We Might Be Drunk - Ep 117: Ari Shaffir and Bar Search Pt 2

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

We brought in the big guns for this episode, 3 more bartenders up on the chopping block. Can they make the best drinks and rise to the top? We have Shayne, Steffe and Cameron and of course the great comedy of  @arishaffir   Get tickets to see Ari at the Beacon Theatre March 24th and catch his comedy special "JEW" streaming on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2YtIBYM4w0 Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows Ari Shaffir: https://www.arishaffir.com/ *Important Links* Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/Drunk and get on your way to being your best self. Visit http://liquidiv.com and code Drunk Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRUNK at https://displate.com/wmbd?art=6247414ceddb3 Engineered at Gotham Podcast Studio Produced by Matt Peters at Gotham Production Studios Edited by Matt Peters at Gotham Production Studios Email: [e-mail] Address: Gotham Production Studios 251 West 39th Street, 16th FL New York, NY 10018

Yo! Yeah! Should we open with that? It is a pretty good... We were talking about Mark and his antics farting on our guests. With Nate Bargatze here. Let's show... Seriously.

And by the way, Nate's a great comic. Watch his new special on Amazon. Killer. We have to plug if we're going to show... Hello World. Great. If we're going to show Mark farting on him. Watch it today. Okay. By the way, directed by Homeless Pimp. Hello World. Great. If we're going to show Mark farting on him. Watch it today.

Okay. By the way, directed by Homeless Pimp, which is very impressive. Yes. Mike Lavin. We should give his real name as well. Oh, yeah. Homeless Pimp. Celebrity theater.

The more you talk about it, the more, you know, it's more conversational. It's more whatever it is. Right. Hold on. Look at the eyes. The head shake. Ah! Not even a head nothing happy there no he looked like my dad when i said i was gonna be a comic brutal man i've known the guy 10 years i know but he was in the middle of his story i think that adds i think it adds to the frustration when he's trying to have

a poignant moment and you fart on him i guess so well you had left i felt like it was lacking a little i had to kick it up if i was here i think i would have saved it because i usually laugh i mean i'm laughing just at the playback i need you there i know i would have loved i have a dream that all farts are created equal i mean uh pretty great dude i was in vegas weekend. I went off. Oh, well, you got to go off. It's Vegas. Oh, I went hard.

I mean, I don't know if you have that picture of me, Salacuse. It's on my Instagram. I was going to do that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We hit it hard. You playing, looked like Blackjack with a cigarette and an old sea captain. I can even show you.

Oh, my God. Should I send you the video? I guess it doesn't matter. My room was... Dude, that guy ruled. He was 78. Wow. And he was putting the drinks back and we hit it off.

He was enjoying my antics. I was pissed drunk. It's funny when your face is all over the casino and you're still the worst behaved person there. There's just literally posters of me all over because I was playing the Mirage. And then I'm just loaded at the table piss drunk just you know zapping cigarettes and after every blackjack hand i lose i start calling the dealer a nazi sympathizer and this old guy's like losing it laughing so you know all i need is a little laugh so i'm taking it further i'm like hitler hitler hitler hitler that's great hit hit hitler again and they're getting furious at me

I can see the security like do we do something yeah but uh no he was great wow what is this oh it's casino take it back this is you at the table which hand you jerk off with not both of them

take it back. Butte. Motherfucker. Wow. Yeah, I should say I was tipping, though, which helps. I was throwing to Hitler, but I was tipping. That's all that matters. No one else was throwing her money.

I posted that I did that, and someone wrote like, well, yeah, you lost because that's karma. And I was like, well, I didn't lose. Although this is classic comic shit. I was so shit-faced. I was down a decent amount of money for a minute. And then I noticed people stopped paying attention to me. So I was like, hey, guys, I'm putting all my money on this hand. Everyone's like, oh, my God, he's putting his money on it. I was like, man, I'm a whore. But I won that hand, thank God.

That was like $300 on a hand. Whoa, $1,400. Hey, all right. Yeah, so I won the money back. I was doing like $25 a hand. But then I was like, oh, I got to go all in if I'm still going to be the center of attention. That's what it's worth. You always see the movies.

They're at craps tables. The girl's blowing on the dice. You're high-fiving everybody, but it's never that. It's always four in the morning with the old white-haired guy. Oh, dude, he was awesome. And then at the end of the night, he was like, don't smoke. I've smoked my whole life. I was like a planet fitness like super mr

universe type guy and uh you know it cut 33 of my oxygen i was like this is like a movie whoa he was like i made every wrong mistake i was like dad dad speaking of dad dad we got in the house this week we got uh salicu His son, he got divorced. Salacuse's got the baby. Kramer versus Kramer in the flesh. Oh, yeah. Love it. Yeah, I was joking with Salacuse.

I go, hey, we'll see you today. And he goes, ah, you said tomorrow. And I was like, oh, he's like, I got to see you. I was like, well, bring him. I didn't think you would. Pick him up. Yeah, you called my bluff. And this poor kid's out of school

we're good influences drinking in the afternoon yeah there you go we should introduce one of our guest bartenders here shane hey shane what's shaking fatty nothing much i'm uh from colorado just moved to new york about five months ago whoa we're We're in Colorado. Colorado Springs. Hey, great town. Big Navy base, right? Naval bases? Fort Carson. So it's Army. Army.

All right. Largest base territory-wise in the whole country. Am I nuts or is Black Klansman set in Fort Collins? It takes place in the Springs, yeah. Springs, sorry. Why did I say Fort Collins? We got to focus on the family. People hate abortions out there.

Do they? Yeah. Well, we'll steer clear. People hate abortions out there. Do they? Yeah. Well, we'll steer clear. I've paid for a few. Yeah. All right. Well, hey, good to have you there. Colorado Springs.

Thank you. How about a cocktail? Yeah, yeah. I'm Jones. Let's start with old fashions. Oh, I thought we'd do Manhattans, but I could do an old fashion. Oh, I might have fucked that up. Well, whatever you guys prefer, I can make it.

What are you thinking? Let's do a Manhattan. Let's do a Manhattan. Yeah. We got vermouth back here? We must. Yeah. Hey, all right. We got vermouth back here? We must. Hey, all right. We got vermouth.

All right, down the fly. Altering the plan. I like it. Shane, out of the gate, do you have any peeves? Anything bother you in general? Fucking everything a guest orders really bothers me. Oh, jeez. I hate when people come in like, what do you like?

I'm like, fuck off. What do you like? Yeah, I get that. That bugs me. You know what happened to me last night? I'm my moons uh you know right next to the cellar because it's a monday the band's playing it's two packs i'm like i'll eat next door i'm in moons alone this guy sees me he comes in he goes sam what bar do i go to and i was like excuse me i don't fucking know you i don't know what kind of bar you like you're like that's you from the past what bar should i go to so i don't end up like this uh yeah i don't know what'd you say

off the wagon i was like i don't know what kind of bar you like he's like anything i think i said peculiar pub so like that's a cool village pub you get 600 beer choices uh yeah that's not bad choice but he cornered me in a way that was i was kind of like all right is this guy gonna he also had like the faux hawk and was kind of intense i was like is this guy gonna swing on me yeah because that's the village now is dude i'm with ryan hamilton we're walking around and dudes are just in our face to the point that it's like crazy i got into it with a guy i think i told you about that i'm not a tough guy but this guy goes uh it was me and a friend who had a camera like a nice camera like that and he goes where you going with that camera bitch and i was like i just had a bad day and

i was like fuck off and he goes what'd you say and he goes i've been to jail i was like that's not a good thing so now we're going back and forth and i see sean patton walk up and i'm like all right i got some backup so i just go in on the guy and we're like face to face and then the seller bouncers walk over and i'm like whoa baby i am in the clear patton pulls out a knife and I'm like, woo baby I am in the clear. Patton pulls out a knife and I was like I gotta go on. Hey, there we go. We talked about this. The knife's not, you don't want to be the dude who stabs. True. But, you know, what if

the guy's stabbing him? You don't want to be in a knife fight. That's my point. I think mace is the move because you can get him down and get away. But I had my hand on the mace last night. The guy was ready. He comes in the fucking sandwich shop and starts me and hamilton are in wolf nights i ate i had two dinners and uh i was hungry and uh you john panett two dinners i uh we're in there and he's fucking with the woman in there so we kind of we're kind

of like hey stand down i said stand down that's pretty good he was drunk you know but the guy's pissed drunk i'm like i'm like stand down and he was just like oh and he's like oh fuck so now i'm his attention yeah and i was like are you okay i was trying to be like heroic and she's like yeah i'm fine she's like used to it she works in the village but uh but i had my hand on the mace and hamilton was like thank god you had the mace just in case you know so where was it on you now no it's in my jacket Whoa Oh, I'm pumped Thank you, sir Let's see what we got here That looks nice

We need a third for when our guest judge gets here Guest judge? Oh, yeah We have a guest judge this week Simon's coming in He saw our video last week where we trashed his Botox There we go Thank you, Shane

Cheers, cheers, my pleasure Does Chik want one? You want a cocktail, kid? Let's start him slow. Give him a daiquiri. There you go. Maybe a rosé. That might be the best Manhattan we've had from any guest judge.

I have to say, I don't normally like Manhattans up. I like a big round cube in them. But yeah, this might be the best Manhattan we've had yet. It's good because it's subtle but flavorful at the same time. That is damn salad. Do you want to get in here? Yeah. Shane, first, what's your favorite Patrice O'Neill bit?

Oh, Jesus Christ. I like the one where he says the only reason we have sex is to save shit up to jerk off to later. Wow. Man, well done, sir done sir that's good colorado is he one of your who are your favorites i'm a huge bill burr fan so that's a good one i like patrice sure i love his bits on like um what's that talk show um opiate anthony oh yeah classic boy this pro lififer is all right. This is insane.

Very good. What's your bar experience? So I ran a few cocktail bars back in the springs. I've been in the industry my whole life, so, you know, serving tables, all that shit. And then when I turned 21, I was like, oh, this is the coolest job in the restaurant. So I learned how to bartend, bought some cocktail books and pretty much stopped myself. Ran a Japanese speakeasy, so a lot of Japanese whiskey experience. Then from there, we opened a cocktail bar called The Archives.

Still there today, but I left it behind and come out to the big city. Hey. Well, how do you explain those guns? Yeah. Yeah, you're fucking big. Look at that guy. I've gotten a little chubby since I came out here. The food's too good, man.

Yeah, it's pretty good. Ridiculous. This guy's got arms. I big. Look at that guy. I've gotten a little chubby since I came out here. The food's too good, man. Yeah, it's pretty good. This guy's got arms. I know. Look at that. He could throw out some guests if we need to. Certainly have had to. All right. That was quick. Oh, God.

Look at you. I brought my judge hat. Alright, well he's number one. This is Shane at the bar. What's up, Ari? How are you? What's going on? Are you gonna abandon us for Southeast Asia? Oh, that's what the beer Jew did for context. Howdy, cowboy. How are you guys?

I'm excited for you to try this Manhattan. This is one of the best Manhattans I've ever had. Really? He's pretty good, this guy. This guy's got the skills. You guys drinking this podcast? And the buys. You guys got sweatshirts now? That's a nice

salmon. Mauve. Mauve? Harold and Mauve. Harold and Mauve. Good movie. And look, somebody wrote Making Manhattans. Somebody brought that in. What is that? Somebody gave us their own hot sauce. This is amazing. What is it you're on?

It was in that envelope there. And Salak, he's brought his son. Salak has a son? Yeah. The one you abandoned years ago? Yeah, he's back now. Cheers, boys. All right.

Hey. These are the worst glasses To cheers in or just serve I prefer Manhattan's nose glasses Yeah they're second only to the What's the straight out ones I don't think whiskey I don't think whiskey belongs in a martini glass

It's too manly a drink A martini I understand I hear what you're saying It should be in a cup type of thing Yeah like in the old range They wouldn't have had these on the range I hear what you're saying. It should be in a cup type of thing. Yes. Yeah, like on the old range. They wouldn't have had these on the range. Yes.

Where whiskey was. John Wayne ain't drinking out of one of these. Absolutely not. He's going to shoot you in the gut. Yeah. He's busy dying of butt cancer. He's not going to drink. What do you think, Ari?

I think it's good. It's got a smooth taste to it. I assume this is an Amarino cherry. No. Damn. I assume this is an Amarino cherry. No. Damn, I knew that. What is it? So they're actually, they're called maraschinos, but it's a maraschino cherry from Italy. Sebastian Maraschino.

You really made a fool out of me, this new bartender. Really threw it right in my face. You made a fool out of yourself, Ari. I played myself. So what's shaking? How are you doing? Doing good. Doing the Beacon Theater.

March 24th. Joining the club. That's why you wanted to come on. I'm about to leave in six weeks. I got a long tour. I'm not going to be back to promote it. You did it. Tim Dillon did it.

Nikki Glaser just did it. It's become a comedy club. I know. It's the Creek. Yeah, it's the new Creek. Oh, I should tell tell you you don't get paid wait what i'm kidding oh she's got a business um you do get paid those theaters they say you get shit money unless you do two yeah somebody's that i'm just doing one blowing it

out yeah but you don't have to fly or uh i don't have to fly i'm gonna take a bike up there beautiful maybe or walk oh to the park up there. Back then, I lived walking distance, so I walked to the beacon. That's so cool. Wow. That's nice. This is what Jerry probably does. You got that right.

I heard one of the old guys, Bruce. Bruce? Lenny? Nope. Springsteen. Drives to his gigs in New Jersey. Just drives, gets out to himself, takes his guitar. He's like, hey, I'm here.

I bet he drives a ratty car, too. Probably. Yeah, some beater. This was in the movie Philadelphia. I just heard an amazing Bruce Springsteen story that was on a podcast about The Clash. And Joe Strummer, in 1975, saw Springsteen play the Hammerstein Ballroom in London.

Yep. And he was with a little band called the 101ers, and he said, I have to start a new band. He saw the show. He said, I have to start a new band. I have to be on my own. And also, Peter Gabriel was in that audience, too. What?

He left Genesis and said, I have to start a new solo career. Because of that. Both saw that Springsteen show and said, I have to start a whole new life. Wow. Wow. I hope you don't see that. Then I'm out.

I want to see Louis at the garden how was that great adrian killed adrian and palucci's one of the best underrated also that style it's like i've never done a place like that have you guys arena twice really who do you go to the garden with schumer twice and then i've done a bunch of other arenas. That actual arena. It just seems like the styles don't go with every style of comedy. Totally. Like conversational, it seems like it'd be lost here. And Adrian, these dark just jokes. Wow, look at that.

You call her the dark queen. She is a dark queen. She's got one of my favorite jokes of all time where she said, my boyfriend threatened to commit suicide now i thought oh great i can't kill myself or people are going to think we were in love that's a perfect joke you can't top that joke yeah yeah my my my my ex was in um was in 9-11 people say he's a hero but would a hero steal back an engagement ring? Wow. That one's true. That's funny ironically.

