We Might Be Drunk - Ep 142: Jared Freid w/ Spaghett

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Watch Jared Fried's Netflix special "37 And Single" out now! This is a heavy rec episode going through the best bars across the country. We also get into some relationship questions and try to save some relationships. Join us for this fun episode we also taste some of the hot drinks of the summer.   Starting with some Spaghett, adding in a Michelada, and ending with Millionare Margarita. Jared Freid: https://jaredfreid.com/ Mark Normand: http://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Support the show &; look amazing doing it. Take 20% off &; free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com with the code DRUNK Head to https://www.tryfum.com and use promo code DRUNK to save an additional 10% off on your order Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod http://www.bodegacatspirits.com We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/

here we are we're joined by a good friend of ours a hilarious comic he's got a new netflix special out now give it a watch thank you our good buddy uh jared freed great to be here this is such a pleasure you're you're a real uh you're a real new york city drinker new york city drinker yeah i don't that reputation like you get afraid of that. Like, you don't want to be like, he's a New York City drinker. You know, like, you don't want, I think, I hope it's a fun,

it's not a bad, you know, because I'm not like, I'm a drinker, and then, like, go home, eat. Right. Like, that's my move. Is drunk eating is like,

I mean, like, it's sad. Like, if I told you what I ordered, like, I could read you my order. Oh, you know it. Was it a diner or a Taco Bell? That's a i order like i could read you my order oh you know it was a diner or a taco bell that that's a big question i will read you my order you okay jerry's the type of guy that if you go out and drink with every time you turn around he hands you another drink yes you're right i i like him keep him coming we're out let's have fun i'm really into martinis these days which is like like a bad thing. I love them.

We just had a bunch of Montreal. Dirties? Yeah. The dirty vodka when it's cold. Forget about it. Ice chips. They did the frozen ones at Joe Beef. Yes, yes.

There's a line in Back to School where Dangerfield goes, bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring us one every ten. And that is going out with Jerry. Yeah, I like to have a good time. I mean, like, that's like, you know, I think that's like the whole thing. Like, we do such a stupid, fun thing.

We're lucky. Why wouldn't I go out? Here's my late night eating order. Okay. This is sad. I can't wait. Okay, ready? One chicken salad sandwich,

whole wheat everything bagel, toasted lettuce, red onion, fresh jalapeno, add American cheese. That's a great sandwich. Wow, that's a great order. Great sandwich. On its own, I got three more coming. Oh. This is where I go off the rails.

You eat four sandwiches? One bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel, whole wheat. Is this a bodega or like a deli you're at? This is like a deli bodega. Got it. Yeah, yeah. One egg salad sandwich. I am like just looking to fart for the next week one egg salad sandwich toasted lettuce tomato red onion one bagel with lox cream cheese uh everything bagel toasted scallion cheese

like that's like i can't that is the most jewish order it's a pretty jewy order yeah chicken salad the the smoked salmon yeah bacon egg egg and cheese, egg salad. Late night is bold. Do you get the bottle of Manischewitz as well? Does that come with it? Anytime you order any salad sandwich, it just feels chewy. Yeah, a little bit. But they're all great.

I love them. Big fan. Yeah, wait a minute. So wait. This is what's great about Jared. First of all, you're a dying breed. Thank you. Okay.

No one's drinking anymore in the comedy business. everybody's sober and healthy and wellness and all this mental shit trauma give me a fucking cocktail you queefs quit your belly aching well we're drinking the drink of the summer right now what is it called yeah it's the miller uh spaghet spaghet yeah so it was uh made by this guy Cahill in Baltimore In like 2016 And it's a summery drink It's basically like I don't know

Like the trash bag Aperol Spritz Miller High Life The champagne of beers A little bit of Aperol and lemon Is there lemon juice in it? There's lemon juice in it But you can just throw that in It's going to fizz up a little bit

You guys are like the Andy Cohen of alcoholics. This is the bar. Has it been said a million times? No, never. This is the Bravo Clubhouse. Yeah. Hell yeah. Cheers.

We're doing the housewives after you. I like this. Wow, that's delightful. Love this. What do you call it? It needs a name. It's called the Spaghet. Oh, that's delightful. Love this. What do you call it? It needs a name. It's called the Spaghet. Oh, the Spaghet.

It comes from the Tim and Eric show or something like that. It's like some reference. I don't know what the reference is to. It's sweet enough. I like a sweet beer. I like when there's a flavored beer. I love a lemon. People have been doing that with Coronas for ages.

They put a little grenadine and a little lime in there. They've been doing that forever. I guess this is just the Baltimore version of that but it blew up online and recently like a summer drink the snake bite yeah yeah i know what's the snake bite it was very english thing like a uh european it's like i think there's like it's like um like a cherry juice or or something like that uh in like a light lager this is yeah this is a problem i could have 30 of you i was just literally when you said i problem. I could have 30 of these. I was just literally when you said that I was going, I could have 30. This goes down

fucking easy. Too easy. I was hung over when I walked in. Me too. I got 10 more. We got another drink after this though, so don't worry. But you gotta help those hangers with the 17 sandwiches you're wolfing down, Subway guy. You're like Jared over here. You eat all four of those? I go through them. I have a late night eating I i mean half of the special is me talking about late night

and drunk eating and it's like right sorry yeah the uh the hot pockets of late night eating so i yeah i just uh i can't i get in this zone where it's like yeah i don't know about you but like before bed you're like the day's over the eating's over I get like a little bit sad and I'm like I need to end this with something to like I would love video footage of you shithouse at your apartment with the four sandwiches I'm picturing shirt off oh my god yes using like the bed sheet

as a napkin you got the bachelorette on just going to town you actually nailed it shirt off yeah that's me this is me I'm the david hasselhoff drunk what a bull i think of this all the time he's in pretty good shape actually he's great off man yeah but this is me this is closer to me than i'd like to admit oh spitting it up is this where he calls his daughter a pig or whatever is that i think that was alec baldwin

sorry or maybe pat o'brien i'm thinking that was another bad Baldwin. Oh, that was Baldwin. Sorry. Or maybe Pat O'Brien, I'm thinking. That was another bad drunk episode. What happened to that guy? He got hammered and he basically got canceled. Oh, yeah. Access Hollywood, right? Right. He was a mess, but a fun guy. That's the thing about when someone says, oh, Jared's the drink.

You go, okay, good drink. Yeah. You're only good energy. Right. That's what I like. I've always enjoyed going out, especially after a show. You got that high. Oh, I told you it's the best.

Right. But you need a good show, post-show situation. I think it can go badly. Never a chair, too loud. We're always late night. Yes. I hate too loud. I'm with you.

This is what's great about you. You used to live on the Upper West Harlem-y kind of. I was in Harlem, yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, I did your pod. I'd see you, whatever. I randomly bumped into you in Greenwich Village, my neighborhood. And I was like, what are you doing here?

You're like, I moved here. Yeah. And you just started rattling off the spots to go. You're like, I love this bar. That restaurant's amazing. I'd lived there for six years. I didn't know half of these places i've done a lot of investigation and like also like the audience that i you know that seems to follow me most it's like young

women with lists oh right it's like if you ask that's a big thing with women they all have lists of x they have lists of bars they like they I love lists. They love lists. Like itemized. My brother's pretty good about it, but it's a very female thing. It is, yes. To be like, these are the bars I hope to be taken to one day on a date. You're like, wow. We can all dream, I guess. Every girl growing up had like the hot guy list or like the pictures of this is the hottest guy, then him, then him.

Yeah, you're right. They rank. They love ranking. Love a ranking. These are my bars and restaurants i'm gonna go to so i get a lot of like i get a lot of like suggestions yeah like and it's always a little more refined a little more like you know we go drink we're you know we drink these things in an alley we'd be like this will be fine enough for us i love like young women they're like i want to be seated yeah with my friends and

be able to talk and i'm like i kind of fit that too i that's what i like you know something fun though about like i'm with you i'll drink anywhere in the right during the pandemic that was a fun thing is like you really could kind of drink in the street yeah oh that's i mean when those when the streets like had the tables everything out i, I loved it. And then people would be like, how's New York? And I'm like, it's fucking the roaring 20s out here. It's great. What are you talking about? I'm having a blast.

They have stands on 6th Avenue, like Aperol stands. It was great. Yeah, there was a bar near me on the Lower East Side when I lived there during the pandemic. And they'd open a window like it was the Wizard of Oz. They'd open a window. And I would go up to it every day. I used to pass by just to check it out. Four o'clock and they'd have the regular, I think it's called, it's Iggy's or something.

And it was on, I lived on Ludlow. It was on Ludlow. And like, I would like, just like, I'm like, are there people out there? Let me look. And I went up to the window one day and I was like, hey, I see you guys are open up. They're like, we thought you were a cop. Like forever. Like they thought I was undercover, like trying to shut them down. I was like, no, I'm here guys are open up. They're like, we thought you were a cop. Like forever. They thought I was undercover trying to shut them down.

I was like, no, I'm here to party. Let's fucking do it. They gave you a bag with the chips because they had to do it with the food. Had to do it with the food. That's right. Yeah, yeah. And also, they were very lax on drinking outdoors during the pandemic. You could just, whoo.

The food was such a good ruse. They were like, we got to serve. We got to make sure we're giving food, too. And you're like, oh, thanks for the bag of uts. This is a really good meal. And then you go, ah, it's so bad. I'm happy I had some uts in me. It kind of worked.

We were just in Canada, Norman and I, and in the dressing room, they have the ruffles all dressed. It's my number one potato chip, dude. They do ketchup. They do ketchup too. It's ketchup, barbecue sauce, sour cream and onion, and salt and vinegar. That's ketchup too. It's ketchup, barbecue sauce, sour cream and onion and salt and vinegar. That's the flavor.

It's a lot coming at you but goddamn, they just do it better. I mean, Canada, like when you go to Europe and you see these like, just the foods,

like the snacks, like there's thought put in. I feel like here's garbage and good luck. Right. It's the everything bagel of chips. All dressed. I love that.

I love it. That is very nice. It's an explosion flavor. Also, Ruffle, underrated chip. All dressed. I love that. I love it. That is very nice. It's an explosion of flavor. Also, Ruffle, underrated chip. So underrated. The Ridge? The Ridge. A built-in crunch.

Rip for your pleasure. And strong. Strong enough for a onion dip. Yeah, right. It can hold the weight. Yeah, it's not too soft, not too hard. It's a perfect content. What's your cocktails, like your top go-to orders?

I know you do vodka soda sometimes, but if you're like a cool bar. I'm really into dirty martini right now. I'm like down that road so hard. So it would go dirty vodka martini with like as cold as it can humanly be. Yes. I would go Casamigos on the Rocks lime. That's another route. Vodka soda I've kind of gotten away from just because I'm looking to slow down.

Here's my other drink that I picked up during the pandemic. It was from my mom. Flavored vodka on the rocks. So I'd be having absolute citron on the rocks. And my mom would be like, come in, let's have a drink. Wow. And my mom would have ruby red vodka. Always absolute.

That's not too sweet. Absol my mom would get like, have ruby red vodka. Yeah. Always absolute. That's like not too sweet. Yeah. Absolute flavored on the rocks lime. Boy, your mom parties. She's drinking vodka straight. Chilling. Damn.

Having a great time. My parents, we were in Boca. You're Boca. I know, but you think a lady would want to splash an agua or something or a Diet Coke. We're getting after it. My dad doesn't drink at all.

So he's just like watching us. Oh, what happened to you? Is he sober? He just hasn all, so he's just like watching us. Oh, what happened to you? Is he sober? He hasn't drank since he's been like 40, yeah. Man. He doesn't like it. He had a heart attack like real young,

so I think that was like, you know, I'm going to walk away. He's doing it right. Yeah, my dad is pretty square, wears a suit every day, drinks a glass of wine every now and then. Oh, Sam. And I'm like, man, what happened?

What is this? Does this skip a generation? And he goes and he goes yeah my dad before me died when i was two he was drunk driving he was womanizing he was smoking so i was like hey that's where i got it all right oh yeah baldness my mom's side is like not at all and then uh yeah she would you know i remember like having two beers in college at dinner with my grandpa. And he was like, he ordered two beers. And I was like, yeah, motherfucker, I drink. You should see what I do when you're not here. This is my pregame. But then, you know, I found out, like, stories when I met my biological father.

He's like, oh, yeah, he's like, my mom and dad were, like, alcoholics. I was like, there we go. There we go. See, my family was in the liquor business for a long time. We almost had, like, everyone kind of had the mentality of like a dealer. Like, don't get high on your own supply, but people, you know, we drank but like, but the whole family, like in my

garage was literally, I would walk out and take a handful of nips on my way out to go out in high school. Like, I would just take a handful of those airplane vodkas and it was all like the weird, because you get all the testers right so it'd be like banana flavored and like all that shit goldschlager right and as a kid i remember doing that gross shit like a remember peppermint schnapps and hershey syrup and you shake it up and you'd be like a peppermint patty

oh i never did that one nasty shit but that's we would do we try to get creative with these things bones farm mad dog 2020 he drank anything. I would love if he was in the middle of making that exact drink. He doesn't make, he makes good shit. I have Goldschlager and Peppermint Vodka right here. This is a problem. This is very good. I totally agree. The way this is going down.

Don't worry, I only have ten more of them, so it's okay. Well, I'm not a big, beer is not my go-to order. I just, I factor in the amount of peas and like, I'm more of a whiskey. Peas my go-to order. I just, I factor in the amount of peas and like I'm more of a whiskey. Peas? I just pee way more, more whiskey. Oh, yeah, I see. And also just like the amount of beers it takes you to like feel anything.

I mean, maybe I'm, maybe I'm. No, it's a lot. But like for me, it's like I'm just bloated. Like it's just a lot of beer. Like I'll have a beer at the end of the night to like. Yeah, that's nice. Polish it off. Like that's the finisher.

Yeah. I'm drinking vodka. Stoli-O, by the way way as a flavored vodka stoli oh it's good that's a good flavor i've had that yeah that's like my next choice if they don't have that stoli oh what's the orange orange stoli orange good flavored vodka is stoli a good vodka what what are like the what are the shitty overrated ones and what are the good ones? Basically, vodka is vodka. So as long as it's – most quality vodkas are like four times filtered. So as long as it's filtered three or four times usually and if it's not a plastic bottle, you're good to go. Vodka is vodka. This was my grandmother's thing.

My grandmother growing up, she used to have vodka on the rocks in a snifter glass. And she was like, if you mixed vodka, she'd be like mad at you because she's like you don't mix if you mix vodka get the cheapest that was her whole thing no i mean i don't think you get the cheapest because you'll still get like that ridiculous ethanol like off with uh but like dude don't pay you know 90 for some like branded vodka or whatever like like gray goose soda's stupid gray goose soda is not necessary at all. Like Tito's is fine. Like Tito's is mid-range. I love Tito's.

Tito's is great. I love Kettle. Kettle's is great. My favorite vodka, though, if anything, is only like potato vodka because it has a different texture, has a different consistency because of the different starches in potatoes. So it's more smoother. It's velvety. So if you find like Polish vodka of any kind, get that. Like it's awesome.

