We Might Be Drunk - Are You Garbage - H.Foley & Kevin Ryan with Mark Normand and Sam Morril

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Back for the third time we bring back the boys from Are You Garbage, H.Foley and Kevin Ryan.  Watch the AYG Route 66 Special out now on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OSkJS1gCDR4?si=2E-SOFEHr9YSsuHe Support the show, download the Prize Picks app, and use code DRUNKS to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Get started by heading to https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRUNKS Support the show and check out VIIA. Use code DRUNK for 15% off your order & a free gift for new customers at https://viia.co/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD  WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Are You Garbage: https://www.youtube.com/@AreYouGarbage H.Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy Kevin Ryan: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement

Hey, hey folks, we're here, we're doing it, we're back in New York, it's 55 and sunny, it's glorious. Nice out, man. It's, yeah, I did 16 dates, man. That tour bus. I didn't tell you the craziest thing that happened, did I even tell you this shit? I don't think so. About, I was in a sprinter the first week. We didn't do a tour bus.

So you know, I like to leave after the show at night. Sure. Because you know, you wake up, you get a day in the city. Even though sometimes you get in like two or three a.m. I'd rather just sleep in and do shit in the city I'm in. As opposed to, there we go. I agree. And he angled it in my direction too.

There's no one there, you should've angled it there. Oh you're right, I was on the wrong leg. There we go. So we take a've angled it there. Oh, you're right, I was on the wrong leg, there we go. So, we take a Sprinter and there's two cars, one with me and Gary, another car with Brian and James. Brian's the tour manager, James films the shows. And we leave early, because we're like, you guys go ahead, we gotta clean up here.

We're like, all right, we're going from Charlotte, it's the first fucking night, by the way. Charlotte to, I believe, Richmond. It doesn't matter. It's not important to the story. I don't know why Paul is there. But the guy starts... Oh, here we go. Hey, what's up, boys? I'm mid-story. Sit down. Sit down. Let's shake it. I'm mid-story. I got a road story.

Hey, thanks, buddy. Hey, thanks, man. Yeah. Hey, look at this. Get in here. I'm in the middle of this story. It's the first week of my tour. We're in Yeah Get in here I'm telling the middle of this story. I'm it's the first week of my tour We're in a Sprinter. We don't run on the tour bus yet. We're in a sprint. It's me and Gary Veeder the driver We're watching the movie the substance on our on my computer and to try to just stay awake

You know the driver fucking falls asleep at the wheel and he drives what? And he drives off the road, we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and he goes, he goes, oh, sorry about that, sorry about that. I'm like, are you good? Do we need to get you coffee? He's like, I'm good, I'm good. I heard the movie was good. It's a curtain.

It's not, it's not, and the movie might've saved our life by not being good. Wow. Because he falls asleep again, like an hour later. What? What? And this time he drives straight off the fucking road. We're in the wrong lane and we start feeling the, you know, the side of the road thing.

Yeah, yeah, we're feeling it. And Gary and I hate this movie, The Substance, so much that it's keeping us awake. If we weren't watching this movie, we're dead. Whoa. Because Gary, yeah, we're watching, we're like, what the fuck? We're like, we gotta know what happens

even though we can't stand this. And Gary just grabs the driver and starts shaking him. Whoa wake up wake up They got to go pulls over what time of day night. I'm sorry. Oh, it's like 3 a.m. At this point and we left we left 20 minutes ahead of Call 20 minutes ahead no 20 minutes ahead of Brian and James who in the other car Mmm, and they're like 20 minutes ahead of us cuz this guy's going and he even said on the when he pulled over He's like, I'm sorry. I went so slow. We're like, no the fact he went slow Sorry, miss my turn signal back there. I don't think you're getting rid of them the next day

Oh, we got rid of that night. They pulled over and we just squashed all our stuff in that's another car and we're like You know, holy man. What a fucking hilarious review for the night one of the road That movie saved my life. Just so you know, I would have gave it to GoFundMe. I don't like that. It's not real nice. I don't know. I'm not anonymous. I wouldn't brag about it. And what a horrible headline that would have been.

Sam Morrill and little guy. And I review. Sam Morrill dies in Charlotte. Twice. I think about that all the time. We were on a flight with Susan Lucci whoa Mama, let me tell you something 78 years old really I would have made a happy right there in the aisle. Oh, yeah Unbelievable her I haven't seen Lucci in a minute. I mean she's a coon's age sure Yeah, but if that would have crashed on it would have said about us. Looks good looking real good

She's sweetheart too really he talked to her I said you can go ahead and she's like oh, thank you so much I helped out the account he up to where her bag you try show off excuse me young hot strapping guys, and I'm listening Yeah, helped her with her bag really would have been nothing proper rich woman sure look at that got cash. What is she a Pop star I mean soap star star? All my children. That's the one. Yeah, I don't know. Since the 70s.

I don't know what I know her from. That's where Susan Lucci is. I know the face. All my children, that's Elon's new show. Two I talked to, but yeah. That's crazy, man. That's scary. Crazy, you could have been dead.

Oh yeah, I thought you were talking about Elon again. Oh, he might have been okay. It was not a good start, but I was like, you know what, maybe it's a good omen. We get this out of the way and we, you know. Cause you, I mean, you guys experienced this more, but the first night on the bus or something like that, when you don't really know the driver.

Yep. Oh no, no, we were in a Sprinter van at this point. The first five days we did a Sprinter van. But I'm just saying, when you don't know the driver and you hear those blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're like, oh, we're going into a fucking Corp. You picture yourself going through like a forest, like I'm done.

We were on the bus one night And we were it was it was just some of these fucking city to city just get bad roads And they're like it's bad road or but we we hit a pothole and we all I woke up like what the fuck But I was like yeah, whatever. I just went back to sleep Yeah, but I get a note from the driver the next day and he goes uh our man Jeff He's the fucking best you like he said sorry about that pothole when I was like all right knew something happened Yeah, did you report this to the company or anything like that? I think he did I think Brian did Damn, I was just happy to be out of there. Yeah, you're just getting

Random guys and they always we always like correct. We've been like hey man. Can you slow down and they're like, I know I'm doing the speed limit It's like you're doing 95 miles an hour right here. Nobody had a lot like that You could have straightened the guy out good point this guy used to drive Cosby, and I think he did No, he was just he was dough. He clearly was doing too many shifts Well the good thing about the Tour bus drivers is that's like very there's a lot of oversight regular. Yeah, they're journals and shit Sprinter companies like limo companies. They're just running and gunning that guy's probably working at amazon during the day And i'm being like i'll drive your van at night. It's a good point

The but I mentioned it to our our bus driver jeff and he's just like the best guy and he was like A four-hour drive. He fell asleep. That's nothing. I was right But he told shit he tells you stories where he's like you can't shit in the In the toilet on the bus. You've heard this shit, right? Yeah, can't poop in the in the bus bus. You've heard this shit, right? You can't poop in the bus toilet because it doesn't go anywhere. You can't hotbox it. I go, give me some names. Who's hotboxed the car with you?

And he's like, don't get me started on air supply. You're like, air supply? They shit in your bus? I'm a whole lot of toilet paper. He mentioned Segura. Segura hotboxed it. Well, really? James, our videographer, hotboxed it.

That's because he fucking, I made the mistake of ordering Nashville hot chicken in Nashville. Hotboxed it James our videographer hotboxed it Because I made the mistake of ordering Nashville hot chicken in Nashville And I ordered extra the venue was like get extra get extra so you know James had three hot chickens Oh, and he just in the middle of the night fucking hotboxed it, and I was like you shouldn't had three three That's not a hot. That's a miscarriage Pings one thing but when you got a dump and you know that you're at least like 20 minutes, like you're as nothing in sight, man, that's a cold sweat that you never forget. But back to these drivers,

these drivers are always a little off. There's always a diddle or a drug history or a prison time. There's always something, Burt's guy got kicked off for being anti-Semitic. Really? Yeah, he got in a fight with. Kicked off that tour too. Well, he put a word in. Yeah.

But he was nuts, he tried to fight a guy, he was crazy. What did he say that was anti-Semitic? I think it can't, I don't wanna, maybe I should bleep the name, but he said something and was like, I'm Jewish. And he goes, oh, I didn't know you were Jewish, you fucking beep beep ba doop boop boop. And he bought a Kanye shirt. And we're back.

That's all, I mean, we kind of, cause we do long runs, we do like a week long run, like one nighters back to back to back. And we're living in these fucking Sprinter vans with guys you don't know. Yep, yep. Sometimes he's driving like four. I'll drive.

You'll drive? If it's over, I will, we'll just get, sometimes we'll just get a minivan. And if it's over, if it's's driving like I'll drive. I'll drive. It's over I will we'll just get sometimes just get a minivan and if it's over if it's under four. I'll do it Yeah, that's I like driving. It's fun We'll do a podcast and then we all fall the fuck these guys fucking suck you put me in a car. He's out I know but you got to keep the driver Company that should be shot. He's typically shotgun man, but that should be the that's the you know What are we talking guys got a got gotta stay up for morale, I think. He's the first one out.

He'll be up by the end of this. Sugar combo. But, so we're to bypass all of this for this tour that's starting, as we're like today, we're buying a fucking big conversion van. And we're gonna use that, like we have one of our buddies is gonna drive it,

and we're gonna use that as like a tour bus. Like buddies is gonna drive it and we're gonna use that as like a Tour bus like that. Oh, yeah in Detroit. What's a conversion van like? What the captain? It's a 2024 18. Oh, okay. Okay now we're talking no way k-4. No not the Mitzvah tank Excuse me, sir. Are you Jewish? I will not drive that I'm always so tempted to say yes, just to see what goes on in there. No one's ever asked you if you were Jewish Yeah, they do Yeah, holy shit that's, but think about these truck drivers

They're in the same world. They're all these driver guy the truck driver just got busted for killing hookers. You see that no yeah Pull it our guy. He was I would love that guys everywhere. Yeah Look at that last things. I want to watch before we go on the road. Yeah, this is why I fly I like I don't like the book nothing bad's happened on a plane This is why I fly I like I don't like the book nothing bad's happened on a plane There's a I mean those things are falling out is going on with this as another one popped pop down apparently today It's the new school shootings. I'm calling it now. They're once a week, and I stopped caring You should care you're not going back to school. You're flying. Oh, yeah good point I mean it freaks the one that landed upside down in Toronto

I saw something it was a girl who had like I I don't know, this could have just been like, you know, propaganda on X. I don't know, but they were, which is most of it now, I feel. Yeah. They said she had like, it was like she had very low hours. Yeah.