Oh, it's not ironic? Oh, cool. Did she do the MLK chunk? Because that's pretty dicey. She did and it was great. Yeah, she compares MLK to Ted Bundy. I won't give it away, but it's killer. I think in an arena or a big room like that, dark material actually does better.

I agree. Really? Because they're like, go for it? If it's a guy like Louis, if it's a audience that can appreciate a dark joke, I agree. I think a dark joke can really crush. Oh, yeah. Because they're like, geez. So you get like a double reaction. You get a laugh and a, ah!

Would shock at telling that type of joke in such a historic arena. Talk about wanting more New Yorkers to die from COVID so we get more parking. Yeah. It was just like, wow. They're showing it on the pay-per-view. Renesas just saw it.

He said, yeah, I can see how Adrian's set. Oh, great. Wow. Fuck. Which is awesome. Yeah, good for her. It was fun, though. A couple of that chick from Brown Bunny was there. Trey or Matt?

Christina Ricci? No. Chloe Sevenier? Svenny. Oh, she's fun. Yeah. One of the two South Park guys. What?

Yeah. Which one? The blonde or the brunette? The brunette. And I couldn't place him. Matt Stone. Matt Stone. And I was like, where is that guy?

Is he from like Saturday Basketball? You know when you know somebody that's like, where do I know this guy? Yeah. One half of the greatest comedy doers. Yep. We got fucking Conan O'Brien on the- I bet you South Park has done nothing like this now. On the ones and twos.

I get Conan Slow Brian. Seriously, you look so much like Conan. Have you gotten that? I have, yeah. I get Conan quite a bit because I throw the hair up. There you go. Irish, what are you going to do? This is good Manhattan.

Can we do another? What's the next round? What's the other round we're doing? Oh, good call. Hit the lights. So does that mean we need another? Yeah. Sure, sure. Have you ever done a Godfather, my house. Hit the lights. So does that mean we need another? Yeah. Sure, sure.

Have you ever done a Godfather, my house drink? I have. He knows it. My house. My house drink. We drank it on this pod. You didn't love it. You thought it was too sweet.

The ultimate old man drink. Ultimate old man. I'll take that. Yeah, a little sweet. You liked them. I did. Yeah. I was fucking bombed, dude.

We went out for dinner afterwards. That's right. We met up with Sal. We were just like, ah, yeah, this is a nice dinner. Yeah, we thought it was a good idea to get martini drunk after showing up drunk. Yeah. Just ripped. Let's roll it.

That was a night. Just like, get it going. That was a night. Dude, martinis get you hard. I had some too before. Oh, yeah. Hard. Went to Keene's for a burger before Louie's.

Two martinis. And you are fucked up. How is the burger at Keene's? Amazing. Keene's is legendary. Underrated steakhouse burgers. They're underrated. Yeah.

You think you've got to get a steak. Right. But a $25 burger is also a good thing to get. That's true. It's too expensive, though. It is. And would you walk out of there with, what, $300 spent? No, because burgers 50

maybe 120 okay but also you it's the experience i mean that is like a legendary new york place the vibe is beautiful and then we went to see louis at this retirement set at the garden how was the set so that was really good i heard it's good he's like i'm not retired i was like i was like dude i don't know if i can be friends with you anymore if you're not going to be a comic. I'm really only friends with comics. Is he doing the Tarantino shit? He said he's taking one full year off and then we'll see. I don't believe that. He'll pop in.

Everyone comes back. Yep. Our egos are too big. You heard my card table story. Yeah. Exactly. What's your card table story? Oh, I just, people weren't paying attention to me for a second at the casino at the Mirage,

so I just put all my money on a hand. Like, look, guys, look. We need attention. We do. I would say the same goes for therapy. You know, you can tell your therapist is getting a little bored. You're like, I killed my dad! You know, you just throw something out there just to get it going. Make one Godfather.

Make Ari the Godfather, because it's not my favorite. I liked it, but it's just not my favorite. I want your hits. Anything's a better father than Matt Salicu. And you're doing with Lagavulin? People say do it with a blended scotch, but I'm like, that's for bars. Cheat somebody well. Anything's better than Matt Salicu.

So, Ari, if this was his swan song, Louis' swan song, was it, is he going out on top? It was great. In the round at the garden. Yeah. It was great. His closer was fucking so good. Let me do every bit from it. All right.

He's not going to use it anymore. That's true. 25 bucks on his website. It was fun. I was sitting next to Shane. He was not drinking. What a fucking loser. Wow.

Really? What happened? He said he got tuned up the night before and he was going to the Eagles game the next day. That's very reasonable. I need a night off. Yeah. Let an alcoholic recover. Dude. So we all have these backstage delta club passes for afterwards to say hi

you know and so and so we're waiting like an after party type thing more of a group come say hi in the green room it was like lasted for an hour yeah um that's where i saw everybody but uh so we're waiting like let's have let everybody clear then we'll go down there and some ushers like guys guys take, guys, can I take off? And Shane's like, he tries to play big man. He swears this doesn't happen like this, but it did. He goes, oh, no, actually, we're going to the Delta Lounge. We have passes.

So the guy's like, I don't give a shit who you are. You got to get out of here. And then Shane's like, oh, yes, sir. I think that's how we all pretty much are. I think we all see ourselves the first way. Yes. But we are the second one. Whatever you need, I'll do.

Can I sweep up? That sounds like a fun night. Hey, I got a joke. I don't know how to sell it. All right. You guys do that in this pod, right? Yeah, we do bits. Okay, so here's the setup.

You guys are the fucking wordplay guys. So, look, two things. One is after a game of some some kind like the cleanup is tremendous crazy yeah these cups or whatever so i say release a couple of these fucking asian women out there that's great with the can yeah and then step two take that to that garbage island over the in the ocean like how are we gonna launch some of them out of a fucking helicopter with some life vests on and let them fucking... I thought you were going to say

let them make the change money for it. That was a dark twist at the end. But I mean, let them pick it up. Let them pick it up. I love it. Yeah. Okay. Something there.

Something there for sure. Yeah. They would love that too because they don't have to go all over Manhattan. They can just go right to the garden. One stop shop. Yeah.

They pay admittance. It's a great godfather. They pay admission. Yes. Just that you sell tickets to get the cans. Yeah, exactly. That's their farmer's market. Who wants the right to work this? Like a barbershop chair. Right. I think you got something there. Those Asians went with the can. They're fucking nuts. So determined.

Unbelievable. You'd think, I mean, I sound like my dad here, but just put that effort into any other gig. Yeah. But then now you got hours, you got a punch clock. Yeah, you got a boss. Exactly.

You're working your own times. You're working bottle duty. I think it's the same with the hookers. They don't want to be unionized. Is that still a thing, though? Oh, yeah. Which grocery stores have that? Almost all of them.

Almost all of them? Yeah. Have what, hookers? At grocery stores? All grocery stores have hookers, all of them? Almost all of them? Yeah. Have what? Hookers? At grocery stores? All grocery stores have hookers. Produce? Hodoos. Somewhere between

six and nine. Sorry. Hodoos. Nice. We got a lapper here. Hey, Conan. What are we doing for the next round?

Can I critique this Godfather? Wait, is it out yet? Oh, shit. You got one. You can have a sip if you want. I only have enough

to make one. Did you not have enough orange peels to make it right? Oh, you told me it was coming. Jewish Simon. We need that American, what is it? Millionaire wife. What is it called? Who wants to be a millionaire?

Oh, thank you. Wow, that does look pretty nice. That's a nice little guy. So what do we do now for round two? So it sounded like you guys had drinks listed. Should we do paper planes? Let's do a plane. Where'd you come from? What's your background? Colorado. From Colorado, yeah.

Can I say it in Spanish? I like it. I like it. Just moved here five months ago. New to the city, yeah. How do you know about this podcast it was just a personal thing I'm just a big fan of of this podcast

I like Are You Garbage that's kind of how I found out about Mark and oh I just saw those guys today yeah well they're coming on soon I just saw them earlier you did them

you did their pod no they did my pod today ah I wanted to feel special what if you did a bam bam I wouldn't have felt this special yeah exactly no they did mine and I had to work special what if you did a bam bam I want to felt this special yeah exactly no they did mine

can we do two I'm like no I have a bigger thing going on yeah I'm excited to have them on that's gonna be a good one yeah that's good I think it's a st. Paddy's episode so you got that right that's smart hey can I come back in here with Stavi at some point I would like a fun time

at that wedding no holy shit yeah he was sober it was so fucking good we can bring in uh uh catfish po boys and fucking go for it yeah soft shell crab from a gas station that was yeah you know it that was insane like i felt so shitty the next day and stav just kept going with the po boys yeah he's an animal but he wasn't drinking like we were that's true i'm doing athens greece yeah what european tour i'm doing all weird cities so i can have some fun whoa do you think you can sell tickets in greece we'll see your career is in ruins but i don't pay taxes there i go home with a lot more money hey that's nice um i'm gonna get all the whole fucking thing from stuff. Maybe I'll try to convince him to come. Nah, he won't.

Nah, he's got his own shit going on. He's killing it. He's just like five Wilbers. Yeah. Killing it. His new pod is funny as hell. Oh, yeah. Very funny.

Stobby solves your problems? Is that what it is? No, it's Stobby's World. Stobby's World. That's it. Yeah, fat comedians are having a moment. Yeah. They take up more of the screen.

It's good for the thumbnail. I think if you see a fat comment. You've got to get Matt are having a moment. Yeah, they take up more of the screen. It's good for the thumbnail. I think if you see a fat comment. You've got to get Matt Peters on a podcast. How do you not click that? He's adorable. I know. Look at that. Wait, what's that reminiscent of?

He looks like Dennis Franz. Bobby's World. Bobby's World? Pull up Dennis Franz. I'm telling you. No, he absolutely looks like Dennis Franz. I don't think the people at home know who Dennis Franz is. No, they don't. I said that on his podcast. Look at that. Come on. Dude, he absolutely looks like Dennis Franz. I don't think the people at home know who Dennis Franz is. No, they don't.

I said that on his podcast. Look at that. Come on. Oh, yeah. Dude, match that up. That's Dobby. That is one of my best calls. This guy is Dob's dad.

All right. What have you guys been doing? What's new in the fucking world besides me doing the Beacon March 24th? Let me throw this out there. So I just did Miami improv. Boo to the city. The city is fine. The people are fine.

The staff is amazing. Staff's amazing. Great club. Great club. They treat you well. They treat you well. They gave me a gift after. They couldn't have been nicer.

They helped me with merch. They drove me home every night. Oh, great. But the crowds. They show up late. They show up late. They show up late. They're better than it.

Yes. So Jay and I had this problem. I was like, I'm not doing it. But I was like, you know what? Let me go with Jay and Justin Silver. We rented a beach house. Stay there for a week. Nice.

It's not like a pool. It was great. Oh, you live, baby. It was great. Mark and I fly out the next morning at 7 a.m. You got that right. It's fucking winter. Go to Miami.

Anyway. Yeah. I'm going to March. I'll be there in March. So these two girls, Jay's hitting on these two girls. And he was like, hey, so what are you doing? What's going on? And they're like, we liked you, but that other comic was an asshole. And Jay's like, friends with me.

So he's like, no, no, he's nice. And they're like, he likes school shootings. And he's like, I guarantee you, they're so literal in Miami. He goes, I guarantee you he does not like school shootings. He literally said he's happy when schools get shot. And then Jay just had this moment of had this moment that would be great if they pulled your transcript though he literally said jay just realized where he was if he's talking to goes

yeah he's a dick anyway what are you guys doing uh what are you well that's part of being friends with you or oh yeah there's a lot of defending sell me out oh yeah defend and then and then be like all right i'm not gonna turn you right right oh yeah i don't do that when someone says mark's a dick to me i'm like, all right, I'm not going to turn you. Right, right. Oh yeah, I don't do that. When someone says Mark's a dick to me, I'm like, you're right, he's such a piece of shit. What specifically did he do? I love that he literally said, that's a big one. He literally said he likes cool shoes.

Well, I'm not literal. And then if you go, here's the playback, they go, ah, whatever. Like, no, whatever. Not whatever. Thank you. I have to say, I like that this is not in the martini or the up glass, because people, they do that. I'm not a big martini. So you want to the martini or the up glass. Because people, they do that. I'm not a big martini.

So you want to be the- Yeah. The drink's already pink. Do I want to look like I'm drinking a Cosmo? Yeah, good point. This is a whiskey drink. Yeah. It's a whiskey drink.

Why do you put sometimes a lemon peel, sometimes an orange peel? It depends on how the oil will sort of accentuate the flavors. Gay. That's a very good paper plane. Ooh, that's nice. That's a very good paper plane That's nice Try that, Petty Thank you Tastes like oral herpes

I already have it, so I'm good Is that got grapefruit in it? No, it's fresh lemon, some of the Bodega Cat straight rye A little bit of fresh lemon, and Amaro Nonino Quintessentia. Oh, wow. That Amaro's nice in the stomach. You don't feel, you don't, I should say I have a Jew-y stomach.

I arrived here with diarrhea, as usual. Yeah. It's a problem. It's a real problem. It's like, every day as a Jew, my body's rebelling against my lifestyle. Well, you're living like a Goy, but you got the body of a Jew. We're inbred. I talk about this in my special Jew.

It's available now. But we're inbred and we're falling apart. We're actively dying all the time. I remember David Tell once said to me in a car, I was so hungover, and he goes, let me tell you something. Jews can't drink. That's true. We can.

But we want to. We want to hang. But the Irish don't come. You don't hear Irish guys complain about their stomach? No, they do not at all. They don't hear Irish guys complain about their stomach. That's true. They do not at all. They don't. They're falling apart too.

They're no picnic. All they eat is potatoes. They get carbs and soak it up. We don't do that. That's true. That's true. Borscht is not a great booze suck up. Latkes are.

Not latkes. Cats is deli. Cats is deli. We don't eat that shit enough. I'm rough. That's a special occasion food. Two questions for you guys. Yeah.

One, can we have a night this summer? I'm off from June, pretty much June 1st when I'm done in Athens. I'm going to hang's a special occasion for. Two questions for you guys. One, can we have a night this summer? I'm off from June, pretty much June 1st when I'm done in Athens. I'm going to hang out for a bit until end of October. Can we have a night where we finish an entire Bordega Cat rye over rocks somewhere in the city? We could have a morning. Who cares? Yeah. We did one of these on Rogan.

Did we not finish one of these? Did we finish a whole box? I believe we did? Yeah. We did one of these on Rogan. Did we not finish one of these? Did we finish a whole bottle? I believe we did. Yeah. Dude, I would love to have someone do a montage of Mark Norman trying to push Bodega Cat and Rogan ignoring it. I feel like people have done that. Yeah.

Yeah. There's enough of that out there. But you know what? Rogan did that. The Bodega Cat bottle is still falling off the shelf. It's legal in a lot of cities right now. You got that right. And it's moving quickly.

And I'll say right here, it's a damn good fucking whiskey. Hell yeah. It's a solid rye. Shane, how do you feel about it? I'm a big fan. I prefer rye. Hey, good answer. Well done, Colorado.

