We Might Be Drunk - Ep 110: Colin Quinn & Joe's Pizza

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Colin Quinn brings peeves and enjoys some Joe's Pizza with Mark Normand and Sam Morril. Mark comes in late after FAA grounds flights and he travels back from South Africa for his honeymoon. He may be getting divorced after this trip. If you're in NYC, go see Colin's new one man show/comedy special "Small Talk" tickets available now at: https://www.colinquinnshow.com/ or here: https://ci.ovationtix.com/32405/production/1142858 Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows Colin Quinn: https://www.colinquinnshow.com/ https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/Drunk and get on your way to being your best self. Get the best deal on a phone at https://mintmobile.com/drunk Produced by Gotham Production Studios & Matt Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/

get mark on get mark on i think i think this works yeah absolutely i'll be back i'll try to be very passive aggressive in the beginning just to stress him out i think we should say all this shit This was an embarrassment to podcast Yeah And I hate fucking podcasts as they know I know so let's save that all I'm coming up and I was like you know what you do next week Alex He's like no no no tomorrow

And I'm like Mark then when I get here Matt's going well Mark's coming from South Africa I was like why are we doing today Is this filming right now Okay we're using all of this Why are we doing today Mark's coming back from fucking South Africa. I said next week.

I ran into Sam in the street. First of all, I thought it was on University Place, which is where a guy like you should be doing a podcast. Yeah. Not in the middle of the fucking- I saw you on the street the other day. I was trying to get rid of your goddamn heritage, but we're stuck here in Garmento. You know, the Garmento Center.

I've never heard anyone say Garmento. It's a garment district, isn't it? Well, they're garment districts, but they just call in Garmento. You know, the Garmento Center. I've never heard anyone say Garmento. It's a garment district, isn't it? Well, they're garment districts, but they used to call them Garmentos. I've never heard that. You've never heard that phrase? Garmentos? No. I'm really about to be gone from New York.

Garmento is a famous thing in the 70s. All the Jewish, eat lunch in 20 minutes. All these guys, Bill Sheft. Do you know Bill Sheft? The comic? Yeah. He used to do a routine about garmentos at lunch, which was one of the funniest bits of all time.

He goes, this is how different today's were. The bit was, here's every garmento at lunch. A guy from Westchester ordering at his favorite restaurant. Sweetheart, cookie, cookie. No, not him. Me. I was next. Not him. Bring me toast. Bring me. If it's me i was next not him to bring me toast bring me

it was if it's burnt i'm not gonna if it's undercooked you know what actually bring me the order and then i'll tell you what's wrong with it then you bring it back tell the chef tell the cook it's for mr fine and he's just this is great character a little character bit yeah and but anyway comment a little bit like remember bob remember Bobby Collins at the cellar? He always calls, he doesn't know anyone's name, so he calls all the guys handsome and all the women gorgeous. Yes. Hey, you're handsome.

I'm like, well, I guess I put myself together today. Someone else has done, handsome, how are you? He's like a homeless guy. Hey, handsome. This whole neighborhood was, it's still a little bit of it. It was all Garment Center guys that, you know, and it was mob run. Of course, the mob, because they had the trucks. So the trucks don't move.

They got to go to Chinatown to the sweatshops and then out to, you know, whatever, Gimble's or whatever stores, you know, Marshall's out in Long Island and Jersey. So they really had a stranglehold on this whole area, those two Gambinos, the Gambino family. And the guys that ran it, I worked at a restaurant where the guys that owned this particular business in Gambino,

Joe Gambino and Tommy Gambino, they were the owners. They'd come in like once a month, they're like, the owners are coming today. And like real gentlemen, like you wouldn't say their name, but they'd come in, you could not see two guys less mob-like. They were just these tall, thin, like patrician-looking guys. And they were just these tall thin like patrician looking guys and they were

like the like the campaign you know half the guys they were like crazier than them you know were they polite no they didn't talk to me they were kind of dicks actually but i say that now of course they're dead there's a lot of you know what they were had a lot on their mind yeah they're just like by the way norman is running late that's why right now he will be here but mark uh i didn't even know it was going to be an issue that i he i woke up today with a text from mark saying uh my flight's delayed i'm like delayed you were supposed to get in a day ago so mark's coming in from south africa from south africa everybody we scheduled this even if there wasn't a delay why would you and i blame you and matt who i just met and mark norman to schedule a thing a time sensitive thing

on a day somebody's coming back from south africa that's not intelligent i blame mark norman because i didn't know that this was even an issue and he was so excited you were on i'll be like i'll be like norm mcdonald you didn't know south africa was an issue you know you believe in it that's what norm would do you'd be like no no i didn't mean like that you're a racist you believe south africa no no i didn't mean like that he uh no he just texted me this morning. I'm delayed. I'm like, what the fuck are you? And of course, it's on the news. Pete Buttigieg is like, we're working on it.

I'm like, this fucks up our podcast. Yes. Buttigieg doesn't understand that even though it's a computer failure, it has nothing to do with him. We're all going to blame him. Yeah. This is his legacy. Because he looks like he's powered by a computer. He looks like robot he does he was built in a lab he was yeah he was built by zolinski no evidence of a cyber attack but also won't rule it out yeah oh would they

would they admit if it was a cyber attack i know it makes us look like pussies i know the airlines suck and also also, Mark flew United. You never fly United. That's fucking amateur hour. You never go full United. No. No. Well, let's get Mark on the phone and just let him know.

Can we get him on the phone real quick? All right, let's do it. Let me call him. He's going to be furious right now. Well, he's never faced the fury I'm going to have. Uh-oh. I'm excited for this. Let's see what we got, Mark.

Should we pretend to tell him he's on a podcast? What's up to you? Hello. It's way too casual. I'm dying here. 24 hours? 24 hours? 24 hours? Colin's pissed, dude.

Yeah. You know what? This is the final nail in the coffin. You hear that? Jerry was right about you. You're unprofessional. Wow. What'd he say?

He said Jerry was right about you. You're not professional. Oh, geez. Is Colin going to dress me down, too? He said Jerry was right about you. You're not professional. Well, I'll be he's bad cop. I'm good cop because I do. I do feel bad that you 24 hour delay is insane. A 24 hour delay. Travel day.

16 hour flight coach. Divorce territory here. She's furious. I left her at the airport. She's in the baggage line. You know what? That was my advice and Colin said that I was crazy. I was about to float that you should leave your wife at the airport on your honeymoon. Oh my god! I did it.

Do you know how much this is going to cost you? Yeah. Are you in the doghouse? A little, but she'll be fine later. No. She's on the Barragans assistant line. Later in 2028. You left your wife at the honeymoon.

She'll forgive you when your first kid graduates college. That's my prediction. What kind of agent puts you through dc i would have been home at eight eight in the morning your agent books your flights uh manager yeah man yeah you gotta you gotta not go through dc i never looked at it until we got to the airport i was like why are we in dc i never looked at the itinerary this whole plan is terrible what 7 a.m. you know what I'll do a bodega cat solidarity pour into my coffee for you we're hanging we're be there in 20 minutes if you can hang

out we're hanging we're hanging tell them to fucking we don't believe 20 we yeah we don't believe 20 but but i will be here tell them to hit every hit the gas no hit the gas i'll get there we'll talk about your gay italian movies he said we're going to talk about your gay Italian movies We want Colin Quinn movie racks this episode Oh Alright And I got tickets to the show On the 23rd I can't wait Is that Monday because I'm going the same night

I believe it is It's opening night Alright By the way Colin Quinn's new show Small Talk At the Cherry Lane Theater? No, Lucille Littell. Lucille Littell.

It's close. If you go to the Cherry Lane, it's only two blocks walk away, so you'll be able to- I'll figure it out. Yeah. Great theater. Beautiful old West Village Theater. All right. I'll be there opening night.

I can't wait. I've seen bits and pieces, and it's already- It's all coming together. It's all coming together. It's all coming together. Best hour yet. That's it. Unfortunately, it was produced by United. Oh. Gary wouldn't touch this one, I noticed.

Either way, it's his loss. I wouldn't pull that yet, Mark. Collins, he's not having it today. Having what? I don't know. They're both in bad moods. I'm not having it either. Having what? They're both in bad moods. I'm going to have to keep the good energy.

You really screwed us. All right, well, I'll be there in pajamas. You're in pajamas? I love it. I can't believe. Oh, God, he's dead. I just travel jizz all over me. You know that feeling you get from flying?

Yeah. I'm sorry, buddy. Bad travel day. I hope I get my bags back. There's a lot of drugs in there. Alright. Your wife's going to burn your clothes when she gets her bags back. This is the beginning.

Look, just don't make the next wedding destination and I'll be there. Come on. Alright, it's a date. Alright, thank you. I'll see you soon. To the next one in white plains white plains new york on 9 11 get a discount like gary veder he got married on 9 11 so we got the discount yeah oh my god look i'm leaving married a terrorist

we'll see you soon all right we'll see you soon all right all right i'll see you mark uh mark's mark's not uh good over the phone yeah he's not he doesn't he's not a phone guy same he only called me one mark has only called me on the phone maybe twice which is crazy in all the years of friendship he's a texter he doesn't like to be tied down it seems like He seems like that kind of guy. That made him uncomfortable even. And I noticed he called me once. If I get a phone call from Mark, I know something horrible just happened. The other time he called me.

I don't even know if I should tell this story, but I kind of have to now. Sherrod Small choked him out after a set at the cellar. Oh, yeah. That's old news. Yeah. All right. I don't know if it's podcast news. Is it podcast?

It's like 12-year-old news. Yeah, well. And he called you. Well, yeah, but he's a text guy. And he was like, what do I do about Sherrod? And I was like, fix it? I don't fucking know. Keep the beef going for 12 years.

That's a good idea. Well, he likes to text. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you want to do a podcast. That is probably something wrong with that. He's great on mics. He's bad on phones. I don't know what that is, but... Shouldn't Dan be doing that?

The hell are you doing? I mean, I was just going to pour some of my coffee, a little Bodega Cat whiskey. I forgot all about that. Yeah, it's our whiskey, man. I think that's kind of a cool name. It is kind of, yeah. Yeah, I appreciate it. I don't want to give it up, but's our whiskey, man. I think that's kind of a cool name. It is kind of, yeah. Yeah, I appreciate. I don't want to give it up, but I will give it up.

How do you feel about all the 7-Elevens in the city? Oh, it makes me sick. Yeah. But I'm so used to this. It started in 94. In 94, I came back to New York. I was in LA for a couple of years. I moved back to New York, and I was on Coney Island Avenue, which is really the heart

of Brooklyn, you know know and especially back then this is almost 30 years ago and there was a Domino's pizza and I was like it's over I know I get mad when I see Domino's

in New York this is 1994 wow in the heart of Brooklyn I mean like Coney Island Avenue it was deep in you know yeah

yeah when that when that one right around the corner from stand up New York went down I think it was like a Marshall's now. Yeah. That was fucking brutal. That was a good pizza place.

That was a good pizza. I agree with you. That was an underrated pizza. Well, even like mediocre New York pizza is better than fucking Domino's. Yeah, but Domino's is terrible. It's fucking terrible. No, I feel like when New York pizza sucks, it's bad. Yeah.

There's a million places. There's bad pizzas. This neighborhood right here has some of the worst pizza in the world. Well not all of it we got no joe's is great but i'm saying the dollar slices around the corner terrible they're terrible it's just all salt and crap you're against the beer jew i'm horrible i work around here and those are the only places open when i get out of work so it's just it's awful just like cardboard well i'll tell you what's good but it's on 9th avenue and 53rd so it's a little 51st what's it called it's been there for 100 years that's a good slice but you're gonna work all the way up there um what

are your go-to slices in the city besides joe's i don't know i mean ben's isn't bad ben's the grandma's good ben's is it's killed by association it's too geography killed ben's from having a great rep they price gouged during hurricane irene and i'll fucking never forget it that was a dick movie it was 60 for a pie wow during hurricane irene i'm like it's a blackout you guys have a generator people are hungry yeah so i go there less i feel like i feel like because it was in louis intro people were. It was like a tourist thing for a while. Oh, Ben's right there. Yeah, I like the setup, and I like the fact that it's not bad.

Yeah, it's not bad. But Joe's is fucking good. I know. And the truth is, New Haven really does have the best pizza. Isn't that annoying? They fucking do. They really do. Pepe's?

It's the best. It's the best pizza. Sally's and the other modern pizza. I haven't had that one. They're all good. Yeah. yeah i haven't had modern but i just said it because i forget nobody will know how people are gonna know i didn't have it we we were pumped to talk movies with you because you're like let's talk movies well you're like an og movie guy you're like you know i feel like you know so much about movies i i was just watching youtube criterion closet yeah and you're in the know i feel like you know so much about movies i i was just watching

youtube criterion closet yeah and you're in the criterion closet which is a fucking honor to be in there you know well i don't know about that but i mean i think it's pretty cool it is cool i wouldn't call it an honor um i would say it was cool but i mean uh but yeah the criterion closet was good and i really did surprise myself i have to say say. You know, I thought you know about fucking everything. But remember I told the story of that lady in there. Which one was that? This old Iranian lady. I don't know if she was Iranian, but she was from somewhere around there.

