We Might Be Drunk - Colin Quinin & Jim Norton

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Colin Quinn and Jim Norton join Mark and Sam for a deep dive into the wild early days of New York comedy, from brutal road gigs and dangerous hecklers to the rise of the Comedy Cellar. Plus, Colin revisits Tough Crowd, Jim looks back on the O&A years, and the guys trade stories about Patrice O’Neal, Woody Allen, Bruce Willis, Bill Hicks, Pat Cooper, and the comedians who shaped them. Sponsored by: Smalls: Get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life https://www.smalls.com/DRUNK Mars Men: Get 50% off for life, free shipping, and three free gifts https://www.mengotomars.com/ Ethos: Get your free life insurance quote https://www.ethos.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Colin Quinn: https://www.colinquinn.com/ Jim Norton: https://www.jimnorton.com/ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ColinQuinn #JimNorton #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey0:00 Opening banter and fart talk 3:10 Comment cards and bad reviews 8:56 Brutal venues and strip clubs 13:23 MSG stories and Madonna stand-up 18:45 Bill Hicks memories and old peers 25:16 Old Comedy Cellar atmosphere 32:25 LA, driving, and road stories 44:58 Woody Allen movie and acting stories 51:29 Kevin James, Governors, Bobby Collins 54:28 Dangerous gigs and audience threats 1:06:47 O&A memories and Patrice legacy 1:21:07 Comedy pet peeves and stage intros 1:27:40 Tour dates and outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm turning off my phone on a smart mode. Good man. This guy's done a pod before. This guy's a pro. Woo. All right. Should we start? Let's do it.

Yes, I had a funny story. Hey, we're here. We might be drunk. We're back. I'm sweaty. It's hot as balls. But we got some funny guys here. Colin Quinn.

Remind him. Ad off. Kevin Brennan. Because you're probably never prepare for the podcast. Yeah, I know. I don't prepare. If you and Norton have a fart off, I'm walking out. Oh, God.

You fart, too? Yes. Yes. How did you not know? You've never farted on me. He farted out. He'd be sitting on O&A for years, and then suddenly one person would just go, what? Oh, mother.

And we'd all be like, and the room would just be cursing. Oh, you have the silent smelly ones. I like to cuff them in my hand and gently open the gift. He would just, he would smile. It was a great smile. And just watching all of us realize, motherfucker. See, I'm more of a loud farter.

But they say that's healthier. The loud and no smell is good. Either way, it's lowbrow, but we don't want to see it here in the problem. Right, Sam? No, I like that. Sam, stop trying to be a regular guy. You know, we look down on it. The term is goy.

We look down on that. All right, well, what's shaking, boys? What's happening? Lowbrow could be fun. It was so hot that I sat in traffic, an extra block, just to enjoy the air conditioning and the cab. Woo! That's funny.

Good banter. I just wanted to open with it. It was a good opening, but it's too local. Nobody else can't. Too local. When I first started in comedy, I only had like subway, like real New York material. And my first road gig, I never told you this one. It was a road gig, and I was opening for somebody in North Carolina, Nags had.

Great club. No, it was here. And I bombed every show, but we were staying at the owner's house. Oh. That's awkward. thought this was normal because it was my first gig, you know. This is a passive grass

on their part. The owner and his wife and me and the headline are sitting on couches every afternoon and they would go over all the comment cards. Oh my God. What a nightmare. And we would sit there and read 150 comment cards and I thought he goes, this is how we

do our business. But every one of them was like the middle act was terrible. He's not funny. I mean, nobody curses in North Carolina in the 80s. Sure, sure. He's terrible. You should get rid of him. He isn't that one joke.

Whoa. And I was bombing every night. It wasn't like I could be like that person. Everybody, the headline was good. This guy's. And I just sit there every day and I was like, this is tough. But I thought it was like, this is what they do. I think that's what they should do.

I think that's great. Why should you be diluted into think you were doing it? But he knows he bombed. I knew I bombed. That's YouTube comments, but in the 90s. Yes, exactly. And we'd sit there and read them all afternoon. Luckily, I smoked and I was I'd be sitting there.

going, this is a rough business. I used to have that at like crackers in Indianapolis. I would read the comment cards because they would just show you. Liz at the seller will just forward me when I get a shitty comment. No. She sent me one the other day. It was like four stars. Great show.

Samarrell sucks. And that was the whole email. Well, even if you kill, you'll get a bad comic card. So it doesn't really mean anything. Yeah. You can murder. They won't like what you talk about. Yeah.

It's always something. I liked everything, but that religion joke, whatever, whatever. Yeah, I get a lot of like, That I'm doing TED Talks now, comments. Ooh. Yay. You didn't say that's not true. That's crazy.

That's a target. It hurts when they cut to the bone, you know, when they really nail it. They should have kept that to themselves. Oh, well. Yeah, comic. Do you do Club Casbah in Jersey in Wildwood? No. You'd stay above the club.

Oh, no. Yeah. It was like one of those. It was like one of the first, like, condos. But he just built it at a plywood above the club. Right. And that club is a story. that Tony Woods was staying upstairs and still late for his set.

Right, right. That's the famous story of him in Aruba. Aruba Ray's like, hey, they just gave Natarman the light. He goes, all right, I'll get in the shower. Have you done that gig? I've not done Aruba Ray's gig. I did it years ago. You did it?

I did it. It's super fun. You bring a lady out there. It was a great time. Yeah, Natalie. Holloway. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

I don't know the victim's my first name, Jim. Sorry. I didn't want to over. sell it with Holloway. It was too much. I didn't realize it would just, yeah, I should say that. It was a great save right there.

Good save. That was like a, that was a tipping by what's his face. Yes. It's better that you didn't have to say Holloway. Yeah, that would have to suck. Yeah. Yeah, those clubs we have to stay right next to,

or even the condos. I did one gig. I think it was comedy. What was the one that, like the sea room in Minneapolis? Oh, in the mall? No, it was even worse. Joke joint. Yes.

Yes. And you stayed. and you stayed in the guys. I didn't know I was in his house. I was like, I'm in the condo. And then I'd go out and see him. I'm like, oh, shit. I'm in.

He's blowing the law. Worst. Yeah. The worst is a cruise because you bomb and then you're just with them. Yeah. You can't escape them. It's like living in a neighborhood. You know, it was like impractal Joker's cruise or Burt Chrysor Cruz.

I did the Chrysier cruise and it was like that. The shows were okay, but you just stuck on the boat. Yeah. And he also lives for that. He lives for the socializing because he's drinking and I'm like, I just want to hide after the show. Right. So is you both right for doing that goddamn thing? Right your cruise.

Well, I figured if somebody's... I turned it down. That's not a fun. That's a good time. You don't drink. No. Neither do I. Oh, yeah.

I'm just desperate for working. But I'd see Jim out there. You're on the plank with fucking full black jeans on, black t-shirt. The plank. Or whatever, the poop deck. What do you call that? The boat? Yeah, just the end all the boat.

Middle the boat. Everyone's wearing like Hawaiian shirts and shorts and you're wearing a burqa. You never did cruises starting out ever? They didn't really have. In those days, there was a... There's no, like, celebrity, like, people who knew. It was just, like, Cruz was like, the death of your career, but yeah. Well, Bert, he'll take any bad show and make it a Burt show.

Outdoors. We all hate outdoors, but he's like, but now I got the Burt Outdoors. Yeah. I got the Burt Boat. People who do cruises have shame. I just talked to someone last night, and she's like, yeah, I'm going to start doing cruises. But, you know, it's not the same as it used to be. Like, people are just embarrassed when they have to admit they're doing cruises.

But I'm like, make your money. What do I care? Yeah. Sure. We didn't need your charitable. You're right. You're right. I probably didn't need to throw that.

You know what, guys, I just want to step in. You're right. That was unnecessary. I should have just cut it as a... I remember... I did the impractical Joker's Cruise with Voss. Were we on the same one or no?

I don't think so. And Voss afterwards, someone came up to me and she goes, you were our favorite. And Voss goes, oh yeah, your other friend is prettier than you. Oh! The next time Vos has a cruise, they should treat him like Leon Klinghofer.

She was a guy. Should have just said Leo. Should have said Leo. Let him finish. No, I had to cling off for it. You had to do. I don't know who that is. You know Leighamphers?

Was it true? The PLO threw him off a boat. Oh. He didn't get a wheelchair? What? Jewish guy, they threw him off a boat. What? Wheelchair?

It was a famous story back in the 80s. In the 80s. Did they throw the chair as well or just him? No, no, they didn't want to litter. They kept the stuff. Holy shit. Looks like Polly Walnuts. What happened?

What do he do? Did he bomb? I mean, you know, remember this? I've never heard of this. That's the whole world. It's the most famous story back down. Yeah. There he goes.

What do you do? I think he's Jewish. Oh, it was a Jewish thing? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, they found out that he was Jewish. They threw him off. Whoa, what year?

88? I say, I'm going to guess 86. Yeah, I'm going to guess 83, but you guys. Oh, I was joking. 85. Yeah. Damn it. We're all wrong.

Wow. He must have complained a lot or something must have happened. It couldn't just be a throwoff for Jewish. That's wild. I'm guessing the PLO came onto the boat by force. I'm doubting that's what it was. We're taking a crew. What's the PLO?

No one's ever killed a Jew for no reason. What is it? Yes, or AFAT, Palestinian Liberation Organization. Oh, geez. That's all news to me. It's all news because it doesn't get to Brooklyn anymore, but they used to actually be some hostile Palestinians too. Oh, anyway.

That's a bit overboard. It doesn't get bad. It was a joke, because I think they shot him first, and some comic on a boat did it. joke that I'm going to order a Klinghoffer to two shots and a splash. I don't know who the comic is, but that guy's on a roll.

Give him the chair. That sounds like DePaulo's voice. Oh, DePaulo's definitely had to cut like King Klinger Rollways. Of course. He's still doing them. You know? Yeah, what were the bad gigs when you're starting out? Just like see clubs? Places that did

like the music, dance places sucked, like where there was like just, you know, they would just put the chairs on the side and they'd want to dance floor. Those were always fucking horrible. People in the middle of dancing and they stopped dancing. They didn't even know there was a comedy show. They were now comedy and they're talking about to kill us.

The ambush. And the most famous was Betty's Fire Side. You don't remember that one? I do. I did Betty's once and it wasn't as bad as everyone said it was. Yeah, well, that speaks more to your act at the time. No, but by then, hold on. Can we cut this?

