We Might Be Drunk - Ep 118: We Might Be Garbage (Kevin Ryan & H. Foley of Are You Garbage?)

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

H. Foley and Kevin Ryan join Mark Normand and Sam Morril to set your St. Patrick's Day week off right. We get real Garbage with Dew-Garitas and Cheddar Bay Biscuts.  Find out if Mark and Sam Are Garbage and if Foley and Kevin are drunk. Spoiler Alert, yes. Bartender Mic didn't turn on, so please forgive the lack of audio fidelity when he talks.  Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/shows H. Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/?hl=en Kevin Ryan: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/?hl=en Are You Garbage Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@AreYouGarbage/featured *Important Links* Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com/shop  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com Support the show by going to sheathunderwear.com & use promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. Visit http://athleticgreens.com/DRUNK for a Free 1-year supply of Vitamin D Support the show by going to https://Zocdoc.com/DRUNK & download the Zocdoc app for FREE. To get $5 off your Magic Spoon variety pack, click this link: magicspoon.com/DRUNK and use code DRUNK at checkout Recorded at Gotham Production Studios aka Gotham Podcast Studio. Edited and produced by Matt Peters 

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We might be garbage. It's good to be back. Yeah. We are garbage. Yeah, we all are. We're drinking in the day. Woo-wee. This is a St. Paddy's Day extravaganza with the Are You Garbage guys.

I love it, man. This is exciting. Oh, yeah, you guys must be some Mick. Yeah, 100%. Hell yeah. Right down the line. Irish Catholic trash. Wow. Although my mom did do a 23 and me a couple of years ago.

No black Muslim. What was the weirdest thing you got in there? She did it. There might be a connection with some people that we didn't know we were related to. Cherokee. I'll leave that. I'll leave that. No, not even that.

Just dirty. Might have been some hanky-panky going on. Oh! Yeah. Oh, baby, don't. It's like a trashy soap opera down there. All right. My dad's my mom.

My mom's my dad. I don't know who my brother is. I'll tell you that. It's Chinatown, baby. Yeah. Chinatown. All right. I did the 23andMe, and the coolest part is you get weird shit.

It'll tell you what your taste buds are like. And I'm like, yeah, it's like you prefer savory to sweet. And I'm like, that's fucking true. I don't think that's a good thing. When everybody was doing it for Christmas, I was like, listen, let sleeping dogs lie. You don't want to know what's what. Don't go digging. Yeah, you are who you are.

That's it. I know. One time I heard that the algorithm can tell if you're gay before you know. Oh, boy. And I was like, I'm screwed. This is terrifying. On the internet? Yeah.

Yeah. What? Just by what you look at, how long you hold, how long you stare at Mateo or whatever. Yes. If that's the case. That explains the videos I've been getting. But there is such a thing as an admiration stare. Doesn't mean you're gay.

Of course. I got him! This is your intervention. Who can't appreciate a dick in the ass, you know what I mean? I like it. That's what a prostate is. I mean, I had that done. You guys too young for that? Come again?

Yeah. Get it? Almost did. Good looking doc, too. Really? Who was it? Hang out in there for a little while. Make yourself comfortable. What's Who was it? Hang out in there for a little while. Make yourself comfortable. What's the procedure like? Two in there. Yeah. Two.

I think it was two. Two doctors. One was filming. What are you going to do? So, wait. You got the milking? I got it. Did it feel great?

Because they always say it's the best thing ever. I mean, I must be pretty loose. You didn't get milked. You just got tested. No, I didn't get milked. That's what I'm it. Did it feel great? Because they always say it's the best thing ever. I mean, I must be pretty loose. You didn't get milked. You just got tested. No, I didn't get milked. That's what I'm asking. No, yeah. No, they just go and see if it's swollen or anything.

I thought it was like a rubbing tongue. I don't think that's what doctors do. No, well, his name could be Doc. I figured I was at the barber. Why not? No, I get my prostate checked because I was 46. You're 46? What?

I just turned 47. Last week. Whoa. Yeah, on Friday. That is good. That don't crack. No. Holy shit.

It does die early. But I'm going to look good, Kimmy. That's right. I'm going to look good. Your skin looks good. You got no wrinkles. Yeah, the skin's all right. Are you still smoking?

No, I just quit three weeks ago. Whoa. That's so crazy you asked that. Yeah? Yeah, we went to- I saw you with like a Marlboro Red. I was like, that's not good. Man, it's not a good look. Don three weeks ago. That's so crazy you asked that. Yeah? Yeah, we went to- I saw you with a Marlboro Red. I was like, that's not good. Man, it's not a good look.

Don't do it. It's not a good- I saw another fat guy smoking, and I was like, man, is that what I look like? It's not a good look. He has a body dysmorphia where most people think they're fat. Yeah. He thinks he's like 215, shredded. Oh, no.

We'll be driving down the street, and we see a guy who's like significantly less fat. I always do that. I'm not as fat as that guy, am I? I'm like, you could eat that guy for lunch. You're like, that chair was already broken. What the hell? Yeah, I quit three weeks ago. Good for you.

I'm on the zins. So you're over the hump. Yeah. Because you're not craving it like a son of a bitch. I am, but I just take the little nicotine pouches. Those are big now. People love those. Yeah, kids love them.

Invest in that shit. Yeah, they're all right. Zen. That and pickleball. Pickleball's big. Oh, yeah. That's a very couple-y thing to do, too. Very couple-y, and I was like, ah, this sounds like a nightmare, and we had the best time.

Who won? Well, me and my lady beat them, then we rotated sarah and then i was with sarah and then they beat a couple of swingers i like it yeah party over at the courts yeah wife swap what do you play uh we went to long island city and uh it ain't cheap by the way really i can't believe they got you out to long island city it wasn't easy and it's snowy and gay and you know i'm hungover. So it was tough. But we got there. And I'm glad I did.

I sweat it all out. Now, Joe and Sarah, they're your close friends. Has there been situations where you've done a couple things where you didn't know the boyfriend or didn't know the girlfriend or it was like one of those things? Nah, I refuse to do that. Dude, I refuse. It's a nightmare. I've almost gotten drugged to a couple of office parties. Like, oh, they want to meet you.

Get the fuck out of here. Oh. No. Those two shouldn't mix, office and party. That's a nightmare. I don't want to do a meet and greet with my fans. Yeah. Yeah, right.

We do. We love the fans. Shout out. No, I do. But I also, like, an office party, it's like, that's where I'm like, fuck. That sounds rough. That's straight to the bar. I love my girl's family, all that kind of stuff.

Can you do it sober? Yeah, I do their family sober. Yeah, we were just there. She's from Hawaii. We were just in Hawaii with them for nine days. It's great. Anybody can like anybody in Hawaii. He's talking about it.

Put them on the streets of Detroit. It's a different story. Yeah, yeah. But my lady, I'm lucky. Her family, they just, 11 a.m. really well it's bean town you know that's all my family knows and my wife comes over and she's like do you guys just always just drink yeah at every function I go yeah that's what's the drinker choice at our house uh it's just usually beer beer women drink wine dudes drink beer or we'll do like Manhattan's but that'll

be like let's do Manhattan's tonight I'll i'll get the stuff manhattans are probably my favorite cocktail loud mouth soup baby i got turned on um maybe like five years ago or four years ago to the martini the vodka dirty martini that's my number one i knocked them back love it it's like drinking olive juice exactly fucks you up and you have nine of them. You don't even know it. You feel good. Nothing hotter than a woman drinking a martini. That is the hottest beverage. All right.

You got me there. I was going for cocktails. I see. Maybe when she's kissing another girl. That's the hottest. What are we drinking here, Patty? So I got the garbage cocktail first. It's what's called the Dew Garita.

I know these guys are fans of Red Lobster. Who ain't, you know what I mean? Cheddar Bay Biscuits also. Oh, really? Thanks, buddy. I'm okay. He's on two packs a day of Cheddar Biscuits now. I don't want to be rude.

I'll do one, yeah, I'm sorry. Thank you. Oh, that a baby. This is great. You're getting a good-looking kids, too, huh? Where'd you find this dish? I know. Yikes.

That hair. We got to do a poll. You guys are talking about salad cues, right? We got to do a poll for the folks at home on Twitter. Who's hotter, Beer Jew or Patty the Batty? Man, these are fantastic. Did you make these? Are these from there?

No, we do it at home. We got the bags. I got Red Lobster. You got these just for us? Yeah, dude. Thank you, fellas. We should go to Red Lobster after that. Yeah, that's right.

It's your top shelf. Oh, yeah. So wait, this is a Mountain Dew? Mountain Dew Margarita. I love it. Mountain Dew is a pretty good soda. They came out with their... It's a pretty damn good soda.

I don't drink it anymore, but holy shit. Toad Red's no joke. That's one of the best. It's great. That's when you've really reached white trash. You know what's white trash? Because the white Rockstar can. Oh, my God.

The monster. That's it. Anything white like that is trash. My check is cleared with my monster energy partnership, so yes, I agree. It's just piss. You got monster money? They were on my tour. Yeah, they do that, right?

It was a lot of like, they were like, can you drink it in front of us? And I was just like, I'll do this. Yeah. I'm a coffee drinker. Wait, drink it in front of them? They want you to do it in the meeting. Like hammer shit. Yeah. Prove you're not a cop.

Listen here, pussy. This guy's wearing a wire. Cut to me five days later. I'm like, fuck. I went in too deep. They just came out with their seltzer or whatever, right? Really? I haven't had it.

Yeah. Everybody's doing that. Pull it up. And I thought one of... What's his name supposed to be? The spokesman of that? Really? I haven't had it yet. Everybody's doing that. Pull it up. And I thought one of, wasn't, what's his name supposed to be the spokesman of that? Who? Wasn't Bert?

That feels about right. I thought so. I remember him talking about it. That makes sense. Damn. Because he had it early. We were on his bus and he had it. This should go straight to Charlie Sheen

for that shit. Dude, that looks aggressive. Holy shit. Dude, how about him losing? Yeah, he lost. No, he got beat up pretty good. It wasn't close. Isn't that guy in Love Island or something, too?

No, he was on Big Brother, I think. He's a boxer, though, right? Yeah, he was a boxer. They both kicked my ass, I know that. Yeah, his brother's Tyson Fury. Yeah, yeah. Which is why he wanted to do it. Which is kicked my ass. I know that. Yeah. Yeah, his brother's Tyson Fury. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Which is why he wanted to do it. Which is why Jake Paul wanted to do it, to be like... Wait, Tyson Fury, the big Irish, the big British guy?

World champion. No shit. Yeah. The Gypsy King. Gypsy King, that's it. He's like the Charlie Murphy. Yeah. Yeah, but still, the Charlie Murphy was still funny.

Yeah, it was all right. Yeah, it was all right. Still funny. Oh, shit. Yeah. He got beat up pretty good. The color of that drink is already insane. That's great.

What's on the rim? That's to eat. Oh, they're going. I think I beat up pretty good. The color of that drink is already insane. What's on the rim? That's tahini. Oh, they're going to say Doritos. Now you're thinking. That looks like college girl vomit right there. That's what that looks like. Oh, this is Flint water. Holy shit.

Damn. No, it's dried chili flakes, lime and salt. Do you guys just get tuned up during the show? I would assume. Especially if you're piggybacking episodes. You've got to pick it up for the shows later. When we came in, I felt like I got to a party late. You guys were already

kind of getting after. You've got to adjust yourself a little bit. We did the clean comic first. This definitely takes a toll on some late night. I've definitely showed up to the cellar where they're like, are you drunk? I remember I saw you a couple weeks ago there, and you're like, I've been drinking scotch all day. Let's do the podcast. Get out of here.

It feels like my Eat True Hollywood story. It's not bad because you're drinking, but you're working. We're working. We're working. Yeah, what do you mean? This is a job. Sure. Yeah, also, but it's not like someone's foot, but you're working. We're working. We're working. Yeah, what do you mean? This is a job. Sure. Sure.

Also, it's not like you guys came up with the show. It's not like you're clocking into an office. Your mom's like, I need you to drink three Mountain Dew margaritas. It's better than that. Better than we might be doing push-ups or something. I think you're doing all right. Although, think about how much better we'd look. I know.

We might be doing push-ups. That's Mateo's pod. We might be doing push-ups. That's Mateo's pod. We might be doing crunches. We had Mateo on and we almost drank muscle milk margaritas. Oh, yeah. That would have been fun. Would have been fun. We did a live stream and we found a drink over at Brooklyn Comedy Club that had Yoo-Hoo in it.