So here's my other question. Where's the other guy? Where's Bear Jew? Beer Jew. Beer Jew. Is he coming back? Or is he just lost in Asia? He's doing like a Louis thing.

He's like, I'll come back if I have to. So, well, you you're not back there we're not saving a spot for you no he's gonna be gone four months five months no he's talking a year plus first of all i love that for him not great for the pot he's pulling an ori basically gary veder does this all the time he's always like i might not be able to do this gig i'm like well then you might get replaced with anthony devito who drinks good point you don't want to be the sober guy who gets replaced with a drinker. That's true. Does Peter try to get you to smoke weed? No.

He stops. He's just kind of sober now. He works out. I mean, he hangs. He's got problems. Like, he's up at 10 a.m. gambling. Fatherhood has really done him bad. Fatherhood has really done him bad.

I know. It's boring. Yeah, it's boring. He's turned into that dude. I didn't know he gambles. Oh, he's got some dark side. Dude, when we went to the March Mad's boring. Yeah, it's boring. He's tuned into that dude. I didn't know he gambles. Oh, he's got some dark side. Dude, when we went to the March Madness weekend.

Oh, you're right. He was at the sports book. He's betting on a fucking girls college. Girls on the street. Yeah, you're right. He's betting on a girls MIT dude.

4,300 on the mystic. Colgate's got it covered. He was sitting on a phone book just Seattle Storm all day. He bet on the Brittany Griner release date.

Oh, you know what? We do toast sometimes on this. I I gotta do a toast because I was with Vitor at the airport we're like you know we just to grind dog to grind dog no to a toast to uh just people who give you the laugh in public uh so Vitor and I are in line at Quiznos and I say hey do you want to water your little bitch and this black one in front of us starts laughing hysterically and I was like a toast to that person I say, hey, do you want to water your little bitch? And this black woman in front of us starts laughing hysterically. And I was like, a toast to that person. Toast to that lady. I like that shit. I like when you're inappropriate in public.

And someone just like joins in. These guys are fun. Because we've all had the opposite where they go, oh, how dare you? Or whatever. You're like, fuck you. We're at the airport. We're living. There's no way to talk to your friend.

Shut up. Why I ought to. Give you a raspberry. Don't make me show you my pimp hand. I do declare. Rogan had a bit about it. He's like, I'm going to hit you with a book, knock some sense into you. Yeah, old pimps have the best lines. So you want to be a full-time guy here?

Do you work? Yeah, I work at a little place in Gramercy. It's called Giorgio's. Giorgio's. Is it in the stands? Sounds classy. No, not really. It's kind of right by the Gramercy Tavern.

Plug. Yeah. There you go. Go to Giorgio's. See old Shaney. Yeah, come see me. What? I've been known to do a little fling once in a while.

Oh, what? Hey. Wow. Where was this? You should have been pulling that out hours ago. What? I've been known to do a little fling once in a while. Oh, whoa. Hey. Oh. Wow. Where was this? You should have been pulling that out hours ago. You should be sending this guy a new resume. This guy's impressing me.

Yeah, I agree. Who else have you seen? We saw two last week. Two last week. We have two more this week after this. Let's throw this out there. Uh-oh. One episode over the summer.

Me and DeRosa guest bartend. We could die. Off mic. That. Me and DeRosa guest bartend. We could die. That might be when DeRosa dies. Yeah. It won't be long. His doctor told him he had to stop drinking. He goes, I want a second opinion. And his second doctor was like, I think you're ugly too.

Well, the good news is he opened a health shop. Oh, wait. He owns a bar. He opened literally a sandwich shop bar. Yeah. Literally the most unhealthy shit. And he's like, it's the two places I go on the way home from the stand. And these sandwiches are no picnic.

Oh, my God. It's fucking wild. It's like Doritos. No doctor's like, you know what you need? More corned beef and whiskey. Yeah. Get some bread in there, too. That's you need? More corned beef and whiskey. Yeah. Get some bread in there, too. That's a country song.

Corned beef and whiskey. I do. DeRosa truly makes me laugh harder. He's one of the greatest guys. He's one of the funniest dudes. Yeah, well. Joey Roses. I didn't want to say it.

You will be missed, Joe. You will be missed. We love you. R.I.P. We need to play some Sarah McLachlan right here. So we're going to the Super Bowl, and Kreischer goes, we got Shane, we got Norman, we need one more guy. So we all threw out a bunch of names, and then we looked up, most everybody was on the road. And I said, I know who won't be on the road, DeRosa, so he's coming.

But he doesn't even like sports. That's for us. He said, he talked some shit to Soder. He was like, just some light shit uh you know your 49ers didn't do well and they weren't sportsmen and soda fucking lost it on him he's like fuck you wow you're a fucking pussy you're a girl you don't watch sports wow and then doros are like dug in a little more and then he's like dude so just get mad i'm like i know and it's over something ridiculous so you should double down He has no right to be mad. He was like, go harder.

You know, he should have made fun of some nerd shit that DeRosa likes. He should have been like, Star Wars was overrated. Horror is not a good genre. Yeah. That's the weird thing about DeRosa. Star Wars, yeah.

DeRosa always likes Star Wars, the worst ones. Yeah. Really? Well, he's like a whiskey-drinking, coke-head guy, fun guy fun guy bar owner but i woke up at his house once after a bender and i was like where am i and it's just nintendo video games star trek poster comic books uh and i'm like well duck hunter stinks yeah he has the house of

someone who has not gotten laid in a while yes but he gets like three minutes late on the sound by salad well you're reminiscing about his arm. What's he even in relation to? Oh, yeah, Joe passing. Yeah. Oh, that'll be good. Joe will be good at the Super Bowl. He'll drink. No one played Marriott 64 like Joe.

He'll be the only guy. That's what I'm prepping to do. He plays song and or... Sam, you ski? I can't ski, dude. Are you kidding me? I'm a city hick. I can't drive.

You think I can ski? You can't drive? No. Are you kidding me? I'm a city hick. I can't drive. You think I can ski? You can't drive? No. Can't even ride a bike. I'm worthless. I have no balance. City bikes are a city thing. I've done it.

I wipe out at least twice. Really? Yeah, I'm not good. Well, people are reckless in this city. He doesn't look like a Jew, but it comes out sometimes. People are reckless. They really go full speed. They try to cut you off.

They go full speed. Full speed. On a bicycle. This is adorable. I'm not good. Are you a good skier? He's pretty good. I'm not as good as O'Neal.

He's the best one of the comics i know but but um no you're pretty fucking good i got jumps down this time and you got balls like you will go hard he broke his wrist last time uh trying to beat burt no i was racing o'neill oh o'neill and i this is a great sales pitch by the way the good skier is breaking bones yeah you're trying to talk me into this? Well, he's also 78. Yeah, exactly, dude. They're already brittle. Let's make a dealer's choice drink for us. Just make one. Because I don't want to waste so much alcohol, but just make one

and we'll... I brought a couple of stuff to make us. Yeah! Another place my Judaism came out. I don't want to waste anything. But yeah, make a dealer's choice and we'll take a sip because we got other bartenders we got to... Yeah, we have two more.

Yeah, he's number one. No, no. Alright, yeah. Three per? Well, you don't have to finish them all. We do have to kill them. I got shows tonight. I got couples therapy. You have couples therapy after this?

No, you don't. No, I got bonfire first. I'll sober up a little. You wear that hat to couples therapy? I think you're going to lose. The show's the boss. Let the fucking therapist know it's the boss. You wear a Legion of Skanks sweatshirt?

Is Lewis your therapist? You got to show this bitches what time it is. He just doesn't listen to me. Shut up, cunt. March 5th, I'll be in Salt Lake City with Mark Norman. Yeah. And Ian Pydance and Ryan O'Neill, Renna Zisi, Sean Patton. Fucking all-star show.

Second show just added. First show. Patton's coming. Yeah. First show's long gone. That's one of my favorite clubs. Talk about sleep apnea. Watch out.

Give him his own room. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you're doing. Sold out. Yeah. Six shows sold out Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Yeah, yeah. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. That's the new jam.

That's not way. Is it? You're going to sell it regardless. Here's what happened. I did it to try to get into the NBA All-Star Weekend because they used to do a celebrity game and there were people who were pretty low level in that game. So I was like, I can get in. You thought you had a chance?

Adam Ray did it. I have a chance oh adam ray did it yeah you're bigger than him this is my friend's talking me down here i have a chance you're bigger than him you do so so and hassan minaj did it like years ago when he was like this is different that's an ethnic pull don't don't make you don't bring that shit to our podcast don't bring your fucking horse shit here they're don't like Indians in basketball. Shut up. You know what that is. There's a ton of Indian players. But there were people that I feel like I could have...

My agents were confident, but I don't think they're doing a celebrity game now. What do you mean? I think they pulled that and they might... Has Kevin Hart ruined it? No, he's fucking good, dude. He is good. He's a good basketball player. And he's got a good tequila, so if Kevin Hart wants to come on here and promote it.

Wait, you've got to get in. Wait, they're not doing the All-Star? I'm pretty bummed about it. Who else is in? Sandler? Because now I'm spending like four. Sandler? No, he.

Who plays? Who's the celebrity? He never plays in that game, though. Dude, Sarah Silverman played in our Comedians Basketball League. We took her as like a. She was like, hey, she plays. So we took her as a sub once because people go on the road. She's awful.

Really? Yeah, it's like... You built that up like she was good. Yeah, she was just not good and I realized, oh, everybody let her play because she's like... They like her. She's fun.

She's a woman. Yeah, but there's dudes in the games who are... Yeah, she knows how to act like she plays with her hands on her hip. Who else plays? She was in the Gary Shandling game. Yeah, who else can play? Nobody's bigger than you. Yeah, who's how to act like she plays with her hands on her hip. Who else plays? She was in the Gary Shandling game. Yeah, who else can play? Nobody's bigger than you.

Yeah, who's a comic or an actor? Rafi Bastos used to play professionally. Oh, wow. He's a tall guy. He's always trying to play with me, but my neck is finally good enough to play again. Okay, but he's not a celebrity in America. I'm talking celebrity here. I'm just talking about comics.

You're talking celebrity? He's 6'6". Who's trying to get in? No one's trying to get in. So what happened was I didn't get in, and now Hilton Garden Inn or whatever the hell I'm staying, we should bleep where I'm staying, but a shit hotel is like 400-something a night, and I'm bringing Vita or something. This is hilarious.

Yeah, you're losing money now. You know what the hotel did? What is it? It's called The Witching Hour. The Witching Hour? Oh, Bieber's going to play.? Oh, Bieber's going to play. For sure, Bieber's going to play. Okay.

He gets a spot. Yeah, okay. I'm not saying I'm fucking Bieber exciting. You're not starting. But I'll make it fun. I'll do some antics. Who's that? Bieber with the crossover.

Who's that? Ahmed Baruch? This smells good. What is in The Witching Hour? So it's a tequila-based cocktail, and I brought one of my favorite liqueurs called strega it's uh kind of like a tomorrow it's a digestif even though it's so light it's a saffron liqueur from italy so a little bit of fresh lemon points for bringing your own shit yeah here here he does that at the movies what's your name shane shane shane o'brien that is fucking excellent that is a great drink Hey cheers man Holy shit Did you invent that Yeah

Mark Really You invented it Why is the witching hour Cause Strega's the time for witch It's from a city called Benevento Where Kind of the home gathering place

For witches back in the day I don't know Can I tell you So based off of this Wow Can I tell you about Ooh that's good Okay

Very good there Colorado And it goes down smooth It's like limoncello It down smooth It does smell like cello Very nice Ooh, yeah Alright, so you are going to Utah But you're not doing the All-Star game

No, but it's alright Are they not doing the Celebrity Challenge? I don't know, but I'm a little bummed Who is the lowest level celebrity that's played? This is a mean game to play No, no, no, I'm saying you can get in Well, it's nate saying he wants to play in the fucking program it's like who else is there nate yeah i know but how many more years do i have of this honestly my body's falling apart good point and i've been training i want you to play i've been training my jump shots back i put

every day on the road i bought my entire tour basketball sneakers so they'd feel guilty if they wouldn't play with me every day so we were we were pooping every day at the rec center and we were playing full court with some some kids who could hoop and look you bought veder i made veder play you found a size five shoe we got him the yannis's everyone's wearing the yannis sneakers oh nice i want it to be camaraderie yeah you know oh yeah that's nice it was fun hey i'm sorry i just got to break in here real quick i heard that kid say hey dad i thought that was a joke that that uh uh salicus actually has bread children you think you think we just brought in

a random kid i don't know who was peter's kid no he looks just like him he's the next barza like him he's the next barza he's balding he's got that gross mustache on an ipad he's actually photographing us the entire time oh yeah he directed this episode um i think you can get in but they don't do it i i don't know we didn't go i feel like we're talking about this way too long it's not that interesting it's just not that interesting but i mean you know we'll see. I think you got a shot. I think you should just go in there and say hello. So who's on the list?

Let us figure out who the biggest. Who played the last NBA All-Star Celebrity Challenge? We also do have to get another bartender. Oh, yeah. Shane, by the way, very impressive. Killed it, man. Thanks for having me, guys. I like your apron.

I like your style. Looks like Conan O'Brien. That'll play. Good flair on the apron. Couple of pins and buttons. I like your apron. I like your style. Looks like Conan O'Brien. That'll play. Good flair on the apron. Good flair. Couple of pins and buttons. Yep. Great arms.

Hey. Do we cut or do we keep it going? Hey, folks. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Getting to know yourself can be a lifelong process, especially because we're always growing, always changing. I'm growing right now. I'm hard.

Yeah. Therapy is all about deepening your self-awareness because sometimes we don't know what we want or why we react the way we do until we talk through it. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who can guide you on that journey of self-discovery. We both do therapy. You got me in with the big Al. I'm hooked. I love him.

Changed my life. Helps. It's good for you. Clear out the garbage. If you're thinking of therapy, get BetterHelp and try it. Changed my life. Helps. It's good for you. Clear out the garbage. If you're thinking of therapy, get BetterHelp and try it. It's entirely online. Designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist

and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash drunk today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash drunk today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H E L P. Dot com slash drunk. Get on it. The best way to prioritize you and your health is to keep yourself hydrated

with liquid IV. My favorite flavor is I like watermelon. Mark, what do you like? I like pina colada. Use it first thing in the morning before a workout. When you feel run down after you, uh, peed your pants at a party the night before. I use it hungover, free from gluten, dairy, soy.

Liquid IV contains three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks. Liquid IV uses cellular transport technology designed to enhance rapid absorption of water and other key ingredients into the bloodstream. Grab your Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code DRUNK at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code DRUNK at liquidiv.com. Yeehaw. It's display time. Get your own artwork printed on a metal poster that only takes 20 seconds to install.

