We Might Be Drunk - Ari Shaffir - w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Ari Shaffir joins Mark and Sam for a wild, globe-trotting episode covering his eight-month trip through South America, getting denied entry into Nicaragua, partying in Medellín, and sneaking booze into soccer games in ways you definitely should not try. They also get into Knicks playoff hopes, travel loneliness, and why Americans are way too confident abroad. They dive into the art of storytelling in comedy, why comedians might be putting out too much content without actually living life, and how taking time away can actually make you better. Plus, bachelor party chaos, street dogs, cheap beer, and some truly unhinged travel stories. Check out Ari Shaffir’s new storytelling series The End, featuring comics like Mark Normand, Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, and more https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ Sponsored by: Fuel your day with IQBAR. Get 20 percent off all IQBAR products plus free shipping. Text DRUNK to 64000 #sponsored Get covered with Ethos Life Insurance https://www.ethos.com/drunk #sponsored Try Willie's Remedy THC tonic for a buzz without the hangoverhttps://drinkwillies.com Code WMBD #sponsored Get rid of pests the easy way with Pestiehttps://pestie.com/mightbedrunk 10 percent off #sponsored Start selling online with Shopify https://shopify.com/drunk #sponsored Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #AriShaffir #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Those are real boards, Peters. Yeah, right. Take them outside and do some tricks. Yeah. Maybe we should put the... No, no, no, no. Don't cross them. Yeah, yeah, show them.

Maybe the bodake had one. We put it, like, right here. Should we put the... Bodea? We could hang out there. Might be too tall, though, for a camera. Oh, yeah. Put it on that, like, pillar.

Yeah, there you go. We could get rid of the YouTube thing. What cares about that? That's a hundred thousand. That's a big fucking deal. My kid, my kid saw that. He was like, you got one of those? Yeah.

People care about that. it where are we at now have we gone up to eight all right all right do we go one's the next one you get a million damn that's tough that's insane a hundred thousand a million i know right big jump guess we're keeping that up yeah i've never seen sale like he's defended anything is like that in my life are you fucking kidding me that's a big deal are we recording should we just should we just yeah go ahead keep all that in that was kind of stupid all right hey guys can we shit on guy or no Yeah, so we were supposed to have Guy Fieri

Not shit on him, but like Yeah We're supposed to have Guy on, but he's in a... We're supposed to have Guy Fierry on the podcast today Yeah And I guess he shook Andrew Tate's hand And we didn't have him Yeah

We're going from Guy to Goy Wait, no No, guy to no Goy Yes We'd have an R.Safir on that I guess this isn't the email The Image Rehabilitation pod Oh, there is

Welcome back He's wearing a romper Watch out Shit. Looking good. There he is. You're dressed like a pregnant woman. What the hell happened?

Hell yeah. You're on air. Yes, you're on air. I can't piss in a bottle. Now you've got a fucking female barktunner. Can't piss in bottles anymore. God, I hope you're wearing underwear. You have to drink a beer really quick for him to pee in a bottle.

Oh, yeah, true. What is that? What kind of beer is that? Oh, Colombian beer. Looks damn good. Oh. Club Columbia Dorado. You know, the lime and the beer is a full-on white guy appropriate.

They don't do that. But you know what? I'll be damned. It works. It works. I like it. There's something about those corona. You feel like you're on vacation.

Yes. Yes, exactly. When I was in college, we all went down to Mexico, got pretty wild. But the Dosecis were a quarter. Whoa. It was a different time. Yeah, I remember her cheap chiquates used to be like a dollar with the creek. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. That's like a Mexican PBR. It kind of hit, though. Yeah, they weren't bad. A little lime in one of those cans. That's true. I drink a lot of them. Yeah, that was all right. Yeah, back then you'd wake up, you'd have diarrhea, and then you were back.

I'm just not a big beer guy. Yeah, I gave it up with my old age. It's not my go-to. I'd rather have like a whiskey or like a cocktail or something. Same. But beer looks good. It looks good. You see a baseball game with a big glass of beer. I'm like, oh, in the sun.

It's the peeing for me. That's the issue. Oh, the peeing, yeah. You already pee. Like, you already pee a lot without beer. Well, coffee. Right. And then in this fucking heat, you've got to drink some water.

Yeah. But yeah, beer, you know, like the Shawshank Redemption, the roof scene with that bucket of gold beers. Ah, man, that's heaven. But I'm with you. Hey, look at it. It looks like Jesus in Spring Break. This is wild. What's shaking, man?

What is that? Linen? I don't know. That's nice. Yeah, right. Feel it a little higher. All right. A little higher.

Rub it up. Yeah. I like an old map. So you had a little of the diarrhea? It wasn't, yeah, it hasn't really stopped. I brought, I ate some street meat in Brazil, like, day before I left, like, closing time street meat. And it has, I have had, like, like, two logs since I've been home. Damn.

Two logs. Rest just. I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't. Nice to meet you, too. Nice to miss you, too. All right, I guess we're going for it. It's summer, baby. The summer, here we're having a heat wave this week.

I love it. Really? Yeah, you can only time you can wear this hell. That's true. That and Coachella. I'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to AC yet. Oh, they're like, no, it's not on yet. We haven't committed to being warm.

Brutal. Climate change. It's going back and forth and back and forth. It's like a woman with their moods. And what never changes is landlords. We're still going to do the minimum. It's just annoying. Well, you guys know all them.

We have the direct line that's not working. I know. If we can't get it to work. There's the phone ring by going, Hava, ha, ha, ma, ducky. Oh, I missed you guys. Yeah, it's good to have you back there. You look like the gay Ayatola.

Or the Ayatola. One was gay, apparently. I heard that. Ayatollahids. Hey. Yeah. Does he throw himself off a roof? Okay, I've made that joke by nine hundred times.

I don't know that history. So you're right back at East Village, you're back home with the dog? Yeah, dogs not here yet. What do you mean? hanging out because I'm in and out so I had to leave her with the fucking sitters. Oh, weird. I'm in and out running around the country doing pods like this. Hell yeah.

Yeah. Well, Guy Fieri canceled. It's time for the playoffs. I'm fired up, dude. One of the best times to be in New York is Yankees are now lately. Did you kind of claim your return around baseball in the playoffs? Well, first I looked at the hockey standings and I said no rush. Yeah.

It turns out no rush at all. Not doing great, the Rangers. And then, yeah. I mean. I'm fired up. Yeah. Baseball's back. Woo!

Oh, you messed to Yankees. Next playoffs is the best. The city takes on a different energy. Yes. Who knows when this? When's this coming out? Two weeks? All right.

So hopefully we're not out by now. No way are they out. No, I think we got the Hawks. If they're out, you're doing an Ayatollah. For sure. If they're out and I'll welcome it. I mean, we're taking the Hawks now. I mean, is there any team you're worried about?

Yeah, every team. The Celtics, the Pistons, the Thunder in the West. We're looking past the pistons. Pistons are fucking tough. It's the, what's it called? The popular pick to go, nah. What the Pistons are? Yeah, everyone's going, it's the Celtics of the Nix.

I'm like, what about the number one seat? Sleeper. And they're tough. What does Kalshi say about the Nix? Oh, don't show me because it's going to depress me. Yeah. What is that, an AI? Calci's like a betting prediction site that knows all.

They usually get everything right. You got Ketelteka? That's fucking wild that you found that. We heard you. That is nuts. You've been on an adventure. Peters went all out for it. He's crazy.

What are we starting with? What drink do we start with? Yes. Lead the way, Ari. I mean, that is bathtub liquor. That is Guatemalan like, I'm a follow up my endoscopy Friday. This will be good for me.

We end with that one. We end with that one. Okay. Free biolics before shots. Oh, let's do it. That's a pretty good idea. Let's do it. I mean, any shot you take, I'll tell you something

about that country. We've done these. I remember Ari took one of these at my place once, and I'm like, yeah, these help your hangover. And then he texted me the next day. They didn't do anything. I'm like, well, not if you have 40 drinks. Sam made pictures.

That's not cool. I know. I made pictures and you went out with my boy Dan Hall from the cellar who is. Pictures of what? Booze. Boulevardier pictures and paper plans. Wow. A picture of that.

A lot of bodega cat was going down. Look at that. It feels like the rock. We got our own vial. Can I tell you something I've learned from this podcast? All right looks like it's an AIDS vial right now Why chase the bug You can drink it in the shot

It's a little prep It's the classiest Outs outsider drink you can get Is a Boulevardier You want to go Oh Yeah Coming right up

Exactly And it's got a little French twang Boulevardier Uh huh I try a godfather a lot That's my house drink Nice shot We drank that your place once

Yeah but a lot of times bartender's like, I can look that up. I'm like, don't look it up. You're not going to make it right. How about a boulevardier? And they're like, yes, sir. Hell yeah. What is it a godfather again? What's in the, it's Scotch, right?

You know? It's like scotch and soda? Isn't it just a really? No, it's, uh, it's, uh, what's that? Maraschino, like, liquor. Oh, yeah, yeah. See, that's, we don't have that at Stumbullman. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Not a lot of godfathers, but it's, uh. Ooh. All right. What? That's three in a row. Oh, the guy who plays basketball. All right, there we go.

Pull up Godfather a drink there, Sally. What about it? It was a, what's the name's favorite? Champagne cocktails and their Sierra Madres? You're talking about? No, the Godfather, drink. Yeah, they make... No champagne.

I'm saying it's a reference in the Godfather. You're talking about an actual drink? Oh, yes. It was that guy. Who played the Godfather? Marlon Brando. His favorite drink. Oh, really?

She named it the Godfather. All of South America, it's called the Padronron. Whoa. Okay, Marlon Brando. Look at that. the godfather. Scotch whiskey and Amaretto. His favorite meal one sounds as sexy.

Yeah. 12 ribbyes. Right, right. It's one to one. Pedia, you're the better. It offsets the amaretto, but blended they asked for,

which is like, not my house. That's it. It's just scotch and amaretto? Yeah. That's nothing, damn. It's supposed to be blended scotch, but when I bring people to my home,

you're getting single malt. Hell yeah. I did shay-shay. Oh, we have, we have DeSarono. That's different. No, no. That works. That's Amaretto.

Oh, really? Really? Yeah, a little orange peel. You got that? We have so much citrus, but not a rich place. Damn. We've got all the stuff for caparinias, piece goes sour. Caparinas.

Okay. We're taking Arie's journey seriously. Okay, which one are we doing? Well, the lime and the sugar. Wow. The last place I went, this was my outfit for carnival. Oh, wow. So I had drank so many capparinas during carnival.

Nice. So is that what we start with? Yes. It takes a while to make. Have you already, have you already macerated? Why don't we crack open a few club columbias for an appetizer while you make a whatever the hell, Carnanina. The only problem with Caparini is when you ask for it, you're like on the go.

You're like, ah, give you caparina, cool, I'm local. And then it's like 15 minutes later. Are you serious? Why? They make them with care. They have to like, they cut the lives, start smashing them down. It takes a while. Damn.

Do we all want beer? Yeah, we'll start with a beer. It's a touch over. It's a hot day. Also, Caparina is one of the best drinks for taking into the, into the, into the water with you. Ooh. You just like get a beach bar.

You're like, can I, like, yeah, I don't give a shit. You just take your glass right in there, drink it in the waves. Give us the rundown. Where did you start? Start it in Mexico. Thank you. Hey, look at it. We're back, baby.

What a time to be alive. Club Columbia, wait. Oh, that's lovely. Ooh, that hits. Very nice. Love a brown bottle. Dorado. Golden Lager.

First time I've had one of these, not this trip. I took Spanish. class in 2018 and in outside Medellin and regato and there are all these like pool halls with those no pocket pool tables oh yeah billiards and all the old men are playing it they like shift like they have these like scorekeepers up there and they just twist them with their with their sticks it was so cool and I just sat and watched them and drank some of these wow that was like were you solo for that one that was solo yeah I lived with a family whoa like two weeks to try to like hit it off with their kid yeah no Epstein stuff

Just to Yeah To the open Do you feel like your Blood pressure And all that just went way To cortisol levels You're out with no phone

In the jungle Drinking Capayares Caparinas Can you keep up with anything Going back in America Or in news or anything Okay

Early on I was keeping up With the Yankees All right Because I'm like Die hard You know Yeah And it was like

Kended to the playoff bush And then I realized After about five days I'm like this is taking me out of it. I'm checking like two to three times per game updates. And then I was off news completely. But I'm like, that's the only thing I'll check in.

I'm like, this is dragging me back to America mentally. Whoa. So I was like, I'm going to check in. What's 10 days before the playoffs? I'm going to see how they're doing. American news must be so much funnier from like a beach in another country. You're just chilling on like, you know, having a caparina. You're like, Trump started shit with the Pope.

What the hell? This is crazy. Yeah, right? You know how I found out about Venezuela? I was on an overnight bus. And I just see like three or four screens. Like, you know, when you look at other people's, like, phones when you're on, like, a plane or something? And I'm looking at the truth, like, do you consider Maduro a valid leader or, like, a legitimate leader?

I'm like, why is everyone researching that? Uh-oh. He was already gone. And where were you when I was, I was headed to Uruguay from Argentina. It was probably somewhere in Argentina. Wow. Damn. Yeah.

