We Might Be Drunk - Ep 16: Pickleback & Americano

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

We read some listener emails on today's ep! Shoot us an email at [e-mail] with a rec, a peeve, or joke!   Today's episode is brought to you by... My Bookie Sign up today at www.mybookie.ag and use promo code DRUNK to secure a deposit bonus up to one thousand dollars! & Sheath Underwear Go to www.sheathunderwear.com and order with promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order and Sheath Underwear's 100% money-back guarantee.  

One more drink, one more drink You know in the morning for sure we gon' stink One more round, one more round It's 5 a.m., you pricks, the barkeep frowned This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two talk some shit and then we'll sleep till two hey folks here we are we are here we're drinking it's sunday and uh we're potting. What's shaking, Fetty? It's a day drink.

Yes. And so I'm drinking a day drink, man. This is, you know, I'm doing a little Americano action. A little Campari vermouth. Vermouth. Vermouth. I put a little vermouth in my hair. Yeah.

A little vermouth and some soda. I go lemon spin drift. It's kind of nice. A little day pick me up i like it boy nobody consumed i think sam murrell is keeping the vermouth companies in business you are the only guy under 40 using three bottles of vermouth a week i've been drinking dude i i've been i've been i was at the cellar the last two nights. Oh, nice. It's hard to just see all these people you haven't seen for a while and not get excited.

It's funny, you're drinking throughout the pandemic because you're like, I'm fucking losing my mind. But then you start drinking when you're seeing people because you're like, it's a celebration. Right, right. It's so true. And plus, just something in your biology and your genes. You sit at that table. You're in that room. You're with your friends. You're like, give me a cocktail, you cum-guzzling genes. You sit at that table. You're in that room. You're with your friends.

You're like, give me a cocktail, you cum-guzzling Nazi. You just need it. It goes right back to you. It's so nice, man. Yeah, it was great. It's great to see some of those people again. And the crowd was, you know, it was like a small little open mic-y setup. They were good, man.

Is it still the plexiglass? It's still the plexiglass. But I think we're moving away, hopefully. Yeah, we're getting away from that. setup but they were good man is it still the plexiglass it's still the plexiglass but i think we're we're moving away hopefully yeah we're getting away from that but i always say for the people who don't know what the comedy seller just to play it safe you're literally in a plexiglass phone booth delivering your jokes and it feels like you're on an exhibit of stand-up comedy in the future at the smithsonian like this is what it used to be like and you feel like the guy in there like wow this was an old art form that got uh canceled in uh 2024 you feel like you're in there you feel like they should take your spot pay and just shoot money all around you have to just grab

it behind the thing yes yes i got in trouble for saying it was the louis ck cage because you can't get hit that's new folks what uh where were you this weekend oh man one of the great clubs one of the great weekends uh columbus ohio funny bone best funny bone in the nation sold it out just killer not a bad show in the bunch three on saturday great time that wild, man. Yeah, I've been there once. I never did in the club. I opened for Aziz in a theater in Columbus. It was a beautiful theater. It's a great city.

This is going to get me some Twitter hate, but I think best city in Ohio. I'm sorry, Cleveland. I'm sorry, Cincinnati. Over the Rhine. I'm over it. Cincinnati's basically Kentucky. That's true. That's a good point.

You take a hop, skip and a jump and you're in Kentucky. Yeah. It's just Kentucky with skyline chili. That's that's Cincinnati. And then Cleveland, Cleveland's pretty low key. Cool though.

I like Cleveland. I like Cleveland, but it took a second. They had a big chip on their asshole with the, we're a factory town and we got LeBron and the Indians and all this. But once they got over that and, you know, bought a cocktail bar and a vegan place, they kind of turned it around.

When LeBron left the first time, they did have that, like, I just got dumped energy. And it was kind of like, all right, dude, calm down. Don't hit me. Right, on edge. But they, yeah, but Cleveland, they've kind of bounced back. They got hit me. Right, on edge. But they, yeah, but Cleveland, they've kind of bounced back. They got the win.

They're kind of like, we're good now. They had the biggest, I think, sports drought of any city. It was like 54 years, any sport. Totally. And then, boy, they came back hard with the baseball and everything. But Cleveland was such a big booming thing in the 50s. It almost feels like the guy in high school who was peaked and then now he's in college or now he he's hanging out at the at the high school parties and he's in college and he's got the letterman jacket on he's like you know I

scored that touchdown against uh McGee in 88 and you're like all right it's over move on and I feel like they finally moved on it's a real Al Bundy city. Yeah. For sure. Yes, yes. But they have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is epic. I mean, Cleveland, I'm going to be there next month. I'm fucking excited, man. I can't wait. Hilarities. Oh, that's a great club. One of the best clubs in the biz.

Shout out to Sam and Nick. Two of the best. Well, you guys have been sending us emails, so we want to give you some shine here Because you've been sending so many good emails Should we read Peeves, Rex, Jokes, Mark? Where should we start? By the way, it's wemightbedrunkpod at gmail.com

If you want to send them in We usually just do it on the Patreon Which you should all sign up for But if not, you know, give us an email We'll throw some of these out here and there Why not? Yeah, yeah, I met some fans after the show And they're like, we love We Might Be Drunk We love One More Drink

We love, they had every name They're half in the bag, they're getting all the names wrong We love Tuesdays with drinks And One More Stories They're like mixing everything up Pod, don't drink It got me in a headlock, you know, breathing on me. But it was fun.

It was great. So, yeah, that's the email. That's the Patreon. Get on it. And this is a little taste for you to wet the beak. I got a Raul Teledivara. This is a pet peeve. Teledivara, two of me, baby.

It's called Do What You Want. I hate it when I ask someone for advice on something important and they answer back, you should do what you want, man. If I knew what to do, I wouldn't ask you for advice. Saying do what you want when someone asks you for advice contributes as much to the conversation as DJ Khaled does every one of his songs. It's just one line and then silence. That's a great, great analogy. DJ Kelz, Dallas. It's interesting. It's a great point. I hate when people do this. I will ask doctors COVID advice sometimes. I'm like, well, what should I do about this?

They're like, you should do what makes you feel safe. I'm like, cool. Could have gotten that from a cashier. Thanks for the assistance there. Yes. It's so empty. And then the guy feels cool. Could have gotten that from a cashier. Thanks for the thanks for the assistance there. Yes. It's so empty. And then the guy feels cool. He feels like McConaughey with a shirt off and a joint in the bongos like do what you want, man. It's all about spiritual and living life. Like, shut up, get up, get a job, get a haircut. What are you talking about? It is it is what it is of advice. Exactly. Do you want it's like I wanted ask you, and I wanted some fucking valuable feedback.

Thanks for nothing. Dick it. It's kind of like when someone's like, just be yourself. And you're like, hey, I am myself. This is me. This is not helping me. Yeah, me is the one who needs help. I'm clueless.

Myself, it sucks. I'm trying to be somebody better that be yourself thing is a big uh big ruse yeah i remember i said it to someone like years ago and i immediately was like i'm sorry that was awful right you know who's himself harvey cosby you know hitler they were themselves jeff Epstein, that guy did not need any help being himself. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Be someone else. Totally. I have a special called don't be yourself. It's too much.

I remember the whole thing started because there was a guy on the subway, like freaking out and rapping and yelling and everything. And somebody goes, Hey man, can you calm down? Can you chill out? One guy. And he goes, I'm just being me. I'm just being me. And you're like, yeah, yeah. Well, don't you suck. hate you be anybody else you know when this all started with reality tv when people instead of being a cunt they were like i'm a personality ah yes it became almost cool to be a piece of shit. I'm being real. Cool. Be pleasant. Yes, exactly.

Pleasant is better because no one's ever phony and mean. No one's ever like, you piece of shit. Sorry, I'm trying something new. I'm working on a new image. It's always mean. It's always real. Yeah, that's true. It's never, Mother Teresa's never like, I'm just keeping it real. Yes, yes yes exactly yeah so don't be yourself out there and do what you want folks but yeah yeah do what you

want sucks because what you want to do is nothing so don't tell me to do what i want because i'll just go home and jerk off and put pajamas on what i want to do is punch you in the throat for giving me that fucking advice there you go so great what i did tell you to be yourself sorry about that yeah i can't can't press charges all right thanks raul that was good stuff yeah that was i like that bro i like a good peeve uh yes a peeve gets us going i kind of like it oh yeah we're fired up let's see what we got um hmm i never told you what i was drinking but i want to i want to hear you oh what are you drinking buddy holy shit no i gotta know oh all right all right well it's midday i'm going back to it feels like spring is here going oh shit full pickle back

with the pickle in it and it's goddamn refreshing so you're doing just is that just pickle and whiskey pickle whiskey ice with a pickle spear in it blasted damn i've never seen someone i've seen people do the shots i've never seen what someone do it as a cocktail i feel like it's great it's all you really need because the pickle juice cuts it so much it's it's perfect it's almost like a martini with whiskey well you know you can do uh i almost did that another episode, but I didn't have the vermouth. I have the vermouth now, the dry vermouth. I always have the sweet, but you can do a martini, just pickle juice, vodka, a little dry vermouth, and you got a pickle martini. Nice. I might bring that to the show in a week or two.

