We Might Be Drunk - Ep 149: Russell Howard

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Russell Howard has a new podcast "Wonderbox" and he's here to tell us all about it. He also shares some great stories from his childhood with poop throwing friends, losing his virginity and a lot of g...reat peeves.  Check out Russell on his east coast US tour this fall, and stream his new podcast "Wonderbox" you will hear Mark on an upcoming episode! Russell Howard: https://www.russell-howard.co.uk/ Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Grab some tickets to the upcoming November 4th Theater at Madison Square Garden with Sam Morril. Tickets will sell out, so don't wait to grab yours now! Link Below: https://www.ticketmaster.com/event/3B005EDAE0D21883 Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com | We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ If you want to start a podcast contact Hello@GothamPodcastStudio.com for a discount on services when referred by WMBD! Get 20% off and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com and use code DRUNK Support the show & save 10% off the Füm Journey Pack when you go to https://www.tryfum.com & use code DRUNK

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 go all right hey folks here we are oh shit wait let me change shirts oh geez it's too late the magic's ruined they know it now son of a bitch all right well we got uh we got old russell here yeah yeah and winnie winnie who's looking uh particularly aroused by you changing your shirt yeah who isn't tongues Tongues out. Yeah. What are you doing across the pond? I'm doing some gigs. Nice. Yeah, I'm doing an East Coast tour,
Starting point is 00:00:35 which I'm really excited about. So we're kind of... I'm going to a place called Durham tomorrow. I've never even heard of Durham. Durham? Yeah. Oh, Durham. Durham.
Starting point is 00:00:44 So how was I pronouncing that differently? Is that what we do when we come to... Yeah, right. I was going to say, but Durham. It's Durham. Durham. Durham, yeah. You got it.
Starting point is 00:00:53 It's Durham in the UK, and it's weirdly a very kind of posh place in the UK, right up the north. Uh-huh. So it's in course. Yeah, that's not what it is here. Yeah, right. But it's in a very skanky area in the north of England, and yet it's quite sort of posh.
Starting point is 00:01:07 No, Durham's a cool city. I mean, North Carolina's pretty cool. I mean, the big cities there, North Carolina's got, like, you know, Durham and then, you know, Raleigh, Durham, and then you've got, you know, the cool, like, they have, like, artsy cities, like Wilmington or Asheville. They've got smaller. Very hippie. Yeah yeah it's a cool state
Starting point is 00:01:26 nice i've been been to north carolina once me and my mom did a tv show like a travel show we had to do this kind of speedway thing where i was in a car smashing into other cars in front of like 5 000 people in this kind of weird we call that the tiger woods it was fucking incredible but it was all like like proper weird like trump flags confederate woods it was fucking incredible but it was all like like proper weird like trump flags confederate flags it was fucking peculiar yeah but my mom was there commentating cheering me on but desperately you did a show with your mom yeah yeah so it's kind of um we did a travel show years ago um when we traveled around america what how was that working with your mom so closely it was great my mom's really funny
Starting point is 00:02:05 but the the the bad thing about it is that after a while you become like work colleagues yeah and then you're kind of like that horrible moment you turn to your mommy like that and you kind of raise it a bit and you realize she's just your mother who's just bewildered because you're in the middle of india and you're like come on let's try and make this a bit funnier oh so it was a bit it kind of it was great and then at the end it just got a bit we were sort of slightly resentful of each other so we had to stop so we could become mother and son again yeah do you know what i mean like colleagues was weird with my mom i bitch about everything i'm like oh this gig sucked but now she's with you so she's like yeah i'm here i get it yeah but she was too and she realized what it meant to not be sad to be away from home because you're on the road you're
Starting point is 00:02:52 enjoying yourself and everyone's like oh you must want to get home and you're like oh really yeah yeah do you know what i mean that's what all standards you love doing the road i love it don't you i do i get to a point where i'm burnt out but then i come back and i'm like i missed the road yeah i'm always grateful to return but i do love i feel like that's the only way to improve your act is to you know hit the road oh hell yeah but you just see just so many different parts of the world as well you know it's like we were talking the other day about like gigging in lisbon you learn so much about stand-up seeing if you can make your act work in Portugal. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:03:28 They listen to you in their second language. And stuff works and stuff dies. And you sort of see how strange your culture is compared to theirs. Well, I think you'll find the East Coast. Because when I got to Dublin and London, I was like, all right, I'm home. Because Lisbon, it felt like a barrier. And Germany was a little barrier. But those two, or Manchester or Birmingham, that was like, all right, I can just do my act.
Starting point is 00:03:52 I can be myself. I don't have to try to adapt a little bit. Yeah, Holland is the big one for me. Have you kicked in Holland? Oh, I did Amsterdam. Yeah, fuck me. Because they don't laugh. They don't laugh.
Starting point is 00:04:02 That was amusing. Here are my teeth. Yeah. For like an hour. They just smile at you and they smile and then at the end they go ballistic and you realize the gig's gone fine but why why is it because they're concentrating so hard they speak five languages and you're there just churning out language yeah and you think you're speaking at a normal pace but words like nicking a cow doesn't mean stealing a cow it means cutting a cow so they've gone on different variations right you know i mean i don't know
Starting point is 00:04:33 nicking a cow either exactly that's what i mean so i was talking about this in denmark and i just said the phrase one of my mates got pissed and nicked a nicked a cow which in america would mean my mate got angry and stole a cow but it meant he got drunk and he nicked a cow which in america would mean my mate got angry and stole a cow but it meant he got drunk and he nicked a cow well how do you steal a cow well exactly that was the whole point he was bullshitting but the point is they went on a different journey uh do you know what i mean and it's just you sort of realize the importance of words everywhere do you know what i mean it's the whole business but i noticed the prettier don't take this the wrong way, the prettier the city, the worse the crowd.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Like Lisbon is beautiful. It's like breathtaking, these cities with the alleyways and the cobblestones, but the crowds were kind of, they were a little, felt distant. And then Amsterdam is so cool looking and so pretty, but the crowds were a little clappy. Miami. Great town. Hot women, big fake butts were a little clappy. Miami. Miami. Great town. Hot women, big fake butts, big boobs.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Beach. Bad laughs. Oh, really? Yeah. And New York, complete shithole. Good crowds. Well, yeah, it's a pretty city, but you got the guy jerking it. Is it a pretty city?
Starting point is 00:05:37 Is New York pretty? The skyline's beautiful when you're in it. Pretty in a rugged way. Yeah. I don't know. It stinks of weed and piss. Well, there you go. I know, but that keeps us
Starting point is 00:05:45 humble the actual architecture is good yes that's what you think you're there pumping in the smell yeah okay it keeps us it keeps us human right right exactly there is i've been on the subway twice and i've seen three assholes and one bloke jacking off really none of them no no no no but they were just so like this guy was just jacking off really none of them none of you meant us no no no but they were just so like this guy was just jacking off in a real ho-hum yeah like that yeah and it's like surely if you're beating off in public there should be a bit of excitement to it and nothing and nobody was everyone was just like another day another guy jacking off yeah here it's like directions you take a left it's pretty common, guy. It's pretty common.
Starting point is 00:06:26 What if he's not there? He'll be there. Yeah. He's on the D train every time. My mom, this is what I learned a lot about my mom. She came here to come visit me, and I was like, take the F to meet me, and we went out to dinner. And there was a guy jerking it, and she didn't bring it up until like two hours into the night. She's like, I miss your father. Yeah, father yeah but i was like hey mom's fun she doesn't like most women pearl grabbing oh my mom's like
Starting point is 00:06:52 oh yeah there's a guy jerking you know my mom did that as well how funny that in a flat that i used to live in made of ale there was a guy who was probably thinking about this because of winnie but he was getting jacked off by his girlfriend and he was holding a dog on a lead next to a tree. And my mom went, and I didn't know this was the scene that my mom was beckoning me towards, but she was like, look out the window. So my mom kind of took me to this kind of live OnlyFans. Yeah. But she just didn't care. She's like, look at that.
Starting point is 00:07:23 So he's getting jerked off and the dog's on a walk yeah and the dog was yeah exactly it's a bad walk for this terrible walk but there's so much going on the dog and the dog looked like this had happened before the dog wasn't looking at him as if to go oh come on jeff right do you know what i mean winnie it was that sense of yeah that's when he lost the eye yeah i got hit with it ruined him her sorry i want to misgender what do we got here these are some treats oh okay good you gotta give her some treats what what is that it's like beef jerky for dogs that looked like weed from here oh it's got some weed in it that doesn't look like she's gonna be spinning yeah yeah by the way
Starting point is 00:08:04 i got turned down for life insurance because i smoke weed i didn't know that was a thing why you don't i was trying to be honest well weed's healthy now glaucoma and arthritis like none of those yeah were you doing it during you weren't you didn't roll up with a joint well i'm not a weed guy i need some life insurance that'll stop him pretty quick but i'm like just tapping heroin into your arm i need it now well i i was just like hey i'll take an edible every now and they go to bed i don't even like weed only to go to bed and they were like oh i didn't know that and then they you know marked some stuff off hang on a minute so you so you now have no life insurance because of that yes but i'm like does snoop dog not have life insurance or willie nelson what are we doing
Starting point is 00:08:44 here probably not i guess not i guess they're rich enough but i was willing nelson needs it Yes, but I'm like, does Snoop Dogg not have life insurance or Willie Nelson? What are we doing here? Probably not. I guess not. I guess they're rich enough, but I was shocked. I don't think Willie Nelson needs it. That guy's going to live forever. Yeah. But why did you say? I just said I took an edible a couple times to go to bed.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I don't even do it that much anymore. And they're like, oh, really? I don't understand why that disqualifies. I didn't think it would. I was trying to be honest. Yeah. I don't even do it anymore. It was a phase.
Starting point is 00:09:05 And you can't bring them back. No. Once you're done, you're done. It's like an elimination from the island. I'm out. Unless you come back and you go, listen, I was under some pretty heavy drugs. I was on acid that day, which I no longer take. And I lied.
Starting point is 00:09:20 I don't take edibles. Is life insurance just because you're married now? Is that why you're getting that? Yeah. And you get a little tax, something or other. So I was like, all right, I'll try to beat the system. It's like they were doing the life insurance thing in the movie where you kill a spouse. Oh, it's always that.
Starting point is 00:09:33 You always get the deal, and you're just like, it was up to $800,000. And then it's like, and he dropped dead. Yeah. That's like the fucking life insurance thing. That's true. And they always say the number every time. Like, oh, yeah, they were going great. Then they got married. And then she found out she could get $38,000. That was like the fucking life insurance thing. That's true. And they always say the number every time. Like, oh, yeah, they were going great. Then they got married.
Starting point is 00:09:46 And then she found out she could get 38 grand. That was double indemnity. If you fall off a train, you get like an extra. They double it. So it had to be like an extra whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because if it was like a peculiar death, it would have a clause in it. So it would be an even more amount of money.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Right. We have to do it in the UK. If you buy a house, you have to have life of life insurance why is that i don't know i guess so that they can retrieve it if something goes bad if you can see you can your partner can then pay the mortgage i guess i love the idea of epstein like i'm trying to buy this island and then having to fill out the forms thank you you can uh that's island for sale that was clearly the worst bit of his life. Yeah. Admin.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Oh, I hate admin. He's paying for life insurance. How could it get any worse than this? Imagine that, a documentary that just focuses on all the shit bits. Yeah. Egg-shaped penis, too. That's the rumor. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:10:41 Egg-shaped. Epstein. Yeah. Weird egg. Look it up. Look it up? They might have a photo. You know what's weird is Jelaine's vagina was shaped like a beater.
Starting point is 00:10:51 So, kind of perfect for each other. Woo, beater. What are we having to look for? Buzzer beater. We're looking for egg. I'm okay. Thank you, though. Yeah, you're not a Diet Coke guy.
Starting point is 00:11:01 No, we got Russell 19 Diet Cokes. Egg-shaped. You're a Diet Coke guy. You drink coffee and Diet Coke? I'm not. That's a weird combo. Yeah, it's silly a Diet Coke guy. No, we got Russell 19 Diet Cokes. Egg shake. You're a Diet Coke guy. You drink coffee and Diet Coke? I'm not. That's a weird combo. Yeah, it's silly, isn't it? It's just I'm really struggling with jet.
Starting point is 00:11:11 To be honest, it's the first time I've ever spoke about my caffeine needs whilst also looking at egg shake penises. This doesn't help us. It's just a bunch of eggs in the shape of a dick. Yeah. I mean, that one on the right, do we have to blur that or can we show it? I don't know. We can show.
Starting point is 00:11:25 That's more of a... That looks like an air that's been ripped off in a traffic accident. Doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? That's a high impact. It looks like a penis in one of those science experiment things. Oh, yeah, yeah. Egg shape.
