We Might Be Drunk - Ep 113: David Cross - All Day IPA

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pieeeeee. David Cross in the building. You have seen him do standup, you saw him on Mr. Show with David and Bob, you saw him on Arrested Development, now see him in a podcast studio in midtown with Mark Normand and Sam Morril.  Legendary stories, great jokes, loud gays and we rec crack for the first time. Go see David Cross on tour near you (Sean Patton is opening for him) https://officialdavidcross.com/ Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows David Cross: https://officialdavidcross.com/pages/appearances Support the show and get up to 33% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRUNK at https://displate.com/wmbd?art=6247414ceddb3 Visit www.liquidiv.com and code Drunk This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/Drunk and get on your way to being your best self. Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com

Hey folks here we are we might be drunk we're back we got a we got a we got an old fave here yeah excited for this guest today David Cross I mean not to nerd out here but like I hate the word like comedy education but like Mr. Show was huge for me, though. It was a huge show for me. It taught me. It was cool comedy to me. Yeah. When I first saw Mad TV, I had the same feeling, the same sense, I guess, that something special was happening in comedy.

That was a huge. I re-watched some of the sketches today, just in anticipation of having you on. I was like, man, they hold up. They're great, man. They hold up. There you go. Well, it was a different time, too. You could get crazy back then.

Yeah. Well, there's definitely stuff on there that somebody will point out every once in a while. There's that thing that people say like, hey, you couldn't do this today. You couldn't make right but there are truly some there's a whole thing with um muhammad uh oh god muhammad and you know in a very brief little thing about called like these whatever it is like crazy religions or some kind it's like a goofy uh thank you very much this is going to remind some extremists right now that you did this and get you in trouble

right now I'll tell you we're on 39th on 251 39th 16th floor you come out of the elevator and you're just going to take a quick left and then yeah Rogan Studios down the hall

so start there it was so cool seeing that show on HBO because you would wear shorts. And as a kid, that blew my mind. up in a suit guy yeah and i was not and i i was i just wanted to wear what i was comfortable in because you know you have you have a a long day and night at the studio when you're when you're shooting at the the stage and um and i just didn't i'm not comfortable in suits or or and it's la in the summer right you know and there's no there they were the first several years were just shitty well the first four were in a in a uh a bar restaurant thing that we just sort of got for the first four tapings and there's no ac or ventilation and uh and it was hot it sucked yeah i'm gonna wear a suit and and i was also that kind of

um to an annoying degree uh comic who was like anti-authority anti-we felt that that was part of the fun yeah no i would if i feel i would watch with friends like you know some of your friends get it and some of them don't get it but the ones who didn't get it i'm like they're fucking dumb yeah you know that was just the reaction i mean there was so many weird ones like the monsters of megaphone crooning for whatever reason that one just like hit me like it's so it's so weird and great i think that was a uh if i'm if i remember correctly that was paula tompkins idea i think it was basically there was the monsters of rock tour and um and just the the the it was kind of about the hype and the the marketing of it you know and uh and this is before coachella and all that stuff and

um i think that was that was a great example of like a sketch that was like a certain kind of idea that, you know, was a very funny idea and didn't have a ton of travel to it or story, and then it just became this, you know, through everybody sitting around and working on it. But I believe it was Paul F. Tompkins' idea. He's hilarious. Yeah. That was a great one.

You must have had a ton of pushback from suits on that show. Zero. Really? We had one note, which we took over the four years. We had one note, and you've got to keep in mind, this was early mid-'90s, and HBO wasn't that established outside of a handful of things. I mean, like Dream On was a big show. Oh, I loved Dream On.

But they didn't have a ton. It was pre-Sopranos and obviously Game of Thrones and Sex and the City and all that kind of stuff. So they gave us whatever. It was the comedy block with Chris Rock, and I think we followed Chris. And it was Fridays at midnight, and anything goes. Right. And they told us.

And also, we were cheap. We've got to be one of the—must have been one of the cheapest shows on TV. And they just said, yeah, we want stuff that you can't have anywhere else yeah only exists here and you know obviously pre-streaming and all that stuff and um wish that was still the case yeah we literally one note wow yeah we do a Jimmy Fallon spot and it's like cut that cut that cut that and you're like what am I doing here yeah yeah the oh yeah uh it was there was um i don't remember the entirety of the episode or the the but it was bob and i looking back when we come out in the intros and we're looking back at our upbringing and then i play my dad in

like this like 1920s like raccoon coat and 23 skidoo thing and maryland rice cub is uh you know my wife but it's so it's my dad and my and so it's me as a little baby and um and my dad in their quotes me whatever going, giving a lot of attention to the baby. This little baby, you know, a plastic baby, clearly a plastic baby. And Mary Lynn's like, you know, what about me? What about me? I'm like, but look at this cute little thing. Look at this adorable little baby. And she goes, fuck the baby and throws it down on the ground.

And the sole note was, you can't say fuck the baby. You can throw it. You can throw it and you can say, fuck the baby. You can throw it. You can throw it and you can say, screw this or whatever it ended up being. Who cares about the baby? Forget this baby. That was the one note. That's so weird about comedy and notes.

You can be like, I'm going to kill myself. But then if you're like, so, gay people, huh? They're loud. You're like, ooh, the gay loud. Well, that was a joke. Killing themselves is probably true. Wait, wait. Are gay people loud? Wow, I just threw out something. I'm sure there are some loud gays out there.

Loud and proud. I'm sure there are some, but is that a stereotype? I just made one up because I was trying not to get in trouble. Well, it didn't work. The comments are furious. Yeah, man. What I love about those sketches though is like is I just never knew where they were going. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we all were watching the Ronnie Dobbs sketch in here yesterday. And just the fact that it goes to a guy who keeps getting arrested and then the turn is that he can't get arrested anymore. turn is that he can't get arrested anymore yeah that that was that was a real uh important part of the of the kind of the you know we didn't have rules but uh we had a handful of things that we were pretty uh uh that were important like not not doing specific parodies of specific people and to keep it you know somewhat vague and to be about the idea of that kind of what that person represents which i think is in part why it still holds up you know but um as opposed to like when you watch snls from you know there's a sketch about tanya harding you're like what oh i vaguely remember that you know but um uh that one of the things was to have to tell a story with a sketch if you could.

You know? I mean, why not? And then it became a movie. And it became a movie that nobody saw. I saw it. Okay. Well, that... There's... I don't know how many people know this.

You got Mandy Patinkin in that movie. We did have Mandy Patinkin. We had a lot of... Oh, man. There was some good stuff. We had a lot of, oh man, there was some good stuff. And fortunately it was, you know, Bob and I, you know, didn't officially disown it, but we were very disappointed. We were kind of, We wanted to, uh, hand in that. We thought we, we just assumed that was, we would do what made the show successful,

but that was taken away from us, uh, by people who clearly know better. And, uh, and so it's, it's hard for Bob and I to watch. I can't even,

I, I doubt we, either of us have seen it in 20 years, but over 20 years probably. Neither has the public. That's just as God has intended. But that would never get made today, not because it's offensive, just because it's not Marvel. Because we're too old. Well, there you go.

Nobody wants to see me running around with my shirt off at this point. No, thank you. You looked pretty good then. You were thin. Yeah, then, sure. But, you know, there's only so many loud gays that are going to want to see that. Well, we have a title for this episode.

Oh, yeah. Loud Gays. Yeah, man, but you talk about, like, SNL, you know, doing those, you know, I guess, time capsule-type sketches in MADtv. Were you resentful of those shows we was part of you like fuck these shows no not uh i mean bob was more because he had worked there and he did not have a great experience there um they didn't get they'd

miss out on a lot of talent like bob is a great example of a guy that they didn't clearly didn't understand you know it's i've always said this like it's it's not it it works for what it is and it's a really hard thing to have um to to have one week to turn around a live show and to and to have to uh humor uh a guest who doesn't have any particularly you know any skill set and comedy or anything like that and that's that's a hard thing to do and they i just have zero interest in it i don't watch it out of like resentment i don't watch it because it's not very good and you could tell that there's a lot of great ideas there and if they had the time yep and if they and there's a lot of great ideas there. And if they had the time. And the on-screen talent is phenomenal. And I know that there's good writing in there,

but they just don't have the time. But that's not what they do. That's not what they're... Part of the fun is how quick it has to be flipped over. Well, fun is relative, I guess. But it's just not for me or people like me it's for the people who watch it and then there's a lot of people loud gay people i think for loud gay people and that's not me anymore not since the therapy that's more broad but you've got a

bob at snl i mean like tim robinson that's another example right he's yeah his sketch show is hilarious but was he SNL? He was an SNL guy. Oh, there's so many examples, guys. There's so many examples. But that's not the machine they created. They created a lucrative machine, and that machine works a certain way. And I have zero interest in that as a comedy writer performer that doesn't interest me at all

but um but I mean it works yeah you know still on they always that weird like SNL's dead they do that every 10 years about but it's still here but you can see I mean you'll see a sketch that you know if it was if that sketch was able to go through kind of the process we had at Mr. Show like oh man I bet that would have been a great – that would have ended up being a great sketch. You certainly have the comedic acting chops there. Everybody's really exceptional. And it's just the writing doesn't get a chance. But it's not meant – that's not what they do.

What's your favorite Mr. Show sketch that you ever did oh man uh i you know there i mean there's so many there there's some that have a really great memory attached to it was really fun to perform you know or shoot it um some that were fun to write i think there are a handful of like kind of perfect sketches um i think the uh my favorite and i'm biased because i wrote it but my favorite one that is just has everything is the prenatal pageants uh where the the um prenatal uh baby they have uh uh it's it's you know the southern kind of three-year-olds and five-year-olds uh pageantry stuff and and the acting in it is great bob is tremendous the ideas fully realized there's a lot of funny stuff in there and poignancy which i think uh are we supposed to watch this well well I don't remember this one

aren't people listening to this? no it's video too they're fucked we get a lot of video we don't have to watch the whole thing but it's fun to see it that's the

oh I see oh that's great that's the TV show thing that's not it oh this is not the pageant you're slipping Salacuse it this is not the pageant. You're slipping, Salacuse. It says prenatal pageant.

It does say it, yes. Interesting. I think, well, we had a lot of transitions and stuff, so you never know what goes into it and what. And who was on your writing staff? Any notables? Well, I mean, we had- Paul F.'s great. Paul F. Tompkins, Brian Poussaint, Dino Stamatopoulos. Oh, B.J. Porter, Scott Aukerman.