Just pop that magnetic sticker on the wall and hang that poster. No holes in your wall and change it in seconds. They have officially licensed design from Fight Club, Alien, South Park, and more. If you can think of it, they can print it on a metal poster. South Park and more. If you can think of it, they can print it on a metal poster. Click the link in our description to see some of our favorites and get your ready to hang piece of art. That's 27% if you buy one or save 27% if you buy one or two and get 34% off when you buy three or more. Discounts will automatically be applied to your cart when you click the link, or use code DRUNK when you visit Displate.com.

That's Displate.com, code DRUNK, or click the link below in the show notes. Keep going. I do have to take a pee break. My bladder's shit. Remember those celebrity games you used to watch? The baseball, the pro baseball celebrity. Scott Rogowski played in the baseball.

Those were so fun. It was like Pamela Anderson and Jimmy Kimmel or whoever it was. He said it was the best day of his life. Really? He played in the celebrity baseball game. He did that at a stadium. Pull up the Chris Christie. Right, right, right.

This is embarrassing, Cam, if you don't make this list. Noah Carlock. I mean. Brittany. No, there were some heavy hitters in there. Machine Gun Kelly's a real star. I guess Shane. All right.

Alex, two sets of Peloton instructor. What the fuck? What? I know, but look, some of those are Quavo's ahead. Wait, Anderson Varejo? He can't play in the all-star, in the celebrity. No, it's fun to have some retired pros in there. It makes the game fun.

That's true. They know what they're doing. Okay, the other team. Olympic high jump champion, Krista Jackson. I'm better than Tiffany Haddish. She's bigger, but I'm better. Alex Jones? What are we doing here?

This is crazy. Alex Jones is a mean crossover. He crossed over to the dark side. All right. All right. Dude, we got to get Muriel into this. Yeah. Let's go.

Dominate. Dominate. Guys, start tweeting the NBA. Yeah. They've been doing it already. Oh, okay. There's no hope. Ask them if they're cowards.

Sam or McKinney. Because they're afraid that Sam Muriel is going to cross over one of their stars and embarrass them and ruin their market. All I want is one clip of crossing over like a former NBA. Get around somebody. Just one drop step. Give me one. Yeah.

All they have to do is give you a bad potato salad the day before and you're like, I can't play. I got diarrhea. That'll be my Jordan flu game, dude. Diarrhea on the court. He felt it. I have IBS. Oh, fuck. I gotta pee. I'll be right back.

All right, go pee. If I had to fart, I would do it right now, but I don't have one. Damn it. Norm, have you talked about the Vic yet? No. Okay. I've been Zooming all day. I had six Zoom meetings today with directors and all these people who want to do it, and

it's a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. Let me just go in, bang it out, and get off my ass. Yeah, you know what you're doing. Yeah. It's like, ugh. I know. These meetings suck. Well, so how do you want to. Yeah. It's like, ugh. I know. These meetings suck. Well, so how do you want to do the sound?

I don't know. I don't know anything about sound. You guys do the sound. You do that for me. I want to do it well. You're asking a guy who doesn't even know the terms. Exactly. They're like, we're going to shoot with a camera 6J red flare. I'm like, I don't know anything about cameras. I've learned how to tell these people like, hey, I don't know these terms at all. Here's a couple

of things I like. Can you make it look like that? Yes. And I did a thing where I said, don't give me any gifts because like the agency and all them, they give you gifts, which is nice. But you have to pretend and go, oh, that's really great. I don't want to do that during the album. I'm feeling special. Give it to me after. How about this?

How about this? Oh, girl bartender? I know. We're breaking barriers here. Hey! what's the name? Steffi With an F or a PH? Double F Freaky Friday I had nothing there

Both of you digging Thank you Steffi Where do you bartend? It's called Macau in Tribeca Macau Like theca. Oh, Macau. Like the gambling island? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it's like, I guess the guys who open it. Is it themed on that? Yes. Oh, cool. It's actually themed after an opium den. Oh, that's what the bar is? Cool, that sounds like a cool bar. Macau is the biggest gambling place in America, or in the world.

From the top. All right. Right near Hong Kong, right? where are you from um i grew up here i'm from harlem hey you're not black what the hell's going on it's all different now there we go oh yeah that's where yeshiva is um that's right yeah well you know i That's right. Yeah. Well, you know. I went there for a year. Cheap real estate. I played there once and bombed horribly. You played Yeshiva University?

Yeah. I died. Too dirty? Too dirty, and I high-fived a woman, and they pulled the fire alarm. It's like you died and went to true heaven. What did I miss? I'm sorry. I hate being that guy, by the way.

You did a gig at Yeshiva University. What? I did a gig at Yeshiva years ago and bombed my tits off. Damn. But they just weren't happy. Every woman was dressed like full neck down. Every guy was in the curls and the yarmulke. And I made a couple of cracks about it. I think they thought I was Jewish.

And once it came out that I wasn't, they were like, all right, let's get rid of this guy. You have appropriated our culture a bit. A little bit. I was legit. Do you know when you were upset about like a roast joke or something where you know you shouldn't be, but you are? Sure. And like looking back, like I shouldn't have been.

Sure. When you, it bothered me when you won at the Creaky Awards Best Jew. That wasn't my call. I know, but I was like ups. I was in the back going, it was new to New York. And I was like, I might actually win this. And then I was like, he's not even Jewish. I know I shouldn't be upset about a fake award show.

Fucking Milli Vanilli over here. Yep. He's taking our fucking... He's taking our religion. Yep. And look, neither of us... You at least grew up very religious. I was, you know...

Cultural, though. We're both very culturally Jewish. There's no question. True. The hat says it all. Press on. Press on. That is hilarious that you won that. I forgot that. I mean, hat says it all. Press on. That is hilarious that you won that. I forgot that.

I mean, it was a goof. That was a joke, but still, I get why it bugged you a little. Really? I was like, what? I think I won. All the things we've called you, I've called you the K word, and you're fine with that, but this fake award show. Yep.

Yep. I'm not proud of it, but I'm mad. All right. We'll take it up with Rebecca. Oh, I hit her. A lot of domestic violence talk this week. We might get demonetized again. Steffi, you're next.

Steffi, what do you got for us? So what are we starting with? Wait, do we do the same drinks with her? Yeah. We do a paper plane in Manhattan and then a dealer's choice. And then a dealer's choice. Okay. How old are you as a bartender And I like to keep my old ones.

Honestly, like a year and change. I like it. Come on up with it. This podcast has been going on barely two years. Yeah. So around the same, around the same. All right. Love it.

So what do I do first? Let's start with the Manhattan. Please. Let's do it. And then, oh, shit. Okay. Ice is here. So, Steffi, excluding the characters in the room, who's your favorite stand-up comic?

Okay, I just watched Louis C.K.'s special. Oh, hire her. Good answer. Number one. It's insane. I don't understand how the man's brain works. You don't mind the balding? No, I don't actually.

It also makes me sound like she... I'm not biased against bald men Actually And it also sounds like she's forgiving Which is good Yes Great quality in a woman She's not jerking us around

Yeah, Louis is great Alright, Steph Alright So what do you got, Manhattan? So, Manhattan Manhattan Yeah, that's very Very New York

I would use the Bodega Cat Whiskey I think that's better whiskey than the Makers. No, this is Grand Marnet. Oh, okay. In Manhattan? Yeah. Whoa. Letter cook?

Letter work. I've never heard of this before. Don't bar splain. Yeah, let me know what you think. I am bar splaining right now. God damn. Backseat bartender. Lights.

Is that the bar splain theme song? Salacuse When he gets an on time sound cue It is cause for celebration Very rare That four minutes late DeRosa play was shocking I was like what is this about Oh right earlier today

We weren't talking about it I keep drinking this old paper plane. It's so good. So it's going to be tough to top there, Steph. Also, when it gets a little watery, it's less tangy. I do like a little water down sometimes. Sometimes it helps. I don't like a sweet drink, but the paper plane is funny. I was texting Tom Papa, who's like a

cocktail snob. He's always just talking. It was Papa John. A lot of N words But Tom Papa is like Trashing the paper plane When we get him back on here we have to have him have one That sounds disgusting He's like a martini

No he's saying he hadn't even tried it He's texting me blech Wow That's appropriating He spells with a K Okay okay He just keeps texting me blech. Wow, that's appropriating. Yeah. No, he spells with a K. Okay, okay. Not a C?

He spells like a fucking... No, but I want him to try one. But yeah, he's like a martini guy. And he hated the martinis on here. Oh, really? They were greasy. They were a little greasy. A little oily. What's your standard drink that you have on every podcast episode?

Boulevardier. What's with that? We like that and paper plane. Every episode? Boulevardier is on a lot. Every is an exaggeration. It's a lot. Okay.

Is that true, Matt? Have we gotten Boulevardier heavy? I think we've had it two or three times. For a drink I've never heard of? No, more than two or three times. Oh, well. We'll go through... Some nerd out there.

Go through the records. Go through the... First off, it's a... It's a lot of Boulevardiers. I like a cocktail that... A whiskey-based cocktail that isn't played out. Like, I love... No, it's not played out.

For sure. It's kind of an underrated whiskey cocktail. Yeah. Like, I love... Look, I love old fashions. I love Manhattans. But, like, everyone drinks those. So it's fun to have a different one in the mix.

I agree. And Old Pal is another one we never did. Old Pal's a classic that we brought back. Old Pal. I believe it's just dry vermouth. So it's fun to have a different one in the mix. I agree. An Old Pal is another one we never did. Old Pal is a classic that we brought back. I believe it's just dry vermouth. Look it up. It's dry vermouth, whiskey, and... Yeah. Vermouth is a good mix here.

There it is. What's the... What's the... Ingredients. One ounce whiskey, one ounce Campari, one ounce dry vermouth. And the garnish is a lemon twist. That's a weird mix right there. Yeah, but simple. Simple. I mean, yeah. So it's Campari, one ounce dry vermouth. Easy. And the garnish is a lemon twist. That's a weird mix right there. Yeah, but simple.

Simple. I mean, yeah. So it's whiskey and vermouth and that's it? Or is it something else? Campari. Campari. Ah, Campari. It's like a Negroni.

No, but it's dry vermouth. Negroni is sweet. Ah, okay. Those Burt morning drinks with something with Campari. Was it Campari Spritz at your bachelor party? Aperol Spritz? No, but it was Campari Spritz. That's right.

That was good. He made them nice in the morning. Burt did? Yeah. Damn, Burt is clutch with the alcoholism. He's clutch. He's clutch. We're all hungover and tired, and it's like coffee.

Like, I got a better thing for you guys. Because we did these things. Poison here. Yeah. We planned all these weird events in the morning, and we were hungover the night before. You get two hours of sleep, so you needed a kick. Like a, yeah, waking up.

Bert is sending me, we were both on tour buses, and we were sending each other videos of our tour buses, because his is like a double-decker. Don't get into a fight with Bert about tour buses. But then also he's like, you know, he's like, this is my room where I sleep. I'm like, I'm in a bunk with everyone else, dude. Man of the people.

I'm doing the bunk. I sleep better in the bunk. Yeah, the bunk is better. The bunk is good. Than a bed? Yeah, because you're in the back and it's bouncy and shit. It's like you're by the engine. Oh, right, because that's where I bounce to the back seat.

Yeah. But then you get a bunk. It's like a, I was going to say a coffin. It's kind of nice. Little known fact about Bert's tour bus. I saw it in Madison. He was parked and I was like knocked say a coffin. It's kind of nice. Little known fact about Bert's tour bus. I saw it in Madison. He was parked and I was like knocked on the door. It was like 11am whatever. Nothing.

And then I tried the door. It was open. Walked in. Saw somebody's like hi. He's like oh hey. And then I walked to the back. Woke Bert up. So little tip is if you see Bert's tour bus it is unlocked that's true go say hi i can vouch yeah well i'm taking let's wait for ari to get a sip of this yeah yeah yeah

do you have a third one i do have a third one but i don't have any glasses okay one thing i'll say about bird is he we did the fully loaded and he went to bed last. We'd all stay up watching movies and getting drunk and high and all this shit. He would stay up last, you know, show us his dick, whatever. Then he'd be up early shirtless doing a slip and slide. He's like the Michael Jordan of drinking. He's a

Mickey Mantle of drinking. But when you hear Michael Jordan stories, you're like, he'd play 18 holes of golf. He'd go to practice. Lost $50,000 on one hand. And he was still first there. Yeah, he is that guy. And, you know, everybody goes, once he stops, he's going to die. But he stops.

No, he stops and he's fine. I know. Yeah, I've stopped doubting him. I've doubted him too many times. Yeah. Are you going in? Are you doing it? Oh, shit, I'm going to wait.

Don't wait for me. All right, here we go. There we go. Thank you for the? Are you doing it? Oh, shit. I'm going to wait. Don't wait for me. Alright. Here we go. Thank you very much. Thank you for the bedazzled glass. This is interesting. So it's in the glass I like, but without a cube, I'm curious to see how this plays out. And they've all been up so far. It's a good smell. It reminds me of something. Ooh, that smells good.

What does it remind me of? That is a unique taste. Grand Marnay orange liqueur. I guess it's that. So this is kind of your own spin on a Manhattan. Yeah. That's different. It's different. I'm not big on sweet vermouth so whenever I make drinks with it I try to find ways to

cut it. Yeah. Offset it. Make it nicer. Interesting. And she's from Manhattan. I think it's a great cocktail. I don't think it's a Manhattan. Oh shit. Heidi Klum in the house. I would not say it's in Manhattan. That's a totally different thing. I think it's very good, though. I think it's called

a Harlem. Which is like technically Manhattan. Exactly. Technically, but different. This is on 103rd Street right here. Yeah. Up on 103rd Street. Yeah, it is good, but I would agree it's not a Manhattan. I really genuinely like it. I like it, too. I would name that something else. This is how is good, but I would agree. It's not a manhattan. But I really genuinely like it.

Yeah, it's really good. I like it too. I would name that something else. This is how we make our cocktails at my bar, or Manhattan's at my bar. Like, that's our standard. Where's your bar? In Tribeca. It's called Macau.

Macau. So it's like a Chinese theme? Yeah. So maybe that's why? Yeah, actually, maybe. Yeah. Because you do everything wrong? Oh.

Yeah. Sorry. All right. Wow. All right. That was, it's going to be hard not to drink all this shit. I know. I know.

I got shit to do tonight. Same. It's hard to shoot this show in the afternoon. It really is. I have people hitting us up like, can I come on next week? I'm only in town. And I'm like, how much diarrhea can I handle in one week? Yeah.

To drinking? Because it's not like we don't drink off the podcast. Right, right. That's not the only time you drink. No. Yeah. Jay wants to get a bowling league going for comedians. But I'm like, where would you do it?

It'd have to be a Monday or Tuesday. Yeah, we're busy. It doesn't have to be 5 p.m. before spots or like 11 p.m. after spots and then continue. And the problem is this is going to sound elitist. Yeah. But as a newcomer, you can do all that shit. But now we're on the road. We're doing eight pods.

That's why Monday, Tuesday. We're scheduled. Yeah. But that shit never works. I mean, I feel like we always try to do it and it never works. But they used to have comedian softball leagues. I know. But who was playing in that?