Ooh, that sounds like a great idea. A little teaser. And you can even get the little pickles instead of olives. Yeah, that's kind of nice. They used to do, you know what they used to do? Speaking of hilarities, which is one of my favorite clubs, they used to do a banana pepper martini, and it was one of the best things I've ever drank in my life

because you get a little spicy but it yeah it was it was pretty wild that sounds great what a great idea you feel like a real puss ordering it so you got to drink that in the green room but uh i was like yeah this is nice it's still savory though that's that's what saves you these guys i hate to say it i'm a cunt but i saw a couple guys this weekend ordering a daiquiri with the fucking uh what do you call the whip cream on top i completely lost respect for the guy i look i'm no tough guy i'm a twink and a half but i see this guy and i'm just like dude what are you doing i would never hire you yeah that would be great that would be rough if you just hired someone for a job and you saw him

in a bar drinking a daiquiri and you're like oh i i fucked up daiquiri is is for that's for the beach only i'm sorry yeah it really is it really is go to hawaii or you're on the the beach in in uh puerto rico or something get a pina colada get a daiquiri but i mean we're a comedy club for Christ's sake. It's too much. Like it doesn't tell me anything. It just tells me like you wish you were on vacation. That's all it tells me. Or that you can't handle alcohol at all. Or that you have the palate of a fucking nine-year-old boy. What are you doing?

That's what it is. Grow the fuck up. Get some hair on your chest. Grow a pair. And somebody had a great joke. Who was it about how the people who drink the fruitiest sweetest drinks are hot chicks and big black dudes and it's so true it's such a great observation you know the blue lagoons with the umbrella in it you're like what are you

doing man you're like you're like this running back for the the tampa bay buccaneers and you're drinking a goddamn you know slurpy it's so true i remember mike yard once at the cellar you know tough dude been fucking shot yeah he's like you know much tougher man than me anyway uh he's drinking bailey's irish cream and i was like oh i just started fucking with him and he goes I could still kick your ass. I'm like, yeah, but I still get to make fun of you. Right. I mean, if you're wearing a tutu, you can still kick my ass too, but I can still mock you for it.

Two things can exist. You're going to kick my ass, but afterwards you're going to sit back down and finish a Bailey's Irish cream. That's perfect. That's so true. Who wins here? I'm on the floor bleeding and you're like so sweet oh let me let me double fish with a mango vape right right dimitri martin had this great joke he's like i think we can get guys to quit smoking

we just put two tiny balls on the cigarette so it's like and people like i've never smoked it again that's fucking good man dimitri had some good ones man he had some great stuff i mean he's still i think he's still writing so i think i haven't seen him forever yeah no i just oh yeah well you write an hour like that it's one line at a time i don't know the hell you like yeah he's a dude that almost has to stay off twitter because that might just be the act yes great point great point and i can't tell you how many times i've had to delete a tweet because people like dimitri did it and i was like damn he's covered everything

yeah i mean if it's a one-liner man if it's a one-liner i had a joke i was so proud of on twitter i don't know if i could put this in the act but it was uh it's preposterous that food trucks don't deliver it's a fucking truck and they're like dimitri dimitri and i had to you know i had to delete it of course but yeah it's a great observation when you do one that's parallel thought with dimitri you're like well at least i'm thinking the right way because that dude yeah he gets to it quickly yeah that's true i mean he's got a great mind check him out if you don't you don't know him he's got got a ton of shit up his sleeve. They've got to know him. Yeah. His Comedy Central half hour from back in the day. I guess they're all on Paramount Plus now.

I don't know if you got that email. I did. I did. I love how they give you no fucking like the toolkit for the promotional stuff. Like even Comedy Central, you know, they send me like a toolkit for that roast thing we're doing. Yeah. And like here's some stuff to promote it. It's like, it's like a gif of me looking like this.

I'm like, why, why would I post this? I look like, I look like I had a brain injury. I'm like, are you guys like trying to not get hits on your shit? It's so true. I mean, all these Netflix, they all do it when they show hey we got the new special coming out for nate bargazzi and i shouldn't say him but like somebody who's a comic and the promo is like i'll tell you what these kids today and that's it and you're like that's the bit give me anything with a punchline twist nate's trailer was good and that's actually shocked me because most of

them are terrible most of the trailer yes that's why shocked me because most of them are terrible. Most of the trailers. Yes. That's why I'm like, we like made, we made our own trailers. You know what I mean? So we get to kind of, when you self-produce it,

you can be like, well, here's how I want it. Yep. Yep. And yours was, it was like what? Two minutes of just 19 jokes in a row.

And you're like, you see what we can do here, but you queefs won't do it. You just put up a dumb set up and then move on. You know what I like about you? You use queef as a positive and a negative. You use queef the way like Jews use Shabbat and Shalom. Like Shalom, hello, goodbye.

You use queef as a I love you and go fuck yourself. Yes, it's aloha. Yeah, and the way the Brits use cunt. You're kind of like this cunt. That's how you use queef. You're taking back queef i'm trying i'm trying well and it sounds bad but i feel like every negative term for like a wussy guy is kind of homophobic so i i want to keep insulting men but i don't want to insult gays so i made queef

totally well that's good yeah well let's let's be progressive with it i love it uh i got another one pet peeve from ryan mandick uh great last name mandick a great porn star this guy's got a mandick that's fucking amazing yeah maybe it's man ditch but i'm pronouncing it mandick either way either way he's fucking winning, Mandick, she's still doing the work in her head. She's thinking of Dick if she's on a date with that guy. Right, right. Sucks with a daughter. Vanessa Mandick. Ugh.

Yeah, what am I getting tonight? I don't know. Here's a pet peeve for you. When people are telling you about a movie You really want to see And they tell you There's a huge plot twist It kind of ruins A huge part of the movie

And when people And when you call people Out for doing it They always respond with But I didn't tell you What it is Yeah That is annoying

Yeah but you told You told too much Right right Yeah yeah That is a little much I can live with that But I get it Just let me enjoy the movie because now you're sitting there going when's the twist oh it's coming i'm okay if they keep it

really vague if they just go incredible ending that's okay with me that's fine but uh man mackie uh our boy joe mackie's have the best joke about plot twists uh the crying game which if you haven't seen it spoiler you should have seen it it's a great movie but yeah the twist is that she has a penis in the end and uh and maggie goes if that's the plot twist you can just tell me you don't need i don't need to sit through that whole movie yeah i don't need to sit through that whole date either but yeah that's that's a little bit god mackie's so good that's so funny i forgot about that movie yeah it was a classic it was like that was like that's it's cool when there's i mean now you can't

make a movie like that anymore because it would be all over message boards but back in the day i bet i bet it was a decently kept secret oh for sure yeah yeah also the big plot twist is tough because let's say you're watching the sixth sense which was like this huge big blowout movie and i had no idea it was coming and it made it that much better for sure yeah i mean that's kind of the good thing about watching an old movie that no one talks about that has a twist. Like, oh, fuck. I had no.

Yeah. I mean, everyone knows usual suspects. Everyone knows the big ones. But. Right. Right. That's why it pays to go back and watch some of these because nobody's talking about them. So it's super fresh.

Everybody wants new now. New, new. What's the new thing? What's coming out? What's the hot song? It's like there's? There's a ton of great art that people are just, especially younger people, they're missing out.

They're missing out because it's all about social media, man. I think people, it's funny, it used to be hard to commit to a book. Now it's hard to commit to a movie for young people. Oh, so true. Wow, that's a great point. i mean i got

my gal here she's she's 29 30 which is not that young but i showed her goodfellas and she i look over and she's tweeting and tick tock and i'm like this is one of the greatest actiony gangster like funny it's got everything and you i know it's long but you haven't gotten to the first 20 yeah it's amazing how many for some reason goodfellas as great a movie as it is is kind of a man movie i've shown it to women where they just are kind of like yeah it's good it's true and i'm just responding like that's it i know but she can watch 90 day fiance and she's like, this character is full of shit. She's a liar. He's cheating.