And. The Maduro thing was pretty cool. People were fighting on it. I mean, just how easy it was. In and out. In and out. It was nice to get a smooth, a smooth, a smooth W. And I think he thought Iran was going to be smooth as well, and then that was a shit show.

I know. I've kept up on that one at all. Yeah, that's a whole other thing. Yeah, but then I had some Uruguay guy, Hieranamo. He's like, why is it always America? I guess something had to be done. Why always you guys? I'm like, yeah, fair.

Totally fair. You aren't going to do it, Uruguay? Exactly. You ain't going to do it. You got gay in your name. You go? You do in other parts. Like other parts of the world, you just say you're American and they're just pissed.

I know. We were in Berlin and I was with my buddy and he was trying to get laid at some like hipster bar. In Berlin, they're like, where are you from? America. They're like, ugh. I yeah. Just say Canada if you want to get your dick sucked tonight, buddy. Just say Canada tonight. It's not the time to be nationalistic.

Right. Although sometimes it helps. In the 90s, it was cool. Like I went to England during college to visit a friend and we went to Brighton, which is a cool, like hipster island in England. And I was at a nightclub and I was like, one beer, please. And girls were like, American. A beer, not an ale?

Novelty accent. Yeah. And this voice has never helped me with women. It was the only time that they were like, hey, nice accent. I like your clit. I'm gay. I don't believe you. Yeah, it worked.

Yeah. In small countries, like Southeast Asia shit, they love us. They just know about our music and movies. And that we give more than the bill, which. They can't comprehend. That's huge. They can't comprehend. Tipping is big.

Yeah. You just do that. I just do that in other countries, even when you're not supposed to it. I'm just used to it. But the bill was 10. Why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense. You're like, yeah, all right.

Yeah. Like, what? I'm used to it. But would they like our movies, baseball? We got some stuff. Yeah. So I did log back in to check those last week of the playoffs. Okay.

Last week of the regular season. Then the playoffs, soon as they went out, I was like, I'm back out. And then right then I was also hell and, missing baseball and I was in Wohaka and I was like oh they got a baseball team the Wauca Guerrero's I'm like I'm like I'm in my season ended yesterday

I'm like fuck number two seed so I started going to playoff games Wohaka Guerrero's playoff games are you just you in the stands I assume yeah wow they don't save seats they just do sections and it's so much fun because they go crazy right they go crazy first of all I was like I'm not going to eat because I want to get a hot dog

at the game you know and then like no hot dogs burrito plates All sorts of like new types of food, place And they just come by with it already made Like who wants? Amazing. Yeah, some 12 year old girls with signs I'm like, what are you guys selling?

Like beers. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, it's so much fun. Wow. Every time they hit her home run, they put this elephant like Ganesh mask on them And then they knight them with a sword. Oh, I love it.

It was so much fun. I became a supporter. I'm a Guerrero until I die. See, what's great about those areas is, and what's horrible about those areas is there's no regulation. Yeah. There's no one coming in going, why is a 12-year-old selling beer?

Is that burrito up to code? Oh, yeah. There's none of that, which is awesome. Yeah. But also you could get a parasite that's played you for two weeks. There's also so much, I think we talked about this the other day, but there's so much hometown pride where, like, you go to a place like Cuba, they just play for their hometown. Yeah. So it's not like, it's not like, you know, it's like if all the Yankees were just New Yorkers.

Yes, I love that. He'd be like, holy shit. He was fucking. So it's so cool. Remember when like Clint Frazier was a Yankee and you're like, this is fucking cool. Yeah, he grew up here. He's a New York kid. He has an accent.

Jose Alvarado's a Nick. He's a fucking kid from Queens. There's something extra special about that. I don't know. Yeah. When I was in with DR, like a few years ago, I went to a game. And Poole's was playing. And he was like, I'm waiting.

I've been waiting to play for my hometown team for 25 years. I'm retired. I'm playing. It's so funny that they just get the worst version of him now. He's just like one of the greatest ever. And he's like, I'll come back when I'm 42 and fat. Yeah. But that's what happens, right?

I mean, that you still want to play, and you still kind of can play. Yeah. You see some of these guys at old timers games, and you're like, they could still fucking play. Yeah, Reggie Jackson at some old timers game I went to. I think it was at Camden Yards. He came out and, like, I don't know, swing. And then, like, missed a few and then, like, hit, like, three home runs. And the place went nuts.

And he rounded the bases. By the way, that was his career anyway. He struck out more than anybody, but he hit bombs. Yeah. Well, people care about their, like, where's Pachia out from? Philippines. They say in the Philippines, when he's fighting, the whole city shut down. Like, everything is out.

except for that fight. I love how much Arii loves baseball, though. He's like a baseball psychopath. That's part of a born in New York vibe, but also Jews love baseball. Yeah, that's true. I think it's just so American, too. I guess it's everything. It's like so Latin American now, too, and, you know, Japan.

Japan loves baseball. But it feels like it's ingrained in, like, American culture, you know? So it's our game. Yeah. The best in terms of people playing for their hometown is, you know, state of origin in Australia. No. It's rugby sevens, I think. Oh, okay.

And it's, so these are the best players in the world. They go off to play in New Zealand, they go play whatever. But Brisbane plays against Sydney, or their states, New South Wales versus Queensland, and they all come home to play for their state. And sometimes these guys are teammates and other teams, and now they're enemies, and they're punching each other. Nice. And the long line is state versus state, mate versus mate.

Hey. And you've seen them teammates fully fucking fistfight. It's a best of three, and it's nuts. Go balloons. blues drool, maroons rule. Oh, I love it. I feel rugby's going to catch on America. It should.

It'd be great. I don't know if we're tough enough. Black people got to start it. If black people start rugby, it's on. Interesting. Look, pretty much, black people start doing just like poetry to a beat, and that caught on. Yeah. That's so gay.

But they made it cool. They made basketball cool. They had to add in shooting each other. This is so gay. We got to murder each other guys. We got to do something. We can't do this. Yeah, yeah.

I went to the Rangers game a week ago and there was a hockey fight goalie fight Oh my God Sirkin and the devil That's like once in a lifetime That's his last That was his last fight he'll ever do

He retired No that was quick The other guy The older guy But just seeing the two goalies Go in the middle Drop gloves and go out It was awesome

That's like a Shepal pop-up You see two goalies When they look at each other It was over way shorter Than a Chappelle Set for sure Right right Less smoking

What is this here? Oh, what are you putting this? My wife is playing hockey in a league now in Jersey. No way. What? She's a goalie. I got to say that's a league.

She grew up playing hockey? Oh, she grew up playing it. Look at her. That's her as a goalie. Oh, she saved it. Oh, she's saved it. She's lost your second baby right there. No offense.

That's the least attractive I've ever seen. Another save. It's amazing. I got her pregnant. You get hard for that. She is good to closing her legs. That's true. There you go.

They got one in. Just like you, buddy. Yeah, I got one. Yeah. But those guys were good. I mean, this is a real league with refs and all this shit. I love that, dude.

Yeah, she's out there. I went and visited. I was the only guy in the stands. Like, come on, bitch. That's great. That's great. Just like all of women's sports. Yeah.

Yeah. Bro, I was wearing. So I took with me, anything I was like, took with me. I'm like, I got to be able to, like, not take it home. Because the odds of it's getting stolen and go up or, or, like, lose it. losing something, stains, whatever. So I took with me a Yankee giveaway

Nasty Nester T-shirt. Okay. He's not the Yankees anymore. I'm like, I still like it, just the mustache. Yeah. But I'm like, so I'll wear it the baseball game.

Some guys started sending me drinks. Beer after beer. Try to send them. No, no, I'm cool. Then I was like, went up to talk to. I was like, all right, I can afford a fucking $2 beer, you know? Yeah, that's the one.

That's the one. There you go. Six shirt. Good pull. On the ones and twos. Yeah. Anyway, I went over there. He goes,

I can't drink. He just looked older. He was with his mom. And he goes, I'm a humongous Yankee fan. He noticed you wearing that. And it's just like, I'm so stoked.

Have you been to Yankee Stadium? I'm like, bro, like 50 times. Oh. I went to the World Series game. He's like, no fucking way. Say me another drink. At the end of the game, I was like, buddy, this is yours.

Oh, wow. I just gave it to him and walked home, topless. Hell yeah. He was so, he goes, I couldn't. And his mom said, shut up. He goes, I can, I can.

He was so happy. He was so stoked. Has he heard of the internet? You could have bought one instead of spending $48 on beers. But it means more from the old man. It's a story. It's a story, yeah. An American Yankee fan gave me this shirt.

This is hit the spot. That's a taste. That is a taste. I would like that. Oh, we have one. We have one. We have two. Do you have three?

Well, that's the two is not enough. Yeah. Three's. Look at that. Wow. Very excited. Wow. Oh, you upscaled it with a toasted line there.

Oh, yeah. You took the jacket on. Well, it's good. So, Caparina is Brazilian, right? Caparine is Brazilian. Okay. And you can make it with Cashasa or vodka. What did you make it with?

Nice. That's the right way. If it's Brazilian, there's no pubs in it. That's right. That's right. That's right. Damn. That's so fucking refreshing. So what's in a Caparina?

What is in that? Cassasa? Cashasa. Shit ton of sugar, shit ton of lime. That's why. It's a shit ton of sugar. It masks it so much. really does. I had multiple, like,

barfing days and then going, what the fuck? And then finding other people at the hostel goes, no, they made him stronger there. They put him in extra sugar. Yes, they're false. It fucked us all. Not that I'm an adult man, puke. It was on them. Boy, that is delightful. Yeah. Damn. That is really good. Right on the beach,

imagine yourself on the beach. That's crazy. With shades on so you can stare at all the butts. Just like light, head movements, but stare at butts. And dare I say Brazilian butts are the pinnets. And the Pinnacle. That's what they call them the lift. That's right.

They got the lift. The Brazilian butt lift, yeah. Yeah, they got that and the wax. Dude, their bathing suits are shaped different. They won't fit American women. Wow. I feel we've lost a lot of good influencers to that surgery. Yeah.

A lot of women have gone down. What do you mean? Just, you know, they're like, oh, TikTok star 30 dead from buttlift. You see a lot of those headlines. Right. It's dangerous. It is, yeah. And then you get a bad job and they put all kinds of, you know,

Firestone tires in there and shit. They got to fill it out. Firestone tire. I think you get some weird, a couple of old boots. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think Kim Kay is getting hers removed. Boots on the mound. She's getting a butt reduction?

I heard that. Kim Kardashian or Kim Congdon? Kardashian. Oh. Because it's out now. Yeah, Congon can't afford it. Buts are out? I guess.

I feel like a good butt. Jesus. I mean, that's not a good butt, though. That's a large... That's crazy. But Roe Martin's into that. Ample. cheek. Yeah, like it's a little too much.

It's a little too much. It's ridiculous. I remember meeting one of those women, like I saw, like, she was like a butt person and I saw her to show. And I was like, oh, your butt is like, it's way too big. It looked cool in that photo. Then I saw it. I was like, this is a crime. Yeah, yeah. Look at that. That's silly. That's lunacy. And how do you penetrate that? I mean, how many inches do you need to? You need a running start. I'll tell you that.

That's an only fuck from the front. Yeah, I need a booster dick. If you love missionary, get that implant. I stood in the phone book, the fucker. Right, exactly. He's assisted. You need like the thing you use when you shoot pool when you can't reach. My dick on the bridge, yeah.

Oh, my God. That is a lot of... Too much ass, dude. Too much ass. Yeah, yeah. You need fucking a vacuum changer where they fucking test to see if stuff falls in an even rate. They're like, you don't need that much ass when you're that. You had to even hold it up.

You got to gain some weight to make it look okay. You got to make it look like it's possible. It's killing all the asses. That's true. Maybe that's why asses are going out, the OZempex. That probably is part of it. I heard the airline industry, because of OZEPICs, say it's $42 million in fuel costs last year. I heard the same thing.

Is that real? People weigh less. They're less to transport. Because they can tell you, hey, your bag's too heavy, but you can't go, hey, Brenda's too heavy. 20 pounds across the board off. Wow. Times 200. There you go.

Oh, all right. Have you heard about the height holocaust and the MLB? Whoa. First of all, I love a reuse of Holocaust. That feels like not earned. I feel like you didn't earn Holocaust here, but let's see where it's going. The hype Holocaust at MLB, okay? Because the ABS strike zone thing, every major league baseball player has to measure themselves properly because the strike zone is, it changes.

So judges' strike zone just went way bigger? Yes. And people who said that there were 6'1 are actually 5'10. Oh, they're lying. Yes. Yeah, that sounds a lot like the Holocaust. It's a good use of the word there. $1, $6 million.

I mean, if that was the Holocaust, where they're like, we need your actual heights. You're like, I don't want to. Like, we're forced in you too because we're a totalitarian regime. Wouldn't have the same, wouldn't hit as hard. No.

Yeah, Jewish baseball players in the Holocaust. I'd like to challenge that. Can you get a video replay? That's so funny. Damn. So what happens? So people who are registered on their baseball card says there's six water,

6-2, they actually have to be accurately measured for this ABS strike zone. Because they've been lying about this for years. Boom. I never understood. I feel like in every sport, in everything. I feel like even like pro wrestling, they'd be like, he's 6-9 and 480 pounds.