No. Kaloo Yoo? No. What the fuck was it called? Kaloo Yoo-Hoo or something like that. Kaloo Yoo-Hoo. Vodka Kaloo Yoo-Hoo. Kaloo Yoo-Hoo and Yoo-Hoo. It was fantastic Who or something like that. Yeah, Kaloo You Who. Vodka Kaloo You Who. And it was fantastic.

You can't go wrong with You Who. It was so good. You put period blood in a You Who and a little word. It was so good. And we do. You know what you rim it with. That's a code red You Who. Thank you, sir.

You're all right. You're all right. Thank you, brother. Do I have the coupe glass? Absolutely. I love a coupe. Look at that. I love a coupe. Thank you. I. Can I have the coop glass? Absolutely. I love a coop. Look at that. I love a coop.

Thank you. I got to say, I prefer a martini glass. Really? Not a big one. No, a big martini glass where it's not shaken out. Yeah, 100%. This is nice. But it's very trashy that you guys didn't have enough glasses for everybody.

I like that. Cheers, fellas. Cheers, buddy. Thank you, fellas. To the Irish. One of my favorite jokes about St. Patrick's Day. That's all right. That's goddamn delicious.

That is phenomenal. Holy shit. Have you heard Jon Stewart's bit about the St. Patrick's Day parade? How they wouldn't let gays march in the parade? And he goes, because we won't want anything to mess with the dignity of that parade. When you're pissing behind a dumpster, you don't want some homo checking you out. That's a great joke. Perfect use of homo, by the way.

Jon Stewart, man. His old stand-up, fucking good. I never really got into it. I missed him. His stand-up was solid. He had the great bit. I mean, his probably signature bit about Jews. He's like, Jews complain, but black people had the genius to make it into the blues.

You know? And he has the whole thing about it. That's a great premise. Yeah, that's funny. You guys do St do saint patty's day i do it all i mean i do cinco de mayo i'm not mexican i do saint patty's day i'm not irish i do uh hanukkah i'm not a jew you get after and get into it yeah it was always it was always a solemn day at our house it was very catholic really yeah but we went to chiu had to go to church oh and then we'd have corned beef and cabbage and the soda bread that was my favorite wow ours was like blackout go to like finnegan's wake down in fishtown or whatever and just get fucking black go there for like kegs and eggs

or whatever and kegs and eggs yeah just really get after it damn what's that kegs and eggs beer and breakfast for the most part oh damn it would be Getting after it early. It would be like a breakfast buffet. You're at a fucking courtyard. Marriott. You know what I mean? Starting the day with beer is something I can't really. I need to start with a Bloody Mary if I'm drinking early. 100%.

I can move on to beer after, but I need the breakfast-y vibe. If you're flying on vacation, what's your move at the lounge or at the hotel bar? I never take vacations, but if i were to take one probably like a probably like a whiskey drink i would probably do like a manhattan or beer in the a.m and stuff i love it i was just in puerto rico beers in the morning every single day crack a corona or whatever i guess corona it's a little lighter it's a little lighter bubbles you know true i do i i'm a it's cliche but i'm hung over at the airport lounge i I get the BM. I get the Bloody Mary. Yeah.

Dude, we went to Florida, what, two weeks or three weeks ago? Yeah. He drank 15 Bloody Marys in the airport. You did? Until the time we got, until we landed, he had drank 15 Bloody Marys. That's the most tomatoes you've ever had. I don't know if it was tomato juice or what, but I wasn't that fucked up. Yeah, you were, dude.

Was I? You were really drunk. Yeah. And he's like, you're not drinking. I'm like, I'm the one who's got to go get a rental car after this. I can't waddle up to Avis and be like. Literally, I do the same thing. I told my toy manager, I wasn't really that drunk. And Atlantic City goes, you picked a fight with a stranger at the card table.

Hey, that was my age. I think I did 20 on the way to Hawaii. It's crazy. Wait, 20? Bloody Marys. On the plane? You don't have the urge to switch it up. All that tomato juice would make me feel weird.

That's a lot of sodium. I don't know. I like it. I like them, too. I put my movies on and start watching it. That's what you're worried about? He had 20 cocktails. That's a lot of sodium.

Who are you, my aunt aunt he also had 19 sandwiches that's way too much cayenne pepper you kidding me those little onions you can have 15 drinks on a flight that's pretty fucking impressive no no no well the fifth the 15 was you had maybe six at the bar at the airport. Okay. You did about nine on the flight to Orlando. That's like two hours and four minutes. That's a flight you need to get drunk on because of those shitty little kids. So much screaming on an Orlando flight. Mickey Mouse ears.

Yeah. We didn't have it too bad. And we did Disney. We did it right, man. But that boarding process, it's either the elderly or kids. It's a slow board. Yeah. Sure.

You hit Disney? Yeah, we did it for a patron goal. Because he had never been, so one of the patron goals was like, I'll take you to Disney. Never been to Disney. So we took him. You go as a kid? I'm sure you went. I went once, yeah.

What about you? No. No. My parents were different. Actually, no, we didn't. We didn't, actually. We went to Universal Studios. We did.

All right. That's the trashy version. We went to a garage. Is it really? Yeah. We did. That's the trashy version. Is it really? Yeah. What? Of course. I don't know.

You're that close to Disney and you don't go? Yeah. It's like this. Do you poop on planes? I can't fit. So, yeah, he's very open. Yeah. He could have just said no and stopped there.

It's a whole process these days. He's a lot on a plane. He's a lot to be around on a plane. No, I didn't. I like he really believed it. Comedy show. They don't give you 16 sandwiches on a plane. They cut you off. Hawaiian Airlines gave me... That's an embarrassing

way to get cut. Sir, you've had enough. Doesn't your tummy hurt, sir? It is embarrassing to get cut off with drinks too though on a flight i've never been cut off but i've seen the person get cut off and i'm like that's fucking humiliating have you been to the amex lounge in jfk no no get in there there's a speakeasy there's a proper speakeasy you walk in and you go let me get i gotta i was just did it to puerto rico i was like manhattan it was like 9 a.m. or whatever.

But I was just like, you feel like you got to do it. I'm on vacation. It's free. It's beautiful. Amex. Yeah. I have an Amex. You can get in there.

Yeah, so listen, when you go through JFK. What do you mean? You're not doing all that stuff? I got the Delta Lounge. I got the United Lounge. Dude, Vitor's in there. Is that enough? Yeah, you can get in there.

Let me see. Yeah, that'll get you in. Mr. Nostradamus. Mr. Centurion. That sounds high end. No, that ain't it. Everything's free now. Dude, Vitor gets in in. Mr. Centurion. That sounds high end. Everything's free now. I think it's like, you should be able to do it, but if not, I think it's like

$400 a year. But you get a bunch of stuff. You get like $50 Uber credit. They give you the money back. You're flying up front, right? Every now and then. What? You're an idiot. We are irresponsible with money. That's all. You do probably have to be up front, right? Not're an idiot. I know. Dude, we can't afford it. I mean, we're up front. We are irresponsible with money. Yeah, we just spend so much.

You do probably have to be up front, right? Not all the time. No, he ruins the rest of the road trip for sure if he's not. Wait, no. Theoretically, I can fit in the seat and all that stuff. It's uncomfortable for the person next to me. It's going to be uncomfortable for you, though, too. It's very, yeah.

That's why I'm drinking fucking 15 Bloody Marys. It's true. I'm uncomfortable. I'm watching the Kurt Warner story. It's like to be uncomfortable for you, though, too. It's very, yeah. The flight, that's why I'm drinking fucking 15 Bloody Marys. It's true. I'm uncomfortable. I'm watching the Kurt Warner story. It's like a tough look. That's why you're uncomfortable. No, well, when we travel for the show, you know, we sit up front just because we do usually same day, get up the next morning and fly out to the same day.

I can't go back. So we want to be fresh. I can't. I'll do it just on even on vacation. I just can't. It's too nice. Yeah, but I can't. It's that much better. And I'm so bad with money that I don't care. I can't. I'll do it just on even on vacation. I just can't. It's too nice. Yeah, but I can't do that much better.

It's hard to go to coach. And I'm so bad with money that I don't care. I'm like, whatever. Especially the crowd. I just did Spokane and back. Coach. Whoa. What? Why?

I didn't understand. I did South America or South Africa coach and China. Are you doing coach to theater gigs? Huh? How much money do you make in Spokane and you're fucking leave? Don't say, but a lot. And you're leaving. I don't want to burn it in the air. Because when you land, you're fucking leaving. Don't say, but a lot. I don't want to burn it in the air.

Because when you land, you land. You're done. No, I hear that. I did do coach going to Utah, but I usually... Utah's five hours. Yeah, no, I fucked up. That's a sneaky laugh. But I landed and I was like, I'm fucking dumb. You do it because you don't want to spend the money.

You're trying to be frugal about it. I think it's seat to seat. Wow. We are irresponsible. He's to spend the money. You're trying to be frugal about it. I think it's seat to seat. Wow. We are irresponsible. He's a regular-sized guy. You're tall. Yeah. True.

You can't play with you, though, man. That's the other thing. That's true. You don't want to be too frugal where you can't enjoy your life. Free drinks up there. Yeah, that's nice. You flew to South Africa and coached a young woman? With a lady.

That I guess because those end up taking, those cost like $25,000. That's crazy. And I want to see if she really likes me. Sitting back in the bulkhead. The worst is I got a gig in London, and they flew me first class, and she's like, I want to go to London. And I, you know, I want to be the good hubby, so I bought her ticket, but 23D. I respect it. I brought her ticket, but 23D. I respect it. I brought her some snacks.

I really did. I went back there and gave her, like, cupcakes. I'll see you. These are from the cheap guy up front. That is hilarious. Both TSA pre-check and all that stuff? Nah, clear. Okay.

Clear's all right. You've got to get pre-checked, dude. I've got to get pre. This is really, they're so good at interviewing that they switch into their podcast they're very good at this yeah you're killing it i want to see you up front i leave my wife at tsa pre-check because she doesn't have it as you should i just go we're not i'm not taking my shoes off this is wow that's a great way to divorce yeah she's all right it's right here she. She tries to beat me, which she never does. I'm like, all right, you have fun with your game.

I'll be chilling at the lounge. That TSA pre-check is all right. Don't try to beat her. But yeah, it's pretty good. It helps. But clear has gotten me a few saved flights. If I didn't have clear, I would have missed it. Because you jump us, which I don't like.

That bothers me. Yeah, jump you. Yeah, they walk in and they go, oh, this guy's clear. And they cut in front of the TSA pre-check. You got that right, buddy. Just got it. You got clear? I got it all. Yeah, jump you. Yeah, they walk in and they go, oh, this guy's clear. And they cut in front of the TSA pre-chat. You got that right, buddy. Just get it. You got clear? I got it all.

Yeah, why not? It's free to meet these goddamn gentlemen. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm flying every week. Gentlemen, he's drinking a Mountain Dew margarita. But he's making money doing it. I'm still trash.

Promoting the booth. It is hilarious that we are wiped out from this. Like, it's like a painful, like, oh, my God, I had the hardest day. Wow. I got drunk with my friends it wears on you i didn't realize oh shit i'm sorry can we get him 14 more of those please the rim is unreal yeah it's great rim job god this is fantastic yeah it was delicious i'm sorry no no you're good sorry what did we get a full bar i tend to suck them down i was gonna

do irish mules if you want to sit down. Yeah, sure. Whatever. I'll do one of those as well. I got spots tonight. Slime juice. Jameson this time. I'm doing a Moscow mule.

We don't call them that anymore, bro. Ooh, Ukraine mule. There we go. Kiev kicker. A little respect. No, I love a good mule, man. Kentucky mule. I don't think I've ever had one.

I don't think I've ever had one. What kind of mule are we having? I got offered to be a mule once. With an Irish mule. Drugs? Yeah. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Where to where? It wasn't anything. I didn't have to put anything in my butt. No. That I would have done. Yeah. Took off with the goods.

Remember that show Locked Up Abroad? Oh, I love it. There's always some cocky guy like, I got this. Yeah. Just tape anything to me. I would have done. Yeah. Took off with the goods. Remember that show Locked Up Abroad? Oh, I love it. There's always some cocky guy like, I got this. Yeah. You know, just tape anything to me. I'll be fine. You know what scared me from that was the Joaquin Phoenix, Vince Vaughn movie with Anna H.

