We Might Be Drunk - Ep 152: Peeve Heavy

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

My biggest peeve is when people watch but don't like, comment, share and subscribe! How dare you! Just the guys on this episode. Enjoy a classic episode. Mark Normand: https://marknormandcomedy.com/ Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ Shop: https://www.wemightbedrunkpod.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod Bodega Cat: http://www.bodegacatspirits.com Get 50% off of Factor & support the show at https://www.factormeals.com/DRUNK50 &; use code DRUNK50  Support the show &; sign up for your free 60-day trial of ShipStation at https://www.shipstation.com, promo code DRUNK We Might Be Drunk is produced, recorded and edited by Gotham Production Studios. Head producer: Matthew Peters https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ If you want to start a podcast contact [e-mail] for a discount on services when referred by WMBD!

Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk. We're doing it. We had a crazy weekend, so we're capping it off with a little cafe au lait. I had a few too many last night, even. So did I. What did you drink?

I just had a couple of McAllens with Dan, the bartender at the Cellar. Oh, nice. Fat black. Yeah, it's my childhood friend. That's crazy Cellar. Oh, nice. Fat Black. Yeah, it's my childhood friend. That's crazy. Yeah. Funny how it all comes back. New York, we all talk about it as this big city that never sleeps.

I see the same people all day long, every day. Yeah, this city is so hard. It's such a great city, it's hard not to drink. I know. I guess if your life is shit, you drink, or if your life is good, you drink. That's true. There's just bright lights. It's late.

And I'm like, oh, that's a cool bar. I'm going to go in there. I know. And the night, that crisp night autumn air is great in New York, that October weather. And all your friends are around. You had a couple of good sets. Give me a highball. Yeah.

It's great. In the groans. Oh, yeah. And we pretty. Yeah. It's great. In the groans. Oh, yeah. And we, you know, we pretty much drink for free over there, so it's hard not to get a nice cocktail. It's tough. Yeah, guess who I saw walking down? Me and the lady took a stroll, because the village during Halloween, the decorations are out. It's nutty.

It's great. And everyone's a fucking director now. Do you see everyone? They take their phone out. They're like, let me get this. Yes. And you're like, okay, now you're blocking the walkway. Exactly.

Some kid's trying to look at the scary ghost, and there's a guy, Fellini. Remember Carlin? Frederico Fellini's out there. Frederico fucking Fellini. But I see a guy with white hair and a kid on his shoulders, and he's going, look at that, daddy. Look at that. And the kid's up there.

Guess who it was? Who? Alec Baldwin. Oh, how about that? Yeah. i see him in my neighborhood all the time oh yeah yeah great dad and i said what are you shooting the shit no i'm just kidding shooting joke but uh i went oh wow and i just instinctively waved or and he looked at me like fuck off and then kept walking yeah it doesn't sound like a great person well i think he's out you need some you need some press yeah that's true that's true he's got a podcast where he's gonna everyone's got a podcast now where you're like i saw a famous person was he nice yeah yeah but i don't blame him what's he gonna do like hey he didn't even know who i was

so you get people like saying hi to you sometimes and like that's true you always try to be nice but every once in a while they catch you at a bad moment yeah i was having a fight with my mom on the phone and some yes some guy was like sam i was i was like what the fuck yeah and some guys like sam i was like i was like and he's like okay but that's like that's pretty good for mid-fight that's pretty good yeah that's tough to do because i was hard to take a picture mid-fight listen you fucking inconsiderate. Hold on. That's all they want is the photo. I was at the airport and I had a flight fuck-up.

I had to call Delta, which is always a nightmare. And I'm on the phone with Delta. You got status. You go right through. I go right through, but you're still like, oh, my sky number is this and my flight time was that. I'm doing all that shit. And the guy was like, oh, man, holy shit. I listen to you all the time we might be drugged i'm like shut the fuck up because i couldn't hear the lady so he hated me

but now he'll go off and tell everybody i met him once and he fucking yelled at me that is it is funny to get recognized at a bad point i know i know because that's because you are alec baldwin That is your whole life. Exactly. And I think what Alec Baldwin was saying was like, no photo. Like, don't even try. Also, he's one of those dudes that has had too many kids at too late a point in his life. Yes.

This is the point of your life you should be more restful. Yes. He's got a manslaughter charge and more kids. You're not sleeping as well as you plus new york there's noise we're in the same neighborhood there's a lot of noise that's true i don't know what's worse the eight kids or the manslaughter charge it's it's a toss-up plus the hilaria baldwin is no joke that was rough hilarious i mean the yogi the yogi's already it can go either way totally you can be like earthy and kind of kind, or you can just be like, oh, enough about granola.

Yes. Just have another kid already. Yeah. And then it's also, I saw Billy Joel on Friday. Whoa. And he's another one who has, he brought his kids out. Yeah. And they're way too young for how old he is.

Oh, yeah. One of them was six. Whoa. I think 74. Wait, where'd you see Billy Joel? The garden. Oh, you saw him perform? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah think 74. Wait, where did you see Billy Joel? The Garden. Oh, you saw him perform? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Girlfriend's birthday. She wanted to see Billy Joel, so the Garden hooked it up. Hell yeah. Wait, when did this come out? Do I still have time to promote my date? This will be November.

Wait a minute. I never thought about this. So you were playing there, so you get tickets. Well, I try not to abuse it, but they, you know. That's good to know. I'm doing the beacon. I'm going to try to get some. It's an affiliate, baby.

November 5th, so right now. Oh, never mind. Ah. Well, it was a great night. Yeah. And of course it sold out. Yes. Here, here.

Congratulations. You know. You ought to know by now. voice is still good oh yeah he's great ran into our boy brian koppelman at the show who told me that he brian koppelman if you don't know creator of billions wrote rounders oh yeah amazing screenwriter uh but he he tells me you know my first date with my now wife of 30 years was to see billy joel and she stood me up an hour before the show and now we're going back to see her wow what a comeuppance yeah like i don't care how long it takes bitch i'm getting to that concert but uh no he's amazing dude oh yeah i saw

him live at bonnaroo and you're like bonnaroo it's not really his spot and he owned it he had the best show. He was funny, too. Incredible. Oh, yeah? He had a story where he talked about meeting Keith Richards on the street, and Keith Richards was getting mobbed by paparazzi or whatever. And then as he's walking by, he goes, here's Keith, Billy Joel. And Keith Richards looked at him like, oh.

Like that's not what he thought he'd look like? Right, right. A little self-deprecation from Billy Joel. I liked it. I love it. Not to mention the, you know, you can't have a picket fence in his neighborhood because he will run it over. He really liked to get behind the wheel. He's sober for sure.

Oh, okay, good. Oh, dude, he's, come on. I mean, legendary drunk. I'd love to get him on here. Damn, that would be an epic download episode. Billy Joel falls off. We'll bring in a little keyboard. Just let him go.

Well, the funniest part is like family singing along to his just depressing lyrics. His lyrics are so fucking sad. Yeah. But people sing along like as if, you know, and John is a real estate novelist. Which, by the way, what the fuck is a real estate novelist? Do do you guys know what that is i never even thought about that who never had time for a wife yeah he's sitting with davey who's still in the navy and he's with their kids who probably will be for life like that's not that's not good not cheerful no what is it sounds like a woman to me oh she's always a woman to me.

Yeah. It's controversial now. But, yeah, gotta change that lyric. But, yeah, yeah. It's about Chaz Bono. But, yeah, hell of an artist. Yeah. And still kicking.

And I think he has a residency. Like, he does 10 a year or whatever at the Garden. It's amazing. Yeah, and he crushed it. It was pretty awesome. Yeah. It's awesome that every song is a hit. Yes. at the garden it's amazing yeah he's and he crushed it he it was it was pretty awesome yeah it's awesome that every song is a hit yes and that and he'll like he no matter how famous you get he'll kind of there's a little bit where he's like there's a little song called vienna

didn't make the charts when it came out i'm like oh he's still kind of pissed about it yeah he's bitter good for him but it's like you're kind of like holy shit that wasn't a hit i know i know they're all great but some of bonnaroy it was like kendrick lamar of like, holy shit, that wasn't a hit. I know. I know. They're all great. But Sama Bonnarood, it was like Kendrick Lamar, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons. It was all these big, hot, cool, fun artists. And then he came out at the end and blew them all off the table. I partied with Mumford and Sons one night. Really? They were cool as fuck.

Yeah, they were awesome. I remember one of them was like, he's like, you know, when you're like week two on the road and you're on your knees and you're blowing a line off the seat. I was like, I think we're doing the road differently. You guys go hard. Yeah, especially because their music is kind of somber. That's how it always goes, though. That's true. Clean comedian might murder you.

Good point. Fucking Peter, Paul, and Mary. Look out. Yeah, Richard Marks. I heard he liked the heroin and the hookers. Well, Karen Carpenter, that's some dark shit, right? What was her thing? She starved herself to death.

What? Isn't that right, Karen Carpenter? I know she was anorexic. That's what it was, yeah. She died of that, though. Whoa, she went all the way. You see, yeah. End of the line.

Heart failure. Yeah, but that's from the anorexia. That's from not eating. I'm always impressed when an American cannot eat. Good for her. Heart failure. Yeah, but that's from the anorexia. That's from not eating. I'm always impressed when an American cannot eat. Good for her. It is. Everyone else goes the other way. It's not our specialty.

No, no. I mean, we have another musician, Meatloaf, named after food. That's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point, yeah. And he was a big guy. Wow. Look how thin she is.

Look at that. Yikes. Such a talent, too. I know. He was a big guy. Wow. Look how thin she is. It's sad. Look at that.

Yikes. Such a talent, too. I know. Todd Haynes made a movie about her, and he just used dolls to do the whole movie. Oh, damn. It's weird as hell. It's pretty cool. Yikes.

Dolls. Yeah. Wait, she's not in it, obviously. No, no, no. She's dead by the time it came out. Holy moly. Dolls. Musicians, I feel like most artists, even the people that you think are fine,

look, everyone's fucked up, but there's something about being a musician. I don't know. It's hard to not be, to have some darkness there. You were talking about Cobain. Yeah. Well, also, music's tough because you're hot, and then you go away. The whole disco guy, Bee Gees, were the top of the mountain, and then disco was the shittiest thing ever.

It was, like, not cool, and they just were out of work. And also the Bee Gees are fucking amazing. Amazing! Like, the tools that marched that field. What was that, Chicago? Where did that happen? Where they were, like, fuck Disco and... Oh, yeah, the Cubs.

