resdan, how can I be assured of on-time production and reliable quality? The ad guy looked him straight in the eye and said, Who do you think we are, a couple of guys who make this stuff in our bathtub? They got the order, then went home to their bathtub. Another story Terry O'Malley tells

is about his client, Gulf Oil. Back in 1969, his ad agency was looking for an interesting television program for Gulf to sponsor. Then one day, CBC previewed its programming for the upcoming year, and one show in particular stood out. It was called Monty Python's Flying Circus. It was the first sketch comedy show from this new British comedy group,

and it was fall-down funny. The ad agency just knew it was going to be a hit. So Terry called his client, who was a big, gruff, blustery guy, to recommend that Gulf sponsored this new Monty Python's Flying Circus. The client said, well, if you think this is the right call, do it. So Terry did it. The Python show was a smash success. The day after it

aired, Terry walked into his office with his morning coffee, and there were already three messages from Gulf Oil. No doubt, it was a very happy client calling. But when the client answered the phone, he wasn't happy at all. He yelled,

Where the f*** are the elephants? It took Terry a minute to figure out what he meant. Then it hit him. His client had expected a different kind of circus. Eventually, Terry managed to calm him down. As Monty

Python's Flying Circus got more and more popular, the ratings went through the roof. And as so often happens, Terry's client was eventually celebrated at Gulf Oil for making such a wise decision. And we'll be right back. New year, new me. Season is here and honestly, we're be right back. New year, new me. Season is here and honestly, we're already over it.

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Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. You're listening to Season 10 of Under the Influence. If you're enjoying this episode, you might also like A Wild and Crazy Idea, How Companies Solve Big Hairy Problems, Season 7, Episode 6. You'll find it in our archives wherever you download your pods. Pat Bryan was another of Canada's top ad writers.

He wrote many famous campaigns, including the slogan, Mr. Christie, you make good cookies. Pat also wrote a funny book called What Else You Got? 40 Years of Misspent Youth in the Ad Game. What else you got is the dreaded question you get when presenting ideas to clients. It means, I don't like anything so far.

In Pat's book, he tells a lot of funny only in advertising stories. Back in the 80s, he was given the assignment to launch the new Chevrolet Cavalier. Hot air balloons

were all the rage back then, so Pat came up with an idea of delivering a brand new Chevy Cavalier. Hot air balloons were all the rage back then, so Pat came up with an idea of delivering a brand new Chevy Cavalier to a family via hot air balloon. The commercial would show a hot air balloon towing a Cavalier under the basket and slowly lowering it onto the driveway of an excited couple. It was a big idea, and there were a lot of logistics to figure out. Like, could a hot air balloon lift a car? How much did a Cavalier weigh? Could they maybe reduce the weight by taking out all the heavy bits like the engine, transmission, and spare tire?

Eventually, they figured it all out. A hole was cut in the floor of the Cavalier so the pilot could have visibility when landing. The balloon's controls were connected in such a way that the pilot could control the balloon from the driver's seat. Now all they needed was a suitable site and good weather. A site was found in Uxbridge, north of Toronto, where a small circle of homes had been built in a subdivision, surrounded by tall maple and pine trees. It was perfect. But one

big question remained. How do you guarantee to land a balloon toting a car perfectly right in the middle of a driveway? Answer? You can't. The solution was to shoot the commercial backwards. In other words, start with the car positioned nicely in the driveway,

with the balloon looming over it, then have the balloon lift off and float away. Then when the commercial is put together, run the film backwards so it looks like the balloon materializes over the trees and appears to land the car right in the appointed spot. On a sunny day not long after, a hot air balloon was brought in, a car was attached to it, and three cameras were ready to roll. The director called, action!

The hot air burners roared. There was a huge pause as the cables took the strain of the car. Then the whole thing lifted up like a slow-moving rocket leaving Cape Canaveral. The hot air balloon slowly rose and drifted out of sight.

Wait. Out of sight? Where out of sight? Suddenly, everyone realized that a 50-foot balloon toting a 1,000-pound Chevy Cavalier was soaring God knows where over Uxbridge, Ontario. That was the one part of the plan they forgot to talk about. The TV crew and the ad agency folks all jumped into their cars and started chasing the balloon.

They'd catch sight of it, then lose it, up one concession road and down another. Eventually, they all ended up at the parking lot of a golf course. They commandeered several golf carts and went roaring off across the course. Sure enough, they spotted the balloon, which had come down, car and all, on the fourth green. Completely shocking a foursome who never ever thought, in a million years, that a car would land on a green where they were putting.

It was triple bogeys all around. Another fun book I read recently is titled I Can't Believe I Lived the Whole Thing by Howie Cohen. The title is a riff off a famous Alka-Seltzer commercial Cohen wrote years ago that had the famous line, I can't believe I ate that whole thing. You ate it, Ralph. Cohen packs a lot of funny stories in his book. Often, ad agencies have to rescue companies from disasters.