He would be like, no, he's not. Parts are unknown. It's like, no, outside Kansas City. It's known. It's just not very well-known, but it's known. It's a suburb. Because you'll see, I've seen some of these players in person. I'm like, I'm taller than this dude.

And he claims he's 6-3. Well, Barclay's thing was like, when he got in, they were like, what? He goes, well, that was his shoes on. Like, even with shoes on, you're not that tall. Really? Barkley 6-4 and he was like 6-4, that's a power forward And he was guarding like 6-10 dudes

That's Steph Curry's height I know No, he's 6-2 He's 6-3 Yeah, he's like Steph Curry's height kind of It's crazy Damn Barkley was just a fucking ox

Dude, he's just built and strong And explosive All right I take it back Yeah but Mark I apologize I'm sorry I think it's out of June

It was ridiculous I've looked all these up You were positive And I was wrong There you go Barkley With shoes 6-3 There you go

Wow Damn, yeah, Club Shaysay was 6-2. I thought he was going to be huge. You know that's not his name. Nice to meet you, Club Shay-Shay. That's so demeaning. I was just over with my friend the Joe Rogan experience earlier.

That's beyond, like, their character name. I was hanging out we had a pizza with Barstool. Portnoy. That's still hilarious you did that show. Oh, it was crazy. We drank coniac. whole time. You did the pizza thing with Dave? No, Shea Shea. Yeah, Coneck is very good. It's kind of like

Nisorona or whatever. I saw Portnoy in the streets about a year ago. Yeah. I was like, oh, let me go say, like I was inside a coffee shop, I saw him, and I was like, let me go say, and then it hit me like, he doesn't know me. Yeah. What am I going to say to him? You might know of you. Hey, I've heard of you. Right. I ate at one of your pizza places once. That is the tough thing when you see, but people do that to you all the time. I know, so then I second guess when I was like, don't do that.

It won't go well. Good point. But he might know you. He might know. You're very recognizable. Look at this outfit. The side, sure. From the front, not as much.

Was he eating pizza on the street or he was just hanging? He was doing something. He had a camera guy with him. Oh, yeah, you don't want to fuck with that shit. It's like a setup scene. But you've got to look. You look like a rabbi and Burning Man. You're laughing a little too hard over there.

I mean, in South America, when you were in the middle of nowhere, where people are like, who's this fucking weirdo? Yeah, some of those places. is like Guatemala is, say whatever you want about every country. That is the shortest country I've ever been to. Yeah, really. And if you have a Guatemala and like fix a guy, super, they're tiny. Whoa.

Why is that? Mayans. They had to get under those fucking carved doorways. Interesting. Isn't Guatemala known for like jungles and volcanoes and stuff? Mm-hmm, that too. And nannies. Yeah.

They nanny. What was the best part of Guatemala? Besides the bathtub. Besides the Kitzelteka? So I was there a few years ago, not this time. And I went to this northern northern time. I've heard about you like this. I heard about a schvitz, a very specific schvitz.

Love a Schwitz. That's just there called a Schult or something like that. Native. And I went to find it in some nothing town. No shuttles go there. You got to think bus after bus after bus to get there. Yeah. And so I'm there.

I did it. Market Day is the next day. I'm like, let me stay. I'm the only white guy for months. Yeah. So they were like, everyone was talking to me. World Cup was going on. Oh shit

And then they love soccer in Latin America So everywhere I went It'd be like it'd be like an electronic store I'm like is that gameplay? Like come on in absolutely And they loved messy They were all in Argentina Because they were their representative

So I was watching at some burrito place Across the street at a pharmacy They had like 20 guys watching And they were looking at me And they were like, you're rooting for Netherlands And I'm like, no You're from the Netherlands And I'm like I'm not from the Netherlands

And like come on dude You're Netherlands You can tell by my voice I'm not from the Netherlands, right? But then I can't tell a difference. It's so funny, like, where do you think I'm from? Like, Australia? I'm like, do I sound Australian?

Like, to us, yeah. Wow. So, anyway, so they're like, come watch with us. Watch a second half over there. Were you secretly kind of rooting for the Netherlands? Sort of. Yes. Yes, I knew so for the Netherlands.

As soon as they invited me in, I'm all fucking Argentina. Yeah. And then they won in a shootout, like a comeback shootout in overtime. And then they set their kids off to get some Ketzelteka. They're like, we got to sell them. right, you're drinking. And I'm like, show him. And you're going to have it.

It's ass. It's ass. Yeah. It's like they're malort. Kind of, yeah. Do you ever worry like, all right, I'm blacking out with these strangers in the middle of Guatemala. I got to get home. I got to get back to my tree house or whatever the fuck.

No, I got no home. It's fine. If they invite me in a hotel, you know, their hostels. Hustles. Their place was like this. That place was like this $3 a night hotel. Yeah. with a dog that were on a just like poops everywhere,

but like white, like it had been there for quite some time. Oh, yeah. With a shower way away that dripped. It was so cold. I had to get those two of those Jesus candles and light them just to heat up my apartment or my little, like, room. Yeah.

Holy moly. You live an interesting life, man. It's amazing. Yeah. I'm with Mark. It is, you're very trusting. I mean, you're getting black out from. I mean, there are, yeah.

People are cool. Most people are cool. That's the story. The story is not Jordan missed three shots. The story is Jordan went 23 of 26 for 57 points. Ah, I see what you're saying. People are cool. You stay positive.

People are cool. Yeah. It's not that's not even a rare thing. Almost always, people are cool. There's pickpocketing going on. Not just that. People become uncool with booze sometimes. Yeah.

True. Not anyone we hang out with anymore because you lose those people. You weed them out. You drink with the people who you don't want to be. You know, we all know the people were talking about the ones who corner you. and get dark, like a dark cloud where you're like, oh boy.

I got to get out of this. Oh, yeah. So let me tell you another game I played with Keatsalteca. I was going to a rivalry game in some city in Guatemala. Doesn't even matter. Baseball?

No, this is a soccer game. Got it. And so everyone's out there partying before the game. There's no booze because it's a rivalry game. They don't want fights. Damn.

So we're out there. Then it starts raining. Everyone crowds in under the awning of bodega. but hey cat get it now hell yeah and then we start talking to some people you know it's me and like three guys in the house

like you guys aren't from here why do you know like we're just gonna check out soccer and um we start talking like what do you know about the I'm like not much they start teaching his chance stuff like that they go eventually they go you're sitting with us I'm like no no we couldn't get tickets there because like that's like your home

it's right behind the goal and he goes fuck that you're coming in I'm like but our ticket's not there but none of that matters but I was like all right we're all getting drunk ahead of time Because there's no booze in there. And then they start going, oh, there's booze in. Oh, boy.

What do you mean? He goes, you just got to take it in. And they taught me something that I'm going to teach all of you now. Oh, here we go. Get ready for him to spread his butt cheeks. Do you have any plastic bags, anything small? Oh, you might be on to something. I have the bag that the limes came in.

Okay. Do you have a balloon? Dump that. Unless you have something smaller. Unless you have something smaller. That seems bigger. That seems bigger. Do you just shoot this?

No. Yes. I can find any cocktails with it. Like a Coke bag? Yeah, it's a shooter. Okay, let me show you something. And they have flavored versions of it, too. All right.

Now, when I was in LSU, we used to put booze and Ziplocs and line our coats. Oh, really? Yeah. So this is a thing I'm going to teach you guys that this will get you booze into any place anywhere. All right. This is exciting. This is what they taught us. They go, okay, they're going to search you, but not search you that that well.

All right. Let me get a hit of that. It's not bad. It's not bad. The smell is not the worst. You tried it? It's going to be like kerosene. It sounds like Purell.

Okay. Yeah. It's good for the air insides. So you pour it into a bag. Oh. This is what they teach you to do. And you just put it in your shirt or something? I mean, they have smaller bags at the bodegas.

It's like an IV. Like a little free sun. Yeah. That could go wrong. And then, then they have these bags everywhere there. You tie it off. All right. All right.

Keyster it. That's exactly right. So they go, this feels like what your balls feel like. Oh. It's in your waistband. TSA is about to get so much worse after this video. If they get you, what's not going to feel like? Women, too.

That's just a cancer. Yeah. Just cancer. Yes, you can. Who's going to go like this when they're searching you? Mark, can you frisk him? Yeah. Feels like a ball bag.

Yep. I'll give it to you. During the game, it's just a slow. You pull it out. and then you go Oh So no sharing They're sharing

Oh Oh my God You couldn't have gotten What is happening That was great This is I'm okay I'll try it though

There's one pub on there I have shot glasses I mean that's definitely a classier way to do it So I asked the guy So you got one on you now He goes I have 17 on me Whoa, that's a big ball bag.

A lot of balls. Yeah. So we got into the stadium and he goes, hey, they're carrying this giant flag in. Go grab the flag as if you're working with them. This like massive covers the whole section. Yeah. And so we're like, okay, and goes, just sneak in with him. Just snuck in with them.

And then at some point I'm sitting there, me and like the three guys. And then somebody goes, hey, hey, said something in Spanish like this. And I'm like, what? And he said it. Then he's like, I had trouble understanding Spanish, especially early on like that. And he goes, hey, you cannot sit here. This is not for you. And I was like, okay.

And then that guy who invited us was way back, goes, they're cool. They're with us. Uh-huh. Okay. This is quite the lineup we have. Thank you. So you're all good. Yeah, we're all good.

It was the, it was such a fun experience. Whoa. Hey, mazel top. Are we shooting this or we just taking a sip? What are we doing? You can take a sip. Take a sip. We got a shit.

We got a shit. What a do. Whoa. We get enough of those. You can just say you got the prostate cancer. Oh, no. It's ass. That's not great.

I mean, it's so... I don't hate it. I don't hate it. No, that's not bad. It's got a hint of, like... It's got like a hint of like... Vegetable oil. You know what reminds you of a little bit?

What's that stuff, the Greeks drink? Uzo. Uzo. It's got like a hint of that type of, like, wood-type flavor, which I actually don't mind. No, I don't mind it. I'm shocked you could get this here. It's from Houston, Texas.

He can find anything. That's what the pack of the bottle says. Wow, the importers. It's not bad. The Greek liquor are... What do you guys think over there? What do you think? Peters.

It's palatable. Yeah. It's better than vodka. Alcohol distilled from molasses. I get a question, Ari, when you're in these, when you're gone for, what were you gone? Eight months? Never had a big of it like that.

Yeah, about, yeah. When you're gone for eight months, what do you miss the most about America? Hey, good question. That's a great question. Not drinking out of ball bags? Dude, if you don't think I'm doing that at any sport I go through from now on, just to save the money, I'm with you. Forget about dry games.

They cost a lot. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. A lot. Yankee Stadium forget about it. I'm getting booze. $28 for a surfside at Yankstein. That's robbery.

He's like, whoa, 16 ounces. Do you see that thing that deal Healy posted where he said, uh, Netflix didn't kill movie theaters, whatever popcorn and movies, whatever you're charging for popcorn and movies? He said like $6 soda or whatever. Like, all right, you haven't been to a movie in a while. But he said like, it was like, it was like, those prices kill movies. I was like, you're not wrong.

There's some truth to it. Yeah, yeah. It's like it acceptable. That's why I like when in, um, it's a lot. Atlanta, they're at football stadium. They're like, we're going to be affordable. Is that right? Like, $1 hot dogs, $5 beers.

They used to be. They're like, once you're in, we want you to have a good time and come back for Falcons games and for like whatever. So what did you miss most about? So when I... There's some stuff I missed and there's some stuff when I got back that I realized, oh, I had been missing that. Okay.

You know? Miss my dog. Like, I mean, like crazy. I made so many friends with street dogs. Ah, you were lonely. Yeah, I went so nuts with street dogs. Found some. You give them a couple treats.

Start buying treats. A couple treats, they'll go with you for like a three-hour hike and come back. You know, no worry, they're going to gnarle your leg on the way up. They beat to death the bad ones. Oh, nice. So it's taken care of me for me. So when I got back, what I really noticed is brushing your teeth with sink water. That's big.

Glorious and flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away. Ugh. What about a tampon? What? What happens with that? Yeah, why do you do with your tampons in South America? Well, I mean, I do what I always do. I just choke him in alcohol and put him up there.

Bring them into the game and then have slurp on them. If you're not boofing, you ain't living. T-shirt. Yeah, that part was Bobby Kelly says, is like funny. It's funny, like, finally. That's strange.

Just joking Bobby. He said it's more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than to brush your teeth with toilet water here. Yeah, I believe that. You could dip your tooth in there and then brush it and you're like, you'll be fine. And that was the whole Seinfeld episode.

Oh yeah. They dropped the toothbrush. It was the girl from second house. Yes, yes. My wife did all the right things in Mexico. She did one tap water with the toothbrush on accident. She forgot. She was like, oh, that's three drops of tap water. She got Montezuma's revenge. It ruined the whole trip. It's such a funny word for shitting. yourself. I know. Who's Montezuma?

I don't know. I think he was a Spanish conqueror and they said, and he killed a lot of the Aztecs. Yeah. And then they said, where's the gold? And they're like in the middle of the country and they sent in the middle of country and all of his guys died of that. Dysotry? Whoa.