Starting point is 00:11:37 That's kind of fun. Apparently, Harvey had a wacky dick, too. Yeah, I heard that. It was all got... Didn't have holes in or something like that. Holes? Yeah. That what i had one hole no no it had like many holes oh many holes so he had to hold it like a recorder like apparently like yeah yeah when he pissed but again it's as soon as you hear it twinkle twinkle little star which is it but as soon as you hear and my friend sam told me that rumor and i can't shake it. But yeah, I like caffeine.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Look at that. There's a pattern here with the weird dicks, and even Hitler had one ball. And a micropenis. And a micro. So male genitalia will dictate your whole personality. So from the TV naked attraction, you could surmise whether or not people are insane. Have you seen that show? I haven't seen it, no.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Apparently, it's just come over here, basically it's where british people get it's on hbo which you know really shows that hbo is struggling and this is this is this is a network that made the wire yeah and now you've imported a show where english people are naked basically a screen goes up and then you see their junk or their vagina and the lady or the man just goes over and sort of looks at them and judges them. Whoa. It's like blind date, but backwards. Completely. And then one person gets voted off.
Starting point is 00:12:54 And then eventually they see the person whole. And then they go on a date fully clothed. Whoa. And that's now. What is the purpose of this? We're starting. Entertain the value. No, but I mean, what is what is their version of, like, what's their pitch?
Starting point is 00:13:08 I guess their pitch is probably some horse shit about, you know, everyone tells a lie, but the skin does not. Right. You know, something like that. And it's like, you know, this is the truth. But you basically just have weird English people kind of glaring at nuts. Yeah. And the kind of host is going, do you like a full bush? Or do you like it trimmed back, Darren?
Starting point is 00:13:27 You know, and he's like, I don't mind really in between. You know what I mean? Yeah. Apparently it's kind of, we've had this show for like a decade, but it's just come over to America. I can't wait.
Starting point is 00:13:36 And I read a story that you were kind of understandably horrified. Yeah. But this is what we've been doing for 10 years. Man. I was watching this Roman Empire docudrama on Netflix, and it's pretty cool. It's pretty fun, but it's also hilarious that every actor is gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:13:53 The women that Caligula is fucking, you're like, all right, they have giant fake tits and a shaved vagina, which I'm like, I don't think they were waxing in ancient Rome. The tramp stamp is unbelievable. They had a bush in the 80s. I don't think they were fucking clean in ancient Rome, but it's pretty fun. I mean, it's like Caesar, Caligula, et cetera. Well, you can't go wrong, because it's like Game of Thrones.
Starting point is 00:14:16 It's action, it's tits, and it's drama. And history. Yeah, and history, and dragons. So you put enough of everything in there, and somebody will watch. Dragons have really stood the test of time, haven't they? Yes. They've kind of always been around. Things have come and gone.
Starting point is 00:14:30 But the dragon has remained pretty strong. That's true. And it's always fascinated me as to why. But it's kind of like some countries have a dragon on their flag. Yes, yes. The Welsh, it's a dragon. Really? Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:14:42 It's a big red dragon. China does the dragon parade thing every year. Yeah. Yeah, people love dragons and dragon queens. But yeah, a lot of dragons. Dragon roll. Yes, Komodo. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Dragon queen sounds like something, you know, a very right-wing person would do at school. Right, right. Yeah, everybody loves a dragon. What the hell is that off that's a komodo dragon a real oh well don't pull that up because we won't talk yeah we'll just be enjoying it see this is the ah just swallows that thing whole uh oh man it's like the porn star of the yeah animal kingdom i mean that, that's... Deep throat. And so you mentioned, by the way, you mentioned,
Starting point is 00:15:30 you came in, you go, that Dog Day Afternoon, it's just a sweaty picture of Pacino. Are you a film guy? Yeah. So, funny enough, my friend Joe Maggio, who did the sound on the TV show that I did in America, he said the other day that Dog Day Afternoon is the best film ever made i would say it's in my top 10 but for me i mean personally it just it's it's new york it's uh it's got the the thrills of a heist like a bank robbery movie but then it's got drama it's funny
Starting point is 00:15:57 trans it's got the drag it's got the trans thing but they handle it in such a progressive way yeah it's pretty i think it's one of the best movies ever made for me i saw it for the first time two days ago it's incredible it's incredible but it and and the it's so tense yeah and the fact that they're sweating there's more sweat as it goes on yeah john kazale is in four movies and they were all five and they're all nominated for best picture we got the conversation godfather one and two the deer hunter and uh dog day so you're in five movies and you're dating meryl streep you can't be on a hotter streak yes yeah die in love with meryl streep in a relationship you won wow she often said that yeah that was her thing yeah you died tonight you've won yeah on his deathbed congratulations you really crushed
Starting point is 00:16:46 your body just as he's choking out you made it I mean say hey to God and then you see God and it's Meryl Streep that movie is so
Starting point is 00:16:54 it's so good man and there's another one that Salacuse and I love it's like part of that kind of vibe of 70s flicks
Starting point is 00:17:02 the original Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3 oh yeah that's a great film. That's another one, I think. You're a movie guy, what are your favorites?
Starting point is 00:17:10 Oh God, that's a tough question, isn't it? I think the film I've watched the most is probably The Royal Tenenbaums. Oh,
Starting point is 00:17:17 that's a great movie. That's a great, I just think, because I've got two nephews at the minute and they look like they need a bit of royal. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:17:24 Me and my brother often sort of say that two kids that need to go to a dog fight. They just need a bit of rough and tumble. Right. They kind of need, I love that film. Great movie. That was when Wes Anderson was really cooking, because, no offense, but Asteroid City,
Starting point is 00:17:38 it's like he's jerking off. I thought that was, oh yeah, I didn't see that one. There's a new one with Benedict Cumberbatch as well, where someone needs to sort of just shake him a bit. Yes, yes. Mate, come on, it looks beautiful. You've got to tell stories. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:17:49 They always look beautiful. But for me, Rushmore is probably my favorite one. Rushmore is good. But I love Royal Tenenbaums as well. Tenenbaums is good. Grand Budapest Hotel is great. That was incredible. That's a really funny film.
Starting point is 00:18:00 But that's where he's, I feel like he's starting to go too Wessie. But it's got heart without being annoying. Sure, it's still good. That's a very hard line to walk. Yeah, and there's some beautiful lines in it as well. Like the bit when they kind of stab each other and he goes, I suppose you'd call that a score draw. Like there's some really, forgive me, Zero, my dear, dear friend,
Starting point is 00:18:18 there's some beautiful heartfelt moments. What makes it extra interesting is that Willem Dafoe in that film is a absolute dead ringer for my dad. No way. Yeah. And he has a real menace in that film. And my dad's quite a peculiar bloke. So when he throws the cat out the window, that isn't inconceivable that that's something my dad could do.
Starting point is 00:18:38 But I've seen my dad kill a rabbit with a spade. Oh, jeez. The rabbit had myxomatosis. But we didn't know that. Yeah. There was no explanation. He just picked up the spade oh so yes but the dog the rabbit had myxomatosis but we didn't know that yeah there was no explanation he just picked up the spade and went to it damn yeah uh does your dad also have a huge dong because willem dafoe his dong is so big that they have to edit like cgi his package to look small or else it'd be distracting i don't think that happens isn't he a tiny guy that's wow that doesn't stop.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Is it proportional? No. Proportionally, it's huge, I mean. Yes. I think it's huge, huge. Interesting. Well, do you ever see him in that movie, To Live and Die in L.A.? No.
Starting point is 00:19:16 It's William Friedkin who did, like, Exorcist and French Connection. Oh, wow. It's a fun, it's an off-the-wall, cop, crazy, shoot-em-up, William Peterson badass movie and sorry sure that's him yeah how much work you give it that's Russell's dad
Starting point is 00:19:34 yeah it is how much how much work are we giving this week to blur Jesus Christ but that's pretty good for limp I mean he's hanging yeah that's good so we've turned into the British show where they show the dicks. Yeah, yeah. Look at his dick.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Yeah, that one checks out. Yeah. But no, it's like one of those classic cop movies where like every cliche out of the gate where the guy is like, he's like celebrating, having a beer. I got two days left on the job. And then, of course, immediately he goes undercover and gets fucking blown away. And you're like, of course, just fucking enjoy retirement. Well, the cliches are good when they're the first one to do it.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Totally. Like, people make fun of Seinfeld. What's the deal with? But he did that. He started that. So it's like, let him do it. And then we all made fun of it later. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:20 You got to start somewhere. Absolutely. By the way, I'm too old for this shit. He was 41 years old here. Well, that was a different time. Mrs. Robinson, I think, is 39. 38. Hilarious.
Starting point is 00:20:33 The whole movie's about her being an old bag. He's not right. She's 30 years old. That was a different time. In their defense, he's fresh out of college in that movie. So 22 to 38 is a big gap. I guess, but i lost my virginity to a 50 something oh dude yeah we're whacking off the fucking 65 year olds on porn hub
Starting point is 00:20:51 yeah i mean j-lo's 50 he wants to hear more about this yeah but you're you know 38 so that's fine yeah but you when do you unless you lost your virginity last year, this is a peculiar story. Well, I did this show in England where they... Yeah, okay. No, I was 16. Wow. I think it was a hooker, but she didn't charge me. Okay. Going on the house.
Starting point is 00:21:15 And she was how old? 56? Mid-50s, I'll say. I didn't get the ID. Do hookers do, like, pro bono? No. Pro boner. Yeah. Apparently.
Starting point is 00:21:24 So he really needs this. Let me give it to him on the house i think she had a thing for teens right and i was that's not good well i'm a survivor i'm a victim but i don't i'm i'm okay you're a survivor how did you you and holocaust victims where did you meet her um bourbon street in the french Quarter in New Orleans. Yeah. And what were you chatting about? I'm just curious how you go from age 16, I've got an image of you riding your bike. Do you know what I mean? You've just come from Little League. I was a paper boy.
Starting point is 00:21:54 And there's this old gilf who's just crawling. She was pretty cute. Stop. Would you stop? And you just slam on the brakes? No, I was on Bourbon Street and it was Y2K. It was in the air and it was New Year's Eve Eve. So there was a buzz.
Starting point is 00:22:10 She had a pacemaker. She thought she was going to die. Exactly. She collapsed. She hit her life alert. Mark showed up and he saved her. It was beautiful. She looked a bit like Meryl Streep. She said, I've fallen. I said, I can get it up.
Starting point is 00:22:26 So she was on a balcony flashing everyone, as a hooker does. And you were like, this is my dream. I was a virgin 16-year-old pre-internet porn, by the way. So you saw a tit and you set up shop. Oh, I used to jerk off to Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage. There you go. That's how fucking bleak shit was before internet porn. Can i get can i get a still from i know what you did last summer oh i did this i would print that shit out use all the ink on some uh some old lady oh
Starting point is 00:22:54 hold the ink yeah one of the ink doing this thing all right so um russell already regrets coming. It's got a lovely image of you fucking a printer. One in the ink. It was just so desperate. Yeah. So she was on a balcony flashing and I was just staring pre-internet porn, pre-cell phone. And she said she noticed me and she said, you want to come up? And I said, of course. And then I couldn't get in.
Starting point is 00:23:23 The hotel wouldn't let me in. That was like your version of Carson inviting you over to the couch. Yeah. come up and i said of course and then i couldn't get in the hotel wouldn't let me in it was that was like your version of carson inviting you over to the couch yeah yeah and they were the same age and uh yeah and you did a tight five yeah i wish it was more like a night two yeah yeah no bad closer. And I didn't get my back. That was exactly where I was going. And Ed McMahon was there. But the weird part was... I have no idea what that means, but that's clearly done very well.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Oh, he was the sidekick. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so the weird part was she walks me to her hotel room, room 239 at the Ramada Hotel. Still remember. And the door swings open, and there's an old guy with a white beard and a leather jacket and a Harley Davidson hat staring at the door. Like, I don't know, just in case someone broke in, he was going to be ready. And you're like, that's what Santa does for the rest of the year.
Starting point is 00:24:16 He left his mall gig. He was like, this will be the best. I went down her chimney. But either way, he goes, it was me and two buddies. And he goes, which one is it buddies and she goes he goes which one is it and she points to me and he took my two friends on the balcony and i was like oh we're gonna get killed we're dying this is a whole thing and then i banged her yeah and they went on the balcony and drank and that was that fuck me and he just hung out outside hung out outside and got drunk with
Starting point is 00:24:41 these two other 16 yearyear-old idiots. Wow. Jesus, that's an incredible. So I was 15. Hey! And it was underneath a bridge. Whoa! An army camp for kids that they thought weren't going to do well in their exams. And we kind of went there for a week.
