We Might Be Drunk - Ep 116: Bartender Search Pt 1

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

We're not taking the search for the new Beer Joo lightly. He isn't gone forever, but it will be a long time. Today we are joined by 2 of the applicants, Paulina and Scott. Let us know what you think of them in the comments! Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows *Important Links* Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com Sponsors: Get 50% off 1 st box by going to https://factormeals.com/drunk50 and use code DRUNK50 Visit http://www.manscaped.com and use code DRUNK for 20% off. Visit http://babbel.com/Drunk for up to 55% off learning a new language. Visit http://liquidiv.com and code Drunk

Hey! Hey, folks! We might be drunk! Here we are! We're back! We're doing it! Beer Jew, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm on the other side of the bar for once.

Weird! Yeah, you know, it's a little strange seeing my ugly mug in front of the camera this time and not just my ass while I'm delivering drinks. Yeah. Love your ass, though. I've always wanted to put an ad sign on there, like your ad here.

Right, gay ad here. Your butt billboard, you know? Right. Not a bad idea. Charge 50 bucks. You put your law firm on his ass. Yeah, and it depends how much you pay. We'll do a little tattoo over there, too,

like a little tramp stamp. I'll hike up the shirt. That would be, but we have to do a thong in that episode.'s on one cheek right you know that'd be a great reveal you you know got a black shirt on you come out bold ass pantsless there we go yeah like what what realty what the hell is that crack realty yeah there it is well we have a guest bartender today which is exciting so beer jews going away for a while And if you've been following the Patreon

You know that we have been taking submissions And we're joined by Paulina Paulina What's shaking? Not much Giving it a shot to see if you guys like What are we looking at? Well, I was told to make a paper plane.

Ooh. A Manhattan. And I will be making a mezcal Negroni. Ooh. That's your special? That is my special, yeah. That's coming. We have a lady present.

That's my special. Welcome, Paulina. Thank you. Thank you. Quick, Paulina, what's your favorite Attelbit? Oh, come on. Don't do it. My favorite what?

David Attelbit. I don't know. All right. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. That's normal. Talamanka's trying to throw a wrench in the fucking wheels here. Why don't you give her a second?

Let her get comfortable. There's a little pad behind the strike one. Mark just farted a second ago. Can you let her get comfy? Get that filter room. Yeah, there you go. I took the air out. That filter room.

Yeah, I'm going to try to be smelling a mezcal Negroni. We have a classy drink coming to us. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to get a whiff of Mark's ass. Sorry. It's a turkey and avocado wrap. Yeah. No, I think that's the perfect spectrum to kind of see what the barter is about for this situation.

I think Mark's on the perfect spectrum right now. Technically, we're all on the spectrum. Because you have our, I guess this is just our iconic drink now, right? The Paper Plain. And then, because that's going to keep making appearances. And then I think that one good classic drink, like the Manhattan, shows how well a bar can- That's my go-to. Right, exactly.

And it shows how well you know the go-to right exactly and like it shows like how well you like know the classics and how you can balance them out with like the nice and greenest that we have and then um uh then like I think like every bartender should be able to show like their kind of like not a signature cocktail but show a little bit of creativity because of like the guests that we have here sometimes they'll have like special requests you know like then you have to like kind of work with it and get a little funky. She's going to get funky. I love the idea of a mezcal Negroni.

I've had them before, and I think the smokiness of the mezcal is very nice. I'm excited. Yeah, for sure. I love the Negroni. It's a spin on a classic. Yeah. Yes. And the mezcal Negronis have been really popping off recently

in the last year that they've been getting really, really popular. Really? Also, I think mezcal in general is getting huge like uh this just keeps escalating like mark farts then he belches he just shits his pants around minute 30. today's episode sponsored by depends uh bino hit us up no No, but you know how every celebrity has a tequila now? Oh, yeah. I am willing to bet that within the next six months to a year, the next one that every celebrity is going to be moving to is their own mezcal.

Well, the Dos Hombres already have one. Yes, exactly. The Brian Cranston, Aaron Paul guys, which I tried it at an airport lounge because I don't love myself. Pretty good. Yeah? I thought it was a pretty good mez I don't love myself. Pretty good. Yeah. I thought it was a pretty good mezcal. Well, in Fort Wayne Airport, you got to put them back.

You think they have a lounge in Fort Wayne? Good point. Good point. Apparently, Aaron Paul took a lot of time. He really dove into that personally. And Brian Cranston was talking about that. He goes, you know, I know nothing about this. But Aaron Paul really got into it like yeah he's like he was the you know the uh heisenberg of this mess

kind of like he was like he was really got into it went to visit oaxaca and the uh that's how you that's a good way to get away with being an alcoholic like what are you been on a bender for six months i'm testing tequilas i'm working them all out i'm gonna i am the one who sips yeah i mean that's my that's my that's been my excuse for the last, what, almost a year and a half, two years? They're like, what are you doing, Dan? It's 11 a.m. I'm researching. There you go.

I got an episode tomorrow. I love what she's doing. And Manhattan is what I make when I'm on the road. I mean, I've been lucky enough to Bodega Cat in the green room. We sold a bunch of them at these theater dates. They were selling them to the crowd. It's fun. I'm doing my crowd work.

They can't do, know in theaters i'm used to having bart waiters or waitresses running the drinks the tables when i'm doing crowd work they can't do that so my tour manager brian is salak he's nearly knocked the camera over my tour manager brian is running with bodega cat cocktails to give to people like this guy's a full-service manager. Love it. He's all right. But before the show, I'm making my own little bodega cat Manhattan. Sure. On the rocks. Do you serve it up usually?

No, this is a Negroni. Oh, that's the Negroni. So this is a paper plane. Yes. Oh, we share. Oh, yeah. We're just going to sample them. I love it. Great.

Yeah. Does that work? Yeah. Yeah. There's also some nice February cherries behind there as well. What do you think about this idea? Thank you, yes. All these celebrities are making liquors.

Monica Lewinsky could make a mayonnaise. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Huh? Go with the jizz thing. Or what about just like a speckled dress clothing line? Oh, what do you call that? A stain?

Stain free. Those pants you can pour wine on. She should have gotten on the Tide pen. Tide pen! Yes! She really missed the boat on that one. Monica Winsky's jizz stick. All right.

Is this dated yet? This is a 38-year-old joke. Sorry, what? Whose joke was that where he's like, Bill Clinton found the only Jewish girl who couldn't get a stain out. Like, what is it? The only Jewish girl that fucking sucks a dick. I don't know.

I was on a... Prove me wrong, ladies. Prove me wrong. I found that they're very giving women. I agree. There's no sexual guilt like with the Catholic whores. Who won't we piss off this week, guys? Why don't we have more female viewers?

What was that? We got Paulina. What was the Jewish app? Was it like Chosen? PayPal, you mean? No, no. J-Date? J-Date.

Yeah, I would go on J-Date my single days. J-Swipe. J-Swipe, that was it. I go on J-Swipe and go willing to convert and I cleaned up because I was like exotic.

That's a good one. I was a goy, but they thought oh, I can change him. I did one time I was like exotic. That's a good one. I was a goy, but they thought, oh, I can change him. I did one time. I was on J-Swipe, and Rachel Feinstein takes my phone and starts just messaging people with horrible pickup lines because she thinks it's funny. It's my life. She messages one woman. She goes, you, a naughty little girl that needs to be tamed.

Me, a bad boy who doesn't play by the rules. And she writes back, me, a comedy producer. You, a comic who's doing my show next week. And I'm like, oh, God. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. How was the show? Awkward.

How was the sex? Terrible. Damn. Wow, that's wild. Yeah. But, you know know She's a comic She gets it And you can blame it on Rachel

Yeah she wasn't a comic She's a producer Oh okay I'm pumped to try this Favorite plane So who we starting Beard you You have to start I think

Because you are the You're the Simon I mean look at your shirt right now I keep wearing the same shirt And you can call me Simon Well yeah I mean the muscle shirt right I'll be Randy Jackson And same shirt. Well, yeah, the muscle shirt, right? I'll be Randy Jackson.