Like over the co-pilot who was like an 80 year, you know, season vet. I'm not one of these guys like, hey, women shouldn't fly planes. But it is weird to me that they I am What the fuck are we? Well they hate the women flying the plane. That's what's even weirder that they hid the I think they want the backlash I guess at the end of crying game or something right a little trick So they call fucking my wife

Yeah, yeah the pilot shit is scary something's going on in the skies something is going on I I knew like last run. I was like this is too good something's gonna happen like it's too easy to tour You know right now. You know you think how much we fly like you you gave like you've diamond medallion status on Delta You're like a fucking daredevil now dude. That's a boy. It's all low rent shit, too It's not like the engine blew up. It's like you that tire It's all low rent shit, too. It's not like the engine blew up. It's like you're dead a tire Came off The window crank is broken, but now maybe when you get a delay You're not gonna be as angry cuz you're like, maybe they need to do something true true

Yeah, but sometimes they just fucking send you right up. We need Sully So I didn't know we had yes Sully was the man that would never happened again though. He got lucky That was like a half court shot at a basketball game Got a big check or hear him like the he tells ever he like takes control He's like everybody shut the fuck up no sit down I'm landing this fucking bird in the river and I was like what the hell he literally like we need that guy with the pepper That was cuz the birds right yeah

I mean for fuck's sake birds We're worried about getting attacked by another country and we're like birds to take it right out. Oh, yeah now There's DC there's a spider bit a guy but yeah pilot that was flying allergic to spiders got bit by a stowaway tarantula Yikes, DI is out of control a tarantula sounds like spirit fucking spiders. It was from Australia So how did that happen? I don't know got in the cockpit and bit him. Yeah, no superpowers either Screwed Iberia now who the fuck is flying that yikes. I don't like purposely we flew we went to be it me and the in the bird went to Greece last year hell. Yeah And we flew into Athens.

Now you could either take an eight hour ferry from Athens to Santorini, or you can take one of their local, small, mom and pop airlines. Oh boy. What'd you do? Took the fucking ferry. Me too, I did the exact same trip. Fuck that. Really?

Yeah, and uh. Eight hour ferry, I'd take the flight. Dude, that ferry's rough though. El Exato Salada Airlines, no fucking thank you. No, no, we felt the same take the food that's always rough the El But I wasn't flying one of those planes in the Santorini really fuck that shit little puddle jumper now what? Ryan Hamilton's got a great shit about get me off the ground You know the Ryan Hamilton bit about how he's like how you take the Staten Island ferry and you realize they just recreated the immigrant experience Oh, just get me to land Change your name when you get back to Manhattan what I live here. He's a guy got hit by a bus

Yeah, I never really heard that whole story. Oh, you should hear his material on it. It's amazing It was a shuttle too wasn't it wasn't an airport shuttlers it was that sucks to land and then the shit happens Yeah, you got the scary thing out of the way That's like that's what they say you have a better chance to get in an accident coming home from the airport Yes, it's like guns. They say you're better at you're more likely to get killed in a pool than a gun. Really? Pull it up. I thought you were going to say you're more likely to use it on your partner than you are an intruder.

Well, that too. We should meet my partner, then you'll understand. Horrible shot. I'm pretty sure pools are the number one for family members. Yeah. Did your parents force that into you when you were killed? Don't ever dive into a pool no matter what. My mom scared the shit out of us.

Really? 100 times higher than a firearm. But yet no one has any pool protests. Interesting. And they put the gates up. You got to have the gates up. That's true. That's true.

That's the safety. It's also harder to get a pool than a gun. That's true. Very true. A pool's expensive, it takes time to build. A gun, you could just get a gun. Hartman could have used a gun. He's not that lady. Yeah.

Yeah. He got shot, right? No, no, pool. No, he got killed. No, he got blasted by his wife. His wife killed him. No disrespect. Oh, wait.

I thought he died in a pool. No. Who died in a pool? Fuck. Matthew Perry in the hot tub. Oh, yes. No one told him life was gonna be this way. Did you make the same joke? Hold on.

Hold on. Sold in the coffee. Some say it wasn't the hot tub, it was the ketamine, but I see where you're going. Yeah, yeah. It's a bad combo though. He was drinking coffee, I think he'd be all right. Well, did Whitney Houston die in the tub?

Yes, tub. Yeah. Tub on crack. No, get out of here. the tub? Yeah, tub. Yeah, tub on crack No Get out of here. We got to ban these tubs. Yeah Strictly shower guy. Do you guys think about that on the road? Like when you're in a hotel like oh if I go in here they'll come and get me Oh, yeah, John Panetta died on the road and I think about like that is a sad way for a comedian to go Yeah, oh, yeah, you don't and it better be a good hotel. If I die in like a La Quinta.

Or a condo. Yeah, a comedy condo. You guys aren't still doing condos. Well, sometimes you save a buck. I mean, you're crazy. Now you're done, you fucking liar. Dude, no, but you hear when comics die on the road and it's. I think about it all the time.

There's been times, I've said this before, there's been times where like, cause he's typically up so early, me and him will hit the air. I don't want to miss the breakfast. We'll hit the breakfast just me and him like You up and then there'll be times where no, but no you're you up is the hotel break. Yeah One of us will be down there scouting that out. I already got eyes on I'm in business

And there'll be times are like no one's heard from him and like you know lobby calls like 10 a.m.. And no one's and I'm like There's times. We're like we're 10. I'm like man. I could have to go to the front desk and oh Come on ship at his fucking fat ass Taff got stuck in the tub Taff got stuck in the tub. Taft got stuck in the tub. Also survived the gunshot. What do you got? Breaking news, plane crash. Mangala died of swimming. Really?

Ooh, okay. Huh. Yeah. Where was he swimming after he got caught? Is that breaking news? This just in, 1979. Does anyone else have an issue with angel of death? Yeah.

I don't like the word angel. Demon of death. Demon of death. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like the word angel demon of demon of death. Yeah Yeah Angel of death makes it sound like a good pool player With the stick first the black widow, how did he how do you end up in a pool after he got caught? With Brazil I think got away no shit fled. He's down in Argentina probably. Oh, yeah sipping the Malbecs Mm-hmm. No way hitler all backs. That's a good fucking value right there

Yeah, yeah, love a good Malbec. That's true back not a huge wine guy, but everyone so I like I whiskies might go to on the road, but like Everyone's a while you have like a bottle of wine or can you drink whiskey with dinner? I got your ass. Yeah, why not? Really? I love it. Yeah, that's a man couple of rocks. What are you doing? You off the sauce? No, we're drinking. Okay. Yeah, just at Austin for a weekend. It's not drinking. Yeah, you were there for a whole week Yeah, pretty long. That's that's so that's a long week. It's a long almost got thrown out of three forks down there Steakhouse nice steakhouse We went day drinking at noon. The waiters like sir. You've had enough

I'm the angel of death. You're gonna die in an uber pool on the way home. Why'd you get thrown out of... We did, we were just embarrassing. We were not dressed properly. We were drunk as shit. We were yelling at each other for what we ordered. Yeah. And it was just a scene. Yeah, but no, it was a... Maid or he didn't think so. Oh, that's a good time. You're cutting up. We were yelling at each other for what we ordered. Yeah, it was just a scene Yeah, but no, it was a it was a it was a dirty didn't think so. That's a good time You're cutting up we were cutting up the just yeah The other patrons did not appreciate our vibes at the time was it that or when he got up the tablecloth was tucked That's funny we you were doing the dad thing where it's like somebody would be like, oh, what's that?

Oh, can you pass me the butters? Shut up you're embarrassing I'm like dude what the fuck I was way over the fucking top. That's you too. How much for the children? Whenever we're at dinner Gary just goes it's this guy's birthday to our tour manager Brian and the first time we're like haha and now every time he does it we're like alright we get the joke yeah yeah you're embarrassing us. Am I gonna free dessert? Well we were at like a regular square for top or whatever and we ordered so many appetizers They flipped the leafs out underneath us. Whoa Table so it turned to a circle table. Yeah, and I was in the aisle. Oh

Leaf Garrett, it was bad. I love the leaf. Well, we're still drinking. We're off the heaters though Yeah, quit smoke positive news cigarettes are fucking. Yeah, it's the coolest thing in the world. They are cool It's the hardest thing to quit they say cigarettes. Yeah, yeah cocaine's pretty tough to be honest with you It's hard to get though cigarette you can pop into the bodega. I would argue against that too You need a guy give me a call what are you doing? That's true? But I feel like cocaine is also the fear of like, that shit not being clean also. Ooh, sure. We don't have to test a cigarette or fentanyl.

I always had the idea though, like back in the day if I did it, I would wait 10 seconds and I'd be like, well, if something was in it, you'd already be dead. So you have the guinea pig of the group. Yeah, but I'm just saying, after the first 10 seconds, you're like, I'd be dead already.

I don't know, that's really the scientific method there, that you're applying to the fucking, to the Bumskies. That doesn't work with STDs either. I'm clean, go. This dick still looks all right. Yeah. I have buddies that still, I'm like, guys, you gotta, you know, there are a couple weekend warriors,

you know, not comics, you know, that'll do, that'll do a blow from time to time. Sure. And I'm like, dude, you tested it? And he's like, nah, you know. And I'm like, he's like, I've been buying it from the same guy for like 15 years. I'm like, yeah, but he's not getting it

from the same place. Like that is, you know, it's such flawed logic, but people are out there just rolling the dice. Oh, we were in a blue room in the Ozarks in Missouri, and the guy, Springfield, Missouri, whatever, one of the guys comes back, he's filming us, and he's like, hey man, you guys want some blow? And I'm like, did you test it? Not that we're gonna do it, Missouri, whatever, one of the guys comes back who's filming us and he's like, hey man, you guys want some blow?

