We Might Be Drunk - Ep 11: Hot Toddy & Juice Bomb IPA

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

One more drink, one more drink You know in the morning for sure we gon' stink One more round, one more round It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the barkeep frowned This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two hey hey here we are we might be drunk it's midday on a sunday It's beautiful out in New York City.

Man. Yeah, what are you drinking? I need to know. You wouldn't tell me. By the way, what do you got? A high chair there? What's that in the back? You got neck support.

I got neck support because I've been in physical therapy for my neck for so fucking long. I need to get it. Wasn't that expensive? Got it on Amazon. I just researched lumbar support, neck support. I'm a real fucking pussy. Well, we're getting old, but this is the plight of the tall man. Nobody talks about the negatives. You get pussy, you play basketball, you win the presidency.

Every president has been taller, by the way, who won. That's a good point. True story. My mom will say, one time I told my mom I'm depressed, and she goes, but you who won. That's a good story. My mom will say, one time I told my mom, I'm depressed. And she goes, but you're tall. That's a bit. That's great. It's not a carnival ride, mom. It's still, you know, still can get sad here. No, you know, it's, I do have back problems. I'm like, I'm a tall, lanky dude. This is who it happens to, you know? So I, people always are like, you need a good mattress. You spend much time sleeping No one ever talks about a desk chair

Ah, you're right, you're right How much time do we spend at the desk? We're sitting, they say sitting is the new smoking Damn Yeah, not mine, but I heard that somewhere Damn, that's heavy though I know, because, you know, nine to fives That's eight hours of their life sitting

That's horrible for you I mean, how often, I mean, you must spend so much of the day at a day i think even in a hotel room you're sitting in that crappy chair and like man it's not it's just not good for you well when i write i walk i walk and talk in the hotel room like a psycho damn so you're just dictating into a into a phone a hairbrush uh can you believe who are these people the whole night the whole night who are these people i whole night? Who are these people? I'm in my underwear with a hangover holding a hairbrush. Yeah, no, this chair is saving my life, man.

It still hurts, but I do the heating pad on my back at night. I do everything. Yeah, I'm hardcore with everything. I want to make sure it doesn't go. Because it goes out. You can do nothing for days. Right. I mean, you know what?

This is the big, you know, my lady's got huge knockers And she's always like, my back And I can't fit in any clothing And we all go, yeah, whatever, you big tittied whore Shut up, we get it It's the same with the tall guy, we all want to be tall And you're like, my back, and we're like, alright, whatever Yeah, but you can get a height reduction

I remember the line, too, from Super bad it was like the big line in the trailer which like she had she had a breast reduction she goes that's like slapping god across the face that was the line in the trailer oh that's a good line great line that one and the other line i love from that movie is uh i fingered that girl it was like hearing the beatles for the first time or whatever it was that's such a great fuck sleazy thing mixed with like a mythical, beautiful thing. That's great. Coming of age,

man. Super bad. So, so good. Yeah. Nothing better than coming of age. They mean so much to a kid. I mean,

when I saw those as my, in my age, I was like, these are the best movies ever. It's weird how the coming of age movie is just change over the years. Cause I grew up like i know i was you know obviously i didn't see him in the theater but like i grew up on 80s dude comedies like revenge of the nerds or porkies and it's like funny like you rewatch porkies

you're like this is to a to a young person right now imagine being like wait what yeah like not i'm not just talking like the shower scene It's like It opens The guy calls a Jewish guy A kike And you're just like Right And he doesn't even get I mean they're making fun of it

He calls him a kite He goes It's a kike you idiot Yeah He's like You're not even You're not even racist You don't even know

How to be racist That was like the joke But it was like Yeah Yeah Was that meat? He was like the big guy Yeah

That's kind of a nice Little nod to the Jews Like we're gonna give you They could've gotten you A Woody Allen type And they gave like the big guy That's kind of a nice Little nod to the Jews They could have gotten you a Woody Allen type And they gave you the big guy That's right, I guess Meat was a Jew Yeah, well you figure if it's going through Some producers, maybe they did some casting You gotta get the Jack guy

Hey, at least they didn't go with stereotype Yeah, yeah, exactly What are you drinking, by the way? I went all in It's daytime it's winter Hot toddy Oh my god I love it The lady cooked it up

Oh my god I love that That looks so good Whiskey honey lemon cinnamon Dude that is That is the winter drink Especially people dining outdoors in February. Yes, exactly. Yeah, we're under a heat lamp and a fur coat, so you need a little extra warmth. Some places aren't even doing the heat lamp. I walked by John's Pizzeria the other day,

one of the best pizza places in the city, no doubt. On Bleecker? On Bleecker, yeah. They're like, yeah, we don't do heat lamps I was like, it's 20 degrees They're like, eh, we're good They're so cocky about their pizza They're like, we'll make it work Damn, that's hard Thank God you can do 25% now The cellar's open, diners are open

Me and Salicus went to a diner the other day It was like heaven Oh yeah, dude, I'm drinking a juice bomb IPA I've never had this But we haven't done a beer on the pot yet, have we? No, I don't think so. We did the lemon truly like a homo, but never done that. This is good, by the way. I'm not a huge IPA guy. It's pretty good. Here's the thing about IPA. You learn with age, I think. I don't like them either, but one is great.

I don't like them either But one is great Yeah I'm the same way I'm not a big I'm not like Beer's just not my go-to I like hard stuff I like hard liquor

I like I like cocktails I like Beer You drink 10 beers That's fine when you're 18 When you're in your 30s You're pissing all night

You're pissing all night It's like you ate a loaf of bread It's heavy You're burping I'm with ya As a kid It was like Get a rack Get of bread. It's heavy. You're burping. I'm with you. As a kid, it was like, get a rack, get a package, get a case. And now I'm like, I'll have two or three, maybe. Yeah, but-

Fun- Oh, sorry. No, no, what? Beer wasn't considered an alcoholic beverage in Russia until 2011. Is that real? Yeah, fun fact. Damn, is it because they're such vodka heads? What is it?

There's such booze bags over there That yeah, vodka is like red wine to them They have it with dinner, they have it with lunch You know, and so then beer was like This is water Damn That's why they're so fucking tough Like in wars, Russians never quit And they just fucking drink

I know I know Same with like Boxing Or maybe more UFC But You know You always put black guy

Toughest But then Russian Is almost up to black In toughness Is that I mean Yeah I mean

I always think of Soder Dan Soder's old bit About like There's nothing scarier Than a Russian accent That was like The classic That was like his bit that you couldn't follow that. He would kill so hard. That's such a great Soder bit because he's a hilarious guy and he's a good comic, but

then he puts the voices on top of the funny brain. It's kind of like Kyle Dunnigan. Right. Man, is he funny. Those impressions are so good, but he couldn't really find a way into the comedy world Then he got those filters on and it was over Well he was working and he wrote for a ton of shows That's true

As like a social media guy Yeah Kyle's been successful forever But he got one of my favorite jokes ever Oh really You know the joke he said Where they say some women think he has too close a relationship with his mother But mom says all those women are dirty little whores it's great i love it he had the great one about uh the the crooners in the 40s like sinatra and dean martin they they have to

seem so manly so they're like i see the moon in your eye hey oh watch out he's basically saying like i love you but oh i'm not gay i like ladies i like women that was that was the 50s sinatra also kind of like aged into being a tough guy i know he always had like he's always a hoboken guy he was always like a mob guy but he just didn't look like a tough guy when he was super young because he was like a string bean and then you see him older like oh he also like aged into his looks you know oh yeah oh yeah he was so skinny he had that that pronounced face with the like, oh, he also like aged into his looks You know? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah He was so skinny He had that pronounced face with the curly, slick hair But he was like a Timberlake