One time, when Cohen was working on the Jack in the Box fast food account, beef was shipped to the U.S. from Australia, but the beef supplier shipped kangaroo meat by mistake, and it made its way into their hamburgers. As Cohen says, you can't make this stuff up. Radio stations had a field day with the kangaroo news. Every time a Jack in the Box jingle aired, stations would play this sound effect over the music.

It was actually very funny. Unless you were Jack in the Box, their sales fell off a cliff. That's the kind of catastrophe advertising agencies often have to deal with. Cohen tells another story

of working with a top commercial director named Norman Seif. Seif had a fascinating background. He had grown up in South Africa and dreamed one day of becoming a brain surgeon. Determined to succeed, he put in the time and the years and ultimately achieved his goal. He

became a full-fledged brain surgeon saving people's lives. But after a number of years, Sief realized he wasn't being fulfilled creatively. So he abandoned his medical career and became an accomplished photographer, then an award-winning commercial director. That's how Howie Cohen came to hire Sief to direct a big TV campaign. Everything was going fine until one day, Cohen and Sief had a major disagreement over a casting choice. Sief felt strongly it should be one particular actor. Cohen felt just as strongly that it should be a different actor.

Soon, the respectful difference of opinion became a confrontation that escalated into a shouting match. Sief said, No, no, no,

you don't know what you're talking about. Cohen said, I'm the writer on this thing and I also know the client. I'm right on this. They went back and forth. Then Sif got

really, really angry, got right up in Cohen's face and shouted, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm the director. Who do you think you are? Without thinking, Cohen shouted back, I'm Howie Cohen. I was doing this when you were just a brain surgeon. There was a beat. Then everyone burst out laughing. The tension went out of the room, the crisis passed, and the commercial was eventually a success. Another funny Howie Cohen story is about doing the advertising for Ralston Purina.

Their pet food division had just invented a new form of cat food, and they wanted an exciting advertising campaign to launch their product. When Howie and his ad agency folks arrived, they were ushered into a conference room where several top Ralston Purina marketing people were waiting. In the middle of the conference table sat an array of colorful pouches and bowls filled with this new cat food. The VP of marketing stood up and said, Gentlemen, what you see before you is a gastronomic breakthrough for cats and the people who love them.

He said that up until then, cat owners only had two choices for their kitties, canned cat food or dry cat food. There was nothing in between. But that was about to change. Then he held a pouch high above his head and announced with pride,

this is Tender Vittles. And the Ralston people began to clap. The VP opened a pouch and filled a bowl with the soft little nuggets and said, Hear that? Howie said he didn't hear anything. Exactly, said the VP. That's because tender vittles are not hard.

They're what we call soft moist. It's a first in cat food. Howie tried to look very impressed. The VP said, but the real proof is in the taste. Then he scooped up a handful of vittles and popped them in his mouth. The other Ralston guys joined him,

wolfing down the cat food. They all commented on how tasty the cat food was and how the chicken flavor really came through. Someone said it had just the right amount of seasoning. That's when Howie heard the one sentence he was dreading. Someone said, Come on, Howie, chow down. Every fiber of his being wanted to run screaming out of the room.

But being the professional he was, Cohen reached over, grabbed a few vittles, and tossed them in his mouth. The VP watched Cohen as he chewed, smiled, and chewed some more while trying to control his gag reflex. The VP then asked Cohen

what he thought of the taste. Cohen swallowed, then replied, The taste is immature yet frisky, with a witty top note. There was a long silence. Then everyone applauded. An advertising campaign was developed, Tender Vittles was launched,

cats everywhere dined out, and Howie Cohen still can't believe he ate the whole thing. When I look back on my career in advertising, one of the best parts was the people. Smart, talented folks working in a pressure cooker. Everything is needed yesterday. Everything is a panic. Everything rests on getting it just right while flying at Usain Bolt speeds. Because the nature of the business is so difficult, it attracts unusual personalities.

Personalities that occasionally nap under their desks and answer their staplers when the phone rings. These are also the same people who can dream up big commercial ideas while steeped inside all that stress. Like delivering a new car by hot air balloon and occasionally chasing that hot air balloon across a golf course. Advertising is a service business, so ad people are called upon to go above and beyond the call to keep clients happy, like snacking on cat food and risking death by chimp. Sometimes those folks come up with big ideas in a bathtub,

and other times they generate a ton of unexpected business for small Wisconsin bakeries. But when it's all said and done, it's still a funny three-ring flying circus when you're under the influence. I'm Terry O'Reilly. This episode was recorded in the Terrastream Mobile Recording Studio. Producer, Debbie O'Reilly.

Sound Engineer, Keith Ullman. Theme music by Ari Posner and Ian Lefevre. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram for some fun stuff at Terry O Influence. See you next week. Warning. Hot air ballooning may cause altitude. Book all tee-off times with the Clubhouse. Don't even think about parking here. Offer only valid in Tignish PEI.