But she was a video store clerk back when they had video stores. On 57th Street. I lived on 56th. And then she would go, this movie is good. And every time I went in, she would give me some movie I never heard of. And every time I was like, what? This is the greatest.

Color of Paradise, an Iranian movie. Then she'd give you The King of Mask, a Chinese movie. Then she'd give you a movie from Yugoslavia. Then a movie from any place. Every day. And she was never wrong. She had the best taste, but she died of cancer.

She was sick. Even then, I could tell. She died of cancer. But she never, there was not one movie I saw where I was like, yeah, that was a little slow. That's like an indie movie right there

is you going in for the wreck and you could tell she's dying. She was the Quentin Tarantino of New York, you know? Dude, I used to, I like that. The movie store, you go, you talk movies. Yes.

That was a New York energy thing. I remember Kim's video. It's small talk. That's what it's all about. Yeah. My show's about small talk because that is a New York energy thing. And I feel like it's energy anyway. I feel like down south, you used to like the small talk.

All these places. Yeah. King video, of course. I loved it. Yeah, it was classic. And the one in St. Mark's, remember that one? That was Kim's, right? Oh, that was Kim's? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, of course i loved it yeah it was classic and i want to say marks remember that one that was kim's right that was kim's yeah yeah that was yeah of course that was great that was like they had all the indie shit and uh yes i used to go run on runs were there uh to get stuff i was at colbert i would get them like movies from there there was the runs were always

to go there you know to get the movies yeah but uh they know they had all the they had all the cool movies they had all the cool movies. They had all cool movies. And I miss it was like the person behind the desk was like cool. They were like cooler than you. I like that energy. I wouldn't say they were cooler. They were the biggest nerds I've ever seen. Yeah, but in movie-

Movie-wise, they were much cooler. In that world, they were cooler. But I was watching- And you turned me on to a movie, Mona Lisa, with Bob Hoskins. Oh, the best. That's a great fucking movie. Great movie. I don't know if I wrecked it. Did I wreck it on the pod? I did because of Colin. That movie's amazing. me onto a movie mona lisa with bob hoskins oh the best that's a great fucking movie great movie i don't know if i wrecked did i wreck it on the pod i did because of colin that movie's amazing

yeah bob hoskins kathy tyson that movie's a michael cain is in that yeah i went on a bob hoskins kick uh because of that watch i just watched who framed roger abbott right after it he's fucking great in that movie good friday i Friday. I haven't seen that. Is that good? That's Bob Hoskins. All right. Next to Mona Lisa, that's the best. He's fucking great, man. The Long Good Friday is amazing.

All right. You've watched Sexy Beast? Yeah, it's a great movie. One of Todd Barry's favorite movies. It's Sexy Beast. Every time I saw Todd Barry, you watch Sexy Beast yet? Yeah, because Todd Barry wants to be the Ben Kingsley of that movie. He wants to be a bald badass.

He wants to be the small badass that comes in and just starts threatening us and cursing us and forcing us to do whatever he wants us to do. I don't know what it would be.

Sexy Beast is fucking cool. Sexy Beast is great. Tense as hell. Kingsley's scary as shit. Yes. That's a great movie. It's a great movie. What are some other

Colin Quinn sleepers? Long Good Friday is definitely one. That should not be movie. It's a great movie. What are some of the Colin Quinn sleepers? Long Good Friday is definitely one. All right. That should not be, you know what I mean? From England, there's a movie called East is East, which Keith Robinson hates. So I stopped by putting that in there. There's a movie called Lady Bird. You ever see Lady Bird?

The recent one. No. Is that a girl? This is from like 1998. It's called Lady Bird, Lady Bird. All right. From 1996 or something. Okay. There's a movie called Nilled by Mouth. bird the recent one no this is from like 1998 it's called lady bird lady bird all right from 1996 or something amazing there's a movie called nil by mouth so nil by mouth you know the guy in sexy beast ray winstone right yeah yeah he's in this movie nil by mouth gary olman wrote it and

it's all kind of autobiographical about gary olman grew up in the you know the projects whatever they're called in england you know and he he had a stepfather who was a brute. And so it's his personal thing. Oh, shit. It's unbelievable. Ray Winstone, you want to kill him. He's the most evil guy in this movie. It's amazing. You're not even watching a movie.

You're like, I gotta get out of this house. You're like, oh, wait. I'm gonna watch a movie. It's like one of those. Same with Lady Bird. Lady Bird. You stressed me out because I told you to watch a movie. That's like an old new york movie and you call me back mikey and nicky yeah elaine maywin and colin calls me after 25 minutes and was like this is the biggest piece of shit i've ever seen and i was stressed i was like i just i made colin mad then you call me like an hour later you're like all right it was pretty good yeah it definitely got better it definitely got better i just thought it was weird and slow like i if i see like an old new york movie

that's like kind of got grit to it i just think of you i know i do like those i do love them oh my god did he get here early holy shit i'm here you made it we thought you were gone for another 10 minutes we've been rolling because we're waiting yeah all right you must be burnt i'm dead am i in your seat here seat here? I'm jet lagged. I lost my luggage. I'm gay. I'm all over the place. What if it's like the Joes you feel bad about?

Oh, all right. I lost the Joes. I was in South Africa. This is crazy. Today or yesterday. I actually went to South Africa and I flew coach. So I know exactly how you felt. How long have you been there?

It's like 25 years. It took you so long to get married was that nothing it's uh she's furious but that's neither here nor there we'll have a good episode I came in I said why didn't you just leave with the airport immediately con goes oh you're out of your fucking mind yeah I was like I guess the single guy shouldn't be given that was a bad advice wow I had to do the pod but but uh i got a show to promote you know i was gonna tell him this jim norton story oh please about uh the airport so we did a tour of iraq like 2004 so it's me norton loika martin and my assistant i think ellen and um so we come back all right so we come back two weeks bonding going Andrew, you're gently. Sorry, sorry. You're gently. So we come back, two weeks bonding, going over to Iraq, they're shooting, you know what I mean? Like, we had a couple of...

Yeah. We get back, get off the plane from Iraq. And we go to get our bags, and then Norton goes over there. I see him walking towards the exit, so I'm like, that's funny. He's pretending to just not say goodbye. He gets in the cab, leaves. So I go, that's even funnier. He's pretending. I call him later I go

hey what the fuck he goes oh shit man I'm sorry I go you sociopath you literally didn't say it he literally didn't say goodbye to us because he's like ah the trip's over two weeks we're living in tents wow flying in these woods I mean we're having body moments in the troop and And this bastard. And then he goes, I'm sorry. I got off the plane. I made an appointment with a hooker. So I had to get there in time.

I was afraid it was going to be late. And he acted like that was the one. Right. All is forgiven. You got off the plane, the first thing you think of is a hooker. That should be a card. Thank you. I had to leave the hooker.

Hallmark. He was on trans before anybody, by the way. It is weird. He beat, like, it comes around at a certain point. He was ahead of the game. Yeah. He was ahead of the game by far. But that doesn't explain.

But the point is, that pissed me off when Norton did it. Yeah. It really pissed me off in many ways. Imagine how his wife is going to feel. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, he's going gonna see a hooker right after this it's pretty bad it's gonna cost you hill yeah no i i the fact that i said you should do it and colin immediately was like are you fucking dumb yeah oh yeah i guess you shouldn't leave your

wife at the airport for a podcast after a honeymoon yeah it's a bad yeah well we're welcome to reality sister this is what it's like but i mean this is big for you to take a vacation though that's true and you know international thank you sir i don't even know what that is but i'm excited to drink it but i gave it 30 minutes i waited for the bag for 30 minutes and nothing so i was like i gotta go i mean i'm i would have been there by now i would have been on time no but uh i stayed could have been good my wife and i waited for the bag for 30 minutes and you know

and my wife did you give her did you give her the old are you cool with this I did I did and I was texting I was like

I'm on the phone with United right now I was snoozing in the back seat and was she like did she go yeah it's fine and give you a look

in her eyes like it's not fine I don't look her in the eye but yeah it's gonna be ugly you're not look in her eyes like, it's not fine? I don't look her in the eye. But yeah, it's going to be ugly. You're not good on the phone. You're a great podcaster.

Well, I was furious. I was furious. But you're not a phone person in general. Not really. Not really. I'm not a huge, certain people I call on the phone. Yeah, yeah. I don't mind a phone call.

I'm not one of these fuck the phone guys, but I was just in, that was a mood. You guys are text, it's a whole generational thing. A lot of voice memo people. You guys. Yeah. the worst bug me that's the worst what that's a peeve of yours you don't like voice memos annoy the shit out hate the voice memo because it was like hey what's up um and you're gonna listen to their fucking bullshit right i'm gonna start leaving voice memos all those people and see how they like it you might be good at it that's true i don't want to be good i want to annoy people you can do cameo um i'll never do cameo they keep they keep bugging me me too and i'm like no because i'll say some horrible shit and it'll go online and then you're fucked i can't imagine doing cameo first of all i'm shocked by cameo not the idea of selling myself for money but the idea

that the money is so low. Well, you can make your own price. Well, you can make, yeah, you can make it. No, some people, you're like $800 for Emmett Smith. Like, maybe in 1998. Come on. Yeah. Is that really $800?

No, certain people, I mean, we can look it up. I'm saying it's like $60. No, let's not do it. It's going to humiliate our friends. Well, we don't have to look at our friends. We can look at just regular jerk-offs. Let's look at non-jerk-offs. Yeah, get like Eric Estrada.

I bet he's 60. I bet he's 60 and out, yeah. Go to like athletes. Snoop Dogg does it? Wow. People do. Well, it's probably a high price. How much?

Woody Allen? Wow, Snoop Dogg. Yeah, that's got to be in the 50 grand or so. No. It's got to be 50 grand. We have a special relation with Mark McGrath on this podcast. Oh, that's a long story. You do?

No, but we found a video of him just screaming. He's a hothead. Yeah, he was just screaming at a fan. Yeah. He called him Sugar Gay instead of Sugar Ray. Can you blame him for that? He lost it for like 20 minutes on the kid. Can you blame him? I'll kick your it for like 20 minutes on the kid. Can you blame him?

I'll kick your fucking ass, kid. But guess what? He's been trying to be nice this whole time. People call him whatever, you know. All right, let's see what the money is first. All right, what do we got here? 300 for Ray Lewis. And guess what?

You better pay up. Guarantee nobody stiffs him. That cameo slips. Yeah, boy, yeah. I was thinking of the murder. Oh. I'm old. What?

Yeah, Ray Rice is the slap. Oh, who did you say? Yeah, Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis, that's right. Ray Lewis in the news. Where the hell is it? Football. I don't think this is entertaining for the fans.

This is bad pod. This is bad radio. Oh, wow. Okay, 330 for Ray Lewis, and then 50 for Dave Weinstadt. Former coach. Okay. All right. It's a fun thing, but it's just too cheap. We're kind of scraping the barrel here.

I am in Ed 73. Some people, my friend did, and he just donated all to charity, which I'm like, all right, that's something, I guess. That's not bad. But if you think about it as dinner, you go, hey, give me 100 bucks and you go out to dinner. It's pretty good. I think Mark's talking himself into cameo. Maybe I am.

Yeah, I think so. Maybe I am. You know, I've noticed it helps a lot of those Instagram people who do skits with voices. Oh, yeah. They clean up. And they're like small time, but on cameo, they clean up. It's like 30, 50 bucks a pop. It's a 15-second video.

You do 20 a day? What if I wished you a happy birthday as Owen Wilson? 20 a day. As Owen Wilson. Exactly. Can't you do Owen Wilson? Here's the problem with Cameo, though. Sometimes you get like a, hey, my son is dying of cancer.

Can you do a video? And if you get used to Cameo, you start going, well, how much are you going to give me, Dad? You know, I'm not going to do this for free. Right, right. I do the other ones for $100. It's just because your kid's got cancer. Why does he get treated? Pay up first.

Then you get the leukemia video, okay? Yes. He's going to die anyway. If I did impressions, it would be – that's a different story. Oh, that's a game changer, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then you have to do them. But then you've got guys like Dan Soder who are incredible at impressions, but just don't do them.

Right. He just keeps that to himself. Yeah, he just plays around, yeah. Give me Fred Stoller. Let's see how he's doing. Is he on there? I guarantee you Fred Stoller is on Cameo. No way.

