We Might Be Drunk - 215: In LA With David Spade

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

David Spade drops in for a fun episode with classic comedy stories, making movies, and so much more. Such a fun time hanging out with David at the legendary Comedy Store in Los Angeles. F*%k your khakis & get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the DRUNK15 at https://www.theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo  code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips See David on the road:  https://davidspade.com Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast

Hey! Oh my god. We might be drunk. We're here at the Comedy Store. We might be hungover. Yeah, I'm there too. Oof. That Bo Diggle will get you.

Three hours of sleep, I think. Oh! That was crazy. Five star hotel, three hours of sleep. Oof. Was that five star? It was five star, but in downtown LA. That's how they get you.

Yeah, we got called a, what we could call it, a die-fucking-die on the way in. Oh my god, yeah, Guy screamed at that. Made me homesick. Yeah, screaming at us. I was like, hey, let's speed up. Yeah, yeah. Let's walk away. It's 10 in the morning. Right outside the store. Oh yeah. Sunset Boulevard, baby. What a town good movies

So just to set the table we were out here doing a Netflix shoot Roast and we're done and we'd had a little little Mixer last night and now we're here. Yeah, the roast was a lot. Oh Yeah, it was off the rail after Oh yeah. It was off the rails. No after party. No after party, no snacks, no nothing. No drinks even. We supplied the booze. Nothing Netflix. Come on.

How was the experience for you Matt in the audience? Well, I got there like 5.58 and I stood outside till eight o'clock. Oh my God. There was one bathroom downstairs. There was like 40 people in line to go to the bathroom. I was insane. Gee the migrants have a better situation I mean, I don't want like trash production, but trash it. It was pretty shitty like they didn't have any organization Oh, we know we were there too. Yeah Where to sit there was just like sit wherever you want. It's like this just bedlam bedlam Yeah, Mark turn to me goes. It's Seth Green in the front row and then we were like, oh shit

It's Seth Green in the front row like this might not be a good crowd. This is like a celeb crowd exactly It was fun. I mean it's great guests great jokes. You guys were fantastic. Of course Dylan did great Tim was killed by amazing, of course. Oh Dillon did great. Tim was, he killed it. Amazing of course. Oh, Adam Ray killed it. Oh my god. I mean, we went first which is probably good I think but we did have some dark jokes up top. Yep. But then by the end you're just like get me out of here. I mean, had a weird moment with Stamos. We got to talk about that. That was a weird moment. Super weird. So, the show's winding down's winding down Thank God we've been feels like we've been sitting on that stage for nine hours And it really was close to four really I mean, yeah That was almost four hours with people doing pickups

That was it was rough and Mark and I were itching for a whiskey Yeah, and miss Pat's like didn't you already have one? We're like, I don't think you know how this works It's not a sandwich. I need multiple. Although she might need multiple sandwiches. But you see what I'm saying? Yeah. Ms. Pat's great, but yeah, we're sitting there forever

and we worked so hard on this. We flew out to LA, we got up every night. And we have like a week to write this, which is not a lot of time. God bless the writers. We're writing every day, around the clock, just trying to perfect it, tweak it. But the writers on this roast are like the unsung heroes yes because they have to write so much

shit that's true shadow like Mike Lawrence Dickie Egan oh yeah Pat Barker yeah so many good writers Mike Gibbons yeah he's a beast so yeah we really worked on it and then it sucks when you work on something super hard and then the show feels kind of half-assed they're like come on. We did our part. Yeah queefs. Yeah, they didn't know what they were doing. Yeah Hopefully it came together in post we don't know yet, but anything is pretty magical. They put Jurassic Park together we'll see what they can do with this but I think this would be harder to put together. I think so, too They can open doors. All right.

Yeah, no. The Stamos moment was weird. The show's winding down. His segment's not going great, so I decide they're doing a people's sexiest man award thing. John Krasinski. So the joke is he's got the award and Stamos is mad that it's not him, which is very relatable. And it's not hitting.

And I, you know, we had lines in our head that we wrote. We also had lines that, you know, some of his writers feed us. And I'd take a shot and I'd go, I mean, love you, John, but you haven't been in anything memorable since Rebecca Romaine. Great joke. It was okay. It's not a hot crowd. No, the crowd was tough. It was okay, and he gets fucking angry.

Like something changed in him when I said that. That's true. And it turned into something where he's like, that joke's been done at the Bob Saget roast, and I was like, I mean, that was 15 years ago. Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't know. It was a line I was fed by a writer, I can't say

that. So now it's like basically been like, this guy's a joke thief to the crowd. There's not a lot you could do. Ends with me being like, all right, I'm like a little throne. It was wild. I thought you guys were going to come to blows. I know. And then he goes, well, this guy's career is dead, which is like the most LA. Well you said he's dead. He goes, who's dead? And you go, Bob Saget. Bob Saget. I'm like, that's how long ago it is and he goes you this guy's careers dead and it got a pop And I was just like that got a pop What the fuck so it was weird and you can't really bounce back from just being called a thief

Yeah, it was a weird moment. It was super weird. I mean none of it's gonna make it. I hope it was weird as hell That's all the cut a room room floor but you can't throw the rider under the bus I go so you're also going back and forth with John Stamos I mean that was not on my dance card I did not see that coming we were working on this yeah it was already like we were already exhausted I was like that was fucking Tim Dillon looked at me like what the fuck Tim Graham you like why was he so angry yeah that was great that was weird Graham, he's like, why was he so angry? Yeah, that was crazy.

That was weird. I think he's been the butt of a joke for 40 years and I think he took it all out on you. Yeah, well, it was weird. But man, does he look great. He looks good. He's a full head of hair, handsome, son of a B. Did he split his pants? Yeah, he split his pants and all the girls went crazy. Must be nice.

Yeah, I really wish we did that in New York or Chicago or like fucking San Diego. Anything. Just get real people in there. I know. I mean, look, I feel like we did pretty well. We did. We did well. We did our part. But you know, we ran the shit out of this. Oh, yeah. You need more than a week's notice to roast a concept.

We're not roasting a person roasting a year. It's a very strange thing. The show was as a concept. There was no hard, clear agenda. It was just like, we'll figure it out. That's what the show should be called. We'll figure it out. But we got through it and we got a story out of it stay most we got yelled at by a hobo we did black Black Sundays or what is it called? Sunday Sundays That was fun LA. It's never it's never boring. No, no, it's a wild town

It's always interesting in Silt town la la land No, no, it's a wild town, but always interesting pencil town la la land Goddamn that was it was a weird night Yes, to say the least no gift bag. Oh Come on What is that? I'm like a varsity jacket. I'm never gonna wear Netflix. Come on VH one gives you a gift Fucking sinking they're like here's you know a candy bar. Yeah, Comedy Central got you a candle Crazy comedy central give you good gifts Netflix is playing fast and loose. I mean they got it. They got to step it up there Flicks people will probably watch it. But you know Comedy Central no one watched but you get a pair of Jordans, right?

Right, you know Hulu you hear that gift bag gift bag. It was a weird crowd though There was a lot of older people really I mean dude fucking mr. Magoo was in the front row. What was that? Oh, yeah, the Monopoly guy Yeah, Adam Ray got there because the two guys from the Muppets are here. That was good. That was good I had to be said yeah, what what crowd was I mean? It was definitely a lot of industry people notoriously the worst laughers. And hot girls and celebrities.

Not a great batch for stand up laugh reactions. Yeah, these are hard honed jokes. We're looking at the crowd. There's women texting. We're like, oh, good. I know. At least there was a Mike candy there. I was so bored on that stage. Yeah, Seth Green. By the way, I'm next to Mark. We're backstage.

We've had a few. And Mark goes, Seth Green. By the way, I'm next to Mark. We're backstage. We've had a few and Mark goes, Seth Green is so short. I'm like, he's right next to us. Oh yeah, he's a little guy. He definitely heard you say that. Well, it might have gone over his head. He was tiny. Sweet guy though. He was so nice.

There was a moment I was like, I'm talking to Seth Green. He's such a nice guy. He's been around forever. Oh Oh, yeah, can't only wait Austin Powers saw in the theater. Yeah robot chicken So, you know Colin Quinn was supposed to be Scott Powers Wow, that would not have worked. It would have worked The kid yeah, that's why it's funny. He's too old. That's why it's funny Cuz he he did it in Larry Sanders the the shitty son. Oh, that's true I think he could have pulled it off. All right. All right, but yeah, well, he's in a Woody Allen movie, too New York stories, I believe I don't think that's like one I didn't say give it a go But yeah, we also got to see

Derek Myers, what's that guy Breckenmire? Oh, yeah. Clueless fame, so it was a real 90s, who's who. That was a real thing where a crew pointed out, like Diplo, that's the DJ? Diplo. I didn't know who that was, but I knew who Breckenmire was. I was like, that says a lot about me, I guess. I've seen Road Trip.

Oh yeah, good point. I didn't even know who Diplo was, he's a DJ. I don't know, I've heard the name. Yeah, he refucks everybody's girlfriends. Really? That's what I know about Diplo. Damn, I don't know who who Diplo was. He's a DJ. I don't know. I've heard the name. Yeah. He refucks everybody's girlfriend. That's what I know about Diplo. Damn. I don't know who mine is right now. Yeah. Well, we've reached a new Diplo. Shit. Seems like a nice guy. He was sitting next to Simon Rex.

