We Might Be Drunk - Ep 13: Old Fashioned & Fat Tire

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

Mark Normand and Sam Morril shoot the shit over a drink. Mark drinks an Old Fashioned and Sam has a Fat Tire   Check out today's sponsors and support the show! Honey: www.joinhoney.com/drunk Lucy: www.Lucy.co Promo code: Drunk

One more drink, one more drink You know in the morning for sure we gon' stink One more round, one more round It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the barkeep frowned This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two. Talk some

shit and then we'll sleep till two. Hey! Here we are. Sunday. The sun is shining. It's beautiful out in New York City and we're inside and there are caves drinking liquor. You hear this sound? Ooh! Is that a fat It's beautiful out in New York City And we're inside and there are caves Drinking liquor You hear this sound?

Is that a fat tire? It's a fat tire, baby Oh! Are you a big fat tire guy? I love fat tire I'm a Native American with my ear on the tracks I could just see that cap and hear that click And I knew it was a fat tire

I wasn't even showing you the label That was pretty impressive Oh, I knew it was a Fat Tire. I wasn't even showing you the label. That was pretty impressive. Oh, I used to drink a lot. I still do, apparently. But, yeah, I love Fat Tire. Underrated. Underrated, and it's what Detective Bosch drinks. Ah!

Bosch is like, he eats well. If you haven't seen that show, it's like perfect because it's like a detective Who's got the sweetest apartment ever Overlooking Los Angeles And he just got it because The backstory is that he He consulted On like some movie back in the day In Hollywood and that got him the money to have a sweet pad

So he's like He can't climb the ranks because he breaks all the rules But he's still got a sweet apartment That's such a great little backstory For a TV show Because every TV show has this insane apartment Like especially in New York Like the Friends women have that amazing apartment

One of them's a coffee shop lady Or whatever, one's a musician Barely That's like a six million dollar apartment Yeah it's ridiculous I love that you have a good backstory dollar apartment yeah it's ridiculous i love that uh i love that you have a good backstory i also love shows like bosh where it's like every character is angry like every character and every scene is in a bad mood like every detective walks in like fuck you

santiago that's how like every scene starts i love it that's so true uh yeah i tried i watched that show it's great and my And I watched it with my lady And she was like, I don't get it I'm like, what are you kidding? This show's awesome This guy's a badass It's all about noir, detective, Los Angeles And she was like, it just seems like a grump I was like, get out of here

He's always in a bad mood I love it Yeah, yeah, I love it It's never like daylight They're never by a. It's never like daylight. They're never by a pool. There's never kids playing. It's just night, murder, chalk outline, and like a scotch.

I have a question for you because I have an upset stomach right now. And it's like, it's funny how I like, all right, so I did like spicy Thai food. I stayed in last night. I did a Zoom with a bunch of friends from college and went like four hours. So I went through like a bottle of wine from college and went like four hours so i went through like a bottle of wine i still count that as drinking alone by the way it is yeah but zoom you're not fooling me with that oh i mean but you know what it's like it was like a four hour zoom and you're like shit this is i don't know if it's like more tiring because by the last hour i was yawning every like 30 seconds yeah and i'm like i know if, like, I think the Zoom hang is way more exhausting because you're just staring at a screen.

It's not like, if I was just hanging with him in a room, I think it would have been fine. But, like, the Zoom hang is tough. I completely agree because you're on a screen. So, yeah, you have to be performing, and it's all face-to-face. Not much else is face-to-face for four hours. You can kind of look off to the side. You put a TV show on. You're drinking, whatever it is,

but that is just locked in for the whole time. It's weird because everyone talks about working remote and how it's going to be the new normal after this, but sometimes it's just nice to be around humans, man. I love that. With you, it's not as hard because just nice to be around humans, man. I fucking I'm I love that. We're like with you. It's it's not as hard because I think we're just we got a thing. Yeah.

But I mean, this would be easier in person. We'll get it going in person once the fat black opens, maybe. Yeah. So you got the comedy seller behind you. Got the olive tree, baby. That's nice. Yeah, I completely agree. I think you got to get out.

You got gotta mingle You gotta be around pheromones And people have energies and vibes And all that shit It's like phone sex versus regular sex You know, like phone sex has its place You can still get a boner But, I mean, without the hot breath

And the tinge of BO And a queef or whatever it is It's not living It's not the same and a queef or whatever it is. It's not living. It's not the same. Without the queef. You know what? It's true. Speaking of sex, I think this summer is going to be like fucking Woodstock.

People are just going to be like, yeah, I'll fuck that guy. What the hell? Totally. This is the time to be single. It's going to be roaring 20s. It's going to be sunshine and no condoms, no mask. We're going to double down because there's been so much built up. What do you call it? Repressed. I'm going to condoms, two masks. I call it the Fauci deluxe. I know I yeah, I think this summer is going to be completely crazy.

People are going to be bottled up. They're going to be completely crazy. People are going to be bottled up. They're going to be going nuts. I think block parties might be coming back. Shit's going to be crazy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, all that shit, like sewing circles and hanging out on the porch and picnics. Picnics are going to be big. All that shit in the park is coming back.

Beach stuff, it's going to be wild. What are you drinking, by the way? Oh, yeah. I went old-fashioned. Oh, look at that. That's a nice glass, dude. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I got a set for a housewarming gift once and I still use them.

Old-fashioned. What kind of bourbon are you using? I went with Teelys. Is that right? I don't know it. It's an Irish. It's actually an Irish whiskey. T-E-E-L-Y-S. I might have said. Jamie Lynn gave it to me.

Oh, she rules. Shout out Jamie Lynn. Yeah. Let me double check I got that right. Teely whiskey. Oh, fuck. I don't want to piss her off. Teeling. Teeling. Sorry want to piss her off Teeling

Teeling Sorry Teeling Not teely Teeling But it's pretty damn good Yeah dude Alcohol's good

I take the I don't put the sugar cube in it So It's not as You know Girly I want less sugar in my alcohol That's like my

I just And it's like Cause if you have one it's fine but if you have like four you're like all right now i have like a sugar high you know yes exactly well let me let me go back to the uh the the zoom thing for a minute because this is fascinating to me what the hell do you guys do for four hours are you playing go fish are you talking about movies or you have games what is it? Everything, you know? No games.

We're just catching up. I mean, I haven't seen them forever. I feel like I'm the guy who missed out on a lot of stuff because I was doing comedy. So I missed the weddings. I missed, you know, this because I was doing, like, I can't not take this gig when I'm starting out. So I feel like I got to show up, you know?

Yeah, yeah. You kind of get it all out in one one yeah big full blowout four hours here you go i haven't seen you in six months yeah i mean i think that's kind of how you got to do it these days that's the weird thing too is like now that this has become the new normal it's zoom you kind of catch up with more and more people that you just never saw yeah Yeah. And that's draining. Totally. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I guess it's like my parents. When I lived at home, I stayed up in my room. They annoyed the shit out of me, and I barely saw them. And then when I moved to New York, they're calling me every day because they're nervous and freaking out. You're out of the house now.