He's been in jail. Like she knows everything. And I'm like, this trash has got you stimulated, but it's not my gender. So, you know, I can't,

uh, they might see it differently, much like us with good fellas. And I can't really not say it's fucking weird. Yeah. Well, that's the show that we're on our phone. And they're like, you're not paying attention?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm spacing on this when you couldn't fucking give him 10 minutes in a row to score Sacy. Yeah, yeah. Women like, I mean, I don't want to generalize, but women like reality. They like people. They like relationships. They like interactions where I think men like creation almost. Scripted stuff scripted i mean women

like scripted shows but reality i mean bravo is for women i mean bravo yeah bravo it's not for men yes yes and even women like lifetime like all those rape movies and home intruder movies but like that's because it's based on real shit or could be real or might happen to them or whatever it is and it's just victimization it's it's right uh it's like this is like you see us like a lot of movies are like the women or the femme fatale this is a woman who's actually being victimized and they feel probably heard i would i would think yeah yeah maybe yeah that's probably true and i think it's almost by a lot it goes back to caveman days like is he gonna come at me is he gonna attack me is he safe is he bad you know

so i think that really hits like a gene or a like a wiring in the ladies yeah i think so and all but i do there are reality shows i like i mean i i definitely i'll youtube old blind date episodes like this is fucking great that's great but that's so much That's so silly and tongue in cheek Yeah it's very self aware Yeah like The Bachelor I watched with her it's just tear after tear I grew up in a house with

My dad he used to hit us with a wrench And lock us in a room With no water and you're like What the fuck is going this is a date I'm supposed to marry this this lady but you know but you've done reality tv and so have i so we both know that they're prodding you and that they're trying to push like i remember doing america's got talent they would try to get me to trash comics on before me they'd be like what do you think him i was like

no comment i remember they would just try to get me to say shit. They'd be like, so how do you feel? They would try to just get me angry and worked up. They sit you in a room on America's Got Talent for 12 hours straight. Yeah, with no snacks or anything. Kids getting detained at the border are getting better treatment than I got at America's Got Talent. Yeah, I did Last Comic Standing. They hated me because they want to pin you against each other and they want it to be a real competition. They'd be like, what do you think out there? You think you're going to beat Johnson or how do you feel? You're going to win this thing? I was like, probably not. I don't have it. I'm not that interesting. I'm a four year comic. This guy's great. They're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm not. I can't beat this guy. It's Gary Goldman or whatever. I can't beat this guy it's Gary Goldman or whatever I know that's the thing they want to make you innocent they want to make you into a villain or something you know Mackie was so smart

about that when he was on the last comic too I remember AGT they just try to piss you off like Simon Cowell's in a bad mood I'm like cool so am I and I'm not going home to a fucking yacht so uh right right that's hilarious they would they try bait you. They would try to just fucking piss you off. And I remember just so many, ugh, so many. I remember they put me in a fucking hotel with construction so I couldn't sleep. So I came in extra irritable. And they ask questions like, how excited are you for the possibility to win? And I remember being like, well, if you win, you have to do a residency in Vegas, right? And they say, yeah, and I go, fucking hate Vegas. And they were like, we can't use anything you're saying. And I was like, good. I just want you to use the standup. I don't want a sob story. I just want jokes on TV.

And that's hilarious. And they just keep lying to you the whole time. They're like, even the host is up there. It's some Seacrest or Nick Cannon, anti-Semite, whoever it is. And they're like, hey folks, the funniest comic is battling it out it's like no it's not it's the comic with the war story or the dead mom or the gay dog or whatever

it is it ain't the funniest it's the guy with the big narrative we can all get behind and have a sob story my my wife was in nam and her legs got blown off so i have to do jokes to pay the rent and uh hey this joke's got legs unlike her you're like what the fuck is going on i thought it was about my stand-up his name is charlie so it's weird anyway uh no it's uh it's the worst man yeah agt last comic who was you were not were you on the year I was on Last Comic? I think you were, right? No, you know what? I think you were the year before me, actually. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to remember who was in my group,

but it was a weird, it was like Lewis Gomez, Greer Barnes, Metzger. Damn. Oh man, I remember Metzger, that Michael Jackson joke that made it on. It was like one of the best jokes I ever heard. That was great. That was great, man.

He's incredible. He's great. That was incredible. He's an incredible writer. Genius. Him and Kyle Dunnigan have teamed up and it's like some of the best comedy in a while. It's amazing on Instagram. Kyle Dunnigan's got one of my favorite jokes of all time. You know,

the one I'm talking about where he said my, some women accused me of having too close a relationship with my mom, but mother says all those women are jealous little sluts man he is so funny he's one of his instagram is the best it's the best like i show it to friends who aren't in comedy and they're like this is who is this guy and i'm like it's next level it's the funniest shit like you're not gonna see anything this funny on comedy central or or uh like netflix or whatever this is just balls out smart silly topical humor it's got everything it's impressions it's musical it's jokes yeah he's got the his bill maher's caitlin jenner they're

fucking gold oh so gold i mean the barack obama and the speaking of did you did you see uh dana carvey's joe biden yeah that was the first good biden i've seen every other fucking every other biden i'm like all right that's a good biden jim carrey's is uh not great let's be honest i mean we all love i don't think i don't think jim carrey has watched footage of biden i think he was like i'm just gonna do what I want to do. He's doing fire marshal bill. It's not even Biden. It's like when famous people go to restaurants and they're like, I will have the chicken.

And we don't have chicken. They're like, could you make a chicken? And they're just like, I guess. That's his Biden. Yeah, yeah. It's like Jim Carrey is just kind of pushing a button. He goes to a restaurant. What are you having, sir?

All righty then. Well, that's notrey's just kind of pushing a button. He goes to a restaurant. What are you having, sir? All righty then. Well, that's not an order. We need you to order. Oh, dude. I got a peeve. I got a peeve for you. Your peeve or email? I'm doing one of mine. Oh, great. And it's going off a past peeve of yours. People that say, you know, all the time. Oh, yeah. of yours people that say you know all the time oh yeah i had a guy doing that to me wouldn't stop

every line you know you know you know uh and it should i shouldn't it was like so i was sleeping with my wife you know and i'm like no i don't yeah yeah it's good that i don't right stop making me valid you should be you're the one talking you should be bringing something to the table but you need me to keep reassuring you you should reassure me with your fun idea or good story or joke i'm not a fan yeah that it's just work for you you know yeah i know yeah uh-huh you know yep i got it let me do you have a box i can check real quick do you have a a stylus i can do yeah yeah exactly i gotta peeve too but hey let's uh let's hit this ad real quick we got a doozy this week oh what do we got mark i love these guys we are brought to you by sheath underwear

baby i'm wearing them right now i swear to god i can stand up and show you fuck it i'll do it i'm not wearing pants Wow Oh my god Can you see that? This might get us Thrown off YouTube But we'll get on Grindr and OnlyFans

But Yeah Sheath underwear It's the best It's this genius Military guy Who figured Hey I was out

In the The shit And my balls Are sticking to My asshole And all this shit and I'm sweating. And it separates the dick from the sack in a flap situation. And these two dick and balls have been living in a studio their whole lives.

They finally got a two bedroom. Now they can go in their own compartments and relax for five seconds. And it's a game changer. Keeps your balls off your legs. They're supportive, too. They're supportive. You know, like the way women get support in their bras. We got that in our nuts now, fellas.

They support that sack. It's not going to drag anymore. And I've worn them, too. They were a little too small. I got to get another pair sent to me. Sheath, if you're listening, I'll take another large please. And, you know, it's amazing. Go to sheathunderwear.com i'll take another uh large place and uh you know it's amazing go to sheathunderwear.com order with promo code drunk and you get 20 off your first

first order this is they have great everything though it's not just the underwear everything on the site is great the shirts everything uh 100 money back guarantee if uh if you're not happy that sheathunderwear.com, promo code DRUNK. Yes, yes. Go to Sheath Underwear and let them support your balls. They look great. They're sexy. My gal likes them.

It's just a game changer to get that support. And once you go with supportive undies, you're never going to go back. So give it a shot, folks. Treat yourself and treat your package. My ger my gerbil loves him he's really just yeah great 20 off your first order and uh definitely give it a shot guys nice peppy the you know guy i'm so with you oh i'm with you man let's do one should we do one more peeve oh sure mark tetsy i hate when i get wasted with my friends and they want to talk about important shit while we're fucked up like if

your friend says where do you see yourself in three years i'm like dude i'm trying to stay hydrated enough to avoid blacking out i'm more worried about where i see myself in 30 minutes and how i'm getting home huge fan of the of you guys hilarious pod Macklin yeah that's a good point hey we're here to booze and and bullshit take it easy with the miscarriage talk that is a serious there is a drunk like that who's very serious yeah oh yeah for sure and and I get it you know we're friends you got something going down but like you gotta you gotta couch it like hey man well after a few more can i take you off to the side i gotta i gotta ask something like we we call that a phil hanley you know and phil hanley's like over here and talk i'm like god just tell me right here what

do you have got me these glasses these glasses are great phil got them for me oh nice they're dainty just like he is but uh no man you man, you're right. It is the serious drunk. They turn into like Marlon Brando and on the waterfront. I could have been a contender. All right, dude, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do about it? I know, I know. It's a lot.

It's a lot. And then plus with the booze, the booze infused, it makes them more passionate and more angry. And they start emoting more and you're like all right all right this is not we're fucking uh fudruckers buddy take it easy we'll get you and i will get fired up sometimes when we're drunk but i feel like it's passion yeah that's different that's different this is like oh you know my my mom left my dad. And they're like, all right, all right. Yeah, here's what you don't want to be toasting to.

And that's when I found out I was adopted. Cheers. Exactly. And then here's the trade-off. If you're going to open up with some crazy, sad, dramatic thing, we'll listen, but we get to make fun of it, too. Oh, totally. Yeah. If I got molested, we'll say, well, put down that daiquiri.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes. He'll have two fingers of whiskey. Uh-oh. Sorry, sorry. No, I mean, if you want to be the serious guy, I have a friend who's got a temper when he drinks and it's fucking hilarious.