I'm telling you. I think Gilbert Gottfried cleaned up on this shit. Oh, yeah, Affleck. Wow. I called it. Wow, cleaned up on this shit. Oh, yeah. Affleck. Wow. I called it. Well, he's cheap as shit. Stoler, you deserve more. Yeah.

I've known him forever. Funny guy. Funny guy. Funny guy. R.I.P. All right, let's get out. Hey, folks. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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God. I'm sick of looking at it. Oh, the passport. Oh, yeah. Look at my photo. I use this joke all the time. I say I look like an Albanian knife salesman. That's your joke for Anthony Cumia on one of the roads.

I like that louisiana usa you really do look like a louisiana like one of those crazy uh swamp guys what do you make mark by the way yeah what is this oh so this is kind of like we'll taste it first and maybe i'll let you know oh that's damn good so it's uh like a basil and um ruby oolong tea simple with aviation gin and a little cranberry. Delightful. What do you call it? That's just... A South African delay. South Africa United.

Nice. I just made it up so you can call it whatever you want. An SAB. SAD. Upset. I cannot believe you've been in South Africa for... I know, it's crazy. Mark doesn't take time off.

Neither do I. Where were you? But he has to now that he's married. Well, how about this? Buckle up there, Fatty, because this is quite a journey. I did South Africa, this whole tour. You got to do the planning with the package. Do you want the elephant package?

Do you want the giraffe? Do you want to shoot them? Whatever you want. So I go, give me the 10-day South African safari every day. Yeah. Remote lodge on the river in the jungle. Yes. I'll send you photos, Peter.

Wow, look at that. Well, that's Cape Town. So, boy, I put too much filter on that thing. Jesus. But so I go, hey, we're going to south africa but we have some extra time before let's go to amsterdam do some drugs so we go to amsterdam for four days we did shrooms we got high we we did the canals and then we went from there to cape town which is a 12 hour flight then from cape town we went to the this tiny little airport called suzuka and that's where

you get off and drive two hours into the jungle, and you go to your lodge. What's the lodge like? Lodge is unbelievable. Unreal. I should have sent you these photos while I was in the Uber, but it's just crazy. And every day you get up at 5, you get a guide.

He takes you out in a Jeep with a tracker, some African dude who sits on the front of the Jeep and just goes, hold on, and he stops. He goes like jeep and just goes hold on and he stops he goes like this and the car stops and then he goes and you look or you look over there and you see like a giraffe or something and then you get back in the car and whatever and you see a lion we saw a leopard we saw rhino it was pretty pretty amazing did some good thinking out there what your trip was like to colin exactly the same yeah oh yeah yeah they would have breakfast it was pretty pretty amazing did some good thinking out there what your trip was like to colin exactly the same yeah oh yeah yeah they would have breakfast it was all inclusive i drank my face off so you'd get up at five you're going as far for two hours you come back you have

breakfast you sit by the pool you drink then you go again at 4 p.m is that what you did yeah without the drinking but yeah yeah and then uh then you come back from that, you eat dinner, you drink more, you get to know all the other guests. There's people from Africa, Australia, Britain, and then you do it all over again the next day, and it's great. You're going to stay in touch with any of the guests? No. God, no. But nice people. My dumb wife lets the comedy thing out of the bag, so then the whole fucking trip's ruined.

Oh, my God. Now you got every uh tom dick and and nigel out there going hey mate tell us tell us a quick one and you're like oh now i'm doing juke jokes in the middle of the jungle yeah well there's no way to hide it yeah i tried because even when you go oh i'm in entertainment they go what do you do i know just with veder on the road we're in the back of an uber though what do you what do you guys do? He goes, insurance salesman. And he has like a whole gag running for it. And I'm just like, just take the wheel, Gary.

Fucking go for it. Because no one's going to question it. No one has a follow-up question for insurance. That's not true. Every once in a while they do. Insurance is very important. I know, but he's got his little gag. You wouldn't try that shit in Hartford. Yeah.

What do you say? Everybody's got something. I said medical supplies. No, I always say comedian. Because I know they recognize my voice usually. They're like, what are you? And I'm like, I thought you were him. I don't know my name, but they know who I was.

Do you do voiceover a lot or no? No, I'm terrible at voiceover. When I started in business, everybody's like, you got to do voiceover. You'll be great. And I went in a couple of times and just, it went horribly. Really? At this point, though, everyone knows your voice. You should do voiceovers you'll be great and i went in a couple of times and just it went horribly really at this point though everyone knows your voice you should do voiceover you have such a great one i once turned down a voiceover and they hired a guy that sounded like me it was like hey that's you and that fucking pizza commercial i'm so mad about that ah that's the weird thing about voiceover because i've gone into it you got a weird voice you should do this

and then you go in and they go take it take it take it from the top and they go oh that was bad do another one yep and i'm like i thought you liked my voice which one is it yeah but i guess you gotta have inflection or yeah no there's something about it that some people just are good at it some people are good at it whatever they want who gives a shit who care i don't care what these people want anyway it makes you man just i know they're like we like this like oh shut up right your products sell well because of your stupid insights. And I'm the one with the voice. I'm the one with the jokes.

Why do you matter? Thank God for comedy is the only thing where you can actually go, look, all arguments to the side. Put us in front of a crowd and then tell me how you feel. Right. Exactly. We always go all over the country and have to kill. Right. They don't leave like a five mile radius in Los Angeles. And who is some chick behind like a fold table, folding table going, no.

I'm like, who are you? What the hell do you know? But they have jobs. We do have to give you a slice of the joes before it gets good, by the way. Oh, yeah, please. For acting, they have a point, though. I'm telling you right now. Acting, I should teach comedy acting, comedians acting.

You're a good actor, dude. Teach me. I'm a decent actor. I'm horrible. You're a good actor. I suck so badly. I'm not good. I'm fine.

You're good. Because I'm not. But I was so bad for years because I did all the mistakes that a comedian would make. I would go into every situation. Like if we were sitting here talking right now in an acting scene, and I would say, I better be interesting. I better be funny. Better be on. Yeah, and guess what?

Actors know you just either are or aren't. You don't fucking try. When you're on stage, no, no. What about a commercial? Why the hell would you argue with me when I'm not even done making my point? I've gone through so many years. I'm not even trying to make my point? I've gone through so many years.

I'll tell you the history of my acting. Then you tell me. All right. Well, you've been in four movies, Colin. No, no. You're not Daniel Day over here. As far as the bad. I meant the bad side of it. Okay, okay.

Crocodile Dundee? They once flew. Night at the Roxbury? When I was on MTV, and yes, I saw a couple of series that way. Like Night at the Roxbury? When I was on MTV, and yes, I saw a couple of stages that way. They would fly me in for a year and a half. Well, I'm going to tell you, they're like, this guy, we're going to make a show around him.

Yeah. One time they flew me in from Kansas. I was in the middle of a gig, a college gig in Kansas. In these days, they didn't fly people in like private jet. It's like the 90s, early 90s. And they go, they want you for this part. Whoever was bailed out. The show's picked up.

It's 13 episodes. It was a big network comedy, kind of a cop comedy show. They fly me in on a Sunday. Fly me in. LA. Beautiful, sweet, like real Beverly Hills type shit. I go there the next day NBC

ABC who knows one of the big networks there's only four fucking networks yes so you're walking into luxury everything's the top of the line all the executives there

about 15 executives lined up like this is it and they flew me in they studied me beautiful girl supposed to be my

sidekick we rehearsed a little bit. I go in and meet them. I mean, I killed. Yeah. I mean, I'm talking to them and I'm killing the room. They're like, this is our guy. I'm joking. We start reading. I suck the energy out of the air. Because my acting was

so bad because I was trying and the girl's looking at me and I could feel it's just and it was gone. But maybe the script was really bad. No, it wasn't the script. I'm telling you, and I could feel it's just, and it was gone. But maybe the script was really bad, too. No, it wasn't the script. I'm telling you, they could have fixed it. It was me. It was Cheers, dude.

Because- The show was Cheers. So if I started with all these acting teachers, I couldn't really understand it. Yeah. I started with a few people who were really great, who really showed me stuff. But one of them was this lady, Sandra Lee, this old lady. And one time I was in her class and I was still trying to, and we did this Arthur Miller scene as me and the girl.

And she gives a girl notes and then she goes like this, from the whole class to me. She goes, and you. Ooh, ooh. Starts imitating me. But it was great. It really finally clicked. That moment I started laughing.

I go, oh yeah, I'm trying. I'm acting. You don't fucking try. You don't try. You just are, is what you're saying. Yes. Ah. Acting.

If I'm trying to be, it's like if somebody goes on stage and does comedy and they're trying to be like funny. Yeah. It's fucking sweaty. Same thing with acting. Right. You're funny. If you're doing a scene, you don't have to, you doing a scene you don't have to you can trust you don't have to

do funny shit yeah you're gonna be your natural funniness comes through or it doesn't you can't fucking fix it by trying right that's what I'm saying you're saying you felt like you were a faker or something yeah I was being fake I'm saying the point is trust that you're enough doesn't that come from just like

practice I mean like anything no no well yeah practice but it also comes from if you don't accept that you're enough. Doesn't that come from just like practice? I mean, like anything. No, no. Well, yeah, practice. But it also comes from if you don't accept that you're enough for people to watch, you're dead. If you try to add on to yourself in the scene, you're dead. Yes, that's exactly what I do. Every time. I've never gotten one audition. I've auditioned 9,000 things.

I've never gotten one. So then why would you- Mark, in the middle of his audition, goes, comedy. Why would you argue when I'm sitting here saying, here I am giving you the fucking answer, and like a typical comedian, you're too cocky. Well, it's a little vague. Oh, you can't try.

What does that mean? It's not vague. I need something like a user. It may be a little obtuse, but it's not a little vague. Patrice had the best audition advice I've ever heard. He said, go in for the part dressed as the thing you're auditioning for. I think that's pretty good. First of all, that's fucking amateur 101.

Don't try. Don't try. What is that? I want to see Mark in a police procedural. We found the dead body. Praise Allah. I'd like, yeah. I want you to show up in a mob movie in a pinstripe suit and go, hey, Bob De Niro.

Tommy gun. But wait a minute. Don't try. I'm taking a slice. You go in. You go, hey, do you know the lines? You go, no, I'm not trying. They kick you right out of there.

No, I'm not saying you don't know the lines. I'm saying don't try to entertain. Oh. Don't try to. Okay, okay. I got this. I'm saying you go in there and if you're supposed to be like if i'm talking to somebody and the scene's supposed to be funny and i'm eating pizza i'm not going to try to be

funny eating pizza right right right i'm eating pizza it'll be funny because i'm whatever's going on in the scene yeah people will be like oh i fucking i get it what's going on he's trying to get laid or he's trying to get money instead of being like, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's exactly what I do every time. That's it? You don't have to. This is my action strategy. Yeah.

Look at that. Yeah. I auditioned for something in LA. This is years ago. And it was supposed to be, it was me and an old guy. And I was reading a script and we were watching a football game. It was my dad. And he dies next to me.

Right. And they were like, all right, go action. And I was like, oh, look, dad and he dies next to me right and they were like all right go action and i was like oh look dad he caught the he caught the touchdown and he's like you know and i'm like ah what's going on you're dying on me this is crazy and they they were like get out they just they weren't even they didn't even think it was cute or anything they said please leave you reacting to a real emotional moment is just pure comedy. I know! I know. I'm a comedian. I don't know what to do.

Oh, fuck. He's dead. Oh, shit. They sent me right out of there. I drove like three hours to Santa Monica. Dad! That was it. That's what the script said. I love Lucy, but you'd be like, oh, why? Yes, that I could do.

Little honeymooners to the moon. Some of those old shows. But even the Honeymooners, yeah. Ralph Grant had those serious moments. Yeah, yeah. Because even though he was being big, and sometimes a little too big, for the most part, he was, you know, they were talking about the intention. Right.

I mean, that's what it's about. Yes. So instead of, you know, once you're, I'll tell you the best advice, Michael Caine. I read the Michael Caine'll tell you the best advice, Michael Caine. I read the Michael Caine acting book. Michael Caine. When you don't know what you're doing he said he didn't do impressions. When you don't know what you're doing he said, just think in your

head. This is great advice, I think. Because it takes the subconscious away. He goes, just think in your head. He goes, if you don't act, he goes at least do this much. He goes, think in your head I'm angry right now.'t act he goes at least do this much he goes think in your head i'm angry right now so when you're in the scene if i'm angry with you right now i'm thinking i'm angry so even though i'm not trying to do anything i'm not thinking about oh the cameras oh am i good am i do i know my lines i'm just like i'm fucking angry right now because if you're happy just think i'm happy i'm i love you right now i

love you so whatever else is going on i'm thinking i love you in the back of my head and then whatever's going on instead of thinking hey am i conveying take the focus yeah it's really good and it keeps the self-consciousness away because you at least you have that intention right and michael cain's a fucking mona lisa he was in that yeah every time i see michael cain orolson, I'm like, I'm sick of these guys. Every fucking... And by the end of the movie, I'm like, this son of a bitch is great in that. They're the best. They're just great.