And Maskell Negroni. Beautiful. I guess that makes me Paula. Let's do it. No, you're going to be Heidi Klum. You've got to blow a seal. Can you pull up Simon Cowell now? Have you seen his face these days?

It's pretty wild. What do you got, paper plane? Mark, you try it now. All right. Let's just do one at a time. Paper plane. How often do you make these, Paulina? Is it a paper plane in your rotation?

Yeah. I mean, I... Yeah, pretty often. Oh, that's nice. Very nice. No, nice. Very well balanced. That is smooth as hell.

Very nice. Paulina. Yeah. And she did the orange peel. One for me. So it's a little smoother, not as acidic. I prefer the orange peel It's a little smoother Not as acidic I prefer the orange peel

Good call Do you bartend? In the winter I don't I bartend in Montauk in the summertime For a few years that I've been doing that And the city of the last bar Was Continental Oh my god I've been there The five shots for $10 And the state of the last bar was Continental. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

I've been there. The five shots for $10? Did I kill you sometimes? That was a real college spot. Oh, yeah. You must have seen some shit over there. Dude. I spent half a year.

You're like a UFC fighter who trains in a bar fight. In Russia. Yeah. I'm COVID patient zero. That's basically like working in the bar version of a waffle house. Right, right. It's like, okay, on your resume, can you throw hands? You got to fight Dennis right now just to make sure.

Mulaney had that old bit about like, I think we'll die if we go to nickel shot night. I always assumed that was about the Continental because they had that crazy deal. It's pretty much, yeah. It's all like sugar shots and stuff. Right. Is that guy from like the Raiden Mortal Kombat hat still out there? Oh, yeah. Continental shut down a couple of years ago.

He's still around in the village. He opened an ice cream shop. Pulling up. Look up ice cream shop. He's known to be the Raiden hat guy. Raiden hat guy Continental. What hat guy? Raiden hat.

Remember Raiden from Mortal Kombat? What is with the hat why do you wear that well he's been i don't know he wore it every day for years i worked there for six years trigger is what he goes for trigger yeah trigger and i don't know covering his face or just yeah pulling did you use the the carpano Antico for the Manhattan? I did. Yeah. Just look up the fucking rate. Did it work?

Very nice. Manhattan. Very nice. Alright, now as just like a Barnard thing, I'm just curious, how much would you use a three quarter ounce? You like ice? I use two bourbon. I like a cube.

I use two ribbon. Yeah, that's nice. 0.5. 0.5, cool. And then just the dashes of... No, no, this is a big orange thing. Very nice. Is that the Undertaker? What the hell happened to him?

Man, take it. He's a very nice guy. He has very nice picks there as well. Oh, thank you. In the back, like in the back over there. I can't find our guy. I will say,

I prefer Manhattan on the rocks, but this is very good. Very good. Paulina, P-Dog. Yes. I mean, two for two, I would say. Two for two, and this is the big one. Yeah, this is the Mezcal Negroni.

Oh, baby, this is it. The big reveal. You got time to Paulina, you got time to clean her. Huh? We'll count it. There he is. Look at count it. There he is. Yeah, that guy's carried me out of there a few times. Oh my God.

What? That is lovely. That's nice. It's smoky. I love the smoky. He throws people out, but before he does, he goes, finish him. Finish it, then leave. Yeah. Dude, he goes, finish him. Finish it. Then leave.

Yeah. Dude, the smell alone is... Trigger. It's nice, yeah. What's up with the ice cream place he owns now? I've already closed that window. Oh, God. Forget it.

It's very good. This has got bite. Which mezcal did you use for that? I used yours, your guys. Yeah, yeah. The Spadina? Yeah. This is a really good drink.

I would try the Salamanca. It's not overly smoky. It's just there It's really good. Yeah, it's enough smoke. This is a father going to pick up his job Give you a hangover at school You like that very nice we also have like a we have like a torch There's a bunch of little toys I can play with so you like you can like flame out oranges and stuff if you're if you're Comfortable with that. I've been drinking natural. It's a torch. There's a bunch of little toys to play with. You can flame out oranges and stuff if you're comfortable with that. I've been drinking natural like this butane torch right here. We're on the

tour bus and I've been drinking a lot of natural wine with the boys and we are getting lit up. You turned me on to that. I'm now doing that. No hangover. What is it? Why? No sulfates I guess? Why did they even put it in the other one?

I don't know but it's pretty damn good. We were getting lit up What is it? Why? No sulfates, I guess? No sugar. Why didn't they even put it in the other one? I don't know. But it's pretty damn good. We were getting lit up. So we're on the tour bus. We're getting wasted. And, you know, Vitor's the only one who doesn't drink. But it's me, James, Brian, the tour manager. We're getting drunk and watching something about Mary.

Great tour bus movie watch. I fucked up the next night. I was like, we're not getting to see the Oscar picks. Let's watch something artsy. We watched the movie tar on the tour bus which one is that cape land shit not a tour bus movie oh it's a slow burn no she's a she's a maestro yes yes it's a slow burn and the whole time gary's going fuck you like fuck you this movie sucks and james is you know in those shots so james is like it's it's a slow but you know but gary is like i'm watching him we had to like you know ease him off it with

like you know he's like someone's on painkillers coming off we had to ease him off it with fucking uh it's always sunny episodes afterwards right he was in a bad mood dude you know like sober you guys have the drunk haze of like ah we can get through this yeah you know like when you get drunk on a plane it's different yes similar like on a bus well i'll tell you we i was shocked at how well we did with it because we're on this tour bus and we're getting you know lit up but we we slept like babies on that bus like rocking you to sleep yeah well i rock a little baby gary and then, no, we were animals on there. I was getting messages from Liz. She goes, how dare you just abuse Gary like this?

Because we'd have James doing, like, you know, tricep extensions on the top bunks. You know, he's just always working out. Yeah. While he's doing it, he's, like, farting in Gary's bunk. We're just animals. Four dudes on a bus. What do you expect? Yeah.

About those bunks, like, for you, you're a tall guy. Do what do you expect yeah about those bunks like for you for your your tall guy do you fit how long are those bunks i just well if i was if i was like six five instead of six three i wouldn't fit so i'd be fucked you can't take you'd be fucked you know what else i did in a fucking trailer behind it yeah you know what helped me if you open your window put your feet out look up sleep. I bought this compression blanket, and it wraps you in a fucking thing. You sleep like fucking a mummy. You're like this. Oh, that sounds like hell. I don't like that.

But it makes me sleep on my back, but then in the middle of the night, I have to get up, and I have to use the bathroom. It looks like I'm in drag. I'm walking to the bathroom like, hello, boys. You've got George Santos over here. I'm walking to the bathroom like, hello, boys. We got George Santos over here. I was about to say that. Wow. See, I don't like the constriction. But it feels good when you're sleeping.

I like a weighted blanket, but not something that will wrap me up. What are you guys, molested? It's the same effect. What's going on here? Get a regular blanket. Is that how they're selling weighted blankets? Were you molested? This is the blanket for you.

Call in. You were molested. Yeah, what am I, a toddler or a molested victim? In all fairness, that does look like Gary. It does. Pull up a picture of little Gary Vee side by side. You throw some glasses on that kid. It's over.

Put a joke book next to him. There he is. Same guy. Yeah, you know, my therapist actually has a side gig at Bed, Bed, and Me on. She's like, were you molested? Here's a coupon. There you go. The molested discount.

What about... The bus is nice. It does... That gurgle of a bus really is good for sleeping. Oh, Gary. I always loved falling asleep on the passenger trains, the long long time well that was in russia and ukraine like i used to have to go like three days and we'd have like a compartment right and that was like the best way to sleep because you feel like the tracks just like that's kind of how it feels you kind of you are getting rocked to

sleep a little it's funny i was asking that i got i got really lucky our bus driver actually was the same bus driver we had years ago when I was opening for Aziz. So he remembered me, and he goes, I'm so proud of you that you're now, it's your show. It's your bus now. And he's a really nice guy, Jeff. And it's funny. He's eating pickles during the drive. And I was like, why do you eat pickles?