I mean, you can't help but fuck with the guy because they get so worked up. It's like it's childhood shit. The kid who lets it roll off his back doesn't get teased. Right, right. It's the same shit when you're an adult. If you're like, ha ha ha. But if the guy's like, what the fuck did you just say to me? You're like, I'm going to keep making fun of you. Yeah, right. It's the same shit when you're an adult, if you're like, ha ha ha. But if the guy's like, what the fuck did you just say to me? You're like, I'm going to keep making fun of you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so true. If you give us a reaction, we're going to keep going. So just own it and it'll go away. Like I used to wet the bed and I would come out of the bedroom going, hey, boys, guess who just marked their territory? I would get I would get ahead of it that's good it is good to own it yeah it's like eight mile you know right right exactly you can't you can't follow the guy who just shits on himself oh completely yeah mom spaghetti uh all right i gotta i got a couple pet

peeves and tell me where you feel where you land on this one. I'm excited. I hate that. This is kind of a elaborate, but I hate the break even gift. I had a guy break two of my Scotch glasses, which is fine. It happens. You know, everybody's human, but then he got me two Scotch glasses. Like he's some kind of hero, like happy birthday, Merry Christmas. I'm like, no, no, no, we're even now. Don't act like you're Al Capone coming in with a turkey on Thanksgiving to the Ford family.

You broke the glasses, you repaid the glasses. I appreciate it. You're a man of your word or whatever the hell, but we're even now. Absolutely. And were they the same glasses or did it go cheaper? Did it go better? What was the deal there? I think they're the same glasses Or did it go cheaper Or did it go better What was the deal there I think they're the same

But it's still new And they're shiny and clean So it's better I guess But they're the same glasses Yeah you break it you buy it That's what I always I mean look if it's a friend I have friends that they broke it

But it is the right thing to do If you break someone's shit Yeah and he didn't even have to replace it look i can afford two glasses it's no big deal it happens all the time but uh it was just like the here you go you're welcome i'm the man uh you're you're you're lucky i'm your friend i was like all right all right you broke even yeah i'm with you i think when they present it like i got you something yeah yeah like he did it in front of the girl and he was like good guy over here huh who else would do this and she's like i don't know it's a cup two things that bug me about that one is that you get you're doing it for an

audience hey everybody look what i got look what i got like everyone what I got. Like everyone's applauding you. And they're like, look, I'm a fucking hero. That's one. Two, two is just the wanting attention for doing. You should be like, Hey, I'm really sorry again. Here you go.

That's keep it simple. Keep it simple. Classy. Less is more. Less is more. That's, that's the move. I think.

Yeah. Now, now here's a one that we've all, we can all get behind and i hope i haven't done this before but i hate the prank joke uh i i had a guy do this and he's a buddy but he does this all the time and he'll go like i'm trying to think of a good one we'll be at his house he's like what are you crazy don't sit there that's a good shit you can't and you're like oh geez sorry he goes i'm joking And he's like, what are you crazy? Don't sit there. That's a good chair. You can't. And you're like, oh, geez, sorry. He goes, I'm joking.

And you're like, oh, you freaked me out. I mean, no one's laughing here. This is that's not really a joke. That's just like you scared me and got amused by it. Well, the fact of the thing is, there are people that treat their house like a museum. So you are actually on edge. And you're just like, all right, I guess I can't touch anything here, you know. But right. Yeah. museum so you are actually on edge and you're just like all right i guess i can't touch anything here you know but right uh yeah the phrase when you are at a friend's house is mi casa su casa

you know it's not supposed to be mi casa as uh my amusement park where i just fuck with you the entire time so yeah i hate that that's infuriating but he'll do it anywhere at a restaurant and he'll find like oh what are you are you crazy? You can't touch that. And you're like, Oh, I grew up with a scary dad. It would yell. Yeah. I go, I go back to a kid. I'm like, Oh, I'm sorry. Whatever you want. You know, my dad would get mad if he touched the walls. He's like, don't touch the wall. Get your hand off the walls. I was like, okay, sorry, dad. But my friend does it.

New people, they don't know him. So they're like, okay. And then he's like, I'm joking. Chill out. You're yelled at me it's the worst it's the worst it's a hidden prank show for an audience of one no one finds it funny but him exactly and you can't relax and i'll go so far as to say it's almost a weird power thing like oh i got you there i'm in control you have to bow to me and then you get you hide it behind the the sheath of i'm joking you're like well you just mean to be and then you say you're joking so it's cool i don't know it's it's not fun it's not fun for anybody except that guy it's the worst type of frat boy bullshit it's yeah it's like the another one people like this dude they'll they'll

like you know the person that used to like they'd be drunk they're like twist your nipple yeah yeah well you're like hey don't fucking do that right it's pretty simple no one likes that i remember a guy who fucking ran a club did that to me and i was like if you do that again i will never set foot in here again we're grown-ups man what are What are you doing? I kind of was like blunt, like, hey, I will not come back here. It hurts. It hurts,

and it's also like you're a fucking tool. Yeah, yeah. The biggest tool. Yeah, who is that for? Who's like, oh, good one, buddy. Yeah, my nips are bleeding,

and that was fun. No one enjoys that. I don't care who you are. The funnest guy, Van Wilder. Nobody's into it. Van Wilder ain't doing that shit. No, let's have a scotch and laugh. It's a bitch ass move.

It's an insecure guy who's like, it's like what you said. It's like, it's a power thing. Yeah. It's some Napoleon bullshit. Right. And I think we talk about toxic masculinity and i hate all these labels and terms but like growing up when i when i was younger that was a lot of dudes hanging out and i never i hated it then me too i like jokes i like stories i like laughing i'll wrestle with you i'll do

whatever we'll play ball but who the hell wants to be hurt like a lot there was a lot of headlocks and noogies and wet willies. And I always hated that shit. You know what it is? I think, I think we kind of grew up with similar heroes. You know, I think we looked up to like,

you know, Bill Murray, the guy who would say the funny witty thing. And he was cool. Cause he was always the wittiest as opposed to like these kids who were like porkies. I want to be like those guys. You know?

Right. Yeah. Good point. And, and Bill like those guys, you know? Right, right. Yeah, good point. And Bill Murray, if he did zing you, he was zinging the judge or the army drill sergeant or the mayor or, you know, he was the everyman zinging the authority. It was like a heckler video, but in a movie. It was kind of like,

we were living vicariously through him. I mean, it was the best. Perfect, perfect point. Perfect, yeah. I mean, it was the best. Completely. Perfect, perfect point. Yeah, Bill Murray. It's a perfect example. Man, he was, I mean, he's still the coolest. I haven't seen the new Sofia Coppola movie, but I'd like to. Oh, I didn't know there was one.

It's him and that really attractive actress who's Quincy Jones. Rashida. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's pretty. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's so good like lost in translation I don't even know how good of a movie it was but I just like to watch him exist in the world he's he's with the Asian people he's drinking a whiskey he's at a hotel he's in China or wherever they're Japan it was just fun to watch if you could get lit up drunk with any famous person to see top of the list.

Oh, hands down. I mean, he's number one, maybe number one. I mean, I would say Larry David, but he doesn't drink.

So it would just be me being like, dude, the puffy shirt. Oh, and he'd be like, oh, geez, get this mongoloid out of here.

But, uh, yeah, uh, Bill Murray's up there for sure. He's up there. Well, what about you? I mean, Paul Newman would be cool, but he's dead.

So like there's a lot of people who... Dangerfield, if he were alive, would be pretty great. Oh my God. That would be incredible. Because you just know it would be a fucking ugly night. It would start... Like you'd start just having like a beer at a chinese restaurant and you end up in some fucking gutter you know he's just pissing on the side of a

building you're like this is kind of yeah that's one for that's one uh for the books that would get dark right oh i know this girl veronica she'll take care of both of us how do we get here? I'll tell you I don't get no respect Hey, sit, let me borrow a hundred I'm a little shy You'll never see that again This bra's into some yellow discipline I'll tell you I'll tell you

This chick, she'll hit you with a shoe I'll tell you I'll tell you, she stepped on hit you with a shoe i'll tell you i'll tell you she stepped on my nuts and i bled okay she's all right you know she's all right she's a good girl good girl really seems to care uh yeah yeah uh yeah so that would be great but that would get danger feels up there yeah i mean that's the thing is like Pryor would be funny as hell, but it would get so dark. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You ever seen that video of Pryor doing blow and on an interview and he's so high. He's not actually doing it on camera, but he's so coked out and I've never even done coke.

But I can just tell he's like, you know, he's licking his lips and doing all this shit. And he's talking about how brilliant Steve Martin is is and he's talking about loving young pussy and they had the uh the interview was like oh yeah it's like a british guy going okay i think we got it here and he just won't stop it's unreal it's on youtube somewhere fuck i gotta find that man prior uh i re-watched uh some old prior shit recently just because it's so it's important he's like a dude you got to re-watch every year because yes you keep seeing it differently you keep being like oh man he's uh true he's so funny i mean just if you have it even if you watch the first 15 minutes alive in concert just the riffing the comfortableness the this, this is a special, I mean, this was in theaters. Like the pressure of a comedy special back then was enormous.