Who kind of went into a soprano Yeah, that's true He also, I mean Yeah, he really He fell off for a while, too And I think from here to eternity saved his career It's weird, like acting saved him Don't you feel like acting kind of gave timberlake a boost too though with like social

network it was like oh shit he's kind of got that totally yeah i mean him on s on snl he was great you're like wow this guy's funny you don't you didn't want him to be funny because he's handsome he can sing but then you're like he's good yeah he makes fun of himself that's all you all you want for someone who's been famous since they were 12 or whatever Like Mickey Mouse Club shit Just laugh at yourself and you're in That's all you have to do Yeah, and it's also interesting This is a weird reach maybe

But when I was growing up Timberlake was a punchline Like, oh, Justin Timberlake, boy band, douche And girls would always go, yeah, yeah, fuck that guy He's a dork But they didn't mean it because You know like he's bagged Jessica Beal and Cameron Diaz and Britney

Spears and all these you know top shelf Clams but yet He was made fun of in his youth But women they'll throw that out there but they don't mean it Yeah I think I also it's like you're in a Boy band but then like he kind of went his own way and people Start to like him again I think when you kind of Do your own thing it's weird As it's like you're in a boy band, but then like he kind of went his own way and people start to like him again.

I think when you kind of do your own thing, it's weird. It's weird how there's like five of you. They're all working. They're all successful. One dude just fucking pops. Yeah. Same with like Destiny's Child. It's not like I doubt the other two are struggling, but Beyonce's fucking Beyonce.

Yeah. Yeah. Good point. I think you have to hit the gas. Like, I don't know if they hit the gas. Yeah. It's like I think you have to hit the gas. Like, I don't know if they hit the gas. Yeah. It's like the other few. It's like the Avengers. Like you got you got Iron Man and then like there's Hawkeye. Hawkeye is still OK. Yes. But he ain't Iron Man. Right. Right. Yeah. So true. I mean, it's Batman and Superman. But the Flash. Come on.'s all you got is Flash

Yeah I hear that show is good but I'm just like I don't believe it it's weird I'm not a huge comic guy But as a kid I was and I was so More Marvel than DC Oh see I was a DC guy Why is that why do you think

Well DC just felt I get it like Like Marvel is cool. And, but DC felt classic. I liked the classicness of it. The Cape, the, the,

the blue and the red or the blue and the gray. And I don't, I felt more humble. Marvel was like, Oh, this guy's got a laser beam shooting out of his eye. Like it felt too, too easy.

Interesting. See, I was like Peter Parker was so New York Like Spider-Man He lived in Queens He was a photographer Trying to make ends meet

He you know Had the issues with his folks Good point I loved the beef with Jonah Jameson I was such a Spider-Man guy as a kid But I liked I just never gave a fuck about Superman Like he was too powerful

He just could do everything So I'm like alright If you could stop bullets And like I just never gave a fuck about Superman Like he was too powerful he just could do everything So I'm like alright if you could stop bullets And like I don't give a fuck but then Batman I was always like yeah Batman's cool I mean those movies with Michael Keaton And Jack Nicholson growing up and like Those were fucking great Great and also New York basically

I mean they call it Gotham but let's be honest And also I'm with you On Spider-Man but Spider-Man, again, he feels classic. I like that timeless kind of vibe. But, you know, you start bringing in Nightcrawler and Beast and... Beast fucking rules, dude. Oh, that's just a big gay guy with no shirt on. I don't know. Beast was...

He's like a gorilla. I like that he's like the intellectual of the group, and you're like, he's gay. That's the fucking... No, he was like the well-read guy the x-men were cool because it was like stan lee's so smart he was like this will be about immigrants and about like you know right it's like these are people who are like different they're like but so society has to like brush them away yes but then he just made them like superheroes so everyone's like that's where the dumb people

won't notice that but uh i thought x-men i mean wolverine was the shit man come on every kid loved wolverine every kid loved wolverine and i i grew up in a black neighborhood wolverine was the most popular action guy amongst uh black kids they loved wolverine i don't know what it is you know what he just because he was a badass and he like was damaged he was cool because he was like the vulnerable guy like Cyclops sucked everyone fucking hated Cyclops he was like everybody because he got he's whiny and he got the girl aha good point good point and take the sunglasses off inside we get it you douche but yeah no you're right yeah why couldn't he just wear regular glasses that stop the laser

You can make sunglasses that can stop the laser But not, like, chill out, dude You ain't fucking Jack Nicholson You ain't that cool, okay And then Wolverine Was like the cool guy who didn't get the girl He's fucking bogey in Casablanca He's the guy that we like

Wow, great point Way to make these comic books Intellectual and interesting You're so right Wolverine was short for the record And he was And he was like Also I think there's something cool about

You think about even in war Who gets the most props in war It's the people on the field It's the people in the combat Wolverine was like an up Close guy like swiping at you with his Claws Cyclops Stayed back from a distance shooting you

There's something cooler about the dude who gets his Paws dirty so to speak you know I completely Agree and you can tell you Read a lot this is such a great literary Breakdown oh whatever No really that's a great I never thought about the Hand-to-hand thing and he had Stubble, Cyclops, clean-shaven. Yes.

Which tells you everything. Dirty. Didn't care about his looks that much. He was fucking, you know, yeah. Hugh Jackman also. I actually never saw Logan. I hear Logan's great. But Hugh Jackman was, like, perfect for Wolverine.

Like, how do you cast a better Wolverine? I know. He's jacked. he's great in it He seems troubled and brooding That's another thing that's great about Wolverine Is he seems a little tortured Where Cyclops is just like ah I'm a cunt Get out of my way

You're right Cyclops is like Guy Pearce in LA Confidential And Wolverine is like He's like Russell Crowe Yeah wow Nailed it Cyclops is like trying to climb the ladder almost He's like I Crowe Yeah, wow Nailed it Cyclops is like trying to climb the ladder almost He's like, I'm the leader around here And Russell Crowe's just like, let's just fucking

Take care of business, you know Right, right, right, yeah, let's I want action, I want results Cyclops feels like he would Return something at a restaurant Or have a horrible order Like croutons on the side, balsamic only Do you have oat milk?

All that shit I felt like of all the X-Men, Cyclops had a business card You know He's like, here's my card I was a Gambit guy Gambit fucking ruled New Orleans, Cajun, he had the cards The stick, something fun about him

Trenchcoat Gambit was awesome too, because in the cartoon He was always the badass, but he always got his ass kicked He was like the dispenser Like, alright, I guess Gambit gets fucked up in this scene He just always got the shit kicked out of him Yeah Man, Stan Lee

What a genius What's cool about Stan Lee is you can tell It's almost like joke writing Where something happens to us. We're like, oh, yeah, why is that? We write it down. He probably lost his temper on his wife and he was like, the Hulk. You know?