He goes, because it keeps me up. Whoa. Is this Popeye? That's spinach shit. I mean, it's not like Gatorade It's like electrolytes Is it really? But it's pickles

It's all sodium I don't like the idea Of a driver being kept up By pickles Like this is a thing Keeping him awake I didn't like that He was deep throwing them

But I thought other than that It was alright But no He was eating pickles And he was a really cool guy And I mean we lucked out For sure I mean we thought

How funny it would be If we just opened We just opened the door to see him driving, and he's just like, you're in Columbus. We're like, no. Closes his head off. But we, no, he was great. You know, he drove really well, but I'd say, which are the bad roads?

He'd say, Texas roads are easy, but Missouri sucks. And I was like, fuck, I felt it while I was sleeping. Oh, interesting. Yeah, they're harder to drive. Very disorienting, too, when you hit bumps. You're like, where am I? Who am I? What state am I in?

You're all over the place. But you wake up in a new city, there's something pretty cool about it. That's the best. You just kind of, of course, the one day we fly home, our flight gets canceled. Ah! You know? But, you know, we wake up every day. It was like, we're in Tulsa today.

They did the pizza Guinness World Records thing. So there's 25 of the best pizza makers in the country. Professor Pizza, this guy, Tommy, who runs the place. Fuck, it's called the DeMarco Slice in Tulsa. It's top five slices in my life. No kidding. It's un-fucking-real. Tulsa Pizza is incredible.

He's a New York guy. Really? He moved to Tulsa. Or maybe Jersey, but he's an East Coast guy. Tulsa, Oklahoma? Yeah. Okay, wow. Dude, next level. Kane's Ballroom, which is where the Sex Pistols punched the hole in the wall. There's so much

legendary shit there. Alright, Tulsa. Oh, dude, that pizza is one of the best slices of my life, if you're in Tulsa. Tulsa's the new Connecticut? Yeah, kind of. This is like a Mad Lib. The Jew in Tulsa with the pizza. It new Connecticut? Yeah, kind of. This is like a Mad Lib. The Jew in Tulsa with the pizza. It's like a game of Clue.

What's the name of the pizza place again? There's a place called DeMarco's of Brooklyn. No, but it's in Tulsa, dude. I think this is in Tulsa. It says in... Oh, Andolini's Pizzeria? That's it, yeah. I wonder if that's mob ties or something. How did they get from Brooklyn to Tulsa?

I bet that's mob related. There's a huge outfit of the Gambino family in Oklahoma. I'm trying to promote this guy's business, Mark. I bet he's a criminal. No, I'm not saying he is, but I'm saying that's how he got there. A couple generations before it was probably something. Something's fishy and it's not the answer. No, really great pizza.

We're on the bus. We see, we're in St. Louis. We end up seeing Chris Rock, you know. Amazing. He ends up hanging with us in the hotel. It could have been cooler. And then, because we're in the same hotel lobby in St. Louis, we end up seeing his show.

His new material is phenomenal. I can't wait. It's crazy to see a guy that good in an arena. Sometimes arena comics don't have hard jokes. It's a lot of swagger. Yes. Rock, it's like all these big ideas It's kind of unbelievable

He covers the Will Smith stuff He's got an Elon Musk junk It's great He's actually doing the Will Smith stuff now He's had enough time to flesh it out And then I land and I see Colin Quinn's new one man show

How was it? Unbelievable If you haven't listened to see Colin Quinn's new one-man show. How was it? Unbelievable. Oh, I can't wait. And if you haven't listened to the Colin Quinn episode of this, listen to it. But Colin Quinn's new show, Small Talk at the Lucio Lortel, star-studded. Oh, yeah? Seinfeld was there. Whoa!

Gaffigan. Was that opening night then? Yeah. Oh, wow. Why'd you go? I had a gig in Jersey, a one-nighter. I forgot about it. But I got tickets re-upped for next week.

But I missed the big to-do. I think the people that care make it a point to do that. Wow. I mean, I had tickets. I just forgot about it. The guy's like, I'll see you tonight. I was like, no. I forgot all about it.

We sold it out, so I had to go. I got to go do a show in Newark. It's more important. But List is like, we're all going to Quinn. Where are you? I'm like, ah. I saw List. I'm in Morris Plains. Yeah. How how was that so you had a whole group yeah i brought uh marlon craft the

rapper came with me my plus one pure new york guy if you don't know marlon craft's music he's phenomenal so look up his music uh spotify he really blew up in the last couple years he's excellent picture he and his music's in our in Salacuse's doc, Julius Randall. Oh, right. Yeah, so many great songs. Cocky, humble, great rapper. Anybody talk to Seinfeld? You see Dr. Jerry?

I don't know him. You know him. But did you go, hey, there's Jerry? We didn't say anything. All right. How far away was he? He was far. Okay.

Far enough. Entourage? I think it was just him and his wife. Wow! Man of the people. Hamilton's opening at the Beacon all week. Yeah, I saw that. Pretty cool. Ryan Hamilton, great comic. Great comic.

Oh, there you go. Like real throwback beats. Like very jazzy I like that Soulful Soulful His dad's a jazz musician You can almost like feel that in his rap

It's like very old school Like plays the vibes Is that what his dad does? Plays the vibes? I don't know I think so That's a nice apartment This is what I couldn't do about rap

This is why I'm a comedian This shit I can't do Anything like this I just can't do those movements and live with myself after i'm like what am i doing uh i'm not knocking it i just can't do it it's rappers and dudes in wheelchairs oh that's it i'm offended wait no no no but you know you remember that always sunny episode where uh it's like D is dating a resorted person? I think they removed a lot of those episodes.

No, that one's still up. It's still up? That's a great ep. Because at the end, he freestyles and he goes, do you really think I'm mentally disabled? And he has a beautiful, amazing freestyle track that he just disses her on in front of everybody yeah but just because like he does this thing they're like obviously oh that's hilarious it's funny it's like that you can't even say retarded anymore but that was the title of the episode that was really i think it was she's dating a retarded guy the office had a whole retarded episode i think

they might have just like uh put in like mentally retarded not not just sweeties. It's so funny how that changes it. It's the same exact thing, but you put an extra word. Now you're a nice guy. It's all so silly. It's all so arbitrary. Yeah, I agree. I'm just saying. Guys who just agree with each other.

Colored person, person of color. What are we doing here? It's all silly. Whose joke was that? It's better to put the cursing. Oh, it was Bill Burr, I think. Yeah, it was Bill Burr. Yes, yes.

It's better to put the cursing before or after. Oh, yeah, yeah. This Asian motherfucker versus this fucking Asian. Yeah. Fucking Asian. That's a great point. That's a great bit. Damn, Burr.

But all the shit we're saying now will be offensive at some point. So you just got to go nuts. Queef is going to be the new N-word. I'm calling it. The Q-word. I'm going to get those shirts taken away. Mark calls his agent, you're going to kill me. Cut the merch.

Take off the hard Q. Yeah. Oh, we got answers. We're sorry. All right, Paulina, I think these were absolutely delicious. I can't put this down, this Hmezcal one. Delicious, and I think the orange twists on the paper plane is a really good touch. Who do you want to sleep with the least?

Don't answer that. All right. That's going to be something you can't say in 10 years. What? Ask a question on an interview. Who's going to get the first can't say in 10 years. What? Ask a question on an interview. Who's going to get the first lawsuit? Yes.

All right. So where can the people find you? Are you on social media and all that stuff? Yeah. What about your address? Melusina Canibal is my- Where are you from originally? Mexico City. No, Naples, Florida.

