We Might Be Drunk - 217: Doug Stanhope

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Doug Stanhope is a classic, we enjoy some cheap wine and hot toddies with him while we discuss comedy, great stories. Join us for this 2 hour episode. Did you know Doug did comedy in Ukraine? Neither did we, go watch his specials on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@stanhopetv Support the show and sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period of Shopify at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Support the show and download the PrizePicks app today. Use code SPOT to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup at https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRUNKS Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD  WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Catch Doug On The Road: https://www.dougstanhope.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast

Dude I love you rock the suits and everything it's yeah yeah we're on dude oh we are on oh shit I didn't know that yeah that's why we just do it this way I always I usually start okay's walk in the room. Tell me all the shit that we can't say on here. Yeah, let's hear it. So and so special socks. Let's just talk a few people. That's the podcast though.

This is the podcast. That's the one you wanna hear. Nicky Glazer overrated. No. I didn't have, oh, did you guys write for that? No. No. No, we should've killed it, that was a rush. Did you write for a roast or No. No, but she killed it. That was a lot.

Did you write for a roast or something? We did a roast on Netflix. Did a roast, okay. It shows you how well that did. Yeah, exactly. I remember you were talking about it and I couldn't tell if you were talking about writing for Nikki or for a roast.

No, she was awesome, man. She did have about 78 writers. You see that photo? I know. It's a lot of writers, but she killed it, so it worked out. That's the only time I've ever been tempted to watch a fucking awards show. Yeah.

They're just so self-congratulatory. Just the, they exist bothers me. I remember they got in the woods. But she was so fucking good on that Tom Brady thing. Yeah. Yeah. No, she's. I think she got a boobs done. Colin!

If you know. Well, I'm not. But yeah. I love that a woman finally crushes an award show and we're like, look at those tits. Well, first of all, who else has their tits out in that photograph? Her and Mike Lauren.

Yeah. But yeah, no, she did great. And how the hell, what are you doing in the city? Do you know Pat McAfee? Sure. Her and Mike Lauren. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, she did great. And how the hell are, what are you doing in the city? It's like, do you know Pat McAfee? Sure. He used to always wear like fucking tank tops. Tank tops.

And he like, who wants to see your arms? I feel the same way about women, like anchor women that wear like, sleeveless fucking, put some fucking cover up your arms. The sleeveless shirt on Dude is aggressive as fuck. I don't like it on the Dude. It's not my favorite. You see the armpit hair and that weird, floppy skin right there, it's not great.

I'm gonna push the bar first, Mark, you wanna grab it? Oh yeah. Oh shit, oh, this is the cheap shit. That's the cheap shit, but I traveled with it, which means I had to check a bag, but I bought these sleeves that you get at duty free. I'm gonna go hot toddy. All right fuck I'm going I'll have a sip of this

but yeah I want to can we do hot toddy for me? Keep going. You want a hot toddy as well? Yes. So let's do three hot toddies. Dude I remember the first episode of this show I watched I forget who the guest was, but all three are drinking fucking La Croix. I'm like, really, did they go sober too? Drunk is in the title, but it just took you a minute. Yeah, we got there. It's called We Might Be Drunk. We Might Be.

And some we shoot at like 10 and 30 in the morning. And sometimes the guests sober, so we feel weird getting hammered. Yeah, I've skipped a few of those. No. Like there's sober people that don't remind you that you're a drunk. Right.

That are great, like fucking Tell or Norton. I fucking love Norton. Love Norton. But there's others where you go, that guy's such a not drinker. Yes. I don't wanna sit through. There are legendary drinking stories of you

that I've been to clubs and they're like, Doug Stanhope, fucking, he did some shit here and I'm like, I gotta, like Appleton is one I heard, Appleton, Wisconsin. Oh geez, those stories go way back. Well I heard one that fucking killed me and I don't know if it's true, but the story was, you were hammered on stage,

you're still killing, but you're hammered. And... Turn off your phones before you go on a podcast. I didn't know we were gonna be going right away. Some woman complained that you were drunk and you just walked over, you overheard her and you were like, they made us, the club made us. No, no, I wrote it.

It's actually in one of my books. He forwarded me the email, the cliff, the manager at the time. Fucking shit. Is that the Asian thing? He forwarded me the email, the cliff, the manager at the time. Is that the Asian thing? It is. And you know what it's called? The ringtone? It's called Comic. Comic whatever. Comic Sans.

Yes. Alright, so what happened in Apple? So yeah, she wrote this scathing thing. We had done a benefit show for a friend of ours who is Graphically obese and to pay for his stomach stapling or whatever lap band. Yeah, I'll be telling you and Sean Rouse and andyandrist and Sean Rouse RAP funny funny dude. Oh funny. God's so good So yeah She said I went to that show and you think this we they were

making fun of the tsunami and 9-11 and none of this is appropriate and I wrote so he forwarded me so I had her email and I wrote her a long email. I'm so glad you have our back on this. I guess what you don't understand is when we play clubs the management provides us with a script that we have to follow that and we voiced our concerns to management as well because we are the ones that have to take the fall for this at the end of the day a very long just very professional written email and she's Oh my god, I can't believe this is true. Great, she bought it. Wow. I brought you, oh, will you grab,

in my backpack there's a book in the main compartment I just brought to set on this stack. Put it on. What do we get? Oh, put it on top of fucking Natasha Ligero. Yeah. She hates me so badly. Why?

I don't, I went to a party which I never do. I went to Sarah Silverman's legendary annual party and I met her twice. I knew two things about her and met her once and I just brought things up that evidently, I didn't know that was a fucking rough thing. And she ran into Brendan Walsh, I'm good friends with the next day,

and just talked shit about me. Like that fucking asshole, that stupid guy with the fucking suit, he was a drunken asshole. Like I just talked to him. He was Appleton all over again. Yeah. And then, so this year I was gonna go back to it,

I ended up not going, but she ran into Brendan Walsh and said said I hope that fucking asshole isn't gonna be there I've never heard that side of her Wow. What'd you make fun of her for dating Bobby Lee? No, I didn't know that Oh, yeah, I could have brought that up Clifford just came up on my feed and it was her at some roast but she goes uh my feed and it was her at some roast but she goes uh she had a line that killed me where she goes man the room is buzzing tonight and that's not just the flies from Aziz's relatives. Wow that's great. He's there he's laughing I'm like that's a great fucking roast joke. I did not dislike her at all the one story I

had we had to do a photo shoot for GQ or one of those maxim, it was a comedy issue and it featured like 20 comics. And we had to do a photo shoot which I loathe. I can't stand my, just having camera here. Order of a chicken. Yes, yes. And I'm like, all right, let's just, any, yeah, just get it over with.

I only have one look. I'm not an action guy, I don't have poses, just take the pictures, but it's five of us. So and she's like let's do one, it's in the comedy store, let's do one over in the cloakroom, let's do one in the... and she just kept belaboring this, not knowing how much I hate it, and that was the story that I told her. So evidently... That's it? Well, just how much, I guess I was focused on how much I hate a photo shoot and she took it as personal.

I see. You love a photo shoot, you fucking. Cause she's really cool and nice and funny. That's shocking that she seems like she'd be right up your anal. Yeah. Bummer. Oops. When Natasha come in, we got it right here.

My point about that duty free wrapper for this shitty bottle of wine is I brought that because I gotta get a bottle of Badaja Cat to take home. Hell yeah. Put on my podcast and have it sitting on the camera. It'd be an honor. It'd be an honor. I heard a story about you, Nick Schwartzen told me that you went,

I don't know if it was during COVID, but you were like this close to reaching your miles on Delta or something, and you just flew around the world. The crazy flights, yeah. I did those even after I didn't really need the miles. I fucking love flying To I did the same route twice was Tucson is where I fly out of

to Atlanta without leaving an airport, Tucson, Atlanta, Johannesburg. Whoa to Amsterdam back to Detroit, Las Vegas, Salt Lake. Holy shit. 77 hours total, 57 in the air. You're like a terrorist. That's crazy. Wow. The second time I did it, I go, all right, that's it.

Yeah. It was funny the first time. Did you go solo or with your wife? No, no, and I went coach. Wow. We just hammered the first time? Are you running the first time? Or are you with your wife? No, no, no, and I went coach. Wow. We just hammered the whole time? Yeah, Xanax and like very little memory of the entire thing. Other than back then, you could, all of those airports,

you could smoke in still. Still smoking in Atlanta, still smoking, there was smoking lounge in Johannesburg, Amsterdam, and Vegas. And this was to reach a certain mile? To hit diamond status. That's amazing. What did that cost you? It was only $2,200.

What? For all that? Yeah. That's crazy. Damn, that was like a hack and you could just kind of, I guess with passports. Well, they don't even do miles anymore. Now it's all dollars. Now you just have to spend the money.

Now you have to look for the shortest flight that costs the most to get, but I'm, yeah. That is amazing. I'm dialed in now. Man, that's like what DeSantis did to the migrants. Like, you gotta go here, you gotta go there. You did it on your own volition. That's hilarious.

Migrants don't get points either. That's true. Yeah, migrants got miles. They'd be living high. Is there status for migrants? They're like I'm diamond, I get to board the bus first. Oh yeah, they're not spending money so much. Yeah.

You don't get the perks. Are you guys like loyal to anyone? I know at this point I'm not, but like Delta is the one if I choose, because I can fly with them the most. I know at this point I'm not but like Delta is the one I if I choose because yeah I just I can fly with them the most so I try to hit the number with Delta I did the road so I'm pretty high on all of them, but Delta. I'm diamond. Yeah. Yeah, I just can I undress please? ran in and yeah

And I'm gonna do this. There you don't have the fucking Joe DeRosa seat This there you don't have the fucking Joe DeRosa seat If you want a seat over there we can get you on the early Rogan podcast where he did it at his house And it's just a couch and one camera and you're like trying to talk to each other like this I Listened a few of those once I was bored on a flight And I was like let me go as far back on these Rogans as I can and it was one with Bill Burr It's gotta to be there. They're talking like little handheld things like this. And they're on a couch.

They must have said 7,000 times because it was like 2004 or whatever. It was like 2001. So it was a different time. It was crazy to hear. And it was a great effort. She never had a hot toddy. What? Really?

Oh, my God. Good winter drink. The Hymen. Well, you live in Arizona. You don't need a hot toddy. New oh my god good winter drink the Hymen well you're living in Arizona You don't need a hot toddy New York Winters man. It's like seven. It's like it says feels like seven out there I know it's 23 It's uh Pedophile feels like seven if yeah, I feel like Gloria Gaynor trying to get her voice ready

To do a show at the State Fair Now that she's 79. Is she gonna survive? Yeah. There's a whiskey drink, I feel like a lady now, drinking this, it's like a cool drink, and I'm like, ah, shit. It's cinnamon sticks and a lemon.

I know. I thought how I ordered it. Thank you. Even like an old fashioned, sounds cool in Mad Men era, but it's got a muddled orange in it. I know. It's like, your gal will take a sip and go, that's nice, I'll have one of those.

What's your go-to drink? My go-to is vodka soda splash grapefruit or cran. Nice. That's a good drink. Fresh squeezed grapefruit. Man. Yeah, you can't beat that. But I try to change up, especially if I'm drinking out.

I want something I can't make at home. Right.. I want something. I can't make it home, right Yeah, I can't even make a Bloody Mary Really well not a good one I'll drink V8 and vodka Feels healthy yeah One then you have you have like four you're like alcohol is not even the problem You have this much sodium in a fucking yes, you know I've heard you guys say that it's not that bad The sodium level is not really that as bad as you think All right, remember I'm drinking tomato juice as a kid where my dad would put salt in it

Yes Salt and a little bit of lemon my dad did tomato juice and in the big tin can then he hit it with the two holes On the top and the bottom remember that that's how you would pour it. How about clamado? That's kind of good, too Right. Yeah, I'm good. Oh yes But if you make a Bloody Mary at home, you're kind of a psycho. That means you have Bloody Mary vodka a celery stick Showing a guy That's like the pepper on the outside. Remember you guys are fucking showing a guy Fieri.