It was two couple of hunks right there. Yeah. That's what I mean though. Simon at least laughs, but that was a fucking... Why would you want an industry crowd at a... Maybe it turned out well. Yeah, they'll sweeten it'll be fine but you just want to kill and you want the work that you put in to pay off yeah you know you want you want to get from them what we put in but hey that that ain't showbiz baby that's why the internet's winning I can't say it enough yeah it, it's an ugly biz buddy. Oh, yeah, you want a part you got to take control

Speaking of control. I'm glad we got that out. Yeah, so watch it on to sit. What does this come out there Pete? January right? No, okay All right. Wait this come out before after the Santino one All right, well the show's out, so take a gander. Take a gander. We did great. Yeah.

They didn't sweeten the crowd. We were killing that hard. That's true. We were just fucking ripping. Yeah, and him and Stamos, they're moving in together. We're best friends. So it's all gonna work out. We gotta get out of LA.

I fucking hate it. It's like you said, we're two detectives. We're all rode hard, put away wet, we're sipping scotch and crying. I don't sleep. I wake up like a hitman in the hotel like, ugh. My heart's racing. Oh yeah. Been there.

Three hours of sleep in that fucking hotel. That's the worst. The worst. What, you just tossing and turning or you look at the phone? Tossing and turning and I watched, I like to watch a little TV and then I, uh, I fucking, you just, I keep peeing. Ah, the peeing. Yeah. LA is so weird cause it, they're just holding onto this Hollywood thing.

Like you drive down Sunset, it's all these billboards for movies and TV shows and you're like, feels kind of over. It's like if you went to a city and they forced you to speak Latin. Yeah, they're stuck in the past. It's dead. It's done. There's a couple of things still popping.

Right. But it's like overall, it's like the same, the same, the seventies. Yeah. It's like going to Dollywood. I'm like, she's over. Yeah. She's got a moment here and there, but it's, she's not, she's not Elvis. She's, Dolly's big.

That's true. That's a bad example. I should have gone Graceland. Graceland. He's dead. You hear that? You conspiracy nuts. Elvis is dead. JFK is not, though. But quite a headshot. He's got all right. But yeah, so now we're waiting on we got a hot guest. Yeah, we got a good one. I'm excited for this one. I guess you saw the thumbnail already. It's not like it's a secret.

Yeah. I don't know why we do that. People do this. You got a big get, could be anyone. Yeah, that's true. You clicked. Well, we'll see. It could be late. It is LA after all. Got to be fashionable. Is it fashionable or is it just the traffic? I used to think we were fashionably late, but it's like we're late everywhere just because we're like, you know.

Well, I remember that old Ellen joke where she yelled at the staff and then flew the car. No, where she goes, you ever talk to somebody and there's 25 minutes late and you're like, what happened? They go traffic. Like, how do you think I got here? Helicopter in? That's good. It was the 80s. And they got Kobe.

He was considerate he was oh this something is this something now it's a little blonde girls it could be David hey it's that guy. Oh he's gonna have a nice chair. That is not the most comfortable chair I'm shocked that feels more comfortable than that. I mean I'm not it's a lovely chair it's like a church pew. But hi guys, nice to meet you. Hey! I work with David. Hey Heather, nice to meet you. Thanks for having us. No, thanks for doing this. Good boots. Alright, we're switching out a chair.

Leave all this in. This is good stuff. There we go. Chairman of the board. That does not look comfortable. Not at all. It just needs to be straight up. What was the, what was the sporting issue? What do you think was the back? I think people have back problems. The body don't get better. It was something when he was, something to do with a, you can ask him about it,

a variety show, like around 12 years old. What? See, this is good stuff. 12 to 14 somewhere. Glad I asked. Variety show like around 12 years old. What see this is good stuff Somewhere glad I asked. Yeah, okay. Oh boy is it traumatizing? I don't want to trigger him Okay, all right, all right great there you go Wherever you want. I gotta tell you, I'm excited about this flight. Oh, I'm so jealous. Not because I like a flight, it's just like, that means it's done. I know.

Put a little bow on this shit. I know. What are we gonna invent? Teleportation. What are we waiting for here? Let's get that cooking. This flying back and forth is for the birds. No pun intended.

Teleport, we kill the airline industry, be beautiful. That would be great. But is there jobs in teleportation? Eww. You're killing a lot of jobs. That's a good point. Be better. Also, it seems like it'd be bad for you.

Like, ah, you get like three teleports a year. It's like smoking. You know, you can't do it all the time. Fucks your body up. Yes. You show up without a year. It's like smoking. You know, you can't do it all the time fucks your body up. Yes You show up without a finger. He's like god damn it. What happened? Tell I'd get rid of a pinky if I could just teleport all the time. I would do You know, if you'd lose your pinky lose 50% of your hand strength. Give it a go. I Know it sounds crazy, but that's the real real scientific fact

Pull it up. I Know you don't believe me. I read it in a tweet Fit how much percent 50 that can't be right. I get maybe Significantly redo. Ah, it doesn't give you a number 33 and 54 That's crazy. This side I guess is a lot of the that's what it is. What it is. You see it's a weird jerk Off without a pinky too. Well, that's too regal. It's too regal. It's like a cup of tea. Yeah So the Brits already doing probably

When I was a kid, my dick was so small. I would do three fingers. You ever do that? You know, it's the worst when a girl blowing you try to do the two-hander and you're like, Hey, I don't play for the Lakers. The two-hander. Yeah, ringing out a fucking towel. Yeah, I'm on the liberty here. Hey, Dave. We got your chair, you weirdo. Might be drunk as ruddy by Perfect Gene. I got one right up my ass. Say goodbye to stiff cardboard denim like this shit this year with the Perfect Gene. They fit like a dream, look amazing,

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support the show, support your balls. Hear, hear. Pfft. Fucking asshole. How the hell are you? Hey guys. Come in. Got that.

We got Google. Oh is that what that is? Hey we need to pull something up. Hey pull it up. Pull it up! Hey man. We're already rolling. Good to see you dude.

Hey how's it going? Good to see you. Thanks for the shit. We're blocking all the promo or whatever. We sell our own hooch. Yeah. Just your nuts. We're blocking all the promo or whatever. We sell our own hooch.

Yeah. There you go. Look at you. You got a picture and everything. Fuck yeah. We're a little hungover. We're not going to lie to you. Is that the idea?

Well, it's a vice. We did a little Netflix roast thing last night and we just did not sleep. Is that last night? Yeah. That was the whole thing? Was last night? I wouldn't call it a whole thing. It was rough.

It was bad. Oh, because I thought, we're going, right? Yeah, we're rocking. It's like a guy's been here for like a half hour. I know, he's good. He's like, oh, you're going to have a guest today? He gets paid in checkpoints. He got like a full curveball then I walked in he's like No one fucking told me about this shit. Anyway, I'm thought you were Argus because I went to the improv the other night and

to bomb and then they said you guys were after me and So I was like, oh cool and I was gonna stay and say hi And then I even gave, I saved a good joke from when you guys walked in. So my last joke would be six out of 10, which is a high. Jesus Christ. We did the urban show after. What's Kreischer doing?

Ah! By the way, no offense, Kreischer, every guy at the airport looks like Bert Kreischer. That's true. Literally every third person. Every guy in America looks like Bert Christchurch. That's true. Literally every third person. Every guy in America looks like Bert Christchurch. Right.

And we missed the show because we were here and we had to do- Yeah, they said you got stuck at the store and then they threw someone, some busboy up. We ended up doing DeRay Davis' show and fucking bombing. We died. That was our last- We went together. Yeah. Yeah.

We had to read our roast jokes together. Oh, is that it? So I was hearing about this big Netflix roast and I don't know about big I don't know if this comes on before after that, but when does that come on? 27th this is in January. Oh, so this is we'll be over. Yes So we'll know yeah, but so you guys went on together and what did you wrote? You did jokes about the year the year Stephen Haw Stephen Hawking, Taylor Swift, P. Diddy, all the good stuff. Okay, good. And it went okay. Luigi. Yeah, we did okay.

The jokes were pretty good. It's in LA. It was an LA industry type crowd. Yeah. You didn't do it here. We did it at a downtown LA. Some little tiny theater. They're like, give us a link to promote. And then there's like 250 seats and it's all agents and fucking hot chicks. It was crazy. Couple of B-list celebs.

Yeah. Seth Green, Breckenmeyer, the other guy. Diplo. So brutal. Yeah. I'm looking at me in the monitor, so keep talking, but I'm just laughing. Look at the hair, I just did the hair.

I just got a haircut on my hair. Well clothed. Yeah. Looking good. good fish a little bit That's right I fished a little bit fucking a little tug We missed that show you were on because we had to apologize to Dane Cook for bumping him Yeah, did you bump him here or over there here? Oh how to go? The ring a little. Yeah, we showed respect.

Yeah, he did, I talked to him recently, he was pretty cool. So, you know, god that guy's had a fucking roller coaster. Oh, crazy. Yeah. Holy shit, if my brother doesn't give me back a hundred bucks, I'll try millions. I love when you hear millions, you're like. I know. What was it, 10 mil?

