We Might Be Drunk - Caitlin Peluffo, Usama Siddiquee, Joe List, Greg Fitzsimmons w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Fresh off Netflix's Funny AF, Usama Siddiquee and Caitlin Pelufo join Mark and Sam to talk comedy competitions, roast battles, Last Comic Standing horror stories, World Cup hot takes, Knicks mania, pet peeves, and the weirdest corners of the internet. Plus, Joe List and Greg Fitzsimmons unexpectedly drop in to share stories about Norm Macdonald, Chris Rock, classic roasts, and life on the road. Check out Caitlin's Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M5HKgLyjcI Caitlin's Website: https://www.caitlinpeluffo.com Usama's Website: https://www.usamastandsup.com Joe List: https://www.comedianjoelist.com Greg Fitzsimmons Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCbvXBPkDe6APk8yT-Wc_fAg Sponsored by: Protect your family's future with Ethos Life Insurancehttps://ethos.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #UsamaSiddiquee #CaitlinPelufo #JoeList #GregFitzsimmons #Ethos #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Roll? Yeah, we're rolling. Rolling. Wow, that was so quick. Is this water? Yes, take some water. Nice. I'll take some water.

Ready? Oh, really hell. Whoa, holy shit. Yeah, what's the, they're not practical. No, not at all. I need a man. Is that gel ass? Feels nice to be needed.

Welcome to We Might Be Drunk here with Osama Sadiqa and Caitlin Palufo. Fresh off, funny AF on Netflix. Hello. Just signed up for season two. Crazy. Yes. Yeah. And you have to attack somebody to get into the show now?

It's not a really good. Dude, it was this weird thing, so we did the show. They didn't tell us about this at all. They had this thing like tag. They had a post on Instagram. Tag a friend who thinks you would be good at the show. Oh. And here comes all the homeless weirdos.

I'm good. I can do it. Right, right. And it's not even like that account isn't associated with the show. It's a fan. Oh, really? It was a random post out of nowhere. But then remember those comics of lottery days?

Yes, yes. Where you see comics come out of the ground? Oh, dude. Where were you for three years? That was going on. I was like, who are these people tagging who? I remember when I finally got my comic strip opportunity. It's like I drew sixth on the show.

So you were like at the end of a three-hour show. And then five amateurs are going on before me. And I was like, fuck, all right, I hope I can just make it to the end, whatever. The hope the crowd stays. The crowd stays like 80 people. And I'm like, all right, thank God. The guy before me has a full-on nervous breakdown on stage. Like, he just starts going, oh, fuck, I'm bombing.

I'm bad at this. He, like, has a full-on freak out. And he goes, oh, fuck, I suck. And in my head, I'm like, just get off the States. Oh, my God. I want to say, like, all but 12 people. And I had to go up for 12 people. Oh.

And it went like, how well can you do for 12? But it went just enough to the owners like, yeah, you didn't look like scared up there. So I'm passing you. There was a low bar after a guy nearly shits himself before you. I can't believe Veter went on before you. Dude, I was just going to do that joke. Was it? Was it here?

Yeah, Rich. I remember rest in peace. He was like, you're very funny. You're very good. Can't use you. What? That was it. Just all compliments at the end, we already have a tall brown guy with the weird eye.

I think he already had a girl. Yeah. They were like stuck in the past for sure. Oh, shit time. We used to manage Eddie Murphy. You're like, oh, you've told this story 400 times tonight. If you walked in with two pies, they would have hired you. They're like, that's comedy.

Dude. They still have the little open mic list, right? Where they have like a sign bill's name, Eddie Murphy's name. Oh, that's right. That's cool. And I like the headshots, the old headshots in clubs is. Amazing. It is cool. I think it's very cool.

Because you're killing time and it's kind of like a museum in a way, you know? Yeah, the coolest is Zanies in Chicago has Ellen, a handwritten letter from Ellen. Jerry Seinfeld gave me your address. I'd love to work your club. I'm not gay yet. Yeah. Really cool. Call us back when you're gay.

It doesn't sell you. Yeah. Well, yeah, speak of crazies, I did the last comic standing wait in line. Like the open casting call. Holy shit. Yeah, that's crazy. The ghouls and goblins in that line. I mean, it was like a guy dressed as Batman.

Good. It was a magician. It was Judy Gold. It was all the same person. Dude, they had more of a vetting process for that one. This show was not, you had to do like a questionnaire. We had to meet with like a psychologist. Yeah.

What kind of background check are we talking? Like a full criminal. Criminal? What? I also went through our Instagram and everything to make sure that we weren't saying like crazy shit. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah, they like vetted our social media. So Cosby couldn't get in. Which is kind of a shame. I'd love to see him to a set. I pass the first round, Loki. He's like, I'm trying to come back. I love the young people. Out of all the shows like this,

there's been a million of these competition shows. This was definitely the most well done. Yeah. It's so nice, it's not NBC either that you can actually curse because we know how hard it is. You go round and around. On that show. Yeah, that's good for it.

The first word you said was smegba, I think. I think it's, I said pussy. Pussy. Yeah. Pussy. Yeah. Pussy. That's what, but it's so hard.

I remember on NBC back in the day we're like, oh my God, like, I mean, we've done a ton of late night sets, but they had a, they were stricter than late night because they're like this on to like eight. Yeah. Weeky. Because y'all came up in, like, right before us where it was like last comedy standing was that thing for y'all. And also this is like a Netflix thing so people could watch it after it's done.

So I'm getting people now being like, I watched it last week, which was not going to happen for a Are people still watching? Yeah. Yeah, people come up to me They're like, don't tell me how it end. And I was like, I did win.

Relax. But yeah, I did a show with you, what, two weeks ago at the Union Square Park? Oh, yeah. You got a huge pop. Yeah. So people are watching it.

People are watching it. People are sweet. People are very nice. I haven't gotten a lot of hate. I get a lot of DMs and they're usually like, oh, I sit on my face. Yeah, yeah. I was drinking at the time.

But the rest of them are like very nice. They're like, oh, we enjoyed you very much. And it's like, this never happens. Great. Wow. It's usually women shouldn't vote. Well, they could think that and also be like, you're pretty funny out there. I think, like, I'm not sure if you all had this.

After the show, was it demographic crazy? Like, I'm getting, like, random white dude in cells. We're talking, like, abuelita, grandmas, you know. I swear to God, my audience looks like just a UN meeting. It's crazy. Nice. It's really crazy. And we reach us a long time.

We're friends for a long time going in. So I don't know if y'all have the same thing. We're y'all coming up with the rounds together with your friends. I didn't make it that far. Yeah, me neither. I was gone pretty quickly. What, really? We were out.

Oh, they wanted, like, a sitcom person. And then we were two guys with 10 minutes on pedophilia. Yeah, we didn't have the personalities? Yeah. I remember it was you. Didn't you talk back to it? Yeah, talked back to Keenan. That was my one cool moment is that Norm after that put his arm around me.

And he was like, because we weren't supposed to cross paths, but Norm put his arm around me and he was like, I liked his shit on him. So that was a cool moment, but I did go home that night. Damn. So it was just like a quick zing back and forth. It wasn't like anything harsh. I made a joke about one of the scary movies.

But it wasn't that hard. I mean, but yeah. No, there was one. I remember this line because I was coming up as a comic, dude. I was seeing you on this episode, bro. It's a formative moment. This guy, I'm telling you right now, this guy, one of the judges was like, yeah, I don't know if you're a good guy or a bad guy.

or you're like, I don't know, you're a stod. And then Sam goes, so I'm what, a three-dimensional person? And everyone laughs. And then I think they're like, get out of this show. Oh, yeah, something like that's great. Have a good one on us, please. They don't want any pushback at all? Not really, but it sounds like something I would say.

Yeah, it's very, I think women have said that to me dating, and I've been like, so what? I cheat, I don't cheat. I'm kidding. I'm kidding on your edge. It's a show, lady. This is part of your journey. Yeah, you have a black guy, but I'm complex. No, it was a bad experience.

And the thing, too, I did America's Got Talent, too, which was like, you're not just there's one thing around comic energy, you're around everyone's anxious energy. And you realize what a ruse it is, what we do. When you're next to, like, dancers, they have to stretch, they have to stay warm. I can go up drunk, you know? But I'm like, you know, I'm texting my mom. Like, oh, I'm freaking out. She goes, read a book.

I'm like, there's two fat people from Atlantic City dancing, Mamo number five next to me. There's a bird squawking. Like, I can't just get lost in literature right now. This is stressful. But now I was doing AGT, I was about to go up. You did a COVID year, right? Pull it up. Day before COVID started, right?

So I'm in the state. I don't know if it happened to you. We're like, Terry Cruz is there. I'm waiting. Leukemia guitarist is on stage or something, right? I'm freaking out trying to get my set right. Terry Cruz has to do like B-roll now. So I'm trying to get my set ready.

He comes up. He comes up. He's like, what you have a day of the week? And I'm like the most fearful. That guy lasts the hard questions. I like that. And he's like, if you're nervous, just like, watch porn. That's what I do.

He's a dick to the porn. It was truly insane. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. Oh, we found it? Oh, my God. We can't watch stand-up on the show. Oh, you better believe it, Fannie. Is this the one where you called Heidi Kloom a slut? This is the day before COVID.

Look at you. You're so young. I'm so young. 28. 29. Oh, my God. Skinny boy. No shoulders. Oh, you look like a guy being forced into England. Oh, wow.

This is right before COVID. I looked like a straight of... Oh, my God. Mama. Oh, that's cute. This is not cute. You guys just show stuff like this? This is crazy.

This is the footage for the knife attack in London. Holy shit. My mom, I love her. Love you, Mom. Yeah, Mother is adorable. I love my mom. Do you have a traditional sword? My mom.

I love my mom, guys. Look at that cute. I love my fucking mom. Wait, how far do you make it on a... I was quarterfinals. I was, uh, Oh, crazy. Slumdog Townsend here. What?

All right. Is this an Oasis phase? What are you going through here? I took her glasses. Oh. Okay. But I love Oasis. No hate, no shade on Oasis.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not putting that on yourself. People were all competitions. It would be awesome. It was just like showcase, but it's like, nope. They want, they want to root for someone. They wouldn't watch the show if it was like, funny people on a show.

Yeah. I will say this was the, I thought it was pretty close to a showcase because no one ever got, like, reamed. Yeah. Really? The judges were never like, you're an idiot. Chicago got a little reamed. Well, Chicago, well, yeah.

How so? You did shows in Chicago and L.A. No, no, no. So we did the New York one. There's three cities. New York, LA, Chicago. With the Chicago, the Chicago, the Chicago, the Chicago, the Chicago, they edited it where everyone's bombing. Yeah.