Now it's like, ah, we'll shoot something. We'll put it on YouTube. And back then, I mean, it is for us, but back then it was like, this is going on the movie theaters and he just ringed, winged it and killed it. And it was, you felt like you were there. You know know some things don't translate on tv this is like you're in the room that's such a good point yeah high pressure in a theater like yeah it's a big you know you did you brought back the toast thing for this podcast i want to i want to do a toast but this is a weird one because it's not as it's not as abstract as the one you did a toast to uh

jessica walter man legend r.i.p the great jessica walter and george siegel died this week too who i fucking i love just shoot me growing up i love yeah that was a great sitcom great sitcom underrated so underrated spade is great and it's uh wendy is brilliant. I think, I think so underrated. Yeah. That just had a murderer's row on it. And it was a joke a minute. It was so fun and, and punchy. Yeah.

Great show. It doesn't get it to do. And another movie, California split. One of my faves, Robert Altman, George Segal and Elliot Gould. Badass.

It's incredible. Louie actually turned me on to it. It's great. Years ago. Yeah. it's a great movie yeah and jessica walter man i mean obviously rest of development but archers i love her on archer man archer i did a deep dive once when she died because i was like man this is so sad and she's done tons of voices she's been in tons of comedy like she's she's got a resume on her. Yeah. And she just lost her husband. I think Ron Liebman,

like a couple of years ago, but they were, yeah. I mean, shit legend, legend, insanely funny. Who could play such a good wasp.

And she was pretty old and you didn't feel it. Like she had a, her, she was so funny that it had a youthfulness and yes, you know, you didn't think like, Oh, who's this old

you know sometimes they have the grandma jokes you know like rapping granny or whatever and you're like oh she's cute you know betty white kind of shit this was just funny flat out funny for funny sake it wasn't like funny because she's old exactly she had an edge yes completely it was like an honesty to that character uh lucille bluth such an honesty to it and uh such a brilliant comedic actress and also like you're right a woman of that age getting such significant roles i don't think that was very i don't think it was very normal back then i agree and one great thing about comedy comedy we just want funny we don't care if you're black white lady old you know young whatever we just want funny and she was funny you know where hollywood thinks

they're so progressive they won't book old people unless they're playing yes oh whereas comedy's like oh she's funny put her on that's a great point yeah funny funny is over everything that and there's an honesty to that so yes yeah pretty cool exactly good good luck as a uh 45 year old or plus in hollywood you know it's kathy bates meryl streep and then they're like ah we'll get uh we'll put some makeup on on natalie portman that is the fun was that you had the bit about like how just ugging up uh yeah just ugging up actors to get them other fucking roles it's like yeah yeah like brad pitt is just ugly in this movie charlie's theron is just ugly in this movie and you're like all right exactly they're ugly people exist i know i mean if we're

gonna book uh autistic people to play autistic or trans people to play trans people what about the uggos problem is ugly people don't identify as ugly that's the key that's why we can still make fun of them because they don't have a group i guess there's not like the ugly union it is interesting because i guess like forrest gump i know he went like half or whatever they say it but he got that what that's not getting made today no and it's beloved it was best picture i think i mean i am sam he went hard that was pretty fucking you rewatch that you're like this is fucking nuts yeah that was way too retarded like he went all in and it wasn't even fun it wasn't fun retard it was like sad yeah it's sad and then the daughter and the whole thing yeah it was like a cut wasn't

it i remember seeing it like on a flight it was a custody battle or something yeah yeah i think it was dakota fanning it was one of the fannings i think yeah by the way she's held it together kid actor wise you know a lot of i was watching her and going she's gonna be fucked she's gonna go lindsey lohan on us or ricky schroeder or one of these things and she she hung in there she seems sane yeah i don't know how these kids do it you see cory fellman you're like that poor guy man he does not like he must have had it rough as a kid in hollywood i mean where the hell's cory haim that's all that's all you need to know yeah you know what's weird is He's hung around It's funny when you see a kid and you're like

Well this kid must have it all Yeah I know He's funny as hell in Goonies He's a kid actor, he's amazing There's something bad about that That huge rise I think everything ebbs and flows in life Look Bill Cosby's saying pull your pants up, wearing a sweater,

but then he's the worst human being on earth. Everything evens out. And I think if you go that high that early, you got to go low that early. And it's good to just, you know, do what we do and barely make it for 40 years. And then we'll pop, uh, when we're 61 and people go, Hey, we're great. And then, then we'll die. Oh, we'll be on dialysis. They're like, good news. You just popped. Yeah, exactly.

Right. You finally are doing theaters. You got any wrecks? I got too many wrecks. So I'll blow through them. Do as many as you feel, man. Well, as a guy on the road, I'm on a flight every 10 seconds and i'm a big

movie on the flight guy because for once in your life your phone is off you can really escape and put the headphones on and just zone into that movie like we used to do back when uh you know there wasn't facebook and all this shit tiktok and i re-watched white men can't jump and i gotta say that is in my top five movies. It's just so funny. It's so well done. It captures that time. I grew up in a black neighborhood. So that like hits home for me with all the hip hop stuff and the basketball culture. And man, do I love that.

And some of those jokes hold up and they're funnier than any comedy you see. I got to rewatch it. I loved it as a kid. I mean, when Woody dunks, you're just so happy. any comedy you see i gotta i gotta rewatch i loved it as a kid i remember i mean when woody dunks you're just so happy and and wesley wesley is really funny i mean that's the thing uh yeah it's a great fifth element like he's funny and demolition man he's really underrated demolition man he's great yeah wesley is really he really got fucked with that tax shit. That really sucked. Yeah. But yeah, Woody and, I mean, just the idea of, it's a buddy comedy.

I mean, the two guys. Completely. Who kind of can't stand each other having to work together. It's a cop buddy comedy, essentially, right? Yeah, they just found a new format, you know, a new structure. Basketball, streetball. I think it's a Ron Singleton. John Singleton? John Singleton?

Did he make it? I think he did. Or Ron Shelton, one of those guys. I think he's dead Ron Singleton John Singleton John Singleton Did he make it? I think he did Or Ron Shelton One of those guys I think he's dead now Either way But John Singleton passed away

I know Yeah It was But it's just so good Ron Shelton Ron Shelton Okay I was way off

But he's It's just so You love both of them And you want them to succeed There's never a lull There's never a bore There's a weird part where The only hiccup in that movie is Rosie Perez is learning. She like loves fun facts.

And one of the facts she learns is foods that start with the letter Q. And then she goes on Jeopardy. And that's a category. It's like, all right, well, this is a little bit of a leap here, but we'll allow it. It's Hollywood. You know, the QAnon people are like, we told you. You see what that is? We told you.

They predicted it. Yeah, no, she's so hot in that movie. She's still kind of hot, I think. So hot, your tits are just jumping around. And you're like, what? This is great. They never come at you with them, but they're just hanging out of a tank top over here. It's fun.

Woody Harrelson has had such a cool career. I love that guy. He's just good in everything. He's good in dramas or comedies or whatever. Yeah. Was it one true detective? But then he's in No Country for Old Men. Then he's in White Man Can't Jump.

Then he's in, what's that, Zombieland? Like, he's everything. He's all over the place. People vs. Larry Flint. He's great in that. Great in that. Yeah it's it's insane dude his resume is insane and he's cheers dude kingpin love it speaking of bill murray before fuck oh that's a good that's a good ass movie that is so i saw that on a date and i totally lost interest in the girl i was like i was obsessed you know what it is you ever see a really funny movie on a first date and she doesn't think it's that funny she was miserable that's my thing well i'm like not

only are you not admitting that this is funny it's almost like they admit that you're not funny because you're like well i love this yeah yeah it's so true. But also, hey, lady, the whole theater's laughing. So who's wrong here? Oh, I mean, unreal. Unreal. Great movie. Great comedy. All right.

I also got, I just want to mix and match here. Since I'm saying white men can't jump, I'm going all the way on the other end of the spectrum and I'm throwing out Lady Bird. Such a good script. I thought you were going to say birth of a nation and i'm throwing out lady bird such a good script so you're gonna say birth of a nation i'm like jesus all right yeah yeah roots is great no birth uh lady bird so good you almost freudian me so good the acting is amazing uh metcalf what's her name laurie metcalf laurie metcalf unbelievable the the irish chick i can't rory so i can't say her name yes she's great and man just like a

coming of age perfect capture of the time it's shot in it's just it's great she's a great actress and she's great in everything she's in she's in so so many, she's in every, she was in Brooklyn was a really good movie she was in. And she had a run. Little woman. She's a little woman. I mean, little woman. Yeah. She's in a lot of stuff.

Just about one. It's about one really small woman who just. Right. Yeah. Those are good. So that's, that's a good lady bird. I know you love that movie. I remember when it first came out, you, you, you told me it is, it's a good movie. It's good. It that's a good. Lady Bird, I know you love that movie. I remember when it first came out, you told me.

It's a good movie. It's good. It's got heart. Yeah. And then I rewatched some Band of Brothers. I forgot how good that is. That was back before miniseries. Oh, it's great.

I mean, if you like war stuff, it's great. I do. Yeah. And it's a Spielberg joint, which is fun. But yeah, I can keep going. I wrote that. And We May Destroy You. Great show.

Didn't get any love i think it's too real it's a bbc show with that that crazy looking black chick what's her name she's in some other show called bubble gum she's in a lot she's doing uh uh yeah i know sallocuse keeps telling me to watch this oh i mean it's heavy it's heavy but it's so honest that i don't think mckayla cole yes she's great i think she wrote a lot of it or directed a lot of it and man i gotta give it a go so real and it kind of goes against the narrative so i don't think people wrote about it that much like the times didn't write about it and like no reviews because it's not just saying like you know this is bad or this is good. It's just like, nah, shit happens on every side. Everybody's flawed.