Yeah, Return to Paradise. Ooh. That was like the modern day- Fuck. Midnight Express. Midnight Cowboy. Yeah. Yeah.

Or Midnight Express, yeah. And it was Broke Down Palace, which was similar, which is a true story. Yeah, with Claire Danes. I don't remember that. Uh-oh. Can't do that in first class. I beg to get you. I coach all over them.

You asked me if I shit on a plane. I don't, but I fart all the time. Oh, you got to. I see if I can get it. Because first of all, that shit's loud as hell. Yeah. And everyone's zoned out and they have their headphones on. I'll do a test market.

I'll do a little sneaker and see if it smells. As a guy who sits next to you every flight, we notice. If it doesn't smell, man, I'm full automatic. I'm like a fucking AR-15 up there. It's like a school shooter. The duster? Crop dust? Yeah, no, I wouldn't do that.

I'm not throwing it in people's faces. Santino said he does that on the way to the bathroom. Oh, really? Oh, I do that. And then he'll come out. Well, the airplane farts. I know, right? I think that's the classier thing to do.

Because if you just fart next to your neighbor, it's a sneak attack. It's horrible. Yeah, that's a little... Disperse. It's over the line smell. Yeah. Wow. I didn't catch that at all.

What? Is that what he's saying? Your fart smell? Oh, you caught it? Yeah, absolutely. That might just be me. Don't get too close. It smells like cheese.

The whole thing. His body. I don't mean the fart. That's my deodorant, man. You got a Velveeta right here. Like our Kraft mac and cheese. This got a Velveeta right here. Like our Kraft mac and cheese. This is my first mule right here. There we go.

There we go. Look at that cup. Man, it's beautiful. The copper cup makes it. The stuff you got here. This guy's a fucking mensch. The mensch off the bench. Hell yeah.

Love it. Filling in for beer, Jew. Whoa. This is fucking. You want to take a sip of this? I'd love to. That yeah. Love it. Filling in for beer, Jew. Whoa. This is fucking. You want to take a sip of this? I'd love to. I'd like a sip. Fucking all right.

That's whiskey? Yes, Jamo. Thanks. Damn. That's good. Jamison is one of the best whiskeys. I love it. Wait, that's Jamo and Club Soda and ginger beer.

That is a phenomenal drink. The ginger beer pops. You guys don't have coronavirus, do you? Nah. Oh, that's all right. That's a lie, but you said it with a lot of confidence. I like it. How about the person whenever you're sick, they're like, whiskey helps.

Oh, yeah. Sweat it out. I understand maybe like one glass, but the person who's like, drink a few hot toddies. I'm like, dude, you think alcohol is going to cure my fucking... My sinus infection? In the 50s, it cured everything. Sorry. When I was doing blow back in the day, that used to take away a fever.

If I had a fever... Really? Yeah. Because it burned? I don't know. Yeah, it just went away. Like horseradish, it just burns up the nose? Yeah, a little wasabi.

Damn. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, back in the day, Don Draper had a bad day. He would drink. He had a tough project he would drink. He hated his wife. You know, he had a headache.

It was all booze. How the fuck did they get anything done? Like, the Peaky Blinders, they would have been staggering around the city. I know. Drinking all that fucking scotch. Well, back in the day, they didn't even drink water. Crazy. Because it was all contaminated, so they had to drink booze.

Mm-hmm. Crazy. That's like when someone says, I'm real thirsty, and they ask for it. Yeah. You're fucking nuts. That's wacky. How do you feel like the hydration thing is a little overrated? Come on.

Agree. I understand drinking water is important, but the people who you see with a jug like this, I'm like, settle down. Yeah. It's a little much. The gallon jug? It's annoying. Look, I'll drink a lot of water if I'm sweating, if I'm running or something, but I'm, you

know. Sure. Just the all-day water. I drink too much coffee. Yeah, I'm drink a lot of water if I'm, like, sweating, if I'm, like, running or something. But I'm, you know. Sure. Just the all-day water. I drink too much coffee. Yeah, I'm on my coffee. If I drink that much water and coffee and booze, I'll never stop pissing. Yeah, I take 4,000 times a day. Sorry.

That's your sneeze? It's a problem. That was the least intimidating sneeze I've ever heard. I don't do it on dates. That's like an alien. Yeah. It's a problem. Moving on.

Oh, man. High school all over again. Hot button issues over here. Yeah, right? Thank you, brother. Appreciate it. Man. That was a good segue to pee.

I was actually almost going to pee there. Which one? The one in the bathroom. Mark Sneeze? What? Too much water. Yeah, too much water. The water thing.

And look, I understand that water is essential. I'm not saying like don't drink water i'm just saying the jug people do get on my nerves i hate the jug yeah they got to bring their own tin thing they got to bring their own bottle it's like where are you going that water isn't readily readily available especially new york you get a bottle of water on every corner i think not to go back to the airport, but those reusable water stations at the airport, I don't know who's using that fucking water. You do. Really?

Well, I take a bottle out of the hotel, put it in the old coat, and then I refill at the airport. Really? Well, I'm always hungover on flights, so I'm like, I need that water. How's that water? I only give it to little guys. It's fine. It's like a water fountain. Mark, remember we did a gig, Mark and I did a gig opening for Amy Schumer in Orlando years ago.

And Rachel was on the show. Yeah. And I remember we got so fucked up, Mark and I. We were just in Amy's hotel room. It's like a massive, massive suite. We're watching the NBA playoffs. Playing that flip-up game with the phone. Remember that?

Heads up. Heads up. Yeah, it's all right. We were just downing whiskey, downing wine, ripped. And I remember I'm puking in the in the airport uh bathroom the next morning and i'll remember i look up and i just see a little hand over the stall ginger ale mark hooking up ginger ale good buddy love that shout out to an ice cold ginger ale a nice cold ginger ale mark just having my bag yes they. They were out of Manischewitz.

Got you some Kugel. What is it with Kramer's making? Kugel, yeah. You like Ruggala? Yeah, your skin and bones. Yeah. I got brisket at Newman's. Well, remember the 20s.

You would do, I'll take a Chardonnay. I'll have a beer. I'll have a whiskey. I'll have a have a beer i'll have a whiskey i'll have a vodka soda i'll have a shot of gin a shot of jaeger like you didn't do any of that don't mix oh yeah i do that now though when we go out to dinner i have a cycle every yeah i'll start off with a couple of martinis and then i'll have uh if we're getting like oysters or something like that to kick things off i'll do like a sauvignon blanc if we're getting like oysters or something like that to kick things off, I'll do like a Sauvignon Blanc. If we're having a steak, I'll do a red wine. And then he'll probably start getting an IPA at some point, and that'll look good. I'll have one of those, and to finish it off, probably an espresso martini.

Damn. This might just be an intervention for you. Yeah, right? What's going on in that gut? I know. My God, it's like wooing in there. Give me the cheddar biscuits. That story started cool

and ended with like, are you okay? Yeah. Holy shit. Ooh, the espresso martini at the end. My God, man.

That was a real bait and switch with the oysters starter. Yeah. A few drinks later, I'm puking in the fucking bathroom. Yeah, what's your yak rate? Nothing.

Yeah. Whoa. He's like a great white. You just, you know, cut him open. There's like a license plate, a boot. I don't know if he's great. Yeah, I haven't thrown up. If I ate a lot

the night before, when I brush my teeth, I have to gag myself for some reason. When I brush my tongue, I don't feel like my teeth are clean unless I gag a little bit. I know what you mean. Am I the only one that does that? You have a tongue scraper? You're one of those people? No, I just use my toothbrush. But if I don't go back far enough where I have to gag, I feel like I didn't get it clean enough.

Wish my ex was like that. I know the feeling because if I don't get my gums hurting, I feel like I didn't really get a good brush. Yeah. But I don't need to gag. It's similar. That'll make me puke a little bit sometimes. But other than that, nothing. Yeah.

Yuckaroo. All right. We're learning a lot here. do we do electric toothbrush or regular regular i have an electric i just don't like it same i go like i go regular yeah right i like dylan i or i don't go electric i always forget to charge it or whatever the heads and then i just forget you put it right over your sink yeah no they get so gross too i have yes the fucking bottom of that smells like fucking ass yeah i can't stand it i'm with you i like the regular yeah old school old school analog hey amish and i floss every day damn i can't imagine what you're pulling out of that jumper

whole piece of tuna what uh do you do the pick or do you do the string? I do the string. Damn, you're all old school. Yeah, it's like magnet fishing. I pull out old bikes and shit like that. Some gun that was used in a murder. Is that a boot? Damn.

You go pick? I do pick. Pick is the priest. Yeah, like the glides or whatever. The fuzzy one that just fucking sticks. Oh, the fuzz. You get more in. Fuzz is good.

What pops out. It's very exciting when you get a little piece in. Yeah, it is. It's like picking your nose. It's like a real honker. They say that's more important than brushing your teeth is flossing. Oh, no. Is that right?

Yeah. Remember that Hedberg joke? They say it's hard to quit smoking. You know what's harder? To start flossing. It's true. I always say, I'm going to floss, and I never do it. I got to get back in there.

I'm always, like, if I'm sober, I do it. But if I'm drunk at all, I'm like, am I going to floss? I know. It's crazy. You're lazy. I'm more likely not to brush my teeth at night. Same. Yeah.

When you wake up and you're like, God damn. You got to do it. Something died in there. It tastes like. Yeah. Morning booze breath. You know, you just snore god damn. You gotta do it. Something died in there. It tastes like, yeah, morning booze breath. You know, you just snoring all night. The dust.

Mouths all dry and shit. You've got to brush. You ever have someone, it's not everybody, but when like garlic hits them a different way. Yes. And like they really smell like garlic. Like I've worked with a couple of people. It's like, what the fuck? Have you ever brushed your teeth? I know. It must have a couple people it's like what the have you ever

brushed your teeth i know it must have sucked for someone who's like really bad breath because we all know that i remember we did a roast for the car i don't want to say his name but classic every joke was about it was like dude did someone shit in your fucking mouth like every joke yeah and he was just like he had no idea i had no idea i didn't know did you guys see i would be so mad i would always want somebody to tell me of course if i have something in your teeth if i have if i He had no idea. I had no idea. I didn't know. See, I would be so mad. I would always want somebody to tell me. Of course. If I have a booger, if I have bad breath, I would want somebody to tell me.

Of course. But it was hilarious. It's not like we coordinated this attack. No. We're like, what should we write about a roaster? Oh, yeah. It feels like someone's shit in his mouth. Yeah.

Wait, you guys were writing jokes for him? No, no, no. He was on the dais. Uh-huh. And every joke from every other comic was about his halitosis. Holy shit. And he didn't know he had it. So he was like, whoa, it was like an intervention.

Holy shit. I have to know all this. I bet he brushes now. He's killed himself. That was Ralphie May. I bet he started tongue scraping. I hope. That's the bad breath.

Then you get to tongue scrape. It could be a tooth in the back, too. A dead tooth or something cooking in there? This could be something. Instead of interventions, we should roast and then have everybody say that thing, and then maybe it'll change. You bark too much. Ah, fuck. Mark, it makes all of us uncomfortable.

Not me, not me. It's supposed to be a joke. You got to do a joke with it. You can't just tell me. That's an intervention. It's just an intervention. Not me, not me. It's supposed to be a joke. You've got to do a joke with it. You can't just tell me. That's an intervention. It's just an intervention, which is all sad. Mark, you farted at my mom's funeral. Well, you had beans at the pre-meal.

We now put her to rest. Hold on a minute. Let me just... Do me a favor, though. If I die, open casket, get a fart machine in there. Every time somebody goes, oh, we had a good time, we just randomly do it. Go out on a funny funeral. Remembering to take a bunch of different supplements can be a pain.

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Now. There should be more funny funerals. Yeah. Would you want an open casket? I don't know. No. I don't think so. I would want one.

Go ahead. Really? Yeah, why not? What? Me creepy out one last time. Yeah, I was going to say, you don't look that good now. You can't have it. You got a full wig on, Elvis wig, chops on. Maybe a little bit of makeup.

I'll pull it together on the bottom of the knife. Yeah, but you got to have a guy dress you down and put chemicals on you. I don't know. That's too much. No, cremate it. That's the way. I'm with you. Yeah, 100%.