Nicholson's unreal. Oh, Hannah and her sisters, I always think of... He's just trying to fuck his wife's sister. Oh, yeah. With the lamest game of all time. The best. This poem made me think of you. Yes.

It was fucking... In the book. Imagine... That is insane. Read this poem on page 111 Yes We've all thought about this Sarah Silverman

Before that movie Probably when that movie was already out She read that poem And we were hanging out with a bunch of people And she goes It's obviously a powerful poem She goes He could Cummings she goes he

could cummings on my back anytime by the way michael cain and alfie the worst body of all time it was so easy to have a be a male in the 60s you don't have to work out at all yeah and you were a sex symbol yeah yeah and he was a badass he didn't't get Carter and shit. He just got to do everything. He's great in everything. He's a great actor. Yeah, still going in the Batman movies. Yeah, he's fucking, he's got to be up there now. Michael Caine.

But I read his book. It was good. Yeah, he was a hunk. But that's the whole point. He never tries to, you never see Michael Caine overdoing it. No. Yeah. And that's what I mean by not trying. If he was

in Mona Lisa going, let me tell you something, whatever the guy's name was. Instead he's like, so and so. Like you can just see he's fucking annoyed by this guy working for him. And he'll kill. The lines, the water, every bit of it. You know he's a mob boss. That does the

work. Just you're annoyed. Right. And if you were annoyed and you were a mob boss, every bit of it. You know he's a mob boss. That does the work. Just you're annoyed. Right. And if you were annoyed and you were a mob boss, people would fucking die. You don't have to act like, hey, I'll kill you. Yeah. See, I would dress up fully as the godfather and do that. You wouldn't say, Patrice told me to do this. Colin, we do peeves on this podcast, and you're like the king of pet peeves.

You're so good at observational jokes. I like peeves. What are we doing? I mean, we have a ton, but I think you have so many in your act. I think one of my OE think about is a guy who's stretching while you're venting about something serious. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have so many. Do you have any recent peeves?

You have the other one about the guy who's mad about something, so he starts yelling at you. He's like, this fucking guy. Can you believe this fucking guy? You're like, oh, I didn't do anything. Oh, right, right. When they put you in there. Yeah, yeah. It's a great opportunity.

Well, the recent one, which really is my biggest one, which I'll tell you right now, but it's been a while, is the people who are so sincere they're full of shit, by which I mean they're like, hey, how are you? Oh, yes, yes. Hey, how are you? Good. Yeah.

Hey, and they just, oh, it just drives me crazy because I know their motive. They're not, you know what I mean? Totally, totally. Once in a while, they're imitating people that are really like that. Yeah. So once in a while, you run into somebody, some sincere person, whatever, you know. But in general, especially showbiz, when somebody's that sincere, I'm like,

whoa, I'll fucking keep a step away from you. I totally get it. They have two hands around their coffee mug. You know, you're like, my wife had a miscarriage. Perfect. Shut up. I'm joking. Let's do lunch sometime.

Let's really talk about this. Shake your hands with two hands. It's so good to see Yeah. Let's really talk about this. Are they shaking hands with two hands? Yes. It's so good to see you. We haven't seen you in 10 years. We never talk. We have nothing in common. Exactly.

Yeah. No, I have a guy in my mind. I have a lot of a few. Yeah. I just don't like the new earnestness and the new sincerity. It's infuriating. Yeah. I got one, and it's not as good as these, but it's happened the whole trip, and it drove

me crazy. The people who can't tell you happened the whole trip, and it drove me crazy. The people who can't tell you what time it is, they have to do math. You go, what time is it? They go, quarter to seven. And you're like, 645? 645. Right? What?

Is that right? 645. Right. Can't we just say 645? Why don't we just say quarter to seven? No confidence? Now, wait a minute. This is insane.

Yeah, I don't get it. Why is that bad? I'm just saying, just tell me the fucking time. You don't do that with anything else in life. You don't go, how far is Wisconsin? It's 100 minus eight. Just tell me it's a fucking 92 miles away. You want the exact number yes it's absurd behavior

i mean this is such a social norm at this point i didn't even yeah really i'm sliding in and seeing it from another angle yeah which i like but at the same time i don't think it's the kind of thing that that is going to have an emotional effect on anybody except you think you've gone stark Raven. I understand the peeve. It doesn't bother me personally. It drives me crazy. It bothers no one except Mark. Just say that we don't do that with anything else except time.

That's why it bothers me. How much is that pizza? The pizza's $10. No one goes, it's $5 and $5. Just say $10. But it could be a quarter of $5. No, you mean it's a – No, you would have said it's three quarters of $10.

Let's see. now I'm lost. That's more for you. The quarters are different. Yeah, you went $500. No, no, I'm saying it's... Nobody says, hey, it's 90% of $10. It was $9.50. Okay, okay.

I'm just trying to help you think. I appreciate it. This thing is really in trouble. Quarter past 10. 10.25. This peeve is really in trouble. How are you attacking my peeve? This peeve is a peeve of mine now.

I'm just saying it's weird because you hear other numbers. I just want the exact number. Now you got me on eight different numbers. I think it comes from analog watches. That makes sense. So when you look at it you have quarter, quarter, quarter. That's a good point. No, but people said quarter seven when

I was little. But you're from the 40s. I'm saying there were no analog watches. No, that was analog. In fairness to me, in my defense, I don't know what analog means. The hands. The hands. Oh.

That's analog. That's analog? Yeah. All this time, I was like, that sounds too hard for me to investigate what analog means. And it just meant hands? That goes to show, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble in life pretending what analog means. I got to pee. I got to pee for you. Please, please.

Guy who cuts you in line gets busted cutting you and then acts like he wasn't cutting you. Wait, go ahead. I'm in the coffee shop. This guy cuts me with his dog and I just very calmly say, Wait, go ahead. I'm in the coffee shop. This guy cuts me with his dog, and I just very calmly say, oh, you know, I'm in line. And he goes, yeah, I just wanted to get comfortable. And I was like, what? So then the guy, we're the only guys in the coffee shop.

The guy goes, oh, who's next? And the guy gives me one of these. Oh. And I was like, dang you. Fuck that guy. You, you're the problem. Yeah, you're trying to reverse it on me. That's what you're doing. And now he's trying to be the good guy again. Yeah. Fuck that guy. You're the problem. Yes. You're trying to reverse it on me. That's what it is.

And now he's trying to be the good guy again. Yeah. Here you go. He's like, you're in a rush. It's like, no, I was here, fuckface. Exactly. He's giving you credit for something that he didn't even do. The sarcastic one.

Fuck you. Yeah. How about the side swindler? I think Larry David covered it. But the guy who does the side, he stands next to you in line and then just starts inching in. I know what you're doing. The side. Get the back.

Yeah. You have Colin has so many peeves in his act. That's like a New York. I mean, it's a New York style comedy. I do have a lot of peeves. I just have a list, you know, from over the years in comedy. But I have like 200 of these little things like that. 200 or do you have a quarter past 190?

Ah, fuck. See, it's hard to do math. Yeah, I don't think. I mean, a quarter to seven, it's too common. It's been around before you were born. I know it's common, but. I could have said it would be a peeve. Yeah, it is interesting, though, the way your mind works when you think about that.

It's not enjoyable. That you're saying the subtraction is bothering you. Yes. Try to live with this thing. I couldn't register with the people. I thought you were annoyed that the guy was not confident in what he was saying in the time. I just, tell me the exact number. It's just weird.

It's 815. Don't say quarter past eight. Because now I'm doing extra shit. I'm just saying it's an efficiency thing to me. But except that it's been around for so long it's really you know you're coming in thanks well so is uh gays not getting married we changed that what happened i'm just saying like gays used to not be able to get married and you go oh it's been around for so long you gotta accept it well maybe i'm changing the rules that's what i hate about every argument

today is people bring up anything like that and and you're like, oh, fuck. Right? They bring it up, and they win automatically. They say, it used to be this, and it's like, okay. Yeah, you got to have some virtue with that example, then you win. Roe v. Wade rolled back. Yeah. Ah, shit.

Good point. Is it Roe v. Wade, or is it a quarter past? The vagina? It's a mole past the hair all right well the other weird thing about roe v wade rolling back is they did it when nobody even gives even the christians weren't celebrating nobody gave a shit yeah it was so weird because everybody's like no that's not even an argument anymore right well you know what's weird about uh conservatives and i just heard this they're all about family values. But all the most

divorces and most teen pregnancies, red states. Fun fact. Yeah, I have a new bit about the parents who leave the babies in the hot car. They always seem pro-life. They do. That's true, yeah. At least crack the

window. That's what my parents did. Crack the window. He just did a pet peeve, which is Yeah. At least crack the window. That's what my parents did. Crack the window. Yeah. He just did a pet peeve, which is he laughed at your joke and you go, they do. Oh, yeah, that is a pet peeve. I did that? Yeah, yeah. But I think- No, they did. He didn't mean it.

He laughed at your joke. What do you want him to do? No, when people do that, you go, whatever, whatever. And they go, yeah. No, wait, hold on. You laugh at a joke and they go yeah no wait hold on you laugh at a joke and they go no i'm serious and i'm like i know it's still funny to me though but what about this here's the real pet peeve not that one or not this one it's the one where somebody goes they say an obvious joke and then it's not a comedian it's usually just a regular person we go

and then you kind of politely if they I'm not joking. Yes, you are. Right, right, right. Oh, that's the worst. How about this one? This drives me fucking crazy. At a comedy show, we might have covered this, but the guy goes, where are you from? And the guy in the front row goes, New Jersey. Whoa, easy, easy, easy.

You asked the guy a question, he answered it. What is this? He didn't do anything wrong. It's true. I hate that. I like the crowd work guy who has nothing ready. The guy who's like, he goes, anyone celebrating their birthday? Yeah, he goes, happy birthday.

That's it. So annoying. That's it. But I mean, if they did it for one, they'll do it for 12. Just think a little bit ahead of time and just go with it. Or write a fucking joke. How about that? But, or the guy who keeps asking questions because he hasn't found any gold yet. What do you like to do?

I'm a construction worker. Oh, yeah? A lot of two by fours? Yes. Hammer? Yes. Nails? Yes.

Where's this going? Give me a bit. Get somewhere. Yeah. We could do this all day. Your new hour is like, it's so much about, it's great. Everything I've seen of it is great, by the way. Killer.

It's awesome. You do social commentary the way I love it, where it's just you shit on everybody. It's not pandering at all. It's just funny. Yeah, right down the middle. Hey, guys, I'm an equal opportunity offender. But I mean, how do you feel about this one right now? Because you do so many of these.

I feel like I'm glad you guys aren't coming until the 23rd because I feel like it's close, but I'm still playing around. Tinkering. Yeah. And it's like, you know, I mean, how much fucking time you can take? You can't take only. Right. You don't want it to be like, hey, I really have this thing.

It's like, all right, get to it, asshole. But for a comic, the only way to get it done is you put that pressure on you because we'll just take a year and fuck around. And that's the case. Deadlines. But I feel like, yeah, I feel like it's the least social commentary, but in some ways that makes it the most because you know how it is now. Everybody's talking about everything all the time.

Right, right. So it's sort of like, you know, you almost want to talk about it by being more general. Yeah. Because specifics are covered all day. You know what I mean? Yeah. And the other problem with going to see your show is, you know, all the ideas you have. You can't get in.

But you know all the ideas you have and you can't crack it? And then you go see your show and I'm like, oh, I had an idea like that, but I couldn't figure out where to go with it, and you nailed it, so I gotta drop it. Well, you don't have to drop it. I mean, it depends on, you know. Well, I didn't want it to be similar. No. Yeah, like, uh, what was the one I saw at the Minetta Theater? The one on Minetta?

Remember we talked after? New York Story. No, no, it was after that. New York Story on Netflix. It was the one on Netflix where you had the people on the stage. Red State, Blue State. Yes. That one was amazing. And you had eight bits in there.

And I was like, ah, I got to drop all these. Oh, shit. So you covered everything. It was so good. There's more genders than political parties. Right. That's fucking great. That's what I was like, oh.

But it's so funny. Even that was like three or four years ago. Yeah. If I said that today, people would be like, what the fuck kind of a thing is that to say? Isn't that weird? I don't know. I think it's still great. I think it's great, too.

I think there's little things that happen that keep inching towards a culture where people are like, what? It might hit just slightly less hard now. Yeah. People would be like, that's questionable. That's concerning. And then you go to that and you're like, was it worth doing this if it's not killing? Right.