And I'm like, did you test it? Not that we're gonna do it, like did you test it? He goes, no, the other guy did, the guest spot tested it. No! He had a pretty good set. He's testing the crowd and the fucking blow, I guess. I like how you said you weren't gonna do it, but did you test it?

Well, I'm just gonna do a little window shopping. It's not a check spot for the checks, you have to check the coke. And if you die, we're good. God remember check spots do it Yeah, I mean those are like they're kind of over right now. They got him in New York comedy club I still see really longer though They kind of they kind of like do them at the end and like a few people kind of eat them a little bit Yeah, I think they do like four or five minute sets after when the checks get dropped. I was always petrified I never really I never really did them.

Tommy Cassidy, when he first got up here, he was a fucking machine with them. He'd do them at Stand Up New York and murder. It helps you get an audience, because I was always low energy on stage. So if I could get them during a check set, I was like, when I was doing them on the road though, you'd do the same thing, I think.

You'd go into a story, because you're like, all right, they're gonna have to listen to the story, but then sometimes they just be like fuck this story Yeah, and get like two or three people that everybody close out the checks You'd kind of gather the audience back a little bit for those listening You don't know what a check spot is they they actually give the check during the show Yeah, sometimes they do it like they're like oh we drop them ten minutes late And you know before the end of the show and it's like they'll drop them at the end of the host. What the fuck are you doing? It's so quick I've been you know when you sell tickets finally you can start saying no checks, and they hate you for it

They because they're so weird thing you're married to that guy fucking blow They gotta get to yeah, I guess so, but I can feel attention with the server But I'm making more money now in the clubs when you're there, so it's not like the craziest Request that's just like it's not like the craziest request That's just like it's another 10-15 minutes really But yeah the idea of dropping checks on the headliner the guy that came to see is so backwards What are we doing you're here to see that guy you're gonna hurt his performance I would always fascinate me like watching like you know back in the day watching like oh

They're killing they're killing and then they get to and they'd be like a lot of checks, and then they would kind of like They're killing they're killing and then they get to and they'd be like out of checks and then they would kind of like They drop down and like like a speed and they're set and then they'd fucking come right back and be killing them like holy shit Yeah, that's all take a credit card. What are we doing? I know young people and you know, they're splitting it like It's like an older couple, you know, it's one card Yeah, if it's young is four groups like of young people like they're fucking And are that many people running out like that? Might happen once a shot and even once a show is not gonna fucking sink the club. Yeah, we'll pay for it Yeah, pay for it. I forget to not I'm not doing that

It's not gonna carry it away here was that by the way was that an old clip of that lady yelling at you? That you posted recently Twitter. No she was yelling at you with that New York comedy yeah yeah that's old but all do you a piece of shit or something like that kept putting it on Instagram and it kept getting taken off for like you know bad words you handle that very well oh yeah it's on Twitter it wouldn't they got taken off a insta but she just kept saying I made a joke about only fans and she was like you're supporting sex traffic I was like this is such a leap you crazy twat. I thought we were sex positive Yeah, see she booze me. I'm pretty well 747

Indeed yeah, they need hoodie on I'll wear anything for free Now they're booing her that's a great feeling I know The wheels are spinning you're good kids good say something funny Great line yeah, thanks Feel bad, but the language was a bit much Now they're throwing her out. But I really want to reason with her. I'm seeing red. You can't tell what I'm so angry.

It was a cute little Asian lady with a mask on. The little dance. I had that not long ago and did not put any comedy into it at all. I kind of like was just like what the fuck. Yeah. It was a rough show. There was a table of four that was there that was causing a lot of trouble and the host came out and was like,

hey, there's this table up front, really rough. They got them out, and then I got up there. And the crowd wanted to laugh. I think Eagle Witt went on before me. He got them back, they were ready to go, all that stuff. And then these two college girls to the right were just whispering the whole time. And I was just like, what the fuck?

I'm like, we just got this nightmare out of here. And you're doing this, I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, we just got this nightmare out of here. Yeah. And you're doing this. I'm like, who the fuck raised you? Yes! And before that, I was doing like a fat guy mayonnaise joke. And they were like, what the fuck is this guy doing? You're stepping all over my cerebral bits. It was a pin drop.

Salakus, I just emailed you an email my agent sent to me from a show, from a woman hating me from over the weekend. And it's the worst one at the show you thought went well, you're going to blur the emails obviously when this comes out, right, Peters? Did they throw those girls out? No, I kinda smoothed it over. Okay, nice.

Actually, some lady in the audience smoothed it over and brought everybody together. Hell yeah. And then I apologized to them and I'm like, I just want you to understand whatever, having a rough day, like, and that and that and like I'm walking this bullshit, but yeah. They just stared at me like what damn

Which is the worst when then all of a sudden you're the asshole exactly exactly, you know But I didn't want to have the crowd on my side Everyone has an off day like there's always there's always some you look back on you like I should have done that a little differently Sure, but also to the raw emotion of it. You fucking human being yeah, I got feelings, too That's I mean that's insanely simple. I can read it I Came to the show last night, and I just have to say some of his jokes were disgusting and inappropriate I'm from New Orleans, and I love good comedy, but I feel like it was a waste of my time. I should have just went to the parade

have just went to the parade. Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What is the club send that I just let that go? I know it was the film where he sent it to my agent my agent's emails in my Instagram, okay? But from the world there's tits and dicks all over the street and homeless people and your jokes are too much I sure was more offensive than a New Orleans parade. Yes, you know how fucked up those are man I hope she gets run over by that terrorist on bourbon From there, I like jokes too. No, I know, New Orleans also was like one night last, I felt like good about it. It's funny when you feel good about it because that's when you get... Yeah, that's true.

I did one in Tampa once and the woman, it was when I was working out this bit I had about an alligator eating a baby. Oh, yeah. It's funny because I think I did it all week in Albany and it got nothing and then I was like, I think I'm going to drop this bit and then I brought it to Tampa and it was like murdering. Ahhhhh. And I was like, oh shit, this drop this bit and then I brought it to Tampa and it Was like murdering oh Shit, this is in the act. It's local this woman left the show in Tampa and she just like she took a picture of herself crying

From from parking lot. Oh their Facebook. This is what the comedian did to me Joke husband's an alligator He's in prison. I had one this week, this guy messaged me, I didn't even tell you, it was from like last tour or something. He's like, hey I remember when you bombed in Rhode Island. And I'm like, dude we haven't been in Rhode Island since like 2022. And I'm like, ah it's the beginning of the- you know, I'm like, I'm like fighting with him in my head. He's like, you were reading out of your notebook.

Can you be more specific? Thanks for bringing it back up, douche. I'm like, dude, you're fucking, two years later, you can't let me down a C plus set, you know what I mean? What the fuck? The internet does that. You never tweet something and then you're like, oh, I misspelled something, so you edit it and then one guy has to go, I saw the edit, you cum guzzler, and you're like, all right,

I spelled it wrong, why are you mad at me? It's also so true about the beginning of the tour where your shit just progressively will get better and better because I was promoting dates and I was like, well, people always complain, why didn't you mad at me? It's also so true about the beginning of the tour where your shit just progressively will get better and better, because I was promoting dates and I was like, well people always complain. Why didn't you come here yet? I'm like, well the hour will be better when I'm in San Francisco and he was like,

so it's gonna be a worse show here. I was like, technically yes, it will be a worse show. No refund, you bought it, you saw it. Go to the parade. In any facet of anything, okay, I don't know what it would take for me to send like a customer service email. I don't know what they would have to do to me in any facet of life for me to send the

strongly worded email. Hear hear. I just don't know what it would be. Thank God for those people because they make the ratings accurate, you know, because if those people don't exist and you go to like TripAdvisor or something. That's true. I'm grateful for those people, but yeah. I was in a hotel the other day,

first hotel I'd been in on the road, and you know, it'd been like, you know, 12 or something days on a tour bus. And we'd check in the hotel, I'm like, all right, I'll take my first non-venue shower in a while. Yeah. It'll be nice. And of course there's like the hotels under construction, the drilling's insane.

And I was like, oh I should write something They're like, but of course I won't that's yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy to actually write something restaurants I will give you that I walk in and get a bad bright crab Rangoon. I'm gonna be fucking furious You can crab Rangoon for breakfast I'm not trying to be a Dude it's been living in my head it's like shook me all week I'm like this guy's sitting at home for fucking two years. We're worried about one fucking tough set. God. Yeah, don't you wish we had a chug Start doing the bits here I Had one guy go you ever had like a hot set?

You do like a killer tight hour? And one guy goes, a lot of new stuff. You working it out? Like, no, no, that was all like eight months old. That'll be something in a couple of months. Yeah. Wait till you get to Reno. We do half hours, but I know what you're talking about.

I did a warmup set for my last special at Comedy on Stage, which is like the hottest crowd. I was fucking killing. I felt like so good at myself. March 11 one of the guys and one of the guys Like filming the show working the club was like yeah, man. We had Sean Patton here like a week ago best hour I've ever seen I'm like I'm like yeah, I'm taping especially

Jesus Christ I know we didn't mean to be but Peter just looked at me and started like we just started laughing But I was like come on Albert Albert Brooks has I think all the comp you salt He's like if you wait with an audience member long enough. They will find a way to insult. Oh, that's great That's good. We have we were loading into a venue Somewhere loading in jeez I feel I picture him on a fork Hannibal Lecter He's grabbing a chicken

Toughened up your nipples a bit bit it nice bottle of a Chianti and some crab rangoon And you know it's like the two waitresses They were probably like early 20s didn't know us or the show or whatever and they were just like what the fuck is this show? And you're just like I sold it the fuck out. You could have learned the name of it Yeah, something garbage. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even think they're comedians. Jesus fucking Christ lady I'm a magician people do love you guys. I mean my cousin came in when I did your live show my cousin came he never comes in for my shows He came in to see ah that's hey. Yeah, people love you man. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. Yeah, you guys are killing it Okay, hey check out the route 66 special out now whoa Have you ever bombed in Rhode Island

It's not a Let's be honest though those Yelp reviews though aren't always helpful sometimes you can tell it's somebody having a personal thing It's all really got a great on a curve You got to go like I was just looking at something a product of me my wife or thing about buying and you know It was like the battery sucks the battery. I'm like alright Well, then if there's ten people that makes that's the battery sucks, the battery. And I'm like, all right, well then, if there's 10 people saying the battery sucks, then you go that way. But when it's personal, I could've used a good review.