Oh, the Polacks. But as far as like mainstream,, Belvedere is potato vodka. Oh, all right. And it's fantastic. And that's the same price point as Grey Goose. But if you're going to have something on the rocks, Belvedere is fantastic. Well, me and Che got into a big fight at the cellar one night because he loves vodka. And I was like, I bet you can't tell the difference between high-end vodka and just handle plastic bottle.

And he was like, I can definitely tell. And we bet a couple bucks, put two shots out, blind taste test. He got it wrong every single time. Every time? He did probably five shots and got it wrong every time. So I was like, there you go. What do you say to that? He was like, you got me, but I'm hammered.

But it just goes to show you that that's all branding all that shit chopin all that crap is actually pretty good but it's hard to find it's not there but yeah no vodka like listen vodka's vodka like you're either taking a shot of it or mixing it and unless you're drinking it straight on the rocks like you know i've worked at some bars where like it's like they were really shady they would swap out oh there you go and these dudes were paying for it and they were like yeah this is like the only thing i drink i'm like yeah yeah well i mean i always spent every year i've tried to guess what the drink of the summer is gonna be yeah like there was like you know how like remember when like dude bros icing bros

yes and then it became like self-actualized and like, yeah, we're drinking Smirnoff Ice now. And then like there was Rose and that started as a big joke. Every summer drink starts as a joke where guys are like fucking with each other. Right. And then they like it. That's 100% true. I remember at the Cellar once years ago, you know, Liz, the manager would drink Aperol Spritz. Every night. Michelle Wolf would drink Aperol Spritz. I night. Michelle Wolf would drink Aperol Spritz.

I remember one night, I think you were doing it. Ari Shafir was doing it. We all just ordered, like, we'll drink Aperol Spritz. Three or four in. I'm like, these are fucking delicious. Right. Yeah, I did that with trans. So I was like, oh, that's a joke.

I fucked one, you know. Here I am later a year and I'm in an alley. But yeah, no, it's true. It starts off as a joke, but you gotta act tough for 10 minutes, and then you can be yourself. I remember, if you are tough, they don't mind.

I remember Mike Yard at the Cellar once. Tough guy. He's, you know, and he's sipping a, I think he's sipping a Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks, and I was like, ooh, tough guy, as a joke,

and he goes, I'll still kick your fucking ass. I'm like, I know, but I can't make a joke about it. I know, right? We all know you'll beat me up. Right away. I'm like, you will tough guy as a joke. And he goes, I'll still kick your fucking ass. I'm like, I know, but I can't make a joke about it. I know, right? We all know you'll beat me up. Right away. I'm like, you will kick my ass for the record. But it's a funny thing to see a tough guy drinking.

Yeah. Drinking milk, basically. It's milk. Milk that will fuck you up. Yeah, yeah. I will say, I don't know if we've ever done a white, have we done a white Russian episode? No.

I can't believe that. I think we have. Very long time ago, I think we did a white Russian episode. no i can't believe that i think we have very long time ago i think maybe well that's the problem we drank ago but if not i'm not sure but i always think of that scene from the departed uh like when he orders a cranberry drink and then he kicks the shit out of him dude drink what you drink trust me the biggest people i've ever met drink like well the toughest black guys in the world have like a blue lagoon or whatever it's always some crazy blue thing there you go wow what is it a bloody mary beautiful these are micheladas see these look ready for like instagram like i love the look that's really the key now

it's like every bar i see on like third avenue by bowery and all that lower area like by houston it's all these cute bars with stripes and palm trees and like pink flair here and there and it's all instagram it's all look it's like it's like a john taffer thing it's like a bar rescue it's like they saw that and we're like oh we'll just follow what he says to do i mean my buddy owns a bar down and it's one of the bars that i put on my list oh i can't wait't wait to hear this list. I want to hear this hot list. He's big on, like, you got to have the mural to take a picture of. You got to have, like, and we're doing a version of that. Like, you know, you got to put out the clips.

You got to, you know, we go on the road. I take pictures after the show. Like, it's not because I'm like, you know, I want to take a billion pictures and it's a very nice interaction. But at the same time, I'm like, yeah, they're going to post it. Oh, what happened at the show? Who is this guy? There's an element of that.

Sure, sure. You got a brand. You got to get your word out. Right. But they must love the wall because it's free. They build one wall, and then people take photos. It's free advertising. That's the crazy part about these comedy clubs is we work at some places that you're like, are you guys stupid?

I know. There's some clubs. The answer is yes. Yeah. They're comedy. I mean, some of them are great, and like are you guys stupid i know i i there's some answers yes yeah there's their comedy i mean some of them are great and then some of them don't last you can't believe i'm like hey i got 250 women coming for this show they're all gonna want to take pictures i'm game i'm gonna do it for free i'm not getting you know like let's do it and then they go oh okay um i guess you could do it next to the garbage can in the darkness. And you're like, can you just like, you don't see. Yeah, this is free advertising.

I got to stop playing the trash can comedy club. This place sucks. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm just like, I can't believe it. Then you see these pictures, and like every person I take a picture of is like, oh, the lighting sucks. I was like, yeah, I wouldn't post that either. Right, right.

We all want to look skinny and fun. I know. It's sad but true. All right, you want to... Should we cheers these? What's this called? Michelada. So what's in that again?

It's just a... It's like a light Mexican beer. We're using Wendello today. Some tomato juice, Worcestershire. It's like a Bloody Mary but with beer, basically the same thing.

All right. And a salt tajin rim on the rim. I love that rim. Right? That's my thing. Mary, but with beer. Basically the same thing. All right. And a salt Tajin rim on the rim. I love that rim. Right? That's my thing. I love a good rim. Ooh. I like the Tajin.

Very nice. Sometimes I go, no. I love a good rim. You do it? Yeah, you get a little salt in it. I love a salty and sweet rim. The thing is, with salt, I only do half, because some people, like, you know, it gives you an option.

You know, you can switch it up. But with Tajin, it's delicious so that is refreshing and it's a bloody american meal it's almost like like tomato soup have you ever you know have you ever had a bloody bowl uh-oh yeah it's with beef broth yeah that's a very good new york thing like a steakhouse thing actually i discovered it at uh jg melons yeah i used to date a girl who lived around the block from J.G. Mellon's on the Upper East Side and that was like the hangover spot. You get a burger and a Bloody Bull. That bar was great too.

It was classic. It's gone, right? Is it? I don't know. Is it still there? That was a hang. Up until a few months ago. At the end of the month, that's what I called my wife. The old Bloody Bull. Yeah yeah i lived on 72nd like three months ago it's a great burger great burger good vibe good old new york vibe right it's what i mean it's like you got the pj clark's yeah no that's what i'm

thinking it closed is pj clark still open that's the one on 55th and third well that one i hope so because that one's been there. I mean, they do episodes of Mad Men there. Oh, wow. And there's bartenders that have become famous there. Really? Yeah. Well, that guy Doug was a legend. He said something I remember years ago I thought was such a cool thing, because some woman

goes in there, do you have any Red Bull vodka? And he goes, we don't serve Red Bull here. He goes, you want to get energy? Have a coffee and i was like fuck yeah i love that energy that's pride in your work you know like that's like the undone bow tie they were classy and also i remember you know i know you know just i would drink bud lights there because they were five bucks each you know i was but then you know i remember i befriended a guy there one night when i was like a young comic and he just bought me round after round it was one of those nights where like some

dude just got me fucked up i love they don't know what that means to a poor guy when someone's just buying you free it's like oh my god it's a heaven i went there my friend's dad used to take us there when we were really young and we didn't get id i mean we just walk in and uh we were kids but he was his dad was he passed away he was, his dad was, he passed away. It was so funny. He was like that inappropriate guy that would take you out where he would say shit. Like, I remember he walked up to a woman in a bar once when we were at PJ Clark's and he was just like, lady, what I wouldn't give to fuck you up the ass.

And we were like, and we were like, what the fuck? And she was like, you fucking asshole. And I was like, I am so sorry. I shit you not. She kisses me in front of him to be like, fuck you. That's a gentleman. I apologize for you. Went home with her.

Come on. Yeah. And then as I was kissing her, he gave me one of these behind to like. He knew what he was doing. What a guy. What a wingman. He was a great guy. He was a great guy.

He's like, you're like, let's do the fuck me in the ass. Come on. Come on, let's do the bit. You set him up, I'll knock him down. He was arrested. He was a party guy. Behind the back. I'm still friends with this kid.

I mean, this kid, Dennis, who's, I mean, I'm a kid my age, but I mean, that was his name was also Dennis. They were Dennis Jr., Dennis Sr. And they were a fucking hilarious combo that guy young you know you met him old he must have been a fucking ball in a different time too very different time

not to say like we want people screaming at people to fuck their ass no it's not an admirable thing to say to a woman I think we're all in agreement it was like a pick in basketball you got the assist he got hit but You got the assist. He got hit, but you got the assist. You know, it's like, I was watching

old episodes of Boston Legal on Hulu. Boston Legal? It's fucking solid. Really? James Spader and William Shatner. Oh, people love that show. That had a long run. Let me tell you something. Spader is so fucking good. I thought you were talking about Boston Public, that southern comedian. He was like oh what was his is that who was he was

a southern comedian common boston common yeah anthony dude james spader is so fucking charming they say shit on this show i can't believe the shit they get away with it there's a line where it's like this is on like nbc or fox or something i. NBC, I think. Yeah, so it's on network TV, and there's a line where the judge says to Spader, he's like, if it stinks, I don't eat it. And he goes, really? I go by the opposite motto. This is on network.

That was on four. Every episode is him just fucking one of his coworkers. He's just cool. I just remember that show for its commercials. How excited it was. Spader! Shatner! That was like a big, heavyweight

fight. Spader's fucking cool on this show. Candice. Oh shit, I didn't know she was on it. She's the hot judge, I think. Or the head lawyer. But it's crazy the shit you could get away with oh yeah and also

just like clearly like that was a cool back in the day was that Locklear damn she was a fucking dime piece what a dime she's so hot

she fucked she's gone nuts now when hot women get old they lose it because they're like wait what's where's everybody

I remember like tail end of Spin City when she came on I was like oof she was so hot so hot that's what got Michael J. where's everybody I remember like tail end of Spin City when she came on I was like oof she was so hot so hot that's what got

Michael J. shaken I was like oh my god look at her then Charlie Sheen took over he was awesome yeah he's always fun

fucking love Sheen yeah he had a run you ever watch those two and a half man episodes you ever watch an episode of two and a half man no I've never watched a full ep

it's hard to get through there are you go I get why this is successful He had a run. You ever watch those Two and a Half Men episodes? You ever watch an episode of Two and a Half Men? No, I've never watched a full episode. It's hard to get through. It's all right. You go, I get why this is successful right away. For sure. You go, this is like junk food, candy. You're like, I don't. It's an everything bagel at two in the morning. Totally.

With half a red onion. Because I watched that and I was like, I get it. I get it. There's not one thing. People made fun of it, but i was like i get it i get it like there's not one thing like people it made fun of it but i was like you know charlie sheen's just like doing charlie sheen like it's like it's a great character right it's a great character and you go i know what i'm getting yeah there's no surprise here charlie sheen's gonna be an ass like be a this womanizer guy and like the other guy's gonna be a nerd and the kid's gonna be you know the the punk nose kid and that's it you know and people work a shit job all day they come home they want

to watch shit right you know they don't want to be like uh dazzled with like uh you know intellectual shit hey what's your trauma today it's like no how about we just watch charlie i will say though i did try to watch big bang theory and i'm like, I can't get through 10 minutes of this shit. It was too nerdy. The thing that they were relatable on was with a nerd culture that I couldn't... I guess. But I would watch old... I watch like Frasier now and I'm like, this shit holds up so

hard. Frasier's fucking amazing. Frasier's incredible. Frasier won all those Emmys when Seinfeld was at its peak. Like, Frasier was winning. I know. Toss salad and scrambled egg. Yeah, great show. He'd be a fun guest on this party. Oh, I mean.

He'd outdrink us all. Let's get Kelsey Grammer on this shit, dude. We might get some bag of blow, too. Right. You might have to get a mirror on the table. That dude definitely lives. He lives hard. He's from another era of, like, you talk about eras, like the way he was paid.

When you were like the lead of a sitcom on NBC. Oh, forget about it. Like we, you know, think of like Jordan and the Bulls, Frasier and a whole industry. Like the reason. And he was on drugs for the whole first few seasons. He was completely tweaked up. Oh, is that right? It's crazy that he pulled it off.

Yeah. I think they had, like, multiple interventions. And I think he even said, like, later on, he's like John Mahoney who played his dad. He was like, that dude is, like, an actual father. I don't think he had a dad. I think he had a horrible childhood. Like, really tragic.

And he was like, that guy was, like, my actual dad. Wow. Crazy shit. I just can't imagine your your frazier you know like you're just like walking around like and everyone just like let you like you have to be you're on drugs and i'm just the boss like everyone is like also you're so dignified in the show you're just like tweaking an alley then you come on like i'm listening yeah right the dichotomy between who he played

and what he was right or what we think he was yeah high society so true that was a great show some of those shows

still hold up I mean Niles is great on it too I can't believe shots are coming out what are you guys doing to me I got a Netflix special I said no shots this was Salacuse's

experiment oh and where is he for this shit? Oh, fuck Cuse. What are you talking about? I can't believe how much branded stuff you guys have. This podcast has been around for five minutes. We might be drunk snifters and glasses. We have our own whiskey, too.

I love it. The whiskey. We also have Bodega Cat Whiskey. Love it. Get a shot of it. Bodegacatwhiskey.com, baby. It's available online. This Michelada is really fucking good, though. Hitting the spot. Really a shot of it. Go to daggycatwhiskey.com, baby. It's available online.

This Michelada is really fucking good, though. Hitting the spot. Really good for the summer. It's awesome. I love it. You know what I love it? It slows me down. Yeah. You can't chug this.

No, you can't. The way we did the beer, I had that beer in my cup. Well, that's why the tequila shot's there. Right. There you go. Give us some Rex. I want some Bob. You want Rex?

Get ready, Peters, with the ones and twos. I'm happy you brought me on to help the listeners out. Hell yeah. I actually went on a great date last night, and I think everyone should do it. Okay. Okay? Drift in. It's on the West Side Highway.

If you go walk down. Oh, I know this place. It's outdoors. So if you want to impress a woman, I'm saying to the male listeners, if you're looking to have an easy date night, you walk down Christopher all the way to the water. Drifton is on the right if you take a right after Christopher. They also have oysters. They got food and stuff, but I wouldn't go there for food because if you look at it from

the Hudson River looking at it, there's a right side and a left side. Go to the right side. The left side, you need a reservation. The right side is just a bar. Got it. So you go to the right side. You go to the bar. They got chairs out.

They got bean bags, cornhole. Yeah. And you can just have an easy – like the thing you want on a date is to look like you have a plan. Oh, dude, you must clean up with your plan. You're all planned. This is all planned. So you go to this place. You go on the right side.

Even if you went with a couple of guys, there's going to be women there. It's on the water. It's cool. And it's cool and nice and fun. And you look like you know something. And it's not busy. No, no, no. It's not crazy.