Don't pronounce it like he does. Fieri. But you're drinking the Bloody Marys with the fucking lobster in it. Do you remember that? Oh yeah. Good times. I'm not putting bacon in this shit. Exactly. Those little onions. But if you're in Madison and they have all those bars and they bring you one, they will do crazy shit.

Bring it on. I'm not going to turn it back. It's gone. You know it's a meal There was a bar in Madison that used to do up porn and eggs on Sunday morning Where they'd show like old 70s porn on the TV the kind with plot? Yeah, more plot than fucking and they have that and a breakfast buffet with giant Bloody Marys and fucking and they'd have that and a breakfast buffet with giant Bloody Marys. Heaven on earth. I never made it because we would just get so fucked up on Saturday night that no one's getting up.

But I've tried to recreate it at my house. I've found some like flapper girl fucking 30s porn they've made compilations of the girls', the girls' dances, like softcore, so you can invite your neighbors. A lot of pasties and an occasional nipple, it's not like, but we did that for about three or four hours till everyone was kind of sauced with mimosas into Baileys and Irish coffee and into Bloody Marys

and into sneak in some fucking hardcore tranny porn. Yeah, there we go. People have all stopped watching the TV. Oh, there you go. Look at that. Yeah. Side by side, perfect. In Rhode Island they have legs and eggs.

That's why you have to face this way. There you go. Yeah, legs and eggs was a breakfast buffet at the strip club in Rhode Island. I can't remember what it's called. Foxy Ladies, that's what it was called. I think Providence has the most strip clubs per capita. It's Tampa.

Every fucking town you play, guy that picks you up at the airport tells you it's got the most churches and strip clubs per capita. If that tells you anything about Houston, Jacksonville, fucking every town. Portland, Tampa. They have some, and yeah. There it is, it's a great club.

Always unverifiable. You know, like Bethleh yeah. There it is, it's a great club. It's always unverifiable. You're like Bethlehem? There it is, legs and eggs. Yeah. Look at that, 7 a.m. Who is making that? You couldn't do porn and eggs at a strip club because everyone's gonna turn away from the stripper.

That's true. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta see a lot. It's kinda like you can't do comedy at a strip club. Right, right. All those stories, Atlanta used to do that. That's true. You used to do it too?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was a, Teasers was the name of the place and they have amateur night. It worked out because you just MC for the amateur night. It was just a contest and it's just professional strippers from other clubs

that come try to be ringers and win 50 bucks. So you'd go up in between them and Yeah, fuck with them, but they still didn't even like that 30 seconds of intro get to the fucking broad It's a who's got a sadder life comics or strippers you think in the early years? It's a toss-up. At least they're making more money. Long comics got longevity. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. But they're making...

They did a soprano. And, well, at least in my early days, there was... Comrade, you got along. It's us against them. Early days of comedy, you started, I started in Vegas, which is the worst place to ever fucking start, but you don't know that.

Except for New Orleans. New Orleans is pretty bad. Which has never had a comedy club that was successful. Yeah. Which, it's the only, including Green Bay Appleton, the only city that had a professional sports team that couldn't have a full-time comedy club. There's no other city that has sports

that doesn't have comedy other than New Orleans. Yeah, that's a good point. Miami sucks too, by the way, I would throw that in. Oh, I played there once. Once? You? I got fucking booed off stage almost every night. What?

Like people throwing things at me, like empty cigarette packs. And I was following Chris Porter. Oh, he's a killer. He was probably 20 some years ago. Wow. So around 2000 because I was dating a comic, which, oh fuck, we'll talk.

Judy Gold? No, no one famous and she's quit. Okay, great. Lucky you. So Chris Porter, it was very urban, it was very ethnic Miami. Probably maybe 70% Cuban, 20% black, and then people who are not gonna have my back. The 10% are mute.

And he just had every fucking reference to every fucking hip hop song and he was built for that room and he fucking destroyed. And I would get up and that was where I was primed. Maybe it might have been after 9-11 because that was when I was really peaking on fucking anti-authority, fuck the government like all this shit. They don't want to fucking Yeah, it doesn't play my hand. Yeah Gloria Estefan

The real and it was like I just after the first night I assumed I'm getting fired and I'm going hey It's and they're like why why would you leave? Like did you see what the fuck they were throwing fucking empty packs of cigarettes at me and fucking Just like not even like angry heckling like that roll your eyes. Yes like dismissive like cheap to fuck that's why I'd rather the anger than the you know just The not caring yes. Yeah, it's's, when we were working that roast set out in some of those black rooms, they were like, they were looking at us like we were corny,

and I'm like, oh, just tell us we suck. I know. Yeah, the disinterest is worse when they're just turning away and talking to their friend. Yeah, of fucking checking their phone. A tell won't, oh, sorry. Go ahead. A tell won't even do Miami.

Like, that's how bad Miami is. He's like the funniest guy on the planet. He's like I'm not going there. I wouldn't even like your air Boy, by the way, yeah, he says and I say that about him. Yeah He loves you. I told him you were coming on today, and he was like Doug will never come through New York City I bet he stared saying an airport hotel. I would if they had a decent one Here it doesn't matter. But on the road, would you prefer to stay next to the club or next to the airport on a one-nighter?

It depends. That's a good question. It depends on the city. Yeah. If there's a cool downtown hotel, it may be. It also depends on what time you're leaving. Yes, you got on a 7 a.m. flight, get me by the airport.

But if it's a fun town where I wanna hit the city a little bit, I'll stay by the club. You were saying about coming up, having each other's back. Didn't you co-headline with Hedberg? Yeah, yeah, we co-middled. Wow. That's an insane show.

We co-headlined when it was really shitty clubs, basically one-nighters, so you wouldn't even, sorry to call it a headline, but yeah yeah that's so cool though man that's like such a that's such an amazing show to see yeah of course did people get him immediately or was it a while no the first time I saw him was at a club called knuckleheads in the Mall of America Minneapolis and Lewis Johnson was the headliner I was the middle act and Hedberg was opening and Lewis had seen him and he goes,

man, you gotta watch this guy. This guy is fucking. And the first night he did pretty good, but the rest of the week he's just fucking, because he has no MC skills. He doesn't come out and say, are there any birthdays? Like folks like you are still in the day. He's following, da da da da da da da,

y'all ready for this? Da da da. And there's a laser light show for a club of 350, even though there's 18 people in it, they still have the volume up, like it's a sold out Saturday. Come on, you can do better than that. No, they're doing their best.

There are 18 of them, and they're not even sat in the same areas. Oh. Yeah, Knuckleheads does not seem like the proper venue for Mitch Hedberg. No, he was new, but he was still, as Hedberg, not quite as polished, but still you saw everything

that you're fucking gonna love in the future. So it was great to watch him like more very quickly and yeah fucking great I love that there's some some nerd put up a bunch of sets from giggles in Seattle which is no longer there but it's like early bill bird I think he's dead can't remember his name but I know it everybody hated that guy giggles yeah it was like bill bird's or all go young Tosh young you and it's so cool to see, because I don't know, it must be like 1999 or something,

and everyone is just there for the love of the game. No one's getting clips, no one's filming every show, and it's just trying to kill, and getting heckled, and getting drunk, and you can tell Geraldo goes up, he's like, I'm so fucking hungover, and the crowd's like, jeez, look at this fucking idiot. And like, no one has any, like, oh, these these guys are all brilliant to these guys gonna be famous and rich. It's just

loser broke comics Going up for the for the love of it And it's a beautiful thing cuz now it's all about marketing and clips and views and all this shit So this is what you were doing you were just just out there at a mall, getting drunk, trying new zingers. That was right before he fucking died. Wow, you can look at him. Bail.

Were you worried? That was two weeks before he died because we did, ended up, I got booked with him to open for him at a college show in Maryland, and which I was like, all right, by now people know I'm not college material. This does not happen. So I assumed he asked for me.

Because when you guys both headline, you stop seeing each other, and it sucks. That's why we do this. So I assumed he had asked me to do it, and then when the kid that booked it, who probably got fired immediately for having me on the stage, were driving back to the hotel

and I told Mitch, I said, hey, thanks for setting this up because college gigs pay a ton of money and I needed it back then and he said, I don't know, and the kid driver said, no, you guys are my two favorite comedians. I did this, I'm like oh fuck, alright. Hey. So we went back and we did, that's gotta be the green room.

But we went back and we're doing 2005. Wow, so he had done a few Lettermans at this point. Oh he was fucking, he was killing it now. Okay. Yeah, Terry Taylor I think is his name. Yes, that was his. That's when Hedberg was just starting to peak and he was selling a lot of tickets,

but he was not a negotiator. And that guy from Giggles would sell all these VIP things and overcharge people. Everything, if he ran it past Hedberg, Hedberg would go no fucking way. He can't overcharge people and still pay Hedberg a flat rate. And just bilk off his success.

Oh, that's horrible. God damn, yeah, Hedberg would be on Howard Stern. Like he was really about to be a household name. And his late night sets were just killer. Like the beauty was seeing crowds get that. Like on Letterman where you're like, oh wow, he's connecting with this unique, like my mom once heard Hedberg and she was like,

this is like brilliant. She was like, she had to pull the car over, she was laughing so hard. You know, I remember William Stevenson, RIP William, like, you know, hosted The Cellar all the time, and he said the first time he heard Hedberg, he's just like listening in the hallway laughing,

and he thought he was black. Just from the back. He went in and he was like, holy shit, the white guy. When I first heard Hannibal, I'm like, oh, Hedberg just stole from Black Pete. Ha ha ha ha ha. My mom loves those applause breaks. That's one of my favorite drunk pastimes

if I ever get to drink with comics or doing a tell or a Hedberg and you just sit around the table and everyone's fucking throwing out their favorite fucking one-liners. Yeah. And Hedberg was kind of a household name if you were in a standup.

Sure. You were definitely, back then before it really kicked off, before social media really kicked off. Yeah, yeah. Back when getting on Letterman would change your life. Yeah. Did he, I mean, were you seeing, when you're doing a gig like that,

did he kill that gig or were you? Yeah. Oh, no, he, they were, and he would, he would entertain people who would throw out jokes, like towards the end of the show. Oh, wow. And they're like, do the thing, and he would, he was, all right, I'll do the koala bear bit.

Man, you guys are very, you guys are very demanding of my time. But I'll do this for you. Uh, damn. He really enjoyed doing it. And he enjoyed fucking drugs too. He loved heroin and comedy. Yeah, he was great at both of them. He was heard comedy. Yeah Both of them

Was very good. It's an enthusiast. I think I remember cap city, which I think is like a revamped version is back now I don't know. Yeah, but they said bad time to I know try to compete in the marketplace in Austin. I know But they said I'm a fucking barn for a room. Oh god. I hated that room It was some good room. I mean, I had some of the best times, but just the height of the ceiling. Yes. Yeah.

It was a warehouse, and it was right by that bingo hall, right by the overpass that was like outside of Austin, you know, but I remember going there, and they were like, every comic gets two drinks. And I was like, what, two drinks? And they were like, well, Doug. So apparently you fucked that up. There was a, every club had like side splitters, I was like, two drinks, they'd be like, Vic Henley. I'm like, oh, two drinks? And they were like, well, Doug. So apparently you fucked that up. There was a, every club had like side splitters,

I was like, two drinks, they'd be like, Vic Henley. I'm like, oh, there's always someone. Yes, Henley was the lunch. There's always someone drinking too much. That's true. Yeah, the trash, the condo guy. Yes. I went on, I did Bill Burr's podcast once,

which I felt awful doing, because I would listen to Bill Burr on the road back then for a while until I started getting mannerisms and I gotta stop listening to this, and ladies, and I'm like, stop, it's in my head. But I did his podcast, and I apologized up front, because I hate it when you have a guest. I just wanna hear you, Bill.