We had various people throughout the years that would come and go. Bill Odenkirk. There's some others. No, that's a hell of a list um oh gosh I'm probably forgetting some this is gonna get me in trouble you forget how long some people have been in this biz yeah

were you a New York kind of Lower East Side alternative guy no no I was I was in Boston uh and I Were you a New York kind of Lower East Side alternative guy? No, no. I was in Boston, and before alternative was a term, but it was definitely, especially in Boston in the 80s, I moved there in 83, end of 83, beginning of 84, there in 83 end of 83 beginning of 84 and uh uh there was definitely like a kind of a division between two schools of thought for comedy and then people who had their uh kind of had a foot in both both uh you know equally comfortable in each camp like mark maron louis C.K. Those guys kind of did both.

Yeah, did both very well. And then some people who didn't cross over to the other thing as easily. But Janine Garofalo was a big part of that. But there was no, it wasn't like we all sat down and, you know, strategized it out. It just sort of was and we had our places to play like there was catch a rising star in cambridge that was definitely the alternative or quote unquote whatever you want to call it experimental you know and then there were you know there was uh uh you know nicks and comedy connection and uh in various places that were way more of the you know kind of blazer

yeah brick background and roll your sleeves up and you know punch line set up punch line set up punch line did the same act for literally decades a lot of those guys yeah yeah yeah. And they're great. I mean, like you would, some of those guys are so, I mean, so extremely talented and just in awe of them. But then when you see them over the years and you keep working with them and you're like, this is literally the same thing. I know, I know. Well, I think that's why a lot of them become alcoholics. Oh, they were already alcoholics. Well, I think it's hard to do that sober, but if you're hammered, you're like, it's like an autopilot

thing you can just kind of go on, but to be totally present for that, I think it is hard. And the pressure to kill. Well, but then the option is don't become an alcoholic and write some new fucking bits. Well, I'm not defending it. I'm trying to make sense of it. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, maybe, but there was a big you know, there was kind of a macho element to it, too.

To murder. To what? To murder, to kill. To kill, yeah. And to be the top of that food chain. And I mean, like, really talented guys, like the funniest fucking guys. But it was a little depressing. Like, you know that they've been, because you know know them personally and you know that this certain thing happened somebody ended up in jail or whatever

something happened and like you're not going to incorporate that into a bit you can't that's you're still doing jokes about paper towels it's just weird it was weird and and uh. They're not tapping into the darkness, and it's gold, a lot of those stories. But it would require failing and working the bit out where they have to go out there and crush it. That, I think, is a big part of it. I think you just hit the nail on the head. We have to have a lot of humility to keep writing because it sucks to bomb. Yeah, I think that's a big part of it. And if you're, you know, this is, you know, times were flush and there was a glut of places to do comedy.

Everybody wanted it. And, you know, if you're one of those top guys, you could make a really a lot of money doing five sets a night over the weekend. Yep. All cash under the table and tons of blow and drinking and partying. And, uh, and yeah, I mean, you could, it was, it was, uh, uh, it's a lifestyle that would catch up with you, of course. I mean, it was, it's tough to say no to that, you know? Yeah.

But I think you, Mark, you, you, I think the idea of working material out and not, you know, and not killing is just, is just they don't do that. It's not part of their thought process. I know, but it's hard. I've got an hour right now that's cooking, and then you throw the new one in, and you just fall off a cliff. And then you have to get it back up. So I get it, but you still got to do the new. But then what David's saying, it's also true that you become that guy whose reputation is to kill.

So if you don't kill they're like what the fuck yeah totally so that's that's tough too i mean it's nowhere to really work out they're not going to go hit an open mic or something like that well if you don't have a following you start playing gigs where they're booking you to have the killer set yes yeah so it's tough it's yeah it's just a different mindset a different approach a different uh you know you value different things differently, you know. Yeah. One thing cool about Louie is like when he was doing that a year, an hour a year thing.

Yeah. You know, he'd have this great special. We all loved him. He was huge. He was, you know, praised. And then he would come back with nothing and he would bomb for like three months. Yeah, absolutely. And we're all like, this is the guy.

And then three months and 10 days and it was murdering. Yeah. It's that's how it's called work. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And we were all like, this is the guy? And then three months and 10 days and it was murdering. Yeah, that's how you, it's called work. Yeah, yeah. And that part can suck, but it's also fun and- It's thrilling. You know, satisfying to,

there's like a piece that you're just, like, I don't know, I can't crack this. I know there's an idea there somewhere, I've tried it, and it's just not worth the time and then you are about to ditch it and you just stumble

across, like, oh, I'll approach it this way, not this way. And it's great. It's a great feeling and you nail it and then it becomes, you know, then next thing you're awarded a Nobel Peace Prize, you're at the Kennedy Center Honors, all kinds of stuff. You get a Skechers promotional contract or a free pair of shoes.

I'm going for Vans. I'm a Vans man. But those guys you never see work. I've never seen Mulaney try anything new and struggle. Every time I see him, he's just got gold. There's some guys out there, and gals, who are just on it. Kumail was like that. Everyone's got a place they bomb, though.

They must. He must do it on the road, slipping it in, and then he's probably just smooth at it. You have to. Everyone's got that. Yeah. Because if we're watching Chris Rock miss on a couple, then everyone is. But that's what the seller's for. Yeah.

The seller is for that. And there are a couple places. Don't forget, when you go to L.A., you go to the Improv, or there's a handful of places where – and it's mostly where there's a tourist crowd. And they don't give a shit if it's not your A material. They're thrilled that, you know, Aziz or Sarah Silverman or whoever is like, oh, my God, we went to New York, we went to L.A., we went to Chicago and we went to go see a comedy show and you're never going to guess who came down. And they don't, I don't think they care that much that it was you know it wasn't seven minutes of solid shit they're just thrilled that and and who wouldn't be you should be but we're not sarah silverman level you're not yet i mean wait till the you know the blockers kick in

and you know that that loud gaze chunk that starts hitting no we uh no oh look there we go yeah oh yeah but uh have you you've noticed that mateo and mark look they share a similar what are you serious yeah wow that's a nice thing anyone's ever said to me i don't see it oh i do i mean maybe i get a stash i mateo and i were making out the other night really i? I thought it was part of it. Well, Mark, kiss him. Let's see if this works. All right. I'll see some resemblance. Do you not see that? I'll tell you. He's all Italian.

I'm half Italian, so maybe there's something there. Just look at that. Come on, guys. That looks like you. It looks like you doing a character. That's his personality, by the way. Yeah, that'll get me canceled.

But, no, it is interesting. I mean, do you still tour a lot? Are you on the road a lot? I'm about to go out and tour. Thank you for setting that up, Sam. That was beautiful. That was just perfect. Why, you can go to my website, officialdavidcross.com, and you'll see the dates.

And if there are tickets available for uh some are sold out sure i'll say that um uh for the tour it's called there it is worst daddy in the world tour and uh you can go get tickets it starts in early march and we'll run the first leg is up so please don't if you don't see your city or town, I will be going to more places in Canada and Europe as well, so don't get upset. We will be putting the second leg dates up shortly. But yeah, there's the first leg that goes from March into June, I think.

A lot of great rooms here. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. Danforth just did that one rooms here. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. Danforth just did that one. That's a hot one. Love Danforth. Great room. Which city is that?

Toronto. I recorded a CD there. Oh, wow. Yeah, you use our buddy to open a lot, Sean Patton. Yeah, Sean's going out on this tour. Oh, I love Sean. Sean's a guy. He's great.

Great comment. Tough follow, I bet. I mean, he's a high-energy fat guy. I love him. He's great. Great comic. Tough follow, I bet. I mean, he's a high-energy fat guy. I love him. I love his brain and how quick he is and how extemporaneous it all seems. And, yeah, he's great. He's one of the good loud fats. Yeah.

What did you say? One of the good loud fat. One of the good loud fats, yeah. Great storyteller, too. I don't want wanna call him fat he's not fat he's uh portly

he just got out of a relationship he looks good ladies there you go very good did that not yeah oh I didn't know that I did the open relationship

which always works yeah oh no jeez yeah that's a bummer I don't know if we should be saying all this nah right

she's got a ukulele she'll be fine what the hell fuck we love you and we love Caitlin too she's a good egg good people yeah All right. She's got a ukulele. She'll be fine. What the hell? Fuck. We love you. And we love Caitlin, too. She's a good egg.

Good people. Yeah. Because Sean likes to booze. Yeah. And I think you like a nice adult beverage every now and then. I met you in a bar. You definitely won't remember this because it was many years ago. But we were in a bar. The year was 1999.

No, but you were just hanging there you're just having a drink and a show popped up which like i'm sure if you're a comic is your worst night you're like i just i'm going to get away from this can i take a guess because this has not happened too often yeah was it uh parkside no it was actually but it was lower east side okay it was a different that is a classic but uh because that happened to me it hasn't happened very often, but I remember being at Parkside, and I'm there drinking with some friends. They're like, all right, are you here for the show? We're going to get ready.

I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. You want to do a set? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Well, this night you did do a set. And I thought, yeah, you were just having a beer. And they were like, do you want to go on? You were like, yeah, right. And I was like, damn, that's a comic.

What bar is this? It was on 1st and A, I think think i don't remember the name i don't know second and a maybe second and a who's that area yeah that would be the what library doesn't have uh stand up no i did i did a parkside wait oh wait wait was it um 2a yeah upstairs, that's what it was. That must have been it. That was it. Well, that was my, I used to live across the street. So that was, you know, one of three regular, regular bars that I'd go to. And so, yeah, that makes sense. There's always a show there, it feels like. Every time I walk by, I see people sad that they have to listen to comedy upstairs.

I did a show once at Parkside Lounge. I was like brand new to comedy. And this guy ran a show there. I don't remember his name, but he hosted a show. There were good comics on the show. He has a full on racist meltdown. It was like a Michael Richard thing before Michael Richards. He just starts chanting the N word.