That's a great spot. If you go on a Tuesday night. Yeah, they own like all these kind of water bars. They must have a deal with like the mayor or some shit. Yeah, that place is great, too. That place on a boat. But you obviously don't deserve that. Yeah, but that's like, that's a panty dropper.

They have a great place. It's a submarine. It goes to the bottom of the Titanic. So this is the side that's reservations. But if you go to the other side, there's not. And then I went to Tacoma. I got to say, there's a bunch of locations. Easy.

Sat down in half a second. The guac was on the table two minutes later. Yep. Margaritas in hand. Tacoma, what a solid date night spot. There's one on Bleecker. There's one in Soho. And now there's one in Brooklyn.

Right. So these are just... I don't know. You want places... When you go on a date the have you guys ever gone on a date where you're like hey we're gonna go to this place and then they're like we're full and then you have to now find yes the nearest most perfect place and you just have this woman following you around like yes did he do anything the pressure's on right and you oh i've seen that place i've walked by by there. There's one on Bleecker.

It literally looks like you're – they've built it to look like you're outside on a street corner in Mexico. Yeah, it feels like that. Yeah, I think that's a great date spot. And the menu is like sushi where you tick it off. Like I'll take a shrimp taco. It's not too complicated. But I wanted to know – I came on here and you guys gave me a little homework, but I... No, I'm sorry. We know you're good for it.

Well, what's your favorite road bar? Like, not in New York. Not in New York. I got some New York ones here for people that come to New York, but what is your favorite? We are all people, comics on the road. Yeah. We all have a drink. Yeah.

What is your go-to road bar? Like, is there a city bar combo that sticks with you? Yeah. You know what I love? I love, what's it called? It's in Chicago. It's like a- I got a couple Chicago recs.

It's the Capone spot. And it's in the movie Thief with James Caan. Okay. Which is a fucking great movie, by the way. Yeah. I just watched it recently. I gotta re-watch it. Oh, yeah, The Green Mill. I love The Green Mill. Oh, The Green Mill fucking great movie, by the way. Yeah. I just watched it recently. I got to rewatch it. Oh, yeah, The Green Mill.

I love The Green Mill. Oh, The Green Mill. I've done a show there. Me too. Great bar. That's a really cool, it's like a Capone bar. And another great Chicago one is Shaw's. It's like a seafood restaurant, but it's one of those old school.

Green Mill, the show there is great, right? Yeah, killer. It's like a daytime. Paper machete. Yes, I've done the show. It's great. Got that wraparound bar. And everyone there is cool and smart and ready to hear some material.

There it is. It's beautiful. It's a great bar. So that's a good one. I'm trying to think of other ones. Here's my Chicago. LA, I love Musso and Frank's. I love old-timey bars like that.

LA, I had an old-school one, but in the 80s, I went to a different era. What do you got? The Frolic Room in Hollywood. We tried to go there, Mark. It looks LA. Mark and I were in LA, and we were trying to go there, but it was Netflix Fest. Oh, I've been here. I've been here.

The place is great. Oh, no, I've been there. Yeah, it's in Hollywood. It's Hollywood. It's in Hollywood. It looks like an 80s hairband bar. I've been here. Yes.

Great bar, just great vibe. Good one. Just a fun drink is going to happen there. Yes. Great bar, just great vibe. Good one. Just a fun drink is going to happen there. It's got the stars on the sidewalk. Yeah, yeah. I know it.

I actually have been here. I don't think there's anything else. Chicago I had Killer. This is great. Chicago I had Lone Wolf

and the West Loop. Let's pull that up. Pull it up. Lone Wolf and West Loop. I mean, these places better give me a free fucking drink. What's good about

the Lone Wolf? I know, right? Great area town. West Loop is our West Village. Oh,, these places better give me a first fucking drink. What's good about the Lone Wolf? I know, right? Great area town. West Loop is our West Village. Oh, yeah? Great area. A little bit of upper crust area. You can go to a lot of different bars from there.

I love the look of it. This place is open later than most. Okay. I think it's a 3 a.m. bar. Big square bar. Easy to get into. There's sometimes a line. But again, I want vibe.

Yes, yes. You want people hanging out i want people you know so this is a great like i could be there late love i love a bar that gives a shit because you feel it right when you walk in you're like all right these people planned all of this they know what they're doing here totally it's right near the so house in chicago which i i mean like good so also likeho House. It's just a good area. Asha Falls across the street. Great burger. Great burger. Are you a Soho House guy? I am. Jared took me there once. Oh, really? We went there.

I think it was on Christmas Day. We did go on Christmas Day. Because Jared came over to watch Hoops. I had a couple friends over. We watched Hoops, and then we ordered Chinese food. Everyone took two dumps and sampled my fresh new bidet. Nice. Not so much Chinese food and we were just great bidet it's a great bidet but uh i recommend that bidet that bidet was great but yeah we went to so house that was pretty that was pretty swanky that was pretty cool it's great there's a good scene there you know that's a fun

just be able to like so house is good it's a base great be able to like, Soho House is good. It's a base. Great base. You have somewhere to go. Totally right. And it's also anywhere you go. The one in Nashville, that might be my favorite hotel to stay at on the road. Really?

Period. And you can stay there without being a member. What? So they have a pool, bar area, and also it's not on, look at that. Beautiful lobby. Here's the thing about Nashville,

is you don't want to be on Broadway. You don't want to be near the bachelor's hall. No. There's fucking chicks on the pedal bike. Get out of here. You don't want any of that. The whole city runs electricity. The biking on those damn drunk chicks just powering the whole thing.

This is a great bar area, but then there's bars near that. That area of Nashville where the Soho House is, I don't know what that area is called. If you can look it up. That area of Nashville where the Soho House is, I don't know what that area is called. If you can look it up. Tons of great bars on that street that's all adjacent to all that kind of like what's going on there. Yeah. I walked around there with Theo once.

It was like I was at Elvis. Oh, sure. It was insane. They went nuts. Also, favorite bar in Nashville, Red Door Tavern. Pull it up. Red Door. I'm like, this is Plug City, baby. I know.

But I want you to go to these places. I will. I think you guys would like them. I love the bar. I've gone, Lucy and I, we go and smoke cigs at Red Door. I don't even smoke cigarettes. It's kind of fun, though, to do it every once in a while. Look at the picnic tables outside.

That's not the one. There's another Red Door. Not Red Door Tavern. Red Door Saloon. There we go. In Nashville. I love a saloon. Yeah. Not Red Door Tavern. Red Door Saloon. There we go. In Nashville. I love a saloon. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Nashville. It's just a great indoor-outdoor. This bar right now is fist pumping. Yeah! Right. But I love this bar. You got to give us a good Boston one, too, because you got Boston ties.

Oh, the Boston one. Oh, there's only one. What? I forgot the right bar. I can't believe that's the one on my list. From Boston. Finish Red Door. Okay, Red Door Saloon, great spot.

Makes you want to smoke a cigarette outside. Man. Even if you don't smoke cigs, there's always a hang. Lots of musicians go there. It looks kind of grimy in a good way. Grimy in a good way is kind of the theme of my list right now. I love that. Because Frolic Room is in the same vein as this.

Yes, yes. Best bartenders I've ever seen at the Red Door Saloon in Nashville. Wow. Honestly, they are packed. What's, yes. Best bartenders I've ever seen at the Red Door Saloon in Nashville. Wow. Honestly, they are packed. What's the criteria for best bartenders? Quick, look in the eye, ready for an order. If you stammer a little bit, they'll give you an extra second. Like, I think they, like, these guys appreciate, you know, like, a little bit of, like, energy when you come to them.

Yeah, yeah, right. Okay. You're like a zag it i dude i think about this a lot like and i hate bad recommendations okay when someone comes to me with a recommendation that's more about them than it is about you i think it's the most selfish thing in the world i agree like i went to i was in where did i go i was in houston and someone told me they're like go to bar taco i was, that's a chain. Yeah. I was like, what's going to be?

Do you know me at all? Like, I hated the person. You got to shake Shaq. Yeah, ever heard of it? The Great Burger? Yeah. What a burger? Yeah. Okay, so.

Yeah, what do we got in Boston? What's in Boston? The Departed Bar. Is that the one? Well, the one I would say. Yeah. I think the new, so there's two places I would give. One is owned by the Garrett that has bars here in New York.

And it's Borrachata. It's like a speakeasy behind a taco place. I would look, I don't have the name. This is Boston. Boston Speakeasy Garrett Group. Look up that. Because it's... I don't like the Garrick Group's bars here.

Are they the ones who do off the wagon and all that? No, no, no. That's my buddy. Those are great. Those are great. If you go to... The green... Not the green mill.

The mill. The hill. They have... There it is. Hair of the Dog. Hair of the Dog. Off the wagon. Down the hatch.

That's all there. That's it. Yeah. This is... What's it called? Borochito? That's it. That's a great bar. Okay. That's it. Yeah, this is called, what's it called? Borochito? That's it. Great bar.

Okay. That's new. I went there last time I was in Boston. But the Seaport. I fucking love Boston, dude. I love Boston. I grew up in Needham, which is outside of Boston. I think I'm going to take my next special at the Wilbur.

Hell yeah. The Wilbur, I think, is the best theater. Magical. It's the most club. Right. It's the most clubbish. But this bar, I mean, look at that bar. Magical. It feels like a club. Right. It's the most clubbish. But this bar, I mean, look at that bar. I mean, you grew up in the Seaport.

Grew up in Needham. So, like, growing up, like, I never went, I didn't have a Boston adulthood. I've always been in New York. But I would say the whole Seaport district didn't really exist when I grew up there. Now it's been all built up. There's a bar that was the first bar open in the Seaport, didn't really exist when i grew up there now it's been all built up there's a bar that was the first bar open in the seaport lucky lounge lucky lounge is a fun time and it reminds me of a picture of lucky lounger i love going to lucky lounge open late fun crew they used to do

bands they don't anymore because i think the neighbors complain but like look at this place this is kind of in the vein right up my anal right look at this place. This is kind of in the vein. Right up my anal. Right? Look at this. I just got laid off. I want to fucking tie one on. Right. And I want to do it in good company.

We almost got, my buddy and I, my buddy almost got in a fight last time I was there. He like, some guy had a, it was like an older guy. Cause here's what I love about a bar. The bars I like hanging out with are when you can't figure out who goes. Like it's every, mixed crowd crowd it's just drinkers right you know like i like when it's just people who are like we're having a night let's just drink and you can and there's no like white you know like you know you you go to a party like oh it's all white women no no this is everything yes it could be a bachelorette party it could also be

like a bunch of dudes that are out for the night it could be a bachelorette party. It could also be like a bunch of dudes that are out for the night. It could be all races, religions, backgrounds, socioeconomic. I love the color, too. It's like a Cassavetes film or some shit. Dude, the right side is like this booze and stuff. And the left side is like more bar room. Yeah. Wow.

I just love it there. I'm a huge fan. Lucky. But we were there. My buddy and I, my buddy is like hammered. And he looks at this guy and he had the creases in his shirt still. It looked like he just unfolded it from the store. And my buddy looked at him, and he's like, what's with the creases?

And the guy's like, you want to fight about it? Like, right away. Ah, it's Boston for you. Right. He went straight Boston immediately. Okay, so that's my Boston Rex. Love it. That's a good one.

Atlanta? Ooh, hit me with Atlanta. One of my favorite bars in the world. Are you going to say Claremont Lounge? I like the Claremont Lounge. I love the Claremont Lounge. I mean, you can't. A lot of nights there. I mean, I say that all the time.

I like that we're all just seasoned road dogs and we know every fucking, yeah. I mean, you just go straight there after a gig. That would make the dorm. Claremont Lounge, well, I went there. It's a woman-owned strip club. Yeah. And we, I went with Michelle. Oh, right.

So Michelle and I sit down, and the woman whose daughter runs it was like, oh, my God, Michelle. Like, was so pumped, saw Michelle. And we're in a strip club. Amazing. She gives us a book about the place. She tells us the whole history. Women-owned. They all have health insurance.

You start to feel good about going to a strip club. So the best bar in the world, Johnny's Hideaway in Atlanta. Oh, I love this bar. In Buckhead. Yes, it's in Buckhead. That's like the fancy area. Fancy area. Hot milfs. It's almost

too full. That's the only problem. It's all milfs. Look at that. It is too full and they don't let you dance on the dance. They have a dance floor that they kick you off of if you bring the glass on the dance floor. They have no glass and they serve you in crystal glasses. It's so cool. It's a fun

cool bar and again, $20 at the door. There's always a line. You gotta give $20 to the bouncer. It'll get you ahead of the line. You feel like you're in Key West when you go in there. You feel like you're in Key West of the 70s or something I will be going there it's a hot spot, it's red, it's dark that was on my list for specials

I just like Atlanta I love Atlanta, hot Atlanta I mean, what's not to like about Atlanta I go there every time and I'm like I think this is the future black gay? What?

A lot of gay black people. Well, I'm saying, like, it has everything. Like, it doesn't feel like, you know, again, like going to a bar, especially Johnny's Hideaway, and you go, I can't believe every type is here. Yes. It is a lot of Hot Melves, though. That's the prevalent type. That actually is a perk.

Clint Eastwood. Yeah. It's a prevalent type. That actually is a perk. Clint Eastwood. Yeah. It's a great spot. Okay, so on Johnny's Hideaway, the bar that reminds me most of Johnny's Hideaway on the road is in Dallas, Inwood Tavern. Okay. I don't know, because I'm always out in Addison doing that improv. That's where I drive down. Okay. So this is Inwood Tavern.

I mean, does that not look like Johnny's? It looks like a tattoo spot or something. A little bit. You're right. Whoa. This place. I've, does that not look like John's? It looks like a tattoo spot or something. A little bit, you're right. Whoa! This place. I've been here. You've been here?

Yeah. I went there with a guy who worked for the Dallas Mavs once. Yeah, we had a fun night. Great bar. Okay. Great bar. Then he took me out later that night. We went to Inbred Tavern.

Not nearly as good, but no, it was a great bar. Chicago, I had Lone Wolf and then Old Town Alehouse. You've definitely been there. Old Town Alehouse is the greatest. Oh, that's classic. Bread Tavern Not nearly as good But No it was a great bar Chicago I had Lone Wolf And then Old Town Alehouse You've definitely Old Town Alehouse Is the greatest Oh that's classic

That was in a movie too That was Where Ebert used to drink Yes Bourdain did an episode there I mean that was Around the block All the second city guys

From Old Town Zanies Yes It's right near Zanies So I've had some And of course the owner Does nude Paintings of everybody

Yes That's right He's got some great Trump ones up there I've gotten Fucking hammered there I've hooked up with Hammered And of course the owner does nude paintings of everybody. Yes, that's right. He's got some great trump ones up there. I've gotten fucking hammered there. I've hooked up with two Zany's waitresses, both plus size, in that bar. And they were huge. Years and years ago. Cheap, too. For that area?

Oh, yeah. And the tamale guy comes in. It's a great bar. It's just like, and you do feel the most in Chicago. Yes. You know, it just feels like everyone says da bears there. Right. That's the owner.