So I apologize to your listeners for being here. Fucking hate me for being on your show. But he was telling me that I was like the John Fox guy, like the guy that fucking sticks his dick in the mayonnaise jar at the condo. I'm like, I'm that guy now? Before it used to be like, who's that? Ollie Joe Prater? Oh, wow! I haven't heard that name in years. John Fox was like the party road guy. Yeah, and I worked with John Fox once and made the mistake of confusing

an Ollie Joe Prater legendary story as him. And he's like, that's not me! Yeah. John Fox was the most absolute fuck up, just awful, like repeating his joke several times in a set He's so fucked up, but he was funny Ollie Joe had the the one I confused was where his nose started to bleed during the show from too much cocaine Yeah, yeah, holy shit pouring down his face

But he doesn't realize and the audience is aghast and at some point is it's all on his shirt. He goes oh What nobody parties anymore? That's great. Oh my God wow this guy looks like right out of hee-haw once in life so I'm going around drunk. Little Ron White in there. Now wait, pull up John Fox just just to get a look at this guy because this guy was the psycho party comedian. The women, the food. Party is the wrong word. But he's funny as hell. Uh, look at this guy. He did the same act for 40 years or something. Well, the act was in the way. Archibald, Barisol.

What's impressive about you, Doug, is that you like, you did this shit, but you kept churning out new hours. Yes! You're functioning. Yeah, no, I'm not like that. I'm not really a drug guy. I mean, I've had my drug moments. Here's the problem is, a lot of your best stories come from nights on drugs. So when you have too many drug stories in your act,

they think that you're fucking boofin' Trank in the morning and fucking. No, I learned that from you guys. Trank. Trank. Yeah, that's true. Like Jim Jeffries has that great quote, no great story ever started with, so I had a salad.

Yeah, and then I got home, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's true. So yeah, I'm a fucking go to bed early guy. Well, day drinking'll get you. I love it. It's a good day drink in town.

I hate New York City, but Especially I just the three blocks walking here I came in with a good attitude like I try to get out of my comfort zone and stuff I fucking with the Ukraine you guys were talking about that did About when you Comfort is so addicting. Yes, And like, you get a nice house now, and you got the fucking wife, and you really have a kid on the way? Yeah, yeah.

I know, brutal. Scary. But that'll get you uncomfortable at least. Yeah, exactly. So, I fucking lost my train of thought. No, just like the comfort, how that takes you out of. Yeah, and I have to force myself to like... If I could just go to bed right now, why would I?

Yeah, it's hard and comedy's all at night, it's late and shit and you wanna go to bed. Well, Nick DePaulo's got that great quote where he said, his friend was at his house, he pushed a button, a TV came out of the wall, his couch reclined and he goes, that's why I'm not funny. Exactly, exactly. You gotta also like have some fun too, but yeah, I know what you mean.

You're so uncomfortable on the road for years that the second you have a nice little thing, but then I do, I agree, I do feel myself slipping now that my life is easier. But that's, yeah, the three blocks walking here, I immediately fucking hated everything so much. I came in with a good attitude. I got in late, I was at midnight, I got in the hotel. There was not traffic to worry about. There were no personal space issues

and just walk three blocks and a fucking cop. I go, was 39th this way or that way? And he's pointing what I thought was the wrong direction. When I got, and I'm like, oh, oh no, I'm sorry. I misread the fucking sign and I'm already yelling at people in my head. And I'm like, oh great, I could do this whole show with fucking pet peeves.

Yeah, bring them on, I got a few as well. I think that's actually good though, is like you get comfortable here and then you go outside and you get instantly irritated. And that keeps me thinking of jokes at least. Yes, that's what they- Seven degrees and you're fucking angry and people are bumping you and you're like alright it's fucking it's turning again. There's a rat, there's a hobo, there's a

syringe. That's why LA comics suck. LA's on fire and... Oh that'll wake them up. LA's on fire and you're complaining? It's fucking seven degrees here. Nice and warm there. Yeah yeah it is crazy. Air on fire racing out of the palisades. Yeah, shit is gone. I have not seen any of the footage. I just heard about this. Oh, it's fucking insane. Fucking Annie Letterman who said to say hi,

and I go, I'll wait till we're on the air. Annie Letterman called, she left a message, like one in the morning, and I'm like, maybe she's like, help, save us, we're on fire. I'm like, maybe she wants to come stay in fucking, stay in Arizona, cause she. Holy shit. Good.

Good Lord. This is way too comma voice for what's happening. This poor dog, get him out of there. Holy moly. Ah, this is what gays see when they die. Oh! Ah! Okay.

Woo! Ah! Ha ha ha ha! Party's over, homos. I'm gonna spit in my fucking hot toddy. Right. See if it's still hot. Well I have a friend from LA who said like New York's unsafe, a guy got lit on fire there

on the subway, I'm like, that's your whole fucking city right now. That's a great point, that's a great point. Like LA's natural, you buy a home in LA, there's like nine different types of insurance you have to buy. Right. There's like flooding, Earthqu insurance you have to buy. Right. There's like flooding,

Earthquake, mudslide, fire. It's a lot of fucking insurance. Yeah, at least the city is trying to kill us. That's God trying to kill us, you know? I'm glad this one's not coming out for a couple weeks. So though, hopefully things work out. Give it some time. Yeah.

But it's a tough time. Yeah, no, it's fucking bad. It's real bad out there. I know, it feels like the world is ending. Like the lady getting lit on fire, the shootings, the run over in New Orleans, this shit. It's just a lot of stuff coming. Support the troops.

Yeah. Dude, do you have one of my favorite lines ever in a thing where you say, when I do comedy, it's like I'm taking you into battle. You're not all gonna be here at the end. Nah. That's one of my favorite lines in a comedy. I don't know if that's on Deadbeat Hero. Yeah, fucking great.

Yeah, fucking 20 years ago. But that was where I do, I support the troops on an individual basis was the premise of a bit. Great. That I wish I knew how to do clips where I could just cut that bit out of that special and Hashtag it with New Orleans and whatever the other someone listen message dog and do his fucking

Turn and why you will do that for ten minutes. It's I Get to a place where I go. I just was writing notes this morning and I'm going, I think I already did this as a bit, but now it's like whatever story, where I'm going, this should be funny, and I'm like, I already did that about something similar. Anyway, I find myself stealing from myself. Right.

Well yeah, once you've read a few hours, you're just like, how much shit is in here? I know. I mean, I totally get that. I think the first time I talked to you was when Shane was staying with you during COVID. But how did that happen? I mean, that cracked me up

that Shane just like fucking fled to Bisbee. Was that when we were drunk dialing the most famous people in our home? That definitely wasn't me. No, he pulled out a bunch that you go, I don't know if that counts. Right. The first time I met you was the airport thing, right?

No, I think we did Jim and Sam like way back in the day once, but yeah, you picked me up at the airport once, you held up a... I went out to smoke, I think it was St. Louis, and I was in the Sky Club, so I just went out to have a cigarette, and I have to go outside, and there's a guy standing there with the Sam Morrill sign. Yeah, the car guy.

If he's still here when I come back from this cigarette, and I gave him a 20 to fucking let me hold the sign. That's great, what? It was an amazing, yeah, Peter and I got off and we're like, this is the best surprise ever. I needed a boost going into St. Louis as well. Wow, that's so cool. No, that made my day, that was awesome, man.

And it was suited up too, because I was just, I always fly suited up and I'm just coming from the gig. I think it's cool, man, you're like one of the last like suit drinkers. You know what, there's manipulation afoot in it too, because I always wear a fucking Delta, vintage Delta pin, and I have a fucking bag of fucking vintage Delta gadgets, and you will not get shut off Drinking on a plane

them a 1973 vintage Delta fucking this and that yeah Thank you, can I get a double You can probably grab a stewardess his ass at this point, I mean you're all in the suit the pin Yeah, that's awesome. I probably not if you use the word stewardess You ever notice for a drinkers podcast that this is kind of like It's like a sneeze guard. Oh shit. You're right get a much draw the other crazy straw. Yeah Hurricane with a crazy straw you say you make anything right? Yeah

We might be able to whip up a hurricane. I have no idea what's in a hurricane other than diabetes. It's yeah I feel like I'm sounding like a tell-no Fucking came in here so jacked Woke up and I saw my face after I like that's Almost 12 hours of drinking for me to get here cuz I have two hours from the airport. So I fucking leave early And then I get for a one o'clock flight. I'm there at 1130. So I start drinking at the bar. It's the only bar I'm a regular at is the Tucson airport. Like, what are you doing? How's that thing that you did?

And then, you know, in first class, if you get bumped up or I usually buy first, but if I'm not making money where I'm going, I go, I should probably just roll the dice. What's the point of chasing diamond status if you don't have the reward of getting bumped up? Good point. So I did get bumped up on the first flight, so I've had two drinks at the airport bar,

and then I get your pre-flight drink, which I get fucking livid if they don't serve that. That's crazy. That's the whole point of first class. Yes. Is getting a drink before those other fucking simple motherfuckers. Yes.

What did you say? I said the great peeve. Oh, peeve, yes. All right, I thought you said pee. Because this, I try to hydrate. Ah, get this guy a catheter. Well, what I did is I call them torpedoes. That size of water, if I could drink one of those in a day,

it's almost half a gallon, it's 50 something ounces. And that's what they recommend, at least a half gallon a day. So I chugged this fucking thing before airport security that I've driven with but ignored. And now I forgot, I got bumped up, but I'm in a window seat. I'm gonna I I forgot I got bumped up, but I'm in a window seat ah I'm gonna have to piss this whole flight, and I sit there, and I'm I get my drink

He pisses like a lady mother fucker, but at least you get a aisle. Yeah So this lady sits out she has a hard hat Connected to her backpack. Oh boy. And a woman of a certain age, and then she gets to her, like me, she keeps her Delta fucking earpieces. She plugs in her earpieces for the in-flight entertainment, pulls out her tray, and opens up a laptop,

and then starts to, and then they come and say, what would you like? The vegetarian option or the chicken Cuban sandwich? And I'm like, and then she orders tea, hot tea, and I'm like, I already have to piss. So before the tea comes, I'm like, lady, I'm sorry, but let me get this done before I, I'm gonna knock over, I have this fucking overcoat on, I'm gonna slank it, I'm gonna knock over, I have this fucking overcoat on. I was like, oh, slank it.

I'm gonna knock everything off when you, and so, she said, oh, it's okay. And I just squeezed every ounce of piss out. I couldn't bend. Just, ugh! Yeah. Sorry, I just did Brogan special. Ugh!

Ugh! Ha ha ha ha! I was so claustrophobic just being in a window seat knowing that I'm going to have to piss again. I didn't, but I wanted to the whole time. Yeah, dude. No, the constant peen. If someone's not in the window and they have to go, I'm like, I totally support it, because you gotta piss.

But I also don't have projects I'm doing. Right. Like, yeah, if you're gonna have the whole, I get to fucking build a fucking thing. Yeah, another great line. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun GIF. Another great line that blew my mind

when I was a young comic. I was watching your Comedy Central half hour. I think it was, is that a premium blend back then? No, it was a half hour. It was a half hour, okay. I did both. Okay. Well maybe it was one of them. It was on Comedy Central and you come out and you go, I got some fans here tonight. And the crowd goes, woo! And you go, then what's my

name? Silent. Oh, cut that out. What? You must have just heard that story. I feel like I saw that. I'm like a... If you got it, it'll be... I've done, I might've been on one of my CDs.

That's how fucking long I've been around. I've think three CDs, which I love every time you fucking belch. Oh yeah. Or fart, the farting thing. Oh, tell that to David. Peeve, Peeve is fucking eating on Mike. Yeah.

You. Really? Yes, but the farting in Belgium I love. All right. You showed the fucking Nate Bargatze's reaction to you farting. That's a fucking, that was a Hedberg peeve. One time at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis,

we were co-headlining and we would just get hammered and the late show would get fucking, we just, if you remember, you could just walk back into the green room from the stage, so we'd walk back and talk to each other in the green room, and then whoever's on stage, you'd go back out, or we'd go back out together, we'd do bumps, like on the mic,

but in the green room, with the mic, and one time I took the mic and I farted in it, and Bargazzi had nothing on how much fucking Hedberg bummed out on it. Really? Yeah. Really? That is so inconsiderate.