I think something. That's a lot of money. Plus you gotta millions. You're like. I know. What was it, 10 mil? I think something. It's a lot of money. Plus you gotta make 30 to make 10. It's. Right, right. You know what I mean? It's a beautiful throw around money like that. But you're like, fuck, all the money is so hard

to come by these days. Talk like this, you're gonna move to Austin, you know? I know. I don't know if it's that great. I mean, Austin is cool. Yeah. But you don't escape the federal tie. I mean, there's so much going on.

I mean, you're getting gunned down no matter where you're going. So that's, I like these CEOs that are like, they're like, hey, go ahead and shoot him. Everyone's like, you know what, this is a great idea. Well, if we can shoot everyone we're mad at, then let's, okay. Right, but no abortion.

Oh, right. Anyway, let's look at a clip. We'll be right back. What a cliffhanger. So you guys, I'm running it now. So you, no, no, you guys go, I'm sorry. Whitney told me she might move there and I was like, you have a palace here,

you live in a great place with a giant infinity pool. Don't leave, you psycho. I agree, I would rather just talk about moving and not move because Tim Dillon went and he came back. Came right back. Adam Eaglet is still there, but he works there. Yeah, begrudgingly. Yeah.

I don't know if he loves Austin in particular, but he is there. Yeah, there's only so many girls to fuck. And you're part of the mothership, only so many girls. You're part of the you're part of the this is the mothership. So it's fun. At least I mean, at least there's stuff to do. Like in my head,

if California gets too tricky with all the shit going on here, I don't know where I'd go. I'm from Arizona. I like it, but there's no one in sync with any sort of showbiz. There's no right. I can go on the improv, maybe or stand up live. But where do you practice? You get up a lot still.

I just, you know what, I didn't for such a long run and Adam Egan, I said, he goes, I want, you never come to a comedy star. I'm not past, I tried when I was 21. No way. And Schmitz, he said no. You have credits. Isn't it a little silly, the whole getting past thing?

I know, I never went in here again. That was, and I lived here my whole life. I just drove by it every day and I was like, just in my head, knowing as a comedian, nope, that's not for me, and then I never went to a show, never saw a show, and wasn't practicing enough doing like a sitcom or a movie, I wasn't really working on my act the way I should be

to keep up with everybody, and so once I realized I could go on here, and then I went on a few times with the improv, it made it like, oh, my act has to be better. Like I kind of cobbled it together to do a corporate or to do something, but I was never on tour. And then I watched everyone, like Nate Burgazzi hitting a pinata full of fucking bitcoins.

And I'm like, wait, this guy, these guys make so much money. Oh yeah. And they go on the road, but I never in my head thought I can't take that year off, off of showbiz. Right. And then Alex, who handles me and Nate and Nikki and all these people that do great,

he said, just try it, you can always cancel it. I'm not, I don't like to cancel. Even spots here, no offense to Bobby Lee, but even spots here. Sorry, Whitney. But I don't like to cancel the last second in Jakam, so I don't wanna cancel a tour when people get babysitters, but they're just like, if you have to move it, move it.

So luckily, no movie came up and I did a whole year tour. I didn't have to cancel. So I kind of liked it, it was hard. You guys do it all the time. I like the road, but yeah. The road is okay, yeah. I'm more fragile and frail obviously. But I did like work in my act and take it more seriously

and just like really, it was scary at first and then, plus if more people are coming in a theater, I'd never done theaters. I'd always just go Irvine Improv, do a couple nights. But how did, when you were working out, like take the hit, that's special. You do hidden clubs?

God, I was just doing clubs and then I think I'd done SNL so I really never went on, maybe once in SNL, in New York. I didn't know any clubs to go on. What? That's crazy. And I just was fucking there till one a.m. every night, so I didn't go on. And I think Chris Rock on the weeks off would do it.

Adam maybe on the weeks off. But I didn't, I was too obsessed with trying to get sketches on. And then after that was a sitcom, here, Just Shoot Me. Oh yeah. Oh, a couple of people remember? I love, dude, great show, great cast. Like everyone, Wendy Malick, Sofona, George Siegel,

holy shit. Yeah, it was just her birthday, she's great. So that was a lucky break after SNL, but then I started to stand up a little more, just a couple of clubs and they offered me a special back then when it was, you know, an HBO special was hard to come by. But I didn't really even appreciate it that much. I was like, okay, it was just one more thing. Like, yeah, yeah, let me throw it together. But I had never shown any of it. So I really had enough to do it.

And then in those days, you guys know, well, you're too young, but, but if I was opening or middling on the road, the headliner would do about 45 to an hour and they wouldn't change it. I'd see them a year later, it was the same. And they would just fucking drink. It's not a bad life. They would just travel. And then the next time they came, it was kind of a new crowd

and then, but nothing new. And so I was not learning. I was not learning like, hey, you gotta rotate the shit. And then I go and do that take the hit one, which I did like. And then I- That's a great special. It was 10, I didn't even think about a special again.

They weren't everywhere and then Netflix sort of blew it up. Yeah, I think Louie changed it too with all that hour a year shit that really got people writing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, and to write, I do like writing, and I think I'm a good writer. I like to try to write, and it's really just always a Rubik's Cube puzzle

to crack a joke, to figure out something you like. If it fucking works, it's still the best feeling. But you gotta fail. I think that's why Eddie Murphy is like, I'm gonna come back. And then you're like, no, you're not, because you're gonna have to bomb for a year and a half. I agree that it's in a new world of filming

and even keeping the phones in the pouches. Oh yeah. I don't have the balls to do that yet. It's a little expensive too. Is it really? Yeah, it's pricey. Oh it is? It's a pricey move.

15 grand a show or something? The comedy seller just uses like, Ziploc bags? Like staples bags or something. I'm like, this is like pretty bad for the environment. Bank of America, it might not work in there. The best is when they're so proud of locking it up, but then the phone rings and the person can't get it open. And I'm just stuck with a fucking, an amber alert shit.

The kid's dying? Oh shit. Everyone's got an amber alert at the same time. So those guys are making at least 15 grand a show? Okay. Yeah, easily. Spades throwing off the rest of the show. But you've got the commercial money coming in. Oh yeah, I just have.

But honestly, the fact that I have any money left is just because you try to do so many things. Right. And then most of them don't work. I have a sitcom in development right now, animated show, two movies, and all the stuff. And it all sounds good at a party when I tell everyone. Right. But... It sounds good here. I actually stopped telling people about 10 years ago because I'm like, first of all, I sound like a fucking asshole.

Third of all, when they say, what are you up to? It's just such a weird question. Here's the stuff. I know. I know. Here's my CVS receipt of things in development. But when they don't see one happen, it's such a weird business.

And then now, I used to want to do stand-up to do movies, to do a sitcom and it's quietly turning into just do stand-up and these guys don't really care if they do a movie or do a sitcom and it's true. Because it's just too tiring to go through. It's just too hard to get one, there's not as many. Yeah. And there's actually just money in stand-up, you just go and you get paid that night,

we like that. Even when they give you a couple bucks to do a set and you get cash, you go, I love it. Nothing like actual money. Taco money, I love it. A guy like Bargazzi, I think he would lose money if he did a movie. 100%. Just stay on the road, do arenas.

Most people would lose, so if you can combine it a bit. Take time off, you know, like that's the time you're gonna take off the road anyway. You're like, I'll make a move, but that's also like, I remember talking to Chris Rock once and he was like, you know, you guys, you young guys do the road too hard and he's like, you got to make other stuff, and I'm like, we can't just make other stuff, you know, it's hard, it's a different thing, you know, like Mark and I are trying to make a movie right now, but it's a different, it's a

different, we just, I just did the thing you said at the parties. We're trying to make a podcast. But a couple things have developed. Don't worry, me and Theo were talking about that for two years. Someone's like, Theo was talking about his podcasting and I go, he shouldn't talk about it, it's not happening. Because we wrote it. We've been doing it for a year probably, right?

Well first of all, the hard part is writing it. So here's me and Theo trying to get in the same room and then both on the road, hours zoom here, two hours here, and then meet in LA at my house and finally get it down, then do like another pass, but even just to get to the end. And then you go, there's a lot of problems with it, but we got to the end. And then you go, what if this guy did it?

And then you go back, listen, it's not fucking Inception. Let's not worry about that. It's two fucking morons in a movie. But you have to make it make sense. As long as it just makes sense. My argument is if it makes sense, it's just people remember if it's funny or not. So all the movies I've done, no one ever said horrible, but I did like that it all made sense. I mean they don't even know, I don't even know what Step Brothers is about. I don't know what Dumb and Dumberbrothers about I don't know what dumb and dumb is about I don't know what there's movies. I see and I go what was the pitch? Yeah, it just was funny. You just go. Oh look at every no fucking Google finally got a wake-up call

Dumb and Dumber's about getting a briefcase back, but you don't even think about that right? It's like oh, he's making funny noise. Oh, he's wearing funny outfit outfit now. Yeah, he's wearing a tuxedo. Oh, he has to go somewhere. Right. Okay, and he looks ridiculous. So that's just be funny. So there's a lot of those we were going over and going, what was that one about quickly? And they're like, so whatever.