By then it had improved. They never improved. Betty was an old battle axe and she was just standing there, chain smoking. You went there and the ritual, like, even the people that went there was all like bikers in the middle of Denville, New Jersey. And they would just boo like you were on like a stripper stage. It was an old strip club. Right.

And it would boo like the first two acts just destroy you just because that was there. Right. It was a Wednesday night. Yeah, it was notorious. It was in Denville, New Jersey. Yeah. Wow. And the, the box car was a hard one.

Bob Levy booked it. It was a totally nude strip club where you bring your own liquor and you would do four sets a night, Thursday. Friday, Saturday in front of this same audience. One at seven, one at eight, one at nine, one at ten. You up and do ten minutes. Only Godfrey's having a good set there. Right. Killing every time, different material. Wow. That's a hell. How the fuck do you do that?

You just, the guys just got sick of the dancers, so the bouncers and stuff just wanted comedy. The guys that worked there wanted something different. Oh, the workers. Yeah, so they had comedians come in, they'd pay you decent. Yeah, but they used to start with all strip clubs, remember? Yeah. Wow. The last one did it was Jay Leno. Remember? He did Yeah, that's right.

Jay Leonard doing strip club comedy? Crazy. The rumor is he'd put a 50 on the bar instead if I bomb, keep it. I don't know that's true. To the owner. He's like, let me do a set here. And they were like, we don't really do comedy. He's like, here's 50 bucks.

Let me do a set. And if I bomb, you can keep the money. That's the most confident comedian that's ever lived. That's insane. You can't put that. That can't be true. Pull it up. Give it a gook.

And 50 in those days. Sure. That's true. That's true. You call. I'm here to add the boomer perspective on this. Did you ever guys ever think comedy would get this big? You're out in strip clubs, you're in the box card.

Did you ever think it would go this nuclear? Not only did I not think it would get this big, but I didn't think that if it did get this big, I would be on the outside of it. I heard you're at Veterans Stadium this weekend. Is it Shane this weekend? I got the text. You're coming by?

I'm like, I got a gig, but it's going to be quite a scene. Where is that? Philadelphia. Oh, he's doing that. The Eagles. Yeah, it's going to be crazy. Crazy. He's at 80,000 seats.

Yeah, and they added seats. What? Yeah. He's doing a 4 p.m. show. No, I'm kidding. But he told me, like, the lineup of surprises, and it's a real who's who. This is coming out after, can you say? I don't want to.

When's it coming out? Huh? When's it coming out? This? Yeah. A couple weeks, probably. Oh, it'll be over then. Who's, who was it?

Well, they're all black in rappers. Oh, dang. No. They turned it down, right? Did they? Oh, I don't know. I thought that's what you said. No, no.

Diddy. 50 cents. Diddy and R. Kelly's comeback. I know Chappelle and then Meek Mill. Meek Mill is a Philly. Okay. And then another guy. Oh, 3-6 Mafia.

Oh, yeah, because they got bangers. They got like hits. They can just play like three-quick hits. Yeah, you mentioned this. I totally forgot this. Okay. Yeah, that's cool. It's going to confuse his fully white audience.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It should be like Morgan Wallen. I was like, you got to get some white guys on the show. He's like, we got McCusker. I was like, oh, okay. But honestly, guys, we joke, but diversity is never bad. He prepared to add it that just in case. I got in trouble for doing a thing with Shane already.

What did you do with him? Well, he did a music video and I outed it before. Oh, the Drake? Yeah, I didn't know it was a secret. He never told me he's a secret. Oh, you blasted it. secret too. I know, but this comes out after. After we. Supposedly, but just

cover my ass here. Yeah. You can't help yourself, can you? Well, you guys asked. We did push him. We did kind of push. You pushed me. He tried to hold out. I didn't push him. I didn't give a damn, who the hell's open for Shane? And you can put that in the... As long as Matt McCusker and Big J. is there. Big J. is there? Yeah. And you did the garden with him, right?

Yeah. How was that? It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. Crazy. Was that your first time gardening? No, I did one... 9-11. thing with Pete Davidson and 9-11 was, remember they had the things? Oh, yeah. Springsteen or, uh, no.

Pete Davidson, Chappelle. McCartney. Bill Burr. Oh, wow. That's fun. That was fun. Damn. Yeah, the garden's wild.

I did it once with Madonna. Madonna did it set. What? She went on first, thank God. How long did she go? She did five and ate a big bag of cheese. She did the garden? Did the garden?

with Schumer. With Amy, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was trying to do stand-up for a minute. Wow. Remember she did the cellar a few times? She did Fallon. She did Fallon. Pull that up.

Pull up and down on Fallon. Wow. How's it go over? I don't think I ever saw this. She's likable. Obviously a performer, but the jokes aren't great. Yeah. Obviously.

I kind of respect the fact she's doing it, though, because why would you put yourself through that at 60? Everyone loves you. You've had a great life. You're having a great career. Just humiliate yourself. I think the yes people. They think.

Oh, look. People tell her she's fun. They're like, you're so funny and then you get... Anyways, I just always think that it's good to talk about what you know. That's what I do. I just talk about what I know, right? True. So I'm gonna start with dating younger men.

You guys think that's funny? Yeah. You think that's funny? Yeah, you do, don't you? Okay. Anyway, so it's true, I date younger guys. And I have my reasons, but I'm not going to go into them. The long setup.

But I did find myself very strangely the other day. I feel bad for smirching the lady. Thinking, I haven't had a date in a couple of weeks. And I looked at my son without thinking, and I said, do you have any friends you could introduce me to? You knew where that was going. Yeah, I have to say, she's dressed like Colin in his first HBO special. Pull that up. Boy, were you hip.

Oh, the Pirates jacket? and the mullet and the cigarette sitting on the stage you're some great jokes in that one I had some good jokes thank you you know I did it with the whole thing with homeless about it and I was like you know what now I stand by that set even though I was brutalized

for years afterwards one man I didn't even know that well hammered me every time he saw me how was your set I saw your HBO half hour I was like who the fuck oh I barely know you yeah he was very abrasive feeding yeah deservedly so Yeah, the outfit.

The material was good, but the outfit was... The outfit was fine. The haircut. Nice necklace. The necklace was a little strange, but some girl gave that to me, and this girl in the front was hanging out afterwards, but I... You look like Jacob Allorty. Yeah, good point, Shane. You're a handsome dude, Colin.

I looked like Christian Bail in the fighter. There you go. After the... Now, where are we here? Is this... Miami. Whoa, why the fuck would you choose Miami? Why would you choose Miami?

I didn't. They were shooting eight in Miami. I didn't want to fucking be in Miami. And any time I were, oh, this, come on. This fucking casual guy just shows up. Shut up.

I couldn't. I couldn't get on. I had to shoot this dumb show, so I couldn't get on for a month before I had. Oh. I was fucking. And, Dave, would you forget that the stage is where you're saying?

What is this giant thing behind me? That lean is amazing. Amazing, dude. I'm biting my finger on that girl. Oh, my God. Look at this. Where's your mic? Are you just, oh, it's your wireless?

No, I think I have a mic on. It's on the jacket. I mean, look, I look good. You do. You do look good. I wouldn't say, you know, so what's that? You were the original Matt Rife. You're handsome, cool, good jawline.

I told you it was all 17. I disagreed. I disagree. You look like a swiggy. Oh, I can see it. I can see it. Hello. Were you sober at this point?

How many of you're sober you here? A few. Crazy to go Miami. You're like the quintessential New York guy. I smoked like, it wasn't my idea. I know, I know.

I'm just saying it shows. I realize my ears are a little large, but yeah. Oh, yeah. Quite the lobe. Did I know you when you smoked? I don't remember. When did you quit?

No. Okay. I quit in 1991 and 92. Yeah, I didn't know. Can you justify that necklace? I smoked all day every day. Can you justify that necklace you're wearing? Whoa

Holloway Talk to your boy Yeah talk to your boy Jim like that We just met Yeah Now who was the guy then Was it like Dennis Miller Or was it Bill Hicks

Was Dennis Miller Bill Hicks Dice Kinnison Wow Yeah They were the biggest names Brett Butler

Brett Butler was great Yeah she killed Brett Butler was great Herself Dom Herrera was big Allen Habey was big Barry Sobel Barry Sobel was big

George Wallace No he wasn't that He was Mario Joyner No he was Jerry Seinfeld Seinfeld was big Jake Johansson Jake Johansson was kind of big

You guys ever work with Bill Hicks Sure I knew Bill pretty good Never met him Really? What was he like? Great guy Great guy Like a fucking You know I mean like no

nothing like his act I mean, it was just a nice guy, it was like a real comedian that would just hang out and, you know, he had no shitty out, it was funny. Damn. And all the guys that started with, like T-Shorn Chan and those guys, they said you guys didn't see, how could we,

when he was like 17 at Houston, comedy, he did no political stuff, it was all just set up punchline and they said he had like the best surreal, like, funny. Oh, he did impressions of his teachers? Yeah, and they said he was amazing. Damn.

Yeah, and the documentary about him. I think it's American Scream. Something like that. They show him as a kid, and he's killing because he used to work in a shoe store, and he's doing a whole bit about shoe store, and it's silly and weird and big actouts. But then he just turned into, like, you know, the social commentary guy. Yeah, he got mad. But he was really a funny guy.

How's Tishon? He did the Tough Crowd Pilot. Wasn't he on that? Yeah. What's he doing? he lives in Houston he does stand up down there he does like a whole he's a own little side

comedy related business and stuff how often there people hidden you up to bring back tough crowd oh my god a few times a week right no not even

they only do it now just to fucking troll me because I was on Jim and Sam and they kept bringing it up and then so I was like stop bringing up it annoys me so of course now

you know every douchebag on social media and it's like hey you ever thought about bringing back tough crowd as a podcast as a podcast You know, someone called me I have this idea of a comment

I'm like, if it's bringing back tough crowd, you don't, and he was like, he was just silent. I'm like, you fucking idiot. It's unbelievable. Like, they think I, it hasn't crossed my mind. Like, oh, what would have radical idea?

You should have, you should have egged them on and go, dude, you got to. He doesn't think anybody wants it. Seriously, you should bring that back. That would be cool. Yeah, no one's joking, but it actually was a great show. That was a great show. It was a good time.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, if I knew comedy is going to be like popping the way all you guys were going to come up, I might have thought about it. But at the time I just thought you know, I didn't even think about comedy. Who knew comedy is going to blow up the way it's blown up? That's what I'm saying. Now we asked the audience for

some questions because they're big fans there's. How many are they going to be like when the tough crowd coming back? None of them. All right, we'll see. By the way, was I invited here and I'm crashing Collins episode? No, this is for you too. Oh, okay. Jesus, Jim.