So there's revenge on Montezuma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And not his revenge. Yes. Got it. Damn. Yeah. Cromatically, it's problematic. It's not Montezuma's revenge. Okay. Now let's flip it. Yeah. What did you get back to America and go, I miss that shit when I was over there? I got to be honest.

And it's, I don't know. It's not you guys. I'm not attacking it. You guys here, I mean, it's us. Obsessed with politics in an unclassy way. Unclassy. It's just tacky, the amount that we talk about politics here. Yeah, we tried not to do it on air.

Yeah, no, you guys are good about it on air for sure, for sure. It's smart not to it, but just like. Just in general. I feel like it's everywhere. So you kind of, unless, yeah, you try to make this escape as possible. I think that's what people want. That's what they want. At least here.

Yeah. But remember when you were in the 90s, somebody brought up Kosovo and you're like, shut up, you nerd. Sarajevo. Hey, they're bombing and whatever. You're like, get out of here, you dweeb. Or back then, you'd be like, I've never heard of it. Yeah.

Trying to watch Beavis and Butthead. No one had a take already. Yes. Now we have a take on everything. I'm trying to watch Beavis and Butthead is exactly right. Yeah, I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke. A joke. A joke.

But you still got to watch it to write the joke. Totally. So you're still consuming. No, yeah, no, it's a problem. Yeah, but you've got to know what's going on in the world, too. I guess. Do you? Do you, though?

Yeah. Why do I know who scaramucci is? Let me ask you two questions. How is your life different knowing versus not knowing? And how is the world going to change whether you or don't know? I'm not going to change. Nothing I'm going to do is going to change the world regardless. It's just I just want to know stuff.

I mean, how you're going to change the world reading a Steinbeck book? Right. It's knowledge. It's good. It's good to take things in. That's fair. But Steinbeck is art. He's a brilliant writer. This is a, hey, small. Well, blue-be. People who have barely researched things.

Yeah, I think you could, look, I think you could tune out a lot of the current events, like the scandals and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But there's stuff you should know. There's stuff you should know. But I think people make it their whole personality. I think it's way more important to know what was going to happen with the L-Train that ended up not happening. We got together. We go, that can't happen.

and we change their fucking plans. Here, here. Village. Takes a village. Montezuma's revenge. So what would it be to be grammatically correct? Revenge on Montezuma. There you go.

We need something catchier, though. Yeah. Fuck Montezuma. I'm double-checking my Montezuma facts. All right, but it was, I mean, she was laid up, and I got to look at the toilet at one point, and it was just yellow bubbly liquid. You just hand divorce papers under the door.

She would have been able to sign them She had no energy Damn, that sucks It was bad Like she could have to help her to the toilet Retrobathing That's love right there That's love

We always think of love is like bullshit But love is taking care of someone When they're fucking struggling Yeah, I was wiping out You were wiping her Well I would hang out of the Front to back or back the front That's a good question

I get her with a hose Who's your name? I'm Maddie Nice to meet you Hey you're always here Sometimes The other guy went It took off

When we have a guest We have a guest we know wants to have a couple cocktails. It's a good idea. And we don't know what the fuck we're making. I did tell, though, I was like, hey, what I'm asking you to make, that's not a simple pour. You're going to need someone. Are there other drinks that we planned? I did say get a bow type of person.

That's perfect. Let's get another round of a new thing. I've got a Pisco sour going. Ooh. This is you were talking about it. This is Peru. Peru. Peru?

Peru. Peru. So there's a battle going on on who invented the Piscoo. Macho Pichu. Machu Picchu. It's a fun to say. Machu Pisco. I like it.

I like it. I didn't quite understand it for it. But I like it. It's either Chile or it's Peru. And they're both like, fuck them. We have the Pisco. Got it. The Pisco's from us.

Now, I believe it's clearly Peru. Okay. And the reason is, because they think it originates from a city named Pisco. Yeah. Are they both calling it the Pisco? Yeah. End of story. Yeah.

End of story. What is a Pisco sour? It's Pisco sour and sweet, simple, a little bit of egg white. Oh, egg white. You get in different flavors. I will tell you. Get some protein in our day. Blueberry, yeah.

Because I've been to Chile and Argentina. Really? I hiked Patagonia two November ago. Nice. I was just there last November. So what is this like a rum kind of stuff? It's its own thing. Oh, it's its own thing.

It's like Malore. It's his own thing. Look up what Pisco is. Wait, where'd you go in Patagonia? Where'd you hike? That was there last November. It was all year after you. Yeah, last November.

So the trip was Chile and Argentina. Yeah. It's a great brandy. It's supposed to be a longer trip, but we got stuck in the Miami airport for 37 hours. Oh! It's not fun. Peru and Chile both claim its origin. There you go.

All the way down to Puntherinas. It's kind of like the Wright brothers. Everywhere I go, they had the Wright brothers. They're from here. First in flight. I'm like, it got to be one place. I'm so jealous. Same with Rosa Parks.

Everybody claims Rosa Parks. All I wanted to do after being stuck in Miami for 37 hours was see a fucking penguin. I saw the penguins right after they gave birth there's a bunch of baby penguins. So cute. Wow, that's fun. The dads would come back with a bunch of grass

and put it in there. I want to correct the record on Montezuma. I fucked up. He was an Aztec ruler. He was Spanish killed. And this was his revenge on the back. This is his revenge. That makes sense.

That makes sense. All right. I bet someone in the comments already beat you too, though. Someone who had this diary. It was like, I looked it up. This is my favorite comments. You don't know anything about Montezuma's revenge.

And then no explanation. No, what should we know? Just, you're wrong. I'm not going to tell you what the real thing is. Okay. Also, if I would remember it, I don't want to be the diarrhea guy. You know, like, can I just be the conqueror? Yeah.

You just make people waste two days of their vacation? Right before he died, he's like, I'll get my revenge. I'll get my revenge. Right. Did you hike Padaghaned on the Chile side? Did you hike Paddy on the Chile side? And then not Fitzroy on the container. Torres del Pined.

I was in a camper and I parked wild camping on a riverbank in the middle of nowhere. And Torres-Sel Pony was past the river, way, way in distance for two days. You saw a glimpse of it for like 10 minutes on day three. It got sunny, opened up, and you just got this most beautiful view you've ever seen in your life. That's fabulous. Now, do you feel when you're out there you're representing America? No. You try to be nice and try to go, hey, I tip well, I'm cool to everybody.

I'm an American. I do notice some American stereotypes. Oh, let's hear it. Like, you know, when you haven't seen somebody in a while, like, oh, I never realized. You're kind of this. Kind of this way. Yes, yes. We are confident where no confidence is warranted.

We didn't earn it. We will go into American feminism is stupid feminism, American sports knowledge, a stupid sports knowledge. We'll claim we know what Matasuma revenge is without even researching. We are so fucking confident blindly. And just like carry conversations We're great at a party Yeah

We bring attitude to a party Australians bring I'll find the coke in the city Yeah You know and we're louder too We're loud We know what we're doing Even if we don't

Why are we so confident I think it's our The most dominant place That's it And something about the tea in the harbors Yeah And we come from like Wealth

The poor people here are one percenters in other countries. We're the white women of countries. We're the white women of countries. We're entitled. We want everything. So funny. That's a bit.

That's a bit. Dunning Kruger. What is that? It's the dumbest person is the most confident in their beliefs. Ouch. Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it during COVID. And he was like, all these dummies talking about how viruses spread. Like, you were a D student.

You're supposed to shut the fuck up and let the A students talk. Now the D students are all talking. That's funny. Yeah. Same people who know how like metal burns during 9-11. Like, you don't know any of this. Shut the fuck up, these, dude. Yes, that's so true.

It's unincruiter. Cognitive bias with low ability individuals overest their competence. It's true. What's your favorite country that you went to on this one? And what's your favorite South American country? Favorite is Ecuador. I spent six months there during the pandemic. Whoa.

Yeah. I went, when stuff shut down, and I remember a soda story of, he went to the, airport to go do the Tempe improv. Okay. And then they called him, they turn around. They shut down. COVID. Turn around, yeah.

He was already playing a one-third capacity room. Right. And then he was like, turn, and it's like, oh, so he spent $100 to get to the airport, $100 back, can't even go. So you're just out $200. Yep. No shows. You didn't call him for spots.

And I was like, I don't want to be here for this. This seems like the right time to get away. Yes. So I got away to Ecuador. You and Moniel. What? You and O'Neill? No.

Didn't he go? No. List. List visited me. Okay. Sorry. O'Neil came to me from Machu Picchu. Okay.

That's what I saw. I got away everyone. I remember doing an ad read for you guys. I did a, for my old podcast. Yeah. Long live skeptic tank. You had a podcast I recorded ahead of time, us in a car. And I go, he's got a new, he's got a new podcast called, you had a different title for this.

One more drink. One more drink, and it's me in front of a waterfall. There was like a pod called One More Drink already with like six reviews, but we were like, let's just not take another name, even if it might not exist anymore. Yeah. I mean, this way might have a drunk. It's way one fun.

All right. And I might be drunk. The spirit of this pod was one more drink because of Mark and I just being at the cellar and seeing each other, you know, you used to drink every night, and then you see each other once a week because of the road, and it turned in a one more drink, and then we'd be closed the ball. My core memory of New York stand-up comedy, two. one is being immediately put on the late show at the cellar

and so I'm like oh these are booze bags and I'm in learning how to appreciate a bullet rye on the rocks yeah with booze bags and lists for no reason like the next booze bag yeah and then and then the other memory was us being at the old fat black bar which used to be a fucking jam yeah and me and Norman just one more one more beer one more beer and then all of a sudden you see a light cracking through the window Oh, no, but also, oh, yes.

Yeah, you get out and those guys, like, picking up all the garbage or delivery's going, and you're like, oh, no. You feel like a loser, but you also feel kind of cool because it's that, like, rat pack photo. Yeah, exactly. You walk home and ask people going to work and you're going to sleep. The problem is that the fat black, which those you don't know is, is, like, the satellite room and the comedy seller, they just would, they used to just be a bar, and they wouldn't kick us out. No. It wouldn't kick us out. Free drinks.

Free drinks. And the staff would be drinking with us and, like, do not try to go toe to toe with that bar staff. No. Holy shit. They'll drink you under the table. You got that right. But we try, and we'd still leave at, like, six, seven in the morning sometimes. You win if you fail.

Yeah. But, man, it would get wild and fun and just like, it was just, if the vibe was right, it was hard to leave. Yeah, when they got the new cello they're about to open, like, does that even get the bar back? And they're like, no. I'm like, well, guess who fought for the wall, though, in there. That's me. Save the show, buddy. I which went in there.

There was, since I was gone, it came back. There was no. We couldn't talk at the ball. I know. Build that wall. Now, alright, so whatever.

So anyway, in Ecuador, when I was like, I'm off, this is silly. Let me get out of here. I've wanted to travel. It's time to now.

So I went to Ecuador for six months. Damn. Took my dog, just got to rented a car and just drove around the country. Meanwhile, during that time, you guys,

Schultz, two bears, all these guys, massively succeeding. Look, Tim Dillon, blow it up. Yeah, everybody did. I don't know where or when that was.

That was the old studio, dude. That's the old studio. I guess we were putting them back. Where was that? Look at that hair on that guy. On 38th Street. Look at us wearing matching shirts. Oh, yeah, it was a flannel day.

I remember that. Still have those socks. I lost those pants drinking. I was in Poliivoree Day. I went out drinking one night. I woke up with no pants. Where was this? Where was this?

38th Street. It's just like a block away. Wow. Yeah, are you like 12 years younger. God damn. You've aged there. This is a nicer studio. That green is kind of ugly.

I never realized that. Yeah. What were we Mo's Tavern? Look at these colors. These colors are rough. Oh, yeah. Norman's out. I'm out.

Well, hey, don't make me pull up the picture of you at the Rogan studio. I think they lost that picture. I thought it on my phone. Keep it. Anyway, so that, because I was there for six months, Ecuador is my favorite, for sure. I have a softball in my heart. They qualify over the World Cup this year.

Hey. What about Ecuador is so great, though? The people, the food. What kind of food? I don't even know what Ecuador is. There's not that much as specific to Ecuador besides in Cebuyato. They have a specific type of cevice, but it's just the freshest fish. And it's like there's no real tourism board, so it's just like everything you find is untouched.

Yeah. Also, they think the $2 bill is magical. Oh, I can see that. So you whip out of two at a place. They use the American dollar. Oh, really? Yeah. And it's just cheap as shit.

Everything's cheap. See, that's the thing. I did your podcast before you left. And I was like, you worried about money? you're going to be gone for eight months. You're going to run out of money because you're not working. And you said, the amount I'm saving on this apartment alone is going to pay for the whole trip. I could not.

I could not spend $6,000 in a month in South America. That's crazy. Come on. What are you staying there? Hostels mostly. Yeah. So get a private. You don't tell anybody else, but you get a private.