There's a video of a guy that recorded sounds of him going, let me out, help, help. Oh, now that's a fun guy. You put it in underneath his casket and all his friends are laughing, but if you didn't know him, he'd probably freak you out. Help. Help. Oh, now that's a fun guy. You put it in, like, underneath his casket, and all his friends are laughing. But if you didn't know him, he'd probably freak you out. There was that one not too long ago at a club somewhere. This guy died, and he was, like, 20-something or whatever. And they just said, hey, we're having, like, a memorial for him at this bar or at this club. And they were like, okay.

And they snuck him in, snuck the body in, and, like, propped him up. And, like, he had, like, sunglasses. Everybody was taking pictures of him and shit. And he came there. He can't haveuck the body in and like propped him up and like he had like sunglasses everybody's taking pictures of them and shit yeah and they came there he came he can't have a dead body in our bar and they were like all right what do you mean i love that it was hilarious though remember that shit which one oh on the wire whenever someone died oh i love it i would love that at like paddy's oh my god just be there just everybody i know i'm propped up on a table my dad telling me he remembers when he was a kid because they were real Irish. And when he was a kid, he's like, I remember that.

They would have them like on ice, like on a pool table. And they would have them there for like a couple of days. And they'd be drinking. Yeah. Because you start fucking. That's awesome. With the coins on top. Next to the oysters you ordered that night.

A couple more minutes. Sushi all over them. On ice. Holy shit. Yeah. Lowered into his casket on his motorcycle. Damn. That's pretty cool.

Waste of a bike. Talk about scoring all the babes in heaven. Pulling up on that thing. The pearly gates. Revving the engine. He's walking around with your wings on. I don't think you need the helmet in the last. the last yeah you can roll the dice yeah you're fine but i was gonna say in south america the kids they get like uh like like embalmed and like mummied and they put them in positions there's one where they keep him in the house and the kids like sit and cross like it he's sitting

just like you are now pull it up wearing like a suit. I don't know how you would Google that. That's like that bodies exhibit. Remember that? Oh, I didn't want to do it. I didn't do it. Holy shit. That was wacky. You ever been to the Mudder Museum down there in Philly?

Yeah, I love it. A little pricey. Caught you an arm and a leg, huh? That was for you, buddy. I loved it. I loved it. Well, what's this? Is that a dead guy?

He's chilling, dude. What jersey does he have on? Celtics? I thought it was Kevin Garnett for a second. I thought it would be a Kobe jersey. Extreme embalming, they call it. I like it. I like it.

That's great. You don't want to whiff on that one. Jesus Christ. I missed it. All right. All right. All right. He whiffed.

Yeah, that's crazy. Jesus Christ. I missed it. All right. All right. All right, he whiffed. You're going to kill me. Yeah, that's crazy. That would fucking freak me the fuck out. That's wild. That's pretty cool, though. You're just there? That's fun. They should add a dead Kardashian blowing it. The only one I can think of is the father.

Robert? No. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This fucking drink is good. Yeah, I'm out of is the father. Robert? No. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This fucking drink is good. Yeah, I'm out of do things.

It's all right. It's so good. You might got something here. The problem with these drinks is you have a bunch of them. I don't like to get drunk on sugary drinks. The sugary, it overtakes the buzz of the booze. I'd hang over the next day with the off the sugars tough. Oh.

We did a Kool-Aid. What would you do? Kool-Aid vodka tonics with Bert? With Bert? Oh, my God. I heard if you did it with another comment. What'd you do? Kool-Aid vodka tonics with Bert. Oh my god. I heard if you did it with another comment. It'd be weird if you did it with another comment. Yeah. Delane Boosler.

Booze. But yeah. He put them back. You know when you're hungover and you're like, I'm hurt. But that was like pain. I did a jud on the next day. And we did a sober ep. which we don't normally do. I think we did like kombucha.

We were just like, we'll do a sober. We had to. We didn't want to keep going. We felt like shit. What do you do if someone doesn't drink? Oh, we would not drink with them. Yeah. Yeah, we'd coffee.

I mean, we've also drank when they didn't, but you know. Yeah, we've had Liston, Atel on. Right, right, right. Soder. Bill Burr, we did milkshakes. Yeah, there you go. That's fun. Still did Stogie's. Yeah. There you go. But we don't do, yeah, we don't need, I mean, we We had Bill Burr. We did milkshakes. Yeah, there you go. That's fun. Still did Stogie's.

Yeah. There you go. But we don't do, yeah, we don't need, I mean, we have Norton coming on. He doesn't drink. That's true. We got a trans woman. Got somebody he can blow. Yeah, you're talking.

Let's go. By the way, he was on trans before anybody. Before anyone. Oh, yeah. He's been pro-trans since the 80s. Gets no love for that. Head of the curve. Yeah, and hookers.

Trans center. Trans center. There you go. His new shit is great. It's great. His new shit, Jim Norton's new stuff is really fun.

He's one of the funniest. We had him on, and it was like, the first time I met him, yeah, it was the first time we met him, he just came in, like somebody else

had set it up, and he was making jokes so quick. He's so quick. To the point where i stopped being the whole like the co-host of the show i literally said on the mic i went he's so quick like i was just like what like watching as in all why doesn't he do more pa like i don't see him around he should be he's so perfect for it he did a lot of radio man that's like 30 hours of radio

yeah he's fucking he's done it forever but he uh're right. If he made the rounds, he's so good at it. And I think of the guys who are that quick on radio of all time, and it's like Norton and Artie Lang. Artie Lang. Artie was so fast. Maybe the two quickest snipes. Yeah, that was right. Kumi was really quick, too.

When I really started listening to Howard was right when Artie came on, because I got a job as a driver, and I would just listen to it all day. When Norm would come on. Those are the best. The Bob Uecker stories are fucking amazing. Google that at home, folks, if you haven't heard it. Artie Klein.

That Artie Klein's got a real big mouth. We also talk about gambling away our money at casinos. Norm was the fucking king animal he was like all of his money and be like i started fresh you know i'm back there's that story if he walked he had like 40 grand in a briefcase i don't know if it's true or just like a lore he had like 40 or 60 grand in a briefcase in atlantic city i think maybe just walked out to a pier and threw it in the water yeah because he was like i'm gonna lose it anyway let's just

fucking get it over with. Yeah. And he goes, I feel the same. As if I would have like, okay. I got a better idea. Maybe a charity of some sort. St. Jude's Children's Hospital. At least have a little dinner or something.

Right. Yikes. That is a problem right there. Yeah. Man, that's rolling the fucking dice. Literally. Although I did find a lot of chips in my jacket when I got back from AC, and that's a bad feeling, too. Oh, really?

Fuck, now I got to go back. I got to go back to AC. I got to go back and bring down the house. You should try giving that to a hobo. You know, like, here, just start walking. Take these. That's the way, you know, somebody's a real heroin addict if you give them fucking chips. And they drive to the city, and they get down there.

Wait, you were a driver? What are we talking, limo? No, I was telling you before with the fake titties. This guy used to sell fake boobs. His wife worked for this laser company. It was right when laser hair removal started to get popular, so they teamed up together and started a laser hair removal rental business because he had the ends with all the high-end plastic surgeons

out in Long Island, Westchester, here in the city, and I would drive the equipment and the technician around. Oh, okay, wow. Yeah. So this was like lasering off hair on people. Yeah, yeah. Did people just have hairy vaginas before that? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Wow. But this is like face, all this kind of stuff. It was a tough time. Yeah, it was a rough time. But it was awesome. I just got like a $20 breakfast from Burger King, and I'd sit in the truck all day, sleep, listen to fucking Stern.

That's the best. Yeah. I used to move furniture, and we'd have to drive the truck. And driving the truck, you still got paid. Yeah. You got a gig in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and you're like, fuck yes, because you get paid for all that riding. 100%.

Yeah. Those were good days. Nothing like sleeping in a car. Falling asleep on the subway or something. He's the king of falling asleep on the subway. Mug twice on the subway. Really? Yeah.

Reggie used to do that a lot. Reggie Conquest. Oh, really? We'd see him the next day and be like, man. Like what? He's like, I didn't get home until like 8 o'clock in the morning. I'm like, why? He's like, I woke up out in Rockaway.

Jesus Christ. That happened to me where I woke up. I'd miss because I lived in the Washington Heights and I'd get up to the end and be like, why? He's like, I woke up out in Rockaway. Jesus Christ. That happened to me where I woke up. I'd miss because I lived in the Washington Heights, and I'd get up to the end and be like, all right, I have a few more stops. And I would pass out, sit there, go all the way out to the Rockaways, wake up out there, fuck, fall back asleep, wake up, and just like all night. But that sleep is almost better. No, but I think it's better than sleeping at home

you don't think it was after like 40 beers it reminds me of falling asleep in the backseat of the car when my uncle was driving or falling asleep in like seventh period in high school here's where some of that's negated when you wake up like oh yeah so you lose going through your pocket that's part of the rush you wake up in like the park or some shit i've done that a couple times and you just wake up and you're just like what have i done the craziest look i'm in the park yeah what are you a werewolf he's got blood all over his face he woke up in the park well when you're a kid you're just getting drunk yeah you pass out the craziest that's right your city kid eric bergstrom you've heard this story he woke up on the air tran whoa he fell asleep

on the subway transfer sleepy stupor he got on the air train which means you had to swipe a ticket he had to get the same train he got on he's like jfk terminal a what the fuck legendary that story would have been though if he got in the flight just anywhere yeah he's like cincinnati what the fuck? You know how legendary that story would have been, though, if he got in a flight just anywhere? He's like, Cincinnati. What the fuck, man? Well, that was at Scanty Fest. Chris O'Connor. You know Chris O'Connor?

Dude, he was doing mushrooms or something and was like. No, he was pretty public about it. And it was like 3 in the morning, and's like i gotta see the mountains man oh no got on a flight and like came to in aspen shut up i swear to god it was like i don't know i just had this urgency the mountains and he came to and he's like what the fuck am i doing here shut up meanwhile we're in vegas there's mountains all around us yeah yeah right yeah that is one of the craziest things i've ever heard holy i did it once i did it once and i mean you know the joke because you were there when i wrote it but it's we were leaving michael chay's house

once mark at like 7 a.m oh yeah we were both wrecked and i remember walk maybe it was 6 a.m i don't know we walk out and i mark and i stumbled out we go our separate ways and a cab walks up to me and he goes he just sees me stumbling and he's trying to rip me off and he goes uh he goes jfk and i was oh no he goes laguardia is what he said laguardia and i said yeah yeah all right i just get in the car i was fucked up so he's driving me to laguardia and it and true story i fucking sober up in the joke i say i come to like you know 20 minutes later i was like whoa jfk that's what i did but in in reality i was like it took but it took me like 20 minutes to realize and we had to turn back i was like no no wait wow i was we were bombed that was the night when michael che was pouring us uh like johnny walker blue and i was like you were wasting this

on two shit-faced dudes who don't know the difference right now good point i uh i got all banged up at patty's one night one of the things where they like shut the door and cool summer night and it's like now like 6 15 a.m or whatever stumble out the sun's coming up and i just was like so drunk and just like man i love fucking comedy this was great this is so cool i get a i get in a car and i live up by the hype by the GWB, and I was like, I get out to get a Gatorade. I'm like, you know what? I've never walked across the GWB. I'll do that.

Hey, hey. It's like 630 in the morning. Sun's coming up. I don't realize they used to. I don't know if he's still there. They used to have a guy sit on the GWB to talk you down from jumping. Shut the fuck up. There wasn't a net there.

That's a great gig. Up until a couple years ago. How do you get that gig? So I'm up there, dude. I'm like my neck. That's a great gig. Up until a couple years ago. How do you get that gig? So I'm up there, dude. I'm like my neck, so my like collars. I look like I just got hit by a bus. And he's like, how you doing, man? I'm like, just loving life right now.

But like really like she left you, huh, big guy? He was like. Take the kids on you? He was like, don't do it, man. Or something. He's like, it's not worth it. Are you good? And I'm like, yeah.

And then it all hit. I'm like, oh, fuck. I i'm totally i just came to watch the sunrise dude or whatever but he was tall he was like slowly creeping up to me wow wouldn't it be great if they put like on the other side it's like a jeff ross guy like you look like shit you should jump you got halitosis yeah like a roaster you gotta pick what side you remember you know steve fabricant from the cellar sure Sure, outdoor Steve. So he told me a story once where he walked on the bridge with a girl late at night. That's trying to kill her. This gang, he's like kind of gang season there, and they're kind of fucking with him.