No, no, no, no. because I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. Jim, why did you crash my episode? That's what I feel like. Now you have one average episode instead of two shitty ones. One of them said, asked Jim about Lucky Louis. Oh, yeah, you were all over that. Yeah.

You were the friend. Yeah, how was that? It was great. I mean, and it did a lot of viewers, and I wish they would have brought it back. HBO was a mistake they made. They should have done season two. Every week, Louis would go over the, he goes, we're actually getting more viewers each week,

which is rare. Usually you lose viewers. But we had Louie on. He was like, that show was dead in the water. They hated out of the gate. They did, yeah. The critics didn't like it.

Yeah. So our first question is from Isaac to Colin. Why won't you reboot tough crap? I told you. Right there. Oh, God. What's the answer? How about an answer?

It's a lot of work. No. The answer is, I did it once. I didn't want to be one of those people that does a fucking show I already did 20 years later. And also it was so, I mean, you know, Giroldo and Patrice, all those guys.

That was like the perfect mix, you guys, you know. It was good. Yeah. But it would be. Sorry, this guy, Chad asked Colin, I'm a big fan of the block by block videos you've been doing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fascinating to hear. What neighbor is you considering for your upcoming videos?

I don't know. I mean, I'd like to do, I really was more, I should be more ambitious with it and do, I'd like to do it. In my dream world, I would do every name. neighborhood in New York before I drop dead. Damn. I hope you don't make it past second after you. Aren't these neighborhoods changing, though? Like, do you go back and go?

They used to be like this. Is that the whole thing? You can't even say that because it's exactly, yeah. It's all completely. Right, right. I just talk about the old days, but yeah, you can't, you know, there's nothing there. Which block depresses you the most that has changed? The only block that hasn't changed is McDougal Street, by the way.

Oh, all right. Exactly the same as it always looked. It is amazing. I was watching that movie Inside Lewin Davis, and it's just like, oh, that's the play right next door. They didn't change any of it. It's Camping White. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

But I mean, Bleaker Street's different? No, Bleaker Street's the same. Oh, I don't know. He'd called out on it. You're right. I don't know. It is the same. I lived on Bleaker.

It feels very rich now. Wasn't it kind of like record stores and guitar shops? Now it feels kind of high end. A couple of those blocks That one weird block with the The funeral home right next to the coffee place Right next to the record store Yeah

I feel like that's been that forever I think of chess places there too on Thompson There was a good sushi place Weren't their chest chest stuff? That's still there That's still there The chess shop The chess is still there

Yeah that's where the what's you call the The mob of the big gigante The guy that walked through in the bathroom Yeah That was him right across the street Oh wow Chin? Yeah.

The chin, yeah. That was his place, right? But he's next to the chess platform. Really? Yeah. All right. He was always out there. You see him all the time with the guys walking around.

You saw him? Yeah. Doesn't it kill you when those old places go away like that? What was that? Soup and Burger? Oh, you're cozy. It kills me. I don't know why that makes me so sad.

I know. We were shooting for my movie, we did, we needed a restaurant and we're hitting up all all these places and every place was like 20 grand. And we hit up soup and burger with like 500 bucks in cash. And we're like, oh, all right. Oh, wow. Not a great sign, though, that they were so willing to just, yeah, use it, whatever. What was up?

I mean, I think like a month ago, dude, that place, I love that place. I know, classic. Great soup. Well, I remember when Joe's pieces was on the corner of Common and Bleak. Like, they moved to that location. Oh. They used to be like five stories down. I didn't know that.

I love a good classic piece of rays. Yeah. The original, I assume. But you also used to smoke. When I first went to the cellar, we walk in, and we just, every place was full of smoke. It reminded you of, like, the old days. Like, just, it was great.

It had a whole different vibe. Everybody's smoking. Estes sitting at the table. All the customers sitting there. Everybody just smoked on stage. It was ashtrays. Jesus. I look back in pictures with fucking ashtrays at the table.

How did anybody smoke in that? Upstairs when we were eating? We loved it. All the time. No, I know. If you complain, people would be like, the fuck, you're a problem. This is it on smoking section.

It's like, Two seats over. The first time I went to the cellar, I was with my friend, we were on double date, but I wanted to check out comedy, you know. And we go with these two girls, so Domarera's on stage.

And so my friend, Don Marrera has a glass of cranberry juice. And so he's drinking cranberry juice. So my friend goes, being a day, he goes, drink it before it clots. You know, like it's blood. So Don Murray goes, what did you say? And he goes, nothing.

He goes, no, no, what did you say? Seriously, I want to know him. I said drink it before it clots. And Domarero goes, Oh, man. Because it's... And he acted, it was so... Oh, that's painful.

He made my friend this big. And he brought it back like three times. Oh. And the making repeat on top of it is such a... Yes. And then acting like his reaction. Like, I remember a heck response. He was laughing so hard.

The whole crowd knew. He was just humiliated. Oh. He was great. Maybe he genuinely enjoyed your friends. I don't think so. Oh, okay. He pointed it back two times and he goes like this.

And he looks like, like, and in those days, you do like 25 at the cell. Right. Cellar was great. When the seller first started, it was like getting in there was like all the club. It was the small club. It was a club where no industry. And then night there. Yeah.

And Catch a Rising Star was the hot club, right? What's that? Catcher Rising Star was the hot club then, right? Catcheroy's still was our club. The improv was still had a name. But the club for like the real, the people that could really do time and like it was the seller.

So it wasn't really prestigious. But yeah, the catch in those places, industry. Yeah. And everybody come down late and hang out the seller. And you do 25 minutes.

They just leave you on there. And just. Jesus. You had to be able to do 25 and it was no crowd. How do they audition that? How did they audition you? Yeah, because it's like five, you could get away with passing for five minutes,

but then. I forget. Well, didn't you move into food spots first? When I started there, you were doing food spots. Oh, yeah, you get paid. Before the food spots. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I got there on like 96 or 95, so there was food spots. You're right, right, right. I heard it was B-Y-O-B, too. Is that true? No. That feels crazy. No, there was at drinks. No, that was the strip club that went up.

Oh, that was the box car. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they would make you do 25. 25 is crazy. It was 20, I think, when I started. What? Your audition was 20 minutes. That's insane.

Well, there weren't that many can meet. It was a whole different world. Right, right. She must have been so pissed, though, if you... She didn't do it. Bill Grumfest audition. Oh, yeah. I passed with Bill.

Did you pass with Bill? No, it was Esty. I got a person to seller and Dangerfield's the same day. Hey, that's cool, day. But it wasn't, like, as big a deal then. Like, it wasn't the place... Everyone wasn't like, I fuck you, you're in the cellar. It was before all the documentaries and stuff,

before Louis and Seinfeld's documentary. Well, I feel like that's what I was kind of saying, and you're just heading on. I'm just reiterating. But if you had said, as Colin said, it really wasn't the place. It might have been a little less awkward for me. It wasn't necessary to say as common.

It was necessarily acting like it was erasure on your part, as we say these days. What is erasure? You erased. You erased your head like you. Do you got to get annoyed by the prestige as guys who's been there forever that you're like, I just want to work out here. I don't want to be stared at by a bunch of industry or comics or anybody. I just want to work on stuff.

No, what are you kidding me? You like, I mean, it's great that it's cool every night, but I'm just glad none of you guys noticed. When I started, after a couple of years, the old fucks like us would move to L.A. and become writers. We won't give up our spot. When I started, all those guys moved and we were the next generation. Well, that's fine. You don't want to go to L.A.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, so, you know. He's posing for a trophy. That's a terrible fucking, fucking, I get to stretch my leg. I'm actually worried you a blood clots now. Yeah. Are you right? You want to repeat that? Is this a Richard Gere joke?

I think it was. I think it was, actually. Oh. A little journal. Oh. Yeah. Well, and I've just heard guys go up and be like, ah, you got this crowd has changed.

It used to be more fun and gritty. No. All right. I mean, sell is to sell it. I mean, it changed. It always changes. But like I said, there was no fucking crowd. We used to drag people in.

You remember which his face? Louis Schaefer. He was crazy. Was he a barker? Yeah, but he was the best barker in history. Yeah. They weren't great crowds, but he would get, he would fill the room. It was crazy.

So how do you think these other clubs, which are you guys saying prestigious, whatever, uptown, those closed, but the seller lived. Yeah. How about that? I think it's also because the seller was such a comedian's club. Right. Like even back then, when the industry was just starting to pop, the rule was no industry, like every other club's like NBC's coming. like, and the cell was like,

you come through a comedian or we don't want to, like you couldn't be like where NBC right. He did the table like a comedian had to recommend you.

Oh. Damn. Even back then. So that set a good tone, I feel like that. Good for them. I never did catch. I never did catch.

I never did catch on 80, what was it? 80 seconds of a strip. Where was catch? 78th and first. Yeah, I went in there a couple times but I never did the set there.

I kind of wish I'd worked there once. Who were the comics working catch back then? Sweetie. Wasn't Sweeney hosting? No, you wouldn't know. You just said you'd never work there. No, but I went in there. I went to my eyes closed and fucking hot in my ears. You were outside the window like that. That's not true. I went in there and I went high. I'm from New Jersey.

Yeah, well, Sweden is the MC towards the year later. But I mean, it depends what you're talking about. When I first came there, it was like, oh, you guys, nobody would have. There was a guy named Gary Lazar who was big. Like the improv comics was Havy Havy was huge in the early 90s

I mean really Domera they were all like the improv guys Ken Ova, Lou DiMaggio Sue Kalinsky I heard Lou DiMaggio is hilarious He was really funny Yeah Sue Kalinsky ever hear of her

No I haven't Didn't she do radio Yeah yeah yeah I knew her from radio I knew her name from radio I didn't know Yeah she was funny Yeah and then Katz was like Brett Butler Damn

Yeah she was there And, um... You guys made the L.A. moved in you at one point? Never. Never did it? I was there for a few years. Not for you? That's so hard to picture you in L.A.

Can you drive? Yeah. Not well, though, right? No, you don't drive well. I've driven with you. Yeah, his book says you're a shitty driver. It's ridiculous. It's true.

I just... Can I talk about that? My book? I don't remember. Yeah, you did. You said you were hoping I could run over and then you'd... What was he'd say something about the book of Lee? Because I was trying to show...