Talk to us. And I was like, I still want to keep avoiding you. What's that? Do you talk to them every day? No, no. But my mom will text and be like, oh, your brother read this book. He thought you might like it. And I'm like, it's a book about coding.

Yeah, you got me there, mom. There's an article about Roseanne in The New Yorker. I'm like, so what? She's like, well, she's a comedian. I'm like, oh, jeez. I get a lot of those. Yeah, it's nice. They mean well, but it's also very,

it's like the least amount of effort you can do. Like, hey, I saw Joy Behar tripped and fell on 48th Street. You should hear about that. She's a comedian. I'm like, Joy Behar? Come on, we're scraping the barrel here. Yeah, no, my folks do that too. Anything in The New York Times about comedy. And it's like, you know, I've I've seen it properly.

Like if it's in The New York Times on comedy, I'm like, it's been passed around our community. But it's I like it's cute that they do it. But what you were in Cincinnati. Cincinnati just got back today. It was one of those shit flights Where they're like you can take the 7am or the 7pm I'm like give me the 7 let's just get it over with And then the airport is an hour away From the hotel It's in Kentucky right

Yeah it's in Kentucky and that club is in the Fucking burps So Not only do you have to get there an hour early You gotta leave an hour early to get there an hour early you got to leave an hour early to get there an hour early so you just you could kill yourself on sleep and then we watch the ufc fight which doesn't end till 2 a.m is it is it like that's what i hate when these clubs are kind of like we're in cincinnati and then they're like it's like it's like the people are like i'm from

new york city and you're like where and they're like long island you're like all right just say new york then just like why yes yeah you get there New York then. Just say, why are you? Yes. Yes. There's a lot of Jersey. Well, you get an older crowd, too. So you're expecting, like, if it's downtown Cincinnati, you're getting, like, the young people. But is Cincinnati Skyline Chili? Is that their thing?

That's it. That was my opener every night. Skyline jokes, chili jokes, shitting blood, miscarriage, yada, yada. But not only are they older, but these are like older suburbanite, Christian, conservative, which, look, I'm fine with. I don't give a shit what you are. I'm glad you came out. But, like, I got eight minutes on how God is stupid and Biden smelling children and all this shit. And it was a little heavy.

You take a Bible out. you start wiping your ass with it you're like no this is my closure you guys gotta see this it's good yeah yeah exactly it's better it's ironic but they weren't having i kind of had a couple walkouts always weird you're like man i had a great set this crowd loved me i killed all right and then i get to the the green room and they're like all right good we got one more show about 28 people walked out on that one i'm like what you know because it's so dark but hey better not know do they do comment cards no i think i think that's over i don't know i remember i used to i i used to read them i was like let me see the bad ones save the because they make me they make me it'd be like twitter for even older people you know what i mean it was like yes it was kind of funny but uh yeah that's so you notice them walking as you as you're eating shit no i i didn't

notice that that's what i'm saying like i was like that went great and then they would be like oh yeah but they would just be trying to start up a conversation like yeah about 28 people walked i hope i hope it didn't bother you i'm like i didn't know that jesus that's hilarious tone it down that's fucking hilarious you You walk 28 people? Yeah, one show. I mean, there's, you know, I don't know, 150 in there. So that's a good chunk. That is a big chunk.

I got to cool. I think I'm, you know, you know what it is? The hour is new. We're trying to find new material. So you tend to say more fucks. You tend to go dirtier because you're like, I need some reaction. This is all barely finished material Yeah that's interesting

I feel the same way When you're writing a new hour You get to like 50 minutes of ideas And then you go back out And you're like alright I'm down to 35 That's even got potential And then you're like alright well really It's like 25

And then you kind of got to start building back up then you're like all right well really it's like 25 and then you kind of got to start building back up and you're like yes all right i mean so it's like you're right you're going for those like shock laughs i do it all the time i'm like i just need some reaction so there's not silence exactly so you're like man i'm killing with this anal bit but about having shit on my dick but then you're like wait do i want to be that guy you know if seinfeld calls again i can't bring that to the beacon you know so yeah you just do it out of out of uh desperation and like you're just trying to cling at straws uh whatever gets a laugh but you know i'm trying to entertain these people and then eventually it kind of slides off as you start writing better shit well that's the thing is like jerry would always say

that like he could write a he could write a dirty hour if like because he, you know, he plays the hits. But then, yeah, I could write a dirty hour once a year. Yeah. I kind of want to hear Jerry's dirty hour. Oh, man, would that be great? What's the deal with foreskin? You know, or what's going on with threesomes?

You're a fucking whore. You're a whore. That's a terrible joke. If it's two people, it's not a twosome. Why do we go threesome? That would be hilarious. Dirty Seinfeld. Yes.

Smoking a cigarette. Somebody's got to do that. I want to see Seinfeld destroy Heckler. Shut up. You're a cunt. You're a fucking cunt. Oh, that would be great uh one day one day what what's up with the flesh light it's not flesh it's not a light do you do you put this in a dishwasher

yes i'm yeah it is funny that like then you think about you're like fuck cosby is the cleanest comic and you're like he could have had some dirty bits that's true yeah yeah very in-depth shit like wow i didn't know you could do that cosby's wife was always so mad at him in every bit and it's like it's like is she really this mad at you over like toothpaste and then you're like, oh, you were raping everyone. You left that. That's why some of Cosby's material didn't add up for me. I'm like, why is Camille this mad at you over aftershave?

It's not the aftershave. It's the fucking drugs in the bag that he's carrying around. It's the chloroform. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So yeah, you got to go dirty just to get a pop. Also in the fucking Midwest in a strip mall, it's like I always respected people like Ryan Hamilton or like Clean Comics who like that Friday late show Clean.

That's got to be tough. That is very impressive. I just watched The Regan Hour, by the way. Have you seen it? I saw clips that were really funny. Is it great? Pretty good. It's pretty damn good.

It's so weird. You're like, wow, this is good material. That's how bad stand-up specials have gotten. I watched it. I was like, this is great. That's a great bit. That's a great bit. It was almost surprising, which is a horrible sign.

Yeah, he's a legend. Yeah, it was great. And he also had a leather jacket and i was like uh-oh here we go this is gonna be bad you expect him to light a cigarette like yeah hickory dickory dock like reagan yeah he uh right he's fucking great man that original album i remember his half hour so great i mean like. I mean, so many people do him. Have you met him before? Oh, yeah. Coolest guy. I always tell this story. He'll do

some theater in a city, and then he'll just be bored, and he likes to party a little bit, so he'll be bored, and I saw him in the back of my show at the Charlotte Comedy Zone. I was like, is that Brian Regan? Just hanging back there, drinking, and I was like, hey, man, what's up?

And he goes, hey, I didn't know where to go. So I just come to the comedy club. Wow. I just went to drink and he bought everybody drinks. We hung out all night. Yeah. I had a similar experience in Jamestown, New York. Lucyfest.

He came in the room, watched my set. We drank after. He couldn't have been a cooler guy. Loved him. Great guy. Great guy. I'm sure on some level it's like he knows that it's cool that we're like, oh, Brian Regan, you know?