Oh. Nice. That's a good pull. Nice. I like that. So that's where the Mezcal Negroni comes from, right? Correct. There we go. Are your parents in Mexico City? Yeah. I've been in New York for

10 years, so pretty new-ish. So yeah, I wanted to do Mezcal, see if you guys liked it. Fantastic. Is it true that they aren't allowing New Yorkers to live there for over a month? Yeah. Wow. Isn't that wild?

We came in so hot here in COVID, and we took over the place. Wait, are you for real? No. Oh, yeah. It's a news story. Pull it up. Really? Yeah.

New Yorkers specifically? You can't stay that long. They kept moving there to Mexico City. It's such a cool city. It is. It's awesome. I love it. And they were like, you're ruining a culture because it's all these New Yorker specifically? You can't stay that long. They kept moving there to Mexico City. It's such a cool city. It is. It's awesome. And they were like, you're ruining a culture because it's all these New Yorkers now. Yeah, Trump wants to build a wall.

They're going to keep us out. When I went there a few years ago, I lived in Brooklyn. I lived in Bushwick. And we touched down. And we touched down in Roma Norte. And we looked around. We're like, did we just like a round trip flight back because like everybody in bushwick speaks spanish anyway right uh and roman or just looked exactly like

bush we're like this is great we're back home this is fantastic except with better food and better mezcal right i mean 2020 is when it got crazy because it's a lot of people yeah yeah it's gentrified the one thing that got me was the the altitude i didn't realize about the altitude oh really yeah um we went out like uh my girl and i went out drinking and we had like a cool bartender gave us like a flight of mesca and we're both bartenders we drink a lot we have a ridiculous tolerance right but we had like a small flight like maybe five like little like the saucers and then we get up and we're just bombed and you know we get a parent like did we get drugged or whatever blah we find our way back to the airbnb and i start looking up like oh it's

just like the altitude like you metabolize alcohol slower yeah you know frat boas are good about they're gonna use that in a second they'll be like they're gonna roof your girl like it's the altitude we're in denver it's not just What I slipped Into your drink Yeah What uh So From Mexico City You've been here What is Liar's Saloon If I remember It's a Bar that

Shut down As well That's two for you That you Closed It's like four Four Oh my god

There's a pattern You're gonna leave here It's just gonna burn down The hell accused Like knock on that wood Um But yeah I was at

Liar's Saloon in Montauk oh right but I live in the city I just go in the summertime spend a few months and work out there

what do you think worst city than Mexico City or better New York it's New York is my love oh

but I mean I love Mexico City but it's but you're not in love with it I guess New York City it love. Oh. I mean, I love Mexico City, but it's... But you're not in love with it. I guess. New York City. It's an X.

Yeah. It's an X. There you go. Hear, hear. All right. Well, Paulina, great job. Great drink. Yes.

These are amazing. Thank you, guys. Good frames. We loved it. Nice to meet you, Paulina. Nice to meet you guys. Yeah. What do you got work tonight?

Sure. I think meet you guys. Yeah. What do you got work tonight? Sure. I think you're unemployed. Possibly homeless. Sounds like a hard-working person. I'm going to go back to my car. Yeah. All right. Well, geez.

Thanks for coming in. You killed it. Great stuff. Thank you so much, Paulina. All right. All right. Resetting. You killed it. Great stuff. Thank you so much, Paulina. Alright. Resetting. Hey, folks. Feel like your best self in 2023 with Liquid IV.

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That was great. That was fantastic. No, seriously. Really? Those were delicious. That's not good. That was good, yeah. I brought one.

That's yours. This is yours. Oh, dude, that's why. I'm gonna have a little tour. Oh. Orange is, oh. Well, thank you for that. Yeah, I'm gonna take your glasses off. Yeah, this is mine.

Wait a second. I will take this, and. In which I'm a writer, so I like writing right now. So I'm gonna do a little. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm gonna have a little. That's a random question.

Right, right. Because of the white, yeah. So. Oh, my God. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Oh, there's a single boss. Oh, okay. Yeah. Right, right. Oh, that's good. Now, we can make this a little easier.

Thank you. Yep. Uh-oh. That's huge. Haha, yeah. Yeah, that was a little too quick, but... True, true, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. I mean, is this Beer Jew 2.0? What are we doing here? Like a hotter Beer Jew. Real Jew.

So if I'm the Beer Jew and I'm not Jewish at all, he's the wine goy. No, no, he's a Jew. He's an actual Jew. You're more of a wine goy. Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what I should have been. This dude would have killed Nazis. Yeah.

He would have eaten them. I would have done my best Yeah Oh yeah with your hands I can see you holding an axe I like a bartender Who looks like If shit

If push comes to shove He's gonna throw someone A fucking headlock Hell yeah I like that He looks like he eats Jews It's crazy you are one I can see

You're just Just full of them Devouring Now what's going on here He brought a gift in This is really greasing the wheels a little bit. I love it. I appreciate it.

We take bribery. And I'm going to crack it right now. A lot of cigars. Yeah. We'll keep this in studio in case someone has a baby. You're the first one online here. Wow. Are you going to have a baby?

You ate condoms. Are you going to have a baby? Eventually, yeah. Really? Yeah, I, yeah. Really? Yeah, I think so. I've got three out there now. Yeah. Sorry.

But you don't pay for the support, right? No, no. They're on the street. Good. For a cup of coffee, the price of a cup of coffee. All right. I love when people always do that. Like, why are you giving us an example of something that I can't live without?

Right. For the price of a cup of coffee, I need the coffee. Oh, good point. Say for the price of a small fries. Right. I need the coffee every day. That's a great point. Making some good points. You're right.

You got the Knicks game tonight, is that right? Yeah. Knicks-Cavs. Oh, yeah. Cleveland's good. LeBron's on there, right? Yeah. Nick's Cavs. What are we playing? Oh, yeah. Cavs. Cleveland's good. All right. LeBron's on there, right? Lakers.

Yeah, that's good. He left the Cavs. Ooh, baby. Maybe give me the big boy. Give me that silver. Oh, this is great. It's like Christmas. Look at that.

Are you a big cigar guy, Mark? Not big, but I like one a month. Listen to that. Hold on. Let me get that. Hear that at home, folks? That's the sound of a nice Cuban getting toasty. I love that type of lighter.

There's something about that type of lighter that just looks badass. Yeah, and that flame. The huge butanes, yeah. Love fire. I feel like I won the craps table here. Yeah, and that flame. The huge butane, yeah. Love fire. I feel like I won the craps table here. So where do you bartend? It's called 1776 in Morristown, New Jersey.

Isn't there one of those, though, in the village? Or am I making that up? There could be. It's a David Burke restaurant. Oh, wow. That's like a high-end place. Yeah, it's a pretty cool a pretty cool place it was a steakhouse or something um it's not a steak i mean he david burke is known for his uh his beef his steaks and things like that but it's not like necessarily a steakhouse it's like it's like an american kind of uh place all right

my friend used to work at one of those and he would hook it up oh really he would hook us up with drinks yeah nice and just so the internet doesn't say i'm sexist what's your favorite bill My friend used to work at one of those, and he would hook it up. Oh, really? He would hook us up. With drinks? Yeah. Nice. And just so the internet doesn't say I'm sexist, what's your favorite Bill Burr skit or bit? My favorite Bill Burr? Bit. Bit.

You're bombing with this section here, this favorite bit. I know you're testing them, which I appreciate, but I don't know if people have a favorite bit. I do. So my favorite Bill Burr is from his new special, Red Rocks. It's the one where he's talking about, it's his abortion piece. Oh, great bit. And he's like, listen, just call it what it is. I support it, but it's murder. You know what I'm saying?

Right, right, right. And he has a great analogy about the cake in the oven. So good. I saw him work that out for the first time at the Patrice benefit. No. Wow. and he has a great analogy about the cake in the oven so good I saw him work that out for the first time at the Patrice benefit that was pretty cool to see that joke crush for that crowd and then it's in the special

that was a great special how fun is that Patrice thing the new Patrice one is March 4th it's always in March it's coming up soon. Yeah. They just announced it.