I know what you mean. Right. Yeah. You have to be killing. But then you're also- But that's a good instinct. That's what makes you great is you're like, am I killing? But shouldn't you push back a little?

No. Yeah. But you still want to get- Of course. Of course. If you're not- You guys both know one of the biggest problems is people that don't elicit laughter in their act obviously it's an epidemic it seems like yeah but you think that's a given every time i do these interviews with like uh on the road and

stuff with the whoever the papers or whatever you know there was a so but like comedy i go with first laughs like doctors first do no harm if If you're not getting laughs, it's irrelevant. Everything else is, don't advertise comedian. Get laughs, then I'll talk about it. And then, of course, the highest form may be you saying what you really want to say. Sure. But if you're not getting laughs, it's all, I don't want to talk about it. It's not even comedy.

It's not even comedy. Agreed. But boy, has it gotten muddy muddy these days you know it's gotten real blurry of like i think like these critics get obsessed with with comics that don't necessarily get the laugh because maybe they think that's like something grander or great that's exactly there's an arrogance to it whereas like i i have a lot of love for comics that are you know bleeding on the road because it's i agree it's there you have to kill you have to kill and yeah exactly it becomes this this romanticism of the kind of tortured

artists but it's like but laughter first you know what i mean and laughter is harder you know and laughter i say it in this i say it in the show now, laughter is a lie detector test. That's the fucking thing. It's a lie detector test because you're speaking, there's something critical going on that people are suddenly involuntarily laughing. Yes, yes. But that goes back to the point of the trans joke. You're like, can you do it now? I don't know.

But it's still funny. Even if they're laughing less it's a it's a less of a laugh because of this nervousness not because the joke is worse well yeah but you also have to you know i mean you have to factor in all that stuff but that's why connor it's like he's right you do have to evolve to some to some degree or you are that stubborn guy who's right right but don't forget in red state blue state what i said about evolving what was that don't you remember that line? I think you actually retweeted it. Did I?

I said, people say you have to evolve with your audience. I go, that's why I came to comedy. That's a great joke. That's a great joke. I can march in lockstep

with society's contemporary conventions. This is what I'm saying. That's why I'm saying push back a little. But there is a hint of the evolving though, don't you think? Of course there's a hint.

You don't want to be the old hat. There's always a hint, of course. But that's a fucking brilliant line. But that's the point. That's comedy. That line is comedy. Suddenly comedy became like,

hey, the audience will determine your... Fuck that. That's what I'm saying. And you guys said no. We're not funny. I might as well go to the audience and just sit around and have a conversation. Exactly.

But to some degree, we do have to focus test. Totally. It's the only form of entertainment where we have to focus test. You also have to take them somewhere. You also have to take them somewhere you always have to take them all play yeah it is it's a it's a well those are my favorite jokes are yours or someone like chris rock where like you know you guys will kind of start a setup sometimes we were like where is this going and then by the end you're kind of like oh shit like

it's unpredictable so so to that degree i totally agree that's yeah of course i mean that's the thing and just walk that line and then yes and yeah and you do have to i mean comedy now does require somewhat of a a lion taming in the sense you have to tell people hey hey hey hey hey let's live in reality okay not not that i know totally but let's not you know how many times have you said and say, you're getting mad at the thing. You don't even understand the joke. It's just the word. Right. Prove you.

Not the subject matter. Just the word. You know what I mean? They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like, stop. Yeah. Get the point. You don't fucking understand.

And then they laugh. I know, but. That's the dumbest person ever. The person who just hears a word. No, but that's. That's common. That's very common. For sure.

Way more than it used to be. It used to be about funny. Now it's about the lion taming and the funny, which is a word. No, but that's becoming cultural. That's very common. For sure. Way more than it used to be. It used to be about funny. Now it's about the lion taming and the funny, which is a whole other element, which we have to learn almost a new skill to tap dance as Seinfeld. But you see those comics that don't have that skill and they become irrelevant. Tap dance. Interesting. But those comics that don't have that skill to kind of navigate, you know, it becomes

thoughtless. And you've seen that comic kind of lose touch with the audience. Sure, sure. So you do have to have a hint of that, for sure. Of course, of course. But then there's the other side of the comics that are literally speaking in preambles on each joke, explaining to people, here's how I feel. And it's like, okay, that loses something, too.

It's the Seinfeld episode, the gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, right. It's that episode that they do with every bit. No, for sure. Well, David Telgo, he always says, I was at a gay wedding. Are you okay? Is everybody okay? I love that because I'm like, yes.

It's like you said, you got to tame them. You got to chair and a whip up there. If you have an audience that comes to see you, chances are they know you're not a fucking sociopath. So you don't need to explain yourself. Just tell the fucking joke. That's the beauty of it. When you go to the comedy club where you're doing a showcase show before yeah it's a bunch of tourists yeah yeah because all it takes is a couple of people and then you end up getting too mad at

them you know i mean like right right what the fuck and then the whole crowd's like hey you know you're being kind of harsh and because they didn't under they might not even have heard or they don't understand how much the intent of what this has been building up exactly people and the crowds like whoa let's take it down you saw me at the VU the other night I was having a solid set and I got off and I was

like hey all right you were like you sounded like you hated him I was like yeah I was pissed because one joke got a groan right you got mad I mentioned you got mad at them or something yeah you can't you have to keep perspective for them too, you know. I know. I know. We see sometimes a comical open with a joke that I'm like, you just shouldn't be opening with that joke. That's true.

You're mad the whole fucking set. Yeah. Well, Larry David, you mentioned Larry David, he was famous because he would come out and do like a joke that was just, and then just shut down in time because of the joke. Which I kind of get. Did you see him in the clubs in the 80s? Yeah.

What was it like? It was, you know, he was always funny. Like, you know, like nobody was like, oh, this guy's not funny. No comedians. Everybody respected him because he was funny. But he was just, like I said, he would just turn too quickly. Yeah. He would turn on the crowd.

You have to entertain. Because they didn't understand that, you know. It must be frustrating to know you're funny and not be doing well. I guess a lot of comics feel that way. But he like, if you're funny and you're validated by your peers and you're bombing, that's gotta be, you gotta be like, what the fuck is happening? Well, he was too cool to perform.

He wouldn't perform. Because we all have that anger and you have to keep performing. Right. It is a show. But he wasn't willing to do that fake part. Oh, I remember the nights that i ever did the opening joke had like six punch lines and it didn't get near to what i wanted and the next four minutes was me faking a smile exactly the best acting i've ever done you probably killed the next four minutes i did fine oh okay but i was i had to what am i gonna what am i gonna go it's tv you power through yeah but that's that's showbiz

yeah well i mean it is interesting i mean but but that is the only beauty is that like at least it's reality in the sense that all this talk like a lot i feel like a lot of jobs in showbiz they can talk like this and then just talk about this the rest of their life all three of us have to go in front of people yeah tonight tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and live in reality. So all the speculation is fine, but we still have to live in the real world and go, oh, shit, I forgot about that part. And so it's kind of cool that we can't live in this kind of high conversational, like,

yeah, theoretical thing. We still have to live in the world which keeps it keeps us honest it does it does but it's also why not everybody can do it yeah because it's so harsh you can just die comedy is harsh i always get jealous of musicians because they just get up there and even if they're doing terrible you't, nobody in that audience can play that music. Right. But if we get up, if I'm bombing and I'm getting no laughs, everybody in that audience could do what I'm doing right now,

stand on a stage and not get any laughs. Everybody. They are equal to me. But that's what's interesting about comedy. You could change one word and half of that and it would kill. Yeah. But you got to figure that out. Isn't that crazy when you're one fucking word away? I know. And it might be yeah but you gotta figure that out when you're one

fucking word away i know it might be one syllable i know but when you find it it's if things start to go south and you start stuttering and all these jokes it would work if you didn't stutter like yes every little stutter yeah yeah you kill the momentum and you you fuck up the setup and you're like well that's not gonna hit now why am i but i'm gonna still do it and you're like i knew that one hit not going to hit now. Why am I? But I'm going to still do it. And you're like, I knew that one hit. That's why I don't do stories, because I'm worried that I'll flub one thing along the way in the six-minute tail, and then it'll ruin the whole thing.

But you can't get out of a story. You've got to do the whole thing. You would do the funniest thing on Tough Crowd. You would keep in jokes that didn't work sometimes. Because I've never seen a late-night host do that. Right. But you keep in a joke, and after a joke wouldn't work, you went work you just be like yeah i knew that one wasn't going to be good you would just say that on the show i wrote all the monologues myself every day that's insane

that was my thing i was like i'm writing all the monologues that's insane myself like i was just like that's it every day i could do this shit and so a lot of them were like not that strong but some of them was wrong but um yeah well we keep jokes in the bet the proudest thing about tough crowd when i look back at now is the fact that if somebody tried to pander to the crowd we go stop yes go ahead um hey folks they they're good people all right give them applause yeah we just be brutal but we do that to you they do it to me too but whoever he's done to is just oh which you never saw on tv you never see it on tv today that's true now than it was then it is what's that about i don't know but i mean seriously go see colin's show i mean it's just like it is i can't every part i've seen

has been killer so far all his shows are killer we mark and i huge copy how colin and natal and and the great new york comics you know try to build material colin does the fat black at the uh at the cellar to work out we mark and i do that i know that's why you guys are great because you you do the work that's why you always have new great material because it's it's not rocket science it's horrible right humbling work. Yes. Well, you have the best line. You say a lot of people don't want to write because writing proves you're not a genius.

Yeah. Because you go, I'll figure it out up there. But when you write, you sit and stare at a page and it's brutal. You have to confront your own mediocrity. Yes. Damn. And that's beautiful. It's horrible.

Right. I want to be a genius. But guess what? I'll write something i'm like oh my god you know i mean my aunt would have said that it was my nothing as my aunt she's actually very um what i'm saying i know i picked the example i'm like a soccer mom type sure sure but yeah i'm just saying that sometimes you write like oh i can't believe how corny i am i know but the beautiful thing is we get to show people the ones that worked.

Yeah. You know, on TV. Yeah. Well, hopefully. Who knows? Yeah, but you're prolific as hell, man. Speaking of pet peeves, I hate with a passion that your generation, I hated generations before, but I hate even more with your generation. We're certainly all about podcasts and YouTube and all this stuff that you guys still are so obsessed with.

Like, I have a Tonight Show set. It's been making me furious for years and years. It made me mad when people did it for Letterman sets. And now it makes me, it's baffling. Why? Why isn't it fun? It's fun to go on TV and do a set. Because you guys, you know that's not going to affect your career the way any other YouTube

or anything works. Now, yeah, you're right. But even five years ago, nobody's, it's not 1978 when The Tonight Show meant, I did a set at The Night Show. By the way, David Brennan, in those days, it really did mean. Yeah. David Brennan, they said the first time he was on The Tonight Show, he said he was broke or something.

He had like 80 bucks in the bank. The next day, he got $70,000 worth of work. Wow. Back when that was like a lot of money. Sure. The next day. he got $70,000 worth of work. Wow. Back when that was like a lot of money. Sure. The next day. I go on Fowl and now I lose followers. Yeah.

Well, yeah. It's true. It happens. Yeah. And they tweeted it out. It just makes me so mad when everyone's like, tonight's show's set. I'm like, oh, I get so irritated. But I've been irritated.

It's just let him in for that. It gives you a little something on the, just something to put on a flyer. And dumb audiences in the middle of the country go, hey, it's a night show. They do. People are like, oh, wow. People get excited about that shit still. No, comedians get excited. It's driving me nuts.

If you want to pee, I'm giving you one. It's definitely dead now. It's pointless now. And if you tell one of those guys. And also, they fucking neuter your set. That's the problem. Yeah, yeah. That's a whole other thing.

Well, I'll tell you what. Even back in the old days, I used to work in this, I mean the late 80s, I'd be working with somebody who did like three lettermans. And I'd have to be the headliner. And I was like, this guy did

three lettermans. Nobody cared. That was in the 80s. This is all a delusion. Well, back then when we didn't have all this kind of promotion. So if you went on Letterman and promoted, I'm going to be at Hilarity's next week, it would barely do a bump. Ask any club. But if you did local radio in Cleveland, you would sell tickets.

Right. That's amazing. So it's all delusion. Yeah. But you get to show your mom. Yeah, my mom gets excited. Moms don't give a damn. They're not comedy nerds. They don't give a shit. That's true. She's not a comedy nerd, but she'll

be like, oh, that's a thing I can see. It's tangible. If you want, I was on Good Morning America the third hour, by the way, this morning. You didn't get those hot anchors who were hooking up. Oh, yeah. I did it with them once. They were great. They seemed great. They were great great But anyway but I'm just saying

That's going to affect people's moms more than You know That's true that's true If you do like Good Morning America or like You know Rachel Ray and stuff that seems like it's more Ellen I refuse to give up on this one I'm dying on this hill No I see what you're saying it doesn't bump

Move the needle but it gives you little things. You know when a club promoter says, what do you got? You can send them that link. And they see you in a suit laughing with Jimmy. You're right. It doesn't move the needle. But this helped us headline when we were young. That's true.