It's like $70. Damn. or dorms for like 15 if there's no privates available which is fine it's fine you're not in them that's crazy that fucking I'd have no memory of that that was a crazy night

he drank me under the table to Ari's credit you got up after an hour asleep we all left you and went out to eat and you got up and did the show later I didn't do the show but I was up enough for it okay I met up I was like let me get some tacos

I saw Rogan I was like got up and I went over to the Rogan's like pool room He's in there with like four high-level pro-professionals of pool. But I'm like, what? Anyway, how he goes, hey, buddy? And then they drove me home. And you guys are trying to get me up. Like, come on.

I'm like, buddy, I've been drunk before. Leave me. Yes. I want to be on the floor. Yes. We've all been drunk. I know. It's raining.

I know. Because you tried to go to toe to show with Shane. Yeah. And Shane's got a lot of weight on you. Shane also is a bully to the point he's got a, thank you. He does have a lot of weight on me. He does this. He's been conditioning himself to drink Bud Lights for the past 12 years.

I've been coming up sobriety. It's literally the equivalent of me bullying a girl on a date with like, have another. Yeah. It's the same level of bullying. It's the same. Yes. Between your weight difference, difference with Shane? Yeah.

So the day before we were all talking. Guys, it's been a while, so we talked about this. All right. That takes a while to make this one. I'm sorry. Thank you so much, Matt. The day before we were all talking, I was like, I'm going to go toe to toe with you tomorrow. He goes, really?

Actually, maybe not. Maybe one for two. He goes, so you're immediately being pussing out? Hold on, hold on, hold on, let me get my fucking... No, Shane will monitor your drinks. He will monitor. And I hate the monitoring. Well, I'm opening for him this weekend, and I heard he quit boozing.

We'll see. So we shall see. Bullshit. I'll get him going again. I got Rogan going again. Nice. IQ Bar! This episode is brought to by IQ Bar, exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor.

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great so the grape liqueur is a great job this would feel good against your ballback what is the staple of Kusco the jewel of Latin America this is a staple there and it's just like they're shockingly strong you also could get them just straight

high level Pisco over rocks and stuff like rum and Dominican Republic is like nicer and just Pisco straight is really good Yeah but people mostly do Pisco Sours, that's their drink

Now I get why they're fighting over this This is delightful This is really fucking good I added a splash of pineapple How does this compare Ari to like a Chilean or whatever Peruvian? Right there

Yeah how to compare Right there No if I got this in a bar of Kusco I'm like great thank you It was awesome Thank you What would that be at a bar 14 cents

I mean yeah like $3 nice when you were in Argentina or Chile was the currency rate constantly changing because when I was went each it was like

per shop they would be doing the math for the conversion right so Bolivia was that interesting so Bolivia was it was 7 to 1

but they're like you are dumb if you try to go to a bank and get 7 to 1 that's dumb because the actual street currency was between 11 and 14 to one. Whoa. Wow, that's crazy. I went with a guide for all the hiking and we were like, oh,

we exchange our bills and they're like, no, no, keep it American. Keep it American. Every single shop is going to be different. And sure enough it was, we would go into one restaurant, be like, okay, how much does this cost? They'd be like, one second, and then they'd get out a calculator and do it for math. And they'd go like, oh, I think I know what the conversion rate is. I think it's this. And then you'd go to a different shot. It's a massive difference. It's a massive difference. For a hundred bucks, how far it'll go, it'll go two extra days if you just get to the right place. Now

you're exotic over there. Were the ladies going, hey, who's this hunk of a Jew? My hair was left of my hair would get touched a lot. Oh, that's the telltale sign. Yeah. A little beard play. Yeah. Now, it wasn't as much as I would have loved.

But it was all right. Yeah, the locals are like, what are you? I'm trying to think when I went to deep jungle and stuff. More action from the street dog. It wasn't like Cambodia or Thailand where they see who's a way out. Right, right, yeah. There, they're really like, ooh, I can get this one.

Yeah. Really? Bro. Like how? They, two ways in Cambodia or Thailand, they can get you on the hook. One, I'm moving you back to the States. Sure. To Tucson.

Oh, my God, what a better life. Classic. What? Did you say Tucson? Yeah. Oh, really? Well, that was my example of the dumbest city I could think of. Okay.

Keep Tucson shitty. And the second level is just send me $500 twice a year for my kids. I'm having trouble. And they have like eight of those guys on the hook for that. How you been? You know, I'm doing great. You know, I'm having a little trouble. My kid needs bracelets.

I consider ghosting her. If I get back, I mean, what are we doing? These old men are like, right, $500, nothing. I make your day. You know, they do that twice a year Okay And they think like I'm still gonna fuck her again when I get there

So those are two ways they get you on the hook there But that's they really see that as like You as an out Yeah Latin America They're not Maybe Columbia Yeah, I can see that

Now are there night clubs Like what do you do at night? Depends where Okay Columbia is one of the most world Medellin is one of the most worldly cities in the world Oh I didn't know that It's so high level

It's so cool The food The like the The artsy, you know, like bars, you know when you go to like a cool, like East Village bar? Yeah. That's, that's everywhere in Columbia. Oh, I didn't know that. I just know the blow capital.

You know about it. Oh, we did have a fun time. We went to Toot Park. Toot Park. Doot to. Nope. Oh. Prasta.

Ah. Really? Yeah. What's happening there? It's prostit. But what's the game? What's it look like? So it's a nice park.

Okay. It's mostly, mostly, um, find out what? where it is, you'll see it. Toot Park. It's mostly cement, but a little, some trees and shit. And you just go see the cops. are there. They don't care. Mm, it's legal.

Yeah. And we just bought, like Lucy's crushes and just sat and smoked and watched these toots get picked up. Wow. It's so fun. It's like the zoo for adults. What? It's like the zoo for adults.

Is it Medellin? It's Medellin, yeah, sorry. Yeah, it's so fun to watch. And you see most guys just go out trying to talk because they want to talk. because they want to talk themselves into actually paying for it. They don't just go how much. They go, what's your name? How do these prosody's look?

Are they attractive or no? Sam, you're a question champ. Charlie Rose, baby. Yeah. I'm that drunk. The mixture between like you could never score one at a bar to to like just girl next door, like regular girl. That's still pretty good range. You're not getting to Salacuse.

No. All right. Yeah, because you always hear about these Patrice O'Neill's. Salukes and a tube top would be pretty rough. Oh, God. Toot. You always hear about the Patrice O'Neill and Norton would always go to Brazil to get hookers back in the day. Yeah. What is that?

Who's that guy? That's the guy from Spin Doctors. I was trying to do it. Oh, that's fun. Oh, I was like, wait. I was like, I'm wearing that hat now. So one or two princes Neil right in front of you. He's been to Peru, clearly.

it is hold on what's up uh reversible that's right buddy that's alpaca oh yeah damn sallic use an address

I'm like just make it quick come on I just like suck my dick that's a fucking good picture brother yeah

that is good guys I honestly here's what I missed my friends me hey yeah a lot of times

I was in a bar or not hikes hikes were different people but in a bar stuff like that and I'd be like Damn.

Like you guys, specifically you two would have been like, fuck. If I could just like say come down, you'd love these places. Yeah, I hear you. Because you can't really connect with the, you don't have the same inside jokes and you don't know the same shit. You don't have the inside jokes. I'm like, oh, you guys would make fun of these guys with me. Right. Do you get lonely at all?

Yeah. Yeah, there's moments of extreme, extreme, like soul-crushing loneliness. But there's just moments. But see, that's when I would go to the phone. I'd be like, oh, what's he up to? Let me look at his Insta or what's this guy up to. You don't even bring a phone? I took that ability away from me.

Good for you. You just didn't have a... No, I got a phone, got a new number with no, none of my contacts, none of my emails, none of nothing. And so if I had to look up a flight or a bus or whatever, I could do it on the phone. Or if I met somebody, I'd be like, yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Let's do it. Yeah. But, yeah.

Did you get a little too chummy with some guys where you're like, well, what are you tomorrow? And some guys like, hey, well, I'm leaving tomorrow. Get off me. Yeah, a couple times I got too lonely and clingy with dudes. It was funny. It's like, yeah, I got like leery with dudes. Yeah, I need companionship. Yeah.

You been there? Yeah, I had that in college. I just went to college without knowing people. And I was like, what are you guys doing? They're like, ooh. Something else? Yeah, exactly. Where's else?

Yeah. Well, you're starting from scratch. Start from scratch. It felt good. It's kind of like Norm's saying. lost all his money, you know? Right. I'm like, I've got to bring something to the table.

Norm is so, Zen, though. You just piss away a shitload of your, maybe your whole life's money. Yeah. And then you're just like, it's good. Yeah. Like, that's crazy to me. Crazy. But that's how he was.

I'm sure there was a moment where he wasn't like right away. It wasn't like, this is good. It was like probably came to terms with that. Totally. Yeah. But so there is something, though, that I realize, like, look, I'm a, whatever I am, as a comedian. I'm somewhere.

I'm not the best. I'm not the worst. I'm somewhere. But I'm a professional New York comedian. Hell yeah. Raised in L.A. perfected in New York.

I'm so much funnier than a norm core person in Guatemala. Right. It's your gift. It's no question. Yes. You know?

If Brian Scalabrini was just playing pick up hoops in Cambodia, he would dominate. I love when he does that shit. White Mamba. Yeah. And it's just like, so it's like, my weapon is humor. And you're like, oh, I'm actually really funny compared to the whole world.

Of course. You're the 1%. Yeah. So that part was kind of cool. I could bring something to the table. But there's a language barrier. There's a culture barrier. Yeah.

So you got to figure out what they laugh at. Because, you know, we've all had jokes in the middle of nowhere where you're like, this is funny. And people are like, shut up. Who are you? So you got to find their thing. Yeah, find out something to reference. yeah you know you're like oh fucking this guy did a lot of Pisco what are you gay you know or whatever

like hey is that what is that a ball bag or is that a drink he wrote that piece going before the show he was he wrote it at a time yeah so are you there trying to write a shit not trying to write at all you're not trying to write at all no but did you write by just by being there do you just have like a notepad every once in one or like I had a notepad for like why journaled that's good like I want to keep track of all this I tried every day and sometimes it would like fall behind behind five days and like I catch up like what did I do just like bed to breakfast yeah um

the other way um just so I can remember names and places and stuff and I'll reference it later being a comic is is journaling is you just like this happened to me today can I make this yeah into a thing yeah but yeah um I'll I'll write from that later yeah like I have the stuff so it'll start to come out you'll reread and be like oh this kind of funny yeah I've done it before. And then I'll like start, like, let me do a story about this. And then it'll be like, let me go back to my old journal in like Latin America or South America, South, Southeast Asia. And to find about some bus in Vietnam, I'm like, oh, right, that guy was there.

Yes. I forgot about that part. And then that goes into it. I do that with my phone. I'm like, looking over old photos. Oh, wow. 2016, I was this. Yeah. Oh, that's right. The whole place. I forgot I went to. I went to a gay bathhouse. What was that? Wait, I blew three dudes and took a spit roast. That was crazy. I remember the blowing. Not the spit roast. This is terrible.

On the last pot, I talked about going to Mexico in college, and my friend who was there with me goes, hey, I have photos from that weekend. I was like, oh, my God, send him to me. So he sent me the photos. Donkey Show, the bar. It's just me, like, arm and arm with some crazy fat Latina. I have no memory of this. I don't remember the shirt I'm wearing.

I didn't know half the guys on the trip. Insane. Wow. After college. You're so much. freer then? Oh, completely. You're just kind of taken that credo and you just made it your thing now. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah. Honestly, guys, I think we're all. There's no way you were freer in college. Look at you right now. Good point. You're very free. Yeah, fair. When your life flashed for your eyes, it's going to be long and weird. Speaking of long and weird. What, uh, yeah, are you ever going to do like a one-man show type thing? Not one-man show, but like maybe some kind of special, just like, hear all the places that.

been and and that's a good idea it can be kind of a fun because not many people have just shut off like you like off the grid yeah I'm trying to I'm trying to write a book of short stories about there we go put the journal in there that's a wreck for me by the way is just read short stories like fucking you'll be sure if you can tackle it it's like it's episode of like love death and robots but like I can handle seven minutes let's load it up I'll try to read one a day I'll just like let me just bang out one thing a day yeah you commit to it even if it take you three days to read a short story you're like I can hear war in peace like dude nah Well, some of the really dense stuff

But then some of the stuff you think is going to be dense Is not that dense You're like this is pretty readable You know And then sometimes I'll just buy like I'll just go to like the Strand Or go to some random bookstore And I was like I never read this play

I should read this play I like play you read plays I like dialogue So yeah I'll just burn through like some Sam Shepard Or fucking Tennessee Williams or something And I'm like I fucking love this shit It's all dialogue

Now do you ever read it and go I hate this Like you halfway through you go I never hate it Sometimes I'm like this doesn't resonate with me But there's always like At least something where you're like Oh that was a fucking

great line. Yeah. Sometimes it's really experimental. I read this one called the bar of the Tokyo Tokyo Hotel with Tennessee Williams, and it's fucking weird as shit. But I dug it. It was weird. I like weird.

I like. Make a temp. And there's some lines that we're like, this is a failing marriage and it's sad and it's like an artist who's not a good artist anymore. I like random. One act play and two scenes. Yeah, it was cool. Tennessee Williams is like the man.