Oh, I wouldn't do it during someone's act, that's great. Well, because he has to talk into the mic. We were fucking around in the green room on the mic During a live show I see I see that's worse than what that's worse than what you did tonight there It is not this is genuine hatred This is the most the richest comic in America right now And I just walked back in I missed it Yeah, the discomfort continues yes, I love it awkward in there. He doesn't move past it. No he hated it

Clean oh yeah, my early CDs like I would because I was a beer drinker, so I would belch just raucously. Yeah. Ra-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- a segue. Just I'd rather be cheated by a vet or bar and then I like oh that gives me a fucking easy. I love myself I hate myself most of the time. Yeah. But one little thing like that can rope me back in I love it. I remember your album something to take the edge off that Bobby Barnett clothes is one of my favorite bits. Oh yeah. Just the passion you tell this hookup story with and just like the lines in it, you have lines that I think about, that's just great writing

where you say you're trying to hook up with this most beautiful woman you've ever seen and she hated long hair, I was thinking of getting a cut, she hated cigarettes, I was trying to cut back. Like I was saying all the right things that, I'm like, oh, that's like out of a fucking 40s movie. Yeah. You say you hate photo shoots,

but these are three iconic photos. Killer. Oh yeah. But those are taken in the moment, I guess. Well, one's on stage, so he's not. Hang on. Oh great, I mean, it looked like Lenny. Is it Jeselnik?

I put it together late, but doesn't Jeselnik have an album title where that would be a more fitting. Yes fire in the maternity ward. That's it Yes, great great special title great title it is and I cover Yeah, that cover Kate was by the way the previous to his title. I had this cover Yes, we got you. There you go. Look at that. Have you seen his?

Fire in the Attorney Awards happening in LA right now. No, his new one. Sorry, continue. I tried to watch yours, but it's on Netflix and I got rid of Netflix and I was so proud because it took that fucking Tyson fight and I'm like, you know what? I wanna get rid of Netflix anyway

cause I'm paying like 30 something dollars a month to get the best package, no ads or whatever. It's like $31. And I go, there's like one good thing a month and I could just go on fucking Reddit and ask a fan for their password to see the one good thing. I haven't done that yet, but I will. But you know what, I mean, I think a lot of the,

we were chidding on it last time, but a lot of the shows now are just dumbed down. I was talking to someone about how they have to say what the plot is in the first couple minutes, so if you're folding laundry. I guess if Glenn Powell's in that movie, Hitman, in the beginning he has to be like, so I'm a hitman. Yeah, right.

That's when they have to start the movie. Dumbing down a forced backstory. The name of the title you should know. Squid Game is good but it's Korean, so that helps. Yeah. It's not watered down with our bullshit. It's just, you know, it's... That's right, Mark Normand.

Comedian Mark Normand. You're born in New Orleans, your wife's name is May. Norman You're born in New Orleans your wife's name is May Wow child on the way Speaking of fucking knowing that where's Winnie? I was gonna bring dog treats for fucking Winnie, and I was late going to get into the airport I was like you gotta break trees for ready. Can we go to the LA right now? Airport and because like you're gonna break trees Right now in the fucking fire. Hope she gets that. Oh, she's all right. She's doing road work Auditions she's working on her headshot. No she they're in LA right now. It's just yeah, dude. I fucking love that dog I'm it Every time that dog leave them like better not be the last time. Oh yeah, right?

That's how I feel about that dog. I love all animals, but. Sorry. I missed the joke. Okay, that's how I feel about you. Better not be the last time. Is that like a chuck? They call those, is the dog leek?

I guess it would be called a chug. A chug, like a chihuahua. No, no, no, what it lays on. Like the pad. Oh, no. Like it's always on a pad. Like it's like, is it making puddles? Oh, kind of, yeah. No, it's more just because this is kind of slippery

and she's so old. All right, well you know what chucks are for old people. What the fuck? I didn't know about a chuck. Oh, that's horrible. It took him a second it's jeslin its new special by the way you know who hates farting is Louis CK really yeah for a guy who likes jerk-off jokes and jizz there's a clip

of you've told me this story and there's a clip of Louis on the Daily Show being like if you don't find farts yes stupid and he got so mad at mark for farting on him one. Yeah, wow I know I was torn I was like hurt as a young comedian. I was like you hate farts. You're like my hero The first book I wrote like the funniest fucking oh god People You know people think that that's low brow humor it's stupid humor I think to me a fart is funny you should have played this form after you did I should have yes read dude you by the way your episode of Louie's one of the ball that's killer incredible. That was a great character man. That was I mean that show Louie

I rewatched a bunch of them lately. It's so fucking good so good that led to Absolutely nothing I got not one offer really on that I Think I should talk to Todd Barry about his performance in the wrestler. Yeah He's already talking about He doesn't need a segue killed that role I mean you were made actually Todd was amazing in that too, but you fucking yeah No Todd was crushed you crushed so hard in this man. It should have led to some stuff No, no he actually he said he submitted that episode

for the Emmys and nah. I remember. It was such a, it was so good because it's an inside episode about like that road, because you mean bars, you know, bars, but it was broad. It was like, it just, yeah, I mean that was one of the best episodes.

He, and we're not like friends or like, but we're friendly, but it's not like I See him outside of an occasional festival or something And that was like so he had no idea how on the fucking nose that was oh, yeah Like the dialogue like I'd said a bunch of that shit myself basically not word-for-word obviously But I have talked about all that shit. It was like me if I didn't have money. Right. If I wasn't successful, that's still.

Like I, you know, I don't wanna fuck anymore. I don't care. I have no desires for anything. And it's just, what's the point? Just the nihilism in the character. I just, I swim in that on a daily basis. Right. Right, yeah, he captured that.

And I remember you were going to these bar room Right, right, yeah, he captured that. I remember you were going to these bar room, like underground open mics that were so sad, and at the time this came out, I was doing all those rooms. And it was like, ah. He was at the Lantern, I was like, I think I got a spot there that night. Exactly, the Lantern.

And that was like real open micers. Oh yeah. He just said, okay, just do what you do anyway. Yeah. Yeah, that show, I missed that show. I mean, it was, I mean, I went like five seasons, but fuck, it was so good. So good.

The shit he would do, like that three episode arc in the Middle East. It's like, or the three episode arc where he's gonna take over for Letterman and David Lynch. This is fucking so weird. I know. I love that this is on TV.

He really had to run for a while. He was like changing comedy. He had the Ticket Link thing. He had the $5 special. He had this show, which was like the Louis deal. 250K each episode. You know what I found I saw in myself watching Louis ever throughout?

You always know how old he is. Watch any set. And I go, oh fuck, I do that too. You know, I'm 52, I'm 53. You know how, is this the most recent special? He should be 58 by now. Right, yeah, never thought about that, it's a good point. Well, you're never gonna not be able to see it now. There you go.

Well, we gotta talk about no refunds. To me, I think this is your opus. What do you think? Yeah, I don't, people. It's a tough question. It is. I think it's just so good. I feel like it was.

I've watched it. Change things. I've got you a place where I can watch myself from those days. Like I probably would never want, in 10 years I could watch this podcast. But yeah, that's like a different you. When you go back almost 20 years, I can watch it.

And it was so annoying because I'm smoking and I'm drinking beer. And so I'll have a beer like this as I'm, there you go, I have a fucking cigarette and I'm almost smoking it and almost drinking it and I'm heckling myself Drink the fucking beer or put it down. Don't do a punch line and go hey. Yeah, no fucking another Aggravating and it worked though. I mean the bits in this like kids should do drugs not adults The the Jews chunk was incredible. I hate the Jews. Yeah Look no it was it was this excess and moderation as well was that an hour that's that's I think that's something

They need you. Yeah something to take the I love that one too, though Yeah, oh and is this one don't get fucked up on your time do it on the company's time. That's a deadbeat hero I've listened to them all that's weird because usually I'm completely I don't fucking know but you just Said three in a row that I know there you go. Well kids if you don't not super familiar with Doug, watch this fucking hour, it's unbelievable. And you're dripping with the hatred from New York too, which adds to it. It does, again, back to comfort, where you don't, when you don't have hate.

Now I feel kind of abandoned by comics, where you go, all these comics have taken sides where it used to be us against them. Now, somehow they fucking bought in and they picked, oh, you're either woke or this. I'm like, no, it's us against fucking Boulder, Colorado, tonight, and it's, even if I hate you as a comic, all right, well, I hate the audience worse

Yeah, we had a great line something where someone went up to you and was like Dane Cook sucks And you said well, I like Dane better than I like you. Yeah, I put that on my website I walked into a fucking airport bar, and they're all my biggest fans and Dane Cook are in there I'm drinking with Dane Cook. Yeah, no he doesn't even drink No, I drink with a sober Dane Cook before my biggest fans because we have something in common Yes, like the Yankees and Red Sox. Yes, they don't fucking hang out after they're not hanging out with the fucking cheap seats That's true. Well you you also I mean what Mark and I talk about this all the time

But I mean a great show the green room and, Paul Provence Oh, yeah, our two favorite episodes. We've talked about this to death are yours and Attelle's and also the one with Shanley and and Marin and all Yeah, oh my favorite was a Patrice. Oh, that was a great Bob Saget when Sandra Bernhard Sandra Bernhardt Roseanne Roseanne fucking Patrice try to fucking like there's We can talk scariest comedians, but the Patrice was easily Patrice tried to fucking, we can talk scariest comedians, but Patrice was, Patrice and Norton, I would never want to, they could break you down so fucking badly, you know, at any point. Cut to the bone.

Yeah, and that's what we do. That's why people say, oh, Rogan will fuck you, he could fuck you up, but he wouldn't. No. Rogan was not gonna choke someone out. That'd be a bad episode. Yeah. But fucking Patrice. Three of my efforts.

Patrice and Jim North would eviscerate you verbally and no one could do it at a higher level. And Patrice fucking tried to call Sag It Out on that episode. Oh yeah. He's like, say something off the top of your head, don't say the shit you fucking wrote in the back room, say it, and fucking Sag It came with it,

and he went, all right. Right. He was like, fuck it, Bob, Sag. Yeah, it was a really cool show, and I mean, I know you had the moment with Bells of... Yes! Like, that was weird. I bought your book Yeah, because he's talking about, no he said what's merch? Yes, merch

I like it's like the book of yours how to do stand-up comedy that I bought. Yes And I had on the phone. And Attell had another dig on him It was really funny where he was like the guys they looked up to and he was like no like Alan Havy and like guys He's like no, they were funny. I was like, oh my god He's just saying this? I mean, to tell us, you guys together were great, and yeah, that was one of my, but you had that story in this episode

where you said you saw the people outside a venue, and you were terrified, so you crossed the street, and it turned out they were trying to get into you. That was the line for my show, yeah, I'm like, oh, this is sketchy. Let's fucking go that way. And I'm like, oh, fuck, that's the guy. I was in Canada somewhere, Calgary. Here's a little video of Joe Rogan choking a guy.

Oh, shit. Really? Okay, I take it back. Is it a fan? He's someone asking to be choked out. Watch how quickly it turns. You wanna be right about all these things. Okay. Because you think about these things all the time. And you don't listen to anybody's opinion. Oh, wow. Oh, he tapped.

Oh, the alpha sit on the the railing. I didn't know you were allowed to tap in a street fight. That's pretty cool. Come on. He could have just tapped. Is Tim Dillon gay? Sorry I just saw. Yes. Hey we might be drunk as a bunch by Shopify building a business can be stressful take some time and some pressure off of Shopify They're the best of the best for creating your brand launching your biz and closing those sales Shopify has thousands of customizable

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at Shopify.com slash drunk, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash drunk to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com slash drunk. We might be drunk brought to you by PrizePix. It's playoff time and now or never don't miss out on the best way to get in on a football action. PrizePix is the best way to win big While watching the game you can win now went up to 1000 times your money so 2025 could be the best year yet prize picks now even offers Mastercard for fast and easy deposits into your account It couldn't be easier to put your money where your mouth is and cheer on all of your favorite teams we love

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Joke world legendary serial killer. Cold case, decades you murdered people perfectly flawlessly. No fucking you know how to turn off the cell phone so it doesn't ping when you bury it in a body. All the basic, the one on ones, and you got away with it for decades to the point where now you're just retired in your 70s. You had that mail order pride you had since fucking 97 and you were living a quiet peaceful life only to be busted by a podcast?