But this one will make sense. And then what you guys might do is the same kind of thing. We sort of, it was more him who said, let's, the future is not going to all these streamers right away. Let's just try to just make it and then maybe just get it to the consumer because a lot of stuff is just like that. And then I go, I like the idea. I just don't know if I want to be the first one. Like let's call someone else and we figure out what they did wrong. And then we go in and, but now we're just saying,

fuck it, let's, somebody came in and said, hey, we'll give you, there was people that wanted to give money, there was places that wanted to read it and we were kind of going, honestly, mostly Theo. Because I'm from half the old school and half the new one and I appreciate what's going on right now versus before and I'm kind of stuck in the old ways. So are all my people around me. I have a team like Taylor Swift.

I have like a thousand people. No, I just have one old agent that goes, what are you doing? You go to Netflix. But I still love Netflix and I like all, my last movie was Netflix and so it was great and it did well and I was so stoked. So it's hard to let that go and go like, should we try to work it for them? But he goes, no, it'll be, let's just do it our way. No notes. And it's kind of hard because we both are in charge.

And usually you have a studio, Paramount, you know, on Tommy Boy, you have Paramount, and these are the movies, Black Sheep, Paramount. Lorne Michaels or the director is broughtount, you know, on Tommy Boy, you have Paramount. And these are the movies, Black Sheep, Paramount. Lorne Michaels or the director is brought in, you know, on Black Sheep. We got a director that was paid more than me in Farley. So now suddenly we have a boss that we didn't really have on Tommy Boy. Right. And she's saying, I know what's funny for you guys.

And you go, oh, so these are the things that you can run across. Even though everyone means to do well, studio notes, TV, you know, everything is, you always hear these stories. I would just rather tune it out and say, do we have the wherewithal to do this? And then, if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But at least we did it, and then you go on from there.

But it is really fun, like, a bit where it's like a long bit where you have to crack every code. What do we wear? What are we doing? Does this make sense? Is this funny? Is this stupid? Well, it's bittersweet because if you're in control,

you have to do all the work. Netflix has some control, but they do all the filming, the editing, the production, they have grips and all that. I don't know how to do any of that. Exactly, that's what we're learning. And Theo hasn't really done anything. Anything. I mean, you know, I think he sees that. He's talking to Trump.

He has stand-up that works and he has a podcast that works really well. So he's coming in with confidence, but he also knows this is scary because it's so almost uncontrolled. It's too overwhelming. There's so many ways to fuck it up. And I like those when they hire me for Netflix and I walk in, where does fucking Spade go? Exactly. Put your hat on, turn it, it's catering, craft service. Yeah, even those grownups movies,

like we give Adam ideas, and then we just see if they show up in it because someone has to make the final call. So on that one, Adam. So I go, what if this guy did this, or what if you said this, what if this, and then at the end of the day you get there and you go, shut the fuck up and do it

because it has to move along. And you can't talk about it forever. You have to go, go, go. And those movies are fun. Sometimes I can go out and see you to huddle up after a scene and go, hey, what if Kevin James said this? And Adam would go, that's funny, actually you say it. Or someone would say this.

And he would spread jokes around, so it would be kind of fair in a weird way. But we all think of stuff, like if you guys are on a movie, you think of stuff the whole time. And then someone, he was delegating. But we knew that, because Adam's in the scene, he's right there, and it's easier than us arguing or you know, you don't know. It's better to have one person pick. And sometimes it's Lorne, you're on SNL and they go, Lorne didn't

like that. You're like, fuck. You know, you can gripe and grouse but the truth is... And you find that out like rehearsal that he didn't like it? Is that at SNL? Yeah. Yeah, you find it out when someone goes, Lorne doesn't like you. One time they would say Lorne would pick someone each year to not like. I go, that cannot be true, even though it seems true because someone would just feel like an asshole all year. But Lorne did like me when I was there, but I just couldn't get anything on. I think Al Franken didn't really think I was hilarious, which understood.

He did our pod and he was like, every joke, he's like, try the veal. Oh, jeez. Oh, yeah, yeah. No yes and nothing. I mean, listen, I give it to him because he was part of the original SNL, and then I was, sadly, I don't think he'd love

the new guys coming in. And it was, of course, it was upsetting. That's how it works. New people, that's how shows like that, we can't just keep the same cast forever. Yeah, and I'm no genius, but don't take it out on me. Take it out on Sandler and Farley. It was too many, you know?

And I think with me, he could kinda go, maybe I can keep this guy fucking. And I get along with him now, but I just thought at the time I was told someone finally went up to me and goes, dude, he doesn't like you. Damn. And I was like, oh my God.

That's gotta feel weird. Oh, it took my life out. That environment's already stressful as hell. Yeah, and at least it, and then everything sort of clicked. When they're picking sketches, he's like, even Lauren Downey, Smigiel, those guys liked it, he goes,

ah, come on, what are we doing here? And they go, okay. And I go, well, don't roll over, fucking fight for me. But there's too many people. I was just there three months ago, whenever this airs. Or two weeks ago. So I was there two weeks ago, and they called me on a Friday at one,

because Dana Carvey's there. And Dana goes, I think they're gonna they're gonna do this sketch about church lady sort of what you guys did like what happened this year and who was misbehaving and he goes I said what about Hunter Biden because Spade always says why don't you do Hunter Biden on the show. So he goes do you want to come I think they're gonna ask you and I go when would it be and he goes tomorrow show and I go oh well I'm at McDonald's and so Warren's office called,

said do you want to come out? Can you get a 3.30 flight? I go, impossible, not at all, it's one. And the way flights work, and I turn into a neighbor God see joke. So I went to, I went and got in at one in the morning and then I, they didn't even tell me the script, nothing. They just said, just try to pull off some semblance of Hunter.

We'll throw a wig on you. Jesus. And then Dana had seen it that night and said we were practicing it at midnight and it's way too long. We're just gonna chop it down. So anyway, you could get there and get cut. This reminds me of my old days.

Like, what if I go there and they go, it's just too long. Sorry, I'm like, sorry what? They're like, go back home, sorry. Well, Frank is in the back like, no, it's not working. No, I sound like I'm trashing out. Listen, if he doesn't think I'm fine, that's okay. It just wasn't what I wanted to hear at all. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this,

but I did a show at Gaffigan. He's been doing the Tim Walls, or he was during the election. And I was like, how cool is that? He's like, I'm losing road work. Like I'm losing money and they pay you like four grand or something. This is crazy. It's cool to do but- Yeah. That's, I mean, SNL, like this one was not a money thing, but it was definitely really fun to go in. Plus we talk about it a lot and then, and it was fun with Dana and Churchlady. I always thought it was funny. And so I just did it. It wasn't even some huge impression,

but it was, you know, you run in there, you get a wig, they're fitting, they're taping your head. They're like, go, go to fucking, where do I, and then I see all the other cast and. Yeah. And then. We'd just snort some fake lines. Yeah, dude, oh, this is where you used to do lines.

And then go to my old dressing room. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Go to the bathroom. This is where you used to throw up before the show. Do you get back there and go, thank God I'm not in this world anymore? No, it does give me anxiety,

which I wish we had that word back then. Fuck, I would say that. We just didn't have it. You know what's funny? You're a kid, you just can't blame everything on everything. You're just like, That's true. Hey, it's a scary show.

It's tough. I don't feel great today. That was it. That's why everyone just drank heavily back then because they didn't know what anxiety was. Yeah, they knew how to do it. Or therapy. Or eat, yeah.

Yeah. When you do make a movie like Tommy Boy, does that just come together by Lauren being like, you guys should make a movie? Like, what's the process? You know, pretty lucky just being there. I wasn't even doing that much on the show. I was never in any year, had like a huge year.

It was always just chipping away at writing, trying to get in a few lines, getting in there more. You know, Farley came out of the gate, great, but everyone knew it when he came in. A Sandler clicked right away. Chris Rock had his whole thing when he got there. So Schneider actually did well pretty quickly, but it was very hard to just sit there on the sidelines

and keep trying to get a few lines. I had Dana Carvey, he was great, he's too good. He's the best. And they're like, you're gonna be here for when Dana craps out. I'm like, by the way, Dana's still doing it as of last Saturday. So I go-

You felt like a backup quarterback or something. I don't think, I don't wanna pull the Aaron Rodgers three years waiting, waiting. You're gonna be great one day. And I'm like, well, so with Farley, I had done a little more, but it was more about around the office and making fun of him and laughing.

And we just always had a good time. And he would always go, he would make fun of me, say something about, he just thought it was so funny. And so we would all obviously shit on each other. And then when Lauren said, make a movie about these two, because he had a deal at Paramount.

And so for a summer movie, he's like, what do you got, Lauren? He's like, got too many good things happening. He's like, oh right, I'm supposed to do a movie. They just did Wayne's World or something. I was like, well maybe get these two and two of the writers, Bonnie and Terry Turner can write out a rough idea

for these two. So. It's a good script. So they wrote, yeah, they wrote it and it was called Billy the Third and a Midwestern. It's kind of funny, a little tagline, right? And then we were going to shoot it that summer and Fred Wolf came in to help it and make it better.