Yeah, he's a man. So if he wanted to try something weird, it's like, well, you're not going to think of this. Mark is an alcoholic. It's actually, his last name is Norman, too. It was weird. And he was trying to do a podcast, I don't know. He's told me.

Can we get another, uh, no. Piscoe sour? Wait, wait, wait, do we have anything else to drink? Uh, mescalita. Oh, make one more for the road. Mescalita?

Yeah, Mescalita. There's Mexico. You know what I have that with his documentaries. I can watch any documentary and love it. It could be a documentary about a fact. It could be a documentary about like gay sex in the 80s in New York. It could be a doc. I love a doc.

I get something out of everyone. I'm with you, man, because you learned something like, we were talking about it. Sal Acuse's favorite doc. Paris is burning. Great doc. I mean, that shit will break your heart. Yeah. Unbelievable.

Really? New York drag queens. It was the 80s. It was the 80s. But a lot of them got the shit kicked out of them and like a lot of drugs. Tough chicks. There's a book about one of the drag queens back then. Fuck.

All that. I know everything about. Got it. What's her name? The woman extravaganza, the one who was killed in, at the Carter Hotel. No, she's still alive. She wrote a book. Oh, okay.

Rupol. But it was all about that time, getting beat up all the time for just being them. It's crazy what they used to have to go through. And they're scrappy as fuck. They're really amazing. They're like, it's a sad thing, man. Yeah, the lady boys in Thailand, if you pick on one, you don't understand. It's like, what are those small dinosaurs from Jurassic Park?

Oh, the little... But they all come in droves. Yes, yes. That's how they are. And so, like, you pick on one, you think, like, I can beat up this like trans. Yeah, it's like, dude, it's not one trans. Yeah, it's trans is. Bees coming at you.

And they all come up, and they all know Muay Thai. So you're fucked. Moitai's a scary one, dude. Before they went fully the other way, they were like, we trained. You can beat him with elbows? I looked at a trans world once, and she was the spitter. Okay, okay, from Jurassic Park. All right, sorry.

Apparently there's beef there between the trans and the lady boys. Oh, really? They don't like each other. Oh, Transforms versus Decepticon. No. I got on a heat for a special. I called them, I called them lady boys. And somebody's like, that's fucking bullshit.

They're trans. How dare you call them? I'm like, I'm following their lead. They call themselves lady boys. You want me to not respect their decisions? And I guess that's, they're different things? Yes, yes. Some people call themselves Edward, too.

I mean, you could say it. I've been saying it. I refuse a letter. go. Yeah, I said cross-dresser and I got yelled at and I was like, I don't know. What is it?

Like, it was a drag queen? What happened to, what was Eddie Edithert? Transvestite. What happened to them? Eddie's trans, though, now, I think he's drawn by Susie. Yeah. What happened to transvestites? Yeah.

Well, transvestites just, I think, women's clothes, right? They got developed, but what, so where are there? I mean, Byronome is technically a transvestite, right? Yep. Oh, yeah. Well, that's not even closed. That's body.

So what's that? What's when I want your skin? Yeah. Hannibal left there? Hannibal, yeah. Put the lotion in the basket. Yeah. Can I go piss real quick and come back?

Sure, piss, yeah. I broke the seal. Go piss on that. I do. No. I believe in breaking the seal. All right, go pee. I believe in high fiber, the hanging curveball.

The small of a woman's back. The novels of Susan Sontag are overrated crap. Don't pee on that plastic bag on your balls. By the way, Bull Durham, dude Oh, yeah That's what that's from? Yeah. Yeah, small of a woman's back.

That's a great flick. Great movie back when you could make a baseball comedy. Dude, you know what? Who wrote that? I don't know. Bull Durham. I love that movie. Great movie.

That's one of my favorites. Susan Saranan had some real sex appeal. Yeah, and it's just a cool movie. It's like I love movies about the minors. Yes. You know what is? It's about love of the game. It's like being like a road comic or something.

Yes. You're just a fucking dog. You do that because you love it. Get a clip of Sam saying he loves movies about minors. So this is crazy. Ron Shelton. That's what it was. I just keep going.

I'm like, because they do it for the love of the game. They do it because they love it. They're young. They're hungry. That's dirty. The other options didn't work out. So the miners were their only choice. A lot of the runaways.

They had hard. parenting. Oh, my God. That is a great fucking movie. Great movie. Oh, look. The guy did, he did White Men Can't Jump, Tin Cup, and Bull Durham. Tin Cup is like a little forgotten gem, too.

It's like, great movie. It's a fun one, man. Renee Russo was just cooking in the 90s. Hell yeah. Every fucking movie. So good. Thomas Crown Affair. Major League.

Major League. Get Shorty. Oh, boy, she was very milphy. Yeah. She still got it. She's great. Yeah. Yeah, good for her.

I'm a fan. Oh, yeah. Dude, I rewatched out of the past for like the 12th time this week. Mitch him, it's my favorite fucking movie. There you go. It's like the best. I got to rewatch it. I've got to rewatch it's the best.

My favorite line ever, she's Defem Fittali goes, you're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next. Oh, that's great. It's so good. I made a woman watch it, and she was dreading it, and she was like, it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. Hey, women hate black and white. She made me watch Panic and Needle Park right before. She made you watch it? Yeah, I'd never seen it.

What'd you think? It's good, but it's two hours of heroin. Yeah, yeah, sure. It was good. It was good, for sure. But I'm just like, come on, man. This is a fucking, I like the ending a lot. Not a fucking...

Not a ton of happens in that movie. I watched it, too, and I was like, come on. For heroin, this is slow. I don't know why, like, I can handle, like, a movie about a gambling addict, but something about, like, a drug addict really just was like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the Nirvana Doc when it's... Montage of Heck.

Yeah, when it's, like, Kirk Cobain and Corny Love with the fucking baby screaming and they're on drugs. I'm like, I hate this shit. I'm with you. You're pieces of shit. It's gross. I don't like it. I don't fucking like it. I'm with you. It's hard for me to watch. Oh, here we go. Hey, Nome. Oh, Norman.

All right. It's just me if you've gotten hotter. Did you get a surgery out there in Guatemala? A lot of. Medellin. How about surgery? What's going on? Mark and knows you're more interested in my stories now. Right. I noticed you guys laughing my stories a lot more.

This is fucking crazy. You would not have made it out of Ecuador with that fucking tough. JuPaul. Good to have you back. All right. This Francisco Sauer is hitting. Now, where the hell are you going to go next? You've already conquered the hills of Oaxaca.

Where have you never been there? You're like, I got to go here. Well, I got to go back to Nicaragua. I got turned away. What? What? What happened? They saw your act?

Took a two and a half. Sorry. They saw Jew. I got turned away from Jews out on Netflix right now. They picked it up. Oh, is that right? Wow. Perfect timing.

Everybody's loving you guys. I actually told they were going to put it out in August. I was like, hey guys, I don't, if what I'm hearing is true. Yeah, they're like, Kanye sold out two shows. We'll take it this month. We've got to even things out. That was the time. But I, what was I talking about?

Nipple pit. Nicaragua Two and a half hour a bus A boat from A fucking El Salvador And then I get there Everyone they stamp everybody And they go like Ari

Can you come with me Uh oh Okay I closed door behind you I'm like what Close door behind you And they start grilling me They're against

Journalists there Can I have any journalism Like any stuff on your Like LinkedIn If it's journalism classes You're not a journalist? I know You have a journal

So the more they search The more look like I might be one. I've been on CNN. I've been on the Wall Street Journal, like, podcast. I've been on, like, you know, Tucker Carlson. I've been on Rogue, is he a journalist? Right. At some point, three hours are grilling me.

Yeah. Taking calls from the Capitol and eventually they go, I'm really sorry, buddy, you can't come in today. So what do you do in that situation? Three hour a boat back to this port town in El Salvador. Then the guy, the boat cameras, like, what? And I'm like, I think I turned away. He goes, I'm really sorry, man.

I'm like, can you get back to the Capitol? He goes, I'll get me five more bucks. I'll get you back to the Capitol. Four hours is the capital. Here's the best thing about having a schedule. You just roll with it. That's true. I was going to go scuba diving, go to some cigar factories, do some fun stuff in Nicaragua.

All right, plan has changed. I did have two days of hostel paid for it. You're not getting a refund in like Monagua or whatever. But then like, and then like, oh, where do I want to go? So I'm like, fuck it. Medellin. Yeah. Flew from San Salvador to Medellin.

Had a blast for 10 days in Medellin and did, I wasn't going to go to Columbia. I went to Columbia. Whoa. There's something fun about not having a playbook. Bro, it's the best. If you go to a bar, you're like, let's all go to this bar. And there's a line around the block. You don't go, shit.

You should go, how about that place? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's some dig. Let's just do that. Living by the seat of your pants. Even when a flight gets fucked and it gets canceled and you're like, fuck, I'm stuck in the city for a night.

You go from being like, fuck to like, I wonder what I'm gonna do tonight. I'm in Chicago. What can I do? And then like, man, there's something fucking magical

by just hitting like a hotel bar ordering like a fucking steak tartar getting a couple of whiskeys on the rocks and you're just lit up and you're just like, I feel fucking great. Yeah. I got the whole city as your oyster. The best one of those.

And you're going in like a little adventure. It's fun. Yeah. The best one of those we ever did was, were you there at Bonarue? You were. Yes. Me and Big Jay.

I think I'll go the year after you guys. Okay. So we're all there. On the way back, there's hurricanes or whatever. So early flights went off. Later flights got delayed. Jay got off. Okay.

And he goes, yeah, my flight's taken off. They go, my flight's being delayed. I'm like, canceled. And he goes, what are you going to do? And I go, this is from Nashville. And I go, I'm going to call Rafi Mae. He's going to invite me over to barbecue. Oh, how about that?

I'm almost positive. And he was like, really? I mean, I'll be okay. And I call. I was like, hey, my flight's delay. He's like, man, come over. I got the egg going. You got to get over here.

The green egg. Yeah. We went over there, barbecue. We just ate barbecue and watched the induction for like Green Day into the rock and roll all the fame. Oh, that's cool. It just had a blast. I got to call that guy.

Oh, my fucking polo. Damn. Yeah, that is pretty great. If you can roll with stuff, it just makes your life. Here, here. If you're not locked into your like expectations. You're allowed to have a moment of like fuck. But then after that moment.

Yeah. And you roll with it. You got to spin it. Give me 10 seconds ago. Damn it. I will say Mark is so good at that shit. Like I think I'm pretty good with it too. Like we had a thing.

We had like a setback with our movie today. And we both didn't panic. We both were just like, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And we both. Wow. Completely. I mean, you get the fuck to shit out of the system.

But then you're kind of like, we're going to pivot. We're going to figure it out. And that attitude in life is like it's so fucking essential. Oh, yeah. The fact that it could be worse is actually a real thing. It could be a lot worse. That's true. I don't know how I don't I'm not going to tell you any names

What are we doing? Which one is? This is a mescalita. This is just for the one for the road. I don't even know what this is. For the road, based on the one for the road podcast. So the margarita is like low class in Mexico. Okay.

The mescalita. It's just a mescal margarita. Way better, I think. Way better. Smokier. Everything better with that. I love a mescal nigroney too. Mm-hmm.

Here, here. Who, smoky. Oh, my God. Very nice. You're on fire. Thank you. Oh, my God. Margarita? Maddie. Maddie.

Maddie. That's salt on the rim. Fuck. Tahim. I love that. Taheen. Now, let me just say this. Side note.

I kind of like the no journalist idea. Fuck journalists. Let us do our thing and quit documenting everything. I don't want to answer questions. You need some journalists. I know. I'm going to push back on this one. I like a place.

He needs some journalist. It doesn't have it. Let's have one place without it. Trump with no journalism. That's a good idea. This is Nicaragua. I'm talking here. Okay.

What I'm saying? I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all system. We need journalists. But, hey, if we can have one place without it, fuck it, let's party there. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. Not wrong.

Yeah, I would have loved to have gone. Like a new Amsterdam type thing? Yeah, yeah. Give me one spot with no journalist. That would be the answer to the question. That would be a place I want to go. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be a lot of headings in this place.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's Nicaragua's thing? Soccer? No. Having journalists. No drones also. Can't take a drone in with you.

Okay. They search you back only for drones. You're good. Sandboarding. Oh. Down in volcanoes. How about that? Cigars.

Top two in the world. Okay. Nicaragua, they're number two after Cuba? No. Cuba's three. What's number one? DR. DR over Cuba? Cuba.

Cuba wants a shit. Really? China bought most of the... I don't know nothing about the brands. No, it's normal. I don't know. They brought most events slash their

like quality. Yeah, volcanoes. Scoba diving and the, it was the corn. Oh, cool. Okay.

I don't know. I'm not, I don't know. I was there for three hours. You're talking of the tours and you're like, I wasn't allowed to. I was there for three hours.

I fed a street dog and then I went home. Okay, they got poetry. Maybe maybe this place thinks. They got poetry. They got handcrafts. Boo. Oh, I did hear about a comedian.