What'd you shoot that on? A fucking Super 8? That's uh, yeah you have to see it. All right. We filmed it almost two years ago, May of 23. Oh wow. And there was no, we get the footage because they're built in cameras and there's not really cutaways to crowd or anything, so to edit it. So yeah, I get this Australian producer guy that I'm working with and I have all these old 70s small TVs,

so he got very creative and you have to look at it. It's gonna either annoy the fuck out of you. Just know if you're watching it, it doesn't change. I mean, it'll change to a different TV and there's like photographs of things I'm talking about beside the TVs. And he got got really really creative Shit that is cool. I mean it might take you out of it, but it's also interesting

Yeah, just get fucking high first there you go. Yeah, I saw the opening joke, and it's really funny Yeah, I think about the opener. Yeah, like why do I need an opener? I can just be less funny than me for 20 minutes. Oh my god. That's such a brilliant line This is count me on YouTube Doug Stan. Yes, so right now legendary comic. We love them. It's uh, yeah It's all sorts of free Hell yeah, I wanted to ask you about that cuz we didn't he tried to like Tried to clean it up. So I don't know how any of the monetizing on YouTube works, but he tried to make it monetizable,

and he goes, he came upstairs, he lives downstairs from me, down on the next street, and he said, do you think, I can't do an Australian accent, do you think we could do this without taking out the fucks? Now I'm a crocodile. He said it's, he just spent hours trying to clean it up. He goes, there's over 240 fucks in just the edit. And that's not even the suicide rape thing, everything.

And he goes, and I'm like, yeah, I don't fucking care. Just do what's easy and get it out there. Do the Doug Stanhope route to success and don't care. Just get it out. That's the move. So guys, watch this shit out. Yes. Because, yeah, it's hard to,

so do they demonetize it because of that stuff? I don't know, I was gonna ask you guys. Because when I watch you, sometimes, if I'm just like watching clips you kind of like cleaned it up so do you do like a clean version to promote the version? Yeah you can do a little sizzle with clean material or if you put it on Instagram I would do the... I don't edit in a special ever. No never in a special. No but like it's a clip to yeah I have a guy who does it for me and he's like

this word they'll censor I'm, whatever just do you do it? Now I'm doing it but the unaliving Come on Promote an unalived Hotline, I think we just leap Hilarious killed self. I think we yeah killed and then self is fine. But yeah, it's so stupid Didn't bury you in the algorithm if you say killed or yeah I think my algorithm is unlisted

Come up in anybody's feed anywhere did a meta just say they were not doing censoring anymore something came out recently And they're not fact-checking What does that mean they can't I mean I mean. The community knows to kinda like Twitter. Basically, basically Zuckerberg made a deal with Trump that Trump is gonna like, you know, you can censor Instagram and all these other countries like India, which is a huge, huge place for Instagram users. Yeah. And he's like, Trump will have my back

making sure shit doesn't get censored. Interesting. But then he has to kinda scratch Trump's back. It's mmm. That's basically what's happening Well, I'm all for no sensor, but who knows where this will lead Yeah, I hope they fucking it. That's the that's my issue with it is like you don't know what the goalpost is anymore You're like well, so you just put out a special like our buddy Joe list his shit got demonetized But he said but it's like well. you didn't tell me I couldn't say. Exactly, let us know.

New rule, so yeah, it's all. He said 40 minutes in too, and they were like, ooh, that's too much. Yeah, no, I heard that if you keep the beginning of this shit clean, I probably overlook, I have no idea. I had my opening joke in my Amazon special, they were like, do you mind moving that anywhere else, because a baby dick suck joke as an opener

might be a problem Yeah, right Latest yeah, yeah, I cut it. I'm gonna use it. Oh, yeah, it's gonna say I just just watch I didn't watch it all cuz I was about to fall asleep and you know, I can't Know yeah, I guess that sounded bad. Well, you were gonna fall asleep before you put it on. He was about to unalive himself from while he was watching.

I don't sit down in an armchair and watch TV. TV is only for 4 a.m. when I wake up and go, oh, it's too cold to go anywhere. Yeah. Or at night, but I won't sleep to stand up because you're gonna go fuck Was this my idea or is that something I heard subliminally because I've slept to it So yeah, no, it's paused right where I go. Okay, I'm gonna watch the rest and you're on Netflix, which I got a YouTube Throw on the YouTube. I've seen I've seen okay, but your newest one is right, right

By the way, are you in Sam Talents book? Is that partly about you? He said it's a an amalgamation. It's like the Louie thing He said it's a lot of common right right his book is great. It's the best I thought my book my last book came out at the same time, and I just spent Literally 20 times more promoting his book than my own. Because it was so good and I don't like fiction but that was truer about stand-up comedy than most stand-up comics books. And it was really a huge lack of, I would love to read of Ollie Joe Prater, John Fox, et cetera, biography about,

I always end up, you know, reading like punk rock. I love fucking debauched artists stories, junkies. I've never done heroin yet. Tonight's the night. Boof and trank, and the heroin. Your mom's story though is fucking amazing too, from your album. Oh, thanks.

That's another one that's like, I mean you're essentially like seeing your mom through. What were you saying about, like I wish that happened to me, something that happened to your friend and he- Hit by a bus. Hit by a bus. When, cause I always used to say like say the worst stories are the best material. If I found out I had cancer, the first thing I'd do, I wouldn't go to an oncologist, I'd

rush to a notebook. Fucking what's your name? Tignitaro? Oh yeah. I'm like, God damn it, that's what I was talking about. I wish I had titty cancer. I want that to be me! I thrive in tragedy. I don't...

Yeah. That is like a beautiful thing that your brain goes to that. That is a great way to... What's that? That was quick. That was great. That's great.

I look like I just heard that too. Ah, that's great. Like, oh man. Dude, you look so fucking James Bond-swaav in that. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to be fucking, yeah, it's funny, Nate Bargassi was like, wear a fucking suit this time.

I was like, all right. Meanwhile. It was fucking, like, it was very, like, film noir, 1940s. Yes. I know. It was the look. It was the look. That's what I was going for. Dude. Meanwhile. Fuck, that was the look. That's what I was going for.

Dude. Meanwhile, it's Nate's new special. He's not wearing a suit. You piece of shit. What the hell are you doing to me? It's like, no, that was for you. Yeah. He's wearing like a zip-up jacket.

That's why I was pointing out the, is Tim Dillon gay? Because I was just thinking that on the drive yesterday. I'm like, I think I'm way gayer than Tim. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not quite sure. I mean, just I surf as like basic things, like you're fucking gorgeous there. I love football for the uniforms. And if you have a like if Tampa Bay and the Patriots were both playing in throwbacks, oh my god, I'm the fucking gayest guy. And that's not even like putting things in my ass. I'm not even sexual at this point,

and I haven't been for years. It's almost gayer to be like, that's aesthetically pleasing to me. Yeah, well no, but sexually I would have gay things that I would be into. I never sucked a dick, but yeah, a, ladies put a fucking dildo in my mouth more than once or things like that. You know, I don't know.

Your move, Tim. Ha ha, no, just waiting for Tim to, I'm waiting for some video of Tim blowing a guy. I don't wanna make it an ageist thing, but at some point, even if I was having sex, I wouldn't talk about it. I would deny that I'm having it, but I remember, I don't want to name names,

Bobby Slayton was the first time I noticed it, where you go, my wife will fuck me, she will fuck me. You're like, back then, who's the oldest man in the world? Younger than I am now, but you're like, nobody really wants to picture you fucking your wife. No. At 55, 85 years old, whatever you are,

there's a certain cutoff where you go, ah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I ran into Bobby in LA, and I've never met him, but Lewis Black told this great story on this pod about going to Epstein's house, and they didn't know who he was, but they were drinking at Epstein's house, and like didn't know who he was but they said like they were drinking at Epstein's house and I told that story and

and Bobby was like oh thanks for telling that story in the pod I'm like is that good? It's like incriminating. Oh god I'm gonna fucking find that episode. Oh that was crazy. That went viral. He was awesome. Lewis Black rules but uh. Wait you went, what, not Epstein Island, but just a house, like a party. Just a house in Manhattan. Yeah, he had like dinners and stuff, and he was like, oh, this. I feel really bad for anyone that is connected like that,

because who knows who's fucking P. Diddy? Yes. You get invited to a P. Diddy party? I'd love to go. Yeah. I got invited to, and they wouldn't say who it was, but my manager knew to do a private for Banksy in England, in Bath or Bristol. And I went, fucking no way.

Why? Because privates suck. I know, but you might, but isn't that part of you, the comedy, like this? No, what a private does is the fucking, the one guy likes you, and then he's gonna show you off to his friends. And I know, you know, on a pie chart,

the people who like my comedy is a very slim, diet-friendly piece of pie of people that will understand, get much less laugh at what I do. I'm a very genre specific, you know. Sure. And oh, I got to do Banksy's and I sucked. I think you guys were just talking about something like this where you fucking sucked in front of.

Oh, it's a story of my life with these privates, but I feel like a Banksy gig, you'd show up and it's just no one there. Because it's Banksy, he's gonna throw you for a loop somehow. Oh, I thought, I think it was gonna be like just the most artsy fuck- Oh, that's bad too.

People that, like if you said well before, you know, the current climate. Yeah. But don't people not know who Banksy actually is? He's always covered. So that's why I was not, I couldn't know, but I knew because he knew, but couldn't say it. And it turns out it was definitely Banksy, but I said no.

You know what? I never wake up thinking, fuck, all those people hate me. Good point. Which is the best feeling in the world. But you're used to being hated by now. Yeah, but that's, that was the fucking last note I wrote in my notebook before I left for here was, you can do anything you want in life,

just don't read the comments. Yeah, hear, hear. They're brutal. I did, during COVID, my ex-girlfriend worked in art gallery and we were already broken up, we're on good terms, and she was like, do you wanna do a gig on the roof of the gallery and I'll get a bunch of people. And at that time I was like, comedy?

I'll do anything, sure. Yeah, you're right. They stared blankly at me. Yeah. But then afterwards, they were like, good show. And I'm like, this is how you, so even if they like you, they're just like, what the fuck? Have you done the UK?

Oh. Oh. It's harder. It's just absolute silence, but it's a respect that you have to, once you've done it, you have to, I'm going back, I have to remember, they're going to stare at you blankly, and then you're gonna have flop sweat.

Yep, yep. And then they applaud applaud standing ovation at the end and like where the fuck was this energy? right because we're so trained to American bravado Wooo! Yeah! Kick some ass! Do the fucking thing with the baby dick that you cut out your face and elbow! I feel like the same with British women. You fuck them, silence, and at the end they're like, that was good. And you're like, how about a moan? It's the same with the audience.

If you guys wanna talk about me behind my back, I hydrated this morning, and I'm gonna have to go find a pisser. Go piss, go piss. I gotta piss too, actually. I'll hold it down. Do a piss break. Oh, hey, let's, you know what? I gotta do this. Hey people, hey, let's uh, you know what? I gotta do this Hey people you ever want to eat healthy, but you're in a hurry. You don't have time to cook Well, whatever they pitch while we're pissing use promo code Stan Hope don't use the drunk promo code anymore

That's for losers promo code Stan Hope. That's right prize picks It is ironic. Your name has hope in it. I never thought about that. Alright, I'll hold it down. Alright, this is exciting. I'm gonna go through Doug's coat. You never know what's in here. Hey, I like it. Alright, yeah, this is an honor for me. I'm actually nervous. I'm a huge fan. I've been watching this guy. This is the first comic I ever saw live. Isn't that crazy? In New Orleans at a place called One Eye Jacks, Sean Patton opened and I knew Sean so he got

me in and uh, ah, readers. Man, that's a bummer when you look through your hero's coat and it's fucking readers. What's in this one a dildo? I checked that oh Yeah, yeah, we know nothing all right, but yeah, God this shit is hot You're just saying how bad norland's crowds are they're horrible, and he struggled there, but I was dying I was like this is amazing. He was shit-faced barely got a word out, but he the jokes were great and He was shit-faced barely got a word out, but he the jokes were great And so this is this is a treat seeing him live or talking to him in person

I've we've talked before but yeah got him on the pod very exciting. Yeah Yeah, so they're going to piss. I'm holding it and I can you pull this up? I did Rogan once and I told a Stan Hope story and no one believed me and they called him and he answered. I can't remember what the story was though because I was shit faced because it was Protect Our Parks. I met a girl and it was later on. Yes, yes.