We need a good SF. I got one. I can't wait to. You got one. Next on my list. Buddha Bar. Buddha. I think there's nothing better than drinking in Chinatown in San Francisco.

I completely agree. It is the best drinking area, most underrated drinking area. Love it. There are all these little tiny bars. So Buddha Bar is like, the bar might be 10 feet. Wait a minute. Is this on the pier? No.

Okay, okay. I mean, look at this bar. Wow, I love it. Is that not San Francisco? Chinatown. Chinatown, baby. You ever go to Yang Sing in SF? Is that a dim sum place? A dim sum. Yes, I think I have. Did my boy Adam Swig take you there? Well, Swig, that guy's the best.

He's the fucking best. I hooked Jared up with my buddy Swig, who's like the fucking mayor of SF. Oh, really? Nothing makes me feel more like a comedian than when another comedian is like, here's my guy there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And he's got this guy Swig. Take care of him.

Take care of him. And he's this Jewish guy who puts on these Jewish things. But he's like cool Jew. You know? It's like DJ Jew. Oh, okay. DJ Jew. Right.

He plays all the hits. He's a spit and bagel. He's less Natterman, okay. DJ Jew. Right. He plays all the hits. He's a spitting bagel. He's Les Natterman more, you know. Right. Les Natterman more Modest Yahoo. Yeah. He leans Modest Yahoo. Yeah, this guy.

Budapest, though. This looks sick. One of my favorites. Also, Vesuvius is across from. Oh, yes. Do you know that place? I've been there. Yeah, that's a sexy spot. Vesuvius going? I've been there, yeah. That's a sexy spot. Vesuvius, going

upstairs and having a martini there, that's a great time. That's across from Cobbs. Right, right. There's a spot on the pier, Matt, if you can find it, but look how sexy that is. I mean, that's a classic. I know that city is in shambles right now, but I fucking love it. I love that city. I don't think it's in shambles.

I think the media portrays it in shambles. I think you're right. It might be. I think like, yeah, you're not going to go to the Tenderloin to drink. Like, no. But like, the marina is awesome. I mean, that's like West Village for here. Like, again, it's a high end area, but it's great. And that old trolley goes by.

The architecture. It's like one of the most European feeling Americaneling American cities. 100%. The way NOLA has that feel. Yeah, I love it. I love San Francisco in a way that I can't explain. It feels like a hug. Yes. The food there. You ever go to the sandwich place, the Italian sandwich place?

What's that? I go every time I'm there. I go to the- They send me shit. I'm a seafood slut there. I'm a Soda Mori guy. Oh, yeah. What's the-

Swan Oyster Depot. Yes. I think Bourdain went there as well. That was his spot. American Joe's. Have you ever been there? American Joe's is a classic. Look up American Joe's San Francisco.

That is one of the best bars in the country. Original Joe's. That's what it's called. How about San Diego? Do we have any San Diego? I have a San Diego spot. You're a fucking tank. I don't know San Diego that well. I like it. So I just did San Diego. Do we have any San Diego? I have a San Diego spot. You're a fucking tank. I don't know San Diego that well.

So I just did San Diego. I've been doing the store in La Jolla, which I like. That town is just like. That's a kill box. Oh, it is a kill box. That's a great room. Murder there. Okay.

Molinari Delicatessen to finish out San Francisco. Molinari. That is the best Italian sandwich I have ever had in my entire life. They sent me a bunch of shit because I talked about it once. I mean, look at that. Oh my god. That's right up my alley. Molinari. I sit outside in one of those chairs. There's like four chairs. I get the sandwich inside.

It is, I mean, look at that. Come on. Baby, don't. That should be in between two legs. That is beautiful. I want to put my dick in that bread. Holy shit. Woo wee. A good Italian sandwich. Why are you hosting a food bar show?

This is my dream. I am out for this. You really should. This should be a part of Jared's luxury lounge. And it should be. You should be doing like food. I'm telling you. On a YouTube channel.

On a YouTube. I could really review a place. Because I just hate bad recommendations in a way that really makes me annoyed. That's the first episode. Bad recommendation. That's what you say. Fuck bad recommendations. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is how you give a good rec. Well, because when I was doing all the Board Lord stuff, I was yelling at the charcuterie boards. And I was doing them because they were getting attention. People were liking them. And they were funny. I was the Board Lord. That's great.

So I'm looking at these charcuteries and the main the the main premise of board lord was you get to a party and if they're thinking of themselves in their instagram picture more than thinking of your stomach they're a piece of shit i love it do you know what i mean and i think a lot of times recommendations go that way they're like oh i want to look like the person who sent you to this place but it's like do you even think like like I got I'm going to Raleigh soon. I like Raleigh. It's a good city. I like Raleigh.

Good food. Great. Are you going this month? Yeah. I think they're doing the I could be wrong, but don't they do that big festival? The carnival. I forgot what it's called. It's in Raleigh.

Fuck. You know what they do? Like the look up big festival it's like a it's like games and fucking turkey legs and shit oh okay i would love that what's it called whether you're trying to get off the sauce or you're trying to stop spending all the money in your retirement fund quitting can sometimes be tough if you're looking to quit that nasty hand-to-mouth habit, you're not alone. Fume can help. It's a cool, innovative device that takes the bad out of bad habit. Fume replaces electronics, vapor, and harmful chemicals with all-natural flavored air. You want to get off

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um but i'm getting recommendations right now and it's like like choose a path for me like have some confidence like yes if i could remember the name of this i'd wreck the fuck out send it to me i i mean it gets me kind of annoyed because i'm like this person sent me recommendations for and it's like the the message went threes. And I'm like, you get one night, we have one weekend, no dinners, we can only go at like five at the latest. Yeah. You know, we're in a weird position.

Give me some bars here. And we can only eat at five and drink at midnight. Right. So our recommendations, like are you thinking of me if you're like, go to this Italian spot? Like I'm not going to go to this Italian spot. I went to a cool spot right next to the Good Nights Club where it used to be. I think it's a new location now.

Great spot. The food spot? With the mechanical bull. Oh, I don't know that place. It was an outdoor beerish spot that I'm thinking of. But I just like Raleigh. Great town. Underrated, not pretentious town. Totally. They're just fun, wholesome, salt I'm thinking of. Yeah. I just like Raleigh. I mean. Great town. Underrated, like, not pretentious town.

Totally. You know, they're just fun, wholesome, salt of the earth people. I agree with that. Okay. Okay, so. Are we going to do New York? We'll go to New York last. Okay, okay.

Because we've got to discuss our favorites. San Diego Tivoli Bar. That's like an old place. That's like. I like old. But there was another bar. I couldn't think of the name. It might be Tivoli. I'm pretty positive. Because there's a Tivoli here. That's a an old place. It's like... I like old. But there was another bar. I couldn't think of the name. It might be Tivoli.

I'm pretty positive. Because there's a Tivoli here. It's a deli. This is more sports bar-ish. San Diego. That looks like something. Also, what's the area of San Diego that's above it a little bit? There's Gaslight, which is their downtown-y.

I wasn't a fan of Gaslight. There's another area that's more towards the beach Pacific Beach Look up Pacific Beach Bars Because I think that's where I'm PB That's what the kids call it Okay

Oh, I've gone out here Yeah, it's a great place to go out Great spot, it's a rowdy area It's kind of the, rowdy area. It's kind of a fratty area. There's some really good, fun bars there. Yeah. Can I give a weird random reaction? Can you see the ocean?

Atlantic City, if you're ever there, Tony's Baltimore Grill. Where is that? Where is that? Pull it up. Well, this guy's got a lot to pull up here. He's opening some tabs, baby. What the fuck did he just write in there? He had one Michelada.

You got nothing on NOLA, huh? Because I'll do NOLA if you're not doing this place. NOLA I don't have. Look at this fucking bar. You get like a rum and coke for six bucks and a pint glass. It's great. Yeah, oh, I've been there. I mean, that meatball sub looks amazing.

That's heavy stuff. So with New Orleans, I always get sent to places that people know already. Like, what's the wine place that's the best wine bar in the country? Oh, there's Bacchanal. Bacchanal. That's the one that everyone says. And you kind of feel like hack. Yeah, it's a little girl sorority.

You want to be on Magazine Street, right? That's got some cool bars. Magazine is great. Frenchman's a hot spot. But there's Miss Mays on Napoleon. Yeah, I've been there. It's cool. No drink is more than $2.

That's their thing. And you're talking about a mixed crowd. You get the old guy who just lost his job. You got the divorcee. You got the weird loud black chicks. You got the gutter punks. It's everything. I love that.

Liz sent me to a place in New Orleans where it was a laundromat or something. weird, like, loud black chicks. You got the gutter punks. It's everything. I love that. Liz sent me to a place in New Orleans where it was a laundromat or something. Do you know what I'm talking about? There's a couple of those, yeah. Just like they have the off the wagon, whatever, there's a guy there who owns, like, five bars. Igor's, Buddha Belly, I'm blanking out. Checkpoint Charlie. And then Sean Patton sent me to a place with the Irish coffee, frozen Irish coffee. Oh, Molly's. Molly's on the market. That place was great.

That's a great spot. I enjoyed that. And then I went to the bar that rotates. It was kind of cool. Oh, the Carousel Bar. It was cool. You could tell it was a bunch of Green Bay Packers fans. Yes, whoever's in town that week goes there. It was cool, but you could tell it was a bunch of Green Bay Packers fans.

Whoever's in town that week goes there. If you want a good cocktail but still have a divey vibe, Bar Tanique is fantastic. Yes, in New Orleans. Incredible. Tonic. Bar Tanique. Yeah, tonic. I don't know.

It's T-O-N-I-Q. Can I get a gin and tanique? Tonic. No, it's not, but it's a Q. I get a gin and tonic? Tonic. No, it's not, but it's a cute one. I know the point, but we say tonic. Is that how you say it? I don't know. I've been there twice.

No, I would be. I get it. It's so good because the bar theaters are great, but it's still like a divey atmosphere because it's kind of rowdy a little bit, but you get fantastic, actually nice cocktails. Are we doing any like are we doing any like florida or midwest type shit i got delray i got a place in delray only because my parents live down there okay there's a great bar on the beach called the sandbar because tampa's got some spots too tampa has spots tampa's great well tampa's i'm gonna be there in december and i

just fucking did it i'm like i love tampa tamp's young, too. It just feels like I feel too old to even be in town there. It's like really young. The Sandbar in Delray, if you want like a daytime hangout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. You're showing all these pictures

in the episode, right? This is awesome. Right across from the beach. It's a party. People are there to party. They're not there to like... This is a off the beach bar. You don't want the on the beach bar because people are there to party. They're not there to like... This is an off-the-beach bar. You don't want the on-the-beach bar because people are there to be at the beach.

This is like the kids are away. We're going to go to this bar and really do it up. This is like my family. We go across the street to the beach. Every woman in this picture is hot as shit. Well, they know what they're doing. I mean, Del Rey, to me, as far as recommendations are concerned, I would put on my, like, someone was like,

where should I do a weekend with my boyfriend? I was like, go to Delray. Really? I don't even know Delray. What is Delray? Delray is, so there's, like, Boca is, like, a little bit inland, and then Delray is, like, on the beach. So if you flew into West Palm, a half hour south of West Palm.

Okay. I'm down. And also a half hour north of Fort Lauderdale. So Miami is Miami. We've all been to Miami. I get what I'm getting there. It's Miami Beach. It's great.

It's fun. It's international. Fine. Fort Lauderdale is kind of considered like the cheaper version of Miami. You're going to get a little bit more Floridian. You're going to get a little more tourist. Much better comedy crowds in Miami and Fort Lauderdale. Miami.

No, Fort Lauderdale. And Fort Lauderdale. I think their crowds are way better. I think Miami's more of a transplant city. They don't give a shit. Right. You know, Fort Lauderdale's going to be like, I've grown up around Fort Lauderdale. Yes. Delray is you're going to get as nice a hotel.

You're going to be able to go to bars and go to eat. You're not going to be at a nightclub. I think that's a weekend. If I was to send someone, go do a weekend. You're going to get the beach. Great. I love it. I can't believe I'm coming with my weekend recommendation.

Bring it all on. We'll take everything. This is good stuff. I think helpful to us. I think it's going to be helpful to everybody. Well, I think if people are like... That's beautiful. If I'm seven months in with my girlfriend and we're like what do we do in october there's the first trip delray

to me florida i know everybody shits on florida but it is a magical place my parents live in it's a mixed bag it's like like any state there's great parts of florida absolutely i think it's i'm actually guess what i'm going back oh breaking news man oh man i got a bar for you we're doing we're doing a fucking revenge video you're doing two tours i'm doing i'm going back we're doing a small theater in naples and i i just you're gonna be in a theater though it's gonna be great not in naples bro it's still gonna be a. Not in Naples, bro. It's still going to be a bloodbath. No, you hate it. They're going to come ready to get trashed. Right.

They want to be made fun of. You've got to bring, like, 20 Naples minutes. They're going to want that. It's going to be a bloodbath. Go to Blue Martini. There you go. Is that good? So Blue Martini in Naples is, like, I don't think it's good.

It's hilarious. It's all men in their 60s. I like that. It's men in their 60s with the paisley shirt, with the collar and the cuffs. It's like you landed in 1995. They're all hitting on women. They're all getting after it.

There's no phones out. There's a DJ. It is the pinnacle of old dude hitting on young women. Oh, I love it. I love it. You ever been to that? Look at this. I mean, look at this.

That's it. Yeah. Oh, this is great. A lot of bands and fakes. Blue Martini is a chain, but it's like I've used it as a punchline many times, like on like Instagram stories or something like when I'm making fun of The Bachelor. I get more messages from people being like, dude, you've never been more right about

a place in your entire life. Like that's Blue Martini. I don't know. I had a bad night at Pulse. Alright, we'll keep it moving. What else you got? Okay, last one. I gotta give a shout out to my buddy in Charleston. Charleston is one of the better drinking eating towns in the country. Charleston's

bananas. There's nothing cool. They're on a Monday this year. It was part of a long run coming back, so it was a great night, but it was a Monday. I always say it's New Orleans with manners. I couldn't agree more. My buddy's got a bar called Uptown Social, so he's like

they're killing it. They've opened up two more bars since. Wow. Uptown Social has this rooftop that, like, if you want to, like, have fun. Yeah. Look at this rooftop. Oh, yeah. I mean, come on.

Beautiful. Now we're talking. Beautiful. And then. There it is. Wow. That's the real rooftop. Oh, my God.

Holy moly. But it's a little young. It's a little young, but you're going to have a great time. Like, it's as far as base place to party. Yeah. And he's got another place called bodega and another place called share house so but like all his bars

same as the hair of the dog off the wagon in new york same bar group got it oh okay they know what they're doing they know what they're doing um and then leon's the fried chicken place is like one of the best places in the world really well what's the deal with charles i can't tell if there's 12 people who live there or 500 000 i can't get a read on how many people live there because it's kind of got a small town vibe but then it's always like on these food shows when my buddy moved down there i was like i i was like there's no doubt he's gonna be the mayor there i was like i was like this this fast talking new yorker yeah coming down there and and he's like killing it and I'm so happy for him

but he's like building a house all this shit like growing town new airport so that's a big deal that's how you know it's coming up

great city and we did a pickup game there on Monday these motherfuckers wouldn't miss a shot really it's one of the things we're like

these are like all white dudes who are pulling up from 40 like they're Damien Lillard there's one guy I'm playing with we chat for a while are pulling up from 40. Like they're Damian Lillard. There's one guy I'm playing with. We chat for a while.

