We Might Be Drunk - Ep 104: Al Franken & Coney Island IPA

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Comedy legend, SNL alumni, Former US Senator and great guy, Al Franken joins us this week with a side of Coney Island IPA. Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows Al Franken: https://alfranken.com/ Visit https://boxofawesome.com and use code DRUNK. Visit www.betterhelp.com/Drunk for 10% off your first month. Visit https://www.dietsmoke.com and use code DRUNK. https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com

Just a heads up, this episode, it's a little weird. Weird ep, not our best, kooky guest, we didn't know what the hell was going on, but good luck with it. We tried. We tried. Hey folks, we might be drunk, we're here! This is it! Oh shoot, maybe I we might be drunk. We're here. This is it. Oh, shoot. Maybe I jumped the gun here.

I think they like all the fun. Yeah, there you go. Because I want to talk into the mic. That would help. Let me explain my years in show business. We got Al Franken, everybody. Al Franken. Good to have you, big Al.

Our first senator ever. Hey! Really? Well, we had Orrin Hatch on. We did Orrin Hatch that one to have you, Big Al. Our first senator ever. Hey! Really? Well, we had Orrin Hatch on. We did have Orrin Hatch that one time. Yeah, Orrin. Not funny. No.

Not funny guy. If you need to know, Orrin Hatch, not funny. Not a lot of senators or politicians with comedy backgrounds. He actually, what was funny about him, he writes songs, or did. He's gone, Oren. Yeah. But he wrote songs. And when I first got to the Senate, just to visit other senators to get to know them,

and he played me a couple of the songs he wrote, and they weren't bad. And he didn't write the music. He wrote the lyrics. Pull it up. So I told him, I said, I have a song that I need. I need something in it. And it was a country-western duet. We stayed together for the kids.

It was what we thought we had to do. Wow. Sounds like my dad. You were cold as a spice. Anyway, so because he had written this country thing, and then we ended up writing a verse together. It wasn't very good. Yeah. But still, it was bonding.

Right, right. He was on the Judiciary Committee, which I was on, and it helped that much. What's scarier, doing new jokes or being on that Senate floor? That seems terrifying. It's so serious. It's the opposite of comedy. I'll tell you something. There was never a moment on the Senate floor where I was afraid that a joke wouldn't work.

Because the bar was low, right? You know, there's usually no one listening. Usually most people go to do a floor of speech they're either alone or there's are they anyone there so no it's uh working on a new piece yeah well doing in front of an audience yeah that's okay okay that room was like politicians will get a laugh the way like a musician in between songs gets a huge pop. Right. You listen to certain like those old Sinatra albums. You're like, this guy's fucking killing. I know.

It's nothing. It's nothing. Yeah. Oh, you mean funny? Like laughs? He's getting laughs. Oh, yeah. Because the bar is low.

He'll be like, he'll be in Vegas like, you guys lost a bunch of money, huh? And they're like, ah, we did. Well, that is funny. I guess. Then they'll say something racist about Sammy Davis. I'll tell you why. Because they gamble there. Ah. I had to explain I'll say something racist about Sammy Davis. I'll tell you why. Because they gamble there. Ah.

So I had to explain the deal. You didn't understand it. Sorry. That's the problem. Damn it. This is your first episode with a wedding ring, by the way. Oh, yeah. I just got married.

Oh, congratulations. Yeah. He's a lucky guy. But, yeah. Just this weekend. So we're back. Great. Good to be back.

I got one, too. Hey, all right. You've been married back. Great, great, great. Good to be back. I got one too. Hey, all right. You've been married a long time. A long time. 47 years. Oh my God. That is long. You stayed together for the kids.

That's right. Get this guy a beer right now. Call back already. 47 years. Use this as a drink. A call back. Look at the, you can see the horse manure in the photo, which I love on the right. Yeah.

Good times. Oh my God. Beautiful garage. So this is where? This on the right. Yeah. Good times. Oh, my God. Beautiful garage. So this is where? This is in Wuhan. Oh. No, okay. No, this is, come on, it's New Orleans.

Yeah, okay. But yeah, good times. We had to do the traditional second line, which, you know, is appropriation. But the white people love it. It is appropriation. Yeah. The night I got there, it was Wednesday night. I'm with a buddy stavros who you know listeners no bigger guy hilarious comic ari shafir we're out we end up we get so drunk we end up at a gas station eating fried oysters

fried soft shell crab fried chicken wasted we're in the lobby of the hotel just scarfing it down yeah and i just turned to stav and i'm like, man, imagine eating this shit sober. And Stav goes, I haven't had one drink. Ah! That's Stav right there. There is the big guy in the purple. Looks like a mob boss. Doesn't need to get drunk for gas station.

Oh, oh, oh. Fried seafood. Well, swamp shell crab, I mean. At a gas station? It's dicey. That's a gamble. It was a gamble. Taking a Vegas.

In New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, that helps. That does help. dicey. That's a gamble. It was a gamble. Taking a Vegas. In New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, that helps. That does help. Ups the chances. First of all, if you're getting a soft-shell crab at a gas station, it's in New Orleans. That's a good point. It's not in Cincinnati.

Rockwood County, not as good. Right, right. What are you drinking, by the way? In Minnesota, you get a soft-shell crab at a gas station. Yeah, that's a gay move in Minnesota. They did the old soft-shelled crab. What do we got here? Coney Island.

You could get a soft-shelled. Maybe. I had my first fried soft-shelled crab at Coney Island. I did. Come on. I am not shitting you. I was like 11 years old. Yeah.

I lived in Minnesota. My uncle and my cousin lived in Cedarhurst, Long Island. The five towns, very Jewish. Sure. And they took me to Coney Island to a Nathan's. Oh, yeah. And I had a fried soft shell crab on a bun. And I went, Jesus Christ, this is good. Oh, it. And I had a fried soft-shelled crab on a bun, and I went, Jesus Christ, this is good.

Oh, it's so good. That's why I wasn't, I didn't even hear gas station. I just heard soft-shelled crab in New Orleans, yeah. Are you from New York? I was born in New York, lived in New Jersey until I was four, and then moved to a little town in southern Minnesota. Thank you. Oh, okay. So you know about minnesota i know about minnesota yeah the winners but then you move back to new york for you must have played minnesota many times i love it isn't that great i love it acme comedy club acme is bad i just did like uh six shows in a row there just trying to

get like you're working out do a row there just trying to get like. You're working out. Do a lot of shows. Yeah, well, I like doing a lot of shows. You guys know. Of course. How do you get any good unless you do them all in a row, right? Here, here. Is this.

Exactly. Tell that to the TikTokers. Cheers, by the way. Thank you for joining us. There you go. Wow. When's the last time you drank with a senator? Mitch McConnell a couple weeks ago.

We got lit up, dude. He's fun. He loves a Jager bomb. Uh-oh. Mmm. That is sour. That's really good. That's really good.

You guys got it, too. Yeah, I like it. I like a bitter. But this has lime in it. Lime lager. Okay. A limer. Yeah,nesota do you do you have a lot of love for that state yeah of course yeah yeah that's where i go but yeah i love minnesota

when you're senator you go all around the state and you and you meet that you meet everybody and of all political persuasions you also like people in disasters, like if there's a flood or a tornado, and you see people at their, very often at their best. Right. Because, and you see people step up for their neighbors. Sure. It's really moving, actually. It's like 9-11. People came together.

I remember that. I was here that day, and I remember you line up, everyone line up to donate blood, and everyone's like, yeah, we're good on blood. Wow. We're good. Everyone did it. It was just New Yorkers, you know? That is nice.

Well, that was more tragedy than we've ever actually had. Yeah. I was in Minnesota that day, and my family was here in New York. During SNL, all those years I was in New York, I wasn't at SNL then, but my family was because that's where I raised my kids. And so, yeah, I ended up driving back. I was visiting my mom and then drove back because the planes weren't flying. So I just drove back all night and day.

And I got home. God damn, that was a shitty fucking. That's one way to put it. That was so fucking awful. So then you moved back to New York in 1975 for a little program called Saturday Night Live. Was that the year you started writing on it? Yes, I was one of the original SNL writers. I didn't know you were original.

Oh, yeah. Oh, gee. Me and Tom Davis. Tom and I went to high school together in Minneapolis, or a suburb of Minneapolis. And, yeah, we were two of the original writers. We were the only writers Lauren hired whom he hadn't met. But we submitted some material.