A couple of years later. Pull it up if you can find it. I bet somebody turned into a clip. Pull it up! So yeah, Doug I went through your pockets hoping'd had some contraband and you had readers. Kind of a let down, but yeah. Oh no, over here. But yeah, if we can find... oh there it is! Yes! Wow. Oh, it's 13 minutes!

You got it. You're going to have to fight. What's what's this? And you get the Legerro. We're going to make amends with her. Don't you worry. So this is my favorite moments of 2024. Do you remember this, Doug? Mark was on Rogan, Protect Our Parks, and he was telling a story about you.

And then someone called you, someone had your number and called you. Oh, Joe called him. Did no one believe it? Yeah, I had to change my number because of that. Yeah, whatever. And the bartender there was some lady and it was her first night at the Tom Pee Club bartending and she went up to him and she was like, you're disgusting. That was abhorrent, that was inappropriate, that was crazy.

She didn't know comedy. So then, whatever, cut to 30 years later He comes back to Zanies kills like has the one of these magical sets annihilates great night He gets off stage and she was like she now had been seasoned with comedy She's heard all these people over the years and she's like that was great. They all they go out he ends up Fucking her back at his or her apartment And he's over the balcony fucking her fucking her. She's like you remember me. You don't remember me It's like now. I don't remember you whatever and they're fucking they're fucking and now he's got her over the balcony

Fuck her doggy style and he goes you're disgusting Yes She her telling you. Yes. The jokes were disgusting. Put it together again. I told her horrible. Yeah, she, she, she, after the show, the last show of this Chicago Comedy Festival, and she's the last server there, all the comics and servers are just leaving to go to the bar next door by Zany's, I forget the name of it,

right around the corner from Chicago. Old Town Ale House. Yes, that's the place. Great bar. And I said, are you going? She goes, you know what, I saw your act act and I want you to know I think you're completely disgusting so I don't know okay this is before that was a comment you could avoid on YouTube it's a live comment yeah can't erase that so then I get

booked back cuz I fucking killed and then then she's there and I said hey, let's make a truce Okay, I'm here for the whole week now and We got to deal with again. It's us against them you need tips. I need laughs. Let's just try to get along through this. Yep There was That was the second to last night, the last night of the festival, she's working. And so I started, hey, I started trashing her

about saying that I was completely disgusting. And I go, man, you're a little cakey with the makeup, but I didn't bring that up. I just, I teed off on her. So there was a beef in play. So then we made up. Makeup is great. She was very cakey with the makeup.

It's like almost like one of those Geisha girls. Oh wow. So then we made up when I came back to do the week, went to a bar with the staff, got along, had lots of drinks, went fucked. With her head out the window, which was weird, uh, to think that there's a downtown Chicago hotel that had windows that opened.

Oh, yeah. But it was a thing. Sorry. You should have got on mic for that. You should actually have him mic'd twice. Yes! You should give me a little... Give me a little mic behind his butt.

Yeah. Give me a little crotch mic. Right. A little... Ooh! A little... Like A little like Garth Brooks. But like for the. Give me a Matt Rife out of my ass. One of those little headsets.

Wow. You have more current references than me. So and I was fucking her in the ass. And. Whoa. And when I when I I came in her ass, wait for it, and I leaned into her and I go, I just want you to know, I find you completely disgusting. Oh, that's great.

So we remain friends, yeah, of course. But I wrote about that story in a book and then the audible version, I had a lot of people come on the podcast, podcast style, so in the audible book, it's being read, but then when it gets to certain places, I would have people that were there to tell their side of the story, so she came on.

She's a fucking great chick, Patty. She goes, well first of all, you came on my back. You didn't come in my ass. Okay. Alright, that's why we're doing this. Clear up Annie. Wow. Well Patty, call in.

We'd love to hear from you and hear your side of the story. That's a great name. Fucker for the line, the zing? Did you do it like- No, no. That's a great name. The fucker for the line, the zing, did you do it like... No, no. Okay. That would be way weirder. That was not improv'd.

That's Banksy. He just had a notebook. But when did it hit you? Did it hit you while you were fucking her or right as you came? Good question. I don't, I have no idea. I really don't. But that's a comic, you got the call back in.

Yeah. Yeah, that would be way creepy if I planned the whole thing Usually I don't work for this kind of money Wow patty I wonder if she's still there no no she's in LA my old apartment building I'd be on fire she check in that's true. Yeah a lot of people man. Where is the palisades? Is that by Malibu I had to ask you a lot of nice. It's it goes Malibu palisades Santa Monica Venice Fucking Brentwood and Pasadena is also on fire. That's a p-word whoa

pussy Palisades Pasadena there you go Pasadena is where Disneyland is is it not now that's Start with a P at all and I'm Ain't a high holy shit. That's fucking bad. Oh man These are this is Malibu Wow Beyonce hey, but since I dropped Annie Letterman's name I'm also gonna drop the fact that

she said, yeah, my manager's house burned down completely, so now hopefully he'll try to get me work harder. He'll try harder on my career. Wow. Hey, Jews, can you get a rain cloud coming in or get the weather going? What the hell? This is fucking crazy. This is wild.

20 minutes? Shocking? No. No crazy. This is wild. 20? Shocking? No. No. Yeah, but bad. But usually it's like super far out. I feel like now we're right in the mix here. If you had to bail on New York City and LA and Austin were not options, where would you

go? Good question. I'll be Chicago. How about you? I'll go to Rhode Island. I'll be Chicago. All right. How about you? I'm gonna go to Rhode Island. I like Rhode Island. I got a weird affinity with Rhode Island.

I like the size of it. Okay, let me add the addendum of you cannot come to any of those three cities to work. Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? Like if you pick Rhode Island, you're within a couple hours from New York. Yeah, so you're doing this so you can come to New York. Oh, okay. Connecticut and Jersey don't count. Okay, you're within a couple hours. So you're doing this so you can come to New York. Oh, okay.

Connecticut and Jersey don't match. Okay, okay, okay, all right. I might go to Tampa then. Oh, you're not a Tampa guy. Ah! Florida has never had a comedy scene in my 35 years. Tampa, that club is pretty good. What?

It's a club, but it's no scene. Yeah. That's true. I would have to. You need a scene. But you can drive up and down the state. You can go to like Jacksonville, Tampa Fort Lauderdale you can pop around driver though. I like the idea Chicago. I think Chicago's nice nice city

You're a lot of true. I do love some work. Yeah, there's so much right in that area Like South Bend fucking there's I did like a full week of Michigan doing different cities, Kalamazoo, Lansing. There's just so much work there. You can drive two hours and then winter. San Diego, that's a cool town. Love San Diego. Back in the day I might have even said SF,

but now I'm like, fuck that. But San Diego is gorgeous. Gorgeous, there's a ton of work. Not even a beach guy, but there you're kind of like, this is fucking, I'm like, f*** that. But San Diego is gorgeous. Gorgeous, there's a ton of work. Not even a beach guy, but there, you're kind of like, this is f***ing, I could like, I would want to do like a week at the comedy store there. Ocean Beach is, f***, that's, they have a dog beach too, for Winnie.

They have a dog beach where you can let your dogs, they're just packs of f***ing, everyone's dogs just running in and out of the ocean, and biting your waves Beautiful, but I don't leash her she can just she just walks without a leash in the city. Yeah No, they don't leash this is off leash dog beach They go fucking chaotic like seagull scooper, you know, just carry her away, dude I'm worried in this weather. She'll get fucking swooped up. That's true and these winds but yeah, he's nine pounds

Yeah, that's a solid nine pound. That's true, she's girthy. A gallon of water is eight pounds. That ain't blowing over in a storm. By the way, Ocean Beach, great bars down that strip. Great drinking by the beach. Yeah, it's a little sketchy. A little bit.

But they're hot homeless dudes. Don't leave change in your cup in your car. It's the kind of place that smash out your window to fucking steal your fucking dirty. Speaking of, what kind of fucking weird car is that? Your car that got broke into. Oh, you heard about that, huh? You know more about me than my father.

Picture of it. First of all, no one in New York has a car. It's a 7302. It's a Beamer. It's a really zippy, fun little car. It's tiny. It's like a golf cart. That's gorgeous.

Thanks, man. This car saved BMW. BMW was going down the toilet with the World War II and everything and they came out with this car and it revamped the whole company. I bought, I forget what year, one of the three years that existed, I think, Pacer with allegedly 4,300 original miles because I'm like, I want a cool car, but I don't want, I can't pick shit.

That's like a Wainsworld car. Yeah, and then I found out I got fucked and it was like 104,000 pounds. Ah! It was gorgeous. That color's awesome. Pristine. Yeah, is that your, which one, can we find Doug's actual car?

You think there's a photo out there? If you put in Stan Hope AMC Pacer, I bet you find it, because I had to resell it. I think that's the Wayne's World car, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, looks like it. Yeah, no it is.

The licorice. Do you have any grape of ponds? Yeah. I think it was called Adobe Seats. It was some kind of Aztec Adobe there you go is that it first one holy shit Look at that. That's a cool car cool car though. It is pretty cool. Would they make ten of those? I mean that thing went in and out His junior stop go he's funny. I fucking love junior. Do you got you guys tour together, right? Yeah, we do

I'm gonna start touring with Andy Andrist. Andy's like, we're revamping our podcast with him. He had his own podcast issues with Andy and I had my own. I'm like, why are we doing this separately? Like he got burned out on his and mine fucking needed him. We should be touring together. I got to a place where I didn't wanna tour. I haven't in almost a year and a half.

You got enough money for that to not tour? Not when I'm doing the shit I've been doing. I've been bleeding cash, like I'm making money, but I'm not. But if I could go back and tour the stuff I like doing, I know the whatever, the ballparks with Bert Kreisch and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

It's just not my thing. I fucking hate it. Did he hit you up about that? Yes, one time, and I just. I'm sure he's a huge fan, you know? Oh, he loves you. Yeah, no, he's great. I went to one of his shows.

This podcast has still not been edited. And I'm saying that with contempt at my fucking editor. He did get Ukraine out. He's working on the Slab City. But over a year ago, we went to a road trip. He was playing my hometown. And my best friend from when I was a kid, Chris O'Connor, not the fucking comic, I hate to,

all right, don't get off track fucking brain yeah we went he emailed me and he goes hey your buddy Burke Christy is playing at this what was used to be the centrum where we used to sleep out we slept out me and Chris O'Connor slept out two nights in the winter in February to get U2 tickets. And we weren't even that big of fans. We just thought it was cool to sleep out for tickets. So he's playing at this place and my wife is, she's the whatever organizer for the thing, put in a good word for me so he knows I'm cool.

And I go, fucking, Oakey is going back to the fucking, so I packed up the kids, the cameraman and the wife, and we're like, all right, I'm gonna get us in, I'll go backstage, I went on stage, I opened the show as the mayor of Worcester, I found out what his name was, nobody knows who the mayor of their town is. I went out as the mayor, they introduced me as the mayor, and I went to a point where

Bert had to go out at the end and like, by the way, that was not the mayor. He could have gotten sued for this. They say, you know what, and I had that, thanks for voting me back in the office. I had the thing where, yeah, drunk driving, who hasn't? And I, that kid, if I was sober, I would have killed that kid anyway. He came out of nowhere on that tricycle. He was stable as shit.

And like, a few people know who I am and most of them don't. They don't know me from The Mayor. And we did this whole podcast, filmed it, and it took, Chris O'Connor And I went on a tour of all the places that we vandalized as kids and we were the worst fucking evil Children and places that we used to have fucking there you go. I'm listening. I know that's the light Wait you're from Worcester. Yeah, so we did this whole trip back home and then,

and I'm like, get that out before, this was December of 03, and I'm like, get it out before March so it looks timely since it's winter, and he still hasn't got it out, and then fucking Oakie died. Oh! Fucking my age, he dies of a heart attack randomly. Sorry. You gotta fucking, he still hasn't cut attack randomly. I'm like, you gotta fucking,

he still hasn't cut the fucking thing out. We gotta get this footage out. We gotta hire a fucking quiff to edit your shit. Don't worry, he does great shit. Have you seen the Ukraine stuff? No. We went to the fucking Ukraine. Me and Andy went to Ukraine.