Always a fun lineup. Rich Voss hosts it every year. It's always great. Yeah, classic show. Yeah, I was going to call you a sexist, but you really pulled it together. No, that's impressive. Yeah, that was good. So is this the paper plane?

Paper plane, yeah. Oh, baby. In the big martini. But that's how I like it, because that way you're not Michael J. Foxing all over yourself. That's why I like the coupe glasses, the curved ones that we have, because it kind of lets you slosh around. But the martini glasses look cool. They do look weird. Yeah, that's a little dainty, if we're being honest.

I look like a lord. I don't like it. Yeah, that's a little dainty, if we're being honest. I look like a lord. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. Very nice. Oh, yeah? Paper plane number two. Second tower. Okay.

Very nice. Very nice. Let's see. That one's going to the Pentagon. That one's a little lighter, too. That one's a little lighter, too. That was a little lighter. That was nice. That was like refreshing.

That's a 10 out of 10 right there. That's good. That's a damn good paper plane. I should put the cigar out on Paulina. After that. I'm joking. Walt Salacuse asked her favorite atel bit. Favorite atel bitbit whore.

Someone's going to chop up that part. They're sexist. I love you, Paulina. Paulina was great. Very good. This is a damn good... Very good.

Get over here, Salamanko. That is an amazing thing to play. Don't knock over the camera this time. Thank you, guys. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Very good. Real Jew is killing it. Yeah. Real Jew, real Jew. I like that. Yeah, real Jew, real Jew. Real Jew. time thank you guys i'm glad you enjoy it very good real jew is killing it yeah real jew real

jew i like that yeah real jew real jew the only thing i would say is that i think you already know but a cocktail is never complete without a garnish so oh i do know that but i didn't i don't know what should be a knife there somewhere no somebody took it away never mind oh there we go wow that was beer juice being kind of cunty right now. You're supposed to be the Simon here, right? Listen, he's right. He's wearing the black V-neck. I'm just playing the bar, yeah. I like having a picture of Simon Cowell just in the corner.

He's the real Jew. You're the beer Nazi now. You're the drink Nazi. He's become the beer Nazi. Yes. There you go. You either die quick or live long enough to become the villain. Grey goose stepping.

Come on. All right. So this is the Manhattan now? Oh, baby. I do love a Manhattan. Manhattan, the most damaged in movies history. What do you mean damaged? Like the most ruined movie. Most ruined city in movies. History. What do you mean damaged? Like the most ruined movie.

Most ruined city in movies. Oh, destroyed. Yeah, just like destroyed. Physically destroyed. Yeah. Like dystopian? Blown up. Yeah, blown up, fire, catches all, you know, pandemic, murderers, aliens. We do a pretty good job ourselves on that.

I'm guessing L.A. comes next. I guess L.A LA would be next. Manhattan's number one. It's Ghostbusters. It's Will Smith movie legend. Escape from New York. The movie Manhattan. He destroys a high school girl. Oh my god.

A lot of runes. There you go. Good city really seems to care. Day After Tomorrow. I love that movie by the way You're the one I don't like disaster movies Disaster that's the word I was looking for

Some of All Fears that was a real fucking turd You ever see that one? Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman they nuke the Superbowl What? In Baltimore Whoa they do it? No I don't know who, yeah. Yeah. Whoa. They do it? No, I don't know who nukes. Neo-Nazis do it to start a war.

Neo-Nazis. To start a war, fascists, to start a war between America and Russia. They're like, we got to get rid of the Browns. If only the real Jews were there to save the day. The team, the team. None of us got there because the Browns would never make the Super Bowl. Look at Cleveland. They get Deshaun Watson, who's got all this bad breath, and he stinks.

Oh, really? Yeah. Well, no one can give him a massage now that he's on the sidelines. He cramps up. He needs help. I'm like, oh, yeah. We're all right. I'm excited to try this Manhattan.

This is living. We got drinks coming. Doggies. This is a regular app. Oh, yeah. This is fun. Sorry, Peters coming. Doggies. This is a regular app. Oh yeah, this is fun. Sorry, Peters. You've been overruled. Peters thought this might be a Patreon. I'm having a good time. This is too fun. It's an action app.

There's stuff happening. I really like it on this side of the bar. It's a lot more fun. Don't get used to it. This was his last show. That plane's not coming back from Bali. Yeah, he goes in the next room. We're making you a regular. No!

No! Beard you got made. Yeah, exactly. It's like a good phone. Cut the salad, go to the diner, just fucking... And the pay phone. They got him. You motherfucker.

You motherfucker. That's good stuff. You have cherries somewhere? Right behind you. Good question. You got torn apart for that garnish thing. There we go. The garnish won't happen again.

I'll say this and don't clip this against me, but sometimes being a Nazi can have good results. Kanye. Alex Jones. Alex Jones. Alex Jones. You got to whip him into shape. You ever see old videos of Alex Jones? He's kind of like a handsome young guy.

He was ripped. Yeah, he looked like Bill Hicks a little bit. Yeah, he was a hunk. All right, guys, here's the Manhattan. Oh, uh-oh, no ice. These are big glasses. Yeah, thank you, sir. Are you messing with me this time? Let me see. Pop that chair. Oh, you're the. No ice. These are big glasses. Yeah. Thank you, sir. You're messing with me this time?

Let me see. Pop that cherry. Or you're the Manhattan connoisseur. Look at that. That was Alex Jones. Look how hot. That's a good drink. I will say, and this is no fault against you, no points against you, but I do prefer Manhattan's

on the rocks. I always liked them. I should have asked. Well, I mean, yeah, I know you do, but I would say that's a perfect preference. But everyone makes them this way. If you hit a ball, if you don't give them your preferences. Yeah, you got to stay on the rocks for sure. But don't you agree they're kind of better on the rocks?

Honestly, I do not. I really like them up because, like, once you – it's mostly about the sweet vermouth. Like, once you have ice in there in the water, it kind of separates the sweet vermouth, and then you have this weirdly layered drink rather than a fully integrated, fully mixed drink. And then you get all the flavors at the same time with the rocks. Unless you have a big cube.

I don't want a little cube. Yeah, if you have a nice large rock, then yes, absolutely. I want a hard rock. Café. D have a nice, like, large rock, then yes, absolutely. I want a hard rock. Cafe. Dwayne Johnson. I want it throbbing. Uh-huh. Yeah, no, I love that.

No, I like a big rock in there for sure. I like the rocks too. Ice too. Very nice. What's up? Alex Jones. Yeah, yeah, he's hot. Looks like Tim Dillon on Roids.

Son of a bitch. You fucking goddamn fucker. Listen, fuckhead. You don't fucking cross the line. Get that through your goddamn fucking head. Never forget the garnish. I hope you age well. I will not forget the garnish.

No, that's what I listen to before I go on stage. Just to pump myself up. That voice, when you start talking like that, conspiracy theories, it's not good for your mental health. No, it's coming. for your mental health nah, it's coming it takes a toll and when you start hating the Jews you're like, alright, you just went nuts

it's always coming especially if you're on TV oh yeah I don't know what that means they control the media, is that what that was? yeah, yeah, I got it this was his last show he's done I'm just pulling i got it this was his last show this was his last show

he's done i'm trying to help you i'm just you know i'm just pulling out a little stop since it is the last show yeah real real jew is he's holding it pretty tight over there i've been keeping this in this whole time and the whole time i'm the real nazi well how tall are you there sir six three okay and he's like a and he's like a strong six'3", dude. This guy's a fucking O-line. Well, no, I'm wearing Tim's. Did you play football? I played baseball. What position? Third base.

Damn, you were guarding that line? Third base. Yeah, fucking Wade Boggs over here, dude. Favorite third baseman? David Wright. Oh, Mets fan? Dude, he's got all the answers today. Respect. Third right. I'm a Yankees fan, but I love David Wright. Mets fan? He's got all the answers. Respect.