What did you, did they see you at a comedy show, I assume? No. An agent, a William Morris agent, saw us at the comedy store. Ah. And. This is in L.A. This is in L.A. And we had moved there after I graduated college.

We moved out there. We were just two years, and this William Morris agent said, your material is really good. Would you like to write for a comedy variety show on TV? We said, yeah, but there are none that we could write for. There was the Tonight Show, which was really good but we couldn't it was marty car mighty carson our players and uh the monologue and we weren't that wasn't us there's carol burnett which was a great show i love carol but we were not right for and then

there was sunny and share which was kind of shitty yeah yeah and so he said we said he said, write a package for a show that you'd like to see. And so we wrote a news show parody. We wrote a sketch, which was a parody of Sonny and Cher. We wrote a commercial parody. And we wrote a conceptual film. And it was 14 pages long. So this is for anyone listening, watching. When you submit comedy material, don't write too much you guys must have had to have some packets nephew of some friend

uh or submit stuff to you that's 50 pages long and you know after a page yeah yeah right of course so don't do that do something short and make sure keep them one and more but you kind of laid out the blueprint for the whole show the the commercial parody the news a sketch did they ask for that or was that just what you decided no that's what we did and then the the world war three thing was not like a new update it was just it was it was a newscast the night of the day of world war three so it was like tragedy death catastrophe i like tonight's news after this message and i was do commercial parodies because now every commercial i see i'm like that's sexually strong they're in

like too many real commercials oh good point commercial parodies now i never thought about that they do both they do both yeah and the but the ones that are real? Whoa! Cha-ching, cha-ching. Look at those shoulders. Yeah, I think that's a great jawline. I just had to do it again. But first, we'd like to introduce some very important people in the audience. Oh, I know who this one is. Behind every successful man, you'll find a woman.

And Tom and I are certainly no exception. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to meet my lovely wife, Darlene. She's sitting up there. Baby, baby, can we get a shot of her? There she is. She's over there. There. Ladies and gentlemen, my lovely wife, Darlene.

Hey. Hey. Sitting next to her is our son, Al Jr. Al Jr. is nine years old and he's already in the second grade. Sitting next to Al Jr., ladies and gentlemen, Suzanne,

the girl Tom lives with. Now, I can't live this fly any longer, ladies and gentlemen. Al just introduced his family and the girl I supposedly live with, Representative Passat. Now, with all the Anita Bryant stuff going on, with all the defeat of gay rights all across the United States, some people have to stand up and be counted. I think we should. No. Now, with all the Anita Bryans stuff going on, with all the defeat of gay rights all across the United States, some people have to stand up and be counted. I think we should. No. No.

The truth of the matter is Al and I are homosexual lovers. Damn it, Tom. Damn it, Al. Why are you shirtless? Because we're out to do. The reason we're shirtless is the premise is we've gone out to do a sumo wrestler piece. We always would come out in some costume and it would never be what we were doing. Right.

The skinniest man on the planet is the sumo. So then it's, yeah, this is where gay lovers or in the parlance of then homosexual lovers. And then the boy stands up and goes, I hate you, Daddy. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. It was.

Oh, that's great. This is 1976 or something like that. Yeah. That would play today. I think so. But the dad would hate you for hiding it. He'd be like, you should be proud of being gay. That would play today. I think so. But the dad would hate you for hiding it. He'd be like, you should be proud of being gay. The first bit we ever did on the show was called Pow Wow with the Press.

And it was what if the Indians had won. And I was the host of Pow Wow with the Press. And Tom was the guy from the Bureau of White Man Affairs. And it was basically the premise was what if the Indians had won? And, you know, we talked about the nicknames for the major league lacrosse teams. Oh, that's killer. Screaming Rabbi on the Cleveland Kikes. That kind of thing.

I love it. Yeah. It was, and that was 1970. That was 1977 so that is uh how many years but you know almost what 45 years or 44 years before they changed the name of the redskins right they called it yeah we were we called it. And commanders. Yeah. And the Indians. Commanders is a horrible name. Both are not great. They're not.

Guardians at least has like some significance to Cleveland. Does it? Yeah. Because they're the guardians. Yeah. Look it up. It's like some sort of protectors of Cleveland. It has some sort of historical.

I forgot what it was. But then commanders. Just be the generals. Also. Oh, yeah. Also, there's usually one commander. Right. Oh, yeah. Good point.

Because usually you have one person in command. It's like the CEO. This is from my government experience. But yeah, you can't have more than one commander. It's like a leader. You're on this original SNL cast, which is so many legends. I wasn't on the cast. No, no, no.

But you're part of the cast. You're a writer. You were in the cast. What year did you join the cast? Late 80s? Tom and I were never in the cast. I wasn't on the cast. No, no, no. But you're part of the cast. You're a writer. You were in the cast. What year did you join the cast? Late 80s? I never were. Tom and I were never in the cast. I was never in the cast.

We were always a featured player. That's the ones. And they don't say end featuring. End. Remember, they do the cast. Yeah. So I was never. I was probably a featured player in more seasons than anybody.

But 14 years, right? I did 15 seasons on the seasons that's insane one of the advantages to me because i was one of the people that originally is and so who pointed this out maybe it was norm mcdonald that i never had to go to the show having not been there i mean in other words it's really nerve-wracking for people to come to saturday night live and start and join it right and i never had to do that basically you were there day one did you still feel the pressure though woody allen once said comedy is either easy or it's impossible and if it's easy there was nothing more fun right tuesday night you know

wednesday morning rolling on the floor laughing and stuff and uh it was horrible if you couldn't think anything yeah yeah did you know woody at all i've met him a couple times just very very briefly so i don't know no how about i have a question was chevy chase's big a dick as everyone says it depends uh how big a dick they say chevy i think will be the first to admit that he can be at times a little critical of people and mean or something like that so yeah he he had that but you know he was funny boy and yeah he was first hired as a writer he was not a cast member didn't he only do how long was he on the cast a year and a half if he came to a star because of update and i remember when he left he got married he was gonna go out to hollywood and make movies and he did uh but you know there were some people going like no no don't let him go but he's the

show and then of course we had belushi and ackroyd and Garrett and Jane Lorraine and Gilda. And then Bill Murray came in. Crazy. I was there, I guess. I didn't see it. I didn't see it at all. Would you feel the tension, though? Not really.

But, you know, maybe I was oblivious. Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of stuff bubbling up about Bill Murray now being inappropriate or a dick. Did you see that, or was that just par for the course? Billy could be a little bit of a bully boy, but he's a sweetheart when you're with him. But I think when he works, he can be difficult. All right.

It is weird on Twitter now they're just trying to cancel people for being dicks. I know. Where you're just kind of like, all right. It is weird on Twitter now they're just trying to cancel people for being dicks. I know. Where you're just kind of like, all right. Like, it started with, like. Ellen. First off, you got, I think, completely fucked. Oh. I really think you did.

I mean. I did. You got. You really got screwed over. Yeah. And that was, of course, a. That was on a USO tour. Yeah.

I was joking around. She had a bulletproof vest on. Yeah. If you look at the picture it it kind of proves that i wasn't doing that yeah she had anyway well especially in the time of like roy moore and then the democrats just turn on you no that's exactly what happened it was timed perfectly right she anyway i you know uh i should have had due process yeah i should have had my my colleagues i had 36 democratic colleagues the man that i was it's uh democrats started this thing of eating their own

were they really i was the thing i mean you were the thing yeah yeah that sucks you got to be the poster boy for that but it's mostly timing well it was timing by the person. Let's move on. Let's move on. Sorry, sorry. For sure. But when you see this stuff on Twitter with, like, you know, Bill Murray and stuff and people... I mean, are you on Twitter? Do you check it at all?

I don't check that. Yeah. But, yeah, I know. I mean, I know Billy. And, you know, I feel awful. And I don't know what it was. And I don't know what it was. And I don't know if he was joking around. I think he, from what I understood, he bent her over to do, like, the kiss on, you know, when we, on VE Day.

Right, right. Oh, yeah. And so I don't know. All right. Yeah. So you were there when Eddie Murphy first comes on. I was not. Oh, you were gone that year.

Again, I did the first five years, left when Lorne left, came back when Lorne came back. How many years was Lorne gone? Five years. Oh, wow. So I was a Lorne again writer. Lorne again. Yeah, I was gone. I left May 80 and came back fall of 85, I guess.

What do you think? Albert Brooks? Smartest guy on the planet? Brilliant. Comedic mind? Yeah, he. Him and Downey, I'd say. Downey, yeah.