Right. But he has none of that. He's just a completely humble salt of the earth. Cool dude. Regular dude. You're an equal or whatever. Yeah. He's awesome.

His brother's super funny too. Dennis Regan. I've done a few quarters with him and stuff. Yeah. He's a great, he's done a bunch of letterments. He used to, I saw him do a joke where he goes, my dad wanted them reversible belts when I was a kid. On one side, it was brown.

On the other side, he would beat me with it. He's like darker Brian Regan. I like it. Deadpan, yeah. I hate to say it, but I'm sorry. Oh, no, what? I think going clean Is more skill Of course

Some people will negate that They don't like that saying Also end of the day it's funny That matters the most So it's like You know What makes you laugh the hardest Going completely clean

There's less of a crutch So of course it's harder. But you definitely judge by the funniest hour, I think. Yeah, yeah, I agree. And output and how much you can put out. And it's just so much of the wording and how you say it. You could have the funniest thought about a toaster or Uber or whatever it is. But I'll do them on stage.

I'm in my hotel room like this is gold this is a great observation and then they're like yeah that is that is interesting and you're like oh it's not getting that twist it's not getting that pop that i want but then you go dirty or throw a fuck in and it pops that's not what you want from an audience you don't want them to go ah yes keen observation you're like all You're like, all right, there we go. Indubitably. It's a skill, man. Yeah, I mean, Ryan Hamilton's got this great joke about going to, I think it was like Disneyland or something. He went to some amusement park, and they said, so you're alone?

And he said, yeah. And they go, just one? And Ryan goes, how far do you want to take this? You see? That's a great line. That's great. That's what it's all about, folks. Ryan Hamilton, one of the funniest.

Watch his Netflix special, Happy Face. He's incredible. Yes, yes, he's great. What's bothering you, man? I know you're getting peeves on the road. You're in fucking... You're on no sleep. I'm on no sleep. The road peeves... You hit those flights and the clubs

and the openers and the managers and the audiences. All the peeves just flood over you. It's amazing. I got a couple. I don't know how many you want. I'll take any of them. All right, you got a few?

Of course. I'm always annoyed. them Alright, you got a few? Of course, I'm always annoyed Alright, great One of them I had a guy doing this all weekend I'm not going to say who it was, but it was driving me fucking nuts And maybe I'm an asshole, but He would say, you know what I mean

Before finishing the sentence So he was like Oh man, I was at the bus depot and uh oh i gotta tell you you know what i mean and i'm like no i don't because you haven't told me where we're going here i don't know the premise i just know the location i don't know your angle so that would drive me nuts because you you waste energy going oh yeah i know what you mean yeah yeah but it's a meaningless you know what i mean oh there's no meaning that's brutal no meaning it's like a pop quiz on a test and you're like we don't even know what the subject is yet exactly exactly so you're you're wasting you're wasting my time with the know what i mean because i'm like oh yeah yeah

but i actually don't know what you mean and now i'm just validating you constantly and we haven't even gotten anywhere interesting drives me nuts uh yeah no it's really i i even at the end it's kind of like it is uh i've used as a crutch where you say you know at the end we talked about this it's like people who lack confidence in what they're saying so they're trying to get like verbal confirmation the same people when they're talking to you they can sense your space now so they start like hitting your chest yeah yes yeah this is a good way to tell a story uh light assault this is a good way to get me to fucking pay attention yeah don't do that to the ladies it's a fucking it's like a hostage situation it's

ridiculous yes hey hey and you're like hey how come you haven't realized that you're hitting me that's you that should be a cue to you that your story sucks if you have to hit the guy. When are you going to internalize that you're hitting because your story sucks, not because we're fading out? Yeah, look, I'm an insecure douche just like anybody else, and I need validation

too, but you got to earn it, folks. That's all I'm saying. You know what I mean? Drives me nuts. Years ago, I opened for this guy urban guy super urban But he kept saying like jokes Jokes joke know what I mean Joke know what I mean and by the end of it some guy in the back

Goes yes we know What you mean and the place went Nuts it was beautiful Wow on a headliner Yeah oh yeah Damn that's brutal It was brutal but I mean The kitchen was happy

The staff was happy The comics were happy The audience was happy I mean it had to be said Damn I know what you mean Yeah at a certain point we know We got it

Or we haven't gotten it yet So there's nothing to get You gotta get to that part And then we'll see if we know what you mean we got it or we haven't gotten it yet so there's nothing to get you got to get to that part and then we'll see if we know what you mean you got to earn the mean you got to earn it this this is another big one people do they'll tell you something they go does that make sense and you're like well maybe you should figure out if it if it makes sense before you throw it out there now we got to decipher i've done it look we all do we've all done that makes sense yeah does that make sense you know i don't know have you do you are you familiar with the english language why don't you form a sentence and come back here when you've decided if it makes sense right right and and i've

done it we've all done it but some people overdo it oh they overdo it does this make sense geez that's a that is an annoying one that's a big one What do you got? Hey, does this make sense? I ate early today and I'm still hungry Yeah, yeah, it makes sense Thanks Complete sense Thank you Okay, what do I have?

Let's see, I have to write them down Or else I'll forget them all I got, okay, I got one of my friends You know him, he just moved to Jersey I'll say his name, Gary Veeder, I love him But here's what he said to me I'm still right, I was mad I was like, you just moved to Jersey I'll say his name, Gary Veeder, I love him But here's what he said to me I'm still right, I was mad I was like, you're moving to Jersey, I'm gonna miss you

He goes, I'm still right there And he goes, I'm 40 minutes without traffic This bugs me, the without traffic That's good You always give me the best case Scenario Without traffic, when are you gonna come visit me? At fucking 2am?

Right, exactly, 2am on a on christmas day he said to me yesterday he came by my place yesterday and he goes all right it's 40 minutes without traffic i'm like all right when you come by it goes 5 15 i thought it was 40 minutes that's great and then it's like the parking becomes an incident and he's like he can't relax and he's like, I put money in the meter. I got to go. And I'm like, this is life now in Jersey. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude.

People go hard with that time shit where they go door to door. That's a big one. I can be there 40 minutes door to door. You're like, really? Door to door? I don't believe you. Like, does that mean if you have to spend a bunch of time parking you'll just you'll just jump out of the car on a shoulder roll and just i gotta make i'm at 39 minutes i gotta run to the door it's like a michael bay movie just fucking crashes yeah yeah i worked

on a construction site once and really you did yeah i was a gopher I would just like be the wheelbarrow guy Like moving all the demo stuff And This guy Kept taking breaks and he was like I just need like five minutes So eventually the foreman was like alright I'll give you five minutes And he just sat there looking at his watch And

It was like six minutes seven minutes And he's like hey hey what's going on The guy's like I just need like five minutes And he's like it's already what's going on? The guy's like, I just need, I need like five minutes. And he's like, it's already been seven. And I secretly loved it because I was like, fuck you with your five. We just say five, but nobody means five. And this guy was like, all right, you do that again. I'm timing you. It's funny. That's like a movie star take five. That's like an onset thing. Let me take five. Right. You know, but that, yeah, that's like a diva thing Yeah It's never five

It's just That just means I need to break Some vague amount of time But this guy was like Alright I'll give you five But If you go for five I'm gonna yell at you

Interesting Just give me five The OCD in me liked it Give me five is always bullshit Yes I'll fuck you again Just give me five Yeah

Exactly No I need thirty Let's be honest And I need Thirty if we're lucky Five more inches just give me five yeah exactly no i need 30 let's be honest and i need five more inches yeah give me five that's a great prior joke uh he goes i'm sorry honey i just need some new pussy he goes well if you had two more inches you get some new pussy here oh wow that's a great great self-deprecating prior dick joke. Self-deprecating on two levels. I love it. I just don't like the traffic thing because it's like best case.