He's like, oh, I know your comedy. We talked a little bit. And he was like, I forgot who the fuck his last name was. But he told me who his uncle was. That name sounds familiar. Two-time All-Star in the NBA. Really? White guy with a mustache.

Played for Milwaukee. I don't remember his name. But he was cool as fuck. And they were all nice dudes. Charleston's a great, great city. I love it. I love your comedy now. Love Charleston. Now I'm going to beat your ass.

Yeah, I love your comedy. No, he was on my team. I was letting them down. Oh, okay, okay. I was costing them. There you go. All right, yeah, Charleston. Okay, so what are your New York places?

Yeah, now let's get cooking. Here's one that I know we'll bond on, and there's another Bourdain spot, but I'm a native New Yorker, so I went to this place before I knew Bourdain liked it. Corner Bistro

is a classic. It's great. It's great. And I actually have a great story going there recently. That's in the village. Yeah.

Yeah. Great burger. I was there a couple months ago. Girl texted me that I met on like a dating app a few months ago.

She was like I never met her. She's like Corner Bistro now. And I got there. They're outside drinking out hammered like having a time now and they i got there they're outside drinking out

hammered like having a time and then they just kept bringing over shots and we're just like chilling in the street sunday in new york it's a great it's a great spot it's chill it's cash only which is kind of funny but i remember i was there like a year ago i'm chill at the bar and the guy we chat for a while bartender's a cool guy and he's like what do you do and i finally like i don't like the same comic but i'm a comic he's like oh man we had a real we had a real famous comic do a show here one uh one night and i was like oh yeah he goes this guy mark norman in there yeah oh really yeah but yeah i mean great spot's great. The fries are great. Yeah. Killer. Good bar.

And beautiful. Like the five block radius of that area is so pretty of the village. Oh my God. I mean, I'm going to give a bar out that's right around the corner. Hit me, baby. WXOU. Oh, radio bar. I've been there with you. Love the radio bar.

What a classic. It's amazing. We've gone together. Well, Vreed and I have been there together. And one of my favorite parts is who recognizes him versus who recognizes me. Some hot girl's like, are you Jared Freed? Some dude with one eyebrow's like, I know you. What are you going to do?

That is a perfect hole in the wall. I hope it never goes away, because the neighborhood used to be full of these, and they're all dissipating. Also cash only, by the way. Cash only. Is there a link between cool-ass bars? I guess they can get away with it. Especially New York, because it means people will get the fuck out of there. You can sit.

And also, we walk in from the cellar. We're kings. Cash heavy. Yes, good point. I love it. I walk in there. You know what's great about this place? I used to live right by here.

And during the winter, I'd walk by. And after enough people coming in and out, the windows are fogged. Yes. Because it's just hot the windows are fogged. Yes. Because it's just hot, sexy drinking in there. Right. And, you know, it's cold outside. It's a great vibe. It's a great vibe.

And every bar that we've talked about, the one thing that comes, that red hue. Yes, the hue, baby. The hue that you're like, I'm in a great winter spot, great summer. I mean, Bob Seger plays hourly. Hourly. Night moves hourly. Come on.

That's one of the best songs to hear in a bar. Let's talk about any Seger song, but like, holy shit. 3 a.m. when I hear night moves, I'm like, I made the right decision. I'm so happy I'm here. Oh, yeah. Well, we're throwing out bars. I don't even know the name of this bar, but we're in the area. It's called Bar, and it's on Greenwich Ave.

By the way, Fiddlesticks isn't bad. Fiddlesticks is pretty good. The frat guys took it over. No, Fiddlesticks made a comeback during the pandemic. Okay, that bar is killer. They're kind of back now. That's big. It's creaky.

It's like an old ship. Hold on. But pull this. It's just called Bar. It's on Greenwich Ave, and I think it's called John's Bar or John's maybe. Try John's. It's a hole in the wall. There it is.

That blue sign. See, it says Bar. That's it. It's about the size of a subway car. It's been there since the who knows when, the 30s. It's cheap. It's dirty. And it's killer.

I love this area so much great spot great that that i gotta go there oh man i don't know it's also cash only also if we're talking old new york you can't leave out mcsorley's out of respect you got to give them a week ago just i had like an hour to kill i just popped in there there. I got the potato leek soup. They have a potato leek soup. That's pretty good. That's old school. When was the last time you guys went to Rudy's? Where's Rudy's?

That's in Times Square, 44th and 9th. Yeah, it's like old Times Square. Free hot dogs. Get the pig outside. Free hot dogs with the pig outside. I drank there with you a few times. Yeah, we've been there. Oh, I've been there with Che, I think.

Yeah, he used to live around there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a hot spot. There was always some shady shit going down but rudy's part of the fact that rudy's was so clutch is free hot dog well not only that but it was in that area it was hard to find a place that wasn't a shithole in a ripoff right and rudy's was a shithole but it wasn't a ripoff no cheap cheap drinks okay duct tape on the duct tape on the uh seats you know what's another great New York bar?

We used to go there in high school, but they changed the location. The Subway Inn. Have you ever been there? Oh, I know the Subway Inn. Old school. Look at that fucking. Yeah. I've seen that sign.

Where was that? Well, it was on 59th and Lex, but they moved over to like York or something. Oh, it was by Dangerfield. Yeah. Yes. Oh, I know, yeah. Old school. That's a hot spot. Oh, man. I remember the bartender there. He was like a fucking character. He fucking

when we were kids, he grabbed one of my friends and just stuck his tongue down his throat. Oh, my God. And we were like, oh, my God. But we were drunk. We didn't realize until the next day. I'm like, did he just force himself on Nick? I love it. Why does Sam hang out with the most horrific people? He was the bartender. Everyone Sam hangs out the most horrific people? He's the bartender. Everyone Sam hangs out with is just this. He was the bartender.

I got a few more. You ready? I like an abusive bartender who does something horrible and then he's like shot, shot. Heart of gold. Spring Lounge. Love the spring. That's another classic. Oh my god. With the shark on the outside. Spring Lounge is John! Love the spring. That's another classic. Oh, my God. With the shark on the outside.

Spring Lounge is... John Mayer hangs out there. Ah, it's tiny in there, too. Tiny. Gets a little foggy. This bar, not cheap. There's the shark. Yeah, there's the shark.

Great back area to sit. I've made out with a lot of dudes. I mean, yeah, a lot of fun times in there. Down the street, Mother's Ruin. Great food. Mother's Ruin. Great food. Good cocktails. Good cocktails, great food. And good lady, Lady Place.

The ladies love Mother's Ruin. Ladies love Mother's Ruin. It is a great spot. Similar area. You know what's kind of a fun West Village spot is Kettle of Fish. You ever go there? I love Kettle of Fish. That's a cool bar.

Packers Bar. Yeah, that's right. They do Packers. It looks like someone's basement in Milwaukee cool bar. Packers bar. Yeah. That's right. They do Packers. It looks like someone's basement in Milwaukee. Fudge Packers. Next door. That's a great bar. Talk about a dive.

Dive. Again, those are going away. That's a great phone call with your friend. Dude, meet me at Fudge Packers. You're like, are you sure? Just fuck it. It's a cool bar, dude. Just come.

Say Fuddruckers? No, no. Very different. But this place is cash only as well. ATM in there cool bar, dude. Just come. Say Fuddruckers? No, no. Very different. But this place is cash only as well. ATM in there, though. Yeah, yeah. And then the Spaniard. I mean, we went.

We've gone many times. We've gone many times. I've had many nights there. I have to give them a shout out. It's only good on like Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays. It's weekends, it sucks. Weekends, you can't. You don't want to go.

Too busy. You want to like stay away from it. Weekdays, there's always going to be singles. I call it the 27-year-old embassy. Because it's all 27-year-olds. Just all single 27-year-olds hanging out. And it's just a good place, a good area. You can go places.

That area needed that bar. It was kind of an oasis. A desert. A desert for a while. And then that place opened and needed that bar. It was kind of an oasis. Not an oasis. A desert. A desert for a while. And then that place opened and it changed everything. It's true. There's also a bar down the street that's a good real shithole dive. It's got the horse on it.

Barrow Street Ale House. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right down the street. And I've only gone there when I couldn't get into space. Exactly. They're keeping it open. It's kind of like Greenwich Comedy Club. And a cellar. But, yeah, that's just a great if you really want't get into space. Exactly. They're keeping it open. It's kind of like Greenwich Comedy Club and the Cellar.

If you really want to get trashed and eat a quesadilla at 4 a.m. And get trashed quickly, they have the touch screens on the waitresses. Right. They'll come up, boop, boop, bop, boop, boop. They'll throw a drink at you. Okay.

That might be the moment where I'm an alcoholic. Yeah,'m like, yeah, they'll get you the drink quicker. Yeah, boop, boop, bop, boop, bop. What about Bank Street Bar? Well, there's Broom Street. Broom Street Bar? That's a good one. Right outside of Soho, right getting into Tribeca. Broom Street Bar.

There it is. That's a classic. I love that bar. Jeter used to pick up chicks there. That's a classic. I love that bar. Jeter used to pick up chicks there. That's a great bar. And down the street, there's a bar that got repopular. Finelli's? Yes.

Oh, yes. It's gotten very... Finelli's Soho, that's cool. It's gotten... Celebi? A little celebi, a little... It's gotten very influencer-y. Is that what it's called?

Finelli? Yeah, something like that. What the fuck are we doing right now? We're on a podcast talking about are we doing right now we're talking on a podcast talking about our favorite bars but we're drinking these people want photos there it is yeah yeah no that's a great spot it's a great spot that's gotten tiktoky yeah i would say that's the crowd get out of there trying to get hammered and forget about our feelings it's another old bar it's further downtown i kind of like Hudson.

One of the oldest bars. Look up oldest bars in New York, because it's one of them. I know what you're talking about. It's Ear Bar. Ear Bar, that's it. That's fucking it. Oh, come on. That's on Spring Street.

I know Ear Bar. That's a good fucking bar. It's slanted. It's so old, it's crooked, because it's by the water. There it is. The bee fucked up. Now it's called Ear Bar. It's a white horse tavern. White horse. Oh, that's a white horse we went there we went there recently we went there too busy yeah but i did sit down there burger though good

burger good food good fries crinkle cut that place in the pandemic was like the hot spot a well done crinkle cut oh my god put it in my eyes let's rank fries you wanna rank fries oh shit I go curly well they never get well done enough curly's good curly's tough to beat if they're all well done curly

steak I like the only steak I've ever liked shoestring over curly I like a shoestring I mean I hate to blow up another if we're talking about

great fries and a great bar fucking Minetta dude oh Minetta Minetta, dude. Oh, Minetta! Minetta's great. I had an issue there the other night. Really? I had an issue.

What happened? I went to the bar and I got the fries and I go, I want them hot. I want them well done. I'm not eating fries that aren't hot and well done. They bring it out. They were like stale. Oh. And I go, I don't want to be this guy, but these are just not right.

And I go, touch them. Put your hand on them. I need you to know that I'm not sitting here complaining. Yeah. They go, no, this is horrific. They bring them back. Second round of fries, just as cold as the first. Jeez.

What is going on? I don't know. Maybe they're losing it. Aye, aye, aye. I love them. Get your shit together. Again, this is me not trying to cancel them. This is me asking them to improve.

We're disappointed. Hopefully Mineta has a path to redemption, guys. Lizzo was like, why can't they do it with me? I love that place. But yeah, that's disappointing. I mean, look, every once in a while, I love Joe's Pizza. You go there late night sometimes. You can hit it off night.

You get a phone in and in. Let me give an updated, a new place that used to be an old place that just reopened. And not just, Milady's. Milady's? Milady's was a bar that, like, I think the pandemic closed. They redid it. It's beautiful. So that's what it used to look like, I think.

It's Soho. Oh, okay. Looks fancy. It is. It's beautiful. So that's what it used to look like, I think. It's Soho. Oh, okay. Looks fancy. It's got a fancy look. I mean, look at that. It looks cool. Great date spot. Jocelyn Chee is not allowed.

Oh, that's Malaysia. Sorry. Okay. I had to set that one up. But yeah, I don't know, my ladies. All right. I'm into it. All right.

Okay. Wait, hold on. I Wait hold on I had one I had one I lost it Cherry Tavern You wanna get crazy Cherry Tavern This is Avenue B

And fucking 6th Street I think There it is That's where you really Go to kill yourself Wow It's rough

But man It's cheap You know what's a cool one In the village You ever go to Doc Holliday's? Oh, a great bar! I got some tahini in the back of my throat. I thought you were bullshitting.

Now we're going to East Village. Doc Holliday's is great. Great bar. You want to see the most fucked up bar? It's like Kraftwerk. Have you ever been there? No, never heard of it. The last time I went there, the bartender was... all like the punk like tagged up like east village bar near thompson's park last time i went there the bartender was i was in the middle of the day but the bartender

was sleeping with his like legs kicked up and there's a bucket of bars oh no no there's a bucket of beers on the bar and it just says honor system, five cups of beer. Get out of town. That's not going to work. I hope this is my 14th beer. I'm an honorable man. That's where the crossbunks go to drink. Remember Turkey's Nest? Oh, wait. Turkey's Nest. Jesus.

How about Horseshoe Bar? Wait a minute. On Avenue B. 7th and B. We called it Horseshoe Bar because it was a horseshoe-shaped bar. Yeah. Seventh and B, I think that's what it's called. Oh, 7B. That's what it's called.

That's a great fucking bar. It's a great bar. A lot of movies filmed there. Where's Turkey's Nest? That's on Bedford and Williamsburg. Oh, I wouldn't know that. It's a fucking cool spot. But it's a cool spot.

I don't leave the island. I don't know. He doesn't leave the island. One of my favorite beer bars in New York is Drop Off Service. Oh, that's a good spot. Fantastic. That's in the village. We call this the Horseshoe Bar.

That's a great bar. Great bar. Talk about the windows fogging. Yes. I can't believe we haven't brought up this one. It's a sleeper. It's the East Village. I know it.

Blue and gold. Oh, I was thinking something else, but that is a great bar. You get a glass of shivers for five bucks. That's a great bar. You get like good ass shots. I got the shivers when I was thinking something else, but that is a great bar. You get a glass of shivers for five bucks. That's a great bar. You get like good ass shots. I got the shivers when I was in there. That's a great bar. Yeah, I hooked up with a girl in there.

She walked up to me and I fucked her. Oh, really? It was a great night. Judy Gold, look her up. Hold on, what's the fucking blaze with Eric I? Well, I closed down. Ah. The St. Mark's something. Holiday cocktail lounge. Holiday cocktail lounge. Right on St. Mark, I closed down. Ah. The St. Mark's something.