Starting point is 00:24:58 What? And there were sort of boys and girls. And this girl took a shining to me. And she sort of said, oh, do you want to come under the bridge? So we did. It was like I had no idea what i was doing i sort of just grabbed the boob that was it sure and then went like that there right and then we started having sex it was awful and halfway through it she looked at me and went and that scared me i'm not hard can you imagine that so it's the first and only time i've ever been inside somebody whilst that person is giggling and oh my it was scary and pleasant
Starting point is 00:25:30 all at the same time yeah yeah but um and that was it and then i finished rolled over to an ant's nest was kind of bit to fuck went back to my friends and was like i just lost my virginity did you did you finish yeah it was incredible we Were you wearing a condom? I was. But what was exciting about it was just that sense of going, all I was thinking was like, this is done. It's finished. Because I was the last out of my friends. Wow. 15.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Yeah, right. So it was just that thing of like, I've just got to get this monkey off my back. Yeah. Wow. But you've trumped my story, which is normally, mine is normally the grisliest story. Well, a year ago, I had red bumps, but yours were at least ant bites. I was 17, and my brother just walked in. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:26:15 He just walked in. He was a guy? Yeah, he walked in. He fucked me, and I was no longer a virgin. He was just like, get it over with. I was with a girl, and he came in drunk to fuck with me. And I was like, no, no with a girl and he was like come he came in drunk to fuck with me and i was like no no no and he and he was like oh you know but i walked on him fucking one so we were even all right same girl same girl okay what was it just a date a girl you
Starting point is 00:26:37 were dating kind of thing no it was just like we were friends and it just you know but it just kind of happened yeah but that you know before that you do your weird like you know, but it just kind of happened. Yeah. But that, you know, before that you do your weird, like, you know, you have your hookups, but like sex for some reason took me a little longer. Sure. I had to do the other stuff, but sex was 15 is very young. That's young.
Starting point is 00:26:54 But like playing football in the UK, that's very late. Do you know what I mean? Cause you sort of, you know, for whatever reason, you just have like, my friend Steven lost it when he was like 13.
Starting point is 00:27:03 It's just insane. Wow. I had a friend like that yeah but but he was the winner and then like how's he doing now though is he good yeah he's not great you know but i'm the kid that sometimes the kid that fucks at 13 though peaks of course yeah and they because where do you go from there yeah exactly well i'll tell you where you go so one of my mates scott that i used to play up front with at school he lost his virginity when he was 13 and now he's found god oh so he's gone the whole way and he was the kid at school whenever there was a fight he would you'd had the fight had to end quickly because scott would turn
Starting point is 00:27:35 up and start fighting both people oh i know the type yeah he was top show he wants i remember once we were at this sort of like this beer festival, but it was also like a jazz festival in some bit of England, a place called Hampshire, right? And Scott turned to me and said, we should throw shit at their tents. And he was so hard and so scary that you're like, yeah. And he went, no, seriously. And he put his hand in his pocket and he had a turd.
Starting point is 00:28:04 I'm worried I get this. Exactly. So he shat in his pocket and he threw this turd at these tents. And I was so frightened of him. I was like, oh, good, good one, man. Yeah. And then he kept coming up to me for the rest of the night at this sort of festival going, do you need to go yet?
Starting point is 00:28:22 Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, in a minute probably later so i had to kind of hide from him all yeah because he desperately wanted me to shit into my hand and throw it at a tent what a psycho this is the kid and now first now he's found god finally so it's it's kind of he's been on a wild journey which god yeah you know no one else that's a really good god nobody turned around like as soon as i found god everyone still backed away from him right because he's fucking terrifying it could be an isis we don't know well you think these people that find god they're either like really chill or they're the most unbearable like what did you do yeah in your past in your past life that you had to do this?
Starting point is 00:29:05 Yeah. But I always thought with Scott, it was a bit like God taking a footballer off before he gets a red card. Do you know what I mean? It was like God's way of going, okay, come on. Exactly. Enough of this. You've thrown enough shit at tense.
Starting point is 00:29:18 You need to go preach. Is he married? I wouldn't have thought so. Okay, okay. I mean, he was fucking crazy. They're crazy, those guys. I grew up with guys like that not a shit in the pocket that's a whole other level
Starting point is 00:29:29 no glove or anything he's just hurling it I just took it out of his pocket and threw it and went go on then now you go and it was just the look in his eyes he was so angry that I hadn't got a freshly prepared shit in my pocket it was just
Starting point is 00:29:45 so you know like crazy it was terrifying but me and him used to play up front um playing football together so we were kind of friends because we played in the same position but he used to scare the hell out of the opposition i'm scared of him yeah you want that friend but i mean well i'm just saying what if you because i would be so nervous that I might, diarrhea, and that doesn't grow well. Oh, shit. Sorry. I mean, wow.
Starting point is 00:30:09 There you go. Yeah. We'll get a napkin for you. You're good. Oh, we got one. But yeah, I grew up with the guys who just love to fight, love to break shit, love to terrorize. And now they're all married with kids, and I'm like, how does that work?
Starting point is 00:30:20 Yeah, and what are their kids like? You know, terrifying. Yeah, right. They're all on it wasn't weird that you're the crazy one now yeah the way you live i mean like the way we live now is like the fucking reckless shit true drinking on the road so do you guys drink i was so curious about this do you drink when you're on stage i drink i drink on stage but not before yeah i like to bring one out to kind of just like have a sip yeah but uh yeah maybe sometimes i'll like one before but no i don't i try not to i try to earn it yeah yeah like when i did your
Starting point is 00:30:49 pod i feel bad i want to apologize i was you were ratted wildly hung over yeah we had a good pop but i was off a little so i'm sorry you were hilarious but it was you're sober though no i'm not sober but i don't drink like i i've never done a gig drunk i've never got to that like i'll drink if i'm kind of with my mates but i wouldn't drink at home i just don't feel i'm sort of super lucky i've got quite a few pals who've had sort of trouble with booze i'm so sort of envious like not you know the very fact that i can just go i'll have a glass of wine my friend john is just like how can you just have one yeah you know what i mean it's sort of i just don't have that kind of urge that's a good gift it's kind of like not being attracted to kids we're so lucky that we're not attracted because that they didn't choose that you know
Starting point is 00:31:32 i'd rather have four glasses of wine than fuck a kid obviously but after four imagine the look of like that we've been demonetized again yeah but the look of bafflement from the bartender if you just had one glass of red wine again i don't need another one and i don't need to fuck kids good night sir there's a tip it's called willpower yeah yeah exactly read about it right but yeah just saying you're lucky because i liked it we had one or two earlier with our first guest and i wouldn't mind sliding right back into that pool it's tough that's why i'm drinking coffee i need that energy because i'm doing shows later okay if i drink during the day i do need a few
Starting point is 00:32:14 coffees to get back yeah my energy definitely although i tell you what's really exciting if you if you have like an all-day session and you manage to get drunk twice that's really good you know when you kind of like start off and you get a bit pissed and then you sort of have a few coffees and then you sort of power up again later. That's impressive. I mean, that's why the Mad Men stuff, you're like, no one of these guys died at 58. They all got heart attacks and, you know, all this shit because they were just drinking at noon. Like, oh, I got a toothache. Let me drink.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Oh, I have a headache. Let me drink. Oh, my wife sucks let me drink that was the cure but it looked fun oh it looked great the director for my tv show is i think like the last kind of connection to old showbiz because he drinks yeah like he'll have like wine at lunch and then wine with the main show and it's just like he's the only person in tv that i know and he's the, but that's just what he does. And it's just kind of that thing, you know, it's the old line we always say,
Starting point is 00:33:10 do you enjoy your lunch, Pete? You're fucking drunk it quick enough. But he's that guy. Liquid lunch, baby. Liquid, but like, you know, and you'll hear the bins being empty and you're like, Pete's here. But he's the only guy I know that's like, he's really good, but fully functioning. Some people can do it. Some people can function like that. And it's a dying art i feel like there's less and less you know people are getting more sober now i think but you two both like incredibly sort of consistent and prolific with booze trying there's a lot of
Starting point is 00:33:36 shame spiraling oh i gotta write more you fucking drunk get it together yeah i remember reading about this athlete he used to play for the giants uh jeremy shock you remember that tight end he would get shit face and then apparently just go back to his hotel room and do like a thousand push-ups at a guild i feel like mark and i are like that but with jokes right yeah you know i'm just like i fucking hate myself i gotta write a joke you know do you ever see the uh maradona documentary i know. Yeah, it's amazing. The soccer player. Yeah, Argentinian footballer. One of the, if not the greatest of all time. Is he the greatest here?
Starting point is 00:34:14 Yeah, because like he was as good as Messi, but he was on coke. What? Like he was, this whole documentary, like in 1986, he scored some of the greatest goals you've ever seen. And he was playing for Napoli, which was a club that was then run by the Mafia. And in this, basically, they played on the Sunday.
Starting point is 00:34:29 They would win. They would take him out. The Mafia would take him out, drinking, doing coke. By Wednesday, all the other players have been training since Monday. They get him on a treadmill, and he just runs it off
Starting point is 00:34:42 and then plays again the following sunday yeah incredible so if he were sort of a dedicated athlete like now he would be better than messy wow he was he was doing all that off his box damn well it was it's a really amazing it's by the guy that did senna yes is this is on hbo this one might. I think I saw it somewhere. Yeah, I've heard there's a good guy. But it's really, he's the guy that did Senna and the Amy Winehouse documentary. Oh, great. So, yeah, real pedigree. When did Maradona pass away?
Starting point is 00:35:14 I feel like 2018. Let's check that. No offense to him, but I do kind of respect the guys who can do all the blow and the drugs and still the drugs and still perform well he did yeah yeah but what happened oh no he died years later he played he won the world cup oh okay he lost in life but not inside great that i'm fine with but the year he won the world cup he'd spent he spent the entire year doing coke wow it's like the 86 mets they were all on coke they were all doing drugs yeah one of coke. Wow. It was like the 86 Mets. They were all on coke. They were all doing drugs. They won the world.
Starting point is 00:35:47 I mean, it was like Daryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden. They're all coked out of their fucking mind. Keith Fernandez. Yes. And they won the World Series. I mean, there is something cool. I mean, I know we shouldn't be endorsing it, but Mark has a great joke about how we celebrate, you know.
Starting point is 00:36:01 It's the function alcoholic thing. Yes. About how people are like, oh, he's a... Well, fuck him. I slept here. That's his whole thing. about how people are like oh he's well fuck him i i slept here that's his whole thing i did i drank i did everything he did i woke up in the office i should get more points yes and it's it's a it's a great observation about living that hard and still and still pulling it off still sticking the landing yeah like hemingway or or george carlin with the cocaine prior with the lighting himself on fire. These are all people who died extremely young. That's true.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Well, Hemingway killed himself. Yeah, that's dying. But they leave behind a real legacy. It's kind of... And great work. I often think about Richard Pryor. Imagine Pryor in the age of Instagram. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:36:40 We're getting some good stories. Could you imagine the live feeds? Like, wow. The wife hitting alone just prior just went on instagram live and i think he's on fire yeah yeah yeah but he's shooting his car and he's saying there might be something in this that's why we should be so quick i mean but it's just all these things i'm in the woods yeah the twig but like it's it would be so demystifying of course if you saw carlin or prior or hicks or
Starting point is 00:37:07 something like that every day and you're like oh okay fine so true yeah the camera has fucked a lot it's helped a lot of us with all the clips and the content and the exposure but it would have like i mean the the shit we get mad at people for now like lizzo shamed uh an employee you're like prior beat the shit out of his wife with a champagne bottle you know carlin's doing blow off of my ass we're all doing that i mean john lennon hit his wife like i wonder if it would have been do you think the lizzo thing would have been a story in like the 80s or you think it would have just come out in like a memoir or something yeah no chance by the way i have to in here. This is Maradona scoring a goal. His coach comes out with Coke on his wrist and gives it to him.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Oh, my God. That's a good assistant. Here's the coach in blue. Good coach. Take your medicine. There you go. Wow. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Not exactly a strategic mastermind. I mean, there play some lax drug regulations there of like jesus christ you see guys now they're like drawing shit up on a notepad this guy just walks out with a forearm lance armstrong's like what the fuck happened to me footballers now on the pitch do that so that nobody can hear or read their lips no but let me go against you walks out and says let Let me go against Lance Armstrong for a second,
Starting point is 00:38:26 just for the sake of argument. He's taking performance-enhancing drugs. These are drugs that do not enhance your performance. I'd say they enhance in the moment. In the moment, but your heart over fucking time? Over time, yeah. No, your heart... I don't think coke is...
Starting point is 00:38:40 I mean, coke might... Oh, you're fine. I've never taken coke, but surely it can't enhance your... Tell it to Robin Williams. You ever seen that guy? Yeah. It's you're fine. I've never taken coke, but surely it can't enhance your... Tell it to Robin Williams. You ever seen that guy? Yeah. But I've never seen Robin Williams play out front for Argentina.
Starting point is 00:38:50 And listen, I'd like to have seen that. I would love it. Also, if he did coke off his arms, I'd get lost in the hair. But yeah, no, all right, you got a point. I think there's a moment, maybe for like focus, it'll help you. Focus. But I think for cardio, it's got to fuck your heart up and your wind.'s no way man yeah yeah maybe i'm completely wrong on this well that's why carlin died at 71 you know yeah but that's a decent age that's decent for 71 the older you get it doesn't
Starting point is 00:39:15 feel decent yeah we could use another special out of carlin yeah yeah but i'd say food the last one's good it's bad for you is a good special yeah there we go the... Oh, there we go. The one before, it wasn't good. We talk about it all the time, Norman. It's bad for you. It's great. There's a lot of great jokes in that one. There's some great bits in that one. He's still with it.