We're all people. Some white people are nice. Some white people are bad. Some women are evil. Some women are not. It just, it just takes it all out of context. It's great. You got to see it.

I've heard amazing things. People love that show. Maybe I'll watch it this week. It's heavy though. So watch out. I'll watch it. It's tough. A lot of shows I'll watch, like as I'm winding down, it's tough when so watch out i'll watch it it's tough a lot of shows i'll watch like as i'm winding down it's tough when they just fuck you up you know i know i know it's

like the friend who brings up the miscarriage you know just we just want to chill hey hey folks we're brought to you by my bookie hey the biggest college basketball tournament is still raging my bookie is the best way to get on the action. Look, folks, we've been stuck inside. It's a pandemic. Sports are the only thing keeping you alive. I went to the Knicks game the other day. I felt reinvigorated.

I had so much fun. I was pounding my fist. I was on my feet. And now you throw some money in there. That's some interesting stuff. Get the blood pumping. Get on MyBookie. Score big on the nonstop action with MyBookie's bracket contest. Your chance to win 10 grand in cash prizes. Only a dollar to enter. How? All you got to do is select winners from 63 tournament games. It

doesn't matter whether you're filling out multiple brackets, betting on the national championship winner, or simply looking for player and game props. MyBookie has you covered. How do you do it, Sammy? MyBookie's got you covered, baby. Sign up today at mybookie.ag and use promo code DRUNK to secure a deposit bonus up to a thousand bucks. That's promo code DRUNK to claim your first deposit bonus. College ball, NBA, NHL, no matter the sport, no matter the minute, from tip-off to buzzer, MyBookie puts the action in your hands with in-game, live betting. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with MyBookie. What do you reckon? I got a few recs, too.

First off, this one's a little weirder, but you and I both complain about dandruff. This thing, little scrubby thing. Oh, it's green. You see that? Oh, good call. Little scalp thing. You rub it in. It's great.

It feels nice too in the shower. A little scalp rubber. Rub the shampoo in. I love it. You got a real Brillo pad up there. So that thing, you've got to get in there. I get in there, buddy. It's great.

And then here's another weird one These right here These are blue light glasses And if you watch a show before bed They're like 20 bucks on Amazon or wherever you get them You watch a show before bed It's much easier on your eyes Like sometimes you watch a show before bed and you're like fuck it's really hard to fall asleep

Not anymore baby Wow Yeah cause the blue light keeps you up so it's kind of nice that they they cut them out yeah and then last one so i told you sometimes i'll do short stories before bed they it's a nice way to because you get that a whole book will take i'll do that too but short stories i'm um i get the completion by the i get some closure by the end of the night i kind of like that. So this is, this guy,

I love this guy, Murakami. He's great. Great Japanese writer, but he wrote the, it's this book called Men Without Women. And for some reason, it just like works right now for me.

Cause it's about like isolation and about men who have dealt with loss. Like, you know, either the women in these stories of like they've died or met first stories, my favorite one. And it's basically the, the idea of it's like this old actor, like just picture this old kind of like they've died or met first story's my favorite one and it's basically the the idea of it's like this old actor like just picture this old kind of like washed up character actor but he's had a good career and he's got a show for chauffeur and she's this up woman basically

and it starts with all these like kind of cliches you're kind of like this is what I love about this writers like you always think you kind of know it's like a great bit where you're like i know where this is going i get it but he always fucks you by the end where you're like jesus i had no idea it's a slow burn always but basically it's about his wife who died and he and he kind of tells her how he knew she was cheating on him with this younger kind of uh flash in the pan actor and it really fucked him up so he befriends the actor and and the actor doesn't know he knows but he uses it to fuck with him and he's like i want to use it to like unravel him and it kind of ends i mean maybe i shouldn't say how it ends but it's it's cool it's only like 40 pages or something it's really good and uh big plot twist yeah he's one of the best writers, I think. I love him.

Wow. That's like Edgar Allen Poe-y, kind of. It gets weird and dark, but it's just real. It's like you can see why this dude would be so fucking angry and why he would use it to torment this other guy. And you could tell he's smarter than him, but you still kind of feel for this other guy. Because the wife's death affected him as well. And he did something really shitty but he's hurt by it it's it's interesting there's complex characters i love it so i'm a big fan i'm a big fan so i love it and uh

you know that's so cool i mean i love that kind of stuff i'm so fascinated with these short story writers because how did did like a joke i get okay that something weird happened or you thought of something in the shower so you write a joke about it did that happen to him or did he just create that whole thing in his mind and said i gotta get it out that's so cool to me i don't know i i would think and like this is a complete guess because i have no idea either but maybe they they i bet they read stories, news stories, maybes. I bet, I bet they just, maybe they know someone kind of like that. You know how they like, we'll take jokes. Sometimes we're like, well, this is kind of true.

This is like, there's truth to this. Even if it's not a hundred percent true, there's truth in here. Yes. I bet that's what they do. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. That might be, they probably just create, they create a world based off that i'm sure a lot of it's right well i read a fun fact when it said like 94 of our thinking is a replaying memories and uh creating scenarios you know when you're fighting with somebody and you're like oh man you kind of argue with them in your head and shit, or, or, or like you're going on a date. So you kind of like plan the date out in your head. All right. It's going to go like this.

Then I'm going to go in for the kiss and then we're going to get a drink and it never works out and all that, but that's most of your thinking. And maybe these guys or these gals who write, who write books are just the best at that. So they're recreating or creating stuff in their head. And they're like, this is pretty good. Like I'm, I'm just making up shit in my head. I should, I should write this. Right right like this is what could have happened right right they're just better at it yeah i mean that's imagination right i mean that's just you know that's what it is to be imaginative so i guess so yeah but it's it's uh i read i love reading murder mystery so it's good to just take a break with some shit. That's a little more grounded.

Yeah. But that's still heavy shit. I mean the cheating with the name befriending the guy. I mean, that's, that's a doozy. Yeah. No, it's heavy. Wow, man. How do you, how do you get the Rex with like,

how do you find these stories? I think my brother turned me on to Murakami originally. He loves him. Wow. And and and he yeah i mean here's another one that's really would probably be good for right now i think it's called i think it's called after the quake let me double check the title but a long time it was great but it's like you know it's after this awful earthquake and it's like you know you go to the even you know these clubs and it feels like we got hit by something so

you know, these clubs and it feels like we got hit by something. So. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It's called after it's called after the quake. It's another really good one. I think. Now let me ask you this. Cause you, you read a lot. Have you ever picked up a book less than I used to? Have you ever gotten a hundred pages in and going, I fucking hate this. I want to stop, but I feel guilty about stopping, but I keep going.

Like, what do you do there? Do you stop or do you keep going i stop okay i don't want to just waste like i don't want to waste like two weeks right all right i was always i always wondered that because my mom is such a nut she's like i just finish it you know i'm like it's a four and a paid book and she's like yeah you know i finished it i started it yeah sometimes i don't like it but i like it just enough to be like i want to know what happens but i guess you'd also just look that up online these days i don't know i yeah i don't i don't i don't know um i read way less than i used to i just get anxious before bed a lot so i have to really force myself because it's so easy to throw on like a 30 rock or something yeah yeah yeah i i've sadly i now put a podcast ear i put one earbud in and like

lay down with a pod it kind of lulls me to sleep which is so sad because well it makes sense dude books on tape but same shit that totally makes sense to me i know but like when i was 15 i just went to bed i didn't think about it you know yeah it's hard to go to bed i'm trying to take melatonin because melatonin gives me these fucked up graphic nightmares really you ever take it i take it all the time and you never get nightmares on it i've been taking it for years so maybe not and then i never really remember my dreams i also sometimes think i can't tell if it's the combination of alcohol and mel i got sometimes i just take melatonin i get really nightmares, but if I drink and I take it, I'm like,

Ooh, this is, this ain't pretty. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. I get wacky nightmares when I nap, when I'm out for eight hours or seven hours,

I'm just out. But when I nap on a plane, I wake up like, Oh geez. All right. I thought I was being attacked or, uh, I was in like a war or something,

but the worst one is when you're on a plane and you conk out and you you dream the plane's crashing and you just wake up and you're like, all right. You know what's a great feeling when you have a nightmare and you wake up and you're relieved that this is your world? Like, oh, I thought I was there. This is my actual life. This is so, thank God for this. Yeah, it sucks when you have a nightmare and you wake up and you're like let me go back to sleep that's a bit that's funny i liked it better when i was getting stabbed by my nurse practitioner should we do another peeve email sure yeah i was looking for a few i couldn't find a peeve in there

hey pet peeve i just like the peeves they're easier to riff on here love a peeve pet peeve of mine is when someone says something and you disagree with it and they immediately change their opinion to avoid conflict oh they could say i love the snow and you say i hate it and they immediately agree hey fuck face stand your ground you boring piece of shit i could convince you the sky is orange just because you don't want to have the slightest bit of a friendly argument. Love the pod, guys. That's from Bob Dower. I've been guilty of that.