It did? Yeah, it really did. Because club owners who live in the 80s are like, he's been on Kona. And they're like, wait, why is this guy selling any tickets? So yeah, it helped us get work. So I think we're on some some level, still locked in that. But I hate the fact that even my generation was locked in it when I met the guy that did three Lettermans. Actually, now I realize he did two Lettermans.

I don't know why I said three. It was a bit of a badge of honor, you know? I think I was trying to win the argument. I get it. Hey, you got to fight for it. I gave myself the benefit. It's a peeve of mine. People lying to win arguments.

And I realized it was true. What are you, Santos? Yeah. It's a peeve of mine. People lying to win arguments. And I realized it was true. What are you, Santos? Yeah, I don't know. I won't do one now, probably, because they tweak my act so much. It's such a headache to write it out in text. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah, I know, I know. But let's write.

I'd like to write right now. Not a bit. I'd like to write, what are the bullet points Mark needs to hit to save his marriage when he goes home? That I need help with. would say she's gonna be working on her that'd be a great segment number one is listen i didn't even want to do this goddamn podcast but i feel like it sells tickets so we that's not bad i'll use that actually tonight. We talked about the house. I'm just kidding. She must on some level realize how big it is for you to take this amount of time off though.

Well, I kept saying Quinn, Quinn. She's like, oh, okay. I wasn't lying. He was excited as hell. Yes, I'm a fan. That's why I said we should do it next week. If I knew you were coming back in the list From South Africa I've been there Coach He's gonna sleep like a beast

I hope you don't have A gig tomorrow Or tonight I'm flying out to Nashville Tomorrow 10 sold out shows You better go to sleep Early tonight

I got a couple spots 10 shows That's a lot Yeah I don't know I'm diving right back in Cause I got that Vacation rust Yes

And you got some Vacation jokes I do I used to have some stuff On Safari Oh yeah I'll sell it to you diving right back in because i got that uh vacation rust yes and you got some vacation jokes i do i used to have some stuff on yeah safari oh yeah i'll sell it to you please put it in the new uh new hour how done is it would you say you're at like 85 i would say or quarter past 75 50 75? That's not close at all. You've got to put that back in the oven. All right.

You know what would really put this over the top is if you did a Fallon appearance. I think that would really... I did Fallon last week. Did you? Oh, I thought it was

no big deal. Why are these comics still doing tonight's show? I love Fallon. I personally love Fallon. He's a nice guy. It's some of my favorite TV to do because we bust each other's balls and we go back a long way.

And it's a guaranteed laugh. Yeah. But I just meant as far as – I didn't mean Fallon. I mean any of these talk show appearances. Here's what bothers me about them. Let me just rephrase it. Okay. It's not doing them.

It's the fact that it's this ritual now set up. And it started back then where everybody is being a comedian, being funny. And then suddenly it's like, let's make sure we tensely wear our nicest suit and it's like watching a criminal in court they're like this um okay and then okay let's wait and it just it takes all the

fun out of comedy and the edge yeah totally they make you less of you and then it's all this precision shit, and it's all this precise. This joke, and then one minute before you go on, lose a minute. You're like, wait a minute. We worked this out to the T, and they tell me lose a minute. Yeah.

We're late on time. Or stretch two minutes. Right. It's like all this precise things. Yes. And now this. Maybe that's why the sam kinnison letterman is so epic it's so goddamn epic because he really just breaks all the rules he goes in the

crowd he fucks with a guy he yells he goes long so i mean that was a career maker that was i don't know if that did make his career i'm trying to remember at the time i bet the danger field thing helped that the danger field thing was big back then that show was big and that felt like real comedy it felt less in a club and it was dude rodney rodney bringing people out and the intros being funny for bill hicks this next comic he's so far ahead of his time his parents haven't even met yet that's killer he wrote a joke about the comic he's presenting that's pretty great yeah those were great sets. Robert Shimmel. Oh, they were great.

Even Dice. Carol Leifer. Everyone on those lineups was funny. And Rodney was great. Bob Nelson, Robert Townsend. He turned me down. He saw me, but he turned me down flatteringly. He goes, hey, kid, it's hilarious.

I can't put you on for that. You're like an inside guy for comedy. You're not. He was just like, you're great. Don't worry about it. I can't put you on. Wow. Then we came up and said this.

At least he complimented you, though. At least he said it to my face. Yeah. He didn't call my manager. He said it right after the set to me. You're great, kid. You're great. You know I can't put you on.

Wow. That's pretty insane, though, for a guy at that level to do it that way. Yes. He did it directly. Yeah. He's a comedian. That's unheard of. Were you a huge Rodney fan?

Yeah. I mean, it's so funny. So funny. Now, what did Dennis Miller tell you? Because I think about this twice a week. Oh, Dennis. He goes, yeah. He came to see.

I mean, this was a big deal back then. He was the guy. He came to see me. He was the guy. And he came to see me with his date. And he goes, so it was already like, that that's the honor this guy came out of his way that's insane watch me do an hour and he goes you're great man you're great got it all he goes there's just i can't put my finger on there's something missing

and i was like well nowadays i'd like, could you put your finger on it? I think you did. I think you found the one man's. Yeah, maybe. That's your thing. The one man show is on Netflix, right? Yeah, of course. I mean, the New York one is like, the New York story is like.

The New York one is a wow, especially for a kid from New York. But it's not just in New York, not just for New Yorkers. It's an incredible show. Yeah, I show that to my dad. That is like in the top New York things for me ever. I love it. Thank you. That was the one I could die with. In fact,

I did have a heart attack after I did that, and in the ambulance when I thought I was dead, I go, at least I got the New York story out there. Wow. That's how I felt about it. You're a comic to your fucking death. That's a comic. I go at least I get the New York story out there wow damn you're a comic to your fucking death it was my story

I wanted it out there what I thought, what I think the world how the world would work that's part of our thing when you're doing stand up you're going you want laughs but you're also like saying hey here's how I see the world you want people to laugh like okay good I good, I see it that way too.

It's on the EMT. It's on Netflix. I have a question about one-man shows for you is, you know, I don't think a lot of one-man show comics work out their show in a comedy club. Yeah. Yeah. You might be one of the few who does that. I mean.

It's always some queefy black box or something. Well, that's why I hate even calling it a one-man show because I feel like it's such a negative connotation to us. Sure. Not to the rest of the world. I mean, but yeah, no, that's exactly right. I mean, if it works at clubs. But it is funny because you do develop like a harsh, like a shell where like sometimes if I'm in the theater, I'll be like, I better get to the next show quick because it's too quiet.

Some asshole's going to say something. Right. I'm going to have to fucking you know, stop for a minute and bust his like, you know, you're always ready. Yeah. Just because that's comedy. Exactly. That's every comedy. I mean, I was at Laugh Out Loud, whatever it's called in Phoenix about a month and a half ago, you know.

Oh, yeah. And it was going great. Out Loud, whatever it's called, in Phoenix about a month and a half ago, you know? Oh, yeah. And it was going great. And then three-quarters of the way, some guy goes, woo, in the middle of the show. So, of course, I attack him. Everybody laughs. And I go, whoa, just make a joke. And the girl goes, woo, right after. So now it was funny before, but now I'm so mad.

I'm like, what the fuck? I turn on her. Yeah. And it's like, what the fuck? I turned on her. Yeah. And it's like, only in the middle of a great show, and I'm like, stop doing that because you got to get back to the crowd. Yeah. You know what I mean? But you could just tell.

I busted his balls, but I should have just kept going with her. Yeah. Instead, I just got so irritated that she added it. Right after I went back into another bed. Of course. And she's not with him. Right. She's just drunk, too.

And then you just, you know what I mean? So that's the difference. You always have that side of you for better and for worse. Yep. At a one-man show

where I'm in a theater but I'm just thinking, you know what I mean? Like, watch out for somebody. You know what I mean? Yeah. You never fully

trust completely. I'm jealous of those comics who can just take a beat and look around. I'm like, what kind of confidence do you have? Unbelievable. Isn't that wild? I'm joke, joke, joke, just because I'm terrified of losing them.

It's unbelievable. And that is a real skill. It's a real skill. It's really important. And I don't have a lick of it. But it's a real skill. A lot of those comics suck, though. A lot of them suck, but the good ones, it's impressive.

It is impressive. When you can chill in the silence and then like release that tension, get a huge pop, that is pretty damn cool. But a lot of those comics I'm watching who are comfortable in the silence, I'm like, you shouldn't be that comfortable. No, that's true. That's true. That's right.

I wish I had a little of it. Wouldn't you like to have a little of it? No, I'm with you, man. I fuck up one word, I panic. No it? Yes. A little. No, I'm with you, man. I fuck up one word. I panic. Same, same. No, exactly. Frazzled. No, they really, there's things you can take from all these other comics.

Yeah. Like that kind of thing where it's really like, that's something you should learn. I do regret not having that. Because that's a real, you know, yes, I wouldn't have written as much and I wouldn't be developing. But you could still do that. You still have a work ethic and still have that. In fact, you should give yourself that gift because, you know, you're doing all this hard work. You know what I mean?

And the crowd, it even relaxes them to a certain extent. I know. They like it too. Yeah. Because I'm so brrr so that i think they get like lulled almost into this just kind of like i can stop listening because he's he'll just keep going right but if you pause they listen more because if you pause you're saying hey guess what this is important i'm giving you a joke well i just always say cosby bad example but bill cosby he's

good at putting you to sleep less jokes than any goddamn comedian i know i never even liked his act but but the way he structured it every time he did a joke we got a reward in the middle of the story right so he wrote one 20th jokes you guys have written but it was a reward and that's how that those people structure they put a reward in the drink too for himself but uh yeah he uh he would do like three hours and he would yeah but i'm saying those weren't three hours of jokes yeah that's a good point and people loved it even comedians loved it and yeah because it was the the structure was set up so he was like i'll get you the joke but you're in the story. Like, ooh.

You know what I mean? It's like a nice restaurant where you don't mind the food taking a little longer because you know it's going to be spectacular. That's true. But there is something about the New York pace where you're following a guy at the cellar who's like machine gunning. You've heard that, right? He's machine gunning jokes. And it's hard to go up there and just be like, what else?

But some people do it very successfully. Bargatze. Even in that thing. Yeah, I've seen Bargatze go after some high-energy black comic, and he goes, hey, everybody. And he gets them. I'm like, how did you do that? And you know who used to do that?

Ray Romano. Oh. Yeah. They used to call him the Bargatze of the night. Ray Romano would go up after a killer show at the cellar. You know what I mean? And everybody just killed. And he's like, I got two kids. It's all young people. My wife.

And people are like, what the fuck? He's got two kids. And in three, five minutes, he just get them and kill. He just kept his energy. Now he had joke, joke, joke. It was a different stuff. It was still in his, like Borghese in his uh body you know just like yeah here's the way it's got to be and as you both know the real

the first thing in comedy that takes the hardest to learn is i'm all you've got folks this is all you've got nobody else is coming i can't be what i'm not well same same with acting yeah i can't be something i can't be whatever comic you love i'm not that person all i have is me that's all you got so it's either enough or not but nobody's nothing's coming out of here but but this person and and that's i feel like that's the thing a lot of comics that's the that's the step that takes a few years right when you're just like this is it folks this is all i'm bringing i can't bring energy this is not my energy it's weird because you do the road to connect and to make your shit tight but then when you do some of those bad road rooms as you

said you're used to the woo and that makes you a little more guarded to slow down like how many absolutely how many of those shows have you done where you're like i have to speed up my set because they're fucking talking of course well yeah most of them i mean you done where you're like, I have to speed up my set because they're fucking talking? Of course. Well, yeah. Most of them, I'd say. Yeah. I mean, that's the only good part is, like you said, when you work them, it's 50-50.

It's going to go great or they're going to get thrown out. But sometimes you get great rewards when you're just like, hey, you stop their conversation and bring it in. Sometimes you get some good things out of that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. But the worst part is in the middle of that thing, you know, you stop their conversation and bring it in. Sometimes you get some good things out of that. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. But the worst part is in the middle of that thing, you know what I mean? Because if you're not tense with those people, it's less tense.

If you're like, hey, what the fuck, then it gets tense. Right. But the worst part is the people trying to defend you and then starts a fight with another team. The other team is like, shut the fuck up. And you're like, oh, I can handle this, but it's too late. It's terrible. What do you think of those guys who will do stand-up for years, be

great at it, and then just kind of fizzle out and then do maybe a movie here and there or something? Wouldn't you miss it? You know, these people just kind of stop doing it. But do they really stop? I mean, I feel like everybody goes back to it. I think it's a lot of people go back because they have to.