And then they were Sandler's and Billy Madison. And so we had to change the name. We were like, oh my God, of all names. So his was coming out first. So Tommy Madison wasn't an option, I guess. We should have thought of that. Happy Madison? Yeah, that came later, but I agree that it was,

we were like, shit, we'll change it. And then we just could not think of a name for the fucking movie. And Brian Denny, I think, kept calling him Tommy Boy. And then when they told me Tommy Boy, I go, boo. Because I wasn't, I still like the old one and I just didn't know if that would be any good. It didn't sound like any movie I'd ever seen.

Didn't sound like Caddyshack. Right. No, it didn't sound as cool. But that worked out. But then the next year, they just go do another one. This is the first time. This is how easy I thought it was. Lauren was like, OK, Tommy was doing great.

So next year, another one, Chris, you too? We're like, he's a, ugh, ugh, ugh. Yeah, yeah, boss. So we're like, Fred writes Black Sheep. And then we got a director and then it was Greenland and it wasn't even finished. It was just like, they're going to write it and you're going to shoot it next summer. I'm like, and then you just think how hard it is to get movies in the real world. Because then I think the next summer he goes, you want to write a Gap Girls? I'm like, no. Even though I thought, ah, I'll just do another

one next year, whatever. My choosing. It was really like lightning in a bottle, window shutting, you know, you don't know. And then I leave the show and there's no point to doing any sketch ones anymore really. And luckily got on Just Shoot Me and then, luckily whatever other shit happened.

But it's just, I didn't know where I'm going with this, I'm just still talking. Well you're at the mercy back then, you're at the mercy of like, I gotta get a gig. Now I feel like you can do your own shit. Well now I can do stand-up. As hard as it is, I'm fucking late in the game because man it is a beating to go out there.

It is. But when it works it's fun. Yeah, and when it works it's great. I mean the shows itself are fun, I feel like I'm doing something, you feel like you're good at something if it works, it's fun. Yeah, and when it works, it's great. I mean, the shows itself are fun. I feel like I'm doing something. You feel like you're good at something if it works. And then... And you got your voice so down.

I mean, your voice is... I think so. I hear one of your jokes. I'm like, that's a spade joke. Oh, good, yeah. Like dry and kind of sarcastic and self-deprecating. You just know a spade. Stanley used to call me and he goes,

hey, have you seen this comic? I go, and he goes, he's doing you. And I'm like, that's a thing? You can do that? It's like over the years. No, they're just doing your fucking shit. I go, what is my shit? Because you know, that's the thing about lately my stand-up, I'm trying to tell more stories because stories are really the only way it's your fingerprint where this is just what happened to me and my version of it and my take on it. But if you say, you know, when I used to go open or middle, I throw middle in there.

Because I got an SNL as a middle and I wasn't ready to headline. Then they go, you should go headline on the weeks off. I go, and do what? Forty minutes? So how do I take 25, Google? How do I take 25 and make it 40? You go to the crowd. So who was doing you, Jay Farrow? No, there was, I don't know who it was.

And one was a girl. Oh, interesting. But it was funny, take just the idea of like, it could be something, because I was always a research paper of like, Kevin Neal and Dennis Miller. Everyone I liked, Seinfeld. Everyone I saw, you just start steering your style

from just comedy in quotes. It's like music when girls are like, I like a guy that's funny. It's like, well what kind do you like? Because there's so many kinds. It has to sync up. So do you like R&B, do you like rock? So with comedy it's like this kind I like.

I started to hone it. I started to think that that was funny and then started to write but writing part of it is tough too. But some of these stories are funny and then if you... I did a joke I was saying when I was on the road and this this headliner right before I brought him up. He goes, you're going before me? I go, yeah. And he goes, no Jeopardy jokes, no Wheel of Fortune. But he's doing my whole act.

I'm like, uh-huh. And he's like, no this, no this. I'm like, he goes, I do all that shit. And I'm like, oh no. Oh, and a funny coincidence, so do I. So I literally had a Jeopardy, not only I have a Jeopardy joke, I had a play school fucking xylophone.

Oh jeez. Good times. Lost allophone. Oh, jeez. Yeah. Good times. Lost all respect. Oh my. We gotta wrap this up. Phones just lit up. Yeah. And I go like this, bing bong.

Oh boy. That was the 70s, you know, it was a different time. When I, my buddy lived at Columbia and Vic Henley, this old, this guy. We know Vic. We knew Vic, yeah. So Vic, shockingly for being a go-roper from fucking Alabama or wherever you're from, he wound up in Arizona.

So I met him and then we lived together for a year. Wow. And he had a gacked out roommate. His roommate was so gacked out. I remember when Vic was gone, I was kind of scared of him because he was so fucking, and he had all this cola and he's like, you're fucking doing something tonight. And he was like tweaking, and I'm like,

I would love it. It's just at this juncture right now, I have to kind of go over here and do this. I just, it's like, I had a whole day the next day, and he fucking trapped me in the kitchen, and he's like, do this fucking line. I'm like, dude, I can't. He was like, I'm gonna beat you,

because I'm gonna beat the shit out of you. Oh, wow. He's fucked up, he's all fucked up, and I'm like, dude, I can't. He was like, gonna beat you because I'm gonna beat the shit out of you. Oh, wow. He's fucked up. He's all fucked up. And I was like, I did it. And then it was over. He's like, all right. Then he went and watched TV.

And I'm like, no, what now? I fucking was like, JonBenet. Yeet de deedle deedle de. I walked around the apartment complex 3,000 times. Next day ruined. You go to sleep. I was like, and it was literally, anyway, so. I go, this is supposed to be fun.

It's not fun when you have a gun to your head. And then immediately the fun was over for him. Once I did it, so I escaped my pounding. By the way, the Comedy Store basement, a little dank. Now I didn't, I wasn't expecting miracles. I just, I'd never been down here to see where the bodies are buried, but this is just a ghost of a Polly Shore hand job from 1991.

There's so many rooms, it never ends. I didn't know, this is. Was there pressure on your cast SNL to get fucked up? Was everyone drinking parties so much? You know, it was actually less... Plus Farley. Yeah. I think Farley took it upon himself to keep the traditions going because we...

It was too valuable of a job. Right. Sandler was never a big drinker, Chris Rock never. And it was more... Everyone was so lasered in on the job going... Because the word around there was you're about to get fired. And we still talk about that work. Even today you can ask Sarah Sherman, anyone there, they're like, I think I'm going to get fired. Because you just don't know and you're never doing quite good enough in your eyes

and you're in that bubble of the, you know, you do the show like I did last week and then you don't know anything until you leave and someone's like, oh hey, I saw you then. I'm at the airport. And you guys are like, oh, I saw you do the show like I did last week and then you don't know anything until you leave. And someone's like, oh, hey, I saw you. I'm at the airport. You guys are like, oh, I saw you do 100 Biden. I'm like, you did? Right. Because you forget that it goes out to the whole world and then it's on TikTok and it's on, you know, whatever, Yahoo News. So if you're there over and over, it's just like a little click. But we didn't drink.

The question is, we didn't drink and get too fucked up unless maybe the week's off or a little click, but we didn't drink. The question is we didn't drink and get too fucked up unless maybe the week's off or the after party because we had to be, I knew I had to give every possible way to be good on that show. And I was falling apart anyway because the stress of just like losing weight and feeling like shit, just eating pizza all day. We didn't know what carbs were.

This is honestly, I swear to God. We didn't know what carbs were this is honestly I swear to God. I did not know what carbs where it was just Pizza probably not great for you. Yeah, it's a spaghetti at night Not a water bottle inside. I mean like my dad hasn't had a glass of water in 22 years Do not drink water and then you know, you need about three gallons a day I know. It went from nothing to just, I have to drown. Right. Exactly.

Who were the hosts that were awesome and who sucked? Like as a human, I mean. Still got beef with Eddie Murphy? I don't. Oh, good. I don't. Squashed it. I'm gonna have to see him at the 50th. Come on in, Eddie.

Yeah, I'd like to see Eddie do stand up again. I mean, that would be fun, but I think it would be hard for Eddie, like you said, to just practice. Of course. No one gave a shit back in the day. He's in New Jersey where he lives and just doing clubs. No one knows what's going on and now it's just too much news. If he comes in here, it's news.

Exactly. Every phone comes out. Yeah, how do you, at that level, how do you work out? I guess you can't. How does Chris, I mean, everybody like Chappelle, like, But Chris will pop into the cellar. Right, but it's still, do they have to put their phones in a bag?

Everyone does, yeah. When Chris comes in? No, no, just default. As you walk in. That's the new thing there. It's kinda nice. I didn't know that. Come by. Come by. Good to have you. Say the N-word. It's kind of nice. Oh, you know that. Come by.

Come by. Good to have you. Say the N-word. I did figure out finally a way to call the seller and get in. And so I was like, oh. Oh, come on. Because I was, but if you don't know anyone, I'm just going to walk in and how dare I try to bump or something?