I bought the DVD of the movie Manhunter. I bought some DVDs for the bus. It's fun to watch a movie at night. The top rated one, the first one that comes up, the only prime option is an Irish DVD. I didn't know this was a thing. So it says like 18 and up, and I was like, oh yeah, I guess if you think about it,

yeah, that's not rated R, that's weird. But 18 and up, so I give James a DVD, and he puts it in and he goes, this is an Irish DVD, it doesn't work in America. I was like, why do we have different DVDs? What's going on? So that was, I didn't leave a review again. I could've used a review then.

Yeah, true. That lady with you was either like a look at me moment, What's going on so that that was I didn't believe a review but that lady I could have used a review then yeah true That lady with you was either like a look at me moment. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean that had nothing to do with you, right? Yeah, I try to I try to talk to my wife about it It's like we see so many people like you know you do it even if you're just doing shows in the city It's like a club's a hundred people so you're in front of yeah Communicating with a hundred people over and over Over and over, maybe, you might do that fucking 10 times a week. It's like the average person does not communicate

with 100 people in a month. Of course, so you're gonna statistically. Statistically, we're just seeing more, you're like, oh, that's just mental illness, that lady's. And it's one out of 100, so actually, your odds are pretty damn good. But that lady, she was going through something else. That joke.

Yeah, you're not arguing with the joke. And the lady in the parking lot's saying the same thing. arguing with the joke. You can't argue with the only thing. What? The lady in the parking lot saying things. Yes. You're filming yourself? Come on. That's about you.

Oh my God, you know what happened to me? I'm in a fucking, I'm in Atlanta and we go to the rec center most days. We'll play basketball or something. There's a sauna by the pool. We're gonna start doing that. It's not a sauna like in the locker room. It's like, you know, you gotta go in clothed obviously

in like a bathing suit or something because it's both sexes. It's not a sauna like in the locker room. It's like, you know, you gotta go in clothed obviously in like a bathing suit or something, cause it's both sexes. So this guy comes in, he starts fucking filming himself in there and I'm in the shot and I'm kinda like, hey man. And I'm kinda like,

hey, could you not do, can I not be recorded in your shot? It's like. I'm gonna suck this guy's dick over here. I don't want anyone to see this. I'm running for office at some point. But yeah, and he goes, I'm not filming you. And I go, I see you right there. A couple other people were like, yeah dude, what the hell. And he see this I'm running for office at some point, but yeah, and he goes I'm not filming you and I go I see you right there a couple other people were like yeah, dude

What the hell on he goes? I'm not feeling so I was like fuck. I just left I was like I don't want to know that shit weird the filming without permission is such a peeve of mine But to do it in a fucking sauna Yeah, that's crazy. There's guys that do it now They're like I don't know why they're doing it But they'll stand they'll be in front of like a business and they'll be filming the business And they're also they're like they're like baiting the owner to come out and be like hey, man. What are you doing public property? Don't touch me and like I like touches this camera, and he fucking pepper sprays him what the fuck?

Oh, they're just looking shit. They're looking for the confrontation. I don't we should even bring this up But you guys see that Alec Baldwin thing Oh, I think I'm gonna shut up 30 wrong what happened this kid is dressed as Trump and Al Baldwin's like off He's pulling his luggage out of a car at his house And he's just trying to go upstairs and the guys like oh you shot a lady But he's doing it as Trump and Alec Baldwin goes if you weren't filming right now I'd break your fucking neck my kids are inside. He leans in it's real It's real movie. It's real like he's you get he's a leans in he's like listen. Let's see cameras weren't here right now

I'd break your fucking neck so much shit. We also know comedian. Oh really yeah, oh I mean, I know who he is yeah, I Mean it's pretty shitty to do to this guy I mean the guys just trying to like get into his apartment Everyone's trying to everyone's trying to make their own name right now in ways that are boundaryless I think. Yeah, yeah, because they want the clicks. I was leaving the cellar the other night and I was getting picked up at Ben's and there was two comics barking for like one of the clubs and the guy's like, yeah I don't want to get seen until my material's ready and I'm like that's probably

like an eight month comic making that decision of like, but I don't like to get seen until my material's ready. And I'm like, that's probably like an eight month comic making that decision of like, but I'm like, you have to be like, do I want to get likes right now? Which is great. That's a smart kid right there. At eight months in this guy's having this conversation. Good for him.

I'm not ready to be seen. Yeah, well that's mature. Anonymity is un-erated. It's mature. Yeah, sure, sure. You know, you got a camera on me? The ring, no, it's the ring. But you realize, my kids live in this building, right?

But I want you to know something. We love the children. We're doing great deals for the children. Okay, so you go careful. If this camera was here, it's the ring. I'm a new believer, you realize. My kids live in this building, right? But I want you to know something. We love the children. We're doing great deals for the children. Okay. If this account was here, I'd snap your f***ing neck in half and break your f***ing neck right here. So you know that, don't you? Okay. Alright, Alec Bolden.

Alec Bolden... The guy stayed in the pocket. You gotta hand it to him. Yeah, man, I f***ing love him. He delivered it like Jack Connaghy. I love him. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, he's yelling at me. I'm a citizen of this. I was born and raised in New York City. I love you, Alec We need more bald ones out there. I love them. I do too Yeah, he always bust this guy's chops man. Just let him go. I don't understand it. He shot the wrong person. I saw him in JFK recently and- Trump?

What? I don't know, I was. He was walking by himself and everybody was just like, yo Alec! And it was like, kind of like a hero's walk. I get it's New York so he's very liberal. But it was like, it was great to see everybody like, cause you only see him at his fucking lowest anymore.

I bet you- You see him in like a murder trial, he's getting accosted on the street. I bet you still got in the tank, too I wouldn't want to fuck with him. No fucking his legs look really bad in the second comedians in cars though Yeah, and they're walking on eggs his knees. He's got bad fucking hit you with a mini all the two-step fucking Rage out there. Oh, oh yeah, I never saw the saw the behind the scenes Larry Sanders where he's boxing with Gary Shanley. Oh pull it up! But he's like fucking hitting him hard and I'm like dude, Shanley's tiny, what are you doing? I know. It's in the dock I think.

Well he's an Irish guy from Long Island with four brothers. You know the guy that did some whaling. Yeah. And I think he played hockey as well. He's the oldest brother right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Boy can you imagine the four Baldwin brothers back in the late 70s just running Clemson?

Billy Steven the other guy Been nuts Good-looking. Oh my god, but what's the tore through Baldwin Young was a different kind of good-looking Yes, he looks like two different people like he's cooking dude now right back then. Holy the coke ears No test strips back then Gary Alec Baldwin is a piece of ass. Oh, yeah. Watched him last night. He looks good. Blue eyes, black Irish, whoo, baby. Yeah. Good times.

Could have been Jack Ryan for those other two movies. Yeah, he was Jack Ryan in one, right? Yeah, he was Humphrey Red October. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, Beetlejuice, he had a run. Look at that hair. He was a hot guy. Yeah, good looking.

It's crazy. Jet black. Always be closin'. Today's man suit on, still makin' it work. Hey, Bill Burr and Glenn Gary. Yeah? We gotta go see that. Oh yeah, pretty cool.

Quite a cat, Kieran Culkin. Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk, come on. You hear the story that Nathan Lane is the reason he got the role? I did hear that. Crazy. What do you mean?

And who got the role? Bill Burr, that he apparently called one of the, I guess the director and said like, you need to hire this guy. Wow, I love that. He said he's an arena act, he's a killer, he's angry. He talks like these guys, and you know that's pretty cool I had to follow bill burr at New York Comedy Club the other night Murder like you feel like I haven't seen the guy in a while what I was doing maybe working out some shit

He killed I mean unlike your Rhode Island said he really crushed can a guy work on material I mean he I'm sending an email killer stuff, but we hung out a little bit. What a fun guy. That's awesome. He also did a lot of dark shit and the crowd pulled back. He's like, you fucking New Yorker, dad. He did that whole thing and you're like, yes, he's still got some edge and he yelled at everybody. That's awesome. I've never really had any real interactions with him. Passed him by at the cellar once or twice, but that's about it. His episode on here is one of my faves We got I mean I want to get him back, but it's hard to ask a Broadway actor to come in He's got one day off now totally acting wise he was in the first season of the Mandalorian

He was great in it then came back for the second season man his episode. He's unbelievable Really? Oh so good if you would have told him 20 years ago. He'd be in Star Wars. He would have kicked in the balls. Yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, I think we have it on 20 years ago, he'd be in Star Wars. Crazy. He would have kicked you in the balls. Yeah. This is real. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think we have it on set. Yeah, we do. Hey. Yeah, somebody gave it to us at a show. Migs Mayfield, great.

Oh, yeah. Migger, please. Jesus Christ. A family program. Look at Danny, man. That guy is bloated. All of them. Just killing it.

But Billy's a hunk. 1976, Long Island. Woo-wee! Man. Those guys coming home from high school with the football jersey still on. Tag teaming chicks, high fives all around. They had to be the best looking guys in Long Island.

Oh, yeah, they're the LIRR. They're just running trains. Have you seen Billy Joel? True. That guy's getting ass because of his music. Not true. He's got to be 5'4 if he's a foot. You know what's funny is sometimes when you're out on Long Island

You see you know like they had such a big music scene in the 80s We're like the bike the hair bands that didn't make it out But still made a killing out there and like played locally Oh, yeah, you see some of those guys now and like their 60s and they get they still have the hair and you're like Oh, you were a fucking bass player for fucking white lotus or something That's the first thing I think when I see an old rocker I'm just like man the trim this guy must have slipped through Look at these good. These guys were just pounding to get fucking loaded. Oh, yeah blue oyster cult They long island no shit

Yeah, blue oyster cult. Are they Long Island? Yeah. No shit. Blue oyster clam. Where's some other Long Island rocker? Twisted Sister, I think, really never got out of New York, I feel, right? I see Dee Snider all the time. Yeah.