So I'm being interrogated by this guy. And the guy's like, okay, then he hangs. of the phone with with the capital and now he's just like I'm not

I'm not in charge of this I'm just like taking stuff from them so now we're talking in between the phone rings back again ask him how much he charges for tickets

how many people does he play for stuff like that okay but in between we're just talking when he goes I'm asking about

foods to eat I think I'm still getting in and I'm like yeah there are any like Nicaragua comedians he goes yeah there's one guy

J.R and I go is he like, I still got my, is he like a sketch guy or is he an actual stand-up? Yeah, thank you. Good question. Actual stand-up.

Is that him? He only plays, yep, only plays in Nicaragua. He's big. Four point, wait, 4.3 million subscribers. Holy hell.

This guy's big time. How many people live in Nicaragua? Four point. That's all of them. That's all of them. He's got them all. Wow. Wait, does he have any stand-up clips?

I haven't seen any stand-up clips. I haven't seen any stand-stand-up. up either. No. All right, he's a funny he should be a guesmetic actor. Damn it.

Stand up's hard. Damn it. Yeah. All right, well, shout out to, oh, Bad Bunny.

3.2 million views. Oh, JR's in a bad bunny video? Wow, this guy's big. No, he's doing

a bad bunny song, I think. Oh, he's making fun. Crazy. Wow, he can't leave there. It's my hard. Well, I didn't read the rest.

That's what you get with no journalists, by the It's my hard what? It's very hard. What did he say? Es midoro. He said, yeah.

Yeah, I get. I don't want nothing to understand. I don't know what that word is. Hey, I think it's pretty good. Yeah, it got better. Nice. All right. Well, hey, good on you, JR.

Guys, I missed you guys. I missed you, man. I was really happy when I saw it at the cello the other night. And then again in the park. Playing basketball. That was fun, man. Well, you give me hope because I have all this fear. of not being relevant.

If I don't post a clip, people are going to forget about me. If we miss a week with the pod, it's all over. You went for eight months. You came back with a vengeance with this storytelling show. And it's like nothing is changed, really.

Nothing's changed. I went the last time I went to 2017, I went to South East Asia for four and a half months. Yeah, and Joe lists, you know, there's like conversations where you're like stuck in your brain is, he goes, aren't you afraid of like falling behind?

And I'm like, well, I have a special going to come out when I get back. And I have a, I have my, storytelling show that's not happening. It didn't work out, but nothing can be predicted on that. What do you mean it didn't work out? They replaced me when I said, I want to sell my special enoughness.

But that hadn't been done yet. Yeah, got it. It was waiting for me, and I was like, these are going great. We can take time off. I have an idea that comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in to an un- I think you're right. Unsustainable levels. You're right.

So we're constantly, this is once a week here, sure. You have a second podcast? Okay, sure. It's more and more put out. What are we taking in to draw from? I think there's a real problem. I think it's a real problem where we're like, I got to do something this week. I'm like, do you have anything to say?

I'm like, no. Yeah. Well, then that's not going to be good. Right. And I don't have stuff to talk about. We're bad at it. It's the truth. I mean, we got to step it up with it.

Just meeting you at the park for basketball? Like, yes. No, I do that stuff. I like to just shoot a ball around just like. Especially in my neighborhood at Tompkins, it was like, perfect. I'm like three minutes away. I'll meet you. Yeah, but.

Yeah? We run our own business here. No one's going to do it if we don't do it. So I kind of have that fear. Okay, but you're also got to have, if you're on friends, I'm old, but this is my example of like successful sitcom. Yeah. Number one in the world. Big show.

22 weeks on, 30 weeks off. And NBC decided that for them. if we had to decide for ourselves, if they had it aside for themselves, they're not taking 30 weeks off. They're getting the $3 million an episode for 52 weeks. Yeah. And I'm not saying take off.

I'm just saying take in. You're right. We used to take more in because we were less busy. When I moved to New York, you guys were all barely doing stuff and we were out doing things, drinking memories. Making memories.

No more like, I got to get up for a podcast tomorrow. It was less to do. I mean, it was an easier time. I mean, Chris Rock is at this many times about young comedians. Even LeBron had an off season. Yeah. Take a break.

Take some time off. He's right. The fountain head? The guy went off of the boat for a while. You need inspiration. You need stories. I'm thinking about that sometimes. Like I close my last couple specials on stories.

I'm like, I need more stories. And you don't get them by just fucking going to the same bar every night and getting shit-faced. You got to go in some adventures and you're going on adventures. And that actually is, it's inspiring. You're right. I actually asked Sam to be in my storytelling show at the end. I think it's correct for me. I'm wrong.

You're like, bro, I can't, I do have a story. I have a, I'm closing my hour. I can't spare it. I can't spare my closer. Yeah, because it's a close. I want to do your storytelling show. I've done the live ones. You've done the live ones.

To me, they're all the same. Live ones and tap ones are all the same. But, yeah, I, I arc an hour a certain way where like I like to have short jokes up top, a couple short stories, and I like to have a long story at the, end and I couldn't I can't give up this long what I needed was to give you a year's notice and I used to do that for this not happening we're like hey don't make this your closer yeah save it for me yeah if it ever comes back please you have to do it I will yeah you got to do it you're one of the you're one of the storytellers in New York especially no no when I asked you the first

time to do it live you were like it's not really my thing no yeah no how many times you do White night, all that stuff. I got a few. I got a few. I've done the live one a bunch, and I've done... Well, I gave Mark some shit. It's not happening twice. I think Mark is such a good storyteller, and Mark doesn't think he's a good storyteller. He does not think he's good.

And it annoys me. It's so funny. It annoys me because... I can tell to you guys. No, no, no. Hold on. You're so scared for a silence. Yes.

And storytelling's about building tension. Yes. And you want like, bam, bam, bam. But you're not going to let a story not be super funny. it's going to naturally just have a shitload of punchline. That's why comedians are better at it. You can't not. You can't go 40 minutes. But if you just embrace the silence

and have that, because it's even bigger tension at the big pop, when you embrace that, but you hate it so much. But I think it's like, oh, man, I want to see the Mark Norman like a 12 minute Mark Norman story. 12 minute. It's going to be punchy as fuck. That's 12 minutes. Oh, really?

It's going to be, it's going to be punchy as fuck. You know, like... You got another one in the can that I told you like, you got to save that for another time. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked about, like, Jim Jeffries has those stories where you're like, uh, like the muscular dystrophy.

Oh, the porthouse. That's like a 25-minute bit. Is it that long? Yes. Wow. But it's so punchy. It's one story sometimes. Yeah.

And you're like, but at the end, you're just like, before they even say, that's it for me, thank you. You're just like, you know you've completed a journey with them. But here's the thing about stories nobody he brings up. Yeah. Is I can punch up a story, but the ending of a story, It's so important. That is so hard.

That takes a whole turn. Sometimes you need the ending first because and then you can just take liberties. But you know, Ryan Hamilton, another friend of ours has. He's got like a story. It might be a 30, 40, 40 minute story. Oh, he did it on my show in Salt Lake. Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure.

Do I get there? I might be conflating memories, but like, I was like, hey, you're in town to do your fucking whatever, you know, re-versioning or whatever the fuck those moments do. I don't know. Come do my show. I was there doing it. We've done the Salt Lake ones for ski trips. And it was like, did he ever do one?

No, not when I was there. Maybe I'm thinking. He was there doing something else. He does like 30 minutes just about getting hit by him. Yeah. It takes you on a trip. It was like, it's so. You're there from contact to healing.

Yeah. And even if you're not laughing, you're just like this, like, be like that? It's like, yeah, they're fun. They're fun. In this next hour, I'm doing a story. I think you should. It's a good closer. Because it's also, you know, it's an energy shift too.

It's like, I think. And that's what check drops. You don't do clubs anymore. I think, exactly. Check drops are like, this is a right time for it. That's why I started doing stories is because I was like, I need something to hold them. But, you know, you listen to an old Dangerfield album and he's doing bit, bit, bit. And that's why he'd go into crowd work just to mix up, just to mix up the rhythm.

Yeah. So it would become less predictable. But I think a story serves the same thing. So I love one. But it's a punchy story. Yeah. Here's the thing. Edinburgh, those are like UK and Australia comics.

They do stories. How do I say this is not being rude? Boring? that's with Bingard Oh No but I know what you're saying Yeah Self-indulgent

Are like well I can't So one time when I was at the improv lab Doing this not before it even had our name We were doing this show's and John Reap was doing it And John Reap was a killer Great person too Yeah Great God

Yeah And he was like Dude after like 30 or 40 seconds I was like I gotta make a funny face or something This is like Yeah yeah I haven't got to laugh I'm used to get laughs

every 10 seconds. Yes. So you're like, but American stand-ups will just naturally punch it up. You have to, out of survival. Big Jay told the story. He's on the Hall of Fame of this show. He told a story about seeing a fight outside the comedy seller.

The fight itself, the story itself, was 98 seconds where the cops came took him away. I think I was with Jay that night. And it was like a 15-minute story. Yeah. On his descriptions. Were they choke the guy out or whatever? Two, three women.

Oh, different time. Yeah. And he's just a good storytelling. He's making it last longer than the actual details. And it had an ending? He's the best. He's the great stories. Him, Ali, Bert, Diaz, and, like, Miss Pat, and Sean Patton.

Those are, like, the top. Oh, yeah. The top. Sean Patton's got some fucking crazy stories. Yeah. And he tells him so well. And his show just got fucking canceled on FX. I know.

Go YouTube some Sean Padden's stories on YouTube. He's phenomenal. The Cuban story on this not happening. Oh, yeah. The fake gay bashing in New Orleans. Yeah, he's a natural. That was a good show on FX, the English teacher. Great show.

I really liked it, man. Oh, I had something. I'm pissed. I got canceled. Yeah, Sean was, he shined in that, man. He really shined in that role. What a good drinker. Oh, my God, the best.

The best drink. I had cross on. You guys have had him on, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. I farted on him. Not as good a drinker. No, no. But I remember asking him, like,

you know, Sean, Nick, he almost read somebody. He said, yeah, I was like, what a drinker. He's like, bro. Oh, yeah. He doesn't, like, press you like DeRosa, like that fucking headpig. Shots! Shots! Yeah. But he just like... Deroza's happy to be at a funeral because we have to take the shot with him. Right, right.

Hey, what do you think of this? I have a new subject change. Okay. You know what people are like, you want to do shots? You're like, no. And you're like, you know, we're all in our 30s now. We know, we're like, who we are. I've already told you laughing too hard. It's not the shots. What you really want to do is how people turn it up.

Yeah. Right. So how about this? Go, hey, guys, can you guys all turn it up 15%? I like that. And then it's like, you know what? I got half a beer. I'm going to chug this and get another one.

I love, turn it up. Turn it up. 15%. Yeah, not shots. Not shots. I'll barf and go home. And also, we're all adults. We know our limits.

I know our limits. Yes. So I don't like the whole like catch up. It's like, bro. Bro, I'm going to like me better at this level. I'm drinking. I know where I'm at. Right.

But also, but also this is embarrassing that we're adults and we still hang out with people that pressure us like this. De Rosa.

De Rosa. No adult should be handed out with someone who's like ketchup pussy. That's like fucking college shit. I know. Who the fuck are you?

That's a horrible flavor. Catch up pussy. But yeah. I'm like, oh fuck. But back to the relevance thing. Yeah. Because you were gone for eight months. Last year I went to Australia.

Good memory. UK and I did a whole run somewhere else. Do you feel like you're missing out? Yes. I was gone for a month. I was gone for a couple weeks, three weeks maybe, and I felt the same way. Where? Where? All over Europe. It was great.

Okay, this is the craziest thing to me. Okay. Can I just ground you guys for a second? The second week, you start itching. You're doing a European tour. I know. It is so high level. It's something we could not have imagined doing when we were starting.

I'm having so much fun doing it too. So much fun. You're in Berlin and a nightclub at 7 a.m. still doing drugs You're going to lose to me But like We're doing a European tour And we're feeling like

Am I missing out? It's everyone You know how Sagalow would fucking cut himself To be where we are? That's his new closer actually And we're thinking we're doing something wrong It's messed up Yeah

We're doing it right I don't feel regret I'm actually doing another Euro tour In a few months And I'm so pumped I'm just going to random places I've never been Because I want to go to them

We'll plug it at the end Let me let's fucking plug it Let's do some plugs shit We've been on for almost two hours right Oh yeah Yeah what do I got Well I got L.A. coming up with Lists Jordan Jensen

And Rachel Feinstein Dynasty Theater Okay oh Broh wait what's Athena Greece? Athens it's supposed to say But yeah Verona New York Turning Stone Casino June 6th

Then we got Lisbon August 30th POS POS September 2nd No no no pause POS We're gonna do your plus So I'm going to stop in a minute. Stop me.

What's up? Okay. Here's what you're doing right. August is 31 days. Okay, great. When you're doing a European tour, you want to have Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays off. I'm getting to Lisbon early. Okay.

Lisbon early. Wait, go back up. Go back up some? Great. Get to Lisbon hella early. Yeah. Leave the next day. Get to Athens is one of the most underrated cities in the world.

I love Athens. It's so punk rock. It's so fucking cool. The outdoor theaters are so. So, outdoor movie theaters, you can see a black and white, like, film noir in a language you can't understand, with Greek subtitles, and you follow along somehow, drinking booze, smoking rolly cigarettes, and an outdoor theater. Hell yeah, you'll smoke a cigarette. Yeah, we got a, I love it, love a drunk state. What the hell is Grad Zagreb?