Like, aha, I got something here. Yeah, he just came out of a blackout and ripped shorts. He was like, this is it. Yeah, yeah, right, right. Oh, that could be something there. But yeah, Jew from Brooklyn, by the way Yeah, fuck, that's crazy And like Avi Arad, all those Marvel dudes

They must just all be so fucking smart He was bankrupt, dude Marvel, I remember he had no money in the 90s They were failing And Blade brought it back Of all the comics Whoa, how about that? And by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm right on that

But I know people, they're fucking bigger nerds About this, I'm not a big comic book nerd But there are people going to be writing Like, it wasn't Blade, you idiot Alright, I'm sorry, it's a drinking show Some of our facts are 100% checked But I do believe it was Blade And then those new Spider-Man movies with

Tobey Maguire Oh yeah, that was huge Those were huge Huge. I saw that in the theater. Isn't that weird how you hear about these places going bankrupt? Like, Marvel's going bankrupt? Marvel's been around my whole life. They've been on TV. They've been in movies. Like, Ben & Jerry's filed for bankruptcy

in, like, 2001. I'm like, they did? They're everywhere. I don't understand bankruptcy. Go into one store that doesn't have Ben & Jerry's. I know! I don't understand it. 7 one store that doesn't have Ben and Jerry's I know, I don't understand it 7-Eleven filed for bankruptcy in 98 or something They're everywhere I don't understand how money works

Me neither That's why we're our own business Drinking on the microphone Well, yeah, that's interesting, man Yeah, Marvel filed for bankruptcy Those Tobey Maguire ones, he's a weird dude I don't know if you've ever see that Aaron Sorkin movie. Fuck.

Molly's Game. No, I got a thing for that lady, but never saw it. Oh, yeah. She's hot. And she's a fucking great actress. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a badass. Real woman, the story.

The story's insane where she's like, you know, is an Olympic athlete. She was some sort of skier i don't know the right term but like she i think broke her back or something and then ends up like working her way back she like starts running this card game with all these celebrities and this one guy it's played by michael cera in the movie he's such a fucking asshole that i start going down like a youtube like a whatever like a Google Search like who is this guy based on And they're like it's Tobey Maguire

So he's doing these like weird Dark card games and he was like I'm like if this dude's that big an asshole He is a terrible It's so funny you know what's funny it's that He's like such a He's such an aw shucks guy It's like you see him in like Pleasantville and he's like

Oh deary me and you're like that's the dude That's the assholeucks guy. It's like you see him in Pleasantville and he's like, aw, deary me. And you're like, that's the dude that's the asshole. Right. Exactly. It's like Cosby. Pull your pants up, don't curse. And then nighttime comes around and he's making you a cocktail. It's so true. It's always the opposite.

Fuck. Like I heard Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, and David Blaine would go around New York in the early 90s when they were kind of starting to pop. And they called themselves the Pussy Party. And they would go to, like, the LES and just hit those bars and just pick up girls all night. And they had the cute one. They had the dark, quiet one. And then they had, like, the sexy one, who was Leo. And they cleaned up.

Damn. That is a pretty formidable Theory though you got the two actors The magician is great for probably Just disarming women with Just like he's just doing Magic and you're just like alright I mean like I've seen magicians

Do that shit where like but He got it's funny I always Want to do a bit I never did this but like David Blaine got He got like two me too Ac I always want to do a bit, I never did this, but like, David Blaine got, he got like two Me Too accusations or something. And they just mysteriously went away, and you're like, man, either he's a monster or he's a damn fine magician, you know? Made that disappear, that ain't easy. Even Siegfried and Roy were like, god damn. Or, what's his name, Copperfield.

Copperfield, no, I got where you're going. Vegas. Vegas X. You impressed him. I did the Statue of Liberty, and even that lady was hard to keep quiet. What a... Man, that hot toddy looks good, too. A daytime buzz. I'll take a daytime buzz.

Oh, nothing better. Nothing better. Like, when I was a kid, we used to go to this park In Audubon Park And just getting drunk Oh I know Audubon Park dude Yeah right by Tulane actually Right by the trolley Yes And we would just get drunk

On the benches And just something about That sunshine on your face At 3pm After like four tall boys That was living Fuck There's something about

A daytime drunk Where you're just like With your boys In the park I mean we've done a couple times At Central Park Or wherever we do Where we're just like Hanging out Having the park I mean we've done a couple times at Central Park Wherever we do where we're just like hanging out having a beer I remember we went to that Yankees game fucking last year Feels like 10 years ago

But it was like a year ago Wow we got blotto on that I mean I went and that was all beer too That was like ballpark beers Something about a baseball game man There's something so damn special About a daytime baseball game Because even if you're not into baseball

You're just having a good-ass time Yeah, it's just the best Especially, I don't mind the nosebleed You know, it's just bleachers You're with your guys You're drinking You're yelling You're not really bothering anybody

The sun is shining It feels like America I'll tell you why I think baseball is the only sport Where the nosebleeds are better And here's my argument Tickets are so expensive these sporting events You get fucking you go to the

Nosebleeds you get a big crew of your friends Right you're not doing that in the You know right behind home plate seats Also you don't There's not as much pressure on the game There's 162 baseball games a season You don't need to like We don't need to be locked into every pitch

You know what I mean? So that way you're just like You're watching the game But you're also like socializing So it's like almost like That's why it's called the ballpark It's a day at the park You're just hanging out

Yes, exactly And you can Yeah, you can take a break And also there's a lot of timeouts There's a lot of switches And they switch teams and all that There's so much downtime in a baseball game Hell yeah i love it dude yeah the the seventh inning stretch the fucking i i love i miss i miss sporting events big time like that's something i'm when that's back

i'm i'm taking full advantage man yeah yeah same and and uh i feel like with uh your your agent he can really get some tickets let's hope hope. Let's go to some. Let's go to some. You too. Let's fucking. Scratch my cock. I'll scratch yours. Yeah, let's get those Michael Chase seats.

I mean, he's an anti-Semite now, a transphobe. He got lit up on Twitter. I saw that. Yeah, again. I love Trey. I do too. I was like, this guy got yelled at by being a transphobe a week ago. And this week he got yelled at by the right. So I'm like's a comic he's doing it right i love him he's such a

good dude and he's so funny uh i remember he took i remember christmas day game he took me rachel feinstein and phil hanley to a game and we're like got the snl seats beautiful and shay is just so fun to go to games with because he's like a real fan but he's also just down to drink and he's cool. Yes. And I remember we're watching the Celtics. It was the year they had this guy, Isaiah Thomas. He's 5'9".

So imagine, like Phil's not into hoops really, but he's watching. He's like, this guy's so tiny. And then he just lights us. You're like, it's incredible to see a dude who's 5'9 live put on a show. So, yeah, I've had so many fun basketball nights with that dude. I love Che. Che's the man. Love Che.

I hope he's doing all right. I mean, I hope he's just laughing all this off. I don't think he's the type to even check social media, is he? Good. Good. I know he deleted a lot of it. Yeah, I don't think he does. I think it bothered him five years ago when it started, and he was just like,

okay, people are crazy. Got it. Moving on. I'm getting more and more like that where I'll post and look less. know five years ago when it started and he just like okay people are crazy got it moving on i'm getting more and more like that we're like i'll post and look less you know like i i used to like be like i wonder how this performing now i'm kind of like i thought it was funny i'm putting it up i don't want to i don't want to get stuck in it i i used to get it used to just go to my email the youtube comments i shut that the fuck down i don't want to see any of them. Oh, no, no. Delete that.