The Cubs, what is it, field? Wrigley. Yeah. I fucking love the Bee Gees, though. You see the documentary? It's amazing. It's great, because they fall off. I fucking love the Bee Gees, though. You see the documentary? It's amazing. It's great because they fall off. They're the biggest people on Earth, and everybody hates them, and they're nerds.

And so they start writing for Cher. They start writing for Madonna, and then they get rich again. The islands in the stream, they wrote. They wrote it. It's a great tune. They wrote a ton of big hits that you don't even know that are them. And they're all dead except one of them is left. Is that right?

Yeah. That's a great doc. It's on Max. Yeah. I'll tell you where else I went. even know that are them and they're all dead except uh one of them's left is that right yeah boy that's a great doc it's on max um yeah i'll tell you where else i went uh i went to the decisive game of the wmba i know some people gonna trash me in the comments for this but i'm telling the story yeah tell it the liberty uh they're fun games and it's liberty liberty liberty liberty but uh they're playing the las ve Aces, who are the best team. They have injuries. Liberty should have won. They don't win.

But we have the MVP, Breonna Stewart. She's not the best player. The best players on the Aces, Asia Wilson. Okay. But she got the MVP for some narrative decisions, whatever. Tough. They lose by one point. We're in the game.

I see Sam Jay there. Hey. Which is who you think you're gonna see yes you hope to be a black lesbian yeah you would hope you hope and then uh her who not her who ran ashley gavin too yeah white lesbian yeah there you go a lot of lesbians there all right as there should be that metal detector took a while to get through catch my drift what the strap-ons? Butt plugs? What are we talking here?

Keychain wallet? I don't know what I was going for there. But, no, it was a good game. It actually wasn't a good game. Brianna Stewart played horribly. Three of 18 was a terrible, terrible loss. They should have won the game. Yeah.

No. But as we're walking out, they're having the celebration because the Las Vegas Aces win. And, you know, they're blocking the doors. I'm like, blocking the doors? I don't want to watch the fucking opposing team celebrate. So I'm trying to leave. Yeah. And they're, like, blocking us.

Some pregnant woman bumps me. What? And she's with a much older woman. And I turn around and I say, you know, we're all trying to leave. Yeah. And she goes um i'm pregnant oh throwing that around and my girlfriend whispers to me that's brianna stewart's wife the star of the liberty and i turn around i say you know if you're anything like brianna you're

not going to deliver tonight so which i said as she walked away. She didn't hear. But other people heard. I got to laugh. That's a good line. Yeah. She boxed you out. She boxed me out. Yeah, wow. They take good care of you at Barclays, dude. Really?

I've never been in there. We're going to Knicks games this year. I would love to see, but that's not at the Barclays. No, it's MSG, baby. We're going. But I would go to a WNBA. I feel like I could keep up with it. It's fun, man.

Yeah. It's a fun experience. They got fucking Carbone in there. You get a little free rigatoni. I would go to a WNBA. I feel like I could keep up with it. It's fun, man. Yeah. It's a fun experience. They got fucking Carbone in there. You get a little free rigatoni. I've never eaten a Carbone. I tried to go twice. Couldn't get in. Yeah.

I've never been to the one in New York. Yeah. I've been to the Barclays one. It's right there in the village. And I saw Schultz there with his wife. And they're like, you cannot get in. And then Schultz looked at me and I went, ah, shit. Never got away.

He was in there you know feet up big like feeding his wife like a lady in the trip i was like god damn it couldn't get it i had to me and the lady to walk away yeah there's there's so much good italian though in new york it's like some of that shit's over overrated overpriced yeah yeah i saw kim k there once i mean kardashian yeah she was walking out of there. She was still with Kanye. They were there together. They got out of a black car, and I was like, whoa.

Oh, you saw them walk in? I saw them walk in because I couldn't get in, so I was waiting outside. That's what I mean. It's like a celeb spot. I don't know if it's as – I think it's good, but I don't think it's as good as like the – It's all buzz. A lot of buzz. Yeah, which, you know, that's part of the fun, I guess wow wnba that's cool how was how was gavin she was into it i i think i almost

lost it to one of her friends she was with because someone was like sit down oh and i'm like it's the playoffs you stand yeah boy you stand on key play keep also it's funny that people who bossy you know what's helping the WNBA? Is that there are, like, psycho fans now. Ah. Because there was a guy yelling at one of the women, you fucking stink, fuck you. And I was like, that's what they need.

That's equality. That's equality. Yes, that's how you talk to the men. It's also funny that people think, they automatically assume that you're a feminist if you go to these games. But you know there's dudes there who just hate women. Right, right. It was a cheap ticket yeah he's just in there like you fucking bitch make me a sandwich i hate my mother i try to get my lady to watch and she is she's like i won't do it and i'm

like the women are supporting now that's the difference okay good on them it's on them it's all that's what i'm saying so i'm like you want people to watch this, you have to watch it. She's like, I'd rather watch The Bachelor. You can't be a woman who complains about inequality and pay in sports and not support. Yeah. You're a hypocrite. Or don't complain. Exactly.

Or don't complain. Yeah. So she would not watch it. And I had this realization. Tell me this is stupid. She's like, I want to watch The Bachelor. And I go, why? She goes, this is reality TV.

And I go, but this is actually edited. That's reality TV. And I go, but this is actually edited. That's reality TV. And just like a reality show, it's a bunch of women competing for a ring. And she didn't care. I thought I had a good point. We should be dating. We have the fucking, we have fun. Yeah, exactly. If we had vaginas

and we're better looking. Man, gays. Gays have got to be. That's why I want to just show women, like, look how fun it could be if you weren't up our asses all day. We could all be in a glory hole. We could be blowing each other and eating each other out.

We could all be having sex 24-7, but you guys have feelings. Every female listener, all the women we just brought in with that WNBA talk have just X'd out on YouTube. Well, we're trying to support it. You're going to gay.

I'm trying to get the lady to watch it i just like sports and i like new york sports and i like basketball i'm supporting but uh yeah well i think a lot of women can't relate you you play basketball i grew up you know shooting hoop with friends yeah i don't think you know my lady was like ever watching or playing basketball in her life yeah but you gotta support yeah but. They need more drama. They need hair pulling. They need to cheat on a man. There's some drama. They talk some shit.

Okay. That's why that college basketball shit was good with Caitlin Clark, where Angel Reese, they were talking shit to each other. Oh, that blew up. 55,000 people went to watch Caitlin Clark. There is a future in this. Here's the thing I get. No one shits on Rogan, by the way.

People will shit on me if I defend the WNBA. Because, look, it wasn't a good league 10 years ago. I'll give you that. It's getting good. Yeah. No one shits on Rogan for. Is he a fan? No, for pumping up female fighters.

Oh, yeah. But you should. I just don't understand it, I guess. Interesting. Because that people. I'm a UFC guy and no one even bats an eye. We just watch them all. Right.

No one's like, oh, this is the female fight. Fuck that. It's like, no, it's a good fight. So that is interesting because basketball, we go, ah, WNBA. But the female fighters don't bat an eye. When it came out, the competition was not good. I'll give you that. But it's getting good.

I think the names would help if they had funnier names. I compare it to like the Cleveland Cunts or whatever. That would help it. The Indiana Tampons? Yes, yes. The Miami Munts or whatever. You know, that would help it. The Indiana tampons? Yes, yes. Yeah? The Miami miscarriage. Something.

They got the worst mascot. The bloody head. Their career's in the toilet. Yeah, man. What else you been up to? You been on the road? Been all over the road. How about this? Did Portland, Maine. Great. Did you do that up to? You been on the road? Uh, been all over the road. How about this?

Did Portland, Maine. Great. Did you do that theater? I did. That theater's incredible. Beautiful theater. What is it, the state theater? State theater.

That's a great one. 1925, old as shit, rickety, cool looking, a lot of patina. I got heckled for an hour and a half. Oh, wow. I don't know what it was. There it is. Beautiful room. Sold it out.

Yeah, yeah. And there's something about Maine. It's up there. hour and a half oh wow i don't know what it was there it is beautiful room sold it out yeah yeah and there's something about maine it's up there it's ray harrington has this great bit about how maine is is canada's florida because it's like hanging off the country it's like the south of the north wow because they're like they're wearing camo hats they hunt they're republican they're they're driving trucks but then portland's kind of bougie. But then Portland's bougie. Because you've got that seafood. It's actually a vacation destination. It is. It's huge.

And the hotels are kind of nice. Very nice. They say more restaurants per capita in Portland than anywhere else. And the cruises park there. It's all lobster. It's great. It's like fucking Auschwitz for lobsters. Yeah.

If you're a lobster, get the fuck out of there. They are coming for you. That's true. And we had lobster get the fuck out of there they're they're coming for you that's true and uh we had lobster rolls in the green room of course you got to do it up but yes it's such a cool place it's a really pretty city it's right on the water it's a lot of like fishermen on heroin and tugboats and all that shit good stuff a lot of ll bean you know a lot of whitey but there's something about doug key went up and doug's funny doug's great they were just not having it they were like ah what no boo heckling saying stuff and he's like what are you guys doing i'm i'm trying to do my act and like one joke would hit

then another one would fall flat and he's great so it was he's been touring with me for a while so i knew it wasn't him. And then I went up, and I had to just – if I didn't keep my foot on the gas, they would yell. Any free moment, they would yell. So I was throwing people out left and right. You always have one of those. It's weird to have those in theaters. I had a good one there, but I've had other ones on this run that have been like, wow, that was work.

Yeah. I think they pre-gamed a little hard because they were when i talked to the bouncer guys after and they're like everybody we threw out was like legless i was like all right well it happened to me in tulsa but i ended up getting a gift of a guy just so he was so shit face and he just kept as he was getting tossed he just kept screaming out gold so i was like fucking let him stay it was kind of funny and uh ended up like getting him water then i was like fucking one more drink on me but uh we ended up having fun but they were bombed yeah one tolls to that room have you done that canes ballroom i'm going there soon january epic really i love it oh great all right and and you got to hit up uh the demarco the pizza place. I'll give you the name.

It's killer. All right. I'm down. Yeah. One guy we threw out went and bought merch from Doug and then put it on and ripped it in front of him. So they meant business, these guys. That's like the weirdest dick move ever.