They're like, I need some income. No, not Kevin James, Ray Romano, Sandler. They don't need income, any of them. But they all go back. They miss it. There's something about the live show that I think you can't say. Yeah, it's honest. Yeah, who are you talking about? Maybe Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy are the two?

Oh, yeah, they have perfect examples. But they didn't fizzle out. They didn't fizzle out, but they don't really do stand-up. They stopped stand-up. Letter stopped stand-up, yeah. Letterman. What the hell? Yeah, Letterman. But he only did crowd work, I think, from what I heard about him.

Oh, weird. He didn't have bits. Oh, okay. He was just a crowd work guy. Because everybody blows Letterman, but I'm a Leno guy. Because he's, as a guy, I don't know if you want to talk talk shows, and Letterman's talk show was better, but as a guy, I like Leno. Yeah, I mean, as a guy, yeah, I don't really know. Like as a stand-up. He seems like a better hang. Oh, he's a better hang than a guy i like leno yeah i mean as a guy yeah i don't really know

like as a stand-up he seems like a better stand-up oh yeah better hang better stand-up still doing it better say he was great at saying i mean you go on letterman and just do these great bits ahead of his time you know oh yeah yeah god you met everybody what's that you met everybody yeah and half of them are dead yeah that's the the sad part yeah i'm glad you're okay man i'm glad yes seriously i went to my you know i like the i really have a diet that's really a bit it's like throwing that it's like a yeah i mean it's 12 year old kid diet sure a lot of i went to my doctor who's a very serious strict doctor orthodox and about a month ago but but I take my medication.

This is how good statins are. My diet is not – I did the stress test. He goes, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. He said, you're in great shape. That's how good statins are. They're the miracle drug. What's a stat? Yes.

If you're old, you know all this stuff. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I don't know stat. Anybody over 50 is like, a stat? A stat. That's all you talk about. Is that know all this stuff. Oh, sorry, sorry. I don't know statin. Anybody over 50 is like, statin, statin. That's all you talk about. Is that a pill? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Oh, there it is. All right. It's the miracle drug of all time. Really? Whoever invented statin should be as rich as Bill Gates. Now, are you cutting back on the bad food? Are you working out?

Yeah. I was never in better shape working out than when I had the heart attack. Oh, really? It was because I wasn't taking the statin. I hate to keep saying the word statin, but if it saves one of your listeners, it's a miracle drug. You were in your best shape? Oh, Akira Endo, Japanese guy. Ah, he invented it.

Wow. Okay. Does that freak you out that you're in the best shape of your life and you're- And you have a heart attack. Japanese guy ah he invented it wow okay does that freak you out that you're in your the best shape of your life and you're and you have a heart attack I mean at the time

it did it depressed me yeah well obviously but how painful was the heart attack painful

I couldn't even believe how much pain it is I literally thought you went numb whoa you know they always say your left arm goes numb my I was

in so much pain. That's what I do when I act about cursing because you feel like somebody's pushing their elbow or their fist into your chest. Yeah. And it doesn't stop. I was going crazy. It really hurts. That's fucking terrible. How long does it last? It kept, it

had to be an hour until I was finally in the operation. Oh my God. it's like that richard pryor joke shouldn't have all that pork you know but yeah he had one of the great one of the greatest bits was that uh was that bit about his uh oh yeah all his medical stuff was really funny yeah he would personify everything you know the heart the heart would talk yes the crack pipe would talk but yeah yeah he was really uh yeah i think that's been covered yeah it has but he's good he's good he's a good good comic yeah did you ever see him go up or no live no i met him at once briefly for two seconds yeah i don't want to keep you too long i know you gotta oh yeah i got a big important show

where are you going after this? I got to go I got to interview. Somebody wants to like the New York is doing a piece. You're not doing James Corden? You're doing Five? Oh. You got to do a late night set? I made a James Corden at Balthazar. You still got it. Good to have you back.

It's a little old but it still works. It still works. I still want to hear. I still am interested. So you went on the safari. First, you went at a hotel and came down for a couple of days? Yeah, I did the beach and a little nightlife. Where did you go?

It's called Camps Bay. But we stayed in a five-star hotel. It's Rand out there. That's the name of their money, Rand. Right. And it's so cheap. Like, that pizza would be 8 million Rand. So you live like a king. I stayed in

these great hotels, and we'd go on these tours, and we saw ostrich and penguin and baboons. Did you go to that ocean where the ocean meets? Yes! I did all that stuff. I got some photos of that I'll send you. It's so weird, because there's this, you go to this ocean thing. I never felt like

this in my life. I mean, feeling in parts of Africa, they always go, oh, it's where, like, light be. And you just get this weird feeling, right? Oh, yeah. It's strange, but. It's weird. And we had this old driver lady, and she was sweet as hell, but she's so boring. You know, like, as a comic, you're like, you got to bring it, sister. Give me some fun facts.

So I kept being like, give me some apartheid stuff. Right. And she was like, well, that's a little heavy. And I'm like, you're talking about a palm tree. I don't care about the species of plant. Give me the racism. But she wouldn't do it. Well, you should go to Belfast.

I was in Belfast this summer. And they have ex-IRA and UDF fighter guys that give you tours now. Now we're talking. That's the kind of thing you would like. That's what I want. I want a Holocaust museum. I want a 9-11 memorial. I we're talking. That's the kind of thing you would like. That's what I want. I want a Holocaust museum. I want a 9-11 memorial. I want the juice.

It's interesting. Only we had the woman, but she was still interesting. The woman. She didn't fight with the IRA. I see. Her family was IRA. You know, it wasn't the one.

You want the guy that was in the actual. We were all in Ireland together, remember? Oh, that was great. That was great. I still remember us being in Ireland together, remember? Oh, that was great. I still remember us being in that museum and Chris DiStefano farting. And we all start laughing. And everyone just stared at us like, you guys are fucking trash.

That was so cool. And even that museum, it was all English. There was no Irish museum. Yeah. We would meet up at about 10, have breakfast, and be like, we're going to go to the Bluffs, then we're going to the museum, Then we're gonna go to the museum Then we're gonna go to the brewery

And we'd never We'd stay there for 9 hours And talk And only one person Made the most out of that trip And golfed every day Went all over the country Nate Borghese

Yeah You went to the same cafe Every day we were there Yeah Yeah You're such a New Yorker You find your spot And you're like

I'm set How about Borgugazi golfing? It pissed me off every day when I did it. I mean, I barely knew him, but I was like, what the hell is he doing going out there golfing? He'd go at 6 a.m. Yeah. Yeah, I remember we were sitting there with Chris D., and he just got a sitcom or some

pilot or something. Right, right, right. And he was telling you about it, and you go, it's not going to go. And he was like, dude, we got Chaz Fomentieri. We got NBC. It's all locked in. And you're like, I'm telling you, it's not going to go. And it didn't go.

Because I read it. Ah. That's tough. And they – it was everything that's wrong. I mean, everything that's wrong with, you know, the creative thing today. Oh, yeah. Everything about it. I was like, there's no – it's not funny.

It's resolved. It's all imaginary world. like, there's no, it's not funny. It's not funny. It's resolved. It's all imaginary world. It's just so... Laugh track. No, no, just the writing, the characters are imaginary. Ah. Damn. Well, he's doing fine now. Christie. Funny guy. Love Christie. But yeah, that, see,

that fest, I don't feel like, I don't know if they would have us back. What? The festival? I don't think they, the Vodafone, I don't know if they would have us back What? The festival? I don't think they would have us back Why not? I don't know I think it was fine but nobody cared Look, we all did great But There was no reason to bring us back

Nobody was clamoring for us Sure, well you I feel like you're a big deal there Quinn, come on I thought I would be You watched her show, you were a thing. I feel like you're a big deal there. Quinn, come on. I thought I would be. You watched your show. You were fucking crushing. They even asked for me back. Well, remember we saw Tommy Tiernan. Boy, did he fucking

level. It was like 600 seats. Murdering. He'd take his cap off, put it on the mic stand and just zero to 60. That was great. I bombed a few times because I had to learn the rhythm of it. It's a different rhythm over there. Right.

It's a serious, you know, it's so funny because I think you said it actually, that even though they're drinking, so some of these shows are at 9.30, we're in a tent, and they're drinking. So we all know what that vibe is like.

Yes. Only the difference is here, they're listening after each joke. Right. No momentum. Right, no momentum. No, you said that. It's joke to joke. No momentum. Right? No momentum. No, you said that. It's joke to joke.

No momentum. So it's a joke. Ha-ha. Okay. What do you got? Yeah. Even though they're drinking, it's deceptive drinking. Totally.

The energy is not going to be like hysteria. Tight drinkers. Yes. Yeah. And they're just listening. Yeah. It's really interesting, right? They're a great...

Did you see the movie Belfast? Yeah. I did. Yeah, it was good. It was cute. It was a good movie. Horrendous. It's really interesting, right? They're a great movie. Did you see the movie Belfast? Yeah. I did. Yeah, it was good. It was cute. It was a good movie. Horrendous. It was literally-

They really softened the IRA stuff. It was the most boring movie I've ever seen. I like Kenneth Branagh, but I just was like, Jesus Christ. It was Disney-fied. There was nothing happening. Yeah. You know a movie I just watched on my flight back, like classic, I've never seen, but fucking amazing, Paper Moon?

Oh, Tatum O'Neill, the youngest Academy Award winner. Great movie. Dude, it's fucking amazing. Great movie. And all the griffs are brilliant. Like no one ever pointed out how great these griffs are. But they didn't lean on the griffs. They didn't lean.

It wasn't about the griffs. If they made that now, it would be all about the griffs. Yeah. Yes. And they wouldn't be as clever. Yes. That's true i mean dude she's amazing she's great it was like i've never seen a kid act like that i was a little

i was about her age when i came in i was mad i was so in love with her for years oh yeah i thought about it for like two years that's all i could think about it was that perfect age yeah no well i mean but um and madeline khan was hilarious oh she's underrated. She was great. She's always funny. Young Frankenstein, right? Oh, my God. And how good was she in, you know, Blazing Saddles? Yeah. Oh, shit, yeah.

So good. She was hilarious. Is it true? What a nice guy. She was great in the movie Clue, too. Oh, he was? She was, yeah. By the way, you know what's a bad movie? Speaking of Clue, that new Onion movie.

Oh, you didn't like Onion? I didn't hate it. You hated it? I saw it. You know what happened? I saw it in Fort Wayne, Indiana in a theater. So I think that really, I was kind of like, thank God. I watch movies on a plane and I'm like, this is a great movie.

Yes, yes. I tell people, like, hey, what's so good about it? I didn't hate it. I mean, it was just, it was fun. It was bad. The only good thing about it was, well, first of all, that movie was jerking itself off the whole time. It was so proud of himself.

But it was Christmas and I first of all, that movie was jerking itself off the whole time. It was so proud of himself. But it was Christmas, and I'm with my wife's family. So I'm like, put this on. And it kind of saved it because it's just so awkward. So you just put this movie on, and we're all like, all right. Did you like the first one or no? Yeah, it was okay. I mean, Daniel Craig, look, he did the best he could, but he's really not right for that kind of a guy.

You don't think he's good? I think he's all right. I like him. For that part, you of all people, he's playing in New Orleans. I do declare. I mean, it's a bit of a blackface on the southern accent, yeah. He's just that great, you know, he's doing a great job for who he is, but he's not the guy for that part. You can't have a guy all jacked up like that.

Right. It's just not right. Well, he wants to get out of Bond so bad. Yeah. He's taking everything. And he's doing, he's showing his range, but I don't need to, you know what I mean? Benoit. What have you seen that is good recently? Oh, did you see Western Front? No.

All Quiet on the Western Front? The original? No, the new one. No. It's incredible. It moved me. I'd like to see it. Moved me, Jerry.