And Kevin's so annoyed at the bombing that he changes up the rules of the show made episode. What? Y'all should watch this, but it's kind of interesting. I'll be honest. I didn't watch any of the episodes. I get that. I can't watch myself. I watched everything.

You watched everything? I did. I want to say. see how I come off. How'd I do? Yeah, I guess. People love you, man. What about Mike Turner? I heard he got shafted pretty hard. That's the one. He's the only one that kind of got a bad edit. Then he did it like a face to camera after to explain

himself. So you know, yeah. He does, he was, you got to choose one mom for the show. You can't ever want to kill it. You have to show that it's a thing that's he got chosen as the, as the guy who, you know, ate a fucking dick. But he handled it well. I don't know. What do you mean when? He wasn't happy about it. He was pissed. Okay, so he goes up, right? It's a black crowd. in Chicago. All right, he's kind of wiggery. He's fine.

He's great. I don't know if that's great. He can say bigger. It's one letter off. You know what I mean? He's got some flavad. He's flavad. He's, but what happened?

It wasn't connecting. Showcase sets are very hard. Dude, he had a black woman crowd in Chicago. Which are fun, which we love. But you don't want to go against the grain here. So he goes up. His first thing he says was, man, don't we all miss Bush, which is like, if you're in a middle-aged black lady, that's the last.

That's your ultimate hater. The president or the vagina? What are we talking about? You're not right? Honestly, with them, both they hate, I feel like. Both of them stink. Either way, they hate it. But it was just, he goes in, and he's talking about President Bush, how it's so good for white guys.

It's still good for white guys, isn't it? It's a little good for white guys. And like an older black ladies hates all this. Yeah. So he just starts bombing. My note would be don't open with something that divisive. Boom. And some of that old Bush is what, 30 years ago?

What are we doing here? Keep it current. Especially there's a much more controversial figure in office right now. Right, right, exactly. Probably not great for black ladies either. But then they like this bomb, they like throw it from like nine different angles. They get like a golly shot. There's a drone.

Drone footage of him bomb. With the timer going up on the bottom line. So he bombed pretty hard and it was pretty embarrassing. And they said they edited it to make it look worse and worse. But you know what the hardest thing about moving on is not. I don't think even the closer. In my experience, I think the opening joke, it's like you have to write an opener for every set.

Yeah. How many sets did you guys do? We ended up doing six. Eight? Eight. Oh, what do you mean sets? Six. Yeah, we did six.

That's a lot. How long is each set? Five minutes and then the last one was seven. It is six late nights. Well, one was a roast and the other one was without work. But it was still you had to open with a joke. Yeah. Who are you roasting?

Oh, that's cool. It was crazy. Why him? We all have some good ones. I think it was tough though. That was like eight months of like pain and fear because we were just terrified of like, you know, you're going up to Netflix millions of people.

I'm first on the show. Terrified. They don't tell Marshawn that we're roasting him. No. What? And so he starts talking back to me while I'm roasting. I'm like, buddy, buddy. He's like Oakland's coming out.

Yeah. Why would they not tell him? Buddy, I think they did tell him, but you know, he don't be listening to shit. Yeah. He's on media or not thereof, right? He had his, he had his drink, had a C. And then he was sitting there and he had a microphone here.

His drink slash. And he had a drink. He's a Tennessee. I mean, it was her. And then he, for me and you. It's a great guy to roast, a guy who took a lot of shots to the head with the drinking problem. Yeah, right.

The DUI is still ending. He would get genuinely upset. Like some of the things we would say, you would be like, I'm gonna kick your ass. I'm gonna say out. You know, I might have been in Oakland back and forth, but. Jeez.

Every, the first couple of roasts, it was like, hey, yo, bruh, he did the side mic? Yeah. Have you roast the whole day or just him? Everybody. Okay. Who else was out there? Oh, we got to do.

Oh, look at all the comics. So cute. Oh, yeah, Google Images? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, is that Reg? Yeah.

Oh, boy. It was, um, sis. This is literally my Instagram. That's so funny. Oh, Wednesday. It's the day before. I'm terrified. I'm like, I'm like back there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that Fury? Yeah. So this is the top 10, I think, right? Yeah. Hey.

So the judges were Seguera, Chelsea. Kimmel. Nicky. That's a good group of actual comics. It's not. Like when I do contest, Chris Rock was there. How was Rock? You know.

I heard he was tough. I heard he was a little scary. He's a legend. He's a legend. He keeps it real. He was one of the last ones. He was the one for the, what the fuck was it? The semifinal.

Were you annoyed that you're like, I don't have my best material at this point. I'm feeling a bit handicapped. I got to go in front of fucking Chris Rob. The best comic. You could have given the best joke of your life to him. Really? They had to stop cutting to his face. But he's not, let's say, a laffer.

He's not, let's say, like, a guy. Right. If he's a good joke, he would like, that's a great joke. But he won't, he's not like a giver. Sure. As opposed to, he's like, Nicky. He's a very smart guy. He's a very smart guy.

This was his face. It was literally like, ha. Everything like, if you went knock, knock, he would be like, I don't even know what to say to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't even know the next. So he was tough, but, you know, I guess it's part of it.

That's the most people come up to me afterwards and they're like, how was Chris wrong? Yeah. He was tough. He's an amazing comedian, but he's not someone I would be like, hey, tutor me. Yeah. I want to, you know, so he was kind of tough and he can't be not, he can be fake. He's like, he's simply unable to like change his face in a way that he's not trying to, right?

No, it's really. Even there's a video of him coming in when you guys are all in the green room. He's like, all right, guys, it's going to be great. You got to give it extra. And even that looked weird. I was like, what are you doing? Yeah. It's a weird clip.

It went viral, but it looked very strange. But it is weird that the bigger the stage, it's like, you're like, I have Did you open on your favorite jokes? In the first set? I did some of my favorites. But by the semi-final, I was doing some of the older bits. And then the last set I just did the set I was doing in the clubs. Same.

Perfect. Yeah, I saved my most recent stuff for the end because I was like, if I make it to the end, then, you know, I'll burn that stuff. It's so weird. I was working on it. I wasn't done with those bits. Same. And now I'm gone. I don't use them anymore.

So it feels like a weird, like I strangled my baby in the fucking weird. I think Casey Anthony did my jokes That's what I did And it was wrong We had a rose Aaron Hernandez On last comic It was really tough

He didn't take it well Yeah, I didn't take it well It was tough He killed my wife The whole thing You had a good combo On the roasting the year thing But it was weird

Because none of those people Were in the... Like I don't like a roast When the people aren't in the room So we kind of made it a point They're just gonna roast Like Diddy and Luigi Because they're in prison

Exactly So it makes sense or not there, but you feel weird being like, hey, machine gun Kelly's in the news. Yeah. But he's not here. And we got Stephen Hawking pretty good because he was dead and a pedophile. Yes. It's a double whammy. Well, and then we don't know for sure.

That's true. That's true. He never came out as a pedophile. Does anyone? Ah, good point. You get found out. He was on the island. Platinum membership, I think.

He was in their club access? Yeah. He's a gold member. They gave him the towel before he walked in. He was taken to the island. He didn't know. He was taking a hotel. Holy shit.

What the hell's going on? Everybody. What is it? St. Patty's Day parade? Look at these pics. Come in. Hey, pull up a seat if you can. I stand literally right here.

Thanks for bringing food. Where are the cameras? Where are the cameras? No camera here. Hello? But it's not pointing at us. You got to turn around. Turn around.

This way? There you go. All right. Anyone want to slice? It's a giant slice. I just said, I'm a good. Thank you.

Thank you. What's up, Greg? Hey, how are you, man? How are you, buddy? You know what I realized? Likewise. Accidental. What race are you?

Mom, I'm black. Are you? Yeah, I'm black Asian. You could be anything. That's, you can go in any neighborhood. Grew up in, uh, my parents were from Bangladesh. Oh, wow. It's really inappropriate.

Yeah, I was like, are you going to ask me? I'm like, too. I feel like I'm blocking your cameras. It was with love, I thought. We got enough. That was never. It wasn't too negative. Keep going.

You guys done already? We started. We did an hour and a half. All right. Chill in a little. Watch up. Big guy come behind you. You know what I discovered, Mark, that could be useful to you by accident.

Carrying a pizza, great way to get out of a hug. Oh. He tried to hug me like a homo and I had a pizza. So I could just put it down. That's good. You could have just put it down for a second. No. I'll bring a pizza to my parents' house.

That's what I said. I'm like, I'll just bring it up to pizza. I don't have to hug my dad. Oh, shit, I can't. My dad hugs like this. Oh, yeah. He does that one. Same.

Same. Is that why punk rockers wear like spikes all over their jackets? I don't think that's why. That's hilarious. Yeah. I think that's for the Mosh pits. They get in there. Yeah.

They can do some damage. I feel like I saw these punk rocker girls on the subway yesterday. And they had dyed hair, the spikes, the combat boots. It was like, you're a rebel, right? So why are you wearing a fucking uniform? I know, it's a lot of work. But, I mean, it's been 50 years of the same uniform. Oh, good point.

You also, when I see, like, tattoo sleeves and the sleeves are like this, I'm like, you're trying to show the sleeve. You're trying to show the tattoo. Which kind of ruins the coolness factor of it, no? You're saying they cut off the sleeves. No, no, they have the whole sleeve of tattoos. Then they're shirts like this. I'm like, you're not cool anymore because you're trying to show the tattoo.

Now you're laying. It's like an addiction, too. You see some people get, like, they do one arm, then they just do the other arm, then the leg. And you're just like, this is like an expensive thing. Very expensive. That was the most Jewish reaction to it. I mean, the money you waste.

Jesus Christ. And I went to hepatitis. And I was like, we're both our race right now. But these guys were just on a big Netflix show. Did you see Funny A.F? You know about Netflix, Greg? Yeah. New network.

It's a streaming service. Have you heard of this? It's like the new last comic standing, but I think it's bigger. Way bigger. It was just Kevin Hart thing? Yes. Oh, congratulations. That was big.

That was good. It was cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who won? Ron Taylor. Pull him up. Oh, yeah. I like Ron.

He's a comedy store guy. Yeah, a fun guy. Oh, yeah. Very funny. I don't like it as much as I like you guys. Hey. He was funny because he was like annoyed the entire time. I don't know why I'm here, man.

He kept getting through. He's a throwback. He's like one of Red Fox's friends. He lives in his van. I think that's done. But that was, that was really? Although he did say. He said if I win, I'm going to buy a new van.