But yeah, they call it post and ghost. That's the move. Yeah. Let me just run this by you. We mentioned day drunk high school with your guy friends. Did you have a high school uniform? I had to wear a blazer and a tie when I was in high school. Yeah.

Wow. That's heavy duty. It was funny. Yeah. Man, I had to wear a white button down and gray slacks and black shoes. But that was always a big thing was like when you got in trouble in high school, like you stole something from a convenience store or drinking in the park. You had the uniform on. So you always it always got drawn back to the principal.

Yeah, I remember. But then also they're like, If you're like 17, 18 And you're smoking a cigarette They're like I must be like a businessman You know you're in a tie Yeah that's true I remember this one kid had an inflatable bong in high school It was like a fucking

That's how fucking Like you know most kids are like We'll smoke a joint It'll look like a cigarette Walk down the street This kid's like I got an inflatable bong We'll go to Central Park And we'll smoke

So he would literally blow it up And it would be a fucking and we would just take rips in central park i'm like this is so if we get arrested this is a dumbass we didn't think about it we're like yeah it'll be fine it'll work out could you pop it when he when the cops showed up or something i don't know i mean i think i think once they search you you're fucked i get but how do you let me get i get but how do you i don't even get the the mechanic how do you light a plastic it had a little metal it had a little metal thing you put into it but it blew up to like form the uh and a metal thing to hold the weed and yeah yeah i see wow that's pretty good beer bong for the lady saving silverman yes holy shit are we are

we the biggest fucking nerds? I mean, like, I definitely, I think that's an underrated flick, by the way. Oh, so good. I mean, Steve Zahn's a beast. Yeah, he's like kind of like a journeyman, like kind of deserves. He's in one of my favorite movies called Out of Sight. Oh, yeah. We've talked about that before.

Yeah. But yeah, Saving Silverman, man. Fucking Jack Black rules. Jack Black is great. The whole Neil Diamond through line is hilarious. And Amanda Peet was funny. So hot, too. She's like one of the hottest actresses ever.

I agree. Yeah, that's a great, great comedy. And Steve Zahn and Sam Rockwell are on the same level of like, I just want to do good work. And I don't have to be Tom Cruise, but I just want to be in movies and do well Yeah, but that's a good point I never thought of him like that

But I bet when there's a guy who's kind of like you in that way They're like, alright, we'll take Rockwell He's more famous or something Yeah, probably, probably But they're both so good, man Alright, alright, let's read this ad here Let's read this ad We got an ad for Honey, man

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have been writing in saying the wrecks are helping them because we're all you know we all need content we all need shit to watch but uh this week I finished Lady and the Dale I don't know if you saw it I loved it, I watched it because of you Amazing, amazing It's so fucking good It's crazy, these true stories It's kind of like Wild Wild Country I don't know if you ever saw that one I missed that one, I gotta get on that

That one's good, it's on Netflix still It's about these nutjobs in Oregon who start a cult And you're like, this all happened And I'm like, mom, did you know about that? She's like, I don't know. That's how little, you know, you watch the 5 o'clock news. It was a half hour. You moved on.

But now we know about everything. So it's weird that we're just going back in time and taking all these news stories that are just gems of entertainment and stretching them out for Netflix or whatever, HBO. Yeah, they use like stop motion animation, I think it's called They did that in the Bill Burr documentary American, which I also love Bill Hicks, not Bill Burr

Incredible doc Yeah, dude, Tucker and the D It's like Catch Me If You Can, but a trans woman Yes! Yes, that's great, that's the pitch In the elevator Catch Me If You can We're the trans But it's kind of

I don't want to give away spoilers On this but it's kind of incredible That like her Just her love for family Like being this kind of morally questionable Person but you still kind of It's weird when you're watching a doc You almost watch it like it's a regular movie

A scripted movie and you kind of root for the person Because she had the charm That a great actor Playing her would have had and to be a con man You have to have that charisma I guess Yeah good point I mean everybody In that auto shop was like we trusted her To the death like we were

We thought we were making the next great American car And blah and she was fighting off Ford and GM and Detroit All these guys she was fighting off ford and gm and detroit all these guys she she was awesome awesome and it's also funny that like that guy who brought her down was tucker carlson's dad because i'm watching this dude i'm like i fucking hate this dude i don't know why i hate this guy so much but the way he he like look i'm not going to begrudge him for following the story you're you're a journalist And it's a juicy fucking story Take that to the bank

Do it but the glee he felt And like the joy he felt calling Her a man I'm like oh you're just kind Of an asshole you're just like getting off On being an asshole and he looks Horrible I mean like if karma's real he looks Like fucking Jabba the Hutt I was expecting his Like last interview to be like

Oogie ba ba wah It's disgusting looking But uh Totally it's it's I mean if that's The movie he's like Josh Brolin and Milk like he's the he's the bad guy Yes exactly Isn't it amazing how we have all these

Great stories and fiction and movies but When you watch these docs you're like it's so Obvious who these, these tropes and archetypes are based on. Like they're all just right there. That's the bad guy. He looks like the bad guy. That's the good guy.

It's fun. That's why documentaries are great. Cause you're like, it's a story, but it's real. It's so real. And it's a great point because what she did is much worse than what he did. He's just a journalist doing his job.

But I I for some Reason understood her and I didn't Really understand him because I'm like look I'm not gonna like I would Never do what she did I would never like Try to like just rip people off out of money But like you get what she was Trying like her motives made more sense

To me than his right Or maybe his motives made more sense But he was a dick about it And she wasn't maybe that's what it was That's really interesting it's all about intent Versus the thing you said You know she's actually lying And conniving people

But she has good intentions Where he has regular Intentions but he's a dick Yeah And also she like was all about Her fucking like I feel so bad for her kids There's like the one girl who seems like

Fairly well adjusted but the rest are like They're just broken without her And it was weird to me that like this This con artist it's funny to like say Con Dina Hashem has this great joke My, Dina Hashem has this great joke. My friend Dina Hashem has this great joke about how Trump is a con man and liberals prefer a con artist. Oh.

That's great. I don't like them. Conservatives are okay with a con man. Liberals are like, we want you to earn it. We want you to be a- It's a funny bit, but- That's great. Great catch.

But it's funny. It's like, I say con man. I'm like, maybe that's great. Great catch. But it's funny. It's like I say con man. I'm like, maybe that's like, do you think like now the police are getting more woke to like there's a con man? Like it's a con person. OK, this is a con. It could be either, you know. Right.

But I've noticed they don't really do the A or a woman. You know, these are a ton of male serial killers out there and women. You know, they never do it for the bad. Her name was Francine the Strangler Actually That's a good catch And it's really like You know It's an incredible documentary

HBO is killing it right now HBO, Duplass Brothers I think they're number one Because Netflix is almost like this grab bag Just throw a bunch of shit in Something will stick Duplass Brothers, I think they're number one because Netflix is almost like this grab bag. Just throw a bunch of shit in, something will stick. And look, they have some great stuff, but HBO is hand-picked.

It's like the Whole Foods versus Key Food. Key Food's got some great shit, but you got to sift. Interesting. Yeah, my rec is the lady, I almost said Tucker and the Dale, Tucker and Dale versus Evil. Good movie as well, but is that your rec or what's your rec? Well, my rec is, first of all, have you seen the Patrice doc?