Where do you see him? He's in the village, just walking around. Did you ever hear his story? He was completely broke, working a day job. This is after Twisted Sister. He was working at the front desk of a tanning salon or something crazy. What? And someone came to him to write Christmas music

for somebody and it turned into three famous Christmas songs that are written by Dee Snider. Get out of here. Can we look up what the songs were? Yeah, he tells this. Dee Snider Christmas songs. Dee Snider what Christmas songs he wrote. He tells the stories.

He was working at the front desk of a dentist office or a gym or something like that. What the fuck? That dude's got a fucking look. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. From far away. For Celine Dion. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we're Celine Dion him and Judy Gold Wait do they pour some sugar on me now that's Def Leppard. Sorry. They're like I want to rock that is that it

What's what's D Snyders? We're not gonna take it was there Take and had the guy from my animal house in it Niedermeyer. He was like the mean, the heavy one. Oh yeah. Yeah. We're not gonna take it. We're not gonna take it. Hilarious.

Whatever pays the bills. Sure. Comedians can't do that. We can't come up with Christmas jokes. That pay off the debts. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah. Just go out once a year like a mall Santa Claus. Yeah, like December to January, you just clean up. That would be awesome. Yeah, just go out once a year like all Santa Claus

Yeah, like December to January you just clean up. I'm working on my Halloween chunk What's the deal with you logs? One of the toilet Rhode Island Gary Goldman has a whole album called all I want for Hanukkah's Christmas, and it's just all holiday Yeah Love it. Oh, that's incredible. I goal. Love the goal. That's incredible. I got a music rec for you guys. Please. Sidney Bichet, New Orleans guy.

I don't know him. Saxophonist, you'll know him when you hear him. He's fucking amazing. Crazy life story, you can look it up. His life, he got in, he was from New Orleans, ended up moving to France. He's like, oh, I got treated way better here. And he got into a duel with some guy.

Duel? And then accidentally shot a woman during the duel What and he got deported back to that guy? Deported back to New York. I thought he was new. No, yeah Apparently and I looked him up. He apparently influenced Duke Ellington, but he couldn't read music Whoa, but he didn't blow up to like the 40s, but yeah, it's like his shit is great Was it a gun duel or a sword duel a gun? Holy saxophone duel? Yeah, I feel like that's coming back a little bit by the way tools the horn horns

Oh, I was your cut not that they're in popular music. I think they're coming back the sax specifically Yeah, yeah, I hope so I love horns so do the Jews This is what you listen to it. What are the drivers falling? Get a little twisted sister on the road I can't do music with lyrics if I'm trying to write jokes. I'll give you that. Same. Yeah, this is nice. It's nice. It's good music. This is just with plays when you walk through New Orleans. This is just what you hear.

Oh, dude, we got we were just walking. We heard some great shit. Just local musicians there. I know. It's incredible. I went to the Blue Note once. I was like, I've seen this on the sidewalk in the Big Easy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Blue Note up here. Yeah.

Darlin's packed out, though. Always. Place is bumping. Yeah, people love jazz. It's still like. Yeah, mm-hmm darlings packed out though always places bumpin. Yeah people love jazz It's still like you go to the what's the other one? There's a couple smalls Smalls that's the old-school joint yeah, I want a midtown. That's really good like 40 something 44th Birdland Birdland. That's it Yeah, there's another one. There's like four in the village. They're still there I would love to place on the corner across you from Ben's oh yeah groove Yeah, it does all right. Yeah, you do want to film a special day I thought it'd be fun to go from jazz club to jazz club very cool comedy and jazz a kind of a similar vibe

Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Call it notes You bring your notes up. Don't do that Rhode Island. Don't like it. All right Mike you up on some heroin. Let's see these questions a fatty hit me Well, I'm sure we there's a bump cruise through them. They're not good. They mean All right, so courts out of order Are you on Mike? Yes, sir. If I can read it out loud, it might be better. Are you on mic? Yes, sir. Okay.

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Well if you're crouching over might miss the water yeah, that's a lot of your phone spreading your cheeks and all that stuff It's like you just roll with it. I'll do a hover if I'm real Jan if you know over not never I mean It's never it's like if there's pee and shit on the toilet seat And I don't have time to be like I gotta be a janitor and clean this yeah I'll do my best to hover do you do the little? Saran wrap thing not saran wrap what do you call it the paper that yeah? What the ring he's I can't do it. I need I need I need the cheeks to catch and open up

Yeah, he's got a wild we've talked about this a bunch, but he has a insane public bathroom What is it? Ritual hit me fatty. I'll flush the toilet. Yeah I'll take the toilet paper do a little dab of the water in the toilet and then wipe off the seat Oh, I've done that see you're not in good company. What do you talk? A little weird that's insane hit the sink. You could hit the sink, too. You could hit the sink. But you don't.

Then you got to walk out there with your pants down. Eh, you could do it on the way in. That's crazy to me. I'll do like toilet paper roll. And I'll give it a once over visually. Yeah, that's not the classy move of that. That's pretty gross. And plus, that also means you're used to fucking squatting and shitting, which isn't great.

Yeah, the squatting, shitting thing. I knew as growing up who would do that, the kind of stand pooper, and I was like, what are we doing? It takes all the joy out of it. I just got a squatty potty. It's game changer. Nuts.

Couldn't I just put a stack of books? Do I have to buy the potty? Trying to save a buck. Yeah. Do I have to spend 999? 999? Hold on, pull up a squatty potty. What does that even look like?

It just goes right here. You're supposed to poop with your knees higher. That's how you're like, colon or whatever shaped. You're the guy in black and white on the infomercial, like standing on two telephones. Do you want to be an idiot? There's gotta be an easier way! I gotta spend $25 on a piece of plastic? You get saved 10% 15%

Six Bibles in a Koran and we're back. That's more than 24 99. I got him at home The books are more expensive than 25 Have a Bible at the house. I got many really why is that true? Oh, yeah paper moon Paper moon Um good dude I had it's because it's like it's you know kind of opens it lines everything up and opens the door And I I went out drinking one night real bad and I had fucking bud mud Oh diarrhea with one of those things it is like I was ended up in the apartment above us I didn't realize it was levels to them. There's heights to them. I just got the standard john Yeah, I got I felt like a r Russian astronaut. Why is it better for you? lines up. See how like your colon is

like kinked I get or your rectum. I don't know what it is. Would this work for anal sex? Sure. Yeah, you'd think the knees should be oh, let's hit the bathroom and figure it out. Yeah, that gets him to buy it. I get that Bible. Let's go. Because I because now I sleep with a pillow in between my knees. Do you do that to line up the spine? I do. I do it just so I need the comfort. One between my knees and I hug one.

Damn. You wanna do that? I do it, yeah, it feels good. It does feel better. I remember when body pillows were back and I had a body pillow. Oh yeah. Remember the boyfriend pillow?

What's that? Me neither. What, is this a soda bit? Yeah. Oh, is this bug getting older? Yance was like do you want to sleep for nine hours uninterrupted? I'd be like, oh you f**king slut. I'm trying to stuff a pillow in between my knees. There you go. There you go.

I tell you, you get sex noises out of me at 40. Put that pillow there, I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, my hips are lined up. Oh. All right. God, doesn't it depress to show you how much we have to censor this shit to get it? I know. I Just depressed to show you how much we have to censor this shit to get it I know how many bleeps or where there's a hilarious bit, but god damn it. Yeah, what do we do? I know what he's saying when I get in the bed and like to like the comforter is fresh and the sheets are fresh

I have audible. Oh Yeah, and then I lift the blanket up and put the put the comforter but through my legs Oh, yeah, and then I lift the blanket up and put the put the comforter between my legs We that's nice clean living. Oh, yeah. I love it wait. Oh go back to the questions You've ever been so hungover speaking of dirty toilets You've been so hungover where you're like yakking or you got food poisoning and the toilets filthy, but you don't give a shit Yeah, you're in such bad shape. You're like leaning on the fucking porcelain relief of it is better Yeah, whatever you're getting there's a turd floating in there. You couldn't care less Yeah, you're doing like shifts between puking and shitting. Yeah, you're like switching over exactly shift change

Yeah, awful all germaphobia goes out the window I'm just from DZ's Mundo. He asked, are you garbage if you ate raw hot dogs as a kid? Oh, I did that. That's a rite of passage. Hell yeah. They're not raw, they come cooked. They're just cold. Yeah.

That was like cold. I didn't shame you for white trash. Sure. I did raw hot dogs, I did dog food, I did dirt, and I did my mom's roll-on deodorant, which was weird. What the fuck? Yeah, I would lick it. I would lick my mom's roll-on deodorant.

Why? He's a fucking twisted sister, man. If you don't eat ass, I would lick it. I would lick my mom's roll. Why is fucking twisted sister, man? If you don't eat ass, I'll be confused my favorite He's this yeah get to squatty potty What flavor deodorant we thought it was like I was right guard. Okay, cuz it was like that baby powdered flavor. Oh, I would do it interesting Yeah, it's similar to a like. I don't know why I would do it. Interesting. Yeah. It's similar to a, like a push pop,

when you think about it. Yeah. I would also, anytime there was a bottle of cough medicine around, I would grab it and chug it. My mom would freak out. Yeah, we had this pink medicine that was so fucking good. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's an antibiotic.

Yes. I love it. Yeah. You guys ever, you've snorted- I love Dimetap too as a kid. Dimetap was big. Great Dimetap, get you back in here Yeah, you ever snort some vagisil. That's

29 minutes she probably makes more money than all of us. Yeah, right right oh The hack people do like a hat like this is a cooking hack Some of these are harder than you take out the deodorant stick and you put butter in there and you can apply This is all more work. I don't think that's right I think that's just like the only one that's good is you go to a diner you get a pat of butter That's in the foil Yeah, they take a fork and poke it in there, and then you squeeze that and it comes out like Play-Doh.

Ooh. That's kinda cool. Take that to the bank. All right. Feel like a baked potato or something? Is that why you're hard? Yeah. Butter tuck.