Just shoot me. Like a fucking asshole. Great show. Throw that around. You can bump. I throw in lost and found, Emperor's New Groove. The guy Kuzco is here from the Emperor's New Groove he said. Fucking C's part. Well you never know, I mean didn't Dana Carvey went viral online

just doing a Biden? Is that where SNL plucked? Yeah. Figured that's incredible. Well we were doing the our stupid podcast and we and we were joking that they never do Biden. Yes. And he goes, I think I kind of got a hook on Biden. He would do a little bit. Then he had a new one. And he's like, and furthermore, and see here, and here's the thing. And then he started doing it. And just doing that, we did that.

And we talked about Fauci. Oh, right. And I mentioned something about the border. And just that, you forget that people are so used to hearing this one... Right. I'm like, I think we're supposed to talk about everything. And I just said, it was something about COVID, of course. And I said, I knew it was kind of a scam because if they're letting everyone in the border

and they don't give them a shot, then what am I worried about? Like, if it was so scary, legal, illegal, you have to get a shot if you're coming in here. And if they're not, I can't go to work? That's all I said. I go, that was something sketchy going on. And that was six million views in one second. I was like, whoa, what happened? They're like, and then half the people are like,

fuck you, like, fuck me what? What am I saying? And then Dana goes, he goes, Fauci's like, you get a shot when you go to the FBI, get a shot. We're going to have six shots a day and we're going to shoot the fuck out of you. Yeah. And just being funny like that, again, people flipped out

and we're like, is this really controversial to make fun of? You're supposed to make fun of everybody. Yeah. You can't just praise everyone. Right. So then he said, Biden, he's like, and he made fun of Biden. And then we do that a few times. And then, you know, he makes fun of Trump, but no one says anything. But he makes fun of Biden and we got mad. And so then we're

like, we're doing both. We're doing both. Yeah, that's what you should be. I think it's good for SNL that they're doing both now. It was good. Then they saw Biden, they said, why don't you come out and do it? And he was like, oh shit, yeah, because it was getting funnier. And I said, Dana, we should put up a podium and just do like a little sketch about it. Yeah.

Because it's funny, you know, you're just doing it right here, but put a wig on here or something. Anyway, they brought him out, did it, it was kind of a good, you know, way to do it. And then, and now he's doing a lot of stuff out there. Oh, great. Yeah, fun.

Again, why the internet is great, because they would have said no, you can put it online yourself. But you know, they had to see that it worked. Yeah, that's true. Somebody liked it. It started to work. Right. Okay, it was like an audition in a weird way.

They go, oh, that works. And he should do Fauci, but Fauci's not around anymore. But he does a lot of funny people. I mean, he's so good at just picking something and then grinding it down and getting it going. Yeah. Dude, we had the VHS of Opportunity Knocks in my household. Oh, yeah. That was my brother's favorite movie. So we watched it probably 12 times. Yeah. He gets a lot of people that know the old movies. You know, I think after you do...

You got that? I got it. Couldn't do it. Can I show you a close-up of slow motion? I'm very decisive. You're hovering over it, you're like this. And then you go, I don't wanna interrupt the story, but deesh. Exactly.

Fucking lunar landing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Dan is great. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, he's great. He's always great. I like you two turds dressed up in tuxedo. That's all Photoshopped, it's not even a real tux. Is that real?

Yeah, it's not real. Oh, you fucking. We don't even own a tuxedo. One for all Photoshop, it's not even a real tux. Is that real? Yeah, it's not real. Oh, you fuckin'. We don't even own a tuxedo. One for one, you tricked me when I walked in. Ha ha ha ha. So you go up and do spots after this, or how does it work? I'm flying home. Oh yeah, you guys are going home today. We did four last night.

Four of these? We didn't show last night, but before that. Yeah. Oh, whore. We were running into the ground, man. We worked way too hard on this. It's hard, if you get someone that doesn't talk, luckily I'm a fucking yapper.

Yapp it up. But I yap because on ours, if people don't talk, you go, oh, and then we go, they go, you over talk. I go, well, people aren't talking. I know. It's very hard to think of shit to ask people. Right, it's work. Either that they don't get asked, or whatever.

You just want to sort of bullshit like you're at dinner. And I go, I don't care if people over talk, but it's hard to keep things moving. I like when people talk because it's less to do. You guys, I like you guys are both zoned out, it's good. You guys like action. I thought you were a jeselnik. No, I cut my hair now.

He looks more like me than I am. Yeah, he's got the flip. Yeah, he flipped, he changed it. Now it's mine fucking buzzed. Because in Buzz Boys, I might cut off all the sides and dye that top black. I'm just like fucking around with it and just wind up with a wig, who knows.

Top black, you're like a famous blonde guy. I don't think you can go dark. Some of the salt has taken over the pepper. I mean, this I just saw in the back. I thought it was blonde and someone goes, it's gray. I go, what the fuck did you say? You know who it was, Al Franken. You walked behind me getting a little gray.

That too? Geez, I can't win. We had him on this pod and we were trying to be reverent and supportive, he's such a legend. And had him on this pod and we were trying to be reverent and supportive. He's such a legend. And we played all his sketches and they all died. It was brutal. He was laughing.

Yeah. He's funny. He used to write those political things on the show. I just was, I could see why we didn't 1000% sync up. I just, if I'm not popping off the page from the first minute, I was a writer there. You see people coming in, you go, fuck, I wanna write for them. Who were the people you wanted to write for?

Well, I mean, I could tell immediately when Adam would just have different ideas, I go, fuck, Adam really knows what he's doing. Different characters, super weird idea. Smigel would go write with them, I'm like, oh, fuck. And he also gets Smigel and Downey and they all liked him. I think they liked me, but as you know, I'm more of like, I wanna say one no,

cause it's accurate, but it sounds bad. But it is sort of, when I was there and I liked a Bill Murray type, I felt like he was always kind of Bill Murray. He wasn't super impressed. Not a lot of range. Yeah, so I go, I'm kind of Bill Murray. He wasn't super impressed. Not a lot of range. Yeah. So I go, I'm kind of like this.

What I should have done is probably try to do Weekend Update earlier. I never wanted to. Right. And you kind of did that at other stages. I did something like that and I'd go on and do it. And then I go, then it was almost too late because if I wasn't that concentrated and harsh,

it's like Nikki Glaser, like when she did that Amazon football thing. Do that. You know what I mean? Once they see something work, then everyone's like, do that. Exactly. You shit on so many famous people. You like showbiz show. I mean, did you have to run into people around town who would be like, dude, what the fuck? Everyone hates it. It's just, you can't really say you don't like it because then you don't want to make an enemy of me. Because suddenly I'm this dipshit from Arizona who's 27 or something and I'm like, you know

who fucking sucks? Elizabeth Taylor. It's like some huge star and everyone's like, what? And then I go, they suck and she's looking like shit. Sleeps on her face every night. Everyone's like, god damn, dude. But then they laugh and they go, ah. So it's just basically what you say anyway

around with your friends. So that, but that saved my job. I wasn't doing enough. I did some sketches and they were fine, but not enough to be like, you have, I wasn't doing enough. I did some sketches and they were fine but not enough to be like you have to be here. So when ultimately that bought me some time and then do a couple other things and then fucking got out and then luckily land on something because you know that cliff you can fall off leaving SL as you know.

Oh yeah. I mean you look at the reunion, we're coming up to this big 50th reunion and they're like here's the 900 cast. I'm like what? There's some that want to be on our podcast. I'm like no idea. They go oh they were on for 11 seasons. Isn't that weird? But in fairness we usually say like your favorite cast, most people's is like seventh grade through college. Yes. Like high school. Like all the time when you're fucking thinking it's so funny

and they're doing shit you can't believe and it's just like you talk to your friends about it. And then you get distracted after that and you're out every night. But there's a special place for people that have their cast they like. So people come up and they go, my favorite cast is Kristen Wiig and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, of course. There's still good people. And there was before or when we were there after, but they said we were horrible. And then we believed it. Then later, Will Ferrell got there and they go,

no, those guys are horrible. You guys were good. And then later they're like, where's Will Ferrell? And I'm like, guys, you see what you're doing? This happens every time. Whoever's there now is bad. Yeah, it's the same with genera- these kids today, every generation says that. Including us. Yeah, I'm exactly what you're doing. I'm bitching about everything now. Well, I gotta ask a personal question.

So you used to skateboard. I was my whole life growing up. Oh, for real? Yeah. So I think you were in, was it Police Academy? Yes, sir. First movie. First? Four, so I think you were in, was it Police Academy? Yes, sir. First movie. First? Four, the good one, yeah.

Yeah. It answered the questions from one, two, and three. They did seven, by the way. Oh, my God. I saw them all. And they did not put me in five and I fucking flipped out. No way. I was like, what did I do so wrong?

Well, Steve Goodberg, poor man's Bill Murray. Fucking good, he put the skybosh on me. Really? No, there was actually an extra on Police Academy. I have obviously no game. I was never famous. I couldn't, no dates in high school, barely. I was always like a friend.

And then college started to stand up. But when I got on Police Academy, I'm kind of, you know, I have a trailer and stuff. And one of the extras was just knockout. And so I'm like, I'm in here for you know, I have a trailer and stuff and one of the extras was just knockout and so I'm like I'm in here for 10 weeks I have nothing to do. So I asked her to go to Bob Seeger. Oh nice. What a fucking great concert to go to. Night Moves. Yeah. And she goes yeah and then I was talking to Goody at luncheon. The Goot. The two funny things were it was raining so I just sat in this trailer and we bullshitted to lunch and he made my whole salary while we were sitting there. Of course I calculated it.