I'm a Yankees fan, but I love David Wright. Favorite Dave Wright bit. The time he broke his back and left the Mets forever. Wow. No, that was a horrible story. Dark. I love it. That's a dark stuff.

But that's a Mets fan's sense of humor. You got that right. You have to laugh. You got to be dark. Maybe you guys get Otani next year. You never know. That'd be sweet. Baseball fan.

I like it. I think the Mets this offseason are actually pretty solid. You're glad they didn't get Correa. No, no. I wanted Correa. I was kind of disappointed when that fell through. I was kind of disappointed when that fell through. But, I mean, with Brett Beatty and Escobar,

we have a solid third base already, so we'll be fine. That's what you need in a bartender. You need to be able to talk sports. That's true. You need to be able to talk everything. Yeah, good point. Therapists, sports, make a mean cocktail. I don't know what he's making right now, but I'm excited to try it.

A gimlet. A gimlet. Good choice. There you go. Oh, my God. I got a rec for you guys. By the way, speaking of gimlet, because it just made me think of her, Lauren Bacall, her book.

Oh, it didn't light. I'm literally talking about Hollywood royalty. You can't keep a fucking fart in. It's dumb bag. It's trying to light it. It didn't catch. It's a royalty. You can't keep a fucking fart in. Scumbag. He's a trash. No, but literally. Okay, so listen to the audio book, though, because her voice is hilarious. She's literally like, and then Kirk Douglas came over to have his way with me, and I was in a cloud. She keeps saying I was in a cloud.

Oh, I love that. It's so old timey. Fucking her romance with humphrey bogart incredible stories why do people talk like that back then i don't know but i love it i fucking like it what's her name uh it's the same reason that people talk with like vocal fry now it's just like oh you're right you're right who's the other one i'm thinking of uh that cape planchette played in the aviator you know what I'm talking about? Oh, Katharine Hepburn. Oh, she also had that voice. I love that.

She did, yeah. Sounds like the mom on The Critic. Yes! That's a deep cut. Look at Cavett. Fun guy. Wide tie. She was just like a classy, cool Hollywood starlet.

She smoked. She was fun. And witty. She's just like a classy, cool Hollywood starlet. She smoked. She was fun. And witty. She's very witty. Very witty. She's witty and funny and cool. And classy at the same time. And the stories are incredible.

It's about Howard Hawks and have and have not, meeting Bogart. It's a good audio book. When it's a really good performer, you want to hear the audio. Right. So true. Dana Carvey in his heyday, remember his old stand-up was so good. Oh, this is

going to be a great Gimlet. This is a Gimlet. Dana Carvey had the bit where he said, uh, Kathleen Hepburn sounds like a car not starting on a cold day. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. George Clooney of his day That's a great movie, Philadelphia Story Oh, it's Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant

It's a funny It's a great rom-com What's in that again? What's a gimlet? It's vodka, in this case I used Tito's and lime juice and simple syrup. Damn. Nice and easy. Honestly, I'm so dumb. I didn't even know there was simple syrup in it.

I thought it was just lime juice and vodka. So, okay. So this is the thing with gimlets. Like, old school gimlets, especially like for- That is phenomenal. Phenomenal. I'm going to order that. Yeah.

So for- The gimlet for a long time used to be a drink for older widows. You have to lose a husband to get one of these? Yes. And you have to have a large pearl necklace made with that husband's life insurance. Yes. There you go. The real Jew.

Real Jew. Real Jew. Real Jew. This one's going to get demonetized so quickly. It sounds like Auschwitz. He's a real Jew Get him No but he used to be

Like a really sour drink What the fuck It's bad It's bad The Louis C.K. bit Goodbye Jews Goodbye That's one of the classics

Live at the Beacon Well I will say Classic So We used to order Like I remember Going to bars with girls And we were like

You know we're all kids and you know shithole bars but the girls would order gimlets to sound old so they wouldn't get carded

no one cards someone ordering a gimlet yeah hell yeah exactly that's what I'm saying so it used to be like a totally

like at least up until like the early 2000s I would say if you're good very good it's like it used to be

like a very sour drink because they wouldn't add any sugar at all because as you get older your taste buds kind of die out so you need more like zest more spice more whatever just to feel it so for example when i make like cause when i'm working a service bar if uh if i get like a ticket for a

cosmo i ask the server like how old is the person ordering this cosmo because with the cosmo you can balance it like very easily so if they're older I always make it like super sour and if they're younger I make it much sweeter because like no but seriously it works that's exactly how they like it so the females love that how old are you you broad I gotta make you a drink what are you 82 well that's why I asked the server not them I. I'm like, hey, miss. Right. Got to card you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you sound like, do you remember Bogart? No, but they used to be, like, really sour.

Now, like, we can actually make them to be, like, pretty palatable for everybody. So I think that's, like, a very well-balanced cocktail. Well, I agree with this. Help me out here. So I love tequila, and sometimes I get a lot of tequila sodas, but sometimes you want to mix it up. And I like a margarita, but they're too sweet. Get a Paloma. That might even be too sweet.

But I want to order a skinny margarita, but I sound like such a queef ordering a skinny margarita. So what the hell should I order? I'm telling you, get a Paloma. All right, I'll get a Paloma. A skinny margarita. I know, I like them. It is not a cool...

Yeah, you can't think of bogo being, give me a skinny margarita, see? Give me a mug, you make it skinny. Yeah, exactly. Give me a skinny margarita. Give me a mug. You make it skinny. Yeah, exactly. Give me a mug, see? I'm watching my figure, see? All right, look at a Paloma. A Paloma's really nice because the grapefruit's sour anyway.

Just say not too sweet. You know, it's fine. All right. And it's super easy. They can make it at any dive bar. Most people have grapefruit juice. What's in a Paloma? Grapefruit juice, lime, tequila, and a little soda on top.

The original Paloma was made with grapefruit soda that they have in Mexico, but here we just do soda water and grapefruit juice, a little lime. All right. That sounds nice. It's really nice. I love it. It's one of my favorite drinks out because I only drink tequila when I go out. Grapefruit juice is underrated.

I agree completely. Good, good, versatile juice. I mean, you know. Remember when I was growing up, every adult ate a grapefruit for breakfast. Remember that? With a spoon? Yeah. Cottage cheese, remember that?

Yes. There was a lot of cottage cheese. I think there was like a health craze. My grandparents thought shit was healthy that was not healthy. They were out there eating snack wells. I'm like, this shit is fucking garbage. You're just eating shitty cookies. And they have like 10 of them because they think they're healthy.

Exactly. It's all sugar. What is this? Why are you pulling this up? Grapefruit in the face. Oh, yeah. Very good. very good oh man yeah

way to bring the room down holy shit When you see grapefruit then. Yeah. I'm sorry. Way to bring the room down. Holy shit. No, geez. Did you bring the room down with a spousal abuse? Jesus Christ. Wow. He's like, this will be funny.

A woman getting beaten. Cagney was like a five foot two song and dance man. It's so funny that he's like a, he's a Jew too, I think, right? Really? Is that right? Cagney. Unless he changed his name. Look it up. He might've changed. Maybe Edward G. Robinson was Jewish. I'm thinking Edward G. Robinson was a Jew, too, I think, right? Really? Is that right? Cagney. Unless he changed his name. Look it up.

He might have changed his name. Maybe Edward G. Robinson was Jewish. I'm thinking Edward G. Robinson was a Jew. So was Jackie. His name was Cagney Stern? No, Cagney wasn't Jewish, I don't think. Oh, maybe he converted. Rod Carew, he converted.

Yeah, he... Irish American I think Edward G. Robinson was a Jew though Do you want to see him speak Yiddish in 1931? Yeah He just puts another grapefruit in someone's face He speaks broken German Cagney was great

You ever see White Heat or Little Caesar? Those are fucking bangers Yeah Broke a German. Cagney was great. You ever see White Heat or Little Caesar? Those are fucking bangers. Oh, yeah, classics. That sounds funny. Is he a New Yorker? He must be. I'm going to go yes. I think everybody was back then.