And I was like, don't do that. He's the most, like, annoyed man. Yeah, he's pissed that he won. He's pissed what he was. Look at that. What was the prize? Netflix special. A Netflix special.

Do they give you money on top or just the special? No, I mean, there's a sag day rate. That's a great prize. I mean. Netflix special. But it's a hard prize because you're like, I just did all my material on Netflix. I know, I know. You got to give me some time.

Push you back five years. Yeah. I think they were trying to get them the next month. Like, hey, man, do the special. And they push the bag. But Jesus Christ. Right? I know.

And I had a, I had taped a special beforehand, so I was just sitting on a special, and then I just did all of the material from that special. So I was like, I'm just going to throw this on YouTube. Yeah, here you go. Presuto Rose, please watch it. Check it out. Oh, Shuto Rose. Yeah.

So Caitlin finished second. Is that correct? No, third. Third? Usama finished. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Second is the best.

Third is the nerd. Okay. Remember? First of the worst. Did you guys have that? Second is the best. The nerd. The nerd?

Fourth is the one with a hairy chest On the corners What if you have both? Osama did you say any bullets for like the last finale? I had one that I was like that Tom liked He was like I wish I wrote that joke

Tom Sigour Which was a big That was like That you got that on screen I was like that's gonna really help That's a good clip It was good So I save some some heat

But Ron had this five minute dick bit That I think was like The world loved Really When you're on TV It's that you're doing it for the world You know It's not just the crowd

Yeah. So going as broad as possible is probably in your best interest. I was doing like Europe versus America type stuff for like just random. I had like eight different topics for like one set, which I kind of wanted to do my way. And how did they vote? Who decided? It was that moment. The judges vote.

No, no, no, no, it was the world. It was the world. They literally put on their Roku remotes. It was just like, yeah. For the semifinals and the finals, they could go on their Roku and not Roku, but like they could pick. Really? You can do that? Uh-huh.

Oh, how about that? And there was a roast, right? There was a roast. We roasted Marshawn Lynch and Kevin and Nikki. Glazer. So that kind of stepped on because then they roasted Kevin Hart literally two weeks later on the same. So random. I think that's why they brought in Marshawn because they were like, oh, we can't do two roasts of Kevin Hart.

And so they brought in Marshawn like two weeks before we were supposed to film. I don't know if I'm supposed to be saying this, but. Yeah. No, yeah, absolutely. You put it together. Yeah. And so then we had to rewrite all of our jokes for Marsha. Were you guys digging each other in the rounds?

Like would you go on after someone in Zingham or is that kind of... I had some Caitlin jokes. Yeah, I had some of... What was best of joke about me? Olivia was like Osama looks like he eats pussy with his hands. Yeah. Pretty good. Brown.

That's great. Brown. That's great. Usama's an Indian fuck boy so he can charm a snake and then ghost it. Yeah. Fun, fun. That's good. I love it.

Best joke in the night was Rons. He was like, Kevin, you look like a slave. You get for free when you buy Marshawn Lynch. Oh. Bam. Because he didn't have a great sense. That joke, that he saved him in the whole round. That joke was so good.

It saved his ass for the whole. Wow. Did anyone tank? Because that's not a sport for every comic. No, I think everybody had a good set. Some people just didn't roast Marshon. And I think that's what got them. What?

How do you not roast him? Dude, Ray loud. I'm saying actual names. Ray loud. Yeah, they said it. Yeah. Ray didn't roast Marshaun. He got the email.

He didn't check it. Yeah. Brother, biggest day of your life. You just, you know what I miss? Bush. Michael Turner Ghost wrote some of his jokes. Wait, Ray Lau is a tough name for an Asian.

That is a curse to give an Asian negative name. Which one's the L.O., which ones he are? That's a mean. I think you figured it out probably at some point. I feel for you, Ray Ray, Ray. Or Le Rau? And if he likes Freeto Lays, that's even

So now as Ray Lowe likes to go Lays. I mean, what do you even say anymore? That's crazy to, I mean, seven rounds. It's crazy. It was the most harrowing experience of a lot. The roast, your call time is 9 a.m. You're not coming in at 4.

They always do that. Put you in the fucking pan. You're just like stewing. What is that? I don't know. And the roast is the craziest one because we don't have anything tested. No. So it was just going to be on Netflix film.

You didn't run it by any crowds at all. Dude, Steve Fury blew up pictures of the people. I was like, what? We could do that. I ran it. I went to. Comedy seller of the New joke nights. I would have pictures of people on my phone.

Oh, look at this. Good move. Did you get people to help you? Because most roasts, you got like eight people writing. That's true. I met with friends. You did. I met with Ron on Hirshberg.

I met with Michael Fox. He's an angry little fucker. He's the kid. You can write. The best roast joke writer, most underrated, too. Tell him the Big Jay joke. The Big Jay joke was, uh, big Jay doesn't seem Jewish, except that he chains his wallet to himself. That's the joke I get complimented the most.

And I have to be like that was really. Killer. Yeah. One of the great jokes. You know, he was got one of the craziest roast jokes ever. You know, Dina Hasham's joke. She was a rose family and a guy who's mother died in a motorcycle crash

and she goes his mom died the way he lives an unrecognizable road feature that joke will 100 years that is vicious It's like one of the best jokes ever That's so good

That's one where you're like oh my God But the craftsmanship You go back and forth You're like it's so fucking vicious That joke is so good Even if you don't know the word feature You kind of know what it means You put it together

It's like you learn something in the joke. I told it to a tell once. He goes, Jesus, keep it surface. I think one of the most underrated roast jokes ever is, I think it was Florentine. He goes, Bonnie McFarland, live in the American dream. She moved to America and got stupid rich. That's great. That's the rich boss for us, right?

Oh, my God, that's a good job. Yeah, Bobby, at that point, that was when Bobby was his heaviest. He was like 380 pounds. She goes, hey, Bobby, it's one more than you. So if you want to start making your way up here. That roast is underrated. It's like wall-to-wall bangers. Oh, it's incredible.

I think my favorite roast joke is ice tea. You're so old. The first thing you bought with your money was your freedom. Boom. That's your old. Which means it might have been Jesse Joyce. That's true. Wait, Jesse Joyce was writing like that.

Jesse Joyce and Geraldo together. He wrote the pizza joke. Ralphie made you so fat when you're watching porn. You come when they deliver the pizza. That's a perfect joke. Yeah, yeah. There's a clip of Ralphie standing and applauding, which you know that took a lot from. Oh, my God.

Well, he got annihilated in a roast battle with. You ever see them? Mike Lawrence. Yeah. Mike Lawrence. Oh, my God. Let's go. What was going to happen?

Oh, he knew. He didn't prepare any jokes? He just like, oh, this guy's nobody. I got him. Mike is an unbelievable writer. That's the same. But it's always paired with the best, also top five roast writer of all time, and you came with nothing.

I know. School yard stuff. He bought a Fabrize bottle. That was his big movie. Oh, the problem. That just looked worse. How about Topolo? Robin Quivers.

Yeah, you would, too, if your father fingered you and you were six. Those old Howard Sternrose are fucking, you're on some of those. Yeah, I roasted Baba Bowie one time. And I go, I said, Gary's teeth looked like a row of urinals at Shea Stadium. What was it? Was it DePaolo who said, oh, he goes, Lisa Lampinelli's fuck so many black guys. She calls him on her sickle cell.

Was that DePaolo? I don't know. Sickle cell. That's pretty good, though. I think that was Nick. They're really dumb. That's why they're so funny. That's great.

It's great. It's great. Have you guys done roast? Many times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you roast?

We more roasted each other. We roasted Nate Bargazzi. We roasted. What's a... Remember Eric I? The Janus roast. Yeah. Eric I forgot.

That was a great one. What was a good Nate roast? What did you all had? That was... It's so crazy. Oh. We just didn't film it. It feels like we're from like the 50s.

What a time. We did a roast of Nate Bargatsy, whatever it was, 15 years ago. All these stars. Nobody thought to be like, should we roll camera on this? It was just a literal private rush. Yeah, for fun.

It was Michael Chase, South Volcano, big deal. It was all these killers, soda, and yeah, no film. We did a Nate one and a Janus one. Yeah. I roasted Chevy Chase on Comedy Central. Whoa. That was a great. The one that got canceled.

I did. I went on three. I went in three hours in. Whoa. And it was back when it was still the Friars Club, bro. So the audience was like all these old Jews from the Friars Club. And they started at like noon. And I got on at like 3 o'clock.

And Chevy wouldn't say hi to anybody. Like backstage, he had sunglasses on. And it was like he hated being there. So he sat there with the sunglasses on. Did he just do it for money? Why did he? Yeah, for his wife's charity. He said he did.

I guess they donate like a million dollars to them. And so I went on and I mean, I got cut. Kevin Meaney got cut. Maron Like all these people That went on towards the end And it was it was famously The worst roast of all time

He cried? Didn't he cry? I don't know But say it Why not? You cried like a bitch I remember Marin had that joke From that roast where he said

He kept Chevy Chase kept saying Who are these nobodies And he goes We're nobody's at the beginning Of our career Oh That cuts deep

That's great Was Colbert on that one too? He had a pretty great set He did and so did Al. Lubel? No, who is the guy? Al Franken.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I've never heard that sales. Al Franken was great. Really? He always sticks it up. Never heard that sense. Yikes.

Gerald was on that too, though, right? Wasn't Todd? Todd Barry. Todd was on there, young Todd. Jeff Ross, Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah, Ross had hair. A lot of diversity was a thing. Back in the day.

Oh, my God. And then some of the old time was like, um, Freddie, Freddie, Roman, Alan King, he might have hosted it.

Yeah, I think he did. No, no, um, Paul, Paul Schaefer. Oh, that's right.

And I said, Dr. Phil with AIDS, everybody. And people bummed out. What? Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Damn. With AIDS is the classic add-on to the, yeah. Was that the famous one where Gerolo had the, the, the, the drug,

confused meltdown. No, that was Larry the cable guy. Oh, okay. And then Artie Lang. Artie Lang had to help him get to, which is crazy. Artie Lang is the guy like, you gotta get your shit together. Well, yeah, the whole story is Artie helped Greg get on a flight. He was like freaking out.