So good. I think it's up for some Oscars, too. What else is up? Banshee's. Oh, Banshee's. That was good. I loved it. That was really good I think it's up for some Oscars too but what else is up Banshees that was good that was really good I know I gotta watch that weird as fuck

I'll watch that yeah the weird part I didn't like there was there was one there was one thing in it that kind of I was like

this is insane but it's great it's a great I mean the writing's so good like the dialogue's so fucking so good just a

it's what's funnier than two friends and who just hate each other not ruining because the beginning starts it's just two friends they go out every day and there's 10 people in the town and this guy doesn't want to hang out with him anymore oh that's great so funny it's funny as hell and it's like you know is it a spin-off of uh imbruge no no okay no but yeah no not at all no it takes place like in the 20s i guess or something you know but uh yeah man colin farrell's fucking great in it oh my god it's like tragic he's amazing i know he's so good yeah he's amazing he's got it all i feel like he was in a ton of shitty movies For like 10 years He's so handsome

In the rise he goes he's got it all He's got looks and talent Yeah he really was good Anything else you saw that's good I don't know I think of some other I just rewatched Sexy Beast you ever seen that We were talking about it before you got here Shut up really

That song Peaches in the beginning Yes Pull that up I used to come on stage with that song it's just so cool i love it yeah it's great yeah what's that guy's name ben kingsley no no winstone yeah yeah that that's my ideal vacation just laying in an italian villa pool drunk at like two yes don yes don you're doing it Don I try to show And who's the other guy Who's the other scary guy

Oh yeah I know you've told me that Ian Ian McShane McShane Yes That movie fucking rules That movie's great

It's real stylized There's certain movies That I can't not I can't see and not think of Colin Like Mean Streets Is like a Colin movie Oh come on

Mean Streets is better than Goodfellas I'll argue it right here I'm saying it right now too long maybe what it's a little long Mean Streets no Goodfellas

it's about eight minutes too long I don't like either of these takes I don't like that take I mean I love the movie I'm just saying I don't like either take here

no I'll tell you it was too long Scarface Scarface was this brilliant movie and then suddenly this whole montage little cartoon

like buying the place. I know they're trying to get it all in but it's like you're covering too much. Do a part two. Godfather. Yeah. Scarface had the best character actors of all time. Well Mean Streets. F. Murray Abraham. I'll tell you another thing that's going to blow his

mind. How come there's never been a great character movie about New Orleans? The closest thing to a great character movie about New Orleans? The closest thing to a great character movie in New Orleans with those characters? We all know it. What? Oh, the book? No, the closest thing to a movie. I mean, a movie that actually, closest thing to New Orleans

characters. Colin, you've got to talk into the mic. Sorry. Closest thing to New Orleans characters. JFK. Huh. John Candy Candy Kevin Bacon Tommy Lee Jones right Joe Pesci

I mean these people all New Orleans characters you guys are not moved by this now listen I haven't seen the movie in so long I saw it as a kid

and I was too young it's the best it's the movie itself is good but the characters are so funny and so brilliant yeah

yeah I gotta rewatch it I went on an Oliver Stone kick as a kid and I think I was too young for like half of them but the characters are so funny and so brilliant yeah yeah I gotta rewatch it I went on an Oliver Stone kick as a kid and I think I was too young for like half of them yeah yeah

Salvador is amazing Platoon obviously Platoon is great Wall Street and JFK that's all you need to see with him they won't let him make another movie now

unless it's a a gangster movie isn't that weird that's Coppola yeah well Coppola's got like movie trouble now right isn't there some weird thing happening? Why?

I think it's Marvel Comics. It's like people are walking off the set or something like that. Yeah, pull it up. He walked off the set? I think Oliver Stone got a little QAnon-y. Yeah. Megalopolis. Oh, my God.

He's been trying to make this for 40 years. Oh, Will Smith. Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, old Slapperoo. Yeah. Ray Rice. I heard Rock's got some great Will Smith stuff. Finally.

Oh, I bet he does, yeah. All right, what are we reading on camera here? All right, boys. Come on. I think it'll come out eventually. 80s in New York. Oh, boy. It's crazy that like Apocalypse Now, so that just kind of like ruined Coppola.

I mean, he had a couple movies after that, but I feel like he couldn't. Do you think that just fucked him up? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, all those movies after that were stupid, like The Outsiders and all that shit. I think that's what fucked him up. That was a hit, though.

Not Apocalypse Now, The Outsiders and One from the Heart. It's his fault. We're making all those shit movies after that. I never saw Rumblefish. That was him too, right? There was another one, yeah. Yeah, that's dumb. Yeah, why would you make those movies?

Why? Paycheck? I don't know. No, he didn't need a paycheck. He had a winery. I'll tell you, he was probably pissed because George Lucas really made the money. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

George Lucas made the, oh boy, he made the real money. Well, he got the merchandise for Star Yeah. Oh, yeah. George Lucas made the, oh boy, he made the real money. He got the merchandise for Star Wars. Yes, yes. It's like Nicholson with Batman. He got all the money.

He got a merch deal for Batman. And I think he got a piece of every Batman movie. That's the kind of thing that the last of those was, they're like, that'll never happen again.

Never happen again. They're like, we're not going to let that happen. He got a piece of Batman. Yeah. That's insane. Especially because he had nothing to do with any DC Marvel before that or after that. He was just like, no, I just want a piece.

And they gave it to him. That movie, he got so much money, he made Wolf. Oh, yes. That was fun. I remember when, doesn't he piss on James Spader's shoes? He's marking his territory I remember that a little bit I had some fun moments

A little R. Kelly Even bad Nicholson movies Are kind of fun Oh yeah What about Ben Kingsley Does that on the floor Doesn't he piss on the floor On sexy geeks

Oh yeah A little dominance Oh yeah Yeah Nicholson's always fun No matter how bad Even I watched It's Complicated Or whatever the fuck

He's in with That's not him Something's gotta give Something's gotta give I watched that Cause he's in with. That's not him. Something's got to give. Something's got to give. I watched that because he's in it. He's fun. He's fun. I think, what is he?

Is he in the 90s yet? He's 80s. He's got to be, yeah. 86. I give him one more year. Don't fucking say that. I don't want him to go. I'm just saying.

We're not doing Death Pool on Nicholson. All right, all right. He's definitely close, though. But don't put it out there. He's 85. Have you seen him at the Lakers games? Oh, he looks like ass. Have you seen the Lakers at the Lakers games?

Nice. Why go? Yeah, I mean, Duke, I love that he would still be courtside with Town. They're like the, you know. Yes. The two guys. Robert Town. Look at that.

Holy shit. He looks like Susan Boyle. Jesus. That was young. That was years ago. Oh, that's when he's still sexy. Holy hell. I heard you guys used to close your acts with Nicholson.

That was a big insult when I was coming up. Guys, hold on. Let me, the turnaround in this. Jack Nicholson in the army. Oh, that's fun. Bucket list. I don't know if I mentioned on this, but underrated Nicholson movie, The Last Detail.

Oh, yeah. Great movie. Underrated movie. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Oh, Sandler. Banged a lot of porn stars. Nicholson?

Sandler. No, not Nicholson. Yeah, you know, him and Angelica Houston. Speaking of Sandler, man, grownups. Oh, man. Quentin Hoop. What's that? Oh.

You got a J? I wish they would have had a couple of more of my moves in there. Really? Yeah. I like that they're playing that hot chocolate song, Everyone's a Winner. Great tune. Oh, great.

But how about the fact that we played every day. It was so relaxing and fun hanging out there. That set all day for like two months, all comedians, everybody's just joking and shooting hoops all day, waiting for the, you know, between shots. I mean, what's more fun than that? Yeah. Just standing there shooting around.

But the best player by far, the kid that played my son in the movie, was like 10 years old, 12. He had an outside shot. It was crazy. Really? And all the extras are sitting watching us. So every time he missed, oh, this kid, he was the – by the end of the movie, he was like – Pull him up.

People just loved him. Really? He was the greatest. Wow. I never saw the movie. Well, it was a classic. You missed. Where was that kid?

Anyway. Now, how fun is that? I mean, Sandler is just the best at like, we'll go to Hawaii. We'll do first dates. We'll live there for a year. That's how fun is that i mean sandler is just the best at like we'll go to hawaii we'll do yeah first date yeah live there for a year that's how he is genius everybody stays top and he works basketball into the movies you guys just get together and he plays every break at lunch he finds a court and plays that's his thing wow one day i'm like i can't play it i'm sneakers he goes get him sneakers and somebody shows up with sneakers for me. Wow.

New sneakers, basketball sneakers. Wow. That's amazing. The Kyrie 5s. Yes. Well, not those, but yeah, good sneakers. Yeah. It was crazy.

That's amazing. I heard that you guys used to go like do the cellar and just walk to West 4th Street and play till like 5 in the morning. We probably did. I mean, I remember playing late at night at West Forth here. And we used to play when right before Tough Crowd, me, Patrice, and all these guys,

Big J. Big J can hoop. Really? I've heard that. Big J. So we'd go and play at Chelsea by 10th Avenue and like 23rd Street, 22nd Street, or 28th Street, they have this court. And we'd play. Everybody would go there and play. And little Kev, Kevin Hart could hoop.

Oh, I bet. And Big Jay and Patrice would be against each other. They were the two centers. And both of them could really hoop. Wow. And Big Jay had a little spin. I still remember his spin game. Yeah.

Yeah, we all used to play. It was fun. That's amazing. That's hilarious. Really fun. Big Jay and Patrice. One in the morning, two in the morning. Yeah.

You know what's so sad about that is if you did that now, we'd all have to get content. Hold on. Let me get Kev doing the spin move and we'd have to film it. It would ruin everything. I know, but aren't you kind of bummed you don't have any footage of that? That's a good point. No. I feel like the memory was, as long as I can remember it, it's fine.

There you go. It'd be kind of cool, though, if we could go to- It would be cool, but- Geez, you've got your late feelings. I've seen Kevin Hart. He does the all-star weekend shit he did a

I think he tied Draymond Green in a three-point shooting I believe it he can really play Berkeley that's the kid is that him

that's him huh wow he kind of looks like you where was that kid is that him arrested oh he's playing for Northwestern that's his fuck shot

he played for Northwestern oh that's why kid had experience no he was a little kid. That's him? I don't know. You tell us. I can't.

I have to see him as a kid to really understand. I guess so, yeah. But he really had a good game. Yeah, that looks like him in the corner there. Oh, he's a little guy. He played football. Yeah, but he was a really good hoop. Yeah, he was an athlete.

Yeah, there he is. That's him. Yeah, I can see it. Little Quinn. Really good. I mean, he was just he was making everything. He was killing the whole crowd because the crowd you know, we're all shooting

anytime you miss, this kid's blasting it. The whole crowd's cheering every day. That must have been fun as hell. Oh, it was so much fun. Does this kid know what he had? He's playing hoop with Sandler and all these guys. I mean, what is this? A make-a-wish? That's insane. That's me and Super Shemmy. What a life. I know. It's great. Yeah yeah all right i better get the hell out of here the best colin we love you go see colin show the lucio lortel uh theater right now

it's uh i guarantee you're gonna be happy you went oh yeah it's yeah one of the best period seen parts of it it's incredible i think some of your better twitter chunk i don't want to give anything away, but it's unreal. The Law & Order chunk for me is fucking unbelievably funny. Oh, the podcast bit? Oh, yeah. Thanks. So good, man.

Killer. Check it out. Tickets are moving. Nice, guys. What's the website? Tickets are hopping. I don't know. ColinQuinn.com probably.

ColinQuinnShow.com. It's called Rocket Science. You know, folks, no offense if you can't find that. I don't want it coming. I don't need Michael Lydian. All right, and this episode will come out in June. So Sunday. Oh, even better.

Zadies. Oh, yeah, I'm back in the clubs. I got a special taping coming up, so I'm really hitting the clubs hard because I got to tweak this hour. It's a quarter past 80% done, and I'm going to Hawaii again, which that won't help my act. But the Miami improv, you really want to run it through the mud, go to Miami. That's one you're going to have to speed that set up for. Yeah, exactly.

Spokane Comedy Club, all the hot rooms. Skyline and Appleton. Woo, baby. Comedy at the Carlson. Laugh It Up in Poughkeepsie. You go to marknormormanComedy.com. Check it out. We'll see you now.

We're starting off the tour. New Orleans, Austin, Dallas, Tulsa, St. Louis, Vegas, Vancouver, Portland, fucking Seattle. That's a great room. All over. Salt Lake, Huntington, AC, Royal Oak, Minneapolis, Boston, D.C. I'm all over. Samorell.com slash shows. I'll see you on the road.

Can't wait. All the Wilbur. Nice. And get your BodegaCatWhiskey.com. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Beard, you got anything to plug? The only thing I got to plug is that I'm just going on a long trip at the end of the month, at the end of this month.

So if anyone's out there in Malaysia, Singapore, Taiwan. Whoa. What are you, soul searching? What's going on out there? You're going to find out. That's what I'm trying to find out. Yeah. Might meet a little lady boy.

Got a new bartender here. You have a little bar back with you. Let me know. And we're thinking about doing a little America's Got Talent style bartender here you have a little you have a little bar back with you let me know and we're thinking about doing a little america's got talent style uh bartender off for his temporary replacement so if you're a bartender and you think you got what it takes yes get in here we'll sample your shit uh we love you thanks for listening see the great colin quinn and uh stay safe yeah can i get another south african delay nice Colin Quinn, and stay safe. Yeah, can I get another South African delay?

Nice. Sunday's the day for my next offender A bit of Pivarec, you know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope Did I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true