That's hard. What are the questions? Do we have anything good? Yeah, hold on. Here we go. This is gonna stink. Yeah. Is it trashy to find parts funny?? No, what there are you writing these as these are going?

Do you find matt's alky's cute is it trashy yes or no Oh man, these are terrible am I garbage if I religiously watch we might be drunk and are you garbage now class, baby all class Yeah, I do feel like we got a nice little crossover. Oh hundred percent We both come out on Sundays, right? Yeah Sunday night. We come out Sunday nights and Wednesday nights Oh you guys are you guys are doing to do four episodes a week between what on it between patreon and in law? Thanks for coming here Holy shit you guys sick of talking no We're coming off of the version we did a wild run

Promo for the special so it's like yeah, we're fucking gassed a little bit When you do a live show on the road how much is stand up how much is like crowd? Yeah, each do about 25 minutes to stand up, and then we do about a half an hour of are you garbage with the crowd? Oh, that's fun. It's great. Yeah, no real heavy lifting, you know, and you film all that and that could be patreon Yeah, so the so yeah, so we the specials of what we drop we're dropping and we did route 66 Chicago to LA We filmed like essentially a special at every show was like nine shows from Chicago to LA And then we have the bus and like, you know, so do you ever see like Vince Vaughn's

Wawa West comedy? It's very, it's like our version of that, or comedians of comedy or whatever. So it's a lot of behind the scenes stuff. Is this gonna pay off? I mean that's a lot of shooting money. We're in the hole, like $200,000. If you wanna be in the thing,

you just have to accept you're gonna be in the hole. Yeah. That's the state of entertainment. Sure, it's also like, we wanted to do it like like it'll be fun to be on a bus for two weeks Just fucking hell yeah crazy shit like we do it for the life experience And then also it's like we've gotten this far by making bad financial decisions to an egg right you know what I mean like that's garbage That's yeah, it's like let's make it Choose it to make cool shit, and you know have fun

You got to remember the fun part because a lot of people like are you doing that gig the money's not great I'm like it's gonna be a blast like fully loaded yeah you might actually make more if you did your own headlining sure but you gotta go get drunk get enough fucking hot already a lot for that of like oh it's a good life experience it's cool totally when he would get like yeah I mean like you guys to go do like four guys in wherever and then go skiing or yes yes whatever I'm like that's a cool weekend that I would like to be able to do as we are he might be a little like I'm doing a gig in Gaza he pays six dollars where a bulletproof

vest he walks around shirtless with a little hiking stick yeah yeah always you gotta know when to cut Ari off like the first half of the advice is good then he's like you guys should a hundred stage yeah that's a good a hundred that's one of the things that we're lucky. We didn't we weren't headliners before we did this You know, I was hosting in the city. He was doing road work So we were able to have the experience off rip where we were going out with somebody and I feel like everybody's doing that now More so than ever like, you know, Gary everybody's taking the boys all that kind of stuff and everybody's together It makes it so much better.

Way better. It makes the road bearable. Like an 80s headline, and I mean, that must have sucked. Oh, well that was where the drugs and the booze came in. Sure. Dude, there's like no Uber, you just gotta get a car with Wherever, or yeah, it's like suck.

They must have been lonely. Of course. I mean, you don't have a cell phone. You're really alone. I mean, I know that there's isolation that comes from just checking your phone all the time too and feeling left out But like just not having contact a hotel charging a shitload of money long distance to call. Yeah anyone I mean An 80s or 90s road comic that early that was on pretty time

I mean they were pulling those guys out of hotels left and right. I know it's a hard living Whoo, it's like a being like a country singer in the fucking 60s sure a lot of heroin Yeah, we're very fortunate just to like it's like you hang we are hanging with like three or four of our friends Or you know it's well you gotta think comedy is fairly new as a job at an art form You know so we've kind of perfected it just now quite quick 100% like in the last like 10 years Yeah, yeah, that's the net you can make your own shit. can post your own shit. You can pick who you want on the road You can pick what gigs you want you can say no to a check spot Like it's really I mean, there's so many guys doing monster shows you too all the boys. It's crazy to see

I just did an arena with Gillis on Saturday. Not you're like it. We're at the four seas I mean the whole thing's insane. You're like we're just telling jokes. This guy's a drunk and fat maybe retarded and we're having a great time. How awesome is it? Yeah I had we were watching down the fucking the thing and like it were closed out in LA to theater and I literally looked at him I'm like we do see like this is crazy crazy Like wait, we fill a theater with people from him calling me bald and me calling him fat. It's incredible We went and so when kill Tony was so crazy garden We went and watched and it was just like, is this nuts?

I'm not. Sold out shows at the goddamn garden and they were showing videos of like, you know, the history starting out in the basement of wherever they were. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Great to see. I saw Shane working out his SNL monologue last night and it's fun to watch. Of course. And then I only got to see the first four minutes or so because they dragged me back around the corner and I made a comment, it was Marcelo and Sam Jay were watching too and I was like,

man I love that, here's this one joke, I wish he'd call back to it because it's such a funny opportunity for a callback and they were like, yeah, yeah. And then I guess Shane found me around the corner and was like, I heard you said I should have a callback, you didn't see the end of the set, you gotta see the end. I watched it again. I was like he called it back Hey

It's just one of those things you're comments. You're like, oh, I know this is a good opportunity. Civil War joke? Yeah, yeah I fucking need but it'll it'll be out but I'm not giving anything It'll be out by the time this comes in but we had we had him O'Connor and Pope do spots on a pop-up show We did at the Creek man. He goes out there fuck. It's like Yeah It's a funny monologue. Yeah, we funny. He's yeah his level of faith. It's like well. You're like jeez, dude

I was in the bathroom at the creek and like the walls were Right broke it Yeah, it was a crazy weekend Minneapolis. We're at the hotel at the bar Santino is doing his hulu He's also at the hotel so we got to hang out with him Kevin Hart walks up No shit, he was at the hotel and he was doing some big arena club whatever you try with him, too We chat it with him. He's just little nice now you bump into Kevin Hart. Does he know who you are zero? I've met him 38 times. I call him, I say, I'm Kevin Hart on stage. And no one sent him that, you think?

Maybe, but I think he's just so busy. He's in a nice plunge or he's working out. It's also, you think, I think of that too, of how busy you are. How busy the four of us are. And then imagine how busy that fucking guy is. He's on Jumanji 9. He's got a family in it.

It's just wild. I met him once, not directly indirectly but made a fool of myself I was hosting for Keith helium maybe like 2018 or whatever Keith was running his hour and he's like listen Gavin might come in if he comes in You know, I'll give you the signal you come up get me and bring them up and they never came back They came in but they never came like back to the green room So like keith got to a certain point in his set and we like looked at me like are we good? Are we good? And then he goes give it up for kevin hart. Nothing. Oh

Didn't come up and it was just like this awkward 30 seconds And then kevin hart came through the crowd and jumped up on stage man. He gave it to me in the fucking green room He's like the last thing you said was you got it. Well, Shane invited Kevin Hart, I was like, hey, come, I'm at the arena, come pop on after. And he was like, I don't know, we'll see. So the whole time he sees Shane on stage like closing, but he's not like. Checking, yeah.

And Kevin Hart's a little guy. So he was really like, is that a little five foot one black over there? What is that? And we saw him after and he was like, I'm not doing that shit. I got my own show, I'm not gonna close out your dumb show. I was like, that's a good point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes total sense. Yeah, it's comics, we say yes to everything. You forget you can not do shit. I know, I know. And he's like, I'm not popping on your show. You pop it on my show. I'm Kevin Hart. They did an arena the same night

Kevin Hart actually did some room called the ambassador which like this big music venue, but he did like 18 of them. Yeah Probably him working on material exactly 8,000 takes a night to work on material what he did when the punchline opened he did like what like He was filming in Philly, I think that that movie with Bryan Cranston or whatever Yeah, he was he shot in Philly. They just open. That's a pretty big room sure punchline And I think he did like 20 shows like in a week cuz he's like I'm here filming anyway So just like two a night and the the rumor is that he got the parking his own guys He's like I'm gonna bring in a third party to get the part It was like $50 to park and I don't know if he took that money or he just gave it to his boy

Like, you know hooked his boys up, but that was the the understand is he had a parking deal. That's crazy Businessman mentality if you do 20 headline club show you can almost work out your whole hour Like you just finish here in a week. Exactly. That's in a week holy moly man that's oh they're gonna talk about his Philly cheesesteak I had it right what does that mean wait wait why didn't know he's doing a stand-up no a stand-up movie yeah a lot of stand-up movies they're just very very rarely done well what's his at the cellar I think yeah, it's all about the Kramer incident No shit, I don't know if anybody could pull it off. It's Cooper lava coop shout out to him Yeah, Philly's having a moment. Yeah, this Cooper know who you guys are now, but it's funny you mentioned that I waited on him

Yeah, I waited on him. What? Yeah, I waited on him probably 2016. I worked at this place on the corner of Bedford and Morton, which was kind of a who's who of a neighborhood. Sofia Coppa lived down the street. That's when Louie lived there. Maybe it was a little earlier.

It was when Louie was filming Louie. Wow. And I would see him walking his kids to school like in the show. Wow. And then like two days later, you would see him filming Louie on the street. Wow.

Same clothes, same glasses, the whole nine yards. It was surreal. But it was one snowy day and I was in there by myself, fucking sure as shit, he comes rolling in. When he sat down at the bar, I got him an oatmeal and a mint tea and we were talking. He went to a high school, we're about the same age, he went to like a private school right into my area, so we knew a couple of the same people.

And we were like, we were talking a little bit, I remember like, hey, do you know so and so, he's a lacrosse player, and I remember looking at him and he goes, you play lacrosse? I was the goal. I was like, boy, just wrap it up and get out of here. Yeah, this shit's apparently like a two hour wait. I passed by it the other day and I was like, what is it?

And then you're like, oh, it's this. It exists in Philly. So it's a famous guy in Angelo's. And I think there's probably some variation, but it's very much. But he's back there cooking. He's back there cooking, yeah. He's a real Renaissance man.