Yeah, me too. Because you just want to avoid it. I mean, I don't agree. I mean, you kind of just like, oh, you think that and I'll bail. Right, right. Yeah. And I tend to do it with like comics I respect, bigger comics, some famous guy. He's like, oh, man, I saw this. I'm like, I loved it. And he's like, some famous guy. He's like, Oh man, I saw this.

I'm like, I loved it. And he's like, I hate it. I'm like, yeah, I hate it too. Cause I just want him to like me,

but he would actually like me more if we could have an interesting debate about it. Yeah, that's true. I kind of, I'll do it to just avoid, like if it's politics, I'm kind of just like,

I don't want to argue fucking politics for 40 minutes of the cello. And I haven't seen someone in, in years, you know yeah uh so yeah if it's something that's gonna maybe put a sour taste in the room yeah i'll try to i'll try to nip that in the bud but uh if it's yeah if it's something really casual then yeah if it's a movie or something of course i mean everyone for some reason politics really can ruin. I know. Cause you know, you never hear anymore with politics or anything really is people going,

that's a good point. I never thought of it that way. I hear you. It's, it's always just, I need to win. I need to beat you. There's no, are you out of your mind? Yeah.

There's no discussion. There's no absorbing what they're saying. You're just throwing facts at each other and you're like but we're not getting anywhere a lot a lot of people who want to have these arguments more people are into conspiracy theories than ever so you're arguing with people who sometimes believe just batshit crazy things and you're just like all right like what do you what am i going to do like talk them out of it. Do not, you just kind of have to be like, okay. Exactly. I was talking to someone who said some really racist shit to me the other day.

And I was like, you don't believe that then he was just like, he was like, no, that's, that's true. And I was just like, all right. I was just like, we argued for like 10 minutes. I'm like, what am I going to waste my whole day on this idiot? Exactly. Exactly. I just, I absorb it and I move on. I had a guy once time, a flat earther. He's like, what am I going to waste my whole day on this idiot? Exactly. Exactly. I just, I absorb it and I move on.

I had a guy once time, a flat earther. He's like, what about flatter? That's kind of possible. It could be a flatter. There's a horizon. I was like, what are you crazy? He's like, can you believe the earth is flat? I'm like, I can't believe you're allowed to have a child.

Like we're fucked. You can have a kid. You really think the earth is flat? Like, come on. Bill Burr. He said the internet is everybody gonna have a voice and eventually somebody's gonna say the earth is flat and it's so true because if you give anybody a voice they'll just say crazy shit it's it's also it's so true and it's also like some people have created these presences online because they see what gets the most engagement. The most engagement is saying something provocative, but also stupid. So true.

And people want attention more than they want to even be right. So sometimes people almost do a character on there to just build themselves up. What I'm being sarcastic. Well, now you have a following. I know. A bunch of dump. So beware what you're building here as well. I know.

And then if you call them out on that, they get mad at you. And they're like, no, no, this is who I am am you're saying i'm disingenuous like yes yes and it's okay just be that character and own it but like don't get mad at me for calling you out i bet you you're like more normal on in real life you're a normal person but then you go on there and you're nuts and then they corner you one you're like all right i love the snow you know whatever yeah no it's uh it's it's i i relate to this i'm i'm like i definitely do what he says even though it's annoying i get annoyed when people do it but i do it for sure this is i got a pet peeve from a british guy so some of the the lingo is a little kooky, which is fun. Lee Stoll says, I got a pet peeve.

My pet peeve has to be when going into a store of any description and the server, clerk, I'm English, whatever you call them, cashier, I don't know, can't seem to finish the conversation with their colleague before serving you. I'm right here. Shut the fuck up and do your job, you fucking twat. serving you i'm right here shut the fuck up and do your job you fucking twat i get that you know you're they when the cashier is having a chit chat with the other cashier or the manager and look they can have their business talk but when they're like oh man did you see that next game and you're like i'm right here waiting you can do this conversation anytime right if they're showing you an instagram video if they're showing their co-worker an instagram video like come on yeah that happened to me the other day and i was kind of like all

right just be patient yeah you just gotta sit through it uh no i get that yeah especially in new york where you're like it's weird new york's energy has kind of slowed down a little bit because of the pandemic you know so new york feels a more Southern. It used to be so like, bam, bam, bam, because the lines were always so long. And now the lines aren't as long. So true. Great point. And yeah, you can kind of just take your time a little more.

There's no one on the sidewalk. There's a less hustle and bustle. You're right. And I'll tell you, we're going to have to get back into it. And that could be an ugly transition. Well, I miss that pace. I like the hustle and bustle pace of New Yorkork i like that you're like all right let's fucking move it i like this i like this energy and and yeah we'll get back to it it's i was out

last two nights in the west village and i was like oh it feels fucking back dude all right feels pretty good yeah i mean just getting a cab now you're like where are all the cabs but there's less demand so so there's less cabs. We're talking about a pet peeve. Fuck. Standing on a corner for 20 minutes for a fucking yellow cab. I know. It used to be fighting off cabs.

You did a ride, you did a ride. Now I'm like, where the fuck's the cab? Uber's really fucked the cabs, man, because now Ubers are way more expensive. They really- They are. Ubers, they came in low they got the customers they fucked the cabs the cab drivers got fucked on their medallions their medallions are worthless now so that was their retirement and now the cabs are fucked and now we're fucked because we're

stuck with uber but there'll be a new car service but i just miss the yellow cab i like the ritual just like cab you hop in yeah i know all about the uber shit because i've i know because i've heard it from 13 cab drivers fuck them fuck them they ruin everything i come here to support my family i'm like all right i'm just trying to get to 33rd street buddy like i've heard every rant from uh every cabbie when uber came out but it is pretty fucked up like you know that they weren't protected at all it is kind of fucked up totally like, you know, that they weren't protected at all. It is kind of fucked up. Totally. But, you know, there is the argument.

And look, I'm just playing devil's anal here. But like, you know, it's like automated, automated trucking is coming and all these truck drivers like, what the fuck are we supposed to do? And it's like, I know, but we can say the same thing for horse and buggy guys when the car was invented and so on and so on. Yeah, the horse and buggy guy. Then you're like a cab. That was probably. That was pretty fucking next level, I'm sure. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we do it. These YouTubers are coming in. These guys don't even know how to write a joke. They got 16 million followers and they bomb on stage. What the fuck? You know? Yeah, it's a good point. It's also like i bet

and then the and now the horse and carriage are super expensive you're like you're like right dollars to get the 34th street like hey that's the fucking shakes kid you know yeah yeah you're like no wonder this this horse has scurvy and you're a registered sex offender i mean like those horse guys are the fucking most degenerate guys they got the flask they got the top hat they're wearing sweatpants. It's funny how that's like supposed to be romantic. And then you're just like, this is romantic. We're fucking. Yeah.

There's a rat in the seat next to me. What the hell? I know there's blankets from the 40s. It's got smallpox on it. You know, like, what are we doing here? Some guy jizzed in the backseat of that buggy. Let's be honest. Buggy's a fucking funny word dude he's funny that that's a david tell joke he's like i fucked an amish woman we did it horse and buggy style yes yes jebediah that's an old one best he's the

best oh yeah he said to me the other day he goes i was on the road man even the hecklers are getting rusty ah so good he's the funniest guy yeah what uh should we anything else we forgot oh should we do a bit oh geez yeah i forgot i forgot good call uh let me see i got a couple cooking uh tell me just just just tell me this is dumb and i'll get rid of it um uh somebody i did a fat joke on stage and somebody come up came up to me after was like hey i gotta tell you like fat is those days are over like fat is a slur now and i'm like okay i get that but you have to admit that it's the only slur that fluctuates you can lose and gain weight you can't do that with race you know it's not like hey around the holidays i get real black something like that you know

because you you can go in and out of fat interesting but you can can go in and out of fat. Interesting. But you can't go in and out of Mexican. It's just you're Mexican or you're not Mexican. Are you gay? You're not gay. Yeah, you lose weight. People congratulate you. You lose race. People are like, is he okay?

Right, right. What's going on with Dolezal? Sammy Sosa? Yeah. It's a tough one because you can lose the weight and we congratulate you. No one's like, hey, I lost 40 Mexicans. We got to throw you a party or whatever it is. It's interesting.

Yeah, weight. I think it's like this isn't the funny angle yet, but it's like part of the weight loss culture is that we congratulate people. So it's like. You can't you're by congratulating someone, you're being like you got healthy. I know. I know. That's part of the you know it it throws in the face of the whole like big is beautiful but i'm like well your wedding's coming up and you keep trying to lose weight so you don't even believe your bullshit yeah maybe this is the only time weight and uh race fluctuates oprah hey that's great but then i don't want some black guy being like oh she's not black enough

i'm like all right no i know i know i'm just fucking yeah but that's funny that's funny michael jackson i mean that's got a hack and he's dead but that was always the big thing like he used to be black and now he's white i know it's tough it's just played out it's and it's like an old played out one yeah i think there's something there i think the idea of race fluctuating yeah that'd be kind of nice holidays yeah yeah like oh i'm dating uh like a black guy but i'm dating a white chick now so i'm trying to trying to lose some of my black and meet her family before I meet her family or something like that. I don't think that's going to work out of your mouth, though.