He walks the entire room. Wait, he was a comic or he was putting the show together? Both. Whoa. Yeah. He just goes on a full on screaming the N n-word chanting it and everyone's like what the fuck they walked out one by one single no one was left and then he said he was gonna throw me on and i'm just sitting there and he walks over to me he goes yeah it didn't work and i was like that

what you thought that was gonna work oh that was a bit yeah he thought that was like performance he thought he was like doing some like performance art thing and i was like yeah i could have you should have run that by someone i can't believe you saw sean patten brutal that's crazy there was a lot more performance already remember uh what was that place no no you see jimmy i saw jimmy fallon there years ago it was on A and 2nd, or 1st, A and 1st. Oh, Face Boy had an open mic there. Ah, it was a famous bar and had an upstairs. There was always celebrities in there, but they had what they called the art stars. A and 1st would have been like, there was... It was the library.

Nah, I know the library. It was across the street from the library. So Double Down or... I know that one. It across the street from the library so double down or I know that one it was a couple doors up it was two floors but it had a oh it's the Irish place the

Mary O'Malley's or whatever they had a second floor it used to be something it was like Angelica Angelina Angelina anyway I'm going way way way back something like that but yeah yeah there was always there was a mic there was these way back. Maybe that's something like that. But yeah, yeah, there was always... There was a mic, there was these guys called Art Stars. That's what they called themselves.

And there was all these performance artists. One guy would do slam poetry, one girl would do the... Yeah, the vagina painting with the brush, you know? No, no, no, thank you. It was the whole thing. And then I'd go up as a traditional stand-up, and they were like, square, dork. So that was...

Those memes would have a way of making me feel uncool oh yeah because i do a lot of like setup punch jokes too so if they're not working you're just kind of like well listen guys nobody nobody is not going to like your stand-up if you have a traditional uh thing nobody at those places are going to go hey this guy just said a setup and then the setup had something funny at the end of it. I know, but that's in our head for some reason. But it's not... If you're funny, you're funny.

I agree. We weren't secure. Now I feel comfortable in any room, but there was a time when I was like, oh, I don't do this room. I'm more of a club comic. That was actually something that we ran into when... This is going a little bit further back, but in Los Angeles, that whole, out of the Mr. Show, that whole crowd, you know, and

then, and when people started, you know, when the New York Times wrote about alternative comedy, somebody came up with that thing, and that became a thing, and now there's, oh, and the Larry Sanders Show has Janine Garofalo and Marilyn Reiskopf and Bob Odenkirk and all that. It suddenly became a thing. And then getting either friends of ours or people that we admired that were more traditional comics to come on down, do the show. And this happened a bunch, and people would be really nervous. They would have that thing in their head like yeah what am i there's there's uh it's like what is it going to be filled with punk rockers having a mosh pit you know like that like uh uh that attitude and it's gonna be fine they don't

nobody does shit just be funny you're funny it'll be fine don't worry about it i know but don't you think that some people thought your comedy style like this show was so original and kind of a cool vibe that maybe that you look down on a more traditional style um perhaps yeah but that but we tried to dispel that notion immediately you know that's nice because it wasn't the you know it happened more than a handful of times where people were like oh i don't know if they're gonna like me me. Like, of course they'll like you. Yeah. There's no rule. It'd just be funny. And you, and it's a person that you know and admire, so you're, you know that there's something there.

Just come down and you'll just discover it. Just have a, it's a, it's a safe place. Yeah. It's a comedy safe place. Yes. And he had guys who would, I would see Todd Berry at the cellar, then I'd see Todd Berry at UCB and he would kill everywhere. Yeah. Todd is, kill everywhere. Yeah.

Todd is hilarious. Yeah. Just a funny guy. What do you get recognized from the most? Because you've done so much stuff. I mean, is it Arrested Development? Is it Mr. Show? No.

I was reporter number three in the Amelia Earhart story. Nice. That's big. Come on. It is big. Does she show up at all in the movie? Yeah. It's her story. Oh's big. Come on. It is big. And I- Does she show up at all in the movie? Yeah, it's her story. Oh, nice.

And, you know, a lot of people go, excuse me, I'm 92 years old, but if I remember correctly, weren't you reporter number three? That's pretty cool. In the Amelia Earhart story. And we go, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, you know, Tob know tobias yeah it's gotta be the main thing uh uh by far and then uh you know you get your random uh i was at a bar sam you're gonna love this because i was at a bar by myself drinking uh the other night, and I got a note on a piece of like, you know, paper bag, brown paper bag, just torn off, folded.

Guy put it in front of me and then walked back to his table. He said, thank you so much for Todd Margaret. I'm a big fan. Whoa. And he was a middle-aged black man. Hey, you never know. There's another one in my corner. Yeah.

Now, you know, we've mentioned you like to booze. You're at bars alone. And I heard on a pod you mentioned you did crack once. Yeah. And you said you get it. Yes, it was really, I want to say it's life-changing but the the fact that i stopped was uh that's the affirmation just once yeah for a long it was a long once the once part took it was um so I was in, this would have been 2000.

22. This was in London and it was around, I want to say 2006. Crack in London? Maybe 2006? They have crack? I didn't know that. No, they got everything, yeah. And it comes with free healthcare, so.

Sure, that helps. But, and I was, there's this guy and i've mentioned this guy and people are like oh yeah well they know his name or whatever he's he's dead now but um he was famous um i didn't know this at the time i was in camden and uh which is kind of an older, you know, sort of where hippie meets punk kind of aesthetic. And there's this guy who used to sing, and he was like kind of very punkabilly look and leather jacket and, you know, greased back pompadour, and he would be in the back of this fish and chips place

uh very small place and um and somebody oh right of course it was one of the vice guys so it's this guy named andy capper uh who who's got amazing stories and uh um who's you know i haven't spoken to him in a long time but we would hang out and he's that's a guy you're gonna get in trouble with and uh and uh we were there with this uh a friend of mine who happened to be over there and him and we ended up with this guy and these two like out of central casting for like out of central casting for London. Like I would say they were probably early 40s, late 30s, but looked older and just kind of beaten up, but very cackly women. And we ended up going back to his flat,

which was like up some stairs. And I remember a fish tank that just had dirty dishes in it. It was like a fish tank, not with fish in it, but just like an empty fish tank. It was just filthy, places filthy. And doing crack and going, this is, like really going, like this i not i like the crack but i i smoked this thing that made me like the disgusting thing that i was in uh no it's it wasn't like an hallucinogenic or you didn't think about stuff and i didn't think um it wasn't even like crystal

where you're like uh my future is bright i love life this is great i'm gonna walk around and just enjoy the thing it was just it there's this until you're actually inhaling it i'm like this is awful what am i doing yeah people people willingly well how do you even get to that point it just was was it going around yeah yeah and we we we uh well we bought it we knew what we were doing oh no we knew what we were doing this guy andy got us uh to introduced us to this guy this is what we're gonna do and this is what we're gonna do for the next hour but that next hour turned into uh to dawn i oh here's the other important part to this is i have a show that night i'm doing a month long residency at the soho theater in soho in london and and and it's important you know yeah and uh and i'd always made a deal with myself, always, that I still have.

If I ever drink too much, get too high, do too many drugs, whatever the thing is that prevents me from doing a show and doing the show like I can do it, then I have to quit. And I have to quit, quit. I like that. Because I can't have that and that's a bad sign and I have a very strong tolerance huge resiliency for that kind of shit and I'm like if it gets that bad and it almost that was the point because I wanted more yeah it's probably at this point sun's up it's probably 7 a.m oh boy I have a show that night uh there's been no night there's been no sleep

yeah i had a show i had a show every night um and then ended up in camden and at whatever it was yeah 10 o'clock started smoke crack and i was still there and i'm all money like yeah i got money here you go what is it 50 pounds here's 50. And I got 50 pound notes. And I'm happy. I love it. Yeah. I'm in this filthy thing with strangers that I can barely understand. Are you guys talking or is it just kind of silence? I don't know.

Maybe. I don't know what it was. But can you describe what crack feels like? Because we have some. It was, it wasn't, again, it wasn't hallucinogenic it was the closest thing i can compare it to is kind of like a little bit of crystal meth where you're not like totally jacked yeah and you just everything has a little bit of a shine to it like everything's like you know what like if i ever had crystal or any kind of like meth or something like that or like coke coke is like a not as good uh version of that

it's like scotch and i want to try the scotch sorry what's paper plane oh you've never had one of these here no let's make them a paper plane three papers but also i want to try the the glenmore we have a scotch that our uh whiskey partner christopher hart sent in called glenmore it's from the 1970s yeah so we want to try it uh he sent us all kinds of cool shit he sent us a bottle that was like rectangular that men were putting their briefcases oh yeah i mean it's really cool old shit do you want to try the scotch uh i'll take a taste. I just want to try a little. No pressure. No, it's not a crack.

I'm sorry. We didn't mean to interrupt the crack. This guy did crack. So what happened with the show? It's an upper. It just is the kind of thing like where, you know what? I don't, I don't, I'm just going to hang in tonight. And then you do a little math.

You're like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go out. I'm going to go have a drink. And it just makes, I have a tendency to be antisocial and just be like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go out. I'm going to go have a drink. And it just makes, I have a tendency to be antisocial and just be like, I'll hang in. And then I would just go out. Of course, this is a different person I'm describing. I was single.

I was in New York. I wasn't married or didn't have a kid or any of that. And I was kind of on top of the world. Yeah. And I was in New York City with money. Hell yeah. It was a different circumstance. Thank you.

Thank you. So it was similar to that. Hey, to crack. Yeah, I mean, as long as you don't get addicted, I say give it a shot. Because I've always wanted to try heroin, but they say wine will get you addicted. That is smooth. That's all right. That's pretty good.

It's no bodega, Kat, but it's not bad. It's not as good as our whiskey. Yeah, we sell our own whisk. Do you? Yeah, we got our own hooch. How do you do that? How did that happen? We just said we wanted to make whiskey and uh a distributor hit us up yeah so you don't truly make it you just no we just hawk it you just

got a label we label it you got a label and you're selling the label yeah excuse me but we got a commercial it sounded like a bodega cat there what the hell was that a little cleef but yeah all right so that's a crazy story, man. Don't do crack, folks. Yeah, don't do it. Or do it just once. Just stop, just once. And that's the thing.