I'm going to watch it when it's online. I can't do the commercials. I haven't seen it either, so don't feel weird. I'm with you. But I should throw that out there. Everybody should watch that. He's one of the great. Watch Elephant in the Room.

It's fun. One of the best comics of all time. Patrice O'Neill. We've both been lucky enough to perform at the Patrice O'Neill benefit that Bill Burr puts on in New York. It's one of the great gigs. I mean, what a great guy Bill Burr is that he, he puts on a theater benefit every year and gives the proceeds to,

you know, Patrice's family. I mean, it just an incredible guy. So shouts out to Bill Burr and all the clips I've seen are incredible. We've got all these great comics talking about Patrice's family. I mean, just an incredible guy. So, shouts out to Bill Burr. All the clips I've seen are incredible. We've got all these great comics talking about Patrice and reminiscing. It looks incredible. Just Comedy Central.

It's like, just fucking put it out without ads, man. I know, I know. Put it on YouTube, for fuck's sake. That's Comedy Central for you. They always got to turn the knife. But, yeah. And they turned it on good people. We're grateful for the people at Comedy Central who are good to us, the knife. But yeah. And they turned it on good people. We're grateful for the

people at Comedy Central who are good to us, for sure. But they did them wrong. The company. I agree. I agree. The corporate structure. I'm with you. And Patrice, what I love about Patrice is everybody I've talked to is like, he was a mean guy. He was scary. He was a dick. But

I love that we can look past that because the act is so good the comedy is so important and so funny and so uh innovative and new and original that we're still like yeah yeah but we gotta we gotta showcase this that's such a great point because i think we romanticize like the wrong comedian sometimes or at least the public does and and charm is so often overrated like when who gets the big specials This guy's so charming But the material's horseshit

Whereas Patrice didn't give a fuck about charm It was all about the product And that is That's special Because charm is overrated You know who's charming? Fucking used car salesmen Deadbeat dads, they're charming

Ted Bundy was charming Exactly, charm is bullshit. Patrice didn't care about charm. He cared about execution and about delivering the best possible product. And that's why elephant in the room is one of the best specials of all time. Amazing, amazing special. And I think it also is a good sign for things in comedy going the right way because we're very feelings based, which I get and feelings are important and all that But like good has got to be good Too we got to have some kind of standard

So I think it's a good sign That this came out That's a great point You want good to make it to the top And enough with like this guy is like He's got the it factor The fucking industry And here's the thing

All these fucking industry fucking spineless dipsh they love to, and here's the thing, all these fucking industry fucking spineless dipshits who are like, Patrice is the best. Yeah, where were you when he was alive, you fucksticks? You know, like all these people are like, Patrice is my favorite comic. Oh, really? You have a network job. Why didn't you help him? Yeah, exactly.

They all say, I love George Carlin. You would never book him now. You would never put him on anything now. An old white guy who's saying the truth. Get the fuck out of here. He wouldn't be on any of your hot lists. Exactly. Yes. Well, Patrice kept it real. And all these people who here's the brilliance of Patrice to me is like you didn't have to like what he was saying for you to enjoy the special. Oh, yeah. And that's that's special. For you to enjoy the special Oh yeah

And that's special now When all these comedians who think they're edgy as fuck Then they just go on the road And they're just playing for like minded people The bits are the setups are killing Where they're like I think this should be a thing And everyone applauds Okay well then why don't you be a fucking preacher or a pundit

Yes go do a TED talk This is jokes It says comedy on the side of the wall here. Like, come on, bring with the ha-has. And also, we're so big into, it's like you said, agreeance, and if it's not the way I think, it's wrong. And that's what I love. I don't agree with everything Patrice says,

but it's still brilliant and well thought out and well written and well executed. I think I disagree with him on a shitload of his points on women, and I'm still laughing. I'm like, oh, I don't date women. He'll say they're on women and I'm still Laughing my ass like I'm like oh I don't date Like he'll say that my women I'm like oh I don't date like I don't Date women like that you know like he'll say I disagree with that but I'm laughing my ass

Off because he's a Brilliant comedian like he's Undeniably funny and that's To me what's special about Patrice is like Rock does this too where like you get To a point where like you'll say something Fucked up in the setup and people, even your own fans are like,

that's not, no. And then by the end, 30 seconds later, they're like all applauding. You're like, that's incredible that you have this, that a joke can do that. That through humor, you can deliver this, almost this message, but it's through laughter. Like, people are agreeing with you

through feeling good. Yeah. That's what comedy's supposed to be. I saw Rock at the Cellar, this is five, six years ago, and he had this bit about how, he's like, we do all this shit about how it's hard to be a woman.

It's way harder to be a man. Way harder to be a man. And already the crowd is furious. All the women are like folded arms Like alright let's hear it And he does this tap dance And then by the end of it he's like Ladies

Somebody pulls up with a refrigerator box And they need help bringing it down the stairs You ain't helping And that was like the big punchline I'm butchering it But it was like this brilliant way to get it together And it killed And that's comedy i've

told this story a million times but like i remember i was like probably 12 or something i'm in my you know my one of my dad's parents in in uh boston for thanksgiving i'm i have a good cd player i've rocked the album roll with the new and i'm listening to it just laughing i probably don't get half the jokes i'm a kid but maybe younger than 12 who knows but my mom sees's like, what is he laughing at? I want to know what he's listening to. She grabs my headphones, starts to listen. And the look of horror on my mom's face, she was just like, and then I watch her listen for like another 20, 30 seconds. And I see her start laughing. I'm like, that's fucking great. That rock can do that great That's so cool to see as a kid That someone could say something provocative and shocking

And you're like no And then a minute later you're like oh wow They almost like It's almost like the way a realtor will be like We have all this great stuff in the apartment And you get there and it's shitty Rock is doing the opposite You know he's like this apartment sucks

And you walk in and then it's amazing. Right, right. So true. So true. Man, that was a great little comedy breakdown there. Because that's what I just rewatched Coming to America, because the new one's coming out. I loved it.

I grew up with that movie. I love that movie. By the way, that was never like a black comedy. I just thought it was fucking great and hilarious, and Eddie Murphy was the king whatever but every joke is like their luggage gets stolen right when they get to new york the landlord's a piece of shit he rips them off they gotta cut this ponytail i mean they're just getting screwed every left and right they do it they go to the nightclub they're talking all these gross women these annoying women these whatever one woman's

got a dick and it's all a joke i'm like this is what comedy is it's supposed to be this where it's just getting your shit stolen is horrible and they try to sell to him the guy comes up with a trench coat i got some good shit here and he's like you're a thief that's the joke and that's what that's what everything is it's horrible shit making light of it you're so right it's basically Eddie Murphy and Arsenio They're royalty And they come to New York and they're just fucking nobody And that's like That's what comedy is

It should be egalitarian You should be one with all the fucking people That's what a good stand up show is That's why when you become too fucking famous You lose track of reality And you become unrelatable Yes completely Exactly Alright so let me get my Rick That's why when you become too fucking famous, you lose track of reality and you become unrelatable. Yes, completely.

Exactly. Exactly. All right. So let me get my Rick. So we went off on a tangent. That's all right. I love a tangent. But I want to throw out this show, Your Honor. We're on a different page already.