Oh, I was trying to... I was trying to show him the foliage. Yeah. But I'll tell you, the best move I ever made with Jim driving. One of my proudest moments is he wanted his cappuccino. And we're passing a Starbucks. And he'd done it to me earlier. He'd fucking driven by when I was trying to get whatever I was trying to get.

And then he forgot about that. A couple of days later, he wanted to stop at Starbucks on the way home for his cappuccino. And I drove into the, you know, the air. And then he just zoomed back on the highway. Yeah. I do remember that. Yeah, it was very unsatisfying. You ever hear of John Mulrooney, R-I-P?

John Mulroney's story about in L.A. When he's these two kids, like Crips, a Robin, he had a Porsche. Uh-oh. So the kid goes, so one of the guys is holding a gun to John Mulroney, and the other guy's, you know, trying to start his car. And the guy goes, I can't start. He goes, because it's a Porsche. It's a stick and looks at Joe Maroonie and goes,

see what I have to do. Like basically saying, see what I have to deal with him. I was holding a gun to him. Holy shit. What was his claim to fame? Was he a writer? He died. He died last year.

What did he host? He lost to the show Comics Trip Live, right? Yeah. He was a comedian. I happened to do a gig with him about a year and a half ago, an Irish thing. And he was a comedian that was famous for, he did crowd work, but he was fearless. I mean, he got attacked on state.

I mean, he would never back down. And he would get a crowd. You'd never wanted to follow John Mahoney. Yeah. He would go and just go through the crowd the whole time, but it was so good. He was so funny at it. It was crazy.

Yeah, I did a police benefit with him because he always wanted to be a cop. Yeah, he was a cop. Really? Yeah, he became a cop, yeah. But I did it in like the early 90s, and he just did an hour on cops. It was really all cops in the audience.

It was really amazing. Was he killing? He killed. Yeah. Is he a New York guy? Yeah. He's from Brooklyn. Yeah.

Oh, wow. I'd heard of him. I remember people talked about him back in the day. I don't know this guy. Did you work Pips? Sure, didn't I ever tell you my... I told you guys my big Pips story, didn't I? Please.

I'm sure I told it. I can't believe if I didn't tell it. My first night at Pips. That's in Brooklyn, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was... It's the first comedy club before the improv. It's the first comic club in the history of the world probably.

Yeah. Appetow. Get on the dock. We need a pipstock. Yeah. Well, it's closed now, but... Everyone's dead. But I was there a bunch of times.

But the first time I went, I go to audition. It's a Wednesday. I came out. So outside, on the outside on tape, it says, you know, like, Nikki Talamundo will not be here tonight. Right. So I'm like, I've told you this, right? No. So I go, oh, that's weird.

That's it? That can't be it. No, that's not it. All right. Sorry. It's literally like a wall. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no, there was stores next to it. Sheeps had bay. That's so far out. So far. David Brenner used to go work his material out there. Yeah. There's like 60 seats. It was very small.

Whoa, 60 seats. Didn't dice work there? Oh, yeah. Dice is right. Dang. Yeah, he's definitely one there. Wow. Joe and George, yeah.

Man, comedy was so niche. It was so underground. It was so underground. But isn't it weird? This is the first comedy club in the whole, probably in the whole world. So what happened? You got there? Oh.

So I get there, so it says whatever the guy's name is, Frankie, whatever. So I go in, waiting like three hours, finally get up. These guys come in from Evanowax, which is like a big Italian name, but right then, all tatted up. And nobody would have tattooed. So I started throwing chairs, goes home. The fuck, it shows over. Shows outside, everybody. Everybody's like, what the fuck?

They go outside. Apparently their friend, whatever his name was. Oh. I had not passed the week before Wednesday was auditioning. So I stood with Seth Schultz. I stood next to him like, yeah, I'm like I was going to fight with him against these guys

because I was so addicted to comedy. I got, I'll get my ass kick. Who cares? And it works. He gave me a spot on that Friday night. Hey! Which I bombed and didn't get back by... But we walk outside. This is when I should have left comedy. It's fucking beast. That's McGregor.

Fucking McGregor, baby. Yeah, with the leg. Yes. So what happened? So I go outside. Your one nipple is bigger than the other, by the way. It's annoying. No, it's just, I'm twisted a little.

No, it's not. It's just the angle. Jim knows men's nipples. Don't be jealous of that fucking Bruce Lee wingspan. Look at that. You do have a good wingspan. You're left nipple. Your nipple is out of shape.

No, it's not like that. It's not. It looks weird. No, that's just the picture. The dude looking on is the best part of this picture. Oh, yeah. The buddy. He can't believe your muscles.

It's like, God damn. packed him on. Yeah, pretty fucking beastly. So I go outside. So they have a flat-bud truck set up and their friend is up there doing his act.

And here's when I should have quit comedy about maybe, maybe there's 12 people in the whole place, about six of them leave like, oh, God, it was scary, you know, because these guys throwing fucking chairs. You're threatening everybody. And the other six people are like this, around the truck,

and this guy's doing his dumb act and they're kind of laughing like, hey, this is a pretty good comedy. They were just, there were customers in the show. Oh, my God. That's when I should have left the fucking business. They were like,

I guess the show's this guy. And he's like, hey, you have a fucking cracker. Pretty good. Well, Italians love Italian comedy. You go to Sebastian Show. It's all whops and guineas. But I told you the other one, right about the time when Pips closed.

So Ray Garvey, you remember Ray Garvey? Yeah, yeah. He was this retired copy. He taught you. But he said, Would you do a show if I get Woody Allen to do stand up and bring you on stage? I go, Ray, stop. You know, would you be on?

I go, of course I'd be on, but it's not going to happen. This is the 80s? No, this is like 1999 or something. Oh, wow. 1999, a month later, I'm literally watching Woody Allen on stage at Pips, bringing me on stage. What? Woody Allen.

The same wise guy threatened him? No, I don't. know I feel like he... How do you get Woody Allen to do stand-up? I mean, he was connected to this guy, one of the Hamels, you know, this family from Brooklyn. And it was a photographer.

And Woody Allen was always, like, connected to, like, he had Tony Surico and a bunch of his stuff, like Tony Sirico was there. Yeah, he's in Bullets of a Broadway. He was connected with a lot of something. Yeah. So, Woody Allen goes on and does jokes.

They have it on film. Yeah, that's Ray Garvey right there in the middle. Who's next to him? That's Johnny Sachs. Yeah, but on the other side. Vincent Kuratolo, I think Says Haber Who's that?

Oh yeah, Vince. Vincent Cortola. What, uh, is that the first time Woody was on stage and like Yes. And, like, stand up in how many years? So Woody goes on and does a few jokes, but he, I, anyway, but he. Are they bits from like the old album or?

No, no, just him doing some bit for, it was like a condo, some condo bit or something. Was it funny? No, he's just kind of, he didn't work on it. He just, this is his first time on stage. Yeah. Oh, watch what he has to do stand up.

Holy shit. So then I go on, and then they, so Ray Garvey, every, yeah, Danny A. Hello is in his. What's his face?

Pat Cooper's in us. Mm. So Danny A. L.O. So they bring in, Danny A. L. He comes in,

and he drives his Jaguar, and it's all on film somewhere. And then he goes, wow, and then, and then, Pat Cooper pulls up in a car service. So,

back, Pat Cooper's Pat Cooper. He goes, what? Danny Ellos in his own car. He goes, they send a fucking Jaguar for Danny Ayello

and a car service for me. That's what I'm... So they go, Pat, no, it's his own car. So then we get in. So Woody Allen, Pat Cooper goes on, they go, Pat, we're just going to film Pat. Pat goes on and does like 30 minutes

just riffing. This movie's like, it's hard. Everybody's kind of making it up as they go along. So Pat Cooper just starts riffing. But everybody, in there and just life in general and I'm telling you it's on film

some way it's fucking brilliant whoa Pat Cooper riffed he was brilliant and everyone's laugh I mean you know it's not a great crap was it sure people working and he was just brilliant I don't really know what Pat Cooper's stand-up

was like was it hilarious it was funny it was kind of like he was late you know like he never rewrote those days they didn't rewrite you know he could be right yeah but he was just a funny guy when he ripped it was fucking brilliant well he did tough crap

And he did tough crap. And with Patrice, yeah. So funny. So anyway, he finishes his set. And he goes, and they go like this. So he finishes, we all start applauding. It was crazy. Woody Allen's sitting in the audience.

And they're filming. And he goes, and they go, Ray Garvey goes, thanks, Pat. Okay, Woody, thank you for staying for this. Get some reaction shots. And he goes, Woody, you can, you know, Woody's leaving now. He just stayed for like. And he goes, thanks, Pat. Could you do it again?

Now we're going to. film you. You can't recreate it. You're going to film you. And Pat goes, Pat goes, what? You know, we just need to get Rudy's reaction and he has to leaving us.

You want me to ad lib what I just did here? You mean the brilliance that you just did, you weren't filming that, you want me to just do that again? And he goes, well, you know, Pat, don't be like that. Don't be like what? You know what?

Fuck Regovie. Fuck Woody. Alan. Oh my God. Fuck everybody in this fucking production. You, fuck you. He leaves, goes over to Randazzo's. Jackie Martling's there.

Like, this is a random way. Jackie's like, Pat, can't go back? Don't tell me, Jackie. Fuck you. And all the people are eating lunch at Randasas are like Pat Cooper. And they're Pat Cooper fans. They know he's great. Wow.

But it was really funny. It was really. Did he go back? I don't think he went. I can't remember. I don't think he did. He might have. But either way, he was never going to do what he did.

What he did was amazing. Man. And it never became a film. It was called One Night at Pips. That's the name of it. Wow, there you go. You're confident to exist somewhere? I guess so.

I'll tell you it does exist. This Idiot's movie he made was like, remember that movie with the other comedians? I mean, which one? I did a few. The one with the porn star. Oh, that was Anita Hartley, yeah. That was called One Night with something, too. I think that's what I remember.

It was with Brewer and Otto and George was in it. It was about Otto. Oh, yeah, the Otto movie. Jim was in that one. Yeah, it was a short, Adam Dubin directed. I don't remember the name of it. American Dummy. It was called American Dummy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it was a trailer for this Pips movie. Wow. No, I think this is just the club. Woody Allen's in this. Oh, my God. There's Ray. Did he own it or something, or is he a comic? That's his brother.

That's his brother. I'll kill somebody $40. That's it. You can't help yourself. It looks like a mountain. Yeah, Ray was also a fighter. Yeah, oh, boy. Wasn't he a cop, ex-cop?