Starting point is 00:39:31 But food is worse, because like Ralphie May and Patrice O'Neill, they died way younger. Yeah. That's Robin Williams there. And it was a much more expensive coffin. Yeah. Robin Williams there, he looks like he's – where is he there? He looks like he's down in Coke. He's being a Dallas Cowboy – a Broncos cheerleader.
Starting point is 00:39:50 I thought that was Leah Thomas. All right. I'm all thrown out. Sorry. But, yeah, wow. That is crazy. He was – that guy was all over the place. I guarantee he was coked up for that moment.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Robin Williams. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. You're right, right though with him doing coke it would be like like all the hair it's a wolf in a snow globe moment isn't it you know what i mean there's a lot going on there i met him once at the cellar robin williams he was the nicest dude yeah yeah he's got such a soft talking voice yeah do you know those those crazy
Starting point is 00:40:20 moments when you look back but so i'm english so i don't know i wasn't aware obviously i now know but it turns out i met gary shandling jfl and he came up to me after a set and was being really kind i thought he was hitting on me and i just thought oh thanks man oh cool cool but it was he was just it was a bit like he was quite intense sure oh thanks buddy cheers yeah i didn't realize i had this fucking genius genius i mean he is but that that documentary the gary shandy diaries is unbelievable and that bit of advice that be more gary is such a great bit of creative advice particularly the stand-ups it's whatever you are totally you have to dig into it i completely rather than kind of go right what seems to be working at the minute it's like be more gary you gotta embrace your thing even though your thing is maybe what you hate
Starting point is 00:41:09 the most about you yeah i think with stand-up the more you can be the thing people hate about you in regular life if you can accentuate that in your stand-up you'll be successful except for when you go home that's true that's true you've figured out how to heighten the thing that frustrate but you're right though it's it's sort of i don't know it's that that's what you get from that doc it's that sort of authenticity and he just a trier and just a grafter and totally but all the greats are grafters they just make it look effortless how long after did you realize it was g Shandling or realize what that meant? It was years later.
Starting point is 00:41:47 I remember seeing Seinfeld interview him. And I was like. On Comedians in Cars? Yeah. So you never saw Larry Sanders or stand-up? I'm re-watching it currently. It's so good. But this is what I mean.
Starting point is 00:41:59 So then I, like, it's so frustrating that you, don't know even Seinfeld the sitcom didn't really break in the UK wow yeah it's just not really a thing yeah so there's certain so who are guys for you that were like what like this is the this is our these are our guys like you're equivalent to Jerry to like to you oh it's a stand-up probably there's a guy called frank skinner or billy connelly is probably a big scottish guy but he was i would say he's connelly is the sort of carlin figure he's like the nation's brother then uncle then granddad do you know what i mean that he he's the one that everybody loved yeah and still like i got to interview him on my show and it was so thrilling to kind of make this guy laugh
Starting point is 00:42:45 frank skinner's a really great english comic uh he has a sort of chat show but it's that similar thing where there's just certain people that just don't like obviously seinfeld's huge but i'd be i'd be very interested when he gigs in the uk i bet you they're mostly americans yeah i'd say so do you know what i mean it's sort of that thing of like that his humor just wouldn't have traveled we just don't have that culture as much yeah yet friends was massive it's kind of bizarre oh interesting it's amazing seinfeld's it's great 20 times the show the friend of course is but it's but you know what i mean no friends very new y. It's very Jewish. I think it is definitely a little more niche. Friends is so much bigger.
Starting point is 00:43:26 And maybe it's much more vanilla. It is. And it's like McDonald's. That's going to sell more, I think. And it's just so kind of, there's no earthiness. There's no kind of, you can feel the creativity through committee. Whereas Seinfeld, you feel. Larry David.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Yeah, yeah. But you just feel those two just kicking it back yeah it's much jewier humor as well right and there's just less jews i think like like that type of humor in america is very broad but we loved it we loved it loved it that's my point is that i think that's very jewish humor in america is right like look back at how many mel brooks yeah woody allen totally it's very that's very broad in america yeah right like look back at how many mel brooks yeah woody allen like totally it's very that's very broad in america yeah well it's even like the you know just to come on stage and go i shot a moose you know that feels like it's such a like it's such a wildly surreal premise and yet
Starting point is 00:44:19 kind of and yet in america it's like there we go yeah do you know what i mean it's very interesting i love the woody allen this is such a perfect joke to me do you ever see played again sam no there's a great scene where he goes up to a woman in the museum you know what i'm talking about it's amazing he goes up to hit on a woman and he goes uh you know what do you you could play it too it might be it might be i'm not gonna do it justice it might be funnier but uh yeah museum scene his jokes still hold up like people got comedy really ages. Woody Allen jokes still hit. They're still great. Same as those Shondling gags, man.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Here it is. Go back a minute. The Gary Shondling gags. Oh, yeah. Still work. Here it is. No, a little further back. A little further back. What do you think of this painting? It's a very simple start. Black and white. It's a very simple start. Black and white just scrapes on a wall.
Starting point is 00:45:09 What does it say to you? It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous, lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man. Man forced to live in a
Starting point is 00:45:24 barren, godless eternity, like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak, straight jacket in a black, absurd cosmos. What are you doing Saturday night? Converting suicide. What about Friday night? That's great. That's just a great joke. That's a great joke. She killed it too, by the way.
Starting point is 00:45:52 She fucking nailed that monologue. But yeah, what about Monty Python? Was that... Again, not really a thing. It wasn't... What? So the films, Life of Brian... Holy Grail.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Holy Grail, Meaning of Life, life they were played and you had a video and you saw those but the series was never on tv what like we only had four channels when i was growing up so they just didn't 40 towers never shown how about how about the office the office yeah so the office was that was so what's that that's 98 so that would have been i just started doing stand-up and it was yeah that was like seminal but that was so great it just felt so original and it feels so english i know obviously the american office has done it so well but like that first one is so like even the way gervais looks then like do you know what i mean he just doesn't yeah he doesn't look like somebody like that guy isn't getting in friends yeah and he just all of them that the voice perfectly matches
Starting point is 00:46:51 the body yes you know it's so this it's so well cast it's so funny can i say this about and had that cringe factor which the american one has but this one had it and that well the problem with this guy too is so great that the cool boss is incredible right what's amazing is that that basically like gervais affected comedic acting i would say in the world but definitely in the uk but that kind of stilted so well you know oh yeah like you see that all the time where people instead of doing sort of punch lines it's just that well you know nah yeah do you know what i mean that kind of drifty shit totally totally i'm so confused where did he come from i mean weirdly he used to manage bands my tour manager yeah my tour manager kumar knows him because he used to manage uh bands at ucl which is okay can you imagine having a manager
Starting point is 00:47:42 that funny yeah man right just. Right? Just that. I mean, he just. I mean, Jesus. Even his face. The movements. The way he bites his lip. It's all great. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:47:57 And you got to hand it to Michael Scott. Or not Michael Scott. Steve Carell. Because he made it his own somehow. Oh, yeah. Because this is so iconic. It's rare to see it remade and still be funny in a new way totally but it must have been so hard filming that can you imagine that like there's a reason those cutaways are done in singles yeah do you know
Starting point is 00:48:16 what I mean because I mean this it's just this sad rivalry he has with the better looking boss I always think of the scene where the boss is always wearing like cool designer stuff yeah look at gervais walks and he's like this jacket sergio giorgini yeah yeah like what who is that it's so funny but it taps into the ego and it's how insecure people are and how uh we just want to be loved there's so much more to the office than my brother my brother couldn't be more uh david brent if he tried oh really yeah he's so funny he told a story the other day to my friend steve that used to write on my tv show My brother couldn't be more David Brent if he tried. Oh, really? Yeah, he's so funny. He told a story the other day to my friend Steve that used to write on my TV show.
Starting point is 00:48:50 He was kind of going, yeah, I was in the office the other day. And my brother talks as if he's a comic. He could be a comic. He's funny enough. But he kind of, yeah, I was in the office the other day doing a bit of gear. And they didn't laugh. And I kind of went up to them.
Starting point is 00:49:03 And I was like, why aren't you laughing? And they said, oh, it was just too funny so we're gonna laugh later but that could be a scene from the office so like yeah totally so the way my brother now retell stories he'll just he'll he'll say what he said and then and then i said this and everyone's like laugh laugh laugh laugh applause shut up but so he kind of self-congratulates himself really fascinating but that's what i mean it's there's a lot of guys that kind of learned how to ape gervais yeah do you know what i mean and it's kind of like in sort of certainly in sort of sitcoms in the uk it really affected them that hasn't been many much great stuff since oh but like you know what i mean who else were your
Starting point is 00:49:42 guys though as as a stand-up as a stand-up so i started off it was connelly i'd say frank skinner and then kind of once i got into stand-up when i was about sort of 16 i kind of got into like hicks and kind of richard prior and then belatedly carlin i got into and then isard i guess oh do you know what i mean and um yeah and then those were really then once i kind of started doing the circuit it was ross noble and daniel kitson were the two kitson you've seen kitson i've never seen him but i've heard he's excellent so basically i was so lucky so there used to be a thing called the Comedy Network, which is where you'd sort of tour universities in the UK. And I supported Daniel on two tours.
Starting point is 00:50:31 It was incredible. So he, you know, the best comic in the UK. And I was 22 and I got to go and do 20 minutes. And then he would go on and do an hour and it would change every night. And it was just, you know, that thing when you're sort of, particularly when you're starting stand up and you're figuring it out yeah and you get to do a set and it goes well and then you get to sit down and watch a genius yes kind of study them he people talk about him like braveheart he was seven foot tall he was he's really great but he won't do tv right he's got all these weird why is that i don't know really it's sort of like like he's he's a bit of a sort of a salinger figure
Starting point is 00:51:07 i think and i he's so he turns it over so much so he was at the edinburgh festival this year with a completely new show i mean honestly i i'm not kidding i think he's probably written well salinger released books though one book only you know franny and zoe franny and zoe and then once he had catcher in the right but that was it that was my point and then there was one but kids is probably but he's probably written 35 hours 35 like i would genuinely and that some of them are on band camp but he just does them live and if you're kind of in the gang and you've seen him you kind of know but i mean look at him he's like he's funny looking right he's a clever and he has a stutter
Starting point is 00:51:45 as well he's a great guy yeah he's just one yeah explain the stutter so does that is that distracting on stage it doesn't start on stage but like stutters off off stage it's amazing so he yeah he used to have you know he had loads of stuff on it and then by the time he was like 25 he'd walk on stage hello my name is daniel I've got a daughter. Take it on trust. I've got hours of funny stuff on it. Let's move on. But, you know, he just had this kind of just utter confidence. The word genius is slung around a lot.
Starting point is 00:52:16 But when you see him in full flow, he is really something else. So I got to support him. And then the other guy I was supporting was John Oliver. So pretty lucky, really, just in terms of, and then, you know, they were my kind of, like, beakers. Yeah. I mean, that's who I was aiming for. It was great. It was so cool.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Yeah. I only learned a lot from Cosby's later work. Yeah. It was terrific, yeah. But wow, that's incredible. What a learning experience. Yeah, it was amazing, man. yeah but wow that's incredible what a what a learning experience yeah it was amazing man so but those and ross noble like he was like so brilliant uh sort of improvising comic
Starting point is 00:52:52 great great sort of surreal comic he was huge in the noughties still going now he's great but was like you know just would improvise the whole thing yeah and just a brilliant brain i feel bad because i went to england recently and i would bring up i'd be hanging out with local comics and i'd bring up a guy i'd heard of and they all went oh it's time to get a fresh face for fall the handyman manscapes electric face shaver lets you get a brand new start tackles up to three days of growth without the need for a wet shave their skin safe technology even helps reduce nicks and cuts so you'll feel confident going in for that close shave.
Starting point is 00:53:27 I use it. I bring it on the road with me. It's great. It keeps this beard tight. I don't want to look like Abe Lincoln, but, you know, I don't want to feel like Abe's stinking. Keeps it clean.
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Starting point is 00:55:49 additional 10 off your order today fume fume i was a door guy at broadway and i remember hearing mike di stefano who since passed was a very funny guy he made a comment about being a dirty comic but he was like uh you know but then he was talking about he's like fuck bill cosby you know he's a piece of shit right and mike di stefano was like rough around the edges but you could tell he was like a decent guy yeah what is this whole thing with being a doorman? It's a way in. You just work the door. Yeah, but that's so strange. What do you guys do in the UK?
Starting point is 00:56:15 You do an open spot. Well, you get to do spots if you do the door. Sure, but you didn't have to do that. You could just have a job. It's American labor. Yes, but were you were you paid in spots or were you paid money as well i was just spots there time yeah but there's so many comedians that you have to give you a spot but you have to act as security yeah i didn't do
Starting point is 00:56:36 a very good job i mean i remember one time jessica cursor was on stage like he's gonna throw people out that's what i mean but it's just like it's like well it doesn't really help you're saying that but imagine at least you're tall but you know i what I mean. But it's just like... It doesn't really help you saying that. But imagine, at least you're tall. But I'm not a particularly tall guy. It's just the idea that you're like, fuck me, I've got like... Well, actually, one time I got spat on on stage there because I worked the door. You got spat on? And then I went on stage.