Downey's number one. Yeah. Well, I don't know Albert. I wrote so much with Downey. Downey and I wrote a lot of the political stuff on the show. We had, this is Downey's motto, that we would reward people for knowing stuff, but not punish them for not knowing stuff. Oh, that's good. That's a very lofty.

It's a little lofty. But we did that. Well, there's nothing worse than when someone is trying to show how smart they are in a condescending way and you're just you're just leaving people out i mean the job is to entertain is to connect right yeah and that's what we said and and what what it meant was that people were kind of political junkies would get something out of it going like oh and but people who weren't got everything we were doing right you know and that that that thing that someone got was beside the point in the sketch i i was very proud of that material and we did downy's as i said is as brilliant as they come now albert did films the first year wow and i remember the impossible truth. And I remember one joke, which was Israel and Georgia trade places.

And the Israeli prime minister goes, oh, no, no, the Georgia governor goes, I'll look forward to heat without humidity. That was what he said at the press conference. Right. If you can dig that up, it'll be worth doing. Oh, my God. Okay. How many times have you gotten nice laughs at a party? Have a friend turn to you and say, you know something?

That was pretty funny. You should think about being a comedian. When your friend was writing. It's the comedy fraternity of show business. This is a fast-paced comedy work. And there are always a ways for good comedy talent. But then say, I just don't know how it tastes to be a professional actor. So I say, why not find out?

Yes. Comedy talent test that will tell us in just five short minutes whether or not you have a future in comedy. More about that later. First, come with me if you will. Let's have a brief look at the school. I think you'll like what you see. First today, we'll visit comedy take class. Here the students practice all kinds of takes.

Double take, elbow take, and today they're working on the spit take, made so famous by Danny Thomas on Make Room for Death. When Danny would be drinking coffee, his agent Sid would come in with some surprising news. Danny would spit the coffee all over Sid in the furniture. See how he did it? All right. Now, that was pretty good, but I'd like to try it just one more time. Anyway, I just walked into the room. Now, start to drink.

It's a great premise. Guess what? I just heard from the bank, and not only don't you have any money, but your sister is dead. That's great. Wow. Great take. Great angle. So do you miss that?

Do you miss being in a writer's room and just being silly as hell that's there's nothing more fun yeah i mean there's nothing more fun than just you know especially when it's your fucking job yeah and you got a show to put on and you or someone else comes up with something you you go like, oh, good. The show's going to be funny. Who's the coolest host that came on? Oh, shit. I know the worst. Who's the worst? You know, Steven Seagal.

Right. Terrible. But it's on brand. It is on brand. I don't know if he knows that. But it's certainly on brand. I don't know if he knows that. But it's certainly on brand. Right, right. Yeah, he lapped everybody else. I mean, he was so bad.

There were very few bad hosts. A few more laps, he'll get back to that goal weight he was at a while ago. Oh, yeah. The what? His goal weight. He's gotten big. He's large now. That was a fat joke.

Okay. See, that wouldn't have. That was a fat joke. Okay. See, that wouldn't have hit in the writer's room. What about who is the best? Shit. Well, Steve Martin, when he first came on, it was like, I remember it was like, do we want this guy to host? And then we saw one of his his his carson heads and went yeah and then he was yeah a monster just monster but they're amazing number of really great hosts in different ways but yeah a lot of a lot of great house yeah steve martin i mean he would kill he did the the wild and crazy guy

yeah he did yeah that was uh too wild it was uh him and yes him and danny as two like czech brothers right picking up women and uh yeah i mean i wrote some stuff for that like theodoric of york a medieval barber and um see the show was so wacky and silly then now i feel like it's gotten kind of uh i don't want to say heavy-handed, but it's a little more, it's almost more serious in tackling bigger issues. But back then, like the comedy spit take and the medieval barber, you had the caveman lawyer. Caveman lawyer, that's Jack Handy.

Oh, really? The frozen caveman lawyer. One of my favorites. Phil Hartman. Unbelievable. Were you close with Phil Hartman? I wasn't real close to Phil. that's jack handy oh really frozen caveman lawyer one of my phil hartman yeah unbelievable were you close with phil hartman uh i wasn't real close to phil i was a friend of phil's but i mean i wasn't um but yeah but what a fucking weird shit thing that was what a cunt of a wife yeah sorry well i mean i think we should be allowed she I think we should be allowed. She killed him. We should be allowed to call it. She also committed suicide. I mean, it's tragic and they had kids.

Shame on you. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, madam. My God. You're going to cut that out, right? She's dead. I feel like I'm justified there.

It's certainly a bad thing to do. but uh kill a person this is like mental health uh probably a severe mental health issue we could say that about school shooters too we do uh-huh yeah and they're cunts too how about that uh hard to argue all right thank you we got them back i landed we've landed on our feet no i remember seeing that in the news as a kid and like i think that was like the first celebrity death that fucked me up when i was oh really well i was such a big fan of his i was i was actually out in la um interviewing some writers or something for a sitcom I was doing and that was just the fucking weirdest day. Yeah, crazy.

Okay. All right, we're back. We're doing comedy. We're talking about comedy. So, I mean, it's such a weird pivot. Do you always know you're going to be in politics? I know you're a political news junkie. You did the radio show as well.

That was The Bridge? Yeah, The Bridge was, the real bridge was Paul Wilson's death. And Paul was senator from Minnesota, for all you comedy fans out there. Yeah, right. for all you comedy fans out there. Yeah, right. And he, in 2002, he was running for re-election, and he was in a deadlock. You know, the polls were deadlocked,

and he had to vote on the Iraq War. He was going to vote against the war. As a friend of his, he told me, and he told other people, this is going to end my career. To vote against it. To vote against the war, because people in Minnesota were for the war, the large majority and he voted against it next poll had him up by seven because people in minnesota actually

respect the politician who votes what they believe in they don't agree with you he died in a plane crash uh about a week later about less than two weeks for the election, Norm Coleman won the Republican. He got seated. Three months after he was seated, he did an interview with Roll Call, a Capitol Hill newspaper, and said, to be blunt, I'm a 99% improvement over Paul Wellstone. And I read that, and I went, who the fuck's going to run against this guy? Wow. And that's when I decided to explore it i didn't

know if i was going to be the guy but then i went around you know campaigning the 06 cycle for a lot of democrats running and i felt like i could do this and i clobber him by 312 votes oh nice was your family supportive of this? Yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't have done it without. And my wife won it for me. Yeah. Basically, she did this ad.

It was such a moving ad about she is in recovery. And she did it about that. And I had written a couple movies about Stuart Smalley. Sure. Stuart saves his family. It was about codependency yeah and uh hey i watched it and when a man loves a woman i had written that too uh with uh meg ryan andy garcia yeah and um so i so anyway she did this ad that blew people away. And the next debate, when she came in, it was this big gymnasium, high school gymnasium. When she walked in, she got a standing O in the entire gym.

Were you jealous as the performer? No, I was so fucking happy because I'm going to go, I'm going to win. He's winning this for me. When you thought of Stuart Somaliali and i always think of the sketch you did with michael jordan as like an it's like an iconic snl unreal if you could pull that up is it was uh how would you describe stewart small he's kind of like a self-help uh he did had a self-help show uh daily affirmations yes he was a, you know, not a licensed therapist, but a member of several 12-step programs.

Again, this is ahead of its time, too. Huh? This is ahead of its time, too, before everybody got super into this. Michael J. I'll protect your anonymity. Michael is a basketball player for a professional basketball team. Well, that's very good, Michael. You should be very proud of that.

Well, thank you, Stuart. Well, good for you. Good for you. Michael. That's great. I know there must be a lot of pressure for you to play very well. And I can imagine that a night before a game you must lie awake thinking I'm not good enough everybody's better than me I'm not going to score any point

I have no business playing this game well not really Michael Michael. Affirmation? No. You can't ask them to do it. You didn't get an answer. Well, I do sometimes get a little nervous. Then you just skipped over the punchline. Oh, you see. We don't know.

It's okay. It's okay. You want to go to the end? This is the new generation. I do Denial Ain't Just a River And that's Oh That's a huge fucking laugh Believe me I know what it's like

Jesus Laying there awake All those tapes rolling Give a shot of him Fucking up Keep that in Keep that in Come on

I'm a big imposter I just want to curl up And lay in bed all day And eat pig nose You want to go to the end Yeah bed all day and eat pig nose. Go to the end. You want to go to the end? Yeah.