Yeah, maybe I'll change it. That's going to work out of a black comic. Right. That joke would work if your race fluctuated. Oh, that'd be great. I'd be a killer comic if I could fluctuate race. You're going up for your uptown spot you're like let me get a little shade here yeah going back down to the village let me get a little whiter oh how about

i got a test coming up i'll get more asian i'm working on my asian just to pass the test you know something fluctuating race would be amazing because you every race has some kind of perk but then you're going in then you're going in a stereotype territory and a bit the bit is better you don't want it to be a stereotype joke true but i keep it positive but yeah you're right you're going into stereotype territory. And the bit is better. You don't want it to be a stereotype joke. True, but I keep it positive. But yeah, you're right. You're right. All right.

Race fluctuates. The premise is something. I don't know what the turn is. Yeah. I think I get black around the holidays will hit, but it does need more. I get black around the holidays. Around the holidays. So what are you black around the holidays around the holidays so what are you what are

you saying when you when you sit like as in you're like you you're a little louder at the table is that the joke no just the joke is like most people gain a ton of weight around christmas and thanksgiving and i'm saying if if race could fluctuate it's just a funny sentence to be like oh around the holidays i get blacker oh so yeah just like being just silliness yeah yeah yeah yeah but yeah i'm not saying louder on the table that's where your brain went well yeah i don't know i don't i'm thinking of like well you said the other stereotype for the test i'm like maybe it's like a stereotype right right no no just saying like it'd be funny if you could fluctuate race um but yeah yeah it's tough fat is a slur it's the only slur you can lose too you know like if somebody calls you gay you can't be like all right well next time you see

me i'm gonna be straight as an arrow that might be a rachel dole is all joking here if you do it right yeah because she she lost it and it wasn't good yeah yeah that i watched the documentary about her it's fucking fascinating she's weird it's an interesting interesting uh thing because oppression is bad and so many people want to be perceived as people who are oppressed i guess for the street cred well yeah i mean think about i think that's how it works in like rap 50 cent got so much respect for being shot nine times but who the fuck wants to be shot nine times exactly in comedy it's like mentally ill it's like this guy's fucked up in the head and that gives you street like right as a prior whenever some you know what i mean yeah drug addict alcoholic yeah porn i grew up in a brothel so you're like whoa this guy's got an

origin story but i will say and nobody wants to admit it jews don't get the oppression points. Because it's similar to Asian. I think Jews and Asians have both been oppressed. No, Jews and Asians were both oppressed, but. They're doing really well. They're doing pretty well financially. Not everyone, but, you know, a lot of them are doing fairly well. But shouldn't that be more of a high five? Like, not only were you oppressed,

but you turned it a complete 180 and now are doing way better than most other groups. No, for the same reason people like the first superhero movie, but they don't like the second and the third, you know? Uh-huh. They like to see the struggle, but they don't like to see when you're just that person as much. Ah, it's so true.

Yeah, what is that it's it's more relatable i mean that's why we talked about these reality shows every that's why they try to sell you is that because people like that but we just care about the jokes so that's what separates us yeah yes i think a lot of people they're watching the voice or something at home they want they want the person who like, my daddy was shot in the face and I got pushed off a cliff and I survived. And singing is, I sang and the authorities heard me and that's when I knew my voice was powerful. Right. Yeah.

All right. What do you got? So there's an idea. I've been noodling with this, but it's about how you can't tell you're in a bad relationship while you're in it. It's like the only thing. Do you know what I mean? Oh, for sure. Yeah.

Like you're in a bad thing. It's fucked up. But your friends can tell. You can't tell. It's kind of like it's the only thing that's like that where your phone breaks. You know, it's broken. Yeah. Your phone is broken.

You're not going to be like, man, this isn't working. Your friends are just like, yeah, this looks horrible. And you're just like, you phone is broken. You're not going to be like, man, this isn't working. Your friends are just like, yeah, this looks horrible. And you're just like, you should see it when you're not around. It's actually a pretty good phone. It looks pretty shitty. Right. So I'm thinking like all these angles go off that, like how. That's interesting.

Then like six months later, you're thinking like, it did shut down all the time with no explanation. It just would shut down on me. Yeah, right. Trying to keep the phone thing going in my head. Yeah, it's true. It's almost kind of like childhood. You're just like, oh, this is what life is.

You don't know. And then you go to therapy and they're like, oh, you were fucked. You were beaten and you were ridiculed and uh your your mom's a drunk or whatever it is you're like oh yeah but you don't know then because you're just in it this is what this is what life is right yeah and then you had that your friend's parents are like you should sleep over or we should talk your mom's weird and you're like what uh it's true you don't really see it when you're in it you get used to it trying to think of an analogy there you get your friends it's not

it's an outsider perspective you're as an outsider you're like oh it's so obvious but when you're in it it is tough yeah there's something about how you're just used to it yeah when you've had a cracked screen on your phone for long enough you forgot what a regular phone looks like right right it's like when uh it's like a fish in a fish tank he just thinks that's what living is he's like hey there's a tank you'd fed and then there's some fish in the ocean like dude this is it yeah you're fucked you don't even realize it it's kind of like you've been on coach your whole life and then one time you get bumped up and you're like holy shit yeah i've been i've been living i've been living like an animal right right yeah yeah it's so true you're finally comfortable you're not in that middle seat yeah yeah you can't i don't know i don't know the angle yet but i'll crack this

it's everybody else can see it which is sad because you're the one in the relationship yeah it's like you have relationship goggles you know it's like i like that i like that yeah i don't quite know yet. Yeah. Huh. And then when you get out of it, you're like, damn, that was bad.

Yeah. I was trying to do the phone thing. Like it does shut down to me. It did shut down with no explanation. It was, uh, it's kind of, maybe there's something about it.

It had all, it saw all my emails. Looked at all my yeah i don't know i'll crack this i'll crack this this week that is that's a it's so true because you see i've seen friends in relationships i'm like what are they doing but it just becomes like it's almost like an addict where you're like dude you're on heroin you're nodding off at the library and you don't even realize it. It needs to be a relationship intervention or something. Like you need a guy to come in and go, this is crazy. Because then you just get mad at your friends.

You can't do that because then you're just like, fuck you. You can't even do it right after a breakup. Because you will, but then they're mad when they get back together. There's no winning. That's a good point. Until they get a new phone. That's the only time you can say it. Yes.

That's good. That's good. You get a new phone and they're like, I got to tell you, that old phone was tough. You never answered your text. I couldn't get a hold of you. It was bad reception. No connection. No connection.

That's good. Yeah. Fucking, you're like, a Samsung Galaxy. What was I thinking? Yeah, exactly. The flip phone, really? I didn't want to say anything. Yeah, it's good.

I like it. I like it. It's been a hot app, man. It's been a hot app. It's been a hot app it's been a good one good app yeah we had another good round man we'll wrap it up and folks at home i i read the emails i read the tweet they're drinking with us they put us on it's like a warm bath they sit back and just they feel like they're hanging out with us it's nice i love it man i follow us and we might be drunk on instagram obviously follow mark and myself see us on the road. Coming up, I'll be in Bridgeport, Connecticut, Cleveland, AC, DC, all over.

Nice. Good roads. Mark, where are you going to be? I'm at the Paramount in Austin. We added a show. Oh, shit. That's a beautiful venue. Is it? I don't know that place It's beautiful Yeah yeah I've walked by it 8,000 times

Never went in Gorgeous Miami Improv I just want to go down to Miami And then live it up Wise Guys One of my favorites Underrated

Sleeper Great Club Tacoma Magoobies Classics Hartford Spokane Virginia Beach Portland, Oregon Helium uh harvard spokane virginia beach uh portland oregon helium so yeah a ton of fun a ton of

fun stuff coming up syracuse that's gonna be a fight but uh yeah tampa raleigh i got oh nice love raleigh okc yeah i'm excited's going to be a good time and go to. Yeah, go to email us that we might be drunk pot at Gmail dot com with all your shit. I'm loving this, man. This is a good pot. I'm having fun with it. Great pot. We just got a shout out by some lady.

Oh, shit. She's like a comedy fan in Brooklyn, I think. And she gave us a shout out on YouTube. She did like the top 10 things to look for in 2020. And we were one of them. Wow. That's fucking nice. Yeah.

Nicely. I love getting a lady shout out. That's nice. Leon Phelps from Tim Meadows used to be the ladies man. Ooh, it's a lady. I love that. Never saw that movie. It's pretty good.

It's better than you. Will Ferrell is fucking funny in it. Never saw that movie. It's pretty good. It's better than... Will Ferrell is fucking funny in it. He's the best. It's got moments. All right. All right. I'll check it out. And yeah, write in.

Patreon's cooking. We're reading emails, reading jokes, recs, tweets, drink ideas, you name it. So keep throwing shit at it because we've drank everything on the planet so i need some new cocktails for sure and yeah keep throwing drinks at us i'm loving it keep throwing your wrecks your peeves your jokes everything and hit us up on the patreon patreon.com slash uh we might be drunk pod at gmail there you go. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So we'll see you guys there. Yes. Thank you. Keep drinking. Keep drinking.