I got to see this. Fucking fired on the fucking Russians. What? Yeah. Pull that up. Fucking the biggest fucking piece of fucking machinery in the there you go what the hell how do I know about this I know but that's what I said by fucking unlisted algorithm this is 55k this

should be viral how was the crowd was this? Uh, October. Is it a gun? Yeah. Hell yeah. I don't like fun. Three, two, one, fire! Oh yeah. Wow. People say I like to travel and they don't.

They like to go to new places and meet new people. I don't like that. Do you like a 20-hour flight from Arizona? No, you hate that part. I love it. I take Xanax. I drink. I sleep like a kitten. You complain about the trample part. You want to go, Oh, I want to see the cathedral. The cathedral. I want to just get out. I was in watch this tonight. Yeah, it's two parts, but the way you had to capitulate and cut out the baby dick sucking, I'm guessing it's a mole. With the herpes and the baby dick sucking.

No, the joke was my friend had a baby, so I texted her congrats and she sent me a picture of her breastfeeding the baby and I wrote, oh okay, and she wrote, sorry if that's the equivalent of like a dick pic and I was like, I think it'd be way worse if I sent you a picture of a baby sucking baby. That was a joke. That was my opener, I was like, I think it'd be way worse if I sent you a picture of a baby sucking poopy. That was a joke.

That was my opener. Yeah, well now I get it back for the next bit. When they said that I was like, cool, I'll get the joke back. For this, we put it out on Patreon, uncut for a week and then they're fucking, our guy that got us into the front lines, this was not a sanctioned fucking thing.

This was not like, hey, would you like to come over and get a call from the New York Times reporter, call, a fucking email. And she goes, hey, I did a story on Ukraine standup comedy during the war, and every single one of them said that you are like revered over there. Would you ever consider going over there? Like just, oh, they're not, she wasn't,

they weren't paying for it, but just in passing, you know, like I didn't know I could go over there. I didn't know you could just go to war. I'm like, why didn't you tell me that earlier? I would have been there. Louie was booked there the Friday at, that's right. He fucking canceled, I know.

Because I've been talking to a couple guys over there that are fans since the Most recent part of the war started because it's been going on for business 2014 Jesus and so Yeah, this so I go. Yeah fucking go. So hey pack up the fucking shit Wow. How will the crowd we're flying coach Well, no, I just went to meet the comic. Oh okay. You were doing a set there. Yeah it was open mic. They set up a whole thing you'll see it in the. All right. They set him all up like the one comedian I know that I've been emailing with he set it all up he's

great. Vasil Bajduk and he's well known over there too and he set it up and he's well known over there too. And he set it up and he had this duo from Eurovision, they had the number one pop hit going on, so he wouldn't tell people, all the comics, why they're coming to Open Mic. He just, you have to be there. So they come out and they think, oh, this is the surprise, that they're fucking gonna do their number one hit

at the end of the, and then they introduce me, and people are like, ah fuck. So, the language barrier. I was doing a couple of small fucking bits, but it's no point. And then, but hung out all night a couple of times, but then we got to the front because of that guy, and they said, when they saw us firing

that fucking hyacinth on, we assume on the Russians, we don't know. Oh my god. They just pulled this and put on your ear things and they don't... Jesus Christ. I assume they can drink over there. In Donbass, they said alcohol is more illegal than even cocaine. Come on! Why?

Because they'd get fucking hammered. They're at fucking war and they're huge underdogs. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So yeah, I was drinking. Kind of like Davidson versus Duke here. This is a tough matchup. It's a Cinderella story. So they asked us, they said, I guess it's like hugely illegal, probably on an international

level to let civilians come up and just randomly fire the biggest gun in their artillery. Was it fun as hell to fire that thing? I didn't know I was going to do it. I had brought, they do auctions and this is what Vasil had told me, that most of the shows that they do are, they do auctions at the end to support the military. Like financially they're paying for that fucking missile that I fired, an artillery shell. So when I knew there was doing auctions, I brought my mother's ashes, a vial of my mother's ashes because I couldn't sell those on eBay here I tried to I get the mother I don't give a fuck their ashes it's nothing sure I try to sell them on eBay to benefit the not the

ASPCA but humane society because mother was a cat lady all right that's a great place and within hours is fucking going up up I a cat lady all right, that's a great place and Within hours is fucking going up up. I'm like holy shit, and then that's shut down Not only is it against eBay terms of service. It's against federal law to sell remains which is bullshit Yeah, I say the word remains. It does sound worse Wet guts. So I brought over a vintage ashtray with mother's ashes in it to sell at auction, which is dressed in the podcast.

So then when we went to the front lines, I still had, Vasyl said save some. So they had me put fucking ashes into the artillery shell, which they let us fucking film that. They said it doesn't even matter if I talk about firing the fucking thing, they just can't show the actual me pulling the fucking trigger. That's why it's all covered up. Yeah, so I'm just standing back the whole time. I'm like no, no, you put the ashes into the shell.

And I quit smoking a year and a half ago. I started smoking for Ukraine. Ukraine doesn't matter. Yeah, right. I come up to put the fucking ashes in the shell, but I have a cigarette. My mother's like, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, sorry.

It's been a while. And so then I step away again, and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'m backing up and they're like, no, no. No, no. Use your left hand. Your right hand, but stay to the left. Whoa.

And then they're like, well, you can't show that part. So it's just that part. He actually figured out CGI to make us cartoonish for the pulling the trigger and then it goes right back You might have killed a guy. Yeah, exactly. That's addressed in there, too guy Maybe a platoon school Hospital There it is I wasn't I wasn't looking at the

You know final outcome. Yeah. Yeah, I had no part in the war part I said you never know where your career is gonna. Take you that's This week in my zanies next week, I'm killing Russians yeah, and you crazy I was gonna say it could have been North Koreans, but that was before they got there Good point crazy crazy. Damn. You know Yoshi? Yoshi, the Mario? He's got porn relations.

No. Kind of a comedian. No, Asian guy? Yeah. I don't know Yoshi. Yeah, he's a comedian. Now he's like, oh, I'm going over there too. Yoshi, wow, God, you're quick.

What's the story? Oh, he said, oh, I'm going over there too. And he jacked up Andy for our connection. And so Vasio sends a picture of him with Yoshi. And God knows what, you know, the guys that, like, Yoshi's never done anything bad to us. But you go, I think he probably spins a lot of yarns to get in their clubs. You know the guy that's He's yeah, but that's not what I think of his networking. But the point is like now Ukraine Ukraine wreck and he was saying like why would you go now that North Koreans? Oh?

Yeah Yeah bad timing wasn't the Zalinski a comic yeah, he did the patting Oh really did the pageant sketch sketch? All right, that's different. He wasn't doing crowd work He wasn't Matt rife yeah exactly Ninety four thousand views that's it This is so weird this guy's now running shit What the fuck That's that's not great humor. This is not great.

All right, now I'm on Russia's side. What the hell? I had said the night before we went to the front, because we really had no idea what to expect from the minute I said yes. That lady said I could go, you can't even fly in there. We had to fly to Poland and then fucking take, we hired a car to drive us in and then took the train back when we left 15 hours

and not like a fucking Amtrak. There's no dining car there. It's like. Yeah. What's this? This is Ukrainian. I'm sorry. The Ukrainians are firing suicide drones. Oh, boy. At the

North Koreans and they just follow whoa Oh, yeah, we get to do that to whoa not not kill people, but actually be controlling drones Just to see what it's like and it's if you've done any VR It's times like I did just ping pong the first time and fell over right oh, oh geez So that was you probably kill people in the comfort of your own home It's pretty crazy cool fun times Look at that. Yeah, imagine if Rowan Atkinson ran England That's what that's like basically mr.. Bean is the prime minister or whatever

Yeah gorgeous thought He's uh he's unbelievable that guy. He is talented. He is so talented. I like him. Dude, hot shot. Will this wind be so mighty

as to lay low the mountains of the earth? That's a pretty good Mitch McConnell. Yeah. Yeah, that guy's incredible. What a talent. I watched him as a kid. My dad liked him and he hates everything

Yeah, he had a fucking moment over here, too. That's true Yeah, all right. What do you knows who he is you doing stuff tonight? Are you taking it easy now? Unless you guys are come by the cellar man. Yeah What about New York Comedy Club? I don't know I'm gonna find a bar Maybe between here and oh my hotel does have a shitty bar. Where you staying this won't come out for a while three blocks away, it's a use points, uh-huh, it's a Voco or yes, it's a property. Okay. It's good though. Oh, you're doing Key West with Tom Dustin. Yeah. That's a great fucking task.

Oh my God, a friend, Joe List, just made a documentary about him that's incredible. It's really good. He shot it. Cause I, does he still do the killing iguanas? Yes. We want to film that for a podcast. Yes.

All right, this actually brings me back to where I lost track, where the day before we went to the front, I said, if we got to back to where I lost track, where the day before we went to the front, I said, if we got to a point where I go, I don't think I could fucking kill Russians because I would think, hey, they don't want to be here. Like they're fucking drafted. It was weird to be on that side of a war, where any war we know about, we were on their fucking backyard.

So to think of it where, these guys get fucking drafted. I go, I don't think I could cut to, po-po-wee! Randy fucking got to fire next, and he did a full fucking curly from the three stooges after it went off, because he fucked it up, he didn't pull it hard enough, so it kind of started a fire, but it didn't,

and they're like, hard, and he had to do it like three times and then kaboom, and it's a flash that, you have your eyes squinted, at least I do, it's like, ugh, and you can still see the bright orange fucking light blue, and it's so fucking tremor, like if I hadn't shit my pants. Wow. Whoa.

And Andy does it and then goes, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Run out of there. That's a bucket list. God damn it, see now you put me right back on fucking path and now I lost myself. Key West, Tom Gustin.

Yes, that's okay. I don't know if I could kill an iguana you could do it I know I would have a harder time you probably kill the person on a maybe killing a Russian These are more more people by the way for you guys listening Iguanas are like fucking rats down there rats is there pests and they're a nuisance Yes, you go when it's freezing out the first time I went and we've never killed a rat They're like fucking rats down there. Rats. They're pests and they're a nuisance. Yes. You go when it's freezing out. The first time I went and We've never killed a rat.

Well you would if you had. I would. I killed a rat. You haven't killed a rat. I think, doesn't he do it with a blow gun? Trap, I guess. Yeah, he's got like an air gun. Oh, okay.

I wanna do it with a blow gun. Cause I keep, I'm telling this story wrong and now my version's more interesting. I'm packing a blowgun Yeah, we go. I could hit an iguana with a blow dart that iguana had it coming That were I hated that iguana because if you got a straw in your mouth You're gonna suck just from instinct just from like habit you're gonna swallow that dart dog. Oh shit But yeah, you key West is awesome. You're gonna have a blast tell Tom. I said hi look at that Brisbane

No, there's no dates for these things again Adelaide. Maybe a birth or something to or you just know I think I think he's sticking with that and he's he's Australian so he knows what's up Oh, yeah, we don't really have acts yet Say oh, you know that special it came out those that was pretty much it since the last time I toured Australia So what I didn't put On in the special I already worked out in Australia to decide it's not going in the spec So it's really the worst fucking but that's how it always is. Yeah. Yeah There you go. That'll be a little bit and you'll love that flight. It's nice and worst fucking. But that's how it always is. Yeah. Yeah.

There you go, that'll be a, that'll be a blast. You're gonna figure it out. And you'll love that flight, it's nice and long. Pop up Xannies. Love it, fly coach. You got any Xannies on you, by the way? No, you know what, it's weird. I thought, should I bring these?

Yes, I can't sleep. All right, you don't have, I guess, yeah, you don't have a border here to have a connection. Ha ha ha ha. Good point. But yeah, all don't have a border here to have a connection. Ha ha ha ha. Good point. But yeah, all right, well go see Doug. That was a beauty. Great one.

Go see Doug, he's the man. I'm sure you got a new hour, because that was shot two years ago, that other thing. Well, I'd better. I'm gonna have to. Yeah. We're going to Australia for a reason. Yeah, good point.

How do you put together an hour? You just go up and try ideas? That was good. That was decent. Well, I write down, I wrote more shit in a notebook since I woke up at 10 a.m. Like, all right, this could work. Okay, this.