You got him back. Because he got 1.9 million on the movie. Wow. What the fuck? Back then. I'm like, for what? No offense. For what?

What do you do? He was cute. He's hot. So Gutenberg was friendly to me and we, and then I said, oh, I'm going to, I go, you want to go? He goes, oh, I love Bob, yeah, I'll go. Let me grab some skeezer.

So we doubled, we went to Bob, not funny, we went to Bob Seger. Oh, geez. And then my date, his date liked him and my date liked him. And it was the first time I just saw the trade up so clearly. Because I was in the movie, I thought I was fucking hot shit. Turns out I was cold boogers. And she was like, fuck, this guy is so great.

And so she was flirting with him clearly. And then he didn't bite and he broed me out. I mean, if he did, he did it behind, which is better. But at the time he's like, no, no, no, dude, I wouldn't do it. So I like that. Can we pull up Gutenberg's dating history? I think he had quite a run.

Him and Scott Baio. Good looking, 1.9 million on the fourth one. It must've gone up after that. And then nice guy, funny. I'd still see, I don't see much, but it's yeah. What's he doing now? But you're asking about the skateboarding. I that was great.

I love skateboarding. There's on the skating pools. We had a ramp in my backyard. Hell, yeah. Sadiest ramp. But we had pipes. We had we had desert pipes. Those are the one thing we had. No one had. Yeah, we built the ramp. Mahoney. Mahoney.

I mean, Tiffany Amber Thieson. Oh, really? I don't know any of these. Rumor. It's Jill Martin from fucking Quincy Jones. What are these old? What? These old.

All right, maybe I was wrong. Elizabeth Taylor, holy shit. Fucking Betsy Ross. Maureen McCormick. Get out of here. Oh, you're joking. That's insane. That chick's AI.

That is weird that pops up now on Instagram I can't it's just if I could block my phone from AI Yeah, and I don't know what's anything for first of all the girls are AI second of all I don't know while the UFOs right now. I think they're real, but there's drones You ever crank one and you're like, oh that was a fake woman I've had that my cranking it was a drone That was one of mine that bomb last night the drone joke I said I said usually when a guy from New Jersey says what is that thing? He's talking about a trans person That bomb

It wasn't our crowd no no it was Breckenmire I say I That's okay. That's okay. It wasn't our crowd. No, no, it was Breckenmire. I say, in SNL I was gonna say, is it true that these drones are just, are the orbs, each of them have a cast member from the 90s and they're just dropping them in the studio every week? Because we all keep showing up. Sandler was there last week.

Oh, that's right. That's right. Chris was the host. He killed that monologue. It was great. Now. I go, I got a joke for you. That's all I have so far.

Superman can't walk. Is that what he says? Is that a joke? Yeah. What's next? Hulk gonna get the gout? Aquaman gonna drown on the tub? I know his whole act. Is that what he used to say? Hulk gonna get the gout? Yeahaman gonna drown on the tub? I know his whole act. Is that what he used to say?

Hulk gonna get the gout? Yeah. I don't remember that one. Yeah, Christopher Reeves in a wheelchair. Has it been long enough? Can I do that? One time when I was doing standup at the beginning, I was just at a local comedy club. I'd only been to one comedy club and seen someone who was absolutely fucking floored.

That they did an hour. I'm like, this guy making this shit up, this is unreal. So I go, they start these shitty comedy nights in Arizona. I told Colin Quinn, I said, this was before there was a comedy scene in Arizona. He goes, you think there's a comedy scene in Arizona? Who said that? I go, oh, you're right.

So anyway, I go to this place, and then I go, oh, I was telling someone What I was gonna do because it was you know open mic network, right and they go that's pretty funny. Yeah, that's a Billy Crystal, I was just listening to his album and they go oh And where are you gonna do that up there? And I go yeah, and I go they go. I don't think you can do that I go I Think you're supposed to get up and just try to be funny. All right, I fucking had no idea Wow, and I don't think you can do that. I go, I think you're just supposed to get up and just try to be funny. Right.

I fucking had no idea. Wow. And I didn't do it, but I was like, I didn't know, there's no rules, no one says anything. No. No one tells you one fucking thing. And I just go, it's funny. The xylophone too.

You were really- Yeah, I sort of had a hunch. Yeah. I had a wheel of fortune fit. It's fucking killer. Actually I had a Tom Petty hat and I do Tom Petty. I had a big fucking like top hat, you know. And then at the end of, and then one time Dennis Miller, who was my favorite, I still love Dennis.

I was opening for him. What did my glee go? Spudly. And I was there and I was walking up front and I had the girl was standing there, it was after New Year's Eve. I had a girl standing there and I was holding it like this. Waiting for the taxi.

You sleeping in that fucking hat, Spud? I go, oh no, this is just, he goes oh I know what it is. He goes, I think it's time to lose the props. Wow. I go, really? He goes, you're not a prop act, dude.

I did me a favor. He gave me two good piece of advice. Told me to fucking lose the hat. Xylophone obviously goes with it. Sure. The whole storage unit goes. The whole storage unit act. The whole trunk.

Yeah, it was actually just small suitcase. you know, storage unit goes. The whole storage unit act. The whole trunk? Yeah, it was actually just small suitcase. And then I did open forum and then I... Whoa. It was like the old like black and white special I opened for. Wow. Killer special. Yeah, good stuff.

And then like a little later I'm like, he sees me. It's something by the seashore in New York. Not Carolines, but maybe there's something. That was on the seaport. There's something by the seashore in New York. Not Carolines, but maybe there's something. That was on the seaport. There's something seaport. And he goes, they changed your act. And I go, yeah, I wasn't doing that good on the road. And I was actually doing hackier shit in a weird way.

And he goes, no, you got to go back to the other shit. What? He hands you back the hat? He goes, just do the shit you're doing because that's innately from you. And he said, if it doesn't work, then you're just not cut out for it, but don't change it. I was like, fuck. And then I did it, slowly came back.

One last thing and then I'll let you guys talk is Bob Goldthwaite gave me a good piece. I opened for him and he set up. I remember being in Canada, no fucking Oklahoma or whatever. It was 3,000 seeder which is way too much. Even today a club is great. When it gets over 2,000, 3,000 it's just hard to manage. Right. And so like we did those homes of Sandler. Yeah, that's fun. They're fucking kind of hard to manage because there's a lag

and then there's people talking over here and people getting up. Anyway, it's hard to get throwaway jokes. That's a lot of my act is throwaway and my whole act should be thrown away obviously. So I go in wherever I was and I do 3,000 Seater with Bob and I'm like, you guys watch Michael Jackson? You ever notice him? Oh, well, and I do 3000 Seater with Bob and I'm like, you guys watch Michael Jackson? You ever notice him?

Oh, well, and I do my dog shit. And then I'm getting screamed at in heckle the whole time. And so I feel bad backstage and he goes, why, you know what? No, I'm kidding. No, he'd drop it and talk normally. He goes, do you know that every bit starts with a question? I did not know that.

And he goes, just say it. Just say Michael Jackson has a new album and do your joke. He goes, you're giving them a window. You say, you guys heard the new Michael Jackson album? And they go, no. Right. And every fucking joke started like that. And then you gotta be like, boys, I'm still doing it.

I go, I'm still doing the joke. I'm doing the joke, but I don't leave them a pause to ruin it. Yeah. So I just go, I got the new Michael Jackson album, and if he noticed it, then there's no reason for him to talk. That's a good note. And you're cutting fat, too.

Yeah, cutting fat. And then at the end, they just boo at the end, which is smart. It helped me. They were like, just a whole act is a boo. And so we're not going to interrupt you the whole time. We're going to save it. Right.

So these Sandler shows you guys did was that arena? Yeah, whoa we did one we did one that was like in that outdoor was at st. Augustine. Maybe we did a couple Yeah, we did I jumped on you everyone's kind of jumping in and out Yeah, it was good to see you there because you're not normally on those and it was fun super fun Yeah, and it's just fun. Yeah, I felt a little like I'm like you guys all go back 30 years And I was like the only guy who wasn't a a little like, I'm like, you guys all go back 30 years, and I was like the only guy who wasn't a part of that, so I was like, ah shit, but.

Yeah, you were like a child, we were like babysitting. No, he comes out, and you know, Sarah Sherman came on a few hours on, you came on, was she on that one? No, no, I think he brings one younger person, and it's me or Sarah. Are you the young guy? I guess.

Anyway. I said younger. Oh, yeah, it's me or Sarah. Are you the young guy? I guess anyway I said younger Fucking Franken Try the meal No, but it's funny cuz it's really fun when he's there and everyone's there and other people are there It's in Bula Dan Bula's super. Yeah, he's great. He's On SNL writing and he's so good at it. It's in Bula, Dan Bula is super cool. He's great. He's on SNL writing and he's so good at it. He's a killer. Really just a great find, you know, because he

writes for those things. He writes for Sandler specials and he's a good all-around dude. You know, they all wear suits on show night, all the writers. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. The Please Don't Destroy dudes are all standing there like this. Really? With all suits on. I'm like, what fucking shitty bit are you guys doing? Yeah. Like, we wear suits. I'm like, oh, wow. I went to the cast party embarrassingly like this. Right. I was in my three minute sketch. It's weird to be in like one thing and then...