I don't. Giving the best case. We always give the best case scenario with traffic. Right. You know what I mean? I want the worst. Or the worst. When though?

I don't think we give the worst. No, no. We should give the worst. Right. Because that way if you're early, it's a plus. Right. But it's like, I don't do that with any other part of my life. It's never like, Sam, how are you? Good.

If I can win the lottery. You're like, all right, well, you didn't. You didn't win the lottery, and you're not going to. There's going to be traffic. It's New York. That's so true. People do that with everything. Like, hey, you got a big dick? Hey, I'm eight inches on a good day. But what the fuck's a good day? good dick day yeah i mean la that they do this all the time they're like uh you know la without traffic and you're like when has there not been traffic in

los angeles exactly so true you can't really do that with air travel which is nice because there's no traffic up there so it's never like how long does it take to get to New York? Oh, you know, eight, eight hours without traffic. It's just five hours. That's it. Yeah. Well, speaking of things that annoy us, here's one thing that doesn't annoy us. We might be drunk is brought to you by honey. You love honey, Mark. Love the honey. Big fan.

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It's joinhoney.com slash drunk. So it's not just honey. It's joinhoney.com slash drunk. That supports us and it supports honey and it supports yourself. So get that honey, baby. So get that honey, baby. Yes. You know, it takes like one bee six years to make a gram of honey or something. Some horrible stat where you're like, oh, geez. There was that movie about it in Macedonia. Uh-huh.

There was that beekeeper woman in Macedonia. And it's like it's the most tragic shit. You're just like this. Yeah. Because that's all she does. It's like really about everything. I forgot the name of it. a uh harry maybe you can let us know the name of that movie beekeeper woman in macedonia just came out like a year ago it was it was one of the most i think it got nominated for an oscar for documentary and it's like this woman who just makes her own honey she's like got a horrible life she's got like no teeth. And then this new family comes in and they're like abusing the protocol on how you make honey.

And it's like they take and she's like, no, there's a system so you don't get stung. And so you're good to the bees and you give them honey back as well. It's called Honeyland. I shouldn't remember. Thanks, Harry. And better than the Jessica Alba movie, honey. But Jessica Alba look better, though. But Alba looked better though but uh I mean Macedonia fuck man like that that has got to be a tough place to live where is that is that eastern block

let me get the exact location Macedonia I did a bit about it um oh wow well like uh yeah it's it's yeah it's like eastern southeast Europe um I did a bit about how i didn't know it was still like because the facebook breach was in macedonia it's one of the facebook breaches originally started macedonia and i was like i didn't even know that was still a place that was one of these angles like i was like i was like man this sounds like a babylonian time travel breach that was part of the i bet they teamed up with the with the Mesopotamians for this one. That was my angle. Right. Right. Yeah. The Byzantine empire. But you always hear these things like without bees, we wouldn't have a wifi or, or, you know, sugar or whatever the hell it is. And you're like, geez, I didn't know the bees were that important. Yeah. And then she would like

go to these weird little farmer's markets and make money off it like she would sell it to people that's how she'd make money but uh yeah it was like the freshest honey ever you know watch that it's yeah it's pretty it's pretty heavy but it's good and uh shit man it's it's a tough life it's a tough life i love a good duck and that's the beauty of a duck you don't't have to give a shit about the premise. It's just, if it's well done, you just get sucked in. And also, honey never goes bad. That's incredible. Is that true?

Never? True story. True story. Give it a goog, Harry. Give it a goog. Never goes bad. It's pretty cool. It's like this magical elixir, you know?

The bees fuck and they make it. Then there's those crazy things where if you trap the queen bee, all the other bees will chase like if you put it in a little jar, they'll just chase the jar. You can throw the jar down a well, they'll all go down the well. Pretty badass. There's no like cunty individual bee. Like I do my own thing.

You know, they're all in line. Apparently, yeah, if you've trapped the queen bee, she yells out uh rigged rigged election and then all the other bees they storm the right but man yeah honey is the best man i like a little spicy honey oh good todd berry do that on on your? No. A little spicy honey on your pizza. Game changer, dude. Whoa. I mean, I thought ranch was crazy enough.

Some people would ranch on their pizza. I've never even heard of spicy honey. It's good. A lot of the cool New York pizza places do it now. It's fucking good. I got a little in my apartment. I'll throw some of my fucking yogurt. I'll go crazy.

Interesting. There's all these weird little concoctions There's the french fries And the Wendy's Frosty I'm sure you heard of that one Oh no, god no Oh that's big I don't like salty sweet

What? Nah, not for me I just wouldn't want a soggy fry People rave People rave about it That's a big one salt on watermelon was big in louisiana something like the old guy who put salt on it and you were like whoa this guy's crazy salty and sweet man yeah yeah not for me i like i you know

those apples with a fucking mandarin orange and a cranberry get out of here yeah the big one the italians do is a prosciutto and melon that's a big one for yes watermelon and feta is a big one no some people swear by by a pickle and peanut butter sandwich you ever get into that no no i'm segregating food i i don't like all that mixing i'm like a 50s preacher when it comes to food i don't want the I'll put nuts on ice cream or something like that, but melon and meat, not for me. Yeah. I'm okay with that.

A little prosciutto melon's good. Yeah, most people like it. I'm just a weirdo. How about like a Chex Mix salty and sweet? Will you do that? Nah, nah, nah. No thank you. Fair enough. Nah nah nah No thank you You never did the

Like the M&M's In the popcorn or anything when you were a kid No thank you I'll do a salted caramel That's about as far as I'll go Over doing salty sweet That's the best That I love but yeah M&M and popcorn

It's too much That's the queen bee of the but yeah eminem and pop it's it's too much that's the queen bee of the of the salty and sweet i think the the salted caramel i would say i agree yeah big fan what i got more peeves i don't know give me more peeves i love the peeves please all right all right how about this one this one drives me nuts uh i was with a guy last weekend i didn't want to say it too much because i didn't want to give it away who it was But you ever hang out with the guy With the teeth suck

You know this shit You ever have that one With the tongue through the teeth Yeah it's a weird one What is that I'm right here It's grossing me out It's all I could hear from this guy

And it was driving me crazy Yeah, that's fucking weird So why is he doing that? It's like a nervous tick or something? I think it's a tick, you know, just bored Like Ah Yeah, that's pretty bad

It's driving me crazy And then, can I call that out? Or am I the asshole? It's tough It's tough It's tough Because we don't There are certain things We don't know

Where the line is We're like I've been told that By people that you're like Sam you made comments About that You're a fucking asshole Like I've been told that

By people I care about They're like You gotta just Shut the fuck up Right I'll do it a nice way I'll be like Are you alright?