That's why you should come by the cellar and not come with us. Just be out here with you, like I'm gonna go do this. Yes. I don't hang out with comics, I don't have comedy. There's no comedy club within fucking four hours of me Wow So I don't come on within 40 blocks to you tonight. You should come hang with less than that. Yeah No, I come here when it's a fucking cash cow

Comedy I'm gonna wait till it's tight. But you're sitting here talking about camaraderie and we're a Group and a team and then you're like I don't hang out with comics Hang out. No, I hang out with comic. I don't want to every time I go to the cellar. Do you want to do a spot? I hear you know, but you're one of the greats. Yeah, they want you to go. Yes. That's how I stay that way Failing miserably trying to do fucking ten minutes, which I don't have well I can do an hour and 15 easier than 10. Good point. I hear that. Good point. I get that.

All right, I don't wanna force you. Remember you did BB King's years ago. You remember that show? I went to that one. With the lady that wouldn't leave? Yes. Again, I have no memory, except for the really awful shit. Yeah, there was a lady that came as a guest

of one of my good friends. She was, they worked in finance, like at fucking Morgan Stanley or some shit, and she just hated me up front and wouldn't leave. You were just talking about a lady like this who was on her phone the whole time, she hated you, but you said you did it right, was that you? A lady, she was on the fucking you said you did it right. Was that you? I think it was probably you.

A lady, she was on the fucking right hand side of the stage. And you tell her she hated me. And you do the whole thing. Yes, yes. And at the end you go, by the way, you must have hated me. No, that was Ari.

That was Ari. Oh, that was Ari? Ari Shafir, yeah. All right. But that happened to me recently too. But it was on your show. But Ari said, yeah, I mean, you didn't like me, and she was like, no, and he goes,

but you didn't say anything, and I appreciate it. Yeah, that is nice. Yeah, but the right didn't like me and she was like no and he goes but you didn't say anything and I appreciate yeah That is nice. Yeah, but the right answer was how the conversation started in that just leave yeah Walk out just hey, it's not for me. I Yeah, it's not Iran a lot of shit. You can drive home Like I throw on movies all the time or like then I'm like, oh that was bad. I'm not I don't make a stink of it I'm just yeah, I guess you did go out for this but like it's true I think people have gotten so used to just everything being For them curated your algorithm is curated for you. So when you go to a thing and take a risk

That's almost foreign to people. Yes. I was gonna ask you how much because the whole crowd work thing that is ubiquitous how much do you think that's empowering the fucking audience? I don't think it's that. I think they have a say. Interesting. I don't think it's that. I think it started before that and I think I think it started actually with COVID and people going back out and not knowing how to act anymore. I think it was like a combination of being obsessed with your phone and it feeding that. And I think... I think people think it's like you said before,

they're like, I don't like this, so I should be able to say something. Because you can comment and tweet. Everything is made for that. You can tweet a Trump. A dating app, it's like no, no, no. It's so for you. Yes, yes.

Anything you get you don't like, you're just like, ugh, even if it's free. It's called a for you page on Instagram. But you get free shit and you're like, ugh, and I'm like that was locked in an algorithm that you can't get out of Interest I like I don't know if don't show me this channel or not interested is but they don't work right and you watched one Thing once and I can I stop this I know right yeah faces of death still sends me shit faces of death is like that's that's all I got all these women's butts I'm like gross yeah I'll say that off the I don't even some things you don't want to

fucking even give any yeah yeah don't do it but there is one that a friend of mine sent me was from Rumble or something. Oh boy. Oh and now That was like months ago and I watched maybe ten minutes. I'm like, I can't do this I was a kid faces of death and now that it's all real I know But like oh no, I can't and I like it tortured me forever Really and now people are catching on because it got to other sites Oh boy, can you give us a hint? Of what you saw India. That's all I needed

I'm in it cuz I had a fucking Indian gang rape and just took the most racist parts of what I did You have to if you're gonna be to see parts of what I did you have to if you're gonna be like racist or whatever you have to do it quickly and have the oh that makes it okay part come right away you can't make them wait for eight ten minutes for that oh now I see what he was doing yeah has eight or ten minutes no no tell that to Kramer when he did his set you know he would have gotten it quick and easy and got out, it would've worked.

It does feel like, instead of like, it feels like speed dating. It's like, all right, get to it. With everything, we were like, but this, I worked on this bit, I crafted this bit. I spent a lot of time making this the way it is, and I don't wanna give it away. Yeah, well that's how much money I have,

to get back to your point, is where I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. As long as I can pay for fucking three cheap seats to fucking Warsaw to get to Ukraine and stay at a Holiday Inn. Then you're good. Yeah, I wanna break even and I wanna go back to playing gigs that I love to do,

which are small shithole, like the one nighter. I've never played Asbury Lanes. Is that still a thing? I'm sure that's one of those gigs I'd love, but my own, I just go, hey, let's go, me and Andy, let's go have fucking fun like we used to. I do not give a shit about the money. I love it.

Where people are just happy you showed up. Yes, here, here, go see Doug on the road great comic man one of the greats Really happy we wanted to hear for so long. Oh, yeah, and check out is Bodega don't take oh you better take it baby. It's an honor we won promo code Stan hope by Stanhope there it is now just add this at the end Bill Maher threw you out of his house in 95 Yeah, and I was nobody obviously. I'm still nobody but I was like really like nobody And someone go hey, there's a party at Bill Maher's house someone I had just moved to LA

Maybe 96 95 96 had to be 96 because this 4th of July. Hmm And she's like, hey, there's a party if you want to go and crash it. And I'm like, yeah, I would do everything when I was young. It's free booze and he's a comic. Yeah, and I show up and it's all like just one of those industry parties where it's still kind of daylight and everyone's like, no one's really talking

and if they are, it's really talking and if they are it's industry I'm talking to industry and you hope Oh Jeff Cesario is here, but I'm fucking 19 and he's still 60 And so at some point I've Drinking off of their free booze that I fucking I used to get naked all the time That's why it's like, when Louis pulled his dick out in front of people, I've had so many people have seen my dick. There was a class action lawsuit.

You couldn't pass out enough fucking mailers. So I just jump in their pool naked. And like, they're like, industry people are like, they're like, eh. I thought, hey, come on, I'll start the party. And nothing, and then he comes, he's not even at the party, he's upstairs, and then he comes down like a fucking,

not Rocky Balboa, but fucking his opponent, Apollo Creed, he comes down wearing a fucking Fourth of July top hat and a coat. And this is like politically incorrect days, but he comes down and he's just Hugh Hefnering, but as a troll, he's always been a troll and he's just grown into it so horrifically. Like I remember seeing an episode of him making fun

of Kim Jong Unun's fucking hair and he goes, look in the fucking mirror! You have a fucking helmet of this ridiculous, bulbous nose. You're a fucking... And I'm not a person to fucking point fingers at awkward heads. It takes one to know one. He comes down and now, oh, the party starts down. Everyone's, oh, Bill Maher's coming down a staircase.

And then he jumps in the fucking pool. Then everyone's jumping in the fucking pool. And this one girl who was, I'm not being Fonzie, and I'm not sure of a Sweden or Switzerland, but she was a Swedish flight attendant. That's a very Fonzie thing. So I'm just hanging out with her at the other end of the pool and LA, 4th of July, fucking sun goes,

it gets fucking cold. So we get out of the pool when it's finally wrapping up and I'm fucking freezing. So I'm with her and we go racing. Let's jump in a hot shower. So we jump in a shower. It's not like he only has one. But he found us in the shower.

Hey, there's no shower scenes in my house. Let's wrap it up. Whoa. Because she was one of the only chicks left. He didn't like that. Hot shower with her. We weren't even like close to fucking around. Come on. Literally freezing. No, no, I would have fucked her for sure, but she wasn't throwing off that kind of vibe. You're just kind of like, no, we don't belong here. We both had that in common, which doesn't

lead to fucking necessarily. Well, if I, again, if again, if I had game that night, I would've. All right. But then, so I had to fucking leave, and it was when I first moved to LA, so my manager was trying to get me on politically incorrect, because it was kind of suitable for me. And I'm like, yeah, that's over now.

So I mailed a letter to Bill Maher So I mailed a letter to Bill Maher with a key to my apartment at 1204 North Curzon, Avenue Apartment 9. Here's a key to my apartment. Feel free to show up anytime you want. Come in, drink all my booze and fuck up my stuff and use the shower, Doug Stansfield. I'm not going to your apartment, okay. God damn it, that guy was great. He's great, done again.

Yeah, sorry, there's a million shout outs that I wanted to make on this and I didn't get to all of them, but that was nice, because I've heard the name a million times, but to see that, and then it was so confusing when he would, like like are you playing Bill Amar on the fucking screen or is he doing it he's doing that exact he's that

good Mike what's his name and Henry Phillips Henry Mike Judge? no no Mike he's Mike McCray oh yeah he was the one who would be on Stern and could do a perfect it's always great when they can do a perfect, like a guy you don't know, sorry, when you do that, I don't know if I'm trying to get him to pull it up. Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney? You almost voted for Mitt Romney

because Mike McCray could do this, how do you do someone who doesn't really sound like anything but he could do it? And uh... Just put in Mike McCrae, Mitt Romney. So Mike McCrae and Henry Phillips were on a podcast where he was doing Henry and it was not, you know, it was back in the audio days. And you really couldn't tell who's talking to who. They're talking to each other. That's crazy.

Yeah. I don't even know what Mitt Romney sounds like. This is Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts. Did you hear the good news? I was endorsed by none other than Corpulent New Jersey governor, Chris Christie. I tell you, I'm so happy I can do a little jig. Well, happy me.

I might just put on some hippity-hop music that the kids love and bump fuzzies. The problem is no one remembers what Mitt Romney sounds like, so you can't do them. But to hear them back. Pull up Von Meter doing JFK. I'm kidding. Von Meter, nice. Damn, all right, wellK, I'm kidding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Von Meter, nice.

Damn, all right, well hey, there you go. Let me go get my, oh, I got my bodega cat, that's all I came for. Hey, my special discount meat is free on YouTube and this is the only podcast that I am doing promotion for. Oh my god. So it fails. Every click it doesn't get, Podcast that I am doing promotion for it. Oh my god. It fails

Every click it doesn't get That's all that it's already a success though. I saw it looks like it's already getting over 200k or 300k So you're cooking you're cooking man. It's gonna you know what I didn't know people give you money on YouTube comments Is that right ever read the comments, but then I'm like yeah They're like you go through the comments and it's like you know like Czechoslovakia. I got like a thousand Czechoslovakian nuggets There you go check it out folks two bucks. Thank you whoa two bucks. That's not coming on us. I hope Save your receipts. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Doug. You're the man.

Appreciate you coming on. I know it's early. And these are Sam's dates here. Oh, yeah. Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, Memphis, Knoxville. It goes on and on. Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham. That's all February, so come the

fuck out. And then I'm coming everywhere, so just go to, that's Tom Segura's tour. I'm coming, I'm so jealous of that tour name. Great name. I'm coming everywhere, that's great. Yeah, I got Providence, New Haven, Portsmouth, that is a show, Portland, Maine, Burlington, Montreal, Toronto, Buffalo.

The Egg? Yeah, it's a great one. I'm just looking at everything, Center, Hall, Theater, and then The Egg. That's the one I would great. I'm just looking at everything center hall Yeah, theater and then the egg that I would like I love it. You would love the egg Well do it goes on and on but like if you don't see your tour if you don't see your city there I'm coming at some point. So yes, amaryll.com slash shows or just follow us on punch-up, man You got to get you on punch-up. Yeah Was that it's a it's just a tell me off the air. I'll tell you. I'm trying to close this like five times.

No, I'm just saying I'm having a baby. So all my dates are scattered. I'm taking off the road for a while I'm pulling a Doug. I'm going to Ukraine Doing a give funny bone Reno Nashville at the Ryman and the Asheville Thomas wolfitorium. So those are the only three I got in the books, but we'll add more later. And yeah, queef it up, praise Allah. Go see Doug. Check out his new special on YouTube for free!

And yeah, give him hell. Praise Allah. Ex-offender, a bit of Peaver, I reckon though the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans.

This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.