Why don't you go toward the end there? Well, Michael. That's it. Okay. There we go. That's what you're going for. I know. Hello, Michael.

I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to dribble the ball fast or throw the ball into the basket. I don't have to dribble the ball fast or throw the ball in the basket. Because all I have to do is be the best Michael I can be. All I have to do is be the best Michael I can be. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough,

and doggone it, people like me. That's killer. Just played in millions of homes everybody's laughing smart enough and doggone it people like me what was literally the best athlete of i mean the best basketball player ever totally yeah i mean this was amazing i mean to, to have Michael Jordan there. And this was the year, the first time they allowed pros to play in the Olympics. Oh. And. This is 92.

Yeah. And he's like the most confident guy in the world. And I remember going to a dressing room and just going like, okay, so how do you feel? Are you going to win, get the gold in the Olympics? And he went, yeah. I mean, he just, I mean, and of course they just wiped. Of course. And it was magic.

And it was like crazy. Magic bird, MJ. Wow. But no, he, and then this is, you know, it's a live show, right? So when it peaks on air, you're really happy. And that peaked on air. Yeah. And a lot of people think, oh, athletes, it peaks on air, you're really happy. And that peaked on air. Yeah. And a lot of people think, oh, athletes, they're not funny.

They're not funny. But who can take direction and be in the pocket more than an athlete? My wife, Franny, had the first idea for an athlete as host. And it was Fran Tarkenton. Fran Tarkenton. I'm a big Vikings fan. Oh, okay. Quarterback for the Vikes.

Got it. Who had lost, by this point, several. He'd just lost the Super Quarterback for the Vikes. Got it. Who had lost, by this point, several. He'd just lost the Super Bowl again for the Vikes. And Franny had this idea, and we did it. And I remember Belushi, who played linebacker in high school, made me go over to his house and read the entire Dick Butkus autobiography to me. Jesus. And so I could write a authentic locker room

sketchers on um uh so and then you know we've had amazing we had bill russell we had uh peyton manning when i wasn't there i thought was the best he's very fun athlete host yeah he gets he gets how to be funny i mean uh. Yeah, he really gets it. And Michael, I mean, part of the funny, I mean, the fact that he is trying not to break is so funny. Yes. Literally, how satisfying is that? You're like, Michael Jordan's trying to hold it together. I think he broke in dress.

Yeah. And I just said, don't break. Hey, folks. We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by bespoke's posts box of awesome is easy to remember because every time you open one you just think awesome bespoke post partners with small businesses and emerging brands to bring you the most unique goods every month from cozy essentials to cocktail kits box of awesome has everything you need for winter we love these guys they're sending over a cast box we got it right here whoa personal sized aging barrel for your favorite cocktail holy look

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We were talking the other day about a toxic woman, and he goes, you're not done with her. I was like, yes, I am. He goes, I know how you are. You love it. I was like, fuck you, Alan. Man, he's good. Yeah, he is good. Better help his online therapy than all of his video, phone, and chat therapy sessions.

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He's in the pocket. Was he fun to deal with as a host? Yeah. Yeah. But it was also like, again, the most secure, confident person in the world you're dealing with. Unlike some of the shitty hosts. And there are very few who else is shitty oh uh oh shoot the british actor hugh grant no no i don't i'm sure he's

great i'm sure everyone he's a good actor there are very few uh there are oh gosh who is the guy damaged damaged jeremy irons j Jeremy Irons. Jeremy Irons. He's a real... Odenkirk. Odenkirk has a very good story. I was going to say Odenkirk's a terrible host. No, no. Odenkirk is the best guy, but he was a writer on the show. And he didn't get his shine on SNL.

Bob Odenkirk. Oh, yeah. No, he was a writer. Yeah. But he wrote The Van Down by the River Farley. He wrote that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, he was a writer. Yeah, but he wrote The Van Down by the River Farley. He wrote that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Farley and he had done it at Second City.

Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, no, that's epic. Epic. Epic. But he got his shine after on like the Ben Stiller show and Mr. Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you guys know that you're like, this dude can act? You didn't know he could perform like that?

I knew he, not really. He had worked in a group with Smigel in Chicago at one point. I think he substituted. Tom Davis and I did a movie in Chicago. And they had a group, an improv group that one of our cast members was in so odin kirk filled in for that guy and i went to see them and i i was the one i figured out that smigel was the guy who wrote this most of the stuff in that yeah and uh could bob just substituted in he hadn't written the stuff and that's how smigel got to snl oh okay he's uh my he's an asset my his wife my discerning eye yes good

eye because he's an asset i mean he he killed it unbelievable i didn't watch the uh the dana carvey documentary on h on hulu i know it's hilarious about his show is what so they really went they fell on the sword because they would not not do the bill clinton breastfeeding oh the nipples. Yeah. They opened with that and it just killed them. And also they were following- Home Improvement? Home Improvement.

It's the most broad show. Broad and at times very sappy. Yeah. Right. Leading up to, and that had Colbert. It had- Carell, Louis C.K. Yeah, Louis.

I mean- Smigel. Heavyweights. How does that show not i mean dana carvey was you one of the funniest dudes to be around he is the funny yeah he is he's a star endlessly hilarious and uh and a lovely guy and just my god i mean and his voice work is amazing his impressions are amazing the thing about dana is I wrote a lot of the political stuff. He did George H.W. Bush. And we just used that as a crutch. We could open the show with a cool opening.

And Downey and I used to write them. And sometimes Dana would kick in. And Dana knows his politics. write them and sometimes dana would kick in dana knows his politics and but so we would write something where there was a logic to it there was it was one okay i'll give you one it's it was drugs were in the news so hw is going like um from the white, from his desk. This vial of crack was found across the street at Lafayette Park. You got that one? Okay. He's skipping the punchline right now.

Across the street from the White House. This hypodermic needle was found on the White House lawn. This bag of cocaine was found three feet from this desk here in the office okay so dana could get laughs doing just that right just get endless laughs doing that shit so we would have to before you run it we would have to say to him in dress after he would get so many laughs in dress that you would lose the through line oh wow and we'd go up to him in dress after he would get so many laughs in dress that you would lose the through line oh wow and we'd go up to him downy and i would go up to him and go like okay that's what's happening and he did it almost every week yeah so he would he knew exactly how much to dial it back

and he's just an amazing performer he could have been a great dramatic actor if he ever wanted to do that i don't think he wants to do that. I remember my brother showing me the movie Opportunity Knocks when we were kids thinking it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. We had it on VHS. He must have watched it like 15 times. He's just doing the Bush character in one of the scenes.

He was just pushing that accent because he just knew it was going to hit. It hit. It fucking fucking hit play the clip Wouldn't be prudent. three feet that's this not worse than marijuana being grown in the Rose Garden Billy the Bush Dog bringing in crack pipe

from the South Lawn it's bad and to close down an ecstasy factory in the Lincoln Bay he has no um get the bag okay okay i'm not sure if the bag green is there i don't remember exactly obviously it feels like it's coming up maybe maybe there's no bag i think that was the crack i saw i see have you ever seen him bomb like he has no inhibition he's just going like you know when you're killing on stage you're still all right here's my next joke there comes a line you know you're still in the moment working he doesn't he feels like he's having fun and still killing well that's part of his charm. He was having fun. And also, you like that character.

Yes. H.W. loses to Clinton in 92, invites Dana to the White House. Wow. Not Trumpian. Yeah, good point. Good point. He wanted to be made fun of. He wanted to be.

He's a mensch. He understood it. And, of course, the way they made fun of Trump was not affectionate at all. But I went down, when Dana hosted, I went down to Houston and taped something with H.W. And it was funny because he is an ex-president. So I was instructed only one take. He'll only do one take and the first take wasn't it was 80 or something sure and i'm just going oh okay i'm gonna have to and he did

12 takes oh but if you're the assistant the staffer for a former president united states you say to a comedy fucking you know one take of course and then he just was he wanted to nail it and he did and he did a the cold opening with uh or the monologue you made a good point about the trump thing though because the impression is really not done with love at all you know when alec baldwin was doing it that was it wasn't necessarily an accurate impression and compared to what some of the – He wasn't very good, actually. What's his name?

Gee, he's so good, the guy who does Trump now. No, no, no. Our boy Shane Gillis is a great one. Johnson, Johnson. Oh, is he on the cast? Yeah, he's not on the cast. Oh, okay. Come on, I should know his name.