He took care of him this whole time. And he like held his hand through security because he was bugging out. And then Greg shows up for the roast. And his first line is he goes, Artie Lang, you fat fucking drug addict. He just turns into life. That's show business That's great Larry The cable guy

His real name's Dan Whitney But he had to change it Because I had the word wit in it It's too good That's clever That's too good That was a good That was a great way

There was some head There was some anger on that one Yeah It was good That was the one where He said Gerald had lost it He was like why are you so famous

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slash drunk. That's ethos.com slash drunk. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. I think he said Jeff Foxworthy was Magnum P.I. with AIDS. I could be wrong there. Those arrow, everyone had an AIDS metaphor. AIDS was big. Yeah. Because it's still killed people. It was an AIDS truck. I hope. An AIDS, the bird flies into your face. AIDS was a hot word. Well, it killed like a couple million gays.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I believe. Some straights too, actually. Yeah. That's a rumor. It's a myth.

Hemophiliacs and homophiliacs. Dog addicts. Yeah. There you go. I heard of a story. I went to the, what do you call, STD clinic, whatever. And in the waiting room, there was a video, and it was like a 15-minute video about how AIDS was ravaging the black community.

And then it turned over into a drug community. And then it was like 10 minutes on the gay community. And then it looped back to the black community. And I was like, I guess I'm all right. They just addressed the three. Then it was a mash rerun. So imagine you got the disease and you're like, but I'm white. Why? That's, check it again, doctor.

I'm so old. I'm so old when I used to work as a teenager at a hospital delivering the food to the rooms. And then this disease came out and nobody knew what it was. But they told us that when we delivered to these rooms, it was like all disposable utensils and plates. and I had to wear a mask and gloves. But they still sent me in. And they, this was like in the first year of the defeat.

Whoa. Yeah, I even have a name for it. Whoa. Whoa. That is fucking hot. What are we called grids then? Yes. Whoa.

Grids. Yeah. This is a roast joke? I didn't know. Roasting the victims in the name. They're like, bring this to three Fs. Don't fuck anyone in the road. I'm back.

They're like, They don't look hungry. They're not eating. There's a pre-AIDS protocol. You're going in with just like a gas, just a mask. That's terrifying. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I remember I to write H. Pylori, famously, this virus you get from eating ass. But I went to the doctor and I was like, I have AIDS. I know it. I was kind of having a real breakdown. And he goes, you gay? And I go, no. He goes, you use needle? And I go, no.

He goes, you don't have AIDS. That was a doctor. In lab coat. Told me that. And I left. You used needle. He was a Japanese. He was Indian.

He was Indian. He was Indian. I can't do the accent. You use a niddle. There I was. Look how puffy. That was me in the throes of illness. God.

Oh, my God. This is what I found all, y'all. It's horrible. Horrible. You look like Nick Turner with AIDS. Hit by an AIDS truck. You look like you need AIDS there. Pull up Nick Turner.

Pull that up so they realize it was a good joke. Yeah. I want the people to hope. I want the people to appreciate it. Remember that? There. It's an elder. It's a mailed.

Good call. Good call. You went to LA and I think he does a lot of acting. Okay, okay. You got AIDS. Yeah. So you guys now you burn how much, like 35 minutes? Is it 20?

It's like 20, 25. 20 of the best of the, it was fine. If you've done it for like 14 years at this point, right? So it's like we have some extra stuff. If I was like five years then this would be a terrifying moment. Sure. Yeah. I think we were lucky because I had Dirty Bird too, my previous album.

So like the semifinals, I was like, I'm just going to do everything from Dirty Bird. And then. the crowd work, we didn't have to, I think I burned one show. There was a crowdwork set? Yeah. That's true. It was crazy. You had to work in crowdwork and topical.

So it was random. What? Just do any topical and also have some crowdwork in there. This is a lot of work? Yeah, that was the one I was the most nervous about because they did the roast. And then we didn't get a day to practice or run our set. We had to do the next day, show up 9 a.m. Damn.

And then we were out. Wow. And then do crowd work. Crazy. This was a hellish week. It was the hardest week of my life. Yeah. We were terrified.

We were terrified the entire time. And where were you filming this? Sorry, I missed the... LA. Oh, okay. It was New York for the first round. Yeah. We did...

I don't think me and Kailen give a fuck that first round. We were like, oh, yeah, blah, blah. And then we got in and asked me and then you more and more. You're like, well, okay, now I truly give a fuck. Yeah. I need this. But it was fun. It was like, thank God you were there.

Because every time I was feeling too much, I would... Yeah. I would pour myself into you. There's really a great picture of us. It was after we were waiting to find out the results from the roast. Oh, yeah. And we're sitting there in a corner. just huddled together

and then he said something stupid. I don't remember what you said and we're just doubled over laughing and then panic sweating and just like this. Never again. It was crazy. It was crazy. I think everyone was from New York and some people were from New York

but I think me and Kayla we started together like auto shrunken head. We're talking like the shittiest mics on planet Earth. Yes. The third friend in New York basically I met her immediately when I came here. Yeah. So it was great. And then we made it to the finale together

and that was nice. That was the best part of the whole thing actually. Yeah. Have you found your time? draw on the road? Yeah. Did you notice a difference? Yeah.

Immediate. Immediate. I think before. Are your agents paying way more attention to you? Yes. So like, hey, pal. I don't know there's a different menu for the sellouters. Yeah.

You can buy meats and cheeses at the clubs. Yeah, right. A little shakout. Before I was doing, maybe I would be the same way. Friday, early, say, 50%, 60%, Friday late, 30% sold. Saturday, 80%, Saturday late. 50, right? All that.

barely struggling in. Definitely got to kill or else they hit you, right? Yeah. And now it's all sold out. Everything's sold out. Now, are they still accepting applications for this program? We'll put you on the link. We'll tag you in the post.

Yeah, I remember those days, too. A few days ago. You were literally insane. I think everything's selling out. Yeah, adding shows. Stuff like that. Meanwhile, Rich Voss is like Sunday at six. That's how I'm sad.

I'll be sold CDs. Out of my trunk. I saw it as I was recently he still doing that rift. It was like, you ever been to a Hampton inn? I'm like, he's still doing that one.

He's still kills. Still hits. Yeah, boss is the thing where he's like, what's up, you middle? I'm like, come on, man.

I've been headlining for 10 years. I mean, a rip that last 40 years still last. How many specials do you need? You're still in middle. You've been to a hamilton. You're like, oh, you got me there.

Now you've got to, once you're over a certain age, respectfully, you just got to go, all right, you got me there. I'm just wiping spit off my face like, good one. He's like, Bonnie's going to wheel him in.

He's going to be like, you fucking middle. Is that a new fedora? You're 90. You will be in a wheelchair gray hair in Air Force One. Oh, for sure. Now, do you guys have, because when I did last comic standing, when you got kicked off, you had to talk to a psychiatrist. Yeah.

They had that still? What? Oh, yeah. I never had a psychiatrist. Well, I did. They had a psyche valve person therapist before you even got on the show. So they would run through your shit and you'd be like, so you ever suicidal and we're comics? You're like, only after a bad set.

And we're like, ha, ha, right? They're like, so after you felt suicidal, did you harm any? Like, there was no riffing. Oh, geez. So I riffed a couple times and I was like, that's out. I'm done. I'm gone. I like my comic suicidal.

I want a headberg or a little bit of a show. Yeah, exactly. I am after you said your numbers. You can't get on now. I think some comics we know were in and then last day they were like, no. Yeah. They found out the day before we were supposed to shoot that they didn't get it. What does that?

What does that mean? The psyche valve didn't, they were crazy. The background checks. The psyche valve, they failed, yeah. So they had a good set and then it's like, we can tell you after. Whoa, I'm going to hear this. The jokes hit, but their mental state got them off. That's what I'm saying.

That's crazy. That's not fair. It was a set. Should be funny. Funny funny funny. I think Uncle Vinny's in Jersey should have a psychologist. So was Yamanika Furious when they kicked her off? Yeah.

It was crazy. Who's idea is that? I know. To have a therapist. Yeah. Also, if you cop is crazy, then you might get mad that you got kicked off. Then you might shoot somebody or something. Yeah, I thought it was, I mean, my best interest to be a little crazy.

That's what I did. I was like, I'll be a little suicidal. Uh-oh. I was trying to play it cool the whole time. I was like, you're not going to get my ass. I'm a nice lady. Yeah, it was weird. Then we got in and then it was the, it was a VU.

That was the first round. Yeah. And it was... That was awesome. People go crazy on... I don't know if friends you know were not the same people. Oh, totally.

Totally. Yeah. They lose their mind. Good friends. Totally. Angry people. Like, I'm fucking wrong. I know.

We're like... Ripping the mics off. Like, that's a nice, light-skinned guy. I don't know why he's being so dark-skinned, right? Yeah. Anyone have a snap set? Anyone just go, fuck this. Fuck this.

Fuck you, Kevin Hart. Yeah. N-word beep. Did it make it? No. I would have a far. There was a couple of... There was a comic or two that that had some crash house.

So how many did it start with? How many people were? There was 15 people in each city. And then it went to. How many cities? Three. I missed all of them. Yeah, it was.

So the first round was with me, you, who's from New York? Who else? Mia Jackson. Eva Evans. Winston. La Clerc was in it. Winston. Winston.

Reg. Yeah. Andrea Jen. Jan, yeah. Yeah. Because you didn't want to do the roast. Yeah. She's like, this is not me.

Interesting. You know, she made the top 10. Might as well try it. Yeah. Oh, she was doing like opening. Can I say this? I don't know. How many ideas have we?

I took the first one. I took the first one. I took the second one. She was hoping for Melani at the time. Oh, wow. He was paying way more money. Sweet gig. And he has a production deal, I think, with Netflix.

So she was like, why don't they just devote to one of the bench? He got Robbie Hoffman a special, I believe. Malaney. Yeah. So she's like, I'll be fine with this guy. She is good. Yeah. I think she also just didn't want to do the roast.

And this opportunity came up and she was like, yeah, I'm going to do that. It's weird. It's weird. You have to be like, you have to hit every beat because not every comment as a crowdwork person. Right. The roast person. It was crazy. Yeah.

Yeah, but you're creative. You go, all right, I'll do the roast. And you go, you know what? I don't like being mean other people, so I'm going to roast myself. You just do, you know. Interesting. But survive, go to the next round. Right.

That was the one everybody wanted. They were like, just get me past the roast and it doesn't matter. I'll be happy. And then we said that with every round, but like, the roast was the The roast was the one where we were like, just don't embarrass yourself. But yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was like, I want to do it myself.

I didn't want any writers, too. I was like, if I'm going to die on this, let me just die on my own. Yeah. So I watched every roast I could possibly, I watched every single Comedy Central roast. Wow. Slowly figured out how to fucking do it.

Good for you. Yeah. No, I met with people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big team. I'm busy. Ron out, I'm sweating. Please.