Yeah. Doug's like, I got your money. I don't give a shit what you do with the shirt. But yeah, that's like fucking mean. It's a little aggressive, but he paid for it. He can do it. Yeah, but that's, like, that's a dick. It's a dick, but he'll jizz at it later anyway, you know?

Like, you know, it's... Who knows where that shirt's going? He feels bad about himself. He goes home, and he's like, fuck. Just puts it around his neck, hangs himself. So, of course, we go out. We got wrecked. Too drunk.

And then the next day, we got in the car and drove, hung over like this and drove to Providence. And that was amazing. Love Providence. Great town. Providence is like weirdly kind of similar to Maine where it's like there's like some really poor parts, but then there's like really bougie parts. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Rode like a Newport over there.

It was incredible. Hunter Biden's got like a $3 million home. Oh, really? Where you're like, wait, what? How is it? And then you see it. You're like, if you're on the water, you can charge like anything. Oh, yeah.

It's crazy. It's like a crack house, but they're like, it's on the water. It's on the water. Yeah. You can puke right out the window. Yeah. And yeah, that was killer. It's not really a crack house if it's Hunter Biden's, by the way.

Ah, good point. Good point. Coke at the White House. The White It is technically a crack house if it's Hunter Biden's, by the way. Ah, good point. Good point, yeah. Coke at the White House. The White House is now a Coke House. It's an apt name, I guess, White House. But yeah, then today, or yesterday, me and Salicus went and saw Killers of the Flower Moon. I saw it, too.

I want to know what you think. All right. I got to be honest, I didn't love it. Really? Okay. I liked it. I got issues with it all right well we'll get into it let's get into it said the best part of the movie was salicus was trying to buy a flight he had a death in the family so he's trying to buy a flight on the phone i'm like why don't

you just go online he's like i gotta get the bereavement fair so he's getting the bereavement fair like a fucking new york Costanza. Costanza, yeah. And so he's like, yeah, she died two days ago. I have the death certificate. Oh, man. That's great. We were the only people in the theater, thank God. Really?

Yeah. He was dead? 1 p.m. There was one old couple in the rafters, but they were nine. One guy was sleeping. I heard his snoring. It was a long movie. It was very long. I thought it was really good. I thought it was great. I heard his snoring. It was a long movie. It was very long.

I thought it was really good. I thought it was great. Salacuse nailed it. He said, no tension. You know, every Scorsese movie, you got Ray Liotta like, oh, the helicopters, and we got to make the sauce. And, you know, you're up against it. Or the criminals are coming. They're going to murder us.

They're going to hit us with a ball-peen hammer and put our head in a vice like Casino. This was kind of just, it moved, but there was never those like, rape, murder. It's just a shot away. They're shooting a guy in the back of the head. A car blows up. They push a guy in a grave. There wasn't that moment of like. It needed that opening.

Ever since I was young, I wanted to steal money from the Osage Indians. Yeah, exactly. They didn't have that, but I thought it was great and a psychological thriller. I got a lot of problems with it. Please.

First off, I love the book. I said this on the podcast before. I think David Grand's an incredible writer. To me, in the book, the most interesting character by far is the detective. Detective?

Who is played by Jesse Plemons. Oh. The bureau inspector. Sorry, whatever. He didn't have a lot of development. No development. In real life, he's by far the most interesting character. I mean, he had this crazy life story.

He came from this interesting family he had tension with uh with uh fucking god damn why is his name escaping with jagger hoover he oh really tension with uh the fbi yes director so there were he like he wasn't accepted by hoover because he wasn't like an ivy league you know buttoned up guy he was more blue collar and that it was interesting he did he did this amazing case this was like that in the And that was interesting. He did this amazing case. This was like, in the book, the most interesting parts are how they prosecute and develop. And you're basically getting it from A1.

You're getting it from Ernest Burkhardt's point of view, who is a dumb fuck. DiCaprio. He's a really, he's a thick character. It's hard to like, for me, like, you bring up Goodfellas or Casino. Those are smarter villains. Yeah, yeah.

So it's just kind of, I'm just like, all right. It's also three and a half hours. I say with this type of movie, you got to make it either two and a half or make it a fucking miniseries, man. It's interesting to me that Scorsese, who I love, and I'm sure a a lot of people are going to disagree here but he's like all about saving cinema and it's like you want to save it with a three and a half hour slow burn yeah i'll be honest if i didn't read the book i would have been confused as fuck by this movie because they're just introducing characters and not like kind of telling you who they are yeah there's like all those tertiary characters in the beginning barnaby comes in the detective comes in he got, I don't want to say anything. Yeah. You're right. There's a lot of people. Even at one point I was like

who was that who got stabbed? Exactly. Who was that guy? There's a lot of that. And I'm just like if I didn't, I don't know. I would have been pretty confused. It looks beautiful. Beautifully shot and beautifully edited. And the actors are great. It's a Scorsese movie, you know. I got a beef with

Frasier. I thought Brendan was weirdly over the top I'm here to declare like what are you foghorn leghorn take it easy in the courtroom I think that's how they talked in the 20s but it was weird yeah it was a weird choice it also looked like I was like man this guy did he keep the body suit

from the whale on when he came over here he looked exactly the same I thought he was going to jerk into gay porn at one point by the way along when he came over here he looked he was exactly the same i thought he's gonna jerk into gay porn at one point by the way lily gladstone amazing amazing such a subtle actor and her face would say so much those eyes and everything it was really i've never seen her she's gonna win the oscar i'm calling her right now also i don't know uh yeah i just i guess i just didn't love it i don't know it's like for me to do a three and a half hour slow burn, Salacuse, yeah, he's right. There's not a lot of tension.

Not a lot of tension. There was a lot of just kind of boring scenes and also the way – I don't want to give too much away. Yeah, yeah. Because there's stuff I want to say, but if you haven't seen it, it is still a new movie. I'm glad I saw it just because it looked amazing and I just wanted to know, but I, yeah, I didn't love it. Yeah. All right. That's,

I love Scorsese and I love his passion. I think the way he ended it, I did. I was like, that was powerful. That ending was bad-ass. It was bad-ass, but I just didn't,

I just think there's so much more he could have done. Yeah. And, and I really, that was just such an undeveloped, Jesse Plemons is such a good actor and it's crazy character and i wanted more of him yeah he was like i don't say weak but just there was not much to him at all he was just the the long arm of the law and also i think if you're going to write characters who are this stupid and evil uh like ernest burkhart you know you have to

really expose their stupidity and those were were the funniest scenes. Like there's a great line where Jesse Plemons shows up and I'm not giving anything away here, but he just, you know, his, his character shows up and he goes, we're here to investigate, to look into the murders.

And, and Leonardo DiCaprio's character goes, what about him? And he goes, who did him? Got a big laugh in the theater. It's just, but that's the level of stupidity you're dealing with.

I wanted more of that type of stuff. Cause I'm dealing with laugh in the theater. But that's the level of stupidity you're dealing with. And I wanted more of that type of stuff. Because dealing with them in court, you're like, wow, they're fucking sleazy and awful. And dumb and sociopathic. How about the scene with that guy, Louis Can't Sell Men, or whatever his name is, where he's like, you realize you're implying that you might kill your kids to get the insurance money. And he's like, well. That's the level of stupidity you're dealing with in evil. But also the real life, the character who Jesse Plemons plays in real life, he had this crazy second chapter, too, where he, after this, he ended up, I think, being like, fuck, I'm never going to move up in the Bureau.

So he ended up taking a job as a prison warden. And he saw William Hale. Like, he was nice. He was nice to everyone. Even if you were in prison, he was like, he treated you with respect. There was a prison breakout, and these guys took him hostage and shot him. And he lived. Wow.

But he was fucked up from getting shot and he was still nice to those people after he brought them back to interesting like he was just a decent man yeah and and uh hoover never gave him his flowers ever oh really he just like wasn't his type of dude he was i think he saw him as more of a simple guy but he was a pretty brave guy yeah well scorsese didn't give him his flowers either. What the hell? That's what I'm saying. And also, I don't know.

And he looks like if Matt Damon got hit with a couple gamma rays, doesn't he? He's character actor Damon for sure. I know. It's a sad... Fat Damon? Fat Damon. My Norman.

He's a great actor. He's great. He's always great. But also, I thought DiCaprio was getting a little borderline sling blade in there at some point so i'm like all right easy billy bob you got that that protruding chin and the underbite a little hard but dude pull up a picture of real life molly burkhart and earnest uh because you're gonna be like holy shit like she's the actress they got

to play no no go down there's a better that one to the right all the way to the right holy moly top right top right like wow you don't think this dude fucking married you for your money yeah i don't mean to be a dick but holy shit this is some 90 day fiance shit right here i mean you're like that dude you're like yeah leonardo should play that dude yeah and then you're like who should play her? I don't know, Danny Trejo? What the hell is going on here? This is brutal. I mean, like, terrible life.

I feel my heart goes out to her. They're tough people. She was getting poisoned, the diabetic. Yes. It's, you know. Yeah, they're stealing the money. All their family dies. I don't want to give much away. I mean, it's a really insane what they had to get to be lucky enough to get that wealth.

And then you just get murdered. Yeah, I know. The white man. Yeah. But the white man saved. We had both sides of the coin. We're a very complex race. Everything's complex.

Yeah, he was a handsome guy. So it's a good good casting wow i didn't know danny trejo boy that is really something you fucking nailed it on that one who's i think uh hispanic but it worked yeah if we really break that one down it might be racist so let's leave that oh you're fine you're fine good it's a perfect call i got uh you got any i got peeves. Oh, I love some peeves. I'm still laughing at Trejo because I was sitting there trying to think of who you could use

and you fucking hit it right on the bullseye. All right. Here we go. Peeves. I got a couple of bangers, I think. I hope. All right. This is annoying.

This might get weird. But you ever have this one you go uh hold on i go uh that guy that guy we just met was he gay and then i had the lady be like some random woman was like oh what do you mean is he gay what's wrong with being gay i'm like i'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay i'm asking asking if he is gay. And she's like, I don't know. What are you saying? All gay guys are alike.