I would have kept doing it. It was really, I get it. I mean, I get why people, it's terrible. It would just destroy people and families. And it's the kind of thing that I imagine it's – if you're in the setting where you're doing crack and you don't know anybody and it's dangerous and you should be suspicious of everybody, but then you take that crack and that all goes away times 10 you know and again it's not like it's not like oh man this is really cool and interesting or even like getting high where you're like oh you know i'm just chill and relaxed and i'm enjoying this i'm hearing things in this song that i didn't hear it's just i can't it really just feel good it feels great i i was in a really weird bleak strange setting that uh you know as the sun came up had a little bit of like it's almost like after a one-night stand you know and you're

not drunk anymore yeah yeah oh oh shit been there but your friend andy must have known he was putting you in a situation that could have ruined your life right no i went into it willingly it wasn't a surprise he didn't like blindfold me and you know also if he's willing to do it he probably doesn't have the you know in the moment awareness right i would think i was totally willing to do it yeah like sure and i'd never done it before and i'm by nature i'm a very curious person and i'll try this thing and i'll i'll eat anything and i'll try this once and i'm one of those guys. And I was like, yeah, fuck it, I'll take it. And I had a predilection for drugs too.

And my responsibilities were to nobody but myself and just like, oh, I got a show in 22 hours, whatever. Right. You know, and... How was that show? It was fine. It was fine um you mentioned the crack i probably i would i would imagine yeah yeah like those 80s hacks and boss said anything just done the same act but yeah good for you i mean if you're gonna do crack you know you got no kids you got no responsibilities you're in as i said this is a long time ago it was a different person yeah uh i mean if you offered me crack right now of course i'd have to think about it salamanca bring it out i'm all out

well what does it last like two hours i'd say i don't know i don't think that much oh i don't i don't i mean we probably maybe you keep going yeah that's probably bought oh gosh uh because we had to get it it wasn't the guy didn't have like a briefcase full of it it was it was but this guy was connected and so i don't remember if somebody went out or somebody came to the door i just don't remember um i remember watching the mole people remember that movie about the guys on the subway? I was like, how could they live like this? It's damp. It's rats.

It's shooting in a bucket. Dark days? Dark days, but they're all on crack. Yeah. So you can live anywhere. It's like you said with the dishes in the fish tank. You know, it's like virtual reality. That's an image that's like...

Like those goggles. That's an unforgettable image. I know. Yeah, I remember that quite well. It's one of image i know it's yeah i i remember that quite well it's one of the few things i remember outside of the the you know i have a vague overview of it but one specific thing i remember is oh there's a fish tank empty fish tank with dirty dishes that's impressive almost and also it was such a small place. I mean, whatever kitchen there might have been would have been one of those tiny, shitty, like a sink in a, I don't know. Yeah, it was pretty bleak. to you know when there's uh a guy whether they're like homeless or they're just indigent or whatever

on your the your local guy yeah or woman who's always hitting you up and over the years does it and it's that feeling of like i've got just enough enough, and now I don't, I got enough money to get a cheese pizza, and this will hold me, and I'm just going to sit in my room, and then I'll come out when I need more money for another cheese pizza. Well, that's the thing about meth, is at least with the meth, you'd clean up, probably. Yes. Oh, and you'd scrub to the... Yeah. What I'm saying is is all life is precious. There you go.

That's what I want you to take from this. All life is precious. All right. Well, you hear that, Whitney Houston? Probably not. No, she doesn't, I think. No, I guess she didn't, but she liked the crack. Man, first Gerard, now you.

What's happening here? What? Did he even take it? Oh, he went hard at her. Oh, really? No. Another beer. That's a little weird.

We got to ask a little bit of a rest of development. I know it's a big change of gears here, but like, you know. Two legendary comedies. So, I mean, such an insane cast to be a part of. I mean, that was. I mean. That was so quickly. There are a handful of shows where you're like, the cast is perfect.

Yeah. Like, I can't imagine. Thank you so much i can't imagine you know uh uh other people in those roles right uh and ron howard directing or narrating yeah narrating sorry um uh it just yeah it was uh was an amazing cast that kind of got pulled from every corner. And you think about, you know, nobody really knew who Michael Cera, Ollie Shawcat were, and only, you know, I was, you know, under the radar, and nobody knew who will was and,

um, or Tony Hale. You know what I mean? This just, it was pretty amazing. Just all heavyweights. Like everyone on that. And I mean, RIP Jessica Walter,

man, she was so damn fun. Were you, were you, were you close with her at all on set or no? Uh, I'm, it's not,

I mean, not particularly close. I mean, we were all, you know, supportive of each other. And, uh,

you know, we worked together for five years, um, over the years. And, were all you know supportive of each other and uh you know we worked together for five years um over the years and um you know all that cliche shit about being a family is true i mean yeah um but yeah it was uh i mean i'm still friendly with i was just hanging out with michael uh you know four or five nights ago oh wow yeah doing crack nice nice and michael just had a kid um oh all right yeah yeah that show i mean it's on netflix so i just put it on and it's so fun it's so it might have the most jokes per minute maybe 30 rock yeah it's up there with uh rapid fire yeah well there were i remember when it first came out and, you know, the Internet was not new, but relatively we were kind of finding our way with it. But having to, I shouldn't say having to, but discovering jokes that I didn't realize were there through like chat rooms and stuff.

Things that I didn't get when we were shooting it or watching it later. Like it didn't occur to me that, yeah, you know, either conceptually or something that, you know, was planted in one episode and then paid off a season later in another episode, shit like that. There's a documentary about the show and people who love the show, and they have shit in there. They talk to the writers,

and half of it I missed on the show. Yeah. I mean, not just a regular cast, but down to Carl Weathers. Yeah. It's amazing. You got yourself a soup. Yeah.

Yeah, amazing. And Henry Winkler. Yeah, everybody's in it. Oh, my God, yeah. It's quite aler. Yeah, everybody's in it. Oh, my God, yeah. It's quite a cast. Yeah. Will Arnett. Yeah.

It doesn't get any funnier than that. Yeah, man. It's one of those things I think about, like, because they were struggling to find Job. When they first brought it to me, they asked me to look at Job, and I had no handle on Job at all. But then you watch will and you're like oh of course yeah that's it he nailed job who else there's no one else that would be

no job you know and tony hale i mean just all of it across the board you know are you are you still consuming comedy as a comedy guy or are you kind of like i eh, I just go out and do my shows and I go home? Probably less intensely than I used to, but I mean, I'm still hunting for the dark, cringy British comedies, which are many. Peep show. Yeah. which are many um peep show uh yeah uh and you know occasionally we'll see um thank you uh a name on you know on the the netflix algorithm or something you know there'll be uh thank you um no pressure uh i'll take a sip. All right. See how it is.

And I'll check that person out, you know. Yeah. Or somebody that the kids are talking about. I'll go and check them out. A guy named, I don't know if I'm going to get this right, Sam Morel. Who, you know. I didn't know if you were. Oh, there he is. Sam Morell, who, you know... I... I didn't know if you were...

Oh, there he is. He's up on the thing. Oh, there he is. Oh, that guy. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'm actually watching this show currently. I'm almost at the very end of the first season, and I'm really digging it.

A British show called I Hate Susie. It's good. Yeah, it's really good. And also just right up my alley. It's, you know, takes its time. It's got some really cringe moments, but they're willing to kind of explore the characters. It's good.

She kind of gets canceled online. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that show is great. And it starts off like that. I mean, the thing just hits the gas running, which is there's another British show called. I'll watch it. You feel it, too. They did an American version, but the British show Shameless.

Oh, yeah. I mean, check out the british version but that show i mean it starts there's no it just boom the story story's going is it similar to the america i've seen the american um i haven't seen the american i read the script for it uh and i remember being uh disappointed that it took place in chicago which one of the great things about the british uh show is it's all um almost all of it at least for the first couple seasons um are just take place in this uh council flat in uh in manchester and there's a there's a pub you know that they all go to and there's like a little uh uh off-license bodega type place that

they go to but they're it feels like they're trapped there and then and i was like they put it in chicago and like you can escape in any way right good easily you can get get on the l train yeah you know whatever and uh and the american version is kind of uh dramatic it's more like family lovey-dovey where this seems more like a comedy it's uh it's comedy i mean there's a there's some uh some arts of poignancy to it but uh but i highly recommend it that's a show that just i mean starts and great cast okay i'm gonna check these out what are there like comfort watches for you on the road that you just revisit is there stuff that you're like this is my road i never watch tv on the road really i go no i i i mean my show i'm doing like two hours

and that's long yeah it's indulgent and i shouldn't at some point we'll see how it works out when when um with an opener because usually i go out and I just do like an hour and like let's say an hour and a half and then I'll come out for like an encore sometimes a second encore but and I'll just and by then I'm kind of

you know half in the bag and I'm just sort of shooting the shit and loving it you know you know what it's like when you're on stage you just kill it we dick around at the end too but it's usually like give us a current topic and we just rest whatever so i think it's it it's a good thing that i got an sean opening it's gonna make me be a little more tighter how long do you have him do just 15 you know um so that's one bit well i'm kind of similar my bits are long oh yeah when people are like can he do five minutes like no i can do i can do uh 12 seconds or plenty of like

little jokey things or i can do uh you know nine minutes you know minutes. So do you get the guy like, oh, I want to see Tobias, and now you're talking about politics? I mean, my 2016 tour, or was it 16? Whatever the, it was Make America Great Again. I want to say that was, yeah, 16. It was Make America Great Again. I want to say that was, yeah, 16. That one had a bunch of people like would walk out. Oh, really?

On the whole tour. I mean, I can count on one hand the shows, not including Europe, that people walked out. And sometimes angrily. Sometimes really did not care for. Was there a joke that walked them or was it oh just you know enough with the anti-trump or republicans or catholic bashing or you know uh whatever it was that they didn't like i i'm i'm not mormon but i don't i'm not gonna stand here and listen to you bad mouth Mormons or whatever and that's usually

who's most offended is people that aren't the thing you're talking about it's true on behalf yeah yeah a lot of that I've never seen on behalf of another religion that's a new one but I'm projecting assuming that but not so much anymore you know uh occasionally

i just did this little little kind of mini tour to get ready for this bigger tour i'm doing in the in march and um uh everything was great like sold out everything was sold out it was awesome but there were two there was uh washington dc and birmingham alabama i think was the other one where and it happens you know friends of friends were like hey we got tickets to the guy from just shoot me or do you ever see men in black well that guy you know whatever the thing was and i forgot about that and that's how they know me and they they don't even it's not that they know me and they're excited it's just like you could tell somebody brought them yeah it's part of a uh night and and you know people aren't like furious they're just like it would be the same thing if you went

to you know an evening of white Christian nationalist racist comedy you'd be like yeah it's not for me speak for yourself it would be interesting to watch that though just to see what the hell they do you dealt with this when you opened for JB there were people that were mad he wasn't

Leon a lot of yarmulkes out there walking out isn't it good? paper plane Leon. Yes. There's a lot of yarmulkes out there walking out. Oh, this is nice. Isn't it good? Yeah. Paper plane. I feel like we've kind of jump-started the popularity for this. We're getting tagged in this constantly. Wait, I want to go back. So, people would go see

J.B. Smoove. Yeah, in the heart of Curb. And he would come out to and it's all these Jewish people going nuts. Yeah. And then he would talk about eating pussy for half an hour what the fuck are they thinking I have zero sympathy for those folks

oh no it's annoying for JB to deal with it was a white crowd for sure yeah he's a really funny guy yeah I knew him way back in the day way before Curbed. I can't remember from what.