Graham or Cedric. Yeah, he was Cagney's great. I remember seeing White Heat on the big screen at the film forum, and that's a pretty epic one. Top of the world, ma. Great movie. Great movie. I'll tell you, I watched Harold and Maude on the flight back from Hawaii. Classic.

Classic. That was Hawaii. Oh, it was great. The shows were weird. But I was out there with Andrew Youngblood. We would just sit and watch the sunset, drinking highballs all day, and we got ATVs. We went on a swam.

It was great. It was a great time. Magical place. It really is. The shows were weird, but magical place. Yeah, I'm sure you're not there for the comedy. Yeah, you don't need comedy there. People came out because they wanted to say hi and support, but they're not savvy.

There was a lot of heckling, a lot of woo, a lot of like, what? We don't care about that. Why are you doing jokes about Uber? Let's hang out. Let's drink. It was weird, but fun hang otherwise. We're in South Africa and Hawaii within two weeks.

Horrible routing. I'm all fucked up. 11-hour flight there, 11- hour flight back horrible i did i did tacoma mid-december in washington i did spokane on new year's i'm like oh it's the same fucking far away state and weird cities yeah back to back yeah i had to have to go but you need those days home to recharge you really do you do and it's like it's good and also it's like staying out there you're just like that takes more of a toll than than the flame that's true we're so fucked up and flying all the time that we're just kind of used to being jet lagged so i think we're like kind of used to

it but you know it's funny how our recharging is like i'm back in the city i'll go drink midday on a podcast i literally landed and went straight to colin qu show. Wow. With the bags? No, I live walking distance. Oh, that's great. I dropped them off and I went straight there. Took half a dump. Didn't even take a full dump. I needed the bidet cleaning in my butthole. He just clipped it. I'm so used to the bidet now. I can't

have an airport wiping. I need some water in my hole. I went over there. A spoiled asshole. My asshole's become quite a dandy little fucker. I went over there. He's a spoiled asshole. I have a spoiled, my asshole's become quite a dandy little fucker. I went over there and Marlon and I, you know,

we tie one on at a whiskey bar nearby. We have our drinks. I hope you shit at the bar and got the rest out. I waited till I got home. All right. I want the fucking bidet.

Oh, good point. You get a bidet at the bar, we'll talk. We should have Marlon craft on. He has his own whiskey. Mom's whiskey. I told him and he said he wants to come on Alright

I want to try your bidet You're welcome to come over It's a heated seat too I'm more than happy to share it with anyone Who wants to come over Christmas day I had Jared Freed My friend Chase And my friend Dory over

Watching hoops, eating Chinese food, pounding coffee, before we switched to whiskey. Freed took two dumps. He went back for seconds on the dump before he went back for seconds on the Chinese, I'll tell you. And then everyone took two dumps. It's a poo-poo platter over there. Well, everyone got their Chinese, and we switched to whiskey pretty soon.

I started making people paper planes. There you go. Nice. It's a good thing you had a bidet. You'd be out of toilet paper. You save money on toilet paper, and it's eco-friendly. Eco-friendly. Those wet wipes are the worst.

That's what ruins the environment. I got Greta coming over to take a dump. Everyone's happy. How dare you? Alright, well thank you, man. This was amazing. Giflet is next level. This is excellent. You're great. The hair,

the facial, you got some mitts on you. You can really choke out a lady. You got a great head of hair. Thank you. Really one of the best heads of hair I've ever seen. This is like Jason Priestley in the 90s good yes so uh i i saw the patreon where you guys were like reviewing we're reviewing us and you guys just kept saying look this dude's huge and i was like shit do i need to get like a muscle suit like i was like i feel like i'm gonna be the only person to ever catfish someone with an unedited video of myself. You're good.

No, no, no. I could tell he was a dude. What's with all the Alex Jones shit you're looking up, Salamanca? I'm going to send him off with you, goddamn son of a bitch. I blew it. I blew it. I'm sorry. Oh, no.

But yeah, thank you for coming in. You killed it. Thanks, man. You look great. If I was gay, I'd blow you. All right. I'll take it. All right.

Thanks for the stogies. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the opportunity. Okay, are we rolling, Peter? Okay, so what I liked about the last guy was he took his – he asked, where can I take these glasses when he was done. Yes, yes. And I remember hearing a story about the CEO. When he interviews you, he brings you into his office. He says, let's go get a cup of coffee in the kitchen.

And you go because you're trying to get a job. And then he brings you down and interviews you and at the end of the interview you shake hands or whatever and if you don't take your cup back to the kitchen and put it in the sink to like do a little washout he doesn't hire you no matter what your qualifications are he's like it's just a personality test oh i got like a decent person would do yes yeah if you leave the cup there or whatever you don't get hired no matter how good you are i mean it's important to be considerate you know and especially like it shows how much like uh i would say like accountability there is you know how much

responsibility there is and and that you're not pawning off like work on other people just because like oh that's not my that's the thing i hate worse like i've trained i've trained like i counted the other day i've trained about like upwards of like 55 bartenders in new york and they all have really good jobs now and like that's the one thing that like i will never let slide if somebody says like oh that's not my job like being a bar in like a restaurant like if you're working in a nice restaurant there's all sorts of staff right there's runners's runners, bussers, waiters, porters, everybody. Right. And the bartender is kind of like up there.

Right. Like, uh, so there, there are like a lot of bartenders who will be like, oh no, I just make the drinks. I don't even go out from behind the bar. I'll never go into the kitchen. I'll never like touch a dish. He points to his penis and he goes, that's not my job. He's like, well, you're fired.

That's messed up. No, but it's like, but, but that's the, that's the one thing that I hate hearing the most is like, that's not my job he's like well you're fired that's messed up no but it's like but but that's the that's the one thing that i hate hearing the most is like that's not my job like you know when you're working with people especially in the hospitality industry where everyone's like so tight-knit like works together to make we are in most places you pull tips anyway you know like and then for someone to say like oh that's not my or that's beneath me well you're top of the totem pole there and you're doing humble exactly that's what i'm saying yeah exactly and like but that's important for everybody you know like top of the totem pole doesn't mean shit when like the whole total pole is like horizontally making the same yeah like tips and everything so

like just that whole like yes there's a lot more ego and like whatever like confidence in a bar center like we're supposed to be like the the face of the the bar or whatever and we're supposed to be talking to customers and look nice or whatever and have that like kind of like ego trip and confidence just to you know make sure that everyone feels like we're in control and nobody's like running amok but the fact that yeah oh oh geez you're wasting good air with this shit. This story's 20 minutes long. What are you doing, Beer Juice? I'm just saying.

We got it. We got it. I think Beer Juice fucking wasted. We got it 10 minutes ago. You say the same thing over and over. Fuck you. That's not my job. I hate when somebody says that.

There you go. Good peep. I got it all summed up in one sentence. All right, there you go. I was like, all right, I can't wait till we're back on here. I didn't know that was this pod. You were talking to me that whole time? Personally.

All right. How do you feel about both those bartenders? Were there people that you would hire at your place, you think? Yeah. I mean, they're both great as far as bartenders. Scott was very personal. He's very quick. Yes.

Agreed. He just has to get comfortable with like the stuff we have here and that's it like uh paulina was very like uh on point with what she gave as like the her personal cocktail you know like she both knew you guys like negronis and stuff and then put her own like cultural spin on it with the mezcal which was fantastic very nice uh you know with the gimlet he came out like the gimlet's kind of like not something that a lot of people serve off the bat now but he made a fantastic one great gim yeah uh gimlet is an underrated cocktail yeah i i really i've seen people order i've never really ordered one yeah well the the divorcee lady thing maybe gave it a little femininity. We were at a bar, and I think it was Spokane.

Vitor and I had a bar, and Vitor doesn't drink, so I'm drinking at a bar, and the bartender walks over to us, and I was like, and this pussy's not going to have anything. The bartender goes, you fucking pussy. And Vitor's like, oh. Good to be the headliner. Can't catch a break.