Starting point is 00:56:57 It was just Rich Voss. They were talking. He was just talking to me. No, I went on stage and this guy wouldn't stop heckling me. I was like, dude, come on. At a certain point, then I started trashing him. And he just gets up and I'm like, oh, fuck. What's going to happen here?
Starting point is 00:57:10 And the waitstaff liked me because they knew me. So they kind of barricaded the stage. He stops and I just hear, oh, crap. Terrible people at Perfect Dame. Hits me right here. And I was like, oh. That's the only time. And then I was like, well guess I gotta throw him out now too
Starting point is 00:57:25 oh god Jesus did you no he left Dave Wade was like you gotta go that's the only time
Starting point is 00:57:32 I've had a fight playing football when I was a kid someone spat in my face and I just properly just went for him and then
Starting point is 00:57:39 can you fight no but he subsequently beat the shit out of me he was clearly baiting me but he just went like that and I went fuck and then the spit on is very tough because you gotta stand your ground it's not even i don't even think you think no it's the most it's the most visceral right okay we have to go now yeah
Starting point is 00:57:56 yeah it's just the contempt of the where was the teammates on you i was up front so when you play up front you're kind of on your own it was just me and this difference sports the fight's not supposed to actually happen teammates are supposed to you're supposed to look tough yeah and they jump in and this this thing is because it was just a football game at college it's not like there was a crowd who could see it they were just like he like beat me up and then i just got up yellow flag or anything no exactly and then i was there was what happened yeah i spat on me and I hit him and then he hit me a lot harder. Anyway, we just carried on playing. How great would that be if the goalie jumped in?
Starting point is 00:58:32 Oh, yeah, man. It was just the worst. That's a goalie. So how often do you come to the U.S.? So this is my third tour. I opened for him in 2009, 2010, something crazy. Exactly, yeah. Where did you open for him?
Starting point is 00:58:49 I think it was at the Hammerstein Ballroom, whatever the one is on the west side. Yeah, we did that. And we did Gotham a couple of times. So maybe it's the fourth. And then, not Gotham, Gramercy. Oh, yeah. That is a great room.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Great room. That is a great room. And then is a great room and then we did the town hall last time so um town hall is classic yeah it's amazing it's kind of so it's just we're doing like an east coast tour we sort of zigzagged we did like 35 shows in 33 days last year with a bus and it's just do you like the tour bus no it was just too much because it just it meant it shouldn't mean something particularly from the if you're from the uk if you're doing a gig in chicago and people have come to see you and i grew up in bristol in the uk yeah yeah or you wherever you are in america you're in seattle you're in la it's exciting but doing that many
Starting point is 00:59:41 shows that quickly you just it's like where are we yeah and you suddenly realize this isn't the way to do it so what i'm trying to do now is just do like hopefully like a 15 date run and then go home and then later on in the year i'll do like the middle and then later on try and do the sort of west coast and just try and it's not even to kind of like fucking break it or whatever it's just it's like we were saying earlier it's just to make you better as a comic you've just got to put i like putting my stuff through different cultures totally do you know what i mean and just sort of seeing where it kind of fits and you kind of find that the basics work everywhere humans are just humans
Starting point is 01:00:18 you know you make a fat joke and they're gonna laugh because they know fat people oh you look at like ancient greek comedy from like 4000 bc they're making like laugh because they know fat people. Oh, you look at like ancient Greek comedy from like 4,000 BC. They're making like dick fart and murder jokes. And you're like, oh, this is the oldest comedy. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's like you say that Roman documentary you're watching. All the graffiti is just cocks and – Yes, exactly. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:00:36 It's so kind of – Your wife's a whore. Yeah, but it's those kind of meh kind of things. They've always been – So I mean that's what's so kind of maddening at the minute is this kind of, this odd sort of attempt to kind of, for want of another word, clean up comedy. It's like, it's absurd because. It's not going to work. If you watch that documentary from World War II, there's a brilliant one by the guy that did Billy Elliot, the film.
Starting point is 01:01:02 And there's footage of just these very english looking men kind of like bony faces wonky teeth and whatnot and they're just chatting about so the sergeant major right we're there all right we're about to go on a salute and he's he's falling over in a bucket of shit and they're all like laughing because they're in war and their mates tripped in a bucket of shit yeah and it just shows you the kind of importance of that just the release valve totally we now live in an era where there's different types of thing it's that's what's so frustrating that somehow comedy has to be for the mainstream no it has to be one well that's the problem it can't be allowed we can't have a right exactly the genres
Starting point is 01:01:42 there's not yet but we know the genre and yet somehow it's like, you know. It's literally like if it was like, dude, you can only have Marvel movies. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly, man. Or it's like, but like, look at music. You've got like guys singing about the devil and Harry Styles singing about watermelon. And a rap.
Starting point is 01:01:57 Yeah. But music isn't just music. Yes. You know what I mean? Exactly. And it's allowed a sort of a variation of scales that for some reason it all comes down to well it was comedy and i was supposed to laugh and you're like well yeah other people did it's like and we try to do it a little like people go it's urban night
Starting point is 01:02:15 you're like yeah but hannibal sounds a lot different different than bruce bruce or earthquake you know so that's what's frustrating about that is whenever you try and bunch it that also doesn't work where you're like yes it's the dark comedy night and then you're like okay it's gonna be jokes about disabled people and it's gonna be dwarf jokes and hitler and pedophiles and and there's different types of dark comedy sure but my point being if you if you see that over and over and over and over it's gonna be a bit boring the the great thing about stand-up audiences live are intelligent enough to go hey that was fucking hilarious actually that mainstream guy was really funny hey that girl was really cool they don't give a shit funny for some reason it's whenever it's kind of repackaged well yeah sort of put through this
Starting point is 01:02:58 it's always by people that don't get what we do yes and there's always what's frustrating the only time that comics seem to make the news is when it's a joke that gets in trouble and you you never have the article audience go to watch stand-up really enjoyed it can't remember half of it it's fun of course which is the you know my night my mom was sick and now i feel better yeah you know they never say that article but the same thing goes with diversity we gotta have diversity but it's like if eight guys sound like john mulaney who who are different races, it's not diverse. It's the same shit. I watch Mulaney.
Starting point is 01:03:31 There's some beautiful noises coming from that dog. I know, right? I'm actually a huge fan of Black Mulaney. That guy's awesome. Terrific. Oh, Johnny Mac? He's good. I saw his live show, and there's a bit in it where he's on about his dad
Starting point is 01:03:48 losing his job have you seen that and he's he's wants to get loads of photos of them together as a family you know this is my latest one yeah when your dad starts breaking down and goes we need family photos yes yes and he's just kind of goes just fucking face the camera and smile and he just looks to his brother and goes this guy's not doing too well and he's just kind of goes just fucking face the camera and smile and he just looks to his brother and goes this guy's not doing too well and it's just a beautiful bit yeah i really enjoyed that show i thought it was great it was sort of just a it's it's a kind of it's weirdly it's a real romp through being a drug drug addict yeah do you know what i mean it's kind of really funny but it's not and then inevitably all the reviews like why didn't
Starting point is 01:04:24 he go deep enough and you're like because people don't want that man no you know what i mean it's kind of really funny but it's not and then inevitably all the reviews like why didn't he go deep enough and you're like because people don't want that man no you know what i mean why don't these reviewers tell a guy who's mastered this shit what he did wrong we need more of that no i mean john millennia is every comic loves millennia that's why it was so interesting to me when people no matter who you are no matter you do, there will be a mob after you at some point. And it's interesting. It's like this guy played it pretty clean. He had a divorce. People had this opinion on him, and it was kind of like.
Starting point is 01:04:53 That's human nature, though. People enjoy it. They want to prop you up and take you down. They do. And then they prop you up again. They do, but it was an interesting one to me where I was like, people get divorced. This is life.
Starting point is 01:05:05 Let a man make a mistake. People can make mistakes and not be horrible people you can't judge them a whole person's character on one snafu yeah i mean i just think it's it's interesting i mean he's got he got interesting material out of it too out of the it's great out of the drugs and everything that's what comedy's supposed to do like i saw videos of the ukraine war on tiktok and these soldiers are like fucking with each other yeah and you're like yeah this guy might say retard or something but they need this they're they're at war someone on twitter we got to cancel this dude yeah this guy that's what i mean you gotta get rid of these dudes mate well i've got funny if i've got a bit in my show exactly about that about seeing little old ladies
Starting point is 01:05:42 making missiles and giggling right and you kind of kind of go, of course they're giggling. Like if you're in a war making missiles trying to destroy Putin, you need a laugh. Can I have a release? Yeah. Come on. But yeah. Let me say two things I noticed about England that are different than here. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:58 One, you're less ageist. Right. I went to a pub just about every night I went to a pub, and there'd be like a 22-year-old guy hanging out with like a 61-year-old guy, and it was completely normal. Right. It wasn't like – Just father and son.
Starting point is 01:06:14 I don't know. I mean, they looked different. They were pallid up, and then you'd see like an older woman with a younger guy or whatever, or a group of people, and they're all different ages. Yeah. We don't have that here, really. That's interesting. Yeah, I was going to say,
Starting point is 01:06:28 New York feels like a very young city. It just feels like you get to a certain age and someone knocks on the door and you're like, you've got to get out now. Yeah, that's it. You're done. You're too ugly. That's very interesting that we kind of...
Starting point is 01:06:40 They go to Florida. What's the other thing? The other thing was you allow ugly people on TV way more than us. Sure, sure. You got some newscasters. I was like, whoa, Jesus, what is this, a horror movie? Oh, it's the 6 o'clock news.
Starting point is 01:06:51 Yeah, we think it softens the blow here for a woman with a lot of makeup to look like that. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny, man. The thing that gets me with your news, it always makes me laugh that there are adverts in between the news. It's just such a funny way of telling people it's the only way to stay on there's been a there's been a hurricane and many people are dead do you want to buy a car like you'd never talk like that it's a strange way of relaying really important stuff so true a big pharma pays for 75 of uh news is that right keeping it on hence hence all the
Starting point is 01:07:22 adverts for medicine exactly that's why it is that. And it's not going to change because they're like, we need this. Otherwise, we'd go off the air. TV's dying. I mean, sports. When sports goes away from TV, that could really be trouble. Well, sports is already on Amazon now. Amazon's already got Thursday Night Football, and you kind of wonder.
Starting point is 01:07:42 Oh, do they? Yeah. So you wonder when that's going to make the full transition because. Yeah. I wonder, do people, have you ever scrolled through live cable and you're like, this is. It's like primitive. You go past Bravo, some fucking dipshits on a yacht. This is a show?
Starting point is 01:08:00 Below Deck or whatever? Below Deck, that's a huge show. Oh, my God, it's awful. But, you know know you see the shit you're scrolling past you're like how the fuck is this a scroll past tlc and you're like i don't want to watch a 600 pound person just be sad yeah this is your show it's huge but it's it is and presumably with the writer's strike there's going to be six months of that well i think they're winning i think they won they won wga one oh the point I'm making, so there's been six months where they've been doing nothing.
Starting point is 01:08:27 Sure. So there's going to be a whole lot of reality. There's going to be a lot of men on TLC falling in love with their car. Yeah. We did a sketch about that years ago on the show. It was about this guy called Chase who was married to his car. Wow. And he was talking to his dad about it.
Starting point is 01:08:44 And we did this sketch um very simple sketch and i it's the most i've ever seen my dad laugh and the most horrified i've ever seen my mom because i knew this sketch was coming so it's basically he tells his dad and his dad's like you're in a loving relationship with your car that's fine and then it cuts back to me in the studio and i'm like that'd have been very different with my dad cuts to the sketch and i go dad i'm in love with the car my dad punches me uh i fall to the floor and he says why can't you be more like your brother and it cuts to my brother my actual brother with his ass out fucking a motorbike and like really kind of hammering it and my mom my mum was horrified that my brother had done it.
Starting point is 01:09:26 She's like, Danny, why did you let him do that? My dad, I thought he was going to dime her. That's good comedy. But it's weird though, isn't it? It's sort of that the kind of the mania of reality TV is, I mean, where do you go for that? Because that's now sort of drifted into Instagram. That's all it is.
Starting point is 01:09:44 It's just people sharing anything. It's the easiest. where do you go for that because that's now sort of drifted into instagram that's all it is it's just people sharing anything and just like so you have the madness of cable but that's exactly the same as tiktok or instagram it's just desperate people trying to create a brand and telling you everything you sort of realize how lucky we are that the great thing is we get to put clips of stand-up online or photos of you you know dressed in leather whatever whatever sells yeah but but but the point is you get to you get to put that out you don't but you're putting out funny things that you've created it is great rather than this thing of like could this be my thing is this my thing that you that will make you like me oh you're saying we're lucky because we know our thing well you know what's interesting also about that is
Starting point is 01:10:28 when you're scrolling on like an explore page on instagram or whatever you're using tiktok and you're so it's all tits and norm mcdonald because it's tailored to you exactly cable is not tailored to you that's what cable is competing with so you're just going it's either you're in random shit or you're like well this knows what i'll like yeah and that's and you're just going, it's either you're going random shit or you're like, well, this knows what I like. Yeah. And that's, you're not winning that battle. No, you are not. That's so true.