And it's one of the things where he's like, they're going to fuck me up. And they hand him a drink. They're like, take a sip of this. And he knows if he takes a sip, they're just going to fucking beat him up. And for whatever reason, he just goes, I just quit the stuff. And they were like, all right. And he was like, I think that saved my fucking life. Wow.

So weird. Must have been the Van Buren boys. They don't mess with their own. Still holding the pepper shake. Dude, I've been rewatching because it's on Netflix. And like the significant shrinkage episode. Holy shit. One of my favorite lines that is, she's got a great body, buddy.

The way she's got a great body. That's the same actress that was in Boogie Nights and also in Boogie Nights. That's right. She played. She married Don Cheadle. Oh, she was also in Magnolia as the daughter of Jimmy Gator. Her body. Damn.

I love what a fucking film nerd you are, Foley, because we've talked about this before, but you're such a film nerd. Yeah. We are, too. We love it. Her body in Seinfeld was absolutely great. It was banging. It made her up to be old and play somebody's mom recently. They were the same age. You know what?

You're right. I can't remember what that was. Yeah, my favorite line in that episode is when George won't stop kind of zinging this woman. And Jerry goes, easy, big fella. Yeah. I love that. At the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really quite breathtaking. Oh, that guy is so good. He's great. I'm such a Seinfeld psycho about the show that I watched the DVD box set, blah, blah, blah, behind the scenes shit. And Larry David kept running onto the screen and going, say shrinkage more. It's a funny word. Just keep saying shrinkage. Really? And I love stuff like that.

It's like Carlin when he keeps saying my stuff and your stuff and you just repeat a word. It becomes fun stuff. Yes. Your stuff. And like you just repeat a word. It becomes funnier. Right. Damn. That's I mean, so many of those old Seinfeld episodes are just like it's just nonstop. It's crazy. My girl always tries to get me to watch something new or, you know, like everyone's talking about.

Dude, I watch Seinfeld and Sopranos over and over again. Yeah. Sopranos is my number one rewatch. I have to stop around season five or the beginning of six. I just get depressed. Yeah, I'm like, fuck. It's the end and it's like, shit's gone. Because I know it's coming to the end.

But I love all the Phil Leotardo stuff, but it's just like, fuck. Oh, but his ending is one of the finest. The best. Yeah. It's a great scene. I do have a new rec. If you haven't seen it, the movie Megan, dude. Is it good?

Ronnie Chang. Shout out to him. Ronnie Chang fucking kills it. He's awesome. Every time he speaks, I was laughing. Have you seen it? It's a good movie, right? He was great in The Ten Rings, too.

I haven't seen it. It's awesome. Seinfeld-wise, I would love to. I'd do it with Don Lee and Fiore. We just did it the other night. Who do you think the best one-off character is? One-off is where it gets tricky because I do love the guy. You know what guy I love who's recurring is the guy who's like, you've ridden in a thousand Cadillacs, that guy?

Jack Clumpus. He's on a few of them. He's great. A non-recurring, just a one-off character. A one-off is tough. The Moyle would have to be up there. I think it's the Moyle. How'd that guy not have a career?

I know, right? Moyle or Bookman? Bookman's fucking good. Every line out of the Moyle's mouth is a fucking punchline. You put it right on the edge. Right on the edge. Then it goes right to the shards of glass. Hit me in the head, steal my bag.

He's very low-key. You know what else was great? The guy that ran the pizza place where the Frogger was. Oh, yeah. Where you been? We're tanking over here. That'll save us. Man. He's very low-key, but you know what else was great? The guy that ran the pizza place where the Frogger was. Where have you been? We're tanking over here. That'll save us. Man. Slippery Pete's all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a friend of mine. You already had another one that I forget that was the rival bookman. The librarian was pretty attractive, too. I saw a thread. I followed some Sopranos, like dumb Sopranos threads where they're like the amount of like hit men who have been on sopranos and it was just a twitter thread

of all the random which is like that asian dude in palm beach all those random dudes we were like oh yeah that guy yeah it takes you to it's like the way you hear a song it just takes you to a fucking moment where you're like yes you know who's great not the heroin addict that hooked up the italian hit men remember he could speak italian oh yeah yeah he's fantastic looking dude yeah yeah which one was this uh he's been in a he was in a couple very nondescript yeah he was in he was in a movie called dinner rush with danny aiello i heard it's a great movie really that's a micro scene love it my grandpa loved that movie dude old, old school fucking New York indie movie. I gotta watch it.

Eric the Clown? Jon Favreau. Yeah. He put it out with his big shoe. How about the DiMaggio boys? Lou DiMaggio? They were all blind and beaten down. We don't work for drug dealers.

They're all in their late 70s. They're like, we can take care of this. Half of them can't see. The 90s. Did you guys watch Simpsons? Not huge, but enough. Really? Yeah, I didn't. I'm not a cartoon guy.

You don't like the South Park stuff? No, I can't. I can't connect with it. I remember seeing it for the first time on the Tracy Allman show. Have you guys seen this season of South Park? Yeah, that made waves. Didn't they try to sue them or something? Yeah, they dropped it.

How humorless do you like that? They stink. I kind of liked them at one point, and then I'm like, ah, you're just going to get out of here. I liked the fact that they were leaving. I'm like, oh, that's pretty cool. And I'm like, this is all just self-aggrandizing bullshit. But they left for the money, right? Yeah. Yeah, they got like a 50 million dollar netflix deal a book deal everything that book was like the best seller of all time it's like broken all these records it's crazy

people love this shit i don't want to tell tales out of school i might want you to cut this but please i don't think that's his kid oh he looks just like the best friend that she was with no princess di was sleeping around you're saying he looks exactly like the best friend that she was with. No. Whoa. Princess Di was sleeping around. You're saying with the trainer. He looks exactly like the fucking trainer. Pull it up. Did you ever see that? That side by side?

No. It's pretty crazy. I mean, I don't want to get clipped by MI6 or anything. Well, they're out of the family, so you're good. All right. You have to go, Salakius? Yeah, sorry. What happened?

Back to the subway. What's more important to you, your son? I got to go talk to the other mold people. I buddy thank you so much you're a hell of a father wait is that him well uh who's that guy yes that would be his dad. That's it, baby. It was her, like, horse trainer or something. Wow. Damn. Back on the saddle again. Right?

That's it. That's pretty dead ringer, right? Well, if that's true, then he made out like a bandit. And that's probably why he dipped, you know? Damn. Oh, interesting. Baby tinfoil hat shit, and I'm loving it. Yeah, look at that.

Yeah, that's pretty good. The red hair, too. And he's so much hotter than Charlesles yeah charles is a fucking horse yeah they really did him a favor in the crown which i did like that that's great crown was all right the first two seasons were incredible first two seasons were like blew me the fuck away i don't like that was churchill oh my god isn't it nice for us to take one of their fucking jobs? Yeah. There you go. I appreciate that. Trevor Noah. Yeah.

John Oliver. James Corden. No, but it was... Dude, he would kill... That episode where he gets painted is one of the best episodes of TV ever. It's insane. Gary Oldman did a really good... Yeah, he's good.

Darkest Hour. He did a really good... I didn't see that one, but yeah. He's always good. I liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Oldman's all right.

He kind of dodged a cancellation. They tried to take him down what'd he do i don't know but he there was a moment where they were trying to take him down so uh ben stiller pushed back they're doing the tropic thunder every every four years tropic thunder gets in the heat again the retard the whole thing and then he he back. I forgot about that too. I guess it was a lot, but man, it's a funny movie. He just doubled down like last week on it. Right. Gary Oldman just won an Oscar. That one cares about the domestic abuse. Come on.

We got athletes out there. Come on. What happens in the house stays in the house. You know what I mean? Exactly. I didn't know that. Oldman, huh? How do you like that? Allegation. Anti-Semitic language. Oh, shit. Is that bad? That was 2018 he was dropping stuff?

We give him the benefit of the doubt. Was he preparing for a role? Yeah. It does say Daniel Day-Lewis. Okay. What did he say? Denzel Washington. He is a good actor.

Who? I mean, both of them. Well, Oldman. Forget about it. Yeah. Played fucking Drexel in True Romance. Yeah. That was a good actor. Who? I mean, both of them. Well, Oldman, forget about it. Yeah. Played fucking Drexel in True Romance. Yeah, that was a weird role. Dude.

He's got a lot of range. He was so good in that, wasn't he? Yeah, you look like a fucking pig in heat. The fifth element is really underrated. Wait, that was Gibson. Man. We got to get Chris Tucker on here, dude. Have we tried that once?

Oh, we could hang. What'd they say? What? Chris Tucker's coming on, though? Holy shit. Holy taco. Dang. Dude, Money Talks was one of the funniest fucking movies.

Forget it. It was only one of the ones I had on VHS at a young age, and it was just like, run that. I will snap, crackle, and pop your ass or whatever he said heather locklear oh one fine piece of ace sammy davis junior junior man great she banged everybody too she had like white snake and motley crew and skid row and spade sheen right she was sheen for a while sc Scott Baio. Richie Sambora was fucking, he was like, he was killing it at one point. Yeah. He was with everybody. Yeah, a couple of times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The craziest one is, what's the Counting Crows guy, the lead singer? Chris Robinson. Thank you. He fucked Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel. Really? Really. While Friends is on the air, so they have to go to work and be like no way

how do you pull that off rock stars man yeah that was the first concert i ever saw in new york at the beacon theater they were great dude they fucking but how do you pull three people on the same cast that's like also at their hottest i know highest hot also i i didn't give phoebe the appreciation as a young kid now looking back i'm like she was a fucking she was hot yeah pretty and she's a great comic actress yeah i was on conan with her once and she was very nice analyze this analyze that she's great she used to date conan what is that right early on yeah that's a tall fuck i think she was on friends i think yeah i think so yeah i think in the early years of Friends.

I heard that Chris Robinson fucked them up. No, I don't know. No, I was on Conan with her. Counting hoes. They were, yeah, Romy and Michelle. Oh, yeah. That's a funny movie. That's good stuff.

Who's that, her and Christina Applegate? Who was Mira Sorvino? No, Mira Sorvino was also on Not Too Shabby. Yikes. Mighty Aphrodite, the best. Mira Sorvino is also on. Not too shabby. Yikes. Mighty Aphrodite. The best. Mira Sorvino or Marissa Tomei? Tomei.

Tomei. Really? Tomei. Okay. Sweet spot. Soft spot. Tomei is going to, if we're doing like a bracket tournament, Tomei is like a one seed. Yeah.

I agree. What are we doing? Dude, my cousin Vinny, that was insane. I liked her in The Wrestler. Oh, even better. Because she's also a great actress. Brilliant. But then she's also beautiful.

And Seinfeld. That's right. Wow, that's right. She's from Bensonhurst. She's beautiful. Yeah, she's great. Her and my cousin Vinny, I remember seeing that as a kid and having like a little boner. Dude, I remember when she like, when she.

That onesie that she wore. Oh, pull it up. When she was on the stand. Cisco and Ebert give a two thumbs up. Mark Norman, I had a little boner. I remember it was awkward, though, when they have that, like, almost sex scene on the bed because Joe Pesci is, like, so much like an uncle or something. But to see him in that, like, you know, sexy position...

He's 5'1". Yeah. Oh, my God. It's weird when someone's that much older than their love interest. Yeah. It's a great movie, but you ever watch old school Sabrina with Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn? It's a great movie, but it's still like he is really old. He's 50, she's 15.

Yeah. It's nuts back then. I'm listening. Talking to DiCaprio. How about that, huh? 19. Yeah. Man.

He's walking up to the line, and he is looking at the line. Yeah, he doesn't care. I respect that. Let him do him. It's legal. Is she European or American? Jerusalem. Yeah, that's fine.

Israeli. There you go. They don't care. They're old souls. Yeah, that's true. The Iron Dome, that'll be fine. But yeah, what's fun about dating a 19-year-old is you get to show her stuff. Like, here's...

Seinfeld. Here's Seinfeld. Here's ice cream. You're like, shit, you've never tried before. Don't tell your parents. You ever had an affogato before? He's curating an entertainment experience for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, here's the cure. This is called the Empire Strikes Back. Wait, she's 19? She doesn't look 19. She looks amazing. Yeah, but that's what a pedo would say. She looks of age, Your Honor. No, a pedo doesn't want them to look of age.