Was Colin Quinn in those? Man. David Letterman was in a basketball league in LA. Really? He was in softball. Wow. Yeah. But you had more time.

You'd have to post clips. You'd have to edit, caption, podcast, all that shit. We got a lot of shit. We're guys who've never done any of those things. A lot of podcasts right now. Yeah, Ari, you're on every fucking podcast. What are you talking about? I don't caption shit.

But you have a guy doing it. Yeah, right. There you go. Yeah, we don't have to do it. We're busy bowling. I don't even like bowling. Bowling's hard. It's hard.

I'm so bad at it that I can't enjoy it. Let's just be drunk and do it. Let's just be drunk, go bowling, steal some shoes. But it's all gutter. Yeah, sure. All right. That's where our minds are anyway. Yeah, nicely done.

That's actually a good name for a bowling alley, your minds. Your minds. Anything gutter? Hey, stay in your lane. I'm not a big, but I can enjoy, I'm bad at ping pong and I enjoy ping pong. I love ping pong. But I'm not good at it. I'm bad at pool. I enjoy I enjoy ping pong. I love ping pong. But I'm not good at it. I'm bad at pool.

I enjoy pool. I don't really like bowling. You know what it is? Bowling's a big to-do. The shoes, the waiting for the ball. And it's like, oh, here's your turn. Everybody has to go, oh, good. If you miss a pool shot, even pros miss.

No big deal. It's not a big deal. And you're not walking around. It's all right there. Bowling, you're moving. You're holding a heavy ball. You're throwing it. It's loud. There's all right there. Bowling, you're moving. You're holding a heavy ball. You're throwing it. It's loud.

There's other people there. Maybe you are Jewish. Okay, I've been accepted. Finally. We'll try to do this instead of this. But, you know, yeah, I love watching bowling. Like, I love watching a great bowler. Well, no, not like really, but like watching a guy who's great at it.

It is kind of beautiful. The way they put the spin on it. Tommy DeLutz. Yeah. You know him? I've heard of him. He was a guy who's great at it. It is kind of beautiful. The way they put the spin on it. Tommy DeLutz. Yeah. You know him? I've heard of him. He was a fucking, he was a fan. He was ranked like fifth in the world in bowling one year.

He won 32 grand that year. He's on next week. How cool is that? That is cool to be that good at something. I went to see him once. I'm in a meme. Oh, that guy. Who do you think you are?

I love this. Look at the spin. The way they put the spin. The spin. Listen to this. I just think of Ernie McCracken. Every time. It's so funny.

These guys get laid. Of course they do. Who do you think you are? I am. The motion for error is this. Would you bang this guy? Absolutely not. Oh, really?

Can you find the meme I'm in? Bowling meme. You're in'm in? Bowling meme. You're in a meme? Bowling meme. Yeah. I was watching Tommy DeLutz at a fucking bowling event, and somebody put up a sign behind me. Nothing to do with me. They just played.

There you are. There it is. Wait a minute. Whoa. Look at the sign. What a great sign. Holy shit. There's me with hair and glasses.

Wow. But look at that sign in the back. Defense. I got to say, you look way better now. It's bowling. Yeah, you do. You really do. This is like incel, Ari.

Yeah, a little more rabid. This is crazy. Definitely. Wasn't getting laid much for sure. You can see the Yeshiva University. You've aged very well. Yeah, thanks. You're a handsome guy.

Yeah. Well, the hat helps. Do you have any pet peeves? In what sense? Just in life. Little things that annoy you? Oh, my God. Like slow walkers.

Classic. There's a big one here. What else? People who like sing or hum loudly when doing anything. Good one. That's not bad. You know what's tough is the loud yawner. Yes.

We get it. We're all bored. You're on my show. Could we do a round of paper planes? Yeah, are we ready? I mean, yeah, we can't finish all of these. You know what? Maybe just do one. Oh, that's not bad.

That's a good call. Yeah Oh that's not bad That's a good call We're wasting so much liquor here Yeah yeah That's not a bad call Short drinks We can give the rest of them To Give them to the homeless Yeah

Dude you ever have like A nice drink Just hand them out And you leave a club And you're like Hey do you want some scotch Yes And they're like

Yes Of course Are you kidding me I drank everything off the bar When I was coming up. That's a great charity. You had drinks for hobos? Yeah.

Mark Norman literally owned his own apartment, and he was still eating chicken wings off plates going towards the kitchen. There's something about it when it's not yours. It's more fun. It's like a guy's wife. Yeah, it's true. It's forbidden. You're a food cook.

Yes, yes, food cook. Yeah. Somebody get that domain name. No, I know what you mean though it's something exciting like there's something we could do something with this booze for hobos oh yeah yeah this is a charity because they do dude

that's a that's a we might be drunk exclusive it's great to book big name acts on a show like this because no one ever asked we're just like it's a charity gig and we go cool look what's this for? We get the homeless intoxicated. Dude, you get a bartender, Steffi, anybody. We go down there with a little makeshift

like traveling bar and we make an actual drink for all the fucking heroin addicts at Tompkins or for the Washington Square Park fucking drug addicts. I love it. Dude, it's dicey now though. They would love it. They legal it's dicey now, though. They would love it. They legalize drugs in Portland.

Why not? We make free booze. That would be so cool. They're going to get it anyway. What do you think of this one? What's better, the Boulevardier or the paper plane? You got hobos going, well, this one's full body and all that shit. That would be hilarious.

Dude, 100%. Sideways, but everyone's homeless. Yes. All right, let's try all right because look i've had some hobos that turned down my food i go hey i got some indian food you want this takeout they go oh what am i a piece of shit we do have to donate a shitload of money if we do this to the homeless charities you can't just do this shit you give them the booze no you gotta do if we get lit up you can't just be getting people drunk without doing the other shit. All right, all right. We'll get a sandwich. We'll get DeRosa's sandwiches.

There you go. That's a sponsor. Joey Rose's Memorial Sandwiches. All right, this is big. Joe's drunk eating all the sandwiches next to them. I love that sound. That sound is the opposite of a peeve because you know something good is coming.

That sound is a good sound unless you're an open mic comic and you're like, shut up! Can you wait? Tell me between comics! That and the blender. There it is. Now can you see the on Fifth Avenue getting it for the hobo? There is something about that.

You're right. When you're on stage and you hear it, you're like, oh yeah, we're a vehicle to move alcohol and nothing else. That're right. When you're on stage and you hear it, you're like, oh, yeah, we are a vehicle to move alcohol and nothing else. That's it. And you hear the blender. You're like, all right. I know what everyone's drinking. It always hits you right when you feel like an artist for a second.

Yes. You're like, I'm getting pretty good at this. And you're like, I'm a fucking piece of shit. I got to ask, Steph, do you hate ice? What's going on here? Paper planes and Manhattan. Well, Manhattan's typically you ask, and that was my mistake. I didn't ask you guys if you wanted it on the rocks or up.

No, that makes sense. Paper planes are usually up. It should be in a coop. You're right. You should be in one of these. Yeah. She did say when she served it, she goes, technically, it should be one of these, but these degenerates don't have enough glasses for me.

You got that right. Sending glasses. You call us a studio? That's what he said. We need more glasses. Restoration hardware. Hit us up. Should we try it? me. You got that right. Send in glasses. You call us a studio? That's what he said. We need more glasses. Restoration hardware. Hit us up. Should we try it? Yeah, you start. It smells great. Paper planes are just...

It smells great. I feel like we really are responsible for the rise in popularity. 100%. In homeless drinking. We did what Pulp Fiction did for John Travolta. Oh, that's good. That's a better paper plane than the other one. Wow. All right a better paper plane than the other one wow all right is that better than the other possibly yeah it's tangy though watch out your stomach

that smells fucking very nice was the ice washed ahead of time is it lemon heavy it's just uh the lemon twist that makes it so lemon heavy oh really, really? How did you make that? That is mind-boggling. Maybe the best paper plane we've ever seen on this podcast. I'm saying it's good. Trump says it. Beer Jew's going to kill himself with a lady boy in Thailand or wherever he is. I guess what? I hate ice too now.

I guess so. So does the border. That's great. That's really good. So do the immigrants. Kick it back. Kick it back. Thank you. That was, that's maybe, I think it's the best paper That's really good. Kick it back. I think it's the best paper.

Very nice. Can we go dealer's choice now? What's your favorite? Sidecars? You guys fuck with sidecars? No, forget what we fuck with. I love a sidecar. That's what I like make.

I believe it's the Godfrey episode we did sidecars. Is that correct? Hmm. Yeah, keep that away from me. So why is sidecar your... That is a good drink. Why is sidecar your specialty? I mean, not my specialty. It's just kind of what I've been enjoying drinking lately.

I couldn't come up with a specialty. I don't really have one. I'll just make whatever people want, But I've been really liking these. Can I tell you about a drink we invented at the comedy store? At Sidetracked with the last guy. So they had a bottle. You know how they had like the liquor whatever delivery guys would be like, hey, we have one free bottle of this just because you guys might want it, you know?

So they had a bottle of cherry vodka. Yeah. Anyway, so we saw it there. We're like, let's make a drink. Cherry vodka with Sprite and grenadine. So it's pretty much a Shirley Temple. Cherry vodka. Yeah. What does Shirley Temple have in it? Vodka, right?

Well, a dirty Shirley. Shirley Temple is just grenadine and Sprite. Oh, shit. I gave him a dirty Shirley. So it's a dirty Shirley. But since we call it with that, we decided to call it, since it's a grown-up Shirley Temple, Temple of Doom. I like that. Yeah.

And it was good. I tried to make him do it at the stand. He goes, I will not do that. Tastes even better with an Asian kid. All-star game. Come on. Worst Indiana Jones movie, but still good easily the worst is that this one but the conley ma but as a kid i loved that shit oh yeah that was huge man harrison

ford fucking ruled harrison ford ruled and he didn't even make it so he was like 35 is that true he was like a carpenter starboard star was he was older no but he was in the he was in movies though he was in like the conversation and shit young. And he was in American Graffiti. But he was a hot carpenter in LA, just like banging all these housewives. He was a fucking hot dude. Yeah. Just like Jesus.

If Google bitch was here, we could pull up some photos of him. Where the fuck did he go? He's talking to Child Protective Services outside. Yeah. Telling his wife. No, he's in school. He's in tutoring right now. Is that... We had him tutoring right now. Is that

we had him take one sip. Is that whiskey on your breath? Fun fact. Harrison Ford was just reading the scripts. He was a script reader and they hired him because he was so charming and fun. He's like a hot guy. That's the dream as a script reader. They're like, they're going to see my talent. Yes.

It only happened one time ever. Pull up Harrison Ford as a carpenter. Hot, young, beefcake. Hot, young Harrison Ford. Yeah. I think there's one of him shirtless floating around somewhere. My mom had a thing for him. And he hooked up with Carrie Fisher, too.

Oh, really? Did he ever? I mean, it's crazy. They really fucked. That was how Hollywood worked back then. If you were like leading. There he is as a's a carpenter. Wow. He's like a hippie.

Ripped. Yeah, but you realize how much better people's bodies are now. That's a better body than both of us. Maybe not Mark. But for leading men... Oh, right. You gotta be cut. The fact that we're even in the conversation right now is disgusting. Yeah, you gotta go on roids now. Everyone's on roids. And also he's drinking. It's disgusting. Yeah, you have to go on roids now.

Everyone's on roids. He's drinking. He's not even like... No, he does look good there. And this is before they knew anything. He was eating white bread and, you know, candy bars. Yeah, exactly. Eats their steak. It's good for you. Yeah, drinking beers all day. Yeah, not like us. We're really healthy. I heard all of us smoke

weed on every shoot. He's like, I'm gonna be fucking ripped. And then he made that decision like 20 years ago. Yeah. Here's a clip. I wonder if you could find shoot. He's like, I'm going to be fucking ripped. And then he made that decision like 20 years ago. Yeah. There's a clip. I wonder if you could find it. It's like him and Josh Hartnett in an award show. And I think he's like fucking wrecked. Really?

Harrison Ford. He's either high as shit or drunk as shit. Something's off. But yeah, I wonder if it exists. There's also a clip of him at Comic-Con. He went one year for the paycheck. And they're like, Han Solo. He's like, you guys gotta grow up.

You make me sick. Is this it? Stifler. Oh, here it is. I think he's wrecked. Let's get this going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did any of them make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs?

Lucas. You're running right up there. What are you doing? Right there. Don't worry about it. You never understood what I'm doing. Just keep reading. Okay, but their beauty is far surpassed by the talent they consistently bring to the screen.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes? He's doing all his famous lines. He's hammered. Is this a gag or is he legitimately a hammer now? I think it's both. I think it's a gag and he's drunk. Yeah.

He's pissing off Mark. He's like, I'm doing the MTV Awards. I don and he's drunk. Yeah. He's pissing on Margaret, though. I'm doing the MTV Awards. I don't give a shit. He's being fun. No, this is planned. Good for Hartnett. We're playing along. Yeah.

Get off my plane oh good for him he doesn't want to be there get off my plane is one of the all-time dumbest greatest lines i know history where's that from air force one with the russian the russian terrorists and he's literally the this back when being patriotic was cool, right? When you root for the president. And literally the president is the action star. Can you picture Biden or Trump as a dude beating up terrorists? Literally, dude, this last scene. This is it.

This is iconic. I think that's Gary Oldman. No, hold it for here. It's perfect. Everybody in the theater was going, oh, shit. No, let it play. Let it play for a sec. Get off my-

The music. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What a country. He's hanging. What's he hanging from? He broke his neck first and threw him out in a parachute oh first he broke his neck yeah george bush senior was a real uh hero senior senior this junior was like a junior was a hero to me i ruled in hindsight history will be kind to that guy. Whenever you start painting, shit's gone horribly wrong in your life.

Yeah, that's true. Hitler, Jim Carrey. No, I think Hitler, he was pre-painting. Oh, yeah, pre-painting. It boded not well. But Jim Carrey's a good example. Yeah, he started painting. Steffi's got a new drink.

There's W. Or no, this is the original. George Bush being rescued in World War II. I'm loving Steffi's drinks right now. Wow. God, the presentation. See, that's a woman's touch. Yeah.

Yeah. Very nice. You left a nail in here. It's a rusty nail. It's been a while since I've had a woman's touch. Stephanie? Steffi? Steffi. Steffi. I fucked up. touch. Stephanie. Steffi. Steffi.

Steffi. I fucked up. Take it again, drunky. Okay, take it again. Start over and go.

She forgave Louie. She can forgive me. Phenomenal. Get off my plane. Get off my

paper plane. Nice. This is a paper plane? No, this is a sidecar. This is a sidecar. Excellent.

If sidecars always taste like that, I drink them more often. Ooh, that's interesting. I like it. Different flavor. I want to try a Manhattan one more. Is it salt or sugar? Sugar. Ooh, interesting.

I'm going to take one more run under Manhattan as well because I think the Manhattan was very interesting. What's a proper way to lick up a salt or sugar rim? Do you go like that? I usually do like I'll take a sip and then take a lick. Chaser. Yeah. Same with a margarita?