Zagreb. That's Croatia. That's Croatia. We got a hungry, Budapest and Hungary. We got Croatia. Warsaw, going to the camps. Yeah, Vienna. I heard Poland's awesome.

saw Helsinki, Stockholm and Copenhagen. This is a great Stockholm. I haven't been to some of them

I haven't been to Stockholm Copenhagen. I haven't done Finland, haven't done Vienna I really just want to go I just want to go where Orson Wells

and the third man goes on that fucking Tran and gives that speech like look at them they're all like ants would you miss any of them if they died, you know? Sweden is so pretty

you're going to love Sweden. And the girls are not bad. They're pretty attractive. That is a Jews type, by the way. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Would you have hidden us in the Holocaust? Who knows? I'd hide in your pussy.

Wait, forget that. Are you a Jew, sure, sure, sure. Go to the end. No, no, no, no, go to the end. Yeah, the end. At yMH studios.com. Mark Norman's in it. Me and Mark Norman in the same episode.

Hey, I'm honored. An episode called, hold on, not all heroes wear capes. Go down, go down something, go down something, go down and something. Boom, there it is. Me, you and Duncan. Oh, I miss Duncan, man, he's a good dude. Good guy.

He's one of the best dudes and comics. He's honestly the most creative guy in comedy. Easter egg at the end of that. Duncan does the theme song at the end of that. Now you worked with me pretty hands-on with this story. Do you do that with everybody? Yes. Oh, wow, that's a lot of work.

Because we were back and forth, back-and-forth. I think we should talk about this, change that, take that out. and I do a thing where I'm like I'm trying to overstate I produced a few things now for my friends Sal AJ Adrian

where it's not like producing I got to think of another title It is older hand It's more than that It's how producing should be It's like hey what's your material What are you closing on? Why? Okay here's the things you have 10 bits

I want you to like get the But isn't that what producing should be It should be That's where I'm still calling myself a producer but I'm like get those 8, 9, 10 bits. I want to get those to 4, 5, 6. So work on those only. Your 1, 2, 3 are great.

They're done. Get those up. Work on those only. Why are you closing on this? What are you trying to say in your thing? It's like a director, sort of, sort of. Like a theater director. Sure.

Yeah, I want to go hands on. Doug Smith, for his story, that's not happening. Guys, look up that story, Doug Smith, the subway hero. Dude, I went to New York Comedy Club 40 times. to watch his story. Wow. I'm like, shit,

I got 20 minutes. I'll come down, watch you, and then go back to the stand. Pull it out. It's one of the, it's got like five million views. It's one of the most incredible story.

Doug's a great dude and he's very, very funny. Doug Smith, this is not happening. Yeah, and it's an incredible story. It's an incredible story already, so you're just got to get to it.

Yes. Stabbed in the face. And he knew this would be his ticket and he put all the work into it. Yeah, he was willing to go, him, Louis Katz that year. Yeah,

we're like, let me just not just say it. Let me tell it right. Yes. I mean, it's punched up. The ending's amazing. God, she does. Doesn't look like this anymore.

Lower it a little bit or go scroll down. I just want to see the views on this thing. 6.2 million people. Wow. That's incredible. It deserves it. It's an incredible story. I sent it to my mom.

And it's like, it's not ending right, man. You haven't made yourself this. So it's like, okay. But you're not changing details. You're changing how you say it. Yeah. You're not lying. You're just like, what,

and do I learn something at the end? Do you learn 20 things? Which one do you want to say? Yeah. It helps to have a person to help you take a step back and be like, yeah, what is this? Yeah, so I'm not some producer. I'm a comedian. So I'm going to help you as a comedian.

Yeah. But also has a vested interest in making your story the best it can be. Yes. And that's what I did with the end. Yeah. I talked to everybody. I was like, what's your, I actually got accused. I'm not going to say who of helping a woman with her story on this and not happening.

And she goes, you're a misogynist because you were trying to help a woman along with the story. And I'm like, bro, I help everyone. That's crazy to call me misogynist for trying to help you. That's not what misogynist do. That's not what misogynist. Yeah, right. You think this is a misogynist? Anyway, the end is available right now.

You can get me and Mark's episode for $5.99. Hell yeah. Are you going to be on the road at all? I'm at the Netflix festival May 7th, doing it at the end. I'll see you there. Yeah? Yeah, I'll be there. Who's on?

You got any, any spoilers? Oh. I'm doing a show May 7th. What time? 945. Where? Dynasty, I think it's dining at dinnesty. Your own hour?

No, it's with a few other people. That's a good room. Where is it? It's a comedy store. Oh, come on. I might have to do an old story, but I'll do an old story. Do an old story? What do you mean?

Do you record her? Oh, boy. Maybe. Nobody. Nobody's seen his stuff. Mark, hey, Sam, do my show. Okay. How long as you...

I'll do a story. I got a story. We got a booking. I'll do it. I'm in. Let me just be selfish here. Check out Pushing Boulder. I got a markumentary on...

It's a me building up to the special. All bombing green room at the Dallas Improv for 10 sold-out shows. And I'm working out, working out the new special that you've seen on Netflix. So there you go. Nice. It's on YouTube. Pushing Boulder. Yeah.

But the end of the show. available right now. Yes. You will have to pay for it. The money is going. It's also $6, guys. Come on. $6.

All these guys. Look at that. Okay. Tom Segor, Namborgazzi, these are the headlines. Namborgazzi, you're headlining your episode. Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Shane Gillis. Wow.

Roy Wood. And then these are the Hall of Famers of the show. O'Crison, Sadeek, Ms. Pat. List. Bobby Kelly. Boy body, boy-body, boy-faced. I'm in for the, I'm in for L.A., though. All right.

Okay. Go to orishafir.com to get that. And wait, hold on, I was going to say something about it. Uh-oh. The money is going. The money's going to the comedians. Unlike most shows, I've decided to cut the comedians in to a profit margin of this show. So if you're like, I don't want Tom to go to get the money, guys, are you fucking, you can bleak this.

I think Tom needs more money. Retarded? Do you think this would allow the money to go to someone. else. The money is going to me and the comedians. Thank you. Every purchase you make of episode five of the end, put $2 in the pocket of Mark Norman.

So even if you go just to see Shane, I'm still getting a penny. He's still getting a penny. Yeah. So you can get all of them, five, wait, seven for the price of five. Orrishafir.com right now. Or you can get one individual one for five, for six bucks,

$5.99. But get them, spread. It's me taking my show back. Hell yeah. Corporate overlords. Have you gotten an influx of money already? Have you seen... So, I mean, we're two weeks out.

Oh, okay. But in the pre-sales alone, we've gotten 70% of the budget back. Oh, my Lord. And we were expecting like 10% of that to come back. That's amazing, dude. That's amazing. It's our fucking world. Hell yeah.

They should be honored to work with us. Yeah, yeah, you hear that? Amazon Prime. It's all up, dude. We got to do it ourselves. We have to. Mark and I are talking about this today. This is all that.

This is all right. This is it. We, this movie. You're making your movies together. This is your second movie you're making alone. That's true. We're doing it ourselves.

We're the talent. Here, here. You think anyone's coming to see the fucking L.A. Lakers? They're coming to see LeBron. I don't know what that had to do with any of this, but I'm with you.

Fuck the Lakers. Fuck the Lakers. He needs to Ricks, baby. Let's go Nix. No one's going like, oh, to see the comedy cellar tonight. You come to see fucking who's all on, the comedians.

No, that's not true. The sellers are good sense. The sellers pay people. They respect us. They go to be great. I love the cellar. They know where their money's bread and butter bread is on. Come on, guys. I'm a little drunk. The capy barrel talk. One more drink. Best podcast in the planet. Yeah. One more drink. The hottest new podcast in New York Times. Titch. Titch.

You guys want some water? We should before we leave. Get some fucking decrepit. I got to go. Get some fucking decrepit. Get some water. Let us get all. diarrhea from this. We also hearba matte. Would you call me?

Sherba? All right. Hey, I'll be in Raleigh. Good night. It's almost sold out. And L.A. Comedy Fest, we got Bill Burr on live show, so that'll be fun.

Oh, shit. With the Tuesdays. Oh, wow. That's cool. So we'll get yelled at for an hour. And then Ontario, Nouveau Brunswick, Spokane, Washington.

Wow. Philadelphia, that's sold out. And Milwaukee at the Improv, Irvine, California. California. That's a big room. Tempe, Arizona. Royal Oak Mish, we added the show. Cleveland and hilarity's great club. Seattle and Emerald City.

Never been checking it out. I'm back in the club, though. I've got to work out of the story. Side splitters. Side splitters, baby. Can I get a story about side splitters? Please, and then we'll get the hell out of it. The Hamptons in San Francisco. Do you guys not like doing the content during your plugs or do you like doing that? I don't give a shit. Hit me. Okay. Side splitters.

Tampa. I was always, I was up Tampa. I was always for no reason, really. improv guy. The old side splitters owners was such a wreck to my agent. Bobby. Was like, don't, we're not doing that. I have great times with Bobby though. Oh, yeah. And anyway, so then one time I was like,

Greg Fitzsimmons was like, I'd be in Tampa and he goes oh, sidesplitters. I'm like, no, the improv was, oh man. I'm like, that's an honest reaction. Yeah. What do you mean? He goes, no, it's sidesplitters. I got COVID in between Orlando and Tampa. That's where you get it. 100% Orlando. Talking out with Steve Simone, because he's in between.

So I was like, let me do two weeks in a row, hang out with him. Got some, I had to cancel, so I owed him one. And then my friend, Mark. Norman? Yeah. Hey, thank you. Nailed it. Got hitched.

Got engaged. And we were going to do a fucking bachelor party. And so we had to have a show pay for the bachelor party. Me, Mark, my friend. It's you. I can say a real. I see. A bunch of comedians.

List, Burt. Joe List. Burt Kreischer. These, by the way, I got the Burt's on right now. Hey, there you go. Favorite show I've ever had. Literally, just broke on the fucking cab over here. I'm taking these to 20 countries.

Best you have ever had. Just broke. I'm heartbroken. That sucks. He can fix them. And I went to Brian, BT, and side splits. Hey, can we do a show? They goes, you can do three shows, you can have 100% of the door.

I want you here. Hell yeah. And I went, did the shows, a bunch of, N-words are dropped. I had a blast, and I go, I'm done with the impromp. I'm a side-splitters guy forever. And they were like, we don't want to work with you after all those N-words. You can see Mark Norman at Sidesplitters in July.

That was a great weekend, too. We did it. We went tuna fishing. We went, remember DeRosa showed. We were at a bar, and Derosa showed up out of nowhere with a three of shots. First, DeRosa was like, I can't come. I was like, what the fuck? He goes, I got to do reshoots for some fucking YouTube.

show something I was like and I and I like you know when you go too far with somebody and you're like story but I'm so I was so angry that he wasn't going to come to this bachelor party that I was like you're a piece of shit friend you you're you're you're all the wrong place you fucking so meanwhile he's planning to coming the whole time uh surprising us so we went fishing and then he he comes out at the bar with the trade for you guys order shots and it was him we're like that waiter's ugly oh my god neurosa holy shit he had no chin no Will to live. And then we did a bunch of, well, he bought a bunch of blow.

And a guy did it that we didn't know. And he went to the hospital. Good times. Cantor brought a friend. Canter brought a friend that no one liked. At a bachelor party. There's no plus ones in a bachelor party. He wasn't plus one.

That's a life story. He was? But yeah. So the guy we didn't like did too much blow and went to the hospital. They tested this Coke and it came up with that squiggly line. Like maybe even not. And they go, Ari, what do you think? I'm like,

that's... And then they go, we're going to do it anyway. Harvey for the tits is... I still can't get used to the tits. I know. It's pretty hot. It's like confusing me. And if you don't take me seriously, then we have a real problem. I like that the sunglasses are in the tits, not in the shirt.

That's what I have. Oh, I don't even notice that. Yeah. Look at that. Tampa, Florida. Mark Norm, check him out. Mark Norm. Punchup. com.

Mark. Hell yeah. I'm going to a bodega can't whiskey. Give us to a modega whiskey my favorite whiskey

in the world. Gosh, you bring in this bottle. Do you have an extra bottle? Take it, dude. We'll give you a bottle. Nashville, Tennessee

is one of the greatest clubs in the country. Pittsburgh PA. Regina Saskia 2. Nice. Calgary, the last stop. Wrong club. Minneapolis, Minnesota,

Ackby, Denver. The Commonwealth is legitimately the best. Look at this. Every time Joe Ruggott goes, hey, the comedy

Mothership is the best club. I'm like, no. I mean, dude. To his face, I'll go, it's the comedy works. Denver, baby. He loves it too, though.

He does special there. Fair point. Comedy all the state. Massachusetts. Charleston, South Carolina, Portland, Portland, Austin, Texas. All right, we got it. We got it.

We're not even in the summer yet. All right. We love you guys. Thank you so much. We'll see you next week. Hell yeah. Guys, fucking fun. Go fun.

Sundays and a bit of fever wreck. You know the future's close. When's talking shit about the fucking post. And I go lunch here in a room and doesn't look like I got. I remember.