He does an amazing Trump. Oh, James Austin Johnson. Yeah, James Austin Johnson. he does a good one what he discovered is just what what he does which is just free associate that's right train trump's strengths you know i always thought he can riff that trump part of the reason he won in 16 was that he's a stand-up in a way sure he I've never seen the man laugh I it's true but he could go out there in front of a crowd and riff for an hour 15 oh Jeb Bush melted and the dude who like stuck to a script you know right well, every everybody he there was he he sucked up every bit of oxygen. And so CNN would just cut to him doing. And he was my my my theory is that, you know, build the wall and Mexico is going to pay for it was just that just became his hot pockets.

I think he just he just kind of went, he said it once and he just went nuts. And he just kept saying it was his hot pockets. That wasn't like some theory. I think they were going to say, you know, do the Mexican border, do the border, do the border. And he comes up with that. And then, boom, we have to close down the government later. Yeah. Let me see this guy.

I've never seen this. Bread, you know, and more specifically, bun. I like bun. Bun is great, especially with respect to burger. And you know what? Now they want to go beyond burger. Can you believe that? I'm going to stay right at burger.

Oh, that's good. It's not good. Joe Biden has gone beyond burger, and it has not gone so well. And you know what? Neither has reboot of Fresh Prince. It's very different and I'm laughing and I'm laughing and I'm laughing, but I don't know why. He's good, but I do think Shane Gillis does the best one I've ever seen. But a lot of it's the writing.

Well, some people do some amazing ones, discovered he's discovered this random stuff that he does right better than anyone i've seen well i think what's good about shane's is that he he's not really he's not really picking a side he's just being funny i don't think that was much of a side there no no absolutely i i haven't seen enough of that guy but this this is trump speed date and i think this is gold. Looks like someone painted her face like a clown. That's what we're going to call her. Tana, it the clown. She looks like she should be in a sewer.

Bothering children. Oh, the little things. You are utterly disgusting. I'm disgusting. I saw you walk in. I said, who's this? Is this a pig? I didn't know you were wearing a pig's ear.

You're a dictator. He's kind of taking sides there. A little bit. A little bit. Somebody needs to tell her that her pussy stinks. Again, things you can't do on SNL. What's great about Shane is that Trump wins in this sketch in his mind but he doesn't win right that's kind of the beauty of it like he's like in his mind he's winning

right it's like the ego trumps all and that's kind of why i love this and i mean but the writing is so funny too uh observation by both him and you right well you know it's uh it's so i mean of course you're right you can get away with more on YouTube than you can on SNL. But when you make fun of someone, and it's like when you roast someone. And the Chevy Chase roast is a good example. It's a weird roast because you can tell they all fucking hated him. It's awkward. It wasn't hating him.

It was, maybe there was some there. But mainly it was easy to make fun of at that point in his career but his friends hated him and they didn't show up is is my point and then you get guys well so the guys didn't show up they didn't show up but if you love the guy you're showing up to their roast right i think it was marty and steve who had done three amigos with him just didn't show up but it might have been but maybe if they loved love love chevy they would have been able to right it's my point is sure my point is the first roast where you're like oh these are just all casted roasters these aren't his friends it was like mark maron young greg geraldo norton jim it was just all roasters who

were like they don't even know the guy todd berry killed it he killed that one. He killed it. He killed that roast. He did a great joke, which is making fun of Chevy Chase isn't as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. It's as easy as being in a room with a barrel. Wow. That's a great joke. Colbert at that roast. Isn't that a great joke? That's a great joke. Do you remember what Colbert said at that roast, though?

No. Dude, I wonder if there's footage of it anywhere. It's one of the best roast sets I've ever seen. It was did you see the uncensored roast is that what you've i mean because there must be up there's one aired and there's one which is uh i i do have a copy of the whole roast that's it that's but you're not pull that up pull that up the man. Pull that up. Usually have a bartender. But there is something about, you know, when you, yeah, Colbert, the Chevy Chase roast. But there's something about when you don't like the person and you're making fun of them. That's the thing about politics.

You have to, you ever try to write a joke when you just have a breakup and it's too raw? It's too real. It's too real and you're like, oh, that's kind of a mean. It's either too mean about her or too self-deprecating about yourself. You haven't found that balance. And I think it works similarly with an impression or a roast. You need to take yourself emotionally a little bit out of it and just be funny. Yes.

Yeah. If you can feel the tension and the venom, it's not as funny. Really? Is that a good rule? Sorry. Ouch. Hold it. Some of the things that I have heard said about this man. I don't really mean out here. I mean, backstage.

Hurtful, hate filled thing. You never take back. And I just, I will not be party to it. Because who am I to attack Chevy Chase? I don't know chevy chase i have never met mr chase i'm actually i'm uncomfortable calling him chevy the only thing i think of when i look at this man is there but for the

oh he smirked he won't give him the laugh. Jesus. Fuck. Jesus. Colorless, gray on beige. A lambray just sucking the joy out of everything I touch. A lambray? Wow. I think that would be good. And then bells are going. But it was beautifully written. And if Chevy were a little smarter at that moment or less under attack and emotionally secure, he would have laughed very hard.

There you go. You can't have a roast. I mean, it's funny that Trump had a roast on Comedy Central. Oh, yeah. There's another guy you don't think of as. I wonder what role Jeff Ross, well, you know, Jeff Ross has a big role. The Roastmaster. The Roastmaster. The Roastmaster.

But I'm not sure. I don't think Jeff was part of that one. It might have been before his time. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. 20 years ago. Jesus Christ. Wow, so much has changed.

He was in Home Alone, for Christ's sake, Trump. Home Alone 2. Oh, sorry. Second one. And WrestleMania. Probably won't be in Home Alone 12. They've made a bunch more. Yeah.

Have you watched Home Alone recently? I think I was a kid. It's not a good movie. Oh, it is a good movie. The first one's solid. The second one is terrible. Well, I'm talking about the first one. The first one's good.

The first one's fine. You can't. Yeah. Come on. The first one's really, really good. Are you a big movie guy? Not as big as a lot of people who are in showbiz i mean i yeah but that i think that was a really that's a solid movie can you give

us a movie rec we like rex on this podcast election oh it's one of my all-time favorites thomas paine yeah alexander paine damn it home alone too shit um no election phenomenal i think Alexander Payne. Damn it. Home Alone 2. Shit. Election Phenomenal. I think it's Payne. Yeah, no, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I think there's a team. One's a director, one's a writer or something like that. Look it up.

One of my favorite comedies of all time. It's brilliant. Brilliant. It's a good dark comedy. You know, my son at the time was nine years old, and he saw it. And my son's reaction was, I remember that was 2000. I remember this because I took my son and his friend out to L.A. for the Democratic Convention that Gore was nominated.

So that's how I remember it. And we went to some party where I think the guys who wrote it, maybe it was Bain, I don't know were there and he just went up to them and said the you the cars that you picked out were perfect and he the production design he my my son who's nine years old because he's a car nut oh really just love the car that um well the teacher broderick bro Broderick, Matthew Broderick. And he just, my son loved everything about the production design. Wow. At nine years old, and he's not.

Interesting. He doesn't care about production design normally at all. He cares about cars, though. No, he's a great filmmaker. It stands out extra in a comedy, because usually you don't always notice. Yeah, true. A comedy director, sometimes directors try to do too much in a comedy, and you're like, well, that's not's director is trying to do too much in a comedy you're like well that's not good but it worked oh my god perfectly anyway so you asked for a recommendation good movie just keep it at one that's a great one

good choice of course of course great one classic classic yeah yeah i got i got so many questions i don't bug you al first of all i know you that's why okay I know you did Blow with Belushi. We got to get into that. Yes. But. How was that? He would have too much. You don't say. It was funny when I hated Bob Woodward's book on him, Wired, because it was like as if someone named your college yearbook puked.

And all he did was puke. No one learned math or fell in love. One-sided. Right, right. You know, and I remember Woodward interviewed me and he asked me about cocaine and I said the only time I ever did cocaine was with Bernstein Because I just didn't like the whole tone of this guy. Yeah I thought the book was a travesty and it was like Lauren said it was

written by a guy didn't understand anything about popular culture and Belushi's place in it and He said this Lawrence said it was like he uh he had written a sentence that said the beatles a popular musical group in the 60s you know and yeah it was uh i was very offended by the that book because he's a just a brilliant performer sure none of that is captured it was just all i they were from the same town in uh in chicago i can't remember the name of the town but it was almost like him saying i'm the

best guy from this oh that's i had a feel of it what is a mean thing to say he's a cunt of an author what's like what there you go the third one i got in yeah he didn't stop you on that one ah he's back in yeah but i wouldn't call him that he's no no no call back got in. He didn't stop you on that one. He's back in. I wouldn't call him that. He's done some great work. It's a callback, Al. Come on. I didn't like that. The book was cunty.