I'm like, I'm saying, I don't know if he's gay. If they were all alike, I would know that he was gay. And we're like getting into it. And I'm like, what is this bullshit where we pretend to not,

not people don't have like, you know, qualities that make you, cause we have gaydar. Right. But then if you go, was he gay? She was,

she's lost it on me. She was like you go was he gay she was she's lost it on me she was like who was it it was just like a comics girlfriend and i'm like i'm asking was she gay no she was the girlfriend of a male comedian and i'm like i'm just asking was he gay and she's like well how would i how would i know and i'm like well some people have better gay i have no gaydar and she was like well who cares if he's gay i'm like, well, some people have better gay, I have no gaydar. And she was like, well, who cares if he's gay? I'm like, I'm just curious if he's gay. And it's just weird, like Bill Burr has that great joke where he's talking about

a super butch lesbian, and a woman's like, what do you mean? And he's like, you know what you're picturing? That. You know, it pisses me off that she's acting like there's never been a gay guy who's like, hello! And we all go, okay, that guy's gay. and i'm not saying that's bad i'm just saying some gay guys can be more flamboyant everybody knows that i couldn't tell i'm asking if you're asking about a person i don't like i

don't get why that's offensive yeah we we got into it damn it's weird to be offended by i mean i know i don't get that i'm just curious is he gay you know then she's like why do you care i'm Damn. It's weird to be offended by, I mean. I know. I don't get that. I'm just curious. Is he gay? You know, then she's like, why do you care? I'm like, maybe I'll hit on him. You know, like, how do you know I'm not into him? I need to know if he's gay before I hit on him.

It's always like some implication of like, so you hate him? Like, no, I'm hanging out with him. It's the same tone of like smugness as those people who are like, the doctor. And you're like, oh, what did he say? She said. And you're like, all right, you're a better person than me. I'm sorry. You're more tolerant.

Right, right. There probably are more male doctors in America. So you went with the odds. And also, I'm a guy. I just, it's not, it's just I'm a man. So I say that because I know more men than women. Right, right. It's not, you know.

The worst is when you, by the way, if you said serial killer, was he blonde? They never go, she. It's only for doctors and shit. But the worst is when you do it to a dog and somebody flips out. You're like, I don't give a shit if the dog's a guy. I go, oh, what's his name? Her name. It's a shih tzu.'s his name her name it's a

shih tzu it shits on the floor i'd love to kick it in the face now i miss winnie dude fuck oh yeah winnie gotta bring winnie back i like her all right she yeah she's very fun yeah and a big hit in the comments by the way people love when people want more when he did oh yeah not a big hit with your cat unfortunately but you know we uh is that cat gay no i'm kidding i got i got peeves let me see what i got i know i got some peeves i got lots of peeves yeah it always goes to hate oh i got another one People who are cunts and victims. That's my people. Oh, good one. When you say something shitty and then a person reacts and then they're like, oh, you really hurt me with how you reacted.

Yes. It's just like, wait, you said the mean thing. There's a term for this online. It's called cry bully. Oh, I know that. Yeah, they're mean and then when you give it back to them they cry damn so they always win they get to be mean and they get to be coddled it's pretty brilliant it's also uh people who a lot of liberals do this where they

where they poke you and then you respond and they're just like i don't want to i don't want to talk about that and you're like but you brought it up you brought it up so true it's like they get to get their shot in yes and then you're like you just hit me and they're just like i'm i'm going the other room right right yeah yeah it's so true my brother used to do that he was such a bitch fighter he would hit you and then you'd hit him back and he's like what the hell hell? You hit me. So, yeah, I'm totally with you on that one. That's no good. Oh, my God. Cry bully.

There it is. It's in the Urban Dictionary. My mom did this to me. She came to the cellar with me and my mom does. And I'm not calling my mom the C word, by the way. I was saying in a more general sense. But my mom watched my set. I'm getting a woman's talking my entire set at the Comedy Cellar.

And I'm doing a long bit that I can't really bail out of. Right. I lose momentum. So I had to just kind of power through. And then at the end of the bit, I get my pop and I go, you're going to talk the whole show? Yeah. I kind of like say it. And she kind of then is like bails off.

And I get a couple lines zinging her. And then I go into an abortion joke and I kind of pause. I'm like, you know that thing you should have been? And I get my quick laugh and I get a couple lines zinging her and then I go into an abortion joke and I kind of pause. I'm like, you know that thing you should have been? And I get my quick laugh and I move on and it's fine, but she's annoying. And Val, the manager at the cellar, goes in and they're like, sure, sure. And I get off stage and my mom goes,

you're mean. And I was like... Your mom said that? Yeah. Oh, wow. You're signing with a drunk? Yeah. Heckler over me?

And my mom's like, you just handled it in a very mean way. Val overhears it and Val goes, no, we handled that very well, actually Yeah. Oh, wow. You're signing with a drunk? Yeah. Heckler over me? And my mom's like, you just handled it in a very mean way. Val overhears it, and Val goes, no, we handled that very well, actually. All right, Val. And my mom goes, I don't want to talk. I'm like, you just called me mean. Yeah. Also, where's the backup, Mom?

You're on my team. You should be hating this lady with me. Wow. I'm shocked. Yeah, I was bummed. Damn. Come on, Mom. Yeah. And she started it. This other lady. She, I was bummed. Damn. Come on, Mom. Yeah.

And she started it, this other lady. She started it. I know. You could have been a lot meaner. You could have gone in on her. You did one line and got out. I just said to her, I was like, you know how many years I've done the road? Do you think I would have survived in papered strip malls if I didn't have the ability to

do crowd control a little bit? Of course. You got to turn it on. Yeah. No, I'm with you on that one. Yeah. got to turn it on yeah no that i'm with you on that one yeah thank you come on hear that mom yeah we'll get her on here and really berate her we sit her down she's like no i'm not yeah i can't yeah no we we're all fans but i love you mom we're good we we patch it up well that the thing. If you talk during a show, you're open now.

Exactly. You're a target. So that's on you. Yeah. All right. How about this peeve? Hold on. All right.

What is it? Farting in people's faces? Is that the peeve? If it's not, I got one coming up. Okay. Hey, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Factor. It's the age of convenience, baby. We're constantly trying to save time whenever we can.

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He couldn't have done it. We didn't even have a guest this week. He couldn't have done it that way. Oh, what? He had to do it right into my... Try to keep it neutral. I could have done this. Oh, Jesus Christ.

No, I wouldn't do that to you. So. This is Gaza, and I'm fleeing right now. Two words. Yeah. Full stop. I'm so sick of full stop so that's my views on ukraine they shouldn't be whatever hoda hoda who russia's a superpower putin's evil full stop you could just stop yeah what is that? You've never heard full stop? No, I have, but I don't care. Oh, yeah.

Is that like a period? I don't know. I don't know. What are we doing? You could just stop. You don't have to say full stop. It's like reading a telegram in like the 30s. Yes, yes, exactly.

So-and-so needs more medicine, period. Space, new paragraph. No, just stop talking. You know what it is? It's kind of like on social media when people i guess it was mostly twitter when people would do like the the claps we yes stop apartheid claps in between and you're like well that tweet will do it yeah good job i hate what do people expect i don't know what they're like they're like i did it i know that's by the

way that's activism now. Of course. People used to have to put on a suit and go to Mississippi in the culturing heat. Now they're just like, I'm sad. Send. Yes, exactly. My work's done. Yeah, these atrocities need to end. Full stop.

Thank you, lady at Coffee Bean. Now, it's out of control but you know there's a great video of a guy who goes to a campus and he's one of these assholes with the uh the microphone in your face and he's like do you think illegal immigrants should be allowed in college and every student's like 100 he's like but who's gonna pay for it and they're like they'll find somebody to pay for it he goes well we actually started a fund if you want to give money and they all go i gotta get out of here so he's basically just showing like you talk a big game, but you're not actually willing to help. I got my mom.

She was like, nope, I got it. Yeah. She's like, you're mean. I do hate the gotcha shit. I hate the gotcha shit, too, on both sides. I got a good pee for you. All right. All right.

People at the gym who are filming filming if you want to just film yourself don't put me in the fucking shot oh yeah i got i got was in someone's shot recently i didn't find out till i got tagged on instagram really oh this guy had a decent amount of followers so it's like and by the way he they always look like a superhero you never look at your best no he's benching 500 pounds i'm behind him scratching my ass i'm well, glad this one got all these clicks. Yeah, well, pull that up if you can. I don't even know where it is. Did you reshare it?

I don't know where it is. I'm sure I could find it, actually. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, enough with the gym filming. Just go work out. Do we need content at the gym? Some people are monitoring their progress. Okay, that's true.

I think that's fine. That's true. I think that's fine. That's true. And also, if that's your page, some people are like, you know, people post that the way we post our stand-up. Sure, sure. If that's your whole thing. You're supposed to be filming a stand-up show, and it's our theater show. We're the headliner. This is a full public gym. show like we're the headliner this is a full public gym if you want to do that go to a anytime fitness at 4 a.m when you have the whole place to yourself and and set up a full rig and lights and

a get a boom guy and a director go nuts yeah but enough with this shit not using up two machines because one is the camera thing and then the other one is you using the machine it's too much yeah but peeves are good man you get this out you feel good you go about your day yeah i got another one please when i'm at killers of the flower moon uh-huh is this no way i'm in this is this another one no i'm not i want to see you struggling this dude i would remember sam's in a black. He's got like dress socks on and a weird T-shirt. And I want to see you trying to put the 25 pound thing on the bar. It's not even the machine.

I have another one. So I'm at Killers of the Flower Moon. I'm with my mom. We see the movie. And you know you have to select the seats now it's not like the old days that's right no i'm not in this one dude i don't know where it is i i got i didn't get like tag tag i got someone commented my name so that's why i saw it but um so you have to pick your seats right yeah it's a pretty we saw it was a pretty full theater uh and we go uh we get to our seats

there's jackets all over our seats and i i kind of say does this belong to anyone here because i think these are our seats and this old couple in the row in front turn around like annoyed ah they like get up annoyed like oh and she took forever to move them i'm like how fucking hard is this yeah you know she moves and then and then no no like oh sorry about that yeah just like oh we wanted more seats well then buy the fucking seats this is out of control i can't stand people doing fucked up shit and then getting mad at when you call them on it i know that's the whole society cry bullies cry bully completely and we need a drill sergeant to come in there with a fucking whistle and crazy arms and be like shut the fuck up you apologized to him we need somebody to keep these people in check

because they just keep doing it we need that guy from the college campuses with the mic do you think this is okay yes yes bring him in it's okay well i was talking to list and he figured out how he got covid he was at chipotle and this lady kept coughing and coughing like big wet loud cough and he kind of gave her one of these and And she was like, everywhere I go, people give me dirty looks. I'm coughing. I'm allowed to cough. And you're like, and then she goes, you should get a mask. And he's like, you're coughing.