I know, but that's their defense. I see. She looks 13. David Harbour from Stranger Things said that would be like him dating Eleven, the girl. Yeah. They're basically DiCaprio's difference between. Whoa. She's also beautiful. Yeah, that that's crazy but she likes him right so she should be able to do what she wants

sure i mean you want everybody obviously above you know above age he is not he's he's my age he does not look like a fucking 47 or 49 year old man. He looks like he's in his defense. Neither do you. I'm saying it's fucking Leo. What do you want? Yeah, of course. Well, no one's more angry at this than like a middle aged white woman. Oh, sure.

If you watch like you want to see some fury, watch like the Ingram angle on TV. And she's like, how dare he? Yeah. Now, what if he was dating she's pretty hot too megan kelly's fucking hell but what if he was dating a 19 year old that was just pig i mean fat like maybe like he look good for him exactly some chick that works at hot topic i don't think he gets a good for him on a 19-year-old, no matter what. Even if he's a wheelchair, fat, 19-year-old, he would be a savior. I think people are going to be like, what's he doing? Well, there'd be an angle.

There'd be an angle. But, you know, she's got a great personality. You know, if you're fat in a wheelchair, you better be charming. You got to be bringing it. Yeah. You better know how to sing or something. It's like Pulp Fiction. That's when charming motherfucking pig. You got to be in this shit Yeah. You better know how to sing or something. It's like Pulp Fiction. That's when

Charmin motherfucking pig. What'd you say? The goose. What was it? The pig from? Arnold. Ah, they're Arnold from Green Acres.

Seinfeld does that too, though. Would you date a woman 20 years old and he's like, you have to be real vibrant. Yeah. What was it? Like shaking the room

or something like that? No, it was when she was, when Elaine was dating the guy who put cookies in his mouth oh yeah that's not a bad one too that's another great off air you don't get to see it but you hear the paramedics go who put cookies in his mouth that's a great that's a great the paramedics are great too that with the chuck yeah larry david's the vo and everything everything and he kills it every time but do you think that was a reason of, like, it's funny? Or, like, let me also just get this check at the same time?

No, I think. Yeah, he's in everything. Yeah. He's the man in the cape. Man in the cape. He was the guy that wouldn't take the 20 with the lipstick on it. Yeah, that's right. Steinbrenner.

Yeah. Steinbrenner. Yeah. That choice of Steinbrenner is so funny. Dude, it's so good. To just play it that way. He didn't like it. Steinbrenner was on paper. He was it's so good. To just play it that way. He didn't like it. Steinbrenner was on paper was like, I don't like it.

It's not funny. It's pretty damn funny. It was terrible. Really? There's a deleted scene. Pull him up. No shit. They said Larry David hated the way he did it.

So he's like, I'll do it myself. It was just such a perfect time for New York and the Yankees. They were just coming out of that. It's hard to be self-aware in a role like that, though. That was another thing with Regis when Kramer went on. He's Bonko's. Bonko's. He didn't want to say Bonko's.

We say that all the time. Because we say it all the time on the show. He didn't want to say Bonko's. Because he's like, I wouldn't say this. And Larry or whoever was like, you have to say Bonko's. It's Bonko's. Is that right? Because we're not doing you.

We're doing a cartoon of you. Yes, yes. And the cartoon of it's Bonko's. Is that right? Because we're not doing you. We're doing a cartoon of you. Yes, yes. And the cartoon of you says Bonko's. Of course. And he was like, I don't want to say it. And he's like, you have to fucking say Bonko's. Damn. And that became, I'm telling you, this guy's Bonko's.

It's funny because I'm sure it's the Mandela effect or whatever it's called. I think that I heard Regis say that before he was on the show. Right. That sounds so much like something Regis would say. That's the thing. It's the most Regis line. Fun fact, Seinfeld has never said what's the deal with. He's never said that in his act.

But it just became a thing, and it became bigger than him. I don't think Bocanato said play it again, Sam. I think he just said play it, Sam. Pull it up. Yes, no, he didn't. In Elaine's brain, what's the deal with airplane peanuts?

But that's how you make fun of him. Yeah, he was doing it on the show. Kramer did it too with the styrofoam peanuts. What are these things? Bogart didn't say.

No one ever says play it against Sam. Yeah. It's the Woody Allen movie. You played it for her, you can play it for me. Yeah, that's what he said. Oh, I love that

he's a fucking cool movie. Wow, come on. If she can take it, so can I. Yeah, if she can take it, so can I. Bogey. He's not doing a lot of sports. He's getting these movies in.

Who were you before? What did you think? And what did you do? Never actually said anything. Are you okay? Guinness? Play it again, Sam. If the boys are having one, I'll do whatever.

Whatever's easy for you. I got spots. Same. I got to do a fucking hour, dude. I'm going to have a headache in an hour. I'm going to show up to my show at the Cellar drunk. There you go. I got spots. Same. I got to do a fucking hour, dude. I'm going to show up to my show at the Cellar drunk. There you go. I got a midnight.

We did one before this. Yeah. We're idiots. Ooh, again, it's nothing wrong with that. Might as well do a car bomb. Thanks, pal. All right. I mean, while we're here.

I don't think we have Kahlua. That's a fucking disaster. That's a car wreck. Yeah, that I can't do. You can use Kahlua. That's a fucking that's a car wreck. Yeah, that I can't tell. You can use Kahlua probably. I do have Kahlua. I don't know if you want coffee. Oh, that's crazy.

I don't wake you up like in a sports martini. Did you ever have a Yellow Submarine's good? What's that? It's like it's Boddington's which is a British. It's a bitter beer.

Yeah, it's Boddington's something and What do we have in in Epcot around the world at that bar? Have you ever done that? That's a fun thing you should just do, drinking around the world at Epcot, because they have all the different countries. Whoa.

And the rule is, dirtbags make a fun game out of it. They have one specialty drink in each country, and I think there's 11 countries. So you drink a drink in each country, but you're not allowed to take it to the next country. Like, you have to stay in there and chug it. Got it. And I think we had 11 drinks in, like, two hours. Wow. And it's like, you walk out, and you're like, we had to be carried out.

It was a great time. Are they beers or cocktails? Oh, whatever. Like, you can get, like, a Japanese beer, or you can get, like, a margarita. Like, there's different ones. But what did we have at that English pub? It wasn't Harp. It was something like that, though. Maybe it was Boddington's. I think it was Boddington's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's different ones. But what we have at that English pub, it wasn't Harp. It was something like that, though.

Maybe it was Boddington's. I think it was Boddington's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was pretty good. Damn. Did you guys hear, off-brand, off-topic, did you hear Tom Brady's doing stand-up? That's got to be a fake rumor. He's probably hilarious.

Yeah, that's got to be a fake rumor. I think it was a fake rumor, dude. Come on. Well, didn't Gronk do it a little bit? Yeah, Gronk tried it for a second. So did, what's the Asian lady from the Today Show? Connie Chung? Connie Chung?

Maybe Connie Chung did stand-up. Oh, no, not Connie Chung. T.I. T.I., Madonna did it for, she did Tonight Show. They can't be real. What basketball, Blake Griffin did, kind of does it or something? He kind of does it. Yeah, he did my show at the New York Comedy Club.

Blake is very charming. Tom Brady's new lady. But they say, somebody was saying he's hilarious. Blake is a funny guy. Great delivery. He's a funny guy. And he's a very nice guy, too. He came into that show and every female comic was like,

oh, that's wild. It was fun to see them be inappropriate. Yeah, that's good. But yeah, Tom Brady. Everybody wants to do stand-up. It's kind of annoying tom bray everybody wants to do stand-up it's kind of annoying that it's it's so easy to do stand-up because they just do it on a whim like oh this is my fucking bucket list thing i'll see that it's something that yeah it's a clickbait there's no way he no i think i think it's uh he's doing the netflix roast oh i bet he's just

trying that shit out gotcha who are they they roasting? Him. Oh, okay, okay. I wouldn't do anything. I'd be done. You got the money. You got to get out of the house. Yeah, but they might just donate it to charity or something. It might be one of those. That's why Pamela Anderson did it.

It was all donate to charity. Right. Did you watch that documentary? Yeah, it was pretty heavy. Pretty good. I jerked off. Yeah, somebody heard something. She didn't go, ooh. All right. I'd still'd still do it a hundred percent i still think she's uh i keep telling him

it's a little inappropriate but i keep telling him i think britney is way more attractive now than she was i like that britney pull up spears oh i like to make grinder yeah pull up pull up she's home safe she's definitely more available now without that dad in the picture you definitely have a better chance yeah your chances are way up she's just naked dancing around i mean that's a really good picture like if you her instagram videos are pretty rough yeah they really are she's a pretty woman she's got like meth mouth like it's like she she hasn't you know what is meth mouth it's just like her teeth are all fucked up i don't know if she's really doing meth she's she's not flossing in the middle yeah she's in the middle of a manic episode for sure yeah you know her you know she's not out of that

conservatorship and i don't think she should be in one but when she got out i saw her vagina within seconds seconds that thing was out there maybe maybe her dad was running it was like she had it waiting to release yeah not even like like was like, the second this is up. He might have been running a tight ship. Well, loose lips. Get clicks. Amen, sister. It's all right.

Yeah, she seems like a nightmare to hang out with. Oh, man. Yeah, we'd all like to poke her. I don't know, dude. It could be a fun party. She's got some good tunes, too. You go through the greatest hits, she's got some good tunes. The hits are great.

The hits are good. Coca-Cola. I like, dude, she's not even a good dancer anymore, which is crazy. Yeah, she really is. That'd be like what I would do if you asked me to dance. I would do the same thing. We gotta get you in this outfit. Doing the mashed potato.

I'm watching, though. I can't take my eyes off it. No, it's mesmerizing. This is somebody's mom. As far as middle-aged moms, what are we doing here? No, of course, of course. That was your neighbor? 41.8 million followers. Crazy.

Well, she's nuts, dude. And also, with no music, it looks way worse. Is there a music player? She's having a stroke. But look, she's having more fun than we are. Oh, yeah. Hotel crying. You think I was going to say, she's having a stroke. But look, she's having more fun than we are. Oh, yeah. I'm in a hotel crying. You think this is fun?

Yeah, she's having a blast. She's on top of, she's so crazy, she's on top of the world right now. Yeah, I mean, she can't tell her anything. She dances like Elaine. The little tiny kicks. She dances like when you're babysitting a little girl, you know? She's just twirling and shit. No, I don't know.

Oh, okay. Wait, who's babysitting a little girl? My restraining order's up. Yeah, this is a lot. This is... Yes, yes. That's what I'm saying. She's like kiddie vibes.

Yeah, this is... This is a tough following. Now she's tired. tired it's like a kid can you send me that link please yeah wait who are these weirdos is that her kids they're better dancers than her yeah they're good who are these guys i just now we're just watching tiktok by the way i like how we were this is like how addictive this shit is. Sure. We just stopped talking. We're just watching this shit.

I forgot we were doing a show. Good for you, Brittany. Glad you're happy. Free Brittany. Also, here's a peeve of mine. The people who post their workouts, you're not inspiring people. I've never seen someone in the gym been like, I got to go to the gym. And you're ruining the gym. Now you got to set up a camera. I seen someone in the gym been like i gotta go to the gym and you're ruining the gym now you gotta set up a camera i see this at the gym there's starting to be some there's

starting to be some pushback that girl that like yells at people she tries to get people it's all clicks yeah and it's like she'll be like oh this person came over and harassed me they're like they asked if you were using the machine like yeah it wasn't they're not trying to fuck you right well maybe they are but yeah but it's a slow burn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was being real subtle about it. She got free canceled.

Like, she tried to cancel some guy. Yeah, people went after her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trevor Speck. That's kind of nice to say. I know, it was. Yeah. Justice was served.

Yeah, one for the good guys, you know what I mean? Yeah, here, here. Now I can still creep on people at the gym. I don't like the rogue canceling, so it's nice to see it gone wrong yeah well she was just using it to get her attention yeah the one guy was like just standing and he's like what i don't even know you were there yeah yeah she'll snap like get away like what the fuck it's like it's like the gym you just kind of want to be a lot you just want to disappear of you're doing that shit. Of course, of course.

You don't want to. Yeah, the worst. I mean, have you had where I'm on the weight thing doing my dumb curls with, like, five pounders. And somebody's like, comedy. And I'm like, hey. You have to shake weight in your hand. You spot me real quick. Exactly.