Right. I was never in a ton, but it's just weird to just know for sure. A, you're in this, and A, it's not getting cut. But B, you're in nothing else. So the energy went up and then it dies down because dress, it's over. And then you'll wait two hour dress and then another 45 till the show starts

then it goes up again. And then I gotta wait the whole show. Then I go, must go to party yeah crawl right act cool yeah eat free linguini I remember the first party as an old party I went to I thought the drinks were free I was like a poor open waker and I drink 8,000 Jack and Cokes and they were like that'll be $600 oh for real I actually thought it was free too. Yeah. I've never been to one. I assumed it was free. They're fun, but it's just some fancy steakhouse or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean this was like

tables and booths, but they put me in the way back. It was actually too far from the action because it was like a bar area fun. Then like a few tables and cool area where I looked for where to sit and they go, no, you're back here. And then kind of around a corner and then you could see us, but it was like Lauren's table, me, Dana, and I think Sarah Sherman. But it was too far removed. Like, I kind of wanted to go out here and see everybody. Yeah.

Because cast, you know, when I went there, they'd get me and go like, all right, if Chris Rock or Schneider's here, we'll pair you up with them. You know, like you guys get a four top table. But Mike Myers would have his full table. There's always that and everything. And then Lauren, you go up, hey, Lauren. This isn't UFO related. Just print it out of here.

It was a loud entry. I remember meeting Lauren. Somebody introduced me to him and he had a big he's got a big mitt He's got quite the pause on that guy Pull those hands up. I mean he's like Pull those Lauren's hands up the first Google search in history of law if we lost the Google guy But yeah, Lauren is he's a music a mob boss that guy that's printed out of here. Where do you think he went? Yeah, I like your lights are so fucking bright. He had to rub one out to Yasmin Blitvich.

That is not Lauren's hand, is it? I'm telling you. Look at those mitts. That is crazy. It's like Joe Rogan's hand. It's crazy. Jesus Christ. He could squeeze it in turn and pop them like a zit. He was great.

We did this first show, you know, and then he's uh, we didn't talk too much about his hands, but he um, I said, I go, uh, Mark Norman thinks you have a huge dick. He said that, I go, well, basically. Your hands are big, then he kind of. Oh yeah. Well, Lauren's the man, you know, our buddy Shane Gillis got fired, you remember that whole thing? Yeah. And he still calls him like to apologize probably like once a week Shane I like the shame went back. Yeah

Good. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I mean Norman back when he got that monologue was so good that norm That no, I love you blows. Yeah, that was I'm sure everyone's had like this. Why do we have this fucking guy back? Where's the J? Norm is like on a mission. Yeah on a mission to ruin his life and career at all times So he's just like well legend has it he was in the green room with Artie Lang and he was like You know what? Maybe I'll just walk like I'll just leave them with no host and Artie's like that's funny But you'll never have a career again. Yeah. So he did those. When Artie Lang is talking about it. It sends into you.

He's the reason. I love Artie, but holy shit. Yeah, I haven't seen Artie in a long time. I know. I see that he's the best. But funny guy. You see him around or not? No, not in a while.

Not as much. A little bit. You see Colin? He's in the comedy class. He's Colin every night. You see Colin Quinn? Always around. Oh, good.

Oh, constantly. Yeah. Colin, it's so funny, we were running that roast set and Colin said, you know, he's supportive of techs, like you're gonna kill, it's so good. Then we see a tell and the tell goes, hey, I see you're like 70% there, we're like, cool, we tape tomorrow, so thanks.

I literally thought I was in the future because I was, when I was fucking waiting on you assholes the other night, I was like, with my big closer. I did that with Nikki because she came in the night at a couple nights before and I go, I'm gonna do the other night. I was like, with my big closer. I did that with Nikki because she came in the night at a couple nights before and I go, I wanna do my last joke. I wanna hear this joke.

Rock her off the hinges. Right, Al Franken hated it. It was a new joke. I was like so happy. And then, but Nikki, yeah, I saw her. She watched. But your guys, I thought it was like like maybe because it's not airing, I thought it was live. No, thank God. I thought you're doing it like if you had a month. Oh my God, if that were live.

It wasn't the Ace Theater, right? Was it smaller? Smaller, it was the Bellweather. It's a 300 seat Brock Club. And it was less people because they had, you know, the cameras. It was where they have... It felt lighter than the cellar, it was weird. It was rough. Baseball card collectible meetings. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Chef scouted it out. Was he still the roastmaster that day? Yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

No one's doing that job. No. He's got it. I mean, he does have it cornered. He does, he does. Tonight we have the roastmaster lieutenant. We were the privates. Bill Squankmeyer.

Is the general sick? Are you covering up? Hey, Simon Rex was front row. Alright, I might have to let you guys go. Alright. You're the best, man. You guys, thanks for having me. I think we all learned a lot. Yeah, thanks for doing it. I think you guys are both fucking hilarious.

You too, man. Oh, thanks. I see you more on Instagram than in real life, but I like seeing you. Always funny. It's a good relationship. Yeah, it's good. At least I see something.

Yeah, thanks for the comments. No, yeah, I do put comments. That helps. That goes, I can show my mom. I put a comment. Sometimes I just put random ones. And this girl the other day says, just pops up in your feed. Sometimes they have a hundred thousand million likes.

Yeah. I look at some and I go, this has five likes. How did it come across my desk? How did this get to my fucking phone? But she said, hey guys, so I'm having an operation. I'm getting my butthole removed, and if you have any questions, just put them in the comments I wrote.

Self-explanatory, no further questions this time. It gets like a million likes, because everyone's like, what are you doing over here? I'm like, I don't know. I saw it, and I had to say something, and then I move on. And you blew it up. Yeah, I blew it up. Get some fucking attention.

I felt bad for just getting her butthole removed. Yeah, how's that work? Had a million questions. Yeah. I acted like I didn Get some fucking attention. They felt bad for her. She's getting her butthole removed. Yeah, how's that work? Had a million questions. Yeah. I acted like I didn't. Where do you poo? I go, no, I got it. Did you blow your nose?

There's diarrhea. I get it. Was that the closer from last night? That's my big one. That's a seven out of 10. Fucking shit, dude. We missed that. I got to text Nicky about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about Nicky? Geez, what a career. Golden Globes. Nick. That's great. That's great. We missed that. We missed it. I gotta text Nicky about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about Nicky? Geez, what a career. Golden Globes. Nicky's doing great, yeah. Golden Globes are exactly the one to pick because I think there's talk of her doing the Emmys

and then Golden Globes are the one. That's smart. You're a little looser. Because they're gonna wait for, if you have Ricky Gervais, then it's good. Right. Because they're gonna go, at least we know this world of getting shit on.

And everyone's going to tighten up when they walk in there. But I did see some of the jokes. They're great. They're great. She's always killer. I told her, slow down. She's made for that. You're already 90% there.

I should have said 70. It really fucks you up a little bit. You're like, 70? Oh, yeah. She loves you. And which ones was it that were not so good? You'll figure it out. I called it till after that thing last night.

I was like, yeah, you made the right decision to bail on this. Oh, he didn't do it? Yeah, yeah. They pushed hard too. They want him to be Jeff Ross's tumor. Oh. That would've killed.

It would've been 40. Who got that job? The tumor. There was no real tumor? Played the tumor? No. Shit. Well, I'll keep putting comments on. All right, guys.

Thank you. Thank you, dude. Give me a head start. Give me a couple steps. Get out of here. See you in the parking lot. Okay. I guess that's it.

That's how we have things. There you go. Good to see you, boys. Good to see you, dude. Thank you very much. Thanks. Hey, so David Spade. Awesome to see him.

Fun guest. Drink Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodegawiskey.com. See us on the road. I'll be in Pittsburgh January 23rd through 25th. We got Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, all theaters coming up on the bus, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Georgia, Houston, New Orleans, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Georgia,

Durham, New Haven, Providence, Portsmouth added a second show. Thank you guys. Portland, Maine, Burlington, Montreal, Toronto, Buffalo, Albany, much more. Samorail.com slash shows or go to punchup.live slash Samorail slash tickets or whatever. Punchup.live slash Mark Norman find our tickets there mark where you're gonna be man you I will be at the Addison improv in Dallas Texas and then at the Ryman in Nashville Asheville North Carolina at some theater and then I'm going to Europe and Australia doing the

whole thing New Zealand so check out the website. Where in Europe are you going to head? I'm doing the big ones. I'm doing a gay Paris. Then I'm doing the whole Scandinavian area. That dude, I got food racks for you. Have you performed in the Scandinavians? I have, yeah. So good.

I love Norway and Stockholm and Sweden. And then I'm going to Rome Rome which I've never performed in Rome Athens as well damn Rome I you gonna have to hit me with Rex I will I will you know I was so mad I didn't hit Italy or Germany yeah all the Rex yeah all right well this was fun man yeah Spade how about that in the car the legendary comedy store? Thanks, LA and you get some bodega and we'll see you at hell Check out the special on Netflix I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way

Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true