He got fired for selling swag. Back in the police car or something. You had to go to jail for a lot. Oh, damn. Not the best trailer audio-wise. Yeah. Not a great trailer.

Or video. Oh, look at that. There he is. Oh, that's a photo. Weren't you going to do a Woody Allen movie, Colin? I was in a Woody Allen movie. Which one? New York Stories.

But it cut me out because I was terrible. But every day I showed up because I only knew comedy. 6 a.m. call, Thursday, the first day I show up at 8.30. The second day he goes,

who the fuck you think you are? It's 830. I was like, did they get to me? That's not the fucking way it works. Next day, she goes, you better be here at 6. 7 o'clock. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Third day, I show up late. They finally get to me to shoot it, but it was like, it was kind of cool. It was like to be directed by Woody Allen in the middle of New York Union Square. What was your part? I was a cop talking to the

character, which was a big, with the whole, it was that short film, they all did Wynneham's Corsese and somebody else didn't. Yeah, and a couple were, right? I was so bad they had to cut me out. What was your dialect? Do you remember any of it? I don't. I don't remember it.

But weren't you going to do another one, too, when you tore your ACL playing ball on grownups? Yeah, but I was trying to get out. I did, I got out of that. He was going to use me anyway. Yeah. And I just got out of it. Why?

You felt uncomfortable? I just, I don't know. I just felt weirded out about. You feel embarrassed about the first performance? No, I wasn't embarrassed by that performance. That's a valid question. Were you worried about the controversy of being in a Woody Allen movie? Yeah.

I got you. And it wasn't a great part. It was just like this weird script. Gotcha. What was the part? Some sidekick of Jim Belushi, I think. Oh, it would be great. There's like two peas in a pod.

According to Jim. Two. Damn, that's crazy. If you see the Colin highlights and grown-ups Colin can hoop. Oh, yeah. That's what I've heard. Collin's got some game.

They cut out two of my best moves. But I was on the road one. They just threw it on. It was on TV. And I was like, holy shit, Colin's got a jumper. Sure, I did. Pull it up. Didn't you guys all used to play, like, late night tough club?

I would never play, though. Yeah, we did. And those weird guys from the project showed up. It was like Patrice, Kevin, you would play. Who else would go? Big J. Big J. By the way, Big J.

Patrice was not that bad of a fucking... Big J had a little spin, like, for a center. Yeah. He had that little center spin. He was good. Plus, he hits you with that chain wallet. I got on. And then, um, who else is good?

But Kevin could play. Didn't Bobby Kelly used to go to that? I don't think so. Wasn't he there? Bobby Collins has a jumper. Really? Bobby can't hoop. Bobby can't hoop.

Dirty ass player, Bobby Collins. Bobby can't play. I heard Goldman's pretty good. Goldman's good. Yeah, he's big. Yeah. He wasn't part of it. of that.

Probably Bobby Kelly used to come to those. Maybe just to hang out on the sidelines and smoke.

Yeah. Bob was not welcome there. No. You know. Somebody else who was really good.

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Get your free quote at ethos.com slash drunk. That's E-T-H-O-S dot com slash drunk. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Kevin James, I feel like play sports. Yeah, he's an athlete. What do you mean? He was a fucking high school

wrestling star. Was it? You know, Mankind McFoly? Yeah. His idol in high school, he went to the same high school, was Kevin James in wrestling. Wow. He was a bouncer, I believe, at a nightclub. Who was?

Kevin James? Yeah. In Long Island. Well, he also did comedy, and he forgot the famous time I met him outside of governors. Just have a hop and disco in the 80s. I forget what it was called those. A hop and disco. I love the new lingo.

It was popping. Yeah. Popping, baby. It was like a real old school Guido Disco in like 1987 and 88 One time I left Governors I just worked I was excited

opening for my buddy Bobby Collins And it was a fucking bat fight outside And I said Whoa I said Kevin James Oh you see that He's like oh shit Bats

And I brought it up to him He doesn't remember Ah How do you forget a bat fight? I mean Yeah But Bobby Collins Just go to Governess

First time I opened It was for Shirley Hemphold Do you know who that is? Sure She was a comedian. Yeah, big black lady. Yeah. She was in what's happening.

She played the waitress. And she goes to the stage in her opening bit, and I was like, wow, I can't wait to see like for celebrity comedy. And she goes, I love this place. I was driving down here and I stopped at White Castle and I've been taking white casual shit all night. I was like, oh my God. That's a good opener. That's what Shirley Hamphill should open with her. Yes, that's true.

That feels right. I'm a diehard fan thing. I hope she does a White Castle shit chunk. I was hoping she'd close with that. Even the crowd was like, whoa. Yeah. But Bobby Collins would go up in Armani. Nobody even knew what Armani was.

And he'd kill. I mean, I saw him get standing ovations. Literally, he would look at you halfway through his show and wink. Take it up a notch. He would take it up a notch. And by the end of the show, he'd get a fucking standing ovation any time he wanted.

Without saying, give me a standing ovation. Nobody killed like that fucking guy Wow I'm working at 50 times Would you think that he wasn't going to follow you Was that? Would you think he wasn't going to follow you? You know, it's funny you said that

Of course I did Like several times early on I was like He can't follow the shit I just did You know middle is killed Sure Being a middle is the best fucking thing in comedy Easy spot

People don't realize Yeah no checks You don't have to warm them up You don't have to warm them up You don't have to worry about tickets You just go up there And get big laugh And you think yourself, I'm better than the headline.

Sure, he ain't got to follow this. So funny. Yeah, see, comedy felt like the, it felt like when it started, it was kind of nebushy, you know, the Woody Allen's. And then around the 80s and 90s, it got kind of tough guy. Like, you go to Boston, it was like these Don Gavin's, these Lenny Clarks, and then out in Pips, it's these mob guys. They had a toughness.

And now it feels kind of nice again. Yeah. No, I know what you're saying. It's definitely got like a blood sport atmosphere. Back of the day. You know, and still, I mean, look. Did you feel where their gigs where you guys were like, I'm in trouble? Like, this could go bad?

I only had one, and that was what I was already established. It was in New Mexico. And I did it, and there were Mexican bikers ran it, and they didn't want to pay me. And I marched into the office. Uh-oh. And I was like, yeah, I was just really being aggressive. I think the guy had a gun on the table. Jesus.

The bouncer came in. It was, hey, man, we'll just wait outside. And I realized in that moment, like, oh, he's, trying to protect me like I'm in a bad spot here because Kenny wasn't with me. So that was the only time I actually felt like this could be a fucking problem. Yeah. I got the money. You got the money?

Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. You feel like they didn't pay because you look like their little brother? No, I don't feel my opinion. You look like a small Mexican. I understood what you meant. I said they were Mexicans and you said, little brother.

I had a few gigs where they attacked me. Really? The famous one when I started, I was opening. I had to follow this music act outside of Rochester, New York, or Buffalo, outside Buffalo, North Town of Wanda. And the music guy was his local upstate kid, and he fucking killed.

Yeah. But I mean killed. Music kills. He, yeah. Like musical comedy? Yeah. Oh, that's hard to follow. Oh, my God, did he kill?

Song parodies. Because they change the room. Of course, of course. You know what I mean? and then I went up and I bomb and so I halfway through like I'm like fuck you fuck this town

and it's like all the local guys and I'm like fuck this town you're calling him stupid and they go you motherfucker I'm gonna kill me I go fuck you and then the owners like this who have to decide or whatever the book are

come here come here and I'm like I come off stage he had to hide me in the car on the bottom of the car they were out there with bats I'm gonna bat me to death and I'm on the floor of his car like he'd drive me to the airport hotel

and then they didn't pay me and you can get the money you ever heard that you remember that book i killed was that what it's called where all the guys tell stories by getting beat up or whatever the sign phone one was crazy what was that he was doing a gig i think it was in new york and i he made a joke and he was kind of struggling and a guy threw a bottle and it hit the wall behind him and he was like i'm gonna wait here until they kicked that guy out and the owner goes up and goes come on stage get off stage we're going to sneak you out the back apparently it was like a mob guy And they're like, we are more scared of him than worried about you. That happened to me at Caroline's once.

I was like struggling, huge asshole. Keep talking shit to me in the front row. And then I just said, like, throw this fucking guy out. And I think it was Ray Goetz was running it back then. He's not a big guy. And he went over and whispered to him. And the guy just went like this. And I was like, all right?

Oh, yeah. What do you do there? So I said to just keep before. Like, you have no respect from the crowd after that. Get rid of this guy. No? All right. Yeah.

Yeah, it was brutal. I was in Ohio once and this big, he was drunk, this big, like, he looked like an ex-football guy. He just, I was busted, he started talking too much, so I started fucking, you know, I was in a cranky mood. I'm like, shut the fuck up, fucking, fucking bait you. He rushed to the stage, fucking grabs me. Luckily, a couple of the owner friends were there that were all so big. There's no bouncer. Grab him, and he's, they're dragging off, and he goes, fuck you, Colin Quinn.

He said my name. Jesus. I certainly understand the emotion Those gigs I remember late night at comics were back in the day too They would just be like You were going on like three hours

In the show those crowds suck And I remember there was a table of seven dudes I'm just five minutes I'm bombing They're just shit talking to me The whole set And they're just like you fucking suck And then one of them goes

I'm gonna kick your fucking ass And I was like No one's gonna do anything One of the bartenders comes in the room I was like Can someone do something and he was like, he said he didn't say that. Oh.

That was it. He said he's going to fucking rush me and he goes, he said he didn't. I was like, all right. I mean, how many times you get fucked with and you see the bouncer? Because the problem with comedy, it doesn't happen that often where a guy charged the stage. So the bouncer's like, this is a sweet gig. I can dick around on my phone. I see the bouncer all the time and I'm like, what are we going to do here?

And then they wait until you get tackled before they do anything. Oh, you've seen the bouncer just sitting down, just playing like video games. All the time. Dangerfield was the worst. They would never defend the comic. They just wanted you. because I heard that there were some illegal influences that perhaps were involved. Exactly.

And they just didn't want the police involved at all. So Charia, who is the waiter there, if people were talking, he would go, here's what you tell them. Hey, don't bother me, pal, I'm doing my act. That was the advice. He gave the comedian. Strange advice. Don't bother me. Sometimes you have to say the obvious.