Holiday cocktail lounge. Holiday cocktail lounge. Right on St. Mark's. Another classic. Right around the block. I remember that place. Cheap drinks. Mark and I had some fucking bombs in that room.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Eric I. God bless him. This guy would run seven shows a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not one of them was good, but Mark and I would do all of them. Everyone.

Like, dude, run one good show instead of seven where there's four people each show let's concentrate on one thing we were just bomb every time but i remember like man that one metal i mean you know you're fucked when you see that metal it was rough but it was a great little bar great bar damn is this entertaining to anyone outside right i'm I'm wondering if I fucked up your podcast. No, I think it's... No, I mean, this is fascinating. I want someone to do the We Might Be Drunk bar tour. When they go to all these places.

We'll get a bus. This could be fun. Hell yeah. This would be great. We all go. We might die. But yeah, that would be cool. Well, we won't be driving the bus. No, no, no.

We'll just be riding it, but yeah. All right. Might be funnier for you if we drive. But yeah, I was just hitting people on the sidewalk. Wow. It's for a podcast. Yeah. 40 tickets sold, 14 people dead.

Oh, wait. What about the other room? You ever been to the other room? Wait, I do know the other room. Oh, you know the other room. It's on Perry. It's also Automatic Slims. Oh, is that?

I thought that closed. No, I don't think so. Other room, I know what you're talking about. I think it's Tortilla room. It's on Perry. Oh, also Automatic Slims. Oh, is that? I thought that closed. No, I don't think so. Other room, I know what you're talking about. I'm thinking of Tortilla Flats. A little smelly. Yeah, Tortilla Flats closed, but that's a great makeout bar. The other room is a great place for like a date. And it's hidden in, I love when a bar is hidden in a neighborhood, like just tucked away.

What the hell is this around, BJ? What are we doing? Now we're just going straight Cadillac Margarita. What's a Cadillac Margarita? What's a Cadillac margarita? It's a margarita that's really expensive. No, it's just made with Grand Marnier and an older age tequila. Oh, okay. Thanks.

You didn't want shots, so I was like, yeah, let's go. Hold on. Wrong glass. Hey, you still got the tajin on there. Okay. I haven't had this much tahini since I We didn't even do the shot Well the booze is working

Set up was clutch This is great This Look up Automatic Slims. It's right around the corner from... The other room's good. It's on Greenwich Street. Yeah, yeah.

I've... This is a great party bar. I've never been in there when people were in there. It's always empty. Automatic Slims? Yeah. Maybe I'm not going there when it's packed like crazy. Oh, okay.

Here's the Bermuda Triangle of that neighborhood is WXOU, Automatic Slims, White Horse Tavern. Also, I go to another bar for football Sundays. It's the only sports bar in the West Village. Wogie's? No, that's a Philly bar, so I stay away from it. Ah. Is Barrow? Hmm.

Barrow Street Alehouse. Do you watch? You're a hardcore Patriots guy. I like the Patriots. I've kind of fallen out. Not Barrow. We talked about Barrow. Do you watch? You're a hardcore Patriots guy. I like the Patriots. I've kind of fallen out. Not Barrow. We talked about Barrow. Does your brother still work for the Dolphins?

No, he's in a new team. He's the Bears. So I'm like, now I'm a Bears fan. Go Bears. Ditka. Was that Ditka? Yeah. Okay.

Thank God. Yeah. So when I want to watch a game, that's like... Yeah, put in Patriots Bar Village. Bayards. Bayards. Bayards. I know Bayards.

Good wings over there. Bayards. I went to Bayards once, and there is a... So you're going to Dublin? Yeah. So I'm friendly with the bartender there. This is a crazy story. I tell the bartender she's from Ireland and I go, yeah, I'm going to Dublin, Belfast, Copenhagen.

Oslo was one of the best shows I've ever had in my life. Really? I'm going there too. What's Oslo? I mean, give me some highlights of Oslo. I did a sauna on the water. You can go, they have these saunas that are on the fjord and you can just go in there and then jump in the water. The water's like, you know,

freezing cold. What time of year are you going? September, late September. You got to do it. You got to do these saunas on the water and you can like, it's just, it was unbelievable there. But I'm at Bayards and the woman, woman she's like it's like three in the morning she goes you got to try and talk about recommendations since we're on the topic i go i'm going to belfast she goes the best pizza in the world's in belfast best pizza in the world is in ireland i go no fucking way i'm like i'm not getting i go i'm living in new york you're not telling me yeah yeah she goes no no You gotta go get pizza in Belfast. I go, what are you talking about?

I go look it up. What's it called? Fuck. That's where Van Morrison's from. What is it? The Belfast Pizza Place. Just look it up. Splats.

Spats. Spats. Something. What's it called? Belfast Pizza. No. spats something what's it called spell fast pizza no this is the bell uh slow search right here i guess look at the name for your show cock sucking zag it it's called what is it called?

All right, we're going to get it right here. Oh, this pizza looks like ass. Come on. That ain't it. The Pizza Guys. These are great names. Pizza Works. I follow them on fucking Instagram. Little Wing Pizzeria.

Little Italy. No. That's not bad looking. Goodfellas, of course. Hack. Green's Pizza. Yuck. Pizza Punks. Flout Pizza. Yuck. Pizza Punks.

Flout Pizza. Flout. Flout Pizza. Maybe it's number one. This is crazy. So I go, this woman, she's like, the best pizza in the world is in Belfast. I go, come on. Why would I go to pizza in Belfast?

She goes, you got to go. I message this guy on Instagram, Flout Pizza. I go, hey, man. Holy shit. That looks good. That looks all right. I mean, this is like. In crust. I go to, I message this guy. I'm like hey man, I'm coming to this. Holy shit, that looks good. I mean, this is like... I message this guy, I'm like, hey, I'm going to be in town on this. He goes,

we're out of pizza by 2. Can you be here before 2? And I'm like, this is a good sign, right? I go to this pizza place, I get there at like 1, and he's basically put aside a pizza for me. What? Well, how do you do that? I get a crazy business plan for this guy. Get more pizza. Right, right. And he's like basically put aside a pizza for me. What? Well, how do you do that? What do you do? His name is.

I got a crazy business plan for this guy. Get more pizza. Right, right. Yeah, right. You're running out every day at 2 p.m.? His name's Peter. We have a slice together. It was very Bourdain-ish.

I go, hey, man. He gives me like a big hug when I walk in. This guy's name is Peter. He's a big redheaded guy. And I go, what's. I go, I'm here. And he puts out a whole thing for me. And it's like,

they do the deep dish. They do the, you know, all the different types. They make their own homemade hot honey with like the chilies in it. Oh, come on. He's like,

my wife got diagnosed with some sort of disease and I've always just had an interest in pizza. I went and put all our money into the oven and I'm open this place. Wow. I was touched. And I'm like, it's the best pizza I have ever... You should have saved some for treatment. I was thinking the same thing.

I'll tell you. No, this looks incredible. The life's dead, but the pizza's amazing. It's the most incredible pizza I've ever had in my life. It's your number one? I think it's number one. Wow. I think it's number one.

Dublin, how about that float? I think it's number one. Wow. I think it's number one. Dublin. How about that? Belfast. Belfast. This guy was the nicest guy. And then we had a moment. This is the thing. When someone gives you a good recommendation, and you're helping their business, and he's

like, just like us, when someone likes your comedy, you go, I put everything in this. I know. I know. I can't thank you enough. I don't know what to say. There he is. There's Peter. Peter. That's't thank you enough. I don't know what to say. There he is. There's Peter. That's him on the right.

He's got two kids. Wow. Is his wife okay? I don't know. I didn't get into it. I didn't ask. I was afraid to ask. I don't know.

Yeah, you don't ask. He couldn't have been nicer to me. He gave me everything for free. Wow. I dropped a 50 on the table. I go, this is for the house. I don't know what to do. So, I mean, no offense, but I feel like if I DM'd a restaurant, a restaurant they'd be like yeah come in and buy a piece you chooch right who do you

think you are why would i well i came in planning to pay yeah yeah i dm'd him i go hey man that looks really good it's great fucking believable and this guy's the type of pizza i like i like the thin crust oh easy yeah but it's crazy to go to a bar when you start to get to know the so i april 28th at 2.27 a.m. Wow, look at that. Look at that bottom of that slice. Hey, I'm coming to Belfast next week. I'd love to come in.

The date is 5-4. He writes back, would love to have you. We'll be open. Do you want to let me know a time that suits you? We might have a little queue. But you might be right on – come right on in and say hello if that's cool. So I go 2.30. He's like – he's got to pick up his kids he's telling me all

this stuff it's just i had such like a heartwarming when someone's like hey go message the place and go yeah i love it i'm impressed with you too because somebody goes hey the best pizza belfast i go all right dick let's keep the shots coming i'll see you later you know i don't listen she wasn't the only one who told me that because i go okay the first time i did the same thing i'm like i'm living new york i've had the best fucking pizza by the way best pizza i've had what is it is new haven ah it's pretty good i think frank pepe sally's those are some insanely good this beat and also and also in tulsa there's a place he's a new york guy who makes it in Tulsa.

The DeMarco slice. We've plugged them on here before, but it was incredible. I mean, we've had a lot of good pizza in our day. I love a good slice. I get mad when someone, again, bad recommendation. When I go somewhere and someone's like, oh, the pizza. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I came from New York. Give me what you do.

It's Andolini's in Tulsa. Okay. I always say, and then Colin Quinn backed me up on this, best pizzas in Long Island. And people laugh at me and I go, I don't know, it's a great pizza. And then Colin Quinn goes, all the Brooklyn guys moved to Long Island. Yeah. So they just brought the pizza. I'm with you on that.

I think now it's all those people that have those mom and pop dinner restaurant type pizza places. Yeah. I think Jersey definitely it's like all those people that have those like mom and pop dinner restaurant type pizza places. Yeah. I think Jersey definitely has some plate. Oh, Jersey got some great pizza. Yeah. Staten Island's fantastic. Yeah.

Staten Island. Still New York City. Problem is you have to go to Staten Island. Right. I know. That's the real problem there. But yeah, they do have great pizza. I don't leave the island, so I'm like.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm lazy as well. It's amazing. You won't go to Staten Island but you'll go to Belfast for pizza

but I relate to that yeah it's the people yeah I won't get in a ferry but I'll get in a plane yeah you can't fly to Staten Island Delta doesn't

yeah Delta doesn't do Delta 1 there Delta 1 is clutch yeah oh I'm fucked I'm going to LA I got

no Delta 1 I'm 5th on the list I'm going later too when are'm fucked i'm going to la i got no delta one i didn't either fifth on the list i'm going later too and when are you going i'm going in a week oh i'll be there in like later this month it's too bad we're not there together would have been fun to double up on some of these yeah hell yeah are you doing shows there yeah doing the ace theater and i'm gonna jump around the improv in the store yeah i'm doing the improv on friday but i i know that delta one, it stares at you. I know. Like 100,000 miles.

And you're like, I don't got to, I'm not doing 100,000. What? No, it's crazy. And then you're like, oh, I don't know. I had the worst one the other day. I missed a flight, so they put me on standby for the next flight. And I was third on standby. And they were like, hey, okay, Jeff Johnson, he's number one.

Yes, number one's going. I felt like I was holding a ticket. And then they're like, number two, Bob Seger. Okay, Bob said, here we go, baby. And then they go, Joseph Wheeler. He was 26. And I go, what the fuck is that? You jumped me.

And she was like, he's got status more than you. How is that possible? I know, so I didn't get on. That bothers me so much. We fly so much. We made a commitment to an airline. And I go, I need an interview. Anyone that's ahead of me, I'm like, I got to know everything about their life.

Yeah, right. I think who is it? Maybe Todd Barry once said, like, you can't beat China. Like, if someone flies to China once, they beat you. Like, you're fucked. But, like, I just want to know what their life is. Well, I'm taking United to Australia. I did that too.

I don't normally fly United, but give me something that will give me some points. Right. I'm 1K with United because of Australia. 1K is pretty sweet. And that's one flight? Yeah. There and back? There and back.

Delta's solid. They're all bad but like united fucking uh they'll just cancel a flight with no explanation i think delta they're so out in front of it yeah like the app is so good i think if you have a good app great app we we're good i went from the delta app to the united app and it was like loading forever i'm like jesus christ pick it up united right right no it's good to have competition you want you don't want there to just be one it's like when netflix was only dominating it's like yes you want other shit of course it keeps them in check but yeah you go to united

it's like going to cable you know it's slow hotel room cable you're like change the chair yeah with no uh guide button yeah you're like oh i can't i could go through the numbers to find espn oh sorry go ahead that's a peeve of mine the fucking hotel channels there's a weird black delay between every channel and i'm like this adds like 25 minutes to my watching we didn't even do relationship questions did we should we let's do a couple let's do it we got you here let's do it so we just gave them where to go on the first date jared is really fucking good at this we've done both on his podcast and he you give articulate and insightful advice well i'm usually not three drinks in plus a shot but we'll see what happens

now you get the real advice let's see we got my girlfriend and i've been dating for two years she moved to new york to get her master's. I stayed here in Baltimore to work. Tough. But with my job, I cannot leave the state of Maryland until 2026, the earliest. 2026? What year is it now? I know.

Is he in high school? He's got to wait until he graduates? While she's committed to never living in Maryland again, good for her uh and plans on either staying in new york or moving back with her parents in philly after she graduates we really are in love but i feel like this past year of long distance has created almost daily fights over the stupidest fucking shit can long distance work long term i mean i i don't think so but no it, but not in this situation. No. They're done. It's over. She's trying to get the baby to cry himself to sleep. Yes.

She wants this to end, and she doesn't want to end it. I can tell you right now, the idea that you're having daily fights over the distance. When you have long distance, the only way long distance work is a plan. So it's like, hey, this week we're doing Baltimore. Next week we're going to do. If you're in a serious relationship, as they are and they have been in, why is the communication not about what our solution is? It's all about the problems.

The problem is the problem. You can't move until 2026. If you're talking about the problem, that means someone wants out of it and wants to remind you there's a problem. She's trying to get you to dump yourself. And you're the loser. You're at home and stuck in Maryland until 2026. So the loser, it's tough to be the winner and dump you.

So she doesn't want to dump you. Well said. Well said. I told you guys he was good. You nailed it. You nailed it. And she's in New York. She's at Mother's Ruin right now blowing a finance guy.

No offense, buddy. The time of her life. Yes. She's like, oh, I've got to take this. He's going to cry about our relationship. Yeah. And she's hoping the next call is you going, hey, it's over for me. But you're never going to do that because you're in loser land, Maryland.

She's in Winterville, New York. And you're like, well when if you're not talking about when's the next visit you're only talking about you know what's making you not want to visit yes exactly so i hate to say it i don't want to be mean to the guy but like get out you gotta get out of jail free card and go get laid in baltimore it's time to end it and i feel for them because this is the hardest thing because you go we we're so good here when we're in Maryland. I know. You got a four-year prison sentence.

Yeah, Maryland's over, baby. Yeah. And it's not even that. It's not like you're doing New York to L.A. or something. No. But it's a pretty easy train ride, but that turns into its own thing, right? Totally. Here's the thing.