You saw it? Oh, I thought the first episode was. Here's what I like about it it's cheesy it's way over the top but i'm a little new orleans biased you're very new orleans bias the the the villain is so so ridiculous great guy michael stuhlberg i love good actor but it's just so heavy-handed and we get it you're whatever brooding. It's bad lighting. We get it. You're rich and evil, but the way

it gets you thinking like, alright, your kid got killed so you hate this guy, but he's trying to protect his kid. So the writing isn't great, but the way it makes you think like, alright, you want your way, but you want your way, and you're going to do whatever you want to get your way

And just all the lying Is fun to keep up with I'll tell you what I hate about it Alright please I don't know Hate's a strong word Cranston's

One of the best actors ever And I love him I love him so much And I love that actor Michael Stuhlberg From A Serious Man He's in Oh yeah

He's in A Shape of Water He's a great He's like one of those actors. Where like. I bet no one knows that dude's name. But everyone's like. Oh that guy. Which is to me.

A sign of a great actor. Right. Yeah. Serious Man is underrated by the way. Oh my god. The Coen brothers are fucking geniuses. Yeah. But.

You know. I just thought the. It was just so. Doer. And over the top. And like the beginning, the beginning when it's like, it's 20 minutes in,

if you think there's a spoiler, but like someone dies and the way they die, like he coughs, you think he's going to whisper something, he just coughs up blood. It's just so, it's like, we get it.

Like you created the most depressing, relentlessly severe shit of all time. It, to me, it like makes up for good writing The first scene with Bryan Cranston It's like he's like Let me show you I'm a good guy

I'm so committed to my job I jogged into the fucking hood And I looked at it To me it was just like alright This is to me not for me That's all I'll say I get it it's not Breaking Bad.

Definitely not on that level. Well, that's the tough thing with him. When you're in Breaking Bad... You're comparing. But I loved him in Trumbo, which I think is not a great movie, but I loved him in it. I think he's incredible in it.

But just the beauty of the show is just the interweaving of like, all right, how's he going to get gonna get out of this one how's he gonna get out of this one and they they find ways and that's what's cool it's not it's not the dialogue for sure it's not really the character development it's like oh they did some real weaving it's almost like a whodunit where you're like this is a little silly but i kind of want to see how he gets out of it how many epson are you ah five and it and you're still pleased with it it stays good to you i'm still pleased with it because of that that point i made because i'm watching with the lady going this is stupid that's ridiculous that doesn't make sense but

i like the this guy's trying to cover his ass but he's trying to cover his ass and we say he's a good guy but is he a good guy and what do people do when their back's against the wall All that stuff's fun I don't mind the idea of like The judge who's morally questionable And the mafioso Who's been done dirty Like to me that's kind of interesting I just think the execution sucks I'm just not feeling it but I mean

I'm with you I'm with you I chewed out Gary Veeder for telling me to watch it the other day Our good buddy Gary Veeder got an earful from me But my rec is I don't know if you've seen this yet Have you seen Judas and the Black Messiah on HBO Max? Oh I've gotten a couple rec

Lucas Brothers, who I'm friends with I love them Made it, right? They wrote it First off, I love the Lucas Brothers personally. So I was, it's like one of the things we were like, I'm rooting for this going in. And I was so satisfied.

It's so, so good. It's such a, it's a really difficult subject to make a movie about. The actors, I mean, Daniel Kaluuya and Lakeith Stanfield are such good actors. So, you know, they just bring it. Even though like, I think Daniel Kaluuya has like gotta be, I don't know what was that it's got to be in his 30s and he plays fred hampton who died at 21 so he's got to be like what but like it doesn't matter he's so good

you're just like all right i mean what 21 year old actor is gonna fucking nail that you know so yeah yeah exactly but it i heard it was kind of Scorsese-esque With the shooting You know what's interesting? That's a great point I think Shaka King directed it And it's got a lot of similarities to The Departed To me, because it's It's about a rat Oh, you don't like The Departed?

Well, I like it, but again It's way over the top, it's silly We got a cheese-eating rat Alright, Jack, we got it He's throwing coke on the vagina of the lady Like, come on way over the top it's silly we got a cheese eating rat i mean all right jack we got it yeah but you know what he's throwing coke on the vagina of the lady like come on but dude the script is hilarious walbert and alec baldwin are hilarious see i can deal with over the top if the dialogue's really good right right right yeah yeah and there's fun there's a lot of fun your honor doesn't have any

fun it's just like it's relentless It's not fun Like You For me with dark shows You gotta release some tension You gotta give me like a laugh Every once in a while So anyway Good point There's great dialogue

In this movie too I mean Lucas Brothers killed it There's a line that's great Where you know He's Fred Hampton's talking All these Black Panthers

And he goes War is politics With bloodshed And politics is war Without bloodshed There's like great lines like that where you're like all right it's good um if you know what else made me it made me laugh because there's like different chapters to the black panthers so it made me think of comedy where like they'd be like i'm i'm the head of the new haven black panthers chapter and they look at me like, yeah, but you'll never make it in New York. You know what I mean? It's kind of a different vibe here, you know? Right.

It's very good. I gotta watch. Is this Netflix? HBO Max. Oh, HBO once again. Killing it. But yeah, it's a good movie. All right. It's relentless and it's tense, but it's also like it earns it, man. I also I'll give a true story with that shit.

Well, there's some scenes where you're like, damn, this is pretty memorable. Like this pretty, pretty damn good. All right. I can't wait. I'll watch it tonight because I need I need a new movie. I've blown through everything. And the Lucas Brothers is so fascinating because these hipster twins who are very funny on stage, but they're like obsessed with philosophy. They read Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and all these guys and i'm mired in philosophy so i love that shit but they're so deep

these dude these two dudes but their act is kind of you know it's it's very surface bubble gummy they got eight minutes on uh eve six and sublime and all this shit and uh well they'll talk about like shaquille o'ne. They'll be silly on stage. Yeah, it's silly. Look, they know how to kill on stage, and that's important. They're really funny dudes, but they also... I hear you.

It's hard to go up there and talk fucking Lao Tzu on stage. What do you want? Exactly. I still say everybody talks about the k sound is the funniest sound i think the ooh sound in comedy he said laozu i lost it funny sounds are funny sounds are funny um that's why accents are funny they're it's a good movie i'm proud of them one of the things i'm watching i'm like i hope it's good because i i'm like i'm always nervous to watch shit that friends make because I'm just like

And I'm not like super tight With them, but I've always liked them a lot And they're always, like if I see them at the show We'll chat for a while and they're just like Cool dudes, so It's cool that they made something so good And I think they worked on it for years Years and years to get it made

Because, you know, it's hard to get a movie made Ugh, don't get me started Yeah, Hollywood's a nightmare Those tunnels you gotta go through So good for them, and I'm gonna watch tonight, I can't wait Give me a peeve, dog Oh, peeve Well, I got a big one and I got a small one

I love it Alright, I'll go with the small one first I don't know if you've seen this or if you hate this But I got a real problem with people throwing trash in the sink. Ooh. Like what kind? You know, like somebody,

is this about your girlfriend? Well, it is, but I had a friend who did this in college and he was a roommate and it drove me fucking nuts. Like he would, he would throw, uh,

like, uh, an orange peel in the sink or he would throw a balled up napkin in the sink like oh i'm done with this throw it in the sink and you're like hey this ain't no garbage disposal this is just a drain you can't throw an orange peel to sink you can't throw a wrapper in the sink he's not a garbage can he's a drain he stinks yes that's all yeah it's awful it's unacceptable have you seen course, yeah, I've had roommates do that It's unacceptable

It's basically saying You clean this shit up That's what it is Somebody has to pull that out of there That's my little one Unacceptable Unacceptable little one for sure I support this

I can see how the brain is like Oh that's where you dump your Cheerios out So your brain starts getting accustomed To like putting bad shit Discarded shit in there But you can't throw a wrapper in there It's a garbage can I hate it

The big one And this one has been covered to death By a million people But I just hate it so much that I gotta bring it up Loud music in a restaurant What are you doing to me It's been covered to death by a million people, but I just hate it so much that I got to bring it up. Loud music in a restaurant. What are you doing to me? All I want to do here is talk.