Or something But they say Someone told me recently Like you have a very calm way Of saying really cruel things. Really? Yes. Whoa.

Damn, that's interesting. Wow. I was like, well, at least I'm calm. I don't know that about you. At least I'm calm. Yeah, that's true. But here's my thing. I would rather just take the teeth sucking and live with it and be in hell, then embarrass the guy.

Yeah, for sure. I don't want to, I don't want to like hurt someone's feelings with it. No, I don't either. And, and these are a bunch of sensitive,

you know, queefy comics. So they'll be like, Oh geez, I'm sorry, but I'm like, I know, I know it's not,

it's nothing personal. I just, that sound just makes me want to kill myself. Yeah. Sometimes you just get used to it, though. It's harder for me when I don't know the person and you're stuck. If it's someone I know, I kind of eventually just get used to it. But if I'm on a flight with someone and they're just next to me doing weird shit like that, I'm just like, all right, here we go.

Oh, that's the worst. But here's my problem. This is where I suck. Because I'll have a few drinks. We're hanging out. We're getting close and chummy. And then I'll do a passive aggressive joke like, well, as Bob, he's he's sucking his teeth all night over here. And he's like, huh? And I'm like, oh, no, I let it out. Happens every time. yeah it's time little things bother me like like stranger shit bothers me like a peeve of mine like i was i'm trying to meditate a little more just because funny you see articles like people who meditate uh have better blood pressure they're more healthy and you're like yeah people that are consciously concerned with their health are going to be like there probably aren't a lot of fucking heroin addicts who meditate yeah Yeah, they're probably better off.

They do on accident. On accident. They nod. They nod off. But, you know, yeah, I think, didn't DC Benny used to have a bit about, like, I saw a guy, I thought he was doing Tai Chi. What was it? I thought he was doing Tai Chi. Great bit.

And the part where he turned out he was a heroin addict, like, who couldn't fall over. Yeah. Great action. Right. So true. But, you know, I'm in a fucking cab i'm trying to meditate i'm gonna wait a gig i'm just having anxiety so i'm meditating and the guy's on he's not only like checking in on me non-stop he's on speakerphone so he's having two conversations so he's on speakerphone the whole time so i'm like let me just try to zone him out let me just try but it's hard when someone's like loudly like

laughing you're just like oh boy well he's having a good time and whole time. So I'm like, let me just try to zone him out. Let me just try. But it's hard when someone's like loudly like laughing. You're just like, oh boy. Well, he's having a good time. And then he turned in to be like, you okay? You okay back there? And I'd be like, oh yeah, I'm just trying to meditate. And he'd be like, okay, keep me. Like, he's like, let me know.

Let me know. Like, I can do anything. He goes, it's, you got enough air back there? And I'm like, I got plenty of air. There's air. There's a lot of air. The window's popped. Everything's good.

I'd be like, all right, let me know. He goes, cool enough. I'm just like, please. I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to. There's air. There's a lot of air. The windows popped. Everything's good. All right. Let me know. He goes, cool enough. I'm just like, please. I'm just trying to I'm just trying to disconnect from the world. Yeah. See, that one's tough because you can never relax completely because you're like, oh, what was that? Oh, shit.

Because you have to be a little awake to keep responding. So you kind of go in and out of it, which is almost worse. Yeah, that's a tough one. Give me another. Well, I had an uber driver today it's fucking five in the morning we're on the way to the airport and he's blaring kings of leon blaring it and i can barely you know hear myself jizz and then he goes uh vacation or you're going on vacation and i was like huh So not only is the music annoying, but now you're trying to have a chit chat with the loud.

So I just, at one point I went, I can't hear what you're saying. The music's too loud. And he turned the music down. He's like, you going on vacation or you coming from vacation? I was like, I'm going home. And it was just the worst, worst conversation.

I'm going to fucking hell. I know. I pulled this one. I go, hey buddy buddy I might pass out Don't take it personal And then he was like Oh yeah Go nuts

So I feel like I pulled that off Then he turns the music Back up Exactly That's exactly what he did But I have the earbuds With the sound cancelling

This doesn't do enough though That shit Here's the problem With the early morning Uber driver Versus the early morning traveler We're fucking exhausted And they're doing whatever they can to stay awake

They've got their big rock star energy They're fucking Blasting music And they're blasting music because You kind of can't fault them Because you're like yeah if I was driving a car At 5am I'd need to be playing My pump up mix Totally and you're like, yeah, if I was driving a car at 5 a.m., I need to be playing my pump-up

mix, you know? Totally. And you're bored as shit from just circling the wagons all day. So you're like, what's up with this guy? What's he do for a living? So you're just kind of trying to stimulate yourself. You got your dead wife's ashes on the dashboard. You got your fucking dream catcher on the mirror.

This guy's miserable. Put on a podcast podcast get a book on tape yeah it's tough you kind of wish yeah it's tough it's it's shared space shared space is where all the problems happen in the world that's where fucking dude that's that's so true i mean look at rich people everything rich people do is about being away from the general pop first class, then to private jet, then to a mansion on the Hills with their own acreage. It's all about getting away from the yokels. I mean, fuck the middle East to a roommate.

It's about space, right? It's all about space. I mean, think about, you know, that roommate you have where you're like, fucking they're in the common area all the time. And you's all about space. I mean, think about it. You know that roommate you have where you're like fucking,

they're in the common area all the time. And you're like, oh, I got to now make small, every time I go by, how's it going? How are you? Going to the bathroom. I pee a lot. Sorry. Hey, how's it going again?

Got a girl in there. Nice that you're out here and you can hear everything happening in there. How are you? Great. I'm going to make eye contact with you. Yeah, it's brutal. It's all about space. And I think like- And eye contact with you. Yeah, it's brutal. It's all about space. And I think like broke people.

Yeah. And look, we've all been broke. You've got to take an Uber pool, which is now you're sharing. You've got to take the Greyhound. Now you're on the bus with a bunch of weirdos and guys playing casino games at full volume and eating Peking duck for some reason. It's all about being around other people you don't know and then yeah rich people it's the exact opposite yeah just like a space and isolation is like the ultimate luxury i think ultimate luxury i mean look what a spa is just you

in a room with a bunch of people humming and like a trinkling of a water fountain You got the cucumbers Isolation Isolation is either the best or the worst That's what I was gonna say You got the prison guy You know who lives in isolation Jeffrey Dahmer and Ellen DeGeneres Solitary confinement You know what else

But then you know who lives in isolation Bernie Madoff And now again Bernie Madoff. And now, again, Bernie Madoff. Oh! Write it down! That's killer! I'll write it down. That's a bit.