Yeah. Did you throw him some money? Because he needs it. It was before the baby was born. I open for a last comic winner. I'm not going to say who. And I got to tell you, he would do these shows sold out, big theaters. I would open for him.

And you could see people slowly walk out 10 minutes into a set, 12. Because they heard it all. Wow. They heard it all. So they were like, we've seen this. Fuck this. They were so excited to see him the same act every time. And they hated it.

Really? But enough about that fan. Anyway. It wasn't. It wasn't that fan. Okay. All right. I'm not that old.

Yeah. I opened for him once. Oh, really? What? He was a nice guy. All right. Do you know that Dat fan's story at the, I think it was the store? Where did he come up?

Is he from the store? I don't know. I don't know. He's probably. I think it was the store. Probably. That fan was like a door guy at the store and everyone kind of like busted his balls. He's like this nerdy guy and wasn't funny in their perceptions.

They're like, you know, you bust the guy's balls. And it's like, yeah, fuck you, dad, you suck, whatever. And then he goes and does last coming standing. He wins. And he's coming back. And it's his first time coming back to the store where he was a door guy and this kind of nerd that everyone, you know, punked or whatever

the term. And he's walking in and everyone starts applauding. And he's like, oh my God. He's like, moved. He's like, this is like the greatest moment of my life. Everyone's clapping. People are like emotional. And he's like, wow, he's really taking it in. He looks back and Rodney Dangerfield has a cane. And he's...

Oh, my God. That's true. That's too funny. It's amazing. There is a version of that that is true, and I think that's pretty close to the story. That's that fan. He doesn't get no respect, I'll tell you. Rodney's in a bathrobe.

That fan is dead. No, I saw him in a casino. I saw his poster to casino. That's a big swing. I think he's dead. Someone told me he died. Maybe on stage. No.

Boom. Still working. Oh, 275. There you go. I met him once. He told me he gets his pants tailored so he can high kick during his set. Wow. So his pants don't rip.

Yeah. Good for him. That's commitment. I know. He beat Raffi Mae, right? Yeah. And in life. Yeah.

Oh, Rick Mee is dead. There we go. Wasn't Voss third on that season? Oh, shit. Is that right? That's crazy. No wonder he's a legend. Yeah, because that was the first year.

Didn't y'all have the crowdwork episode, too? I saw, you all have a, wasn't there a crowdwork episode on the last coming standing season? where April Macy gets, like, destroyed or something? Not on my year. No, I did the last year. They didn't do it then. It's wild. You had a good year because you had Norm and Jezzanek.

So it was like more real comedians. Well, it was a very exciting year. Jezzanek was there and Norm was a judge. But it was the first year that they didn't do the challenge. And then it aired at 10 p.m. instead of 9 p.m. So nobody watched it. And you got pretty far. I watched it.

I was watching it. I love this Joe. This guy. Thank you. I was in the top time. Top 10, yeah. That's how I found out about you. You did the baby joke with the itching.

Yeah, I had a great set, but it was one of many things that I was like, now it's away. Now, here we go. And they were like, yeah, that's ratings are bad. Did you run out of clean material? No, no, I did great. I remember. What's hard?

We were just saying like Netflix, they can say whatever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you all three on the one that Joe was on? No, I was on the season Joe was on, and I think Mar, you were on the year before. Yeah, before, yeah. I didn't make it far.

What was amazing about it was it was union. Because I was doing, last coming stand at the exact same time that Veter was doing America's Got Talent, which was a non-union. So he was like on the show all the time, making no money and flying himself to L.A. Yes. And I was getting paid like hundreds of dollars an hour to just fart around. So he got like 100,000 followers. I got none, but I made like $75,000 or something. What the fuck?

Wow. I'm guessing on the number. But it was a bunch. I just added up. how much he makes a year. You know, he's making a half a million dollars a year. Whoa.

This is a good. You are? This is good podcast. Wow. No, this is him assessing. Do that. Do these guys. No,

I feel like it's a low ball for a joke. I think it is. After I said it, I went, no, he's making more than that. Pull it the Google on them. Do this all the time. Why are we doing this? They're not all that.

I'm not all that comfortable with this. Yeah. It's like women's weight on Tinder. Joe is Network. One. That's actually hurtful. That's so funny. Not the 1.2 million from power is, holy shit.

Thank you. There you go. Now, who was your judges? I just made $800,000. Look at that. Whoa. Scroll down one more. Let's see if I can get the three.

No, Jesus, don't click on that. Over 500,000. Easily. Wow. I'm worried about this. A lot of people are thinking about this. Boy, their eggs is paying. What is this?

What is this? This is Gallic's his home screen. What's wrong with you? Now, who were your judges? You had Norm, who's the other guy? Norm, Keenan and Roseanne. And Roseanne, that's right, yeah, yeah. And Norm was incredibly nice to me,

and then the entire country took it as very insulting. He's like, you're an amazing writer, your future's going to be in writing, and everyone's like, he just said he's ugly, he called him a piece of shit, I was like, oh, I think it was being nice. Oh, let's see, Puluvo's feet. What are you doing, Matt?

This is Kaila Flufo's. They got everybody. On wiki feet. Oh, I'm on wiki feet? This is crazy. Who's looking at her feet? We finally get a woman on the show and you have to make her on comfortable. What are you mean?

It is crazy that you're pulling up a bikini pick of me right now. Right after he pulled up my net worth. Yeah. What the fuck? I look up your wiki feet. I looked up his wiki feet first and he's not on there. This is insane. Now pull up Greg's dick.

Jesus. Before you do that, send me the link to that site. But that is inappropriate. Who are the judges? Who are the judges in your final round? The final round. It was a Lickie Lager. And Tom.

Tom's. Oh, real comedians. So they have to choose. Oh, the country choose. They had no say. But they must have some say because they're comedy on it before people vote. There was a, there was a. Yeah, they commented.

But they were nice to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. It looks a bad look. if you're like you fucking hack, kill yourself. Norm could be a little rough, though. Norm could be rough. He got into it with Harrison Greenbaum, I remember.

Because he did some anti-Christian stuff. It went back and went back and rolled on Twitter after that too. Yeah. Didn't end on screen. Yeah. Norr would, like, couldn't let it go. That's crazy. No, Norr, I remember he was in my podcast once, and I said something about priests and he

fucking laid into me. Really? Yeah, he was a big defender. The faith. Was he Christian Catholic? I think it was Catholic. I think it was Catholic. He fought with a Dawkins.

on line once. Really? Yeah. Oh my god. They went out and I think he got the best of them a little bit. And all the dogs? Yeah. He had all the stuff locked in though.

He was good. He had one that doggins didn't. He couldn't. He's like, I can't answer that one. And Norm was like, I think I got you there, Dickless. So. Very excited. Then he died.

So maybe God got him. Both died, I guess. The Dawkins died? Is he dead? No. You got to stop saying this thing. I don't know what you're doing, but you can't swing again. the hip.

Sam's like, Darrell Dawkins is dead. A couple of God-hater novel guys. That's true. That's a good point. They all same to me. Whether the new atheist people.

Is Dolly Parton dead? Why is she up there? She's been dead. Let me see her feet. She is alive. No, she's alive. Yeah, she has that wiki feet. Oh, pull up her wiki feet.

Good guy. I didn't even know that existed. Stand by your man. That's not her. That's different lady. This is goofs. Who sang by your man? I'm sure she did a rend dish.

Tammy something, I think. Tammy Pescatel. This is a real upside. Tammy Womack. Wynette. Winette. Opening to the great one, opening to what movie?

Sal Acuse. Which one? Stand by your man. Five easy pieces. Oh, shit. Nicholson. Also amazing role played in Blues Brothers. Stand by your head.

Oh, you're singing on stage. Oh, my last upside. This is good. Yeah. I might. What are we doing? When did you get all into WikiFeed? I look up every guest when they come in.

I apologize to you, but I looked up Joe first. Are you a feet guy? Am I in there? No, I'm not a foot guy. I don't think so. I think I keep my feet pretty deep. I have a theory that... Men feet are disgusting.

I'm hanging in an episode of the dream. I think foot fetishism is more shame than pedophilia. Well, he's a big proponent. I would rather be a foot fetishism. What? But people react. People react. Hey, hey, I'm not a foot guy.

Oh, fuck, what are you, a fof guy? People act like it's like it's crazy. People just start looking. At feet. Yeah, yeah. You're a foot guy. I'm not a fetishist, but like, I'm not afraid to say I like a nice pair of feet. I like a foot, too.

You know, like if a girl's got flip flops on and, you know, it's a nice rounded to like an Asian foot. Where it's very specific fetish. I'm turning a corner. I'm not a binding or whatever. I've got a video for you. Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that. This is fun. Oh, where they got, yeah.

Oh, I hate this. I can't even walk the way. No, no, no. This is so good. And that's a midtown, I know what's happening. Midtown foot right there. It's really gross. It's like a city foot.

Exactly. It's been on the subway train. Were you at the parade, Sam? No, it's too much for me. Yeah, I celebrated it from home. I was there. I loved it. It's too small an area.

You got to get out of the canyon of heroes and put it somewhere else. I agree. It's in my neighborhood. It's so horrible. You sent me that video early. I was leaving for the airport like 545, and like the, what are you call it's coming in. They were like bringing the floats in.

My son works on that street and he couldn't go to work that day. Wow. My brother works down there too. He couldn't go in. So I feel like all comedians watch the series through you. I really do. I was happy for the Knicks, but I was happier for you. It was crazy.

It was a good time, man. You're a better man than me because Stavros is, but I would have to be. But I would have to be unfriend with him. I couldn't handle it. Because he'd run it for the bucks like three seasons ago. He's posted like a carousel of the Knicks. I'm like, get out of here. This is my day.

He came here and became a Knicks fan because he didn't have a team growing up, but he rooted for Janus. He loves Yonis. He loves Yonis. I can't abide. I don't accept it. Did you go to every game? No, I want to go to, not every game, but I went to a few.

Look up his net worth real quick. Let's see. I'm not paying for those seats. But, no, that was, that, that, tipping game was the greatest thing I've ever seen. That's so cool. You were there? I wasn't at that one. You know, I was in LA doing shows. I had it playing, streaming while I was

doing stand-up. So I was like, I had... The audience loved that. Yeah. Sold out crowd. Hot ticket. It was my fucking 25 people. What club? Left country. Oh, okay. It was fine. It was fine.