There we go. There we go. Cunty book. That's a good adjective. No, it was a special time, that cast. I do think about someone who does comics. This podcast started because Mark And I used to get drunk all the time together. You know we were young road comics, and then slowly used to

We made up we built the show around it, but true what when we were young comics You know you can get hammered every night, and then you start going on the road And we'd see each other I don't know maybe two days a week maybe one day a week and we try to make that one night count we'd say hey let's let's hang and then before we know it it's 5 a.m and we keep saying one more drink one more drink 6 7 a.m turned it into a podcast oh look at us geez your wedding buddy i am so banged up right there i'm hurting too i look like i'm in blackface mickey mannell regretted drinking as much as he did he He did. Oh, is that right? Well, everybody says that after. During.

He was blessed. It was interesting. He said Pete Rose took care of himself. I mean, all these guys that had these careers. 536 home runs with a drinking problem, though, is pretty good. That's a functioning alcoholic. You know, don't do this because it's not that great, but some of the interviews he did on Letterman toward the end of his career about just getting so fucking wasted

and being at somebody's farm and wasted. Should have never fucked that cow. Driven to the ballpark and just falling asleep in the dugout and being like, you've got to get up, and then hitting a home run over the center field at Yankee Stadium. Wow. See, to me, that's a tale of an incredible functioning alcoholic. Yes, that's a win.

Yes and no. I mean, but his career was shorter than it needed to be. No, I mean, for sure. We don't need to talk about real drinking on this, but this is becoming a buzzkill right here. Oh, yeah. I mean, by the way, don't let the show suggest to you that it's okay

if you have a drinking problem. You put the Al and Alan on. You cut to Mark and I in 20 years in this podcast. I made every mistake a man could make. That's my one regret, was drinking too much. I think probably you should save that little clip of me

for your audience. The most important thing ever said. You got it. Don't drink. On your pot. I really hope Al gets wasted here now. Oh. That would be awesome. I get a little tipsy very easily.

Really? Oh, okay. Let's do shots. Bodega cat shots. No, no. And I don't like hard. I don't. You're a beer guy.

I drink beer occasionally. I'll drink a glass of wine occasionally. But I don't drink. I don't get drunk. You seem healthy. You look good. Yeah, you look good. Full head of hair.

Yes. Well, dude, I'm not drinking. I'm pretty good. I had back surgery five weeks ago. Hey, so did he. Did you? No, I had like an ablation. I had it in my neck. I had a real. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm pretty good I had back surgery five weeks ago so did he did you no I had like an ablation I had a

in my neck I had a real yeah but I'm glad it was a great I've been carrying SNL for ten years never mind

alright sorry this episode this episode had more than we've ever had you were in trading places I remember you had a little came in Trading Places, I remember.

You had a little cameo. Whoa, is that right? Yeah, I do remember that. Wow, that was very Chris Farley of me. It was me and Tom. Yeah, I remember that. That was pretty cool. I mean, that was

a pretty great scene, though. You were in the end of the movie, the gorilla. That was pretty cool. Well, there's the gorilla scene and then there's the scene where we come in there with Eddie and Danny.

Was Eddie and Danny in that? Yeah. Gee, which was that character actor? He was so great. Denholm Elliot. No, no, Denholm Elliot was a different character. He was the butler. Yeah, he was a butler.

Damn, he was funny. What about, were they cool to work with, Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy? Oh, yeah. But we barely, barely i mean we just had a couple scenes and one was uh with them and so mainly we were just in a trailer waiting for our scene of course you know and i was stone baggage handler one and tom was stone baggage handler two we smoke a joint in it and later they figured out that eddie should smoke a joint in it, and later they figured out that Eddie should smoke a joint, so they took that scene out. So we were just really stupid baggage handler one and stupid baggage handler two.

Right. We were playing very stoned. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, well. You know, I mean. 83, wow. I get people come to me, you know, say to me, usually around Christmas or something, and say how much they love.

It's such a Christmas movie. It is, isn't it? Yeah. It's such a, like, what are your all-time Christmas movies? For me, that's in there. I love Bad Santa. That movie. Oh, I do, too.

That's great. It's like a warm blanket, that movie. It's so, have you seen that one? No, I've got to see it. Billy Bob. Great movie. Yeah, I mean, there's all the classics, obviously. You've got Vacation, obviously. Vacation. So good. I'm not going to leave the weapons of Christmas movie. Yeah, I mean, there's all the classics. You got Vacation, obviously.

Vacation. So good. I'm going to leave The Weapon as a Christmas movie. No, no. Die Hard. Die Hard. And leave The Weapon. Really?

What? I don't remember that. That director or that writer at Hallmark is setting movies in Christmas. Shane Black? No. You know what's a really good Christmas movie? It's A Wonderful Life. That's a great movie. It is a great movie. What a hack. Come on, Al. No, but it is a great movie. It's a Wonderful Life. That's a great movie.

It is a great movie. What a hack. Come on, Al. No, but it is a great movie. It is. It's a great movie. Fact about that movie, apparently Jimmy Stewart was furious that it bombed and he blamed the lead actress.

Oh, Donna Reed? Yeah. Oh, that it bombed? Yeah, because it didn't do well in theaters. That's right. Oh, my Lord. She was a cunt of a lead he lived long enough to see it was yeah yeah you got that right yeah no that's a it's a great movie it plays at the ifc every year and i went with my girlfriend wife and we took edibles and uh we were laughing so much in the first eight minutes of the movie that a guy turned

around and goes shut the fuck up i used to watch it with my dad he's dead now we're like we ran out good times i went there with my ex and we uh we did heroin and it's great great movie you were quiet the whole time not yeah my wife and i did no all right now i never got to my second question because we got into the cocaine with Belushi. Political guy, obviously. You've seen it all. You've been through it. Have you ever seen it as bad as it is today with politics and the tribal and the fighting and the whole thing? It has gotten worse and worse.

And Trump was kind of a tipping point sure because this is a you know a very uh sick guy right and um you know with all the disinformation out there there are a lot of people bought into them, some probably watching this podcast. That kind? No, I'm just kidding. I was going to say. And, you know, we're taping this not long after, just a few days after the midterms. And my wife said the night after, she said it was the American people saying stop it.

My wife said the night after, she said it was the American people saying stop it. And it really was saying stop it to this denial of that the election about the election. And, you know, our democracy. Some of those people won. Some of those people that that are someone but none like who are in, like, the secretaries of state candidates for. And there were upsets, for sure. But, like, the secretary of state in most states runs the elections in the state. And there were a number of, you know, rabid deniers who ran for secretary of state, like Michigan. And, well, the governor, the guy ran for governor in pennsylvania you know

bust people to the capitol on january 6th he lost handily and the the governor appoints the secretary of state in pennsylvania so that was at stake and uh and you know so deniers got what funniest to me was that these deniers who their whole political identity was that the 20 election was stolen. A number of them conceded, which was like, I know I've just staked my entire political identity on saying that the 20 election was stolen. on saying that the 20 election was stolen and despite there being no evidence and 62 cases decided against. Wow. And despite this, and despite this, that's what I ran on.

And I lost last night. I concede. And I'm going like... I don't think it works like that. Wow. Yeah. But not all. Not all.

And what do you think about a state like Pennsylvania I don't think it works like that. Whoa. Yeah. But not all. Not all. Yeah. And what do you think about, like, a state like Pennsylvania where, you know, pretty close race, but, you know, Fetterman wins. And do you think, how much of that do you think is, like, Dr. Oz being an out-of-town, like, New Jersey guy? How much of it do you think is, like? There were a lot. He had a lot of baggage in that respect. He also, I don't, he didn't come off very well he came off his little like too slick i don't think either of them did yeah well fetterman this was unprecedented

that that debate was unprecedented because you're watching a guy who has not recovered yet from a stroke, from a stroke and took a lot of courage to do it. But in a way he couldn't not do it. Yeah. So you're watching something completely just there. How you process that. Oz made this mistake by saying abortion should between be between a woman, her doctor and her local politician. And remember he said that and that just gave them an ad right and um and of course you know uh they were able to cut together

ads for fetterman too from where he was you know uh And, uh, he opened by saying good night, which was fun. Yeah. I mean, uh, and in a way that's kind of when, when he won and, and, um,

uh, you know, took, gave his victory speech. It was kind of moving. Yeah. For a guy to share, you know,

and, um, so no, that, that, that's nothing like that has ever happened before. Sure. You know, and so, no, that that's nothing like that has ever happened before. Yeah. But can we come back to normal at all? Or is are we is this just how it's going to be now? These two camps who just hate each other and don't listen and no discussion. I think it's going to be very interesting to watch the Republican Party now because there's going to be a lot of recriminations. because there's going to be a lot of recriminations, and I think it'll be a shit show.