Yeah. That's my way, though. I don't know the official way. Thoughts? I think if you come back, we don't call this a Manhattan. We call it a Midtown West because that's where we are. Oh. All right.

Realtor talk. There's something off with this. Oh, Steffi. Uh-oh. What do you think? You don't like the side chick? Something's wrong. It tastes like barf.

It's like papaya. There's something reminiscent of barf. Could it be the glass? I told you it was going to be mean. I told you. Ari, he likes to speak like a Somalian. Legitimately, the other drink was one of my favorite drinks I've ever had in my life. There's something in here

that I don't like. It's not that it's wrong. It's not agreeing with me. You might just not like sidecars. Maybe that's it. Let me try it. It's a lemon juice, orange liqueur, or Grand Marnier, and cognac. Maybe it's one of those. Let me smell the Grand Marnier. Yeah, you don't like it in the behind.

I think it's a good drink. I think it's good too, but it is, it does pack a punch. It's got an interesting kick. Might be that. It reminds me of something from childhood. Some level of like, I failed a class and I smelled that at the same time. And you were molested.

Yeah, it might be related to the molestation. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I keep trying to bury that, but it keeps popping its head up. You were diddling a sidecar. Maybe. Maybe. It'd be great if I were just paused like, no!

No! This is worth it. Very nice. Oh, God. Get her diddled. This is worth it. Very nice. Oh, God. Get her diddled. He perked up. Gotta be honest. That other drink was one of the best drinks I've ever had.

The paper? The paper plane. Get off my paper plane. Yeah. That was his. Side car. You're just burning things you don't like now. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

No, that's fine. That's part of it. It wasn't like it's rotten. It's just like, it's not my taste. I think you killed it. I think this definitely killed it for sure. Very nice. All right.

Well, do you like where New York's headed? Do you feel like it's different now? It's definitely different. I'm ready to leave. Oh, where are you moving? Where are you going? I am not sure yet. What's on the list?

I have a lot of friends in Colorado who are trying to get me out there. But I don't like the cold. I like the Arizona sunsets, but I feel like there's not much to do. It's 50 in January right now. This is incredible. Denver sunsets are pretty epic. But you don't like the cold. So cold.

But New York's not even that cold right now. I know. But Colorado would be way colder. Oh, yeah. So fuck Colorado. So I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. And I'm too broke to even make any decisions now anyway.

How old are you? 27. You got all the time in the world. Actually, maybe. Good call. Great town. It's awesome. I do love San Diego.

San Diego is underrated. A lot of military guys. Beefcakes. Ooh, yeah. Not really my type. Guys with huge chests like us. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Guys with huge chests like us. Yeah.

Yeah. Sam, is it a burden to be this swole? Well, I think you killed us, Zephy. Great job. I appreciate it. Really good. And we have one more bartender, right? Who that?

And who is that? Who dat saying it's going to be them saints? Cameron is the third. Male or female? I'm going to guess female, but it could be male. Cameron is from... Ferris Bueller's Day Off. But also Cameron Diaz. Cameron Esposito. Is Cameron Esposito serving us now?

I think it's Cameron Crowe. Oh, yeah. Wow, that does go both ways. So do I. All right, Steffi. Well, it was great meeting you guys. Great meeting you. Great eyebrows. Thank you.

Legitimately, it's not just that I prefer the paper plane. That was one of the best drinks I've ever had. Thank you so much. I don't want to besmirch the name of Beerju, but it is the best paper I've ever had. Oh, thank you so much. Killed it. I don't want to besmirch the name of beer juice, but it is the best paper plane we've had. It's pretty damn good. Yeah, he's out. Thank you.

Appreciate it. He'll die out there anyway. All right. Godspeed and praise Allah. Yeah. All right. One more. One more.

So what are you guys going to do? Have a regular? I guess so. Have a regular? I don't know. Yeah. I'm impressed with both of them. Yeah, they're both great.

Well, the beer dude's gone for months, so we need somebody to fill that time. Yeah, you need somebody. Yeah. He might never come back. DeRosa is a bartender. The more I think about it, it really worries me. Yeah. DeRosa's just pouring shot after shot.

I mean, by the way, your bachelor party, the actual one that you guys were at, we did a bachelor party episode, and DeRosa just keeps pouring shots it's crazy it was no different than the real bachelor party literally he showed up with a bunch of shots

that's true but I was sick for like eight days after that I think I came in with a cold but I tried to fight through it

because it was the bachelor party episode and every time he did a shot I was like I'm gonna be I was in Phoenix after every set

I collapsed on the couch violently ill and the whole time Gary Veeder was just going we were supposed to go to Pizzeria Bianco. We'll just be out. The same show will be out in public. And he goes, you better take me out to a five star restaurant tonight, bitch. Gary, he's like Sharon Stone in Casino. Where's my mink coat?

What DeRosa does is a bartender. A lot of bartenders have great ideas, do interesting takes on drinks or just do the old drinks quite well. DeRosa does none of those but adds peer pressure on a level that no bartender can do. That is so true. It's sickening. Amazing peer pressure. His peer pressure is sickening.

Come on. He's always like, come on, just do this shot. I think I'm good. Come on. And then 20 minutes later, he's throwing up in a bush. And I'm like, oh yeah, why was I listening to you? You're right. That's how he gets laid, too. Hey, Cameron.

Alright, okay. Cameron is a man. I try. You brought your own mixer? Nah, this was given to me. Okay. I travel light. DeRosa puking in a bush is how the night ends usually yeah he will be missed Cameron yes sir yes you're the you're the third guy you know the drill you

gotta make a paper plane a Manhattan and then your own specialty just make one of the paper planes and one of them in hands and we'll each take a sip. Because we're a little lit up. We're a little lit up. A little lit up right now. That makes sense on the last. But also just make one of your signature two. What's the point?

So it's those two and then what's your fave to make or you guys are going to love this. Whatever you want to make it. Yeah. And you're great in every Taylor Sheridan show. He looks like somebody. You do. You do you want to make it. Yeah. And you're great in every Taylor Sheridan show. He looks like somebody. Yeah. You do. You do have ripped vibes for sure.

He's hot. You look like you can remake our house. I can. I actually built houses for a living. Whoa. Really? Yeah. In the Hamptons.

And then I bartend on the side. Hell yeah. What a hump. Bartending got me through college, but now I just build houses. Wow. You were a carpet manly man, dude. Same task Jesus took. Yeah, just born in the spring.

And the flannel, too. Yeah, not a Jew right here. Maybe a little Russian. All right. We're actually rooting for them. I'm Ukraine. Ari, what's your 23andMe ethnic background type situation? It's 97% Ashkenazic Jew and 3% Ashkenazic Jew.

I'm very high Ashkenazic as well. Yeah, you're probably the same. We kind of have the same Jew look. What's the difference? We're legitimately probably related no more than three generations back. Easily. We probably have something going on. Yeah.

It's kind of nice. Let's do it. Next time I come in, 23andMe contest. Similar build. Both tall. Comic. Something's up. Yeah. East time I come in, 23andMe contest. Similar build, both tall, comic, something's up. A little hairier than should be. Yes.

Matt with the eyes. I have a hint of Iranian. I have a hint of it. I think that's the eyebrows probably. Yeah, I can see it. Is that Sephardic? What does Sephardic mean? It's like Egyptian. Oh, yeah. African.

That's the Iranian. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah. Got it. Oh, my God. That's the 20, what is it, uncut gems Jew? The diamonds Jews?

Yes, the Ethiopians. I don't know. I think the Ethiopians, yeah, that's different. They're cushy, but like, yeah. Sandler is an Ashkenazi Jew. Yeah. Got it. I feel like Ashkenazi Jews,

mostly like Eastern European type. His real name is Sandlowitz. Huh? Sandlowitz. No. Adam Sandlowitz. Is that a bit? No.

Oh, wow. Is it really? Adam Sandlowitz. Not even Sandler. Sandlowitz. Well, you know, John Stewart is Lebowitz. Lebowitz. Trump used to get him on that yeah

shut up Leibowitz Adam Salkowitz it's adorable man it's good rules I mean really thank God for iPads it's funny when we were kids

it was Gameboys they were like this big now it's like this I had a comic book yeah yeah I was just books

yeah it's like, you know. It's a big screen. Are we doing Manhattan first? This is my first specialty cocktail. Oh. All right. Mix it up.

I figured you had the other one. No, no. Mix it up a little bit. I like it. I like it. All right. Can we know what it is? This is a Ward 8.

Ward 8? Ward 8. Yes we know what it is? This is a Ward 8. Ward 8? Ward 8. Yes, sir. What is that? This is your bodega cat rye whiskey. Fresh orange, flesh lemon, a little bit of maraschino cherry, a dash of bitters, and then I'm going to have to garnish it with a couple of cherries. Whoa.

I've never heard of this drink. A Ward 8? I've never heard of it. See where I come from. It was invented in Massachusetts. Oh. The 1898 election. The governor that won actually. A Ward 8. I've never heard of it either. See where I come from. It was invented in Massachusetts. Oh. The 1898 election. The governor that won actually needed Ward 8 to win.

And after he won, the bars made this drink called the Ward 8. Oh, I love a history. Yeah, Joe List drank this until seven years ago. Well, we have wards in New Orleans, but we call it the 8th Ward or the 7th Ward, not Ward 8. With his wife, it's called the Last Word. I'll tell you. All right. Let's see what this is made of. not ward 8 with his wife it's called the last word alright let's see what this is made of whoa it's so pink

yeah just like my ex alright we're at the point where we start bombing thank you ward 8 start us off man for the viewing public it looks beautiful

is there a tip to like how thin to slice these orange slices I like to do like an eighth to three sixteenths of an inch I'm in the exact same way anything more and it feels like you're eating oranges and it's not a garnish interesting becomes a fruit salad but sometimes it is fun

to like, when you're drunk, to be like, I'm going to eat this orange. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And I'll eat the whole thing.

I'll eat the rind and everything. Yeah. What do you think? Their nose? Smells good. I mean, you can smell a pizza shop on 6th Avenue.

But, thoughts? Don't make him laugh. He's going to backwash. We have to do the three. I'm third here. I was like, this guy's half gay. This was an orgy.

I'm the last dick in. Come on. Pet cleanup. Solid. Oh, orange drop. Eighth Ward. So, what's the verdict, fellas? Solid.

Very good. Dry. Not too sweet, which I like. Not too sweet. Yeah, if you use fresh orange juice, I think it helps out a little bit. I like this better. Than what? Than a fresh orange juice. Orange juice has so much sugar in it, I think. Wow, this is interesting. It's a bit dry. Tell me has so much sugar in it, I think. Wow, this is interesting. I didn't just wait to order it.

It's a bit dry. Tell me. Two ounces of rye whiskey, then a half ounce of fresh orange, fresh lime, a tablespoon of maraschino cherry juice, two dashes of bitters, and then you shake it up over rocks. You would think the maraschino cherry juice would have made it super sweet. Just a little bit. Just a dash. Two tablespoons.

Very nice. Wow, this is a really good drink. Great drink. Oh, shit. I love when it's- Eighth Ward. The were both like that was an original yeah the witching hour and this is one we've never tried so it's new to us I love the new ones so in the original category we have to decide how much weight to put on that but this is a fucking that's a banger okay it's a good drink also I would order that at a bar would you yeah I don't like pink

100% I would order that maybe what kind of bar are you going to do you know how to make a godfather Yeah, I don't like pink. Can you order this in a bar and they'd know it? 100% I've ordered that. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe in mass. What kind of bar are you going to? Do you know how to make a Godfather? No. It's so weird.

You kill Sonny? That's your favorite drink. It's kind of hilarious. But it's also like you go into a bar, like you make a Godfather. Most bars have never heard of it. Yeah. It's much better than a Godfather 3. But not as good as Godfather 2. Like that first bartender, you're like, it. Yeah. It's much better than the Godfather 3. But not as good as Godfather 2.

Like that first bartender, you're like, interesting. Damn. That is solid. It's a solid drink. That's a good drink, but what is your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke? Oh, Jesus. My favorite Hedberg joke. The one I say the most is I used to be an alcoholic.

I still am. Or I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to too. That's a great joke. That's used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to too. That's a great joke. Brilliant joke. You know what my favorite Hedberg joke is? You can't please all the people all the time and last night all those people were at my show.

I saw him do that live. Really? Whoa. Favorite Hedberg joke. Some guys passing out flyers. They're pretty much saying, here, you throw those out for me. That's a great joke. Classic. Great joke.

Mark? Hold on, I'm on the spot here. The Dufresne is a great one. Escalators, the only things that when they break, they still work. They just become stairs. How about the one about the reservations at the restaurant? What happened to the Dufresne? The Dufresne, yeah, that was a great one.

There is someone drunk right now, but no one seems to give a fuck. I got mine. I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. Wow, that's a good one. Come on. That's like a Groucho Marx. Yeah. That's a banger.

Stephen Wright, I think, is the ultimate one-liner. I think it's all... He almost originated it. Yeah. Well, Henny Youngman, maybe. No, he didn't originate it, but he had his own style yeah there's no dry like that yeah so i had a friend andrew i forget he was in the um hong kong comedy scene and those guys would go around southeast asia or asia in general and he went to the soul he went to soul with a couple of comics they flew him out

there and they had never seen a one-liner comic before. And then they saw him do that, just like Stephen Wright style. And they go, dude, you just changed the game. Whoa. They just never seen it. You changed the game. And he had the thing down where he looked weird, and he would go on stage and go, feeling kind of hyper.

So he knew his voice. He knew his voice, yeah. He knew the shit, which made it even better. Dude, I love, I went to a diner, said, eat breakfast anytime, so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. Come on. That's a fucking incredible dude. Who was that? Steven Wright.

Steven Wright? Wow. I got to get into him. Oh, dude, I have a pony. Listen to that album. Great album. Is he still alive? Yeah.

He tours. Get him in here. He's not great on pots. You started the, wait, I started the last one. All right, well, I'll start this one. We'll move. What is that one? This is the old-fashioned Manhattan. Oh, you just did two?

Old-fashioned's fine. Alright, my bad. Same family. I mean, if they were cousins, they couldn't really fuck, but... Coming to Louisiana. Wait a minute. You guys, you made those quick. Man, you're on the move. I like it. That's not a bad

detail for a barbershop. The smell of this shit the move. I like it. That's not a bad detail for a Borshner. The smell of this shit is excellent. Nailed it. The smell matters. It's a good old-fashioned. Here, here. Oh, that's good. Oh, you think it's good?

That's good. What is that one? That's the paper plane. That's good. It's a good old-fashioned. I think I might just like paper planes Paper planes are good drinks That's a damn good paper plane

Better than the last one? A little more kick than the last one But this one has ice that one didn't Fuck that's excellent it tastes weirdly different Yeah it does Did you go heavy on any ingredient here? No just equal parts Man we got some good bartenders

That's dry Is it old-fashioned? Yeah. That is dry. Yeah, I don't like my old-fashioned sweet. I like just like a- I don't like them sweet either. To make them stop burning so much, but not enough that you're like, oh, this is-

Oh, that goes down easy. I want them to hurt me like a woman. I want them to deceive me. You should know how to play games. Yeah. I do declare this is one of the finest old fashions. This guy makes a man's drink. You make a man's cock.