Starting point is 01:10:51 It's pretty scary. But it's going to win. But if you watch something before bed, how often is it like you scroll on? When I watch before bed, I'm like, let me watch something tried and true. Yeah. So they'll make me laugh and put me at ease. That's interesting because I can't watch stuff that makes me laugh before I me at ease that's interesting because i i can't watch stuff that makes me laugh before i go to bed really i get too kind of amped up by i'm the same way so me and my wife we so we've watched madman that's our show over and over and it's
Starting point is 01:11:16 this kind of weirdly madman west wing uh and the sopranos american American TV, baby! But the box sets, The Wire. Oh, yeah. The Wire's tough before bed. That's the downer. But if you've seen it so many times, it becomes comforting. Yeah, and it's slow. It's a slow, low-light piece.
Starting point is 01:11:35 But do you know what I mean? No, I've definitely watched... It's probably because of how many times I've seen The Sopranos, but you see an episode where a guy gets his face beaten in with a golf club, and you're like, all right, I'm going to bed. It's time for bed that's what i mean it's not like where is richie
Starting point is 01:11:47 april fucking with the but it's like it's even watching watching stuff like i've come to the party late and it's not really a party but top boy i've started watching top but he loves top boy yeah it's great thank you by the way that killed yeah i asked you what the top boy it's like their wire oh yeah it's a huge show in the UK. And my wife is Kevin Spacey tuned in. He was very disappointed. He's like, this is a complete miss. But he
Starting point is 01:12:13 the it's really good, but it's so tense when you don't know what's going to happen. It's a hard watch before you're about to go to bed. Can I take a big leap in a convo? So you mentioned you can pick. Everything's catered to you. I would say that's good and exciting, but it's not great in the regular world.
Starting point is 01:12:33 It's good for entertainment, but I think that's why we're kind of in the dating crisis we're in because you used to meet the girl next door, the girl at work, the girl at school, and now it's like, why would I go with her? I could have all this. it makes it harder to settle because there's well yeah the options on your phone dming all that stuff exactly and it's all catered to you and it's never ending basically and it creates a fomo that you kind of feel like yeah exactly i'm married look at this chick's fake ass i could i could have that and she's in my area, you know, according to this. And she's single and horny.
Starting point is 01:13:08 So, yeah, it's tough. There's too many options. You go to a diner. You know when you go to a diner, it's like, all right, they got pancakes, they got eggs, they got bacon, they got coffee. Great, give me the pancakes. But you ever go to those diners with like 900 pages and you're like, I don't know. You can't read the page.
Starting point is 01:13:21 You got to know what you want. You got to just sit down and go, tuna melt. You got to just do it. That's it. But you don't have those in the UK've got to know what you want. You've got to just sit down and go, tuna melt. You've got to just do it. That's it. But you don't have those in the UK, believe me. Oh, yeah. The American Diner and the blizzard of options. Yes.
Starting point is 01:13:32 It's so great. I love it. Oh, okay, good. I was worried you were going to trash us for that. No, man. I love it, too. Because we don't have it. So it's like I'm the opposite.
Starting point is 01:13:40 So I get there and you're like, oh, America. Look at that. You can have fries for breakfast, you crazy fuck. Frito, casserole. Honestly, breakfast in this country is just exquisite. If you go to a diner, what do you get usually? A diner. I was going to this place called the Grey Dog in Chelsea.
Starting point is 01:13:58 Oh, I know the Grey Dog. Yeah, I love the Grey Dog. Great. Good sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. I had an omelette today with feta uh caramelized onion mushrooms you don't have that no oh caramelized onion in the morning for the birth no english person's gonna caramelize an onion why not you guys can dominate india you can't get a fucking meal
Starting point is 01:14:16 together what's going on we can get a meal but it's the care and the options that go into it yeah you guys you know you have some beautiful ornate architecture you got you got cool cars over there yeah we can do like i said the other day i think indian food yes british indian food is we do that really well that's the only cuisine i think we uh you're a good chinese yeah it's all right but it's like it's but like our indian food is next level did you have any curries while you were there i had a bunch and i went to a place in hackney in that area right by the the theater yeah i can't remember the name but it got recommended by like 50 people yeah was it did it was it like a bring your own beer place i don't know it had two floors and it was really pretty and had like a real um i bet you
Starting point is 01:14:59 yeah i think i know the place you mean it's's ambiance. What do you have? I got the curry. That was a hack. But yeah, you can't just say the curry. Well, it was curry or tikka masala. I was going to really bonk it up. Oh, right. So you went straight down the middle. Yeah, my buddy got the tikka, so we did a little sharing. I should have taken you.
Starting point is 01:15:19 Because I wanted to come to your show, but I was being truthful. My dog was having surgery. Your dog is 15, you said, right? He's 15. He's 105 if he was a if he was a man wow and he's he's had to have that night that i was going to watch your show he had um four teeth removed and then basically the vet had to say look there's a chance that he may not come around so that was the day we did the podcast so you were hung over and i was petrified my dog was dying oh so i think with that in mind we did all right yeah she just had surgery too it sucks it's the worst i was trying to work on a bit about
Starting point is 01:15:50 how like pet how a vet is the weirdest job because you have to deliver horrible news for the silliest names yeah oh that's great you just come in like unfortunately waffles has a malignant tumor you know but it's like you you get into you get into you get into being a vet because you know you love animals and then you have to do this but like that's the majority of it is just putting them to sleep exactly but like if you're a doctor that's you don't get into being a doctor because i love humans i disagree my wife's a doctor and she loves people and she works in elderly care, and she loves people. But I don't think that's the general...
Starting point is 01:16:28 I don't think most people are that way. I disagree. Maybe not in America, but they... I think we all just hate people here. We... But you don't get well paid to be a doctor in the UK. So it has to... These guys have got brains very similar to comics brains, by the way.
Starting point is 01:16:41 It's just that we have access to ridiculous information they have access to life statement but for example they could see a bone and go okay that needs this this this and this whereas you hear the word mango and you're like i remember that thing do you know what i mean it's it's a similar kind of memory retrieval system but my wife works in elderly care love and to me that's mind-blowing because she's never gonna win yeah because they're at the end but she just adores hanging out with them and hearing the stories and and a lot of her friends are the same they're just they they it's a real quest and a real love for people's fucking strange save a life i think nurses here care about people
Starting point is 01:17:20 where doctors are sort of like the mechanics of people the nurses they get to think i bet you honestly man i don't know i i mean maybe i'm wrong maybe there's a pet though a pet you're like i gotta put down waffles but i gotta put down shelly you got to know shelly you learned about her life and we had a conversation where they never had a conversation i think some of it might be protective too where you're like if you're a doctor and you care about people that's got to be fucking exhausting well that's it what you do you but you i guess you care about people, that's got to be fucking exhausting. Well, that's it. What you do, but you, I guess by care, it's that thing of it's helping them on their journey towards death and knowing that enough is enough.
Starting point is 01:18:01 And so they've got a pragmatic kind of logical approach to it rather than we've got to make them live forever. It's like, listen, they're going to be in agony. Come on, enough's enough. And then night yeah it isn't it's it's um but yeah it's it's fucking fascinating like being married to a doctor is uh yeah it's what kind of doctor elderly care and acute medicine so she deals with old people and stabbings so that is a that's a real merry-go-round so uh yeah people who are living tough yeah exactly just haggard old gang members strutting around but yeah it's it's kind of um it's cool and they're all married it's so funny because doctors all marry each other so she's the only one that's kind of married to a comic very it's a tough life imagine that yeah imagine being a doctor
Starting point is 01:18:42 and being married to a fucking comedian. It's the most serious job in the world and the silliest job in the world. But yet she has to deal with a man that takes his silly job seriously. Yeah. Can you imagine the worst thing? But that's the only way to do it. Yeah, but like, I mean, she's dealing with death and I'm like, I just can't make this joke work. They're like waffles. That's a funny thing.
Starting point is 01:18:58 Yeah. I feel like so much of this in the early stages is, you know, at least for Mark and myself, I think we were like, we'll get drunk all the time. And then you realize the work you have to put into this to have a career and you're like holy shit you have to take it seriously well do you know what's really exciting for you guys so i was i saw nick offerman leave he because he's just on the podcast and he said to his assistant i really admire those guys yeah yeah he went he went i, unless it's genuinely true, I'm not blowing smoke out of your eyes. He went, they're incredible.
Starting point is 01:19:28 Those two young men, they're incredible. So, yeah. I just wrote a 20-minute bit about ball bags yesterday, you know? He might have been saying that in the lift. I don't know. We feel the same way about him. He's an awesome guy. But it was really nice, hey?
Starting point is 01:19:39 And it was sort of, I don't know, it must have been really cool. It was cool. Incredibly talented and cool guy so that was awesome yeah no he's uh we're slumming it yeah no that's so vulgar life is good man kid animal i had a thing about peeves i like that it's very funny some peeves. I was told I had to do some work, so I kind of did. No pressure. No pressure.
Starting point is 01:20:06 Hey, hey, Wonderbox is no, is it Wonderbox? Yeah. Yeah, I had to do some homework for that, so we're even. Yeah, let me have a look. Peeves. I got some peeves, too. Okay, do you want to go first? I'll go first.
Starting point is 01:20:17 Here you go. I think I used mine on the last one. Let me try. I got peeves. I got peeves for days, my friend. Yeah, I've written quite a few of these. Oh, I got one.. I got peeves for days, my friend. Yeah, I've written quite a few of these. Oh, I got one. How about this?
Starting point is 01:20:26 When people say, don't be mad, and then they're about to deliver you bad news. Oh, yeah. You don't get to tell me how to feel. Yes. I fucking hate that. It's always the biggest fucking asshole, too, who's like, don't be mad. You're like, all right, what is it? He goes, I borrowed your car, and I ran over an old lady by accident.
Starting point is 01:20:42 And you're like, okay, well, I guess I can't be mad now. It's a bit like when someone says the phrase, well, I was going to say, do you have that here? Well, I was going to say. Oh, yeah. You just did, you fucking moron. Do you know what I mean? I was going to say, you just did. The one that gets me is when you hear, again, I don't know if this is a phrase, but it's normally some old fuck in a bar going, well, I've heard it all now.
Starting point is 01:21:04 And you're like you haven't yeah never left this bar you know what i mean but it's always some guy who's seen it all and they've never left their hometown it's like when they go you can't make that up you're like well we got harry potter star wars lord of the rings you can make some shit up your story about the dry cleaning not being ready it's not that mindful. You can make stuff up. Here's the thing that I was thinking. It's like a topical peeve, if you will. But Taylor Swift making the news just because she cheered at a football game. I don't get it.
Starting point is 01:21:35 Janet Jackson got her tit out. Come on now. On her defense, she made the news. I've jerked off to both, to be fair. But the effort that goes in to doing a dance and then getting your tit out, if she'd have known, all she had to do was cheer him on. She is the biggest. I mean, you know what?
Starting point is 01:21:51 It's the biggest. I know. Do her fans. I was actually about to compliment her. She's the biggest star in the world for touring right now. So if she does, it it also it is funny to watch the nfl just like bow down to her like literally you turn they realize they're tapping into a whole new fan base but that's what i mean it's incredible but it's the respect that americans have for celebrity that's what blows my mind it's not a celebrity it's her because if at that game there was hugh
Starting point is 01:22:21 jackman paul ryan ryan reynolds there's all these celebrities there and no they didn't fucking mention any of them it's the kids win the teens win they are the most coveted demographic and she's got it but it was it was it just reminded me when david beckham was first going out with posh spice which i guess is the equivalent uh of victoria beckham the crowd that day chanted, and there was 80,000 people in the stadium, does she take it up the arse? Yeah!
Starting point is 01:22:50 And they chanted that at him. The choreography is amazing. Every week for the rest of his career. Wow. I love it. Until he left England. And we got his fans? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:01 And he's one of our greatest footballers. But that's what I mean. But it's the lack of respect we have for celebrity. Well, pull up the picture of A-Rod, Madonna in Boston. That's where you guys go for it. The things over their face. Alex Rodriguez, the baseball player, had hooked up with Madonna. Right.