And clean. It's a clean bit. We're talking clean bits. Yes. It's more superior. So true. Madoff and Madoff. That's great. Madoff and Madoff. That's a great name for a firm. Madoff and Madoff That's great

That's a great name for a firm Madoff and Madoff You're getting fucked either way Any other peeves? Well, this one is so silly I mean, I feel dumb even bringing it up But it's a me thing And I don't think it'll be relatable to any other human being on the planet

But I'm throwing it out there I love these though, These are the personal ones. All right. I did a shoot, like a little video shoot for a friend. And it was super fun, super easy. Show up, shoot for an hour, be funny. We'll edit it and tag it, all that. Great.

No problem. Pays a couple shekels. Great. That's the job, was to just do this video. At the end of it, they go, all right, just send me an invoice, and we'll pay you. And I'm like, what? Invoice? I don't know how to do that.

Well, just get a PDF and put all your information. I'm like, PDF? Whoa, that's Greek to me. And now, to me, that's the work. The invoice is the work. The other shit was just fun and easy. I can't do an invoice, so I'm Googling invoices. I'm like, do I need a printer?

I hate it. Nightmare. I'm like, how do I convert this? I'm on Word. Now I got to go to PDF or JPEG or whatever the fuck. So the invoice was the hardest part of the whole gig. Yeah, it's insane. Look who you hired, dude.

We got good at this we got good at this talking like saying inappropriate shit to strangers in a bar and you're and you're asking me to fucking do paperwork like i exactly i do this so i don't have to do that shit problem is when you do gigs around your agent man they handle all that they handle the annoying shit that's why you have a manager we can say whatever we want about the industry but like they do the shit we don't want to do man they that we drew like when you have a good rep you don't notice that shit i know that fine print i mean it's stacks of contracts and signatures and all that shit and i don't want to i mean you could be screwing me out of thousands and i'm like it's worth it. You fill that shit out.

Oh, I don't. Yeah, I'll pay it out. Dude, the Comedy Central thing we both just did, that roast thing. Oh, man. It's like five contracts. I know. I know. And it's so stupid.

But like, in the words of Jay Leno, it doesn't have to be this difficult. You give me the gig. I'll do it. Give me the money. Why is it five? It's one of the things where i'm just like you guys know yeah it's what and these are the ones where they need your signature on so you can't even have your reps cheat it for you where this is inside baseball complaining folks

but uh right right it is a thing where you're just like also they take the longest to fucking pay you of any person where you're just like hey can you can we make sure we get the money before you guys collapse because uh yes exactly so true so true you guys are a crumbling industry i have more followers than you what does that tell you now you're taking six weeks to pay me it's kind of freaking me out oh god they fired like all the good people though i mean there's still good people that work there but they fired so many fucking good people there, and you're just like, god damn it. Fucking, yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah, yeah, it's a tough world. And look, that's the business

aspect, and it sucks. And on the flip side, I know some people who aren't comics who love the invoice. That's a fucking nothing. I'm batting an eye. I can knock out an invoice. I'm like, oh, that invoice for me is like'm batting an eye. I can knock out an invoice. I'm like, oh, that invoice for me is like, I got to turn the phone off.

I got to lock the door, you know, take an Adderall, and then I knock it out. But some people can just do that shit with their eyes closed. You have to do drugs to do the easy part. That's fucking great. Yeah, no, I mean, but that is for most people just collecting the money. But for us, it's like we have become almost like autistic joke people where yes where we can only really focus on like anything that's not comedy for me is hard to focus on anything that's not like when i when i disengage from comedy for too long it's like being an addict who doesn't have a drink you're just like you start being like fuck i need i have anxiety i need to write a joke or need to at least like thinking of a joke even if it's not so it's so

when i'm doing the business stuff i'm like this is a waste of time and time is all we have right right i could just fucking pay us exactly exactly so yeah i'm with you look at norm mcdonnell he's one of the funniest guys on the planet. He doesn't know how to drive. You barely can drive. You know, we need that room in our brain for jokes. I remember Joe List would give me so much shit for that gig. Well, I was like, I'll do some of the driving. We did like a run of casinos.

He did 30 hours. I did about half an hour. He was so mad at me the whole time. He was so. But it's like, look, man, I'm worried for us. Like, I think we're going to get in a car crash if I'm driving. I'm doing this for you, man.

I'll man the fucking music. I'm DJing. He's like, I fucking hate you so much. I'm like, let me give it... Hey, you like Bobby Darin? He's like, fucking kill yourself. Bobby Darin. That's great.

He's like, you drive... You don't even drive me crazy You're just making me crazy What's the deal with anal Oh that's when he started hating me When he was driving he barely knew me I'm like what do you think of this joke I was just scanning down jokes

He was like this guy's a fucking lunatic He hated me Well he was texting me the whole time He's like this guy's a fucking joke monster He's just pulling jokes out of his ass And then he's like it's annoying the fucking joke monster he's just put like pulling jokes out of his ass and then he's like it's annoying the hell out of me and then he saw you on stage he's like this guy's got a million jokes and i'm like yeah where do you think they come from i mean yeah that's when joe still drank that was like oh yeah that was when i was like oh shit oh i guess he's

a better driver than me drunk so what are you gonna do yeah still better that's hilarious um here's a peeve people people who respond to a self-deprecating remark with uh with like oof or uh like you you make some a self-deprecating comment about yourself and they're just like oh boy yeah it's like you're shitting on me shitting on myself right right now are they saying that's a bad joke or like this makes me uncomfortable probably both oh yeah that's a bummer i think it's more just like you're making me i think people are uncomfortable when people make self-deprecating remarks because like a lot of people like how often do you go on like the road or something and you make like a therapy comment and they're just like what they're just like like like i think we are we'll talk

about ourselves in a way that like i think i made a joke about i used to have a joke about like how every guy like some you know it was like a therapy joke about like wanting to fuck your mom and it's like and they were like oh and i was like you'd never heard that concept before i'm not saying i want to actually fuck my mom yeah i'm saying it's like it's it's like freud it's fucking page one man i'm so with you i hate any of that shit where yeah you make fun of yourself i used to have this one in high school where i'd like try to talk to a girl and i would say some dark thing about me and then go okay i hate the okay shut the fuck up okay yeah it's like that's like it's like the equivalent of you texting someone and they just write back dot dot dot that's what it feels like right evil it's evil wow i don't even like a dot dot dot after someone

says something like it's because of this dot dot it's like it's like just call me a fucking idiot exactly just say you're fucking stupid that's like the clean version of being like you're dumb right it's yeah it's so condescending and then you feel stupid and self-conscious after you so you can't really be yourself anymore it ruins everything it's the whole relationship's fucked. Yeah, everything's fucked. I don't like... You're being... I don't like people responding. It's like, I remember I did a prom show back in the day

with a comic, and he went up there, and he was shitting on himself, and people in the crowd, they're young, so they don't get the, like... The awareness is the power. They don't get the, like... So he would shit on himself, and he'd be like, Oh, I haven't had sex in this long. And people would be like, Ha ha! And I was like, No, he wrote the power. They don't get the like. So he would shit in himself and he'd be like, oh, I haven't had sex in this long.

And people would be like, ha ha. And I was like, no, he wrote the joke. He's aware of it. You know? Yes. It was like, it's almost like that level of thinking. Yeah, yeah. God, people are fucking idiots.