Why am I the bad guy? And by the way, that person like is COVID. Is COVID. You don't just have COVID. You're COVID. Yes, yes. You're a pandemic. You're ruining lives.

But that's where we're at like the lady with the or the guy with the boom box on the bus and he's blaring it and you're like hey could you turn that down he's like fuck you man i do what i do and you're like why am i bad you're you got a boom box people just sneeze a guy nearly sneezed on me the other day in the street and i i wasn't even mad i actually started laughing i'm like it's just so gross you start start laughing. Yeah. You're like, wow, you're such fucking garbage. I know. No covering the mouth. Those are my favorite people.

The people just sneezing into the air. Yeah. You're not even covering your mouth. And what is going on with men's, I don't know how you sneeze, but I try to keep a dull roar, but my dad's like, ah, ah! Is that necessary? Like birds are flying like out of a tree when you sneeze. Oh, that guy just poked his head out.

I think I scared him. He's Tarzan? Yeah, I'm like, what is that? You need to do that where the birds flap away from the building? But here's one more peeve and then we'll move it along. Oh, we got this, by the way. A real estate novelist is a writer who specializes in crafting stories around the buying, selling, or flipping properties. Woo, riveting stuff.

Yeah. That's why he's at the bar. JK Rowling over there? All right. Yeah, that's why he's at the bar drinking his sorrows away because nobody's buying his paperback on condos. So, last peeve, then we'll move it along. By the way, the peeves are a big hit.

I get a lot of people, I do like a Q&A. People like peeves. People just yell peeves, and I don't know what to say. Okay. First of all, electric vehicles are a nightmare. I'm using a couple openers who will rent an electric vehicle. They're like, hey, I picked up a rental car. I got a half off for an EV.

And I'm like, you got fucked. Because our whole trip has now revolved around charging this thing. Because we're going like a two-hour drive, and they just plummet in energy when you do it on the highway. You know, just woo, that energy bar is going down. So we're always like, well, we'll get an ice cream and let it charge. Oh, we'll go to the comic book store and read a couple of Spider-Mans. I'm like, what are we doing? We could have been there by now, but that's the EV for you.

The electric car, it just has Todd Barry's voice. I'm not driving anymore, dog. Yeah, exactly. This is a super secret car drop-in. So we pull up to the EV place, the charging station, which is always out in the burbs. It's by a Red Robin and all that shit, you know, by a Ruby Tuesday. And it's a concrete jungle. You got the 12 Tesla chargers.

They're all full, and there's a line. So we're like, God, not only is the charge a half hour, but the line's 20 minutes. So now we've lost an hour doing this shit. So this lady pulls up in front of us and goes right to the charging station, and we're waiting in line, clearly. And then we're kind of giving her like the we're in line and she backs it up and now we're window to window and she goes are you in line and we're like yeah she goes all right i'll wait then like oh oh thank you for doing exactly the rules

well what do you mean like she said it like all right i'll be a good person to wait like no that's how lines work we were here a half hour before you, you crazy coos. You broke the rules, and now you're on credit for not breaking the rules. That's a better way to put it. Thank you. People are fucking awful. The worst. We'll get in line behind you then.

Yes, that's how it goes. This city is, I'll tell you, everywhere, people, no fucking manners. No. I nearly got hit by a guy. This fucking asshole, I told you I hate the bikes in New York oh yeah this guy whizzes by me

and he fucking is on his phone he almost hit me because he's on his fucking phone I had a green light yeah 100% his fault

and I go what the fuck yes and he turns around and he goes fuck you there you go that's what it took

for him to to stop talking on the phone I'm really gonna start macing motherfuckers as they go by. I know. I'd love to see him fly through a fucking windshield. Well, they keep getting away with it. So there's no repercussions. I will do prayers at night that he ends up paralyzed.

Yeah. I fucking, I pray. It'll happen if you keep biking in this city. That way he won't be able to look at his fucking phone. Well, he'll look at it in the hospital bed when he's got the nurses holding he's like ah thank god yeah thank you he's like swiping right with his nose because his whole body's banged up yeah it's the next step and yeah we're gonna go backwards in evolution that's true yeah well you ever see a wally i haven't seen oh i heard it's amazing. Brilliant, brilliant movie.

Pixar always kills it. Yeah, they're good. The whole thing is at the end, WALL-E gets up to the spaceship, and it's just fat people in chairs who drink Slurpees and Frosties all day and don't want to work. They nailed it. It's great. It's just all screens.

Then the screens go down, and they're like, what do I do? And they try to walk, but they're too fat. It's great. It's just called the minneapolis airport that's really what people were like oh my god this is like you ever trying to run to get a connect flight and you're just like weaving through people it's like you feel like you're on one of those like old nickelodeon yes game shows totally like uh with the one with the

supermarket sweep oh you know you got your luggage just cutting through porkers all day. But that show should just have people in it. Yeah. You have to get around people, too. That's true. Goddamn. But yeah, a lot of airport running. People have seen me running like, comedy!

Whizzing by, and I give them one of these, but you can't stop. Oh, you're done. Yeah. It's a wild world out there but i think as a road comic you can't be too big you gotta be nimble i'm running down subway stairs i'm jumping on trains i feel like john wick out here it's tough to you know because i i like to i like to have a drink but yeah you gotta make sure to hit the to hit the gym, too, just to be able to move a little. I know. I felt bad because Maine was such a slugfest comedically, and then we got shit-faced just

to get through it. Then I'm banged up. One of those old-fashioned 2008 hangovers in Providence where I was like, I can't move. I really can't move. I got in the hotel. I just laid down for a while, and I'm like, this sucks for the Providence crowd because I can't move. I really can't move. I got in the hotel. I just laid down for a while. And I'm like, this sucks for the Providence crowd because I'm all shitty.

I'm like 50% of my normal self. So I drank like eight coffees, a Diet Coke, and I got a green juice, and I made myself do push-ups. I'm sweating out tequila. And then I just went out there and tried to bring it. You have to just trick yourself that you're not that fucked up. It's weird because coffee is what I do when I'm hungover, too. But what's helping you is also hurting you.

You're getting more dehydrated. True. But, yeah, I need to fight it. I know. It does give you a little brain relief. Like my head hurts less when the coffee, but my body's still wrecked. It's like different anxiety i it really is caffeine anxiety instead of hangover which i'd rather have the

caffeine anxiety than the oh yeah it ain't gonna work out anxiety yes exactly and i feel i can see myself on stage i'm like a second slower you know like oh if i was not hung over i could have thought of something here but you're just a little foggier with the hangover. Yeah, it's a little tougher. You need that brain moving, you know? Firing at all synapses or whatever the hell. You know what I was watching the other day? Have you ever seen this movie, old mammoth movie called House of Games?

No. It's with young Joe Mantegna and lindsey krauss no it's fucking good house of games what's the rotten tomatoes it was good i call that a dave and busters house of games yeah it's good oh wow 97 it's uh it's slick it's about it's about con men okay i like con montania's cool as fucking it all All right. I don't even know who Lindsey Krause is. Yeah, I text List about it, and he goes, one of my favorites. What? Yeah, it was a cool movie.

I know The Game with Sean Penn. Another great movie. Fincher. Fucking Fincher, dude. Yeah, so good. I told you my Fincher story. No. Oh, I think I must have told you this.

I worked on Benjamin Buttons. You did tell me. Okay, yeah, PA, and I got to see him fire a guy. I forgot that was Fincher. Yeah. Threw the hat down like out of a movie. The whole thing.

Stepped on it. God, you'll never work in this town again. The guy was like, I'm so sorry, Mr. Fincher. He's like, get out of my sight. I never want to see you again. That whole thing.

It was awesome. And then he pushed him off a building. It was all a game. Yeah, yeah. Damn. Oh, yeah. Then I had to get his coffee after and i was trembling i was like here you go sir i was like 19 years old how did he take his coffee oh shit

i think i just got him a black coffee from i respect the black coffee drinker yeah it's always i feel like a lot of people for some reason a lot of famous people they like put a lot of sugar in it or splendor whatever the hell and i'm like how the hell do you do because those are people who have like cream and sugar and then they like ate a day i'm like so you're just having a a bucket of cream every day i know it's crazy my buddy worked on a michael bay movie and he said he was the i don't want to put this out in the world but he said said he had to have two espresso shots, bone dry something milk, and two raw sugars.

Bone dry something. Give that a go. Bone dry coffee. I can't remember how to determine that, but he says it all the time when I see him. Bone dry cappuccino. Bone dry cappuccino with two espresso shots and two sugars. Bone dry has no steamed milk between the foam and the coffee layer. It's just a thick foam layer on top of it.

Man, famous people are weird. Yeah, they really want their thing. I just am like, coffee, just give me. And people are like, I don't know. I'll just drink it black, then it's fine. Yeah. I'll put a little milk in usually, but like. Same.

Who gives a shit? I know, but I think part of it is just, let me then it's fine. Yeah. I'll put a little milk in usually but like. Same. Who gives a shit? I know but I think part of it is just let me just see if you were listening and if you give a fuck enough to do what I said. How important am I kind of thing. Some of those dudes are just really picky I think. I think they're like some of these people that made it to a crazy level are obsessive about every detail. Yeah. And that's another thing they're obsessive about. But that's what's great about being a comedian.

Even if you get to – I'm sitting there with Colin Quinn and Jim Norton last night before when Nate was going on. And Colin Quinn was – everything Norton said, he was like, shut up. And you're like, you need that. You know, Norton's a big comic. Yeah. like you need that you know norton's a big comic yeah but he'll never get to this bone dry cappuccino place because he'll have colin quinn's voice in his head going bone dry who do i think i am fucking frank sinatra it is good to have friends voices in your head making fun of you for being a piece of shit oh yeah i mean don't you have that every time i'm at a cool clothing store i'm in the

dressing room and i just hear ari you know, going, what the fuck, Keith? Yeah, you can't wear that, stupid. You think I can pull that off? You need a combination of, like, a support system but also, like, ball busting. Yes. You need people that are, like, have your back but also will, like, be like, you're a fucking idiot.

Right. Keep you in check and balances. You need both. Yeah, there's something about, I don't know. I fucking lost what I was going to say. I had something. Well, you need a little fun every now and balances. You need both. Yeah, there's something about, I don't know. I fucking lost what I was going to say. I had something. Well, you need a little fun

every now and then. Every now and then, buy that leather jacket or whatever. Yeah. No, look, we're on stage every night. We should look presentable,

but you do need that voice. Yeah. Keeping you down a little. I think there's something about also L.A. or cities that are more isolated where you just don't. That's true.