Starting point is 01:23:18 And the fans in the crowd, they all have Madonna things over their faces. But that's what i mean you kind of need that kind of humor in do you know what i want to see what because it kept cutting to taylor at the football i cannot wait for the footage of when he has to go to one of her gigs and they cut to him because he looks like a man that does not know her lyrics like no that's how he met he went to her concert really yeah i stand correct because he made yeah well here's the thing uh also i my issue with it it's not taylor swift it's taylor swift's fans are humorless you can't make a joke about it or they come after you guess what they're
Starting point is 01:23:57 like you're going after taylor swift yeah she's a billionaire now i'm making a joke about her okay she can handle it popular person in america i went on i went on a morning show i making a joke about her okay she can handle it she's the most popular person in America I went on a morning show and made a joke faking that we were dating and I had a photoshop thing saying like we used to date and it was a picture of her at the
Starting point is 01:24:13 at the Chiefs game but instead of a Chiefs shirt it was a Sam Morrell shirt that's fun and we doctored it and we did a whole thing pretending like it was real
Starting point is 01:24:21 and the newscasters were great they played along it was a dumb gag that's so funny man and I posted it and so many of the swifties came after me in the comments like like this is this is not cool this you don't go after someone like this i'm like the most famous person yeah am i not allowed to make fun of fucking biden or trump anymore now the female trump the trump people come after you hard it's the same thing well same hair it's not even her it's her the audience is is what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:24:46 Of course, yeah, because she clearly has a good sense of humor. You tell her she's got lots of mates. She doesn't take herself. Her videos are funny. So, yeah, she can laugh. But it's like you get this. Weirdly, I did exactly the same on the news. This lady was saying the other day, so how's the show going?
Starting point is 01:25:02 I'm pretty excited. Taylor Swift's coming. And she was like, oh, is she? And I was going, was going i just said that so i can sell out like that but she was and then i kind of yeah i was chatting about how the fact i just found it fascinating that it made the news the day your government nearly shut down that's so funny yeah do you know what i mean it's a bigger story but it's a bit like when like when biden was trying to make sure billionaires paid more tax than nurses. Yeah. You know, when he released that, it was the day after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars.
Starting point is 01:25:35 So nobody was speaking. But it was just that thing. It was just, I just really. You should have had Will Smith slap Dianne Feinstein before she died. Would have gotten some attention. But it's just like, just wait a week and let it die down. And then, but it just, yeah. Well, that's how obsessed we are with celebrity, that that is bigger than presidential news.
Starting point is 01:25:54 You know? And that's why the president uses celebrity. He'll be like, well, so-and-so is on my side. And we go, oh, they are. I didn't know you had Brad Pitt. I got one here. So in terms of peeve, the word woke, right? Like just everywhere. Like, and we've only oh, they are. I didn't know you had Brad Pitt. I got one here. So in terms of peeve, the word woke, right? Sure.
Starting point is 01:26:06 Like just everywhere. And we've only just started getting it. It takes us five years. Oh, you just got that? Yeah, and it's fucking everywhere now. There was a headline I saw the other day that said, woke Scrabble bosses ban the word fart and boobies. What?
Starting point is 01:26:21 Exactly. But again, it's just there to get people, no, they've come from scrabble now you can't even play but just the idea yeah then the mermaid but like the cops are breaking a door down yeah he's got trip clit on a triple letter it's just so ridiculous by the way a guy playing boobies and scrabble and you're just like i challenge yeah but it's also you'll say you'll put anything down to win. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:46 Come on. I play Wordsworth. I love playing Wordsworth, friends. I'll do it on my phone all the time. I love that game. Yeah, but it's just, you know, it's like when you see an article and you're like, this is just there, just to kind of rival. Every New York Post headline, that's every headline we get is like, it is begging for
Starting point is 01:27:01 engagement. Yes. It'll be like, it'll be just like an overweight woman in a bikini and it's like quotations i don't care what you say i look good i'm like oh don't look at the comments don't look at the comments but the comments are now more fun than the journalism yeah you know but it wouldn't they wouldn't keep doing it if it didn't work it fucking works and they get the engagement and they get the clicks and they get the advertisers so it's on us to just stop but you can't that's the pickle it's just so difficult to they get the advertisers so it's on us to just stop but you can't that's the pickle it's just so difficult to kind of leave it alone it's like no matter how
Starting point is 01:27:30 many times somebody says you won't believe you will not believe what tiger woods his wife looks now i can't not click on it but that's the problem and i like and I will believe but I just have it's but sometimes they're lying sometimes it'll be like it's all lies but sometimes it's like a blatant lie where it'll be like
Starting point is 01:27:50 you know she looks great it'll be like but sometimes it'll be like Will Smith is dying and you're like fuck I gotta he's dying
Starting point is 01:27:56 and then you click on it and you're like and then you're like oh it was a fake article for an orange juice like that and then it's just kind of like
Starting point is 01:28:02 800 ads yeah for Fanta yeah man it just but it's how do you it works but then and's just kind of like yeah for phantom yeah man it just but it's how it works but then and then we kind of do it with clips as well you had you know you have to give it spice it up just so like you know yeah you have to make the the cover photo say like jews where's he gonna go with this or con i have no idea so my mom my mum is called Ninette oh no yeah exactly so I was like that could be the most click baiting
Starting point is 01:28:29 special if I had to show my mum called Ninette it's gonna suck when she dies you're like Ninette died we're like woohoo so weird my mum's called bring the pain pain with a Y oh man that's good stuff my mom's called this n word's crazy oh richard pryor album but uh here's another one a topical peeve please oh i forgot mine just
Starting point is 01:28:56 little drips i keep getting like walking around new york these just little bits of i don't know whether it's oh yeah water or kind of no one knows what they are rain or spit or piss or but it just makes usually it's in the air conditioner usually but it's just the most visceral anger at a city do you mean it's just one little and your brain goes in a million what fluid was that yeah and my brain was just like is it fentanyl is it like the amount of mate i was in la and i could i was like pressing you know the traffic lights to to go across and then i just put my hand on it and then i was like oh god fentanyl you've like and i just became this weird paranoid yeah british guy that that it's just everywhere the people are just going around and just leaving. We're just sharing everything, too. Every subway pole is some guy wiping his ass earlier or a guy who jerked off.
Starting point is 01:29:48 You can't think about it. You got a peeve? I just freaking forgot it. I'm super jet lagged. I sort of have one. I got one, too, actually. Let me get a quick one in here. I'm in Chicago over the weekend, and I drink coffee.
Starting point is 01:30:06 My girlfriend wants a cappuccino always, so I'm at the Starbucks downstairs, so I have to now. You know when you go to the store? But when you go to, he knows what I'm saying. When you go to Starbucks, they just hand you the coffee. The cappuccino, I now have to wait, and it's a long line, whatever. Fine with the wait. I'm getting the coffee. I wait for a long time to get the cappuccino for her.
Starting point is 01:30:23 The woman hands it to me, and I hold it. I go, wow, this is light. I said, I ordered a cappuccino. She goes, yeah, that get the cappuccino for. The woman hands it to me, and I hold it. I go, wow, this is light. I said, I ordered a cappuccino. She goes, yeah, that's a cappuccino. Very confident. That's a cappuccino. Two shots of espresso. And I was like, well, you just said a different thing.
Starting point is 01:30:35 You can't tell me that that's. Yeah, right. You just named it a different thing. And I was like, that's not a cappuccino. I'm polite. Like, you know, it's not a cappuccino. A cappuccino is just coffee with. Like, you know, it's not a cappuccino. A cappuccino is just it's just coffee with steamed milk. That's all it is.
Starting point is 01:30:46 But now some fans like Sam Morrill, the diva demands. It's not even my call. I'm trying to get it for her. Trying to be a good guy. I know. And then she goes, I think I know what a cappuccino is. And I'm just like, I go, well, you don't. And she goes, she goes, she goes, that's a cappuccino.
Starting point is 01:31:05 And I go, thanks for the cappuccino. I'm like, I'm done. I'm not going to keep arguing about this. So I leave and I hand it to her. And my girlfriend goes, this isn't a cappuccino. I'm like, thank you. Take it up with the ocean. But now she's upset.
Starting point is 01:31:16 It just feels like. Yeah, right. Do you know what I saw the other day in a Pret-a-Manger? I saw this guy confidently come in and go, can I have a coffee, please? Can I have it extra hot like they're holding heat back like what do you want a flamethrower you can i have it what do you want to drink it straight from the kettle you fuck with like extra hot because i'm going to sue you later yeah but just it was it was the confidence that's
Starting point is 01:31:41 hilarious can i have you so satisfied just take the lid off and go yeah yeah yeah hot enough for you yeah is that hot your skin is falling off it's one of the is it something about mary or no no kingpin that's one of the great bits of slapstick yeah where he pours the coffee in the face oh yeah now that's hot coffee yeah that's a great movie you crazy bastard and the jump out the window. All right. What was your peeve? This one is a little broad. You guys have specific. You have to call them women, please. You got the cappuccino.
Starting point is 01:32:12 You got the hot coffee. I think if someone has such bad BO that it's ruining the environment, you should be allowed to hit them with cologne. As in spray them? Yes. Okay. Not hit them with cologne because i didn't spray them yes okay not hit them with the cologne can be unbearable too i'm thinking more like a like a body spray or something okay all right give me some axa for breeze because uh the flights the ubers i'm like you're you're ruining the whole trip you're ruining like you can stink that's fine but now you're you're it's secondhand stink yeah sure so we're taking it in because you don't want to shower or wear deodorant yeah it's not fair to the other people i pulled a move once on a flight or this is such a dick move
Starting point is 01:32:54 but i want to sit next to my friend and i was sitting next to the smelliest person ever and my friend was across like diagonally so i said oh i'm sorry do you mind switch with me so i can sit next to my friend and the woman goes sure and she moves over and i just see her turn back when she smells and look at me and i was just like what are you gonna do though i can't really do anything it's are you gonna say he's too smelly no you're not exactly so i won it was a dirty move but it's a dirty game too yeah it's like the it's like abortion or whatever your body your choice but now you're affecting my life with your stink i i know i think if you i think if you think the person's gonna be a shitty father you should be allowed to abort their kid too oh i'm fine yeah second hand sure but that's i mean how long are we judging them for you can't like on a three minutes but if you've seen if you've seen them in the waiting room like i mean do you know what i mean i talk about that's the ultimate version of the larry david looking right where you're just
Starting point is 01:33:49 kind of giving it the eyes he carries around body spray carry around a clothes hanger just in case i'm with you man it's that thing it's that he's wearing an affliction shirt no kid get rid of him you know when you sit you hear someone make that noise? Oh, dude, I'm with you. But that's another one in terms of like... I'm with you. Anything like that where you're like, I should be allowed to beat you to death. That was a good RFK Jr. impression.
Starting point is 01:34:15 But yeah, yeah, no, I'm with you. The loogie hawk guy, get out of here. It's that weird, this guy, this taxi driver was doing it from JFK, just the whole journey. And you're like, it's actually a uh i think it's called misophonia my mate's just written a book on it it's like everyone has certain noises that just do you know what i mean that make you want to just pang them in the face and maybe you've got it with smells my girlfriend has it she calls it talking but yeah sorry certain people like there's certain sounds
Starting point is 01:34:45 that make me crazy and uh but apparently that's it it's misophonia you'll have like whether it's just you know like the the classic one would be the kind of nails on the chalkboard i feel like everyone hates that yeah right yeah exactly i mean to the point where if you if you don't mind that that's a good way of seeing whether or not somebody should be allowed to be a father. Do you know what I mean? If you could sit through that and you're like, I don't hear anything. You're like, okay. That wasn't that bad.
Starting point is 01:35:11 Yeah, yeah. He's going to raise a killer. But we cut your peeve off. Oh, yeah. Sorry, man. First time I ever saw this week, hentai porn, hentai porn. Oh, the Asian drawing, illustration porn. Yeah, but it was more of a video.
Starting point is 01:35:23 You fucking culture vulture. Look at you. Is this like when you see like Lois from Family Guy naked? Is that what that is? No, it's more like Asian. Anime.
Starting point is 01:35:32 Anime, anime porn. Right. And they blurred the vagina. Interesting. In the animation. Yeah. That's messed up.
Starting point is 01:35:41 This guy's trying to come over here. Yeah, right? Wow. But that is, maybe it's the's the guy who do you write to that's the that's he leaves a comment this is despicable just yeah yeah yeah so just writing into the new york times do you have that do you have that we have a show in the uk called points of view where um a tv presenter will read out the weekly complaints
Starting point is 01:36:06 of british people about tv oh that's fun and it's mesmerizing but i feel like well yelp what you need you don't have yelp do you we have yelp but this is on tv oh you'd have like kind of mary from uh woking was very upset with this week's episode of gardener's world you know just all that kind of stuff and i feel like that's what you need yeah well the problem with those yelps is you read it and you're like this has nothing to do with the restaurant you know it'll be a lady like so i went to the chinese restaurant to try it out i mean i was divorced that day and then i had a miscarriage and the restaurant was very drafty and you're like how was the food i never ate that was too sad i think i'm desperate to see if i can find it so true it's so true they
Starting point is 01:36:45 always go into some spiel about what's going on in their life instead of getting to the actual i got another peeve hit me okay people who are this isn't entirely fair but people who are really energetic morning people just piss me off well this is it but hey fucking amen and which is every single dj like no but like djs in the morning but but no radio dj that's what i mean i thought you meant you know that guy every single dj in the morning that radio hi how are you know the world over so true and yet not one like you two this is how people should talk in the morning yeah it's just like how you doing you're right another day of work no you're right tough yeah they're always yelling they have sound effects yeah yeah exactly we're gonna do a funny phone in yeah i dated a girl who basically backflips out of bed and then she's like
Starting point is 01:37:34 you're not a morning person i'm like no i don't do gymnastics the second i wake up i don't know what the fuck you want i mean this is like it takes me a minute yeah i need like a glass of water a couple coffees and then i'm with you take a piss yeah no i'm with you the morning people are great how about the guy who swims in the morning you're like what the hell what do you mean the guy the serial killer guy who gets up at 6 a.m swims then goes to work oh it's like something like mark woolberg every so often just kind of shows his routine yeah yeah it's just like i get up and i pray for half an hour no you don't what nobody wakes up you know what he's gotten away with some shit he
Starting point is 01:38:05 might he might pray yeah but and then it's like a three-hour workout then it's golf it's just like what are you thinking man like it's it's so it's meant my weirdly the only psychopath i know that can do that is my dad my dad gets up at i would say half five and cycles for two hours oh wow it's just like yeah his mom died when he was young, so he has this kind of crazy, I'm not going to die. Yeah, no, fucking right. Yeah, full ET, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:33 But it is, but it's that thing of, like, he's the only, stop showing that. What do you do with the will of the foe? This is what I wake up to. How much work are you giving this motherfucker? Jesus Christ, yeah. This is my phone background. He said his dad looks like Willem Dafoe.