They were at least kids and insecure. Yeah. They were just like. Those gigs were fun, though, because these are like 16 year old kids and you could just go look at the virgin they all go oh shit oh billy is a virgin that guy's never had a pussy in his life oh and you're you're murdering just by calling them dorks yeah well i remember i'd go up and try to do material and the second i start bombing i'd be like looking for targets i'm like this motherfucker yeah i'm like this this dude's going to shoot the school up, isn't he?

And everyone's like, yeah! That's the big one. Shoot the school. He's obsessed with jerking them, so he jerks off too much. And that works. That's like a blanket, because that works on everybody,

because it's every high school kid. And, you know, he's got a crush on Jenny, and they're like, oh, shit, he does! You know? Yeah. The kids are so insecure that they're like freaking out yeah it's fucking there's always my favorite part of the prom shows there's always like a few kids that get like carried out piss drunk like that's like a real new york prom show they're like

security's gonna carry some kids like vomiting in the back i'm like this kid's shit face and everyone's like yeah that was me back in the day by the way But yeah No it's so true It's fascinating Even when I do a college gig Every joke about having a job Is out Every joke about being Like paying my bills

Is out Like they have no Life experience yet And it's kind of tough Right You gotta go like Basic year one stuff You gotta do

Like you gotta think What did I find funny When I was like 18 And like You could still do dating jokes That's like That's why dating jokes Are so fucking good Because stuff you got to do like you got to think what did i find funny when i was like 18 and like you could still do dating jokes that's like that's why dating jokes are so fucking good because uh kids will still find that stuff funny they'll that's true and look those jokes are they're the most bulletproof concept as long as you have a good angle because everyone's had their heart

broken everyone's had dating problems everyone like it. It's the most bulletproof of any premise or subject. Yeah, it's so relatable. Chris Rock would always say, end on the relationship stuff. That's the biggest relatability. It brings the whole room together. Everybody gets it. It hits home for everybody. So that's how you got to close.

Interesting. Yeah, that's smart. Yeah, I guess it depends.'s how you got to close interesting yeah that's smart um yeah i guess it depends what do you got a recommendation well i kind of like opening on the personally i like open i do too because that way you get them all on board and then you can kind of say whatever you want like for me rock i guess is famous enough that he can open on political shit or open on like a social point but for me it's kind of like if i open on relationship stuff we're all on the same side they see me as one of them and i feel connected to them and now i can say the fucked up jokes i'm i do the same method i end on the heavy shit yeah i mean i think that's that's that's rock being fucking famous

and also great obviously but. Right, right. I got a wreck for you. All right. I want to kill out of the gate so I can get, yeah, I want to get their trust. Do you got a good wreck? I got a wreck, yeah. I watched the Biggie Smalls doc. It was pretty good.

Yeah, I should watch that. It's pretty good. I mean, I love anything about rags to riches. Like, how did they get from, you know, Bed-Stuy or wherever the hell he was to, you know, the top of the mountain in the hip hop world? And it chronicles the whole thing and the stuff I didn't even know about the guy. And I thought it was pretty well done. Yeah, I think like I think hip hop would have been in such a better place if I mean, it's the most obvious statement ever. Biggie and Pac were alive, man. I they were just oh yeah they were just so good

i mean yeah but it's like whenever you lose someone who's so important to the art form you're just like man what a bummer it's like you know just not having like louis in the mainstream has been bad for comedy i think it's like yeah patrice patrice Geraldo Yeah yeah totally totally you need those Pillars I guess you'd say And and he was 24 When he died that's insane Insane so much to go Yeah he didn't even scratch the surface

But But then there's the Bill Hicks argument Like well what if Jimi Hendrix didn't die at 27 And then he started doing Pepsi ads or, you know, AT&T commercials or whatever? Well, even Bill Hicks would have been like, you're a fucking corporate sellout. If you do any commercials, you're a piece of shit. You're fucking scum.

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I love the Coen Brothers so much. I think they're probably the best filmmakers of our generation. Probably, yeah. But I'd never seen that one. It's beautifully shot. Irish-Italian gangster flick. Great cast. Great scenes.

Great dialogue. There's like a line that, so you want to kill him? For starters. That's a great line. That's great. Yeah. I mean, that movie was shot,

part of that was shot in New Orleans. And I remember being a kid and seeing some of the shooting of it And being like what's this And some guy was like it's Miller's Crossing And I was like what the hell is Miller's Crossing And then it came out But yeah so good

I mean just a film Yeah it's beautiful And it's badass And it's cool Apparently it bombed hard They got the money to make it because of Raising Arizona. Right. And then they made the movie they really want to make.

And it fucking did not. A great cast, too. Yeah. Big bomb. Yes. I love those noir lines where Marsha Gay Harden is in it. He's honest and he's got a heart. Then it's true what they say.

Opposites attract. I love that shit. So good. I love that shit. But but i mean it also goes to show you like it's such great art by these two geniuses and yet it's a bomb but like that's just how the industry goes like raising arizona was great killed this was great bomb just not for everybody and you got to remember that as a as an artist yeah you got to remember that like you're also building something right like that movie like you're building a fan base you're building diehards it was critically acclaimed so that's true so you're building a base you know i i think i think that's what i mean yeah is there is there any uh jewish uh

you know love there like hey these guys are a couple of Jews, and they're killing it. Are they Jews? Oh, come on. They've got to be. Yeah, right. Serious man. They've got to be, right? And Cohen.

I don't know. I assume. Yeah, but I think it's Cohen. It's usually spelled C-O-H-E-N for Jews. Uh-huh. I don't know. Give that a goog. I would assume they work, because they're talented. Yeah, they're Jewish. They're Jewish Give that a go. I would assume they work as they're talented.

Yeah, they're Jewish. I just think they're that great that it would make sense to me that they could make a movie like A Serious Man without even being Jewish. But yeah, that was a great movie too. Great movie. Yeah, man. No, they're killer. No, I don't know.

I like good filmmakers. I don't know. I fucking love tarantino i i mean yeah that's true good point i mean i don't know i just uh like a point of pride you mean yeah because you know when when like harvey fucks up your mom's like oh fucking jew so i wonder if it's when it's a good jew you're like hey that's one for us no i i just think like i think it's uh i mean yeah it's cool but it's also like i didn't do anything it's like that's true it is funny when people are like when they have this like pride where you're like yeah i was born uh you know jewish but well i didn't make any

movies but you know where it's nice is like when there's anti-Semites and you're like, you ever read fucking Marvel? You ever watch No Country for Old Men? You ever enjoy stand-up comedy? Right here. That's when it's nice when you get to shove it in some bigot's face. Yeah, I haven't had that issue really. They're like, Jews suck.

And I'm like, oh, yeah? Come to my parties. I'm not reading the Reddit threads. I wasn't having any issues at the Capitol. Holy shit, do you see Jay Johnson from Mr. Show at the Capitol? Yeah, crazy, huh? Fucking crazy. I don't know. He's Capitol? Yeah, crazy, huh? Fucking crazy. I don't know.