Because so many of them, and again, this is sounding pretty partisan and political, but you could divide the office holders and the apparatchiks of the Republican Party into chicken shits who wouldn't say Biden won the election because they didn't want to get on the wrong side of Trump, and then kind of the crazies. And they're going to be fighting and they barely, it hasn't been quite determined yet, but it looks like they're going to have a very narrow margin in the House. So there's going to be a lot of fighting. And what's funny now is as we speak, i'm not sure when you're airing this but

uh herschel walker is the remaining candidate this might be coming out after the runoff yeah i'm sure it will probably but uh and you don't know 30 years from now people may say you know herschel walker was one of the great u.s senators yeah probably so uh he's a great father you know what not everyone who pays for an abortion sends you a card hey that's worth more than a herschel walker football i think that i think you're right yeah put that at the card store. Hey, I hope you're using that, aren't you? I know. Really? Yeah. I did play Georgia.

That's my advice to you. I played Georgia over the weekend. And after every abortion joke, I would say, it's okay, Herschel Walker wrote that one too. That really saved me. How many abortion jokes do you do? I ran it off three or four. Yeah, I ran it off three or four. And I'm keeping them jokes.

Ironically, you won't get rid of them. Yeah, but, you know, I don't, right now, because the majority of the Senate isn't up, I just, I have a prediction that Warnock will win that one. Because I think there are a lot of Republicans, very close in the polls, it was close in the election. But it was very close in the polls. It was close in the election. But I think there are a lot of Republicans who voted for him, and now that the majority in the Senate isn't at stake, they're going like, do I really want to, you know. You know, it used to be that putting a gun to your wife's head was disqualifier.

Yeah. You know. I just do it to get an erection but uh thank you very much but you know uh no you're right and he it's interesting there's something about running the celebrities like we talk about name recognition and it's like you know the you know dr oz herschel walker yeah you know trump trump like celebrities carriehel Walker. Yeah. You know? Trump. Trump likes celebrities. Carrie Lake. Yeah, sure.

But she lost. I mean, there's something about. Very attractive. Yeah? You're into that? Oh, yeah. She's hot. You know, she put out when it was announced that she had lost, she put out, you know,

Arizona's no BS. And I just, yeah, that's why you lost. Oh. Well, yeah, that's why you lost. Oh. Well, yeah. I mean, look, there's something to be said about that. You know, you look at the Gore-Bush election. Like, I look at that as a time where Gore was like, it's yours. He basically gave it.

He didn't want the Supreme Court. What do you do? What? It was the Supreme Court. I know, but it was he very gracefully handed it over, right? I mean, that wouldn't happen now. That would never happen. No, because he respected the legitimacy of the court,

something that's harder to do now after they didn't take up Merrick Garland and after they sat Tony Barrett nine days before an election. But at that time, there was a lot of respect for the legitimacy of the court. And that's what Gore was recognizing, that that's it. That's the Supreme Court. Do you think this would be happening at this level if Democrats weren't constantly, you know, after the Trump election, you know, someone like Rachel Maddow, the Steele dossier, like the meddling?

Do you think that would, it would be going to this level if it weren't for that? Oh, yeah. I mean, because. Yeah, I think that the Steele dossier is something obviously used and I guess in some respect, right. Rightfully used as a little bit of a weapon. But no, that's this is about having this guy who, you know, just a guy, a pathological liar, a guy who says, you know, I can shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not lose a vote. And you go, OK, but you'd be prosecuted. Right. That's true. I mean, but...

Do you think you have enough pull to get Hunter Biden on this podcast? We'd like to drink with him. There'll be a lot of funny stuff after the investigation. We got a full bar. Yeah. We got a full bar.

It'll be like that Bush sketch. We got a bag of crack. Yeah, they're going to do do it if they have the majority they're gonna do it you know what how do we get back i mean you are a politician that looked to unite and not divide people how do you how do we get back yes mentality how do we get back to like you know mark and i we're road comics we take pride in letting everyone in on the joke that is kind of what we try to do as entertainers and i think really good politicians have a similar yeah ability right i mean how do we get back to it or are we doomed with twitter and all this you know tribalistic division you know what makes me pessimistic is just the divide in terms of information and the disinformation that we people buy into.

And if you're in that universe of information, that division is going to be there. But don't you think the Internet is coming in with a little bit of middle ground? You know, because obviously the Fox News and CNN are... I don't want to get into public policy here, but Section 230 is something that would change. And that's the thing that says that these, like Facebook is a platform

and can't be responsible for stuff it puts out. But Facebook has... Their algorithm knows you better than you know yourself. They say it knows you're gay before you do. Yeah, and basically. That's how I found out. It basically feeds you, gives you back what will keep you on Facebook. Oh, they'll recommend me like a sweater.

I'm like, I should get that. And I'm like, wait a second. Yeah, they got you. It's crazy, right? They do it with hookers. Well, they're probably right. Yeah. You should probably get that sweater.

I'm going to get it. Let me get back on on real quick they know you better than you know you but what i'm saying is they also like to keep people on and get them agitated so they stay on right they know everybody so well they go this guy we feed him some this disinformation he'll get really excited about it and stay on longer and we sell advertising it's bad news and so they know what they're doing they know exactly what they're giving you yeah the way you're talking i'm like you you are a voice that could really do good and part of me thinks like man it's it's a bummer that you're yep that you're not are there is there any hope you would get back in i keep my options open but but it is pretty toxic.

You sound like my ex right now. This is when he says, huh? You should, I mean, you should think about it. I don't know your ex, but I'm sure that's accurate. Yeah. But you don't want to go dip your toe back in the i don't know i don't know it depends i mean i'm still a minnesotan at heart and i go back and forth but i have grandchildren here so i'm here a lot and um i have grandchildren in la so i'm a little um you know i'm a little bit being grandpa and I'm doing a podcast and,

and, and I'm on the road. I'm on the, Jesus Christ. That's why I'm here. I'm doing the Alphonse. Not just to hang out with us and get drunk with us. Yeah. Yeah. But that too. But yeah, I'm on tour. I'm on. Oh, here we go. What do we got here? The only former U S Senator currently on tour tour Oh, here we go. What do we got here? The only former U.S. Senator currently on tour tour. Here, here. There we are.

I'm going to Portland. Woo. And then Sacramento. I'm doing a little West Coast swing. I just did that Revolution Hall. It's great. Isn't that great? It's great.

It's an old school house. It's great. I love Portland audiences. Don't make a school shooting joke. Monterey. They didn't care for it. Then I'm doing San Luis Obispo, then Los Angeles, California. Ah, the old way.

I was working. One of the things you guys sent subjects to think about is bits you're working on. Oh, please. No, I was just thinking, in Portland, of course, they have this huge homeless problem. You got that right. And so last time I was there, or maybe it was two times ago or something, that a lot of the homeless people were wearing Nike is Nike there or is it? Yeah.

They're wearing Nike stuff. And what happened was that Nike had decided to give the homeless people Nike clothes. And now they were stopping to do it because a lot of people think that they were all just former nike employees oh wow that the homeless money on jordans i'm not giving them working on that for for uh revolution hall it's like an albert brooks uh video yeah i mean it but was an okay, bad idea to give all the homeless. Now, do they give the kids at the sweatshops free Nikes?

They don't. They're not. They probably don't. So if those kids stopped working, ironically, they'd get free shit because they'd be homeless. You see a homeless guy in A6, you're like, all right, this guy, I'll give him some money. But Nike? Yeah, he's a real hobo. Huh? There we go. It's Nike. Yeah, he's a real hobo. Yeah.

Huh? There we go. It's a callback. It's a runner. We got to call this episode a runner. Yeah. It's a country callback. So anyway, I've been on doing this tour.

And you asked me about when I got here, am I still working out at the cellar? Yeah. And I haven't been lately. I've been working out on a club that's two blocks from my house on the west side, West Side Comedy Club. Oh, yeah. We're neighbors, man. We were neighbors, yeah. But I love the Cellar.