Listen, it's like a Thursday show. That's worse than Kramer. I was in the city for Game 3, and it was so weird because I'm out on the street and it's all black people by Bryant Square Park and then you watch the game

and you watch like the inside the end what did you say? They live in the street it was a joke I feel horrible cut that Jesus Christ but like everybody in the street is black and then you cut to inside the arena and everybody's white

then you cut to the floor and all the players are black yeah interesting it is interesting Liberal. Cuck. Cuck alert. So what you're saying is the hockey team needs to win.

Get some whites out in the street. Did the Knicks have any white players? Yeah, we get Colac. Colic's white. Did he play? He played the senior player. We're just that deep that Elmerado took his minutes. But no, Colick's really good.

He got snubbed at the parade. You saw that? Amazing. That's racial profiling. They're like, who's this twink out here? And then all the cops grabbed him. And he's like, I'm on the team, dick. That's kind of fucked up.

That was reversed on a hockey team. That happened to, what's his toes? The tennis player there. James Blake. He got, like, tackled and tased at the U.S. Open one. Taze. I don't know about Taze, but, you know. It's been a James Blake hater.

Well, I was about to get him. I mean, in their defense, he looks like a guy who works at Buffalo Wild Wings or something. Like, he's a regular guy. I'll give a wing stop. That's amazing. This would be literally the biggest new story. That's what I'm saying. This is reversed.

But he was moving kind of Gen Z. I'm not going to lie. Give me that James Blitz. Yeah, he was skipping. He was not championship. He was skipping. He was a championship movement like that. You're allowed to skip me when a championship.

Yeah. It was crazy. I ran to Michael Cox from Fallon last night and he said, man, I was there. And the whole team was there, they were lit up. And I was like, they deserve it, man. Let him be lit up. Yeah. Let him be lit up.

Yeah. 10 weeks of just grinding. Look at the 86 Mets. They were more than lit up They were lit before and after Yeah, during During I was the switchup of the commentators

Is crazy So like the hate Brunson was getting before Yeah And now the way they're like You know Shitting on anybody who's not Ranking him higher Immediately

It's so quick how they change up Is they're going to trade anybody out In the off season Oh it's about Yonis is in the heat now Yonis to Miami is pretty big That's what Did that happen?

Yeah it happened yeah What? Yeah. No shit. He gives the bucks a lot of years, I feel like. They're going to be thin, though, because, you know, it depends who they can afford to keep. We'll see. Well, stop for us.

We'll have to go to Miami parade next year. Oh, too warm. You can't handle it. I got a joke. Oh, so anyway, this is something that happened with a tennis player, James Blake, the thing that we're talking about years ago. But we've moved on at this point, but. He got arrested. He just had to be arrested.

Whoa. Hey, hey, hey. What happened? I don't even do anything. He didn't even do anything. He just took him for. criminal. Oh, he fit the description. Yeah. Did you get a lawsuit out of this? Oh, yeah. I've really got my Jew cap on today. What, you got to sue? What, uh, what ethnicity is this cat? I think he's

black. Yeah. Oh, no. And he's light skin. Tennis player. I can go either way. Game like is a very He was a good player. Yeah. Not anymore. They ruined his arm. That's cool. He was a, it's called play up. It's 10 years ago. Damn. Did he win anything else? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your sport? Soccer, I'm watching the World Cup right now.

I'm going in. USA's doing pretty good. I like the games. Pretty good. They're great. I'm so excited. It's once in all the stereotypes come to life. You know, the Scots are drinking.

Yeah. The Norwegians are rowing up on escalator. The Japanese are cleaning up after them. I mean, it's very sweet. It's lovely. Everybody's getting along. We love it. The Japanese people are coming in like they didn't have internet for the last 10 years.

What? barbecue. It's like you Googled it before Hiroshi. That's true. It's so weird though. The fucking Iranians finish their games and they get flown to Tijuana immediately. That night. Whoa.

I'm sleeping in this country. Is that right? Yeah. Damn. It's pretty bad. It's like deported almost. Yeah. Basically.

I mean. And they also got a goal taken away from them, you know this? The Iran team, they took away a goal from them. and they said sorry later after the game. My bad, it was a goal. Really? Yeah. They're fucking them up a little bit.

Thank God they don't have nukes. That we know of. Anymore. Good point. Nukes of hazard. Geez. Yeah, also, oh, sorry, but there was a Norwegian guy in Bucky's filming, and he was just like, this is insane. This is what a country.

Every French person in a Costco or Walmart is a video I am double-tapping. Yeah, they're so happy. Bring it on. Everything is so much. Yeah. You can buy a bed here. Yeah. They would never go to like Biloxi, Mississippi.

Of course. It's always New York or L.A. It's another really seeing America. It's kind of just, I kind of like it. It's great. Well, Kansas. They see the people in Kansas are kind of welcoming to all these. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, the Algerian team, they're like out there with signs being like, welcome. No, there's one guy who's really mad the whole. Oh, of course. What the hell is this year? They're not showing that on tip-top. You couldn't get Sweden here? Yeah.

I find the World Cup to be the most underwhelming trophy in the history of sports. It's a bad trophy? It's a terrible trophy. It looks like a cup. I need him to pull up this trophy. Oh, Salakius went to take a shit. Oh.

Or look at the Wiccum. Yeah. The Wickeeps. And we need to see the World Cup trophy. Particularly if you could get it next to the other famous trophies. It's like a small. That's a small. It's small.

It's little. It's like the size of a bottle of whiskey. It's like a little. It's like a little. little ball. It's a world cup. The world. It's terrible. It's pretty good. It should be like an Epcot Center. What is that thing in Queens?

A big old globe. See, I guess like a little... Yeah, it's shitty. It looks shitty. Okay. You're right. You're right. That's it? That's it? That's it. It's lame, yeah.

That's worse than the MTV popcorn win. You know what I mean? When you win the MTV Awards? Yeah. Does they still do those? The MTV popcorn win? That's so. No, they don't do those, do they? I don't know. That was a good trophy.

The VMAs? The VMA, whatever. I mean, the Stanley Cup is the coolest trophy, in my opinion. Yeah. It's a huge. It's actually. And you can drink out of it. And the hardest to win.

That's a party. And the Rangers all pissed at it. So lame. So lame. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The Moon Man. I think people would watch the Oscars more.

It's the trophy was bigger. Oh. That's my take on how to get the Oscars more watch. Huge trophy. Peter Dinklage is out there. Matthews. The Peter Diggless Side Trophy. Now, this is one of the most depressing things in society to me, because I had what Matches had.

If you Google the Stanley Cup, you get pages and pages of the stupid comedy type Stanley Cup. Why is that cup so popular? Well, as the token lady, it's just very insulated. It's cute. It has a straw. It goes all the way to the bottom. And it doesn't spill. It's spill proof.

But doesn't every straw do that? No, it does not. Okay. you shut your mouth. It fits in every cup holder. No, no, I'll tell you what is. This cup is like Pete Davidson. Women only like it because other women like it.

It's not because the cup is that great. Other women like the cup. Well, it had this viral video. The mug is round. The cup is round. Yeah, I saw a Kardashian. The jar is round. I think I have a point.

What is that? Pete Davidson, good guy, other women, funny guy. trying to save it? We're back. I'm not saying this cup is bad either. I'm just saying other women go, what's up with this guy? It's a good cup. It's a hell of a cup.

It's a good cup. Two fisster. Two girls, one cup. It's very nice. This is a deadbeat cup. No, it's a good cup. Great cup. I like a cup like that, but I just don't understand the hysteria. You don't know, the cups. Wait, why is there some that's 40, 20, 300? Why the price rate is so crazy?

I mean, that I don't know. It's like beanie babies. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, I think there's a collector item. All of our references are from 1999. It's like bugs. The mass reference,

dummy, crazy. Anyone got peeves? I got a peeve. I actually have a peeve. I'm proud of this peeve. All right. I hope we haven't done this one. You go to a rental car place or someplace

where you need help, you need a guy at the desk. Right when you're in line, You got the fucking, you know, the mouse maze. You're waiting in line. I'm next. Here we go. That guy goes on break. You ever have that right when you're next?

And the guy goes, I'm going to break. And he goes, ah, there's like four people, you know? And you're like, ah, that guy's, he's closing up. He's finishing with the computer guy. And then he goes on break right when you're next. It drives me crazy. I agree. Also, the person left has never the A team.

No. It's always B-Team Betty. B-team and they're piss that they're still there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one's amazing. They get rid of labor laws. I was checking out of my hotel yesterday, and there was a huge line, and one person checking people in. And then the concierge guy is standing right there behind his little concierge.

I'm like, dude, grab a fucking computer. Let's work as a team here. It's a morass. You're like, oh, there's another guy. No, he's a different guy. Oh, my God, you're so right. When a bar back is in the bar and he's out of a kid, buddy, pick the towel off. You can pop a beer cap off.

Yeah. Yeah, you can open a beer. That's so true. I hate that. Barback is a, yeah, Gaffigan has a great bit about that. I love a barback. Why? Oh, I date a bar back.

Oh, you know, I dated a barque. I've dated a lot of barque. Because they're strong. Because they're strong, they're fun. Low ego. They still get free drinks. Humble? They have no future kind of.

None. Lots of tattoos. Yeah. You want you want the rag on them? Absolutely. Yeah, I want them with a list and a pencil in their hand. I want to go into the basement. You want a list?

A list? No, a list. Oh. Oh. I was like, you're talking about specific fetishes. I'm literally thinking of one guy. I'm the man with a lisp. Joe Lisp.

That's a great pet peeve. Thank you. I appreciate it. I had that in Portland, had that in Seattle, a couple of days. Yeah, the hotel's a big one. When they're just waiting, it's like three desks. Also, you know the person just traveled to get there. They don't care.

They don't care. Or when you do the walk up and they go, actually, and then they make you step back. Oh, oh. Actually is never good. That actually. Yeah. You know what else I don't love if no one else is chiming in? The bell on the hotel desk, they hate when you hit that ding.

So don't put it out there. I'm dying to hit that bell. Everybody wants to go, bang, it's sitting right there teasing you like a stripper you can't touch. It's like the flight attendant. You got the fucking light. Oh, they hate that light. They hate it. Oh, right.

And I overuse it. Like if I have two people sleeping next to me because I get the window, if I want a cup of coffee, ding. Coffee one cream. I'll do it twice in a flight. I used to love, remember on Virgin Airlines, you could just do the, on the, fucking, on the, on the little screen, you could just be like coffee. Really? Yeah. It was great.

I've never knew that. Oh, my God. I miss that airline. This Virgin was the best. The airplane pet fever saying, you know what? The lights don't aim right anymore. I'm trying to sleep. The person next to me got a reading thing.

That light's hitting me the eyes. Why is that his light hitting me in the fucking eyes? It's got a lazy eye. Oh, yeah. Easy, Greg. You're getting close to home there. I hate that. I hate that a lot.