He's a little older, so maybe there's something there. But this guy was on Sarah Silverman's show and Mr. Show. Such a good comic actor. So weird. Crazy, crazy. You know what's annoying me is all this shit's going on in the world, and everyone's getting so... I know you're following the Dr. Seuss shit.

It's so stupid, all of it. Yeah. It's just like, who gives a fuck it's like i know because they'll go on tv like this is cancer i hate i hate it is a peeve is a lot of people are just using the word canceled for anything now and i'm like right no canceled means you got canceled it doesn't mean like no one canceled dr seuss that's what I'm just like and also like Like it was his fucking own company That did it they were like we're just gonna discontinue This you could still get all his other shit

Yeah cancel is like Nazi Where we're just using it to Exactly or racist you know we just throw it Out there because it's a big word now it's Buzzy so yeah it's not Good because some shit Does get cancelled and now you're you're uh minimizing that yeah my ancestors got canceled by nazis hey there we go um yeah no it's annoying to

me well that leads into my my my bit idea if you're ready for it please so. So I was watching a Nazi documentary, and these Nazis did all these crazy experiments on the Jews, like all these medical weirdo, you know, take this kid and take his arm off and put it on this guy, all this crazy shit. And obviously we stopped it, but we still kept the information, which I found interesting.

Like, we still retained that. Like, hey, if they did it already, might as well learn from it. And I thought that was interesting. And it reminded me of catcalling. Like, look, catcalling, women hate it. It's a bad thing. But you still get information out of it. You know, like some girl walks down the street and some guy's like, damn, your ass looks good in those jeans.

And she's like, fuck you. I'm not a piece of meat, but I'll wear these tomorrow. Could be something there you can still get good information out of a horrible event yeah i look i love that i love that ass and she's just like you fucking monster but like also thank you thank you for noticing thank you for doing exactly yeah you're a pig but i got some intel intel is a good word for that yeah yeah yeah you're a pig but we got some information yeah still valuable it might not be the best delivery method but it was still something i can use yeah it's bad and we don't condone it but if you have to do it you may exactly you may as well take some notes right you may as well i'm trying to think if there's anything else other than catcalling

even further it like uh man that was it's yeah catcalling is probably the right call because it's like it's hard to go you can't go darker than the fucking holocaust You gotta reel it in with something more silly Like cat coin You might be right Cat coin 9-11 Cause we learned a lot of like security stuff With 9-11 but that's also dark

But that's too dark You don't wanna go 9-11 You wanna go somewhere lighter Which I think is probably why Catcoin is the right move What about something a little more broad Like hey back in the day When your buddy ate a berry And it killed him

It's horrible but now we know Those are poisonous Still dark but It's not specific What were the tests they did on the Jews? Oh all kinds of like just weird medical shit like we'll rip an arm off this kid and sew it to that kid and see if it works or or make twins do this shit and that shit and cut the leg off a twin it was it was horrible stuff i'm thinking the way, you're starting so dark,

you've got to bring it in. I think Catcall is the one. Yeah, that should do it. That's the big pun. Does it hit? I did it a couple times, and it does well, but it feels like a dark road to get to that silly punch. So yeah, I think some lightning is a good idea.

Because people are like, whoa, Holocaust experience? Whoa, how'd we get here? There's a lot of that. Yeah, people fucking hate even... People are tough. Yeah, yeah. But all right, what do you got? I got...

I had this thing about when you see an ex with a new guy on social media or something when they post a new picture some guys like i've been asked me like well how does that make you feel and i was like you know what it feels like it feels like uh it feels like i served in iraq and then i came back from iraq and then i saw another guy post a picture in iraq you know what i mean? Well, I'm just like, yeah,

you know, I tried to bring peace there too. Wasn't my place. Right. Hey, right. Yeah. Like good on you,

but, uh, you're in for a, a shit storm. That's an uphill battle right there. Right, right, right.

I'm, I'm glad I went and I'm glad I got out, but, uh, I don't know if I could do it again. Yeah. I mean,, I mean it's hot It's hot Yeah, it's hot

It's hot but it ends dirty Or something You come back and it'll fuck you up Yeah, you're a different guy after that You're a little scar I might need to preface it with being like I'm a pussy And I could never serve in there Right right right

But I would assume it was like Maybe if I go in like that Also My grandfather was in Korea And he wouldn't talk about it So that could be funny too How are you doing with the breakup And somebody's like what are you doing

Don't bring that up he's shell shocked Yeah how does someone rope you back in After Yeah they're like Yeah maybe They hit you up they're like Would you ever be down for another tour And you're like oh you fucking bitch

Yeah yeah Right you hook up again You're like I was in the reserves You know they called me back Yeah the idea of like not The idea of not Also, there's something too that like when you're in the war You're like, you're in the best shape of your life

You're doing push-ups every day, you're doing training And then when you get out of the war, you're like You get a little fatter, you get a little lazier You know, you have to be in like relationship shape Yeah, you look You look a little fucked up too Yeah when you're done You're like I'm in bed

There's a lot here I'll play with this one There is a lot there We should also shout out our Patreon Which is growing thank you guys Patreon.com slash we mightightBeDrunkPod. Join up. You get a second episode. We read your peeves.

Should we do one right now? Let's read a peeve. Get their beaks wet a little bit. Get the beaks wet, brother. All right. Pep P from Ali Felicioni. Hey, hey, love the pod. There's nothing better than waking up Monday with a fresh ep.

I got a big time peeve when people say hey why are you complaining when you've cleared when you're when you're clearly not complaining like let me give you an example my ta was grading our papers very harshly for the first several weeks but he seemed to ease up for some reason recently after getting 70s and 80s i just got a 99 100 the past two weeks and my friends did the same thing. So I'm texting my friend and I'm saying how weird we're all out of, all of a sudden we're just getting better grades and of course he responds

why are you complaining? I'm not complaining you cum guzzling Nazi is what he wrote. I'm just saying it's strange. That's a good you're making an observation and people are like yeah stop complaining. That's a good point. I had a similar peeve on like the second app. Hey,

there's free pizza at this bar. How'd that happen? Why are you complaining? I'm not, I'm just questioning it. Can we, can we observe some things that it might be unusual? Fucking hilarious.

Imagine if Seinfeld like hung out, like, have you ever noticed this? Stop complaining. All right. I won't do comedy. Sorry. Right,

right. Good point. Could be, you'd have no act yeah people observe things i'm with you ollie fuck that shit yeah ollie he wrote i can't wait for the pandemic to be over so i can see you guys live well we can't wait man uh yeah thanks for listening leave us a nice review on itunes tell your friends and uh anything else oh i'm doing a virtual show on March 22nd,

so you can get tickets to that on my website. I also have some live dates coming on, so just go to samorell.com slash shows. Mark, where are you going to be, man? Hell yeah, hell yeah. I'm all over the road as well. MarkNormanComedy.com. Coming to a town near you, things are starting to open up,

so dates are pouring in, so I'm sure I'm coming near you. And then what else? Our Instagrams, our Twitters, follow our Instagram page, we might be drunk on Insta, we got videos, we got fun photos and jokes and stuff. So yeah, a lot of stuff to follow, a lot of content, and tell a friend and keep drinking. Keep drinking, guys. Thank you.