But yeah, like L.A., Los Angeles. Well, he has that old story about how he was driving from St. Louis to another gig in a snowstorm, and he had like $8 to his name, and then he got the call. Like, you got Curbed. And he was like, I was about to be on food stamps, and it just saved his life. Yeah. He was just like a road dog yeah he's a nice really nice guy too good guy i told you i open for mccaroline's he's murdering i leave to go get a beer i come back and he's climbing the diamond that's how high energy he was yeah are there any comics starting out that you were like oh shit this guy's awesome i gotta kick it up or like when you were in the 90s or whatever we were like this is

the dude that were peers of mine peers or people that you just looked up to well i mean yeah they're they're uh like the people that and we had a you know as as you guys know, it's a very, very supportive group of people. I mean, you don't get this kind of jealousy that you find in other aspects of the arts. You don't find, like, backstabbing. You don't, you know, at least my experience is people are really supportive of each other and and it's one of those things that everyone can kind of relate to an actor's situation whether it's good or bad but even if they're not an actor but with the stand-up you everyone has that thing in the back of their head like you truly don't know what this is like unless you do it yeah yeah and you do it a lot and you will have really

high highs and really low lows and it's just not that applicable to other things you do in life and and so you know my peers who are who I really looked up to, and I wanted like it meant the world to me if they liked something, or they gave me constructive criticism, but it was couched and like, you know, this is really good and uh like great joke writers like laura keitlinger i mean just great joke writers and sarah silverman and um david tell and uh um you know that whole that whole group of people uh and we were all friends too you then coming out and the people I looked up to like when I was a kid it was Richard Pryor and Steve Martin

and then later Stephen Wright and Bill Hicks and people I got to meet which was a thrill and Gallagher too And, you know, people I got to meet. Yeah. Which was a thrill. And, you know, Gallagher 2. Not his brother.

I was waiting for one. Well, that's the cool thing about comedy is, like, I could see you opening for Bill Hicks and he'd be like, this guy's weird. Or this guy's a little off the wall. But the cool thing about comedy is if it it's good you'll get a show you know like you can be seen as as off the wall by one guy and then a another person be like this guy's brilliant you know you like you still made it yeah there was there was this uh uh this is quite tracking with what you were saying but but but there but it's similar in that when i was younger and i was taking whatever work I could get, you know, when I was, you know, still in Atlanta, which is where I started. Was the Punchline the club there at the time? Yeah, Punchline in Sandy Springs.

And there is still Punchline, but it's moved. I think it's in Alpharetta. It's connected to a diner. Yeah. You hear that cash register during your set. Milkshake machine. You see the jello in the little thing. Yeah, and the glass.

But there was... Shit, what was I going to say? Uh-oh. I totally lost my... Starting in Atlanta. The drinks are kicking in. Starting out, you take all the work and get... Oh, yeah.

Whenever... When I'd go out and i would do uh uh you know it was opening i wasn't even middling i was just opening for for various people it's some i connected with immediately some i did not um but whenever if i didn't hadn't seen the the headliners act yet and i came off stage and then they would say like man you got some balls kid then I knew they were going to suck and that's almost 100% of the time

I was a good arbiter of what their act was going to be I can't believe Cosby said that boy I tell you you got some guts kid or you get one of these yeah exactly

yeah that is but do you remember opening for anyone that you like were like oh that's a fucking killer like in Atlanta someone that like give you a kick in the butt like oh this is what it's like to be a headliner cause that was a room that punchline

that old one not my gosh, no. Not really. And that's just luck. That's just, you know, there were so many people coming through. And there were two main clubs there. There was a punchline in the comedy spot, which isn't there anymore. And, yeah, I never, I didn't have the luck of, but we'd also go.

We'd go when we weren't working and sit and try to get half-priced drinks or whatever and sit at the bar and just watch comedy. But nobody that kind of kicked my ass like that. In Boston, yes. When I got up to Boston, there were many people. Were you seeing Stephen Wright when you just got there? I never saw him do stand-up, yes. When I got up to Boston, there were many people. Were you seeing Stephen Wright when you just got there? I never saw him do stand-up, no. He's actually somewhat. He was responsible for his manager.

So Lauren Dabrowski, who unfortunately isn't with us anymore, who was part of my sketch group. She was a stand up again, but a foot in both worlds. I had this sketch group there and. And then she went on to be the head writer for Mad TV eventually, but but she died of cancer unfortunately but she was good friends with steven wright brought steven wright to see me do stand-up because my stand-up was you know weird and edgy but also raw like really unrefined and um still finding my voice and figuring things out and uh and he convinced his manager to come up from new york wow and that at that point his the my manager our manager only had three clients it was him uh tom kenney and uh michael

o'donohue was also not with us as a was a writer on snl the original original. Tom Kenny of SpongeBob? Yeah. And in so many Mr. Show sketches, yeah. And he convinced, so he came out and saw me. He convinced Tim Sarkis to come up to New York, I mean, come up to Boston, and then he basically signed me. And that, you know, put me on this path that brought me to, uh, West 39th street. Wow.

There you go. Wow. Steven Wright, man. What a guy. That's cool. Why is it called paper plane? Here's your, it's an old drink. Um, this guy in Chicago in the eighties, uh, invented it and it's based on, um, like, uh,

prohibition style drinks. Uh huh. It was made in the 80s. You just use the same portions. And I'm not sure exactly why you call it a paper plate. There doesn't really seem to be any history behind it. Most drink history is just like, you know, not living anyway. Yeah, that sounded cool.

It probably, yeah, it probably started out as one thing and then by the third drink became a completely different thing. So history is a little suspect we got these fun facts too about the glenmore whiskey the 70s bottle from our uh whiskey i love fun well he said uh there used to be an agreement stuff he got there used to be an agreement never to use women to sell whiskey and glenmore was the first whiskey to say fuck that and use women and sex who was the what was the who was the agreement i don't know i guess they just didn't it was was an unwritten rule, I guess. Some guys in Scotland? Everybody in Tennessee, Kentucky was like,

no women on our bottles. Yeah. That's what they say. It's owned currently by the same company that makes Pappy. Grappy Van Winkle. Also, I hate to shit on your story, but... Uh-oh, we got the paper plane. ...it says that someone came up with it in 2007

and based the name off the MIA song Paper Planes. No. That's not. Get out of here. This is old. This is. Wait, wait, hold on. I saw it in two places.

I got a third one that it's 2001 and it's after 9-11. There we go. Sorry. It also says here 2007. That's too late. This is an old drink. He said modeled after an old drink but for sure it was made in Chicago

in like the 80s this is my favorite new cocktail that you've made us you've made us a lot of good shit these are some really fun facts we lost David officially it was a good run

fun stuff it's all equal parts and the reason that proficient cocktails were always all equal parts was because um cocktail recipe books uh were seen as paraphernalia and oh having the recipe books on them how do you like that write them down so they made all their drinks very simple so it'd be like equal parts of each I see. You know, going... It makes sense, but going by that logic, at some point, you're just going like...

Just throwing shit in a glass, right? But that's how a lot of drinks were made, right? Yeah. Oh. right that's interesting that makes sense Whiskey maybe with a little water because it was very well made. Yeah. Then when people started making it in their bathtubs, you have to cut it with something. That makes sense. Because it's 110 proof and your teeth will fall out. Yeah. Well, I tried some whiskey that was made in a fish tank and it tasted like plates.

It was awful. But no, it's interesting. I mean, this and Corpse Reviver No. 4, I think, are my favorite ones. I don't remember that one. Yeah. My favorite is the No. 2. That's Reviver No. 4, I think, are my favorite ones. I don't remember that one. Yeah. My favorite is the No. 2, though. That's the most popular. Oh, okay.

Do I have to see the... I've only had the first one. Do I have to see the other? Yeah, man. Do you have any pet peeves? Anything just bothering you? I do. Can I take a piss first?

Please. Please take a piss. Yeah, let's pause it. Show the man where the urine is. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life gets you feeling overwhelmed, working with a therapist can make you feel more prepared and take on everything that life throws at you.

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Please. And the first two are kind of attendant with each other. But I really despise angry, like zero to 60 want to hit, want to punch, or just knock with my elbow. The people who come out of the subway and then stop right there and they get on their phone. They look for where they are or whatever. The people, you run up the steps and then they just stop right there and they get on their phone to look for where they are or whatever. The people, you run up the steps and then they just stop right there. Yes. And it's infuriating and that's just, that's not a, just a New York thing.

I've seen that everywhere where people, you come off and they just stop like, oh, look at where am I? Am I, do I go this way or this way? Let me check my phone. And that's. It's not just directions. Like, oh, where am I? Do I go this way or this way? Let me check my phone. It's not just directions. I think it's like an addiction, too, that they went up steps and they needed to just look at a text or something. Whatever it is. Just like fucking move.

Move. There's a million spots you could stand. Kind of similar is, and they're both, the idea is like I'm not thinking about other people. Yes. And it's the – when you're in a line, it can be small, it can be long, at a place to order something when you get to the front of that line or whatever that thing is. Deli.

Deli, sure. Coffee place, whatever the thing is. And you – the menu is right up there. There's no mystery there there's no mystery nothing's hidden and then there's you know there's a long line you've been in it right and there's nine people behind you and then you get up there like yes um oh gosh oh my god oh my Oh, gosh. Oh, my goodness. Which one is, I think I want, is there anything? I guess I'll get the macchiato. Do I want large or small?

I don't know. That's fucking like. That's crazy. You've had all motherfucking day to figure it out. Huge peeve of mine, too. And this is the bigger peeve. It's not a long line, but it's a line of one person who takes forever. It's a long line.