That's a good one. That's a good one. I hate trying to watch an in-flight movie because you always think, oh, you know, I got one on my phone, but I can now watch it on the screen. I'll do that. And then on your left, you can see the...

I know. And then it freezes. It's always a pivotal scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, true. Someone posted recently, they were watching. I forgot who it was, but someone posted,

it was literally the scene where Joe Pesci's about to get murdered in Goodfellas, and it was like, you've been interrupted by your pilot. You're just watching the gun up. That's great. Yeah. Damn. They don't censor the movies anymore in the other.

No. No, it's all out there. You watch people full on fucking, straight up fucking, this kid's watching like basic instinct on Delta Plus or something. Remember this? Yeah. Kind of a fun movie, actually. All the nudity aside, it's still kind of fun.

It's way night. It's good. Great. plane rise where everyone would watch the same movie. Yes, we used to be in the country. Commutal. And you have to all watch the same movie. Yeah.

Well, did you see when the Knicks won their reaction on the flight? That was cool. No. Because everybody had it streaming on their screens, and the fucking flight went bananas. Wow. If you muted that and put 9-11 footage, the same thing. You're not that big a fan, though, if you're flying during that game. That's true.

Because there's a chance you wouldn't have a fucking, there's a chance you wouldn't have a TV. And if you're willing to take that chance. Interesting. I'm not flying. A lot of old school New Yorkers do not like the sort of bandwagoners. I'm like, no, I'm okay. Bad bidsies are at the show. Like, girls are hot.

They're hanging out. Not you, I'm saying. I'm saying, like, it's fun when girls are into the stuff, you know? I agree. I like the vibe. Yeah. Also, the streets are full. I'm happy.

I'm happy at how much Nix, this is like a little, like, weird utopia I'm living in right now. We're just, everyone's walking down the street of Nick stuff. And I was like, oh my God, I thought I'd never see today. Yeah, people are looking toes out here. We're so different. We're so different. I'm like, outraged. I see girls with pink red socks hats on,

and I want to just smack them in the face. Really? Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here. No, I was just trolling Caitlin on that one. But you know what I mean? I never wear a redsox hat. A hawk world means nothing to you.

No, this is my pet peeve is on this. You can enjoy the nigg. Hey, I moved to New York. you don't get a carousel post and to march at the parade. If you're from fucking Baltimore. Or many other people. I love Stabi.

I love the, he's the great guy. And go to your house, give you a hug. I texted you. Congrats, buddy. But I, I, this idea of like, well, I love the buck six months ago. But today I'm going to do a carous. And by the way, you go to the comments

and there's plenty of people lighten them up with the same. Oh, really? Someone's like, you wrote three paragraphs to say you're a bandwagon fan and there's a few other than like that. You brought this, a pet people as a human being?

He's got to be a first. We've had groups, you know, Jews. I'm just saying, like, if you weren't a fan as a child, I got, he was in Baltimore,

so we didn't have a team. So I, I'm with you, like, but he is, and when I had a show on MSG, you would have role in that show. So did he.

Oh, the TV, the channel. I see what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I thought you met the Mass Square Garden. I was like,

I didn't do that show. And we've gone to some games, Gustav. Yeah. Stav is a Ravens guy. If you're a super fan of one team, I kind of respect you. Now, how do you feel about Ari Shafir

is a Yankees and Cowboys fan from Maryland? I didn't know he's a Cowboys fan. It's a little cheating. I went to a Cowboys game in Dallas with him one time. Really? Yeah, he went fucking crazy.

I just don't trust people with those allegiances because you just grew up picking the best, so it's like you're going to fuck. I, that's like you're going to fuck someone over at some point. It feels like Dallas, though, is their America's team.

And I do feel like there was a certain time where, you know, Roger Staubach and it just was a team that the country came together for. And I kind of feel like it's like that with the Knicks right now. And people don't like to like New York teams, but they have. And it's funny that like somebody like you who, you know, proselytizes about their team. The Knicks are great. Knicks are great. And then too many people like me, you go, no, it's fucking, you're not allowed to like.

I don't feel like that. He feels that way. I think if it makes you happy, I'm happy that this is what it takes to get you into basketball. I'm okay with it because I love it. So I love that other people are getting into it. But yeah, I mean, this team, like, it definitely feels better when you suffer, you know. Yeah. When this hit, but it almost hit too hard.

Like this 10 weeks for me was like, what the fuck? It was the biggest nut ever that when I finally, that when it was released, I was just like, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know how to conduct my. myself I don't know that post not

Nick's clarity it was crazy what's crazy though is then you feel you feel that way and you're like nothing can ever and then the next April round one game one you're like fuck you're like you just won but it just comes back I'll let you know

I'll let you know probably it comes back you're all Boston yeah Boston right yeah of course I got no respect for these other but Boston is always the most like intense about their Philly's up there. Philly's up there.

I grew up in Dallas. It was big Cowboys town. But Mavs, I was there when Nuitki won. That was an awesome. And it was crazy. It was the first time people were outside in Dallas. They were down 02, weren't they? Yeah.

And Dirk had already lost to that heat team. And people say that's the heaviest ring ever because he had to go through like Kobe, the OKC with Duran and Lesbran Hardin. And then he fucking took down the heatles, the LeBron heat. And they were evil. LeBron was evil back then. He was like a young creator and Dirk was sick

The first game They were like And they mocked him And that was like the whole world Came on our side They were so likable that man It was great It was great

They were Was that Mark Cuban out there too? Yeah Yeah That was crazy I had this experience But then also everyone turns You like the Patriots

In 2001 2002 Super Bowl The whole world was Rewing for them As it was post 9-11 They were the underdogs rookie quarterback, the Rams had already won. It was this 9-11-y thing.

And so the world... Nine-eleveny thing is hilarious. Because the planes took off from Boston. People were... No, you dummy, because they're the Patriots. Red, white and blue, Patriots. No, no. Everybody was rooting for... America was rooting for them.

They were an underdog. We just been attacked. The Rams. Pipe down if you don't know the second team. But the Patriots, patriotic, Patriot, you dummy. Patriots. And the Rams are one, right? Yes.

They're the Patriots You're missing the point here Patriots They do something off from Logan One of the place I just can't believe this isn't getting through The Patriots Red, white, blue

I got to pee All right, we gotta pee All right, here we go I think said you have to pee That too But he'll eat three times already Peek like crazy But that's another reason I go to that parade

I need a bathroom from nearby You need access to pee. I remember we went to the movies together, and you and I both went to the piss like three times. You made me feel better about my life. I was like, I think I have cancer, prostate cancer. And you're like 10 years younger than me, and you peed like twice as much. I was like, I'm good. I'm a big movie pisser.

One time I was watching Black Swan. I filmed the movie. So all dude friends are watching it because you heard about the scene, right? And then I go to piss. I come back to like, dude, you miss the fucking. I miss the eating out scene. It was one bathroom break's worth of time Was that scene

Get on it. Later we go I come back to You know there's a website That does this They watch the movie And then they post the best time to piss Oh really?

I forget the name of the website Oh best time to piss Not the nudes No no when you can piss Without missing anything Oh wow that's great Sorry I want to hear your peeve I got excited about us people

It's movie related actually When you're seeing someone And they're just fucking tough with it Like you can't find a middle ground On movies and I'm pretty easy, but she's hit me with like three gay movies in a row, and I'm like, I can't do only gay movies. So now to like, now I don't know what the equivalent is for women,

but I'm trying to get revenge with my picks. So I'm picking like Segal movies, just the throw-up. I don't even really enjoy these movies. I'm just trying to get back to her the only way I can. I love profanation, actually. I'll watch gay movies all day. I can do one. I just can't do only gay.

What are we talking? Brokeback? Call me by your name. I've seen Brokeback. It was a single man, which I was like, it's a good movie. I don't know, a single man. What about Stranger by the Lake? No, that's very gay.

Don't get her ideas. Dude, no, but if you show her this movie, it's super gay, but it's an amazing. We watched it on our picture. It's a great, great movie, but it's like, it's like pulling out and coming on the guy gay. You're watching it like that. Oh, it's gay. Have you seen it gay? I was 15.

We used to go to this mall in White Plains, you know, the gallery of mall and white planes. It was like where every kid in Westchester would kind of converge on the weekends. So me and my buddy, Sneaky Pete, smoked some tie stick. And then we meet these two girls from Yonkers. And we were 15 years old. And we go, do you guys want to go see a movie? So we go to the movie theater. And the next movie playing was a film called cruising with Al Pacino.

So we walk in and we have no fucking idea what it is. We just know it's Al Pacino. So we sit. This sounds like one tough movie. It's about guys in leather cruising. and fucking each other up the end. So we watched the first game scene and me and Sneaky Pete

go, we got to go to the bathroom and we just fucking bailed. And these two 50-year-old girls are just sitting alone in a movie theater. Classic sneaky Pete. I love that you're wearing that hat and have a friend named Sneaky Pete. That took us all back.

On paper, this movie sounds great. Cruising's a cool word. And it's Pacino. He looks tough. Is it a good movie there? That's not a good movie. I only know the first nine minutes. No. It's a...

It's a screbly flawed, it's sick. Yeah. I love the Palmer, dude. But you know a couple of gay roles. He was never above it, right? I have no idea. Where he was trying to get the money of surgery. True, true.

A cowboy one, jiggle-o? That's a sneaky gay. A sneaky-peat type of sneaky gay. Sneaky skee. Sn sneaky gay. Sneaky skit. Sarah and I saw the master in the theater, and there was a bunch of, there was like a family of black people behind us.

And then there's a scene where everyone's just naked, like, full nudity and they're dancing around just dicks everywhere and they all got up there. No, hell no, no wait! No way! They all just followed up. That would even build as a black family movie. Like, why would they even... I think this was long enough a gun that people just went to movies. Whoa! I'm looking at

somebody's pudd there. Richard Geer, which I think he should have fluffed. I watched that when I was a kid even. I was like, oh, he fucked up. It looks severed, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, they didn't flip up Terence Howard either. Like, you know, really? Everyone thinks he has a small one. Pull up Howard. Wasn't Terrence Howard? Tower penis? Yeah. I'm sure it's better than

gear. Yeah, what's the biggest shlong shot in the movie? It was it from any given... Fake work. Oh, yeah, the dicks in any given Sunday. Any given Sunday. They're bad. Oh, wow. Wow. No wonder he's out of movie. He never worked again. Oh, my God. It's hard out of here for a pimp.