It's what, what are you going to get ball busted over speakerphone and your Corvette? It's like, you gotta, you gotta be around people. And because cities, you know, like New York are so densely populated,

like right on top of each other. So you do, I mean, I said, fuck you to a guy today on the street. Oh, there you go. I mean,

like the bike. Yeah. I mean, you, you, and he said it back. I mean, we cursed at each other and it was like, all right. I said, fuck you to a guy today on the street. Oh, there you go. I mean, like. Was that the bike? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you, you, and he said it back. I mean, we cursed at each other and it was like, all right. I mean, for better or worse, worse, worse. I fucking can't speak for better or worse.

We're kind of like stuck in this. Yeah. With our neighbors. Yeah. And that's, you're going to have the good and the bad then. LA, you're just, you're in your car too much. It's too comfortable. You don't have that ball busting. Completely.

Yeah. You're in your apartment. Then you're in your car listening to what you want to listen to with your exact climate then you go to your whatever work or you might work from home you're never amongst the masses and new york new york will keep you it's all masses well you're right in la it's like you're in your car welcome to fresh air with terry. Yeah, yeah. In New York, you're on the subway. Some guy goes on, shut the fuck up. Right. Just some crazy guy screaming. By the way, there's a type of whatever, fentanyl, whatever drugs people are on the street. There's a type that makes you like a – there's like the conspiracy theory batch.

Have you seen that? I saw a guy in the street just like muttering. He's like, espionage. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, I've seen that. You got the fucking – you got the bad. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, I've seen that guy. You got the fucking, you got the bad. I feel like even if you get sober, you're going to be annoying. Right.

You're like one of those. Yeah. Even if you get sober, best case, he's like, ah, fuck. He cleaned up his act. You're like, what's he doing? Mostly on Reddit. Mostly on Reddit. Talking about Epstein.

Killing himself. But even L.A., they're more homeless homeless than us but they got them all in one spot yeah whereas our hobos are peppered throughout the city you can catch a hobo in the upper west port authority wall street we're all over they're like landmines you can't you can't uh dodge one la they you know they're coming because there's like a tent and they like pop they set up camp here. Right. Yeah. LA is like, you know, Kurt Russell escaped from LA, right? And then New York is more just like, all right, they've integrated.

They're a mob. Yeah. It's more like Frogger. Like, oh, there's one over here. There's one over there. There, you're like, Skid Row. Done. Stimulation. Yeah, yeah.

There's tons of stimulation. But I think you're right. I think you take the go with the bet. You need to fuck you every now and then. It's good. There's tons of stimulation. But I think you're right. I think you take the go with the bet. You need to fuck you every now and then. It's good. It's good for you. I'm mad in the moment, but then a lot of times I realize more and more when I'm mad in the moment, it's going to lead to a bit. Discomfort is, I think, actually good for your life.

Oh, 100%. I had that moment on the flight recently. You ever have that moment on the flight where you land and then you're just on the runway? Yeah. And you're mad, but it's fucking funny. It is funny, but at and then you're just on the runway yeah and you're mad because it's but it's fucking funny oh it is funny but at the time you're like of course but when you take yourself out of it you're like it's funny that i just landed from portland oregon yes and we're here and i can't move like you can't move you have to distance yourself enough yes to be

like this is a funny thing that's true once you're in the cab you're like it's funny but right right right no that's a good point oh i had something you brought something up and it made me think of something yeah you got all the way across the uh the country and now you're drinking salicuces now do it do it fuck him yeah well you know he's not here snooze you lose oh i can't remember my portland point but i lost it but yeah something about something about downtown. But this is what New York does to you. One time I was in the way of the door or something. I was like really into a pod on my earbuds. And this big guy at the end of the car goes, hey, curly hair, move.

And I was like, oh, geez, sorry. I didn't know all these people were mad at me. I was like so in my own head. But even somehow curly hair hurt my feelings i have curly hair i'm fine with curly hair but just the guy going hey curly hair i was like oh that kind of hurt a little but that's what that's what a intent can do or tone you were you're demasculated i mean there's like a moment where you're like there's more to me than that yes yes but this guy doesn't know that yeah and in in hindsight he could have been like hey homo hey white boy hey pussy hey white boy wouldn't hurt as badly though yeah i don't love white boy i yeah yeah i guess i grew

up with white boy when that connotation is negative yeah yeah i guess there's nothing good but i am a white boy hey buddy buddy's not bad. Buddy's not bad. Buddy's not bad. But even with the right tone, Buddy's like, oh, shit. Ooh, Buddy can suck. Yeah, yeah. You ever have that guy? Oh, I used to have a guy. I was like, hey, Buddy. I was like, ugh.

Yeah, yeah. You feel wet after someone says. Yeah. Not the good kind of wet, like fucking. That's true. You're like, ugh, Buddy. Yeah, I don't love that. Yeah, but curly hair sucks.

I know. And there's nothing wrong. I'm not ashamed of my hair. Curly would have been worse. Curly's worse. Hey, curly. That's true. Hey, curly.

Why is curly bad? Because you didn't even have time to say hair? Yeah. Yeah. Curly hair. That's true. I'm trying to think of things that would hurt if someone yelled. Well, if you were like, hey, Mexican mexican is way worse than hey mexican guy

neither you don't want to say that to anybody but like be like hey mexican move hitting them with a group is is rough and yeah that's like fighting words almost but i think this guy was somewhat trying to be efficient yeah and and cordial like hey you with the curly hair but he just said hey curly hair but at the time was still like, oh, that stung a little. But he's not wrong. That's fucking funny. It's something about it. It was funny.

Later, I realized that was funny. Having to get people's attention. I mean, yeah. I had one. This is a peeve. Man, we're peeve heavy this week, aren't we? It's been a while since it's been just me and Mark. Yeah, we're getting it all out.

I had a guy. You ever have the guy say what's up to you at a show? And you're like, yeah, what's up? How are you? And then you see him again a few blocks later. And they're just walking with you. And you're like, is this guy going to fucking walk into my lobby? I know.

I know. He's just like, yeah, so I saw you back there. And you're like, how long is this going to go? I have that all the time. Because I don i know you're just he's just like yeah so i saw you back there and you're like how long is this gonna go i have this i have that all the time because i don't know you right i don't know if you're crazy yes and we're all fine with the how you doing hey let's chat it up but it's the what's the shot clock on this because this could go for three days that's what you need you need an interaction shot clock yes a buzzer needs to go off totally like uh like the oscars speech we need a guy to be like you know we need the orchestra to start playing we need the and you're like all

right we're going this way now yeah yeah right right exactly and break all right we need the blackjack guy to go you're done with the uh with the small talk Do you gamble at the casinos? I dabble. For me, gambling is like eating pizza at 2 a.m. If I'm drunk, I'm all over it. And I went to Skank Fest, and you drink all night. Everything's a party, and you're staying in a casino hotel. So you're like, I'm going home. I'm going to be a good boy.

Which casino was it? Which casino was it? The Golden Nugget. So not even a good boy. Which casino was it? Which casino was it? The Golden Nugget. Oh, wow. So not even a good casino. Yeah, but you know what's good about casinos like that is the gambling's pretty cheap. That's true. They got some cheap tables there.

That's true. Like Vegas Vacation, it was like 50 cents for a, what is it, paper, rock, scissor game. And then what number am I thinking of was a game. It was really funny. That's great. But I get out of the strip club. It's 4 in the morning. I'm like, I'm going to bed before the sun comes up.

I'm hammered. I've been doing shots all night. I get to the casino. The two RU Garbage guys are at the craps table. They're like, Norman! And I'm like, woo! $300. Throw it down.

Give me my big stack of chips. I'm throwing around. I'm tipping the waitress. She's bringing drinks. I'm high-fiving people. It was like a montage. I was like Sharon Stone throwing the chips up. Cut to 7 a.m.

I'm out of money. I owe him $200. Now I'm down $500, and I'm still awake. Cut to 7 a.m. You're in the boiler room. You're tied to a chair. You're begging for your life. Yeah, heads in a vice.

Yeah. No, it's really fun but at a certain point i hate losing money that i worked for of course it's because i don't i feel way worse when i lose and i feel good when i win yeah who cares i didn't fucking so this is all bullshit and it gets to a point when i get drunk where i just i'm like fuck it i throw it all down yeah and that's where you're like oh wow, wow, I'm dumb. This is money. This is totally money, and the house always wins. What feels better than a craps win is a sports win,

because at least you got to sit in the game, and you got like a three-hour. You do that? That I've done a few times, and that's way more fun, because I'm sitting in the sports book with eight guys in a leather chair drinking Bud Lights going, oh, go, go, go, go. He did it. So it's a win and a win.

You get the money and the game was awesome. I do it a little. It's crazy that the Middle East is on FanDuel now. You can pick a side. I thought it was in poor taste. No, I don't really do it, but I should. It's fun, and it's also like it makes games you're kind of into way more fun. Yes.

The baseball playoffs is fucking fun i'm in the i'm in oh yeah and it's like they got jeter now doing the uh oh really they got him doing the booth and it's jeter a rod and ortiz and you're like this is good for baseball to have those names and we can all hear about them spit roasting madonna let's get into that talk too how many of you have been in Madonna? No, it's good. And you throw a little money down. I don't do it enough because I actually just like watching,

but you're right, it would take it to the next level. Yeah, yeah. I would bet with my heart though. I'm too much of a Knicks fan that I would fuck up and bet with my heart. It's true. It really makes you judge a team. Like, all right, this guy's wife's pregnant. He's been drinking a little.

He's on a blow charge. I was just watching Uncut Gems because it was on TV the other day again. And just how much he knew. Like, oh, my God, just to be that level. You know what's crazy? That movie stresses me the fuck out. It's a great movie. Talk about tension. But it stresses me out.

Yeah, it's incredible. And it's not me. And it's not even a real character, but I'm stressed out. But that's a hat tip to the filmmaking, the Safdie brothers. They're amazing. With the buzzer and then letting them in. He's like, hey, the door's not working. All that shit just compounding. Amazing.

How scary Bogosian is. Yes, yes. And Reggie, is it Reggie Miller? Not Reggie Miller. Garnett. Garnett, yes. He's great, is it Reggie Miller? Not Reggie Miller. Garnett. Garnett, yes. He's great in that movie. He's great.