Does he must crack every now and then and have a cocktail if his wife is watching yes he does oh he's a bad boy no he doesn't he never fucking does it when i taped a special uh chicago we did four nights and i said you need a drink with me i need your emotional support this trip and he said okay so he got drunk with me for that trip and the best part is september 1st is when my netflix special came out and i was flying to vermont from texas i have a bit about this now about how i missed the show that night because the connection got fucked so i was really stressed i was but then i was also like it's just a show we're making it up on sunday i land in vermont i said we're going

to a good restaurant we gotta like have have a good night. Show got canceled. You got to get fucked up with me. And he goes, you got it. We got fucking ripped. And the next day he goes, this is what hangovers feel like. And I was like, yeah, dude, it sucks. But I'm used to it. So I'm kind of like, yeah, that's annoying.

But it's been a while for him. So he was like, are you fucking? He was just mad the whole day. Yeah, and he's got a rhythm. He works out every day. He eats well. He writes. And the hangover. He eats very well with me. I take good care of the little fucker. Yeah, and he's got a rhythm. He works out every day. He eats well. He goes, he writes, and the hangover will go away.

He eats very well with me. I take good care of the little fucker. Yeah. What does he drink when he drinks for the first time in a long time?

We were doing cocktails. We did some wine, but he, yeah, he really is like, has the attitude of a hot chick. Yeah. He's like,

you better take, he'll say, you better take me somewhere nice. Well, it's easy when you're eating off the kid's menu. Yeah.

I got a filet. He got a dinosaur chicken nuggets. Dinosaur chicken. Can we get some crayons before the food comes? He was drawing the tablecloth. No, he always says, he goes, you better take me to this fucking restaurant. He'll point out five-star restaurants. He's like, you better fucking take me there.

Damn. He knows his worth. I was like, well, you better fucking suck me long time, motherfucker. And he does. He can stand and do it. It's so funny that Vitor, I know we've talked about Vitor for 30 minutes on this app, but he sold Coke in college. I mean, the guy's got a rep. He's got an edge to him.

You wouldn't know it. He's this little guy with glasses, but man, he's got history. Checkered past. That's his show, by the way. Yes. His theater is like a drug mule. And he's so good with business. I bet he had like eight freshmen under him

doing baggies and shit, weighing it out. He's got the lady with no shirt on. He hits her ass. You know. Woo! Where are you going to go coming up? Oh, I'm all over the place. Dayton, Toledo. I'm really running it through the mud here.

Let's see. Spokane, Appleton, Wisconsin. Let's see. Rochester, Poughkeepsie. I mean, I'm doing all the fun cities. Big recording on March 18th. March 18th. I think it's sold out.

We added a show, so we might just keep adding shows until we get as many as we can. Can you say the venue? The Vic Theater in Chicago. Sold out two already. We might add one, and hopefully we add another. Four is a nice number for a special. That's amazing. We'll see. Chicago, come on out. Got some good food wrecks in Chicago.

Please. Shaw's. Look up Shaw's. That's a fucking spot, dude. Also, what's the great burger spot in Chicago? AU something. No. I love the au jus. The au jus.

What? The au jus will not replace us. Oh! What do you have here? That's a good prime rib spot. Yeah, better than au schwitz. That's a whole other one. February 14th, Salt Lake City.

This is for Sam. Yeah. Bad hotel. New York. Atlantic City. Royal Oak. Minneapolis. We're adding shows to all these, Royal Oak, Minneapolis. We're adding shows to all these places. Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, New Haven, Boston.

Adding a bunch of those. Miami, Orlando, Ponte Verde Beach. Adding there. Atlanta, the Tabernacle. Charleston, Durham, Charlottesville, Norfolk, D.C. We're on the tour bus for this motherfucking stretch. It's going to be epic. Wilkes-Barre, PA.

Ending that one in Portchester. More dates being announced soon. But, yeah, a lot of cool shit. The tour bus is just the truth. It seems like a lot of fun. And I've seen the videos, and it makes you want to be on it. Oh, dude, I mean, fucking with morning radio, morning press, you know, dead Vitor there, pretending to be dead.

We got, we're hooping every day. We're being healthy. I mean, we get lit up at night for sure. Do you have James Webb documenting all this? James has got some cool shit. He's got some good footage of us hooping, some footage of us just, you know, pounding booze in bars, eating their good pizza in Tulsa, you know, being animals on the tour bus cool you know backstage stuff and these theaters are beautiful it's pretty crazy they have stories like you know houdini i know went through the ceiling there and i'm like cool i'm gonna do a dead baby joke right here different vibes you know are you showering in there i do yeah because we're

on the tour bus uh so yeah we shower at the venue every night. What's the pooping on the bus situation? You can't poop on the bus. No pooping on the bus. Although the driver told me, he goes, it's a girl here years ago. And they were just pooping trash bags. What? How?

You have to get rid of them. I don't know. You just put a trash bag where the bowl goes. Yeah. And you just poop shit in the trash bag as you're sitting on the toilet. I don't want seafood on that bus. We ain't doing shit. I was like, no fish on the bus.

Is that your rule or the bus driver's rule? No, you can't poop on there. Whose rule, though? I think it's the, you just can't on those. It's going to stink. And if you see those toilets on the bus, the hole where the piss goes down is about the size of a quarter. So if you drop a log in there, it's sitting. It's sitting.

It'll stew. It's a stew. It's a bad stew. Yeah. A terrible stew. Chrysler shit on the bus because he was the headliner. So we all allowed him to shit on the bus. What are we going to say?

And it didn't go down. And we just had to live with it. Oh, my God. So we're all peeing on his rock hard blue ribbon can shit that was just sitting in the bowl for three weeks. Bird's poop has got to be the most unhealthy poop. I bet it's orange and just being like,

ah. It's got a Hawaiian shirt on. Joey Diaz was like, I'm getting a hotel. That was it. This guy's been in, he was like in Nam. He's like, I can't handle this. It's too much. He was in New NAMM You know He's like I can't handle this This is too much He was in New York

In the 70s Yeah exactly He's like I'm not dealing With this tour bus No No the bus And these theaters Are just

Are legendary Like you're literally Yeah Performing You're looking at the other People on the wall People who signed the wall And it's like

Crazy It's wild The Rolling Stones You're like Elvis fucked In this broom closet And you're like Yeah get in here Vitor You better earn That free meal boy Yeah You got anything I was fucked in this broom closet, and you're like... Yeah, get in here, Vitor.

You better earn that free meal, boy. Yeah. You got anything there, Beardjer? Sorry, I didn't mean to call you out. I didn't know we were recording. I feel bad. No, it's all good. It's all good.

No, I mean, the only thing I got is I'm going to be traveling for a little bit. So if anyone's out there who's listening, who's in Malaysia,aysia singapore indonesia vietnam cambodia out there taiwan and south korea japan south korea would be the best actually because i have no contacts there i would love to contact you me there actually i got a i got a uh instagram so north korea what do you think sugar love 2192 if the opportunity comes up you know i want to i want to meet uh dennis rodman is he still there um I don't know. I think he's back here. But he's been hanging out there for a while. But no, a bunch of people already contacted me through Instagram.

And they're like, hey, I'm in Taiwan. I'd love to show, come out. And I love that because I'm traveling basically alone, meeting people along the way. So I'd love to meet somebody, either transplants or locals, whoever, and find some stuff. Sweet sweet hit me up all right hit them up we'll see you all in hell thanks for coming in cat whiskey.com get your bodega cat that's how we're making all these drinks yeah and boys are some fine whiskey yes for your family

good for your children give you give your kids some bodega cat whiskey and if they can't handle it call them a pussy and beat them. Yes. Bodega Cat whiskey, not just for adults anymore. Yeah, and get a glass, and thanks to the bartenders who came in, and we'll see the next bartenders next time. Get a glass and tap that ass. Yeah. A new beginning.

Yeah. Cheers. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Piverec, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming. And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true