It looks like a pug's nose. It's rough. Oh, man. It doesn't clear his balls. That's a bad song. Who's that behind you? A grower. You don't know. No one grows that much. I mean, it's a clit. Also, do a setup or something. He's jiggling right out of there.

She's so smooth. Yikes. So shiny and smooth. It gets lost in the bush. He's a real actor. That's a real actor. He's a great actor. I am an actor.

I thank God he's good at something. Wow. Holy moly. Huey Lewis has got to be. No, any given Sunday locker room scene. Yeah. Oh, really? Yep.

I don't know I'm giving you ammo to search. I'm like pulling up. Poking and. Salt Bird was that his real dick? Yeah, I wasn't that impressed. Everybody's like he's got a huge hog. I was like, it's a normal hog. Well, he's 6-8, so maybe it's like...

Barry Cogan. Oh, they said Hulk Hogan. Oh, no, no, Barry Cogan. I think he's 5-7. Saltburn penis. At the end of... You know, that was a riff? That fucking the grave scene was a ad-lib.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was him being like... I should be impressed by that. I know. I know. That was not in the script, and they just kept it. Have you guys seen a...

session? Yeah. I liked it. It's fun. I thought it was really fun. It's fun. Yeah. It makes no sense, but it's really fun.

Do they make it for like less than a million dollars? 750K and it's broken over 300, right? Yeah, it's crazy. That's good for people that are trying to make indie films. You better believe it. Guys will make it stuff on Instagram. Hey now.

We're trying. We're shooting in October. So that's not trying. That's exciting. Amazing. That's doing. Yeah. What?

That's not trying to make a movie. We're making a movie. We're making a movie. Amazing. Call sheets are coming out and stuff? We're working. Slow down. I've never heard of a cult sheet.

Is that that prop bet website, Calci? No, obsession was fun and funny and scary. That was great. I enjoyed it. The acting was great. The girl was amazing. And I appreciate that the director came out and was like, as massive plot hole.

It doesn't hold up. It doesn't make sense. Thank God. Which is good. It is good because there's a lot of them. Yeah. I just saw the new Spielberg movie two nights ago. Disclosure.

It's so fun. I didn't hate it. I thought it was fine. I hate it. I hate it. Think about Spielberg is he's made the greatest alien movies of all time. And then the fucking alien comes out at the end, and he's got a skinny body and long fingers and a big fucking over,

like the same alien as every movie since the 1950s. That sounds like kind of a hot body, if you ask me. Pull up the alien? I want to see this guy. I hated the movie. I was at the premiere, and he spoke and everything. but the other movie was so silly. It's a different alien.

You're going to pull up his feet, too? What kind of dick that he has? Oh, that guy's got a crazy hug, I'm sure. You think so? But it would never be big enough. It would never be big enough. He's got a bigger hug. Yeah.

Strong-thirsty. Nice, healthy, heterosexual conversation. What? The art director came out and she said, Emily made $10,000 on this. What? Yeah. Well, it's a low budget movie.

I know, but she was like, I think I deserve a bonus. She made the deal before, I guess. She did. Shit. And the director responded, and he said, the people who got money back were the people that risk money up front. Ooh, that's fair. You were a day player.

You were a contractor. That's fair. You think that's fair? I think it's fair. Well, is it standard for movie, it's for the art director to get a percentage of the movie? I've never heard of that in my life. It did a standard thing, yeah. Yeah, I've never heard of that.

With a limited release, which is probably SAG after will make a limited release deal with everybody. And I know the actor is in success get more money. Like you accept lower than scale because it's low budget, but then it goes up as the movie makes money. Nicholson did that on Batman and made a fortune. Yeah. In the back end. I think he still gets paid from Batman movies. Wow.

That's crazy. He's not dead. Yeah. Still very much alive. He looks rough. He does. He doesn't. He doesn't.

He's in his 80s. I think he's 90, dude. He might... Pull it up. 89, maybe, he's up there. Wow. Let's take a bet. I saw that one Romcom recently

he was in. As good as it gets. Oh, it's great. Wow. Very good. Lovied it. Oh, it's a... It's a really good.

It's a fun movie, dude. I've heard of it. I was like, this is fun and different. Oh, yeah. The script isn't normal. It's like unique. I was like... You make me want to be a better man.

Nicholson was kind of older when he really broke. That's true. So Joe List, we do this thing on this pod called Working on Any Bits. Well, we got to go in a minute. There's 17 people in the room. We got to throw up in all good comics here. Working on any bits, anyone? Well, it's going to be a while.

We didn't get any peeves from everybody else. I'm working on a bit about how the Patriot, the name Patriot means a lover of America, somebody that defends America. My peeve is try to get out of your Microsoft Word contract. Like, I found this place where you can. can buy Microsoft. Microsoft Word is a fucking annual fee. What? Like $150 a year? That's true. Yeah, for a piece of simple fucking software. I didn't know that.

Yeah. So if you, and then I found a place where you can actually buy it. It's like a little glitch. So I bought it. And then I tried to get out of my Microsoft Word. It is impossible. They put you into, you know, big companies, they just put you into a circle of hit one, hit five. Then you get somebody and they give you another number and you go on the website and ask you for cereal. I don't have the fucking serial number for my. That's my pet. That's cruel.

What's the payment a month? It's like 15 bucks a month. Oh, shit. That's substantial. I sound like Sam. I'm trying to clean up subscriptions. I have so many. They add up.

Yeah. Bobby. This is a segment of the pie. Well, that's a bad deal. Bobby Kelly, what's the sponsor that goes through all your stuff and take your subscriptions? Oh, Rocket. Rocket money. Bobby went on.

He had 83 subscriptions. Wow. Jesus. I don't know. There was anything, 83 things you could subscribe. It was like something in that ballpark. Wow. He's subscribed to Haribow Gummies.

You talk about being an addict. This guy just weighs 380 pounds. Can't drink. can't do drugs. He's like, I have 90s subscriptions. Home and Garden. Wired magazine. Highlights. I have a Patreon for Ralphie May's podcast.

I'm not working on any bits, Matt. I love you, though. You got a peave there, Ploof? I got a peave. I'm watching the World Cup, and I hate it when Americans root for other countries. That's what I'm talking about. You're American. Yes. We're for America and the Olympics, and then it comes to the World Cup.

All of a sudden, you're French. Get out of here. Here. Who's Stabros rooting for, Greece? I mean? They're not in it. Probably, to be honest. Those hummus lovers.

What if you're not rooting for America as a country right now? Doesn't matter. You're American. Sorry. I'm with you. I'm a stinky peek and get behind America. Get behind Pulisic. All right, we're going to do it.

We're not going to win, but we're going to do very much. Even if you're not a hockey person, it was so cool when they won hockey. Of course. Yes. Yeah, you got to get behind you. The best. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, these fucking Spanish people.

Don't clip that up. Wow, wow. This is a peeve I can get behind. Wow, madame. Well, see, yeah, see everybody here on the road, buy tickets. Any quick website plugs we could do? Give them some dates here. Yeah, Kaelin Palufi.

I just added a Denver date. Please come to Denver. And we just added the Comedy Works on a Thursday. What does this come out? That's the big room. Okay, great. Oh, yeah? Okay, good.

Yeah. Sacramento, we added dates. And then Charleston. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go there too. Yeah, yeah. And then Raleigh and, oh, yeah.

What am I doing in New York? Oh, fucking. Good club. Yeah, I'll be there for. Good nights. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We had a chosen Florida, too. So please buy tickets because I have student loan debt. Stood loan debt. Oh, honey. She's going to die with it. Jesus Christ. So please buy tickets. Come see me live.

It's different jokes than what you saw on the show. Good for you. I love to hear it. They're not her jugs, but they're different jokes. She's like there's black people and there's N-words. Whoa. Caitlin. What's up, guys?

Come to the shows. Look at them. Sold out. Mamasita. The one that's not selling has Milwaukee Improft. So if you're in Wisconsin, please come. It's the only one that's really tough. Yeah.

I love you all. Canada. The comedy nest. Comedy Nest. It's for off JFL. You've got to talk to your agent. That's a tough room. I don't know. You're selling out everywhere.

You're doing the Nest? It's fun. It's the odd NFL. They literally hand you up. Just come to Brookfield, Wisconsin. That's what I need you all for. I like the foot. You look like a Nickelodeon bully.

Let's go, Connie. Caitlin responded to comedy nest like a bad answer on family feud. No, no, it's good. Okay. Steve Harvey of bad gigs. Sure. I feel bad you're overtime. I'm in Tacoma and Portland, Oregon.

Go to Punch Up for my stuff. There you go. We're all on Punch Up over here. Yeah, I'm on Punch Up. There you go, Joe. Greg? July 24th. You're getting out there?

I'm out there. I don't do a lot in the summer because it's just nobody fucking comes out, but I have dates coming up. And you know how they have low ticket warnings? Sure. I have some high ticket warnings. I got, oh, this is fun. Brand new headshot, by the way.

Holy shit. No, that's not right. I just don't. Who took that headshot? Ansel Adams? They look like the Riddler. The old Batman from the 60s. Wow, you really leaning into this Irish thing.

Holy cow. It's my same patch of show. I do say Patrick's the show. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Take the shit down. My feet are on the next thing.

What do you make this on Doss? Pittsburgh. I'm coming up in Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Columbus, and a couple dates in L.A., Oxnard, whatever. Go to Fitzdog.com. Something's there. Here, here. Jesus. I'm in Cleveland, hilarity. I'll join you. There you go. An inside joke. Emerald City, Seattle. What is that? Tampa. And doing some show in East Hampton. Come on out to that. Making a weekend out of it. Cubs in San Francisco. Houston Improv. A lot of tickets there.

Nashville, come on by Pittsburgh Improv. That's a tough market. And the list goes on. Thank you. What do you got there? Right now I'm going to add some stuff, but right now we just got Lisbon. What? Cultured felt like.

Budapest. Take it's very available in Budapest. Holy shit. Doggrab, Vienna added a show in Warsaw, and then we had Helsinki, Stockholm. Copenhagen. I'll add some American dates very soon. Have you been to Poland? I have not been to Poland. Oh, you do. That's cool. What's amazing is I heard you're

doing it in the native language. I am. Two minutes set. And, uh, no, I'm buy some bodega cat whiskey. Bodeca at whiskey.com. Great app. Congratulations. Good thing. Guys. Thanks for letting us crash. I hope it's okay. Yeah, thanks for the pizza. Chilling.

Blame Matt if you didn't like it. All right. Sneaky Pete. We know the beard juice close. Talking shit about the fucking poke. And I get down in the roads. I'm out to lunch here and nude. This woman doesn't look like I remember her.