Starting point is 01:38:44 Oh, I see, right. Oh, this is him cycling. That's not how he rides his bike. Caught in the spokes. He puts his dick in the basket up front. Woo, E.T. phone home. But I know what you mean. It's just that kind of wild morning energy.
Starting point is 01:38:59 Just dumb it down, man. They should do that show. Just have a morning radio show that represents how people truly are. Great always felt that way they should do that with workout videos too it's always a person who's enjoying themselves give me one slightly out of shape dude leading the workout class yeah so so he's not loving it yeah just sat there going you don't want to be here neither do i let's go get through this shit like that's it that's rather than all the platitudes climb the mountain or like peloton peloton are always like i've got you i've got you no you don't if i if i if i kill a man you haven't
Starting point is 01:39:31 got me how far does this go yeah exactly like but this nonsense of like i've got you that would be great though if he showed up he goes he comes to court he was like i can speak to his character wow this guy was for real yeah i, I've seen this guy sweat. I would go with the same on porn. Give me one porn where it's like, you know, we already got stepmom, we got interracial. Give me hungover. Because that's real.
Starting point is 01:39:54 A pile of laundry on your side. You're both knocking one out until the whole thing takes eight seconds. Hangover porn. I agree. I think I've got a theory on this. The thumbnail's the whole video yeah exactly we used to have a thing called readers wives did you have that so basically it was kind of so that was porn when i grew up in so i was born in 1980 and we'd have like that was the
Starting point is 01:40:16 first like it was this thing called readers wives and the premise of it was that people husbands had taken photos of their wives and this was the first time you'd see porn and you'd sort of see like a dog in the background yeah sofa's a bit gnarly that's hot the food no no oh okay but it was it was grisly but i think they deliberately looking back on it was very scary you know oh like very angry sort of breath thrust at you and kind of like full wookie like that but my thinking behind it now is that they were making porn so scary it was just giving us a bit more of our childhood smart you know what i mean that they were kind of we need to make this as manky as possible it's like a mike lee film just seeing this but now you can't get hard unless you see a pile of dishes in the
Starting point is 01:41:03 sink or something i need to see burnt dinner in the background but and there's always a cat in them and the cat looks do you know what i mean it's just sort of sat there with this like linda why have you got your new gnar out it's just like this look of utter do you know but do you know what i mean yeah linda the cat's the only thing getting licked yeah but it's it's it's so it's like a wes anderson it's like you know there's so much story to it but all of it when it's it's so it's like a wes anderson it's like you know there's so much story to it but all of it when you see it when you're 11 is like ah it's just it makes you not want to get married you know like that's my life yeah nine yeah right it makes you want to
Starting point is 01:41:36 just you know go and play football for a bit longer do a bit of drawing just stay in your childhood eat some skittles you know we had it made before we cared about fucking isn't that amazing that you one day you didn't care about fucking and then one day you did yeah you had your whole life cartoons but then you stopped caring about fucking i mean once you're in like a longer term relationship but the sex it starts to be like you almost become like friends yeah you gotta go to a sex club yeah yeah i still stand by that being a peculiar move so mark told me that he'd just been to a place called the kick-ass club that's it in berlin and it which is a sex club full of german people now the german as i said the german accent
Starting point is 01:42:17 is a tough thing to hear not hot but when they're orgasming that is oh that is a cacophony of... I mean... Oh, you're scaring him. Fucking right. But can you imagine, you know, that or the South Africans? You know, a white South African man orgasming must be one of the worst noises you can hear. Elon Musk does it a lot. He's got 74 kids. Four? He's got like nine, doesn't he?
Starting point is 01:42:45 I said 74. Oh, okay. You know you got too many kids when you got to name one like Cuico 9000 or whatever. They all have crazy names. He's already used up Jeff and Bob and Rudy. He's already dropped the numbers.
Starting point is 01:42:59 Got more kids than tweets. It's ridiculous. Yeah, who do you think you are? Nick Cannon? Oh, there you go. That's you, look. Oh, jeez. That's another one. do you think you are? Nick Cannon? Well, there you go. That's you, look. Oh, jeez. That's another one.
Starting point is 01:43:06 What are people thinking? I don't know. What, with that photo? Like, there's so many things going on. Oh, those tights were hard to get on. That is an album cover. Mark can get out of those. Nick Cannon's got 13 kids.
Starting point is 01:43:18 Yeah, that's a good point. Did you wear eyeliner? I did. It works, eh? I felt bad. I got curly hair, so it's not really menacing or sexy. So I feel like I had to do something to my face. It sort of looks...
Starting point is 01:43:31 That's the thing. You've committed there. That's what I would say. Do you know what I mean? If you're going to go to a leather club, you've got to dress the part. You just can't slink in wearing jogging bottoms. No, no. Some Crocs.
Starting point is 01:43:42 You've got to go all in. There's some big guys at the front door who inspect your outfit and go, I don't think so. Oh, no. Some Crocs. You've got to go all in. There's some big guys at the front door who go, they inspect your outfit and they go, I don't think so. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Would you watch people get turned away? Oh, yeah. There was a line around the block.
Starting point is 01:43:51 I mean, one lady I talked to in there, she's like, oh, four hours in line, but I'm here. I'm like, wow. Can I imagine if you shot that in black and white, that is an Oscar winning film. Yeah. Just this sad gimp. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:02 Who's not kind of leathered up enough. He's going to get back on the bus. Is he opposite of the Holocaust? They're not getting in. Everyone's laughing at him, and you just sort of see that, and the poor guy just has to go home. Yeah, goodbye, Jews. It's a great Louis bit.
Starting point is 01:44:21 Great Louis bit. What did the girl in the red dress, she was symbolizing something. Supposedly America's overlooking what was going on. Oh, wow, is that right? We didn't see, but we didn't care to pay attention. We didn't care what it is. Yeah, it's there for everyone to see. It's too late.
Starting point is 01:44:37 Interesting. Okay, sorry I asked. Bummer, I thought it was going to be some cool symbolic thing, but that was too real. Well, let's get this train on the tracks. Alright, let's get this bun back in the oven. Okay, we lost our gas. What's happening now?
Starting point is 01:44:56 Oh, we're doing Holocaust puns. Oh no, should we plug Dave? Yeah! Okay, where are you going to be then? Oh yeah, I need this. Fuck, I need this. I'm doing, yeah, a load of East Coast gigs. Let me get them. Go see this guy. He's got multiple specials.
Starting point is 01:45:11 You've put the work in. You've got a show with your mom. You've got a new show, right? Yeah, it's a new show. It's funny. It's sort of... There you go. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:45:19 Cheers, dude. The 15th of October. That's the one. Yeah, yeah. So we're doing... Yeah, that's the UK ones. Yeah, that's my fault. They're all fine. They're all sold out.
Starting point is 01:45:32 That's fine. Oh, man, that was good. Now these cats. Here we go. So I'm in Durham on the 4th. Yeah, Charlotte, Washington. I've done the Carolina Theater. That's awesome.
Starting point is 01:45:40 Great room. They're kind of nice rooms. I'm excited about it. I just need people. The Warner Theater is epic, man. You'll get rooms. I'm excited about it. I just need people. Warner Theater is epic, man. You'll get people. People will come out. Yeah, it's sort of getting there.
Starting point is 01:45:50 Let's go. This comes out next week, right? So let's get good. It comes out on the 15th. Start right there. Okay, sweet. So yeah, I'm doing St. Louis. Am I doing that right?
Starting point is 01:46:02 St. Louis. Thanks. St. Louis, Boston, Detroit, right? St. Louis. Thanks. St. Louis, Boston, Detroit, Indianapolis, Cincinnati, and Cleveland.
Starting point is 01:46:10 And then I'm off to Dubai on the 11th. Wow. Yeah, that'll be fun, man. Oh, you've got Hilarities in Cleveland. That's one of my faves. Yeah, yeah. That's the only comedy club
Starting point is 01:46:17 we're doing, annoyingly. Last time we did quite a few and they were really... We did... What's that amazing club? It's really small. What town? It's in Denver. Oh, Comedy Works. That's a great gig isn't it great club one of the best wowzers oh i gotta give a wreck uh michelle
Starting point is 01:46:33 wolf i watched her special it's great great i gotta watch her she'll be on here soon she'll be on here she did like the the comedy works madison on state comedy on state and uh philly helium i saw her um at leicester Square in London a little while ago, and it was pretty much the same show. But sort of doing it over three sets is kind of interesting as well. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of quite a cool way of doing it, you know? Cool way to break it up.
Starting point is 01:46:56 I really enjoyed it. And you never get bored because you're like, oh, now we're in a new place, you know? So I kind of kept it fresh. I'll be in, what is this, the 15th? So this Oklahoma City, Dallas, Portland, Providence, Cleveland, Grand Rapids, Denver, Denver, Grand Junction, Hartford, Concord, Mobile, NOLA, Santa Rosa, Sacramento, Omaha. You know where it is. MarkNormanComedy.com. New dates added.
Starting point is 01:47:21 So come on by. Check it out. Get some Bodega Cat whiskey and buy a t-shirt, for Christ's sake. What's Bodega Cat whiskey? That's our whiskey. Holy shit. Well, all right. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 01:47:31 It's up on the bar there, the blue bottle. Excellent. I got Pittsburgh later this month, Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, the big one, November 4th, Theatre of Madison Square Garden. Oh, nice. Please, come out to that one buy tickets yes the theater at MSG then I got all over Australia
Starting point is 01:47:48 Vegas Florida a bunch of stuff coming up so samorell.com slash shows hope to see you there have you gigged in Australia before I never have
Starting point is 01:47:58 oh it's the best I can't wait it's really good fun and you're that's annoying we're not at the same time oh it's really great you'll love it yeah yeah they're just it's such a cool cool city yeah have you done it as well yeah i did it about two months ago and had a fucking blast yeah
Starting point is 01:48:16 sydney particularly like sydney i mean they're all great but yeah melbourne too i mean that palais yeah the palais oh I think I'm doing that. Yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. Yeah, it's incredible. I don't know what I'm doing,
Starting point is 01:48:28 but that sounds familiar. Who knows? Yeah. All right. Well, hey, there you go, folks.
Starting point is 01:48:32 So, oh yeah, get the pod in there. Oh yeah, if you want. Yeah, yeah. I've got a new podcast.
Starting point is 01:48:38 Like, I'm like the only person that didn't have one. And now finally I've got one. It's called Wonderbox. And it's just about, it's people essentially talking about things that they love um it's fun you end up we've got some good guests uh john oliver's on it yourself nice i'd love you to come on i'd love to do yeah we should do that while i'm around sorry i'm at the hangover and then yeah don't turn up
Starting point is 01:48:58 like he turned up with shades on yeah in fucking england i love booze so it was it was part of the wonder box um yeah yeah you did you i mean i think the first thing you put in was uh um a gag ball yeah because of the sex club yeah and most people put like you know like a pet or a loved one but that's what it was it's really odd it's a really cool way of uh of sort of having a chat with people because yeah rather than comics coming up and doing bits it puts them into a different space and also there's kind of a bravery about talking about things you like yeah i mean it's kind of easy to sort of great point yeah things you like but things you like
Starting point is 01:49:35 like you talking about film you clearly don't do you mean you sort of lose yourself a bit rather than the nagging and pulling stuff apart yeah man taking man. Taking the piss out of, as you would say. There you go. Hello. I'm trying. All right. Well, there you go. Check out Wonderbox. Check out Russell on the Road.
Starting point is 01:49:51 And check us out. We've got specials also if you want to go back and look at the old stuff. We'll see you in hell. Thank you. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Pivorecki. No, the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking
Starting point is 01:50:07 shit about the fucking Pope, and I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans,
Starting point is 01:50:24 this woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be true

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