It's tough. What's the deal with your ellipticals? All right. Do you guys have any peeves? Putting back the seat on an airplane. The what? Whoa, this is a big debate. We've been talking about this.

Putting the seat back on an airplane. We've got to talk about this. It does kind of bug me, the seat back. Thank you. Thank you. I'm a back man. I figured. Do you give a heads up? No. What if they got their tray out and they're eating?

What if they happen to be a portly fellow, and when the tray comes back, it jams them in their stomach area and knocks over their 15 Bloody Mary. The seat does go back. Nobody's specific. I don't want to ruin your night but the seat reclines so i'm gonna use it sure i understand both sides of the argument it does go back but it's also like i don't like i know how much it sucks when someone comes back on me

so i won't go back unless the person behind me is back have you been dropped back on where you weren't dropped back i go back immediately right when the wheels are off the runway i drop if it is a morning flight i drop back because i try to fall asleep immediately sure but but i agree with you the food thing when you drop back or how it fucks up the whole tv situation it doesn't bend enough but then people can't get out too it like jams them up if they're trying to get out to go to the bathroom or whatever you're all the way back. It's a good thing. You immediately drop back.

Immediately. Oh, I hate that. Really? Yeah. I figured I'd get it done early. You know, I'm not going to drop back three hours into a six-hour flight. I'm doing it right now just to set the table. That kind of makes sense.

I can't remember if I saw it online or somebody told us this. Somebody drops back, and they're being annoying about it you take the air thing and point it right at their head i like it i like the air he's trying to go back further i just don't if it reclines it's like a window shade you can put it up you can put it down but don't have people have ever annoyed you with the window shade a hundred percent there we go that's the thing so it's like you annoy people when you go back. There is an ethics. Like if it's a morning flight and it's cross country or something like that, everybody drops it down. It should be dictated by the lights in the plane.

If all the lights are off and it's shutdown time, you can't be sitting there looking out the window. I do think it should be an all or nothing. I do think when the seatbelt, like, hey, we're here, the Wi-Fi clicks on, it goes, everybody go back. And then the last guy in the back is fucked, but he got bad tickets. That's on him. That's on him. But it should be an all or nothing type thing. That back row is a tough situation.

It's a tough look, man. Been back there a lot. It's tough on every level. You're the last one off. You're next to the bathroom. Tough look. It's just nothing about it's okay. I don't have to worry about the exit row.

I'm unqualified. Whoa. Because I need a seatbelt extension. FAA regulations. Found that out the hard way. Traveling. Biden says he's too fat to fly. Found that out the hard way.

Traveling with my lady. Oh. We got a fucking exit row. Extra leg room, chilling out, sit down, no problem. In the case of an emergency, I'm like, no, we'll take care of it. Don't worry about it. Then she walked back. I was like, can I get a seatbelt extender? She was like, you're not allowed to sit in the exit row if you need any seatbelt extenders or assistance.

So, stands right there and goes, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. This gentleman can't sit in the exit row. Is there anybody that would voluntarily switch seats? And these two fucking studs stand up. Like, ah, we'll take care of it, ma'am. And had to switch seats with him. Chris H stand up. Like, ah, we'll take care of it, ma'am. And had the sweet seats with them. Chris Hemsworth.

Yeah, literally. Rock. Fucking brutal. Holy moly. Yeah. You had to change to their seat. Had to move to their seat. And tuck my nuts back.

And then they fucked his girlfriend. She wanted to stay. I'm going to hang out for a little while. Holy moly. No, these guys are cool. So you had to walk. Did you get up up at least a little higher up in the plane? No, further back. Because higher up I don't think is going back.

Had to pass him in the aisle like, thanks, fellas. Thank you for your service. Appreciate your service. Damn. Tell my girlfriend I said hi. Damn, I'm going to try that next time there's a porker up in the... But given we were flying back from L.A. or somewhere, and you got it on. Yeah. They were like, sir, you're not allowed to sit there.

And we knew that kind of going into it, but someone else booked the tickets for us. So they were like, oh, we'll be nice. They got us the aisle or the emergency exit. It was a longer strap, so I was able to squeeze in. But it was like, they were like, sir, we just have to hear it. It was just click. They're like, we just need to hear the click, and then you can take it off. He's got it around his neck.

Holy shit. I'm sorry, man. I was really rooting for it. I was like, man, just fucking let me hear that click. Just get it in there. Are you at the end of Foley's movie, the last scene, and you just hear it click in? Everyone's like...

Slow clap starts on the... It's like Cool Runnings. Is that what click is about? Damn, I'm sorry, but you're a secure guy. Okay, I don't give a shit. You're good. He's not going to cry after this. Keep the cheddar biscuits coming.

I'm all right. These are good. You guys tried these? Yeah, give me a bite of this. Have you not had one of these? I've never had one. Is it rival Popeyes? Because I grew up on that shit.

They're good. I don't know. I don't think I've ever had Popeyes. Popeyes are all right with the put a little butter and jelly on them. Oh, talk to me, Daddy. Good night. Ooh. Nothing wrong with that.

There's a place in Rittenhouse Square in Philly. Next time you guys are in Philly called Devon Seafood. I used to work there when we were coming

up. They do something similar to that. Blow your brains out. Devon's what? Devon Seafood. It's right next to Park on Rittenhouse

Square. I'll be there soon. Phenomenal. Biscuits. That's good stuff. Love a biscuit. Oh, yeah. You like cornbread?

You're a cornbread guy? Love cornbread. I might have gone there with Vitor once. Vitor's such a fucking food snob. Yeah. I mean, it's a corporate seafood place, but it's really good. But they just put those on the table with apple butter or honey butter. Man.

I think we went there. I think Vitor picked it out. Crushed it. I got doing Chicago for my special taping. I didn't realize it's St. Paddy's Day. butter man i think we went there i think veter picked it out crushed it i got uh doing chicago for my special taping i didn't realize it's it's saint patty's day weekend i'm terrified no it'll be great it's a taping they'll behave i'm talking green river beer river you know are you taping on the 17th yeah but doesn't chicago have their own wait is it a weekend yes holy i don't know what i was thinking it's's going to be mayhem out there.

That's like Christmas Eve on a Friday. Yeah, what? Couldn't your agents have caught that, you think? Nobody caught it. But don't they have their own St. Paddy's Day in Chicago? Am I completely wrong here? Yeah, but I think that's like the biggest thing outside of Dublin is Chicago. Yeah, it's not like Canadian Thanksgiving where it's in like July.

I've had some bloodbath hecklers on. I've done Chicago and St. Paddy's twice. Does it look like they celebrate the 11th? This dude fucking nearly came to the stage. It got so heated. He had me in toss. It was ugly. He was a piece of shit.

Really? Yeah. It was when Zany's used to make you do three shows in a night. Oh, yeah. And Shocker, it was on the 11 p.m. I've had that. That wasn't a matinee that got you oh god bar crawl god i hope none of these animals are coming to the show friday march 17th but no i'm sure fans know probably right worst case you get a fucking money ass takedown that's true you get what how many shots you've taken four you're gonna

get it buddy oh yeah oh yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be good. Also, the pub crawls go from four to ten. So the show's at seven and nine. You'll be fine. I think if your fans are going, they're not going to hit the pub crawl. They're like, we're going to see more. They know you're taping.

I don't know. We do a show call. We might be drunk. We got a lot of boozy. We do get boozy people, man. But they know you're taping. Yeah. Nobody's going to want to fuck you.

But I think they're like, I'm going to get on the tape. You're doing four. You're going to get it for sure. Okay, okay. Four is a good number. Yeah. And my going to want to fuck you out of a four-year. But I think they'd be like, I'm going to get on the tape. You're doing four. You're going to get it for sure. Okay, okay. Four is a good number. Yeah. And my man James Webb is directing it. You got that right.

And we're doing Saturday, too, so maybe I'll... Hey, you'll be fine. Fourth of Vic, motherfucker. Look at that. Fun times. But Vitor's opening. He's already hit me with about 38 Michelin stars. Are you going to go to Shaw's?

I think we will, yeah. Shaw's Seafood? Yeah. That's a great spot. You're going to love it. It's like old school Chicago. Gene and Giorgetti's phenomenal. Gene and Giorgetti's is great, too.

It's a little steakhouse. Real old school Italians by Gene and Giorgetti's. There's something about steak with a side of pasta. Yeah, it works. You feel like Jake LaMotta. Something just, I don't know what it is. I want to hit my wife. Chicago is a great city.

Great city, man. I would say number two comedy town in America. What's number one? Denver. Denver's great. Where's New York? Well, New York's up there, but New York's already. I think Philly's great.

I'm biased. Philly's great, too. Philly's great, too. That's also the clubs are great there, too. San Diego, Phoenix, Austin. Yeah, San Diego. We did a La Jolla comedy, so I fucking love that. Yeah, that's one of my favorites.

Favorite stage ever. Kill Box. Bad Green Room. Oh, rough Green Room. Rough Green Room. Yeah, there's something about that stage in La Jolla. You feel like you're- It's carpet.

It's padded carpet. You're on like a trampoline. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's fucking great. And the light on your toes. Five blocks away. It's wacky. We went down to basements with rats and weirdos and you know david tell's got a black hood up and then you go there it's sunshine

there's mountain range and shit yeah everybody's attractive seals it's a great city and it's a great city for comedy i mean but chicago there's something about chicago that i don't know man it's like also that capone bar is so fucking cool the green mill have you been oh i love the green mill i mean i'm by we're biased because we're on the Eastern Sea, whatever. But Philly, New York, Boston. Boston's great. Chicago. DC's fun.

Baltimore, DC. Yeah, it's just something about them. Baltimore is what I'm shaking on. You get sleepers. Like, Tampa can be fucking fun. Oh, I love that. We love Tampa. Tampa can be great.

We're coming back. Second show added. Shout out, Brian. Fucking Cleveland hilarities. Now we're coming back second show at it shout out brian fucking cleveland hilarities now we're just now cleveland's great yeah utah cleveland yeah i love keith uh wise guys but yeah cleveland hilarity is another one that's like you gotta throw out madison haven't been whoa yeah we're trying to get it on the book now we're trying to get on the book here's a wreck while you're there. And this is just a rec in general. If you go to a good farmer's market, got to hit a good farmer's market.

He doesn't like a farmer's market. It's fried cheese curds for a block. I'll do a pharmaceutical market. It's a great biggest farmer's market in the country in Madison, Wisconsin. Oh, that's all right. What are you doing with the fruit, with the produce? You guys eating it all there? You bring it back? No, I don't bring it back in Madison, Wisconsin. What are you doing with the fruit? With the produce? You guys eating it all there? You bring it back?

No, I don't bring it back. Although I did. You bring it back? Some of them have like hot sauces and if it's really good you can order it online so I'll still support it. Okay, alright. Peach with the red inside. Avocado's not too soft,

not too free. I like them as, not too soft, not too funny. I like him as a snack. All right, wait a minute. Joe, that was pretty good. Joe's great. The other one was, it came to me, Fiore said, I forget his name, but it was Jake, the Carl Farman rep. The guy that worked for Carl Farman.

Oh, yeah. The guy with the furniture. Oh, I think I might have it. One-off, Brett. The Jimmy. The Jimmy killed it. Jimmy, he's talking to the third person. Ramone the pool boy was pretty solid.

Ramone's pretty good. Ramone's great. Jimmy's getting upset. Brett was the name of the guy that worked for Fargo. What hurts is a lot of these people come back in the finale. Yeah. Right. They're going two offs.

I was thinking Babu was pretty great, but he's been a few. Yeah, he was in the Dream Cafe Cafe and then when he got deported. Right, right, right. And the finale. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Damn. John Panetta.

John Panetta. John Panetta. What about just a straight-up supporting character? Obviously not Newman, but like- Putty. Third row. Putty's up there. Oh, Putty's-

Yeah, Putty's fantastic. What do you got, a Clarkman? Peterman's great. Peterman's great. Peterman's so there. Oh, Putty's, yeah, Putty's fantastic. What do you got, a Clarkman? Peterman's great. Peterman's great. Peterman's so good. The voice is gold. Not in my office. He throws them out.

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That's right. And he was also in the Twisted Sister videos. A little Brian Cranston love, too. Oh, yeah. I did watch the one where he converted. I was spitting and rinsing like there was no tomorrow. That's just the same as the people for 3,000

years. 5,000. Even better. One of the best lines of the whole show. You offended a Jewish person? I'm offended it's a comedian. Love it. Hand me a schtickleflora. Classic. Joke about mouth rape. Oral rape.