Yeah. But that's why I stopped working. They would never protect you if people were fucking talking. They would just leave them in there. Jesus Christ The worst is I hate the You're getting heckled And then you go

Hey well you shut the fuck up And the guy goes You're a comedian You can't handle it And I'm like Well I'm handling it Right now I hate this

Then you go to plan B I'm trying to do my act Yes Don't bother me Hey pal Yeah It's the worst advice From somebody

Who just didn't want to help Yeah I'll tell people Sometimes like hey These people Pay to hear me By you My friend

My friend's My friend's served at some guy in Denver that was drunk and he went on stage he was doing his act but he's drunk and the crowd says heckle him and he goes he just started crying a comedian crying on stage what? Like he just was drunk so he

for some reason the heckling got to him and he just started crying. Oh my god I get it though I fucking get it yeah I mean I've done that later you don't do that on stage Jesus Christ the one thing you can never do cry

that's also fucking phenomenal Like I would love to have a good crying on stage. Yeah. It's humiliating. Even the first time a heckler's like, all right, I'm sorry, dude. Exactly. Yeah, that's insane. Well, how about DePaolo?

He's punched two hecklers. One in Seattle, one in Boston. Both of the clubs could name giggles. Oh, really? Coast to Coast. What is that? Giggles. Didn't he knock one of them out?

People came for giggles. Well, one guy, he broke his leg. He didn't break his leg. Some other customers took the guy outside and broke his leg. And then... Had giggles. Like two years later, he DMs DeM's Apollo or something. He goes, hey, remember me?

I don't think he got, he had a fight with it. And then he broke my leg out. Was he mad at him or was he going, hey? No, he was just like, hey. Oh. I was drunk. I'm a old pal. Yeah, geez.

I love the guys who were tough as shit who were like, we're going to giggles tonight. Yes, exactly. What are you doing later? Yeah, I had a story in my act, like, back in the day about a guy who tried to beat the shit of me. And then he had my number somehow from a drunken night. and he messaged me like oh that bit's pretty funny man I was like

I know you're like the bad guy in that bit yeah right you like tried to fucking yeah it was definitely him but he knew that he was you the guy in the guy oh yeah he knew he was the bad guy in the bit

but he messaged me like we're yeah I had to get your number because I was trying to hook up with some girl he was with oh I know this story yeah yeah it was like a whole thing but in Cleveland but yeah I remember he was like

he got in my face and was like I'll fuck you up and I completely back down I was like, yeah, I don't want to. Yeah, he's a local guy. There's nothing worse than a local guy getting mad that you're trying to fuck a local girl. Yes.

They weren't together, but they were like... Yeah, he's a guy friend. Yeah, right. That's a tough move. Stinks, yeah. Yeah, but it was hilarious to do it. Like, oh, he has my fucking phone number, this lunatic. Well, when standard guy,

when Stan in New York first opened, there was a comedian, some guys were in the crap from the 80s, and this guy walks out and he goes, that was really rude. We just with my girlfriend. And the guy's like, Fuck you. It's common is my act.

And he starts working. He goes, no wait. He goes, no wait. He goes, bang, and just fucking quartermine the button. He got just dropped it. This is all he climbed at the bar. Damn. Yeah, I've heard, tell me if this is lore.

But I heard somebody answer the phone, like a flip phone in front of DePaolo while he was doing a set. And he took the phone and he goes, fuck you, closes it and put it in the guy's dike. That's real. Is that real? I mean, that's from the list. He was there. Oh, okay. That's a crazy story.

Yeah. And then the guy wanted him to buy him a new phone. phone and he was like, all right, fine. And then he said how much. And he was like, no, fuck you. I'm not spending it. Oh, wow. Yeah, but he took the guy's phone, dunked it in his rum and coke and started sipping it on stage. That's pretty emasculating. I mean, when you said it, there's no,

for no second, I think it was not weird. I thought, maybe, the only thing maybe is you got the beverage roll. It was a jack-and-cote. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. That's got to be pretty sad. But don't you guys feel like it's gotten, like now the crowd's chomping at the bit for crowd work?

Yeah. Sometimes. Not my crowd. Yeah, not on the road. I do like an hour and then I'll do like questions at the end. Like fuck around a little at the end, but I got to get the jokes out, you know? I feel like they want it, though. Really? Yeah. At the cellar?

No, just in general. I hope not. But I hate all the content. Everybody has to get content. You got to get a hire a guy all the time. But I do wish those Diet Coke de Pollo moments were on film. Yeah. Wouldn't that be great if that was out there?

Like the famous guy who's Mexican guitar, you know that one. That's a great one. Oh, my God. What's a grandpa moment? You got the light on too. All right. This guy turned his phone off immediately. The phone's giving him the light.

What was that? What was that? Is that Siri? I don't know. I think it was directions of some guy. That was a real Bruce Willis moment. Aphasia. I met Bruce Wilson here.

Bruce Willis is a love comedy. He used to go to him, Rob in L.A. all the time. Oh, cool. He was friends with Domarera. Damn, right, right, yeah. He lived in my building on the west side. You did? Yeah, and I did one scene in cop-out with Tracy and him.

And he was apparently very difficult on set. But when I met him, I'm like, yeah, we live at the, I gave the address. He goes, oh, and he was very nice to me. My one experience with Bruce Wilson was very kind. He also is a giant dick. He's very nice now. He has a giant penis. He never talked back.

Yeah. Yeah, I heard that too. Yeah, I was in some Korean deli once and he just walked in. and took photos with everybody. He was, like, super friendly to everybody. Yeah, he's a good, nice guy. Oh, wow. Is that Willis?

What's you talking about? That's Bruce Willis's penis. Oh, wow, that was easy. That you could find. We couldn't find Woody Allen all day. We got Bruce Willis's dick in two seconds. He's packing. That's good thing.

That's good. It's not Woody Allen. I mean, there's not Bruce Willis. You don't they come? Scroll up. Yeah, let's see his face. The mouth looks the same. Maybe it could be.

Yeah. I feel like it shouldn't be that easy. I'll tell you what, pal. What about the... That was good Bruce Willis. He's die soft Sorry Oh he's got a gun on his ass

He died soft That's funny Oh thanks All right all right All right Come on What is this O&A Take it easy

You look at You found one of him Spread Eagle What the fuck was that That was horrible Bruce would never do that My greatest moment My greatest moment on O&A

was Bobby was in studio And he gets nauseous Looking at certain things Oh yeah And uh... Salads? Damn, we both did one.

That was a one too. No, but like he can't handle like a pink socked open asshole. Oh, yeah, I get that. And I got him to puke. He was talking about something. I just caught him off guard. Yeah.

And he went Bobby puked. There's nothing funny than Bobby. Well, you got, you also got him with two girls one cup. Did we? Yeah. You used to get everyone with that, though.

Yeah. That's heavy. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like that shit. It's disgusting. Yeah. Fucking sitting there with a heart on.

Bile. Bile. That doesn't bother me at all. It's not sexy, but it's like, look. What movie is that from? Dog Day. No, it's that. Yes, it is.

It's from Bobby Deerfield. No, it's dog. He wore a racing helmet in that one. That's grown-ups, too. Did she short? You ever missed the old ONA days, or was that a lot? Every minute of every day. day. Really?

Yes. Oh, seriously? That's a lot of work getting up that early. It was fun, yeah. Okay. Yeah, but you stay, like, you're up early and you're still, you're at the cellar every night. I mean, that's pretty, that was pretty impressive. Yeah, yeah, we'd get up at five at one point. It's crazy. Whoa. Yeah, it sucked. But it was great. It was fun.

I mean, some legendary moments. It was a fun time. Oh, it was great. And that's where Patrice got to really, what do you say, have two specials, but we have so many hours of him on the radio. Talking, yeah. Getting him and Louis together, him and Burr together. and Marin and Joe Rogan fight. There's so much...

Did they fight on the show? Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't remember. Well, it was a phone call. I remember Berygley and Voss fighting. Yes, that was a funny one. That was great. I think Bribiglias hated me ever since.

Bill Buren him, yeah, went out of... Bill Burylena? Did they? Yeah. Maybe I wasn't in. A lot of times Bill would fill in if I was gone. If I was on the road, Bill and Patrice would go in. But, yeah, I never listened to it, but there's so many moments.

I feel like Petrie's. Being alive now, like he would have had so many just awesome takes on everything. It's just,

it's such a loss. Oh my God. You're telling you comments. We make fun of these fucking. I know, but I know I do. Oh,

what if Patrice were here? We have to deal with it. I know, but losing him and Geraldo is crazy, though. Him and Geraldo is crazy. It is crazy. Because we,

as young comics, are like, oh, we wanted to know them. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But he would like,

I always think he would love that, though, knowing that we're still being tortured with people telling us. everything we do. There's one person like, Patrice had rip you apart. Yeah, imagine Patrice heard this.

My wife had people over and one of her friends. For the Norway game? No, it's funny you should say that. It was just for a get-together. And one of the guys was just telling me how he was drunk. He just kept talking about Patrice

and how much he loved Patrice. Yeah, the Scandinavians always run their mouths about Petrie. No, he wasn't Scandinavian. He was someone who you look at it. Oh, yeah, he likes Patrice. Patrice would really enjoy this, knowing them being tortured. Right.

Every podcast you go on and people bringing up a trees forever. They don't save you the first person that said that to us. But he was a scary guy. I met him once and I steered clear. Oh yeah, he was a fight. He could be mean.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you fired him from a tough crowd, right? Oh, yeah. Did you fire him? I remember when the show started and he wasn't on. You guys run a fight. You guys ran a fight, yeah.

Because we had a fight. What was the fight about? I forget, but it wasn't show related. It was just at the table. I was like, fuck you. And I fired him. And then... How did you fire him? You just said, you're fired? I just said, you're not going to be on the fuck show. Go do your own fuck. Oh, I know what it was.

These ingrates. I don't know if Jim was part of this. They were complaining about the money they got paid on the NBC show. These dummies who never even understood how much you make, they didn't understand the concept. It's not a fucking sitcom. It's a late night show. So it's like, so Patrice and a couple

other doucheval. I don't know if Jim was... You're not talking. into the mic. What's that? You're not talking of it. He's probably part of it. Kim was probably part of it. Thank you, Jim.

But they started belly aching about their money, Keith, you know, and so I go, fuck you then you're fucking, you're fired from the fucking new show. And then he brought his mother up.