Distance, it does work and it doesn't work. You know, those two opinions take over the conversation. Like, it can work, but you're not even doing the things to make it work. Right. That means someone's not trying. That means someone doesn't want to be in this relationship. She thought, I think she probably thought this was the out. Oh, moving to New York, and he's holding on to it. Right. like oh you're still holding on to it but she doesn't want to break up

with him so they're fighting it's hard when you love someone to end it of course of course so the worst relationships are the ones the worst endings are the ones you blame on something else and you go oh it's the distance no it's not the distance you both don't want to be together yep yeah you're you're saying the distance is the problem but she moved she didn't even include you in that conversation. She's not even saying what's the dates you're coming in.

Yeah, that's poor. Daily fights. I feel bad. It sucks, but it's time to end it. It does suck. All right, well, let's ruin another life.

Here's where we get another. Been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. She's great. The only problem is she's not as fit as she was when we first met, and I don't find myself

as attracted to her as when we first met. Don't say that. I've made that mistake before. Oh, really? You've said that? I know, I fucked up. I'm a bad person. How'd you do it? I said, yeah, you've gained a lot of weight.

I fucked up. What? That's crazy. I have a joke about this in my act now, but you gotta make it positive. You gotta be like, I think it's cool that everyone at the ice cream store knows your name. Turned into a good thing. I can't you got to make it positive you got to you got to be like i think it's cool that everyone at the ice cream store knows your name turned to a good thing that's great i can't believe you said you gained a lot of weight that's crazy it was a lot rocky road so did she uh the problem is she seems to have no desire to go to the gym at all anymore when should i start worrying that i won't be physically attracted during the long term well my opinion is you already ain't yeah yeah you gotta be with someone who you're attracted to

and if they're not gonna take care of themselves and you do then that attraction is a part of a relationship here's the problem this this conversation gets bogged down in the weight weight you know the the the physical physical looks of it it's not about that you guys have different interests now you know she is interested in living a lifestyle that you have a different interest in that's the really way to look at it's not you know attracted not attracted you're just turned off by this lifestyle they leave again that's not a judgment of like someone's looks that's we have different interests right you think Don't you think that's like more the core of the issue? Maybe not interest.

Maybe like if you want to be with someone who goes, oh, shit, I put on some weight. I got to work on this. Right. That's the thing. The motivation. Like, listen, everyone has different looks they're into. Sure. So it's like this isn't about good or bad.

This is about my mentality is a little I'm turned off by the mentality just like you said like the motivation that's a big part of it like and i think when it gets what gets in the way is like the looks factor yeah because that's not what this is about but there are people out there who are really hot when they're single and then get in a relationship thing and they're like i'm letting this i'm letting everything out i mean that's me i mean i get a relationship i'm farting everywhere i'm shitting all over the house i'm like a dog that wasn't trained right you know i'm like i'm out there like i remember that i was dating a girl and she was like i farted and she was like it's enough like wow like i am not attracted this joke isn't funny anymore i thought i'm like walk like, walking around. That's how I proposed.

There you go. She was like, I do. But I, here's what's tough about this. And women, they're not going to want to hear this, but women get mad at men for this shit.

Like that's so insensitive. And it's like, it's just how we're wired. We don't want to be this way. It's just, if a guy loses his job and goes broke and just sits on the couch all day playing video games, that's unattractive too. Right.

Well, that's again, but that goes back to motivation. It's not about looks. Right. It's not about she's gained weight. I'm not attracted to this version of the person that I used to be attracted to. Yes. And that's in the way of it. Now are there solutions? Hey, if I was this person, you want a solution to your problem, here's some ideas.

Why don't you start doing some fitness classes that you want to do that problem here's some ideas why don't you start doing some fitness classes that you want to do that you would have fun doing an includer and but is that not kind of like insulting to her being like hey i want to do this thing i'm getting into running i'm getting into this i you know i would love for you to come with me i don't know i think i think it's a good idea i just don't know if it's going to hurt her feelings it might but that's what's tough about the ladies is like now now she's fat and crying. You know, you're like, wait, what? You can't have both.

You know, like, so you gain weight and I'm still- Don't say that. Okay. Mark's like, this is too bad thing. Yeah, yeah. Please. It is. No, but it's, I think it's more like, you know, if it's a motivation thing, maybe you're

the, you know, because obviously when someone like puts on weight, sometimes it's like, I'm out of my groove. You know, maybe they're going through something else that you don't know about. That's true. You know, like where like, hey, I'm looking to do stuff. Let's do something new. Maybe that gets them out of their funk and you go and now you're back. You know, hey, we're doing this class. It was kind of fun.

Like I'm part of that. There's, I, this gets, this conversation gets like shushed by people who be like, you're being rude. Exactly. It's not about, let's change what the conversation is about isushed by people will be like, you're being rude. Exactly. It's not about, let's change what the conversation is about is really what I think. I like that. That's a good point.

And it's a good way to get it off weight a little bit too. It's not about weight. You know, like, listen, I, I've been with women. I'm like,

they put on a few pounds. I'm like, Oh, hot. Yeah. And you can go the other way and get too skinny. It goes always. That's true.

I think the out of the groove thing is like really important. Good point. It's a good point. Are you okay? It's like, hey, let's switch it up. Let's go here. Let's go somewhere else. Blah, blah.

Let's not eat pizza at 2 a.m. Whatever. Right. It's like you can tell someone to go to the gym when you're both at home or whatever, and that just sounds rude or, you know, like they're not going to listen to that. It just makes them feel bad. That's a hard thing to say to a woman, though, too, to be like, I've noticed you've gained 25 pounds. You must be in a rut. Let's talk about it. No, exactly. But no, but if you just say like, yo, let's them feel bad. That's a hard thing to say to a woman, though, too, to be like, I've noticed you've gained 25 pounds. You must be in a rut.

Let's talk about it. No, exactly. But no, but if you just say like, yo, let's take this trip. Let's go here. Let's go there. Change it up.

Yeah, it's like you're driving on a bikini and you're like, oh, I have been slacking. I'm trying to hang out with you. Yeah, exactly. Right. That's really the...

I think that's really important. That's dope. But this guy's in a tough spot. There's a long one. Oh, a woman. I'm married. I'm married 10 years dating and fucking on the regular

for at least the first 8 years and then things slowly started to dwindle I think they were fucking oh they were fucking on the regular and then things

started to dwindle I mean 8 years is pretty good I the female was always being the one to instigate and over time I would get the

I'm tired bullshit then it came down to rejection like I'm tired bullshit then it came down to rejection like i'm tired or you're too drunk that's when i started giving up i'm super horny and i just turned 40 and i feel like i'm in my prime this is reading like a penthouse i know i felt my chub move i'm so ready to fuck at any moment i asked my husband if he doesn't want to fuck me, maybe we could have an open relationship. No. Maybe we could swing.

No. So I got a couple of vibrators and they're awesome, but I'm feeling the urge to cheat because I'm so unhappy and so horny. What do you think? Wow. I mean, this is a pretty hot message. It's hot. It is.

Super hot. Penthouse forums type stuff. These are the women when you're single and you meet that gal at the bar and you're like, buy you a drink she's like you can buy me a cab and you're like it's my lucky day you know but you got to find these women they have to go through hell before they do that to you uh i mean this person needs to end their marriage sounds like i mean that's i mean there's only one piece of advice there's a reason again it's not the sex it's not the problem it's the other problem you know like there's a reason this person's not the sex. It's not the problem. It's the other problem. You know, like there's a reason this person's not having sex. And it's not about their tire.

Yes. It's not about the, oh, if they're straight up turning you down, you're not having a conversation. You can't be only talking about sex. You're right. Why are you turning me down? I'm looking. When do you feel turned on by me? What's the disconnect here?

I don't think they're talking. You're right. Yeah. You're right. And there's something in the relationship that's in the air. There's a stale thing going on that he's bottling up. And that's what's preventing him from fucking. This is a very male way of arguing, too, of like kind of shutting off.

It's like he's either lost interest in the relationship. Or he's fucking around. He's fucking around.'s fucking around oh because he's always turning down sex i mean like i don't buy that a guy has zero sex drive i understand that sex slows down in every relationship but to have zero drive and never want to fuck your partner or again we go to the body stuff maybe he's going through something you know what are you going through? They've made it about sex, and it's not about sex at all. Like, oh, my husband won't fuck me. What should I do?

I'm thinking of cheating. No, no, no. Let's take care of the husband issue. Right. This isn't a sex issue. This is a marriage issue. And she's getting hammered, and he's not. Basically, she's saying, he's like, you're too drunk. So she she's out getting hammered and he's at home probably working or watching tv so they're

already disconnecting there so there's a lot of stuff going on in this relationship that she's not saying yeah there's it's again the answer sometimes in the email yeah maybe like they've got to do a date night thing where they get drunk together. I mean, they got to try something. Well, that's the thing. Here's the thing. Relationships are negotiations. You have to have two people at the table having the negotiation. She's negotiating against herself.

Like, he's, hey, I want to have sex. No. That's not a negotiation. Right. That's nothing. Okay. She's got to follow. Well, why?

What's going on? And sex becomes hard because you're like I don't want to force someone to have sex with me that's not what you're asking sex is done we're not having sex I need to know why you're not having sex exactly they're bottling stuff up and she's trying to just fuck and forget about it and he's like I can't fuck you I got stuff in my head

that's the thing she's like this email is written to be cool girl right you know like there's a lot of like i want to fuck it every moment i got the vibrators put them away we have to go to a therapist they don't need to fuck they need a big fight a big fight would save this and nobody wants to have that fight because it's confrontation it's awkward but that would clear the. And then they would fuck right after. I guarantee it. Or he's cheating. Or he's cheating.

Sounds like he might be cheating. It does sound like he is. And I agree with Joe. She's going to get out. I have a mindset of guys who, once they feel they slip the ring on, they're like, she's here forever now. I don't have to try ever. Yeah, there's that.

If I was that way, though, I'd be depressed. If I was in a marriage where I'm like ring on no more fucking I'd be like what do we do what I know that's such a weird mentality it's a women thing right and I hear that from like married people and it's like a joke I'm like that's not a joke that's prison you gotta walk the guy down so now you can be a shitty person

you got yourself out of the game I have a friend I remember I was at his place we were all hanging out and it's like a college buddy and he's got kids he's like and he this like, he was kind of hammered. But he gave this like big speech. He's like, if we're okay, they're okay. He kept being like, if we're okay, husband and wife, the kids are okay. And I always was like, yeah, I think he's got a good point.

You know, like I'm like, if my mom and dad are still fucking, I'll probably be happier than if they're not fucking. That's a great point. And maybe that's going to be a bit. Right. There's something. There's something there. Something there's something there i think so throw that in i got for the bit sex i like it i like it all right we got another one here i'm curious if you guys feel stand-up improves or hinders your game with women forget about it i don't think you should get into stand-up solely to pursue dating absolutely not but uh i'm curious to hear if you think it benefits your social life in that area.

Thanks. Comedy. Comedy. This is someone who already got into stand-up to fuck. Like, hey, should this be going better than I thought it was? This is not why you should get into comedy, by the way. I mean, it makes it easier to meet women, obviously, after shows or in the DMs or whatever. But I think, you know, you get less. I mean dms or whatever but i i think you know uh

you're in you get less i mean jared and i were talking about you know going out earlier like we definitely you know all of us would hit the town and stuff but that's after shows you get a late start you miss out on a lot of the socializing i think well here's the thing about stand-up you're just in more social areas yes then you would be if you didn't do stand-up like you know monday night you wouldn't be out if you didn't do stand-up you'd be at home true watching your shows so it's like it's like the apps oh i you know people are like i hate the apps and you're like yeah because it's more it's just more you know like so for stand-up we're just out more and it's on someone's big night so like yeah you're gonna meet more people i don't think you're gonna meet

more like i i i've never i don't think i've met more like partners like that i was like crazy about because of you know like i i guess i'm out i don't know like you're out and you're talking to a big group and then you go out after and you have a good answer well what do you do right jared i'm a comic what holy shit what's that like so now you're in it you know it do you do right jared i'm a comic what holy shit what's that like so now you're in it you know it's not like i'm a i'm a you know data entry guy oh nice to meet you there dickless all right what's this guy do you know you're you're in it and you're funnier you have lines you have quips you know yourself you can read a room that's a woman that is the thing you do pick up skills to be able to talk to anybody.

Like, when I'm like, okay, I can go into performance mode at any point. Yeah, exactly. So you go, like, when you, you ever been in a bar and, like, some, some woman's, like, kind of, like, being, being mean, just trying to give you shit. Negging. And they're a little negging, and then you go, ah, okay, now I gotta go into, like, you know, gotta go to the sheath and start doing my crowd work. Yeah, do your crowd work. Yeah, and you kind of go into that, and they're like, what the fuck was that?

Yeah, like, well, I didn't know you were a ninja. Yeah, it's like, yeah, there's a little of that that comes in handy, but it's not that person that's trying to neg me isn't my, like, the partner I'm looking for. No, no, no. Maybe that night, but no, not a partner. Yeah. All right, good one. Is it strange for 28-year-old women to sleep with a stuffed animal?

Do you ever see this where you go to someone's house and they got the blankie from their five? Yeah, I don't love it. Here's what I don't love. It's not that I don't care about the stuffed animal, the blankie. It's when it's disgusting. Oh, yeah. You ever see when it's like they've chewed on it for a thousand years and you're like,

yeah, I don't care. It's from your childhood. It's just, we're sleeping with a mop. It's dingy. It's dirty. It's like off color. It's not about what it is. I don't give a fuck if you have the snuggle bear from the commercial.

It's if it has literally dried cum on it. I don't want that. Another dude's dried fucking semen. Yeah, it's crunchy. Don't sleep. Yeah. I know. I don't want that. Another dude's dried fucking semen. Yeah, it's crunchy. Yeah. I know. I don't love this stuff.

It's a little kiddy and weird. I don't know. You got some trauma, some past stuff coming up. It's a little much. Sam, you ever see it? Yeah, not really. I guess I've seen a weird blankie or stuff. Well, if you fuck kids, you're going to see a lot of this. It'll come up quite a bit.

Pacifier, diapers, whatever it is. This was sent to us by a priest. How do you get better at fighting? We are similar in the sense of knowing each other so well that our fights can get too hurtful and mean, but we both know we need to control our own anger and fight better. But doing it is hard in the moment. How can we get better at that? Oh, that's tough. want to pull out hey you cunt hey your mom's a bitch like

you don't want to go that yeah you fat whore like that's when it gets ugly it's hard when one of you is calm and the other one is is like that's true because sometimes it's uneven where one person is a terrible communicator and the other person is very peaceful right and then you're the peaceful one is kind of like a little resentful like well i didn't fucking take any low blows yes i could have right i didn't i that that's to me like the worst type of relationship i hate it it's trashy it's trash it is to be like you know because it to me the email, it sounds like two people who like winning. And it's like, if you want to win, like, we've all been on stage and had a heckler or someone that's been shitty. And you're like, I'm just going to say the most horrific thing to this person.