And that's what happened. When I left Santa, I started giving speeches. And I realized, like, this is like 80% funny. And also, I love stand-up. And I had never really done it by myself. I had done it with Tom all these years. Right. And so I started working out at the cellar.

And killed right away. Yay! And very comfortable doing it. And just loved doing it, as you guys said. It's just, it's a gas. I mean, it's amazing. You're tough to, oh, sorry. Oh, no, go ahead.

You're tough to follow because you have smart, intellectual, thoughtful stuff. And then I'm like, hey, pedophiles, huh? And so they're like, well, we, that guy was mine. Well, don't follow me. All right. That's what you say to pedophiles, too. The seller. Well, don't follow me.

All right. That's what you say to pedophiles, too. What I can do at the cellar, what's funny at the cellar, is everyone, three-quarters of the time, I can open with, you know, well, you know, Cecile just killed, but no wonder she stole all my material. And it always gets a big laugh because it's so fucking dirty right right yeah or you know uh someone uses the n-word constantly yes sorry about that all right no huh usually it's a black comedian always i used to write for michael richards

all right good to have you back I used to write for Michael Richards. I like that. All right. Very good. Good to have you back. And you bring Dina Hashim on the road sometimes. You brought her on a few gigs, right? I brought her for a couple things.

Very funny, right? We love Dina. Yeah, Dina is great. I brought her out uh i did like an uh eastern long island where it was river uh riverhead yep and uh then also minneapolis and yeah she's hilarious yeah great joke writer yeah when is this episode coming out matt so dina hasham is actually recording an album or special in chicago this weekend check that out highly recommend going it might be sold out by now but two shows at the lincoln lodge dina hasham good hilarious comic i'm producing it hello james webb is directing it he directed my netflix

special just do all our jokes now let's burn them all dude yeah she's a great joke yeah any pet peeves anything's that bother you lately oh yeah yeah yeah um okay two things uh one people uh people who walk down the street on their phone and i can't believe you probably haven't heard this one before this is people walk on the phone and don't look where they're going sure sure and i want i'm thinking of working on a piece where it's two gen z people uh both on their phones walking down the street and it's just it's very physical piece it's just boom and they they bump into each other and their phone goes into the uh into the gutter and goes down the thing and it's just the the genesee person because that's i just feel like when people walking down the street and they're looking

i just i want to go like i know i know and i don't because i wouldn't all right you've all done it yeah i get mad i've done it i've done the phone thing one time i did it, and I was looking at my phone, and someone else was looking at the phone, and we collided, and we were both mad at the other person. Ah, right. That's my bit. Oh, there you go. It's not a great bit. Now you see why I don't want to follow him.

And then, so that's that. But the other one is, and I bet you this is also your pet peeve, and you didn't realize it is. It's these fuckers on these electric bikes oh yeah who are going the wrong way in the bike lane yeah and and going 40 miles an hour yep and they decide as I get a green and the bike lane is this way, which I'm looking for because I don't want to, you know, because I'm on to this. Some guy's coming from this way. Yep. And he knows he's going to make it.

He knows he's not going to hit me, but it's like that close. Sure. But he knows it. And I go like, ah, like that. And he's just going to hit me but it's like that close sure but he knows it and i go like yeah like that and he's just going like i knew i had it uh the arrogance and and yeah and you want to fill in the back of your elbow for a second don't you right it's too fast it's just too they're going way too fast too yeah for and they're in a bike lane on not a bike it's a bike lane is for a pedal bike yeah pandemic really made that catch on new york oh yeah that could be for any atel joke that's true yeah that's true it's that

um the guys that deliver food and those are the guys on this bike they're the third responders that's great now tell gets quoted on this podcast once a week totally he's our favorite him and him and hitler but could you combine those two and make the go with the phone guy the bike guy and then the bike guy on his phone because i've seen that a lot too jesus i i wish i had seen that so that could be my pippy oh okay i'm just saying for the bit for the bit is he uh is it who are your the bit. If you're working on the bit. Who are your favorites to watch when you're down at the club now? Do you watch comedy down there or no?

Well, I haven't been there in a while, but Dina, I discovered her there. And you know what? It's bad on me because I can't remember some names of great comics. Yeah, yeah, it's tough. It's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah, plus, you know, the age. You're a young whippersnapper, though, if you're a politician, though, now.

I mean, look what's out there. There's some really young bad ones. There's some young good ones. But you seem younger than you are. I mean, what are you, 71? Yeah. Wow, 71? Yeah, I seem like, what, 67? young there's some young bands younger but you seem younger than you are i mean what is 71 yeah you see wow 71 yeah you look like what 67 yeah something like that good for you i'm a comedian i know what does that mean that doesn't mean that's actually kind of means we just ran it off like that and died in their 30s. You could use that to establish the exact opposite. Right, yeah. Greg Geraldo looked great, too.

He did, yeah. We have a wall of death behind you. Some of our favorites that passed away. You're next, baby. Oh, fuck. No, he's a long way away from me. No, you look great. I wish you were my dad.

I met your dad at the wedding. He's a great guy. Yeah. Does he watch? No. He is a great guy. Does he watch? No. He is a peeping Tom, though. Yes. He does watch.

There you go. Huh? Hey! Al Franken, everybody. Come on. Plug some. Any other things you want to plug? You got your podcast.

Got my podcast, the Al Franken podcast. We very often have. There I am. Look at that. Any other things you want to plug? You got your podcast. Got my podcast, the Al Franken podcast. We very often have. There I am. Look at that. Hello. I'd vote for that guy. Yeah.

There's Norm Ornstein. That's a very typical. That's a good get. Norm is one of the great political scholars in the country. So I do a lot of public policy, a lot of politics. Go to the next one. It's David Axelrod. Oh, yeah. And Cecile Richards.

I listen to his podcast sometimes, Hacks on Tap. That's a good one. Oh, really? Too many ads, though. There's an ad every three minutes on that podcast. Well, on every podcast you you get like on my youtube stuff there are people just complain about nothing i can do but they they really stretch them out on that mike murphy and those guys they'll talk about a mattress for 15 minutes and i'm like

just get back to the show yeah and that's like what the 32nd thing is made for exactly so we gotta fast forward this comes out the fourth so yeah i'll be in tacoma spokane uh on new year's oklahoma city and then the theater tour we start up we got new orleans austin tulsa uh dallas st louis vegas uh go to samuel.com for more uh yeah added in vancouver we added in portland uh seattle all the dates are up there we're adding dates so please check it out samrell.com slash shows i'm coming everywhere except we haven't had callie on this or denver but we'll be there soon oh yeah i'm at the wilbur coming up uh oh the wilbur is great great room one of the great rooms in america Very steep balconies. Yes. Love Boston. It feels like a club somehow.

Yeah. Buffalo Cubs, Zanies, all kinds of stuff. Zanies? Do you ever play the Mike and Stool? No. No. Oh. It's a name for a comedy club.

Oh. I thought there was two guys you knew. Hey, you guys said, huh? Hey, all right. We're back. All right, we've come full circle. Mark Coleman, comment.com. Make sure.

Oh, Mark, do you have more to plug here? No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, plug them. I'm actually in Hawaii at the Blue Note in Honolulu. Whoa. Hit that more. Oh, sorry.

I guess I got to get more dates. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Make sure to order our whiskey. It's great. People are snatching it dates. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Make sure to order our whiskey. It's great. People are snatching it up. We are legal in Texas at Specs. You can get us any, over 200 liquor stores carrying Bodega Cat in Texas.

Holy shit. Get on it, folks. Bodega Cat Rye. You guys are snatching it up. We appreciate you guys. So thank you. Yeah, keep drinking. You've been a great guest, man. Thank you.

Thank you, Al. It's an honor. We've been fans for years. It's been a gas. It's. Thank you. Thank you, Al. It's an honor. We've been fans for years. It's been a gas. It's been fun as hell. Oh, good. I hope so. Go see Al on tour.

Listen to his podcast. And, you know, Salamanca, you got anything? Nothing I can plug. Well, as always, thank you. Oh. Exciting. He's shooting something. Well, you know, thank you, as always, to Gotham Studios.

Matt Peters, we love you. And we'll see you next week. Hear, hear. exciting he's shooting something well uh you know thank you as always to gotham studios matt peters we love you and uh we'll see you next week here here talking shit about the fucking pope and I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way We might be true