Oh, that's what I mean. Yeah, totally. It's just the one person who. Yeah. And that one person has been in line and watched people go up there. Yep. And it also speaks to just a general, that person is just not aware of other people and what they might be dealing with. Yeah, totally. And they're probably the first person to be like, hey, asshole, I'm trying to do this thing.

Yeah. I hate that shit. That happened, you were just in Nashville. We went to Hattie B's last time we were there. And I was like, I want the experience. The clubs that they get it for us. And also, Hattie B's has, you have a minimum, there's not a huge menu. Exactly.

It's the hot chicken. That's what you're getting. You want a sandwich or a breast? Yeah. Right. But we're in line for a fucking hour. The clubs that they get it for us, I'm like, no, I want to go. I want to do the experience.

That's fine. We're in line for an hour. We get to the front. Six women in front of us. They don't order together they all pay single and on top of it they all were like yeah that is nightmare made us we were laughing we weren't even mad it was so annoying we started laughing yeah it's infuriating yeah but you want to just go i know what i want let me go ahead of you but they they never do they like the window they like that

moment it's just not considerate of other people. And there's this thing, there's this entitlement of like, well, I waited in line for an hour, so I'm going to take my time. Yeah, exactly. As opposed to, hey, man, this is a long wait. I'm going to make sure everybody else has slightly better experience. That's the only good thing about the airport. You go to the airport and they're like laptop out shoes off belt pockets

empty and there's always someone who gets up there and it's like do i take a laptop out and that's why they keep saying it which is annoying but they have to do it that's a pet peeve actually is is not not that in itself but the attitude that the some of the tsa people have and i you've got clear and pre-check, though. I have pre-check. I don't have clear. But that's enough. That's fine. Yeah, yeah.

But the thing where they kind of, like, are exasperated and roll their eyes, like, people take your laptops out and done it. Like, hey, dude, none of us here. We're not. We're all complying. You don't have to give this attitude nobody here has gone uh i'm sorry how does i've never flown before and the whole thing is mystifying um but nobody's doing that we're all first of all we're all in pre-check or whatever

so but this attitude like people listen to me put your your, like, okay. Yeah. We got it. Right. The later boarding groups, too, you don't want to be, that's why you want to be in the early boarding groups, not just to get on the flight, but those are the people that usually know what the fuck they're doing. So when you're boarding late, like, you ever miss a connection? Oh, yeah.

You're boarding late, these people are like, wait, what do I do? I'm like, you've never been on a plane? Well, I think we can get away with, let's get rid of the safety thing on the plane. We've all heard it. And no one's listening anyway. Everyone's got their earbuds in. I get really annoyed when there's a, I was watching the Giants playoffs game.

Oh, they mute the show. It was a fucking good game. And they put on, they go, guys, this is the seatbelt. And I'm like, dude, it's fucking. We know it. It's the playoffs. And they make it long on purpose it's like don't tamper don't

fuck with don't play with don't smoke like yeah we got it petitioning the FAA and seeing if like when there's a playoff game we're all aware I write it every time speed it up they always go do you have a fill out the survey and I always write announcements

too many announcements I write it every time I just write that do you have a, we fill out the survey, and I always write announcements, too many announcements. I write it every time. You fill it out? Every time. Wow. I just write that. That's all I write, and I push send. Then I send a dick pic. That's like what my mom says to do.

She's like, you should write a letter. I don't think that's happening anymore. She meant like long form. Yeah. Oh, she really did. Write your congressman. Dear Delta Airlines. Well, you've done it again.

But yeah, that's a good peeve. I'm up there. I saw a guy looking at TikTok in the turnstile, like literally kind of leaning on it. His four turnstiles. He had one of them. Yeah, that's pretty awful. You know what I saw on the turnstile? A guy was ripping his fucking tooth out.

I don't know what drug he was on, but he's ripping his tooth out. And this is the – yeah, meth. And everyone on the – Tooth fairy. Give me the tooth fairy. He'll give me one last hit. Okay. Where's that tooth fairy?

But everyone was like, what the fuck? But not in a compassionate way. They were like, dude, block in the fucking thing. Right. It's the most New York shit ever where they're just like, dude. All right. They were like, dude, block in the fucking thing. Right. It's the most New York shit ever where they're just like, dude. All right. I'm sorry. Rip it off in the corner.

What compassion are you going to show a guy who's ripping off his tooth? Poor guy. You ripped your tooth out? No. And I don't mean this. I know it came off that way. And I should re- So what kind of compassion would you show him what would you do

I don't know what do you think do the tooth two feet away go sit on the bench and do the tooth something I don't know that's a dark thing you see so much dark shit

in this city it happens it's out there That's a dark thing. You see so much dark shit in this city. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know. It happens. It's out there. You can't avoid it. But that's what makes the city the city. Another subway peeve is the guys who try to get off before you get on. Or they try to get on before you get off, rather.

Yeah. I think people are better about that, though. I think people are pretty good about that. More than my memory of the past. That seems to be something that's been instilled in people. Yeah. You still have it. Yeah. But to me, there's way less of that than there used to be.

It used to be really kind of every man for himself. And I think there's a little bit of that kind of general collective consciousness of it. It isn't as bad to me as it used to be. Since we're doing subways, there's a huge uptick in people smoking on the trains now. I've seen that.

It's insane. When I was a kid, that would be an immediate, cops would jump on you. They would beat you. And now it's just a regular thing. It never bothers me. I haven't seen anybody smoking i see a good amount of people get high and and kind of like you know try to hide it a little bit i haven't seen like real blatant stuff i've seen i saw a girl you know a couple days ago uh vaping um which is its own thing yeah that's everywhere but yeah i haven't seen anybody smoking on those. Vaping is kind of... I don't vape,

but whenever I'm drunken around someone who's got one, it's kind of fun. Because you take a hit and you're like, banana, walnut. It's kind of fun. It kind of feels good. It's disgusting, but when you're wasted it does kind of feel good. I don't know. Yeah, well, it's fun to suck it and blow out smoke.

It is. It's fun. I don't know. Yeah, well, it's fun to suck in and blow out smoke. It is. It's fun. How do you feel about Showtime on trains? I hate Showtime. I get it. It totally depends. They're trying to make a living. It completely depends.

I don't understand. Why do you think anybody would give you money when you almost kick them in the face? Because it works. Because it works. There's enough tourists who are delighted by that. They got their story i'm like dude take it please i'm happy that you were like getting some cash but like a tiny tiny space but there there's some there's some uh people who are really good and it's interesting they're very good i good. I don't care for the phoning it in mariachi guys.

I don't like anybody's phoning it in. But there have been some interesting, like, oh, that's cool. The troops are annoying, but I remember. The troops? Whatever, the dance troops. Oh, I thought you hated the army. But fuck the troops, dude. No, the dance troops, when they come on, I remember I bombed a Montreal audition.

I was like a young comic, and my heart was broken. I was like, I want to go. It was the year we both thought, we were like, we both wanted it so bad, and we didn't get it. And I was on the train afterwards just like hating myself. I'm like, man, my joke stunk. And I was feeling so low, and a dance troupe came on, and the dude was just in my face, dancing around me, and it broke broke me and I started laughing. It actually put me in a good mood.

Oh, that's nice. Because when you're that low, you're just kind of like, ah, you know. I saw a baby crying and the mom couldn't shut the kid up and a guy dressed as a clown, which we were all terrified of, but he went up to the baby and did like a balloon animal thing and then the baby loved it and the mom was like, here's 20 bucks. Thank you. What? Yeah, it was huge.

I'll tell you what's crazy that I could never do, ever, are the guys, and they're not necessarily that funny, but just the commitment and the energy and the talent to go to Washington Square Park, put your little speaker down, get your mic, and just do stand-up. Balls. That's fucking balls. Well, comics, who was the guy? Was it Charlie Barrett?

Charlie Barrett? What was his name? Charlie Barrett, yeah. Yeah. No, not Barrett. Was it Barrett? Well, he was like the Eddie Murphy before Eddie Murphy, right? Yeah, Dave Chappelle.

No, no, it was Charlie Barrett, who was the guy in Washington Square Park in the 80s, 90s. Is it Barrett? Barrett? I think it was. I think you're right. I don't think it was Barrett. Am I wrong? And he's dead. Yeah. Like 80s, 90s. Is it Barrett? Barrett? I think it was. I think you're right. I don't think it was Barrett. Am I wrong?

And he's dead. Yeah. Chappelle said he would study him. Charlie Barnett. Barnett. Yes, Barnett. But like that is... Balls.

I mean, that's just a skill I don't have. But you gotta be very broad, too. And you have to be enthusiastic. Yeah, yeah, that's true. and you have to be enthusiastic yeah yeah you do have to be kind of like you i mean you're like broad crowd pleasery ish i mean it's like gotta hit everybody yeah yeah but he was uh he's got some clips online and and you watch you're like this guy's funny he is funny it's almost like the um freestyling rap guys. Yes. And you're like, whoa, where's that? How are you able to do this?

It's so cool. I mean, we talk about Marlon Craft a lot because Matt introduced me to a young rapper. And he has so many songs. It's a whole different thing. But you hear these lyrics. I mean, they're like jokes. I mean, the way they have to put together these words. And it's a whole different thing but you hear these lyrics and they're I mean they're like jokes I mean the way they have to like put together these words

and it's so clever have you ever seen that the old old old stuff of Biggie no like freestyling little rap battle

like impromptu type things really and it's just a skill that's like holy shit how do they do that how do they come up with that shit

oh there it is check this out yeah he's probably like oh he's 17. He's not even that big yet. Oh, I love when the guy caves. That's the best.

Yeah, that's like a talent. I mean, there are people taking 20 minutes to do Wordle. I mean, it's pretty... But to have the voice, the confidence, the beat, the wit, I mean, you just have to have everything. It's like race car driving where you have to have such low heart rate because you have to keep thinking of shit and not get panicked. It's incredible.

Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. I've always, always, always said, and thank you for bringing this up, I've always said freestyle rapping is really the same thing as race car driving. Well, I'm just saying you've got to be able to just shut down. Otherwise, you're just like, oh, my God, I need another line. What's my next line? And you panic. You have to just be that confident. I'm agreeing with you.

Oh, come on um it's crazy tupac and piggy they both died 25 25 no well how old were they it's insanely young how they both died at a crazy young age how old was he? 24. 24. Whoa. He did a lot. That's insane to have the body of work he had and die at 24. And the body. And Pac was 25. Yeah. What?