Tails. Now, I got a decent buzz from all this. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah. Good buzz. That's nice. I think I might just like Paper Planes. It's truly-

Because both of those, that's different than Steffy's. Yeah. But both really quite good. Very good. Kid, you wanna try it? Come here. We got some Coke, too.

Alright. Does he want Coke? Is it surprising that Mark, Ari, and I are not fathers? Got some kids in heaven. Yeah, mine were taken away. Would you know my name? That'd be a funny scene in a movie, like the courtroom, the mom and the dad trying to keep the kid. Well, he brought him to a drinking podcast.

All right, that's it. Mark and I come in drunk. I'm like, we're ready to testify. Salicues for Salicues. I love to testified drunk. That's one of the all-time. He's in a Hawaiian shirt for some reason in the corner. I run the place.

I'm Google bitch. I don't know if you know that. It's a technical term. He's in a Hawaiian shirt. He carries a knife. He's got a knife on him. Oh, my God. You were in a Hawaiian shirt and you rock a knife.

That is hilarious that you're like, you are a good father. These, I think, are stiffer. I'm a protector. You're a protector. You're a protector. These are stiffer than Steffi's. Yeah. But I was stiffer with Steffi.

Oh. Clip it. That was fucking solid wordplay. Steffi's not going to like it. That's a Sam was fucking solid wordplay. Steffi's not going to like it. That's a Samarill level wordplay. Interesting that Steffi is from New York and is like, I'm done with New York. Yeah. Where are you from?

New York. I was born in the Hamptons. I lived out here for a couple of years and now I'm back out there for now. Nice. I'm back out here. How do you like the city? I love the city. What's your favorite part?

Astoria. Whoa. I will say, Steffi, I loved her. She lost a couple points by saying she was leaving New York. Well, yeah. I was like, how are you going to be a full time? Exactly. Well, not that everyone has to stay here, but it just makes my heart sink a little bit.

The whole New York is dead vibe, it hurts me a little bit. It's not New York is dead, but if you were born here, this is a bad comment because you were born here. So is he. At some point, you got to get out. But maybe I'm talking to a guy who has no intention of leaving who was born here. I'm going to go out like the old man in Shawshank. I leave for a fucking day. I go to Pennsylvania.

I'm going to hang myself. It is a great city. I can go for a couple of days, but too long. I'm on the road every week anyway. So I kind of get my break from New York. The reports of New York's demise are greatly exaggerated. I agree. It's an amazing city.

Like, whoa, it's not over late. It's like, oh, oh, so only every place is open until 10. Go to Kansas City. What the fuck are you talking about? I know. Eh? Nothing's open. Everything closes at 6 p.m.

Oh, right, right. Well, that's the thing. And also, it's really just like Mondays that New York is going. Exactly. Weekends, it's open. I was with Ryan Hamilton last night, and he was like, let's go to this restaurant. Let's go to this restaurant. And it was a Monday, so he was like, ah, these are all closed.

I said, yeah, but if it was Tuesday or Wednesday, we'd be fine. It's a little bit farther back than it was, but it's still New York. It'll be back. It'll be back. It's not what it was. We went to, what's that? yeah closed it was closing like 10 30 that was 24 hours back in the day the fucking uh french diner and the the awnings say 24 hours and i got there like 9 45 we're close 9 45 the selk is midnight now and that was an all-nighter too and that was like a classic that was a classic all-nighter. And that was like a classic all-nighter. That was a classic all-nighter. That hurt.

You got to get back. If you're known as an all-nighter, you got to get back. You got that right. Start with 2 a.m., and then you'll get there. Started to. Because then you'll be the only spot that is open that late, and people, they'll be like, oh, shit. Break it in.

They came back. But nobody wants to work. Nah, summer will work. All right. The night shift has got to be pretty rough. Yeah. That diner night shift. That night shift has got to be pretty rough. Yeah. That diner night shift. That's tough.

You'll work there, Ari? There's certain things. So we were talking to Liz about the cellar. Ari as a waiter at the night shift. About the cellar brunch. In short shorts. And she goes, we're not doing the brunch anymore because the cooks don't want to go. Me and Mike Cannon were like, we'll do it.

Let's make omelets. Yeah, but you're going to tank the business. Why? One guy's going to go, is this jizz in my omelet? You get what you get. That's what we decided. That's a good business model.

You order one Aryan cannon meal, and that's what you get. You get mushrooms. Whatever we make, sure. You get psilocybin omelet. One out, let's say three meals there will be dosed. Also, just do bagels and lox. Just make it easy. Make it easy? There you go. Let's have fun meals there will be dosed. Oh, so just do bagels and lox. Just make it easy.

Make it easy. There you go. Let's have fun. All right. Okay, have fun, but have an option where it's not fun. No fun. A no fun option. I want a no fun option.

I'd like to order one no fun, please. Are they really not doing the brunch at the cellar? Yeah. Me and Ken will do it. See, nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to work. They were pissed I didn't show up one day. Esty was like, you're coming, right?

And I was like, I got a thing. I had a thing at the time. It was like two, you know. Hungover. I was puking. I saw Chappelle there once and I was like. At the brunch? At the brunch.

He showed up. You know, free bagels are free bagels. Or was he still on from the night before? Maybe. Doing nine hours. I saw their show, Chappelle and Rock. How was it? I mean, great.

I mean, I didn't catch all of Chappelle because I was exhausted. We had been on the road like five nights and we were in St. Louis and Rock was in our... Did I tell this story last week? Yeah. Okay, sorry. But it's a cool story. Yeah. I'll tell you after.

All of it. I mean, long story short, we got to watch a great fucking show. I mean, Rock's new album. See my buddy, Ingram? Yeah, he was great. He's kills long story short, we got to watch a great fucking show. I mean, Rock's new album. See my buddy, Ingram? Yeah, he was great. He's kills. He was... He had to stretch.

Yeah. He was the best one at the comedy store for about a five-year period. Like, literally, if you ask any employee who watches every night, who's the best one, they're like, Rick Ingram. Why does he put something out? He's about to tape a special. All right, Rick. Has he ever put out a special?

He was a crowd work guy for a long time, and nobody was like, oh, we don't want to do that. And so, you know, the industry is like, can you figure it out in the street? Right, right. But doing it the way he, I mean, he was doing crowd work in an arena in a way that was so unique. And to figure that out in a big venue, like, I like to do crowd work in big venues just to mix up an hour, just so I'm not doing joke, joke, joke. He gets all his bits through crowd work. Yeah, him and he was like oh and then he saw him again

he was like and then he went up to him this is a story anyway he goes hey dude you're because rick and i got past the comics with the same day wow that's cool but then like he couldn't get anything in the business yeah um and this is store we're a failure place yeah yeah and he's hideous and um and ron was like eventually trying to lift someone up here after the second or third time he saw me because do you always kill this well and rick's like yeah i don't know yes anyway see you chris rock yeah funny answer yeah i do well i'm a bitch nobody cares about me i don't know i want to talk to you it's a fluke yeah and then eventually he was like i want you to go on the road for me it's like all right wow that's a nice you gotta wear a suit he goes oh that's

gotta wear a suit why do you gotta be in a suit because i don't have a suit and he goes we're gonna get you a suit was he in a suit when you saw yeah oh they got him and you know what was great about what he did was Chappelle was late because his jet was like not taking off or whatever. So it's just hilarious that he cuts it that fucking close. Yeah, right. But Ingram is stretching with crowd work. And I was like, this is pretty cool to watch because I was with Vitor and James Webb.

Because they're not there for that. They're not there for Rick Ingram. No. And he went up after Rock doing this shit, this stretch. And he's doing well with that. Wow. This is pretty damn impressive. And we kind of were looking at each other

and I said to James, you know, who does The Road With Me a lot, directed my last special, it's directed Mark's special, James Webb. And James. He's a Kansas City fan.

I said, this is fucking hard what he's doing right here. He's doing, he is stretching in between Rock and Chappelle with crowd work in an arena. And no one's heard of him. No one's heard of him. And he's killing. He's killing.

What does he do? Does he go, hey, look at this guy? And they put it on the jumbo. Yeah, on the jumbo. It's higher level than that. No, but it was like, but of course it starts surface. That's how you have to start. You start surface and then you kind of ask questions and play off that.

But yeah, putting the guy on the screen. That's huge. It's fun. Because if you're doing it at a club, everyone can go, oh, who's that? And they can look and they can see him. If we're at the comic store, 160 seater, you can look over like, I kind of see that guy. And in an arena, you can't. So putting him on screen

equals it out. Right. Yeah, Ingram kills, dude. Good for him. It's good that he gets some shine. Finally. They're killing at the store for years. Yeah, you got to respect people who pay their dues and kill in the clubs

and then it's beautiful when you're just ready for that. And then Rock's like, who the fuck is this? It's like some guy's been crushing. I love that. Apparently, too, he's so bitter. He's been so bitter for a long time

in a good way. He's like, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. We're like, yeah, we don't say that out loud but we all agree you know and so he would like tell i don't know rock whoever's like hey that joke's not good that people have been doing oh he keeps it honest who the fuck are you because i would do whatever and then after he gets off because i told you dude that joke because he's not trying to kiss up like everything was great here's maybe one tagline he's like that's bad that's bad and then chris rock i heard was like oh finally i got a guy who's honest with me

interesting well let me thank you weird question are you and rock cool yet i mean i've never been friends with him but i don't know well you made up yeah it's fine all right i don't i don't know. Whatever. Well, his new hour is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without Ari. He's not a fan of mine. We have a special, for the Chris Rock

ep, we have a special guest judge for this ep. Ari comes in in a cowboy hat. You've got to love a guy who sees someone killing and uses them. Rock is a fucking legend. Of all the celebrities, he's one of the few. Burr, Rock, Chappelle.

There's some guys who are like, I'm just always going to be a stand-up. And other guys are like, well, I'm an actor now. I'll still try it once in a while. People ask me about anybody. And it's like, oh, no, that's a real stand-up. When I was talking to him at one point, I was like, man, it's just hard. All these fucking podcasts and all this radio and all this press and all these other stuff to keep writing jokes and like i'm gonna do i do it but it's like man it takes a lot out of you and he kind of looked

at me he goes what else is there and when rock says that shit what else is there besides what stand-up wait what but the other thing is what you were saying no but i'm saying it's hard to write stand up when you have so much other shit because you're just creatively zapped like this shit does take it out of you all the other stuff does take it out of you and Rock is saying what else is there

and that's Jerry's you know that's how Jerry looks at it that's how like the great the legends look at it you know where even if they didn't have the success they had elsewhere, they would be stand-ups. They would be obsessed with jokes.

And they would be waking up every day and writing. And it's a reminder that, like, you know, even if it's not like the hip thing content-wise to always be writing new stand-up, it is the most important fucking thing. Yeah, we're stand-ups at the end of the day. We do pods. We do other things. We do interviews, videos, clips. But it's all about stand-ups. the problem is if you're doing a movie it's like these are someone else's words i don't care i'll just try to do as funny as possible if you don't podcast like i'm wasting

my funny time a little my my own funny time but it's a catch 78 because you want to you want to get them to come see your stand-up so it's a good way to get them out but there is a little balance and at a certain point you've got it but it's also like that's what a lot of people do wrong where it's like, I've got these clips. I've got podcasts. All right, but dude, you're forgetting stand-up. Yeah, you're acting. I see a lot of guys like that.

You're acting suffering. Don't forget stand-up. Of course. Go up five nights a week, three times a night. Stand-up is so hard. And they go, this is easy though. I can talk or I can make a video and clip it out or edit it. I can just talk about a current event.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, great, as a bonus. Exactly. But this is just promo shit. You need an act, but an act is hard. And the problem is a lot of these guys get paid a lot for their podcast. So they're like, well, that's my focus now. It's like, oh, yeah, you're fucked.

You're fucked. You're fucked. You became a podcast guy, which is fine. It's a great living and it's cool and you can still be funny. But you're no longer one a podcast guy which is fine yeah it's a great living and it's cool and you can be still be funny but you're no longer one of us it is at the end of the day or like or like you're not doing a service like you're still one of us but like you're not giving enough time to this exactly thank you that's something i can't do i like i like that we're talking about the purity of stand-up and mark's like hold on let me let me fart all right there i just shit

myself all right he just took a note i like that that's where Mark was like, hold on, let me fart. Oh, all right, there I just shit myself. He just took a note. I like that. That's where my career's gone. Hold on, he farted. Hold on, okay. Who are your all-time favorite stand-ups? Back in the day, OGs, who do you like? Please say I don't care for stand-up comedy. He likes body. I love stand-up,

but the first comedian I ever got into was Brian Regan. Yeah! Greatest. Then Nick Swardson was like my top. Oh, I love Swardy. Nick is a fucking great comic. Jew was amazing. Jew. I mean, hands down, amazing, dude.

My grandmother wouldn't watch it with me, but I tried to put it on with her. Because you died in the Holocaust? No, but not a fan. Old Nazi. Of Jews? Wait, wait, wait. She wouldn't even start him? Christ, Ernest, and the Gora, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fat Fat, no fat You guys are great We were going for present company excluded Yeah, present company excluded Can I tell you a Regan story? Yeah, he's one of the funniest guys Regan story? Me and DeVito I'm ramping up my special

Danny DeVito Opening for me in Kansas City. You get a call from, I think Zimmerman? Joe? Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, hey Brian Wigg wants to come. It was George. Brian Wigg wants to come to your show tonight. He's got an early show. He wants to come to your late show.

Which has been a dream for so fucking long. Yeah. I've heard these stories and I'm like, how come I never get this? And he's like, I'd love to show up says hi before he goes i'll just sit in the back and watch that's what he i've always heard that story sits and watches the whole thing because you want to have some drinks after and i'm like okay now i was sober at the time because i'm like i'm trying to focus on the special i'm not drinking devito at the same time was also sober i'm not drinking right now you've all been sober we're like i'm

taking for the you not you have i'm taking a month off okay you've not done that a month or whatever a week off whatever pregnant anyway we were both sober and then but but fucking brian regan legend regan wants to drink and was i was devito was like what do you want to do he goes i think we should drink i'm like yeah no shit it wasn't sober october though was it it was not thank god we had just a few drinks and it was so fucking cool to hang out with this fucking dude he's the coolest we both are like your stand-up is on such another level and never gets the respect he does get the respect some but not national no he doesn't get labeled in the the mount rushmore is a lot yeah he's a legend he should one of the greats he's supposed to be on this twice but he had i think a health thing we got him right get him tequila

oh shit he's still on the fence uh he came to my show with the irvine improv once and how cool is it it was pretty surreal and uh he's an incredible guy that's a great guy beyond being a great great head bob down when he gets that like yeah and how many people stole that by the way yep not stole it but do it do it he's a he's a really classy dude on top of being one of the greats i mean it's like yeah great man i've told the story a million times i'm bombing at the charlotte comedy zone there's 28 people there it's a big room and one guy in the back is going man i was like well at least i'm working with that guy. Whatever. It's him. No!