It never works. And it never works. It's a great Instagram video. Comedian destroys girlfriend. Girlfriend destroys comedian it's like you're not funny and you're like oh I didn't see the comedian die like I hate that

one bit you do your clothes are stinks but I've had that thing where you're on stage and you're like and you don't feel good afterwards that's why this person's asking this question they get out of that fight and they're like oh we're both Rocky and Apollo at the end of the fight. Like, we're both battered by this, like, argument that made us both realize that we both, like, said the worst things we could ever. I don't know.

And the worst part is you will never forget that zing. That crazy barn burner of a line she had on you. That's going gonna live in your head forever even when you're doing well as in a relationship so you're kind of fucked i yeah no one's likable i had someone at stamford i was in stamford i did the uh the new new york comedy club there oh yeah it's pretty good i had a good time um not pretty good actually really good yeah i had a great weekend um but one of the people in the crowd that the last show there was a woman with her boyfriend they were just talking like you could tell they weren't there for my show which is fine um it's not fine but it's like they were just having a conversation

and then i got to a part of my bit and they were like uh the one i said something about like yeah before the beach you like look at yourself in the mirror and she's like not and i'm like i'm talking about like looking at your body in the mirror before the beach. She's like, not if you wear a tankini. And I go, okay. I look at her. I go, I made, I was like, oh, let me see if the rest of the room wants to hear the drunk rantings of a horrible woman. And I look at the crowd and like they all laughed and I was like, okay, we're done.

Like you yelled out, I got you, done. And then she's like, she kept doing this with her hand, like to yell at the stage. And she's like, no, you don't want, you know, you know, oh, no one wears a tankini. I go, I don't know what you're talking about. Your fashion sense is old. Yeah. I was like the tankini's out. Like it's been done.

We were having. And every time I got her, she'd come back with something else. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. And then it kept devolving into me. Because there's a point where it's like, yelled out. I got you. Got you. It's over.

It's over. We can get out of this. And then she yells. Then she goes, he tried to get tickets for Matt Reif. And we couldn't get them. And I was like, go okay i go i go i guess you're gonna have to blow him behind his back another time that's not that mean not that mean but i didn't feel good about it like i was just like

enough because her thing got like a reaction like the matt right which i honestly i i you seem like the type that would go to that show. Yeah, enjoy it. Like, go have fun. Good for Matt. But it is one of those things that like the whole, oh! I'm like, no, they should go to that show. I'd be happier.

But it is funny that like when it got to that point, I was just like, yes, I got you again. When does this end? Yeah, please stop stop or can security step in what are we doing here but i hate to me talking is worse than heckling i would rather be heckled i can give a back and forth but just the i'd rather be hated than apathy is worse than right yeah right yeah exactly that was the thing that's why i called them out they were talking for the first like three minutes and then she yells out like three and a half minutes i'm like

all right now i can let you know how I feel like I now have an opportunity where the crowd's gonna know that like you should be gotten and then when you don't give that up and I bring this back to this email because when you're just going back and forth at different vulnerable barbs you know like there's nothing to be won there's just an implosion like so i don't know you know this is horrific yeah yeah that's a that's a problem quit drinking ladies all right i recently left my girl because i didn't think she has the curves i wanted he should meet up

with the fat chick absolutely great rearrange the couple yeah with a stellar personality of course he's got a great personality. She's huge. But I just didn't, I couldn't see hitting it from behind for eternity. That's hilarious. Well, I think Shakespeare. You've got a bunch of knights in shining armor writing in. Let me know. Should I lower my standards or stay strong and hold out for the right cheeks?

Who wrote this? Vanilla Ice? What the fuck? This person is horrific. She'd have the right curves I wanted what is let me know should I lower my standards or stay strong I think you should be attracted to the person you want to be with but also

it sounds a little shallow here I don't know hitting it from behind for eternity is that Hallmark yeah I don't know a little yeah hitting it from behind for eternity is that hallmark yeah i don't know this breakup speech is gonna be rough right yeah baby girl you know i love hitting that backside but not not lately but what happens when age kicks in right yeah piece of shit i don't know this guy go seek a shit. I don't know. This guy. Go seek a therapist.

Yeah, I don't know either. All right, number one, how do you approach the talk about budgets? I can't believe you got both of those emails in the same. We got a range of listeners. What a range. Hey, the next email is going to be, when are you tapping that ass? If you have a child from a previous relationship, how do you introduce them to your child? These are the questions they thought of for you guys.

They were like, what does the budgets mean? I mean, maybe money in a relationship. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know what the budgets are for. I think they need to get more specific. Hey, how do you feel about rent on a monthly basis what do you know i think how do you feel questions are always good um if you have a child from a previous relationship how do you introduce them to your child i think you gotta be okay with not introducing people to your kid huh like i think you gotta be like

people have to deserve that meeting well but these are both his kids i think yeah i'm just saying like i don, like, I don't think... You don't think his two kids should meet each other, you mean? If you have a child... How do you know it's a dude? Oh, if they both have... I thought he was introducing them to their... This might be a woman.

Person they're dating. Or she. She, yeah. Whoever. Child, how do you introduce them to your child? Yeah, them, I think, is the person they're dating. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So I think they're going... I gotcha. Yeah, child? Yeah, them, I think, is the person they're dating. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. So I think they're going. I got you. Yeah, they're going, how do I? And it's like, okay, I would make sure that they deserve to. Like, your kid's a big deal. You're going to have to undo that, maybe. So, like, I wouldn't want to introduce them.

Yeah, wait a while. Right. Let that happen. You know, talk about your kid. You know, be proud of them. But, like, you know. I would do that happen. You know, talk about your kid. You know, be proud of them. But, like, you know. I would do that early. You would do it early?

Yeah, just to let them know because you don't want to have a great relationship. Then you go, hey, by the way, old Timmy here has got Down syndrome. And they're like, wait, what? I didn't know you had a kid. And now it's all ruined. Well, they should know they have the kid. I'm saying, like, introduce them. Oh, okay, okay. Well, when you hear the screaming from the anal out of the bedroom,

I think the kid will get hip to it. He's going to come in there going, Mommy, is there a woman getting hurt in here? You know, so that's a tough one. You're talking about the kid or your partner? Ah, geez. Why do I have a hard time trusting? My girlfriend has never given me reason to doubt her, but I always assume she's out to do the worst.

I believe she's either cheating or flirting with the next best looking guy. I've never been cheated on, so it's not past drama. I don't know what it is. Perhaps I'm super insecure. If so, what the hell do I do about it? This is a tough type of guy to date. If you're a woman, the guy, she's out with her friends and he's like, where the fuck were you, you whore? Yeah.

She's like, I was at Chuck E. Cheese. I was with my mom. We were at Mount Sinai. We're talking about the, you know, Tom Scandival. You know, we had a Bravo meetup. Maybe he is sensing something.

Well, perhaps I'm insecure. You're insecure. He is. Like, let's just admit to that. Whether it's brought upon by this relationship or, yeah, you are not secure. You're not secure. So, like, let's zone in on the problem. The problem isn't your girlfriend. It is you.

It is time to seek therapy. You're insecure. Let's take stock of the things you're good at. Like, let's start working on my, you know, security. I'm insecure. We're all insecure. We all have our things. No, big time.

I think you got to, gotta like accept it yeah that's a you know that's the first thing you gotta do but also seek you know a little bit of treatment because this is only gonna fester he's just gonna get more and more and he's gonna start checking her phone he's gonna there's nothing more unattractive than jealousy it's not great it's a bad it's a good feeling. Especially when she hasn't done anything yet. Like, if she cheated at one point, I get it, okay. But this guy is pulling shit out of thin air. Well, yeah, we don't know. Like, maybe there...

Has she given him reasons to feel this way? That's true. We don't know that. We don't know his past relationships, his history. He goes, why do I have a hard time trusting? Which makes me think this is not a new thing. He says he's never been cheated on. Yeah. you know i think i fucked this shit i trust this sorry i trust this email perhaps i'm super insecure no no you know it you know it out you wrote it yeah

you wrote to strangers right this was your you know this is an admission so can he bring this up to her is is that weird? Be like, look, I'm just nuts. You know, everything all right out there? We good. You wouldn't cheat on me. I don't know how to, you know. When has a partner ever fixed your problem? So you got to fix yourself before you can, like, fix yourself at the part.

Or be aware enough to what your faults are. Right. Like, I was, you know, the nighttime eating stuff. I'm like, I know that's something I do. I know that's something I don't want to do as much. Okay. Acknowledging it is like, okay, the first step towards, can I be with someone who, hey, you might see me get drunk and be like, I need to fucking eat. I'm sorry about that.

Like, this is something I'm working on. Yeah. You know? Right, right. I don't know what to do to fix it but he should realize yeah i am insecure and it could get ugly like you don't want to just start yelling at her one night so you got to deal with yourself you're right in a relationship with a woman who won't have sex uh-oh the old flipperoo again her sex drive is not

what it used to be i try to look past it because she is a great woman and it would make a great wife but the sex is not there and it's starting to get to me how do i know where to draw the line i'm trying to put her needs before mine but mine aren't being met and it's starting to affect me should i leave am i an asshole for leaving her if we don't fuck no you're not no you're not no it's time to leave this yeah i mean i don't i don't understand why i mean i would ask her why she's not fucking you yeah right i i hate that line of like she's a great woman would make a great wife what but you're not happy you yeah exactly if you're not you're saying your needs aren't being met so why are you a bad person for

leaving these are your needs and it's also like you pull her side and you're like hey you notice that you never fuck me yeah what's going on here yeah same thing it's not the fucking it's the relationship yeah yeah so it's like that's the headline they're burying the lead yeah you guys are not a great couple i and people do this a lot you know they go they're a good person they're you know they check all these boxes anyone would like them yeah anyone would like any mother theresa was a great woman right do i want to stick it inside her will she let me stick it inside her do it for the story yeah yeah i think you gotta either talk to her get out there you're young

you're fun everyone's great to someone you know i i think like and i know that's hard easier advice to give than to take but when you're right she's a great woman and would make a great wife what about the things specific to your relationship those are just vague yeah you want this to be your wife and never get laid again bad idea it sounds like you gotta get out of this yeah it's okay two good people can break up yeah for sure and i've and i have to get out of this. Yeah. It's okay. Two good people can break up. Yeah. For sure. And I have to remind myself of that. In every breakup, two, you can end the relationship and also be an okay person.

This is the best person to break up with because you know she's not fucking the next guy. You're not stressed like, oh my God, she's probably- That's great. Some guy's probably balls deep in her. Probably not. Maybe she doesn't like sex. Yeah. Some people aren't.

Maybe, you know, maybe it's just not you. Maybe. I mean, these are the ones I wonder, like, was the sex ever. I've been in those before. We're like, the sex isn't great out of the gate. And you're like, I can't. Maybe we'll figure it out. Maybe we won't.

But, you know, there are people who just don't have high sex drives and it ain't getting better. But also, again, this goes back to relationships that are in a negotiation like it's like you're not negotiating they have they're not at the table with you right yeah it's like okay we need to be at the table about something else obviously right oh yeah something's up and who knows how long they've been together hopefully if it's not long he can still get out i I gotta say this margarita. It's good. It hit me. It's too good. I'm like trying to slow down here.

I think we gotta wrap up. He's got a shit. This kid's about to be like crazy. Well Jared has a new special. I'm probably not. Do it. Do it. I'm not doing it alone.

You want the shot? No I'm not doing it. I'm out you guys. Whoa. This is our second episode. And I got day drunk yesterday. I got drunk last night. I got to wake up for a flight.

Okay. I'll do it with you. Yay. You got shows? Jared is a new. Jared. It's 37 and single. Is it special?

37 and single is special. Atta baby. It's on Netflix. It's on Netflix. Do you have any dates you want to plug? Cheers. Great website there. That is a good photo.

I just took a whole shoot with Provincia. Hey, we love Phil. Been a while. Great guy. Hey, speaking of Raleigh. I saw him in Stanford. Colchester. I know Colchester.

Oh, I love Colchester. I'm doing the Vineyard Show. I'm doing a Labor Day whatever. Wine whatever. Get some good wine. Providence, Atlanta, Huntington. Yeah, just watch the special. I want people to go enjoy it.

It's 37 and single. Dating, breakups, late night eating, Jews. I talk about Jews. I got a nice Jew section in there. Nice, nice. What else? You got your podcast. My podcast, the UL podcast

the J Train but you guys have both been great guests on that show thank you it was a fun time and Mark you're gonna come back

oh yeah I'm coming back on soon and then yeah another special 37th single I want everyone to go watch and enjoy there's a fun

gender reveal bit oh alright I love the gender reveal bit so hell yeah alright check out Jared I can't wait to watch it where'd you shoot it again

Gramercy Theater oh nice Sean December there's a fun little thing at the end okay Hell yeah. All right. Check out Jared. I can't wait to watch it. Where'd you shoot it again? Gramercy Theater. Oh, nice. Sean, December, there's a fun little thing at the end. Okay. I got something in the credits that everyone will enjoy. I know what it is. You show me this. Watch to the end.

Yeah. Easter egg. Hey, I'm in Springfield, Chesterfield, Lisbon. Big Oslo, baby. Can't wait. Where do you do in Springfield? I have no idea. Some little theater if you go left there.

Great hotel bar. Gillio's Theater. I know the chef at that restaurant. Get out no idea. Some little theater if you go left there. Great hotel bar. Gillio's Theater. I know the chef at that restaurant. Get out of here. Good guy. Okay. You got to go to that. It's a great hotel.

You're like, why is this hotel here? Really? Ended up there with Anthony DeVito. Had a few paper planes on that rooftop. Hey, all right. Yeah. And you're going to love Oslo. I can't wait.

I'm going to tell people I know you. No, in Belfast. You've got to pop into Belfast. Apparently. How far is that from Dublin? It's not close. Ah, fuck. All right.

Chip us a pie there, will you, Peter? Peter, Peter, pizza maker. I'm all over the UK, all over London, Glasgow, Hershey, PA, D.C., Oklahoma City, Dallas, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Cleveland, Ohio, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Denver, Colorado, Grand Junction, New Orleans, Santa Rosa, Sacramento, Kansas City, Baltimore, Norfolk, Alabama, Markner, soup to nuts. Give it a watch. Get some bodega cab. Where you at, Sammy? The Bowl.

York, Bethlehem. We got Toronto. That's a biggie. Chicago Theater, biggie. Phoenix. Stand Up Alive alive can't wait pittsburgh cleveland columbus cincinnati indie theater at msg new york november 4th that's the biggie we got australia coming we got florida tampa naples uh we're gonna add a vegas i think and

uh look out for a special taping probably in boston early next year and uh yeah shit we got uh we got bodega cat whiskey bodega cat whiskey.com look out for the beer jews book coming out we're gonna get on that forward you got that right baby foreskin can't wait and uh great app man a lot of great wrecks yes uh i hope people like the recommendations it's i think it's huge i think this is the way if you're gonna like plan a trip to these places, that's the thing. We go out and we enjoy. Yeah, we live.

I'm going to Delray, motherfuckers. I can't wait. Delray's great. All right, thanks for listening, guys. Watch Jared's special. Killed it. 37 and single on Netflix. Sunday's the day for my next offender

A bit of Pivarec, you know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be drunk.