Also, I think he was just a camera operator on some movies. He was working a movie. What? He was a camera op on a movie. Really? Working like 13 hour days as a camera operator on some he was working a movie what camera op on a movie Really working like 13 hour days as a camera operator benefit But I showed up lakes that other spot so I didn't get to meet him But was he doing a benefit for I think was for veterans. Okay, there's a charity It was a good charity. Whatever killed it in the announcement on the fucking Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, get out the birds

He was great. Go bird. It's fun guys must be fucking thrilled about that I suppose an ass-beaten yeah yeah game you wish it was a closer game no that's as close as a Philadelphia team can manage they sacked him five times they fucking stripped them knocked him in the face Kelsey didn't do shit I fucking loved it hell yeah nothing against them personally but no it's person rate do you hate Travis and love Jason? I don't hate them political answer coming in hot He's an awesome tight end yeah, he's a motherfucker Fucking pretty motherfucker. I do love when these actors do extra shit like Daniel Day Lewis became a cobbler

Ten minutes, and then he was like I don'll go back. I know they always go back It's always the stories you're here to like maybe like they're not that famous like I said no at first And they had to like really come and beg me to do it and I decided to do it. Yeah, I did you Did you I know? Exactly some of those guys at that level maybe yeah, no, it's true But yeah, he was he was like making shoes or something like that. Dee Snider. Yeah, but it's always like a fucking,

it's always like a great actor. It's never like Rob Schneider really was a European gigolo to prepare for this role. They made two of those fuckers. I was the second. Oh yeah. European. European. Yeah, first one was a home run.

That was a heat check. Yeah. I'm gonna be a gigolo twat. Tim Meadows was in that too, wasn't he? I don't remember. European Was a home run that was a heat check yeah I'm gonna be a I'm gonna be a gigolo Tim Meadows was in that too wasn't he? What isn't he in yeah, I think Tim Meadows was like his guide in that in the beginning. He's fucking great Yeah, the ladies man. Yeah, yes, I mean that's what I'm thinking of ladies man houseboat bill I'm moments. It's ladies man was alright It's he was at the SNL 50th Which I love to see cuz it's like this super conservative has gone off on these crazy rants And he has to they all have to play nice with Rob Schneider Which is like you know SNL is like the most liberal show ever and they show they shove his ass in there

I bet he was so uncomfortable Yeah, he went a little kooky patooky right oh, yeah, I don't keep up on the day to day But Twitter getcha Twitter, getcha. It'll getcha. You know, you have a few cocktails, you're in a hotel room alone, you start getting after it. It's right in your pocket.

Yeah, it's got Roseanne too. Yeah. Yeah. It'll kill ya. Oh yeah. The gun is more dangerous. No. I said, Salacuse. A bad cop is worse dangerous. What's that, Salacuse?

A bad cop is worse than a bad tweeter, Salacuse. I'm like an angry man with a knife. He's got one. Get this guy a glass of cup of tea. I have a Chardonnay something. Salacuse got a, your lady got a bottle thrown at her and you went after the guy. What?

A rock, sorry. Salacuse got a little fire in him. Oh yeah. after the guy. What? Oh, a rock. Sorry. Salchow's got a little fire in him. Oh, yeah. You can tell. I went out looking for him afterwards. Nice. Who? A rock? Where did this happen? Right on 46th Street. She was walking to the subway. Like here, like in Midtown 46th Street?

Yeah, Jesus. And did it come close to hitting her? Yeah, she said she'd duck like this. Whoa. In the street, she was walking along where the buildings are and it was just from the sidewalk, the edge of the sidewalk, to the wall. And she had to go like this and pull me smell what the rock was cooking did you drag her around like where is he you point me out whoa how'd you get pictures of homeless guys? I brought my phone and I was like,

You started just taking pictures of random homeless guys. I was like, is this him? Through a rock. Probably beautiful pictures too, by the way. Yeah, he's good. Hey buddy, don't look right at the camera. Rough day to be a homeless guy in Times Square. Yeah.

Just everyone's like that. When another homeless guy starts taking pictures of you. It's my trash can. I'm heating up an hour in. What's that guy, People of New York? Isn't there a guy who does hobos? Humans of New York? You can just say you're that guy. I was walking my dog with my wife about 9, 10 o'clock at night in my neighborhood.

Saw three kids across the street and you could just tell. It was like out of a movie. The one kid was afraid so he was hanging back. The other kid pulled up, I think they're called the sheisties, like he pulled the thing up over his face. Oh, boy. And they were following a woman. And I'm like, the energy of this just isn't good.

Yeah. But she didn't seem nervous. And then a bus pulled up and stopped, so I couldn't see. But they ran up and grabbed her bag or whatever. So I just hear her screaming. And I fucking, I'm proud of my took off and fucking chased them but alright I mean I knew I wasn't was it the fake chase where you put the effort in I waited for the light yeah what kind

of dog you got a dog that you will bite them okay okay I gave the dog to my wife because I was like you stay here and with the dog and am Is that him? Oh shit yikes This the city's going to shit. I know look at this No one cares That's weird. There's like huh Kanye's here. Yeah I don't know yeah, I don't know it looks so weird which is the least racist thing I've ever said They don't look alike

Man this city I'll tell you it's cookie. It's going always gonna be great though. Yeah It is always gonna be great, but that shit that's crazy to get a rock thrown to you. That's fucking a killer person was he Muslim Yes Rockthrone you that's fucking I could kill a person was he Muslim yes Did you pepper sway another guy no I didn't find him she didn't I mean you're you're a rogue vigilante. I don't know about garbage. I think you're maybe a menace to society a criminal To be locked up man hunter now. Did you get a description of the guy? She described him. Okay, so that helps. And then I went around photographing guys

who looked like that texting her. She texted me back, she's like, not him, not him. Wow. Oh! Maybe him? But it's not good enough. Maybe it's not good enough for me to randomly pepper spray a dude.

Sure. No, not at all. You gotta get a confession, man. You gotta bring Detective Benson in for that one. Plus that pepper spray's hit or miss. It could just piss somebody off. Mmm. Bear spray. That's what you need.

Yeah. Have you ever pepper sprayed a person? No. What? I don't know. He has. I've got the brunt of it. Like I wasn't directly hit, but I was around it.

And it hurts. We gotta ask for consent. I thought she was sleeping. We had a kid do it in high school in the stairwell Yeah, it's fucking fucked up every oh yeah we were in college a fight broke out and in the stairwell and there was like ten people and Nobody would stop the kids whose houses like knock it off knock it off knock it off. I was down at the bottom and Somebody just went and got a fire extinguisher just

Everybody just was like, it just defused the entire situation. Now that's kitschy, that's what you need Salacuse. That's fun, that didn't hurt anybody. Yeah. All right, I'm outta here. I think the gel is better than the spray, especially in the wind.

He's sending these pictures to his wife. Yeah. When you get the pepper, the gel doesn't, the spray can go in the wind, can go anywhere. What's the gel? There's gel is, I think, do you have it on you? Don't test it Hey, is that gel and I like a pomade my

real a gel No missed full psycho Give me like a hit right on Rodney right there. Hit that. Hit that. What are you talking about? It'll fuck up the air in here, man. Oh, really?

Yeah. Even the gel? Not the gel? No, it won't. The gel is just like the shave gel you put on your face. Go ahead and hit me on the we might be drunk poster there. Can we get a shot of this? I got lunch after this.

You're spraying it on a burrito. It's still pepper. Salacu, what are you doing? Wait for him to get the video cooked. Yeah, we need content as we kill ourselves. Here's Brandon a burrito Still pepper Do it for him to get the video code yeah, we content as we kill ourselves I want to see this yeah, we got a walk by this you got it'll be fine. You like jello He's raised himself in the face You just get Andy McDowell? Jesus Christ, goddamn national treasure. Fucking misogynist. Wait.

Okay. That's a great Bargetzi line when he's like, yeah, so you got mace or something, and they're like, was it mace or pepper spray? He's like, what kind of life would I be leading if I could tell the difference? He's good, he's good. I think his first album that was. Oh, we're fucked.

It's like ketchup versus catch up, but it's for getting fucking taken down. Oh, I got a whiff. Did you really? I got a fart and clear the air. Damn. Come on, Mark. You got one in you?

My eyes are burning a little bit. No. I'm writing an email. That's it. I knew this was a bad idea. One star? You get nothing. What are you guys, crazy?

I'm deeply inhaling. I'm getting nothing It's pretty crazy. There's a guy walking around my neighborhood now Who's just taunting women and just being like you fucking dumb bitch? Oh, but he's not doing anything illegal enough to where the cops could arrest him and prosecute him So they're not even arresting them. You sure he's not just doing crowd work There you go, Peters. How bad is the smell over there, Matt? He's fine.

Yeah, don't sniff it that close. Whoa! What are you doing? Chloroform. It's not that bad. All right, you see, it's the gel. Nice. There you go.

So yeah, the guy's taunting women. And they just can't arrest him. It's been about five weeks. I thought I had to segue back in. Norman's like, I've never been to your neighborhood It's been about over a month now, and then he's been arrested once this week And he's already back out on the street that next day. That's not illegal. I know yeah Yeah, he tries to put sigs and kids mouths and stuff like that. He says he's gonna kill your dog. Oh

Did you really yeah, I got in the throat. They had hang Oh, is this not like peppers? you wish How bad is it shit stuffed? I don't have it yet. I got it in the throat. I have Yeah, we're I'm not getting it either all right, it's like an aerosol hairspray kind of thing I'm getting a little light-headed. Yeah It's like an aerosol hairspray kind of thing. I'm getting a little lightheaded. Yeah Yeah, hmm, all right, we're fine and a piece of granola caught in my throat last night Oh, that'll get you. Oh man. Damn. I do love some granola though, man

Oh a little yogi with a little bit of honey. No parfait action throw some fucking fruit in there Yeah, I have a trick for Chobani if you're Chobani people. Sure throw it out and get a sandwich Yeah, I have a trick for Chobani if you're Chobani people out here throw it out and get a sandwich Good Take that Rhode Island shake it up Before you open it don't you don't stir it shake it up and then open it and it's all mixed in Try that on the road. What about the peanut butter with the oil? Does that work for that? What peanut butter? It's the oily peanut butter. No, it's too thick. He's in the fancy peanut butter. You don't buy that you're a gif man I don't have peanut butter in the house, but yeah, I wouldn't buy that really just

I love I eat it by the spoonful me too. I do a peanut butter spray Just hope they have an allergy you piece of shit That might work another allergy guy. Yeah, you do peanut butter you caught it. I caught it. Yeah, it goes in and out What were you saying? You do peanut butter by the spoonful. I love it. You don't know now I go I can't go a day without peanut butter I get a spoonful good protein. Oh, yeah, it's bad for you It's not for you too much, but you have a little bit and then yeah fucking a lot of seed oils some Greek yogurt, man

That's my sin is peanut butter. I just put it right here When did Zinn become so popular everybody loves everyone loves this shit. I don't know no tobacco in them I've been on them, but I feel like fucking my mouth up. Oh, yeah, they'll get you Yeah, speak out again healthy vices see the Nutella guy died. Yeah, you were really I love new dogs and you tell what they say that's all palm oil. That's no good for you. That's my n-word Love Nutella the guy who created. Yes They spread his ashes Bit of a hazelnut.