Holy shit. It's like, that's unreal. Wow. And Tupac has an insane catalog. He has so many fucking albums. Yeah. I know. And movies.

Yeah. He's younger than Jesus. Jeez, man. I mean. There's the 27 the 27 club too they didn't even get that far yeah what is that joplin cobain yeah yeah hendrix yeah hicks no hicks was 32 32 or 33 i think you're right that's like the Jesus Club or something yeah yeah wine house there we go that one's tragic as fuck they got a lot done it makes you really feel I didn't do Conan until I was 29

and even that doesn't mean much to us it was a big deal we're different comedy classes you know like to us Conan was a big deal for me. To us, it was a big deal. We're of different comedy classes. To us, Conan was a big deal. Well, wait. I didn't do... That was my first...

Hang on. Late night. That was my first late night thing, and I didn't do that until I was 30... Shit. Yeah, but you had a TV show. I might have. Yeah. I mean, it would have been because of that, but just barely.

Did you ever do stand-up on late night or was it always panel? Yeah, I did stand-up on, and I got, in fact, we talked about it because I did my very first stand-up set. That wasn't like, you know, Evening at the Improv or one of those terrible shows. I did a couple of those. They were terrible. Oh, really?

Really bad, really. Do you remember who you were on with? I know John Biner was the host. It was Comedy on the Road. I did that twice and I did Evening at the Improv. I don't remember, but it was they were weird and anyway, but I did Conan. That was my first

like legit late night thing. Pull it up. I don't know if this is it. That's panel. But we did one panel after I've done Conan like, you know, 14 times and we talked about my

so they cut a bit that had been cleared. And you know, you do, it's what, you know, it's like five minutes and 12 seconds is what you get. And they cut a whole bit that had been cleared. And then I did, it was one of the last Conan shows before he left.

And I think it might've been the one, it was then it was on TBS and it was just him and Andy and you sit around. And he was kind of apologetic about it and uh and said you know i i any there was some recrimination there you know like we cut you we shouldn't have cut you but uh uh yeah years and years and years and years later he addressed it um but it was it was weird because on, I started, and then there's a very strange edit that you wouldn't see in TV. You would just never see it where it's like there's a laugh and then it jump cuts to here going. And, you know, another thing is, you know, it's just weird.

It was clearly covering something up. But, yeah, they cut one of the first TV appearances. They cut a bit. Man, that's crazy to cut it that late if they approve it But yeah, they cut my, one of my, the first TV appearance, they cut a bit. Damn, that's crazy to cut it that late if they approve it. Yep. They approved it. They knew what the set was. Was it about a fucking baby?

Fuck that baby. Yeah. No, it was about, we don't know what Jesus Christ sounded like and he could have sounded like an effeminate Southern man. Oh, that's why. And then I just did Jesus as an effeminate Southern man. Oh, that's why. And then I just did Jesus as an effeminate Southern man. Oh, that's great. I turn water into wine. Yes, basically.

All right. Well, shit. At least you can still do it in your act. Not on TV. Well, yeah, it exists somewhere, I think. What year was Shut Up, You you fucking baby cause that was big yeah 2001 no it was right after cause I have

jokes about 9-11 so 2002 the improv troupe right about 9-11 salted nuts well there's the thing about Gabriel which is the name i gave this guy who i saw rollerblading with a gas mask um that's all true that is literally yeah i don't i do not lie or make shit up and say it's true when i say something's true it's true and uh yeah it was the day after i think and uh i mean just the whole fucking

city is traumatized yeah crazy and you know there's a the um 14th street tanks and are you know wow yeah yeah it was nuts and on houston street uh so it went out you know the whole day and the the night was surreal and bizarre and everybody was dealing with it in their own way and and there was uh it was all unknown we didn't know what was happening what what would tomorrow bring what's what awfulness is happening of um people still couldn't get in touch with uh cell phone towers right all kinds of crazy shit but nobody knew you can look back and go yeah it was some crazy times and the first week was weird but the mindset kind of like the beginning of covid you know all we're hearing is sirens and there's

body bags you know like you don't know what's happening the next day and you don't know what you're waking up to and what kind of world you're waking up to, what kind of New York city. And, and I'm just walking around, I don't know what I'm doing. Uh, I guess just sort of seeing what else is out there. And, and this guy, uh, is coming up from the West side, going West to uh on rollerblades uh a loud gay i would imagine um uh sunglasses no sorry not sunglasses but uh uh gas mask uh and then you know like threw on his whatever early aughts tight short you know rollerblade disco fucking outfit and he's and

he's attitude like real severe attitude i can see he's coming up house and there's no traffic obviously there's no cars yeah nothing and he's fucking coming up determination that's new york that gives you hope yeah but that that was know, a bit that became famous from that, from Shut Up, You Fucking Baby. That's all true. Yeah. Yeah. So you were here at 9-11. Yeah.

I remember leaving school. I mean, we had to go to leave school early. My dad came to pick me up. He was like, yeah, we're under attack. I was like, huh. What? Where were you? Midtown.

I went to high school in Midtown. And then my dad, we got a pop quiz that day, actually. attack i was like oh what where were you uh midtown i went to high school in uh midtown and then uh my dad we got a pop quiz that day actually our teacher we got we got bombed we got attacked not bomb wait wait wait you your school continued yeah what uh we had a spanish teacher give us a pop quiz and all of us were like fuck you we're not taking we think we're under attack yeah wait wait a fucking second here when was wait what what time was i no what oh it was the morning it was one of the early classes no we ended up leaving but uh i mean it went on for a minute we didn't know what happened yet but then there was also you know i don't know if people remember you probably remember you didn't we didn't get cell phone service back then.

No. Towers were out. Everything was ours. I was trying to call my parents. We didn't know. I had friends. No, no. There was no cell phone service.

And then I remember my family, we all lined up to donate blood and stuff at hospitals, but they were like, we're good. Literally every New Yorker's done this. It was a pretty crazy moment. Oh, yeah. I mean, I have similar memories of that you know uh and i and i remember when we did uh because i i did talk to people that evening because i remember going up to my roof and i and i apparently had this real breakdown and and a

girl that was a friend of mine that, that, you know, wasn't a girlfriend at the time, used to be able to, we're still close. I said, I saved your message. Uh, you know, you, and I was like sobbing and all this stuff. And I think I just sort of lost it after a full day of that stuff. And, uh, um, I, I i mean i have all kinds of i'm not gonna go into it now but um uh but the disconnect between i had a friend who was in harlem and the attitude he had in talking to him and what people were experiencing like below 14th street was just it you he might as well have been in alaska right he's in harlem he's in the same borough same island and and just like asking questions like you can't remember

but like so I mean do you guys have electricity? What's going on? And is anybody hurt? Just weird things. He's literally up on 125th street

and it's just a different world down here. It was crazy. I watched it from my roof in Chinatown you know 125th street and and it's just a different world down here it is it's the it was crazy yeah i watched it from my roof in chinatown and when that first tower collapsed it was the only time my whole life my knees gave out i didn't know what that expression meant before i fell really yeah i couldn't control that my dad worked in times square so we saw the second town the second plane hit so he watched i mean it was I mean that was like the craziest uh it was the craziest day I mean I think about like I mean thank god you got a great joke I mean that shit was part of healing like is laughing yeah in New

York I mean I think of your bit I think of like Greg Giraldo's bit about the bachelorette party I think about I think about the Wu-tang song rules like i think about the spike lee movie 25th hour like we were like man that scene with barry pepper was like heavy i and when giuliani came out on snl and said we can be funny again i think i mean little shit meant so much i mean i think of mike piazza's home run yeah that was like that was like powerful i mean it was a crazy time oh yeah yeah i feel bad i was in new orleans hung over freshman at college came downstairs and me and my dad had a weird relationship and i came he goes we gotta talk and i go you know puke in the living room and he's like the twin towers have been uh

hit and i was like oh thank god holy shit i didn't do. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Yeah, it wasn't me. And then I went to college or school and it was shut down, so I got to go home. So it was kind of nice in Louisiana. Damn. It was nice in Louisiana. Well, it was a break.

But then the news started coming out. You saw the people jumping. You saw the smoke. It was wild. You know what? Another thing I'll never forget about September 11th that day is it had been a really exceptionally hot. Well, not anymore. But back then it was an exceptionally hot summer.

And that day was crystal clear. It was the first cool day for real. That day was crystal clear. It was the first cool day, for real. The temperatures had come down to like 70s, and it was a beautiful day. Beautiful. A couple clouds in the sky. It was a nice temperature, and I remember that very well, because we had had a particularly hot summer.

Yeah. And we should name this, we changed to flight 93 there we go first joke i remember hearing uh after 9-11 because it was like very heavy atmosphere was colin quinn and it was like maybe two or three days after and he was on the radio i think he was on opiate anthony maybe and he was like uh yeah people were saying like something told me not to go down there that day and he was like yeah the news god colin always galvin agassi had a funny one where someone goes where were you on 9-11 he goes what year damn yeah were you were you in with the with that tough crowd crew or they seemed very intimidating. That Patrice, the Nortons, the DeFallos. No, not really.

I mean, I knew them, and there was mutual respect. But that was more of a comedy cellar crowd, and I was never really ensconced in that. Yeah. Yeah. I remember seeing you on Tough Crowd, though, and it seemed like you were killed on it. It was, you know.

I don't. The only thing I remember about that was there were jokes about, this will tell you exactly when it was, although I can't tell you right now. But it was when Kobe Bryant was accused of raping the waitress or somebody in Denver, I think. waitress or somebody in denver i think and they were making jokes about the waitress and i that really bothered me and uh it i didn't it's like just a you know a thing you know you you have your own cutoff points where that's funny, that's not funny. I'll do a joke about that. I'm not going to do a joke about that. And I don't have many.

Really, there are very few things I won't joke about. But like victims? Like I'm not going to – this is terrible. Right. You know. What about a 9-11 joke? Fucking tons of them. Right. You know. What about a 9-11 joke? Fucking tons of them. But that's victims.

Well, that's in the abstract. I'm not talking about a specific. I didn't go, hey, you know that motherfucker from Goldman Sachs who died? Fuck that, dude. Listen to this. No, I mean, this is, these are, those are, and they're not jokes about people dying so much. Although, I do remember that joke. Now I haven't thought about it in 20 plus years.