The guy's wife is, or the girlfriend's fucking some dude. He's got so much shit going on. It's great. Just that type of line must be so stressful. Because there's people like that who exist who just lie to the point where you're like, how do you find, we know some of those types of people. Sure, sure. In showbiz, obviously.

But like their whole life is just like. I know. I would be stressed all the fucking time if I just. Imagine just lying to everyone. Oh, just like, this is worth this. Don't worry, the money's coming. Yeah, everything. Everything.

The money's. Those are people we've worked with. Oh, yeah. The check's in the mail. And you're like, I don't think people do that anymore. I know. I think they just wire it. They're like, it's in the fucking mail. I've gotten some dms where they're like i bought your merch it never showed

up and i'm like whoa really i feel so bad i'm like how long has it been they're like i got it yesterday i'm like well it's mail given two weeks at least and then dm me you scared the shit out of me i thought you're gonna come to my house with a bat you know but yeah people get people get worked up. You start to realize why companies now, you can't even call them. Everything's automated. They're like, if you'd like assistance, try our website. And you're like, what the fuck?

Let me just talk to somebody. But people are too nutty, I think. It's hard to talk to everybody. People are losing it. Yeah. Every once in a while, you ever get a person on the phone, and you're in a bad mood, but they're crazy, and you're like, this ain't going anywhere. No, no, it's just two heads button.

I mean, some of those people are so understanding. Like, Louie had that great bit, remember? Like, I don't want this woman in India to do my airline call. I want some fucking fat woman from Texas. Yes, how are you, sugar? Yeah, you want that lady. Yeah, she doesn't care about my problems. Right, right, right.

But it's so true. You just want, you got to get the right person. Man, he had some fucking. Oh, yeah. He had some classics. Classics. I actually saw him yesterday walking. I saw the movie and he was walking through the village.

I haven't seen him forever. He looked amazing. Really? He was like thin. He had a cool outfit on. He had, like, a corduroy green jacket with boots. And he had linen glasses on, like the circular ones. I was like, who are you?

Yeah, he dresses kind of cool. Yeah, he had a hot lady with him, too, I might say. Yeah, it's funny when you see those guys. They're kind of like, especially they're in that period of their lives where they're just like, like all the fashion stuff kind of comes together. You see, like, Louis or, like, Chris Rock. You're like, that like that's a cool fucking jacket i know a little little mula goes a long way and he was he seemed centered he was like hey how are you man i haven't seen you in a while and i was like oh hey hey because anyone kisses you on both cheeks yeah what the fuck is he's french now yeah he's but he looked great and uh he was in a great mood and i i was

like i just saw the score say he's like it's great right it's great he looked great and uh he was in a great mood and i i was like i just saw the scorsese like it's great right it's great he got all into it i was like oh yeah yeah couldn't wait to get out of there i wish i liked him i didn't hate it i just was like i i i just wish he went a different way with it but yeah yeah i also love scorsese and i love his passion like did he come on before the screen right he comes on comes on before the movie. Oh, yeah. I love how much he pours into it. But. 100%. And I do think in his old age, because what is he, 80?

80. He's 80. So I think in his old age, as you get older and kind of more relaxed and low key, his movies have. You know, like, like the Irishman is so long and drawn out. And this is. That's my point. It's like, it's weird that they're now all so long.

I know. Because I think it's like almost like an old person. Your stories get longer. Yes, exactly. But like weird that they're now all so long. I know. Because I think it's almost like an old person. Your stories get longer. Yes, exactly. But that's not a good thing. No, no. My grandpa was a better storyteller in his 70s than he was at 88. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Good point. You lose that edit button, I think. Well, yeah. It's like a Biden speech. It's a little over here, a little over there. It's the same thing. Yeah, you're

you're right with the age comes the longer story the more boring story and he's a legend more and more so you're getting less nose that's a good point so maybe the edit button is a little less frequent yeah i don't know it's editor's old too delma shoemaker or whatever her name is shoemaker who's great yeah Yeah, legend. But they age together. Is it top five Scorsese for you? It's not for me. Top five.

Well, now we got to do top five. Yeah. But you got Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas. Hard not to put those three automatically in. That's four. Wait, what was it? Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, and- Casino's not my five. to put those three automatically in that's four wait what was it taxi driver raging bull good fellas and uh casino's not my five oh wait i guess you're right that is three um what else what does

you got casino gangs in new york departed i love the departed like just in terms of in terms of rewatch factor the departed's fucking incredible i love cape fear i love aviator i watch cape cape fear's got crazy good rewatch great now you too great talk about tension tension and it's like it's kind of funny and dark yeah that's what i mean like this one's a hard one to add humor to because it's such a morbid yes but he always punches in a little bit of humor uncut jim no he's a producer. Oh, okay. Yeah, we got to go director. Wolf of Wall Street's pretty good.

Wolf of Wall Street's great. Yeah. That was like his last, I feel like, banger. Well, that was like a, you were talking about like slower pace. That was fast paced. Yeah, that's true. Dude, I love Shutter Island, but it's not on my top. No. But I do love it.

Taxi Driver might be number one in my mind or or raging bull is is amazing it's hard not to put goodfellas one also dude i wouldn't say it's one of his best but it's hard for me not to put after hours in after hours i love that movie amazing that's like so unlike him too yeah king of comedy's great that's a great one great yeah after hours john he's got so many yeah he's one of the greats one of the greats so i had a weird uh a weird i know we gotta start wrapping this up maybe but i gotta i love color of money he's got a weird i had a weird talk with my agents we had like a big zoom meeting yeah and i'm always that's always terrifying to me we're like why we have this guy from production

we have this guy from the movie side this guy from the book side and you're nick lucifer all these people and you're like oh i wonder what this is about i thought it was gonna be some like tour stuff and they're like i don't know how much i'm supposed to divulge but they're like hey you're you're doing great right now you're selling tickets you're on netflix what's the next thing what do you want and i know we're working on a movie but like i want to just be like i've made it this is all i wanted was to do theaters sell tickets write new material put clips up get a get a little instagram buzz whatever like i'm good but they made a good point they're like but look at these older comics you don't you can't do the road when you're 59 i mean you can but not like this you're out every weekend you're hustling

yeah so they're like when you that's what you're talking about trying to stay like yeah i know people are like you guys aren't in shape but like you know we're better than we could be we're having a drinking podcast like so many comics died just from being out of shape, not just drugs. Patrice and like John Panette. Yeah. Louis Anderson. So like, yeah, they're like, when you are that age, you're going to want to have this project that you can just work on and like have a voiceover, direct or create.

You got a great voice for voiceover. I would love to do voiceover. But yeah. Also, it just seems easy.'s easy you know i did like a little bit on 10 year old tom that i did like five episodes but just like bit parts and they were fun as hell yeah and he riffs like that's the thing is like i hope that we just get more opportunities creatively but i feel the same way as you i i when i did that uh letterman thing he was like what's next i was like what do you mean what's that this is i made it i'm talking to you david letterman exactly so um and even this

we get to hang out and talk shit and it's a big podcast you know i know i mean it's this is great and i'm with you for me what i want is more free time to write jokes. That's how I feel. I just am like, I want to do less, like cut out the unnecessary shit. Yeah. I want to work on my act. I want more time because we are on the road so fucking hard. And that means you neglect stuff at home. So when you're home, stuff piles up. Yes.

And that's the time you need to recharge. But they're like, you weren't here two days. You got to do this, this, and this. Yeah. And I never really rested in my career. I never really, like, you're the same way. but they're like you weren't here two days you got to do this this and this yeah and uh i never really rested in my career i never really like i do the same way we would land and go straight to the comedy cellar yes because we like it yeah but but then they're like what about this tv show and you're like how am i gonna fit writing a show in like we were working on this movie we have a

producer guy we have writer guy we have us i think the movie's gonna be good man i think so too i don't want to give too much away because it's gonna be a long process but like i think it's in a good place script is already amazing yeah and we haven't even punched it up yet yeah and it's already funny so we got to make edits and stuff but like damn i'm i'm pumped i think like you and me and a buddy comedy is like it's gonna be fucking easy and fun yeah Yeah. And we know all the comics. But sure. We're taking it one. We're chipping away, as they say.

And we got the whiskey. The problem is, you know, we had that whiskey interview today. That was stressful. Yeah, yeah. This guy really. What did he call him, a slasher? He called him an old slasher. He was like a Texas, you know, shit kicking, hard ass guy.

He was like, I never heard of you, boy. I shit kicking hard-ass guy he was like i never heard of you boy i'm like i don't know i've never heard of you either yeah you seem successful yeah i mean you're doing great we're doing great let's be when a guy takes a meeting with you because i've never heard of you and you're like you didn't google us oh yeah good point you know yeah you ever heard of netflix huh tonight show he perked up when when we were like, well, we've done these shows and stuff. And he was like, oh. But yeah, I feel like he was throwing around whiskey industry terms just to make us look stupid. Probably.

Yeah, we're not. It worked. Yeah, we look stupid. Yeah, he's like, where are you out of? We're like, I think Indiana. Yeah, I had an agent on the call and he was just like well that was rough and we're like yeah yeah that wasn't good and it was 11 i was wearing boxers under the under the screen it was i just woke up so yeah it was it was it was very professional guy and a button down and then

a couple comedians and a couple guys with like dim lights yeah yeah we sucked but whatever i mean we still might yeah he took the meeting and bodega cat i bet he googled us at this point so that helps he just watches our shit not for me i bet that's the type of guy where he's like not for me probably yeah he feels more like a like a ron white guy or maybe a nate bargazzi yeah i could see that yeah but you live you learn and we'll figure it out somebody's gonna jump jump on this thing. Bodega Cat, man. We need New York distribution, for the love of God.

Please. Clubs are willing to have us. They've already agreed to it. And bars. We got lots of- So, yeah. That was the tough thing. But I see their point.

They're like, you're going to wish you had jumped on the iron when it was hot in 20 years. I think we are, though. I think that them being on it means you will and and right and uh and it's true this touring right now is not sustainable for life of course but my thing is and you've had this too i've pitched i don't know 17 shows at this point and again pitching with no with no juice, just going, hey, I got an idea. Will you take a meeting? And they go, sure, even though they're just filling out a quota.

They're doing work by taking a meeting with me. They're not actually going to make anything. Can you do 4.30 p.m. on a Friday? Yeah. It feels important to you. In Santa Monica, where you'll take two hours to get there, then four hours to get home. Do you remember that?

Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Do you remember going to pitch shit in person? All the time. You lose your whole day on two pitches. But then I've tried that, never gotten anything. Then I've had 8,000 auditions, never gotten one. Not one. So it gets a little frustrating when they're like, what about this movie?

And I'm like, I'd love to be in that movie, but I'm not going to get the audition. I know. Also, I feel like the shit we're going to get is when people are like, I like you. You should be in my thing. That's it. As opposed to showing up blind and they're like, oh, we went with Johnny Depp instead. You had me competing against Johnny Depp? Exactly.

Exactly. It was the guy who fucks Crazy Woman, too? Of course he's going to get it. Right. I wouldn't get a role for a mark norman type i could go in for that they'd be like we're gonna go with shia labouf it's so true yeah lewis black had that story about he he lost out in the part of lewis black oh really that's right that's right but that's what it is i mean like we're going against these

like fucking people who they approach acting the way we approach comedy. It's going to be a tough process. But yeah, man, you are striking while the iron's hot. You're restless. I think we will set up the next chapter. Sure. It's like that Hedberg joke where they're like, you're funny, you're good at comedy. Can you farm?

What other things can you do? You're like, I did this. That was the whole point. Yeah, but when you were pitching stuff, you didn't have the juice you have now you got people who are going to want to make stuff with you now and uh the the thing is now do you ever think you'd be at a point where like if someone was like i want to cast mark norman as like the wacky neighbor on this sitcom and you'd be like i don't think i have time yeah that's crazy you want if you're gonna make a show it's your show that's true and that's a good place to be in where you're like i'm good over here i i feel comfortable i'm yeah i'm uh you know i'm cool with if this is it

cool i don't i hope it's not i'd like to keep going but i think uh this level is great it's a good level i love this level we're working we're uh good level. I love this level. We're working. If we make stuff, it's going to be this stuff. We love stand-up so much that if we're going to take a break from stand-up, it better be fucking incredible. Of course. And that's a good place to be in. That is a good place to be in, but I don't even know what that thing is yet.

And they keep going, what's the thing you want to work on? And I'm like, I don't even know. So they're like, what are you passionate about? I'm like, stand-up. They're like, but what's the project you want to work on i'm like i don't even know so like what are you passionate about i'm like stand up they're like but what's the project i'm like i'll maybe i'll think of it but i haven't thought of it yet you don't i mean like this is a new thing but like maybe it'll be like a fucking weird ass game show that you made right it'll be a thing you host maybe it'll be a sitcom maybe it'll be yeah you know a talk show there's so many maybe not a talk show because we already do this so you don't sure it might be just like you know that might be boring to you i mean also what's what is a talk show anymore i know the podcast is a talk show now and a podcast is way better you can

get in there you can get real whereas you know a fallon you got eight minutes you got to tell a silly story that's been pre-approved he laughs and then the lights go on i will say though i do kind of like the interview with the crowd i on i will say though i do kind of like the interview with the crowd i like i like the idea that you have to make it makes you on your shit that's true that there's a crowd you have to get it's also like i don't know it's almost like a sport you have to like fucking make it like let me make sure let me choose this angle let me yeah let me try to like let me cut off this party saying and try to slip in a joke there's something cool about that too oh yeah that's a skill in itself and that is

pretty awesome like those bill burr panel moments were some of the great so like louis and louis too there's montages norm oh my god norm made it like an art but yeah there's montages of bill burr just back to back to back on the couch, killing, basically with bits he's working on. I followed one of them on Conan once, and I remember it was a Caitlyn Jenner bit that I was like, wow, that's such a good take. It was progressive, but also not progressive at the same time. And I was like, wow, what an amazing way to go both ways. It was almost like he was saying good for her, but also like, give me a minute. Yes.

And I was like, that's a very fair response. He's like, if a guy had a beard for 20 years and walked in without the beard, you'd be like, what the hell, man? You changed. Yeah. Great analogy. It was a great segment to follow because the crowd was in stitches. And you're like, I'm getting to follow Bill Burr. Yeah.

How cool is that? Bill Burr. Yeah. How cool is that? Bill Burr just crushing. And the height of his panel moment. He had a couple years of panel, which was epic every time. And Conan, I don't think Conan gets enough credit for being not just one of the funniest people, but maybe the best straight man. Maybe. He could really bring it out of you and he would

poke a little to make you prove your point and that made it even better like you go i don't know about that bill and bill's like what are you fucking nuts and then now he's worked up so it's kind of brilliant the way he got it out of you had to play contrarian in the right way yeah he knew how to he almost became like the proper guy. He almost became like the authority. The voice of reason. Where he'd be like, Bill, but that can't be. Yeah.

He almost made it like an office situation. Yeah, right. Where the guy's like, you shouldn't, but that's not something you should say. But that keeps getting the guy to go. Exactly. And you're like, fuck, this is. What if he had never said to Norm, do something with that, you freak? And Norm's like, B-O-R-E-D.

Like, we wouldn't have that great line without Conan feeding him. Like, hey, think of something now. But he said it in a way so it made it natural. He made him look like a superhero by feeding him that way. Exactly. That's the greatness of Conan, just knowing how. It's like being a pointan just knowing how it's like being a point guard but you're just like yeah i'm getting you like the way magic johnson would like

get you to your spot right he's like i'm throwing the ball here get to yourself he would do that with jokes he's pipping yeah yeah he just knew no it was a small forward but he but he's it was an important part he's assisting yeah forget it he's rolling but you know uh animal house but but you know it's like it's a hard thing to do carson was great at it yes yes totally to make someone look that good you really need to be a sophisticated comedy mind oh yeah whereas david letterman who's also good in his own way he was all he ball. He was his own three-point shooter or whatever, Steph Curry. But that's why comics would come on and kind of bow to him. He was the number one.

He was like the alpha. But with Conan, he's a feeder. And I almost like the feeder better. It's different, yeah. He really made you shine. It was a tough thing to do. It's also tougher. It's really, it's an amazing thing for a comedian to completely just rid themselves of their ego and let you shine.

Yeah. But it's for the good of the show. Of course. Of course. But comics don't want to, to not be the funniest one. Totally. Totally. You have to pull be the funniest one. Totally, totally. But you have to pull back sometimes and let someone go. Yeah, yeah. Make the segment go.

But it also has to be a believable natural. Because Fallon, who's great and funny, but he just laughs and laughs. So that's kind of his way of being like, keep going. I'm encouraging you. But Conan did it in such a smooth way that it looked real. Right. You know? I fucking miss that.

I miss those segments. He still has his podcast, and you see glimpses of it every now and then. But it's not the same without an audience. Audiences really are. They pull it out of you a little more. That's why sports are in front of an audience. You get the home team, rah, rah. That's why sports are in front of an audience. You get the, you know, home team. Rah, rah.

That gets you going. I mean, how many, we've all seen Hoosiers. You know, slow clap. Here we go. The guy's on his feet. Come on, Williams. Get out there. Hackman, dude.

Hackman. By the way, RIP. He died? Burt Young. Oh, jeez. Who the hell's Burt Young? Are you kidding me? I know Burt Ward. You're going to feel bad when you see this picture. Burt Young. Oh, jeez. Who the hell's Burt Young? Are you kidding me? I know Burt Ward.

You're going to feel bad when you see this picture. Burt Kreischer. Burt Reynolds. Rocky back to school. Oh, wow. Sopranos. I didn't know he died. Yeah.

I thought he died years ago, to be honest. That's what I... But I think that's Wallace Shawn on the bottom, or is that him? That's him, but he turned into wallace sean that's not what you want to hear no i thought you were wallace sean he's a fatter wallace sean but he's the ultimate schlubby character actor he's so good i love the line back to school when he goes when daniel field goes uh he goes lou he goes, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls. Yes, yes. Look at that.

Wow. That guy had never paid for a drink at a bar, I guarantee you. No way. He walked in. They go, holy shit, it's the guy from Rocky. Old man Bacala in Sopranos, remember? He does that one last hit. Right.

He's got the. Oh, yeah. Wow. What a career. Fucking legend. He's in with Nicholson on the right. Is it? Is that Chinatown, I assume?

Wow. Damn, I forgot he's in Chinatown. What a career. Burt Young. Now, how many podcasts out there are talking about Burt Young? That's all I'm saying. We got rage. We love movies and, you know.

Yeah, he deserves his due. Full stop. You know. Yeah, he deserves his due. Full stop. Burt Young, clap, clap, was one of the finest clap, clap actors that we've ever had. Yes. There you go.

You guys are the best. Thanks for listening. See us on the road. Mark, where are you going to be? I'm all over the place. New tour dates announced. MarkNorman.comedy.com. You don't say tour. Rolls on.

We're cooking. We're going to Tampa. We're going to Cleveland. We're going all in Denver. We got a second show added. All kinds of stuff. The Beacon Theater in January. Come on out.

Tickets are moving. See you in New Orleans for Thanksgiving. Or is that over? No, that's coming up. Okay, great. Santa Rosa, wherever the hell that is, that'll be fun. And, yeah, all kinds of stuff. Back in New England, going to Miami, going off Jacksonville.

You name it. Bert Kreischer Cruz this weekend. I might die. Who knows? We'll see you all. I'm sorry to bail on that one. Oh, everybody pulled. Everybody pulled out of that.

I'm out too much. You, Whitney, Tim Dillon. Whitney bailed, too? Yeah, Whitney got Chris D. bailed. I mean, it's me and Sean Patton in a lifeboat just swimming. I'm dying. It's like the Titanic. I should have gotten out.

Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, and Sydney. I'm all over Australia, baby. Hoping to see you out there. Got Vegas at the winynn December 2nd. Tampa December 8th. Fort Myers December 9th. And I'm going to hit some comedy clubs again. I'm back in the clubs for a minute to gear up for the special in Boston in March.

So we got Buffalo, Springfield, Madison, Philly, Dania Beach, Omaha, Dallas, Oklahoma City, Irvine, Salt Lake City. And then we got the fucking special, baby. Two of them already sold out and probably more by now so see your asses on the fucking road let's go we love you get some bodega cat we're working on this guys this is not our business and a lot of it's been

put on us and we're busy motherfuckers so we're trying we're hustling we're doing what we gotta do and yeah thanks for listening we got shirts we got sweaters we're doing what we gotta do and uh yeah thanks for listening we got shirts we got sweaters we got glasses get on it we'll see you in hell thank you guys A little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming

And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way. We might be drunk.