I think Mark's getting hit with that pepper spray. Francisco Ravella. What comes from Nutella? Nuttella. The co-creator of Nutella. Died February 13th. Died on Valentine's Day. Helping develop TikTok, Kinder Chocolate, and Ferrero Rocher. Wow. That's a little bit of cake. That's a legacy. That's a rempac

Oh speaking of speaking of Valentine's Day. I got a fucking pee for you Oh hit it so they don't deliver the flowers to my girl I like to call the guy and be like hey, man What the fuck and he was like well? We saw you ordered it so you can just forward her the email to show her you that's hilarious I was like you think she wants a fucking receipt you idiot Wow What a shyster yeah 1-800 flowers don't mess with them guys yeah I just go yeah go go local for that kind of I did I

Had one hundred flowers and went local and felt pretty good about it. Yeah But you got to go local you're right. I went local my guy got deported He's gone He's on a plane with dozen roses Someone's gonna be real happy when you get back home that Tom Holman guy is terrifying you see that guy He's like the ice head now. He's just yelling at people. I don't follow the news. Oh, man It's like we're gonna come to your house. We're gonna pull you out by your hair and kick you in the pan Yeah, that guy that guy look at that guy. That's wild.

He's got a taffer energy about him. Yes, yes, his boss stinks. Shut it down! I was with this guy where they were like, aren't you gonna be separating families? He was like, no, they can take the whole family with them. Yes! That's fuckin'.

Ice in his veins. Ice, okay. Also, the amount that shirt's sticking out of the soup collar is a tough look. I can't believe we sprayed pepper spray in here thinking that would not be a stupid idea. Yeah, we're fine. It was gel. It was gel.

That walk-by is going to be rough. You know it's going to be bad. That's true. Well, Rachel's going to be like, smells familiar. Who's coming next? Speaking of Tafford, he's not doing the shows that much anymore. He subs them out. It's some other bozo.

What? Yeah, guys not even wearing a bad blazer. Can we see him? Yes, host. Somebody. I like Tafford. I love Tafford. He does probably like 30% of them now.

The episode he did for Puerto Rico, I was like, that's a decent guy right there. I really do like, I mean, he's, the show kind of stinks and stuff. He just makes you want to go to a casual dining restaurant get the signature cocktail Some potato skins just sit down and drink and get fucked up What one of the bartenders who always comes in the star bartenders always frowning the one who's just like this yeah He's always in a bad mood They always got like loops in and the hair their names are always in there in none of that bullshit works at a busy restaurant on a Friday night Johnny tips

Like a weatherman in LA the bars in the back of a trailer park They're trying to teach him how to make a fucking old-fashioned. Yeah Three bar that is a roll on you fucking idiot 20 bags of stepped on coke. That's how this bar is gonna survive All right. The best is the guy who tries to fight taffer taffer you know he's like I've been running this business for 30 years you're not gonna come in and tell me how to do it I got my daughter she's pregnant she's on the fryer mm-hmm you ever see the clip of Gordon Ramsay I love I see every episode Gordon Ramsay and the guy goes at him yeah get the fuck out the one that cockroach and the guys like you fucking planted that

he's like what you just walk in and there's a dead Cockroach in the dining room. We've never had cockroaches the guy kind of is acting black too for what he's I think so Just click on it. I Don't know. I don't know until I see it. What the fuck This isn't the one I mean it could be good Oh British British I can't tell if they're really mad Yeah. Come on. Yeah.

Finish it then. Finish what? What am I about to say? That's the producer in them. Yeah. Keep it going. Keep it going. Ramp it up.

Find the other one. It's the guy who was like, you know, just fight. What I want to know is who was such a dick to Gordon Ramsay? Who was his chef? I mean, that's just like what? That's just that industry. Chef culture. Great chefs.

Yeah. Two British guys fighting like I might be at the top No, how dare you know the top one the one I'm pointing to oh This is the reality show. Yeah, this is it. Yeah, this dude this dude sucks What do you want me to say they? What do you want me to say? They know who they fucking are. We chose as a group and they stood out and they said they belonged there. Stand up and they know who they are. Uh oh.

Listen you chippy idiot. Chippy? I asked for one nominee and why. Plain English. And you're mouthing off and you couldn't answer me. Now can you just tell me, in fucking plain English, the first nominee and why he's nominated. Is that fucking clear?

That's clear. Thank you. Ooh. Anyone else hard? It levels up. I mean, you gotta go to the real shit. It's funny, he's so tough but he makes the most delicate eggs. Okay. Answer the fucking question. We keep talking like this out in the fucking parking lot Lock it fucking questions you give the fucking answers fuck that shit dog

What talk some shit Fuck I ain't here for that dog. Oh Fucking fight. Oh wow. What do you fucking rough. Do you think I'm scared? No, you got two big security guys. You were a second ago. Yeah, fuck the cameras. Yeah. Yeah Make sure they're rolling I asked you one simple question and you couldn't fucking answer me and then you want to get all tough and up close and personal Fuck you Yeah You ain't on but a bitch whoa Answer me and then you want to get all tough and up close and personal fuck you Whoa?

You ain't on but a bitch whoa Take that you lie me Really is a difference in cooks between America You didn't execute your plan fuck you bitch suck my day on bitch Start a restaurant called fuck you bitch. I would eat there. Yeah, take your clam shower to your fucking bitch dumb bitch That guy's awesome I would eat there every day. He's applying to a restaurant job. Are you the guy that had the meltdown? Yeah, it was me bitch

Yeah, bitch start on Monday kid. Here's your omelet dog Yeah, we plug plug some dates you guys got coming up like we got the route 66 special out now that we're Checked that out. And then the back on the block tour starting March 8th in Pontiac, Michigan They were going all through the Midwest Indy a lot of them are sold out, but Indy Madison, Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, April. We got Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh and Cleveland. And then we're taking the summer off.

You guys prefer a club or you like what do you guys do? Music venue. Funny you mention that we cracked into theaters a little. Oh, yeah. Like some of the theaters love the Wilbur theaters on a weekend. And if we're doing a week and then the Monday, Tuesday, will be club good call then you're on punch-up as well here Yeah, yeah Danny Franco our buddy look at that Cleveland sold out Cleveland always coming through We'll do the really good club like Cleveland hilarities one of the best clubs I love all those good class Charlie comedy zone kill by

That's a classic Yeah, yeah that bathrooms time it's Bethans rough But yeah, we try to do the good the clubs that we really like and then theaters in the bigger cities. Hell. Yeah All right. All right. All right Oh the den when does this come out? What's the density?, second, got it. You're building up or you're amping up the tape? I'm building up, I'm almost done with the hour, but I'm doing the Adam Ray thing, the Dr. Phil in Chicago, so I said,

fuck it, let me go the night before and do The Den. Great room. Great room. Classic. Love it, so I'll be doing The Den, that'll be coming up, might sell out. Atlantis Casino in Reno, which is like Vegas is downsy little brother

Oh, yeah, then we're at the Nashville Ryman Napa Santa Barbara Asheville Bristol, Tennessee New Brunswick Ithaca Reykjavik then we're going all the way to the UK and Whatever that is and yeah all kinds of stuff Cardiff Birmingham London Glasgow That's where the stabby over there there you go Rochester Portchester Albany all the way got a pizza wreck in Belfast. Oh really? Jared free came on time with this guy too. He's awesome. Oh, yeah, that's right

All right. Yeah, we got a yeah, New Haven Prov, Portsmouth, we added a late show there, baby. Love you guys, Portland, Maine, Burlington, Montreal, Toronto on a Tuesday, come out, guys. We got Buffalo, Albany, Columbus, and then in April, yeah, Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa, never been, St. Louis, yeah, you skipped past one there, buddy, Kansas City, Minneapolis, Phoenix, it's going hard, end of the year, yeah, you skipped past one there, buddy. Kansas City, Minneapolis, Phoenix,

it's going hard, end of the year. Phoenix, another show. San Diego, SAC, SF, Masonic, can't wait for that shit, never played there. Portland, we just added a late show there. Seattle, that's a Monday, so please buy those. Oh, wow. You're scaring me.

Seattle, the more, the best. Vancouver, we just added a late show too. Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake, and Denver. Punchup.live slash Samorail slash tickets. All of them. Samorail.com slash shows. Hours getting better baby. And we're having some fun while we're doing it.

Got a hot show. You too, two of the best. We love you. We love you guys. You guys are the best. I noticed you guys skipping Rhode Island. Hey. We're working on New England.

Tell Q's, get the mace. Tell this pussy quick. And of course you know to listen to their pod I'm sure you ready to do all you garbage the most fun pod hell. Yeah, you guys great isn't it? You had Nate recently yeah, yeah, that's fine. It was great Yeah, oh, yeah, I mean he came in like kind of broke the game Yeah, like he just said yes to every question. Have you done this? He's like, yeah, I do that. Jesus Christ.

Just don't fart on him. So I've heard. He hasn't been back since. We'll broker a peace agreement. Yes. All right, boys, thanks. Love you guys, thank you so much. Thank you, everybody.

Sunday's the day for my next offender. I've been a Piva rec rec you know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way.

We might be true.