And I had to sit with him and his mother. And then I rehired him that day. Whoa. The money, tough crowd was supposed to pay a certain thing. I think like a grand an episode. But then there,

network cut it. And I remember you took me upstairs from the cellar. And you're like, look, I know we discussed this, but this is what it was going to be. It wasn't your fault. And this accountant I had at the time, I told him, he goes, I wouldn't do it if were you. What? It was just crazy. I'm like, I didn't listen to him, of course. But I didn't care about it. I never cared about them. Was it cut in half? Almost, yeah. Oh, geez.

Yeah. But he brought his mom to this thing. That was the funniest thing. I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. And she goes, I don't know what to do with him. Oh, wow. But you can't fire a guy in front of his mom. That's tough. No, this is when I rehired him. He brought him in for the rehire. Oof.

And everybody was like saying, you got to bring him back, you know. For a tough guy, it's kind of a bitch move. Let me get my mom in here. She'll get me re-hired. It wasn't a bitch move. It was more like he saw me as like, you know, the white. Oppressor? No, no, like just some figure in, where you bring your mom to school to get back into the school.

Oh, you were the principal. Got it. It is a kid move. It's kid move. But his mom was great. She was, you know. She got it. She wasn't like begging.

She was just like, hey, I don't know what you do with him either. He's a nightmare. Was the show on the air already when you fired him? Was it just being, was it on the air already? No, it was between the episodes on NBC and then it became. So he wasn't on for the first. Wait a minute. The show went to NBC?

It started that NBC. It started NBC, three episodes. I didn't know that. I mean, that was the real show. Forget tough crowd was called the Colin Quinn show. That's a catchy time. It was a. Yeah, it was a real.

It should have gotten picked up. It was very funny. It was really funny, but they were hate to hate it. Did they? It was live on a Monday night on the S&R stage. Even in those days, ethnic, it was such an ethnic show. They were horrified. Horrified.

And we would do a minute of our act. Was that? The town hall or town square, whatever it was called. Yeah. Was the segment that we would do. We would just sit there and do a minute again. It was pre-planned material into camera. Yeah.

Wow. And then they, yeah, they didn't like that at all. Rosie was on right at the time. after she came out of the closet and you guys were you wanted to do, she's like, I just came out.

I can't say this stuff. Right, right, right, right. Whoa. But they, but they canceled and Comedy Central just swooped in and grabbed. I wouldn't say swooped. Pull up the NBC one if you can.

I just want to see what it looked like because I never saw that. And then the, but cable's better because you can be a little more blue. Yeah. A little bit. But I mean,

when you're doing it on net, it's like how it's something, how it's something was better when it wasn't, Right, right, right. Because you're like, Dee, you shouldn't be saying this. This is going out of the end. I see what you're saying.

So that way, it was something totally different. You know what I mean? I never knew it was on NBC. Yeah, I mean, Comedy Central never told you not to do a bit, right? Or did that? They tried to a couple of times. The act threes, they would always give a hard time with certain. They would give a lot of times.

They would just be like, I mean, they'd be angry about a lot of stuff. Yeah, they were angry about a lot of stuff. But at one point, the big one to me was they said, we don't want anybody saying the N word on the show. And I said, but, I said, but what's that? Even the N word? Yes. Oh, wow, that's pretty crazy.

So I was like, but Chappelle's on earlier than us. Right. You let them say it. So then they're like, well, but still, and they, I forget, we had a lot. It's funny that the time is the issue with the N word. Right. Well, for me, I was saying. I know, but it's just funny that, like at 11 p.m. It's okay.

It was all the drama was usually based around content, which just put me in a bad move. You came to us and you said one time that they said to you, hey, look, John Stewart's got politics. We want you guys to do pop culture because Dave, Chappelle's got race. John Stewart has pop culture. John Stewart has politics. You guys do, and you go, these guys will fucking kill me if I just come with pop culture stuff. I said, if I come on the show and go, hey, guys, what do you think of Paris Hilton's late? They'll destroy me rightfully so.

Of course. Kill me. Were you nervous to be on? I know you ran the show, but were you nervous, Jim? Because the show is so much improvising on camera, on TV, in front of a live crowd. So you got to be on your toes. Yeah, man, you're going to be friends. Oh, my God, look at Nick.

Yeah. And these guys are all murderers, you know, you just want to kill it. You don't want to be humiliated. Jim killed every episode. I mean, Jim was great. I'm just saying, you got to be there. But you could hit as hard as you wanted with it. Patrice got mad at me one time on tough crowd because he thought I was trying to sabotage him.

I kept doing, I don't even remember what I was doing, but he got really, like, legit angry at me. He thought I was trying to make him look bad on TV. Oh, geez. He did. He did. Fucking idiots. Yeah. All he does is trash people on that show.

I know, but it was like he just read something wrong. Got it, got it. Yeah. I don't remember what it was. I mean, I was definitely proud of everybody. You know, like, I feel like all the regulars really listened to the mission statement, which is they weren't trying to pander. Like, there was no applause allowed on the show. This is my proudest thing at the show.

Good for you. I wouldn't allow anybody who pulled. When I came out, I wouldn't allow plural. It was just a mistake in retrospect. Yes. So I came out of the beginning. But it wasn't a tough sell.

Go do the monologue. We did my favorite thing of any late night host when you would miss a joke, you'd be like, hey, I knew that one was a stinker. No one ever does that. You never saw that. We used to have to submit. I'll tell you used to do that, Johnny Carson.

Oh, okay. Well, no one of our era, really? No. Johnny Cosso would be like, but he didn't write his own. shit. Everything I wrote was my own. Do you remember? That's crazy that you wrote. Sorry it was an act three. Sorry,

there was an act three. We had to submit and advanced. Yes. And there was one I submitted which was awful. It just stunk, but you made sure that it kept it because you knew it was going to bomb. It was a Pac-Man going wuckle, waka, waka, and I did it and it just absolutely bombed. And you're like, no, no, just

let him sit. The thing of the show, we were just, had those moments inside baseball where like, or if somebody tried to get pandered to the audience, to get like clapped her. Yeah. Oh, the crowd liked that. You're a good, you're a good person.

Right. We just fucking killed. Oh, my God. I remember one time Nick bombed a joke and Patrice goes, he'd be bombed a joke and he took a coffee sip and he took another sip of timing. Yeah. And that's got a sting on TV. Yeah, it's true.

And one of the best meta inside baseball was I quote Jim and Linda, you know, Linda, the waitress from the cell? Oh, yeah. Linda. By way, you're still wrong about this. Jim was, she was talking about

Martin Luther King and stuff like that. And Jim was being a very, a great ally to black females. I said, this son of a bitch is trying to bang Linda. And then, so the next day I called her up and I said, do you want to come on a show for an act three and confront Jim and we'll have like a... And so it was me, him and her, and we sat down,

and Jim didn't expect it. But he handled it very well. I do remember that. She confronted you on air about it. Pull it up. So do you feel that she was so nice, but I go, do you feel that Jim was possibly pandering to you? Just to possibly, yeah, have sex. And she goes, I honestly did feel it did cross back.

Jim goes, well, listen, I believe very strongly what you said. Wow. I'm so funny. It's a surprise. Third act. You got to bring the show back. I just saw a picture for that. episode of me, you, her, and

Greg, I just saw a photo from each all that was on there, yeah. Damn. Jim's favorite thing, he demanded. He goes, when you do the Colin episode, you have to have me on. Yeah, you did. Damn. Callin being on was great. That was exciting. You had Carlin, Seinfeld,

Cheppell, young Chappelle, young Kevin Hart. Yes. You did the whole thing on the show where you would ask someone to question and then slam the door in the face. That wasn't even on the show. That was just literally before the show in the green room. No, he did that too. Yeah. Just the other guests. But I remember, but you said the only people you chickened out were were Paul

Mooney and Carlin was there anyone else I'm missing? No, I think probably I'm guessing it was just those two. Carlin I wouldn't have done it too but I just couldn't. He was so funny he would ask somebody a question this is backstage in the green room and then when they'd answer

he'd let the door go and they'd be in the middle of answering and you see the door and you see that's hilarious. They were like guests like people yeah the door shut You just let it go. You always knew if someone was funny. So funny.

If they went with that. Yeah, someone would laugh. Doesn't feel like a lot of comics would go with that now, honestly. Yeah. Also, you had Pat and Oswald on, you had all these. Do you feel like it was just comics? It wasn't like a divide? Yeah.

Now it feels way more divided and I hate it. They weren't as babyish back then about, you know. Yeah. Like Janine and Nick were friends. Right. Yeah. Of course. It was a different.

It was a different... It was... I wonder if I... But, I mean, what would I have done it? They canceled this. It's not like it was happening. Yeah. But you could all...

Podcasts. Yeah, it was great. I remember this one moment. I used to get drunk and watch this. Me and Soder did a gig once and got hammered back when he was drinking. We watched like nine hours of it. But there's a scene where Patrice is just off.

He's just not having a good night, and he's bombing every joke. And DiPaolo is commenting on every box. and it's a beautiful thing because you never see Patrice go down. He was always the dominant one. And DePaolo was just ziggin. He called him Star Jones at one point.

I mean, it was gold. Apollo was very, yeah. I mean, I told you that, Patrice, I must have said that on the show now. At the time, the one time I saw Patrice vulnerable, he comes up to early, tough crowd. And he goes, my mother's and Nick DePaolo. Me and DePaolo sitting at the table. That's the best.

And I go, we're sitting at the table with me and Nick. He goes, my mother's to Nick. Apollo fan. She thinks he's like a handsome guy. My mother loves Dick DePaulo like this nice moment. And DePaulo, they even look at him. She's looking at me and goes, great. Now I know my demographic school cafeteria work. Oh my God. Patrice goes, oh my God. Nick's an asshole. Oh my God. Boy, his mom was around a lot, huh? Yeah, she was. Breaking your fucking mom around. We're

trying to have a good time here. She was around. She was very fun though. Like she was, you know. She was. They like when. She was really. She was. She was really. She was really cool. You saw her, you're like, yeah, that's Patrice's mother. Yeah. Got it. Fat and black. I assume.

I assume. That's a great guess. Okay. What hell is what you know? That's the unadorned version. Yeah, yeah. You're not incorrect. You guys have any peeves?

We do pet peeves on this show. Oh, yeah. I don't know if they prepped you with that. Oh. I've done the show, but I forgot. That part. All right. Working on any bits?

Oh, well, yeah, enough. Wait, Brian. Wait, pet peeve. I'd love to hear your pet peeve. Oh, I've got a number of them, as you can imagine. Sure. My latest pet peeves? Oh, I mean. You got one?