Yeah. In primetime NBC. You anti-dentite son of a bitch. They should have their own schools. Oh, Robert Wagner at the end there. Oh, yeah, that's right. I think non-series regular, but heavy guest star, Mickey. Mickey was great.

Mickey just showed up, right? He just showed up. Just showed up. All of a sudden, they were just boys. They were just boys. Oh, I got a good cameo. Tony. Hey.

Tony. Hey, hey. It was only supposed to be me and Tony. I know you don't like tuna fish. What are you, 11? Mickey's own cameo. It says Banya. I met Mickey at Gotham once.

Really? I recommend Swordfish for you. Oh. Oh met Mickey at Gotham once. Really? I recommend Swordfish for you. Oh, well, Banya's a comic. You see his head shot at, like, really bad sea-level clubs. All the time. I waited on him one time in Philly at a Marathon Grill. He was down there for something with baseball. He was friends with, like, uh... Tony Hernandez?

Somebody like that. He was friends with somebody, and I remember I didn't realize it was him, and I walked up, and he had his head down, and he's like, I was like, can I get you something to start, sir? And he's like, I'll have coffee. I was like, damn you. Thank you. Coffee, chef.

Oh, my man. Well, this is going to be a good promo for this week anyway. All right, boys. Cheers. What's this? What is this? I thought there was actually coffee in it. I was like, I could use a little.

Cheers, boys. Here we go. 12 years sober down the drain. That's goddamn delicious. That's alright. One of the best Mickey moments. Him and Kramer get into a fight. He goes, you want to throw? Let's throw. And then they break up the fight and he goes, you know, I work with Kramer get into a fight. He goes, you want to throw? Let's throw.

And then they break up the fight. And he goes, you know, I work with Macaulay Culkin. He goes, what's he like? Good kid. Damn, that's a fucking, it's just incredible how much, it's weird because overseas, Friends is so much bigger than Seinfeld. Yeah. So is like King of Queens, Ray Romano.

Everybody loves Raymond. They remade that in other countries. Everybody loves Raymond, right? They tried. It was a documentary. They tried it in Russia. I thought they did that a lot. It was seriously called... He made a documentary.

Everybody loves Putin. It didn't do well. I think it's called Everybody Loves Vladimir. They were trying to... Everybody loves Putin. It didn't do well. I think it's called, like, Everybody Loves Vladimir. They were trying to... Seriously, something like that. Everybody loves Stalin. The problem is, in Russia, there's no love. They have no love for Putin. Well, they didn't even have a sitcom. They don't... Oh, they don't have sitcoms.

So this was to launch what a sitcom was. Oh, it ran. And people couldn't wrap their heads around it. Oh, wow. It's like that family guy, the communists. You know, like, quit Stalin's that's hilarious quit stalling married with children death of stalin good movie really yeah dude i don't think i've seen it the guy it's a guy who did veep really and veep if you haven't seen if you haven't seen Veep. Man, the first couple seasons of Veep, fucking look out. Is that it? Joke a minute.

Kevin Spacey? Spacey. He's like, you say no to me again. I heard you. That's how Spacey keeps working. He becomes Raymond in Russia. He just turns to the camera. It was then I knew my wife.

What was the Linsky show? What was that? Paddington Bear? He was on a sketch show. Yeah, he was a sketch comic. He was like a variety comedian. What was that? Paddington Bear? He was on a sketch show, I think. Yeah, it was a sketch comedy. He was like a variety comedian. He was naked all the time. It's so broad, their comedy out there.

I mean, no offense to non-Americans, but their comedy, you watch Mexican TV, and it's just like a guy in a bumblebee suit with the pie. It's very... Those are spicy, those. Those Mexican variety shows. Oh, yeah. Those girls are rebellion-y. Those Mexican variety shows. Those girls are hot ladies. Oh, my God.

But not a lot of British people have some subtlety, some smarter, sarcastic humor. But this. Fawlty Towers. Are you being served? Totally. Benny Hill. Benny Hill. Benny Hill was everybody's intro.

They used to rearrange the letters on the Fulty towers on the intro of every episode, and one time it said, flowering spots. No way! Pull it up! I never saw that one. My mom liked that show. My mom watched Night Court, which they remade. They're coming back with, yeah.

I know. That's all they do every show on TV. Can I say this? It's an old show. It's a tough look. Yeah, what are we doing? What are you doing, man? What are you fucking doing?

I mean, it's sad that young people, like, you know, 22-year-olds, have to watch The Office. Because there's nothing for them now. What's the show now? Sure. You got, like, South Park. You got Family Guy, I guess. Comedy-wise, you mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Sitcom-wise. There's no good sitcom. What is it? Superstore or whatever the fuck that is? I don't even know what that is. They like Stranger Things and shit like that. Yeah.

Well, they don't put a lot of money in a comedy, I feel like. I know, but it was like we grew up on it. I built my childhood with these sitcoms. I feel like they try to skip that family aspect of people in their 30s that settle down and are getting married and starting families. It's like before or after. Modern Family, that was pretty good. That was a good show. that was a great show.

That's gone, right? But to sit down at a meeting and be like, let's remake Night Court. Well, half of the cast is dead. No, we're going to make it real cheesy and shitty. That's what she's from, right? Get the fuck out of here. Big Bang Theory. I'm drunk.

My buddy had a good point. He said they made the 90s show. That's a new show. And there's a gay kid in it. And they don't call him gay. The 90s, that would not fly. That's not the 90s. You had this great opportunity to get away with calling him a homo.

They won't do it. That doesn't make sense. That's not the 90s, though. That 70s show was pretty good. The best. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, I don't get it. The original Night Court. Forget about it. Oh, yeah, Bull. That was must-see TV. That was Cheery was pretty good. The best. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, I don't get it. The original Night Court.

Forget about it. Oh, yeah. Bull. That was must-see TV. That was genius. Harry Anderson. Night Court. Harry Anderson.

Yeah. We talk about Taxi all the time being on that show. Oh, that was great. I mean, James L. Brooks is a fucking man. A young show. I remember seeing Taxi when I was real young and seeing Danny DeVito and being like, holy fucking shit. That's comedy.

Him and Christopher Lloyd. Yes. The first episode I saw, it was like 12 at night and I couldn't fall asleep or something like that. I was probably like fucking 10 or 11 years old is when he eats the pot brownies and becomes he becomes Jim. He was normal before that. Oh, is that right?

He's like at Harvard or something like that. And somebody has to do a flashback and somebody has pot brownies and all of a sudden he goes let's go like that i was like damn damn that's good and don't forget andy kaufman on there forget about it of course he would come on as tony clifton and just like get drunk slap a lady eat a steak you know he just was all in tony clifton was great. For the longest time, I really thought he was alive. Who? Andy Kaufman. That he had faked it. Yeah.

For the longest time. That would be the ultimate. I have a hard time watching Man on the Moon. It makes me genuinely sad. I know. Brutal. I have a lot of thoughts on Rodney's sketch show. He's the only guy to bring that character to life. Really?

Andy Kaufman. What? Yeah. There's a sketch of Rodney's laying in the coffin. And he's like, you know, the doctor's talking to his family. And he's like, you think I feel bad? He owes me 55. Now, can I just say, now I'm drunk.

The Long Island alumni in comedy is bananas. It's crazy. David Tell, Rodney might be Queens. Shit. I think Rodney is. But he was all in Long Island. Wasn't he an aluminum siding salesman in Long Island? I believe you're right. He was a Long Island act, I think.

Then it's like, oh, there you go. Seinfeld. Seinfeld, Schumer, Opie and Anthony. What's his face? I think Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy was Long Island. I think Howard Stern. Stern's Long Long Island. I think Howard Stern. Not a comedian, but a funny guy.

Saganlo. Sag, shout out to him. Feeny. Love, yeah. The boys are from Long Island. Yeah. Okay. No, but for sure, it's crazy.

What is a huge territory? Yeah, it's true. It's like a very large piece of land. Because New York City is pretty crazy, too. It's like George Carlin, Chris Rock, Colin Quinn. CQ. Yeah, all these guys. Geraldo, Woody Allen, Larry David. Yeah, I mean,

New York City. Sam Morrell. Sam Morrell over here. But I mean, you got fucking Jackie Gleason. Gleason from Brooklyn, yeah. Giannis, Chris D. But then Boston's no joke. Larry David. Larry David. Yeah, Boston's no joke. Larry David. I said Larry David.

Larry David. Richard Lewis. Yeah, Boston's killer. Lewis, yeah. Boston's crazy. That's Patrice, Rogan, Stanhope, Burr, Louie, Marin a little bit. Gallman. Yeah, it's crazy.

Gary? Gallman? The goal. All right, now I'm just listing. All right. I love cities. Are we still recording we should plug dates i mean you guys obviously the are you garbage podcast is amazing we've both been on it

we love it uh every clip it pops up is fucking hilarious thank you you guys are killing it thanks buddy you want to plug dates on tour yeah i got dates coming in hot maybe we just started a new tour the stay trashy tour it starts in the middle of March. We're going down to Timonium, Maryland. We're doing Magoobs. We're doing Virginia Beach. We got Timonium, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia, Oklahoma City, Dallas, Houston, Austin. Second show added.

New Haven, Connecticut, adding a second show there. Burlington, Vermont, Tampa. Second show added. Dania Beach, Florida, I think it's called. Yeah. Raleigh, Cleveland, and Columbus. That's a good club. Burlington, Vermont, Tampa. Second show added. Dania Beach, Florida, I think it's called. Yeah. Raleigh, Cleveland, and Columbus. That's a good club. That's outside Miami, right?

Yeah, Fort Lauderdale area. Yeah, Fort Lauderdale. It's a nice stand-up show. And then at the end, we play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a fun time. Oh, that's a blast. It's a great live show. You guys should really go see it.

I love those added shows. Now we're talking. Every clip from the live show looks so fucking fun. It's interactive. It's a really fun way to end the show. Because we each do stand up and then it's like you just go dick around you know what i mean it's like super fun i mean how happy you guys found a thing and it it just clicked yeah it was so uh relatable and whatnot it's very uh very crazy yeah yeah we're very excited very fortunate shout out to the bozos and the homies. We're past these dates already.

I've got to update my website. This is on HTML or HDMI or I don't know what that is. But, yeah, yeah, come on out. The Vic recording is probably over because this is St. Paddy's Day. Oh, it does. All right. Well, hey, come to Chicago, the Vic Theater. Then I'm in fucking Toledo.

Coming to Chicago, the Vic Theater. Then I'm in fucking Toledo. And then I'm back laughing up. And then doing Oxnard Improv in L.A. And then it's back on the theater tour. Then we're going to Australia. We're going to U.K. We're going all in. I love that.

So come on out and say hello. We got the bus tour starting this week. Another bus leg, baby. We're doing Miami, Orlando, all over. Ponte Vedra, Atlanta, Charleston, Durham, Charlottesville, Norfolk, D.C., Wilkes-Barre, Portchester, San Diego, L.A., Sacramento, San Francisco, more coming like Cincinnati, Columbus, all that shit. That crest is a beauty.

Portland, Maine. We're coming back down from Portland, Maine, so I'm hitting a lot of places going back down on another leg. Bring the Veeder? Always bring the Veeder. You got a bus? We're doing a bus. Sick, man. Congratulations. It's a bolt. Please, yes.

Oh, yeah, please. Sorry. I'm there during the week, sometimes on the weekends. Meet up on Instagram. That's where I know you from. There we go. I saw'm gonna talk to you out front good to see you buddy for st patrick's day i'm also a musician i'll be out at the red lion on st patrick's day oh i love the red lion i was there the other night. Oh, on Bleeker? Yeah. Whoa! I was on a date there the other night at the Red Lion, and a guy walks over, buys me and my lady a round, who was in the band.

Hey! I was like, I'll fucking take it, man. It's pretty much from like 8 p.m. to 4. Wow! Wait, spasmodic? That's problematic. And he's an addict. right all right okay check him out thanks man thanks patrick well this has been an awesome episode thank you guys thank you so much this is a fun one and uh happy saint patty's happy saint patty's

have a great one guys praise by bodega cat whiskey.com yeah what'd you say i was gonna say the day that st patrick chased the dominicans out of ireland is that real oh is that what it's based on Sunday's the day for my next bender A bit of Pivarec, you know the beer juice close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.