We got to scream. We got to yell. Or at a bar, like super loud music. What's the point? It's one of my biggest pet peeves. Thank you. It's the worst. It's unacceptable. I used to laugh when my mom mom would complain about it and now I'm just like

Oh it's the worst like it's I think it's because especially for people like us Like we're so used to leading with Comedy and our personality Like even trying to pick up a girl It was never like my face that did it It was like a funny line I feel like I had that would like break the ice And it's rendering

Our personalities useless Yes yes You know what it feels like when you're on stage And the mic goes out and they're like just yell break the ice. And it's rendering our personalities useless. Yes. Yes. You know what it feels like when you're on stage and the mic goes out and they're like, just yell. So you have to yell your act. And it's never the same because now you're yelling and your,

your, your timing is off. The inflection is off. So it's the worst because you're just like, huh? Vodka soda. You know, you're like,

who enjoys this? Who is this for? Like we can have music, but just lower it. It's such a good point. That'sodka soda. You know, you're like, who enjoys this? Who is this for? Like, we can have music, but just lower it. It's such a good point. That's so true. You're you're it throws your timing off. And as a comedian timing, you feel like is everything. Not only that, but I remember we'd be at comedy festivals and all the parties would be like

the music would be so loud. Oh, good point. That we lose our voices. And I'd be like, hey, man, we need our voices And I'd be like Hey man Yes We need our voices this week We're performing for fucking All the industry people On Tuesday Monday night

There's a party like We're like Why are you doing this to us? I know I know And then Here's the next level of it You go

You tell the waiter Hey could you Could you lower it? They're like Whoa We got real Squaresville over here What are you The rever reverend and footloose like no i just uh i'm just i can't talk i'm yelling yeah i'm the reverend i'm a reverend and footloose i don't

want to just like have a i came here to talk to my friend yes it's like you know you feel like a girl who went out to sincerely talk to her friend at a bar and a guy's like then why are you here you like that dude well then why are you here and like i just want to catch up with my friend over a drink they're like sure you did sure you know i know i mean dive bars got it right just some smooth jazz in the back or like a little piano whatever uh or even some rock i don't give a shit just just keep it it should be an atmosphere thing we're to hang. Give me some music like I'm solving a murder in the 50s. That's what I fucking want for background. I want some light jazz.

Maybe, you know what? There's nothing better in the winter to me than you walk into a bar and it's like wood panels and shit and they're playing Sinatra and you're like, ooh, I feel, that warms me instantly. Love it, love it. Sinatra or some Motown Something low-key, softer

I'm totally with you Why are we yelling? It's almost like when you You know when every now and then there's a band And you're like, uh-huh, uh-huh And then the band takes a break You're all like, oh, this is the best part of the night If I walk into a bar and they're playing

Elphys Gerald, I'm like, I'll stay for a few For sure The Billie Holiday, yeah, that's the best By the way, is that Is that the bar I think it is? That's the Fat Black Pussycat behind me right now If you're watching us on YouTube This is the Fat Black Pussycat

Our home comedy club Part of the comedy cellar, which I miss so much So the amount of nights we've had shit-faced here, Mark Oh my god, countless And I've just gone in and out of that curtain So many times, it's hilarious It's beautiful, I miss it I miss just the hang, I miss the shitty paninis

I miss the chicken wings I miss the drinks you order And they hand it to you in a pint glass I've never drank a Negroni in a pint glass Except for at the fucking Fat Black Pussycat Yeah, yeah They pile it on But boy, you gotta love it

I'm there tonight, I'm at the cellar tonight I'm behind the plexiglass, but it's something I don't know if we're supposed to say that Oh, oh shit It's dinner, having dinner there Dinner, we're having dinner Alright, what else I got some pet peeves

Oh yeah hit me So my mom will do this I love my mom I'll be on the phone with her And I'm like alright I'm walking into the You know the bodega Just grab some quick food for my mom Why don't you just order your food

Why don't you order instead I'm like I'm walking in And she's like why don't you I'm like well I order food all the time but i also i also want to eat right now right you're trying to just i'm like they don't like fresh direct ain't delivering tonight uh-huh these are like like just how i'm not i'll order in seamless sometimes like i'm doing like these are groceries i want for the house. These are like necessities. That's why you go to the corner store. I'm wearing a mask.

Yeah. Oh, is she getting on you about COVID? Oh, totally. Yeah. Oh, okay.

I thought it was a health thing. It's been, it's been, it's been a year. I'm taking it seriously. Let's, you know, let's,

let's calm down everybody. You're definitely taking it seriously. You're allowed to go out We're all at grocery stores You gotta eat I think that's a little excessive Wendy Liebman, great joke writer Had a great tweet the other day About how we landed on Mars

Yet she hasn't been to a grocery store in 11 months Wow that's funny So good She kind of invented that whole thing That that kind of sly misdirect thing. Yeah, you're right. It's like there's a type of misdirect joke, and it's like Wendy Liebman, she took it up a level to another type, where it was like, I'm tricking you every time. Yep, yep, yep, exactly. And if you blink, you miss one of them.

There's so many, and they're so quick. Yeah, she's great. I'm with you on that. That's silly. I'm not unsafe. I'm wearing the mask. I'm at a store. I wash my hands when I get home.

We're good. I got two more. They're short ones. All right. People who tell stories about boring vacations. If you went to Rome, I'll give it to you. I'll listen. I'll listen to it a little bit.

I don't need to hear a story about you going to fucking Toledo, Ohio Okay? Do I have to hear a fucking Do I have to hear a four minute bit about the Hilton Inn? You know what I mean? Right, yeah, that's crazy Those people should know better And if you're going to Toledo, keep it to yourself

You should be embarrassed Keep it to yourself is such a fucking great thing to say to someone Keep it to yourself Yeah such a fucking great thing to say to someone Keep it to yourself Yeah Yeah that's silly I mean come on How boring are you Awful Last one is people who try to one up

You with their shitty story Like you're going in for like You're venting to someone you want Like ah that sucks that sucks When people go you think that's bad oh yeah you think they're trying to fucking tai chi their shit into your shit yeah you take my negative energy you transfer it to your negative energy it's tai chi but with with venting yes that's so true it's like hey hey i need the pity right now don't steal my pity

they're stealing thunder and stealing pity and two different things stealing rain maybe yeah yeah yes yes stealing rain that's a horrible uh prince album but yeah yeah no you're so true that and that's why uh the the the hasidic jews and the blacks always had the like not a slavery not holocaust slavery, Holocaust. That was always a big thing. Stealing rain. What, give me a, should we do a bit? I guess, we gotta start wrapping up. And I wanna say a toast. I wrote down a fun toast.