I hate, well, I'll talk about the number one thing I hate in comedy right now, which is the level of buildup when you're going on stage, I don't need you to go Let's get some I literally tell these old guys I go don't be bringing me up By saying Let's get some energy in here

Oh yeah I don't need you to build me up First of all It's implying That you need you to Hey This guy's not getting any energy You don't like them

I'm gonna make you like them Right Second of all Then you get up And if it's screaming Let me fucking build them With laughs What the fuck are we cheer at

You know what I mean It's on a fucking pepper rally It's not a fucking Jets game. Not that they cheer a Jets game. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's my number one. That's a good one.

My pet people who are not kind to animals. That's a good one. What about rats? They deserve to die. They kind of, yeah, because they hit us on an instinct level. It's not conscious when you react to rats. I've had two in my home. They deserve to fucking die.

Oh, yeah. That's right. You hit the rat story. You never heard them. Brutal. Yeah, we can do comedy. peeves all day. I don't love when they blow you too much

when they're bringing you up this next guy. Oh my gosh. One of my favorites. One of the best I've been bad. You're like build it up too much. Don't do it because now they're going oh really. Let me see this guy. I'll be the judge of that. There's anything worse than you just stop it and do a spot. They go, you know, sometimes a special guest.

Oh, that's brutal. I'm disappointed and I know it's me. Bill Chappelle? Although Keith Robinson, my third or fourth time of the seller, he goes, he was actually hosting. And he goes, guys, you guys are in for a treat. Jerry Seinfeld, the crowd goes apeshit. And then he goes, I'm just kidding, Mark Norman.

And it fucked me. My whole set for like 11, 12 minutes. I had to dig out of that hole. That was pretty well-themed. Yeah, I hate that, too. A big booming intro or you guys are in for a treat. Yeah. We have special guests stop by.

Yeah. I also don't love, and this is a me thing. And you can do it. It's just, I don't love it. But every comic going, give it up for your host. Yeah. We're on the six comics. Thanks for supporting live comedy.

We're putting on a good show here. You don't have to thank them. Because if you really count... It was $10 to get in. Yeah. If you count how many times they make the audience applaud, it's kind of ridiculous.

Okay, here's the other one. We have six more comics to go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a hundred more comics. Yeah, that one's a lot. Right before you go up. 34 more comics, folks. Don't worry.

Also, a new thing where they go. Start clapper right now. Start clapper right now. That's a new thing. That's part of the whole fucking thing. Yeah, start club right now. You don't have to charge them up for me. Let me do the fucking job.

Yeah, I'm with you. Just a nice, tepid round of applause. Yes, and then I'll take it from there and build it. Well, you're starting from here, all right. You're starting from here. Eh! Right. They want somebody running around the States like, what's up?

Fucking New York. I fucking hate that shit. Yeah. How about that? You can't say what's up in the city ever. What's up? What's up, New York. What's up, New York?

What's up Cleveland? Special's. starting with that shit I hate to I wonder if I did that I wonder if I've done that I'm thinking Cat Williams does that

He does 20 minutes on Jacksonville Do material on a place is one thing Okay I'm saying what's up I'm sick of cheers I think cheers I think cheers be cut out And comedy should only be judged

By the amount of laughs you get No fucking applause Here here Hey It's good stuff Colin Yeah If I already had a president I know who it would be

You ever have that moment where you get on stage? You're like, good to be here in Cleveland. Holy shit. I'll say that in a funny way. Yeah. To pretend that I don't remember. Here at my favorite club, the Funny Bone. That's fun.

I'll say here in Cleveland, but I'm in Detroit. But it's so funny, all those hack jokes, they were funny. Whoever said them first. Whoever did them first is a genius. No, genius might be pushing it, but yeah. No, no, no. I'm going to stand by. The guy that goes, Funnybone is a genius.

The first guy who said, I'm working and you're bothering me, do I go down to the point and slap the dicks out of your mouth? That guy's a genius. Whoever said that, yeah, it was funny. The first guy that said, what do you do for living?

Things could you be a little more vague? Right. Yeah. I almost heard two comics back in the late 80s. One guy goes, you did vague? I do vague. I was like, I'm going to hack a line. I'll go cryptic.

You can have vague. Right, right. Hey, you bother me when I'm working. Do I get down to the peep booth and slap the muff? out of your hand. That one always made me laugh. First guy to do that. Really funny. I think that was you. No, I actually did that for a living.

That was actually my job. Who was the first fat guy to do the Let me get the mic stand out of the way? You know what, dude. Was that? Was that Pinnett or Louis? Louis is before Pinnett. No, before any of those guys, I saw it before they even saw Frank

Damico was his Brooklyn comic. Oh, God. Fat guy. And she did the F and Nets. Oh, really? And he had me, Paul. Whoa. It was around. I think Louis Anderson is the first one. Louis did it in the 80s.

Let me move this. I bet it was a goddamn... I bet it was one of those vaudeville jokes. Yeah. Probably, yeah. Luke Costello probably did. There you go. Did Richard Lewis come up with From Hell?

He says he did. He says he did. You think that's true? I can believe it. Yeah, I mean, I can't think of anyone else who did it. The mother-in-law from hell. The wife from hell. It's one of those clams here.

You're like, yeah, fine. Who cares? Yeah. I guess, yeah. It's not like... It's something I don't use. I say on crack a lot. That's really funny.

We should look at all the great movie comedians like, how you doing, sir? Bold-headed Fick. Yeah. Raging Bull. The best. There's rock bottom in Raging Bulls. He's a comedian. Yeah, it's a lot of people.

Yeah, good point. Same as Stormy Daniels, Chris Catan. You name it. Yeah. He bald head effect. I thought you were just talking to Jim. Well, plug it. some dates. Where are you guys going to be?

I'm going to be in South Jersey. I had a bunch of dates. Just go to Jim Dayton. He's in the box going. We don't want to say a date. It's degrading. Yeah, go to the website. I'm not even going to promote it. Well, you don't want to say your dates. I need to say my date. No, you don't.

All right. First of all, if you're in Dayton, you have a bigger problem said saying you dates. I mean, yeah. I started August 3rd here. Okay, great. All right. Just go to Jim Norton.com. There you go. I'm everywhere. Hey, Bejews. That's a good. room.

Is it? Yeah. Knoxville. Oh, that's one of the best rooms. That's great. I hope they have a curtain. It's like weirdly the best crowd.

Great theater. Is it a funny bone in Dayton? Yeah. And then September and East Providence, Rhode Island for. Nice. Yeah. Nice long weekend there.

In the higher ground in Burlington, Vermont. York, Pennsylvania. Oh, Skangfest. Yeah. You're staying pretty east. New Orleans. Yeah.

That's a few. You come to that. Why can we just talk about Confederacy of Dunces? Best comedy book ever written. I got to read it. And they shouldn't make a movie. I never read it.

Sam, you would read it. You would love it. Sam, it's the best. I can't believe that wasn't to read it. You should read it. You're a reader. Norton loves it too. I've read half of it.

I haven't finished it. This is shocking to me. Colin Quinn at Comedy on State, great club. Yeah, that was two weeks ago. How was it? You'd update your site. Didn't go on. Homeless.

My niece. Shannon. Great club. Helium Comedy Club and Philly. Great Club. That's a good one. Love that room. Helium?

Yeah. It's a great room, right? Tile Center or Tillis. Tillac Center. Don't make fun of my gig. Brooklyn, New York. That's in October. Is it the Mel Tillis Center?

Stafford Township Arts Center in Mannahawk in New Jersey. Hell yeah. Yeah, I do my joke, Mano Hawk. Dead Mannahawk in here. What about, yeah. Bray. I got Bray Improva in August. Are you guys?

saying this so you can promote your date you're being polite but putting on fucking days. Of course they're going to claim them. Is that every you're going to cut them out? No, they'll leave them in it to be polite. Yeah. We've got to get Manna Harkin' us. Shout out. What do you got here, Sam? I'm just in Bray, California, August 24th. I like that club. Great club.

Then I got them all over Europe, Portugal, Vienna, Budapest, tickets still available. Zagreb, Vienna. What's he called a Budapest? You can't say Budapest. Uh, Warsaw. Helsinki. Yeah, Warsaw, Sweden. hamburger bores And then I just added Nashville and San Diego

So I'll add some more dates Wait, San Diego where? American Comedy Cup Is that a good club? Yeah, I haven't been there in years Yeah, a solid room. Good room. I'm a La Jolla man myself.

I like that one too. Good, good room. Great club. Oh, and watch my specials on YouTube now. Oh, nice. You've changed. I got it back from Amazon, so it's on YouTube. Wow.

It's out of jail. Yeah, baby. Hey, we're at Cobbs. Love that Cubs. Francisco, Houston Improv. That's a big room, so please. Come out, Nashville. Hello.

Please, we need you. Pittsburgh Improv. That's a tough market out there. That's a big room, too. Oh, yeah. I fucking told him. What, the Pittsburgh Improv? Oh, man, that's hard.

It's not in Pittsburgh. No, Homestead or wherever it is. Hempstead. Hempstead. I did it once. I was barely selling this guy comes up to me of the sugar goes, don't feel bad. Kenny Chesdey's in town next month.

A lot of people are spending the money elsewhere. You get the Pittsburgh Pirates jacket. I didn't know if you were a Pittsburgh fan. Oh, forget about it. All right. Regina. Come on out. How's that? Never been.

It should be interesting. How's Calgary? Calgary's great. I got to go there. Who's open for you, Bonnie? I don't think so. Is she? Is she?

Madminton. Ah, Acme and Minneapolis and Comedy works in Denver. Nice. Hachmy. But yeah, we got a, we got it. Comedy on State. got to follow Colin

yeah keep clapping yeah we got it that's enough in Las Vegas Vegas Portland you guys in the road they are the two of the best

so you guys don't fuck around do you I need new head shots I gotta come up with new pictures I like you have new pictures for your tour oh yeah I'm using the same one for last

get that one he takes a photo yeah that's you after again he's the bad of pictures I've lost weight not that anybody would think to compliment me on this program but I've lost weight

oh you look great oh come on Very nice. I mean, I do appreciate that. But, yeah, so I'm ready for some photos. They're trying to wrap it up and we won't have the... Of course I understand that. Are you doing the O-Zem? No.

Good for you, the old-fashioned way. Yeah. Nice. No, Zempec. It's... Came in. Holloway. At the buzzer.

Thanks, guys. They do say that... Oh. He's just keeping it going. One more dream. One more drink Here are we going to shit and then we'll sleep till to docks And then we'll sleep till to docks of shit and then we'll sleep too