Yeah, and he was like, I need the CPAC or whatever the fuck across the street. And he walked over. He's like, oh, no, it's Dennis. It's Dennis Regan. Also very funny, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also very good. His brother, Dennis Regan. Talking about a shadow.

But yeah, then we ended up drinking all night. And he is offstage. He is not clean, which was also fun. Oh, God. Like most comics. No, he's a really cool dude good egg another thing happened his agent hit me up and said hey can you open for reagan his his opener dropped out and i said sure he goes just send me a video and i was like oh my god so i sent him a conan because i wanted to send a clean clip and it was a good clip but he goes whoa what whoa, what are you, crazy?

We can't use it. It's like gay jokes and sex jokes. But it was clean. But you can't even have the subject matter. Well, Conan's clean for us. Yeah, exactly. It ain't clean for that crowd. So he fired me, the agent. He just didn't hire you.

And then a week later, he called me himself and was like, hey, man, I'm sorry about that. None of that was my idea. I didn't mean to get your hopes up. That was a bad way handle it and i was like oh my god he just good god he knows what it's like to be a comic yeah he sent me a message during covid i guess he was he's like an og where he was like he said you're spreading this off the road well he said it was like i think he listened like one of my albums i'm like raw dog shit. Whoa. I was like, man. I was laughing. I was like, oh, during COVID, when you're down here, you're like, it's Brian fucking Regan.

Of course. Wow. Can you imagine being the other way? We're writing somebody. I heard somebody on Raw Dog. I'm like, hey, man, I'm a big fan. That was really funny. He's like, okay, random dude.

Yeah. No, no, I'm a comic. Right, right. Aw. I know. And he has stories of legendary bombs, which is so He did it on my show. He did a story

about a bombing at a NHL game. Zamboni goes out and they made him go do a thing for Bud Light or something. And just eating it. Crazy to think a guy that funny still had his He is like a cartoon character funny.

Oh, yeah. Like the way he manipulates his face and the way he... Yeah, look at that. Look at this. He's like cartoon level funny. Man, the one... Man on the Moon. Is that the special?

Yeah, the improv. Holy shit, it's funny. One of the best specials. All improv? No, at the improv. Oh, all right. But he did the mullet before Theo. Suck it, Theodore.

Yeah, that's right. He did the mullet. He did the mullet. theo suck it theodore yeah the mullet the mullet theo that's early 90s baby man like are they gonna look back on our outfits like that yes yes i mean that outfit i eat brian reagan i love you i cannot defend this outfit well wearing a cowboy hat and a knit hat indoors it's like yeah but this is a podcast not a special here yeah i'm wearing it for a gag you guys okay the knit hat jesus ah it's a toque it's good a toque damn that guy rules yeah yeah you know he bought that cream suit like man this will never go out you guys gotta have this guy on your well that's how we're gonna look at bomber jackets yeseld called that. Bomber jackets are going to be like, what were they thinking?

And they're called bomber. It's all bad. Who gives a shit? You got to try to be as timeless as possible. But the shit comes back. That's the thing. That's true. It does come back.

You know what era they're in right now? Because it's like they went with the 70s, 80s, 90s. They all come back really fast. Future. They're doing Jetsons now. You see people. That's a fashion. Jetsons?

They're doing futuristic. Oh, really? Fut really futuristic was in between the 80s and 90s they did futuristic for a little bit that's now back we got Elroy here Elroy the **** Elroy deep cut wow I forgot about Elroy how's the bus you like it I love it

that's cool I'm gonna do one in the winter I'm gonna do one next winter I love the bus i mean the tour bus it's me gary veder james who films and our tour manager brian and it's like a great hang it's we we're literally pounding natural wine and whiskey on the bus watching something about mary yeah piss drunk like i'm like this is good living and then i just pass out in that little bunk. I'm like, this is good living. I love a living. Have you ever been by on your own tour bus? Yes.

I'm going to the bathroom. I'm like, where's Sam been? It's like, oh, he's asleep. We literally go to sleep laughing every night. That's the best thing about being with people that get you. We're cracking up all night. And then you wake up in Tucson. We wake up in the next city.

And the only bad thing is bring your fucking allergy meds. Oh, yes. Wow. That was legendary. Holy moly. I don't care how elitist you are. A fart is always funny. That was gold.

That was the witching hour. And that was a good sound on your fart. Great sound. We talk about farts in this pod like it's R&B. How did you get that sound? You hear the bass? Like Barry Gordy. Kid, that's going to be a hit.

Kids are going to love it. No, but it's the best, dude. I love it. I'm going to do it. You're going to do it? I've done the bus opening, but I don't know if I want to do the bus, but I talked to James Webb and Vita like, we can't wait to get back on the bus. We had so much fun. I make sure everyone's having fun at all.

It would be cool to do it that way. Bring your girl, maybe. Or just like a bunch of comics and just like have a. The way we do the ski trip or the Burt stuff, it's like, let's have some fun with comics. Let's be out gone with comics. We got to do a steak night or something. Yeah, for sure. We got to do a steak night or something. Yeah, for sure. We gotta do a steak night.

Maybe that's the bodega cat night. Who knows? This summer, dude, is gonna be the summer of us. Let's bring back Summer of Spritz. Summer of Spritz. Fuck Michelle Wolfe. She ain't gonna be here. It's us. Let's get her back. Summer of Spritz. Michelle Wolfe. Michelle, you're invited. What are you doing? Wolfeing? Summer of Spritz 2. No, she's living her best life in Spain right now.

Let her enjoy it. Oh, yeah. Take two weeks off and come do Summer of Spritz with Norman, Muriel, and Shafir. She knows she's bored. You want a Bud Light on her. I think she's happy. She messaged me the other day. She seems very happy.

All right. Is she doing stand-up? Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. But she's doing stand-up where she's like, there's a lot of stage time here. And I'm like, is there? Yeah, exactly. And there's the part where I was like, I know're happy but is there are there really good expat is the madrid

scene really good but uh no we miss her we're just saying that because we miss her and yeah do i love drinking with michelle back in the day like all time all time booze she was a tuesday she would go hard aperol spritz is too she turned us on to those. Yeah. It was Michelle Wolf and Liz at the Comedy Cellar would be pounding those, and then that made me and Ari pound those. Yeah. It would get to the point where I'd get drunk, and then I'd be like, I would get a spritz, and I'd be like, go up to the bar and be like, have I done something wrong that you would ignore an orange slice in this?

Are we able to in some way? If we have a problem, let's talk about this. And Michelle's funny, but after six or seven, she goes into like Pennsylvania hairdresser like, you're going to die alone. You get Red State Nate drunk and you get Deep Michelle drunk. You get Hershey Michelle. Hershey squirts. Yeah. She goes in.

Hershey no kisses. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. She's tough, that Winslow Wolf. Big drinker, really seems to care. Well, she got to do four sets, drinking the whole time, and by the end of the night, uh-oh, this kid just found a new dad. This is what love is.

The paternity test just came in, Salicus. You are not the father. I'll tell you. I can't believe your wife okayed this. The paternity test just came in, Salicus. You are not the father. Woo. I'll tell you. I can't believe your wife okayed this. I've been drinking too much the other day. The doctor found an olive in my urine sample. I'll tell you, I'm a drinker.

Is that a real joke? That's a real joke. Oh, okay. I was like, damn, that's good, dude. I'll tell you when you're drunk. You should write for him. When you're peeing your pants. I'll put that joke up.

I've been drinking. I'm sorry. That's just a real drunk? Yeah, When you're peeing your pants. Fuck that joke up. I've been drinking. That's just a real drunk? Yeah, when you're pissed or shit. When a teller would do that, he'd go, what are you drinking? Oh, Jaeger, you're going to shit yourself. He had a way to get a zing for everybody. For every drink possible. Oh, my God.

A brilliant way to end a show. I know. What a closer. Oh, man. A teller had that bit about, you know you're drunk when you shit your pants and uh and your pants aren't down or something or something like just because you're just because you uh are drunk doesn't mean you're wearing a kilt it was something like that oh yeah there's such a weird great line what's your favorite animal dog i like a horse because you can fuck it then get a ride home classic yeah

that's classic that's a great joke everywhere i I get a drink. Have you had him on here? Yeah, once for about 45 minutes. And he zinged the shit out of it. He showed up and was cranky. And it was hilarious. He's just looking around. He just stood up and started looking around. And we go, what's going on?

He goes, I'm just looking for some punchlines. Oh, my God. Yeah, because we weren't getting anything out of him. It's like, all right, come in and join in my set. Like, what the heck? And then you say something like, oh, really? Here's the subtext. Oh, you're not funny at all yeah but i set you up do i not you don't know what to do he's he is and what porn do you like dave you're like all right i don't know what i'm supposed to say i know i know you're yelling at me but that's the the beauty of a man like those old those old

school comics are such curmudgeons and that and that's part of what's so funny about curmudgeons chris rock called me a curmudgeon you're a curmudgeon i like that but quinn as we saw i saw quinn show last night quinn show is great great which one is he doing now small talk it's at the lucio lortel theater phenomenal you see it yeah i saw it twice i heard he's irish and from brooklyn oh yeah but a killer show funny stuff i mean there was a couple things where you're like oh it's like poignant where you're like oh shit i never thought of it that way i've quoted so many times i think restate blue state where he's like in the old days you used to get to talk with somebody about something and it wasn't the end of things you'd be like whoa oh yeah gun control i bet you're i bet you're in favor of gun control

how's the matter of fact i am ah let's get a drink and that was the end of it well that's the beauty of his social commentary it's not polarizing it really is yes it's like i'm observing this from both of you he had an abortion joke and i was like how's he gonna get out of this one and it killed it was such a neutral line but it was so funny with his gun stuff he finds a way to really like an old school entertainer bring everyone yes and that's that's the skill of the old school my favorite job i don't want to give too much away kyle but i think my favorite joke in the whole special was he's like the president used to be like ask not what we can do for you but what you can do for your country and he's like now the president to come out and go we see you we love you we notice you can you imagine being in china and they go hey the

government noticed you oh fuck oh yeah no he's uh rules he's the best i asked him about like i was like took like uh venues for my special for jew on youtube right now um five and a half mil pales comparison out to lunch and i got this i got this um i was like hey have you ever what's your event the one he played i was like have you ever done a special that immediately calls me oh wow get the text like hey yeah what are you planning why okay i'm not sure this will be the place for you maybe try something else i love that brooklyn yeah cares about stand-up when When I got to New York, I was new here.

Norman and Liz wouldn't talk to me. And I was just new here. And I was at the cellar, not even the back table, but nearby. And he walked in, and Colin Quinn from SNL and whatever else, tough crowd. Walked in, stopped, and he goes,

Oh, hey, you're Ari Shaffir, right? I heard you're new here you're a good comic uh welcome welcome to the scene i hope you feel good here let me know if you need wow i was like that was so welcoming jeez he told me he thought you were a hymie motherfucker he did a similar thing to me when i was new at the cellar really yeah he like he just sat down at the table i was there i was brand new there i was a kid and he was like he sat down next to me he goes hey sam no like didn't even introduce just like hey sam and then you look at the lineup yeah and i was like and i've spoken to other comics and you do pay that forward i do yes oh good ronnie chang said that he was like i was just in ronnie chang oh really he said that about you he's like okay i was in town it's my first week here sam made me feel really comfortable out of nowhere there you

have so many stories of people like hey are you working the cover with the comedy store i came in as a new comic i was like oh boy this could go one of two ways you raped me and it really does sometimes like you were such a cunt other times like you were so welcoming i'm like so every time people bring it up like i don't know it's gonna go either way i've only seen you be nice to young comics comics yeah yeah yeah not basketball players who die no but comics oh i killed them these are incredible cocktails all great drinks i mean this is a fucking blood this is like i'm gonna have a breakthrough today in therapy very good sir you killed it you really killed it yeah we should wrap this up we've been here for hours

clancy cameron you were cameron i was born in 1843 my name you look like clancy got a nickname yeah all right wasn't that a Simpsons character? Was there a Clancy? Police friend? Clancy Wiggums Was it Clancy? I believe so He was my favorite character Do we have Hank Azaria coming on?

No way So cool that you guys are this big now I was talking to the AYG guys today Where it's like people just reach out to you Now It took a while good podcast really seems to care we got there all right well ari uh go see ari at the beacon march 24th surprise guests we're having a great time it's my fucking hometown show i'm gonna fucking blow it out most of the floor seats are gone get up fucking to the top

but look at that we got always got Seattle Vancouver San Jose Salt Lake City and then the whole European tours Zurich Glasgow London Manchester Amsterdam Stockholm Berlin I know what your opener is gonna be I can't pronounce the rest of them

just go to his website Athens what is that going to visit the town my dad got driven away from by the Nazis I can't pronounce the rest of them. Just go to his website, Athens. What is that? Going to visit the town my dad got driven away from by the Nazis. For real. Content. They'll give you money.

Good, you win. What do I got? Atlantic City, Huntington, New York, Royal Oak, Michigan. Added there. Minneapolis, we added. Madison, Milwaukee, New Haven, Boston. Wait, where are you March 5th? I don't know. Milwaukee, okay.

Wow, what's going on? Ski weekend. Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. Miami, we're adding there. Orlando, we're adding. Some Ponte Vedre, some fucking horse shit town in Florida near Jacksonville. We're adding there. Atlanta, Charleston, some

fucking Norfolk. Charlottesville. Right. Yeah. Norfolk, Virginia, D.C. We added Wilkes-Barre. I said Wilkes-Barre last week. You guys fucking gave me shit. I apologize. I made a mistake. Get over it. Port Chester, New York. Samorell.com

slash. Come out to Wilkes-Barre. Yeah. Hey, who cares about my date? Just come on March 17th and 18th to Chicago at the Vic. Tickets on the website. We added a Friday show, so let's get that one sold out. And then I'm all over the road. That's special, man. Laugh it up.

New special, Mark Norman. It's going to be awesome. Netflix special rocking proud of you excited we're cooking and we'll find a guy for the ski trip

maybe Jeremy Renner Jeremy Renner you can fucking shoot somebody he's got a great plow you should borrow yes anyway

we got Mr. Plow Jay Leno will drive you there and he's doing Burning Man I really want Leno on here oh I gotta get Leno I got his Oh, I got to get Leno.

I got his number. I feel like I could. Before he kills himself. Yeah, I could text. Yeah, text him. Love Leno. New York. Watch Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube.

It's crushing it. Half of the hilarious Ari Shafir. Happy to have you. Thank you so much, Cameron. You were great. Great bartender. Is this done? That's those three or you got more?

Is there more? One more. Not today, but you can interview more for a full time. We might even get one or two more in the meantime. Beard you're gone. Beard you're down. Guys, I love you. Love you.

All right. Thank you. Comedy. I'm an ex-offender, a bit of Piverec, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way

We might be true