Oh, I'm excited. I forgot to do it. Give me your toast. This will be a new segment. This was just me being a douche. And it's not even a thing in life. I just wanna throw out, I Googledast, and I liked it so much. Life is a waste of time.

Time is a waste of life. So why not get wasted all the time and have the time of your life? All right. Did you steal that from a T-shirt store on Bourbon Street? I'm not as thick as you drunk I am. I'm not as thick as you drunk guy am I want champagne to all my real friends And real pain to all my sham friends Hey that's a great line

That's up there with George Carlin's Don't sweat the petty things And don't pet the sweaty things That's a good one That's Carlin He can do it all Big bits, commentary, jokes We should tell you guys before we do our bits

Subscribe, leave us a 5 star review on iTunes We got a Patreon At patreon.com We might be drunk pod And you can email us at we might be drunk pod At gmail.com Send us a joke, send us a pet peeve A recommendation, a drink that we should be having.

I had a couple cool drinks in mind, and it turns out I didn't have driver muth, so I will be doing that next week. Should I read a quick one, like a pet peeve or something, before we do a joke? Yeah, just to give them a taste of what we do. We read these on the pod. All right. Here's from Thomas. He's a pet peeve, big yada yada yada pet peeves

When you tell someone something and they say I'd believe that What do you mean you'd believe that Are you not believing everything else Also why wouldn't you Also you would believe that You don't simply believe it That's good

I love that I think he's dead on I'm with this guy I can hang with this guy Let's see he's got another Oh this is an NBA pet peeve We'll put that in another one Let's do one more pet peeve One more pet peeve From Nathaniel

I hate when people wear pants And don't wear long socks with them I'm not talking about guys with rolled up pants To purposely show their socks I.e. my cousin And I give him plenty of shit for it but rather the average dude wearing jeans that reach his ankle and he sits down if you're if you're cold then wear long socks with your pants if you're not cold then put on

some shorts drives me sounds like carlin right yeah drives me crazy when i see a guy with his ankles exposed under a pant leg. Eh, interesting. Yeah. I've never thought about that. That's never bothered me. But yeah, to each his own. I mean, I have a friend. He's like, if you wear flip-flops around me, we're not friends anymore.

I'm like, all right, I love flip-flops. I don't know what the problem is. I don't understand. Giannis. Giannis hates man feet. He's like, you got your feet around me? Hates it. So I met up with him once in the summer,

and I had shorts and flip-flops on. He's like, get out of here. Maybe go home. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. But I was like, oh, what do you care? Are you into my feet or not into my feet? If you're not into them, just whatever.

My only issue with flip flops is like If you're slowing down the walking Yes that I'll give you I'll give you that Yeah I mean look whatever you want to wear I could give a shit But I understand maybe like visually that's weird You see like the

I do agree that like in the winter It is weird to see the short socks With the long pants but also like I don't give a shit I wear long thermal socks every time It's fucking February man I fuck merino wool Right but this is why this bothers me

Because this guy is inconsistent There's something going on here because he doesn't mind Seeing my ankles in the summer but he hates seeing my ankles in the winter So is it an ankle issue Or is it a seasonal issue? I don't understand the beef. I think it's an attire issue. I think if you're a rocket, he doesn't like the long pants

with the short socks. He just wants the short, the long socks with the long pants and the short socks with the short pants. Okay. Okay. Seems I think this guy's reaching for a peeve. That's a good, reaching for a peeve That's a good Reaching for a peeve is good

When you shut down a peeve I like that Tell me a bit you're working on Oh man, well I'm working on a one liner And it's inside of a bigger bit But tell me if this is stupid And I'll put it in a vault and throw it in the river So I talk about how everybody complains now online like

everybody's complaining so much we're all complaining even my deaf friend complained so much i had to put him in handcuffs do you get it or is it too silly yeah okay sign language of course i get it all right all right is that is that ridiculous i don't know in handcuffs problem was uh he's into being tied up That's a weird thing too With deaf people if they get tied up If they're into Bondage and shit That means they can't speak

How do you sell the safe word Oh That's a great angle I like it Anglin My deaf friend was tied up the other night He was speechless That's a whole nother, that's a great angle. That's a whole nother angle, baby. I like it. I like it. Anglin. My deaf friend was tied up the other night. He was speechless.

That's good. Okay. Okay. I didn't, I didn't know if it was too jokey, but it's in, it's in a quick thing with the other stuff. So. You can get away with jokey. Your delivery, you're able to kind of, you know, you get that kind of, you do enough in a row that you can kind of be silly.

Like, I think you kind of say it tongue in cheek too. Yeah. Yeah. Very tongue in cheek. And you can kind of be silly. I think you kind of say it tongue-in-cheek, too. Yeah, yeah, very tongue-in-cheek. And, you know, it's like that vegan joke. I'm walking on eggshells around my vegan friend. He really hates that. It's just quick, in and out. I'm just trying to get as many jokes as I can. That's a good joke.

Oh, thanks. Some people give me shit like, oh, easy, you know, Shecky Green. I'm like, well, I'm just trying to get as many in here. You know what? They're jokes. It's silly. I got no issue. I'm like, well, I'm just trying to get as many in here. You know what? They're jokes. It's silly. I got no issue. I like the idea of it.

I haven't heard it. All right. That's one of those. It feels like Henny Youngman should have done that. Somebody. I remember Schimmel. Schimmel used to have a joke. How do blind guys know when they're done wiping their ass?

So great. That's because it's like, yes, that's a great point. I love Robert Schimmel so much Love Schimmel I was at SeaWorld, they were selling fish sticks I was like, I'm good

What are these, the acts that fuck up? Yeah, even better I love it This is my idea So I went on a date with a girl who was a She was a conspiracy theorist Literally all of them she believed in It was draining I was like, oh my. Literally all of them she believed in. She was like, I'm in a conspiracy.

It was draining. I was like, oh my God, all these fucking conspiracy theories. She texts me, I don't believe you don't want to see me again. I was like, yeah, you do believe in QAnon. You know what I mean? And then she goes, is this for real?

And I said, yes, like Sandy Hook, this is for real, okay? Oh, that's great. All right, I think we got one there. That's a great bit. Bam. Oh, I love that Hot ep Oh yeah, great ep

Keep listening, keep subscribing Keep sending us your Your pet peeves Emails, we might be drunk pod At gmail.com Subscribe to the Patreon, patreon.com Slash we might be drunk pod I'm loving this, I'm having so much fun.

Send us a drink ideas to a drink. Like we had a drink last week. I never even heard of that. I want to try and tell your tell your sober friends who probably miss drinking. We can fill a hole that you've been trying to fill and your family hates you. So, yeah, tell a friend, spread the love, spread the word, spread the cheeks. And yeah, and this is for the sober people, too, word, spread the cheeks. And yeah, let's keep going. And this is for the sober people too, baby.

We love you. We know it's tough. You know what? I'll do a quick toast before we get out of here. Here's a toast to the sober people because it ain't easy. I've said it before. You're still going to things. That's a fucking fight.

We love you to the sober Alkies out there. And you're still Alkies. Technically, literally, and figuratively, you're still Alk technically literally and figuratively you're still out i couldn't do it so uh more power to you well done thank you thanks for listening guys