All right. The thing about the New York, New York casino and the people who went to the New York or were at the New York, New York casino during 9-11 in Las Vegas. Being like, I can relate. That's good. I can't remember what the thing was. That's a funny angle. Well, hey, geez. We brought it around full circle. With the paper plane, 9-11.

Yeah, well, thank you so much for coming on, man. I'm not done. Oh, really? We still got a little bit of paper plane. Can I do a rec? Oh, really? Listen, we still got a little bit of paper playing. All right. Can I do a rec then? I never do rec. Do a rec, please.

Oh, hit me. Station 11 was my favorite show of 2021. Oh, yeah. That was great. That was a great show. Really, really good. Yeah. I don't even know what platform it was on, but it was amazing.

It was HBO, right? I think so. Okay. HBO or HBO Max? Was that about a pandemic? Yes. Yes. That was really fucking a pandemic yes yes that was really fucking good man by the way you've got a computer I don't know what show it's on

I'm drunk are you oh okay yeah I did not uh like I didn't know anything about the the source material I didn't know I just you know I did my stuff and that was it and uh I man it was beautiful and those last two episodes i was fucking balling yeah those last two episodes and hamesh patel how did he not get the emmy yeah i mean he's i mean there's so many good people in there but he's fucking great no i he's just great i'm gonna watch to watch it next. It's really good. It's really good. It's well done. It's like a movie. So well done. Patrick Sullivan, who

was a showrunner, who took that book and turned it... It's just beautiful. And it's a surprisingly optimistic message. And it's just so well done. It's so fucking good yeah and the last two episodes i was

bawling and to watch it during covid it like really hit home just all at home is that accurate they were making it pre-pandemic and then did they finish it in the pandemic or yeah we i yeah it was uh uh i think you know started pre-pandemic and then the pandemic hit and it was shot in Toronto and I happened to be in Toronto, stuck in Toronto. My wife was working there. It's a long story. And it was bleak, man. It was really tough time and quite depressing and not good for our marriage. and quite depressing and not good for our marriage.

And I remember calling my agent going, I will work on anything, literally. And I'm not relegating that to anything, but I'm sitting in a house that's an Airbnb. It's not my house with a hyper four-year-old. My wife's working, and I've got nothing. And we're on month four of who knows how long this shit's gonna be because you were a lot we were locked down there was nothing open in toronto and everything was open here right i'm like talking to bob he's like hey man i just did a set in new york it's great i'm like oh man and it was really

hard really hard, really hard. We shot a special on rooftops in New York City. Yeah? There was nothing open. We were just like, well, let's just do some weird shit. God bless you, man. Yeah, we were like, do anything. We were going crazy. Dude, I didn't do a set for a year and seven months.

I'd go crazy. I was going crazy. A year and seven. That's the longest it's been since I started. I was going crazy. A year and seven, that's the longest it's been since I started when I was 17. I've never gone that long. Not even remotely close to not doing a set.

You realize how much we need this shit. It's such a part of our, just, I mean, last night they were making fun of me because I was so tired. I was off the road, you know, and I was like, I should cancel at the cellar tonight.

And I couldn't do it. I was like, I couldn't send the text. I was off the road, you know, and I was like, I should cancel at the cellar tonight and I couldn't do it. I was like, I couldn't send the text. I was like, fuck it, I'm in. Yeah. Well, I don't know, and it's absolutely fine. You're along with most people,

if you haven't, saw my last special, I'm from the future, but that is about, at least part of it, is about not being able to do stand-up. And the first set, I'll never forget it, I was supposed to go out on tour,

and then the second wave, the Delta Omicron wave, came and canceled that tour. I'm like, fuck it. I'm not going to go through this again. Because again, you don't know what the future is when that's happening. And I have to cancel a tour, and canceled that tour and like fuck it i'm not going to go through this again because again you don't know what the future is when that's happening and i'm like have to cancel a tour which i've never done in my life and it was one of the sickest feelings i've ever had just like i love doing stand-up i need it i have to do it and to develop this you know hour and 15 minutes

whatever it was and then to have to cancel it so i just shot it at the bell house like you know i scrambled and put it together and it's on my website officialdavidcross.com yes you heard that correctly and and it's about a lot of it is about the you know not being able to stand up and being stuck and the pandemic and all that shit but the very first set i had was at the sultan room uh and it was i i came back with my daughter my wife still had to be there for shooting the show the minute we could and when i say minute i mean what's the flight the the earliest i can get out of here i'm gonna have my daughter for a month without uh without my wife it doesn't matter it's just

we're going back we're getting out of here we're getting the fuck out of toronto we're going home things are open it's nice out my kid can ride her scooter and socialize and I can do stand up or whatever. And I know my wife's not going to be there for months. It's like, I'll, I'm happy to do it. Just me and her. Great.

Yeah. And my first set was at the Sultan room and I was like, just get me anything, anything. And I almost started crying. Wow. I would say, I would say I was like,

start, I was starting to talk and, you know, going like, this is, uh, I haven't been able to do standup for the last time I did a real crying wow i would say i would say i was like start i was starting to talk and you know going like this is uh i haven't been able to do stand-up for the last time i did a real set was and i started to yeah lose it a little bit and then i riffed this thing that actually became something in the in the set that i just kept in there and it was really fun to do but i just riffed only to save myself emotionally because i was about to start crying and it was the beginning of that yeah you

know you can close the set by crying but don't open a set and I was like oh this has been a dream of mine and uh you know or no I dreamt about this day and then I just turned it into this riff about a weird dream I had with people in the audience but it's uh I it was one of the most powerful things I've experienced where like I it's so important to me such a part of my makeup and I have to have it. Unlike any other, you know, if I never wrote another thing, if I never acted in another thing, if I never directed or produced, okay. But if you said I can't do stand-up, it would crush me. Same, same. I get it.

And that's because that's the thing that should be on our terms. Like the other stuff is like your way, okay, you got cast in this, right? Stand-up's on our terms. So it's like loss of all control. Dude, that was a big part of it was – because there were a couple periods where I would say something or do something and I thought, okay, I'm going to be blacklisted or – this is pre-cancel culture. But I'm not going to get to work. I'm going to be difficult to work with. people aren't going to hire me and i always in the back of my head go okay i can always do stand-up right i always will do stand-up and and sam you're right

it was a it was not in our control and that was a real fucking you know gut punch like oh you can't i mean i can't even and my wife was like just go find somewhere to go like encourage in an encouraging way like yeah go to alberta for the week and go just or go to vancouver whatever and i got online and everything's closed all across canada and there was no going back and forth because there was a 14-day quarantine because canada was locked down damn what was called stay at home orders and um brutal it was brutal canada was rough well i mean it was rough here too i mean it wasn't this was opening this was new york was opening up vanderbilt avenue was had the open streets thing and there's like five lanes and the the media and it's like shut to traffic and all the people are out and the the media and it's like shut to

traffic and all the people are out there the whole community's bringing tables out there and they're sharing food and kids are running around and there's scooters and shit like that and in toronto you're locked down yeah fuck with way less of the numbers that you know right right it was i mean i remember the first set i had back uh i mean i did the seller and gotham comedy club the first night and jerry seinfeld wanted he wanted to be the first person on stage he was like i want to go on before the host like this is meaningful to me he was emotional too you'd see tears in his eyes i was like holy shit jerry's tearing up this is pretty historic you know it was like press from the new york post there uh

and jerry what a coincidence but jerry to his credit there was a big uh plastic barricade between him and the stage he goes what is this and they were like well this is to protect you guys he's like this isn't comedy and they moved it so there was no barricade ever at gotham because jerry was like, what the hell? Yeah. 67 people died. It was a bloodbath. But Jerry got to feel alive on stage.

And that's what matters. Comedians in clubs killing guests. Damn. Well, thank you guys so much. No, you were awesome, man. Thanks for doing this. See David Cross officialdavidcross.com all over the road

you can see his tour all over the country not Toronto no I'm kidding you're going to Toronto no I'll be in Toronto for sure Danforth

yeah always yeah look at all those dates Matt can you read some of them out loud yeah sure we got San Francisco on the 22nd of March

we have one of my favorite cities we have, Texas after that, Houston after that, Dallas after that, April 1st in New Orleans, then St. Louis, Chicago, Illinois, Knoxville, Tennessee. Wait, Chicago, Illinois? That's not right. It should be Chicago, Kentucky. That's a mistake on our end. I'll fix that up. We got Knoxville, and just go to the site to see more.

All right. Good stuff. Check out David Cross. Check out his old stuff, his new tour. Go nuts. Where you at, Sam? Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. We had a night in Portland.

That should be great. Salt Lake City, AC, Royal Oak, Minneapolis, Addedon, Boston, New Haven. Madison. Madison. I'm looking at your, those are all great rooms, man. I'm pumped, man. Miami, Orlando, DC, Atlanta, everything. Where are you in Atlanta?

Tabernacle. Oh, wow. That's big. Yeah. That's a big deal. I'm pumped, man. SamRoyal.com slash shows. Check it out.

I got all mine up here. Hawaii, then Spokane, then Rochester, Miami, Appleton. Who's routing you? It's horrible. It's horrible routing. This routing is terrible. I know. Well, he's gearing up for a special, so he's doing clubs.

I'm doing the small clubs. But the routing. Wow. I mean, the places are fine, but to's doing clubs. I'm doing the small clubs. But the routing. Wow. I mean, the places are fine, but to go from that place to that place to that place. Well, I come back to New York every time in the middle. I never go straight from gig to gig. It's not necessary. Do you have to feed your fish or what?

I like to come back. His tank's only got plates in it anyway. He's good. Tell my agent, will you? His tank's only got plates in it anyway. Tell my agent, will you? Hawaii to Maine to Spokane to Austin to Alberta to Miami. I just did literally Tacoma, New York, Spokane. I was like, kill me.

It's a six-hour flight. It's a bitch. You got to connect a lot of times. But yeah, come on out. MarkNormanComedy.com. Loud Gaze. We're really doing it. Thanks, Dave, for doing the show. Hey, just so you know, it's G-A-Z-E.com. Loud Gaze. We're really doing it. Thanks, Dave, for doing the show.

Hey, just so you know, it's G-A-Z-E. Yes. So don't come jumping up our ass, all right? Thank you. You're Gaze. Sunday's the day for my next bender. I've been a fever wreck, you know the beer juice folks. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's

talking shit about the fucking pub and I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New

Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.